Joe Rogan Experience #94 - Joey Diaz (Part 4)
Summary
Joey Diaz talks about ghosts and how to deal with them. Also, we talk about a car bomb attack that left a man dead and the ghost of a man who was in the car with the car bomb that caused the car to explode. We also talk about ghosts in the movies and how they can haunt you and the people you know who died in a car bombing. We also discuss ghosts in real life and the ghosts of the people we know and the ones we don't know. We talk about how to handle them and what to do when you run into a ghost or see a ghost that you know you can't get rid of. We even get into the ghost story of a guy who was killed with a bomb in his car and how he's a ghost now. We end the episode with a story about a ghost in a bar and a ghost who was stabbed to death and how it's okay to be a ghost because he's here waiting for you to get your money back. Enjoy the episode and don't forget to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! Thanks for listening and share the podcast with your friends and family! Timestamps: 1:00 - Do you believe in ghosts? 4:30 - Have you ever seen a ghost? 5:00 6:15 - What's your favorite ghost story? 7:20 - What do you think of a ghost story from a movie? 8:40 - What kind of ghost story would you like to see in your life? 9:00- Do you have a ghost sighting? 11:30- What's the ghost watching you re a ghost watching your life right now? 14:00/15: What s your ghost is watching you? 16:00 / 16:30/16:30 / 17:30 17:40 18:20 19:40/16, is he a ghost chasing you back? 21:20/17:15/16 22:15 15:40 / 18:30 or 15: Is your ghost a ghost ? 23:15, 16:10 20,16: Is he watching you in your head or not a ghost 21,16, 15:00 or 15, or are you a ghost walking you back to sleep? or do you want to rest in the next one? 22,15/17, or can he see you in a dream?
Transcript
00:00:00.000
But he was making so much money, he couldn't fucking clean it.
00:00:09.000
Can you imagine that getting blown up in a fucking pipe bomb?
00:00:11.000
That's when you know somebody knows what they're doing.
00:00:26.000
Those plates work against you when you have a bomb under your fucking car.
00:00:30.000
So the plate went right in his fucking coolie, so he was just bleeding.
00:00:36.000
That's fucking crazy when somebody kills you with a car bomb and shit.
00:00:43.000
You gotta be a ghost after somebody slices your throat.
00:01:09.000
I mean, I've heard a lot of stories from the comedy store.
00:01:12.000
And then I've been around people who passed spirits as a young child.
00:01:15.000
In fact, I went to see the lady when I went home last week.
00:01:19.000
When I was a kid, I'd seen her do some wild shit.
00:01:22.000
When I was about eight, you know, my mother had a bar, and all these people were coming to shake her down.
00:01:32.000
That's part of the business, when you have a bar.
00:01:34.000
You know, somebody gets stabbed, you want the cops there first, you gotta give an envelope.
00:01:40.000
After about three months, this guy started coming.
00:01:44.000
But he would come in and break the Cubans' balls.
00:01:48.000
He went after Cubans in 76 and 75. He went after them heavy.
00:01:52.000
And he would come into my mother's bar and insult them and fuck you motherfuckers.
00:02:00.000
So my dad went in there after school and he was yelling and screaming in there.
00:02:04.000
He was younger and he had a beard and he was a weightlifter type dude.
00:02:09.000
A couple weeks later, I go to the bar and it's all these Cuban guys.
00:02:15.000
These were all Cuban bookmakers that my dad knew.
00:02:36.000
That was the guy that was a light heavyweight champion, right?
00:02:45.000
Isn't he the one that wrote the book about Mike Tyson?
00:02:48.000
He kind of grew up with Mike Tyson and kind of like wrote a tell-all book about him.
00:02:56.000
Yeah, this is Jose Torres, the referee from the 70s.
00:02:59.000
I think this guy even reffed like, he was the one that did our fight.
00:03:05.000
Duran against, when they were trying to stop it.
00:03:10.000
Duran against that fight when he killed the guy in the ring.
00:03:12.000
Then the guy died two weeks later, but he took his spirit away.
00:03:14.000
What's the fight we always talk about when Duran had?
00:03:31.000
Julio Cesar Chavez, when he fought Meldrick Taylor, there's no question about that fight.
00:03:41.000
But he was also never the same psychologically.
00:03:43.000
To go through that crazy-ass war and to be boxing the fucking ears off the guy at first, then eventually the guy just slowly wears you down, slowly wears you down, and then, boom, stops you in the 12th with, like, seconds to go.
00:04:01.000
To have the referee look at you when there's like, what is it, like two seconds left in the clock?
00:04:05.000
And the referee shakes him off and Chavez wins.
00:04:13.000
We're talking about the fucking spirit with Jose Torres.
00:04:17.000
And once a month this lady would pass a fucking spirit in the house.
00:04:26.000
She used to drive her kids around to different basketball games and shit.
00:04:33.000
I would go in the daytime and she would make sandwiches for you and stuff like that.
00:04:40.000
But my mother once told me, that lady passes a fucking weird spirit once a month or some shit.
00:04:46.000
And people go over there and you bring her money or gifts or whatever the fuck you bring her.
00:05:02.000
When I talk to you like a man, I talk to you like a man.
00:05:07.000
I'm about 8 to 9. So this one last time I went to the bar, and he had them all up at the bar like Popeye Doyle had those people in fucking the French Connection.
00:05:17.000
Remember when he goes in, he says, everybody against the wall.
00:05:20.000
And now these fucking Cubans are pissed, and my mom's pissed.
00:05:25.000
Now, I knew eventually my dad was gonna shoot this guy.
00:05:28.000
I just had a funny feeling of my stepdad or somebody was gonna shoot this fucking guy.
00:05:35.000
They felt that he was abusing Cubans, which is even worse when you're Cuban.
00:05:38.000
If he was a white dude or a black dude, hey, it's part of the turf.
00:05:44.000
So I knew about this and I just turned the other way.
00:05:46.000
One night we go to this fucking lady's house and she's talking to these people and she's got this spirit.
00:05:57.000
No, the shit that people drink that's 140 proof.
00:06:03.000
Drink it and talk to you and smoke a fucking cigar.
00:06:07.000
And she was supposed to be a black African fucking slave.
00:06:09.000
But she was really a Puerto Rican woman and she'd talk to you.
00:06:14.000
And she was talking to my mother and she came over to me.
00:06:17.000
And I remember looking at her shit and my pants off.
00:06:20.000
And she showed it to my mom, it was a white dish.
00:06:23.000
And she took a fucking candle and she took the dish and she put the candle under the dish.
00:06:27.000
She took the candle, she threw it down, she showed the dish to my mother.
00:06:34.000
It just looked like some candle design on the thing.
00:06:38.000
She took the dish, she smashed it, she goes, done!
00:06:54.000
Well, one day I get out of school and I take the bike and I go to my mother's bar.
00:06:57.000
When I get up there, they're all fucking drinking and having a good time at 3.30.
00:07:06.000
And they shot him up by this place, Rapido Taxi.
00:07:08.000
It was the first Cuban taxi cab company in the 70s that would deliver blowing the taxis.
00:07:12.000
All these geniuses that think they're geniuses now?
00:07:15.000
The Cubans are doing that in the 70s in Union City.
00:07:18.000
You'd call from the city to deliver the Studio 54. The taxis would deliver the coke?
00:07:23.000
This is 74, 75. And the name of the company was Rapido Taxi.
00:07:41.000
It was a real taxi company, but they delivered fucking blow.
00:07:47.000
They make money delivering the fucking goody good to studio.
00:07:52.000
You thought grandmothers could take it from supermarkets?
00:07:55.000
And then you'd go, on the way home, can you get me some coke?
00:08:00.000
They just put a kilo over the city and they don't get pulled over.
00:08:09.000
Meanwhile, there's fucking a bag of fucking blowing the truck.
00:08:12.000
And the cops must have been in on it too, right?
00:08:22.000
New York was a different fucking animal then, but you gotta remember that it was just a taxi.
00:08:31.000
When New York sneezed, bro, everybody else caught a fucking cold.
00:08:36.000
They're ten years behind over here, these fucking savages.
00:08:38.000
This is a totally different place socially than New York, that's for sure.
00:08:57.000
I always say that there's something about the weather, man.
00:09:03.000
Your brain doesn't have to think quickly because you have to survive.
00:09:08.000
When you're in Boston and it's fucking zero degrees out and you get in your car and it goes...
00:09:23.000
Oh my God, I've got to knock on someone's door so I don't freeze to death?
00:09:26.000
You've got to wake some people up because you might freeze to death.
00:09:31.000
Dude, you've got to think quicker when you're in that kind of an environment.
00:09:34.000
In California, you know, your car breaks down and you just sleep in the car until, you know, the cops come and then the cops tell you, hey, what's going on?
00:09:41.000
Oh, my car broke down and they get you a tow truck and you're fine.
00:09:49.000
And that's why they're a little quicker, a little quicker on the take.
00:09:52.000
That sound that you made for doing the car, I was just imagining that's what it sounded like when Joey Diaz had sex.
00:10:19.000
I'll have you-know-who here in 20 minutes, bitch-slapping motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying?
00:10:38.000
Everyone's with me because of my Twixie Vixen story.
00:10:42.000
So, the person I was with that owned the dog, they were like, my dog has never, A, humped anything, and B, my dog is a girl dog, so I don't even know why it's trying to hump your dog's ass because it doesn't have a dick.
00:11:05.000
Well, they're designed to pump out a, like if you have a website, it's designed only for, or mostly for sending out your website so other applications and other websites can add it to their website and their applications.
00:11:26.000
But if you don't want to do that, you don't have an RSS feed.
00:11:46.000
Look at your boys walking right into the front of the fucking booth.
00:11:53.000
I was working on that video game all day today.
00:12:00.000
I was working on that UFC video game today, and I drink tea when I work on that show.
00:12:04.000
The video game is like a script, and I have to pretend that fights are going on.
00:12:10.000
So it's like for hours and hours and hours, you're talking at that really intense, fast, and your voice gets really tired.
00:12:20.000
So, what you were saying before I left so rudely is that your dog's a whore.
00:12:24.000
Such a whore that lesbians are raping your dog.
00:12:28.000
And like, do all dogs have just the intuition to get on top of another dog and hump it, even if they don't have a dick?
00:12:38.000
She was a female pit bull, and I had a male pit bull that was a puppy, and she used to get on top of him and hump him.
00:12:46.000
What she's doing is saying that if I wanted to fuck you in the ass, I could.
00:12:49.000
I can get to the position where I'm on top of you, I'm stronger than you.
00:12:57.000
For a dog to be able to get on top of you and dry hump you, it's not just that he's horny, it's also that he's trying to let you know he can do that.
00:13:12.000
And, you know, he's got this giant fucking head, and he's a sweet heart of a dog.
00:13:15.000
But the other dog's a bulldog, Shibu Inu Bix, and the other dog doesn't get no say in shit.
00:13:22.000
But when I open up the door, Johnny walks in first every time.
00:13:27.000
The other dog will stop, and he'll let Johnny go through first.
00:13:35.000
If Johnny wanted to hump Brutus, he could get away with it.
00:13:38.000
But if Brutus tried to hump Johnny, there would be chaos.
00:13:43.000
Brutus probably would growl and snap at Johnny if Johnny tried to hump him.
00:13:46.000
But the point is, the other way is absolutely preposterous.
00:13:50.000
With animals, there's an alpha, and then there's the ones who give in to the alpha.
00:13:55.000
And your dog clearly is like the most beta dog ever.
00:14:00.000
It's all the Hedanami dog food that we give her.
00:14:04.000
So I guess the way it works is that they just feel her submissiveness and they want to mount her.
00:14:10.000
Their instinct is to mount her and dominate her.
00:14:13.000
The old dog I used to have was always a bad dog and every time it was bad, I would...
00:14:17.000
Just, like, kind of put her in between my legs and my arm and kind of get in, like, a crouching position.
00:14:22.000
And kind of just, like, put her in between me and, like, hold her.
00:14:28.000
You know, she was just, like, underneath my belly.
00:14:33.000
And you could tell the dog at first was trying to get out.
00:14:48.000
You raped your dog every time it shit on the carpet.
00:14:51.000
Every time it shits on the carpet, you rape it.
00:15:07.000
He said that you should grab it by the back of the neck and hold it down for a while.
00:15:13.000
I was pretty much getting on top of it and just kind of getting, like, yo, I am the master here.
00:15:25.000
There's not another animal that keeps animals that they love.
00:15:29.000
And we've got them engineered to be like the sweetest, nicest things ever.
00:15:36.000
I've never seen a dog that, not just affectionate, but so needy.
00:15:40.000
To her, it's like every breath, like taking a breath, she needs that much attention.
00:15:44.000
It's like as much as she's breathing, she needs someone touching her.
00:15:47.000
As much as she needs to take in the air, she needs someone to touch her.
00:15:59.000
I was thinking the other day, I was like, wouldn't it be cool if, like, animals had pubic hairs?
00:16:03.000
And, like, you could, like, trim them, or you could just get a full bush, you know?
00:16:07.000
Well, the animal would have to have nothing else around it.
00:16:10.000
I mean, they have pubic hair over their whole fucking body.
00:16:17.000
If bald eagles have bushes, those are feathers.
00:16:23.000
Why are humans the only ones that have pubic hairs?
00:16:26.000
Because we don't have hair on the rest of our body.
00:16:28.000
There's very few animals that have exposed skin.
00:16:33.000
If you were a coyote, I would take you to the vet.
00:16:39.000
What you think is hairy is only hairy to a hairless person.
00:16:47.000
You have a little hair compared to the other hairless folks.
00:16:54.000
They don't get long and crazy like ours because they just have different kind of hair.
00:16:58.000
But they have hair around their dick and balls.
00:17:02.000
You gotta do some research before you come up with these crazy pubic hair theories.
00:17:14.000
I mean, the only animal that's like us that has hair in certain parts of his body is some dogs.
00:17:23.000
Why do you give a fuck about animal pubic hair?
00:17:25.000
Is people worried about people dying of radiation poisoning in Japan?
00:17:34.000
Do you think PETA would exist if animals had pubic hairs?
00:17:38.000
Brian, don't make me get Bill Burr here to fucking hit you to have a fucking computer.
00:17:42.000
Bill Burr's gonna fuck you in the ass with his laptop.
00:17:46.000
He's trading with fucking Brock Lesnar right now.
00:17:59.000
Bill Burrow did a video where he fucking talked about the thing.
00:18:05.000
There's a video on YouTube, so he's made it six minutes long.
00:18:08.000
He talked about the argument on his own for another six minutes.
00:18:13.000
And at the end of it, he goes, yeah, and I was right.
00:18:18.000
He doesn't know about computers, and they're trying to rip you off and take the money for the artist.
00:18:27.000
You know what the thing that bugged me the most?
00:18:31.000
I've met him like four times, five times before, right?
00:18:43.000
And I was like the host of the show and I'm like, he knew that I'm a comic also.
00:18:54.000
Yeah, so there's that guy, the little guy, whatever, the male assistant guy, the guy that turns the knobs.
00:19:00.000
Joe Rogan's fucking male assistant or something over there?
00:19:09.000
But fuck, the thing that What bugs me the most is, and I was pretty baked when that argument happened, but the thing that bugged me the most about everything was my whole thing wasn't that I'm like, yeah, what Stitcher's doing is 100% legal.
00:19:22.000
No, what I was saying is, if you have something on your website that you put on your website, that is only put on your website if you want to broadcast your stuff.
00:19:33.000
If you don't want that, then take it off your website.
00:19:37.000
My whole argument is like, why do you have an RSS feed on your website?
00:19:56.000
I'm aware of the general details of the disagreement.
00:20:00.000
I know, but what I'm saying is that's not a wrong or right thing.
00:20:07.000
What's way more fascinating to me is how involved you two got.
00:20:12.000
When you're getting attacked and you're just trying to explain RSSP to somebody.
00:20:15.000
The actual issue was minuscule compared to how psychologically captivating it was and how he was genuinely getting upset and you were getting upset too.
00:20:22.000
And I was trying to mediate because I genuinely did see both sides.
00:20:28.000
But what I couldn't understand is how you guys were getting so goddamn upset.
00:20:31.000
And then when I would bring it up, people would go, oh, this is the fucking new spa Joe Rogan.
00:20:34.000
The Joe Rogan from 1994 would have fucking stabbed somebody by now.
00:20:44.000
It was just, to me, it was like, I've already said the same thing five times.
00:20:57.000
And there also comes to a point where you feel like you're talking to your mom doing email.
00:21:04.000
Well, you must have saw his point a little bit.
00:21:06.000
No, I see what he's saying, but that's not what I'm saying.
00:21:09.000
I'm not saying I agree with him or disagree with him on that.
00:21:11.000
He wasn't willing to listen to what you were saying about the whole concept of an RSS feed, which stands for really simple syndication.
00:21:25.000
You want to spread it out to as many people as possible.
00:21:32.000
The real problem is iTunes numbers, and that's what he really wants to say, is that Stitcher was hurting his iTunes numbers, and probably that he doesn't know why it's on his website.
00:21:41.000
If he wants people to go to his website, take off your RSS feed.
00:21:47.000
Just give it to iTunes only, hide your RSS feed, and then everyone will come to your website, and you'll have your iTunes only.
00:21:55.000
We allow people to download it, not just on Stitcher, but I allow people to download it directly.
00:22:00.000
So the moment it goes live, I have a download link.
00:22:03.000
So I don't want you to have to wait just so my iTunes numbers will be higher.
00:22:07.000
To me, all that matters is that you get it out there.
00:22:10.000
You don't get cookies for being number three or number four.
00:22:15.000
But what's important to me is just that it gets distributed to as many people as possible as easily as possible.
00:22:22.000
There's some dudes who love the Zune, you know?
00:22:29.000
I mean, there's some people that have just little MP3 players, those little Flash MP3 players.
00:22:35.000
You gotta have it available for everything and anybody.
00:22:39.000
Especially when it's a free thing that you just want to get out your podcast to people.
00:22:44.000
You're not doing like Doug Benson where you're charging money.
00:22:47.000
You're just trying to get your podcast to people.
00:23:04.000
He's like, Something where you become like some super member or some shit.
00:23:08.000
I mean, I honestly think the only way really to make money is to get sponsors, you know?
00:23:14.000
You've got to get a lot of listeners and get sponsors.
00:23:19.000
Because I think we've just reached this time on the internet.
00:23:23.000
We have to see, look, the music industry has changed.
00:23:25.000
It's not that people started stealing and taking shit from the music industry.
00:23:32.000
So the music industry has to reorganize, refigure out how they do it.
00:23:38.000
You just got to go with what you think is going to happen.
00:23:43.000
But you have to pretty much go with what you can do right now.
00:23:46.000
Well, we also have the luxury of doing other things.
00:23:50.000
I have the luxury of not having to rely completely on my podcast with the UFC and with doing stand-up.
00:23:56.000
Because the podcast definitely enhances the stand-up.
00:24:01.000
I mean, Philly, you just sold out all of Philly, right?
00:24:10.000
Yeah, Seattle last weekend was fucking crazy, man.
00:24:13.000
And when I asked them, I'm like, how many of you guys listen to the podcast?
00:24:19.000
Joey, I get people yelling out, dude, Joe Diaz impressions.
00:24:23.000
And with music, what's really going on with music is that they had to give it away.
00:24:32.000
Yeah, there's a lot of them that are faking it.
00:24:41.000
You know, the Allman Brothers could show up with three white guys and fucking rock it.
00:24:47.000
The all-getting shit don't come through that good.
00:24:52.000
I want to go see fucking the Black Eyed Peas to sing songs.
00:25:00.000
80 fucking dollars for the worst ticket to see that nonsense?
00:25:20.000
Listen, the king of the musicians right now is the guy Dave Groh.
00:25:23.000
There's no better musician that's lived it, spit it, and his band.
00:25:26.000
The band, the Foo Fighters, they're as bad as they're students of the fucking game.
00:25:31.000
Prince went to Vegas two years ago and did a show of requests.
00:25:40.000
So people yell it out in the crowd and he would just do it?
00:25:48.000
Performers at the end started flying out there just because I want to get on stage.
00:25:52.000
This motherfucker's going, what do you want to hear?
00:25:59.000
That's why he was getting a nickel or fucking ticket or whatever he was getting.
00:26:04.000
These tickets are outrageous now for these bands to go on the road.
00:26:19.000
He was experimenting with everything in the world.
00:26:22.000
They were sucking his dick and he was getting an idea.
00:26:30.000
And some of them, he's very self-indulgent, so his style is, you know...
00:26:34.000
And sometimes he gets caught up in what he's doing, but when he hit it...
00:26:45.000
During high school, they were trying to get that as our high school senior song, Erotic City.
00:26:53.000
So we were all trying to organize it, and then someone listened to it.
00:26:56.000
Someone who worked for the school listened to it.
00:27:03.000
He's done some great shit, and that's what's really going on now.
00:27:09.000
But it's amazing that somebody told me this two years ago, and I really experienced it last year in Irvine.
00:27:15.000
Last year in Irvine was when I seen the fruition of what you've been doing.
00:27:20.000
Somebody told me that now, because of the internet and Twitter and all the podcasts, that people want the full experience.
00:27:28.000
If you notice, last July is when I changed everything about my Twitter.
00:27:33.000
I changed everything about it because I paid more attention to it.
00:27:43.000
He's wasting his fucking time when he flies into a city a week before two days to do radio.
00:27:52.000
The thing about this game is to make the most money for the least amount of work.
00:28:04.000
I don't want you in Nebraska on a Monday doing some radio show for what?
00:28:10.000
Look what you do with a blink of a fucking button.
00:28:13.000
You added an extra show in Australia three weeks ago with a blink of a button.
00:28:19.000
Yeah, we put together a show on a Thursday night or whatever the fuck it was.
00:28:25.000
It all came fruition with the podcast, the blog, the Twitter.
00:28:32.000
You've got to give them something and then tweet something.
00:28:35.000
Not every fucking stupid joke that comes out of your fucking mind.
00:28:39.000
If you're a monologist, you're going to die on Twitter.
00:28:44.000
If you're going to make a mind joke on Twitter, it's not going to go nowhere sometimes.
00:28:48.000
If you talk about your situation on Twitter, and then talk about a free show or a show, and then your situation, it's different.
00:29:09.000
I gotta hit them with something every morning, just to wake the morning up.
00:29:12.000
And they gotta look at your shit, little 13-year-old.
00:29:15.000
Look what Uncle Joey wrote on his Twitter today, Mommy.
00:29:22.000
Those t-shirts, by the way, folks, they're being printed right now.
00:29:26.000
If you ain't high by 2 in the afternoon, go fuck yourself.
00:29:28.000
Ari Sofia told me yesterday that even if he didn't know Joe Diaz, he would still buy one because this shirt is that cool.
00:29:42.000
When you said it, we repeated it like four times because it was so funny.
00:29:45.000
And it was the weirdest thing because the guy, and I'm going to tell the story now, the guy who was smoking would have won an Oscar.
00:29:55.000
And I did Spider-Man 2, and Dykstra was the guy in charge of all the fucking crazy 3D guy.
00:30:11.000
If you watch Spider-Man 2, after I stick up for Spider-Man, there's a little girl on the train that says, me too.
00:30:17.000
And his daughter was telling everybody on the train to suck her dick when she was 12. Suck my dick, though.
00:30:24.000
But the only one she dug was me, because I would give it to her.
00:30:31.000
So Ramey, I was so big that they wouldn't put me on the train.
00:30:36.000
So I'd come into Spider-Man, I'd check in, and then I'd go eat and go to my room.
00:30:39.000
They'd put me in a room, not even in a trailer.
00:30:54.000
He goes, there's nobody smoking dope in your room.
00:31:10.000
She's like an older woman, like 42. She came back and she's seen us and she goes, whatever, they're looking for you.
00:31:21.000
I got all like, there is something wrong with me.
00:31:26.000
If you were fucking high, you wouldn't be worried about us not smoking high.
00:31:36.000
And that's where we came up with that thing from.
00:31:45.000
If you were high, you wouldn't worry about me smoking dope.
00:31:48.000
Yeah, it's a weird thing where people want to stop you from doing something because they think it's an indulgence, you know?
00:31:59.000
My wife said to me two days ago, she goes, you know what the funny thing is?
00:32:02.000
At 5.30 in the morning, I didn't hear the alarm go off, but I heard you do a long bong hit.
00:32:11.000
My wife told me Tuesday morning, she goes, you know, I didn't hear the alarm, but I definitely heard your bong hit.
00:32:20.000
So you step off into the office and fire it up?
00:32:22.000
Oh, when I get up, I brush my teeth, I piss, I put the coffee on, I feed the cats, and I go right for that.
00:32:32.000
I gotta eat a little oatmeal to balance out the body.
00:32:35.000
I eat a little cantaloupe to balance out the pH to get the fucking bowels moving.
00:32:40.000
I think it does fuck me up if you shake and bake.
00:32:46.000
Once you smoke weed, you're pretty much not the same for the rest of the day.
00:32:54.000
When you call the doctor's office, you're like, that ain't gonna happen.
00:32:57.000
How many days do you take off on a regular from weed?
00:33:23.000
I've been smoking since I was 14. Have you ever thought maybe because you can't imagine it because you don't remember it?
00:33:37.000
The type of person I grew up with when I went to Colorado, I was around a lot of heads.
00:33:43.000
When I got home yesterday and I seen that thing was 31%, I tweeted it, and 10 people got back to me that said, go drive up from San Diego.
00:33:51.000
That's not a kid that says, oh my god, I got the, what's the name of that word?
00:33:56.000
There's certain weed that's got a name that you just smoke it to be cool.
00:34:01.000
It's called Matt's Number One OG. Matt's Number One OG. Is Matt like some famous grower or something?
00:34:08.000
So when he took over Cushmart, he bought that brand and wanted it to grow for him.
00:34:13.000
And then he's got the Snoop Dogg that's at 28%.
00:34:19.000
I smoked it, and I realized when I smoked it the other day, I've been going to ANOCC, and I've been buying $50 fucking 8s.
00:34:25.000
And I realized that the pot was good, and some days when I buy a gram, like by 6 o'clock, half the gram is gone.
00:34:33.000
When I hit weed, and I remember that, how I started this diet was with Matt's OG. When you smoked it in the morning, the sativa would take over your mind so quickly that I had to get out of the house before my head blew up.
00:34:46.000
And I would just get on the bike and pedal because I thought there was somebody chasing me.
00:34:49.000
And that's how I lost 100 fucking pounds on that bike smoking the Max OG. Because the sativa wouldn't speed you up by cocaine.
00:34:59.000
And it went from being a sativa into methodically like an indica.
00:35:03.000
People don't understand that sativa actually makes you ambitious.
00:35:06.000
People who look at pot and look at potheads being unambitious and lazy, sativa makes me way more ambitious.
00:35:13.000
It makes me aware of the consequences of not working as hard as you can and how you feel.
00:35:18.000
It makes me super sensitive to my own actions, positive or negative.
00:35:23.000
So it makes me super sensitive to doing things that I should be doing as far as getting work done, as far as writing and performing.
00:35:34.000
You know, I'd have to be sick as fuck, and I don't get sick very often.
00:35:38.000
It's like sativa makes me, you know, hyper-aware.
00:35:41.000
And when I'm hyper-aware, I'm more diligent, you know?
00:35:46.000
But do you guys think if you wanted to take a month off, do you think you could easily do it?
00:35:52.000
I haven't taken a month off, but I've taken weeks off.
00:36:03.000
I've thought about it, and I've said, for what?
00:36:04.000
You smoke a shitload of weed, you have to be spending a shitload of money.
00:36:08.000
I smoke a shitload of weed, and the people around me smoke a shitload of weed.
00:36:12.000
It's really weird that the people around me are into it like I'm into it, like the tight people around me.
00:36:16.000
Well, we all have fun together, and what people don't understand about marijuana is that they think it's some sort of an escape.
00:36:25.000
We're living in the same world you're living in, man.
00:36:42.000
I mean, I've been smoking weed so much that I could take a couple days off.
00:36:50.000
But the idea of taking a month off is so foreign to me that I almost want to do it just to see what happens.
00:37:04.000
I haven't stopped smoking weed since 14, 15. I'll tell you what point in my life I'm in my weed career.
00:37:13.000
When I get up in the morning and I get high, it's to go on Twitter and Facebook and make adjustments here and get my day ready.
00:37:20.000
But now when I write, I try to be a little straighter.
00:37:26.000
If I can get an edible, I gotta get an edible on me.
00:37:39.000
I love the fact that if I don't get high, I'll still work out an hour.
00:37:45.000
But if I get high, I'll work out an hour 40. It's just a little tighter.
00:37:55.000
When I kick the bag when I'm high, usually I don't.
00:38:00.000
Oh, yeah, I kick the pole holding the bag by mistake.
00:38:03.000
A left roundhouse with the fucking ankle around the pole.
00:38:07.000
But I like getting on the bike stone because I don't think about it.
00:38:15.000
You know how many people roll stoned jiu-jitsu?
00:38:20.000
Eddie's classes, like, you walk in that room, you smell reefer.
00:38:25.000
There's like half of his fucking students are high as fuck when they take a class.
00:38:28.000
You eat a piece of banana cake and you go to yoga.
00:38:35.000
McKenna used to say that that's what yoga was invented for.
00:38:38.000
What yoga was invented for was maximizing cannabis.
00:38:43.000
These people would be eating cannabis, and when they were eating it, they realized how good it felt when you hold your body in certain positions when you're high.
00:38:51.000
So they came up with this connection to spirituality through eating cannabis and holding these poses, these difficult poses.
00:38:59.000
Yeah, because something, I don't know what it is about the energy of the pose that makes you go into some state when you're high as fuck, but it really does.
00:39:06.000
Even when you're sober, man, I've done yoga sober, and after it's over, I've felt high.
00:39:11.000
Well, the breathing, the breathing intent, the breathing that's going through your body, you're focusing so much on the breathing.
00:39:16.000
When I go in and I eat a little piece of banana bread, because it's 8 during the morning when I've got to go to yoga.
00:39:23.000
How long does it take for a banana bird to hit you?
00:39:28.000
And I kick in a little Jaffa J to get everything going.
00:39:37.000
And you think about your breathing is so beautiful when you're high.
00:39:42.000
You ever go in the water and you can hear your breathing?
00:39:49.000
When you do yoga, if you hear that, you've reached it.
00:40:02.000
Like I said, that's the reason why yoga may have very well been invented, according to McKenna.
00:40:07.000
He believes they invented yoga to maximize the effects of eating cannabis.
00:40:17.000
There's nothing like eating a little bit of weed and going to yoga.
00:40:35.000
Ryan Parsons was at the gym one day at Justin's.
00:40:39.000
And there was an argument going on between trainers.
00:40:43.000
And the guy was saying that he's been telling all his...
00:40:46.000
Clients, if please, after their workouts, their weight workouts, to smoke a little reefer because it's anti-inflammatory and it works better than anything else, even like the lettuce and shit.
00:41:00.000
When you eat lettuce, it pulls the acid out of your muscles.
00:41:15.000
And that they're scared to tell people because we'll go fucking crazy.
00:41:18.000
Well, it kind of makes sense if it's a painkiller.
00:41:20.000
If people enjoy it for pain, it kind of makes sense that it would also be for inflammation.
00:41:28.000
He said it's really good for your joints to do something with...
00:41:34.000
A lot of people that have chronic arthritis, like I've talked to people that said that they literally couldn't move and then they would smoke weed and then all of a sudden they could walk around.
00:41:50.000
I mean, it helps a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
00:41:53.000
It's just a shame that we have to pretend that there's something wrong with it.
00:41:56.000
And people want us to think it's not a big deal.
00:41:58.000
Like, why do you guys talk about weed all the time, fucking losers?
00:42:00.000
Like, first of all, we're not losers, and don't be mean.
00:42:03.000
And second of all, it is a fucking important issue, man.
00:42:17.000
What I wanted from weed 20 years ago is not what I want from weed today.
00:42:25.000
I'm an only child, so I love living in my head, guys.
00:42:34.000
I know what it is to be in a closet playing G.I. Joe's, making up your home world at Disneyland is outside your fucking closet.
00:42:41.000
I know how to get the party started in my fucking head.
00:42:45.000
You give me weed and an iPod, you go fuck yourself.
00:42:59.000
Well, listen, man, that's a beautiful quality in comparison to the alternative.
00:43:03.000
The alternative is someone who needs people around them all the time and needs attention all the time.
00:43:09.000
And everybody knows how goddamn annoying that is.
00:43:12.000
It's rare that someone's as extroverted as you, but also, I guess it's just a balance.
00:43:22.000
I always thought you had to be moving, and that's what kills people.
00:43:34.000
You've got to manage your life correctly, too, to get to a position where you can enjoy things.
00:43:37.000
Because some people are just scratching every week, man.
00:43:40.000
Every week is scratching, trying to get ahead, can't get no fucking traction, trying to figure it all out.
00:43:46.000
You know, last night Ari came over and we were smoking the Matzo G. And it was ten after six or something.
00:43:58.000
It's Dairy Queen vanilla ice cream and he makes a delicious banana split.
00:44:06.000
And it's funny that he said to me, you get so much enjoyment from that ice cream truck.
00:44:12.000
I'm not filthy loaded, but I get off on that fucking ice cream man coming.
00:44:18.000
When I went to New York, I talked to Ralphie and he's in this hotel in the city and I got this and that.
00:44:26.000
Because he feels that his clientele doesn't use the internet.
00:44:34.000
He's found the 1% of the population that isn't online.
00:44:48.000
The other night I did a show in the city and all my friends were like, let's go to Chinatown.
00:44:55.000
My place in Ridgefield Park, Chan's Dragon and still the pound for pound leader in old school Chinese food.
00:45:01.000
You gotta eat four egg rolls, shrimp and lobster sauce.
00:45:09.000
I've been going there since 1979 to get steak on a stick when I was a sophomore in high school.
00:45:16.000
They have one of the best poo-poo platters in the nation.
00:45:27.000
You can get great Chinese food out here, but it's not consistent.
00:45:30.000
I go to a place that the pork fried rice, you think you're in the Bronx, but don't get the shrimp and garlic sauce and lobster Cantonese.
00:45:36.000
You feel like you're eating it with a white dude named Chan.
00:45:40.000
That's how I ordered it last week in the city out of respect.
00:45:48.000
You and I both know you take a little train to fucking the Bronx and you find the Mountain Pop store and for $14.95 you get a spaghetti and clam sauce that you tickle get hard that you want to offer the guy a hundred bucks so you can sleep in the back for an hour.
00:46:01.000
When I lived in New Rochelle we used to go to Frank and John's.
00:46:08.000
When I lived in New Rochelle, there's this old school Italian place.
00:46:17.000
I barely could afford to eat there every day, but I scraped by every day.
00:46:34.000
And we're there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at Helium Comedy Club.
00:46:45.000
We're there for a UFC. I did one night in Portland.
00:47:09.000
Doug Benson is going to be down there at Sal's Comedy Hole in Hollywood.
00:47:13.000
You're going to see it and you're going to go, really?
00:47:18.000
It doesn't even have a sign that says Sal's Comedy Hole.
00:47:20.000
It's the most low-rent ghetto setup ever, but it's growing.
00:47:32.000
He had a nice spot in La Brea, and he's a cool guy, and he was always cool to comics.
00:47:39.000
What did you ever do with that CD that you recorded there?
00:47:47.000
If you notice, after that, I changed everything.
00:47:53.000
I got boxes of shit at the house people give me.
00:47:58.000
And I thought there was a problem, and then one night I watched Johnny Depp on Letterman, and Letterman said to him, so after the thing, he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:48:13.000
That's why I never listen to myself doing stand-up.
00:48:17.000
But after I taped that special and I listened to it, I was so ashamed of myself that I made notes and shit.
00:48:25.000
I bring the iPod out and I tape myself on short sets during the week.
00:48:30.000
I'm up to like six minutes and I gotta shut it off.
00:48:35.000
It's hard to listen to yourself, but it's good.
00:48:37.000
It's good, because like what you said, how you force yourself to reevaluate...
00:48:42.000
Just that one listening, the five years twisted me around.
00:48:45.000
You can't just take it on the audience's reaction.
00:48:47.000
You gotta judge it as if you're a comic listening to another comic, too.
00:48:51.000
You know, when I listen to my stuff, I go, hmm...
00:48:57.000
I listen to it and forget about how the audience is laughing.
00:49:03.000
Do I think this is the right way to do this bit?
00:49:09.000
And when you do that, man, everything gets tighter and stronger.
00:49:18.000
Because the energy that brings you to be creative, the energy that brings you to smash it on stage, that is not a selfish energy.
00:49:27.000
People think it is because it seems like it is because you're on stage going, what the fuck, cocksucker?
00:49:33.000
But to do it right, to be tuned into those people, really, you have to be almost selfless.
00:49:38.000
You have to be tuned in this crazy way where it's all just about this fun that we're having.
00:49:47.000
So it's like the opposite that you would get from someone who listens to themselves like, yeah, I'm the shit.
00:49:56.000
It's almost like you know that that's the poison.
00:49:58.000
That thinking like that is the poison that takes away the magic.
00:50:01.000
Because if you start thinking you're the shit, you start thinking that you're something special, you lose your whole connection with the magic.
00:50:07.000
So that's one of the reasons why you feel uncomfortable.
00:50:11.000
You don't want to be that guy who wants to get in my car, listen to my new set last night.
00:50:18.000
You ever been in someone's car and they make you listen to their fucking routine?
00:50:28.000
Say it on stage and then I can give you my output.
00:50:36.000
You know, just the idea that you're trying it out.
00:50:44.000
And the more you do that, the more you know what the fuck's gonna work in the first place.
00:50:47.000
You don't have to talk to people about stuff like that.
00:50:49.000
You know, it's crazy, because with me, I have a hard time writing if I'm not in the zone.
00:50:53.000
When I'm with people, like, how do I get pissed off to a degree before I go on stage?
00:51:03.000
One time, Eddie Bravo, we were all in the back at the House of Blues.
00:51:07.000
He's like, you guys with your fucking bullshit!
00:51:12.000
I'm like, he's just gotta put himself in that place.
00:51:25.000
I was smoking weed with an apple when I was five.
00:51:29.000
It's just really crazy how when I'm around you guys, sometimes just being mad makes me say something.
00:51:35.000
You're like, Joey, you gotta fucking say that on stage.
00:51:40.000
And you guys are like, Joey, did you say that on stage yet?
00:51:48.000
Are you still doing that thing about Dead Dick?
00:52:03.000
Even if it's for internal use only, I need to see that set.
00:52:18.000
The only thing that was closer to someone killing harder than that was when you killed in Vegas at the Mandalay Bay Theater.
00:52:26.000
When you were doing that bit about fucking having that fist fight with the nun, holy shit.
00:52:31.000
I might not have ever laughed that hard at anything ever in my whole life.
00:52:37.000
And that's the bad thing because during the week, that's what you enjoyed.
00:52:43.000
And that really took away from my career because you see Bill Burr going on a Tuesday and want to die.
00:52:50.000
He's like, stand up and you want to try different things.
00:52:53.000
We always get into conversations nostalgic about the store, and at the end there were cunts and whatever, but I don't take away the truth from anything.
00:53:05.000
We just need some more people to go down there and support.
00:53:11.000
Bill Burr was by last week, and Sarah Silverman was by the week before, and Doug Benson's coming down all the time, Steve Renazzisi came and crushed it, Sam Tripoli came and crushed it.
00:53:32.000
If someone sends me a clip and says, hey, check out this Cat Williams clip, that fucking thing where he was going after Steve Harvey, Oh shit, that's funny.
00:53:41.000
And one of the things, he accentuates something, and as he accentuates it, he slides across the room like he's kicking someone in the nuts, and as he does it, he goes, I'm a little nigga, I fight dirty!
00:53:52.000
And he slides on the stage, with his little foot up in the air like he's kicking somebody in the balls.
00:54:03.000
When we were talking about him in Irvine, you were like, you have no idea the numbers he does.
00:54:09.000
He goes, you know that place where we go to the UFC? He does that.
00:54:20.000
And there's pictures of him in the casino with, like, fur coats on and shit and diamonds.
00:54:26.000
That dude really makes me laugh because he's just going for it all the time.
00:54:29.000
He's not trying to be anything other than he is.
00:54:38.000
He does a funny thing about fucking Shaquille O'Neal trying to be a cop.
00:54:45.000
It's about how Shaquille O'Neal's three-year-old was his height.
00:54:56.000
That thing that he did on Michael Jackson, that made him a star.
00:54:59.000
When you watch that bit on YouTube, you watch that and you see the black people, they don't even know how to act because you're saying the truth.
00:55:08.000
When you say it the right way on stage, even if it's wrong what he was saying, where's Michael Jackson?
00:55:13.000
He's probably smelling little baby's booty holes or something.
00:55:21.000
And he says, when was the last time you seen Michael Jackson with a woman?
00:55:32.000
Just that little piece that comics pray for that utopia to come one day.
00:55:35.000
It's important to have guys like that out there.
00:55:40.000
I like guys that are out there just fucking going for it.
00:55:43.000
There's a lot of people that think that comedy is about the respect of your peers and creating the proper clever joke with the right wording and...
00:55:57.000
And these days, man, your comedy doesn't even nearly have to be that deep anymore.
00:56:01.000
If you want to get deep, man, you could do a podcast and get deep.
00:56:07.000
You could have a conversation with an intelligent person.
00:56:10.000
You don't have to get that deep with your comedy.
00:56:12.000
The shit that makes me laugh is Cat Williams sliding across the floor, kicking some dude in the ball.
00:56:29.000
He actually had some real good advice, too, that I took.
00:56:35.000
On his iPod, he has a playlist of all music that he listens to right before he goes on stage.
00:56:42.000
Because I have just a group of some of my favorite songs on my iPod that I just throw on.
00:56:49.000
I'll throw them on when I'm at the gym or whatever.
00:56:52.000
But I don't have a specific list just for stand-up.
00:57:01.000
Because I know music, if you listen to the right kind of music, the right kind of music can fucking get you in a good groove, man.
00:57:10.000
Sometimes when, you know, you listen to music too much, you lose its power.
00:57:16.000
But every now and then, a song would just jack you and let you know what's possible.
00:57:20.000
Remember when we were at the Brea Improv and we were in the parking lot and I had that Nissan truck and you got out and they had that crazy sound system in and you got out of your car and you're like, Joe Rogan, Joe Rogan, put this fucking CD in right now.
00:57:39.000
Oh, that's some good shit on that grade that sits out.
00:57:53.000
I love Allman Brothers from the 70s, Leonard Skinner.
00:57:59.000
Like, if I'm in a pool hall and Sweet Home Alabama comes on, it's like your girlfriend just comes over and rubs your neck.
00:58:08.000
It's like someone comes over and gives you a hug.
00:58:20.000
What are you doing with your finger on the trigger?
00:58:40.000
Yeah, which is even better because they can't go there without you being there.
00:58:48.000
This is how we're going to end this fucking thing?
00:59:01.000
If you go to JoeRogan.net, enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off The Fleshlight.
00:59:05.000
We will see you this weekend in Portland, Oregon at Helium Comedy Club Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
00:59:21.000
And Brian Redband will also be performing on stage, too.
00:59:25.000
Thank you very much for tuning in, and we will see you guys next week, either Monday or Tuesday.
00:59:30.000
We're trying to get Kevin from Attack of the Show.