The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #94 - Joey Diaz (Part 4)

00:00:00.000 But he was making so much money, he couldn't fucking clean it. 0.96

00:00:05.000 It was 1984. It was too fast. 0.96

00:00:07.000 Wow. 0.99

00:00:08.000 And they fucking blew up. 1.00

00:00:09.000 Can you imagine that getting blown up in a fucking pipe bomb? 1.00

00:00:11.000 That's when you know somebody knows what they're doing. 1.00

00:00:14.000 And he didn't die right away. 1.00

00:00:16.000 The metal went up in his ass. 1.00

00:00:17.000 He stayed awake for fucking hours suffering. 1.00

00:00:19.000 The metal went up in his ass. 1.00

00:00:21.000 From the plate under the Jeep and shit. 1.00

00:00:22.000 They all have those crash plates in Colorado. 0.99

00:00:24.000 They all have those plates. 1.00

00:00:26.000 Those plates work against you when you have a bomb under your fucking car. 1.00

00:00:30.000 So the plate went right in his fucking coolie, so he was just bleeding. 1.00

00:00:36.000 That's fucking crazy when somebody kills you with a car bomb and shit. 1.00

00:00:39.000 That means you did something bad, girl. 1.00

00:00:41.000 They slice your fucking throat. 1.00

00:00:43.000 You gotta be a ghost after somebody slices your throat. 1.00

00:00:45.000 You'll never rest. 1.00

00:00:46.000 You can't rest in fucking peace. 1.00

00:00:48.000 You gotta be something. 1.00

00:00:49.000 You're a ghost haunting the woods forever. 0.98

00:00:52.000 Haunting somebody. 1.00

00:00:53.000 You're hunting Colombians. 1.00

00:00:54.000 You're hunting fucking Brian Redman. 1.00

00:00:56.000 What's up, Brian Reichel? 1.00

00:00:57.000 Do you believe in ghosts, Joey Diaz? 1.00

00:00:59.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:00:59.000 Do you really? 1.00

00:01:00.000 You ever seen ghosts?

00:01:01.000 Spirits.

00:01:01.000 I don't believe in...

00:01:02.000 I seen something at the comedy store.

00:01:04.000 One thing.

00:01:05.000 Not...

00:01:06.000 I didn't see the door ringing.

00:01:07.000 I didn't see nobody walking with...

00:01:08.000 Not a head-on.

00:01:09.000 I mean, I've heard a lot of stories from the comedy store.

00:01:12.000 And then I've been around people who passed spirits as a young child.

00:01:15.000 In fact, I went to see the lady when I went home last week.

00:01:17.000 Yeah?

00:01:17.000 Yeah.

00:01:19.000 When I was a kid, I'd seen her do some wild shit. 1.00

00:01:21.000 What'd you do? 0.98

00:01:22.000 When I was about eight, you know, my mother had a bar, and all these people were coming to shake her down.

00:01:29.000 You know, cops were coming.

00:01:30.000 Nice guys.

00:01:31.000 Just white guys come in.

00:01:32.000 That's part of the business, when you have a bar.

00:01:34.000 You know, somebody gets stabbed, you want the cops there first, you gotta give an envelope.

00:01:38.000 You know, and then...

00:01:40.000 After about three months, this guy started coming.

00:01:42.000 He was a Cuban guy.

00:01:43.000 He looked like Serpico. 1.00

00:01:44.000 But he would come in and break the Cubans' balls. 1.00

00:01:47.000 He went after Cubans. 0.98

00:01:48.000 He went after Cubans in 76 and 75. He went after them heavy. 1.00

00:01:52.000 And he would come into my mother's bar and insult them and fuck you motherfuckers. 1.00

00:01:56.000 I want a bigger envelope next time I come. 1.00

00:01:58.000 That type of shit. 0.99

00:02:00.000 So my dad went in there after school and he was yelling and screaming in there. 1.00

00:02:03.000 And I didn't like this fucking guy. 0.99

00:02:04.000 He was younger and he had a beard and he was a weightlifter type dude. 0.99

00:02:09.000 A couple weeks later, I go to the bar and it's all these Cuban guys. 0.88

00:02:12.000 They had a bar on 38th Street.

00:02:14.000 They had their Brindies.

00:02:15.000 These were all Cuban bookmakers that my dad knew.

00:02:17.000 My stepdad knew.

00:02:18.000 My mom knew. 1.00

00:02:18.000 Nice fucking people. 1.00

00:02:20.000 And there was this lady. 1.00

00:02:21.000 I played basketball with her kids.

00:02:22.000 The kid was a boxer.

00:02:23.000 His name was Jose Torres. 1.00

00:02:24.000 Their uncle's the fucking dude. 1.00

00:02:26.000 That's their uncle. 1.00

00:02:27.000 Who?

00:02:28.000 Jose Torres.

00:02:29.000 He's a boxing ref or something.

00:02:30.000 Big boxing official.

00:02:32.000 That's their uncle.

00:02:33.000 This is their nephew.

00:02:34.000 They're Puerto Ricans.

00:02:36.000 That was the guy that was a light heavyweight champion, right?

00:02:39.000 You know, he's something big with boxing.

00:02:41.000 This is his nephew.

00:02:42.000 I grew up with that nephew.

00:02:43.000 They were basketball players.

00:02:44.000 I think that's what I'm talking about.

00:02:45.000 Isn't he the one that wrote the book about Mike Tyson?

00:02:48.000 He kind of grew up with Mike Tyson and kind of like wrote a tell-all book about him. 0.96

00:02:52.000 It was kind of like, kind of shitty. 0.82

00:02:54.000 No, no, this is the ref. 0.96

00:02:55.000 Joe Torres.

00:02:56.000 Yeah, this is Jose Torres, the referee from the 70s.

00:02:59.000 I'm thinking of the wrong guy.

00:02:59.000 I think this guy even reffed like, he was the one that did our fight.

00:03:04.000 When they were trying to stop it.

00:03:05.000 Duran against, when they were trying to stop it.

00:03:08.000 We got to look it up.

00:03:09.000 Duran against who?

00:03:10.000 Duran against that fight when he killed the guy in the ring.

00:03:12.000 Then the guy died two weeks later, but he took his spirit away.

00:03:14.000 What's the fight we always talk about when Duran had?

00:03:17.000 Oh, Davey Moore.

00:03:17.000 Davey Moore.

00:03:18.000 Yeah.

00:03:18.000 I think he had something to do there.

00:03:20.000 He died years later.

00:03:21.000 He died in a car accident.

00:03:22.000 In a car accident.

00:03:22.000 Yeah.

00:03:23.000 With a fucking jack fell on top of him. 1.00

00:03:24.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:03:24.000 His car got crushed. 0.99

00:03:26.000 But he, yeah, Duran took his spirit.

00:03:29.000 Yeah, that happens to guys, man.

00:03:31.000 Julio Cesar Chavez, when he fought Meldrick Taylor, there's no question about that fight.

00:03:35.000 Meldrick Taylor got his spirit taken.

00:03:36.000 Chavez took his spirit.

00:03:38.000 He hurt him bad, too, physically.

00:03:40.000 Like, he was never the same physically.

00:03:41.000 But he was also never the same psychologically. 0.92

00:03:43.000 To go through that crazy-ass war and to be boxing the fucking ears off the guy at first, then eventually the guy just slowly wears you down, slowly wears you down, and then, boom, stops you in the 12th with, like, seconds to go. 0.95

00:03:55.000 They stop the fight. 0.99

00:03:56.000 Like, that's a crazy...

00:03:57.000 Crushing blow.

00:03:59.000 Devastating blow.

00:04:00.000 You know?

00:04:01.000 To have the referee look at you when there's like, what is it, like two seconds left in the clock?

00:04:05.000 And the referee shakes him off and Chavez wins.

00:04:07.000 Like, what?

00:04:09.000 What?

00:04:10.000 That's like a spirit crusher. 1.00

00:04:13.000 We're talking about the fucking spirit with Jose Torres. 0.99

00:04:16.000 So we were kids. 1.00

00:04:17.000 And once a month this lady would pass a fucking spirit in the house. 1.00

00:04:21.000 She was a mom. 1.00

00:04:22.000 Now this lady was a mom. 1.00

00:04:24.000 I used to watch her.

00:04:25.000 She was a mom. 0.99

00:04:26.000 She used to drive her kids around to different basketball games and shit. 1.00

00:04:29.000 Her husband and her were separated. 0.99

00:04:31.000 She wasn't a boozer. 1.00

00:04:32.000 She never really cursed.

00:04:33.000 I would go in the daytime and she would make sandwiches for you and stuff like that.

00:04:37.000 She would take the kids to church on Sunday.

00:04:39.000 So I used to watch her. 0.99

00:04:40.000 But my mother once told me, that lady passes a fucking weird spirit once a month or some shit. 1.00

00:04:46.000 And people go over there and you bring her money or gifts or whatever the fuck you bring her. 0.99

00:04:49.000 And she talks to you. 0.99

00:04:50.000 She talks to you? 0.96

00:04:52.000 Yeah, the spirit.

00:04:53.000 So one night we went over there.

00:04:55.000 Now, how long do you know me?

00:04:57.000 A long time.

00:04:57.000 Look at me.

00:04:58.000 I don't fuck around. 1.00

00:04:59.000 Look at him, Joey. 1.00

00:05:00.000 Shut the fuck up, Brian. 1.00

00:05:01.000 I don't fuck around, dog. 1.00

00:05:02.000 You don't fuck around. 1.00

00:05:02.000 When I talk to you like a man, I talk to you like a man. 1.00

00:05:04.000 This is fucked up, what I'm going to tell you. 0.99

00:05:07.000 I'm about 8 to 9. So this one last time I went to the bar, and he had them all up at the bar like Popeye Doyle had those people in fucking the French Connection. 0.99

00:05:17.000 Remember when he goes in, he says, everybody against the wall.

00:05:19.000 This is like the last time I went in there. 1.00

00:05:20.000 And now these fucking Cubans are pissed, and my mom's pissed. 1.00

00:05:24.000 So, like, we gotta figure something out. 1.00

00:05:25.000 Now, I knew eventually my dad was gonna shoot this guy. 1.00

00:05:28.000 I just had a funny feeling of my stepdad or somebody was gonna shoot this fucking guy. 1.00

00:05:33.000 Because he was going over his bounds. 1.00

00:05:35.000 They felt that he was abusing Cubans, which is even worse when you're Cuban. 0.95

00:05:38.000 If he was a white dude or a black dude, hey, it's part of the turf. 1.00

00:05:41.000 You're fucking Cuban. 1.00

00:05:42.000 We're gonna get your ass. 1.00

00:05:44.000 So I knew about this and I just turned the other way. 1.00

00:05:46.000 One night we go to this fucking lady's house and she's talking to these people and she's got this spirit. 0.99

00:05:51.000 I'm watching this lady. 1.00

00:05:52.000 This lady would drink fucking raw alcohol. 1.00

00:05:55.000 What's that? 1.00

00:05:55.000 What's that fucking alcohol? 1.00

00:05:57.000 Loonshine? 1.00

00:05:57.000 No, the shit that people drink that's 140 proof. 1.00

00:06:01.000 Oh. 1.00

00:06:01.000 Everclear. 1.00

00:06:02.000 Everclear.

00:06:02.000 She would drink Everclear.

00:06:03.000 Drink it and talk to you and smoke a fucking cigar. 1.00

00:06:06.000 Oh my God. 1.00

00:06:07.000 And she was supposed to be a black African fucking slave. 1.00

00:06:09.000 But she was really a Puerto Rican woman and she'd talk to you. 1.00

00:06:12.000 And she'd drink the fucking shit. 1.00

00:06:14.000 And she was talking to my mother and she came over to me. 1.00

00:06:16.000 I was a little fucking kid, dog. 1.00

00:06:17.000 And I remember looking at her shit and my pants off. 1.00

00:06:19.000 And she took a dish. 1.00

00:06:20.000 And she showed it to my mom, it was a white dish. 0.99

00:06:23.000 And she took a fucking candle and she took the dish and she put the candle under the dish. 1.00

00:06:27.000 She took the candle, she threw it down, she showed the dish to my mother. 1.00

00:06:30.000 She said, this is what's bothering you lately. 0.99

00:06:32.000 And it was just some fucking thing. 0.99

00:06:34.000 It just looked like some candle design on the thing. 0.99

00:06:37.000 Right.

00:06:38.000 She took the dish, she smashed it, she goes, done! 1.00

00:06:41.000 Seven days.

00:06:42.000 I went home, dog. 1.00

00:06:44.000 I never thought about this shit again. 1.00

00:06:46.000 I was eight or nine. 1.00

00:06:47.000 I had G.I. Joes. 1.00

00:06:49.000 I was trying to look at my dad's pornos.

00:06:51.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:06:51.000 Right.

00:06:52.000 I don't believe this hocus pocus.

00:06:53.000 Right.

00:06:54.000 Well, one day I get out of school and I take the bike and I go to my mother's bar. 0.94

00:06:57.000 When I get up there, they're all fucking drinking and having a good time at 3.30. 0.93

00:07:01.000 And I go, what happened? 1.00

00:07:02.000 I go, you know that fucking cop? 1.00

00:07:04.000 They shot him to pieces last night. 1.00

00:07:06.000 And they shot him up by this place, Rapido Taxi.

00:07:08.000 It was the first Cuban taxi cab company in the 70s that would deliver blowing the taxis.

00:07:12.000 All these geniuses that think they're geniuses now?

00:07:15.000 Yeah, alright.

00:07:15.000 The Cubans are doing that in the 70s in Union City.

00:07:17.000 They would go over the bridge.

00:07:18.000 You'd call from the city to deliver the Studio 54. The taxis would deliver the coke?

00:07:22.000 Come on, dawg.

00:07:23.000 This is 74, 75. And the name of the company was Rapido Taxi.

00:07:27.000 You know what Rapido means in Spanish?

00:07:29.000 What?

00:07:30.000 QUIT! Bitch! 1.00

00:07:31.000 Quick? 1.00

00:07:31.000 Rapido! 1.00

00:07:32.000 Quick! 1.00

00:07:33.000 Oh, yeah, quick.

00:07:34.000 So I took my bike, Joe Rogan.

00:07:37.000 Joe Rogan, I went up to this... 1.00

00:07:38.000 This is brilliant shit. 1.00

00:07:39.000 So was the taxi a real taxi company? 1.00

00:07:41.000 It was a real taxi company, but they delivered fucking blow. 0.99

00:07:43.000 That was the purpose. 0.99

00:07:45.000 You think they made money on a $3 toll? 0.99

00:07:47.000 They make money delivering the fucking goody good to studio. 0.97

00:07:49.000 So did they run a real taxi, too? 0.99

00:07:52.000 Real taxi.

00:07:52.000 You thought grandmothers could take it from supermarkets?

00:07:55.000 And then you'd go, on the way home, can you get me some coke?

00:07:57.000 Right.

00:07:58.000 No, no, no.

00:07:58.000 On the way home, you got to go to the city.

00:08:00.000 They just put a kilo over the city and they don't get pulled over.

00:08:02.000 You got a ride in the city.

00:08:04.000 Why are you pulling me over?

00:08:05.000 I said, I got Joe Rogan in the back.

00:08:06.000 I'm like, oh, I'm sorry.

00:08:07.000 Go right ahead.

00:08:07.000 We thought you were doing something else.

00:08:09.000 Meanwhile, there's fucking a bag of fucking blowing the truck. 0.99

00:08:12.000 And the cops must have been in on it too, right? 0.99

00:08:13.000 How many of the cops were in on it back then? 0.98

00:08:16.000 I don't fucking know. 0.97

00:08:17.000 It had to be some, right? 0.99

00:08:18.000 I don't fucking know. 0.98

00:08:18.000 New York was a different animal then. 0.98

00:08:20.000 New York was a different fucking animal then. 1.00

00:08:22.000 New York was a different fucking animal then, but you gotta remember that it was just a taxi. 1.00

00:08:27.000 Nobody thought about that at that time. 0.99

00:08:29.000 Well, New York back then was monstrous. 0.99

00:08:29.000 That was 20 years ahead of that fucking time. 0.99

00:08:31.000 When New York sneezed, bro, everybody else caught a fucking cold. 1.00

00:08:34.000 Let's get down to it. 1.00

00:08:36.000 They're ten years behind over here, these fucking savages. 1.00

00:08:38.000 This is a totally different place socially than New York, that's for sure. 1.00

00:08:42.000 Right?

00:08:42.000 Don't you think?

00:08:43.000 People are more on the ball there. 1.00

00:08:45.000 There's more con artists and shit. 0.99

00:08:48.000 There's more clever people. 1.00

00:08:50.000 Don't you think? 1.00

00:08:52.000 There's more fucking douchebags everywhere. 1.00

00:08:53.000 There's more stone people out here, I think. 1.00

00:08:55.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that.

00:08:56.000 But I think that...

00:08:57.000 I always say that there's something about the weather, man.

00:08:59.000 You don't have to deal with the weather.

00:09:01.000 You get soft.

00:09:02.000 You know?

00:09:03.000 Your brain doesn't have to think quickly because you have to survive.

00:09:08.000 You know? 0.97

00:09:08.000 When you're in Boston and it's fucking zero degrees out and you get in your car and it goes... 0.97

00:09:13.000 I'm like... 1.00

00:09:18.000 And you don't have a cell phone, stupid. 1.00

00:09:20.000 There was no cell phones back then. 1.00

00:09:22.000 So what are you doing?

00:09:23.000 Oh my God, I've got to knock on someone's door so I don't freeze to death?

00:09:26.000 You've got to wake some people up because you might freeze to death.

00:09:29.000 Hey, I'm sorry, my car broke down.

00:09:31.000 Can I use your...

00:09:31.000 Dude, you've got to think quicker when you're in that kind of an environment.

00:09:34.000 In California, you know, your car breaks down and you just sleep in the car until, you know, the cops come and then the cops tell you, hey, what's going on?

00:09:41.000 Oh, my car broke down and they get you a tow truck and you're fine.

00:09:43.000 You don't have to worry about dying outside.

00:09:45.000 You know?

00:09:46.000 Living in Boston, you gotta worry about dying. 1.00

00:09:48.000 That's like some real shit. 0.99

00:09:49.000 And that's why they're a little quicker, a little quicker on the take. 1.00

00:09:52.000 That sound that you made for doing the car, I was just imagining that's what it sounded like when Joey Diaz had sex. 0.92

00:10:00.000 Do you think so? 0.99

00:10:03.000 Joey Diaz had sex. 0.99

00:10:04.000 What's it sound like when you have sex? 0.99

00:10:04.000 It's more like this. 0.99

00:10:08.000 I told you I was good dick. 1.00

00:10:09.000 Did I tell you I'm giving you good dick? 1.00

00:10:11.000 I'm giving you good dick. 1.00

00:10:16.000 Don't get me started, Red Band. 1.00

00:10:19.000 I'll have you-know-who here in 20 minutes, bitch-slapping motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:10:23.000 Who you have here? 1.00

00:10:23.000 What the fuck is the plan? 1.00

00:10:24.000 What's plan B? I don't know. 0.99

00:10:27.000 Do you know who?

00:10:27.000 He knows who!

00:10:29.000 So, my dog Twixie Vixen got raped again. 0.98

00:10:32.000 By a girl dog this time. 0.97

00:10:33.000 By a girl dog. 1.00

00:10:34.000 Your dog is such a whore. 1.00

00:10:35.000 The person was like... 1.00

00:10:36.000 I gotta pee while you tell this story.

00:10:37.000 The person I was with, Joey...

00:10:38.000 Everyone's with me because of my Twixie Vixen story. 1.00

00:10:42.000 So, the person I was with that owned the dog, they were like, my dog has never, A, humped anything, and B, my dog is a girl dog, so I don't even know why it's trying to hump your dog's ass because it doesn't have a dick. 0.99

00:10:53.000 So, Joey, what do you think about RSS feeds? 1.00

00:10:56.000 I have no idea what they even fucking own. 0.95

00:10:58.000 Here, put up the mic. 0.99

00:11:00.000 You don't know anything about computers?

00:11:05.000 Well, they're designed to pump out a, like if you have a website, it's designed only for, or mostly for sending out your website so other applications and other websites can add it to their website and their applications.

00:11:26.000 But if you don't want to do that, you don't have an RSS feed.

00:11:30.000 So I could see you wouldn't want an RSS feed. 0.95

00:11:34.000 Talk to me about something I fucking need. 0.97

00:11:36.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:11:38.000 Like...

00:11:40.000 Oh, is that real? 1.00

00:11:42.000 That's real, bitch. 1.00

00:11:43.000 See, now... 1.00

00:11:44.000 That's why you agitate me.

00:11:45.000 Don't talk to me. 1.00

00:11:46.000 Look at your boys walking right into the front of the fucking booth. 1.00

00:11:49.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:11:50.000 I had to pee.

00:11:51.000 I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

00:11:52.000 I apologize.

00:11:53.000 I was working on that video game all day today.

00:11:57.000 It smells like gyros. 1.00

00:11:59.000 I can't even spell it.

00:12:00.000 I was working on that UFC video game today, and I drink tea when I work on that show.

00:12:04.000 The video game is like a script, and I have to pretend that fights are going on.

00:12:10.000 So it's like for hours and hours and hours, you're talking at that really intense, fast, and your voice gets really tired.

00:12:16.000 So I had to drink a lot of tea.

00:12:18.000 So I could not hold in my urine. 1.00

00:12:20.000 So, what you were saying before I left so rudely is that your dog's a whore. 1.00

00:12:24.000 Such a whore that lesbians are raping your dog. 1.00

00:12:27.000 No, yeah, exactly. 1.00

00:12:28.000 And like, do all dogs have just the intuition to get on top of another dog and hump it, even if they don't have a dick? 0.99

00:12:35.000 Because it doesn't make sense. 0.99

00:12:36.000 No, it does.

00:12:37.000 My dog used to do that.

00:12:38.000 She was a female pit bull, and I had a male pit bull that was a puppy, and she used to get on top of him and hump him. 1.00

00:12:43.000 Just like rubbing pussies and stuff. 0.98

00:12:44.000 No, no, it's a dominant thing. 1.00

00:12:46.000 What she's doing is saying that if I wanted to fuck you in the ass, I could. 1.00

00:12:49.000 I can get to the position where I'm on top of you, I'm stronger than you. 1.00

00:12:52.000 They jockey for position.

00:12:55.000 It's a social thing. 0.80

00:12:57.000 For a dog to be able to get on top of you and dry hump you, it's not just that he's horny, it's also that he's trying to let you know he can do that. 0.84

00:13:05.000 He can impose himself on you.

00:13:06.000 Like, my two dogs, they have very clear rules.

00:13:09.000 Like, Johnny's a Mastiff. 1.00

00:13:10.000 He's a big fucking dog. 1.00

00:13:12.000 And, you know, he's got this giant fucking head, and he's a sweet heart of a dog. 1.00

00:13:15.000 But the other dog's a bulldog, Shibu Inu Bix, and the other dog doesn't get no say in shit. 1.00

00:13:20.000 That's just the way it is. 0.99

00:13:21.000 They don't fight.

00:13:22.000 They don't argue.

00:13:22.000 But when I open up the door, Johnny walks in first every time.

00:13:26.000 Every time.

00:13:27.000 The other dog will stop, and he'll let Johnny go through first.

00:13:29.000 Why?

00:13:30.000 Because Johnny's a 140-pound Mastiff. 1.00

00:13:32.000 He's fucking huge. 0.99

00:13:33.000 So there's just clear rules. 0.99

00:13:35.000 If Johnny wanted to hump Brutus, he could get away with it.

00:13:38.000 But if Brutus tried to hump Johnny, there would be chaos. 1.00

00:13:41.000 It would be like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:13:43.000 Brutus probably would growl and snap at Johnny if Johnny tried to hump him. 1.00

00:13:46.000 But the point is, the other way is absolutely preposterous.

00:13:49.000 It's never going to happen.

00:13:50.000 With animals, there's an alpha, and then there's the ones who give in to the alpha.

00:13:55.000 And your dog clearly is like the most beta dog ever.

00:13:59.000 I know.

00:14:00.000 It's all the Hedanami dog food that we give her.

00:14:02.000 Is that what it is?

00:14:03.000 Hedanami dog food.

00:14:04.000 So I guess the way it works is that they just feel her submissiveness and they want to mount her.

00:14:10.000 Their instinct is to mount her and dominate her. 0.98

00:14:13.000 The old dog I used to have was always a bad dog and every time it was bad, I would...

00:14:17.000 Just, like, kind of put her in between my legs and my arm and kind of get in, like, a crouching position. 0.98

00:14:22.000 And kind of just, like, put her in between me and, like, hold her.

00:14:25.000 And so I was kind of, like, on top of her. 0.99

00:14:27.000 I wasn't, like, fucking her or anything. 0.99

00:14:28.000 Right. 0.99

00:14:28.000 You know, she was just, like, underneath my belly. 0.99

00:14:30.000 Like a little cave I would make.

00:14:31.000 I would just sit there for, like, ten minutes.

00:14:33.000 And you could tell the dog at first was trying to get out.

00:14:35.000 And then finally just kind of submissives.

00:14:38.000 Or, you know, just kind of lays down.

00:14:40.000 And then gives up.

00:14:41.000 Dog is just fine.

00:14:42.000 You know, just walks around.

00:14:45.000 Weird.

00:14:45.000 I don't think you're supposed to do that.

00:14:47.000 I think you fucked up your dog's head. 1.00

00:14:48.000 You raped your dog every time it shit on the carpet. 1.00

00:14:51.000 Every time it shits on the carpet, you rape it. 1.00

00:14:53.000 Well, no, no. 1.00

00:14:54.000 It's something I learned kind of from Caesar.

00:14:56.000 Oh, really?

00:14:57.000 Is that what Caesar does? 1.00

00:14:58.000 He fucks the dogs? 0.99

00:14:59.000 Yeah, after showtime. 1.00

00:14:59.000 That's it. 1.00

00:15:00.000 After Night Showtime version of it.

00:15:03.000 That's the secret.

00:15:04.000 That probably would be the best way to do it.

00:15:06.000 Well, he didn't say it like that.

00:15:07.000 He said that you should grab it by the back of the neck and hold it down for a while.

00:15:11.000 But that's pretty much what I was doing.

00:15:13.000 I was pretty much getting on top of it and just kind of getting, like, yo, I am the master here.

00:15:18.000 The whole dog thing is crazy, man.

00:15:20.000 You have these animals that listen to you. 1.00

00:15:22.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:15:23.000 What's wrong with us? 1.00

00:15:25.000 There's not another animal that keeps animals that they love.

00:15:27.000 Right.

00:15:28.000 It's weird.

00:15:29.000 And we've got them engineered to be like the sweetest, nicest things ever.

00:15:32.000 I mean, look at your dog, dude.

00:15:34.000 Your dog is ridiculously affectionate.

00:15:36.000 I've never seen a dog that, not just affectionate, but so needy.

00:15:40.000 To her, it's like every breath, like taking a breath, she needs that much attention.

00:15:44.000 It's like as much as she's breathing, she needs someone touching her.

00:15:47.000 As much as she needs to take in the air, she needs someone to touch her.

00:15:50.000 It's like that extreme.

00:15:51.000 It's like a stripper or something. 1.00

00:15:53.000 Way worse.

00:15:54.000 Way worse.

00:15:55.000 Is there any animal that has pubic hair?

00:15:59.000 I was thinking the other day, I was like, wouldn't it be cool if, like, animals had pubic hairs?

00:16:03.000 And, like, you could, like, trim them, or you could just get a full bush, you know?

00:16:06.000 Like, if your cat just had a...

00:16:07.000 Well, the animal would have to have nothing else around it. 1.00

00:16:10.000 I mean, they have pubic hair over their whole fucking body. 1.00

00:16:12.000 That's basically what's going on. 1.00

00:16:13.000 Yeah.

00:16:14.000 Kind of.

00:16:14.000 Sure.

00:16:15.000 But, I mean, like, even, like, bald eagles.

00:16:17.000 If bald eagles have bushes, those are feathers.

00:16:19.000 But, I mean, like, why don't they have... 0.99

00:16:20.000 The fuck are you talking about, dude? 1.00

00:16:21.000 Like, bald eagles have penises, right? 1.00

00:16:23.000 Yes. 0.99

00:16:23.000 Why are humans the only ones that have pubic hairs? 0.99

00:16:26.000 Yeah.

00:16:26.000 Because we don't have hair on the rest of our body.

00:16:28.000 There's very few animals that have exposed skin.

00:16:30.000 Very few animals that have exposed skin. 0.99

00:16:32.000 That ain't shit, dude. 1.00

00:16:33.000 If you were a coyote, I would take you to the vet. 1.00

00:16:36.000 I'd be like, this poor thing is dying.

00:16:37.000 All its hair is missing.

00:16:39.000 What you think is hairy is only hairy to a hairless person.

00:16:42.000 I'm covered in hair, too.

00:16:45.000 You're hairless.

00:16:47.000 You have a little hair compared to the other hairless folks. 0.64

00:16:49.000 Why don't monkeys have huge bushes? 0.99

00:16:51.000 They do, man.

00:16:53.000 They have pubic hairs. 0.90

00:16:54.000 They don't get long and crazy like ours because they just have different kind of hair. 1.00

00:16:58.000 But they have hair around their dick and balls. 1.00

00:17:01.000 The fuck is wrong with you, son? 1.00

00:17:02.000 You gotta do some research before you come up with these crazy pubic hair theories. 1.00

00:17:06.000 I mean, they don't have bushes like we do.

00:17:07.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:17:08.000 Why do we only have the bush?

00:17:09.000 Because we don't have it anywhere else.

00:17:11.000 Joey?

00:17:12.000 It would be weird if animals...

00:17:14.000 I mean, the only animal that's like us that has hair in certain parts of his body is some dogs.

00:17:21.000 I just wish all animals had pubic hair. 0.99

00:17:23.000 Why? 0.99

00:17:23.000 Why do you give a fuck about animal pubic hair? 0.99

00:17:25.000 Is people worried about people dying of radiation poisoning in Japan? 1.00

00:17:29.000 And fucking, why are we in Libya? 0.99

00:17:30.000 The CIA's involved in our life. 1.00

00:17:32.000 I'm worried about animals. 0.93

00:17:33.000 They should have pubic hair. 1.00

00:17:34.000 Do you think PETA would exist if animals had pubic hairs? 1.00

00:17:38.000 Brian, don't make me get Bill Burr here to fucking hit you to have a fucking computer. 1.00

00:17:42.000 Bill Burr's gonna fuck you in the ass with his laptop. 1.00

00:17:46.000 He's trading with fucking Brock Lesnar right now. 1.00

00:17:48.000 He's coming to get you. 0.99

00:17:48.000 Get into the microphone, bro. 0.99

00:17:50.000 Me, I'm right here.

00:17:51.000 I'm all right.

00:17:51.000 I'm straight.

00:17:52.000 My voice is fucking too big. 1.00

00:17:53.000 I'll blow the speakers up. 0.99

00:17:55.000 Don't make me call Brock Lesnar.

00:17:56.000 I got your back, dog.

00:17:57.000 All right, all right.

00:17:58.000 What's going on? 0.98

00:17:59.000 Bill Burrow did a video where he fucking talked about the thing. 0.96

00:18:05.000 There's a video on YouTube, so he's made it six minutes long. 0.98

00:18:08.000 He talked about the argument on his own for another six minutes.

00:18:13.000 And at the end of it, he goes, yeah, and I was right.

00:18:15.000 That's the point. 0.99

00:18:16.000 That guy is fucking wrong. 0.98

00:18:18.000 He doesn't know about computers, and they're trying to rip you off and take the money for the artist. 0.99

00:18:23.000 They never have money for the artist. 0.99

00:18:25.000 Fucking RSS feeds... 0.99

00:18:27.000 You know what the thing that bugged me the most? 1.00

00:18:28.000 Six minutes.

00:18:29.000 Six minutes you're talking about it.

00:18:30.000 This is the thing that bugged me the most.

00:18:31.000 I've met him like four times, five times before, right?

00:18:34.000 He even did...

00:18:35.000 We did a comedy show the following night.

00:18:39.000 Or that night.

00:18:40.000 That night.

00:18:41.000 We did a comedy show.

00:18:42.000 Or no, it was the following night.

00:18:43.000 The following night.

00:18:43.000 And I was like the host of the show and I'm like, he knew that I'm a comic also.

00:18:48.000 He knows who I am, right? 0.99

00:18:50.000 And if he's not, he's fucking whatever. 0.98

00:18:52.000 So on the beginning of the video, he goes... 0.98

00:18:54.000 Yeah, so there's that guy, the little guy, whatever, the male assistant guy, the guy that turns the knobs. 0.95

00:19:00.000 Joe Rogan's fucking male assistant or something over there? 0.97

00:19:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:04.000 This guy, whatever the fuck he is. 1.00

00:19:05.000 Hey, give me a gyro. 1.00

00:19:08.000 Come on. 0.99

00:19:09.000 But fuck, the thing that What bugs me the most is, and I was pretty baked when that argument happened, but the thing that bugged me the most about everything was my whole thing wasn't that I'm like, yeah, what Stitcher's doing is 100% legal. 0.99

00:19:22.000 No, what I was saying is, if you have something on your website that you put on your website, that is only put on your website if you want to broadcast your stuff. 0.99

00:19:33.000 If you don't want that, then take it off your website.

00:19:35.000 It doesn't change anything.

00:19:37.000 My whole argument is like, why do you have an RSS feed on your website?

00:19:41.000 Why?

00:19:42.000 Why did you put it on there?

00:19:43.000 Are we really having this conversation?

00:19:45.000 What are you doing?

00:19:46.000 No, but I mean...

00:19:47.000 Yeah, but my argument that I'm just saying...

00:19:50.000 I know what your argument was!

00:19:51.000 You brought it up!

00:19:52.000 Here we go again.

00:19:53.000 No, no, no.

00:19:54.000 I know what his argument is.

00:19:55.000 I know what your argument is.

00:19:56.000 I'm aware of the general details of the disagreement.

00:20:00.000 I know, but what I'm saying is that's not a wrong or right thing.

00:20:04.000 That's just a question, actually.

00:20:06.000 I don't care.

00:20:06.000 I don't care anymore.

00:20:07.000 What's way more fascinating to me is how involved you two got.

00:20:10.000 That was way more fascinating.

00:20:12.000 When you're getting attacked and you're just trying to explain RSSP to somebody.

00:20:15.000 The actual issue was minuscule compared to how psychologically captivating it was and how he was genuinely getting upset and you were getting upset too.

00:20:22.000 And I was trying to mediate because I genuinely did see both sides.

00:20:27.000 I genuinely did. 0.91

00:20:28.000 But what I couldn't understand is how you guys were getting so goddamn upset. 0.99

00:20:31.000 And then when I would bring it up, people would go, oh, this is the fucking new spa Joe Rogan. 0.99

00:20:34.000 The Joe Rogan from 1994 would have fucking stabbed somebody by now. 0.98

00:20:38.000 We didn't even know each other back then, man. 0.99

00:20:41.000 You're just assuming.

00:20:41.000 You're assuming I would have done that.

00:20:43.000 Well, you know what?

00:20:44.000 It was just, to me, it was like, I've already said the same thing five times.

00:20:47.000 I can't say anything else about that.

00:20:50.000 I couldn't get you guys to stop.

00:20:52.000 It was fascinating.

00:20:52.000 You were like two dogs.

00:20:53.000 Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk. 1.00

00:20:54.000 Shut up. 0.99

00:20:55.000 Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk. 1.00

00:20:56.000 Stop barking.

00:20:57.000 And there also comes to a point where you feel like you're talking to your mom doing email.

00:21:02.000 That's how I get about certain things.

00:21:04.000 Well, you must have saw his point a little bit.

00:21:06.000 No, I see what he's saying, but that's not what I'm saying.

00:21:09.000 I'm not saying I agree with him or disagree with him on that.

00:21:11.000 He wasn't willing to listen to what you were saying about the whole concept of an RSS feed, which stands for really simple syndication.

00:21:21.000 Right.

00:21:21.000 And what's syndication mean?

00:21:22.000 You want to syndicate.

00:21:24.000 What's that mean?

00:21:25.000 You want to spread it out to as many people as possible.

00:21:27.000 Absolutely.

00:21:28.000 So you make it available on your website.

00:21:29.000 Absolutely.

00:21:29.000 But the real problem was...

00:21:32.000 The real problem is iTunes numbers, and that's what he really wants to say, is that Stitcher was hurting his iTunes numbers, and probably that he doesn't know why it's on his website.

00:21:41.000 If he wants people to go to his website, take off your RSS feed.

00:21:44.000 That's all you have to do.

00:21:45.000 Don't make your RSS feed public.

00:21:47.000 Just give it to iTunes only, hide your RSS feed, and then everyone will come to your website, and you'll have your iTunes only.

00:21:52.000 Well, we do one better than that.

00:21:55.000 We allow people to download it, not just on Stitcher, but I allow people to download it directly.

00:22:00.000 So the moment it goes live, I have a download link.

00:22:03.000 So I don't want you to have to wait just so my iTunes numbers will be higher.

00:22:07.000 To me, all that matters is that you get it out there.

00:22:10.000 You don't get cookies for being number three or number four.

00:22:13.000 You know, it's cute.

00:22:14.000 It's nice to see the number.

00:22:15.000 But what's important to me is just that it gets distributed to as many people as possible as easily as possible. 0.90

00:22:20.000 Some people don't like fucking with iTunes. 0.73

00:22:22.000 There's some dudes who love the Zune, you know? 0.98

00:22:24.000 I heard the new Zune's pretty badass. 0.85

00:22:25.000 I think they stopped making them, bro.

00:22:27.000 Oh, did they?

00:22:27.000 Yeah.

00:22:28.000 I lied out of my ass. 0.99

00:22:29.000 I mean, there's some people that have just little MP3 players, those little Flash MP3 players. 0.99

00:22:34.000 You know what I mean?

00:22:35.000 You gotta have it available for everything and anybody.

00:22:37.000 You know?

00:22:38.000 Droids and iPhones.

00:22:39.000 Especially when it's a free thing that you just want to get out your podcast to people.

00:22:44.000 You're not doing like Doug Benson where you're charging money.

00:22:47.000 You're just trying to get your podcast to people.

00:22:48.000 Are you just calling out Doug Benson?

00:22:50.000 I can't believe you, dude.

00:22:51.000 The honest thing is the future of podcasts.

00:22:54.000 How are podcasters going to make money?

00:22:55.000 What Doug is doing is pretty interesting.

00:22:58.000 He's charging money now for certain shows.

00:23:00.000 I don't think it's every show.

00:23:01.000 I think he has certain shows.

00:23:03.000 I think Maren does that too. 0.98

00:23:04.000 He's like, Something where you become like some super member or some shit. 0.96

00:23:07.000 Right.

00:23:08.000 I mean, I honestly think the only way really to make money is to get sponsors, you know?

00:23:13.000 Yeah, that's the way.

00:23:14.000 You've got to get a lot of listeners and get sponsors.

00:23:17.000 That's the way to do it.

00:23:18.000 Right.

00:23:18.000 I agree.

00:23:19.000 Because I think we've just reached this time on the internet.

00:23:21.000 We have to look at the music industry.

00:23:23.000 We have to see, look, the music industry has changed. 0.99

00:23:25.000 It's not that people started stealing and taking shit from the music industry. 0.98

00:23:29.000 It's that that happened. 0.99

00:23:30.000 And there was no way to stop that.

00:23:32.000 So the music industry has to reorganize, refigure out how they do it.

00:23:35.000 And that's going to happen with everything. 0.97

00:23:37.000 And you can't fucking stop it. 0.88

00:23:38.000 You just got to go with what you think is going to happen. 0.95

00:23:40.000 And that's like podcasting.

00:23:42.000 No one knows what's happening with podcasting.

00:23:43.000 But you have to pretty much go with what you can do right now.

00:23:46.000 Well, we also have the luxury of doing other things.

00:23:50.000 I have the luxury of not having to rely completely on my podcast with the UFC and with doing stand-up.

00:23:55.000 Especially with doing stand-up.

00:23:56.000 Because the podcast definitely enhances the stand-up.

00:23:59.000 Insanely, and also just look at Philly.

00:24:01.000 I mean, Philly, you just sold out all of Philly, right?

00:24:04.000 Yeah, it's sold out.

00:24:04.000 It's two weeks from now.

00:24:05.000 I mean, when was the last time that happened?

00:24:07.000 It wasn't happening like that before.

00:24:09.000 It's like that everywhere now. 0.99

00:24:10.000 Yeah, Seattle last weekend was fucking crazy, man. 0.97

00:24:12.000 1,800 people. 0.64

00:24:13.000 And when I asked them, I'm like, how many of you guys listen to the podcast?

00:24:16.000 It was like the whole crowd.

00:24:17.000 It was 100% of the crowd.

00:24:18.000 Do you get that now?

00:24:19.000 Joey, I get people yelling out, dude, Joe Diaz impressions.

00:24:22.000 Marketing has changed completely.

00:24:23.000 And with music, what's really going on with music is that they had to give it away.

00:24:27.000 So now you make money performing. 0.99

00:24:30.000 But these bitches can't perform. 1.00

00:24:32.000 Yeah, there's a lot of them that are faking it. 1.00

00:24:34.000 Sorry, they can't perform.

00:24:35.000 That's what happened to music. 1.00

00:24:37.000 Music got real, bitch. 1.00

00:24:39.000 Auto-tune over their voice and shit. 1.00

00:24:41.000 You know, the Allman Brothers could show up with three white guys and fucking rock it. 1.00

00:24:44.000 So could Lennon Skinner. 0.99

00:24:45.000 There's new bands that can't do it. 0.99

00:24:47.000 The all-getting shit don't come through that good. 1.00

00:24:50.000 That shit don't come through that good. 1.00

00:24:52.000 I want to go see fucking the Black Eyed Peas to sing songs. 1.00

00:24:55.000 Four fucking people to sing one fucking song. 1.00

00:24:57.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom. 1.00

00:24:59.000 Boom, boom, boom.

00:25:00.000 Really? 1.00

00:25:00.000 80 fucking dollars for the worst ticket to see that nonsense? 1.00

00:25:03.000 There's no musicians, dawg. 1.00

00:25:05.000 There's not that many. 0.98

00:25:06.000 The Black Keys are pretty fucking badass. 0.92

00:25:08.000 So they can't do nothing. 0.68

00:25:08.000 You ever listen to the Black Keys? 0.68

00:25:09.000 Yeah, but they can't do nothing. 0.93

00:25:10.000 I fucking love the Black Keys. 0.95

00:25:11.000 Seriously, I can't get enough. 0.99

00:25:12.000 Like, anything they do, I fucking love. 1.00

00:25:14.000 They're the shit. 1.00

00:25:15.000 They're on the right frequency. 1.00

00:25:16.000 They're on the real frequency.

00:25:17.000 Well, they're real musicians.

00:25:20.000 Listen, the king of the musicians right now is the guy Dave Groh.

00:25:23.000 There's no better musician that's lived it, spit it, and his band. 0.99

00:25:26.000 The band, the Foo Fighters, they're as bad as they're students of the fucking game. 0.99

00:25:31.000 Prince went to Vegas two years ago and did a show of requests. 1.00

00:25:34.000 Really?

00:25:35.000 Can you imagine anything you hit Prince with?

00:25:37.000 He's gonna play. 0.99

00:25:38.000 From Willie Nelson to fucking Billy Idol. 0.99

00:25:40.000 So people yell it out in the crowd and he would just do it? 1.00

00:25:42.000 500 a ticket. 1.00

00:25:43.000 God damn! 1.00

00:25:44.000 Come and yell, bitch! 1.00

00:25:46.000 Errol Smith and people are going. 1.00

00:25:48.000 Performers at the end started flying out there just because I want to get on stage. 0.99

00:25:52.000 This motherfucker's going, what do you want to hear? 0.99

00:25:54.000 Come together, the Beatles. 1.00

00:25:55.000 Ready?

00:25:55.000 One, two, three, four.

00:25:59.000 That's why he was getting a nickel or fucking ticket or whatever he was getting. 0.97

00:26:04.000 These tickets are outrageous now for these bands to go on the road. 0.99

00:26:07.000 Prince is the real deal.

00:26:08.000 He's a real musical genius, you know?

00:26:10.000 He put out a lot of bad songs, unfortunately.

00:26:14.000 There's a lot of his songs that are just...

00:26:17.000 Listen, bro.

00:26:19.000 He was experimenting with everything in the world.

00:26:21.000 Yeah, but he still... 1.00

00:26:22.000 They were sucking his dick and he was getting an idea. 1.00

00:26:25.000 Oh, he had some great jams, bro. 1.00

00:26:27.000 Jams.

00:26:27.000 I mean, he took chances.

00:26:29.000 So some of them didn't come out.

00:26:30.000 A lot of them were chances.

00:26:30.000 And some of them, he's very self-indulgent, so his style is, you know...

00:26:34.000 And sometimes he gets caught up in what he's doing, but when he hit it...

00:26:37.000 Erotic City?

00:26:38.000 Come on, son.

00:26:39.000 Come on.

00:26:40.000 Come on, son. 1.00

00:26:43.000 That's a great goddamn song. 0.99

00:26:45.000 That was my... 0.99

00:26:45.000 During high school, they were trying to get that as our high school senior song, Erotic City. 0.99

00:26:51.000 It was a write-in.

00:26:53.000 So we were all trying to organize it, and then someone listened to it.

00:26:56.000 Someone who worked for the school listened to it.

00:26:58.000 That was the end of that. 0.99

00:27:01.000 Oh, it's fucking amazing. 0.99

00:27:03.000 He's done some great shit, and that's what's really going on now. 0.99

00:27:06.000 So everybody's adopted to this ship. 0.99

00:27:07.000 All of my hang-ups are gone.

00:27:09.000 But it's amazing that somebody told me this two years ago, and I really experienced it last year in Irvine.

00:27:15.000 Last year in Irvine was when I seen the fruition of what you've been doing.

00:27:20.000 Somebody told me that now, because of the internet and Twitter and all the podcasts, that people want the full experience.

00:27:26.000 And I didn't really see it until last July.

00:27:28.000 If you notice, last July is when I changed everything about my Twitter.

00:27:32.000 My Facebook.

00:27:33.000 I changed everything about it because I paid more attention to it.

00:27:37.000 How come?

00:27:37.000 I understand now where you were coming from.

00:27:40.000 There's no more...

00:27:41.000 I see what Ralphie Mae's doing.

00:27:42.000 I see what you're doing. 0.99

00:27:43.000 He's wasting his fucking time when he flies into a city a week before two days to do radio. 1.00

00:27:48.000 That's a waste of time. 1.00

00:27:49.000 That's old hat.

00:27:50.000 Yeah, that's old school.

00:27:50.000 You're staying at home.

00:27:52.000 You don't have to do...

00:27:52.000 The thing about this game is to make the most money for the least amount of work.

00:27:57.000 That's why I don't like flying the next thing.

00:27:58.000 Well, it's not just that.

00:27:59.000 It's not just that.

00:28:00.000 But that's your time.

00:28:01.000 Communicate with as many people as you can.

00:28:02.000 But you have a wife.

00:28:03.000 You have children.

00:28:04.000 I don't want you in Nebraska on a Monday doing some radio show for what?

00:28:07.000 Well, I never did that anyway.

00:28:08.000 No, I understand.

00:28:09.000 I would never do it. 1.00

00:28:10.000 Look what you do with a blink of a fucking button. 1.00

00:28:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:28:13.000 You added an extra show in Australia three weeks ago with a blink of a button. 1.00

00:28:18.000 Yeah, in a couple hours.

00:28:19.000 A couple hours. 0.99

00:28:19.000 Yeah, we put together a show on a Thursday night or whatever the fuck it was. 0.99

00:28:22.000 And I've seen the fruition of it. 0.98

00:28:23.000 You've been talking about it for years.

00:28:25.000 It all came fruition with the podcast, the blog, the Twitter.

00:28:29.000 I've become an expert now at the Twitters.

00:28:31.000 I know how to do it more.

00:28:32.000 You've got to give them something and then tweet something.

00:28:34.000 Give him something. 1.00

00:28:35.000 Not every fucking stupid joke that comes out of your fucking mind. 1.00

00:28:39.000 If you're a monologist, you're going to die on Twitter. 1.00

00:28:42.000 Because you've got to sell the fucking joke. 1.00

00:28:44.000 If you're going to make a mind joke on Twitter, it's not going to go nowhere sometimes. 0.99

00:28:48.000 If you talk about your situation on Twitter, and then talk about a free show or a show, and then your situation, it's different. 0.99

00:28:54.000 I answer every fucking body on Twitter. 1.00

00:28:56.000 I try to fuck with people on Twitter. 1.00

00:28:58.000 You know, my Twitter is a lot... 1.00

00:29:00.000 On Facebook, I got more Christians.

00:29:01.000 I got nephews on there.

00:29:04.000 Nieces.

00:29:04.000 I can't...

00:29:05.000 You know, I still throw out the blunt of life.

00:29:06.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:29:06.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:29:07.000 Get over it, bitch. 1.00

00:29:08.000 Every now and then, you hit them with it? 1.00

00:29:09.000 I gotta hit them with something every morning, just to wake the morning up. 1.00

00:29:12.000 And they gotta look at your shit, little 13-year-old. 1.00

00:29:14.000 And they go ask their mother... 1.00

00:29:15.000 Look what Uncle Joey wrote on his Twitter today, Mommy.

00:29:18.000 Uncle Joey?

00:29:18.000 You ain't high by two in the afternoon.

00:29:20.000 Go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:29:21.000 That's the truth, dog. 1.00

00:29:22.000 Those t-shirts, by the way, folks, they're being printed right now. 1.00

00:29:26.000 If you ain't high by 2 in the afternoon, go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:29:28.000 Ari Sofia told me yesterday that even if he didn't know Joe Diaz, he would still buy one because this shirt is that cool. 1.00

00:29:33.000 It's so strong.

00:29:34.000 It's so strong.

00:29:35.000 Have you seen the photo?

00:29:36.000 Yeah, I've seen the photo.

00:29:37.000 It's such a strong shirt.

00:29:38.000 So strong.

00:29:39.000 And the saying is so strong.

00:29:40.000 Yeah.

00:29:40.000 The whole thing behind it.

00:29:42.000 When you said it, we repeated it like four times because it was so funny.

00:29:45.000 And it was the weirdest thing because the guy, and I'm going to tell the story now, the guy who was smoking would have won an Oscar. 0.99

00:29:50.000 For fucking 3D and shit for Star Wars. 0.99

00:29:53.000 His name is Dykstra. 1.00

00:29:55.000 Oh, yeah? 0.97

00:29:55.000 And I did Spider-Man 2, and Dykstra was the guy in charge of all the fucking crazy 3D guy. 0.97

00:30:01.000 The special effects. 0.97

00:30:02.000 The special effects.

00:30:03.000 His name is Dykstra.

00:30:03.000 Not 3D. Whatever it was.

00:30:05.000 Yeah, CGI. And he's a genius.

00:30:07.000 He's a fucking genius when you talk to him. 1.00

00:30:09.000 And he has a little daughter. 0.99

00:30:11.000 If you watch Spider-Man 2, after I stick up for Spider-Man, there's a little girl on the train that says, me too.

00:30:16.000 That's his daughter. 1.00

00:30:17.000 And his daughter was telling everybody on the train to suck her dick when she was 12. Suck my dick, though. 1.00

00:30:21.000 That's my father. 1.00

00:30:22.000 Shut up. 1.00

00:30:23.000 Sit down. 1.00

00:30:23.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:30:24.000 But the only one she dug was me, because I would give it to her. 1.00

00:30:28.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:30:28.000 Like, what's up?

00:30:28.000 Sit down.

00:30:29.000 Who do you think you're talking to?

00:30:30.000 Joey Bananas?

00:30:31.000 So Ramey, I was so big that they wouldn't put me on the train.

00:30:35.000 They'd just go check in.

00:30:36.000 So I'd come into Spider-Man, I'd check in, and then I'd go eat and go to my room.

00:30:39.000 They'd put me in a room, not even in a trailer.

00:30:41.000 So I would go to my room and smoke pot.

00:30:43.000 I told you about this.

00:30:44.000 I'd go get Ramey. 0.99

00:30:45.000 I'd go, Ramey! 1.00

00:30:46.000 Somebody keeps smoking dope in my room.

00:30:47.000 You better get to the bottom of this.

00:30:48.000 He would go, Joey, I don't know.

00:30:50.000 And it was me the whole time.

00:30:52.000 So one day, Dykes, you're figuring it out. 1.00

00:30:54.000 He goes, there's nobody smoking dope in your room.

00:30:56.000 You think you're getting over on him? 1.00

00:30:58.000 It's fucking me. 0.99

00:30:58.000 Where is it? 0.99

00:30:59.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:31:00.000 I go, it's behind the building.

00:31:01.000 So we go behind the building.

00:31:02.000 Like, one day, we're smoking.

00:31:04.000 We go behind the building again.

00:31:05.000 The one day, we're smoking.

00:31:06.000 The third day comes. 1.00

00:31:07.000 Some fucking PA comes. 1.00

00:31:09.000 You know how they get sometimes. 1.00

00:31:10.000 She's like an older woman, like 42. She came back and she's seen us and she goes, whatever, they're looking for you.

00:31:17.000 Are you smoking pot?

00:31:19.000 What's wrong with you?

00:31:20.000 And I sat like for a minute.

00:31:21.000 I got all like, there is something wrong with me.

00:31:24.000 What's wrong with me?

00:31:25.000 What's wrong with you? 1.00

00:31:26.000 If you were fucking high, you wouldn't be worried about us not smoking high. 1.00

00:31:29.000 It was like 10, 15 in the morning. 0.99

00:31:31.000 That's what she meant to say.

00:31:32.000 It's 10 o'clock in the morning. 0.81

00:31:33.000 How the hell can you be smoking pot? 0.60

00:31:34.000 Are you really smoking pot? 0.99

00:31:36.000 Why wouldn't you?

00:31:36.000 And that's where we came up with that thing from.

00:31:39.000 What's wrong with you? 0.99

00:31:40.000 What the fuck is wrong with me? 1.00

00:31:41.000 What's wrong with you, bitch? 1.00

00:31:43.000 You ain't high. 1.00

00:31:44.000 That's the fucking problem. 1.00

00:31:45.000 If you were high, you wouldn't worry about me smoking dope. 1.00

00:31:48.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing where people want to stop you from doing something because they think it's an indulgence, you know?

00:31:55.000 That you're being weak.

00:31:57.000 You're indulging, you know?

00:31:59.000 My wife said to me two days ago, she goes, you know what the funny thing is?

00:32:02.000 At 5.30 in the morning, I didn't hear the alarm go off, but I heard you do a long bong hit.

00:32:09.000 That's what you know.

00:32:10.000 That's hilarious.

00:32:11.000 My wife told me Tuesday morning, she goes, you know, I didn't hear the alarm, but I definitely heard your bong hit. 0.79

00:32:16.000 You got a bong in the bedroom?

00:32:18.000 I got a bong in the office.

00:32:19.000 In the office.

00:32:20.000 So you step off into the office and fire it up?

00:32:22.000 Oh, when I get up, I brush my teeth, I piss, I put the coffee on, I feed the cats, and I go right for that.

00:32:26.000 I pray for ten minutes. 1.00

00:32:27.000 You wake and bake like a motherfucker. 1.00

00:32:29.000 Not right. 1.00

00:32:29.000 I used to wake and bake. 1.00

00:32:30.000 That fucks up your whole day. 0.62

00:32:31.000 Now you wait five minutes? 0.86

00:32:32.000 I gotta eat a little oatmeal to balance out the body. 1.00

00:32:35.000 I eat a little cantaloupe to balance out the pH to get the fucking bowels moving. 1.00

00:32:40.000 Cantaloupe? 1.00

00:32:40.000 I think it does fuck me up if you shake and bake. 1.00

00:32:44.000 It fucks me up the whole day. 0.99

00:32:46.000 Once you smoke weed, you're pretty much not the same for the rest of the day. 0.56

00:32:49.000 I've done it a thousand times.

00:32:50.000 I'm the king of it.

00:32:51.000 I ain't gonna lie to you. 0.99

00:32:51.000 But by 11 o'clock, you're like, I fucked up. 0.99

00:32:54.000 When you call the doctor's office, you're like, that ain't gonna happen. 0.96

00:32:57.000 How many days do you take off on a regular from weed?

00:32:59.000 What take off?

00:33:00.000 You never take any days off? 1.00

00:33:01.000 Fuck, for what? 1.00

00:33:02.000 I took off when I went to prison. 1.00

00:33:03.000 That was long enough. 0.99

00:33:04.000 Eight fucking months without smoking weed. 0.99

00:33:06.000 I had to pop acid and fucking sneak it around. 1.00

00:33:10.000 So you're addicted to it? 0.99

00:33:11.000 I'm not addicted to it.

00:33:13.000 I just can't.

00:33:13.000 I'm ahead, dog.

00:33:14.000 I'm the real deal.

00:33:15.000 I'm the real deal.

00:33:16.000 I'm ahead.

00:33:17.000 I like to smoke dope.

00:33:18.000 That's my bag.

00:33:18.000 Some people are alcoholics.

00:33:19.000 Some people like to drink.

00:33:21.000 I can't imagine a life without weed.

00:33:23.000 I've been smoking since I was 14. Have you ever thought maybe because you can't imagine it because you don't remember it?

00:33:28.000 No, I can't imagine it.

00:33:29.000 No, first of all, Red Band. 0.99

00:33:31.000 I'm the real fucking deal. 0.99

00:33:32.000 I remember everything. 0.99

00:33:32.000 I know you're the real deal. 0.99

00:33:34.000 So...

00:33:35.000 I just like smoking weed.

00:33:37.000 The type of person I grew up with when I went to Colorado, I was around a lot of heads.

00:33:42.000 They like weed.

00:33:43.000 They enjoy weed.

00:33:43.000 When I got home yesterday and I seen that thing was 31%, I tweeted it, and 10 people got back to me that said, go drive up from San Diego.

00:33:50.000 That's a head.

00:33:51.000 That's not a kid that says, oh my god, I got the, what's the name of that word?

00:33:54.000 Pineapple Express!

00:33:55.000 No.

00:33:56.000 There's certain weed that's got a name that you just smoke it to be cool. 1.00

00:33:59.000 Then there's this shit. 0.99

00:33:59.000 What's this stuff again called? 0.99

00:34:01.000 It's called Matt's Number One OG. Matt's Number One OG. Is Matt like some famous grower or something?

00:34:06.000 No, no, no.

00:34:06.000 Matt is the guy that owns Cushmart.

00:34:08.000 So when he took over Cushmart, he bought that brand and wanted it to grow for him.

00:34:11.000 And this is a hybrid?

00:34:13.000 It's a hybrid.

00:34:13.000 And then he's got the Snoop Dogg that's at 28%.

00:34:16.000 This stuff might be the perfect weed.

00:34:18.000 It might be the greatest weed ever. 0.98

00:34:19.000 I smoked it, and I realized when I smoked it the other day, I've been going to ANOCC, and I've been buying $50 fucking 8s.

00:34:25.000 And I realized that the pot was good, and some days when I buy a gram, like by 6 o'clock, half the gram is gone. 0.91

00:34:31.000 I'm smoking too much pot.

00:34:32.000 I'm in a bomb.

00:34:33.000 That's too much.

00:34:33.000 When I hit weed, and I remember that, how I started this diet was with Matt's OG. When you smoked it in the morning, the sativa would take over your mind so quickly that I had to get out of the house before my head blew up.

00:34:45.000 And I would have to get on a bike.

00:34:46.000 And I would just get on the bike and pedal because I thought there was somebody chasing me. 0.96

00:34:49.000 And that's how I lost 100 fucking pounds on that bike smoking the Max OG. Because the sativa wouldn't speed you up by cocaine. 0.93

00:34:56.000 It speeds you up and it'd control you.

00:34:59.000 And it went from being a sativa into methodically like an indica.

00:35:02.000 It was the weirdest thing.

00:35:03.000 People don't understand that sativa actually makes you ambitious.

00:35:06.000 People who look at pot and look at potheads being unambitious and lazy, sativa makes me way more ambitious.

00:35:13.000 It makes me aware of the consequences of not working as hard as you can and how you feel.

00:35:18.000 It makes me super sensitive to my own actions, positive or negative.

00:35:23.000 So it makes me super sensitive to doing things that I should be doing as far as getting work done, as far as writing and performing.

00:35:30.000 You know, and doing podcasts.

00:35:32.000 I don't ever cancel podcasts, man. 0.98

00:35:34.000 You know, I'd have to be sick as fuck, and I don't get sick very often. 0.71

00:35:37.000 So we do them, you know? 0.99

00:35:38.000 It's like sativa makes me, you know, hyper-aware.

00:35:41.000 And when I'm hyper-aware, I'm more diligent, you know?

00:35:44.000 So I think it makes me more ambitious.

00:35:46.000 But do you guys think if you wanted to take a month off, do you think you could easily do it?

00:35:51.000 Sure, I've done that.

00:35:52.000 I haven't taken a month off, but I've taken weeks off.

00:35:55.000 I could take a couple days off, but why?

00:35:57.000 Just to see if we can do it. 0.99

00:35:58.000 I don't see the fucking... 0.99

00:35:59.000 What is this, fear factor? 0.99

00:36:01.000 Here's the purpose.

00:36:02.000 I've tried.

00:36:03.000 I've thought about it, and I've said, for what? 0.78

00:36:04.000 You smoke a shitload of weed, you have to be spending a shitload of money. 0.66

00:36:07.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00

00:36:08.000 I smoke a shitload of weed, and the people around me smoke a shitload of weed. 0.99

00:36:11.000 I get it, dawg. 0.74

00:36:12.000 It's really weird that the people around me are into it like I'm into it, like the tight people around me.

00:36:16.000 Well, we all have fun together, and what people don't understand about marijuana is that they think it's some sort of an escape.

00:36:21.000 It's an enhancement.

00:36:23.000 It's not an escape.

00:36:25.000 We're living in the same world you're living in, man.

00:36:27.000 It's just more fun when you're high.

00:36:28.000 It's really that simple.

00:36:30.000 And it's not ruining your body. 1.00

00:36:31.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

00:36:32.000 And I'm not saying it's for you. 1.00

00:36:33.000 It's putting salt and pepper on your steak.

00:36:34.000 No, it may not be for you.

00:36:35.000 It ain't for Tate.

00:36:35.000 Tate can't smoke weed.

00:36:37.000 Stan Hope doesn't like weed.

00:36:38.000 A lot of our friends don't like weed.

00:36:39.000 That's all well and good, man.

00:36:41.000 It's fine.

00:36:42.000 I mean, I've been smoking weed so much that I could take a couple days off.

00:36:47.000 I could take probably a week off.

00:36:48.000 I've probably taken a week off recently.

00:36:50.000 But the idea of taking a month off is so foreign to me that I almost want to do it just to see what happens.

00:36:56.000 You would just start getting douchey.

00:36:58.000 You'd become a Republican.

00:36:59.000 You'd start watching Bill O'Reilly.

00:37:00.000 I have no idea.

00:37:01.000 He's right.

00:37:02.000 We do have to be afraid of Mexicans. 1.00

00:37:04.000 I haven't stopped smoking weed since 14, 15. I'll tell you what point in my life I'm in my weed career.

00:37:09.000 I can't write anymore when I get really high.

00:37:12.000 Really?

00:37:13.000 When I get up in the morning and I get high, it's to go on Twitter and Facebook and make adjustments here and get my day ready.

00:37:19.000 Right.

00:37:20.000 But now when I write, I try to be a little straighter.

00:37:23.000 Really?

00:37:23.000 When I work out, I gotta blaze, dog.

00:37:26.000 If I can get an edible, I gotta get an edible on me.

00:37:29.000 I love working out stoned.

00:37:31.000 That is my life.

00:37:32.000 That was how I did it 30 years ago.

00:37:34.000 It feels great.

00:37:34.000 I love not remembering what set it is.

00:37:37.000 And I know my shoulder's on fire!

00:37:39.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:37:39.000 I love the fact that if I don't get high, I'll still work out an hour.

00:37:44.000 And I'll still do a good job.

00:37:45.000 But if I get high, I'll work out an hour 40. It's just a little tighter.

00:37:50.000 I'll concentrate on my kicks.

00:37:51.000 I'll concentrate on the form.

00:37:53.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.

00:37:54.000 I try to do everything.

00:37:55.000 When I kick the bag when I'm high, usually I don't.

00:37:57.000 Oh, what a great feeling.

00:37:58.000 Usually I don't.

00:37:59.000 Usually I do it sober.

00:38:00.000 Oh, yeah, I kick the pole holding the bag by mistake. 0.93

00:38:01.000 I won't do it.

00:38:02.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:38:03.000 A left roundhouse with the fucking ankle around the pole. 1.00

00:38:06.000 Clang. 0.99

00:38:07.000 But I like getting on the bike stone because I don't think about it.

00:38:11.000 I like getting on the elliptical stone.

00:38:12.000 The elliptical stone. 0.99

00:38:13.000 It's a fucking different world. 0.99

00:38:15.000 You know how many people roll stoned jiu-jitsu? 1.00

00:38:17.000 Oh, you have to.

00:38:17.000 Everybody does.

00:38:18.000 No, no, no.

00:38:19.000 Especially Eddie's classes.

00:38:20.000 Eddie's classes, like, you walk in that room, you smell reefer.

00:38:24.000 Everyone smells like reefer. 1.00

00:38:25.000 There's like half of his fucking students are high as fuck when they take a class. 1.00

00:38:28.000 You eat a piece of banana cake and you go to yoga. 1.00

00:38:30.000 Oh! 0.60

00:38:32.000 God, my!

00:38:33.000 My God!

00:38:35.000 McKenna used to say that that's what yoga was invented for. 1.00

00:38:38.000 What yoga was invented for was maximizing cannabis.

00:38:43.000 These people would be eating cannabis, and when they were eating it, they realized how good it felt when you hold your body in certain positions when you're high. 0.99

00:38:50.000 You have no fucking idea. 0.89

00:38:51.000 So they came up with this connection to spirituality through eating cannabis and holding these poses, these difficult poses. 1.00

00:38:58.000 Fucking amazing. 0.99

00:38:59.000 Yeah, because something, I don't know what it is about the energy of the pose that makes you go into some state when you're high as fuck, but it really does. 0.99

00:39:06.000 Even when you're sober, man, I've done yoga sober, and after it's over, I've felt high. 0.95

00:39:11.000 Well, the breathing, the breathing intent, the breathing that's going through your body, you're focusing so much on the breathing.

00:39:16.000 When I go in and I eat a little piece of banana bread, because it's 8 during the morning when I've got to go to yoga.

00:39:20.000 Oh my goodness.

00:39:21.000 So I gotta start blazing at 7.30.

00:39:23.000 How long does it take for a banana bird to hit you?

00:39:26.000 20 minutes.

00:39:27.000 25 minutes.

00:39:28.000 And I kick in a little Jaffa J to get everything going.

00:39:31.000 By 10 after 9, I'm in downward dog. 1.00

00:39:34.000 I'm in fucking pigeons. 1.00

00:39:36.000 I'm in fucking... 1.00

00:39:37.000 And you think about your breathing is so beautiful when you're high. 0.99

00:39:42.000 You ever go in the water and you can hear your breathing?

00:39:46.000 Like right now.

00:39:47.000 Yes.

00:39:48.000 Yeah.

00:39:49.000 When you do yoga, if you hear that, you've reached it.

00:39:53.000 Right.

00:39:53.000 You've reached that level and that position.

00:39:55.000 Right.

00:39:55.000 And with the weed, it makes it a lot easier.

00:39:57.000 For me, I'm a loser. 0.98

00:39:58.000 I know. 0.98

00:39:59.000 I ain't going to lie to you. 0.71

00:40:00.000 You ain't a loser.

00:40:00.000 I know what you're talking about, man.

00:40:02.000 Like I said, that's the reason why yoga may have very well been invented, according to McKenna.

00:40:07.000 He believes they invented yoga to maximize the effects of eating cannabis.

00:40:13.000 I've gotten high playing basketball.

00:40:15.000 I've gotten high lifting weights.

00:40:17.000 There's nothing like eating a little bit of weed and going to yoga.

00:40:20.000 Even if it's a basic class.

00:40:22.000 Just to focus on your breathing.

00:40:23.000 I do it every Tuesday like tomorrow.

00:40:25.000 I gotta rush and then go to the airport.

00:40:27.000 But I'll do it.

00:40:27.000 And I'll eat an edible in the morning.

00:40:29.000 Because I have nothing else. 0.97

00:40:30.000 And it is just fucking brilliant. 0.97

00:40:32.000 My body. 0.95

00:40:33.000 Randy Parsons, your good friend.

00:40:35.000 Ryan.

00:40:35.000 Ryan Parsons was at the gym one day at Justin's.

00:40:39.000 And there was an argument going on between trainers.

00:40:41.000 And these guys were white guys.

00:40:42.000 They weren't heads.

00:40:43.000 And the guy was saying that he's been telling all his... 0.99

00:40:46.000 Clients, if please, after their workouts, their weight workouts, to smoke a little reefer because it's anti-inflammatory and it works better than anything else, even like the lettuce and shit. 0.88

00:40:57.000 It pulls the acid out of your muscles. 0.95

00:40:59.000 Lettuce?

00:40:59.000 Like lettuce.

00:41:00.000 When you eat lettuce, it pulls the acid out of your muscles.

00:41:02.000 It does?

00:41:03.000 Something like that.

00:41:04.000 Acid does something.

00:41:05.000 Lettuce does something after you work out.

00:41:07.000 Oh, okay.

00:41:07.000 Take the acid out of your muscles.

00:41:09.000 So they can recover or something.

00:41:11.000 Okay.

00:41:11.000 Well, this guy was talking about...

00:41:12.000 That weed does that? 0.98

00:41:13.000 Weed's an anti-inflammatory?

00:41:14.000 Yes.

00:41:14.000 Really?

00:41:15.000 And that they're scared to tell people because we'll go fucking crazy. 0.96

00:41:18.000 Well, it kind of makes sense if it's a painkiller. 0.95

00:41:20.000 If people enjoy it for pain, it kind of makes sense that it would also be for inflammation.

00:41:28.000 He said it's really good for your joints to do something with...

00:41:31.000 Well, that's one of the reasons.

00:41:32.000 They prescribe it for arthritis.

00:41:34.000 Arthritis.

00:41:34.000 Yeah.

00:41:34.000 A lot of people that have chronic arthritis, like I've talked to people that said that they literally couldn't move and then they would smoke weed and then all of a sudden they could walk around.

00:41:44.000 Like they could function.

00:41:44.000 You know, it allowed them to be mobile.

00:41:48.000 I don't know, man.

00:41:49.000 It makes sense.

00:41:50.000 I mean, it helps a lot of people in a lot of different ways.

00:41:53.000 It's just a shame that we have to pretend that there's something wrong with it.

00:41:56.000 And people want us to think it's not a big deal. 1.00

00:41:58.000 Like, why do you guys talk about weed all the time, fucking losers? 0.99

00:42:00.000 Like, first of all, we're not losers, and don't be mean. 1.00

00:42:03.000 And second of all, it is a fucking important issue, man. 0.98

00:42:06.000 It is important. 0.99

00:42:07.000 We know ourselves how it affects us.

00:42:09.000 We know ourselves how much more aware.

00:42:12.000 Thank God you turned his mic off, right?

00:42:14.000 He's still going to hear it.

00:42:15.000 He's still going to hear it.

00:42:17.000 What I wanted from weed 20 years ago is not what I want from weed today.

00:42:22.000 You wanted to escape 20 years ago.

00:42:25.000 I'm an only child, so I love living in my head, guys. 1.00

00:42:27.000 You let me get in my head, you're a dead man. 0.99

00:42:30.000 Really? 1.00

00:42:31.000 Yeah, you let me get in my head.

00:42:32.000 I'm an only child. 0.99

00:42:32.000 I'm breaking fucking down in no time. 0.99

00:42:34.000 I know what it is to be in a closet playing G.I. Joe's, making up your home world at Disneyland is outside your fucking closet. 1.00

00:42:40.000 I'm an only child. 1.00

00:42:41.000 I know how to get the party started in my fucking head. 1.00

00:42:43.000 That's why I like being alone. 0.99

00:42:44.000 Have you ever noticed that? 1.00

00:42:45.000 You give me weed and an iPod, you go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:42:49.000 Never mind 2 o'clock. 1.00

00:42:50.000 You can go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:42:51.000 I'm one of those guys. 1.00

00:42:52.000 Joey will vanish sometimes.

00:42:54.000 I could go on an island solo.

00:42:55.000 I like, I enjoy, I don't creep out in my skin.

00:42:59.000 Well, listen, man, that's a beautiful quality in comparison to the alternative.

00:43:03.000 The alternative is someone who needs people around them all the time and needs attention all the time. 0.96

00:43:09.000 And everybody knows how goddamn annoying that is. 0.82

00:43:11.000 I love... 0.97

00:43:12.000 It's rare that someone's as extroverted as you, but also, I guess it's just a balance.

00:43:16.000 It's a yin and yang, right?

00:43:17.000 You need that downtime, too.

00:43:19.000 I really enjoyed my...

00:43:20.000 I never enjoyed this throughout my life.

00:43:22.000 I always thought you had to be moving, and that's what kills people.

00:43:25.000 People don't make enough time for themselves.

00:43:27.000 And what's that?

00:43:28.000 Not a trip to Jamaica.

00:43:29.000 One hour.

00:43:30.000 Well, people don't make enough. 0.64

00:43:33.000 Well, it's hard.

00:43:34.000 You've got to manage your life correctly, too, to get to a position where you can enjoy things.

00:43:37.000 Because some people are just scratching every week, man.

00:43:40.000 Every week is scratching, trying to get ahead, can't get no fucking traction, trying to figure it all out. 0.53

00:43:44.000 That's a tremendous amount of stress. 0.63

00:43:46.000 You know, last night Ari came over and we were smoking the Matzo G. And it was ten after six or something.

00:43:52.000 And we heard this bell.

00:43:53.000 Bing, bing.

00:43:55.000 And it's the Mexican ice cream man.

00:43:56.000 And it is the best ice cream you'll ever have.

00:43:58.000 It's Dairy Queen vanilla ice cream and he makes a delicious banana split.

00:44:01.000 I've been there for a year now.

00:44:03.000 One brown spot in a banana.

00:44:04.000 Fresh mint.

00:44:06.000 And it's funny that he said to me, you get so much enjoyment from that ice cream truck.

00:44:10.000 Your life is what you make enjoyment. 0.99

00:44:12.000 I'm not filthy loaded, but I get off on that fucking ice cream man coming. 0.99

00:44:16.000 You get off on the ice cream man. 0.99

00:44:18.000 When I went to New York, I talked to Ralphie and he's in this hotel in the city and I got this and that.

00:44:23.000 How come Ralphie doesn't use the internet?

00:44:26.000 Because he feels that his clientele doesn't use the internet.

00:44:30.000 What?

00:44:31.000 I don't know.

00:44:32.000 That's the answer. 0.99

00:44:32.000 That's the most ridiculous thing ever. 0.99

00:44:34.000 He's found the 1% of the population that isn't online. 0.99

00:44:37.000 I mean, who the fuck isn't online? 0.99

00:44:39.000 That's so silly. 0.99

00:44:40.000 It's just really weird. 0.91

00:44:41.000 Who's not online now?

00:44:43.000 That expression is so true. 0.81

00:44:44.000 That expression is so true. 0.81

00:44:46.000 One man's chicken is another man's gumbo. 0.94

00:44:48.000 The other night I did a show in the city and all my friends were like, let's go to Chinatown.

00:44:51.000 Let's do this. 0.95

00:44:53.000 Chinatown sucked. 0.99

00:44:54.000 That place sucked. 1.00

00:44:55.000 My place in Ridgefield Park, Chan's Dragon and still the pound for pound leader in old school Chinese food. 0.98

00:45:01.000 You gotta eat four egg rolls, shrimp and lobster sauce.

00:45:04.000 It still has the pork in it.

00:45:05.000 Old school with the noodles.

00:45:07.000 Old school dogs.

00:45:08.000 Old school.

00:45:09.000 I've been going there since 1979 to get steak on a stick when I was a sophomore in high school.

00:45:15.000 Steak on a stick?

00:45:15.000 Pizza in a cup.

00:45:16.000 They have one of the best poo-poo platters in the nation. 0.99

00:45:19.000 Why is Chinese food so good on the East Coast?

00:45:22.000 Is China closer?

00:45:23.000 It is, right?

00:45:24.000 The East? 0.53

00:45:24.000 I don't know. 0.53

00:45:25.000 Closer to New York?

00:45:26.000 Must be.

00:45:27.000 You can get great Chinese food out here, but it's not consistent.

00:45:29.000 Not everything is good.

00:45:30.000 I go to a place that the pork fried rice, you think you're in the Bronx, but don't get the shrimp and garlic sauce and lobster Cantonese.

00:45:36.000 You feel like you're eating it with a white dude named Chan.

00:45:38.000 Lobster Cantonese.

00:45:40.000 Nobody goes down.

00:45:40.000 That's how I ordered it last week in the city out of respect.

00:45:44.000 Lobster Cantonese is a rare one.

00:45:45.000 You don't get that everywhere.

00:45:46.000 Some people gotta eat pasta rails. 0.75

00:45:48.000 You and I both know you take a little train to fucking the Bronx and you find the Mountain Pop store and for $14.95 you get a spaghetti and clam sauce that you tickle get hard that you want to offer the guy a hundred bucks so you can sleep in the back for an hour. 0.95

00:46:00.000 I know this. 0.90

00:46:01.000 When I lived in New Rochelle we used to go to Frank and John's.

00:46:04.000 I know this.

00:46:05.000 So...

00:46:06.000 Frank and John's in New Rochelle.

00:46:08.000 When I lived in New Rochelle, there's this old school Italian place. 0.99

00:46:11.000 The fucking food was so good. 0.99

00:46:14.000 It was right down the street from me. 1.00

00:46:15.000 I never ate anywhere else.

00:46:17.000 I barely could afford to eat there every day, but I scraped by every day.

00:46:21.000 Barely affording it.

00:46:22.000 Are you drinking more? 1.00

00:46:23.000 You're a fucking animal. 1.00

00:46:23.000 Just a little something. 1.00

00:46:24.000 We've got to finish this.

00:46:25.000 That's it.

00:46:25.000 We're going to Portland, Oregon.

00:46:26.000 You need to do a blackout cast with me, Joey.

00:46:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:29.000 To let everybody know, Portland.

00:46:30.000 Portland, Oregon, baby.

00:46:31.000 All the shows are almost sold out.

00:46:34.000 And we're there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at Helium Comedy Club. 0.98

00:46:38.000 And it's going to be fun as fuck. 0.97

00:46:40.000 I can't wait. 0.99

00:46:41.000 I've never done a long weekend in Portland.

00:46:43.000 I've only done one night there.

00:46:45.000 We're there for a UFC. I did one night in Portland.

00:46:48.000 We're going to have a good fucking time. 0.99

00:46:49.000 There's great food. 1.00

00:46:50.000 There's great strip clubs. 1.00

00:46:52.000 We got no radio, so we're going out.

00:46:53.000 Yeah, we got no radio. 1.00

00:46:54.000 And Helium is the shit. 1.00

00:46:56.000 Salute. 1.00

00:46:57.000 And we gotta run to South.

00:47:00.000 Non-stop comedy.

00:47:02.000 Non-stop jobs.

00:47:04.000 Comedy tonight.

00:47:05.000 Brian Callen.

00:47:09.000 Doug Benson is going to be down there at Sal's Comedy Hole in Hollywood.

00:47:13.000 You're going to see it and you're going to go, really? 0.99

00:47:15.000 Are we in the right fucking place? 0.99

00:47:16.000 It says Vienna Cafe outside. 0.99

00:47:18.000 It doesn't even have a sign that says Sal's Comedy Hole.

00:47:20.000 It's the most low-rent ghetto setup ever, but it's growing.

00:47:26.000 Eventually, he's doing construction.

00:47:27.000 He's going to have the back room.

00:47:29.000 It's going to be much better and bigger.

00:47:31.000 This is just a spot.

00:47:32.000 He had a nice spot in La Brea, and he's a cool guy, and he was always cool to comics.

00:47:36.000 You recorded a CD there, didn't you?

00:47:38.000 It's going to be great there.

00:47:39.000 What did you ever do with that CD that you recorded there?

00:47:41.000 I couldn't use it.

00:47:42.000 No? 0.99

00:47:42.000 It was garbage. 0.99

00:47:43.000 No? 1.00

00:47:43.000 What happened? 1.00

00:47:43.000 What was wrong? 1.00

00:47:44.000 It was really weird, Joe, because...

00:47:47.000 If you notice, after that, I changed everything.

00:47:49.000 I hate listening to myself or watching myself.

00:47:52.000 Let's get this out of the way. 0.99

00:47:53.000 I got boxes of shit at the house people give me. 0.99

00:47:55.000 Hey, but I taped you. 0.99

00:47:56.000 I don't want to see myself.

00:47:57.000 Not at all.

00:47:58.000 And I thought there was a problem, and then one night I watched Johnny Depp on Letterman, and Letterman said to him, so after the thing, he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:48:05.000 After I shoot, it's over.

00:48:08.000 I don't watch myself.

00:48:09.000 He goes, really? 0.89

00:48:10.000 And I felt, okay, I'm not the only retard.

00:48:12.000 I don't like nothing about that.

00:48:13.000 That's why I never listen to myself doing stand-up.

00:48:15.000 I can't take my voice. 0.99

00:48:17.000 But after I taped that special and I listened to it, I was so ashamed of myself that I made notes and shit. 0.99

00:48:23.000 Really? 0.96

00:48:24.000 It really helped me.

00:48:25.000 I bring the iPod out and I tape myself on short sets during the week.

00:48:30.000 I'm up to like six minutes and I gotta shut it off.

00:48:33.000 You know, I can't listen to the whole thing.

00:48:35.000 It's unbearable to listen to my voice.

00:48:35.000 It's hard to listen to yourself, but it's good.

00:48:37.000 It's good, because like what you said, how you force yourself to reevaluate...

00:48:42.000 Just that one listening, the five years twisted me around.

00:48:43.000 You gotta do that, man.

00:48:44.000 You gotta do that.

00:48:45.000 You can't just take it on the audience's reaction.

00:48:47.000 You gotta judge it as if you're a comic listening to another comic, too.

00:48:51.000 You know, when I listen to my stuff, I go, hmm...

00:48:54.000 How would I feel about this?

00:48:56.000 Is this funny to me?

00:48:57.000 I listen to it and forget about how the audience is laughing.

00:49:01.000 What does this make me think?

00:49:03.000 Do I think this is the right way to do this bit?

00:49:05.000 Should I shorten this part?

00:49:06.000 Is this too verbose?

00:49:08.000 Is this too this?

00:49:09.000 Is this too that?

00:49:09.000 And when you do that, man, everything gets tighter and stronger.

00:49:12.000 You focus on it.

00:49:13.000 It's uncomfortable, though.

00:49:15.000 It's a terrible feeling.

00:49:16.000 You feel like you're...

00:49:17.000 It's a weird thing, man.

00:49:18.000 Because the energy that brings you to be creative, the energy that brings you to smash it on stage, that is not a selfish energy. 1.00

00:49:27.000 People think it is because it seems like it is because you're on stage going, what the fuck, cocksucker? 1.00

00:49:32.000 And everyone's laughing. 1.00

00:49:33.000 But to do it right, to be tuned into those people, really, you have to be almost selfless.

00:49:38.000 You have to be tuned in this crazy way where it's all just about this fun that we're having.

00:49:44.000 It's not about me.

00:49:45.000 It ain't about me.

00:49:47.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:49:47.000 So it's like the opposite that you would get from someone who listens to themselves like, yeah, I'm the shit. 1.00

00:49:54.000 Listen to me. 1.00

00:49:55.000 I'm the shit. 1.00

00:49:56.000 It's almost like you know that that's the poison. 1.00

00:49:58.000 That thinking like that is the poison that takes away the magic. 1.00

00:50:01.000 Because if you start thinking you're the shit, you start thinking that you're something special, you lose your whole connection with the magic. 0.99

00:50:07.000 So that's one of the reasons why you feel uncomfortable. 1.00

00:50:10.000 You don't want to listen.

00:50:11.000 You don't want to be that guy who wants to get in my car, listen to my new set last night.

00:50:16.000 Oh.

00:50:16.000 Tell me.

00:50:16.000 Tell me what I did.

00:50:17.000 You know? 0.99

00:50:18.000 You ever been in someone's car and they make you listen to their fucking routine? 0.98

00:50:21.000 Tell me about this new bit. 0.97

00:50:22.000 Is there anything you could add to this?

00:50:24.000 Like, oh, Jesus, dude.

00:50:25.000 I wrote this joke.

00:50:25.000 I want to try it.

00:50:26.000 Oh, no!

00:50:27.000 Don't try it.

00:50:28.000 Say it on stage and then I can give you my output.

00:50:30.000 Yes.

00:50:31.000 Don't try it. 0.99

00:50:32.000 I don't try to shit on anybody. 1.00

00:50:33.000 It's in your fucking heart, bro. 1.00

00:50:34.000 Yeah, you say it or you don't say it. 1.00

00:50:36.000 You know, just the idea that you're trying it out. 0.98

00:50:38.000 Look, it ain't a fucking weapon. 0.98

00:50:39.000 All right? 1.00

00:50:40.000 It's a goddamn joke. 1.00

00:50:41.000 Do it on stage. 1.00

00:50:42.000 Do it on a stage. 1.00

00:50:43.000 Take your goddamn chances. 1.00

00:50:44.000 And the more you do that, the more you know what the fuck's gonna work in the first place. 0.99

00:50:47.000 You don't have to talk to people about stuff like that. 0.91

00:50:49.000 You know, it's crazy, because with me, I have a hard time writing if I'm not in the zone.

00:50:53.000 When I'm with people, like, how do I get pissed off to a degree before I go on stage?

00:50:59.000 Yeah, you get mad.

00:51:01.000 You get fake arguments with people.

00:51:02.000 I want to do that.

00:51:03.000 One time, Eddie Bravo, we were all in the back at the House of Blues. 1.00

00:51:07.000 He's like, you guys with your fucking bullshit! 1.00

00:51:10.000 I gotta do it. 1.00

00:51:10.000 And Eddie's like, why is Joey getting upset? 1.00

00:51:12.000 I'm like, he's just gotta put himself in that place.

00:51:14.000 I gotta put myself in that place.

00:51:14.000 He's not really mad at us.

00:51:15.000 No, I'm not mad at nobody.

00:51:17.000 I need something.

00:51:18.000 I need something. 1.00

00:51:19.000 You fucking guys. 1.00

00:51:20.000 I need something. 1.00

00:51:22.000 Oh, I need to use a vaporizer. 1.00

00:51:24.000 Listen, cocksucker. 1.00

00:51:25.000 I was smoking weed with an apple when I was five. 0.99

00:51:29.000 It's just really crazy how when I'm around you guys, sometimes just being mad makes me say something. 0.99

00:51:35.000 You're like, Joey, you gotta fucking say that on stage. 0.98

00:51:38.000 And I'll forget for a month. 1.00

00:51:39.000 I'll forget.

00:51:40.000 And you guys are like, Joey, did you say that on stage yet?

00:51:42.000 I like when you guys gotta force me.

00:51:45.000 I'm like your records keeper.

00:51:46.000 I'm always coming up to you about stuff. 1.00

00:51:47.000 Bro, you gotta say that shit. 1.00

00:51:48.000 Are you still doing that thing about Dead Dick? 1.00

00:51:51.000 Are you still doing that thing?

00:51:52.000 Yeah, about the soldier?

00:51:54.000 Don't say anymore!

00:51:55.000 These people must see that on stage.

00:51:58.000 We have that video still.

00:52:00.000 Do you have that video?

00:52:02.000 Do something with that video.

00:52:03.000 Even if it's for internal use only, I need to see that set.

00:52:06.000 Give me that set, please.

00:52:08.000 I thought I sent it to you already.

00:52:09.000 No, you didn't.

00:52:09.000 You didn't.

00:52:10.000 Get me that set, Joey, from Brea.

00:52:12.000 It was last night, right?

00:52:13.000 It was Sunday night?

00:52:14.000 Yeah, it was Sunday night. 1.00

00:52:15.000 Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

00:52:16.000 I've never seen anybody kill harder than that. 1.00

00:52:18.000 The only thing that was closer to someone killing harder than that was when you killed in Vegas at the Mandalay Bay Theater. 1.00

00:52:24.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:52:26.000 When you were doing that bit about fucking having that fist fight with the nun, holy shit. 1.00

00:52:31.000 I might not have ever laughed that hard at anything ever in my whole life. 0.99

00:52:34.000 It was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

00:52:36.000 You know, we missed the comedy store.

00:52:37.000 And that's the bad thing because during the week, that's what you enjoyed.

00:52:41.000 Laughing at each other.

00:52:42.000 Laughing at each other.

00:52:43.000 And that really took away from my career because you see Bill Burr going on a Tuesday and want to die.

00:52:49.000 You know, he don't care.

00:52:50.000 He's so confident.

00:52:50.000 He's like, stand up and you want to try different things.

00:52:53.000 We always get into conversations nostalgic about the store, and at the end there were cunts and whatever, but I don't take away the truth from anything. 1.00

00:53:01.000 That's what's really lacking.

00:53:02.000 I wish we had, and Sal's is becoming that.

00:53:04.000 Sal's is becoming that.

00:53:05.000 We just need some more people to go down there and support.

00:53:07.000 I've been out of town on Wednesdays.

00:53:09.000 We've got plenty of people.

00:53:11.000 Bill Burr was by last week, and Sarah Silverman was by the week before, and Doug Benson's coming down all the time, Steve Renazzisi came and crushed it, Sam Tripoli came and crushed it.

00:53:20.000 Really?

00:53:21.000 I need to meet that dude.

00:53:22.000 I still never met that dude.

00:53:23.000 I don't even know what he is.

00:53:24.000 Is he in jail?

00:53:24.000 I don't know.

00:53:25.000 I'm a big fan of that dude.

00:53:26.000 That dude makes me laugh.

00:53:28.000 He makes me laugh.

00:53:29.000 Very few dudes.

00:53:30.000 He's one of my top favorite guys to watch. 0.99

00:53:32.000 If someone sends me a clip and says, hey, check out this Cat Williams clip, that fucking thing where he was going after Steve Harvey, Oh shit, that's funny. 0.99

00:53:41.000 And one of the things, he accentuates something, and as he accentuates it, he slides across the room like he's kicking someone in the nuts, and as he does it, he goes, I'm a little nigga, I fight dirty! 0.99

00:53:52.000 And he slides on the stage, with his little foot up in the air like he's kicking somebody in the balls. 0.99

00:54:00.000 He's a wild dude, man. 0.98

00:54:02.000 He makes me laugh hard.

00:54:03.000 When we were talking about him in Irvine, you were like, you have no idea the numbers he does.

00:54:07.000 Oh, he does crazy numbers.

00:54:09.000 He goes, you know that place where we go to the UFC? He does that.

00:54:12.000 He does the Pearl at the Palms.

00:54:14.000 That's like 5,000 seats. 0.58

00:54:15.000 That's a big-ass place.

00:54:16.000 They have big bands there. 1.00

00:54:18.000 Cat Williams sells that fucker out, man. 1.00

00:54:20.000 And there's pictures of him in the casino with, like, fur coats on and shit and diamonds. 1.00

00:54:24.000 He's hilarious, man. 0.99

00:54:26.000 That dude really makes me laugh because he's just going for it all the time.

00:54:29.000 He's not trying to be anything other than he is.

00:54:31.000 He's just trying to be funny.

00:54:32.000 He's just going for it all the time.

00:54:34.000 Going for the funny.

00:54:35.000 Going for the funny. 0.99

00:54:36.000 And he's fucking good, dude. 0.99

00:54:38.000 He does a funny thing about fucking Shaquille O'Neal trying to be a cop. 0.99

00:54:42.000 Dude, it's fucking hilarious! 0.99

00:54:45.000 It's about how Shaquille O'Neal's three-year-old was his height. 0.98

00:54:49.000 Ha ha ha ha!

00:54:53.000 Oh, dude, it's so funny, man.

00:54:56.000 That thing that he did on Michael Jackson, that made him a star.

00:54:59.000 When you watch that bit on YouTube, you watch that and you see the black people, they don't even know how to act because you're saying the truth. 1.00

00:55:06.000 See, the truth is a motherfucker. 0.99

00:55:08.000 When you say it the right way on stage, even if it's wrong what he was saying, where's Michael Jackson? 1.00

00:55:13.000 He's probably smelling little baby's booty holes or something. 1.00

00:55:17.000 That is a classic fucking line. 1.00

00:55:18.000 And he just runs from there with it, guys. 1.00

00:55:20.000 And he runs with it.

00:55:21.000 And he says, when was the last time you seen Michael Jackson with a woman?

00:55:25.000 Not never! 1.00

00:55:26.000 He does all that crazy shit. 1.00

00:55:27.000 Bro, that shit made him a star. 1.00

00:55:29.000 That little piece of him being himself. 1.00

00:55:32.000 Just that little piece that comics pray for that utopia to come one day.

00:55:35.000 It's important to have guys like that out there.

00:55:37.000 I like guys that are just going for it. 0.98

00:55:40.000 I like guys that are out there just fucking going for it. 0.93

00:55:43.000 There's a lot of people that think that comedy is about the respect of your peers and creating the proper clever joke with the right wording and... 0.97

00:55:52.000 It's not, man.

00:55:53.000 It's about entertainment value.

00:55:55.000 It's about your stand-up comedy.

00:55:57.000 And these days, man, your comedy doesn't even nearly have to be that deep anymore.

00:56:01.000 If you want to get deep, man, you could do a podcast and get deep.

00:56:06.000 You could write a blog and get deep.

00:56:07.000 You could have a conversation with an intelligent person.

00:56:10.000 You don't have to get that deep with your comedy. 1.00

00:56:12.000 The shit that makes me laugh is Cat Williams sliding across the floor, kicking some dude in the ball. 1.00

00:56:17.000 I'm a little nigga. 1.00

00:56:17.000 I fight dirty! 1.00

00:56:21.000 And when he does, it's so natural.

00:56:22.000 It's so funny, man.

00:56:25.000 That guy kills me, man. 1.00

00:56:26.000 He's got some great shit. 1.00

00:56:28.000 You know what? 1.00

00:56:29.000 He actually had some real good advice, too, that I took.

00:56:31.000 He said that he listens to...

00:56:35.000 On his iPod, he has a playlist of all music that he listens to right before he goes on stage. 0.97

00:56:41.000 And I'm like, damn, that's a great idea.

00:56:42.000 Because I have just a group of some of my favorite songs on my iPod that I just throw on. 0.96

00:56:48.000 It's on my iPhone, too.

00:56:49.000 I'll throw them on when I'm at the gym or whatever.

00:56:52.000 But I don't have a specific list just for stand-up. 0.96

00:56:56.000 But that's a good fucking idea. 0.95

00:56:57.000 It's a real good idea. 0.99

00:56:58.000 So I started doing that.

00:56:59.000 I started doing that just based on that. 0.91

00:57:01.000 Because I know music, if you listen to the right kind of music, the right kind of music can fucking get you in a good groove, man. 0.81

00:57:08.000 You know? 0.89

00:57:09.000 Especially if you haven't...

00:57:10.000 Sometimes when, you know, you listen to music too much, you lose its power.

00:57:13.000 You don't have that feeling anymore.

00:57:15.000 It just loses its impact.

00:57:16.000 But every now and then, a song would just jack you and let you know what's possible. 0.98

00:57:20.000 Remember when we were at the Brea Improv and we were in the parking lot and I had that Nissan truck and you got out and they had that crazy sound system in and you got out of your car and you're like, Joe Rogan, Joe Rogan, put this fucking CD in right now. 0.97

00:57:32.000 Donna Summer. 0.96

00:57:33.000 Donna Summer.

00:57:34.000 Hot stuff.

00:57:35.000 You put on hot stuff. 0.99

00:57:39.000 Oh, that's some good shit on that grade that sits out. 1.00

00:57:43.000 Some music drives you fucking nuts. 1.00

00:57:45.000 I love music. 0.99

00:57:46.000 I love music.

00:57:48.000 I love Love It Skinny.

00:57:49.000 I've listened to Love It Skinny lately. 1.00

00:57:50.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:57:52.000 I love Leonard Skinner. 1.00

00:57:53.000 I love Allman Brothers from the 70s, Leonard Skinner.

00:57:56.000 I love that vibe, man.

00:57:58.000 There's something about that time.

00:57:59.000 Like, if I'm in a pool hall and Sweet Home Alabama comes on, it's like your girlfriend just comes over and rubs your neck.

00:58:07.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:58:08.000 It's like someone comes over and gives you a hug.

00:58:10.000 Like, that's like, don't, don't, don't.

00:58:12.000 You hear that?

00:58:12.000 You're like, ow!

00:58:13.000 What a sweet song.

00:58:14.000 What a great song.

00:58:17.000 Yeah, and they're singing it.

00:58:19.000 They're singing it, man.

00:58:20.000 What are you doing with your finger on the trigger?

00:58:24.000 What are you doing over there?

00:58:25.000 Nothing.

00:58:26.000 What are you doing?

00:58:27.000 Just waiting for her to get out of here.

00:58:29.000 Wait, you get out of here?

00:58:31.000 How long have we been doing this?

00:58:32.000 It's 7.15.

00:58:33.000 We're going to be late for our show.

00:58:35.000 Whatever.

00:58:36.000 So we're a couple minutes late.

00:58:38.000 There's a whole internet out there.

00:58:39.000 Yeah, but I'm running the show.

00:58:40.000 Yeah, which is even better because they can't go there without you being there.

00:58:44.000 They can't start it.

00:58:45.000 Don't worry about it, buddy.

00:58:46.000 I've got to go eat dinner, too, guys.

00:58:47.000 This is it? 0.99

00:58:48.000 This is how we're going to end this fucking thing? 1.00

00:58:50.000 7-15, 7-20. 1.00

00:58:51.000 That's it.

00:58:51.000 Two hours.

00:58:52.000 This is the end.

00:58:54.000 My only friend.

00:58:57.000 The end.

00:58:58.000 Down, down, down.

00:58:59.000 Thank you to The Fleshlight.

00:59:01.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off The Fleshlight.

00:59:05.000 We will see you this weekend in Portland, Oregon at Helium Comedy Club Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

00:59:11.000 It's Mad Flavor, a.k.a.

00:59:14.000 Joe Diaz, a.k.a.

00:59:16.000 Planet Rock.

00:59:18.000 And don't show up with no wagweed. 1.00

00:59:19.000 Only the best, motherfuckers. 0.99

00:59:21.000 And Brian Redband will also be performing on stage, too. 0.99

00:59:23.000 That's right.

00:59:24.000 We're going to rock it this week.

00:59:25.000 Thank you very much.

00:59:25.000 Thank you very much for tuning in, and we will see you guys next week, either Monday or Tuesday.

00:59:30.000 We're trying to get Kevin from Attack of the Show.

00:59:32.000 He should be on.

00:59:33.000 Yeah.

00:59:33.000 I love you guys.

00:59:34.000 Stay black, baby. 1.00

00:59:35.000 Oh, Bert Kreisch is going to be on, too. 1.00

00:59:36.000 Yeah, bitches! 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 31, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #94 - Joey Diaz (Part 4)

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