The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #97

00:00:00.000 Hello.

00:00:01.000 The Joe Rogan.net experience.

00:00:02.000 What is it?

00:00:03.000 Whatever the fuck I call it.

00:00:04.000 You know what you're listening to.

00:00:06.000 The Joe Rogan Experience is sponsored by the Flashlight, the number one adult toy for men.

00:00:11.000 I use it myself.

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00:00:16.000 It's embarrassing.

00:00:18.000 It's embarrassing.

00:00:20.000 Listen, go to joerogan.net, enter in the code name Rogan.

00:00:24.000 And when you click the flashlight link, and you save 15% off.

00:00:28.000 Holla at your boy.

00:00:29.000 Now buckle up, bitches.

00:00:31.000 Here we go.

00:00:35.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

00:00:40.000 Yeah, my girl's back.

00:00:42.000 Got rid of that scary fake black eye.

00:00:45.000 We had a guy that was doing the Joe Rogan experience, that voice, but it was a white guy that sounded like a black eye.

00:00:52.000 You could tell it wasn't really a black guy.

00:00:54.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:00:54.000 Oh, right.

00:00:55.000 Yeah, it was a white robot that's sounding black too.

00:00:58.000 Freddie Lockhart has joined us, ladies and gentlemen.

00:01:00.000 My man, Freddie.

00:01:02.000 Freddie and I go back to when Freddie was fucking cover booth man at the goddamn comedy store.

00:01:07.000 20 years old in dreadlock.

00:01:09.000 Back in the days, Freddie was trying to make it happen out here in LA, a fresh-faced young boy, and we became friends, and we've been friends ever since.

00:01:15.000 That was fun times, man.

00:01:17.000 That it was.

00:01:18.000 I'm an old man.

00:01:18.000 Now look at me now.

00:01:19.000 Freddy is one of those, you know, you know that he's got some black in him, but how much going on here?

00:01:26.000 What did you strip Joe Rogan right now?

00:01:26.000 Are you excited?

00:01:28.000 What are you yet?

00:01:29.000 Dad's black, mom's white.

00:01:31.000 Standard issue, pretty much.

00:01:33.000 Powerful combination genetic-wise, right?

00:01:35.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:01:36.000 One of the strongest combinations of all time.

00:01:38.000 I would say so.

00:01:38.000 Yeah, you get the body of the black man, and then you get the mind of the white man all together in some strange combination.

00:01:44.000 That's why the University of Arizona won the 1996 national championship.

00:01:48.000 The whole state of the world.

00:01:49.000 That doesn't, by the way, mean that black people don't have brains.

00:01:51.000 It's a different brain.

00:01:52.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:01:53.000 What I'm saying is clearly black people have the superior bodies.

00:01:56.000 You got to be crazy to argue with that.

00:01:58.000 Greatest athletes of all time.

00:02:00.000 You know, to a man, except for a few, few fucking Larry Birds in there, a few weird white guys that managed to figure shit out.

00:02:08.000 Other than that, I mean, let's get real.

00:02:10.000 They're the super athletes.

00:02:12.000 We're trekking down Jimmy the Greek territory right now.

00:02:15.000 He was absolutely right.

00:02:16.000 He was dead right.

00:02:17.000 He was dead right.

00:02:18.000 He was just a douchebag.

00:02:19.000 Yeah, he was just a douchebag.

00:02:20.000 And it was just like, you know what?

00:02:21.000 Everything he said, you couldn't disagree with.

00:02:23.000 Yeah, it's just.

00:02:24.000 Well, here's my problem with it.

00:02:25.000 It's not a bad thing.

00:02:26.000 You're talking about a positive attribute.

00:02:28.000 Why is it racist to say that black people are the superior athletes?

00:02:31.000 I mean, if you just looked at the numbers, the number of Michael Jordans and LeBron James's and those guys, those superior, super dominant athletes, very rarely black white guys.

00:02:41.000 Blacks make up, what, 15% of the population, American population, less than that, and they make up 90% of the NBA.

00:02:47.000 Yeah, with the 500 men in the NBA, come on.

00:02:49.000 Come on.

00:02:49.000 And the white guys are European.

00:02:52.000 Those Russians.

00:02:53.000 The Europeans, see, that's another thing.

00:02:55.000 Europeans, like from Russia, like Russians are a different fucking breed than white people here.

00:03:01.000 There's some hard motherfuckers and some serious athletes, too.

00:03:05.000 Like, you ever see Karelin, the wrestler, the seven foot tall, 300-plus pounds guy that would hurl grown men through the air?

00:03:13.000 Only lost once, okay?

00:03:15.000 And the reason why is he fought Rulan Gardner, wrestled Rulan Gardner, and it was a new rule in Greco-Roman where if you lost your grip and then had to reattach it, even if there was no dominance, that guy got a point.

00:03:25.000 Just because he made you break your grip.

00:03:26.000 Oh, wow.

00:03:27.000 It's the stupidest rule ever.

00:03:29.000 And it was one that didn't exist through Karelin's entire reign.

00:03:31.000 You want to talk about a fucking super athlete.

00:03:35.000 They used to call him the experiment because his parents were like 5'5 ⁇ and 5'7.

00:03:40.000 And he's fucking seven feet tall and enormous.

00:03:44.000 I mean, he doesn't even look like a real man.

00:03:46.000 He looks like some shit from 300.

00:03:48.000 He looks like some shit that the Persians would have with a dog collar on, you know, naked with a fucking giant iron cod piece, you know, running at you.

00:03:56.000 Pure Russian blood vodka training in the snow.

00:03:59.000 Giant savage, just eating reindeers and shit.

00:04:03.000 But that's the anomaly.

00:04:03.000 Every once in a while, there is a white guy.

00:04:06.000 There's more pure Europeans like that.

00:04:08.000 But pound per pound in America, yeah, the black race is superior in sports.

00:04:13.000 But here's the misconception is that you're saying that they're limited to that, and that's not the case at all.

00:04:17.000 Well, physically, you know, it's also you got to deal with, it's an economic issue.

00:04:21.000 People from, especially when you deal with people that are into like combat sports, like the combat one, especially like boxing, that's a serious economic one.

00:04:28.000 Very few rich people become professional boxers.

00:04:31.000 It's always like it used to be the Jews in New York.

00:04:33.000 That was like, you know, Slappy Maxie Rosenblum and all back in those days.

00:04:36.000 Like Jews were, a lot of boxers were Jews.

00:04:39.000 And then it became Italians and Puerto Ricans and Irish.

00:04:42.000 And it was really mostly immigrants that were poor.

00:04:44.000 And then eventually, you know, blacks and black athletes.

00:04:47.000 But if you look at like greatest athletes of all time, just only a few like Rocky Marcianos in the mix.

00:04:52.000 A few guys that were like super dominant that were white guys.

00:04:55.000 Wayne Gretzky.

00:04:56.000 Yes, yeah.

00:04:57.000 But given a sport that was dominated by whites, you know, Wayne Gretzky.

00:05:01.000 Yeah, and like look at their attributes.

00:05:03.000 Gretzky was like very clever and an excellent skater.

00:05:06.000 But like Rocky Marciano was known for being just ridiculously durable and just always in incredible shape and would get a hold of you and eventually wear you down and blast you.

00:05:16.000 So it wasn't like a Muhammad Ali where you couldn't even fuck with him.

00:05:18.000 Like you were in front of him going, what am I doing even in the ring with Roy Jones Jr.

00:05:22.000 You remember when Viddy Pazianza fought Roy Jones?

00:05:25.000 It was a round where he didn't land a punch.

00:05:29.000 It was the only time ever in CompuBox history where they had scored an entire round 100% lopsided.

00:05:36.000 The other guy didn't land a single punch.

00:05:39.000 Roy Jones just lit him up.

00:05:41.000 He was dancing in front of him like a Cobra.

00:05:42.000 Yeah, he fought from down here.

00:05:44.000 He fought from back here and that jab would come up.

00:05:46.000 He would just slap you in the face and you're trying to move your big fat head.

00:05:50.000 You can't get out of the way of it.

00:05:51.000 Yeah, I use that guy in Fight Knight.

00:05:52.000 Super super attributed.

00:05:54.000 Over Ali, I use him in Fight Knight.

00:05:56.000 He's the man.

00:05:56.000 Dude, he had some ridiculous attributes, but he had one fuck-up.

00:06:01.000 He developed his technique based and dependent upon his physical attributes.

00:06:06.000 Instead of going with traditional technique like Bernard Hopkins, Evander Holyfield, guys who do everything textbook, like James Toney does everything textbook.

00:06:15.000 Instead of doing that, he went with this big, wide open, loose style that almost completely relied upon his physical attributes.

00:06:22.000 So when he started to slow down, he started getting fucked up.

00:06:25.000 You know, when he fought Tarver, he got fucked up, you know, and that was coming back from the weight loss because he fought heavyweight.

00:06:31.000 And when, you know, he got pumped up and then he came from whatever, legal or illegal.

00:06:35.000 I don't know what the fuck he was doing, but he got big.

00:06:37.000 He got like over 200 pounds and really muscular.

00:06:40.000 And then he drops back down to 170 and you're looking at him and you're like, 175.

00:06:44.000 And you're like, okay, something's hormonally wrong here.

00:06:46.000 His body looks soft.

00:06:48.000 I'm looking at this.

00:06:48.000 I'm like, this is a guy who didn't do this correctly.

00:06:50.000 I bet he jacked his system.

00:06:52.000 When you get on juice, you jack your fucking system.

00:06:54.000 And then if you get off of it, if you're not doing it correctly, you get off of it.

00:06:57.000 Your body doesn't bounce back.

00:06:58.000 You're not producing testosterone.

00:07:01.000 Your body's shut down because you've made it have all this extra shit in your system and your balls are like, what are we doing?

00:07:06.000 Let's stop working.

00:07:07.000 So you have to bring your balls back to life if you do something like that.

00:07:11.000 It's like really radical chemistry.

00:07:13.000 And he clearly wasn't doing that right.

00:07:15.000 He came back and he looked like really soft and he got tagged and blasted.

00:07:19.000 It was one of those things.

00:07:20.000 When you get blasted once, man, it's so much easier to get blasted again because then Glenn Johnson blasted him and then it looked really bad.

00:07:27.000 Because it broke your cool.

00:07:28.000 And that's the thing, too.

00:07:29.000 It's not just that.

00:07:29.000 He goes out unconscious.

00:07:32.000 When the Glenn Johnson fight, it didn't even look like that big of a punch.

00:07:35.000 And he went completely unconscious.

00:07:37.000 One leg up in the air.

00:07:38.000 I mean, he was gone, which means he's got brain damage.

00:07:41.000 I mean, that's really what it is.

00:07:44.000 And it was all because of his two things, because his body coming back from being big against Diaz.

00:07:50.000 What was that?

00:07:50.000 No, Ruiz.

00:07:51.000 Big against Ruiz, rather.

00:07:52.000 John Ruiz.

00:07:53.000 And then it was also those two knockouts, man.

00:07:56.000 If you have knockouts, man, people, they want to poo-poo it like it's no big fucking deal.

00:08:01.000 You got to bounce back from that thing really slowly and really correctly.

00:08:04.000 You got to know where your fucking brain's at because you might have loose screws in there, man.

00:08:07.000 Oh, yeah, you could be done with it.

00:08:09.000 You could seriously have serious brain damage.

00:08:10.000 These guys that they get knocked out once and then every time they get hit afterwards, they just go.

00:08:16.000 Whereas before you used to have iron chins.

00:08:17.000 Yeah.

00:08:18.000 Well, that's the thing.

00:08:19.000 Growing up watching Mike Tyson all the time and watching that method of coming out real close to the body how he would.

00:08:25.000 Like a bear.

00:08:26.000 It was like the swiftness of when you see a bear hit somebody and their shoulders pop and all that.

00:08:30.000 But as he got older, it was kind of like a genre-specific kind of technique of boxing that is a little less traditional.

00:08:36.000 It seemed that, you know, like you said, once somebody gets knocked out, once Buster Douglas, who shouldn't have got the best of him but did, once that's opened up, that mess with your psyche and to top it off if you're retarded like him already.

00:08:47.000 Do you know how tough he was, man?

00:08:48.000 The bad motherfucker.

00:08:50.000 The fucking bombs he took from Holyfield in that first fight before he went out.

00:08:54.000 God damn, he got hit with everything, dude.

00:08:57.000 Holyfield was teeing off on him, and he was just taking him and his legs would buckle.

00:09:03.000 And when he finally went down, then he's like searching for his mouthpiece.

00:09:06.000 You're like, holy shit.

00:09:07.000 Yeah, dude.

00:09:08.000 That's a dude who could take a beating.

00:09:09.000 They say all of me took beatings, but this dude took beatings.

00:09:11.000 The Buster Douglas one, dude, that combination that he blasted Tyson with, and Tyson still trying to put his mouthpiece back in.

00:09:18.000 That motherfucker was game to the end.

00:09:20.000 He blasted out, and he's just scratching around, looking for his mouthpiece to get back in his mouth because he's going to fuck you up.

00:09:28.000 He's going to get up and he's going to fuck you up.

00:09:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:09:30.000 They said that he got knocked out, I think, one time in a sparring match when he was a kid, like 15, 16, something like that.

00:09:37.000 And he's one of those boxers that goes somewhere and cries, you know, and then comes back and murders you.

00:09:41.000 And he did that.

00:09:41.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:09:42.000 Apparently he did that to who was it?

00:09:44.000 One of his old guys, Atlas, was somebody like he was training with some, and the dude got the best of him in a spar and Tyson went somewhere, cried, shivered, held his knees, and then came out and just dropped bombs and never looked back.

00:09:54.000 So terrifying.

00:09:55.000 A guy who needs it that much, a guy who needs it so much is everything about him, his entire self-worth, entire self-esteem is just all based on him fucking smashing you, just running at you and destroying you as a human, body to body, just imposing his fucking physical will on you.

00:10:15.000 He still has that thing about him.

00:10:17.000 I see him on Sunset every once in a while.

00:10:19.000 And just like, even if he catches eyes with you, you're just, you know, it's like, hey, Mike.

00:10:23.000 It's like that guy is just.

00:10:26.000 He's a train killer.

00:10:26.000 He's got the show now.

00:10:27.000 He's got a pigeon, homing pigeons.

00:10:29.000 That's what he does, right?

00:10:30.000 Like they do in Brooklyn and Puerto Rica.

00:10:33.000 They home pigeons, I guess.

00:10:34.000 The whole idea is you compete against Mike to home your pigeons.

00:10:38.000 For pigeons?

00:10:39.000 I would let him win.

00:10:40.000 I would always let him win.

00:10:41.000 He snaps your pigeons next.

00:10:43.000 Yeah, fuck you, dude.

00:10:44.000 I'll let you win, man.

00:10:45.000 I'd let him win everything.

00:10:47.000 But I've said it.

00:10:48.000 I've tweeted it.

00:10:48.000 I'll take him in Mike Tyson's punch out.

00:10:50.000 I'll knock him out first round.

00:10:52.000 You mean just punch out now?

00:10:53.000 Just punch out.

00:10:54.000 Yeah, just punch out now.

00:10:55.000 I think he has a new game.

00:10:56.000 I thought he spammed me, but apparently it wasn't spam.

00:10:59.000 I got a tweet from his account, and I was like, oh my God, Mike Tyson just fucking spammed me.

00:11:04.000 And I wrote that on Twitter.

00:11:06.000 And then he said it's not spam, Joe.

00:11:09.000 And I was like, oh.

00:11:09.000 Oh, the real Mike?

00:11:11.000 I think.

00:11:11.000 I don't know.

00:11:12.000 I mean, he might be some people that work for him.

00:11:15.000 I have no idea.

00:11:15.000 Have we said anything bad?

00:11:16.000 I mean, I would never say anything bad.

00:11:17.000 I'm a huge fan, sorry.

00:11:19.000 Me too.

00:11:19.000 Please don't.

00:11:20.000 Iron Mike, Messiah.

00:11:21.000 Don't eat my ears.

00:11:22.000 Yeah.

00:11:22.000 We love you, Mikey.

00:11:24.000 You want to go back to like ferocious boxers, though.

00:11:26.000 There was the time when he was the champion.

00:11:27.000 There was no time like that where you were just waiting for this execution.

00:11:31.000 It wasn't a fight.

00:11:32.000 It was an execution.

00:11:34.000 You know, when Sugary Leonard was the baddest motherfucker around and like, oh shit, Sugary Leonard, they're going to have a rematch with Thomas Hearns.

00:11:39.000 You know, like, it's like it was exciting.

00:11:41.000 But you didn't know who was going to win.

00:11:41.000 Yeah.

00:11:42.000 Right.

00:11:43.000 You knew Mike Tyson was going to victimize somebody on HBO.

00:11:43.000 You know?

00:11:45.000 Oh, shit.

00:11:46.000 You were going to pay $45 for it.

00:11:46.000 And you were going to watch it.

00:11:48.000 When you saw Mike Tyson fight Tony Tubbs, what the fuck did you think was going to happen?

00:11:51.000 What the fuck did you think?

00:11:52.000 Well, you know what's funny is my granddad's some old school dude loved the Friday night fights and all that and wasn't with Mike Tyson at all.

00:11:58.000 Most granddads weren't.

00:11:59.000 He's like, he ain't shit.

00:12:00.000 You know, talking about all that shit.

00:12:02.000 Wait, wait, Larry Holmes gets a hold of him.

00:12:04.000 He got a hold of Larry Holmes.

00:12:05.000 Larry Holmes, I think he was quoted as saying, that man hits harder than anything I've ever felt in my life.

00:12:10.000 He was on a totally different level.

00:12:11.000 I would have loved to have seen him at his very best against everybody.

00:12:14.000 Not saying he would have beaten Ali, but man, would that have been exciting?

00:12:17.000 Yeah, you can never say who can do what.

00:12:19.000 I'm privy to him because I was part of that generation.

00:12:19.000 You never know.

00:12:22.000 There's better technical boxers.

00:12:25.000 Lennox Lewis at his best was a better technical boxer, and he was a hard guy to crack.

00:12:30.000 He would have been interesting because by the time Tyson fought him, Tyson was already older, and he had already really lost most of his motivation.

00:12:37.000 He was trying to get a payday, and he even admitted it after the fight.

00:12:37.000 He just wasn't the same.

00:12:40.000 But when he was younger, man, that wasn't the case.

00:12:43.000 When he was younger, it was a totally different animal.

00:12:46.000 It would have been interesting to see him at his very best, like in the Larry Holmes fight.

00:12:50.000 That was him at his very best.

00:12:51.000 He was a destroyer.

00:12:52.000 Michael Spinks.

00:12:54.000 I would have loved to see that guy against Ali.

00:12:56.000 Well, at 21, he was at his, I wouldn't say the apex of his talent.

00:12:59.000 It was just that at that, when Customato died around then, when he had won the battle.

00:13:03.000 He hadn't slipped yet.

00:13:04.000 He hadn't slipped yet.

00:13:05.000 And then when Customato died and you're pretty much in Don King's hands, I think that creates like, now you have one of the greatest athletes that ever lived, killing machines.

00:13:14.000 And if it's in the wrong hands and it's not fostered right, it's going to be used the wrong way.

00:13:19.000 Because I always feel like he's got a great heart.

00:13:21.000 You know what I mean?

00:13:22.000 Like he's one of these guys who you can see his emotion.

00:13:24.000 You can see him.

00:13:25.000 And he was just always jerked around by the wrong people.

00:13:27.000 Well, that's definitely going to be the case in any situation where you've got some powerful fucking kid that can make you a lot of money.

00:13:33.000 Yeah.

00:13:33.000 They're going to do whatever they want to do with you and help you in some ways and support you and make sure that you make money.

00:13:39.000 But at the end of the day, they're just trying to push you around.

00:13:42.000 I mean, can you imagine how cunty Robin Gibbons must have been when they were married?

00:13:46.000 A Harvard graduate with Mike Tyson.

00:13:48.000 Do you remember that fucking interview they did where she was throwing him under the bus about how crazy he is and violent?

00:13:53.000 And this is on TV.

00:13:54.000 And he's just sitting there like, what?

00:13:55.000 Like him and Barbara Walters, right?

00:13:57.000 And he's just sitting there just taking the beating.

00:13:58.000 I can't believe this bitch is going to go out like this.

00:14:00.000 Yeah, I could snap her.

00:14:01.000 I'm the man.

00:14:02.000 I can't believe all the things I've done to save her life.

00:14:02.000 I can't believe this.

00:14:05.000 Head of the class.

00:14:06.000 That's the best she had done.

00:14:07.000 He had knocked niggas out left and right.

00:14:08.000 And she's going to go in and drag him under the bus.

00:14:10.000 I'm like, please.

00:14:11.000 She was beautiful.

00:14:12.000 She was enough.

00:14:13.000 That's the problem.

00:14:13.000 When you get some beautiful, manipulative person, usually a crazy person, a person that really wants to pretend to be something else and then get into your life and then control it like there's some sort of a fucking parasite that's, you know, put a wheel behind your neck.

00:14:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:26.000 Yeah.

00:14:26.000 You know?

00:14:27.000 I mean, really, that's what she was.

00:14:28.000 Once you become the little creature in Men in Black who lives in your brain and drives joysticks.

00:14:28.000 She's a parasite.

00:14:32.000 Women want to do that to powerful men.

00:14:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:34.000 There's a thing that women want to do to a man that has some semblance of success, some power, something where it makes him seem extraordinary.

00:14:41.000 If she can dominate him with her pussy, that like robs him of his extraordinary ability.

00:14:46.000 It takes his chi all the way.

00:14:47.000 Yeah.

00:14:47.000 Like a girl that wants to fuck Francis Ford Coppola.

00:14:49.000 Like to this day, there's bitches that try to fuck Francis Ford Coppola.

00:14:52.000 He might be eight years old or whatever.

00:14:53.000 Right.

00:14:54.000 There's some crazy hot bitch out there who's, you know, goth and she's got a fucking tattoo of a bat above her pussy.

00:14:59.000 She wants to fuck him.

00:15:00.000 She wants to fuck him.

00:15:01.000 She's got a cheese siphoning vag and she's ready to take all his creativity.

00:15:05.000 She loved Apocalypse Now.

00:15:07.000 Was that his movie?

00:15:08.000 Yeah.

00:15:08.000 It was, right?

00:15:09.000 She loved Apocalypse Now and she wants to suck his dick.

00:15:11.000 Yeah.

00:15:11.000 She wants to the bat cave.

00:15:12.000 Yeah.

00:15:13.000 Yeah.

00:15:13.000 So.

00:15:14.000 They're out there.

00:15:15.000 There's bitches out there that will ruin your life.

00:15:17.000 Just like there's dudes that will ruin women's lives.

00:15:18.000 You know?

00:15:19.000 It's not even a male-female issue.

00:15:21.000 It's a retard issue.

00:15:22.000 Yeah.

00:15:23.000 It's a broken human issue.

00:15:25.000 People, it's, knowing, having children too, you see this so fucking clearly.

00:15:30.000 Like you have a direct input on how this human being develops.

00:15:34.000 Very, very direct.

00:15:34.000 Yeah.

00:15:36.000 It's real clear.

00:15:36.000 You know?

00:15:37.000 You teach them good things and then they repeat those good things and you see them hugging little girls and having fun.

00:15:42.000 And you see like there's all this good energy that's coming out of your kids.

00:15:45.000 And then you see these fucking people that are smoking and yelling at their kid and their kid's beating another kid with a stick.

00:15:45.000 Yeah.

00:15:50.000 Yeah.

00:15:51.000 And like, okay.

00:15:52.000 Kids are little savages.

00:15:53.000 It's so clear.

00:15:54.000 Yeah.

00:15:54.000 It's like they're, what they are is bundles of potential.

00:15:57.000 Yeah.

00:15:57.000 But you gotta fucking raise, raising a human being and developing a human being is one of the most complex and demanding tasks a fucking human being can undertake in.

00:16:08.000 And one of the most important because it literally, the quality of the fucking society around it is based on how well the people inside of this group are at raising their children.

00:16:18.000 That's the number one concern.

00:16:20.000 Right.

00:16:21.000 If you are terrible at raising your children, your children will become problems.

00:16:24.000 They're going to break into cars.

00:16:25.000 They're going to be pains in the asses.

00:16:26.000 They're going to cause crime.

00:16:26.000 Right.

00:16:27.000 Yeah.

00:16:28.000 The less of those, the more people that do a good job raising their kids, the better.

00:16:32.000 The more people that are moral, the better.

00:16:33.000 Yeah.

00:16:33.000 Or if you're an idiot, at least yield to yourself and say, I'm an idiot.

00:16:36.000 I'm going to make my kid not an idiot.

00:16:38.000 How do you do that though?

00:16:40.000 Idiots don't know they're idiots, man.

00:16:42.000 Almost every idiot thinks the world's fucking them over and they really should have got a better break.

00:16:42.000 They never do.

00:16:47.000 You know, whenever you hear that from a person, look, the world fucks everybody over.

00:16:47.000 Yeah.

00:16:51.000 Stupid.

00:16:51.000 Yeah.

00:16:52.000 Every, somewhere along the line in your life, you're going to think you should have got this and it didn't happen.

00:16:56.000 And this should have went your way and it didn't.

00:16:56.000 Yeah.

00:16:58.000 Well, it's what you make of it.

00:16:59.000 Yeah.

00:16:59.000 And it's just like all that poor me shit.

00:17:01.000 I'm like, you know what?

00:17:01.000 Take a look.

00:17:02.000 What if you lived in Japan?

00:17:02.000 What if you lived in, you know, anywhere else where it sucked?

00:17:04.000 It's like, get some perspective.

00:17:05.000 It's like.

00:17:06.000 Guys will come to you with some stupid shit like, yeah, man, I can't catch a break, man.

00:17:09.000 I was this girl, you know, and I thought she was the one and I was ready to get married and I got the ring and I came over a fucking apartment a day early and she's fucking this guy and I can't fucking believe it, bro.

00:17:21.000 Yeah.

00:17:21.000 I mean, I can't catch a break.

00:17:22.000 What do you mean can't catch a break?

00:17:23.000 You just got the best break ever.

00:17:23.000 Catch a break.

00:17:25.000 Yeah.

00:17:25.000 You almost married that crazy hooker.

00:17:27.000 Right?

00:17:27.000 Yeah.

00:17:27.000 You were coming over there with a ring and she's sucking some other guy's cock.

00:17:30.000 You got like clear evidence that she's a skank.

00:17:33.000 This is a time machine, bro.

00:17:35.000 You're able to go into the future, see how this would have turned out and you can nip it at the bud right here.

00:17:35.000 Right.

00:17:40.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

00:17:41.000 You saved yourself attorney's fees in a long, lengthy process.

00:17:43.000 Yeah.

00:17:44.000 You caught an awesome break.

00:17:45.000 What do you mean you can't catch a break?

00:17:46.000 You just can't handle your breaks.

00:17:47.000 It's all a matter of perspective.

00:17:49.000 You just want everything to be perfect.

00:17:50.000 Right.

00:17:50.000 It's not going to be perfect, but you just caught a huge break.

00:17:53.000 That guy, realistically, he should shed a couple tears and then start laughing and go, God damn, I got off life.

00:17:59.000 Free pass.

00:17:59.000 Yeah.

00:18:00.000 Think about what if you had kids with this crazy hooker?

00:18:02.000 Exactly.

00:18:02.000 You walk home with kids and their Happy Meals and mom's sitting on some dude's face.

00:18:05.000 Some guy's cock right in the living room hoping to get it done quick before her husband comes home, but they don't time it right and you walk in.

00:18:05.000 Yeah.

00:18:10.000 That's how crazy that bitch is.

00:18:12.000 Your kids are watching her sucking off some giant black fucking telephone worker.

00:18:12.000 Yeah.

00:18:16.000 And then you have to consider this.

00:18:17.000 You have to consider why are you attracting these kind of chicks into your life to begin with?

00:18:23.000 Are you that big of a dope that you attracted some kind of chick like that?

00:18:23.000 Yeah.

00:18:26.000 Well, sometimes they trick you just by being hot.

00:18:28.000 That's a real problem with dudes.

00:18:29.000 I don't know if it's the same problem with girls.

00:18:30.000 See, that should be a warning sign, though, being hot.

00:18:32.000 It must be the same problem with girls because girls wind up with jerky guys and you know those jerky guys must just fuck the shit out of them.

00:18:37.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:37.000 That's probably what's going on there.

00:18:39.000 A little bit of some sort of a problem in their personality, some sort of a weird disorder where they can't get someone out of their life.

00:18:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:47.000 There's the people that have that.

00:18:49.000 What do they call that?

00:18:49.000 Yeah.

00:18:50.000 Like they have some kind of codependency issue?

00:18:53.000 Yeah.

00:18:53.000 Codependent issues.

00:18:54.000 Yeah.

00:18:55.000 Yeah.

00:18:55.000 I mean, there's people that have that.

00:18:56.000 But other than that, you got to think, that guy's probably fucking the shit out of that girl.

00:18:59.000 It's just like I don't get people who are in these miserable fucking relationships.

00:19:02.000 It's like I love my girl.

00:19:03.000 I love her because she's fun to kick it with and I like to hang out with her.

00:19:06.000 You know what I mean?

00:19:06.000 You're lucky.

00:19:07.000 If I didn't like her, I'd get rid of her.

00:19:09.000 I think here's two keys.

00:19:11.000 Number one, you like yourself.

00:19:12.000 Yeah.

00:19:12.000 That's huge.

00:19:13.000 Yeah.

00:19:14.000 And your girl likes herself too.

00:19:15.000 So you're both happy.

00:19:17.000 And as happy as you can be reasonably.

00:19:17.000 Right.

00:19:19.000 It's not magical.

00:19:20.000 It's not like every day we wake up.

00:19:21.000 it's like oh honey i love you so much sometimes we wake up it's like don't even talk to us right but it's like if you can get if if two people can live their lives and not break each other's balls not not not Create drama, that kind of thing.

00:19:31.000 I know that sounds very, you know, nirvana and ideal, right?

00:19:35.000 But it is possible because I'm not asking for too much either.

00:19:35.000 It's possible, though.

00:19:38.000 Right.

00:19:38.000 You know what I mean?

00:19:39.000 Right.

00:19:39.000 You have to be reasonable and you have to be even in what you expect out of that person and how you deal with them, too.

00:19:45.000 And I know who I can be.

00:19:46.000 I can be a real dick.

00:19:47.000 It's like, you know, we're guys.

00:19:48.000 A girl says something stupid, you're going to be a dick bat.

00:19:51.000 Especially like if you're really struggling, if you're really trying to put it down, it's hard, man.

00:19:55.000 You get that grinding mentality where you're always trying to go, go, go, get ahead, get ahead, get ahead.

00:20:01.000 And then when someone trips that up with, I need too much attention.

00:20:04.000 I need this.

00:20:05.000 I need that.

00:20:05.000 It's very difficult to be considerate.

00:20:08.000 It's easy to go, will you shut the fuck up and leave me alone?

00:20:11.000 Yeah, I got shit going on here.

00:20:12.000 And then you start to realize, though, after a few years, that that never serves you well.

00:20:15.000 Because now you've got a six-hour fight instead of a two-hour fight.

00:20:18.000 And you were partially to blame.

00:20:20.000 I always try to try to step back.

00:20:21.000 I always try to fix it, though.

00:20:22.000 I always stay in relationships longer because I'm like, you know what?

00:20:25.000 I should try to work together with something like a problem.

00:20:28.000 Because I mean, like, if it was anything, like, if I was sick down the line, what, is she just going to drop me because I'm sick?

00:20:34.000 You know, you should.

00:20:35.000 So I always have that mentality.

00:20:36.000 So I've been in relationships where, like, I lasted an extra year and a half.

00:20:40.000 And it was just trying to fix the relationship.

00:20:40.000 Right.

00:20:43.000 Sometimes it works.

00:20:44.000 I mean, people have gotten rough patches in the relationships and they pull themselves out of it.

00:20:49.000 But it's like, what are you accepting though?

00:20:52.000 You can't help broken this person.

00:20:54.000 And that's the thing.

00:20:54.000 I'm not in it to fix that other person.

00:20:56.000 It's like I accept that and then I'll work on the things like myself.

00:20:59.000 Like I'll act like my dad sometimes, just clam up and be like a 1950s dickhead dad, you know, just reading the papers, smoking and drinking and don't even fucking talk to me.

00:21:08.000 You know, I'll be like that and then I'll have to snap myself out of it because I'll be like, all right, you know, look at it from her side.

00:21:13.000 Who wants to be with this asshole?

00:21:14.000 You know, so it's like knowing a little bit about yourself too and working on that.

00:21:18.000 And plus, we're talking about girls that just learned to drive like three years ago.

00:21:23.000 They're still got a brain that's like trying to learn how life operates.

00:21:26.000 Yeah, and they'll take it to the map.

00:21:28.000 They'll fight you forever.

00:21:29.000 What do you mean you're talking about girls that you're dating?

00:21:32.000 We're describing women.

00:21:35.000 His girlfriend's not 20 years old.

00:21:37.000 She just turned 27 last Monday.

00:21:38.000 The fuck, Brian.

00:21:39.000 That's a woman.

00:21:39.000 That's a real woman.

00:21:40.000 But I got her when she was 22.

00:21:42.000 Nice.

00:21:43.000 You got her.

00:21:44.000 I got her when she was.

00:21:45.000 Man, I found her on MySpace.

00:21:47.000 I was trolling for horrors, and that one found its way in the net.

00:21:50.000 What's the age difference?

00:21:51.000 Four years.

00:21:52.000 Listen to this fucked up story because Brian was telling me this before the podcast.

00:21:55.000 So I said, listen, stop.

00:21:57.000 You got to tell me this during the podcast if you're willing to talk about this.

00:22:00.000 So he's complaining about his girlfriend, girlfriend getting harassed.

00:22:04.000 So listen to this.

00:22:05.000 I wasn't complaining.

00:22:07.000 I was just saying, how funny is this she's filming a movie and Ron Jeremy.

00:22:12.000 Your girlfriend is a porn star.

00:22:12.000 She's okay.

00:22:14.000 Yeah, but she wasn't, this isn't a porn that she's filming.

00:22:16.000 She's filming a horror movie.

00:22:17.000 But everybody should know.

00:22:19.000 Yeah, she's a porn star.

00:22:20.000 But she's girl girl.

00:22:22.000 Only girl girl.

00:22:22.000 Yeah.

00:22:23.000 So that's legit.

00:22:26.000 So anyways, Ron Jeremy is there.

00:22:27.000 And this has happened with my ex-girlfriend where Ron Jeremy.

00:22:31.000 Who also was a porn star.

00:22:32.000 Ron Jeremy came up and was like, hey, give me a kiss on the mouth.

00:22:32.000 Yeah.

00:22:35.000 And she's like, shocking.

00:22:37.000 This is crazy.

00:22:38.000 But it's funny.

00:22:39.000 The second he walks in, he's just like, oh, I didn't know there was going to be any beautiful women there to hear that.

00:22:43.000 She's telling you all this?

00:22:44.000 Yeah.

00:22:45.000 Do you think she's trying to make you jealous?

00:22:47.000 No, because I am the one that asked about it.

00:22:49.000 I'm like, did Ron Jeremy do any creepy shit?

00:22:51.000 And she goes, well, no, well, yeah, I guess he did.

00:22:53.000 I kept on trying to get it out of her.

00:22:55.000 She didn't just come up and go, hey, Ron Jeremy did this.

00:22:57.000 You say creepy shit, but that's like standard porn star behavior.

00:23:00.000 That's what I'm doing.

00:23:01.000 What's creepy for him, though, you know?

00:23:02.000 That's not creepy.

00:23:03.000 No, no, no, no.

00:23:04.000 What's creepy is like, because I've seen it in my own eyes, what he does.

00:23:07.000 Like with my ex-girlfriend, they were cutting a ribbon at an event.

00:23:10.000 Like, it was him and her both cutting in a ribbon.

00:23:13.000 She's never met him before.

00:23:15.000 He's like putting his arm around her and like rubbing her back.

00:23:18.000 And she's like, whoa, you know, what the fuck?

00:23:20.000 You know, and doing, you know, just very touchy-feely.

00:23:22.000 And then saying, like, whispering in her ears, like, you know, everyone wants to see us make out, so let's do this.

00:23:27.000 And she's like, no, I'm not going to make out with you.

00:23:29.000 Well, dude, why are you hating on his game?

00:23:31.000 I'm not.

00:23:32.000 Listen, that's what you do when you run Jeremy.

00:23:34.000 You're in your head.

00:23:35.000 I know, but you're in your head.

00:23:36.000 To think I'm hating.

00:23:38.000 I'm just asking what did he do any creepy shit.

00:23:40.000 Okay, so you were just like, you weren't upset that he did it.

00:23:43.000 No, no, not upset at all.

00:23:45.000 You're almost confirmed.

00:23:46.000 By the way, we should just say, you know, we've labeled her a porn star.

00:23:46.000 Your girlfriend hates you.

00:23:49.000 She's a very nice person.

00:23:50.000 You know, whatever the fuck she does for a living.

00:23:52.000 Brian's girl is very nice.

00:23:53.000 But, you know, man, that's fucking...

00:23:58.000 Oh, no, no, I'm not sure.

00:23:59.000 Again, I just wanted to hear what you're saying.

00:24:01.000 I would expect him to bring a boner everywhere he went.

00:24:04.000 And whip it out, too.

00:24:04.000 Yeah, man.

00:24:05.000 Like, hey, you guys like boners?

00:24:07.000 And he prides himself on not using Viagra.

00:24:09.000 He doesn't give a fuck.

00:24:10.000 Oh, wow.

00:24:10.000 Because I don't use it.

00:24:11.000 I don't believe in it.

00:24:12.000 Yeah.

00:24:12.000 He's a fucking animal.

00:24:14.000 I couldn't imagine him not doing something.

00:24:16.000 Every venereal disease that's ever existed is fighting against each other to the death inside his mouth.

00:24:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:22.000 Yeah.

00:24:23.000 They're all just duking it out.

00:24:25.000 He stays like, I bet if he takes tests, he has nothing.

00:24:28.000 He shows completely clean.

00:24:29.000 I know, it's just because they're all killing each other.

00:24:32.000 It looks like the Battle of Gettysburg, herpes versus AIDS, just going at it.

00:24:36.000 There's no antibodies necessary because the viruses just fight themselves.

00:24:39.000 Yeah.

00:24:40.000 The T cells are on the sideline laughing.

00:24:42.000 Yeah, everyone's going, Jesus, this is just an internal warfare.

00:24:45.000 If someone wins, then he's got a real issue because then the host will get attacked.

00:24:49.000 I guess I feel somewhat comforted to know he would act like that.

00:24:52.000 It's almost like finding out Michael Jordan.

00:24:54.000 I met Michael Jordan one time and he talked basketball.

00:24:56.000 And he talked it openly, and I was very happy about that.

00:25:00.000 I got to talk basketball.

00:25:01.000 You know, you got to talk puss with a puss smith, essentially.

00:25:05.000 It's like in Ron Jeremy, and it's like, you know, sometimes you want somebody, he's an ambassador of what he does, I think it's fair to say.

00:25:12.000 So you want him to be an ambassador.

00:25:14.000 Yeah, you don't want Ron Jeremy to be fucking doing yoga and drinking wheatgrass.

00:25:18.000 You want him to be banging hoes at every bus stop.

00:25:18.000 Yeah.

00:25:20.000 Right.

00:25:20.000 That's what he's doing.

00:25:21.000 He's got Ron Jeremy.

00:25:22.000 I actually found it awesome that at the end of the shoot, he comes up there and goes, so if you want to come to the rainbow room later, I promise not to molest you or something like that.

00:25:31.000 You know how many times that got him his dick sucked?

00:25:33.000 Oh, a big suck.

00:25:34.000 About a million.

00:25:36.000 There was a year ago, there was a celebrity golf tournament that I think was Brett Michaels or one of those guys once a year.

00:25:46.000 And every hole, there was like a different porn star or stripper or something.

00:25:51.000 And my ex-girlfriend was working the eighth hole or whatever, this golf tournament.

00:25:55.000 And there was these two girls with him that were just total like porn stars, like heart, like amateur strippers, slash porn sorts, slash escorts or whatever the fuck.

00:26:03.000 Show you whatever they did.

00:26:04.000 Unfortunate tattoos.

00:26:05.000 Yeah, they saw Ron Jeremy, and the one girl just turned and goes, Oh my god, I got to suck his dick.

00:26:09.000 And just went right over to Ron and they just started pulling down their pants, sucking his dick right on the golf course.

00:26:14.000 On the golf course.

00:26:14.000 And my girlfriend at the time was just taking video, like, look at this.

00:26:18.000 He had sex with her on the golf course.

00:26:19.000 They just blowjob.

00:26:21.000 Last time you told me the story, you told me they had sex.

00:26:23.000 I don't even remember.

00:26:25.000 But I just thought of it right now.

00:26:27.000 Supplemented your story.

00:26:28.000 I didn't want to say sex if it didn't happen.

00:26:30.000 I knew that blowjob.

00:26:31.000 I'm pretty sure last time you told me he bent her over and he was banging her right there on the golf course.

00:26:34.000 Oh, then that's what happened.

00:26:35.000 But I remember Blowjob.

00:26:37.000 I don't.

00:26:38.000 That's Ron Jeremy being Ron Jeremy.

00:26:38.000 Either way, that's what I'm saying.

00:26:40.000 I think it's sweet.

00:26:41.000 I think that's exactly what he has to be, but it's just hilarious to me that.

00:26:44.000 Does it seem weird to you?

00:26:45.000 Like, what is it like dating some chick that you know that all these other dudes could see her pussy and she's going to tildos in there and stuff.

00:26:52.000 I don't care about that.

00:26:54.000 It doesn't bother me at all.

00:26:56.000 Has she been in a lot of things?

00:26:57.000 Is it exciting?

00:26:59.000 Yeah.

00:26:59.000 Is it exciting?

00:27:00.000 There's something extra thrilling about it.

00:27:01.000 It's kind of cool because I love porn.

00:27:05.000 I love women.

00:27:06.000 I love women's bodies.

00:27:07.000 If she has a nice body, it's not like I'm like, no, you guys can't see this.

00:27:10.000 To me, it's like, dude, check this shit out.

00:27:13.000 People really celebrate porn and know certain.

00:27:15.000 Like, I've always, I love sex big time.

00:27:18.000 I guess I just have a pretty good imagination.

00:27:20.000 I can get one out over something from eighth grade that I remember.

00:27:23.000 You know, and porn's always been like fishing to me.

00:27:25.000 I love fishing, but I'm not that into watching it.

00:27:27.000 I'd rather be doing it kind of thing.

00:27:31.000 But it seems now that porn has taken on a real, like, there actually are more than one star.

00:27:36.000 It seems like people really make names for themselves.

00:27:38.000 Is she in that kind of known circle?

00:27:42.000 Yeah, she's an award winner.

00:27:44.000 It's becoming more.

00:27:46.000 She's an award winner.

00:27:46.000 She's becoming more porn winner.

00:27:48.000 She's an award winner.

00:27:49.000 Her eyebrows raised.

00:27:51.000 She's an award winner.

00:27:52.000 She won the Grab Your Ankles Award.

00:27:54.000 You know what the biggest difference is, Joe, is that if I didn't meet her as a normal person and then she got into porn, that would have been hardcore.

00:28:02.000 Oh, yeah, you'd have to see that.

00:28:02.000 Like, I couldn't deal with that.

00:28:04.000 Like, if my girlfriend just one day is like, hey, I want to start doing porn.

00:28:06.000 I'll be like, oh, right.

00:28:08.000 I see what you're saying.

00:28:08.000 So you accept her as she is when you met her.

00:28:10.000 Somebody who's already opened up Pandora's box.

00:28:12.000 You may want to help her out.

00:28:13.000 Look, dude, this is a crazy world.

00:28:14.000 It doesn't have to make sense.

00:28:16.000 Just whatever you like.

00:28:17.000 If you like it, that's good.

00:28:18.000 If you guys are friendly together, that's great.

00:28:20.000 There's no worries.

00:28:21.000 All that bullshit about, you know, worrying what other people think and other people's judgments, it ain't going to last, people.

00:28:26.000 This shit is temporary.

00:28:28.000 Temporary as fuck.

00:28:29.000 Your body is slowly going to give out on you, and you're going to be left with a wreck of a life trying to fucking look back at it going, why didn't I enjoy this?

00:28:37.000 Yes.

00:28:38.000 Why didn't I just have some fun?

00:28:40.000 None of it matters.

00:28:41.000 It's all a joke.

00:28:42.000 If it's all a joke.

00:28:43.000 It's all fun.

00:28:44.000 If you choose to go in that direction.

00:28:47.000 If I had a bamboo, like a sweet body, like if I worked on my body hardcore.

00:28:52.000 If I was rocking Joe Rogan's body right here, because it's sweet.

00:28:55.000 If I was rocking, I would totally be, I would not give a shit.

00:28:57.000 I'd be showing my dick non-stop.

00:28:59.000 I would be porn.

00:29:00.000 I would be doing whatever.

00:29:02.000 Who cares?

00:29:03.000 But it's like, I don't want to be the fucking minion.

00:29:05.000 I don't want to be like the minion.

00:29:08.000 Chicken mind in nomatuti.

00:29:09.000 So the folks who don't know what you're talking about, there's a website where a guy we've talked about on the podcast before is really ugly and he fucks all these hot chicks.

00:29:16.000 He's ugly and fat and he calls himself the minion.

00:29:18.000 What's his game?

00:29:19.000 It's just the porn game.

00:29:20.000 The numbers game?

00:29:21.000 Oh, is he a porn guy?

00:29:22.000 Yeah, I guess you just pay them.

00:29:23.000 They'll fuck you.

00:29:24.000 You know, I mean, you ever seen those amateur ones?

00:29:26.000 There was a girl from Arizona State that got busted.

00:29:28.000 She got kicked out of school because they, I don't know, I guess they have some sort of a fucking morals clause.

00:29:33.000 You're not allowed to do porn.

00:29:34.000 At ASU?

00:29:35.000 Yeah, whatever it was.

00:29:36.000 I mean, maybe, maybe I'm reading it wrong.

00:29:38.000 Maybe she got fired from her job there.

00:29:40.000 I don't think so, though.

00:29:41.000 I'm pretty sure she was a student there.

00:29:43.000 Yeah.

00:29:43.000 And anyways.

00:29:44.000 Or maybe she lost her.

00:29:45.000 What the fuck the story is.

00:29:46.000 Anyway, this poor girl, you know, she's just dumb.

00:29:49.000 She got tricked.

00:29:50.000 Next thing you know, she's doing porn.

00:29:52.000 And they put it up on the internet.

00:29:53.000 And all her fucking friends in school are like, oh my God, Debbie's sucking this guy's dick.

00:29:56.000 And, you know, it doesn't matter what the guy looks like.

00:29:59.000 They just have this setup.

00:30:01.000 This is a lot of them.

00:30:02.000 The girl comes in.

00:30:03.000 There's cameras.

00:30:04.000 This is like most, a lot of people's favorite type of porns.

00:30:07.000 What is this, like voyeurism or something?

00:30:08.000 Well, it's like an interview porn.

00:30:10.000 This is what it is.

00:30:11.000 There's a guy in the room, and you see it from his perspective.

00:30:14.000 You don't see him ever.

00:30:15.000 So he's got like the camera on.

00:30:17.000 The girl walks in the room and then he starts asking her questions.

00:30:19.000 Where are you from?

00:30:20.000 How old are you?

00:30:21.000 Have you ever done this before?

00:30:23.000 No.

00:30:23.000 You know, you know what you're here for?

00:30:24.000 Yeah.

00:30:25.000 And then, you know, ask him a bunch of questions.

00:30:26.000 Where'd you grow up?

00:30:27.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:30:28.000 You know, are you married?

00:30:29.000 Do you have any kids?

00:30:30.000 The whole deal.

00:30:31.000 Then you here to suck some cock?

00:30:33.000 Yeah.

00:30:35.000 And then the guy pulls his dick out and the girl starts sucking things.

00:30:38.000 And you can see there's like this weird fucking energy in the air because they both know that they're doing this and it's going to get online.

00:30:47.000 They're going to do this online.

00:30:48.000 I mean, they're not really porn stars.

00:30:49.000 I mean, he's not really a porn star and she's just some chick who's getting talked into doing this.

00:30:53.000 I mean, you know, they haven't gone to Vivid and worked on this.

00:30:56.000 Are you talking about casting couches?

00:30:57.000 Oh, basically, those are all fake.

00:30:59.000 You know what?

00:31:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:00.000 No, some of them are fake.

00:31:02.000 Some because they can't film it unless they have already done a drug test or if they've already signed all their papers.

00:31:07.000 In every part of the country?

00:31:10.000 At least the United States.

00:31:10.000 I mean, that's probably the rules.

00:31:12.000 I bet that's the rules, but I'm sure there's people out there gorilla in there.

00:31:14.000 They're pretty hardcore about it.

00:31:16.000 They are pretty hardcore about it.

00:31:16.000 I've seen it.

00:31:17.000 What do you mean, though?

00:31:18.000 I mean, if a girl sucks a guy's dick on video, they have to get a...

00:31:22.000 She has to get a drug test.

00:31:23.000 No, drug test, AIC taste test.

00:31:25.000 In the whole country?

00:31:26.000 In the whole country.

00:31:27.000 Are you positive about this?

00:31:28.000 I'm not 100%.

00:31:28.000 I'm pretty positive.

00:31:29.000 We should research this.

00:31:30.000 I know at least.

00:31:31.000 Okay, let's not talk about that until we figure this out because this is a silly conversation then.

00:31:35.000 Because that's the main crux of the issue.

00:31:37.000 I mean, I know a lot of them are fake, but a lot of them, like this girl from ASU, this bus, perfect example.

00:31:43.000 That's fake.

00:31:44.000 A lot of those are porn stars, right?

00:31:45.000 Well, they're not just porn stars, but they're the whole, like, picking you up.

00:31:48.000 The whole thing's been set up.

00:31:50.000 Right.

00:31:50.000 All of that.

00:31:50.000 That one.

00:31:51.000 But not all of them, right?

00:31:52.000 These gorilla ones where you don't even see the guy's face.

00:31:54.000 Yeah, there's got to be some.

00:31:55.000 There's a lot of gorilla.

00:31:56.000 If it's on a website that's making money and it's a legit website, then yes, it's fake.

00:32:01.000 Where would we find this out?

00:32:03.000 Hold on, make a phone call.

00:32:05.000 I'm going to make a phone call.

00:32:06.000 Porn rules.

00:32:08.000 What would you Google, Freddie Locker?

00:32:10.000 High rules, butthole, California.

00:32:13.000 STD test.

00:32:14.000 Rules for taking loads on face on camera.

00:32:16.000 Film porn law.

00:32:20.000 No, Brian, this is not true.

00:32:21.000 Porn stars could see mandatory STD testing.

00:32:25.000 Could see.

00:32:26.000 They do not have them right now.

00:32:27.000 What's the date on that?

00:32:28.000 It's not May 11th.

00:32:30.000 Excuse me, March 21st, 2011.

00:32:33.000 Are you sure about that?

00:32:34.000 I'm reading it right now, bro.

00:32:36.000 On the LA Weekly.

00:32:38.000 Porn stars in California will see stricter safety rules on how they do their thing on set, just like construction worker has to wear a hard hat, they might have to Don condoms and submit to tests.

00:32:48.000 They're saying they don't have mandatory tests yet.

00:32:51.000 From my understanding, it's already been mandatory.

00:32:53.000 Really?

00:32:53.000 I don't know.

00:32:54.000 Why are they saying this in LA Weekly then, bro?

00:32:54.000 Yeah.

00:32:57.000 I don't know.

00:32:57.000 These bitches are telling you they're getting tested, and you're just fucking living off those tests.

00:33:02.000 I'm like, let me see.

00:33:03.000 Oh, cool.

00:33:03.000 I don't have AIDS again this week.

00:33:05.000 That LA Weekly is free.

00:33:06.000 They don't have any reason to lie to me.

00:33:07.000 Yeah, I don't think LA is lying.

00:33:09.000 Well, I know that what's been lately is the condom laws where they're trying to make it so I think they've already made it.

00:33:15.000 It's not mandatory, bro.

00:33:16.000 Here's the deal.

00:33:17.000 In porn world in LA, they already test their performers regularly.

00:33:20.000 That hasn't stopped diseases, including HIV positive scandal for one gay performer last year.

00:33:25.000 Yeah, apparently it's not, they do it.

00:33:27.000 They do it a lot.

00:33:29.000 But it doesn't seem to be like a law.

00:33:31.000 So the girl at ASU sounds real, though.

00:33:33.000 I think that some of my followers are.

00:33:34.000 I think it is real.

00:33:35.000 Some of the followers are from ASU.

00:33:37.000 I think there's an ASU McKenzie following me.

00:33:39.000 Find out that ASU McKenzie.

00:33:41.000 There's been a few guys that posted on our board that were porn guys.

00:33:45.000 One of them, man, did just really humiliation porn.

00:33:50.000 It was really kind of depressing.

00:33:52.000 He would tell us stories about how he rope these chicks in and how a lot of them are like single moms and they needed money for the rent and how he would hook it up and the next thing you know they would be doing like internet porn for him.

00:34:03.000 It's really fucking crazy.

00:34:05.000 Yeah, well, I mean, I would imagine everybody recruiting, especially for the internet porn, is going to be sleazy because you're going to go after who's weak.

00:34:10.000 It's just like a military recruiter is going to go after a 17-year-old.

00:34:14.000 I just confused his stories again.

00:34:17.000 The guy who was bringing in the women and paying for the rent and shit like that, that wasn't a porn guy.

00:34:24.000 He was a guy who used to write stories about it and he had a website about it.

00:34:27.000 I completely confused it.

00:34:29.000 The porn guys, that's a different story.

00:34:32.000 Damn, I hate when I do that.

00:34:34.000 The stories that you really never thought about for years and they're somewhere in the back of your head and then you combine them together and you're like, wait a minute, you guys stop moving.

00:34:42.000 Stay still.

00:34:42.000 What are you doing wearing his clothes?

00:34:44.000 Get over there.

00:34:45.000 You fuckers, you tricked me there for a second.

00:34:47.000 I get that all the time.

00:34:48.000 Or you just simply thought you made it up.

00:34:50.000 I thought I'd made...

00:34:55.000 And I was driving the other day and I was like, holy shit, we buried a fucking time capsule.

00:34:59.000 It was 89.

00:35:00.000 I was like, I wonder if they dug it up.

00:35:02.000 So I emailed the school that I went to back in 89.

00:35:05.000 I was like, hey, my name is Freddie Lockhart.

00:35:07.000 Yeah, I said, my name is Freddie Lockhart.

00:35:09.000 I went to school there in 89.

00:35:10.000 I'm curious, we buried a time capsule.

00:35:12.000 Did you guys find it?

00:35:13.000 She's like, funny enough, we did unearth it.

00:35:16.000 And it had some water damage.

00:35:18.000 But in my mind, I thought we stuck a Game Boy in there.

00:35:20.000 I think what I'm doing is just associating all things 1989 we shoved in there.

00:35:24.000 But in 1989, I don't think any kid on earth would spare their fucking Game Boy for a capsule, a time capsule.

00:35:30.000 So I think what it just was, was like pictures and prices of candy bars and shit.

00:35:34.000 But I was just so compelled by just that memory popping in my head.

00:35:38.000 I got with that lady and it sounds like she's probably been there this whole time too.

00:35:42.000 She's like, it's always nice to hear from former students.

00:35:44.000 And yes, we did dig it up.

00:35:46.000 I was like, bitch, was it a treasure in there or what?

00:35:48.000 And it turns out just papers and shit.

00:35:50.000 No Game Boy.

00:35:51.000 I thought for sure I had a Game Boy in there.

00:35:53.000 It was just papers that were there?

00:35:55.000 Like newspapers and things of the day.

00:35:57.000 But to me, it's like, I'm more impressed.

00:35:59.000 Like, I wanted to see, since the technological revolution has gone leaps and bounds since 1989 to now, that's what we should have put in there.

00:36:05.000 It's like, you know, some outdated shit so we could laugh at it now.

00:36:08.000 Have you ever thought about buying one of those off of Amazon or eBay or something like that just to see what it's like to play with it now?

00:36:14.000 What's that?

00:36:14.000 Some old ass Game Boy.

00:36:16.000 Oh, I have all the old ass Game Boy.

00:36:18.000 You have all that stuff?

00:36:18.000 You have like Atari?

00:36:19.000 I have all the boxes.

00:36:22.000 Why do I have no storage?

00:36:23.000 Why do you think my office is so crap?

00:36:25.000 I was telling him earlier, there's a show on Justin TV, this guy called The Angry Gamer.

00:36:25.000 I have an old Nintendo.

00:36:30.000 You've seen it.

00:36:31.000 Yeah, it's fucking funny.

00:36:31.000 And this guy's fucking hilarious.

00:36:32.000 He's this nerd.

00:36:33.000 I guess he's like in his early 30s, but he reviews old video games.

00:36:36.000 That's his whole job.

00:36:37.000 He's got this whole basement, Nintendo games, as far as the eyes can see, Sega Genesis game, you name it.

00:36:42.000 He'll review it, but as an adult, an intellectual adult who curses like a sailor, he'll review the game, and it'll take you back to when you were nine years old and you're playing Rygar or something.

00:36:50.000 You're like, how the fuck do I jump over here?

00:36:53.000 He uncovers glitches, and he shows you that I was right.

00:36:56.000 There was no way to do that the whole time.

00:36:58.000 But I got to watching this dude's shit like nine episodes.

00:37:01.000 He's just pissed about everything.

00:37:02.000 He's like, now I'll play it on the original Game Boy.

00:37:04.000 This game fucking sucks.

00:37:06.000 He never likes anything, but he voices your frustrations as a nine-year-old, as an adult.

00:37:10.000 It's so weird.

00:37:12.000 The Angry Gamers?

00:37:12.000 What is it?

00:37:13.000 I think it's Angry Gamers, I remember.

00:37:14.000 It's fucking hilarious.

00:37:15.000 It's so weird.

00:37:16.000 He's just reviewing old shit.

00:37:17.000 It's retro reviews, though, but that's cool shit, you know, especially to go back and really review something from an adult perspective.

00:37:23.000 I thought it was just a dumb kid.

00:37:24.000 I was like, I can't figure it out.

00:37:26.000 It doesn't work, you know.

00:37:27.000 But now I realize I was a dumb kid, but there was a glitch as well.

00:37:30.000 Yeah.

00:37:31.000 Yeah.

00:37:32.000 Fucking retro gaming.

00:37:33.000 It's pretty amazing.

00:37:34.000 I bought something the other day on my iPad.

00:37:35.000 I'm like, you know what?

00:37:36.000 Is it like an old classic game?

00:37:38.000 I was like, I think this is probably the sixth time I've bought this game.

00:37:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:42.000 Like Pac-Man.

00:37:43.000 I've bought Pac-Man at least 20 times in my life.

00:37:46.000 And who knows how many quarters spent on an arcade version 2?

00:37:49.000 Can you imagine trying to explain video games to someone in the Middle Ages?

00:37:52.000 Yeah, I know.

00:37:53.000 Where do you start?

00:37:54.000 Okay.

00:37:55.000 You know what 8 bits are?

00:37:57.000 You know how you draw pictures?

00:37:57.000 All right.

00:37:58.000 Now imagine that moving.

00:37:59.000 Not even.

00:38:00.000 Controlling.

00:38:01.000 No.

00:38:01.000 You control it with a mouse.

00:38:03.000 Sounds like the double keyboard.

00:38:05.000 Yeah.

00:38:06.000 Imagine trying to explain how to work an iPhone to somebody 10 years ago.

00:38:10.000 Imagine explaining.

00:38:11.000 Touch screen.

00:38:11.000 Yeah, right?

00:38:12.000 Yeah.

00:38:13.000 There was an episode of the show, Journeyman.

00:38:15.000 Did you guys ever see that show?

00:38:16.000 Short-lived time traveling series on ABC, Journeyman.

00:38:19.000 I think it was like 2007.

00:38:21.000 And it was really fucking good.

00:38:22.000 Of course, I'm a time travel nerd, so I was probably the only one watching it.

00:38:25.000 But he goes back to like 1981, and he gets shot, and he has to go seek medical attention at the hospital.

00:38:30.000 They find his iPhone laying on his chest, and this doctor's like, what the fuck?

00:38:34.000 Like scrolling through it, and I love that shit.

00:38:36.000 Just to see, that's what I would time travel, is to go blow people's minds with shit.

00:38:40.000 Yeah, if you showed someone an iPhone just 20 years ago, they would really, really fucking freak out.

00:38:45.000 It's amazing how you could touch the screen and it knows like what your finger touches, like for letters and shit like that.

00:38:51.000 It's amazing how accurate that is.

00:38:53.000 But you know how long this shit's been out, though?

00:38:54.000 Go look like the first touchscreen phone was like Sprint or somebody put one out in 1992 and it was a, it's an all-touch screen like color phone.

00:39:03.000 It was, of course, it was like $2,000.

00:39:05.000 Like Google first, Mac Newton popped.

00:39:10.000 Sure, I remember that stupid pet.

00:39:11.000 That's my first iPad.

00:39:13.000 My very first development deal, I came over here, and this guy who was this big executive at Disney had one, and he was showing us all in the office.

00:39:22.000 And we were like, whoa, what the fuck is that?

00:39:23.000 He's like, this is a Newton.

00:39:25.000 I didn't know that was actually unreleased.

00:39:27.000 Yeah, it was for a couple years it ran.

00:39:29.000 This is like 93, 94, somewhere around then.

00:39:29.000 Wow.

00:39:32.000 Yeah, they did them 92, 93, 94.

00:39:34.000 At the end, you could email from them too.

00:39:36.000 You could fax, email, do all that.

00:39:38.000 That's incredible.

00:39:39.000 That's when I was PC only.

00:39:40.000 That's so back in the day, man.

00:39:42.000 It really is.

00:39:43.000 It's funny when you think about it, but it's like all that stuff.

00:39:47.000 They knew they wanted to do that shit.

00:39:48.000 What I want to do is go blow Steve Jobs' mind and show him the shit he's going to invent, but show him when he's 20.

00:39:52.000 Yeah, he's.

00:39:53.000 Yeah, right?

00:39:54.000 Yeah, no kidding.

00:39:55.000 Look what you're going to come up with.

00:39:56.000 Yeah.

00:39:58.000 Well, you'd probably ruin it all.

00:39:59.000 Yeah, you would.

00:40:00.000 You'd fuck up everything in time.

00:40:01.000 If he knew that he was going to be that successful, maybe he wouldn't work as hard.

00:40:04.000 So in that Journeyman, what happened is he leaves his iPhone back there, and nanotechnology has now sped up 30 years because he left it back in the past.

00:40:12.000 So he gets back to his present, and nanotechnology rules the world.

00:40:16.000 There's just nothing but like Journeyman.

00:40:19.000 It's called a Journeyman.

00:40:20.000 It was one season on ABC.

00:40:22.000 It's fucking fantastic.

00:40:23.000 Really?

00:40:24.000 You can catch all the episodes on Hulu.

00:40:24.000 It's on Hulu.

00:40:26.000 And it just got canceled?

00:40:27.000 It got canceled.

00:40:28.000 Big budget, time travel, small brains, don't pick up.

00:40:28.000 You know how it is.

00:40:32.000 I never even heard of it.

00:40:32.000 Journeyman.

00:40:33.000 Yeah, it was short.

00:40:34.000 It was really good, huh?

00:40:35.000 It was really good.

00:40:36.000 It was done in the way that you wanted it to be done.

00:40:38.000 Time travel.

00:40:39.000 Like, they really hit the things I wanted to see.

00:40:41.000 Did they end it like they knew they were ending it, or did they just end it out of the blue?

00:40:45.000 It seems like they ended it out of the blue.

00:40:47.000 It was probably one of those things.

00:40:47.000 They went Christmas break.

00:40:49.000 It's up in the air.

00:40:50.000 It's over, kids.

00:40:51.000 I was at Target the other day fucking just looking at cameras because my little digital camera thing broke and so I'm trying to find like a little small camera and all the cameras were out of stock because of the Japan thing.

00:41:03.000 And then I read the other day that the new iPhone is now rumored to be in September instead of June, maybe because of the Japan thing.

00:41:10.000 I'm not sure.

00:41:11.000 That's fair.

00:41:11.000 But I'm just amazed like how much that fucking shit has affected.

00:41:15.000 You know, that's nothing, dude.

00:41:17.000 Me buying a camera.

00:41:19.000 That's a tiny thing.

00:41:20.000 That's a tiny thing.

00:41:21.000 The real issue is this fucking, the radiation that's coming out of there now, man.

00:41:25.000 Do you think Japan's unlivable now?

00:41:29.000 Seven.

00:41:30.000 Yeah, they didn't think it was going to get that bad.

00:41:33.000 They said it's still not as bad as Chernobyl because it's more contained.

00:41:36.000 And Chernobyl had ash fires that burned for days and spread the shit and spread the radioactive material.

00:41:42.000 But it's problematic, man.

00:41:44.000 It's a big, big issue.

00:41:45.000 And they don't know how much worse it's going to get.

00:41:47.000 And they keep getting earthquakes there, too.

00:41:49.000 They had another one the other day.

00:41:50.000 Yeah.

00:41:50.000 A strong seven.

00:41:52.000 And it never gets better, right?

00:41:53.000 Radiation, you can't just, it's always going to be there.

00:41:56.000 That's like dead land, right?

00:41:57.000 100,000 years.

00:41:59.000 Yeah, it'll be fucked up for so long.

00:42:01.000 Fucking Asians are going to actually have tentacles coming out of them.

00:42:04.000 The idea that we have this, I mean, nuclear power is one of the all-time craziest ideas.

00:42:09.000 And everybody was like, nuclear power?

00:42:11.000 It's one of these things, these fucking tie-wearing Republican cuntbags, these assholes that are always like, hey, what's the alarm?

00:42:19.000 Where's you alarmists, these liberals who want to, listen, there's nothing wrong with nuclear power.

00:42:25.000 Nuclear power is clean, it's safe.

00:42:27.000 Like outside of Three Mile Island in Chernobyl, where's the problem?

00:42:32.000 We've had nuclear power for 30 years.

00:42:34.000 30 years is a goddamn blink of an eye.

00:42:37.000 It's this.

00:42:38.000 It's nothing.

00:42:39.000 If human beings are going to exist in the future thousands and thousands of years from now, what are we going to keep piling up these fucking toxic rods until we have one part of the globe where you couldn't even fly over it in a plane or your fucking plane will melt and everyone will die of cancer?

00:42:53.000 What the fuck are you going to do?

00:42:54.000 How are you going to store all that shit?

00:42:56.000 I mean, they have this thing in Sweden, I think it is, where they have a tunnel that goes deep into the earth in this vault they created that'll last 100,000 years just to keep these fucking things in it.

00:43:06.000 Jeez.

00:43:07.000 That's ridiculous.

00:43:08.000 I mean the idea of splitting atoms to like homes though and harnessing it and their man think that we can control splitting atoms.

00:43:14.000 Or but what's the options?

00:43:15.000 You look at the grid.

00:43:16.000 Look at like fly over LA and look at the size of that fucking grid.

00:43:21.000 Look at all those goddamn lights.

00:43:23.000 Look at all those houses.

00:43:26.000 It's insane how big it is.

00:43:27.000 Don't you think it should be mandatory solar collector roofs or something like that?

00:43:31.000 It should be fucking for California, 100%, man.

00:43:34.000 The problem is it's really expensive.

00:43:36.000 People can barely afford to put gas in their tank right now.

00:43:39.000 I mean now gas is $420 for regular.

00:43:42.000 I saw that yesterday.

00:43:43.000 I was like, what the fuck is that?

00:43:46.000 $420 for regular.

00:43:48.000 I'm like, that's incredible.

00:43:49.000 I ever spent $90 filling my tank the other day.

00:43:51.000 Dude, that's wrong.

00:43:52.000 Really?

00:43:53.000 What do you drive?

00:43:54.000 Ford Edge.

00:43:55.000 these fucking cunts that we have running this country, man.

00:43:58.000 There's a story that Matt Taibbi wrote for Rolling Stone about the, I And it is mind-boggling.

00:44:13.000 And it's all about the wives of bankers getting these.

00:44:17.000 The Rolling Stone article is called The Real Housewives of Wall Street.

00:44:21.000 And it's about these wives of these fucking bankers getting these $250 million loans.

00:44:28.000 It's incredible.

00:44:30.000 This story will make your fucking blood boil.

00:44:32.000 They tapped into the money that was supposed to be for the bailout.

00:44:36.000 And the bailout provided a bunch of different loan options.

00:44:39.000 And it was basically to re-stimulate the economy.

00:44:42.000 These fucking multi-multi-multi-millionaire bankers saw this opening in the system and capitalized on it.

00:44:48.000 Dude, it's terrifying.

00:44:50.000 And the way these bonds and these things work is they buy up sketchy bonds.

00:44:55.000 And if the bonds fail, if everything fails, they don't have to pay the money back.

00:45:00.000 But if they profit, they make money off of it.

00:45:02.000 I mean, the whole thing, it's mind-boggling.

00:45:04.000 That's crazy.

00:45:06.000 It's so scary.

00:45:07.000 It's crazy.

00:45:08.000 I mean, it's not admirable.

00:45:09.000 It's almost crazy how you see the second something comes, somebody finds a way to exploit it.

00:45:13.000 You know what I mean?

00:45:14.000 Somebody finds some loophole in there.

00:45:17.000 And shame on Obama's entire administration and Bush's for not putting some literature in that document saying that you cannot, you know, no profit should be made off this from the bankers or the bankers' wives.

00:45:30.000 $250 million.

00:45:31.000 Well, that's one thing.

00:45:32.000 But how about there should be no fucking, the bailout is, the way they've structured it is completely insane.

00:45:37.000 It's like free money.

00:45:38.000 There's no accountability.

00:45:40.000 No accountability.

00:45:41.000 They can't account for the money.

00:45:42.000 We're not getting receipts either.

00:45:43.000 It's not like the United States citizens have paid the taxes towards this get to review where the money went.

00:45:48.000 So there's an account of it so you can watch it and track it.

00:45:52.000 No, you can't, man.

00:45:53.000 They don't know where the fuck it's going.

00:45:54.000 It's the whole thing is complete, utter chaos.

00:45:57.000 And it's completely out of line.

00:45:59.000 These people are getting giant bonuses, man.

00:46:02.000 Their banks failed and they got bonuses.

00:46:05.000 The rich get richer and richer.

00:46:06.000 And the money comes directly from the taxpayer.

00:46:08.000 There is no money.

00:46:08.000 The bank has failed.

00:46:09.000 They don't have any money.

00:46:10.000 So they get an infusion of money from the federal government and then they have to pay these guys money.

00:46:14.000 These guys millions and millions of dollars.

00:46:16.000 And it's amazing that Obama gets away with this.

00:46:18.000 That all of them get away with this.

00:46:20.000 You are supposed to be the fucking president, you asshole.

00:46:23.000 You're supposed to be protecting people from this shit.

00:46:26.000 This is not supposed to have ever happened.

00:46:27.000 And when this does happen, you're the one who's supposed to be us.

00:46:30.000 You're the one who's supposed to step in and say, what the fuck, man?

00:46:33.000 You're Obama.

00:46:35.000 You're 46 years old, man.

00:46:36.000 You're only a few years older than me.

00:46:38.000 You're a few years older than me.

00:46:39.000 You're my friend.

00:46:41.000 And you're in there with these fucking cunts and you're not saying shit.

00:46:44.000 You're letting these guys steal money.

00:46:45.000 You're letting them steal billions and crush the economy and continue to do business as usual.

00:46:50.000 And the banks get bigger and bigger because they fucking buy up these other failing banks and then they become even more untouchable.

00:46:56.000 In American cities, but Decay, like Detroit.

00:46:58.000 And they helped you get in power, so that's what's up?

00:47:00.000 Like, where does his name?

00:47:02.000 When you get out, are you going to tell us what's up?

00:47:04.000 What happens then?

00:47:05.000 Is he going to get, maybe he loses this year, Newt Gingrich wins, and he tells us exactly how the fucking world works.

00:47:10.000 Yeah.

00:47:10.000 You know, he lets us know.

00:47:11.000 Is that going to happen?

00:47:12.000 Please.

00:47:13.000 Well, I'm sure he got in, and just like any other aspiring man of, anybody running for president, I don't really think it's been since Kennedy or someone like that who's really in it for, you know, political reasons.

00:47:24.000 And even Kennedy was groomed for it.

00:47:26.000 You know, he was groomed for it.

00:47:27.000 He was of the pedigree.

00:47:28.000 But the thing is, like, now it's a corporate, it's a CEO job.

00:47:31.000 You're not, you're the top of the company now.

00:47:34.000 You're not, like you said, a man of the people, for the people, by the people.

00:47:37.000 And he might have gotten into that thing thinking he could be.

00:47:40.000 But once you sit down, they sit you in that room, look, boy, you're the puppet.

00:47:43.000 Do you think that's true, though?

00:47:45.000 Or do you think it's just all bullshit in the world?

00:47:46.000 I don't think he has any power, and I don't think it's any worse than it's ever been ever.

00:47:50.000 I think everybody gets up in arms.

00:47:53.000 It's like, look at Nixon, look at all those guys.

00:47:55.000 Everybody was, how could you not be president and start to develop some grandiose ideas?

00:47:59.000 Yeah, but dude, you got to, financially, it's never been this way.

00:48:03.000 It's never been with the deregulation that was passed during the Reagan administration and continued all through Clinton and Bush and all this.

00:48:10.000 That has allowed these financial institutions to get into a position that we're supposed to be protected from after the Great Depression.

00:48:17.000 Sure.

00:48:17.000 After the Great Depression, they put all sorts of laws in place so that banks couldn't get risky with your money and do crazy shit and then wind up losing everything.

00:48:24.000 Right, which they did to it.

00:48:25.000 They got rid of all that shit.

00:48:27.000 They got rid of all that shit and then unchecked growth and spending came because of that.

00:48:31.000 And these guys, these motherfuckers, took all kinds of crazy chances with people's money and then it all fell apart.

00:48:36.000 And then banks collapsed and people lost their life savings.

00:48:39.000 What's happening?

00:48:39.000 It's happening too.

00:48:40.000 Like you look now, the cell phone companies are narrowing down to two.

00:48:43.000 There's virtually two banks anyway.

00:48:45.000 That's not that bad, though.

00:48:46.000 No one's getting ripped off.

00:48:47.000 This financial institution thing.

00:48:49.000 What happened with the market is a goddamn heist.

00:48:52.000 It's a giant heist.

00:48:54.000 People made millions of dollars in front of everyone's face after the banks failed.

00:48:58.000 And Obama didn't do a damn thing.

00:49:00.000 It's a heist.

00:49:02.000 He saw it.

00:49:03.000 It went on in the 80s, too, the Lincoln savings and loan scandal.

00:49:03.000 He knows it.

00:49:07.000 Not like this.

00:49:08.000 This is the biggest one by far ever that's ever been perpetrated by these people.

00:49:13.000 The whole thing is fraudulent.

00:49:14.000 The whole thing is a scam.

00:49:16.000 From the very beginning, they knew everything was illegitimate.

00:49:20.000 They knew what they were doing was wrong.

00:49:22.000 They were trying to offering clients stocks that they knew that they were betting against.

00:49:28.000 They were betting against these stocks, and yet they were offering up to their clients.

00:49:31.000 The whole thing is sickening, man.

00:49:32.000 It's sickening.

00:49:33.000 And Obama ain't doing shit.

00:49:34.000 He's not saying anything.

00:49:35.000 He's not doing anything.

00:49:36.000 He's not freaking out.

00:49:37.000 It's sickening.

00:49:38.000 I don't think he can't.

00:49:39.000 I don't think he will.

00:49:40.000 I mean, he doesn't want to lose his job.

00:49:42.000 And all those people, you know, they help you get elected.

00:49:45.000 I know, but I mean, to do what?

00:49:46.000 What are you going to do?

00:49:48.000 Are you holding the barbarians back at the gate?

00:49:51.000 I mean, there's so many spears and swords coming through that gate that you're just barely keeping us alive.

00:49:55.000 I don't think he's doing that.

00:49:56.000 I think you are.

00:49:58.000 Here's the idea of being president, to get your presidential library built, whether you serve four or eight years, and to sell your book and to get your deal, you know, and to say that you did that in politics.

00:50:08.000 Because I bet you George W. Bush is having a dandy old life now and a good old time.

00:50:12.000 Hey, Brian, people get real distracted when you start wandering off when we're having conversations.

00:50:16.000 I'm actually just trying to fix the lag that everyone's talking about right now.

00:50:19.000 Fix lag.

00:50:20.000 Ustream is just being itself.

00:50:22.000 It's just not that spectacular.

00:50:24.000 Yeah, I did catch the Charlie Sheen Ustream, but it wasn't.

00:50:28.000 The first one was ridiculously bad.

00:50:30.000 He had like all his cronies, and you realize, wow, this is why that guy's.

00:50:33.000 Simon Rex.

00:50:34.000 I hadn't heard that name since 1996.

00:50:37.000 Who is he?

00:50:37.000 One of the dudes who was hanging out with Charlie Sheen in that first Ustream side.

00:50:40.000 Is that the guy from Duran Durant?

00:50:42.000 He was a TV VJ, and there was some scandal happened.

00:50:45.000 I can't remember what.

00:50:46.000 Something put the kibosh on his fledgling career.

00:50:49.000 Yeah.

00:50:49.000 Really?

00:50:51.000 Come on, porn man.

00:50:52.000 I think it involved porn of something.

00:50:54.000 Porn man?

00:50:55.000 Porn?

00:50:56.000 Sure, you like the naked Nickelodeon.

00:50:57.000 Simon Rex.

00:50:58.000 I don't remember him.

00:50:59.000 So he was one of the ones that was.

00:51:00.000 So he was one of the hangers on, and then you could tell, like, the other dude looked like some out-of-work jazz musician.

00:51:04.000 It's like, you can tell, like, now the dude was geeking off of drugs.

00:51:07.000 And I don't think he was on them, but I think he was geeking off of them.

00:51:10.000 And his judgment was super suspect.

00:51:13.000 Well, I think he was also swimming in all the love that he was getting from all these people.

00:51:13.000 Not already suspect.

00:51:17.000 Winning was all over Twitter.

00:51:18.000 He had over a million followers almost instantly.

00:51:20.000 And I think he's like, I'm the fucking shit, people.

00:51:23.000 These fucking trolls, they're going to wish they didn't get rid of me.

00:51:23.000 I told you.

00:51:28.000 The public will demand that I come back.

00:51:31.000 But man, you're going out there on some fucking thin branches, son.

00:51:35.000 It's very hard for a guy like him to take that Howard Beale kind of zeal that he was taking because at the end of the day, Howard Beale had a lot to say, whereas Charlie Shane has a lot of bumper stickers, a lot of catchphrases.

00:51:48.000 And that's fine.

00:51:49.000 But as you're seeing as you go out there, this thing's petering on fumes now.

00:51:53.000 And you're starting to realize Alec Baldwin did an op-ed piece, I think like in the HuffPost or something, or a direct letter to him being like, Quit being a douchebag.

00:52:01.000 Alec Baldwin.

00:52:02.000 And he's like, here's the thing.

00:52:03.000 You're going against douchebags and you're acting like one.

00:52:05.000 You're going to lose.

00:52:06.000 Don't fight the network.

00:52:06.000 Just apologize.

00:52:08.000 Go back.

00:52:08.000 And I was like, well, you know, apparently Alec Baldwin said he acted like Charlie Sheen during the hunt for Red October.

00:52:15.000 It was supposed to be a whole bunch of movies for him.

00:52:17.000 And he didn't get him because he was getting all like that too, like bigger than the production.

00:52:21.000 Oh, really?

00:52:22.000 But, you know, at the end of the day, if this thing turned out to be a hoax, I would say Charlie Sheen's fucking brilliant.

00:52:28.000 But he's not brilliant enough to pull off this hoax.

00:52:30.000 This is for real, and this is sad, and it's a guy who...

00:52:37.000 I've been enjoying the shit out of it.

00:52:39.000 I can't watch those fucking videos where they show you how they kill pigs.

00:52:44.000 I can't watch those.

00:52:45.000 I've ignored the whole entire thing.

00:52:46.000 I have not watched that.

00:52:48.000 I've watched a couple seconds when we talked about it in that one podcast.

00:52:52.000 See, I'm very into it.

00:52:52.000 I'm not against it.

00:52:53.000 When something happens, like a lot of people, there's people, something like that will happen.

00:52:56.000 And then there's the whole sect of people who are like, you know, screw Charlie Sheen.

00:52:59.000 Don't watch him.

00:53:00.000 It's like, yeah, I'm going to watch him.

00:53:01.000 It's the player of the day.

00:53:02.000 It's fun.

00:53:02.000 It's interesting.

00:53:03.000 This man's falling down.

00:53:04.000 I like it.

00:53:05.000 I think it's fun.

00:53:06.000 I think it's a lot of fun.

00:53:07.000 I don't think it's good.

00:53:07.000 It's definitely not.

00:53:08.000 I mean, I wouldn't go to, maybe I would go to the live show for like 10 minutes.

00:53:11.000 If they put it online, I would watch it.

00:53:14.000 I would watch the video of it.

00:53:15.000 It was just somebody else.

00:53:16.000 I'd see how strange it was.

00:53:17.000 If it was somebody else, maybe I just never got into Sheen.

00:53:19.000 I'm like, wow, I like hot shots.

00:53:20.000 That's about it.

00:53:21.000 I just Wall Street.

00:53:22.000 Wall Street?

00:53:23.000 Yeah.

00:53:24.000 Gordon Gecko.

00:53:25.000 That was a long time ago.

00:53:26.000 Cartoon.

00:53:26.000 1987.

00:53:27.000 In 86.

00:53:28.000 Best Picture went 87.

00:53:30.000 Chemistry, Suite.

00:53:31.000 Nominated Best Picture Wall Street 87.

00:53:32.000 The guy had a legit little run there for a while.

00:53:34.000 Do you remember that movie?

00:53:35.000 Was it Invasion or something like that?

00:53:37.000 Alien Invasion?

00:53:38.000 What the fuck?

00:53:39.000 1986-ish.

00:53:40.000 Yeah.

00:53:41.000 With that black kid and head.

00:53:43.000 Watch that on an airplane from New York.

00:53:45.000 Solid fucking sci-fi flick.

00:53:46.000 I was turned onto that by Dave Foley.

00:53:48.000 Wow.

00:53:48.000 We were doing news radio together, and he came back from the weekend with a big smile on his face.

00:53:52.000 He goes, I saw a really good sci-fi movie.

00:53:55.000 And he told me it was this movie.

00:53:56.000 I go, that movie's good.

00:53:57.000 He's like, yeah.

00:53:57.000 What is it called?

00:53:58.000 Was it Alien Invasion?

00:53:59.000 I don't even remember what you're talking about.

00:54:00.000 I think Invasion people.

00:54:02.000 I think it's 1996.

00:54:04.000 It was about Black Kid and him.

00:54:05.000 That narrows it down.

00:54:06.000 But I watched it on a plane.

00:54:09.000 And I think I watched it on a plane from West Virginia to Phoenix, Arizona.

00:54:14.000 I saw Tron the other day, finally, 3D.

00:54:18.000 Watched most of it.

00:54:19.000 You know, the CGI was completely horrible for that dude.

00:54:23.000 There's been way better movies with better CGI.

00:54:26.000 Oh, I think I saw your tweet when you were about to get into it, some wine, some weed, and Tron.

00:54:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:30.000 But I didn't see the after.

00:54:31.000 Simon Rex in 1993, at age 19, appeared solo in scenes for three masturbation porn films.

00:54:37.000 Arrival.

00:54:38.000 Oh, that's where I'm going to go.

00:54:39.000 And it came to surface after he started to get a name for himself.

00:54:42.000 Yeah?

00:54:43.000 But the CGI, what's his name?

00:54:46.000 That's Dirt Nasty?

00:54:48.000 Simon Rex is Dirt Nasty?

00:54:50.000 Are they the same guy?

00:54:51.000 No, no.

00:54:52.000 Why is there photo?

00:54:53.000 The photo on Wiki is so wonky.

00:54:54.000 Wiki's so crazy, man.

00:54:56.000 See?

00:54:57.000 That's that Dirt Nasty dude.

00:55:00.000 It is Dirt Nasty, dude.

00:55:01.000 That's his website.

00:55:02.000 Dirt Nasty Music.

00:55:03.000 Dirt Nasty is Simon Rex?

00:55:05.000 That's what I'm saying here, man.

00:55:05.000 Could be.

00:55:07.000 I'm sure somebody out there can be.

00:55:08.000 Dirt Nasty was like a rapper or something.

00:55:10.000 I thought he is a rapper.

00:55:11.000 I think he's the same guy.

00:55:12.000 Yeah, I think it is.

00:55:13.000 Because Simon Rex is kind of like a Uyghur type, you know?

00:55:16.000 Makes sense.

00:55:19.000 So, yeah, the CGI, was it Jeff Goldblum that's in the movie where they have like a younger version of him?

00:55:23.000 Ah, Jeff Goldblum.

00:55:24.000 Is that his name?

00:55:26.000 That was so awful, though.

00:55:27.000 Oh, wait, no, no.

00:55:28.000 Dirt Nasty is a moniker employed by Simon Rex.

00:55:28.000 No, no, Bridges.

00:55:32.000 Wow.

00:55:33.000 Yeah, Dirt Nasty is Simon Rex.

00:55:34.000 That's crazy.

00:55:35.000 Don't know either of them.

00:55:37.000 Don't need to.

00:55:39.000 I've saw he is.

00:55:40.000 Dirt Nasty has one song that's pretty fucking funny on YouTube.

00:55:44.000 He's got some good songs, man.

00:55:47.000 He was a VJ, right, on MTV?

00:55:48.000 That's my guess.

00:55:50.000 I don't know him from that.

00:55:51.000 I only know him from very recently from Dirt Nasty, from some of his songs that some people on my message board threw up some of the clips on YouTube.

00:55:59.000 They're fucking funny, man.

00:56:00.000 You know what?

00:56:01.000 It's comedy?

00:56:02.000 Yeah, it's like comedy rap.

00:56:04.000 That makes sense because I think he did refer to him as Dirt Nasty in that first Charlie Sheen stream.

00:56:08.000 They're fucking pretty good, man.

00:56:10.000 It's funny stuff, man.

00:56:12.000 I enjoyed it.

00:56:13.000 Like, and the raps are pretty cool.

00:56:14.000 It's like funny.

00:56:15.000 It's just rapping about partying.

00:56:18.000 But this Charlie Sheen thing, we saw our boy Kurt Fox do the Charlie Sheen thing.

00:56:23.000 He did do the Charlie Sheen thing, didn't he?

00:56:25.000 He was the guy who, but we know the guy who went up in Detroit and bombed and everybody was booing.

00:56:30.000 We know that guy.

00:56:32.000 That's a tough go.

00:56:33.000 How many people do you think were there?

00:56:34.000 And I didn't feel bad for him.

00:56:35.000 That's part of life, bro.

00:56:36.000 You want to go out and do that?

00:56:38.000 Things happen, I guess.

00:56:38.000 That's what you get.

00:56:39.000 That's what you're asking for.

00:56:40.000 Say love E. You know, you're asking to be a part of the circus?

00:56:43.000 Okay, someone's got to be the monkey stupid.

00:56:45.000 I saw an article that says that Dennis Quaid wants to open for Charlie Shane.

00:56:49.000 What?

00:56:49.000 That's why I heard Dennis Quaid.

00:56:51.000 Charlie.

00:56:52.000 He wants Dennis Quaid and do what?

00:56:54.000 Just be crazy, I guess.

00:56:55.000 Just Quaid, the actor?

00:56:57.000 Randy Quaid.

00:56:58.000 Sorry, sorry, Dennis Quaid.

00:56:59.000 Oh my God.

00:57:00.000 Sorry, Dennis.

00:57:00.000 Please.

00:57:01.000 1980.

00:57:02.000 Pull up 1980, Dirt Nasty.

00:57:04.000 1980.

00:57:05.000 Yeah, pull it up on YouTube.

00:57:07.000 I hate that Randy Quaid guy.

00:57:09.000 Yeah, he's legitimately fucked up.

00:57:12.000 But I like him in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

00:57:14.000 His cousin Eddie.

00:57:15.000 That's brilliant.

00:57:16.000 You serious Clark?

00:57:16.000 That's good.

00:57:17.000 1980, Dirt Nasty.

00:57:19.000 Yeah.

00:57:20.000 Yeah.

00:57:23.000 It's good, man.

00:57:24.000 You're going to like this.

00:57:26.000 Is this a rap video?

00:57:27.000 Yeah, yeah, it's a rap video, and it's...

00:57:32.000 Ready?

00:57:44.000 He's in a studio right now for the folks, and he's like, rapping this.

00:57:47.000 Intertwine my mind upon thy nine caliber.

00:57:49.000 Russian roulette stamina.

00:57:51.000 Tylenol in the fast track of the anomaly.

00:57:53.000 That's preposterous.

00:57:54.000 My words are metaphorbs towards the stop.

00:57:57.000 Shut the fuck up, man.

00:57:59.000 What's wrong with you?

00:58:01.000 You know, I've been doing good.

00:58:01.000 Nothing, man.

00:58:02.000 Quit smoking weed.

00:58:04.000 You know, I've been doing some yoga.

00:58:05.000 Little Pilates, just getting more in tune with myself.

00:58:07.000 You know, getting in touch with mind, spirit, and body.

00:58:09.000 You sound like a little bitch.

00:58:11.000 Take a hit of this and kick that old dirt, nasty shit about getting your dick sucked.

00:58:18.000 That sounds like phase on love.

00:58:19.000 Party friends.

00:58:20.000 I got a gold chain.

00:58:23.000 I'm on cocaine.

00:58:27.000 I'm like yo, man.

00:58:32.000 She looks like the girl that guy that was married to Jessica Simpson, Nick.

00:58:37.000 Oh, yeah, Nick.

00:58:38.000 Yeah.

00:58:40.000 I like this song, man.

00:58:41.000 It's silly.

00:58:42.000 I like it.

00:58:43.000 Vodka Strait.

00:58:52.000 I think I think this is funny, man.

00:59:01.000 I live through the 80s and shit was crazy.

00:59:06.000 Everybody wanna know my name.

00:59:08.000 Bring the pain and pop the champagne.

00:59:10.000 Every girl wanna hold my chain when I fucking brings out all the muscles.

00:59:14.000 Gold chain.

00:59:15.000 I got a gold chain among cocaine.

00:59:18.000 I think I've heard that before.

00:59:19.000 I like it, man.

00:59:20.000 I think it's funny.

00:59:21.000 It's funny.

00:59:23.000 I thought it was good.

00:59:25.000 Very Sylval-esque BC Board.

00:59:26.000 It reminds me of John.

00:59:30.000 Yeah.

00:59:30.000 Le Jois.

00:59:31.000 I think John's better than that, though.

00:59:32.000 Yeah, John's hilarious.

00:59:34.000 Yeah, John's got some great shit.

00:59:35.000 I mean, this is, I mean, I don't know how many other songs he's got, but yeah, this is his debut.

00:59:41.000 That's funny.

00:59:42.000 I didn't even know he was doing that.

00:59:43.000 Yeah.

00:59:44.000 I guess I need to start watching this Charlie Sheen show.

00:59:46.000 Well, this guy, I don't know what he does with him.

00:59:49.000 What does he do?

00:59:49.000 I don't know if he raps.

00:59:50.000 I don't know if he goes on the road with him.

00:59:50.000 Does he do that?

00:59:52.000 I just remember he was on the very road.

00:59:53.000 He would probably do his song.

00:59:53.000 This song's hilarious.

00:59:54.000 That would.

00:59:55.000 You know, and have the video playing in the background.

00:59:57.000 And that would keep the crowd from booing.

00:59:59.000 Yeah, maybe they could close with it.

01:00:00.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:00:01.000 It's just, I don't know.

01:00:02.000 He was in New York last, or this week, this weekend, right?

01:00:05.000 I already did.

01:00:06.000 Charlie Sheen.

01:00:06.000 Yeah, he was in New York.

01:00:07.000 This is the Charlie Sheen report.

01:00:09.000 We're following him like he's fucking Bigfoot.

01:00:11.000 It's working.

01:00:12.000 Seen in New York.

01:00:13.000 It's working.

01:00:14.000 His whole mission, you know?

01:00:15.000 Yeah, sort of.

01:00:16.000 I mean, he's doing something.

01:00:17.000 City to city, it seems to be getting different reviews, but this isn't new.

01:00:21.000 Now a lot of celebrities are doing this thing going on on tour, not being comedians.

01:00:25.000 Who else is doing that?

01:00:27.000 Or have little experience in comedy.

01:00:28.000 Steve-O, he's selling out.

01:00:30.000 He's having a lot of fun.

01:00:31.000 Yeah, he's doing a stand-up, though, right?

01:00:33.000 He's just created that.

01:00:34.000 But the thing is, I like him, and I'm friends with him, and that guy has actually taken the time to, he really likes comedy and wants to do it.

01:00:40.000 Whereas he's just been given a lot early on because he's already famous.

01:00:44.000 He's headlining clubs.

01:00:46.000 But I think he's finding a way to fill it.

01:00:48.000 Yeah, that's real hard to get thrown into it.

01:00:50.000 That's how Charlie Murphy did it.

01:00:51.000 Charlie Murphy was famous and then he was headlining.

01:00:53.000 Yeah, you hit it hard because you're realizing being famous doesn't supplement no experience.

01:00:57.000 Dude, being an open micer in front of a giant group of people that's paid to see you.

01:01:02.000 Yeah, it's too much too serious.

01:01:04.000 Yeah, fuck yeah, it is.

01:01:05.000 But, you know, it's Charlie's fault for just diving in there and, you know, and wanting to be a headliner.

01:01:10.000 I saw that clip of him walking off the stage, tearing up the check, walking up.

01:01:14.000 Fuck y'all, walking away.

01:01:16.000 I see things like that, and I'm like, you know, I see like some guys, you know, the thing like with Kirk and all that, but then I see guys like Bill Burr who take an audience and turn it around.

01:01:24.000 And that's a skill.

01:01:26.000 Yeah, and I can't say anybody should be that good, but the thing is, it's like a real skill would be to now get them back on your side.

01:01:33.000 Yeah, man.

01:01:34.000 Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

01:01:36.000 I mean, it's the hardest thing in the world.

01:01:38.000 And you're going to go to Detroit where it's already tough times there, and they took your money.

01:01:41.000 that's why they you got no show for them yeah you're just And he was like, this is an experiment.

01:01:47.000 I understand it's an experiment, but when you're fucking selling out giant auditoriums like that, you got to really fucking saying.

01:01:54.000 So where does he go with this, though?

01:01:56.000 I don't think he can keep doing it.

01:01:58.000 I think eventually people are going to wear thin of it and he's going to wear thin of it too.

01:02:01.000 Like he wanted to be loved and all of a sudden half the places where he's going, he's getting booed and people are shitting on him.

01:02:07.000 He's got the world's attention and nothing to say.

01:02:09.000 Yeah, and this is not, I mean, even if he does have something to say, like he did this one weird video where he talked into the camera and he all this shit that he wrote, it was like really produced and written and losing.

01:02:22.000 Moving on.

01:02:23.000 And he was talking like Hunter S. Thompson about it.

01:02:26.000 Yeah.

01:02:26.000 You know, exactly.

01:02:27.000 Sentence fragments.

01:02:28.000 Here.

01:02:29.000 Exactly.

01:02:29.000 And he was like, he was doing like, yeah, I mean, he even said he was like, he held up his fucking, the ticket for this thing.

01:02:36.000 He was talking about the ticket.

01:02:37.000 He was doing like a commercial for it.

01:02:39.000 Buy the ticket.

01:02:40.000 Take the ride.

01:02:41.000 He even used the Hunter S. Thompson line.

01:02:43.000 Yeah.

01:02:45.000 The whole idea behind it is very strange.

01:02:47.000 This guy who's this huge, huge multi-millionaire super celebrity, and we are fascinated with him losing his job.

01:02:54.000 And he's trying to campaign to get his job back.

01:02:56.000 And we're paying money to see him talk.

01:02:59.000 Right.

01:03:00.000 I heard it best described.

01:03:01.000 A lady said, I read an article.

01:03:03.000 It said, we're so fascinated with Charlie Sheen because how can a guy who has so much more than us have so much less than us?

01:03:10.000 That's a great lady.

01:03:10.000 That's the best summation of that guy.

01:03:12.000 He does.

01:03:12.000 It's like, you know, he's loaded, but he's got no marbles.

01:03:15.000 You know, I'll keep my marbles.

01:03:17.000 That dude's gone.

01:03:18.000 Not good, gone, marketable, gone.

01:03:20.000 Like I said, now you're trying to go the folk hero route.

01:03:22.000 You're trying to go the Conan O'Brien route.

01:03:24.000 But Conan O'Brien's beloved because he put that much work into being beloved.

01:03:28.000 You know what I mean?

01:03:28.000 Yeah.

01:03:29.000 But when he, here's a perfect example.

01:03:31.000 When he did his show, he would go on the road.

01:03:33.000 He had a fucking show.

01:03:34.000 He had a fucking show.

01:03:35.000 And he's an entertainer.

01:03:36.000 And the thing is, it's like now he's big enough he can go straight to the people and say, you know what, fuck the network.

01:03:42.000 The people love me.

01:03:43.000 Sure.

01:03:43.000 But I've been doing this since 93 every single fucking night.

01:03:47.000 You know, Charlie Sheen just started this.

01:03:48.000 It's like, you know, good luck with that.

01:03:50.000 I think he fizzles out.

01:03:52.000 If what's his name wanted to, if Conan O'Brien wanted to, he could do arenas all over the country and he would do, like, he would be in Detroit one night and do his show with no television whatsoever.

01:04:02.000 Yeah.

01:04:02.000 And hire comics and hire, you know, have people come on, have musicians play and do the Conan O'Brien show, like I say, a 90-minute show.

01:04:09.000 And he could do it all over the country and make fucking ridiculous amount of time.

01:04:12.000 And talk about a guy who had real grievances with the Netflix.

01:04:15.000 And never really aired them in a distasteful way.

01:04:15.000 You know what I mean?

01:04:18.000 Yeah, well, that whole thing is so hard to fucking really figure out.

01:04:21.000 I mean, because Jay Leno, they kept wanting to get rid of Jay Leno, and Jay Leno was number one.

01:04:24.000 Like, why did they?

01:04:25.000 Yeah, why would they want to get rid of it?

01:04:26.000 The whole thing was really ass-handed.

01:04:27.000 The way they did it was so dumb.

01:04:28.000 And really, Conan O'Brien was better in the later night.

01:04:31.000 I thought so, too.

01:04:31.000 But they should have done it.

01:04:32.000 I mean, everybody wants the tonight show, but I'll tell you what, the Conan O'Brien show was his fucking show, man.

01:04:37.000 It was his show.

01:04:38.000 It was his.

01:04:38.000 There was a whole culture behind it.

01:04:40.000 And the thing is, it's like the tonight show, you almost need to be a lot more generic like Jay Leno to appeal to the masses.

01:04:45.000 But there was a this is our thing when you watch Conan late night.

01:04:48.000 When I see someone wanting to leave their job and go into another job, you know, that's an early.

01:04:52.000 I mean, I get the fact that more people are going to be watching earlier.

01:04:56.000 I get that.

01:04:57.000 But what it says to me is that guy didn't get Enough respect.

01:05:00.000 He didn't get enough appreciation from the network.

01:05:03.000 They weren't behind him enough in his eyes.

01:05:06.000 He didn't feel equal.

01:05:08.000 He wanted that other job.

01:05:09.000 That other job's the big job.

01:05:10.000 I want the big job.

01:05:11.000 What about that big job?

01:05:13.000 You're fucking Conan O'Brien, man.

01:05:14.000 What difference does it make if your show's on at 10 or if it's on at 11?

01:05:17.000 You're Conan O'Brien.

01:05:18.000 Especially in Tebo days.

01:05:19.000 Yeah, he even watches TV live.

01:05:21.000 Exactly.

01:05:22.000 I mean, yeah, some people are going to miss it because they're going to go to bed early.

01:05:26.000 So fucking what?

01:05:27.000 Plenty of people are going to watch it, right?

01:05:29.000 Just be you.

01:05:30.000 Just be you at 11.

01:05:31.000 Well, apparently over at TBS, they're like, if he gets ratings like this, he'll stay on forever life.

01:05:35.000 And at TBS, you get 2 million ratings or 2 million viewers.

01:05:38.000 You're fucking hit.

01:05:39.000 But I went from being a big Conan fan to having, I've watched it once on TBS.

01:05:43.000 I haven't watched it.

01:05:44.000 I didn't watch it when he did the Tonight Show.

01:05:46.000 I haven't watched it since he left New York.

01:05:47.000 Not that I'm against them, it's just that routine is gone.

01:05:50.000 Is it better now?

01:05:50.000 Is it worse?

01:05:51.000 I don't think so.

01:05:52.000 I think the reason why I don't watch it is because the late night show is what I liked.

01:05:56.000 I liked that extra.

01:05:57.000 Masturbating Bear.

01:05:58.000 Masturbating Bear.

01:05:59.000 The writers were all funny on that show.

01:06:01.000 They'd come out and do Skitch it.

01:06:02.000 Doesn't he have the same writers?

01:06:04.000 I don't see those two guys.

01:06:05.000 He used to use these two guys all the time.

01:06:06.000 The Preparation H Raymond guy who would come out and hand up Preparation H. Still around.

01:06:11.000 He kind of looks like Ryan O'Neill, the comedian.

01:06:14.000 And then there was another one with that curly, like Simon and Garfunkel fro.

01:06:17.000 Yeah, I think they're both staring.

01:06:18.000 Those guys were almost funnier than Conan to me, but there was that whole New York vibe that it just is missing to me, but I don't know.

01:06:26.000 Do you think the vibe is different because it's in Los Angeles?

01:06:28.000 It might be, but the thing is, I can't speak intelligently about it because I don't watch it.

01:06:32.000 You know, I watched Conan from 93 to 2003, mostly because at first I was a teenager, and then I lived in Hollywood and I didn't have cable at the time.

01:06:39.000 It was something to fall asleep to.

01:06:41.000 There's definitely a different funny vibe on the East Coast than there is on the West Coast.

01:06:44.000 I find even my sets are different on the East Coast than they are on the West Coast.

01:06:47.000 I find I have to explain less on the East Coast and I can go off into more obscure references and not in a way like super obscure, but in the way that everybody's following along and I don't have to make sure somebody needs to catch up, you know?

01:06:57.000 Yeah, I think, I mean, there's intelligent people everywhere, but there's more of them on the East Coast.

01:07:01.000 Sure.

01:07:01.000 I mean, that's where all our finest institutions are.

01:07:03.000 It's no accident that all our best colleges are on the East Coast.

01:07:07.000 Our finest institutions.

01:07:08.000 Ah, yes.

01:07:09.000 Harvard.

01:07:09.000 You should have a cigar in your hand when you say that.

01:07:11.000 Yeah, I did sound like a real asshole.

01:07:13.000 I'm going to ask God as well.

01:07:14.000 All of our finest institutions.

01:07:16.000 I've been really addicted to Kimmel, too, lately.

01:07:18.000 I think when Conan left, I started watching Kimmel, and now I'm like, I don't know, once you go Kimmel, you can't really go.

01:07:23.000 Yeah, his are the fun shows.

01:07:24.000 He's got a fun zoo of a show, too.

01:07:26.000 I did that show in, like, I think it was the first, the second comedian on there, and I had heard like nightmare stories when they first started how hard it was.

01:07:33.000 Like, the stage was catty cornered to the audience.

01:07:35.000 It was new.

01:07:36.000 Nobody knew who he was.

01:07:37.000 They're like, you're going to go out there and you're going to die, kid.

01:07:39.000 Bob Kent Goldenbate was the director at the time.

01:07:41.000 And I was like, oh, man, oh, this is scary.

01:07:43.000 And I went out and it went really good.

01:07:45.000 And he's like, man, you had the best comic we've had on.

01:07:47.000 I'm like, how many have had on?

01:07:49.000 He's like, one.

01:07:49.000 I was like, ah, well.

01:07:50.000 Who is the other comic?

01:07:51.000 And I don't even remember who the other comic was, but I don't think it was anybody.

01:07:51.000 Yeah.

01:07:54.000 You know, because I wasn't anybody.

01:07:55.000 So that's who they were picking out at the time.

01:07:57.000 Like, I think Dave Rath saw me at the improv on a Wednesday night doing the open mic.

01:08:01.000 I was 23.

01:08:02.000 He's like, hey, you want to do the Jimmy Kimmel show tonight?

01:08:05.000 I'm like, I guess, sure.

01:08:06.000 What's that?

01:08:06.000 Wow.

01:08:07.000 And then he got me on.

01:08:09.000 So wherever Dave Rath is, I forever owe him my first TV break.

01:08:13.000 Yes, Dave Rath.

01:08:14.000 Dave Rath's a good man.

01:08:15.000 He's a very good guy.

01:08:16.000 Very good guy.

01:08:17.000 He's one of those guys that's been around forever.

01:08:18.000 The comedy business is such a weird fucking business, isn't it?

01:08:21.000 I mean, we're talking about sleazy agents and managers.

01:08:24.000 And, you know, we were talking about what it's like to have one that sucks.

01:08:28.000 And it's weird.

01:08:29.000 It's a weird thing to, it's like in this business, it's like you can have all this drive, but you have to, it's almost like being in a band.

01:08:35.000 You need somebody else to champion that drive as well.

01:08:38.000 Like I love music, but I never wanted to be in a band because I don't want to have to rely on the lazy bass player or the coke-head drummer.

01:08:44.000 You know, it's like, I want this thing to happen.

01:08:46.000 And, you know, when you got a team working for you like that and they're not on board, you're like, son of a bitch.

01:08:50.000 Yeah, that's a reoccurring theme with comics.

01:08:52.000 You got to make sure you got a manager that knows what the fuck is going on.

01:08:55.000 And if you get a bad one, you get some idiot, you get attached to one.

01:08:58.000 I have a bunch of friends that started out with one manager and then somewhere along the line, you know, this manager, when some critical decision was to be made, this manager fucked up and they got rid of him and they moved on and got some bigger manager.

01:09:10.000 And then they got sued and a bunch of stupid shit happened.

01:09:13.000 I mean, you start off with one guy and that guy turns out to suck.

01:09:16.000 You know, you're attached to that fucking idiot.

01:09:18.000 And he feels like he deserves a percentage of your profits.

01:09:21.000 Then it becomes like a marriage in a sort.

01:09:22.000 And then you have to break up with this person.

01:09:24.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:09:25.000 Just such a nightmare.

01:09:26.000 Like, I had been with my manager six years and I had to break up.

01:09:29.000 And she was very receptive and understanding about it.

01:09:31.000 And that made me think in my mind, like, oh man, this didn't go as bad as I thought it would.

01:09:36.000 And then you start thinking, I should have done it sooner and all that.

01:09:38.000 But it's just like, you know, whatever happens, happens.

01:09:40.000 But you can't stay with somebody who doesn't have your best interests in heart.

01:09:46.000 Is that usually because they have a better client now?

01:09:48.000 Yeah, they have a better client, some bigger fish to fry.

01:09:50.000 And you know, I get it in this town.

01:09:51.000 That's the truth.

01:09:52.000 My agent, you know, represents like Jamie Foxx and all these people.

01:09:55.000 If they turn it down, then maybe I'll get an audition for it.

01:09:58.000 They want to make sure that you're a real moneymaker before they put any interest and time into you.

01:10:03.000 You got to go out and it's almost like they have you in the stable and then you got to go out and make your own shit happen.

01:10:07.000 Yeah, call us and we'll take the 10% when you put something.

01:10:10.000 Yeah.

01:10:10.000 And then they go, okay, now let's make you bigger.

01:10:13.000 Yeah, that's like getting Christmas presents from Jews.

01:10:15.000 I mean, the best thing they can do is just get you in front of someone where you can perform.

01:10:19.000 Yeah.

01:10:19.000 You know, especially if you're out there trying to do the acting thing, man.

01:10:23.000 What a crazy job that is.

01:10:25.000 Got to go in some fucking room and pretend that this guy that you're sitting there with a piece of paper in his hand, pretend that this is your brother and you guys are back at home and dad just got back from the war and he's a little shell-shocked.

01:10:35.000 Really?

01:10:35.000 Yeah.

01:10:36.000 You're going to do this right here?

01:10:37.000 You want to do this in his office?

01:10:38.000 I had an acting teacher like that who always wanted to...

01:10:43.000 It was the Meisner technique, you know, the real method kind of stuff.

01:10:47.000 And his whole goal was to make you cry.

01:10:49.000 And then he would be like, what happened if your mother got killed in a car accident?

01:10:53.000 And I'm like, that's some awful shit to say, dude.

01:10:53.000 Oh, jeez.

01:10:56.000 Like, I'm not going to cry.

01:10:56.000 I'm getting pissed at you, actually, for thinking that.

01:10:59.000 You need fucked up people for actors.

01:11:01.000 If you're going to have actors, you want to have really good ones.

01:11:03.000 Those people better be fucked up.

01:11:04.000 Most of them.

01:11:05.000 There's a few of them that aren't fucked up that are really good actors, but mostly few and far between.

01:11:09.000 Most of them are a mess.

01:11:11.000 Daniel Day-Lewis is a lunatic.

01:11:13.000 He's got to be crazy.

01:11:14.000 He's so good.

01:11:14.000 He's a little lunatic.

01:11:15.000 He's so good.

01:11:16.000 He's got to be completely lunatic.

01:11:17.000 He's got to live on a farm somewhere in Scotland or something, man.

01:11:20.000 Think about how good that motherfucker is.

01:11:22.000 Remember that movie where he played a boxer?

01:11:23.000 That motherfucker became a boxer for like a year, trained every day like a boxer.

01:11:27.000 Did you watch that movie?

01:11:28.000 That is the best portrayal of a boxer in a movie where he looks like a real boxer, not some bullshit like Sylvester Stallone movie where it looks like he never threw a punch at a man in a competition in his life where he had to worry about being countered.

01:11:43.000 You know, Daniel Day Lewis is hands up, moving, throwing feints.

01:11:46.000 He looks like a real goddamn boxer.

01:11:48.000 Broken nose and all that.

01:11:49.000 He's a genius.

01:11:50.000 He's a genius actor.

01:11:51.000 He just comes out of the, he comes out in the public like every four years, grabs an Oscar and goes back home.

01:11:55.000 It's nuts.

01:11:56.000 The guy's completely out of his mind.

01:11:57.000 But he's amazing.

01:11:58.000 He is amazing.

01:12:00.000 Fucking Gangs in New York.

01:12:01.000 Jesus Christ.

01:12:01.000 Remember that?

01:12:02.000 What was he?

01:12:03.000 Bill the Butcher?

01:12:04.000 Bill the Butcher or something.

01:12:05.000 And then there will be blood.

01:12:06.000 He was absolutely loony to him.

01:12:08.000 He's getting the fuck out of here.

01:12:10.000 Who can do that?

01:12:11.000 Who can do that like him?

01:12:12.000 Nobody.

01:12:12.000 And then apparently he stays that way in his trailer, you know?

01:12:15.000 Yeah, there's a few guys.

01:12:16.000 There's a few of those guys.

01:12:17.000 Russell Crowe is fat as fuck now.

01:12:19.000 I haven't seen him in lately.

01:12:20.000 Oh my goodness.

01:12:21.000 There's a picture of him.

01:12:22.000 He went on a bike ride and he stopped and he's got his bike outfit on his stupid little helmet and he's smoking a cigarette and he is fat as fuck.

01:12:30.000 That's funny.

01:12:30.000 Like he's just gigantic fat.

01:12:32.000 It's been a couple of years since he has had a picture.

01:12:34.000 I was sitting there.

01:12:35.000 He was fat when he did Robin Hood, man.

01:12:36.000 He had to cut weight to make Robin Hood too.

01:12:38.000 You can't have Robin Hood as a fat guy.

01:12:41.000 But he's one of those hard drinking, hard smoking actor dudes.

01:12:44.000 He's a wild man.

01:12:44.000 Yeah.

01:12:45.000 Yeah.

01:12:46.000 He's a crazy fucker.

01:12:47.000 That's why he's so good.

01:12:48.000 I watched A Beautiful Mind on the way to Australia out of respect because I was going to Australia anyway.

01:12:52.000 Yeah.

01:12:53.000 And it was on the plane.

01:12:53.000 It was one of those options.

01:12:55.000 Forgot how fucking good that movie was.

01:12:56.000 Was it 2000 Best Picture?

01:12:57.000 2001, I think, Best Picture.

01:13:00.000 I don't know, but it was fucking good.

01:13:01.000 Yeah, because Gladiator won 2000 and then that one won 2001.

01:13:04.000 He was cleaning up at that time.

01:13:05.000 You know what I watched the other day that I forgot how fucking good it was?

01:13:08.000 Contact.

01:13:09.000 I watched that recently on Netflix.

01:13:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:11.000 Dude, I put it on Twitter and all these people going, hello, you, contact sucks.

01:13:16.000 Contact's awesome.

01:13:17.000 You're gay.

01:13:18.000 Well, you are gay.

01:13:19.000 Yeah, you're gay.

01:13:20.000 The letter you, the letter R, gay.

01:13:22.000 Hello.

01:13:23.000 Contact sucks.

01:13:23.000 You're gay.

01:13:25.000 No, it's contact's great.

01:13:26.000 I watched that recently.

01:13:27.000 I love that.

01:13:28.000 You know what's a horrible movie, but almost in that same idea, it's again with Dennis Quaid.

01:13:35.000 Hi, guys.

01:13:36.000 And he's got the CB radio, and he's talking to the past.

01:13:42.000 Jim Caviesel plays his son.

01:13:44.000 It's like one word.

01:13:46.000 What happened to that guy?

01:13:47.000 He played fucking Genesis.

01:13:50.000 And then he's gone.

01:13:51.000 That doesn't even make sense.

01:13:52.000 I mean, that guy should have been Gigantor.

01:13:54.000 That movie was a huge movie.

01:13:56.000 It was huge, but it was one of those movies, I think, where the movie was huger than who was in it.

01:14:00.000 And here's another issue.

01:14:02.000 The movie was very anti-Semitic.

01:14:04.000 Very anti-Semitic.

01:14:05.000 I mean, that was argued, you know, whether or not that was historically accurate or I don't know what whatever the fuck it is.

01:14:11.000 You don't know you weren't there.

01:14:12.000 And the way it's depicted, it's depicted to me like the Jews were like a fucking huge problem.

01:14:17.000 I don't know if it's...

01:14:22.000 I don't, I just, it seems to me that the whole story is so convoluted.

01:14:27.000 And even if there was a man named Jesus, who knows what the fuck really went down.

01:14:30.000 I just don't get why people will buy that and then not buy other things.

01:14:33.000 It's like, no world's not getting warmer.

01:14:34.000 No way.

01:14:35.000 No, no, no global warming here.

01:14:36.000 But there's a story of this guy who came back from the dead.

01:14:39.000 It's like, where are your priorities?

01:14:41.000 Yeah.

01:14:42.000 But Jim Cavizzo playing him was really strange because, you know, he got really obsessed with it because he was 33 at the time and Jesus was 33 and his name was JC.

01:14:51.000 And how funny is it?

01:14:53.000 This movie, this incredibly religious movie that made incredible amounts of money was made by a psychopath.

01:15:00.000 Yeah, an absolute exciting now that you look at it in the past and you look at who he is now and you hear those tapes where he's, you should just shut up and blow me.

01:15:12.000 Just insane, red-eyed spit flying out of his fucking mouth.

01:15:17.000 I mean, he's off the deep end crazy.

01:15:19.000 And he made the most successful religious movie of all time.

01:15:23.000 Privately funded it himself, right?

01:15:24.000 And then had to turn that profit too.

01:15:26.000 And incredible amounts of money because of it.

01:15:26.000 Yeah.

01:15:29.000 You know, you never saw Passion of the Christ?

01:15:29.000 Yeah.

01:15:32.000 Never saw any of this.

01:15:33.000 I used to have a bit about it, that it was a two-hour movie about a dude with magic who got his ass kicked.

01:15:39.000 And I go, that is the last movie with subtitles I'll ever see without kung fu in it.

01:15:43.000 Wasn't that in Aramaic or something?

01:15:43.000 Yeah.

01:15:45.000 Like, I remember that one time.

01:15:46.000 Like, and people were coming out of theaters all moved and crying.

01:15:48.000 I don't know.

01:15:49.000 Yeah, I don't know what the language was.

01:15:50.000 It might have been Aramaic.

01:15:51.000 I think that's what they spoke at the time, right?

01:15:52.000 That's what they spoke.

01:15:53.000 And then they offered up the subtitles.

01:15:55.000 But if I want to watch subtitles, yeah, I'm like you.

01:15:57.000 It's either Kung Fu or some Swedish weird film where people are going to get killed.

01:16:00.000 Yeah, or some Japanese horror movie.

01:16:02.000 Yeah, Ringu.

01:16:03.000 You know, I'll watch Ringu.

01:16:04.000 Pandora's Labyrinth.

01:16:06.000 People want to believe, man.

01:16:08.000 They want to believe, and they don't want you to take it away from them.

01:16:10.000 Netflix has just offered up, for Instant Stream, my favorite TV show of all time, The Twilight Zone.

01:16:16.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:16.000 1959 in the middle.

01:16:17.000 They just added a bunch of shit lately.

01:16:18.000 I thought about you because the very first episode is an episode called Where Is Everybody?

01:16:22.000 where the man is undergoing a sensory deprivation experiment and losing his fucking mind doing it.

01:16:28.000 And it's revealed at the end, obviously, that it's a military experiment.

01:16:31.000 But that show...

01:16:34.000 Yeah, huge.

01:16:34.000 Spoiler alert.

01:16:35.000 It aired in 59.

01:16:38.000 I got a P. I'll be right back.

01:16:39.000 I have something on the subject.

01:16:40.000 Okay, cool.

01:16:41.000 Yeah, it aired in 59.

01:16:42.000 So I figured, what the hell?

01:16:43.000 Yeah, there's certain shows like that that I love watching.

01:16:46.000 One is that, another thing, it's just like old, like Laurel and Hardy's and shit like that.

01:16:50.000 I love fucking Netflix.

01:16:51.000 I've become addicted to it.

01:16:53.000 Netflix has made me this documentary watching asshole.

01:16:57.000 And I'll watch one on like belly button lit.

01:17:00.000 I'll be like, did you see that?

01:17:01.000 Yeah.

01:17:01.000 On belly button lit?

01:17:02.000 Have you noticed though, like normal...

01:17:04.000 The other day I just realized that for cable TV, I forget how much I spend per month for cable TV, but I would think 95% of the content that I watch is Family Guy.

01:17:13.000 Like I'll lay in bed, turn on Cartoon Network, oh Family Guy, watch it for three hours, go to bed.

01:17:18.000 But it's like amazing like how much...

01:17:18.000 Right.

01:17:20.000 I wish that we could get to a point of cable TV where we can a la carte.

01:17:24.000 A la carte.

01:17:25.000 They say they'll never do that though.

01:17:27.000 Because it's like...

01:17:27.000 Right.

01:17:28.000 But cable is offering now, like I saw at my mom's, they had like on demand, like you can get HBO Premium, like one thing that aired on HBO.

01:17:34.000 But I don't turn my TV on hardly ever.

01:17:36.000 Yeah.

01:17:37.000 I mean hardly ever.

01:17:38.000 I watch everything on my computer and my phone now.

01:17:40.000 You know what I mean?

01:17:40.000 Same here.

01:17:40.000 And I get the updates, who's got the new documentaries coming on Netflix and all that stuff.

01:17:45.000 And I'll watch the most boring of crap too.

01:17:47.000 I don't care.

01:17:48.000 Source Code is a pretty fucking good movie, man.

01:17:48.000 Yeah.

01:17:51.000 Source Code.

01:17:52.000 It's a movie with Jake Glillenhall.

01:17:53.000 the new movie pretty fucking good movie man yeah it's about a guy i don't want to tell you the whole story because i don't want to give it away but it's it's really interesting and it involves time travel yeah it's a pretty dope movie really well handled revisiting his time traveling uh donny darko he was uh that was also a time traveler yeah yeah no yeah true yeah that's a very well-regarded one too yeah it's a good one yeah this is uh this is very interesting.

01:18:18.000 I don't know if it's as good as Donny Darko, but I don't remember because I haven't seen Donnie Darko in a long time.

01:18:23.000 You know, movies like they become mythical.

01:18:25.000 Like Donny Darko is one of those movies.

01:18:27.000 Memento was one of those movies.

01:18:28.000 Memento was badass.

01:18:29.000 It was badass.

01:18:30.000 Guy Pierre.

01:18:31.000 There's some movies they seem a lot better because they were a long time ago, and you go back and watch them and you go, yeah, it wasn't that good.

01:18:38.000 Or I was just young and dumb.

01:18:39.000 I remember Donnie Darko being weird.

01:18:41.000 It was weird, but it does hold up.

01:18:44.000 Have you ever seen Primer?

01:18:45.000 That's the best time travel movie ever.

01:18:47.000 That's a great movie.

01:18:48.000 Yeah, that one is that.

01:18:49.000 You got to watch that one a few times.

01:18:51.000 Really independent movie.

01:18:52.000 Very small budget.

01:18:53.000 Considered like one of the best.

01:18:54.000 I mean, you know, you talk back to the future.

01:18:56.000 That's, you know, for layman's purposes, that works great.

01:19:00.000 They laid the rules for it.

01:19:02.000 But Primer is one of those where they really adhere to the rules and the time, you know, the fabric of time and how you can't do this and you can and you get sick and all that shit.

01:19:10.000 Like the things, the nuances about actual time traveling that people have taken to study.

01:19:15.000 Here's what would happen to your body if you did that.

01:19:17.000 Time travel is the most fascinating subject of all to me.

01:19:20.000 I don't think of it.

01:19:21.000 I mean, I think eventually it's going to be breached.

01:19:24.000 It has to be.

01:19:25.000 That's the end of time.

01:19:26.000 Human beings are going to figure out everything.

01:19:28.000 We figured out so much so far and we are not going to stop.

01:19:30.000 And as long as we stay alive, they just found out that the caldera volcano under Yellowstone is way bigger than previously thought.

01:19:37.000 Oh, really?

01:19:38.000 This fucking giant super volcano that kills everybody.

01:19:40.000 They just found out it's even bigger.

01:19:42.000 Anyway, if something like that doesn't happen, people are going to continue to innovate.

01:19:46.000 They're going to continue to make a faster phone, a faster computer, a car that doesn't need to be recharged for a month.

01:19:53.000 It's going to be internet through the air at ridiculous broadband fiber optic speeds.

01:19:58.000 It's all going to eventually come to a head.

01:20:01.000 It's got to come to that Ray Kurzwheel singularity, that Terence McKenna time wave zero point of infinite novelty.

01:20:08.000 It's going to happen, man.

01:20:10.000 It has to.

01:20:11.000 It's a thing where it's like you see more and more articles that talk about how, in theory, I think it's, I mean, what Einstein proved in theory, it's absolutely possible.

01:20:20.000 But now they're really, there's funding, private funding, but funding going towards actually taking this seriously.

01:20:26.000 If we're going to take Christ and all that seriously, let's take this seriously.

01:20:29.000 Dude, it's just like the nuclear power issue.

01:20:33.000 The nuclear power issue is something where they came up with something and they figured out how to do it and then they just went ahead and did it without having it completely worked out.

01:20:42.000 They went ahead and did it without having some agreed upon ability to shut it off.

01:20:49.000 Without having some agreed upon ability to store all the waste before we start producing it.

01:20:55.000 They just started doing it.

01:20:56.000 They just started doing it.

01:20:56.000 And they're going to do that with everything now.

01:20:58.000 But they did that with the space program, all that.

01:21:00.000 They do that with everything.

01:21:02.000 They're doing it with the Large Hadron Collider.

01:21:04.000 And they're out there smashing atoms, making that Higgs bosson particle and creating little miniature black holes.

01:21:09.000 They really are not exactly sure what's going to happen.

01:21:11.000 They're taking some chances, and sometimes things go wrong.

01:21:14.000 And things are going wrong in Japan right now, and they're going to continue to go wrong and as well as go right.

01:21:19.000 But no matter what, things are going to keep moving.

01:21:21.000 They move past the nuclear bombs of the 1940s to what we're capable of today.

01:21:26.000 And that's going to be nothing compared to anti-matter weapons that they're coming up with right now.

01:21:31.000 They're coming up with some shit right now.

01:21:32.000 Ray guns, actual ray guns.

01:21:34.000 Have you seen the laser that they shot down?

01:21:36.000 They did a demonstration recently where a boat was a mile away, and they shot it with this laser and caused the engines to catch on fire from a mile away.

01:21:48.000 So they've got some crazy shit they're working on.

01:21:50.000 That's pretty dope.

01:21:51.000 That's nothing compared to, I'm sure, a bunch of their shit.

01:21:53.000 The drones.

01:21:54.000 The drones are the scariest thing, man.

01:21:56.000 These fucking, their ability to operate these little tiny machines that look like bugs.

01:22:01.000 They can get them little tiny ones and fly them around and fucking make videos of people and shit.

01:22:06.000 Dude, that's amazing.

01:22:07.000 Have you seen?

01:22:07.000 There's even a thing for the iPhone now, that little helicopter you can fly.

01:22:10.000 They've had their first friendly fire incident with drones as well.

01:22:14.000 There was a thing today.

01:22:16.000 I retweeted it.

01:22:17.000 It's on my Twitter if you're interested.

01:22:18.000 There's some drones killed some fucking people.

01:22:21.000 Really?

01:22:21.000 Killed some U.S. soldiers.

01:22:22.000 Yeah.

01:22:23.000 Yeah, it was off the Drudge Report.

01:22:25.000 They're flying drones in Japan, too, right now, aren't they?

01:22:27.000 To get to look inside the reactors?

01:22:29.000 I would assume they would do something like that.

01:22:31.000 Watch mother cracks.

01:22:32.000 It's pretty accurate now.

01:22:33.000 It's really scary shit, man.

01:22:34.000 It is scary.

01:22:35.000 You know what you retweeted that was even better than that, though?

01:22:37.000 Was Kitty kissing a dolphin?

01:22:39.000 Oh, that was the cutest thing ever.

01:22:40.000 I could watch that shit all day.

01:22:41.000 It was a cat and a dolphin being all snugly with each other.

01:22:44.000 It was the cutest thing ever, man.

01:22:46.000 I wonder if that's like one of the first times a dolphin has played with a cat.

01:22:49.000 That cat was a bad motherfucker.

01:22:50.000 He didn't care.

01:22:51.000 He's like hanging out over the water and he's not even tripping.

01:22:54.000 You know, cats can't fucking swim.

01:22:55.000 They would freak out if they fell in that.

01:22:56.000 That's instant death.

01:22:57.000 Meanwhile, he's like, you know, dancing along the edge.

01:23:00.000 He doesn't care.

01:23:00.000 He's making swats at the dolphin.

01:23:02.000 I haven't seen that.

01:23:03.000 It's fucking awesome.

01:23:04.000 It's very cute.

01:23:05.000 Especially for a guy like Brian Price.

01:23:07.000 He loves them.

01:23:08.000 I want to fuck that dolphin.

01:23:09.000 He loves his little kitties.

01:23:12.000 You have one of those smush faces.

01:23:12.000 Oh, you do have kitties.

01:23:14.000 I have too many kitties.

01:23:14.000 I have two cats and a dog, and I'm so sick of it.

01:23:17.000 Oh, I retweeted this.

01:23:18.000 The ASU adult film star did not get...

01:23:22.000 She did not go to...

01:23:25.000 She didn't get suspended.

01:23:27.000 I mean, I was going to say, that's a pretty lenient campus.

01:23:27.000 No?

01:23:29.000 She did not get her scholarship revoked.

01:23:31.000 Right.

01:23:31.000 And it's not like that's not, you know, party school central there.

01:23:34.000 All right.

01:23:35.000 Yeah, apparently it was.

01:23:38.000 The whole thing is scripted, she says.

01:23:40.000 I knew going in there it was for sex.

01:23:43.000 She said she was paid $2,000 and ensured the video would only appear on the part of the website people had to pay to see.

01:23:50.000 But that didn't happen.

01:23:51.000 The video found its way onto free porn sites.

01:23:54.000 Of course.

01:23:55.000 Well, she has no case or anything.

01:23:57.000 Yeah, of course.

01:23:58.000 to the internet.

01:23:58.000 Of course she does.

01:23:59.000 Hey, let me teach you about...

01:24:02.000 It's there forever.

01:24:04.000 So I guess they just can let you.

01:24:07.000 The school says, go ahead, do some porn.

01:24:09.000 You can still have your scholarship.

01:24:11.000 I mean, half the people in school are ASU.

01:24:13.000 It's amazing how porn is acceptable as long as it's an accident.

01:24:16.000 You know?

01:24:17.000 Like Kim Kardashian.

01:24:18.000 If Kim Kardashian got hired by Vivid and got gang fucked by 50 football players, and shot loads in her mouth, then she'd be done.

01:24:25.000 Nobody would want to have anything to do with her.

01:24:26.000 But the fact that it was like her man and she was fucking him And meanwhile, why is there so many cameras?

01:24:31.000 What's going on here?

01:24:32.000 These cameras are from weird angles.

01:24:34.000 Like, there's people in the room with you.

01:24:35.000 Okay, what the fuck is going on, man?

01:24:36.000 There's cuts, there's one shots, two shots.

01:24:39.000 What kind of a video is this?

01:24:40.000 You know, what is it?

01:24:41.000 You know, what the fuck was that like?

01:24:42.000 But that, somehow or another, is acceptable.

01:24:44.000 It's the most ridiculous host.

01:24:46.000 It's not just acceptable, it's fortuitous for them.

01:24:48.000 It's a career builder.

01:24:49.000 I mean, she's who she is because of that taste.

01:24:51.000 She's gigantic, dude.

01:24:52.000 She's gigantic.

01:24:52.000 Yeah.

01:24:53.000 She's bigger than all of us.

01:24:54.000 Every businessman she gets into Clock's G's.

01:24:57.000 That bitch is on billboards in Australia.

01:25:00.000 She was on Cosmo's cover of a Turkey version yesterday.

01:25:04.000 There was a big uproar because Turkey put her on the cover of the Turkish version of Cosmo.

01:25:08.000 And you know, Turks and Armenians.

01:25:10.000 A little bad blood there.

01:25:11.000 Oh, really?

01:25:12.000 And she's an Armenian.

01:25:13.000 And she's an Armenian, and she's gracing the cover of a Turkish publication.

01:25:17.000 Not by her choice.

01:25:18.000 Cosmo went and did it without her.

01:25:20.000 But it was funny.

01:25:20.000 A bunch of Armenians got pissed because Kobe Bryant did a spot for Turkish Airlines.

01:25:24.000 It's like he's gotten a horse in that race.

01:25:26.000 You know what I mean?

01:25:27.000 That I understand.

01:25:28.000 He should do that.

01:25:29.000 But her, it's like, yeah, that's a little weird.

01:25:30.000 That's a little weird.

01:25:31.000 It's a little weird.

01:25:32.000 Like Morty Solomon wearing a swastika.

01:25:36.000 It's almost the way society is set up right now with like these teen mom shows and the real housewives of Beverly Hills and Kim Kardashian.

01:25:45.000 It's almost like the scene in The Running Man when they have those ridiculous shows.

01:25:51.000 That movie is so accurate.

01:25:53.000 You're so right.

01:25:53.000 It's almost like it's getting to this weird sort of surreal point where it's like, wow, this is what everyone's fixated on and fascinated by.

01:26:01.000 16-year-olds that get knocked up have a TV show now and you see them scream at their boyfriend.

01:26:07.000 Get up, you fucking lazy fat piece of shit.

01:26:09.000 Beat the hell out of him.

01:26:10.000 Beeping and everything's beeping and the guy gets in the car and he's taking the baby and the girl's screaming in his face.

01:26:15.000 Big dude getting punched.

01:26:17.000 What the fuck are we watching?

01:26:18.000 And you wonder why people have lost their psychic abilities and all that shit.

01:26:21.000 I used to think that when I was doing Fear Factor.

01:26:23.000 When I was doing Fear Factor, I was like, we are three seasons away from the running man.

01:26:26.000 We're like right here.

01:26:27.000 We're right here by the door.

01:26:28.000 And they'll come.

01:26:29.000 They'll line up.

01:26:30.000 We were doing Fear Factor and you know, everybody's like, well, you know, the shows like that, man, are designed by the government to keep you soft.

01:26:37.000 No, no, they're not.

01:26:38.000 They're made by people because that's what people want to see.

01:26:41.000 But even the people making them, it's not like they're the grand programmers of the universe and they've done this on purpose to try to lower people's standards.

01:26:48.000 No, this is what you want to see, man.

01:26:50.000 You really do want to see some dumb shit.

01:26:51.000 It's a reflection of society.

01:26:53.000 That's what they want.

01:26:54.000 It's a fascinating thing to be a part of, too, because when we were doing Fear Factor, while we were doing it, we were all going, are they really letting us do this?

01:27:01.000 Like, it was, you know, we'd say, okay, we said we're going to blend rats.

01:27:06.000 What did they say?

01:27:06.000 They said, good, we got a green light.

01:27:07.000 They got a green light.

01:27:08.000 I'm blending rats.

01:27:10.000 What about drink your own piss?

01:27:12.000 No, we just got a red light.

01:27:13.000 You can't drink your own piss.

01:27:14.000 Every now and then we get red lights.

01:27:16.000 Okay, how about eat a buffalo dick?

01:27:19.000 I remember that.

01:27:19.000 Green light.

01:27:20.000 Green light.

01:27:21.000 Eat buffalo dicks.

01:27:22.000 I remember that.

01:27:22.000 We can eat buffalo dicks.

01:27:23.000 Holy shit.

01:27:24.000 That's funny.

01:27:25.000 And we tell them it's buffalo dicks?

01:27:27.000 Yes, you're allowed to tell them.

01:27:28.000 How about balls?

01:27:29.000 Yes, you can eat balls.

01:27:30.000 Remember we have boiled balls, giant bull testicles with the skin on them, all the veins around it.

01:27:36.000 You're like, did you ever get sick watching them do that stuff?

01:27:39.000 Oh, a bunch of times.

01:27:40.000 I never threw up on the set.

01:27:41.000 I only threw up at home once.

01:27:43.000 Funny enough, I would watch that show with my nose plugged, thinking, like, just reflectively, I would literally watch like this because I'd feel like I'd catch a whiff of something.

01:27:51.000 You know, it wasn't the most fun thing to do, you know, because it was really fun sometimes, but other times it was fucking tedious as hell.

01:27:57.000 But looking back on it, I'm like, wow, I was a part of some weird part of fucking television history.

01:28:02.000 One of the most unique shows ever.

01:28:04.000 There's nothing before or after that's like it.

01:28:07.000 It was so strange to be a part of it.

01:28:09.000 I was at the 99 Cent store the other day, and they're still selling Fear Factor candy.

01:28:13.000 That's got a show around the world still, right?

01:28:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:28:16.000 I get emails from people sometimes in other countries where it just started checking.

01:28:20.000 I've just discovered Fear Factor.

01:28:21.000 Yeah, for real.

01:28:22.000 Thank you.

01:28:22.000 It just started.

01:28:23.000 It just started there.

01:28:24.000 You just got it.

01:28:25.000 I know.

01:28:26.000 There's countries that are just now getting, like, I guess apparently my sister's boyfriend is from Germany.

01:28:30.000 He was saying, like, you know, they showed Knight Rider, you know, like now there, like, because David Hasselhoff, and they pride him, but they'll, countries will get stuff that we are done with, like, that wrapped in the 90s, that wrapped in the 80s, but they'll think it's new.

01:28:47.000 And they'll dress accordingly.

01:28:48.000 Isn't it weird when a comic goes to another country and becomes big in that country?

01:28:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:28:53.000 That is weird.

01:28:53.000 That's weird.

01:28:54.000 They're not big in America, but they go somewhere and they become big.

01:28:57.000 That's real weird.

01:28:57.000 Yeah.

01:28:58.000 That's strange, right?

01:28:59.000 That's real weird, especially if you're a native country, you can't seem to find...

01:29:05.000 Hendrix did it.

01:29:06.000 Right.

01:29:07.000 A few other guys did it.

01:29:07.000 Yeah, but they came to America.

01:29:09.000 And America has always been at the top of the ice cream pile.

01:29:12.000 That's where the cherry is.

01:29:14.000 Yeah, I mean, it's still, it's the grand, you know, the big stage, supposedly.

01:29:19.000 But for like a lot of comics, like going to other countries, you become more successful.

01:29:23.000 Yeah.

01:29:24.000 You know, like Arch Barker is gigantic in Australia, dude.

01:29:27.000 Is he?

01:29:27.000 Oh, my God, dude.

01:29:30.000 He's like Richard Pryor in Australia.

01:29:32.000 No bullshit, man.

01:29:33.000 He's fucking huge.

01:29:34.000 How did that happen?

01:29:34.000 Is it a cartoon?

01:29:36.000 Well, I guess he went over there, kicked ass, went on a bunch of tours, did a bunch of tours over there, and they just love him.

01:29:41.000 He lives there now.

01:29:42.000 Apparently, he got a house there, and he's like, fuck it.

01:29:45.000 He comes on tour in America, but most of the time he spends in Australia sells out like, you know, fucking 20, 30 nights in a row at places.

01:29:52.000 I was wondering what happened to him because it's like around the time like him, Dimitri Martin, started getting a lot of attention that seems like one kind of went the other way.

01:29:58.000 Well, he went to Australia and just started kicking ass.

01:30:00.000 Good for him.

01:30:01.000 He's like the biggest comic in Australia.

01:30:04.000 I think Pablo joins pretty well worldwide, doesn't he?

01:30:06.000 He does huge in like Finland and shit.

01:30:08.000 He's got some pockets of fans out there.

01:30:10.000 He's so silly, too.

01:30:11.000 You don't really have to be adept at the language to understand Pablo.

01:30:15.000 Well, that's the thing, is the language barrier would, I think, certainly have to keep me in English-speaking only nations, obviously, and even the most Americanized ones, because it's like.

01:30:25.000 Well, a lot of Europe speaks English as well.

01:30:27.000 they come to your show.

01:30:28.000 I've done shows in Ireland.

01:30:30.000 I've done shows in a bunch of different...

01:30:36.000 And you get people that speak a gang of different languages and English.

01:30:39.000 Right.

01:30:40.000 French, English, they speak it all.

01:30:42.000 It just seems to me like I watched a documentary about Eddie Izzard learned French to do a set in France.

01:30:48.000 That was pretty cool.

01:30:48.000 Whoa.

01:30:49.000 And connected with them.

01:30:51.000 Not as much as he would want to, but he learned French.

01:30:53.000 And now growing up a Brit, he probably knew his fair share as it was.

01:30:56.000 Dude, Eddie Izzard's a bad motherfucker.

01:30:58.000 I used to think he's a silly man with a dress on.

01:31:01.000 Like when I first saw him cross-dressing.

01:31:03.000 What is it?

01:31:04.000 What kind of weird gimmick is that?

01:31:05.000 then I saw him do this one show where he went on a marathon every day for like 30 fucking days or something crazy like that.

01:31:12.000 It might have been even more than 30 days.

01:31:13.000 Something nuts, man.

01:31:15.000 This guy ran all the way around the UK.

01:31:17.000 Oh, wow.

01:31:18.000 Dude, it was ridiculous.

01:31:19.000 And they filmed him, they followed him around with cameras.

01:31:21.000 I mean, he got hurt, man.

01:31:22.000 His feet were fucked up and he kept running.

01:31:25.000 His legs would knot up.

01:31:26.000 He could barely move.

01:31:27.000 He could barely shuffle for it.

01:31:28.000 What was he kept going for?

01:31:30.000 I forget, some sort of charity thing?

01:31:31.000 Yeah, I watched a documentary on him and they talked about, they addressed the cross-dressing issue, but by the time you get done with the film, he's so fascinating that that's just a little side thing to the point where you don't even think of it anymore.

01:31:41.000 You know what I mean?

01:31:42.000 He's a bad motherfucker.

01:31:43.000 He's a really interesting dude.

01:31:44.000 It's a cross-dressing thing where it's like a guy who smokes cigarettes.

01:31:47.000 It's like, I kind of need to do it.

01:31:49.000 That's what he's literally like, I have to do it.

01:31:51.000 He's not like, I'm not into dudes, nothing like that.

01:31:52.000 I just really need to do this once a day.

01:31:54.000 And I was just like, wow.

01:31:56.000 And that's what he would do when he would go on stage.

01:31:57.000 Like, he was really like, he was into cross-dressing.

01:32:00.000 He's just into cross-dressing.

01:32:00.000 Right.

01:32:03.000 There was no sexual thing.

01:32:03.000 It's not a gimmick.

01:32:04.000 It was just some.

01:32:06.000 There's no sexual thing.

01:32:07.000 I mean, it's probably.

01:32:09.000 So he says, right.

01:32:10.000 People know he likes to do it.

01:32:11.000 But he was so interesting, he made you forget that he dressed like that.

01:32:14.000 Yeah.

01:32:15.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker.

01:32:16.000 Anybody can run a marathon every day as many days as he did.

01:32:19.000 It was a ridiculous documentary.

01:32:20.000 I don't know why it didn't air in America because NBC or someone should have picked it up because it was really compelling.

01:32:25.000 It is interesting.

01:32:26.000 They should have aired it simultaneously.

01:32:27.000 It was really compelling.

01:32:28.000 I mean, if they had room for it anywhere, it would have done very well because it was really gripping.

01:32:32.000 I started it not thinking that I was going to get into it at all.

01:32:34.000 I was like, who gives a fuck about some idiot running everywhere?

01:32:36.000 You know, I'm like, this is stupid.

01:32:38.000 You're going to run everywhere.

01:32:39.000 But then I realized how much he's pushing through this and doing it in great spirits and laughing.

01:32:44.000 This guy's got a solid personality.

01:32:46.000 There's documentaries you'll watch like that.

01:32:48.000 I watched one recently called Still Bill.

01:32:50.000 Have you heard of this one?

01:32:51.000 No.

01:32:51.000 It's a story of Bill Withers.

01:32:53.000 He's a soul singer, kind of R ⁇ B guy from the 70s.

01:32:55.000 Sang and wrote Lean On Me.

01:32:57.000 Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone.

01:32:59.000 Damn.

01:32:59.000 But this guy didn't pick up a guitar or sing or learn to do any of it until he was 32 years old.

01:33:04.000 And you want to talk about natural ability.

01:33:04.000 Holy shit.

01:33:06.000 This guy picks it up when he's 32, writes Lean On Me, blows up, leaves the music business like 10 years after being in it, sometime around the late 70s, just had enough, and just collects his royalties.

01:33:17.000 And mind you, he makes a ton of money.

01:33:19.000 He's the nicest, most decent person you ever saw.

01:33:21.000 He's from Slab Fork, West Virginia, has this real country way of living, but lives up in the Hollywood Hills.

01:33:28.000 But you talk to this guy.

01:33:29.000 He's the most lovable guy in the world.

01:33:31.000 Of course, he doesn't have to do anything.

01:33:32.000 He doesn't have to do anything smokes.

01:33:33.000 But, you know, the whole thing is, people have been begging him to come do tracks, come back into the music industry for years.

01:33:39.000 And at the end, I won't tell you what happened.

01:33:40.000 somebody begs him to come back.

01:33:42.000 And it just shows this guy who...

01:33:45.000 No, it's nothing like that.

01:33:47.000 Thank God.

01:33:48.000 I would have never said that.

01:33:49.000 I hate that guy.

01:33:51.000 I feel bad for him.

01:33:52.000 Chris Brown?

01:33:52.000 Who's that?

01:33:53.000 Yeah, I feel bad for him being him.

01:33:55.000 Yeah, he hates being him.

01:33:56.000 You can tell.

01:33:57.000 It's a hard person to be, man.

01:33:59.000 He's a mess.

01:33:59.000 You can tell the guy has no...

01:34:03.000 He came back and wrote a song and it was horrible.

01:34:05.000 I can't tell you.

01:34:06.000 I can't tell you that.

01:34:06.000 You got to watch it.

01:34:07.000 Still Bill, but it was.

01:34:08.000 Still Bill.

01:34:09.000 One of the best documentaries I've seen in per Bobby Lee's recommendation, funny enough.

01:34:14.000 And not funny enough, because sometimes he recommends really good stuff, but other times he recommends horrible stuff.

01:34:14.000 Wow.

01:34:18.000 What's the worst thing he's ever recommended?

01:34:21.000 The What You Call It movie with River Phoenix's brother?

01:34:26.000 I heard that was terrible.

01:34:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:34:27.000 It was awful.

01:34:28.000 He thought it was brilliant.

01:34:29.000 Really?

01:34:30.000 It's fucking brilliant, he said.

01:34:32.000 You just did it.

01:34:33.000 It's fucking brilliant.

01:34:35.000 Bobby Lee, it's brilliant.

01:34:36.000 It wasn't brilliant.

01:34:37.000 A lot of his stuff, he got you impressions.

01:34:40.000 Bobby's into pretty good movies.

01:34:42.000 Can you do Bobby Lee?

01:34:43.000 Can you do I could do fucking Bobby Lee?

01:34:46.000 That's what he is.

01:34:48.000 Dude, I'm going to fucking bomb Joe Rogan.

01:34:49.000 I'm the fucking bomb.

01:34:51.000 Pretty close.

01:34:52.000 Yeah, close.

01:34:53.000 That's as much as he can.

01:34:54.000 Can you do Jesse Ventura?

01:34:55.000 Jesse the Body Ventura.

01:34:57.000 Now it's Jesse the Mind Ventura.

01:35:00.000 I come on Joe Rogan's podcast to talk the truth.

01:35:04.000 Yeah, I think that's pretty goddamn good.

01:35:06.000 I've never done that before.

01:35:08.000 911 was an inside job.

01:35:11.000 If you think the latter, you're the one who's misinformed, brother.

01:35:15.000 You don't think that Rumsfeld knew what he was doing when he told those troops to stand down?

01:35:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:35:23.000 Nancy almost sounds a little Sam Elliott in there, too.

01:35:27.000 A little bit, right?

01:35:27.000 Dodge Ram.

01:35:30.000 You ain't got any roadhouse quotes in you?

01:35:33.000 Show that man to the door, and if he doesn't go quietly, what is it?

01:35:37.000 Use his fucking head and buy yourself a Dodge Ram pickup with all the torque.

01:35:44.000 You definitely know how to stretch his words out the way he stretches his words out.

01:35:47.000 Rocky, get on the bike, Rocky, Rocky Dennis.

01:35:50.000 What was that thing you did about iced tea and Coco?

01:35:52.000 What did you do recently?

01:35:54.000 Oh, it was for Sam Triple Show?

01:35:57.000 Yeah, for Sam Triple Show.

01:35:58.000 Baby Bull.

01:35:59.000 Baby Bull.

01:36:00.000 Yeah, we did an iced tea commercial with a Coco.

01:36:04.000 A great Coco lookalike, by the way.

01:36:06.000 Was that her name?

01:36:06.000 Maya?

01:36:06.000 Maya.

01:36:07.000 Did she look just like Coco for a while?

01:36:08.000 She was built like her.

01:36:09.000 She was an anomaly, like this huge ass, huge boobs, and this tiny waist.

01:36:12.000 Now, granted, it was all sculpted that way, but it was still this anomaly.

01:36:15.000 It was like, it was ridiculous.

01:36:16.000 It was ridiculous.

01:36:17.000 She sculpted that way, meaning like operations.

01:36:20.000 Yeah, operations up top.

01:36:21.000 I've heard people seen that Coco in real life.

01:36:22.000 I said she's absolutely beautiful.

01:36:24.000 She is.

01:36:25.000 But yeah, we did the Iced T thing.

01:36:27.000 We did the baby bull, man.

01:36:28.000 That went over pretty well.

01:36:29.000 And he saw it.

01:36:30.000 Red Band tweeted it.

01:36:31.000 Yeah.

01:36:32.000 And Iced T tweeted back.

01:36:33.000 What did the Ice T say?

01:36:34.000 What did he say?

01:36:34.000 I said, hey, I made a video.

01:36:37.000 What do you think about this?

01:36:38.000 And he was.

01:36:39.000 I say it's interesting.

01:36:40.000 I say it's interesting.

01:36:42.000 That's pretty goddamn good iced tea.

01:36:44.000 That's like that iced tea, man.

01:36:46.000 That's dead.

01:36:47.000 That's 100%.

01:36:48.000 And I'm fighting off a cold from the past three days.

01:36:51.000 Sometimes when I have a cold, my impressions get a little better.

01:36:53.000 Like, I've never done that Venturo one before.

01:36:55.000 I didn't know that you could do it.

01:36:56.000 I don't know if you could do it.

01:36:57.000 Do you do a good Broca?

01:36:58.000 I love a good Broca.

01:36:59.000 Tom Broca, I mean, she's nightly news.

01:37:03.000 Serious bombs are probably into all of us.

01:37:06.000 There's nothing Americans can do about it.

01:37:08.000 Did you know Tom Broca's a pothead, 24-hour a day pothead?

01:37:10.000 Is he really?

01:37:11.000 He's a prideful pothead.

01:37:12.000 That's what he must be so powerful.

01:37:13.000 I take bong rips on the daily.

01:37:16.000 I'm Tom Broca.

01:37:18.000 I only smoke Indica.

01:37:20.000 The sativa makes me not want to do my job.

01:37:24.000 It's nightly news.

01:37:25.000 That's hilarious.

01:37:26.000 That's so good.

01:37:27.000 Don Nuts.

01:37:28.000 He really does smoke pot.

01:37:29.000 Where'd you hear this?

01:37:30.000 You know, I read it somewhere and I just ran with it.

01:37:32.000 I didn't research it.

01:37:33.000 Let's research it.

01:37:34.000 What's up?

01:37:34.000 You know what?

01:37:34.000 Go to, just, yeah, say Tom.

01:37:37.000 Tom Broca.

01:37:39.000 Parje.

01:37:40.000 How do you spell Broca?

01:37:41.000 B-R-O-K.

01:37:43.000 W. That's Boy Roger Ocean.

01:37:46.000 Saw a family guy last night where there was a gang of BroCalls.

01:37:50.000 There was like 12 of them.

01:37:51.000 No.

01:37:51.000 Never did it.

01:37:52.000 Not interested.

01:37:53.000 What I did was I experimented with a little marijuana.

01:37:56.000 Like a lot of other people.

01:37:56.000 I never heard it.

01:37:58.000 You just made up some shit.

01:37:59.000 God damn it, Frank.

01:38:00.000 No, somebody made it up and I wanted to believe it.

01:38:01.000 Okay, I want to be able to.

01:38:02.000 I'm going to believe it too.

01:38:02.000 I wish I didn't Google it.

01:38:04.000 Let's Google it again.

01:38:05.000 Who's confirming is this?

01:38:07.000 Is there some clearinghouse of whether a celebrity is a pothead or not?

01:38:10.000 I broke off the Huffington Post.

01:38:12.000 Give us a talk.

01:38:13.000 I've been working on a John Luthgau as well.

01:38:15.000 My girlfriend doesn't like it, but I do.

01:38:18.000 Handle Dexter.

01:38:18.000 Actually, she does like it.

01:38:19.000 Can you do women?

01:38:20.000 Can you do Nancy Grace?

01:38:21.000 She's my favorite.

01:38:22.000 Nancy Grace.

01:38:23.000 This is a real problem.

01:38:26.000 Yeah.

01:38:29.000 Dead babies in Florida.

01:38:32.000 We are live right now.

01:38:34.000 Homie.

01:38:36.000 Yeah.

01:38:36.000 Oh, that was a good march.

01:38:37.000 Was it a good one?

01:38:38.000 The other one that you do that's amazing is Morgan Freeman, isn't it?

01:38:41.000 Morgan Freeman.

01:38:42.000 That's ridiculous.

01:38:43.000 Andy Dufran.

01:38:44.000 Andy Dufrayne gave me hand jobs those last few nights.

01:38:47.000 Talk about your penis, Morgan.

01:38:48.000 My penis hangs down to my kneecaps.

01:38:51.000 And I'm wearing knickerbocker shorts, you can tell.

01:38:53.000 Knickerbocker shorts.

01:38:54.000 Sure.

01:38:55.000 Sure, why not?

01:38:56.000 I have to do Lean On Me quotes.

01:38:58.000 What you got in that locker, son?

01:38:59.000 My future.

01:39:00.000 All right now.

01:39:03.000 And then I take quotes from Lean On Me and I change them around.

01:39:05.000 Like in Lean On Me, there's this kid he keeps asking because this kid's like, yo, Mr. Clark, man, I'm going to move away, man.

01:39:10.000 I'm going to go make money.

01:39:11.000 He's like, you'll be dead in a year, son.

01:39:12.000 He's like, no, no, man, I'm going to go work for my uncle.

01:39:14.000 We'll be dead in a year.

01:39:15.000 So me and a buddy would take it and be like, yo, Mr. Clark, I got accepted to Harvard, man.

01:39:19.000 You'll be dead in a year, son.

01:39:21.000 Not going to Harvard in Cambridge.

01:39:22.000 You'll be dead in a year, son.

01:39:24.000 Well, fuck you then, Clark.

01:39:25.000 Joe did an Ice Cube thing the other day.

01:39:28.000 We were in the green room, baked as hell, and we saw this commercial for a sitcom for Ice Cube's new sitcom.

01:39:33.000 Are we there yet?

01:39:34.000 Yeah, that's like, damn, why are you kids making all this noise?

01:39:37.000 I pick up little Chris and put him on the porch.

01:39:40.000 Yeah, Ice Cube's terrible.

01:39:42.000 It's hard.

01:39:43.000 That's terrible.

01:39:43.000 You know, I saw him in concert recently.

01:39:45.000 Damn, kids.

01:39:46.000 You saw him in concert?

01:39:47.000 Yeah.

01:39:47.000 What was he doing?

01:39:48.000 Caparillo bought me the ticket.

01:39:49.000 We went to go see him and he didn't do anything off death certificate, the album I grew up loving.

01:39:52.000 That album changed.

01:39:53.000 He's probably not allowed to.

01:39:54.000 What did he do?

01:39:55.000 Brushed out of school because I was a high school grad.

01:39:57.000 So there's a little ice cube.

01:39:58.000 What did he do?

01:39:58.000 I got it there.

01:40:00.000 Stuff from post-98.

01:40:02.000 I hadn't listened to anything at Ice Cube since 95.

01:40:04.000 So it was one of the new shit that you hadn't heard.

01:40:05.000 I guess he still makes new shit.

01:40:06.000 And then he brought his son out.

01:40:07.000 Like, I want to hear his son's out.

01:40:09.000 His son is pretty good, though.

01:40:10.000 His son, he has two sons.

01:40:11.000 One looks just like him from 1987.

01:40:13.000 Really?

01:40:13.000 The thing is, that's the thing with second-generation hip-hop, dude.

01:40:16.000 You better come seriously correct because hip-hop's born in poverty and thrives and struggle.

01:40:20.000 And second-generation hip-hop, I don't mind a rich rapper who became rich on his own, but the second generation thing, you know, Harvard West Lake July, die, homie.

01:40:29.000 You know, it doesn't.

01:40:31.000 Yeah, I'm sure he still had to grow up having Ice Cube as a father.

01:40:34.000 Ice Cube got fucked up.

01:40:35.000 All right, Ice Cube, I'll tell you this.

01:40:37.000 At the age of 17, moved to Arizona, went to a trade school and studied architecture before founding NWA.

01:40:42.000 You should check on that.

01:40:44.000 O'Shea Jackson, his name is.

01:40:46.000 Wow.

01:40:47.000 So what is this kid?

01:40:48.000 This kid goes up and raps?

01:40:49.000 Comes up and raps about hard times.

01:40:50.000 Joe Rogan?

01:40:51.000 I heard he was rapping.

01:40:51.000 Does he rap about hard times?

01:40:52.000 Hard times.

01:40:53.000 Joe Rogan.

01:40:53.000 I heard he was good, though.

01:40:54.000 I heard he was good.

01:40:55.000 He was good.

01:40:55.000 He's got that booming voice like Ice Cube has.

01:40:58.000 What does he say about the hard times?

01:40:59.000 I don't even remember.

01:41:00.000 I just wanted to leave so bad by the time it was over.

01:41:02.000 It was at the House of Blues.

01:41:03.000 You know, the last time I was at the House of Blues, I saw you there, and you ran into me because we went to Chewy's show.

01:41:08.000 Why we did that, I don't know.

01:41:09.000 But it was 2001, maybe, something like that.

01:41:09.000 That was a good time.

01:41:12.000 And then we got a Chewy show.

01:41:14.000 Good, dude.

01:41:14.000 Chewy's good.

01:41:15.000 Hey, I'm going to the House of Blues, bro.

01:41:17.000 You got to come.

01:41:18.000 Dude, he's a crazy guy.

01:41:19.000 And as a bouncer, he wasn't your favorite guy.

01:41:22.000 But as a band member, that was pretty dope.

01:41:24.000 He was good, man.

01:41:25.000 It was weird.

01:41:26.000 I was like, Chewy was the doorman at the comedy store like fucking forever.

01:41:30.000 But he was a nice guy.

01:41:31.000 I mean, he had to like you to be a nice guy.

01:41:33.000 He liked me luckily.

01:41:34.000 Thank God.

01:41:34.000 I've seen my shit.

01:41:35.000 If he didn't like you, it became a real problem.

01:41:37.000 But he always liked me.

01:41:38.000 And I even introduced him one time.

01:41:40.000 I introduced him one time at the House of Beau's.

01:41:42.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:41:43.000 I was like, they're fucking good, man.

01:41:45.000 Yeah, he's real good.

01:41:46.000 Chewy Castro and what was the band called?

01:41:48.000 Chewy and the, I don't know, I remember their song, Hey Chewie.

01:41:51.000 It was yeah, hey, Chewy.

01:41:54.000 Hey, Rick James is going to play with me, bro.

01:41:56.000 Rick James used to come jam with him?

01:41:56.000 Remember that?

01:41:58.000 Rick James used to go on stage with Chewy.

01:42:00.000 And this was back before Rick James was like immortalized by Dave Chappelle.

01:42:00.000 Really?

01:42:04.000 Oh, yeah, this was 2000, 2001.

01:42:06.000 Yeah, Rick James was like, you know, people like didn't care that much that he was there.

01:42:10.000 After the Dave Chappelle sketches, if he went on stage, they would have gone crazy.

01:42:14.000 But this was, I mean, obviously he was dead, you know, but this was 2001 or so.

01:42:19.000 He would go on.

01:42:20.000 Dude, Chewy's band, it was real weird to know someone from work and then, you know, they say, hey, will you come see my band?

01:42:26.000 I'm like, okay, here we go.

01:42:27.000 Here we go.

01:42:27.000 But, you know, I mean, you didn't really expect too much.

01:42:30.000 Chewy Castro and like the notes, the notes or something.

01:42:33.000 I forget what the fuck they were.

01:42:34.000 Yeah, somebody can find that.

01:42:35.000 He was also the bad guy in James Bond, right?

01:42:35.000 Chewy Castro.

01:42:38.000 Chewy Castro.

01:42:39.000 He dressed up like that guy, that one guy that always got a little bit of a drink.

01:42:41.000 All the time that they always take the hat off.

01:42:43.000 Cut your head off with his hat.

01:42:45.000 He's dressed like that or like somebody from a Clockwork Orange or somebody who works at Umatniberg or hat.

01:42:48.000 I don't know.

01:42:49.000 Cut your head off with his hat.

01:42:50.000 Remember, he would hit sculptures and shit and knock arms off and stuff.

01:42:54.000 His fucking stupid hat.

01:42:55.000 But Chewy could do that.

01:42:56.000 Well, Chewy also had a side job there.

01:42:58.000 I forget what it was.

01:42:59.000 Great Lebowski.

01:43:01.000 How many interesting people have you met out of the goddamn comedy store?

01:43:04.000 That is like a whirlpool that sucks all the weirdos right to it.

01:43:08.000 It's the Overlook Hotel from the Shiny, man.

01:43:11.000 It's just a vortex for the weirdoism.

01:43:13.000 Have you ever met Mickey?

01:43:15.000 Mickey.

01:43:17.000 Yeah.

01:43:17.000 It's a guy who's literally so funny to watch because he's so crazy, but he's the most like, it's funny to watch somebody interact with him like a customer.

01:43:26.000 He's just some dude who hangs out there, but they're like, is there bathrooms here?

01:43:28.000 He'd be like yeah.

01:43:30.000 Like the most difficult person you could ever run into if you just want basic information.

01:43:34.000 No, he's been there since the 70s.

01:43:34.000 Is this a new guy?

01:43:36.000 He got the tinted glasses.

01:43:37.000 Tinted glasses, mustache.

01:43:38.000 Since the 70s.

01:43:39.000 Since the 70s.

01:43:40.000 Been hanging out there.

01:43:40.000 Apparently he's a trust fund guy.

01:43:42.000 He's a mystery.

01:43:42.000 He's a ding-dong guy, isn't he?

01:43:43.000 I think he was a ding-dong guy for a little while.

01:43:45.000 I tried to avoid that.

01:43:47.000 Don Barris freaked me out with all those people.

01:43:49.000 He'd been crazy characters in that stuff, though.

01:43:52.000 Mickey's one of them.

01:43:53.000 Is there no greater master of nuts than Don Barris?

01:43:57.000 Don is the ringleader.

01:43:58.000 We just had him on Death Squad, man.

01:43:59.000 He was talking about the old days when the comedy store was in a basement of a restaurant.

01:44:03.000 Oh, that was the Westwood version?

01:44:04.000 Wasn't it Westwood?

01:44:05.000 Yeah, that was where Kinnison used to rock out of.

01:44:08.000 Yeah, he was talking about Kinnison and how there was a bullet hole.

01:44:10.000 I didn't know this in the belly room.

01:44:12.000 The sign of the belly room.

01:44:14.000 Yeah, he pulled out, I think it was about him and dice being mad at each other.

01:44:17.000 Wow.

01:44:18.000 Kinnison pulled out a gun and shot a fucking sign.

01:44:20.000 Wow.

01:44:21.000 That's crazy.

01:44:21.000 That's craziness.

01:44:22.000 Yeah, it's a pretty interesting podcast.

01:44:24.000 You know, who else is a great ruler of the crazies?

01:44:26.000 It's Rick Ingram.

01:44:27.000 He always has, they always worship him.

01:44:29.000 It's so funny, like, how he's got that power up.

01:44:32.000 And the crazier they are, the more they confide in him, which is so funny because he's the most cynical motherfucker on earth.

01:44:37.000 He just makes fun of them right to their face.

01:44:37.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:39.000 They're like, I love you, Rick.

01:44:40.000 You're always good to me.

01:44:42.000 It's like, no, you know.

01:44:44.000 Weird people in Hollywood trying to be seen, trying to be heard, trying to be found.

01:44:49.000 Find me.

01:44:51.000 What a weird, creepy place to live.

01:44:53.000 Do you ever think you're ever moving out of here?

01:44:55.000 Are you going to stay here forever?

01:44:56.000 If I did, I'd move to New York, basically.

01:44:59.000 I could live in New York.

01:45:00.000 I can live in LA.

01:45:01.000 But I want to have somewhere in Montana, and I want to go fly fishing and just be left a hell of a lot.

01:45:06.000 That's what I'm talking about.

01:45:08.000 I go, let's go.

01:45:09.000 We keep saying this, man.

01:45:10.000 Let's go.

01:45:10.000 There's a ton of fish.

01:45:11.000 It's a spring.

01:45:12.000 Let's go fishing.

01:45:13.000 We should have done.

01:45:14.000 We were in Portland.

01:45:15.000 We should have stayed an extra day and went salmon fishing.

01:45:17.000 Catalina Island.

01:45:18.000 Is there fishing there?

01:45:19.000 Yeah, it's ocean, though.

01:45:20.000 It's definitely fish.

01:45:21.000 Dude, have you ever watched The Urban Fisherman?

01:45:22.000 This guy will show you where to fish in your city, dude.

01:45:24.000 I'm a huge fan.

01:45:25.000 Oh, I saw that show.

01:45:26.000 What is that?

01:45:27.000 Urban Fisherman.

01:45:28.000 This guy.

01:45:28.000 He's on the hunting shows.

01:45:30.000 It's a fishing.

01:45:31.000 No, it's actually like on travel, I think.

01:45:33.000 And it's that guy's Icanelli Ross.

01:45:35.000 There's somebody Icanelli or something.

01:45:37.000 His last name isn't.

01:45:38.000 He does urban fishing.

01:45:39.000 He'll catch fish in the Hudson River.

01:45:40.000 He'll catch fish.

01:45:41.000 Does he eat them?

01:45:42.000 No, he doesn't eat them.

01:45:42.000 He's a sport fisherman, so he tosses them all back.

01:45:44.000 But he'll show you, if you live in a big city, you can still find great fishing.

01:45:47.000 I fish three times a month.

01:45:48.000 You know what'd be cool?

01:45:49.000 Do you really?

01:45:49.000 Yeah, that's good.

01:45:50.000 What do you guys?

01:45:51.000 I go to Arizona a lot.

01:45:52.000 I go fly fishing.

01:45:53.000 I go bass fishing.

01:45:54.000 Me and my buddy Scotty Gee, we do the bass fishing at Dobson Ranch Park, dude.

01:45:57.000 Just throw them all day.

01:45:58.000 I caught a catfish at night waiting for my breaks to be done.

01:46:01.000 I was like, I'm going to go next door, catch a catfish, come back, dude.

01:46:03.000 I got an emergency pole.

01:46:05.000 This was in Arizona.

01:46:05.000 Where was this?

01:46:06.000 In Arizona, but not out here.

01:46:07.000 You don't do it.

01:46:08.000 I do it out here, too.

01:46:09.000 When do you fishing?

01:46:10.000 You go to the Santa Monica Pier and fish without a license.

01:46:12.000 You can fish anywhere, yeah.

01:46:14.000 In the ocean, you can fish without a license.

01:46:15.000 Without a license on the Santa Monica Pier, you can fish, yeah.

01:46:17.000 Really?

01:46:18.000 How come?

01:46:19.000 I think it's kind of no man's land.

01:46:20.000 They can't really govern it.

01:46:21.000 You don't really need, I don't even think you need a license to ocean fish at all.

01:46:25.000 Yeah, I think you don't.

01:46:26.000 I think it's freshwater that you need to license.

01:46:27.000 Yeah, it's freshwater, and it's all like, it's all that urban stuff.

01:46:29.000 You have to get that local urban license, and then you have to get the lake license.

01:46:33.000 But I fish any chance I get.

01:46:35.000 It's so much like comedy.

01:46:37.000 It's a patience game.

01:46:38.000 When you get good at it, you get a lot.

01:46:38.000 It's fun.

01:46:40.000 I'm not good at it.

01:46:41.000 I just do it a lot, but I'm getting better.

01:46:42.000 I used to fish all the time when I was living in Jamaica Plain.

01:46:45.000 I used to go to Jamaica Pond and catch big ass fucking rainbow trout.

01:46:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:46:48.000 Yeah, we'd catch a lot of fish there, man.

01:46:50.000 And there was a lake.

01:46:52.000 Massachusetts is great because there was a lot of different places to fish when I was a kid.

01:46:55.000 But there was a lake near my house in Newton.

01:46:57.000 I caught a three-pound bass in this little tiny ass pond.

01:47:00.000 It's a big ass fucking bass just dominating shit in this pond.

01:47:03.000 I think swimming and fishing would sound so good together.

01:47:06.000 Just hanging out.

01:47:08.000 I'd get freaked out by my own bait.

01:47:09.000 And I used lures.

01:47:10.000 I'd have a top water hook.

01:47:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:47:12.000 I'd be afraid of it.

01:47:13.000 And I've gotten into lures now.

01:47:15.000 Like as a kid, I was always a live bait.

01:47:16.000 But now I'm into lures, the art of fishing.

01:47:19.000 And I got into fly fishing recently.

01:47:20.000 That's some cool shit, dude.

01:47:23.000 Catching.

01:47:23.000 I'm so good at it.

01:47:24.000 That's so awesome.

01:47:24.000 I used to love catching bass on floating Rapalas.

01:47:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:28.000 I'd cast them out then, just twitch it a little bit, like a little fish that's fucked up.

01:47:32.000 Bass are like torpedoes and they nailed that fucking thing.

01:47:34.000 Like they could not hit it.

01:47:36.000 Dude, you want to catch bass, too?

01:47:38.000 Spoons.

01:47:38.000 That's the best way.

01:47:39.000 Spoons.

01:47:40.000 Those silver things.

01:47:40.000 They look like dying minnows against the stream.

01:47:42.000 That was the coolest thing about fishing when I was a kid.

01:47:44.000 You never knew what the fuck they wanted that day.

01:47:46.000 Yeah.

01:47:46.000 One day it was plastic worms.

01:47:48.000 The next day it was spinner baits.

01:47:50.000 It was all different things to catch them with.

01:47:52.000 Or they were smarter and wiser to somebody else.

01:47:53.000 You'd be fishing with somebody like, what did he use?

01:47:55.000 And he caught something and you'd lose all confidence in what you had.

01:47:58.000 God damn it, I need to get one of those.

01:48:00.000 We go to this place, my buddy, one of the places I go, my mom lives next door to a lake, just one of these community lakes.

01:48:05.000 I go fish there, pull catfish out of there.

01:48:07.000 I go to my buddy, Scotty Gilliam, lives on Dobson Ranch.

01:48:09.000 It's like four feet deep, this water.

01:48:11.000 We take his dad's pontoon, smoke bowls and fucking fish the whole time.

01:48:15.000 Like just smoking bowls and fishing.

01:48:16.000 Sounds fun.

01:48:17.000 And in the sun, too.

01:48:18.000 it's the best time, man.

01:48:19.000 I like fishing is, has given me in my thirties, this whole new, Like, I've got a lot more patience now.

01:48:27.000 There's something visceral about hooking a big fish, too, man.

01:48:31.000 You know, it's like there's something that just goes, it charges up some caveman instinct.

01:48:36.000 Nature, you won that day.

01:48:38.000 You know, you won that day.

01:48:40.000 And I've been places where it's like, you know, there's big whales swimming by.

01:48:43.000 They're not biting nothing.

01:48:44.000 But then there's other nights where it's like, you know, I was at my mom's house one night.

01:48:47.000 I said, I'm going to catch a fucking fish right now.

01:48:49.000 And I'm taking hot dog with me.

01:48:50.000 That's how pathetic this is.

01:48:52.000 But I know they're catfish.

01:48:53.000 They're fucking lake roaches.

01:48:54.000 They'll eat anything.

01:48:56.000 I chum the water with a little corn.

01:48:57.000 Sure enough, two seconds later, I had a bite on that hot dog.

01:49:00.000 I used to use chicken liver.

01:49:02.000 Chicken liver at a store near my grandfather's.

01:49:02.000 I used to buy chicken.

01:49:04.000 He used to take me in Newark, New Jersey.

01:49:05.000 He used to take me to some fucking lake and we'd go fishing like late at night.

01:49:09.000 It was so shifty back then, too.

01:49:10.000 It was like so dangerous.

01:49:11.000 I'm here with my old grandfather.

01:49:13.000 It's late at night because that's when we would catch the catfish.

01:49:15.000 So he took me to some creepy ass neighborhood late at night to catch fish.

01:49:18.000 Yeah.

01:49:19.000 You know, casting out liver into this lake.

01:49:21.000 I pulled a 10-pound channel catfish out.

01:49:23.000 Oh, wow.

01:49:24.000 All brown and like a mud catfish.

01:49:26.000 That's crazy, man.

01:49:28.000 I do that.

01:49:28.000 I go fishing anywhere.

01:49:29.000 I think you might be able to go to Echo Park.

01:49:31.000 I don't know if anybody's pulling anything out of there.

01:49:33.000 There's that little pond over here in Calabass down the down.

01:49:36.000 You know, it's like in the middle of.

01:49:38.000 Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

01:49:39.000 Toluca Lake.

01:49:40.000 I think there's nothing in there.

01:49:41.000 There's another place.

01:49:42.000 There's a lake.

01:49:44.000 Lake shit.

01:49:46.000 I forgot the name of it.

01:49:47.000 Lake Arrowhead?

01:49:48.000 That's the place.

01:49:48.000 No.

01:49:49.000 Lake Arrowhead is Big Bear, right?

01:49:51.000 Yeah, that's one of the big ones.

01:49:53.000 Are you talking?

01:49:54.000 Those places, like, imagine living right there, like right on the lake, like a Big Bear or Lake Arrowhead.

01:49:58.000 Yeah, man.

01:49:59.000 That would be so dope.

01:50:00.000 And it's not just the fishing.

01:50:00.000 Like, I don't go and get upset if I don't catch.

01:50:02.000 Like, it's being out there.

01:50:03.000 It's the smell.

01:50:04.000 It's the stillness.

01:50:05.000 I want to go canoeing.

01:50:06.000 Have you guys ever used to go canoeing?

01:50:08.000 Canoeing seems ridiculous.

01:50:10.000 What?

01:50:10.000 That's so fun, man.

01:50:11.000 On the lake?

01:50:11.000 Going into a lake.

01:50:12.000 Yes.

01:50:13.000 I'm not into some whitewater rafts.

01:50:15.000 I'm not talking about whitewater.

01:50:16.000 I'd like to go fishing out of a canoe.

01:50:17.000 I'd go do that.

01:50:18.000 I usually just wade.

01:50:19.000 I like where they drop you off in the car and you go for like, I don't know, like three hours.

01:50:25.000 And then there's a pickup point near the end.

01:50:27.000 It's just this huge journey of Ohio, it's all over.

01:50:31.000 It's like Kevin Bacon in Whitewater Summer.

01:50:31.000 There's like a lot of people.

01:50:33.000 Yeah.

01:50:34.000 But it used to be so fun.

01:50:36.000 It wasn't whitewater rafting, but there was parts where it was like, oh, here's some rapids.

01:50:39.000 The whole thing was buying a shitload of beer and drinking.

01:50:42.000 So we should go.

01:50:42.000 Being on a boat in a lake is the shit.

01:50:44.000 It's the best.

01:50:45.000 Just chilling, relaxing, floating on that boat, defying nature by being out there in the first place.

01:50:50.000 That's awesome.

01:50:51.000 I do ocean fishing once a year with my dad, and we'll go off in Sonata and we'll do a day trip.

01:50:55.000 And that's fun because that's hardcore sport fishing.

01:50:57.000 You're pulling out marlin tuna, you know, you name it, mackerel, 50 pounds.

01:51:00.000 Like, you're worn out by the end of the day.

01:51:02.000 But lately, I've gone back to the freshwater fishing of just chilling out there, making some dogs.

01:51:07.000 I get really nasty when people come to try to talk to me.

01:51:10.000 Back off.

01:51:10.000 I'm out here alone.

01:51:11.000 Whoa.

01:51:11.000 You know, yeah, that's how I am.

01:51:12.000 Seriously, beat it, bro.

01:51:13.000 I didn't come to you.

01:51:14.000 Yeah, it is annoying when someone won't stop talking to you.

01:51:16.000 I don't mind the common fishing questions.

01:51:18.000 Hey, how'd it bite and what are you using?

01:51:20.000 Then beat it.

01:51:20.000 But not like, don't drop a chair, bro.

01:51:22.000 I left the city to get away from you.

01:51:24.000 Some people would just sit in and talk to you.

01:51:26.000 Yeah, my girlfriend, she's all mad at me.

01:51:28.000 I don't give a fuck, bro.

01:51:29.000 I hope you have face AIDS.

01:51:31.000 Let me fish.

01:51:32.000 Ocean fishing is pretty dope, but there's something about like still water.

01:51:36.000 Like when you're, especially with like a topwater lure or a fly, then you cast a fly on still water and just give it a little twitch and that trout comes up and blasts it.

01:51:43.000 And you're like, oh shit.

01:51:45.000 Yeah, I love that shit.

01:51:46.000 We should go, man.

01:51:46.000 Let's go fishing.

01:51:47.000 Let's do it.

01:51:48.000 I've been wanting to go hunting for a long time and I'd set it on my message board.

01:51:48.000 Let's do it.

01:51:51.000 Oh, these fucking vegan, fucking weirdo hippie dudes wigged out.

01:51:56.000 You would never go hunting?

01:51:57.000 You would if you had to eat.

01:51:58.000 If I had to eat, yeah, but if you were living on a ranch and there was some fucking dude, don't be a dick hunter.

01:52:04.000 Hop it.

01:52:04.000 Field dress it and use every possible thing.

01:52:06.000 I'll hunt birds.

01:52:07.000 I'll do the bird shit hunting, ducks and shit.

01:52:09.000 I used to hunt as a kid.

01:52:09.000 Fuck that.

01:52:10.000 I used to shoot things.

01:52:11.000 I just got sick of it.

01:52:12.000 I saw a rabbit out in your front yard.

01:52:14.000 My mind was like, where's my red rider baby?

01:52:15.000 I got really blasted.

01:52:17.000 Did you eat them?

01:52:18.000 Yeah, I used to eat them.

01:52:19.000 How good is a rabbit?

01:52:20.000 Pretty gamey, pretty lean.

01:52:22.000 If you figured it's like venison, when you eat that kind of stuff, any kind of fast-moving animal is always going to be very tough.

01:52:29.000 Did you have to make a stew or something like that?

01:52:31.000 That's what you marinated for about three or four days and then ended up making like a stew.

01:52:35.000 Three or four days.

01:52:36.000 Yeah.

01:52:37.000 Really let it sit in there.

01:52:38.000 You could just throw the bunny in the crock pot.

01:52:40.000 Field dress it, throw it right in there in the fridge and let it sit in that seven.

01:52:43.000 It was jackrabbit.

01:52:44.000 This same subject came up yesterday when I was on the Adam Corolla show.

01:52:47.000 We were talking about cooking your own food and hunting and gathering your own food and how some people are so opposed to it, even though they eat meat.

01:52:54.000 Yeah, so stupid.

01:52:55.000 We're so weird as human beings.

01:52:57.000 We're in this weird stage of getting past being an animal and all the shit that's connected to being an animal, like killing food and causing suffering in order so that you survive.

01:53:08.000 We've so separated ourselves from all that shit.

01:53:11.000 It's like we've become some weird thing outside of nature that connects to nature.

01:53:17.000 We have like agents that do the nature thing for us.

01:53:19.000 That's true.

01:53:20.000 It's very interesting.

01:53:21.000 You see all these now these documentaries on exposing how your meat is made.

01:53:24.000 I've watched everyone and it's just like wow, okay, but I still got to eat meat because I get it, but I won't eat that kind of meat.

01:53:30.000 Like now I get the whole purpose of going to a ranch and buying fresh farm shit.

01:53:34.000 Hey, Taco Bell the other day, and I knew that study that it's not even meat, but I still ate it.

01:53:38.000 What is it?

01:53:39.000 Fillers?

01:53:39.000 What is it?

01:53:40.000 They said it's fillers.

01:53:41.000 Fillers of cardboard or something.

01:53:43.000 You know, the thing is, it's like I don't eat the fast food, but it's like I would like, I would be a hunter if I lived out in Montana and I would field dress it and use every part the right way like a real hunter does.

01:53:54.000 I have nothing against that.

01:53:55.000 You know what I mean?

01:53:56.000 I'm not doing drive-bys on fucking deer and just leaving them out there.

01:53:59.000 Well, the thing is if you use it, right?

01:54:00.000 I'm all for it.

01:54:01.000 You really do have to kill them and people need to wrap their heads around that because otherwise you're going to have a massive amount of predators and starvation.

01:54:07.000 Hunting keeps the population.

01:54:08.000 Go to West Virginia, go to these places where they're like, fuck deer.

01:54:11.000 Fuck deer.

01:54:13.000 You need to wait for hunting season to come.

01:54:15.000 Yeah.

01:54:15.000 Well, in Colorado, man, you have to be careful everywhere you drive, especially when in Boulder, because in Boulder, no one shoots them, and they're in the mountains.

01:54:24.000 So, you know, you're in a town, so no one's shooting these deer.

01:54:26.000 So they're fucking everywhere.

01:54:28.000 And everywhere you go, you got to make sure some asshole deer doesn't jump out in front of the road and slam into your car.

01:54:32.000 You ever been to Alaska?

01:54:33.000 Had that happen with the moose there?

01:54:34.000 No, I heard that.

01:54:35.000 That's going to be crazy.

01:54:36.000 Oh my God, I saw moose everywhere.

01:54:37.000 And it's like, sure enough, one was standing in the road when we were leaving to go to the airport.

01:54:41.000 Are they dangerous?

01:54:42.000 Well, they won't attack you, but they're so tall that their knees are at basically the top of your car.

01:54:48.000 So when you hit them, you're going to bring this, you know, 2,000 pounds is going to come rushing right near your windshield.

01:54:53.000 They're perfectly set up to come in and kill you.

01:54:56.000 And that's what happens is they come in and just, you hit them and they fall into the cab of your car.

01:55:00.000 You just get crushed.

01:55:01.000 They're enormous, man.

01:55:02.000 It's like before the elephant.

01:55:03.000 They're an elephant falling on you.

01:55:04.000 Yeah, yeah, they're massive animals.

01:55:06.000 I mean, they're territorial.

01:55:07.000 They'll come after you if they have to, but they're like deer.

01:55:09.000 A deer will fuck you up if it has to, but nine times out of ten, it'll just bail.

01:55:13.000 Yeah, do they have like special bumpers that they put on trucks and shit out there to make sure that they attack those elk?

01:55:19.000 Same idea as like a deer guard, but raised up.

01:55:21.000 Like the T guards on the back of a semi.

01:55:21.000 Yeah.

01:55:24.000 I think same idea, but on the top of your thing.

01:55:26.000 Do they have deer guards?

01:55:27.000 A lot of deer guards.

01:55:27.000 They do.

01:55:28.000 Really?

01:55:29.000 Dude, Alaska, have you been there?

01:55:29.000 A lot of people.

01:55:31.000 That was a fascinating place, man.

01:55:31.000 No.

01:55:33.000 It must be.

01:55:34.000 It was a comedy there sometimes.

01:55:34.000 It was a very fascinating place.

01:55:35.000 I would love to, but Doug Stanhope decided that the people are too stupid there.

01:55:39.000 Oh, really?

01:55:39.000 Yeah, that's all you need to know.

01:55:41.000 Doug will do any goddamn crowd.

01:55:43.000 I guess that Doug will pull up into a bar.

01:55:45.000 There's not a chair to be found in a half a mile radius.

01:55:49.000 Everyone's standing, piss drunk, and Doug will be up there, you know, no one wants to fuck your kid on my space.

01:55:56.000 Literally going through his act, and he's got no problem, and he stopped going to Alaska.

01:56:00.000 I don't know what the exact details were, but we used to go there and party all the time enough.

01:56:05.000 Per Luca Polanka and Wheels Parisi were doing that gig.

01:56:09.000 Oh my goodness.

01:56:10.000 This was probably six, seven years ago, but it was a great gig.

01:56:12.000 Paid good.

01:56:13.000 I'm sure there's a lot of cool people in Alaska.

01:56:15.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:56:15.000 I met cool people from Alaska.

01:56:17.000 It was strange, bro.

01:56:18.000 The number of knuckleheads.

01:56:19.000 It was strange.

01:56:20.000 It was a very strange place.

01:56:21.000 It was cool, like a lot of cool stuff to do.

01:56:23.000 They're all like excited to tell you that they all know how to fly planes.

01:56:26.000 They're all, you know, they eat moose jerky.

01:56:28.000 They do all this crazy shit.

01:56:29.000 But then they do really crazy shit like sniff oxycontin and look at you like you're the weirdo when you don't.

01:56:35.000 Yeah, like that kind of shit.

01:56:35.000 Really?

01:56:36.000 A lot of pill heads up there.

01:56:37.000 A lot of pill heads.

01:56:38.000 Northern exposure.

01:56:39.000 What's that?

01:56:40.000 Right.

01:56:40.000 Nothing to do there.

01:56:41.000 Hunt and fuck.

01:56:43.000 Wasn't like the mother-in-law of Bristol Palin's baby daddy, wasn't she busted for selling meth?

01:56:51.000 Probably.

01:56:52.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

01:56:52.000 Junior.

01:56:54.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

01:56:55.000 You know, Wasilla and Wasilla.

01:56:57.000 You know, that crazy bitch.

01:56:58.000 I played with Her husband, Sarah Palin's husband, who was friends with the guy who owned the radio station we did in Anchorage.

01:57:07.000 Bob was friends with him.

01:57:10.000 You played pool with him.

01:57:11.000 Played pool with him, but I didn't know it till years later.

01:57:13.000 This was six, seven years ago.

01:57:14.000 Did he seem like he was gay?

01:57:16.000 It didn't seem like anything because he didn't matter to me.

01:57:18.000 He still had the same kind of like goatee and hair, you know, that looked very suspicious, you know, like the look that he rocks.

01:57:25.000 And you think his look was like, the way you say suspicious, you mean like disingenuous?

01:57:30.000 No, very mid-90s, very out of place for the year 2006, as it was.

01:57:33.000 Yeah.

01:57:34.000 Off.

01:57:34.000 It was like either he's a time traveler or out of style.

01:57:36.000 What do you, when you, do you, are you the type of guy that like when you see a powerful woman with some guy behind her who's not really talking that much, do you just automatically assume that he's a bitch?

01:57:46.000 Yeah, right?

01:57:46.000 Yeah.

01:57:47.000 And not to be a pig or nothing, but yeah, I do.

01:57:47.000 Yeah.

01:57:49.000 Yeah.

01:57:50.000 Yeah.

01:57:50.000 I do.

01:57:51.000 When I see a really powerful woman, I want to see what's this guy like.

01:57:54.000 Is he more powerful or is he less?

01:57:57.000 Well, see, Stedman might be more powerful.

01:57:59.000 What?

01:57:59.000 Oprah's man.

01:58:00.000 What do you think?

01:58:00.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

01:58:01.000 I think he's, isn't he pretty rich?

01:58:03.000 On his own, yeah.

01:58:03.000 Is he?

01:58:04.000 He's pretty.

01:58:04.000 He can't be rich like Oprah rich.

01:58:05.000 I don't think nobody's Oprah rich.

01:58:07.000 Oh, I'm so glad we got to talk about Oprah.

01:58:09.000 Oh, yeah?

01:58:10.000 What?

01:58:10.000 We talked about Kitty, so now we can talk about Oprah.

01:58:13.000 I just love it when Joe talks Oprah.

01:58:14.000 I watch the Oprah show sometimes.

01:58:16.000 He subscribes to O. Do you like her?

01:58:16.000 Do you?

01:58:18.000 No.

01:58:19.000 Yeah, I think she's interesting.

01:58:20.000 I don't think she's a bad person.

01:58:21.000 She's a good person.

01:58:23.000 She's spreading positive energy, and she's an easy target.

01:58:25.000 Would you bang her, Joe Rogan?

01:58:26.000 No.

01:58:27.000 Her or Ellen.

01:58:28.000 Who would I bang?

01:58:28.000 Her or Ellen?

01:58:30.000 I'd bang Oprah, I think.

01:58:31.000 Oprah?

01:58:32.000 Yeah, because she would probably.

01:58:33.000 It's a billion dollar pussy.

01:58:34.000 She would probably like it.

01:58:35.000 It's billion dollar plus.

01:58:36.000 Or Ellen would probably be angry at me.

01:58:38.000 I mean, that is assuming that Oprah is truly homosexual.

01:58:41.000 Heterosexual, rather.

01:58:42.000 Like, you know, Ellen's like, I don't want this dick and break.

01:58:42.000 That would be hot, though.

01:58:45.000 You're taking this thing.

01:58:46.000 Not me.

01:58:46.000 You've got a different thing that turns you on, buddy.

01:58:49.000 Any chick that, well, you know, there's two types of lesbians.

01:58:52.000 There's lesbians by genetics or lesbians by circumstance.

01:58:55.000 And lesbians by life, you know, lesbians by abusive men.

01:58:59.000 And those are the scary ones.

01:59:00.000 Not scary, but sad.

01:59:01.000 I should say sad.

01:59:02.000 I've met a lot of girls.

01:59:04.000 They just met so many fucking asshole men from their father all the way down to every fucking guy they've ever attracted.

01:59:10.000 And they're just like, fuck men.

01:59:11.000 I need accompaniment.

01:59:12.000 My girl's always been there for me.

01:59:14.000 And you hug this girl.

01:59:15.000 Next thing you know, you're a lesbian.

01:59:16.000 Nothing wrong with that, man.

01:59:18.000 Or, you know, I think women are much more open to the idea of experimenting.

01:59:20.000 And, you know, and then maybe they find that they like women better.

01:59:23.000 And it's something that most straight men would never do.

01:59:26.000 It's open.

01:59:26.000 I mean, even if you're a girl, you'd have to admit that, you know, puss is spectacular looking.

01:59:31.000 Boobs.

01:59:32.000 Yeah, and there's rubber dicks.

01:59:33.000 I'm sure they're happy with that.

01:59:36.000 Just dip it in water, hot water, make it warm.

01:59:39.000 Shove it in there.

01:59:40.000 I think it's a real dick.

01:59:41.000 Is it gay to show another guy how much sperm that they made today?

01:59:45.000 Like a picture.

01:59:45.000 Don't worry.

01:59:46.000 Don't show dudes your loads.

01:59:47.000 Unless they're in the business.

01:59:47.000 Yeah.

01:59:49.000 Click, click.

01:59:50.000 All right.

01:59:50.000 Air quotes.

01:59:50.000 Never mind that.

01:59:51.000 Do you send loads?

01:59:52.000 No, I took a picture today's one because I didn't have sex yesterday, and I just to show how much came out today.

01:59:58.000 Do you want to show one of your friends your loads?

01:59:59.000 No, I showed it to my girlfriend, and she was like, wow, that's crazy.

02:00:03.000 And it is crazy.

02:00:04.000 And I was going to show you.

02:00:05.000 Wait a minute.

02:00:06.000 Wait, you showed it to her because you jerked off on your own?

02:00:08.000 Is that what it is?

02:00:08.000 Oh, okay.

02:00:09.000 And I was like, hey, fellas, I was going to show you, but it's gay, right?

02:00:09.000 Because she was at work.

02:00:14.000 That's gay.

02:00:14.000 That's worse than showing your poop, right?

02:00:16.000 You need to go to a doctor.

02:00:17.000 It's just like coming out of your body.

02:00:19.000 Is it gay because it's coming out?

02:00:20.000 It's weird.

02:00:20.000 I've never shown any pictures of your shit either unless they're spectacularly huge.

02:00:24.000 Yeah, I had a wrap around.

02:00:25.000 This is a huge amount of comb.

02:00:26.000 It's surprising.

02:00:28.000 Okay.

02:00:28.000 Eating a lot of egg whites or something?

02:00:30.000 I don't know.

02:00:31.000 Eating healthy?

02:00:32.000 Taking zinc?

02:00:32.000 I don't know.

02:00:33.000 No.

02:00:33.000 Any supplements?

02:00:34.000 Sushi.

02:00:35.000 Sushi.

02:00:35.000 The sushi will do it.

02:00:36.000 There's a lot of zinc.

02:00:37.000 A lot of heavy metals as well.

02:00:38.000 I'll be careful.

02:00:39.000 I believe they drove Jeremy Pippin crazy.

02:00:41.000 Right?

02:00:42.000 Didn't he have to get out of some sort of a show because of that?

02:00:45.000 Mercury overdose?

02:00:45.000 Mercury overdose.

02:00:46.000 It's fucking real shit, man.

02:00:47.000 I used to eat anchovies every week.

02:00:49.000 I used to eat five, six cans of anchovies.

02:00:51.000 And then I got my blood work done.

02:00:52.000 The doctor said there's arsenic in my blood.

02:00:54.000 Not much, but a little bit.

02:00:56.000 Someone trying to poison me?

02:00:56.000 And I go, what the fuck?

02:00:57.000 And he's like, no, it's a heavy metal.

02:00:59.000 Have you been eating a lot of seafood?

02:01:01.000 I eat a lot of sardines.

02:01:01.000 And I said, yeah.

02:01:03.000 He's like, don't eat the sardines for a while.

02:01:04.000 We'll do another test.

02:01:05.000 And I'm clean.

02:01:06.000 It's arsenic.

02:01:07.000 Arsenic from food.

02:01:08.000 Food is like that too, right?

02:01:09.000 That's how the oceans are so goddamn polluted, man.

02:01:13.000 There's that gigantic patch of garbage that's floating somewhere in the middle of the Pacific.

02:01:18.000 And there's not just one.

02:01:19.000 There's a bunch of them.

02:01:20.000 And it's underwater.

02:01:21.000 It's not just on the surface.

02:01:23.000 There's like a fuckload of it underwater.

02:01:24.000 And they're enormous now.

02:01:26.000 They're almost the exact size of the United States.

02:01:28.000 It's an inhabitable.

02:01:28.000 Yeah.

02:01:29.000 That's crazy.

02:01:30.000 It used to be the size of Texas.

02:01:31.000 And the latest one, when they said it was almost the size of the United States.

02:01:35.000 That's ridiculous.

02:01:36.000 It's the scariest thing ever.

02:01:36.000 It's insane.

02:01:38.000 And you know what?

02:01:39.000 All this shit that came from fucking Tokyo is all added to that too, by the way.

02:01:42.000 Or from Japan, rather.

02:01:43.000 All that shit that got washed away in the earthquake, the tsunami, that stuff's out at sea.

02:01:47.000 I mean, there's a lot of fucking debris out at sea.

02:01:51.000 They're finding houses, actual full houses floating in the ocean.

02:01:55.000 Oh, I'm sure.

02:01:55.000 And way out there, too.

02:01:57.000 And they've had, what, three, seven pluses in.

02:02:01.000 It's so crazy that someone decided to put a goddamn series of nuclear reactors on fault lines.

02:02:08.000 People are so silly.

02:02:09.000 It's like the earth could move, but then again, it might not.

02:02:12.000 It's man's, you know, it's when people start to say this God stuff and they start to be like, look, look at the, and, you know, it's like, no, there is no God.

02:02:18.000 It's just Mother Nature being itself.

02:02:20.000 And we went and did something stupid, you know?

02:02:21.000 Yeah, we did something.

02:02:22.000 Well, that is Mother Nature, though.

02:02:24.000 We are insanely curious, and we have this weird desire to test the boundaries and our limitations.

02:02:30.000 Yeah, to tame Mother Nature and also to pull off the next new thing, to be able to get power out of this gigantic building that fills up the entire city.

02:02:38.000 It's just some, you mean, literally, they're harnessing the power of the fucking sun inside this facility and containing it somehow or another.

02:02:46.000 You know, and the real problem is, I mean, they've made some, you know, some safeguards and shit and make things a little bit, they can contain situations a little bit better.

02:02:54.000 But clearly, they didn't think of every possible scenario.

02:02:58.000 They didn't think of a nine.

02:03:00.000 Right.

02:03:01.000 They didn't think of a nine that rattled for five minutes.

02:03:05.000 Because when you think of that and you think of a nine, you have to consider if you're putting out a budget for something, how often does a nine happen?

02:03:10.000 Not too often.

02:03:11.000 So we can't appeal, we can't pay for the worst possible scenario.

02:03:14.000 We have to pay for a pretty bad one.

02:03:16.000 What a colossal fuck up.

02:03:17.000 That's another reason to get the fuck out of California because there's all sorts of faults and there's all sorts of fucking reactors.

02:03:23.000 There's one in Orange County.

02:03:25.000 Anything over an eight, we got a big problem.

02:03:27.000 Yeah.

02:03:27.000 But it's scary shit, man.

02:03:29.000 But you know what?

02:03:30.000 That's the cost of living somewhere where it's 75 degrees every day.

02:03:33.000 Yeah, but it's not 75 degrees every day in Japan.

02:03:35.000 No.

02:03:36.000 I don't know what the deal is over there, you know.

02:03:37.000 Not in that spot, I don't think.

02:03:38.000 The coolest shit.

02:03:39.000 That's why.

02:03:40.000 Yeah, they do have a lot of shit.

02:03:41.000 Yeah, this is another subject that we talked about yesterday on the Corolla show: that this is the exact perfect place geographically, as far as like climate.

02:03:48.000 You can't get any better.

02:03:49.000 But as far as like the worth of human beings, because there's so many of us, you know, it becomes, people becomes less valuable and they become more aggressive toward each other and more shitty to each other.

02:03:59.000 There's way more cool people because there's so many of us because of just sheer numbers.

02:04:03.000 I mean, this podcast is absolute proof of that.

02:04:06.000 One of the coolest things about this podcast to me is like it reunites me and like makes me realize how many interesting fucking people I know, how many cool friends I have that can come over and we have these cool conversations and then this goes out into the internet and the whole world gets it.

02:04:20.000 It's like there's not that many people that have, you know, Freddie Lockhart's and Sam Tripoli's and all these different characters and Duncan Trussells and, you know, and Kevin Pereira.

02:04:29.000 There's all these different cool people and Joey and Ari in their life.

02:04:32.000 I mean, there's so many of them.

02:04:34.000 You know, and part of that is because we're living in this giant population center and it's very show big centric.

02:04:39.000 So, you know, everyone's attracted to this spot.

02:04:41.000 It's one of the few things that keeps me here, really.

02:04:43.000 I like it.

02:04:44.000 I mean, it becomes like a way of life after a while and you really can't leave it because when I'm outside of Weirdoville, I find the normal people to be extremely weird.

02:04:51.000 You know what I mean?

02:04:52.000 I find the wants and desires of my friends when I go back, when I go back to Arizona and I hang out with some of my friends, some of them have their youth and they still have kids and they have family, but they maintain their youth.

02:05:02.000 But most of them just turn into their parents.

02:05:04.000 And it's a really weird thing to me that like they say the apex of their life is over and now it's just kind of like going through the motions where I still like to think the best is yet to come.

02:05:12.000 Well you have a different career than that.

02:05:14.000 You have a regular career.

02:05:16.000 You're a guy who sells Buicks, whatever the fuck you are.

02:05:20.000 But when people add you on Facebook, how crazy different do they look like than us?

02:05:24.000 You know, like people adding me to Facebook from high school and stuff.

02:05:27.000 I'm like, holy shit, that looks like my dad's friends now.

02:05:30.000 Yeah, well, those poor fucks have to work for a living, bro.

02:05:32.000 Those poor fucks are out there.

02:05:33.000 I mean, visually.

02:05:34.000 Visually, they just look like stressed.

02:05:36.000 20 or 30 years older, dude.

02:05:37.000 Dude, look at Obama.

02:05:38.000 Look at what he looks like now as opposed to what he looks like.

02:05:41.000 Yeah, dude, look at Bush when Bush got into office.

02:05:43.000 And then towards the end, look at Clinton.

02:05:45.000 Clinton's whole head of hair went gray by the time he was out.

02:05:48.000 I mean, that shit ages you.

02:05:50.000 Any extreme stress ages you and your stress level compared to a guy with a real job is ridiculously low.

02:05:56.000 Mine is ridiculously low.

02:05:58.000 Yeah, I guess you're right about that.

02:05:59.000 I don't stress about a whole lot to the point.

02:06:00.000 Even the point where I've gotten, you know, I have time to.

02:06:03.000 I stress all the time though.

02:06:04.000 Even if it's not an important stress.

02:06:05.000 I don't know.

02:06:06.000 You need to stop doing that because your life is easy as fuck.

02:06:10.000 Even when my life is hard, like the difficult shit about my life is all just requires preparation.

02:06:16.000 There's no stress because I actually enjoy doing it.

02:06:18.000 The real stress comes from something that you don't enjoy doing it, but it requires an extreme amount of preparation, an extreme amount of time.

02:06:25.000 And you put all this effort into something you don't even like and you're just doing it just for money.

02:06:29.000 You know, like if you're a lawyer and you don't like being a lawyer, you're just doing it because there's a lot of money in it, that will fucking break you.

02:06:35.000 And I think that's, at the end of the day, that's what brought us all here is we have that childlike thing in us that says, I want to do this thing I always wanted to do.

02:06:40.000 Yeah.

02:06:41.000 See it through.

02:06:41.000 Yeah, you have to be completely childlike to believe you could actually pull it off.

02:06:44.000 I remember when I was a kid, I was dating this girl.

02:06:47.000 She was a really nice girl.

02:06:47.000 I was 21.

02:06:48.000 Her name was Jennifer, and she was a sweetheart.

02:06:50.000 And we were both really young and really stupid.

02:06:53.000 And, you know, she was just getting out of college and I was a psychopath.

02:06:56.000 And her father did not want her hanging around with me because she was like, he's trying to be a comedian.

02:07:00.000 What are the odds that he's going to make it?

02:07:02.000 Like, this kid is not going to mean he's going to be a loser.

02:07:04.000 And I remember sitting and thinking about it, going, wow, I never even considered that.

02:07:07.000 Right, right, yeah.

02:07:09.000 I'm just going to do this, man.

02:07:10.000 I'm just going to do this.

02:07:11.000 Like, I'm going to do it.

02:07:13.000 What if you fail?

02:07:14.000 What if you feel, maybe, I don't know.

02:07:14.000 What if you do?

02:07:17.000 Right now, I got to just do this.

02:07:18.000 I got a show in Peabody.

02:07:20.000 I got to fucking get some gas in my tank.

02:07:23.000 I'm not thinking about not doing it, man.

02:07:24.000 I might fuck up.

02:07:25.000 I might fail.

02:07:25.000 Yeah, I'm terrified of being a loser.

02:07:27.000 Absolutely.

02:07:28.000 But I'm not going to just sit here and dwell on it.

02:07:30.000 I'm going to go for it.

02:07:31.000 Most people would not be a comedian.

02:07:34.000 They want predictability in their lives, and they want their lives to be mapped out for them.

02:07:37.000 And it's like I live day to day.

02:07:38.000 I literally live day to day.

02:07:40.000 I literally get up and say, what is today offer?

02:07:42.000 This is going to be great.

02:07:43.000 My girlfriend, she's a sweetheart, but she stresses all the time.

02:07:45.000 Always sure the sky is falling and all that.

02:07:47.000 And I have to have a fucking.

02:07:48.000 Well, we're all built, designed, engineered by the universe and nature and our own personal experiences.

02:07:54.000 We're all different.

02:07:55.000 We're just fucking different.

02:07:56.000 And you're not supposed to be a physicist.

02:07:58.000 You're not supposed to be teaching at Harvard.

02:08:00.000 You're not supposed to be working on molecular science and breaking down the universe.

02:08:06.000 You're not.

02:08:07.000 I'm not supposed to be doing it either.

02:08:08.000 I'm supposed to be a comedian.

02:08:09.000 I mean, it's really simple.

02:08:10.000 I mean, this is what my personality gels the best with.

02:08:14.000 And, you know, some people's, it's the most terrifying thing in the world to go on.

02:08:17.000 I mean, you know, we got shows this weekend in Philadelphia, one of the wildest fucking towns.

02:08:21.000 Everything's sold out in advance.

02:08:23.000 They're going to be fucking crazy.

02:08:23.000 We're going to go there.

02:08:25.000 It's me, Joey Diaz, and Ari.

02:08:27.000 We're going to be at Helium and Philly.

02:08:29.000 For some people, that would be unbelievably terrifying.

02:08:31.000 The idea that you're going to go there, there's going to be this packed show of people anticipating your material, wanting you to make them laugh, paying to see you talk, and they're going to be drinking.

02:08:41.000 That's awesome.

02:08:42.000 But to a lot of people, that idea is horrifying.

02:08:45.000 If you went to any town hall or town hall, when the fuck, what am I even talking about?

02:08:51.000 Go into any store and take some guy who's working behind the counter, you know, who's a cashier, and say, okay, we were going to, you need, you got one day to come up with a bunch of shit to say, and then you're going to go on stage in front of these rabid animals in some comedy club in Philadelphia.

02:09:06.000 That'd be the most terrifying thing in the world.

02:09:07.000 But for you, I'm telling you, as I'm telling you, you're getting this big smile.

02:09:11.000 You're getting excited.

02:09:12.000 I'm like, oh man, that sounds like fun.

02:09:13.000 Yeah, look at you.

02:09:14.000 You're thinking about it.

02:09:15.000 But that's the thing.

02:09:15.000 It's like, yeah, you're supposed to be doing this.

02:09:17.000 I've been doing this for so long that it's like, that's super exciting to me.

02:09:21.000 And it's like, you know, I'll meet people, like, they'll hang out with you before your show or something.

02:09:24.000 Like, aren't you nervous?

02:09:25.000 I'm like, what?

02:09:26.000 What about?

02:09:27.000 What about your show tonight?

02:09:28.000 And you're not even thinking it.

02:09:29.000 I wouldn't think about my show until it's time to go to the show.

02:09:32.000 People do, they don't realize that.

02:09:34.000 You would get nervous if it was your first time ever on stage and you'd never done it before.

02:09:38.000 But once you do it a bunch of times, it becomes a thing you do.

02:09:40.000 You get excited.

02:09:43.000 You make sure you do your preparation and then you don't get nervous.

02:09:45.000 Yeah, granted, there's that fight or flight feeling right before I go to stage.

02:09:48.000 Butterflies let me know I'm a human and I'm alive.

02:09:50.000 I've harnessed it and I take that adrenaline and make it happy time instead of, you know, and that's like, I think we talked about it last time, that adrenaline is what prevents you from farting, sneezing, having to puke on stage.

02:10:00.000 Yeah.

02:10:00.000 All those shits.

02:10:01.000 Shut down, peeing, and you just go right into fight or flight where you have to be focused, focused, focused, focused.

02:10:06.000 I've never had to stop a show because I had to pee.

02:10:07.000 Never had a pee, never had to poop, never had to die.

02:10:09.000 I'm lactose intolerant.

02:10:10.000 I could be up there drinking milk, and I won't have to stop the show.

02:10:13.000 Everything shuts down.

02:10:14.000 Everything.

02:10:14.000 It's a strange way to make a living, isn't it?

02:10:16.000 It is, but it's the only way I know in my entire adult life.

02:10:19.000 And we're all here on this West Coast hanging on, trying to make it happen.

02:10:24.000 Trying to put that fucking entertainment thing together in the perfect way and make all those fucking pieces fall into place and boom.

02:10:33.000 Leave your mark.

02:10:34.000 Yeah.

02:10:34.000 Freddie Lockhart.

02:10:35.000 Follow him on Twitter.

02:10:36.000 Follow me on Twitter.

02:10:37.000 F-R-E-D-D-Y.

02:10:38.000 Not I-E like some fucking run-of-the-mill Freddy douchebag.

02:10:42.000 This is F-R-E-D-D-Y-L-O-C-K-H-A-R-T.

02:10:47.000 That's Freddie Lockhart, bitches.

02:10:49.000 Respect the greatest Morgan Freeman and Iced T impressionists in the world.

02:10:54.000 Yes.

02:10:54.000 How about that?

02:10:55.000 Nice.

02:10:55.000 Thank you.

02:10:56.000 Thank you for having me.

02:10:56.000 I just said that.

02:10:57.000 That's true.

02:10:58.000 You're 100%.

02:10:59.000 You're the number one.

02:11:00.000 No one can fuck with you.

02:11:01.000 We got to do some gigs together, man.

02:11:02.000 I like when Joe Rogan says these kind of things.

02:11:04.000 We're going to do some gigs together.

02:11:05.000 I like them.

02:11:06.000 We got to fish together.

02:11:07.000 We're going to go fishing too.

02:11:07.000 We're going to make it all happen.

02:11:09.000 Follow Freddie on Twitter.

02:11:10.000 We'll be back tomorrow, same time, 3 o'clock.

02:11:12.000 I don't even know who the fuck August is.

02:11:13.000 I have to make some calls.

02:11:15.000 We got Sal's comedy haul tomorrow.

02:11:17.000 Sal's comedy haul tomorrow night at 8 p.m.

02:11:19.000 Freddy might show up.

02:11:20.000 And I'm doing a lot of road gigs, so I might not be doing it for a while after that.

02:11:25.000 This week might be my last one because I can't do next week.

02:11:28.000 Freddy's going to show up.

02:11:29.000 And that's it.

02:11:30.000 Fleshlight, if you go to jorogan.net and click the link, and you get 15% off if you enter in the code name Rogan and you get to pay off and save a little money.

02:11:41.000 Can you board my new state fan?

02:11:42.000 All right.

02:11:42.000 Fuck yeah.

02:11:43.000 Please come out to Stand Up Scottsdale in Scottsdale, Arizona, April 21st and 22nd.

02:11:47.000 I'll be headlining there.

02:11:48.000 Come out, Standup Scottsdale.

02:11:50.000 Go to standupscottsdale.com.

02:11:51.000 Powerful.

02:11:52.000 And do you have a website you didn't go to?

02:11:53.000 I have a website I can go to, FreddieLockhart.com, which will take you to my Facebook page.

02:11:57.000 So go to my Facebook page.

02:11:58.000 It's all on that, on my fan page.

02:11:59.000 Powerful.

02:12:00.000 Powerful Freddie Lockhart.

02:12:02.000 As of today, there was only a couple tickets left, but we added a show Thursday night in Philly at Helium.

02:12:07.000 I don't know if they're gone yet, but if they're not, hop on it.

02:12:10.000 So we're there all weekend, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

02:12:13.000 Everything else is sold out.

02:12:14.000 Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir.

02:12:16.000 It's a full death squad minus Brian because he's going to be here shooting loads and taking pictures of you.

02:12:21.000 And so we'll see you guys tomorrow.

02:12:23.000 Thank you very much for tuning in.

02:12:24.000 Love you, bitches.

02:12:24.000 Appreciate it.

02:12:25.000 Thanks.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 13, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #97 - Freddy Lockhart

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