The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #972 - Ari Shaffir

00:00:11.000 That's such a nice way to start.

00:00:12.000 Dude, you did one of the most puzzling and fascinating and admirable things any of my friends has ever done.

00:00:20.000 You checked out!

00:00:22.000 Yeah.

00:00:22.000 You checked out for four months.

00:00:24.000 You really checked out.

00:00:26.000 You got rid of your phone.

00:00:27.000 You didn't answer any emails.

00:00:29.000 You're like, I'm going to disappear for four months.

00:00:33.000 Yeah.

00:00:33.000 You didn't even give a time frame.

00:00:35.000 No.

00:00:35.000 You just said, I'm just going to go do this.

00:00:37.000 I said like one to three-ish.

00:00:40.000 I don't know.

00:00:41.000 Maybe two.

00:00:42.000 I don't know.

00:00:43.000 Just we'll see.

00:00:43.000 Did you get the inspiration from the Henry Rollins podcast?

00:00:46.000 No, I was already going to do it.

00:00:47.000 Wow.

00:00:48.000 Yeah, but he said, like, come see me in December.

00:00:50.000 I think he was having shows at Largo.

00:00:52.000 And I was like, oh, I'm already going to be.

00:00:53.000 I think I'll be gone by then.

00:00:55.000 Wow.

00:00:56.000 I was waiting until I finished off the work I had to do.

00:01:00.000 Do my special.

00:01:01.000 Right.

00:01:04.000 You know, finish up a season of that show.

00:01:07.000 So I'm not like just leaving, I'm not chapelling anybody.

00:01:11.000 Yeah.

00:01:11.000 You know?

00:01:12.000 Right.

00:01:13.000 Chapelling anybody. 1.00

00:01:14.000 It's a verb.

00:01:14.000 Yeah.

00:01:16.000 Dude, that Rollins podcast you did was one of my all-time favorite ones of yours.

00:01:20.000 It's great.

00:01:20.000 It inspired me while I was out there, though.

00:01:22.000 Your podcast is great.

00:01:23.000 Thanks, buddy.

00:01:24.000 It's really good.

00:01:26.000 You like the format? 0.99

00:01:27.000 It's fucking great. 0.99

00:01:28.000 It's great. 0.99

00:01:29.000 I love your intros. 0.99

00:01:31.000 You know, you're fucking cooking onions and just talking. 0.99

00:01:34.000 It's so raw. 0.99

00:01:35.000 It's a really good podcast, man.

00:01:38.000 You've done an amazing job with it.

00:01:39.000 Thanks.

00:01:39.000 I like your music selection when you bring in the guests.

00:01:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:43.000 No, you do a great job with it. 0.98

00:01:45.000 Like, whenever the guest comes up, I was like, okay, what kind of fucking song is he going to play? 0.98

00:01:49.000 Yeah, Ingram said it once. 0.99

00:01:51.000 I did one with him about having diabetes.

00:01:53.000 And he was like, did you pour some sugar on me at the beginning of my podcast about diabetes?

00:01:59.000 I was like, yeah, man.

00:02:01.000 You gotta have something like that goes.

00:02:05.000 That's hilarious.

00:02:06.000 Rick Ingram is one of the most underrated guys out there.

00:02:09.000 I've seen him kill at the Comedy Store lately.

00:02:13.000 He kills hard enough where people have always said, can you not put me on after him? 1.00

00:02:17.000 Pussies. 1.00

00:02:17.000 Yeah, he's one of those guys. 1.00

00:02:19.000 He's a funny dude.

00:02:20.000 Very funny dude.

00:02:21.000 Good guy, too.

00:02:22.000 Yeah, that Rollins thing, I did use some of that while I was out there.

00:02:28.000 When people say like, what are you doing out here?

00:02:31.000 I tried a few times, I'm here to meet you.

00:02:34.000 And it just gets a conversation going.

00:02:37.000 Because they want to know.

00:02:38.000 I think with him it was more his celebrity, but it's just like, you're white, what are you doing here? 1.00

00:02:43.000 Right.

00:02:45.000 What are you doing here?

00:02:46.000 In some small town in Nowheresville.

00:02:48.000 Did you feel threatened anywhere?

00:02:51.000 Any sort of threatened...

00:02:53.000 This is a good question.

00:02:54.000 Any sort of threatening I felt was just me...

00:02:58.000 It wasn't real.

00:03:00.000 It was me looking at people that don't look like me and going, oh, I'm scared.

00:03:04.000 There are others.

00:03:07.000 And then you find out Myanmar is 90-something percent Buddhist.

00:03:13.000 Wow.

00:03:13.000 Yeah, it's a massive, massive part of their culture.

00:03:17.000 Is that where you went first?

00:03:18.000 Yeah.

00:03:19.000 Why'd you pick that place?

00:03:20.000 Best weather.

00:03:21.000 Oh.

00:03:22.000 I got my ticket the day before, so I just didn't want to go somewhere where it's going to be raining.

00:03:27.000 Wow.

00:03:28.000 So Myanmar had 10 days to clear, and I was like, I'm headed to Myanmar, I guess. 0.99

00:03:32.000 Wow.

00:03:33.000 Yeah.

00:03:34.000 It was great, though.

00:03:35.000 So what do you do?

00:03:37.000 How do you set this up?

00:03:38.000 Do you set up- I picked a region.

00:03:41.000 A region.

00:03:42.000 Yeah.

00:03:42.000 It caked out between South America and Southeast Asia.

00:03:45.000 You just decided, like, that looks like a good time of the year to be there.

00:03:49.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:03:50.000 I would love to go to Europe, fucking backpack around Europe. 0.99

00:03:53.000 But not in January. 0.99

00:03:54.000 Not in January or February.

00:03:56.000 Nah, it's not going to be enjoyable.

00:03:57.000 Whenever I think of Europe, I mean, even though I've been to Europe and I love it, I think of World War II movies.

00:04:02.000 Yeah, them having, like, the bunkers.

00:04:04.000 I just think of people freezing.

00:04:06.000 Yeah.

00:04:08.000 Eating food out of cans, hearing bombs go off in the background.

00:04:12.000 Some dust coming in from the ceiling. 0.98

00:04:15.000 I was thinking the other day when I was looking at all this crazy shit that's been going on in England, these terrorist attacks, and what happened in France, and I was just thinking how long that section of the world has been in turmoil. 0.97

00:04:33.000 Always fighting? 0.99

00:04:34.000 Always fighting.

00:04:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:36.000 And then I was thinking, like, America's one of the only places where very little shit has gone down. 0.98

00:04:42.000 Like, little things have gone down. 0.99

00:04:44.000 They were obviously big at the time.

00:04:46.000 Like, Pearl Harbor was huge at the time.

00:04:48.000 But very few.

00:04:49.000 And then 9-11.

00:04:50.000 And other than that, it's like, whoa, boy.

00:04:53.000 What else? 0.97

00:04:54.000 And then you look at Europe like, holy shit, dude, there's a part of France that's the size of Paris that you can't go into. 0.97

00:05:00.000 Why? 0.99

00:05:01.000 Because there's so many bombs there.

00:05:03.000 What do you mean?

00:05:03.000 There's so much munitions from the World Wars.

00:05:05.000 Oh, really?

00:05:06.000 So bad that they have like an area the size of What, just mines and stuff?

00:05:10.000 Just musicians. 1.00

00:05:12.000 Just fucking missiles and shit. 1.00

00:05:14.000 Things that were flying there that landed. 1.00

00:05:16.000 Things that blew off.

00:05:18.000 All sorts of chemical waste.

00:05:20.000 Oh, really?

00:05:20.000 Oh, dude, it's toxic.

00:05:22.000 See if you can pull that up.

00:05:23.000 Really?

00:05:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:25.000 And you can't go?

00:05:26.000 I feel like it's outside of Normandy.

00:05:28.000 I forget where it is.

00:05:30.000 But there's a section of France that is literally the size of Paris that people can't go into for like 100,000 years.

00:05:38.000 Oh.

00:05:39.000 Yeah.

00:05:40.000 Just because of all this, like, chemical waste? 0.99

00:05:42.000 Just because of all the waste from the bombs and all the different fucking missiles and rockets and guns and shit. 0.99

00:05:50.000 Dude, it's crazy. 1.00

00:05:52.000 It's crazy.

00:05:53.000 Wow. 0.94

00:05:54.000 And obviously, I don't have the facts in front of me until Jamie pulls it up, my shitty memory. 0.56

00:05:59.000 But I know that this is a real place.

00:06:01.000 And I know that there's...

00:06:02.000 Just leftover, like, wings of planes?

00:06:04.000 I think it's mostly, like, things they shot at each other.

00:06:08.000 Unexploded?

00:06:08.000 Some of them unexploded, some of them exploded, like, the waste from them.

00:06:13.000 Oh.

00:06:13.000 Yeah, here it is.

00:06:15.000 This is a map of the space.

00:06:17.000 See those things? 0.99

00:06:18.000 Look at all these fucking bombs that didn't go off. 1.00

00:06:20.000 On the cobblestone streets. 1.00

00:06:21.000 Look at those things, dude.

00:06:23.000 These are all bombs that didn't go off.

00:06:25.000 But that guy's there.

00:06:26.000 Yeah, well that guy knows what he's doing.

00:06:28.000 He's just touching it.

00:06:29.000 He's touching it.

00:06:29.000 They pulled that one out.

00:06:31.000 He's got no mask on.

00:06:31.000 Imagine if it went off right next to you.

00:06:33.000 Wait, the water area is finally contained.

00:06:35.000 Water area.

00:06:37.000 It says, found to contain certain toxic levels of arsenic that were 300 times above the tolerated amount and abnormally high.

00:06:46.000 Lead levels were recorded in some animals, particularly in the livers of hunted wild boars.

00:06:52.000 Oh, so they buried it all.

00:06:54.000 I think it's just there, man.

00:06:56.000 I think they just have this area.

00:06:58.000 I don't think they buried it.

00:06:59.000 It looks like they put it under mounds of dirt.

00:07:03.000 Is that what's going on? 1.00

00:07:04.000 And then shit grew. 0.99

00:07:05.000 Does it say that? 1.00

00:07:06.000 No, but those mounds look like that. 1.00

00:07:08.000 I don't know.

00:07:09.000 Let's see what- get up to it.

00:07:10.000 Whoa, cool.

00:07:11.000 Freaky.

00:07:12.000 A no-go zone of France.

00:07:13.000 Forbidden no man's land.

00:07:15.000 Poisoned by war.

00:07:16.000 Ooh, dude.

00:07:17.000 I mean, look at that guy with the gas mask on.

00:07:19.000 That's the artist for admission, I think.

00:07:21.000 That is awesome.

00:07:22.000 Yeah, it is.

00:07:22.000 Up to his knees in water.

00:07:24.000 Why did I think that was real?

00:07:26.000 It doesn't even look a little real.

00:07:27.000 It's so clearly a...

00:07:28.000 It's not even like...

00:07:29.000 It's like chalk painted.

00:07:30.000 It's a map!

00:07:31.000 It's not even like...

00:07:32.000 It is a dope picture, but I was reading and looking at the photo, and I was like, oh, is that guy wearing a gas mask?

00:07:37.000 Oh, that's not a real picture!

00:07:40.000 Dude, I've seen some tattoos recently on people on Instagram.

00:07:45.000 That's one of the best things that Instagram's for.

00:07:47.000 Tats?

00:07:47.000 Tattoo artists.

00:07:48.000 There's some people that have done these super realistic photograph tattoos that are just flat out fucking freaky. 0.99

00:07:56.000 They can do flat out freaky shit now. 0.97

00:07:58.000 Do you see 3D tattoos? 0.99

00:07:58.000 I've seen those. 0.99

00:07:59.000 Wow.

00:08:00.000 Incredible.

00:08:00.000 Golly.

00:08:01.000 Yeah.

00:08:02.000 Dude.

00:08:04.000 Tattoo artists, like all artists, I guess, are just because of the internet. 1.00

00:08:08.000 Evolving.

00:08:08.000 Yeah, and then they're taking things to another level, because they're seeing the level of all these other people, and like, a guy in Germany can compare himself with a guy in Japan, and a guy in America.

00:08:18.000 Yeah.

00:08:21.000 Like, Jesus Christ.

00:08:22.000 Wow. 1.00

00:08:23.000 Goddamn. 1.00

00:08:23.000 It looks like his skin is falling off. 1.00

00:08:27.000 Yeah, there's a lot of really good tattoo artists out there right now.

00:08:31.000 Really good.

00:08:32.000 Some hot chicks getting them too. 1.00

00:08:34.000 Yeah, like all over the place.

00:08:36.000 Jesus.

00:08:36.000 And guys love that.

00:08:38.000 I'm one of those guys.

00:08:39.000 You know why?

00:08:40.000 Why?

00:08:40.000 Because you know she's dangerous.

00:08:41.000 That's a reckless gal. 1.00

00:08:43.000 Maybe.

00:08:43.000 Both of those girls.

00:08:44.000 She's got Johnny Depp tattooed on her foot.

00:08:46.000 You know? 0.97

00:08:49.000 That girl's crazy. 1.00

00:08:52.000 Right? 0.99

00:08:54.000 Like, girls with, like, love and hate on their hands, like, okay, here we go.

00:08:59.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:09:01.000 It's like you're on a rollercoaster ride, it's going click, [...

00:09:08.000 And you're at the apex.

00:09:10.000 Yeah, you can never just have a nice quiet dinner with a girl like that. 1.00

00:09:13.000 It's gotta be on every night.

00:09:15.000 Something's thrown at your head.

00:09:16.000 A girl has Los Angeles tattooed across her stomach. 0.86

00:09:19.000 You're like, whoa.

00:09:21.000 Yeah.

00:09:21.000 You know, and like that gothic...

00:09:24.000 Like a gang sign.

00:09:26.000 What's behind your ear?

00:09:29.000 Face tattoos is where you're really making a commitment.

00:09:32.000 That's a weird one, right?

00:09:34.000 It's like, I'm willing to...

00:09:35.000 Some people get...

00:09:37.000 I'm a little crazy.

00:09:38.000 With Khalifa types? 0.86

00:09:39.000 Yeah.

00:09:39.000 Well, how about Gucci Mane?

00:09:42.000 Got a fucking ice cream cone tattooed on his face and it says, Burr. 1.00

00:09:45.000 Really? 1.00

00:09:46.000 Yes.

00:09:47.000 Dude, he got an ice cream cone tattooed on his face.

00:09:51.000 And it says burr.

00:09:53.000 B-R-R-R. Yeah, like burr, this is cold.

00:09:59.000 I'm not kidding!

00:10:01.000 He's not like an ice cream guy, though.

00:10:03.000 I like his music, though.

00:10:04.000 But it's not all about ice cream, is it?

00:10:05.000 Look at that, look. 1.00

00:10:07.000 Goddamn! 0.99

00:10:07.000 Wow! 0.99

00:10:08.000 It says burr.

00:10:09.000 Burr.

00:10:11.000 And then the meme spelled burr wrong.

00:10:13.000 There's lightning bolts off the ice cream cone.

00:10:16.000 I feel like that was put in later.

00:10:17.000 No, I think that was at the same time.

00:10:19.000 Ice cream and lightning?

00:10:21.000 Yeah, ice cream and lightning.

00:10:23.000 That's real.

00:10:23.000 That's his tattoo.

00:10:27.000 Nothing says getting like three scoops of ice cream.

00:10:31.000 Wow, good for him.

00:10:32.000 It's gonna be hard for him to find a job, though.

00:10:34.000 Yeah, he doesn't have a job.

00:10:35.000 He's a rapper.

00:10:36.000 He doesn't need a job.

00:10:37.000 I mean...

00:10:38.000 Okay, I don't want to see...

00:10:39.000 Inside of the lip one.

00:10:40.000 The inside of the lip one is weird.

00:10:42.000 It's weird, right?

00:10:44.000 Yeah, it's out of the way.

00:10:45.000 I'm a sneaky freak.

00:10:46.000 I'm hiding my freakiness inside my face. 0.81

00:10:48.000 There's no virgins with tattoos. 0.86

00:10:50.000 Well, I'm sure there must be.

00:10:52.000 Maybe.

00:10:53.000 I'm sure there must be.

00:10:54.000 But not really, though.

00:10:55.000 That's not even unusual.

00:10:57.000 What about asexual people?

00:10:59.000 Do you believe in asexual people?

00:11:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:11:01.000 Yeah, definitely, right?

00:11:02.000 Yeah, I've met a couple.

00:11:03.000 Some people just don't want...

00:11:04.000 Don't touch me.

00:11:05.000 Thanks.

00:11:06.000 Yeah, I'm not into that sort of thing.

00:11:07.000 Why is that so horrible?

00:11:08.000 I'm onto stamps.

00:11:09.000 I mean, it's not like they just are antisocial. 1.00

00:11:11.000 They just don't want to fuck you. 1.00

00:11:12.000 They just have no interest in it. 1.00

00:11:13.000 Yeah.

00:11:14.000 So what about them?

00:11:16.000 What if they get tattoos?

00:11:17.000 I don't think it ever happens.

00:11:19.000 I stand by it.

00:11:21.000 I like how you commit to an opinion.

00:11:25.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:11:26.000 It doesn't matter if I didn't research it.

00:11:28.000 You're not even totally sure.

00:11:29.000 Oh, I'm 100% sure, man.

00:11:32.000 I'm doubling down.

00:11:33.000 Interesting.

00:11:34.000 I like how you do that.

00:11:34.000 You raise your voice.

00:11:35.000 You even extended your head.

00:11:38.000 There's something about movement. 1.00

00:11:40.000 Have you seen this fucking video? 0.99

00:11:42.000 I don't know if you know what's going on in Evergreen College. 1.00

00:11:45.000 Do you know where Evergreen College is?

00:11:47.000 Evergreen State College?

00:11:48.000 It's in the north?

00:11:49.000 It's in Pacific Northwest.

00:11:50.000 And there's this crazy shutdown.

00:11:52.000 I had this professor on the podcast because they...

00:11:56.000 The kids had asked him to not show up at school.

00:12:00.000 And no white people show up at school.

00:12:02.000 Or no whites day. 0.57

00:12:02.000 Because, yeah, they wanted a day where whites didn't. 0.57

00:12:05.000 And he's like, that is the opposite of inclusiveness.

00:12:08.000 Like, this is not what we're supposed to be doing.

00:12:11.000 So they kick him out, right?

00:12:12.000 They kicked him out.

00:12:13.000 Instead of saying, no, how about everybody day?

00:12:15.000 Well, this is what they did.

00:12:16.000 They didn't really kick him out.

00:12:18.000 What they did is they protested, they yelled and screamed, and he felt unsafe, and he left the college, and then the college got shut down due to threats.

00:12:27.000 Why did it get shut down?

00:12:28.000 Oh, really?

00:12:28.000 Threats, yeah.

00:12:29.000 What do you mean threats?

00:12:30.000 They even played the threats on the air.

00:12:32.000 What do you mean threats?

00:12:32.000 He was already gone.

00:12:33.000 No, other people called in.

00:12:35.000 To threaten the college?

00:12:35.000 Yes.

00:12:36.000 Oh, because...

00:12:37.000 Like right-wing people.

00:12:38.000 Oh, right, right, right.

00:12:39.000 They called them a bunch of commies.

00:12:40.000 They left a voicemail saying I'm gonna come down with my.45 Magnum.

00:12:45.000 That's too far.

00:12:47.000 Yeah.

00:12:47.000 .44 Magnum?

00:12:48.000 Maybe.44.

00:12:49.000 Oh, that's alright then.

00:12:50.000 That's okay.

00:12:50.000 He specified the round, which I thought was hilarious.

00:12:52.000 It's like the exact type of gun I have.

00:12:55.000 Okay, well, if you come with a shotgun, I know it's just a game.

00:13:00.000 But anyway, the college professor got in trouble talking to these kids.

00:13:06.000 They told him to put his hands away because he was gesturing with their hands.

00:13:10.000 They were yelling out that it's a microaggression.

00:13:12.000 And they got him to put his hands down.

00:13:16.000 And then they started laughing at him.

00:13:18.000 Oh.

00:13:19.000 Dude.

00:13:20.000 They started laughing like, ha ha, we made you put your hands away.

00:13:22.000 They were like, put your hands down.

00:13:23.000 See if you can find it, Jamie.

00:13:25.000 What?

00:13:25.000 Those microaggressions.

00:13:29.000 I'm trying to figure.

00:13:31.000 Maybe Brett Weinstein had it queued up on his Twitter page.

00:13:36.000 He's the professor.

00:13:37.000 That word, by the way, is dead on.

00:13:39.000 It's just the connotative meaning now has become something super negative.

00:13:42.000 Microaggressions.

00:13:43.000 But it's a microaggression.

00:13:44.000 Not even a small aggression.

00:13:45.000 Micro.

00:13:46.000 It's like the smallest possible thing you can think of in terms of aggression.

00:13:49.000 You're like, okay, sure, whatever.

00:13:51.000 But if you watch the video, this guy's just moving his hands.

00:13:54.000 He's just talking like this.

00:13:55.000 And they're like, put your hands down.

00:13:56.000 Your hands are aggressive.

00:13:58.000 And then they laugh at him when he complies.

00:14:00.000 They openly mocked him and laughed at him.

00:14:02.000 Like, we're fooling with you.

00:14:03.000 We didn't really believe that microaggression stuff. 0.99

00:14:05.000 We turned you into a cuck. 0.99

00:14:07.000 They're little kids. 0.99

00:14:08.000 These are little kids.

00:14:11.000 When you talk to people who understand how brains develop, one of the big things that they always say is the frontal lobe, the frontal cortex doesn't really develop until you're like 25. It's not fully developed.

00:14:26.000 I was in college.

00:14:28.000 I understand.

00:14:29.000 We're not that smart.

00:14:31.000 We learned a few things.

00:14:32.000 We don't know how to put it into play yet.

00:14:35.000 And so you just say it. 0.84

00:14:36.000 By the way, that's my theory on why people send their kids away to college, is because they're fucking embarrassing, and they don't want them anywhere near them while they're trying to grow into real people. 0.93

00:14:45.000 Oh, wow. 0.88

00:14:46.000 Yeah, they're learning stuff, but they're like, we know everything!

00:14:48.000 Do you really think that's it?

00:14:49.000 Oh, yeah, a little bit. 0.70

00:14:50.000 Also, they say for the experience of going away, but no, it's like, hey, fucking be an awful developing thing away from me. 0.97

00:14:56.000 Go embarrass someone in Wisconsin. 0.95

00:14:59.000 Interesting.

00:15:01.000 Yeah, I hear this NYU girls talking all the time. 1.00

00:15:03.000 I stand behind them and like listen.

00:15:04.000 Oh, yeah, you know other conversations girls and boys, you know Mostly girls you creep. 0.99

00:15:09.000 I mean, you know, whatever you creeping sort of sure Super into that but like But yeah, they're just dumb they're dumb when you listen to them and you're like you're just well-read and dumb and Well, there's a lot of people that, I mean, are 18 years old and you can have a very intelligent conversation with them. 0.92

00:15:27.000 Yeah, sure, some. 0.98

00:15:28.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:15:29.000 And there's a lot of people who are 18 who are basically 12. They're basically like a grown-up baby.

00:15:35.000 It's not their fault.

00:15:36.000 It's no one's fault, you know?

00:15:38.000 It just takes some people longer.

00:15:41.000 To kind of get how to, you know, sort of factor all the aspects of life together and make it some sort of a manageable plan for yourself and live your life.

00:15:52.000 But the idea of those kids being able to run that principle and run the president of that school like that and just tell them to put his hands down and laugh at him.

00:16:03.000 Dude, they laughed at him.

00:16:06.000 I've heard a few smart people going about Trump and people like small hands, you know, and the left will attack that. 1.00

00:16:12.000 It's like, oh, you're a small dick. 1.00

00:16:13.000 Right. 0.99

00:16:14.000 And I saw one, I think, I forget who, a comedian I used to do open mics with.

00:16:18.000 I think he's a writer now.

00:16:19.000 I forget who it was, but...

00:16:21.000 She was like, don't say that.

00:16:22.000 Don't take their tactics.

00:16:23.000 Don't say looks are an important thing here.

00:16:26.000 Yeah.

00:16:26.000 That's not what we believe in.

00:16:27.000 So stop saying that. 1.00

00:16:29.000 Not only that, you're going to shame the shit out of all those guys that are out there that actually have small dicks. 1.00

00:16:33.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:16:34.000 Her point was like, just because you know that'll affect them, you're doing the same thing the right does.

00:16:38.000 Don't do that.

00:16:38.000 Isn't that amazing, though, that that is what we decide to do as a collective group of humans, to find the thing that you can mock about him physically?

00:16:48.000 Like, his dick is little. 1.00

00:16:49.000 He's got small hands. 1.00

00:16:51.000 Look at your small hands.

00:16:53.000 And then there's people in the audience that actually have small hands. 1.00

00:16:55.000 They're like, fuck! 1.00

00:16:56.000 Because Trump's a big giant guy. 1.00

00:16:58.000 Is he really tall?

00:16:59.000 I think he's like 6'2".

00:17:00.000 He's probably like your height.

00:17:01.000 Oh, wow.

00:17:02.000 He's a big guy.

00:17:03.000 He's a big imposing guy.

00:17:06.000 That was one of the speculations about Jim Comey.

00:17:10.000 What?

00:17:11.000 James Comey that Trump didn't like him because he was six foot eight. 0.99

00:17:15.000 Oh, cuz he's huge James Comey's like this giant basketball player like dude you really yeah, and he just towered over everybody including Trump Trump's like get rid of that fucking guy I'm sure it was more complicated than that. 0.96

00:17:28.000 It's more because he's investigating them. 0.98

00:17:29.000 But that's more of shaming.

00:17:31.000 People love to do that.

00:17:32.000 Oh, you tiny little man.

00:17:33.000 Yeah, both sides love doing it.

00:17:35.000 Yeah, it's weird because you're attacking something that the person can't change at all.

00:17:41.000 Yeah.

00:17:41.000 Like, what do you care if he has small...

00:17:44.000 Look how big Comey is. 1.00

00:17:45.000 Comey's a giant.

00:17:46.000 Wow.

00:17:47.000 He's huge.

00:17:48.000 He's a super person.

00:17:50.000 Look at the size of him.

00:17:51.000 God, he dwarfs everybody.

00:17:51.000 Oh my God, he's huge.

00:17:53.000 He's an enormous guy.

00:17:55.000 You know, if I was Donald Trump and I was in this sort of a dispute with a guy like that, he's saying, look how big you grew!

00:18:03.000 I would worry about Comey running for president.

00:18:06.000 Really? 1.00

00:18:06.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:18:07.000 Yeah, I watch House of Cards, son. 1.00

00:18:10.000 I know how this game is played.

00:18:12.000 The next move is Comey runs for president.

00:18:14.000 A bunch of people, they get in a room with him, there's these bankers, and there's this one dude who's an internationally successful businessman, but he keeps like a humble lifestyle and a normal house, and he likes to bird hunt.

00:18:25.000 Hey, everybody watching at home.

00:18:27.000 Right here is when Joe Rogan's explaining to me how it works in politics.

00:18:30.000 Now back to the actual show.

00:18:32.000 Yeah, they do a little too much of that sometimes.

00:18:35.000 Like, what?

00:18:36.000 What are you doing?

00:18:37.000 Face the camera.

00:18:38.000 They get away with it sometimes.

00:18:40.000 But you know what I want?

00:18:41.000 Here's what I want.

00:18:42.000 I want Claire Barnes to do those every now and then. 1.00

00:18:45.000 Who's Claire Barnes? 0.99

00:18:46.000 Claire Underwood started the new season? 0.96

00:18:49.000 Yeah.

00:18:49.000 His wife?

00:18:50.000 Yeah.

00:18:51.000 Yeah.

00:18:52.000 I want his wife to do it.

00:18:53.000 Underwood.

00:18:54.000 Anthony Hopkins?

00:18:55.000 No.

00:18:55.000 Didn't I say Underwood the second time?

00:18:56.000 Barnes.

00:18:57.000 But I said the second time I said Underwood.

00:18:58.000 Who the hell's Claire Barnes? 1.00

00:19:00.000 The reporter?

00:19:01.000 Is that the girl's name in Homeland?

00:19:03.000 I've run out of space in my head for names.

00:19:06.000 I don't have any names.

00:19:07.000 They're jumbling together.

00:19:08.000 Maybe it is in Homeland.

00:19:08.000 They're all jumbling together.

00:19:10.000 No, Claire Danes.

00:19:11.000 Oh, that's right.

00:19:12.000 Zoe Barnes.

00:19:13.000 That's who it is.

00:19:13.000 That's right.

00:19:14.000 Yeah.

00:19:14.000 Claire Underwood.

00:19:15.000 I want to hear what she says.

00:19:18.000 Yeah.

00:19:19.000 She's not allowed. 0.73

00:19:20.000 Why doesn't she look at the camera? 1.00

00:19:21.000 She's mysterious.

00:19:22.000 They have that.

00:19:22.000 It's the director's cut.

00:19:23.000 They show on the Wii network.

00:19:26.000 On the Wii network.

00:19:27.000 Yeah, it's only the women's points of view. 1.00

00:19:29.000 They have to take your chromosomes before they let you watch it.

00:19:33.000 You hold on to your remote and test to make sure you're double X. No Y. No Y! The We Network.

00:19:43.000 Does anybody watch that anymore?

00:19:44.000 Chicks. 1.00

00:19:45.000 Yeah, I guess so.

00:19:46.000 Same people like Hallmark.

00:19:47.000 Nobody really watches either of those, though, right?

00:19:49.000 Nobody really watches.

00:19:50.000 Somebody watches, but nobody really.

00:19:51.000 Dude, go to Nebraska.

00:19:53.000 But, like, they watch it more than, like, NBC. They DVR the shit out of it. 0.90

00:19:57.000 Ha ha ha ha ha ha. 0.94

00:20:00.000 David Taylor once said he was trying to write, they were buying dumb scripts for a Hallmark channel, and he said he researched a bunch of them, and he goes, pretty much every one of the movies at work is about a pet, a family reunion, or a holiday.

00:20:13.000 So he had a Lost My Dog at Christmastime movie that he wrote to try to get it on there.

00:20:20.000 He's like, I'll fill all this stuff.

00:20:22.000 That's hilarious.

00:20:23.000 Yeah.

00:20:26.000 Remember that billboard across the street from the store was always the Hallmark Channel?

00:20:31.000 Yeah.

00:20:31.000 Forever!

00:20:32.000 Dude, one of my favorite comments you ever made.

00:20:34.000 Because it was this, like, cop show, where there was a woman in the front, a woman behind her, kind of like Charlie's Angels-ish, little Tuckin' Tough guns, and then, like, a dude way, way in the back, maybe three women, one guy, but they're, like, hard-nosed detectives.

00:20:47.000 And you're like, Hallmark Channel is sci-fi for women. 1.00

00:20:50.000 Ha! 0.89

00:20:52.000 In what world does this exist?

00:20:54.000 This is...

00:20:56.000 I forgot I said that, but it's so true.

00:21:01.000 I was doing that on stage for a while. 0.89

00:21:03.000 Yeah, now that I remember it, I was doing it, I was saying that on stage because it was right there, and I could point to it, and I'd say, there is a fucking billboard across the street, and I need you to go out there and look at it.

00:21:15.000 I'll tell people, after the show, look at it, this joke's gonna be better after the show. 0.61

00:21:20.000 It really was.

00:21:20.000 Like, see what's possible?

00:21:22.000 And you're like, that is not possible. 1.00

00:21:24.000 The guy would be like, give me the fucking gun. 1.00

00:21:26.000 Where is he? 1.00

00:21:28.000 That guy's like hanging back there like he's waiting for these chicks to save him. 1.00

00:21:31.000 What the fuck are you watching? 1.00

00:21:33.000 Me and Jay went on a rabbit hunt over at his place of looking for videos of like women cops getting beat up. 1.00

00:21:40.000 Oh god, they're awful.

00:21:41.000 It's really bad. 1.00

00:21:43.000 It's like once a guy like grabs you it's like fuck there's a huge power difference here. 0.99

00:21:46.000 So disturbing. 0.99

00:21:48.000 There's one I'll never forget this one because the guy's child It was his child, I think, or his girlfriend?

00:21:55.000 Yeah.

00:21:56.000 I forget who it was. 0.98

00:21:57.000 I think it was his kid, was screaming at him to stop, stop, to stop, and he was beating the shit out of this cop. 0.99

00:22:05.000 Oh, wow. 0.99

00:22:06.000 Really? 0.96

00:22:06.000 Yeah, he got out of the car with her, and it was a woman, and she was really little, and she was pulling him over, and he got out of the car, and I don't remember The exact chain of events, but I remember he was punching the fuck out of her. 0.96

00:22:20.000 And he KO'd her and he on the ground and he smashed her in the face a bunch of times. 0.82

00:22:24.000 Whoa.

00:22:24.000 Yeah, and his kid was screaming.

00:22:27.000 I'm pretty sure it was his kid.

00:22:30.000 Screaming to stop.

00:22:31.000 Oh, it was so scary.

00:22:32.000 But it was like, this is the reality of being a cop.

00:22:36.000 This is why...

00:22:38.000 It's not sexist to think that it's a scary thing to have a 130-pound woman on her own out there driving around in a cop car with a gun trying to pull over. 0.96

00:22:50.000 Six foot four.

00:22:52.000 The guy was a stacked-looking black dude. 0.94

00:22:55.000 Like, he looked like a big guy. 1.00

00:22:58.000 And once he got a hold of her and started punching her, holy shit, dude. 1.00

00:23:02.000 It was awful. 1.00

00:23:03.000 It was awful. 0.99

00:23:04.000 He beat the shit out of her and he did it super easy. 0.98

00:23:07.000 And you realize like once you got it on video, yeah, you want to show a little bit? 0.99

00:23:13.000 Show it to us.

00:23:13.000 It's awful, man.

00:23:15.000 So there's this big dude, right?

00:23:17.000 He gets out of the car, and I think it's his- look at that, he just punches her in the face and- DOOM! He's in front of his daughter.

00:23:23.000 Oh, that's what it was, that's right.

00:23:25.000 Oh man, he keeps wailing on her! 0.99

00:23:26.000 Oh dude, he beat the fuck out of her while she's out cold. 1.00

00:23:30.000 She's out cold, and he takes her gun, he takes everything, and the daughter's freaking out. 0.95

00:23:36.000 Dude, it is hard to watch.

00:23:38.000 It's hard to watch.

00:23:40.000 Get back in the car.

00:23:42.000 Oh.

00:23:43.000 Yeah, man.

00:23:43.000 There's a bunch of them, man.

00:23:46.000 It's such a dangerous job. 0.99

00:23:47.000 He punched the shit out of her like 10 times. 1.00

00:23:49.000 It's such a dangerous job. 1.00

00:23:51.000 It's such a dangerous job.

00:23:53.000 And to say that it's too dangerous for women, who's to say? 1.00

00:23:56.000 I don't know.

00:23:58.000 What if that woman quit after that or she kept working? 1.00

00:24:01.000 You think she kept working?

00:24:02.000 I don't know.

00:24:03.000 I think she might have had brain damage after that. 0.84

00:24:06.000 That's horrific.

00:24:08.000 It's a big dude, and I bet she was totally...

00:24:10.000 He was swinging full.

00:24:11.000 Yeah.

00:24:11.000 I mean, he was really...

00:24:12.000 And I bet she was totally defenseless after the first punch. 1.00

00:24:16.000 So it was just clean, clean punches right to the face.

00:24:19.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom.

00:24:21.000 I mean, the damage that a big guy like that can do to just a regular female face.

00:24:28.000 Oh, what's that going to do to his daughter, too?

00:24:30.000 She's going to grow up.

00:24:31.000 Oh, my God.

00:24:32.000 It's terrifying.

00:24:33.000 To be around that kind of violence when you're that little.

00:24:36.000 So that's what it was.

00:24:37.000 I think the video showed the kid in the car.

00:24:40.000 Right out of the car. 1.00

00:24:41.000 Shit memory. 1.00

00:24:42.000 It was terrible. 0.99

00:24:43.000 But I mean, that's probably one of a hundred of those things that have happened. 0.99

00:24:46.000 By the way, in terms of if I felt unsafe when I was traveling, that shit's here. 0.99

00:24:51.000 Sure. 0.99

00:24:51.000 You're right. 0.99

00:24:52.000 Yeah.

00:24:52.000 I was nowhere as unsafe as like Chicago.

00:24:56.000 Yeah, that's what I always say about Mexico.

00:24:57.000 Like, people are like, do you ever go to Mexico?

00:24:59.000 I'm like, Mexico is, like, mostly nice.

00:25:02.000 Right, right, right.

00:25:03.000 Nice people.

00:25:03.000 They're really nice people.

00:25:05.000 Like, Mexico's not the problem.

00:25:06.000 The problem is parts of Mexico.

00:25:07.000 Border towns, too, in general.

00:25:08.000 Some people, yeah.

00:25:09.000 But it's also, like, that's the problem, like you said, with Detroit.

00:25:12.000 It's a problem with Chicago.

00:25:13.000 Yeah.

00:25:13.000 It's a problem with a lot of places.

00:25:15.000 There's spots where it's fucking dangerous. 0.97

00:25:17.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:25:17.000 Even most of Chicago's good. 0.95

00:25:19.000 Yeah, Chicago's great.

00:25:21.000 550 murders last year, but see how many people weren't murdered.

00:25:24.000 Dude, that's a great outlook.

00:25:26.000 You're a glass-half-full kind of guy.

00:25:27.000 Millions of non-murdered people roaming around Chicago, really enjoying their freedoms.

00:25:31.000 Yeah, I mean, if it affects you or someone that you love, it's terrible.

00:25:34.000 For sure.

00:25:36.000 Yeah.

00:25:37.000 Yeah, so in all this traveling, did you come out of this with anything?

00:25:42.000 You know, a few things.

00:25:44.000 For sure.

00:25:45.000 Because you seemed like...

00:25:47.000 Tell you from the outside.

00:25:49.000 Yeah, you seemed like almost like you Had a different person you also seemed I Don't know man.

00:25:58.000 It was nice to see you when I first saw you when you came back.

00:26:00.000 Yeah, but you seemed like a little different he seemed like you I don't know you've seen Another level of stuff.

00:26:09.000 You've got another level of perspective from this travel thing that like added to your vision of the world, your overall world view.

00:26:20.000 Yeah.

00:26:20.000 A lot of time to think also as you're seeing stuff.

00:26:24.000 You know, certainly as everyone would see out there like poverty levels where you're like, oh, I'm doing fine.

00:26:28.000 Yeah.

00:26:29.000 You know, but not even that.

00:26:31.000 It's more specific.

00:26:31.000 It's just like...

00:26:33.000 I don't know, friendly people and like, yeah, just different versions of it.

00:26:38.000 Plus travelers.

00:26:39.000 And plus really getting to a place where you're like, don't need to do anything.

00:26:44.000 You know, after a month of that, it's like, okay, you just settle into this.

00:26:47.000 Like, I don't know, what's today going to bring?

00:26:50.000 Right.

00:26:50.000 You know, you wake up and you're just like, I heard there's this cool temple there, we'll go check that out.

00:26:55.000 Maybe get on motorbikes and go somewhere.

00:26:58.000 I heard there's a cool...

00:26:59.000 You just talk to other travelers and be like, there's a canyon up there, it's really neat.

00:27:03.000 Go check that out while you're here.

00:27:05.000 And so you just do, and at some point you're like...

00:27:07.000 You know how when you haven't gotten enough sleep for like a few days in a row, you've got four hours, four hours, four hours, and you sleep like 11 hours, and you're like, I am completely caught up.

00:27:16.000 So like not having any responsibility.

00:27:19.000 The stress level goes down, down, and then it's just like waiting in that zero responsibility life for like three months in that level, I guess.

00:27:28.000 Wow.

00:27:29.000 You know, after the first couple weeks, and it's just like, I don't have anything to do. 0.97

00:27:32.000 Just like, oh, and just like fucking relax, man. 0.81

00:27:36.000 I would leave a city when it felt like the right time to leave a city. 0.98

00:27:40.000 You know, it wasn't even like a regular vacation where you're like, come on, we gotta do this, then move.

00:27:43.000 Right.

00:27:44.000 We got reservations somewhere.

00:27:47.000 Yeah, it was just like relax and then I could just think about things my art form in general people in my life You know what I want and don't want I'd have like moments of just like Yeah, take a 10-hour bus.

00:28:03.000 There's no Wi-Fi You know, you're just like thinking for a while Yeah tons of moments like that.

00:28:12.000 How did you know when to end it?

00:28:15.000 So I was gonna come back for this show, but then I remembered my manager, my friend Eric, they wanted to do a show at Third Man Records in Nashville for the Wild West Comedy Festival, and I forgot about that, because people ask me,

00:28:31.000 like, when do you have to go back?

00:28:32.000 Like, travelers I meet, and I was like, I'm open.

00:28:34.000 Dude, there were so many people that were just traveling open.

00:28:37.000 Wow.

00:28:37.000 Yeah.

00:28:38.000 That's really common?

00:28:39.000 I mean, three months is like a norm.

00:28:41.000 You have some people six months or a year.

00:28:43.000 I met an Italian girl who was going on her five and a half, fifth and a half years just traveling.

00:28:49.000 Five and a half years just traveling?

00:28:51.000 Mm-hmm.

00:28:52.000 She'd find jobs every once in a while.

00:28:55.000 Wow.

00:28:55.000 Yeah, and it just goes where she wants.

00:29:00.000 It's very appealing.

00:29:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:03.000 Very fascinating, right?

00:29:05.000 That's like, nobody writes books about a guy who stays in his town that he grew up in.

00:29:09.000 I know.

00:29:10.000 The book is about the crazy traveler person who goes all over the world in a backpack.

00:29:15.000 Yeah, but there's three-month people all over America doing that.

00:29:19.000 I know there's a lot of tent people.

00:29:21.000 There's a lot of people that, like, they'll get, like, a truck.

00:29:25.000 You know, like some sort of a SUV thing and they drive it around to campgrounds and they camp and they use the showers at the campgrounds and then they do stuff enough for money so that they have gas and they keep traveling around and hope their car doesn't break down.

00:29:41.000 A lot of jobs.

00:29:41.000 Yeah.

00:29:42.000 Yeah, this girl picked oranges in Sydney for like two months.

00:29:47.000 I had this dude on, Chris Cage.

00:29:49.000 He walked the Appalachian Trail.

00:29:52.000 Wow.

00:29:52.000 Yeah.

00:29:53.000 It's Georgia all the way to Maine.

00:29:54.000 And would he kill animals and stuff?

00:29:55.000 No, no, no.

00:29:57.000 I don't know.

00:29:57.000 How do you survive?

00:29:58.000 You would never make it.

00:29:59.000 You would never make it.

00:30:01.000 What do you mean? 0.99

00:30:02.000 Well, you'd never make it if you were just trying to kill animals all the way. 0.93

00:30:05.000 You'd never make it.

00:30:06.000 So how do you eat?

00:30:07.000 You'd have to be an elite hunter, and you still might not ever make it.

00:30:10.000 Because if you're carrying that food around, it's going to go bad.

00:30:13.000 You're walking through Georgia in the summer.

00:30:15.000 No, I mean, you know, critters.

00:30:17.000 You're not going to get enough.

00:30:18.000 Just cook it that night.

00:30:20.000 Really?

00:30:20.000 Yeah, you'll starve.

00:30:21.000 It's way harder to kill an animal than people think it is.

00:30:24.000 In a movie, that's what they do.

00:30:25.000 It's like, let's camp, get some dinner.

00:30:27.000 Dude, it's way harder.

00:30:29.000 It's way harder.

00:30:31.000 Yeah?

00:30:31.000 Yeah.

00:30:32.000 Unless you're walking around with several high-powered rifles and scopes and you're setting up, you know where the animals are, they hear you coming, you're walking.

00:30:41.000 You're not going to be able to walk all the way to Maine.

00:30:43.000 Oh man, maybe that's you, but an experienced hunter like me, I understand.

00:30:46.000 You have to get in their heads, man.

00:30:48.000 They go to restaurants.

00:30:49.000 They buy food.

00:30:50.000 They stay in hostels.

00:30:52.000 They have these little camping spots where they have covered shelters.

00:30:57.000 And people share them.

00:30:58.000 Really?

00:30:59.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that too.

00:31:01.000 Where it's just like, forget about what you need in terms of hotels.

00:31:05.000 That's all out.

00:31:06.000 You need a bed.

00:31:06.000 That's all you need.

00:31:08.000 Some people, they carry it on their back.

00:31:10.000 There's a thing called a bivy sack. 1.00

00:31:11.000 You know what a bivy sack is? 0.93

00:31:12.000 A bivy sack is either a bivy sack or a bivy tent. 0.76

00:31:17.000 They're essentially a combination sleeping bag tent.

00:31:21.000 Oh, cool.

00:31:22.000 And it's super light.

00:31:23.000 Pull up a picture of a bivy tent.

00:31:28.000 Yeah, it's one of the reasons I didn't go to South America is because I was like, there's going to be more camping, it seems like, up and down the coast and stuff, and less cities.

00:31:35.000 And I'm just like, I don't know if I can camp alone for that long.

00:31:38.000 You might freak out.

00:31:39.000 Yeah.

00:31:41.000 It'd be hard to get a good night's sleep around a bunch of weirdos and then speak their language.

00:31:46.000 This is what they look like.

00:31:47.000 Oh, neat.

00:31:48.000 So you keep that thing.

00:31:49.000 They wrap it up, put it on their back.

00:31:51.000 It's pretty light.

00:31:52.000 You can carry that with you. 0.99

00:31:53.000 Oh, it just keeps the fucking rain off you? 0.99

00:31:54.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:31:55.000 It's basically like just this tiny-ass little tent And like if you were a minimalist hiker, like if you're some guy who's trying to walk 50 miles or something crazy like these guys, they try to carry as light of stuff as they can.

00:32:10.000 They try to go as minimal as they can.

00:32:11.000 And that's one way that they do that.

00:32:14.000 And a lot of times they'll use like a little air mattress like that dude has.

00:32:19.000 Oh wow, blow it up. 0.86

00:32:20.000 Doesn't take up any space.

00:32:21.000 Yeah, just gotta hope it doesn't pop.

00:32:24.000 Otherwise you're sleeping on rocks.

00:32:27.000 It's hard, but...

00:32:29.000 That's what everybody did too, traveling for this backpack.

00:32:32.000 You just gotta make it work.

00:32:34.000 Space was like a...

00:32:35.000 That's another thing you learn too.

00:32:38.000 It's like, I don't need much stuff.

00:32:40.000 You go down to like, you know, just a backpack full if that's all your belongings.

00:32:43.000 If you buy anything, you gotta throw something out.

00:32:47.000 Yeah, man.

00:32:48.000 Like, there's a real movement right now towards minimalism.

00:32:53.000 Or where people are trying to pare their life down as much as possible.

00:32:57.000 Yeah, I think people don't want to get involved with, like, banks and fucking having to, like, mortgage themselves and their lifestyle just for the sake of, like, having things. 0.69

00:33:05.000 Yep.

00:33:06.000 And so they get into, like, stuff like camping and hiking.

00:33:09.000 Well, it's also you got to think like, what do you really appreciate?

00:33:12.000 What's important to you?

00:33:13.000 Like, what's really important to you?

00:33:15.000 Yeah.

00:33:16.000 Because you don't have forever, right?

00:33:18.000 So what is important to you?

00:33:19.000 Because you only have 24 hours in a day.

00:33:21.000 So what's important to you? 0.98

00:33:22.000 Find out what the fuck that is and do more of that. 0.97

00:33:25.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:33:25.000 And try to figure out, like, how to make enough money so that you're not starving. 0.98

00:33:31.000 That you're doing well, but don't just chase that.

00:33:34.000 Chase what you're trying to do.

00:33:36.000 The point system attached to it, the monetary point system, it can get you all fucked up because it'll get you working like 12 hours a day, 13 hours a day. 0.54

00:33:45.000 To get what? 0.84

00:33:46.000 To get more stuff.

00:33:48.000 To get better stuff, to get more prestigious stuff, to get stuff that, you know, all your other stuff having friends are really jealous of your stuff. 0.50

00:33:54.000 Yeah, you're just gonna die, bro, and it's not even long term.

00:33:57.000 I mean, like, what are you getting out of it now? 0.79

00:33:59.000 That's what I meant.

00:34:00.000 That's what's most important. 0.99

00:34:01.000 Yeah, a ton of people that are like, I don't want that shit, so I'm just gonna do a job, you know, working on a tugboat in Seattle for a few months, save up money, and then go fucking enjoy myself. 0.99

00:34:11.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:34:12.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people that are just choosing to look at everything that they can see, experience every new place that they can go to.

00:34:20.000 That Henry Rollins podcast, man, it's a world changer. 1.00

00:34:23.000 That crazy fucker, he's fascinating. 1.00

00:34:26.000 I never met anybody like him. 1.00

00:34:29.000 He's really fascinating.

00:34:29.000 Yeah, he goes and does stuff and sees stuff.

00:34:31.000 It was just also his outlook, how he simplifies all the things that are wrong with him and all the things that are wrong with the way he interacts with people, and so this is what I'm going to do.

00:34:42.000 His story about being given Was it Ritalin?

00:34:49.000 It was Ritalin, right?

00:34:50.000 From the time he was like five.

00:34:52.000 If he was a young boy, they gave him Ritalin until senior year of high school.

00:34:57.000 So he was like, I would just be on these pills.

00:35:00.000 I'd be like all day.

00:35:02.000 At the end of the day, like boom, he would like crash.

00:35:05.000 And then they'd do it again.

00:35:06.000 I mean, they were juicing him up with this crazy stuff.

00:35:10.000 He was an experimental case.

00:35:11.000 He grew up in, from what I understand, he's from Potomac, Maryland, which is the same county as where I grew up in, but that was the richer part of town.

00:35:21.000 Not that he was a rich kid, but Montgomery County is one of the richest counties in America, and that was just a standard thing.

00:35:28.000 If your kid's not performing ideally, he's learning disabled, give him some pills. 1.00

00:35:32.000 Right. 0.98

00:35:34.000 Crazy.

00:35:35.000 People thought for a while that that was the way to go.

00:35:40.000 Just it's just fascinating that he's so like Henry's so intense and he's so like is he's got like these rock-solid Ethics and this view of the world.

00:35:52.000 It's very egalitarian and very open but also very aggressive Very interesting like he thought it out though.

00:35:58.000 It's not just like oh whatever and this is what I believe no matter what Yes, he's like, oh yeah for sure.

00:36:03.000 I thought about this and here's the answer.

00:36:04.000 Oh No, I super enjoyed talking to him.

00:36:07.000 Thanks for hooking that up.

00:36:08.000 Yeah, I'm glad it worked out.

00:36:09.000 Oh, it was great.

00:36:09.000 I was like, did you ever link up with him?

00:36:13.000 He was like, yeah, we did.

00:36:14.000 It was a good podcast.

00:36:14.000 I was like, oh, hell yeah.

00:36:16.000 Yeah, it was really good.

00:36:18.000 I just love when someone is just soaking in as much as they can get.

00:36:23.000 Yeah.

00:36:24.000 Just out there, like, let's go to Bali.

00:36:26.000 And he just goes to Bali.

00:36:28.000 Let's go to Africa. 0.98

00:36:29.000 Now we're in Tanzania.

00:36:30.000 Now we're in Botswana. 1.00

00:36:32.000 You know, and just meeting people and going out on the fucking sand dunes and shit with Bedouins. 1.00

00:36:39.000 If you get away from, like, the backpacker's path, you know, the tourist path, and sometimes it would get, like, too much. 0.99

00:36:47.000 But you just go out, and then you can, like... 0.98

00:36:49.000 Yeah, I really see some shit, like basically what it is. 0.99

00:36:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:36:53.000 My friend Jesse's going back to Liberia in December.

00:36:56.000 They left after when Charles Taylor was taken over.

00:37:00.000 But now it's safe again.

00:37:01.000 Is it?

00:37:02.000 Yeah.

00:37:02.000 Wow.

00:37:03.000 Yeah, and they're trying to convince the world that it's a decent tourist place.

00:37:06.000 But Jesse's going back in December, like, dude, I'm coming with you. 0.99

00:37:08.000 I'm staying with your fucking family's house. 0.99

00:37:10.000 Not in the hotel, but let's see what shit's really like out there. 1.00

00:37:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:37:14.000 Let's see.

00:37:15.000 I bet it's a trip.

00:37:17.000 Did you ever see the Vice piece on Liberia?

00:37:22.000 Vice guy to travel and they went to Liberia and my man Shane, he was over there in Liberia talking to this dude who, his name is General Butt Naked.

00:37:35.000 This guy was famous for going into combat during the war.

00:37:39.000 He would take all his clothes off and he'd run naked. 0.93

00:37:44.000 Killing people naked. 0.97

00:37:45.000 Dude, he admitted he was talking about how they would capture a child from the other tribe and they would kill him and cut pieces of the heart out and eat it to give them invincibility. 0.99

00:37:57.000 He was talking about this.

00:37:59.000 And he's free on the streets and they exonerated him because now he's like a Christian minister. 0.87

00:38:05.000 Yeah, it's pretty much only Charles Taylor got punished.

00:38:07.000 Everyone else was like, you're all done.

00:38:09.000 Go be part of the government.

00:38:10.000 It's okay. 1.00

00:38:11.000 Dude, this guy like openly talks about all the crazy shit that he did. 1.00

00:38:14.000 Wow. 1.00

00:38:15.000 About cutting the hearts out of children and eating them. 0.98

00:38:18.000 You know how LaBear was started?

00:38:19.000 Yes.

00:38:20.000 I didn't know that until recently.

00:38:22.000 Tell everybody.

00:38:22.000 Slave thing.

00:38:23.000 Freed slaves.

00:38:24.000 Yeah.

00:38:25.000 They went back to President Monroe, freed them, and said, we'll ship you back there if you want.

00:38:29.000 And a lot of people were like, yeah, I don't trust you guys.

00:38:31.000 So I'm going to go back to Africa. 0.99

00:38:33.000 Crazy. 0.97

00:38:34.000 But they never grew up.

00:38:35.000 And so they called it Liberia for liberated.

00:38:38.000 And that's why they all speak English.

00:38:39.000 They don't have any African language anymore.

00:38:42.000 Jeez.

00:38:45.000 Yeah, Monrovia is their capital, President Monroe.

00:38:48.000 The idea of it is so crazy.

00:38:51.000 I know you use that expression too much.

00:38:53.000 What, going back and starting up a free slave country? 0.87

00:38:55.000 Well, just taking them and throwing them onto a patch of land.

00:38:59.000 Good luck!

00:39:01.000 It's like setting out a zoo animal into the wild.

00:39:04.000 Right.

00:39:04.000 It's like, have fun surviving.

00:39:06.000 Holy shit, man. 0.99

00:39:07.000 And just talk about feeling displaced and confused. 1.00

00:39:10.000 You didn't even grow up there. 0.99

00:39:12.000 We don't have any lions in fucking Georgia. 1.00

00:39:14.000 And you must be thinking to yourself, like, what kind of shit luck do I have? 1.00

00:39:18.000 I have double shit luck. 1.00

00:39:19.000 I have shit luck. 1.00

00:39:21.000 That I was a slave and then shit luck that I was thrown back to Africa. 1.00

00:39:26.000 I think that might have been the way to go. 0.99

00:39:28.000 Oh yeah, for sure.

00:39:29.000 To be free is better.

00:39:30.000 Yeah.

00:39:30.000 Oh yeah, 100%.

00:39:31.000 Or to be the semi-free post-slavery America. 0.52

00:39:34.000 Oh yeah, but I'm just saying, like it's still a bad hand.

00:39:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:39:37.000 Shit luck. 1.00

00:39:38.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:39:39.000 You only get three cards.

00:39:40.000 The best you can do is three of a kind. 0.59

00:39:41.000 Well, this general butt-naked guy turned a dude in because the dude was selling human flesh. 0.67

00:39:47.000 And he knew because he had eaten human flesh. 0.92

00:39:50.000 So he knew what it tasted like.

00:39:51.000 So that's how when he was buying like shish kebab from this guy, he turned him in.

00:39:55.000 He's like, this guy was selling human flesh.

00:39:58.000 I could tell because I've eaten it before.

00:40:00.000 What? 1.00

00:40:01.000 The fuck did you just say? 1.00

00:40:03.000 You could tell what it tastes like. 1.00

00:40:04.000 If I gave you a piece of lamb, would you know for sure that was a lamb?

00:40:07.000 I have an idea.

00:40:08.000 Yeah, an idea.

00:40:10.000 But I could maybe sneak in like a piece of wild sheep or something.

00:40:13.000 You might think that was lamb.

00:40:14.000 Yeah, sure.

00:40:15.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:40:15.000 This motherfucker knew. 1.00

00:40:18.000 That's him right there. 1.00

00:40:19.000 I think I know what human flesh tastes like.

00:40:21.000 That's him right there. 0.96

00:40:22.000 General butt naked. 0.92

00:40:23.000 Wow. 0.97

00:40:24.000 Yeah.

00:40:25.000 I got a taste.

00:40:27.000 It was human.

00:40:28.000 I called the police.

00:40:29.000 Wow.

00:40:30.000 Nice talk.

00:40:31.000 He knows what human tastes like, dude.

00:40:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:34.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:40:35.000 Jess said that when they were testing out rocket launchers to sell them to people there, they would be like, let me show you. 1.00

00:40:40.000 And they would just blow up a dam. 0.94

00:40:42.000 And so the infrastructure was totally fucked because everyone was testing out their weapons. 0.97

00:40:46.000 I'm like, no, we need that building! 0.99

00:40:48.000 Oh my god, that's so crazy.

00:40:50.000 Yeah, they're like, cool, it works.

00:40:52.000 I'll take ten.

00:40:53.000 Well, maybe it'll eventually calm down and be like Australia, right? 1.00

00:40:58.000 Because Australia was a place where they wanted to get rid of prisoners.

00:41:01.000 They shipped them off to Australia.

00:41:03.000 Now they're the best people ever.

00:41:05.000 Maybe that's exactly what's going to happen to Liberia. 0.88

00:41:07.000 They just need a couple of generations to knock the dust off.

00:41:09.000 Well, they got rid of Taylor, so they should be okay.

00:41:11.000 Yeah, maybe they'll be fine. 0.99

00:41:12.000 It just takes a while to rebound from some shit like that. 0.98

00:41:15.000 Yeah, but Henry Rollins has that of going to a place and like, let me see what this is like. 0.98

00:41:19.000 It's kind of inspiring.

00:41:21.000 There's not a whole lot of people that do it, that's for sure.

00:41:24.000 Yeah.

00:41:24.000 And he works.

00:41:25.000 Like, his work ethic's insane.

00:41:27.000 Mm-hmm.

00:41:28.000 Like, I'm talking about his writing and what he's doing, and he's always doing something, he's writing columns, and...

00:41:33.000 Yeah.

00:41:33.000 You know, he's just always...

00:41:34.000 So he goes and does stuff, and then he comes home and takes care of business.

00:41:38.000 Yeah.

00:41:39.000 And then he's like, cool, took care of it, go.

00:41:41.000 I think I would do this again after my next special.

00:41:43.000 Yeah?

00:41:44.000 Yeah.

00:41:45.000 You're just gonna just...

00:41:45.000 Every couple years?

00:41:46.000 It's like, once you're finished with work, it's like, all right, before I start building up again...

00:41:49.000 Do a walkabout.

00:41:50.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:41:51.000 See some of the world.

00:41:52.000 Yeah, do a walkabout.

00:41:53.000 I met a bunch of people doing gap years.

00:41:55.000 What's a gap year?

00:41:56.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:41:57.000 What's a gap year?

00:41:58.000 It's all over every other country.

00:41:59.000 Just not ours.

00:42:01.000 What's that mean?

00:42:01.000 In between high school and college.

00:42:03.000 You're leaving your friends.

00:42:04.000 You're about to make new friends.

00:42:06.000 Oh, take a year off.

00:42:07.000 Get out of here for a year.

00:42:08.000 In between college and grad school or college and your first year of work, now's the time.

00:42:13.000 Well, European countries have a point in this more relaxed approach to the future and your life.

00:42:20.000 Yeah.

00:42:21.000 They really do.

00:42:22.000 This conqueror's mentality.

00:42:24.000 I wonder how many heart attacks we have in comparison to European people.

00:42:27.000 I don't know, but it's like we're not living our lives.

00:42:30.000 You know Germans get off how many... 1.00

00:42:31.000 Are you familiar with the vacation time leave in America?

00:42:35.000 Yeah.

00:42:36.000 What is it?

00:42:36.000 It's two weeks, pretty much.

00:42:37.000 That's it?

00:42:38.000 Two weeks vacation, two weeks sick.

00:42:40.000 Do you get paid vacation?

00:42:41.000 Paid vacation, two weeks.

00:42:42.000 Okay.

00:42:42.000 Is that standard?

00:42:44.000 Yeah, that's a standard.

00:42:45.000 Okay.

00:42:45.000 That's 9 to 530, you know.

00:42:48.000 In Germany, and most of Europe, definitely all of Scandinavia, you get 25 days off.

00:42:55.000 Jesus.

00:42:55.000 Five weeks.

00:42:56.000 Jesus.

00:42:57.000 And, and, if you get sick during those weeks off, if you had to go to a hospital in wherever country you're in, and you showed them I was in a hospital, you get those days back.

00:43:05.000 They'll count against your sick time instead.

00:43:08.000 And they expect you to take the vacation time, too.

00:43:11.000 Not like here, where they're like, come on, you can't really use it. 0.95

00:43:13.000 You know what's fucked up? 0.98

00:43:14.000 Sick time. 0.98

00:43:15.000 Like, I ran out of sick days.

00:43:16.000 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:43:17.000 Like, what?

00:43:18.000 What do you mean? 0.99

00:43:18.000 You're sick. 0.99

00:43:19.000 Like, you're sick. 1.00

00:43:20.000 Like, either you're a fucking liar... 1.00

00:43:23.000 Or I trust you. 1.00

00:43:24.000 Now, if I trust you, you're just really unfortunate.

00:43:26.000 And if I love you and we're friends and we work together, I want you to get better. 0.98

00:43:31.000 Yeah, it sucks, but you have mono, so okay.

00:43:32.000 You don't have to come back to work because you already used up your 14 days. 0.97

00:43:37.000 You get exactly sick the same amount of time every year, too.

00:43:39.000 Can you imagine telling somebody, like, buddy, you're out of sick days.

00:43:43.000 I'm going to have to dock your pay.

00:43:44.000 You're dying.

00:43:45.000 What?

00:43:45.000 I can't breathe.

00:43:47.000 You want IVs and shit. 1.00

00:43:49.000 I don't care. 1.00

00:43:49.000 You're out of sick days. 1.00

00:43:50.000 The calendar doesn't say that.

00:43:51.000 It doesn't back you up on that.

00:43:53.000 The statistics say, in order to keep revenue flowing, we must keep you in the process.

00:43:58.000 Yeah.

00:43:59.000 What?

00:44:00.000 You have a certain amount of days you're allowed to be sick. 1.00

00:44:03.000 That's fucking ridiculous. 1.00

00:44:05.000 Like, hopefully there'll be zero. 1.00

00:44:06.000 Whoa, I'm saving up my sick days.

00:44:08.000 What?

00:44:09.000 You save up your sick days?

00:44:11.000 What does that mean?

00:44:12.000 Like, your sick days carry over?

00:44:14.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:44:15.000 So you get extra days where you can pretend you're sick?

00:44:17.000 No, you can save up sick days.

00:44:19.000 You can save up vacation days, but I don't think you can save up sick days.

00:44:21.000 I should be able to.

00:44:22.000 You should be.

00:44:23.000 I didn't get sick.

00:44:23.000 I should be able to move them around like cards.

00:44:25.000 At least give you half of them back.

00:44:27.000 I took four.

00:44:28.000 I have ten left over.

00:44:29.000 Give me five for next year.

00:44:30.000 People with real jobs are so mad at us right now. 1.00

00:44:33.000 You motherfuckers don't know shit about sick days or work days to be under the thumb of an oppressive dictator. 1.00

00:44:41.000 I'm saying it's terrible. 1.00

00:44:42.000 It's an expectation that you never take off. 1.00

00:44:44.000 You have to pour your whole life into that shit. 1.00

00:44:46.000 And it's like, oh man, go do some stuff. 1.00

00:44:48.000 Okay, let me play devil's advocate because if I was one of the people out there that likes to complain about shit, I'd be like, that's easy for you to say, Ari, you haven't had a job. 0.98

00:44:54.000 You don't have the responsibilities I have. 0.98

00:44:56.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:44:58.000 Alright, I'll be quiet.

00:44:59.000 End of podcast.

00:45:00.000 No, no, no.

00:45:01.000 I'm saying, though, they demand better.

00:45:03.000 They get it better in other places.

00:45:04.000 They absolutely should.

00:45:06.000 First of all... 0.99

00:45:07.000 For expectation that you go fucking see the world and go do stuff. 1.00

00:45:09.000 40 hour a week work week is bullshit. 1.00

00:45:12.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

00:45:13.000 You're not productive at that level. 1.00

00:45:14.000 Nobody should do it.

00:45:15.000 And it shouldn't be standard.

00:45:17.000 Everyone has to do the same amount.

00:45:18.000 Unless I want to buy something that you make.

00:45:20.000 Then could you please get everybody to do overtime and put in a night shift and give people time and a half for overtime so you encourage them to go overtime?

00:45:32.000 Yeah, time and a half.

00:45:34.000 You can get out of the mindset of having to work this time and just demand something better or more interesting for your life.

00:45:39.000 Well, it's just a weird standard that we've all accepted pretty much across the country.

00:45:44.000 9 to 5, 9 to 5, 9 to 5. Morning, Sam.

00:45:48.000 Morning, Bob.

00:45:48.000 9 to 5. It's 9 to 5.30 or 6. Oh, yeah.

00:45:51.000 If you want to take a lunch break, you don't get paid for that anymore.

00:45:54.000 You don't?

00:45:55.000 No, it's not 9 to 5 anymore.

00:45:56.000 Is that Trump?

00:45:57.000 Did he do this?

00:45:57.000 No, no.

00:45:58.000 It's Trump.

00:45:59.000 It's been a long time.

00:46:01.000 Nine to five. 1.00

00:46:02.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

00:46:03.000 Nine to five. 1.00

00:46:03.000 Could you imagine? 1.00

00:46:05.000 What a weird, weird decision to make the most significant thing be the productivity.

00:46:16.000 Where's that horn going off, young Jamie?

00:46:18.000 You hear that?

00:46:19.000 Is it in the back?

00:46:20.000 Just give it a little double check.

00:46:21.000 Go out there with the baseball bat. 1.00

00:46:23.000 Tell them to shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:46:24.000 Walk towards them aggressively. 1.00

00:46:25.000 The move is walk out there with your dick in your hand. 1.00

00:46:28.000 That way you startle anyone you see and you always have the first move. 1.00

00:46:32.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:46:33.000 They're reacting to you now. 0.90

00:46:34.000 Like, this guy's crazy. 1.00

00:46:35.000 He came out with his dick out. 1.00

00:46:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:37.000 Like, if you're getting ready to fight and you just come out holding on to your dick, people are like, whoa, what's he planning? 1.00

00:46:43.000 A lot of people would back down from that fight. 0.99

00:46:46.000 A lot of people wouldn't.

00:46:47.000 A lot of people might not. 0.99

00:46:48.000 People would be worried that the dick would touch you. 0.99

00:46:50.000 But once it did touch you, we'd realize it really doesn't do anything. 0.99

00:46:53.000 It's okay.

00:46:53.000 That'd be the chief thing.

00:46:55.000 Punch him. 0.93

00:46:55.000 People would have to lean back with their hands forward to try to get... 0.93

00:46:58.000 As if your punches don't matter, but the dick touching you does. 1.00

00:47:01.000 Yeah, like he's going to touch you and give you cooties. 1.00

00:47:03.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:47:04.000 He's going to zap you. 1.00

00:47:07.000 It's kind of like an electric-yield dick. 1.00

00:47:09.000 I gotta pee. 1.00

00:47:10.000 Right here?

00:47:11.000 Yeah, I don't want to leave.

00:47:12.000 You're gonna use a kombucha bottle?

00:47:13.000 Yeah, man, that's the healthiest bottle to pee into.

00:47:15.000 You've done this twice.

00:47:16.000 Really?

00:47:16.000 Yeah, we've done this on the podcast before.

00:47:18.000 Great.

00:47:18.000 For sure.

00:47:19.000 I like the fact that you're willing to do that, too.

00:47:22.000 I don't think we can show it on YouTube, though, so we'll have to move away. 0.97

00:47:25.000 Oh, all right, guys, dick out. 0.77

00:47:26.000 Canberra bottles are great, too, because they have a big opening. 0.98

00:47:29.000 Yeah.

00:47:29.000 So it doesn't vacuum up.

00:47:31.000 How often do you pee?

00:47:32.000 Do you pee several times a day?

00:47:34.000 Every day.

00:47:35.000 But are you like one of them healthy water drinker dudes?

00:47:37.000 I pee a lot.

00:47:39.000 Are you a healthy water drinker dude?

00:47:41.000 Interesting detail that's just happened.

00:47:43.000 Oh, you ran out?

00:47:44.000 Oh, no.

00:47:46.000 Hold on a second.

00:47:47.000 Jamie, go to the recycling.

00:47:48.000 Get me something.

00:47:50.000 It's alright, I'm pinching.

00:47:51.000 I got a strong grip.

00:47:53.000 I mean, you can move it.

00:47:54.000 Don't have to take it.

00:47:56.000 Why are you touching the bottle?

00:47:58.000 A cup?

00:47:59.000 Not a bottle?

00:48:02.000 Seems like a bottle.

00:48:02.000 Oh man, it's going back in though.

00:48:04.000 I can feel it's starting to swell back in.

00:48:06.000 That's not healthy.

00:48:08.000 I've been pinching too long.

00:48:10.000 Should I pee into the cup?

00:48:11.000 A bottle, yeah.

00:48:12.000 Oh, you emptied it.

00:48:13.000 Oh, thanks, man.

00:48:17.000 Oh yeah, a lot went back into my urethra.

00:48:20.000 Ari Shafir couldn't hold in his pee, ladies and gentlemen.

00:48:25.000 Couldn't means wouldn't.

00:48:27.000 Filled up one kombucha bottle.

00:48:28.000 Here's a cap there, fella.

00:48:30.000 And then filled it up again.

00:48:32.000 I had to go empty it out for him.

00:48:35.000 Thanks for doing that.

00:48:36.000 My pleasure.

00:48:37.000 It's a real friend.

00:48:38.000 Yeah.

00:48:38.000 I didn't want to leave you hanging there, dude.

00:48:40.000 There was only one solution.

00:48:42.000 I almost went to the kitchen sink.

00:48:44.000 And then I'd be like, ew, then we'd have to rinse that out. 1.00

00:48:47.000 That shit would be nasty. 1.00

00:48:48.000 Dude, that bathroom sink is nasty. 1.00

00:48:50.000 You ever have a cleaner in here?

00:48:51.000 No.

00:48:52.000 Oh, it looks like a bachelor.

00:48:54.000 We're on our way out of this place.

00:48:56.000 Oh, man.

00:48:57.000 It's not that bad.

00:48:58.000 You've just gotten used to it.

00:49:00.000 You've slowly seen it get worse and worse.

00:49:01.000 I like gas station bathrooms.

00:49:03.000 Trying to recreate that here.

00:49:06.000 Try to recreate that here.

00:49:08.000 I should definitely have someone come in. 0.99

00:49:11.000 It's a fucking 409. Yeah. 0.99

00:49:15.000 Do you like doing your podcast?

00:49:19.000 The way you're doing it, you just have a subject for the most part.

00:49:24.000 I mean, you can deviate once you start talking, but you have a set thing you want to talk to someone about.

00:49:30.000 Yeah, it keeps me focused.

00:49:31.000 And then it's also like I get to ask real detailed questions about stuff I want to ask about.

00:49:36.000 And usually I get it with some level of expert.

00:49:39.000 Not like the best in the world, but someone who has experience with something.

00:49:43.000 Like I'm an expert on stand-up comedy.

00:49:45.000 You know, I've been one.

00:49:47.000 Right.

00:49:48.000 So if you were doing that, I could tell you all about stand-up.

00:49:51.000 I know more than most people in the world.

00:49:53.000 You know about hunting more than most people, you know?

00:49:56.000 Not really.

00:49:56.000 Yeah, but you've done it more than, like, Ian Edwards.

00:49:58.000 I know more than the average person, but in terms of people who actually know it, I'm very novice.

00:50:02.000 Right.

00:50:03.000 But at least you're aware of it enough to be like, yeah, I know about that world.

00:50:06.000 Yeah, I know a little bit about that world.

00:50:08.000 Yeah.

00:50:09.000 So yeah, I like doing it that way.

00:50:11.000 But imagine if a five-year comic started talking about what stand-up is.

00:50:15.000 That'd be a problem. 0.98

00:50:15.000 You'd be like, shut up, annoying boy. 0.98

00:50:16.000 It does take a lot longer with stand-up. 0.99

00:50:18.000 It's the same with hunting.

00:50:19.000 Really?

00:50:19.000 Yeah, I'm a five-year hunter.

00:50:22.000 So for me, I just shut the fuck up and listen to the people that actually know what's going on. 0.96

00:50:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:50:26.000 Or parrot what they say.

00:50:28.000 It's too complicated.

00:50:30.000 Hunting is super complicated.

00:50:32.000 There's a lot involved in that.

00:50:33.000 Yeah, but generally, it's like Theo Vaughn climbed Kilimanjaro.

00:50:37.000 Did he really?

00:50:38.000 Or up to base camp or something.

00:50:39.000 I don't know, something like that.

00:50:40.000 I love that guy.

00:50:41.000 Oh, he's great.

00:50:42.000 He's so funny, man.

00:50:43.000 Yeah, he's really hilarious.

00:50:44.000 He's so funny.

00:50:46.000 I was in the back of the OR the other night, and he was killing me.

00:50:50.000 I mean, killing me to the point where I was crying, tears were rolling down my face. 1.00

00:50:54.000 He's so silly. 0.99

00:50:55.000 Did we hear him talk about being Brad Pitt? 0.99

00:50:56.000 That bit?

00:50:58.000 Yes, I did.

00:51:00.000 He's real funny.

00:51:01.000 He's really funny.

00:51:02.000 If you get a chance to see him, folks, if you're out on the road, unless Ari's in town.

00:51:09.000 Jason Tebow does an impression of him for Punch Drunk.

00:51:11.000 Does he?

00:51:11.000 Yeah, it'll just come in sometimes.

00:51:13.000 Him and Dean Del Rey.

00:51:14.000 He's just like, oh, I'm talking to Theo now.

00:51:16.000 He does it so good with that accent.

00:51:18.000 That's hilarious.

00:51:19.000 Part of what's funny about him, too, is his accent. 0.98

00:51:21.000 He's just fucking great. 0.91

00:51:23.000 So many funny guys there, man. 0.98

00:51:25.000 Dude, he stayed at my apartment one month.

00:51:28.000 I think it was in Edinburgh last year.

00:51:29.000 So he stayed at my place.

00:51:31.000 And he was like, oh man Ari, I got heavy into coke. 0.98

00:51:40.000 It just went fucking nuts. 0.98

00:51:43.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

00:51:44.000 Yeah.

00:51:45.000 But he left it clean.

00:51:46.000 Better than anybody else who stayed there.

00:51:48.000 Really?

00:51:49.000 Yeah.

00:51:49.000 Duncan left it pretty nice too.

00:51:51.000 By the way, that's the thing that kept me out a little bit.

00:51:54.000 What?

00:51:54.000 Is that I was like, Duncan, you can stay at my place.

00:51:56.000 Because he was moving to New York right then.

00:51:57.000 He was like, don't get an Airbnb.

00:51:59.000 Just stay at my place.

00:52:01.000 But I was like, two days in when I got out there.

00:52:03.000 I was like, I made a huge mistake.

00:52:04.000 I should go back home.

00:52:05.000 Two days?

00:52:06.000 I mean, it was, yeah.

00:52:08.000 Right away, it's so different that I'm like, what am I done?

00:52:10.000 This is definitely a mistake.

00:52:13.000 What was the initial thought behind it?

00:52:15.000 What did you think?

00:52:16.000 Do you think that this is what I need to recharge?

00:52:19.000 No, I've been wanting to see the world for a while.

00:52:22.000 This guy Turner brought me out to a tour of China.

00:52:27.000 And I just sort of saw some of that place.

00:52:29.000 And it was like, just so, like the really, the meaning of the word foreign, you know?

00:52:34.000 Yeah.

00:52:35.000 Just way different.

00:52:35.000 And it's like, I just wanted to see more of that world.

00:52:37.000 And then I went with PDC to Thailand a couple years ago.

00:52:41.000 Went to one of those full moon parties.

00:52:43.000 And I just got more like, I want to see things.

00:52:45.000 I did a Scandinavian tour last year.

00:52:47.000 I made sure to leave days off in between shows.

00:52:49.000 So I could really see some of the cities.

00:52:51.000 I don't know, man.

00:52:52.000 I just get off and like seeing new...

00:52:55.000 New versions of the world and new experience of what people care about.

00:52:58.000 Well, I think we love to to Compartmentalize and to like look at our specific area because I think it's a part of being a human until recently like until you could travel like this We like what people liked was knowing the sort of security of their environment.

00:53:16.000 They know the environment well They're around all times.

00:53:18.000 No surprises.

00:53:19.000 I got this place a lockdown unsafe, but it's not adventurous It's not adventurous.

00:53:23.000 So this new thing that people were able to do, only really within the last hundred years, where you could just get up and travel.

00:53:30.000 Yeah.

00:53:31.000 I mean, I guess there's probably world travelers.

00:53:34.000 Before.

00:53:34.000 Yeah, before.

00:53:35.000 For sure.

00:53:35.000 But I mean, how many of them did it recreationally?

00:53:38.000 Dude, it's so easy now.

00:53:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:40.000 You can stay at hostels for cheap as fuck. 0.99

00:53:43.000 You know, meet people and have them tell you what there is to do, where you are, where to go, where to not go. 0.99

00:53:48.000 When do you think that that was really an acceptable thing?

00:53:51.000 Hostiles?

00:53:51.000 No, no, no.

00:53:52.000 I mean, world travel.

00:53:53.000 Oh.

00:53:54.000 Like, when were you an invader?

00:53:57.000 Oh, right.

00:53:57.000 And when did it become okay to be a tourist?

00:54:00.000 I think it was always sort of okay to be, like, some guy in foreign lands.

00:54:05.000 As long as you're by yourself and not, like, an invading, you know, force.

00:54:09.000 But if you want to just visit somewhere...

00:54:12.000 Right.

00:54:14.000 I just wonder how many people did it.

00:54:16.000 Yeah, I know.

00:54:17.000 Dude, here's what I noticed in Hong Kong and Shanghai, which are banking centers.

00:54:21.000 And the people that would come to the shows, expats.

00:54:23.000 Hong Kong had more locals because they had to speak English there.

00:54:26.000 But in Shanghai, let's say.

00:54:27.000 And it's like, if you're an English banker from London or somebody from New York, and you took the job in Shanghai, China, you have to have some adventurous bone to you instead of staying in New York or staying in London.

00:54:43.000 You have to be saying like, yeah, I'm going to go with my kids or without my kids. 0.82

00:54:46.000 I'm going to go fucking do this new thing. 0.98

00:54:48.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:54:48.000 And yeah, I mean, just to want to go do that. 0.96

00:54:52.000 You can do it now.

00:54:52.000 There's jobs everywhere.

00:54:53.000 Yeah.

00:54:55.000 My friend William Childress, he moved to Myanmar.

00:54:58.000 He got a job offer.

00:54:59.000 He's an architect.

00:55:00.000 Wow.

00:55:00.000 So he's building houses in Myanmar?

00:55:02.000 Prisons.

00:55:03.000 Yeah.

00:55:03.000 Designing them.

00:55:04.000 Yeah.

00:55:04.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:55:05.000 But like, it just opened up.

00:55:07.000 The army just let in people.

00:55:09.000 And he was like one of those first wave of people.

00:55:11.000 And he started doing stand-up out there.

00:55:13.000 Dude, that's gotta be a creepy feeling.

00:55:15.000 Building prisons.

00:55:16.000 Something like that.

00:55:17.000 Yeah, designing them.

00:55:18.000 And now he's doing stand-up?

00:55:20.000 Yeah, he did all his time there.

00:55:22.000 He had the show I did in Bangkok.

00:55:23.000 He brought me out there from Myanmar.

00:55:25.000 He took a trip there and met me in Bangkok.

00:55:27.000 So do you think he's doing comedy to balance out the building prisons?

00:55:31.000 No.

00:55:32.000 No, he just does comedy.

00:55:34.000 I think here he's designing something else.

00:55:36.000 He's back in America now.

00:55:38.000 Because that's building prisons. 0.77

00:55:40.000 Not that we don't need prisons.

00:55:41.000 Not that there aren't bad people that should be locked up.

00:55:43.000 Yeah.

00:55:44.000 It's weird.

00:55:45.000 But that's not what I'm saying.

00:55:47.000 He's got to design them, so he's got to make them more comfortable, maybe.

00:55:50.000 Whatever.

00:55:50.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:55:51.000 Make it so they can't get out.

00:55:52.000 That's what it's about.

00:55:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:55:54.000 They get a little bit of sunshine.

00:55:56.000 A little bit of sunshine.

00:55:57.000 Can't get out.

00:55:58.000 What's the wall situation?

00:55:59.000 It's a crazy thing when someone escapes from prison.

00:56:01.000 Wah, wah, wah.

00:56:04.000 And let the dogs go.

00:56:05.000 Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

00:56:06.000 Can you imagine getting out of prison?

00:56:08.000 Oh my God, I must be so excited.

00:56:09.000 Digging a tunnel every night.

00:56:11.000 Or finding, you have to find the way out.

00:56:13.000 How do you know the way out?

00:56:14.000 How do you escape?

00:56:16.000 How about El Chapo? 0.98

00:56:17.000 He just walks down to the hole that's under his toilet that goes a mile plus into the ground and then pops up at some goofy ass house and gets in a car and drives off. 0.99

00:56:28.000 Wow. 1.00

00:56:28.000 See ya, suckers. 1.00

00:56:29.000 Is he still free or is he in? 0.60

00:56:31.000 No.

00:56:31.000 He's back.

00:56:32.000 They caught him.

00:56:33.000 El Chapo.

00:56:34.000 They did something.

00:56:35.000 He got injured too.

00:56:36.000 Something happened to him.

00:56:37.000 He hurt his leg or something like that.

00:56:39.000 Running through the tunnels?

00:56:40.000 I think he might have like broken his leg falling and they're trying to escape.

00:56:45.000 You know, he didn't look like he was the most fit fella. 0.99

00:56:48.000 He's too busy running shit to actually be running. 0.98

00:56:53.000 Well, El Chapo, if you can hear this, July 18th, my Netflix special comes out. 0.99

00:56:59.000 That's amazing.

00:57:00.000 Shout out to El Chapo.

00:57:01.000 You might want to check that out, El Chapo.

00:57:03.000 Do you think he speaks English and would the comedy translate to him?

00:57:07.000 I think some of it would.

00:57:08.000 Sure.

00:57:08.000 Some of it would.

00:57:09.000 Yeah.

00:57:09.000 They'd have to have subtitles on Netflix, so.

00:57:11.000 Right.

00:57:12.000 I always wondered, like, that's one of the unique things about, like, learning a language, is the way they structure their sentences is very different.

00:57:19.000 Uh-huh.

00:57:20.000 So you can't, it's not just, this word means that, and that word means this, so you just replace them.

00:57:24.000 No.

00:57:25.000 It's interesting when you talk to people from other countries, when you're out there, and you start to be able to translate their mistranslations.

00:57:30.000 Like, easy things, like what time it is.

00:57:31.000 Right.

00:57:32.000 They don't realize, like, that's a statement, not a question.

00:57:34.000 Right.

00:57:37.000 When they say five years more, it means like, I've already been here five years.

00:57:42.000 So you have to understand what they really mean.

00:57:44.000 Sort of like that 72 virgins expression. 0.67

00:57:47.000 It means like a shitload. 0.83

00:57:49.000 Oh, really?

00:57:49.000 Yeah, that's what it means.

00:57:51.000 72 is like a shitload.

00:57:53.000 You know? 0.96

00:57:54.000 Oh, right.

00:57:54.000 Yeah, it's not like a specific number.

00:57:56.000 Like when we see a few.

00:57:58.000 It's like technically it means three, but really it just means, I don't know, some.

00:58:00.000 A humongous amount.

00:58:01.000 Yeah, right.

00:58:02.000 72 virgins.

00:58:03.000 Really?

00:58:03.000 Like, oh my god.

00:58:04.000 And so we all took that as like, you think you're getting exactly 72 virgins?

00:58:07.000 Exactly.

00:58:07.000 No.

00:58:08.000 Yeah.

00:58:08.000 No, we don't.

00:58:09.000 Yeah.

00:58:13.000 I used to do a whole bit about that.

00:58:15.000 72 virgins. 0.98

00:58:16.000 Suicide bombers. 0.99

00:58:16.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

00:58:17.000 What page is this whole 72 virgins on?

00:58:19.000 I remember that.

00:58:20.000 Yeah.

00:58:21.000 It's not even written anywhere. 1.00

00:58:23.000 Shut up! 1.00

00:58:23.000 You shut up! 1.00

00:58:24.000 Do it! 1.00

00:58:26.000 Okay, I just want to know.

00:58:27.000 Why can't you just tell me what page it's on?

00:58:30.000 What a crazy world to think that there are people that will go into crowded areas like in Manchester and just blow themselves up and kill a bunch of people around them. 0.99

00:58:42.000 Balls. 0.98

00:58:44.000 Or just like belief?

00:58:45.000 Oh, belief for sure. 0.79

00:58:47.000 And then some sort of mental illness for sure.

00:58:51.000 There's a lot of issues.

00:58:53.000 Abuse maybe.

00:58:54.000 Maybe there's physical abuse.

00:58:56.000 I have no idea.

00:58:58.000 Have an extreme desire to show their love.

00:59:01.000 You just think you're at war, right?

00:59:02.000 Who knows?

00:59:04.000 Who knows what you think?

00:59:08.000 To break down the psychology of someone who's a suicide bomber would be very...

00:59:14.000 Like, you would have to do a tremendous amount of research before you started drawing any conclusions.

00:59:21.000 It's hard to find them to talk to them, too.

00:59:23.000 That's a problem.

00:59:23.000 That is a problem.

00:59:25.000 The theoretical suicide bombers do not apply.

00:59:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:59:27.000 I'm thinking about doing it.

00:59:29.000 You have to get guys whose vests don't go off.

00:59:31.000 Yeah.

00:59:31.000 Like, hey, we gotta talk to you.

00:59:32.000 Even then, like, what are you gonna get?

00:59:35.000 This is a recovered person.

00:59:36.000 They got through that moment where they're gonna blow themselves up and it didn't happen.

00:59:40.000 Now they've sort of had a chance to think about it.

00:59:42.000 How do you charge that guy?

00:59:44.000 Yeah.

00:59:44.000 You know?

00:59:45.000 Oh yeah, I wouldn't do that again.

00:59:46.000 I realize I was about to do that.

00:59:47.000 You know, there's a different, in deviant sociology, there's a different category for people who attempt suicide and people who commit suicide.

00:59:55.000 Really?

00:59:56.000 In the psyche of it.

00:59:57.000 Oh, I see.

00:59:58.000 Because their thing is, if you attempted it, you weren't really trying.

01:00:02.000 It ain't that hard to do.

01:00:03.000 You were probably trying to cry out.

01:00:06.000 And the people who do it generally shut up about it more. 0.96

01:00:08.000 They just do it without telling people, like, I'm gonna kill myself, I want to kill myself.

01:00:12.000 So somebody said if people say they want to kill themselves, that's a good sign that they need help, but that they're not gonna kill themselves.

01:00:18.000 Hmm.

01:00:20.000 There's...

01:00:20.000 Is there a different...

01:00:22.000 There's a different mentality between also someone who wants to kill themselves and someone who wants to literally be the bomb that kills a bunch of other people.

01:00:31.000 Yeah.

01:00:32.000 That's a...

01:00:33.000 If you really believe in heaven and you're going there, though... 0.98

01:00:36.000 Fucking great. 0.96

01:00:37.000 Get there. 0.98

01:00:38.000 Why wait?

01:00:40.000 Wow.

01:00:41.000 You're for sure going.

01:00:42.000 It's like, you know, the Catholic confession on your deathbed, and then you go straight to heaven, but it's hard to time it right?

01:00:48.000 Yeah.

01:00:48.000 If you confess all your sins right before you die, you have no sins left.

01:00:52.000 You're going to heaven.

01:00:52.000 Right.

01:00:53.000 You gotta time it right.

01:00:54.000 Yeah, and it's really hard.

01:00:55.000 These guys figured out the way to time it perfectly.

01:00:58.000 My act of blowing myself up gets me into heaven, wipes away all my sins.

01:01:02.000 Right.

01:01:02.000 One shot.

01:01:03.000 Unless... 1.00

01:01:05.000 As he blew it up, a part of him goes, fuck, right before he died. 1.00

01:01:09.000 Then he goes to hell for eternity. 1.00

01:01:12.000 Too callous, Jamie? 1.00

01:01:14.000 No.

01:01:14.000 I don't know anybody from Manchester.

01:01:16.000 I'm sorry.

01:01:19.000 Just...

01:01:19.000 What if you do it?

01:01:23.000 What if you do it and you think you're going to be in heaven?

01:01:25.000 Yeah.

01:01:26.000 And you press the button.

01:01:27.000 Boom! 0.99

01:01:27.000 And then all of a sudden it's just you disembodied in an infinite black room. 0.99

01:01:35.000 It's just you forever in the blackness of infinite space with no stars just you alone With no body what's floating through eternity? 0.99

01:01:47.000 You just you you can experience the blackness of space But with no stars and nothing to look at no women forever just you just you just your consciousness and realizing how huge you fucked up forever and Oh, 0.97

01:02:03.000 that'd be pretty bad. 0.99

01:02:04.000 You'd go crazy, right?

01:02:05.000 Then you'd come back? 0.99

01:02:06.000 Crazy? 0.99

01:02:06.000 Then you'd come back crazy? 0.99

01:02:08.000 What would even be crazy?

01:02:10.000 Imagine if you have your consciousness.

01:02:12.000 Forever, with nothing to apply it to.

01:02:14.000 Nothing to apply it to.

01:02:15.000 And you're floating through infinity.

01:02:17.000 And you don't have a body, so you're not going to die.

01:02:19.000 That's pretty bad, man.

01:02:19.000 That's a pretty bad punishment.

01:02:21.000 That's pretty bad.

01:02:22.000 It's not good enough.

01:02:23.000 Wow, that would be real tough.

01:02:24.000 Still not good enough. 0.99

01:02:27.000 You should float forever through eternity while you're feeling like you're choking on dicks. 0.99

01:02:34.000 Wow. 1.00

01:02:36.000 Like that feeling.

01:02:40.000 For eternity. 1.00

01:02:43.000 Because if you can exist for a second while you're choking on a dick, you could exist for eternity while you're choking on a dick. 1.00

01:02:49.000 Yeah, sure. 1.00

01:02:50.000 So that should be the punishment for suicide bombers.

01:02:52.000 They had The Simpsons when they had Homer going to hell.

01:02:56.000 And then the devil, or one of the demons, was like, so you like donuts, do you?

01:03:00.000 Try eating a million donuts!

01:03:01.000 And there's this conveyor belt that keeps shoveling donuts into his mouth.

01:03:05.000 And he keeps going, more please.

01:03:08.000 More please.

01:03:09.000 And then he's getting all fat and big.

01:03:10.000 He's like, please more.

01:03:12.000 Another one please.

01:03:15.000 Yeah.

01:03:15.000 You ever do the Simpsons ride at Universal?

01:03:18.000 No. 0.98

01:03:18.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.98

01:03:19.000 Is it really? 1.00

01:03:19.000 It's crazy. 1.00

01:03:20.000 It's a giant animated ride.

01:03:22.000 You just sit in a car.

01:03:23.000 Uh-huh.

01:03:23.000 It's one of the best rides ever.

01:03:25.000 Really?

01:03:25.000 It's so good.

01:03:26.000 Yeah, and it's all happening on a screen, but the car's moving around so it feels real, and it's an enormous fucking really high-resolution screen where it's showing this huge cartoon where this whole thing plays out. 0.95

01:03:37.000 Oh, it's fucking great. 0.90

01:03:38.000 It's really good. 0.99

01:03:40.000 The Simpsons are a national treasure.

01:03:42.000 Yeah, they really are.

01:03:43.000 It's pretty great.

01:03:44.000 My whole adulthood, I guess.

01:03:46.000 They've been on since I was in high school.

01:03:48.000 Yeah.

01:03:48.000 Really?

01:03:49.000 They were like one of the first Fox shows.

01:03:51.000 Dude, they were one of the first Fox shows.

01:03:53.000 How many years now?

01:03:53.000 25 or something?

01:03:54.000 Something crazy like that.

01:03:56.000 30. 30?

01:03:57.000 Yeah, me too.

01:03:58.000 High school.

01:03:58.000 Dude.

01:03:59.000 It's forever ago.

01:04:00.000 It's always been there.

01:04:00.000 I'll never forget it.

01:04:01.000 I remember, like, what a great show.

01:04:03.000 Remember when Homer Simpson went to a chili cook-off and the peppers were so hot, he started tripping?

01:04:09.000 Yeah.

01:04:09.000 He had psychedelic trips.

01:04:10.000 You know what those peppers were?

01:04:11.000 The merciless...

01:04:12.000 The ghost peppers, right?

01:04:13.000 Isn't that what it was supposed to be?

01:04:14.000 Of Quetzalcoatl Nongo. 1.00

01:04:16.000 What is that?

01:04:16.000 Is that what they called it?

01:04:17.000 The merciless ghost peppers of Quetzalcoatl Nongo. 1.00

01:04:19.000 Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum. 0.73

01:04:23.000 Yeah, that was a great show. 0.99

01:04:25.000 Goddamn, what a creative... 0.97

01:04:27.000 See, that's the thing about, like, Bill Burr's show, F is for Family, too. 0.93

01:04:30.000 Yeah, I haven't seen the new ones yet.

01:04:31.000 I heard they're great.

01:04:32.000 I heard they're really good.

01:04:34.000 Of course it's great.

01:04:35.000 Bill's hilarious.

01:04:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:04:36.000 But, um, you could do so much cool shit on a cartoon that you can't do in real life. 0.99

01:04:42.000 Here, watch the head. 0.99

01:04:43.000 Watch the head.

01:04:43.000 There it is.

01:04:44.000 Back it up.

01:04:45.000 The other head again. 0.97

01:04:46.000 People get decapitated. 0.89

01:04:48.000 They get blown up.

01:04:49.000 I mean, how many times does South Park kill Kenny?

01:04:51.000 Yeah.

01:04:52.000 He just killed him.

01:04:54.000 He didn't care that he came back. 0.50

01:04:55.000 He just comes back.

01:04:56.000 I love how later they sort of dealt with it, with the reincarnation sort of stuff, and they said, I'm listening to things.

01:05:01.000 Yeah.

01:05:02.000 He remembers all his past lives. 0.97

01:05:04.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.94

01:05:05.000 Yeah. 0.89

01:05:06.000 I love when F's for Family, because there's a real...

01:05:09.000 I mean...

01:05:34.000 I was going to say the all-time best is South Park, but I don't really think there's an all-time best.

01:05:40.000 They're all awesome. 0.92

01:05:41.000 I don't want to say this is number one, this is number two, but South Park has had some fucking moments. 0.81

01:05:46.000 I won't miss that show is South Park, and for years it's been that. 0.94

01:05:49.000 You just don't miss any episodes.

01:05:51.000 There's no falling behind.

01:05:53.000 Oh yeah, somehow I just stopped watching a couple seasons ago.

01:05:55.000 It's just like, every year I get so excited when I see those posters on the billboard now, on the billboards on the subway.

01:06:00.000 Yeah.

01:06:01.000 And it's like, oh, it's back! 0.99

01:06:02.000 It's a fucking amazing show. 0.99

01:06:04.000 And it's been amazing forever. 0.98

01:06:05.000 Do you ever have Trey Parker on here on this podcast?

01:06:07.000 I would, for sure.

01:06:08.000 Oh, you should.

01:06:08.000 I would.

01:06:09.000 I'd have them both on.

01:06:10.000 And Matt, yeah.

01:06:11.000 You left Matt out.

01:06:12.000 How dare you.

01:06:13.000 You don't even care about Matt.

01:06:15.000 Do you ever see that show where they show the making of South Park?

01:06:19.000 Six Days to Air.

01:06:19.000 Yeah.

01:06:20.000 It's great. 1.00

01:06:20.000 Fuck, yeah. 1.00

01:06:21.000 Documentary. 1.00

01:06:22.000 It's great.

01:06:23.000 He's humbling, right?

01:06:25.000 Trey Parker?

01:06:26.000 Like his work ethic?

01:06:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:27.000 The way he goes after it, it's like, whoa.

01:06:29.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:06:30.000 To get the fuck out of that guy's way. 0.97

01:06:32.000 Out of his way. 0.99

01:06:32.000 It's pretty much that's that. 0.99

01:06:33.000 He's like, hey guys, come out for a second.

01:06:35.000 What can I do with this?

01:06:36.000 And then someone will say something.

01:06:37.000 Cool.

01:06:37.000 And then right back in.

01:06:38.000 Yeah.

01:06:39.000 That dude from SNL working there that week, and he barely had anything to do.

01:06:43.000 Wow.

01:06:44.000 What was his name?

01:06:45.000 Bill Hader.

01:06:45.000 Yeah, Hader.

01:06:47.000 What's his name?

01:06:48.000 John Hader.

01:06:48.000 John Hader?

01:06:49.000 Bill Hader.

01:06:50.000 Who's John Hader?

01:06:51.000 Oh, Napoleon Dynamite.

01:06:52.000 Hey, let me ask you this.

01:06:53.000 What do you think of Bill Maher?

01:06:55.000 I've never been a Bill Maher fan.

01:06:57.000 What do you think of this whole recent controversy?

01:06:59.000 If I'm just casually dropping an n-bomb? 0.69

01:07:01.000 Yeah.

01:07:01.000 You know, he was trying to make a joke.

01:07:03.000 Exactly, right?

01:07:04.000 Yeah.

01:07:05.000 I mean, it didn't work, but he was trying to be naughty.

01:07:08.000 Yeah, that's all.

01:07:09.000 But they're making it seem like it's something more.

01:07:12.000 Anytime it's words that are like, you said this, it's like, yeah, said, said, not did.

01:07:17.000 Did is worse. 0.98

01:07:18.000 But it's also- Does he not hire black people? 0.99

01:07:22.000 That's a major issue, if he's never hired a black person. 0.63

01:07:24.000 But I don't think I've heard of that, so it's like his actions aren't...

01:07:28.000 We were talking about, before the podcast, this thing where they were talking about the Clintons in Arkansas in the governance mansion.

01:07:36.000 What show was that?

01:07:39.000 What show was it?

01:07:40.000 Did you see it, Jamie?

01:07:41.000 I read it.

01:07:41.000 I didn't see it on the show.

01:07:42.000 Oh, you read it?

01:07:43.000 It was getting passed around the internet yesterday.

01:07:47.000 It's got to be Russian disinformation.

01:07:49.000 It could be.

01:07:50.000 Who knows?

01:07:51.000 But when Bill Maher, when they go like troubling from Bill Maher, I mean, I get it.

01:07:55.000 Even the Republican senator that he was there with was like, uh, what?

01:07:58.000 Like, I'm a little uncomfortable with this.

01:07:59.000 But sure, be uncomfortable.

01:08:01.000 And if I'm watching a guy who uses words that make me uncomfortable all the time, I'll stop watching, I guess.

01:08:07.000 You know?

01:08:09.000 Twitter erupts over news that Hillary Clinton used black prison labor while First Lady of Arkansas.

01:08:15.000 Newsweek.com.

01:08:16.000 And what does it have to do with JFK? I don't know.

01:08:20.000 JFK pushed the Democrats to...

01:08:23.000 Democrat right in 1969?

01:08:25.000 Pushed them to the right.

01:08:26.000 And Hillary Clinton did it in 2016. Huh. 1.00

01:08:28.000 I don't know.

01:08:30.000 Why does it not do that?

01:08:34.000 Here's the point.

01:08:36.000 Okay, when we moved in, I was told that using prison labor at the governor's mansion was a long-standing tradition which kept down cost.

01:08:44.000 Clinton writes, she adds that most of the workers were convicted murderers and she became friendly with, in quotes, a few of them African-American men in their 30s who had already served 12 to 18 years of their sentences.

01:08:56.000 Whoa.

01:08:57.000 Despite their alleged friendships with these men, Clinton tells her readers, we enforced rules strictly and sent back to prison any inmate who broke a rule.

01:09:06.000 Despite having no psychological qualifications, she later asserts that these men did not have inferior IQs or an ability to apply moral reasoning, but instead they may have been emotional illiterates.

01:09:20.000 Emotional illiterates.

01:09:22.000 I don't know.

01:09:22.000 That's what she said.

01:09:24.000 I like how it says, despite having no psychological qualifications, she later asserts...

01:09:30.000 Despite having no ability to say this, she said, yeah.

01:09:33.000 It's kind of weird, though, that...

01:09:35.000 Slave labor. 0.73

01:09:35.000 Yeah, that is exactly what that is. 0.73

01:09:38.000 I mean...

01:09:38.000 No, no, it's just tradition.

01:09:40.000 It's like, yeah, but that doesn't mean you should do it.

01:09:41.000 Let's be honest, like, how much are they getting paid?

01:09:43.000 Zero. 0.99

01:09:44.000 What, fucking one pack of cigarettes a week? 1.00

01:09:46.000 Yeah, what do they get? 1.00

01:09:48.000 They do not pay inmates at all.

01:09:50.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:09:52.000 Clinton makes no mention of whether or not these men received any money for working for her and her husband.

01:09:58.000 A 2016 article from Mother Jones notes that when it comes to prison labor, some states include Texas, Arkansas, and Georgia do not pay inmates at all. 0.99

01:10:11.000 Holy fuck. 0.98

01:10:13.000 On Twitter, Jing wrote that Hillary Clinton was a direct participant in what Sam Sway? 1.00

01:10:20.000 Sam Sway?

01:10:22.000 It's at Sam Sway on Twitter, I guess.

01:10:24.000 Correctly described as modern slavery.

01:10:27.000 100%.

01:10:27.000 Dude, that's 100% slavery.

01:10:30.000 If you don't pay someone, you make them work because they did a crime.

01:10:34.000 That's a crazy thing.

01:10:36.000 We don't let them vote?

01:10:37.000 But you're making them work.

01:10:39.000 That's what's crazy about it.

01:10:40.000 It's like, it's not just that...

01:10:44.000 Your freedom's taken away, and they lock you in a box, but they also make you work.

01:10:50.000 Saying your lives aren't worth anything.

01:10:52.000 We can make you do whatever you want.

01:10:53.000 Yeah, and that dude from Phoenix makes you work in pink. 1.00

01:10:57.000 Oh yeah, that...

01:10:58.000 Jalar Pio guy?

01:10:59.000 Yeah.

01:11:00.000 Yeah, he's an interesting case.

01:11:03.000 He makes you put pink on.

01:11:04.000 To embarrass you.

01:11:05.000 Yeah, do you get embarrassed when you're wearing pink?

01:11:07.000 I wear pink sometimes. 0.99

01:11:08.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:11:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:10.000 Okay, I'm not a big pink wearer. 0.99

01:11:11.000 I'll occasionally wear pink.

01:11:13.000 I'll admit, I'm not a big pink wearer.

01:11:14.000 Yeah.

01:11:15.000 But at the same time, I don't care about it.

01:11:16.000 I'm not scared of a color.

01:11:18.000 I'm a rational person for the most part.

01:11:20.000 I remember in high school, like 13, 14, wearing pink ties and stuff.

01:11:23.000 Yeah.

01:11:24.000 Being a little embarrassed, but also being like, this looks good.

01:11:26.000 And then learning the word salmon makes it way more easier.

01:11:29.000 You know Gene LaBelle always wore a pink judo gi?

01:11:32.000 Really?

01:11:32.000 Yep.

01:11:33.000 Why?

01:11:33.000 It's clean and sober, it says on all of them.

01:11:35.000 Clean and sober, with pink shirts.

01:11:38.000 Probably because they were drug offenders, right?

01:11:41.000 No.

01:11:41.000 He gets upset.

01:11:42.000 He wants everybody clean.

01:11:45.000 I mean, it's better than him making them right?

01:11:46.000 Clean, ing, and sober.

01:11:47.000 Oh, there's an ing in quotes around it. 1.00

01:11:49.000 That silly rascal. 0.99

01:11:52.000 And he's not taken out, ever. 1.00

01:11:54.000 Pink.

01:11:56.000 Um, so Judo Gene LaBelle was like one of the toughest men that's ever lived, did his judo with a pink gi on.

01:12:02.000 Why? 1.00

01:12:03.000 Fuck you, that's why. 1.00

01:12:08.000 Google Judo Gene LaBelle. 1.00

01:12:10.000 Judo Gene LaBelle was, uh, he was, uh, I know he was a national champion in judo, and I think he won a gold medal in the Olympics. 0.98

01:12:18.000 Dude, I saw Clay Guido see him once, and this was when Clay Guido was coming up, so he wasn't like, he was in the cheap seats with us, and he saw Judo Jean in the section where you sit, and he was like, oh, fuck! 0.81

01:12:28.000 And he just jumped, I don't know how he got past security, just like ran past them, just to go give that guy a hug. 0.97

01:12:33.000 There's Gene LaBelle and his pinky.

01:12:35.000 What is Gene LaBelle's accomplishments?

01:12:38.000 He's had a shitload of accomplishments in judo.

01:12:40.000 He trained Ronda, right?

01:12:42.000 He definitely did some training with Ronda, and he's also the guy that exposed Bruce Lee to grappling.

01:12:49.000 Oh, really?

01:12:50.000 To joint locks and joint manipulations.

01:12:51.000 What does it say here?

01:12:54.000 National champion.

01:12:56.000 So he won the AAU National Judo Championships in 54 and in 55. North American Heavyweight Championship.

01:13:07.000 See, NWA, all that stuff I think is like fake wrestling.

01:13:10.000 Oh, really?

01:13:11.000 Yeah.

01:13:12.000 He's real wrestling and professional wrestling.

01:13:15.000 There's no tag team in real wrestling, right?

01:13:17.000 So he was a national champion.

01:13:18.000 For some reason I thought he was an Olympic champion.

01:13:21.000 I might have made that up.

01:13:22.000 Is there a Greco-Roman tag team?

01:13:23.000 No.

01:13:24.000 No, that's not real. 0.96

01:13:26.000 So, you can see, like, there's a million pictures of him wearing this ridiculous pink gi. 0.87

01:13:35.000 How do I not know his accomplishments in judo? 0.94

01:13:40.000 Yeah, look at that pink gi. 0.99

01:13:43.000 Yeah, he's crazy. 0.99

01:13:43.000 He's always been crazy, too. 0.99

01:13:45.000 He's an L.A. guy, right? 0.89

01:13:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:13:47.000 He's a great guy.

01:13:48.000 He had one of the first mixed martial arts fights, too.

01:13:52.000 He fought a boxer.

01:13:53.000 Simone said he would go down there with Piper.

01:13:58.000 I guess Piper would train with him. 0.98

01:14:00.000 And he said we'd go down there and he'd get calls all the time for people challenging him.

01:14:04.000 Judo Gene. 0.72

01:14:06.000 Like, I can beat you up.

01:14:07.000 And he would just answer the phone all day.

01:14:08.000 Just going, well, come on.

01:14:09.000 Prove yourself.

01:14:10.000 I'm here.

01:14:10.000 I'll take you.

01:14:11.000 Alright.

01:14:12.000 Well, I'm here.

01:14:12.000 Eight to seven.

01:14:13.000 Every day.

01:14:14.000 Bye. 1.00

01:14:15.000 Just like some people are like, fuck you, come, I'll roll with you. 1.00

01:14:17.000 I'll beat you. 1.00

01:14:18.000 He was like in his 60s and he caught some kids breaking into cars in his neighborhood.

01:14:22.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:14:22.000 And one kid came after him and he just fucking manhandled this poor kid and threw him on the ground. 0.97

01:14:28.000 Imagine being thrown on the ground. 0.99

01:14:30.000 Like some 65-year-old?

01:14:31.000 65-year-old judo black belt.

01:14:33.000 I'll show this guy what's up.

01:14:34.000 Blam! 1.00

01:14:35.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:14:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:36.000 He put two dudes to sleep while they're trying to break into cars. 1.00

01:14:41.000 Ha ha ha ha ha.

01:14:43.000 He's just a different kind of human being.

01:14:46.000 It's just like if he got a hold of you, it's like being grabbed by some sort of a primate, you know?

01:14:53.000 Imagine.

01:14:54.000 The surprise is on your face.

01:14:56.000 Yeah, you just feel so weak.

01:14:58.000 Once you were in the air, you'd be like, how is this happening?

01:15:00.000 Before he slams your head off the ground, you've got to be thinking, how is he just throwing me around like this?

01:15:08.000 What a weird specialty.

01:15:09.000 The specialty of throwing bodies around.

01:15:13.000 You can become really good at throwing people's bodies around.

01:15:15.000 Did you see that, uh, what's it called?

01:15:17.000 Boom! 0.99

01:15:18.000 That's beautiful technique.

01:15:19.000 Oh, nice.

01:15:19.000 Putin giving some kid technique off the sideline here.

01:15:24.000 Oh, wow.

01:15:27.000 Wow, that's good.

01:15:27.000 Boom!

01:15:28.000 That kid has some technique.

01:15:29.000 Oh, so Putin gave him a tip.

01:15:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:31.000 Man, Putin walking on the mats with his shoes.

01:15:34.000 Come on, dude. 1.00

01:15:35.000 Putin would fuck up. 1.00

01:15:37.000 I would bet Putin would fuck up all the world leaders if we had a round robin. 1.00

01:15:42.000 You think so? 0.99

01:15:42.000 MMA contest with all world leaders. 0.99

01:15:45.000 Yeah, I got my money on Putin.

01:15:46.000 Definitely the big powers. 0.99

01:15:48.000 Trump's not doing shit. 0.97

01:15:49.000 Yeah, he's gonna win. 1.00

01:15:51.000 He's an actual judo black belt.

01:15:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:15:55.000 It's real weird.

01:15:56.000 This bird literally looks like it salutes him back.

01:15:58.000 Should. 1.00

01:15:59.000 Goddamn Putin. 1.00

01:16:01.000 Bird knows his place. 1.00

01:16:02.000 Salute, motherfucker. 1.00

01:16:03.000 Salute. 1.00

01:16:07.000 What?

01:16:07.000 That's gotta be fake.

01:16:08.000 How does he bend his wing over?

01:16:11.000 You know, man, the real question with a guy like Putin is not, like, how much does he control.

01:16:17.000 It's like, what happens if that guy dies?

01:16:19.000 Oh, yeah, who takes over that power?

01:16:21.000 Dude, the vacuum of power behind that guy must be stunning.

01:16:26.000 They're a democracy, right, Russia?

01:16:29.000 Sort of.

01:16:30.000 Totalitarian democracy?

01:16:31.000 No, they have some sort of a democracy.

01:16:33.000 They have some sort of election process, yeah.

01:16:37.000 Yeah, it's...

01:16:37.000 President Gorbachev, right?

01:16:39.000 President Putin.

01:16:40.000 As long as you're not running against Putin, it seems to function fairly well.

01:16:44.000 He just took over again.

01:16:45.000 Then he was the president, then he went away. 1.00

01:16:47.000 He just came back like, fuck you guys. 1.00

01:16:49.000 And took it over again? 1.00

01:16:50.000 I think he came back again in 2012. He's been back for a while.

01:16:54.000 Yeah, but not that long.

01:16:56.000 Yeah, he was gone for a while, and then some other dude got into power, and he's like, hey man, you're the president.

01:17:02.000 And the guy's like, okay, okay, okay.

01:17:07.000 Look, it's not admirable.

01:17:09.000 That's what the guy from Narcos did, right? 1.00

01:17:11.000 He wanted to be just in government so he could run shit. 1.00

01:17:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:14.000 What was his name?

01:17:17.000 Escobar?

01:17:17.000 Escobar.

01:17:18.000 Yeah.

01:17:18.000 Pablo.

01:17:19.000 How good is that actor who plays him?

01:17:20.000 So good!

01:17:21.000 I was trying to figure out his name.

01:17:22.000 What is his name?

01:17:22.000 That dude who plays Pablo Escobar?

01:17:24.000 Goddamn, he's good. 0.99

01:17:25.000 And he's smoking reefer all day. 0.99

01:17:27.000 All day.

01:17:28.000 Just like a normal thing.

01:17:29.000 I forget his name now.

01:17:31.000 Respect.

01:17:32.000 God, that guy's good.

01:17:33.000 By the way, if you're watching...

01:17:35.000 What's it called?

01:17:36.000 What's that name of the show?

01:17:37.000 Narcos?

01:17:37.000 Narcos.

01:17:38.000 When you're done, make sure on July 18th and beyond to catch my new Netflix double special.

01:17:44.000 You'll already be on Netflix.

01:17:45.000 No sense of going back out to the Apple TV. Oh my goodness.

01:17:49.000 What day is that again?

01:17:49.000 July 18th, Joe.

01:17:51.000 It's Tuesday.

01:17:51.000 July 18th.

01:17:52.000 All over the world.

01:17:53.000 Fantastic.

01:17:54.000 At midnight Pacific time.

01:17:55.000 Are you going on the road at all?

01:17:58.000 No. 0.99

01:17:59.000 No, just fucking around, coming up with material, putting shit together. 1.00

01:18:02.000 Just coming up with new hours in town in 15s. 1.00

01:18:03.000 Looks like you're having fun up there.

01:18:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:18:05.000 Was it weird to not be on stage?

01:18:06.000 Or did you go on stage at all?

01:18:07.000 No, I went to one show in Phnom Penh.

01:18:10.000 Saw a show.

01:18:11.000 Did you get the itch?

01:18:12.000 No, they asked me.

01:18:13.000 They knew me.

01:18:14.000 They asked me to go up.

01:18:15.000 Wow, and you said no.

01:18:16.000 I was like, nah, well...

01:18:18.000 One, I really wanted to see what the fully long break would do.

01:18:21.000 No sense of breaking it up just for one set somewhere.

01:18:24.000 It would be cool to perform in Cambodia, to mark that off a list.

01:18:27.000 I like doing that.

01:18:28.000 That's my bird watching kind of stuff.

01:18:30.000 What countries I performed in.

01:18:32.000 Cambodia.

01:18:33.000 Yeah.

01:18:33.000 Wow.

01:18:35.000 But I was like, no. 0.99

01:18:36.000 Also, I didn't want to be going around for the next two months with a fucking bomb on my shoulders. 0.99

01:18:40.000 Like, you know what I mean? 0.99

01:18:41.000 I don't need to fucking walk around with that as, like, my last set. 1.00

01:18:44.000 Oh, so if you went up there and ate dick? 1.00

01:18:46.000 Yeah, and then I'm like, have I started losing it? 1.00

01:18:48.000 I'm gone.

01:18:49.000 I'm already nervous about that. 0.99

01:18:50.000 I don't want to fucking... 0.98

01:18:51.000 Oh, no. 0.99

01:18:52.000 People are like, what are you doing?

01:18:52.000 I'm like, I don't even know anymore.

01:18:55.000 Yes.

01:18:56.000 What was it like the first time on stage after that long break?

01:18:59.000 A little weird.

01:19:00.000 I'd tell a story so I could at least base myself in things that happened, you know?

01:19:07.000 A narrative.

01:19:08.000 Yeah, a narrative.

01:19:09.000 Less is expected.

01:19:10.000 But then the next day I did, Nate Bargatze was there in Nashville.

01:19:13.000 So that's when I came home.

01:19:14.000 So they wanted to do this show in Third Man Records.

01:19:17.000 So I just wrote them a letter and I was like, hey, if you still want to do that, add it to the website.

01:19:23.000 I'll be home.

01:19:24.000 I'll just come home.

01:19:25.000 I'll see it.

01:19:25.000 I'll check it.

01:19:28.000 So I did Nate Bargatze in Friends the next day.

01:19:32.000 And that was just stand-up.

01:19:33.000 And I was like a little lost.

01:19:36.000 It was weird.

01:19:37.000 It was rusty around the edges, and I got to like 12 or 13 minutes.

01:19:41.000 I didn't want to do anything from the special.

01:19:42.000 So I was just like, what do I have new?

01:19:44.000 And I tried something that I thought of then on the road, which wasn't much.

01:19:47.000 I kind of shut my brain off to that a little bit.

01:19:50.000 Instead of writing jokes, I was like, nah.

01:19:52.000 A couple topics, and I was like, but that's it.

01:19:54.000 What if you had an awesome idea that just came to you out of nowhere?

01:19:57.000 Did you bother writing it down?

01:19:58.000 Yeah, I wrote just an idea.

01:20:00.000 This hasn't worked, so I'll just say it.

01:20:02.000 I saw two dogs at the end.

01:20:04.000 So many stray dogs out there.

01:20:06.000 It's everywhere.

01:20:07.000 It's everywhere.

01:20:07.000 And eventually it ends up on menus, too.

01:20:09.000 Just because it's like fish, man.

01:20:12.000 They're everywhere.

01:20:13.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:20:13.000 Yeah, why wouldn't you kill one to survive? 1.00

01:20:15.000 Did you eat any dog? 0.99

01:20:17.000 I did not.

01:20:17.000 Only because when I saw it on a menu, it's called RW in East Timor.

01:20:24.000 It was like a...

01:20:26.000 They have this Indonesian style of food, which is warungs.

01:20:29.000 It's just like windows with food left out.

01:20:31.000 Do you know how pizza places in New York, you point to a slice and they'll take it and warm it up?

01:20:36.000 Right.

01:20:36.000 So it's like that, but they don't warm it up, and it's meat.

01:20:39.000 So it's like bits of fish or chicken or beef, and then that was like dog.

01:20:44.000 So if it was hot out of the oven, I might have gone for it, but not leftover cold.

01:20:50.000 Cold dog.

01:20:51.000 Over rice.

01:20:52.000 It looked good, though.

01:20:53.000 It looked good.

01:20:54.000 I had to ask her four times what she said.

01:20:55.000 I had to keep checking my, like, translator.

01:20:58.000 And I was like, no, I think you're saying it wrong.

01:21:00.000 She was like, yeah, she had to act out like, bock, bock, bock. 0.52

01:21:03.000 No, that's not a dog.

01:21:05.000 Yeah.

01:21:05.000 Rough, rough, rough.

01:21:06.000 I just do chicken.

01:21:07.000 Yeah.

01:21:07.000 I'm trying to do dog.

01:21:09.000 My friend Steven Rinello was telling me that they regard it as a hot food, not necessarily even just meaning spicy.

01:21:17.000 Oh, really?

01:21:18.000 That dog is like a hot food, meaning like there's something to it.

01:21:22.000 Oh.

01:21:23.000 It's like there's a special energy that you get from eating dog.

01:21:29.000 Yeah.

01:21:30.000 Whoa, that's dark.

01:21:32.000 I can see that.

01:21:33.000 Because they seem more like...

01:21:36.000 Intelligent.

01:21:36.000 You know?

01:21:37.000 They seem to have feelings.

01:21:39.000 Hot food.

01:21:41.000 Like human meat.

01:21:42.000 You gain their souls.

01:21:43.000 He did a show with this guy where they shot and ate a coyote.

01:21:48.000 Yeah.

01:21:49.000 They cooked a coyote like they would cook like wild game. 0.79

01:21:52.000 And they opened it up.

01:21:54.000 They burned off all the hair.

01:21:56.000 And then they split it and threw it over like a grate and cooked it over coals.

01:22:02.000 Just threw some seasoning on it.

01:22:03.000 It's crackling and cooking.

01:22:04.000 And they just cut pieces of this coyote off.

01:22:07.000 And I was watching this going, why is it so disturbing?

01:22:11.000 When we choose one animal over another.

01:22:14.000 Why is that so disturbing?

01:22:15.000 Why is that coyote any different than a pig, which is totally normal?

01:22:19.000 It's just pet-wise.

01:22:20.000 I think that's all it boils down to.

01:22:22.000 When you don't have that, you don't have it.

01:22:23.000 It's even weirder than that, because nobody's got a pet coyote.

01:22:26.000 Dude, I saw something... 1.00

01:22:28.000 It's close enough to your dog that it can fuck your dog and get it pregnant. 1.00

01:22:34.000 Yeah, and they're like, oh, we don't like that. 1.00

01:22:35.000 It reminds me of...

01:22:37.000 It's so close to a dog. 0.99

01:22:41.000 It's so close to a dog that if it fucks your dog, it'll make puppies. 1.00

01:22:45.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:22:47.000 I went to rooster fights.

01:22:51.000 That seems so crazy.

01:22:52.000 Doesn't that seem so crazy? 1.00

01:22:55.000 Imagine if a chicken could fuck your parakeet. 1.00

01:22:58.000 And make something still parakeety? 1.00

01:23:01.000 It opens the cage and gets in the parrot's cage and just fucks the shit out of them. 0.98

01:23:04.000 A chicken in a parrot's cage would be hilarious. 0.98

01:23:07.000 Yeah, they're a different species.

01:23:08.000 Yeah.

01:23:09.000 But pretty much it looks like the same thing. 1.00

01:23:11.000 Chicken just fucks the shit out of that parrot. 1.00

01:23:13.000 All the time you thought you had a girl parrot, the chicken opens up the door. 1.00

01:23:17.000 Just laying eggs. 1.00

01:23:18.000 Chicken gets in there and fucks the shit out of it. 1.00

01:23:21.000 Roosters are ruthless, man. 0.99

01:23:23.000 I don't have any roosters, but we were really worried.

01:23:26.000 When we were getting chickens, we were really worried.

01:23:27.000 That one would turn out to be a rooster.

01:23:28.000 Yeah.

01:23:28.000 We had that when I was growing up.

01:23:30.000 My parents had to give them away, so we had to bring them into the garage every night, because we'd wake up the neighbors in the fucking middle of the suburbs, and they're just like... 0.99

01:23:35.000 What in the fuck? 0.99

01:23:36.000 Two hours before sunup. 1.00

01:23:38.000 Yeah.

01:23:38.000 It's not sunup.

01:23:39.000 It's way before sunup.

01:23:40.000 Really?

01:23:40.000 They can sense it coming.

01:23:41.000 Oh, those cunts. 1.00

01:23:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:44.000 Just screaming next to your neighbor. 1.00

01:23:47.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:23:48.000 Yeah, we were in Santa Barbara and some guy had one. 1.00

01:23:50.000 But he had it, like, 1,000, 2,000 yards away.

01:23:57.000 Really?

01:23:57.000 Yeah.

01:23:58.000 It was far, but you could still hear it.

01:24:00.000 But it was kind of cool.

01:24:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:24:04.000 It wasn't obnoxious, like if it was right next door.

01:24:06.000 It was way across this canyon.

01:24:08.000 I was like, wow, that's kind of cool.

01:24:09.000 That wouldn't even bother me.

01:24:11.000 I got used to it being out there.

01:24:12.000 All those countries, they just had them around.

01:24:14.000 So wherever you were sleeping, there were thin walls.

01:24:16.000 You would just hear them.

01:24:17.000 Dude, I want to get peacocks. 1.00

01:24:19.000 Cool, we have peacocks. 1.00

01:24:20.000 I want to get pet peacocks. 0.99

01:24:21.000 I'm going to go full Hunter S. Thompson and have some pet peacocks. 0.96

01:24:25.000 I had to bury one of them.

01:24:26.000 Did you? 0.98

01:24:27.000 Yeah, he'd fucking reach his head out of the latticework to try to eat the grass right outside, and the fox was just waiting for him. 0.99

01:24:32.000 Took his head, left the body inside. 0.99

01:24:35.000 Foxes are clever.

01:24:36.000 Clever girl.

01:24:37.000 Very clever.

01:24:38.000 I went to a rooster fight in Timor-Leste.

01:24:41.000 Did you really?

01:24:42.000 Yeah.

01:24:43.000 In terms of what we accept and what they will, you know, different things. 0.99

01:24:46.000 Dude, they're doing that shit in Encino. 0.99

01:24:48.000 Are they really? 1.00

01:24:49.000 I guess so, right?

01:24:51.000 I know a place.

01:24:54.000 There's places in the valley that might as well be Mexico.

01:25:00.000 Have you ever seen one?

01:25:02.000 I've never seen the actual fights, but I've seen the fighting roosters.

01:25:05.000 I've seen the pens.

01:25:06.000 There's a dude that I know who knows a dude who's got like a hundred of them in his backyard.

01:25:11.000 Wow.

01:25:12.000 Fighting roosters?

01:25:13.000 Yeah.

01:25:14.000 In a lot of these Mexican neighborhoods, dude, it's like super normal.

01:25:18.000 They don't view it as weird at all where I saw it.

01:25:20.000 They were like, you're not taking pictures?

01:25:21.000 I'm like, oh, I didn't want to get you guys in trouble.

01:25:23.000 Like, why would it get us in trouble?

01:25:24.000 What do you mean we're outside?

01:25:26.000 Right.

01:25:26.000 In those countries, it's not bad at all.

01:25:28.000 The general owns the fucking ring where they all do it. 0.99

01:25:31.000 It's hilarious. 0.99

01:25:32.000 But then if you can do that...

01:25:34.000 Then you can justify dogs.

01:25:36.000 Like, well, what do we do about dogs?

01:25:38.000 Well, dogs are a little smarter.

01:25:39.000 It's a little different.

01:25:40.000 There's strays out there.

01:25:42.000 They are strays.

01:25:44.000 California authorities seize over 7,000 birds in the largest cockfighting bust in U.S. history.

01:25:49.000 Wow.

01:25:49.000 Jesus Christ.

01:25:50.000 That's like three weeks ago.

01:25:51.000 Jesus Christ.

01:25:52.000 In the valley.

01:25:53.000 Valley Verde.

01:25:53.000 Santa Florida Valley.

01:25:54.000 See, I told you.

01:25:56.000 I'm making this up.

01:25:57.000 That's meth town anyway.

01:25:59.000 You say meth town, I say rooster town. 0.98

01:26:04.000 Hundreds of gaffs are slashers. 0.94

01:26:06.000 Yeah, they put these razors on the back of their back claw.

01:26:09.000 Isn't it...

01:26:10.000 I mean, it's...

01:26:11.000 They give them steroids?

01:26:14.000 Really?

01:26:14.000 For the animals were also recovered.

01:26:16.000 I didn't see any of that.

01:26:17.000 Syringes and steroids. 1.00

01:26:18.000 They got juiced up chickens ready to fuck you up. 1.00

01:26:21.000 Can you imagine? 1.00

01:26:22.000 I want to, like, do a Viceland piece on that. 0.99

01:26:25.000 Watch these dudes shoot their fucking chickens up with steroids and have them go out there, like, and hulk out. 1.00

01:26:31.000 Wow. 1.00

01:26:34.000 2,700 birds.

01:26:36.000 They went back to the same spot.

01:26:37.000 But here's the thing, man.

01:26:38.000 They went for it 10 years earlier.

01:26:39.000 It doesn't bother you or me like it would if it was dogs.

01:26:44.000 No.

01:26:44.000 It just doesn't.

01:26:45.000 But I'll be honest.

01:26:45.000 Yeah, no.

01:26:46.000 Right.

01:26:46.000 They don't look like us.

01:26:47.000 Not nearly.

01:26:48.000 But I thought it would be really barbaric until you see it and you're like, oh, it's not really that bad at all.

01:26:53.000 I've seen dogfights.

01:26:54.000 I was in New Orleans and I saw a dogfight.

01:26:56.000 You did?

01:26:56.000 Yeah.

01:26:57.000 Impromptu.

01:26:58.000 I don't know.

01:26:58.000 I was out with my friends.

01:26:59.000 There was a pit. 1.00

01:26:59.000 One fucking pit bull came in and another pit bull came into this pit. 1.00

01:27:03.000 And we're like, what's going on? 1.00

01:27:05.000 And they did it.

01:27:05.000 And it was, I mean, vicious.

01:27:08.000 It was vicious.

01:27:10.000 These cockfights are just like, they fly at each other a couple times, and then one gets like woozy, kneed, and then falls.

01:27:16.000 Is the cockfight ready?

01:27:17.000 Yeah, that looks like one.

01:27:18.000 Inside, huh?

01:27:19.000 See, the dogfighting thing, man.

01:27:21.000 That's nice.

01:27:22.000 The dogfighting thing to those people...

01:27:25.000 Mean the people that believe in it, I'm sure they would argue with you that there's no difference between dogfighting and rooster fighting.

01:27:32.000 Probably not.

01:27:33.000 Most people think there is because dogs are smarter.

01:27:35.000 It was just, but it was also bloodier.

01:27:38.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:27:39.000 It was just like more like them ripping each other's fucking everything out. 0.99

01:27:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:27:43.000 The other, the other fights are over 30 seconds and you don't even see blood most of the time.

01:27:48.000 It's just, it's just there.

01:27:49.000 Yeah.

01:27:53.000 But, yeah, in terms of animals, if I saw a dead animal on the side of the road, what would bother me more?

01:27:57.000 A dog or a rooster?

01:27:58.000 It's on YouTube?

01:27:59.000 They have cockfighting on YouTube?

01:28:00.000 The World Slasher Cup.

01:28:02.000 Oh, the World Slasher Cup.

01:28:03.000 I've been waiting for this.

01:28:04.000 Dude, I DVR'd this.

01:28:05.000 Watch, that guy's going to hit the other one in the back to move him, or he's going to pick him up and throw him towards the other one. 0.93

01:28:09.000 Is that what they do?

01:28:10.000 Yeah, they're not going at each other yet, so they have to really throw them towards each other.

01:28:13.000 So most of the time, if they put a rooster near a rooster...

01:28:15.000 See that?

01:28:15.000 He's got it tied.

01:28:17.000 Yeah, they'll come out to each other. 0.99

01:28:18.000 They're probably like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

01:28:19.000 So in their back foot... 1.00

01:28:21.000 Yeah, here we go.

01:28:21.000 Oh, then they're going at each other.

01:28:26.000 Oh my god.

01:28:27.000 And one will start pecking the other one soon.

01:28:28.000 So they're catching each other with these feet and slicing them apart.

01:28:33.000 That's their normal way of fighting, too. 1.00

01:28:35.000 See, the other one's fucked. 1.00

01:28:36.000 That one is fucked. 1.00

01:28:37.000 Oh my god, yeah. 1.00

01:28:38.000 He's down.

01:28:38.000 It's dead.

01:28:40.000 They stop it. 0.85

01:28:41.000 Oh my god, they must be both mangled though. 0.80

01:28:44.000 Yeah, he takes his blood.

01:28:46.000 Oh, they peck at him.

01:28:47.000 The ref has to choose when it's over.

01:28:50.000 He's called it.

01:28:50.000 Is it dead?

01:28:51.000 Wow. 1.00

01:28:52.000 Dude, that rooster got fucked up. 1.00

01:28:54.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

01:28:54.000 Look how fast that is. 1.00

01:28:56.000 Yeah.

01:28:56.000 So you don't even see really how it's like barbaric.

01:28:58.000 It's just quick and over.

01:29:00.000 Do you think that...

01:29:00.000 Yeah, because they're covering all those feathers.

01:29:02.000 And then they eat that one tonight.

01:29:03.000 Do they?

01:29:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:03.000 So where I saw the winner, the owner of the winner gets to eat the loser.

01:29:07.000 They take it home with him on their bike.

01:29:08.000 Whoa.

01:29:09.000 And they're eating chicken tonight.

01:29:10.000 How weird.

01:29:11.000 And do you think that rooster fights again?

01:29:13.000 I saw them sewing a rooster up.

01:29:15.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:29:17.000 They said he gets two months off, gets to live a fun life for a while, and then he'll be back in fighting. 0.99

01:29:22.000 So sometimes the winners get nothing happen to them, sometimes they get a little fucked too. 0.99

01:29:25.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:29:26.000 Sometimes they both die.

01:29:28.000 These are the rooster houses?

01:29:30.000 Wow. 1.00

01:29:32.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:29:34.000 But wait a minute, that looks like a doghouse. 1.00

01:29:36.000 This looks like what they do with pits.

01:29:38.000 Is that really roosters?

01:29:40.000 That's crazy.

01:29:41.000 Oh, they're on top of it.

01:29:42.000 And they sleep under it if it rains?

01:29:44.000 Yeah, I guess so.

01:29:45.000 The places where they fight dogs, they'll have like a giant yard and they'll have like 10 dogs plus out there on chains.

01:29:53.000 And they're all connected to these little tiny houses just like that.

01:29:57.000 It's really creepy because they're...

01:30:00.000 They're not really dogs.

01:30:01.000 I mean, they're dogs in the sense of the actual animal they are as dogs, but they're these things...

01:30:06.000 Not pet-like at all.

01:30:07.000 No, there's no pet to them.

01:30:09.000 They're these things that have been...

01:30:10.000 They're just bred to fight.

01:30:12.000 And I'm sure they can handle them.

01:30:15.000 You know, I'm sure there's like a few commands they understand.

01:30:17.000 But their life is not about being pet and loved and climbing on the bed.

01:30:22.000 They're like Khaleesi's Army. 0.98

01:30:22.000 What's their name? 0.98

01:30:23.000 What are they called, Jamie?

01:30:24.000 I don't know.

01:30:25.000 Those ones with the tics cut off.

01:30:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:30:27.000 What do they call themselves?

01:30:28.000 They were just slaves trained to fight. 0.73

01:30:31.000 They're eunuchs, but that's not what they call themselves. 1.00

01:30:34.000 The Chicago something?

01:30:36.000 No. 0.99

01:30:37.000 God damn it. 1.00

01:30:38.000 Yeah, fuck. 1.00

01:30:39.000 That show needs to come back. 1.00

01:30:40.000 It takes a while.

01:30:42.000 The Unsullied?

01:30:43.000 Unsullied.

01:30:44.000 Unsullied, the Unsullied, yeah. 0.61

01:30:45.000 Yeah, that's what those dogs are.

01:30:46.000 They're like Unsullied.

01:30:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:30:48.000 Well, they just, they have their dicks and balls, though. 1.00

01:30:52.000 The unsullied, the problem with those guys is they've been neutered so they can't fight that good because they don't have any testosterone. 1.00

01:30:56.000 Yeah.

01:30:57.000 These dogs have everything.

01:30:58.000 They're ready to rock and roll.

01:30:59.000 They just live to fight.

01:31:01.000 And that moment that they get to fight is like the only thing they're looking forward to.

01:31:05.000 And they're brief and like really miserable existence.

01:31:07.000 So the more they exercise them, the more they...

01:31:10.000 Just train him and get him ramped up.

01:31:12.000 They're just prepping him for this one moment where he gets to do what he actually wants to do.

01:31:16.000 What he's made to do in life.

01:31:18.000 It's not even his fault.

01:31:19.000 It's like that dog's bred that way.

01:31:21.000 They've encouraged that behavior, like, generation after generation, by careful selection, culling dogs that don't fit the criteria.

01:31:30.000 Like, it's one of the reasons why people love pit bulls so much. 0.98

01:31:33.000 Like, once you have a pit bull, other dogs seem so dumb. 0.98

01:31:36.000 Because they're so smart? 0.99

01:31:37.000 They're so tuned into you.

01:31:39.000 And they're like...

01:31:40.000 Remember Squeaky Fromm?

01:31:42.000 Uh-huh. 0.82

01:31:43.000 She was like a little demon. 1.00

01:31:44.000 She was like tuned into me and she would lock onto me. 0.84

01:31:46.000 But if any other dog got anywhere near her and tried to take my attention, she would kill it in front of me. 0.93

01:31:53.000 Really? 0.99

01:31:53.000 She would just want it dead. 0.99

01:31:54.000 It's like, get the fuck away from him! 1.00

01:31:56.000 Really? 0.99

01:31:57.000 Yeah, they're very intense and tuned into you.

01:31:59.000 Jesus.

01:32:00.000 And a lot of people like it.

01:32:01.000 Well, I got her.

01:32:02.000 She was already a... 1.00

01:32:03.000 She was a pound dog. 1.00

01:32:04.000 I got her.

01:32:05.000 She was like 11 months old.

01:32:06.000 She was cut up.

01:32:08.000 She had definitely been in some sort of a fight, whether it's an organized one or something.

01:32:12.000 But she was a mess from the moment I got her. 1.00

01:32:14.000 She was just such a cute little dog.

01:32:16.000 And loved you to death.

01:32:18.000 Just couldn't leave you alone.

01:32:20.000 Want to sit right next to you, put her head in your lap. 1.00

01:32:22.000 Just a big sweetie.

01:32:24.000 Just the sweetest dog ever.

01:32:25.000 But like, these eyes.

01:32:27.000 There's like, they had like, ready to die for you eyes.

01:32:31.000 Is that the one you had to put down?

01:32:32.000 Yeah.

01:32:33.000 She killed my other dog. 1.00

01:32:35.000 Yeah.

01:32:37.000 Yeah.

01:32:38.000 It's not good. 1.00

01:32:39.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:32:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:41.000 The nature is not their fault.

01:32:44.000 I mean, they've essentially been selected over many, many, many, many generations to be incredibly dog aggressive, incredibly prey-driven, and almost impervious to reacting to pain.

01:32:57.000 That's what's so terrifying about them, is that they don't care.

01:33:00.000 They like to fight.

01:33:02.000 They're not worried about getting hurt.

01:33:03.000 They're looking forward to this.

01:33:04.000 They want to do it.

01:33:05.000 They're wagging their tail and they're biting each other.

01:33:07.000 It's crazy.

01:33:09.000 They wag their tails.

01:33:10.000 They're locked faces on each other, and their tails are wagging back and forth.

01:33:14.000 Like they're having the greatest time.

01:33:16.000 I saw a thing for some, like, OC County fair. 1.00

01:33:21.000 They train their dogs to do tricks and shit. 0.99

01:33:23.000 And they said they've gotten to the point where, this reminds me of this, where the treat they get for crashing the Frisbee eventually becomes the Frisbee. 0.99

01:33:33.000 So, like, they're trying to catch, like, cool, I got to grab that frisbee.

01:33:36.000 Thank you.

01:33:36.000 And I can throw it again.

01:33:37.000 So, like, I got to grab the frisbee again.

01:33:39.000 You know? 0.99

01:33:40.000 Instead of, like, I got the frisbee so I can get this fucking piece of meat. 0.99

01:33:42.000 Right, right, right. 0.99

01:33:43.000 So it seems like those dogs, too, it's like, oh, I did the task.

01:33:46.000 Thank you for letting me do that.

01:33:47.000 Yeah.

01:33:47.000 That's what I wanted to do.

01:33:49.000 They get those working dogs.

01:33:51.000 You ever been around like a real working German Shepherd? 0.81

01:33:54.000 No.

01:33:54.000 Dude, they're so intense.

01:33:56.000 They're like a live wire.

01:33:58.000 First of all, they're like a real big German Shepherd.

01:34:03.000 It's probably like...

01:34:06.000 I want to say like 90 pounds.

01:34:09.000 Google what's a big German Shepherd.

01:34:11.000 It's not the hugest dog in the world.

01:34:13.000 They're not like a Mastiff. 1.00

01:34:15.000 But they are so fast and they're so taut. 0.97

01:34:19.000 They're just like fucking ready to go. 0.99

01:34:22.000 Ready to go and looking at you. 0.99

01:34:24.000 And this dude was demonstrating different...

01:34:27.000 He trains dogs for the police department.

01:34:29.000 He was demonstrating different things.

01:34:31.000 71 pounds is a big one.

01:34:33.000 Oh, adult male, 88 pounds.

01:34:35.000 So yeah, close to 90 pounds.

01:34:36.000 I got attacked by one of those wearing a suit once.

01:34:39.000 Dude!

01:34:40.000 It's so strong.

01:34:41.000 Oh, they're so strong.

01:34:42.000 They just keep wriggling your hand until you're on the ground.

01:34:45.000 They're just so fast.

01:34:47.000 And you've got to think.

01:34:48.000 They're so fast.

01:34:49.000 They're on you.

01:34:50.000 They let them go, like, jump.

01:34:52.000 Now think that, right?

01:34:53.000 That's a 90-pound animal. 0.93

01:34:55.000 Now think of a wolf.

01:34:56.000 Yeah.

01:34:56.000 Double that.

01:34:57.000 Oh, wow.

01:34:58.000 Double that and have it more athletic, stronger, much harder bite. 0.71

01:35:03.000 You ever seen a wolf in the wild?

01:35:04.000 No.

01:35:04.000 Almost.

01:35:05.000 I think I might have, but it was so dark, I could only see that it was some sort of a dog-like creature that was running across the dirt road ahead of us while we were in hunting camp waiting to get picked up.

01:35:15.000 Wow.

01:35:16.000 Yeah.

01:35:18.000 Nervous!

01:35:18.000 Yeah.

01:35:19.000 A little bit.

01:35:20.000 Yeah, when you're standing outside in grizzly country and there's wolves.

01:35:24.000 So you can't wander off to go piss. 0.99

01:35:25.000 No fucking way. 0.99

01:35:26.000 You all have to be together. 1.00

01:35:27.000 You have to be together and you both have to be paying attention.

01:35:30.000 And you should talk.

01:35:31.000 And since it's out, it's late at night, you don't have to even worry about whispering.

01:35:35.000 Like, you're not trying to scare anything, you're trying to let things know that you're there.

01:35:39.000 Oh, right.

01:35:41.000 So they're not surprised by you.

01:35:42.000 Not surprised by you.

01:35:44.000 They hear you coming.

01:35:45.000 They can avoid you if they choose to.

01:35:47.000 But if something decides that it's gonna come towards you, look at the size of these wolves. 0.99

01:35:51.000 Goddamn. 0.99

01:35:51.000 Dude, if you saw a wolf in the woods... 0.99

01:35:53.000 They killed it.

01:35:53.000 I wouldn't even trust that would think it was dead.

01:35:56.000 I know.

01:35:57.000 I'd be like, ah, man.

01:35:58.000 Look at the size of these things.

01:35:59.000 Wow.

01:36:00.000 These are enormous wolves.

01:36:01.000 Oh, that's the dead one?

01:36:02.000 The one in the top middle?

01:36:03.000 You know what's really interesting?

01:36:04.000 These wolves that you're seeing, although they're all just wolves, these wolves are wolves from Canada.

01:36:10.000 And it's one of the reasons why they're so big.

01:36:12.000 One of the reasons why they've been so devastating to elk populations and deer populations.

01:36:18.000 Oh, look at that one's got deer in his mouth. 1.00

01:36:19.000 Half a fucking carcass. 1.00

01:36:20.000 Yeah, a leg. 1.00

01:36:21.000 Just a leg with a...

01:36:23.000 Dude.

01:36:24.000 He looks thin, too.

01:36:25.000 They're so powerful.

01:36:27.000 They're just incredibly powerful, incredibly cunning killers that act in packs.

01:36:32.000 And love the snow.

01:36:33.000 They love it. 1.00

01:36:34.000 They can do shit in the snow where other animals are fucked. 1.00

01:36:38.000 Like, they can run through the snow. 1.00

01:36:39.000 They thrive in ridiculous cold environments.

01:36:43.000 Because that's when other animals are vulnerable.

01:36:45.000 And they can wreak havoc on them. 0.98

01:36:48.000 They're a crazy animal, man. 0.99

01:36:50.000 But they look like a dog. 0.99

01:36:51.000 So we have this weird connection with them.

01:36:54.000 Where we think of them as dogs.

01:36:55.000 Like, it's our friend.

01:36:56.000 It's Mr. Fluffy.

01:36:58.000 Because they're shaped the same way.

01:36:59.000 Exactly.

01:36:59.000 I mean, they do look nice.

01:37:00.000 Yeah.

01:37:01.000 And when you see them alone, you're like, oh, if that was, you know, with no scale.

01:37:04.000 If I can remember, I'll tell you this bit I'm doing about it.

01:37:07.000 About wolves.

01:37:08.000 It was a real encounter I had with a dog and a wolf.

01:37:12.000 Where a dog met a wolf for the first time.

01:37:14.000 Really?

01:37:14.000 Yeah.

01:37:15.000 I'll tell you later.

01:37:15.000 Okay.

01:37:17.000 But that animal is not the same animal that used to be here.

01:37:21.000 They killed a bunch of wolves, so they had to reintroduce wolves to try to bring the population back.

01:37:25.000 Oh, really?

01:37:25.000 But when they reintroduced wolves, they brought them in from Canada.

01:37:28.000 They're way bigger.

01:37:30.000 Canadian moose are bigger.

01:37:32.000 Canadian people are bigger. 0.50

01:37:35.000 Polar bears. 1.00

01:37:36.000 It's a fucking hardier climate up there, man. 0.99

01:37:38.000 You get a different sort of an animal. 0.99

01:37:40.000 Oh, they got the wrong ones. 0.68

01:37:41.000 They got a big-ass wolf.

01:37:42.000 It was way bigger.

01:37:43.000 So you can't ever just go off because they'll wait for you to be alone.

01:37:47.000 Well, they definitely could if they chose to.

01:37:49.000 Most of the time they avoid the fuck out of people. 0.99

01:37:51.000 They seem to know that if they fuck up and do something to people, then bullets start coming and then everybody dies. 0.99

01:37:57.000 They're smart enough to kind of understand that. 1.00

01:38:00.000 They're not smart.

01:38:01.000 They wouldn't do anything that you would think would be extraordinary for an animal.

01:38:07.000 It's not like they have superhuman powers.

01:38:09.000 But they have an unusual ability to plan and coordinate.

01:38:13.000 And they talk to each other.

01:38:15.000 They yell out and talk to each other.

01:38:17.000 And they give locations.

01:38:18.000 And they all kind of intuitively understand what the task is.

01:38:22.000 But when they're operating together, it's pretty stunning to watch, man.

01:38:26.000 I've watched a bunch of videos.

01:38:27.000 Never in real life, obviously.

01:38:29.000 But a bunch of videos of them coordinating an attack on animals.

01:38:34.000 Dude, it's amazing.

01:38:35.000 We heard we're at a...

01:38:36.000 Which campsite?

01:38:38.000 Malibu Cook State Park.

01:38:40.000 You heard coyotes or wolves?

01:38:41.000 Coyotes.

01:38:42.000 But I just like the way they were sort of talking to each other, too.

01:38:45.000 We saw...

01:38:47.000 A skunk.

01:38:48.000 At first, we sort of smelled one, and we heard two coyotes kind of like yelping.

01:38:53.000 And we're like, they got sprayed by a skunk.

01:38:55.000 Wow.

01:38:55.000 For sure.

01:38:56.000 We're just filling this in.

01:38:57.000 We have no idea.

01:38:57.000 But it really seemed like that.

01:38:59.000 Hearing them going, just a couple of them.

01:39:01.000 And then later, we saw a skunk.

01:39:05.000 Tried to spray us.

01:39:06.000 Didn't have much.

01:39:07.000 We think that's the same skunk that like sprayed out, and now he's got nothing left in the tank.

01:39:11.000 Does that work like that?

01:39:12.000 I don't know.

01:39:13.000 This is what we all think.

01:39:15.000 And then, like, a little bit later, this guy kind of, like, came at us, but didn't, like...

01:39:19.000 He tried to spray.

01:39:20.000 He got the dog.

01:39:21.000 My friend Mervis.

01:39:22.000 Do you know Mervis?

01:39:23.000 I think so.

01:39:24.000 Front bartender.

01:39:24.000 Yeah, okay.

01:39:25.000 They got his dog, but just, like, a little bit.

01:39:27.000 Just bit it?

01:39:28.000 No, just like with a little bit of like spray, but like not much.

01:39:31.000 Not enough where it was like terrible.

01:39:32.000 Just bad.

01:39:33.000 And then we heard like 10 or 15 coyotes all howling.

01:39:37.000 They'll bite you too, right?

01:39:38.000 A skunk's a predator.

01:39:39.000 Yeah, he was coming out of his bare teeth and stuff.

01:39:41.000 I had a skunk trying to get into my chicken coop.

01:39:43.000 Really?

01:39:43.000 Yeah, and then I read about him like that's one of the things they eat.

01:39:45.000 They'll eat chickens. 1.00

01:39:46.000 That makes sense.

01:39:47.000 Yeah.

01:39:47.000 Yeah, the spray is for self-defense, not offense.

01:39:50.000 Wow. 0.99

01:39:51.000 But they'll fuck you up. 1.00

01:39:53.000 Imagine getting fucked up by a skunk. 1.00

01:39:55.000 Like, he fucks you up and you smell like shit. 1.00

01:39:58.000 And you have to, like, heal your wounds and nobody wants to help you. 1.00

01:40:01.000 Yeah, I mean, imagine if, like, you got in a fizz fight with a skunk in your backyard and he zaps you and then bites the fuck out of you. 0.95

01:40:06.000 Scraped up and rabies. 0.98

01:40:07.000 And he jumps over your fence and you run inside, you're covered in blood and you're like, oh my god, this skunk bit the fuck out of my face. 0.99

01:40:13.000 And your wife's like, get up! 1.00

01:40:13.000 Out of here! 1.00

01:40:14.000 You smell like shit. 1.00

01:40:16.000 Get away! 1.00

01:40:17.000 She doesn't even care. 0.89

01:40:18.000 Oh my god, you have to wash yourself outside.

01:40:20.000 It's cold outside.

01:40:21.000 Get out! 0.98

01:40:22.000 You smell like skunk. 0.96

01:40:24.000 Oh my god, I'm never gonna clean this up. 0.97

01:40:25.000 Oh my god, this house is gonna smell like skunk forever. 0.91

01:40:27.000 I'm so mad at you. 0.61

01:40:28.000 You're mad at me? 1.00

01:40:30.000 I got fucked up by a skunk. 1.00

01:40:33.000 Imagine a skunk biting your dick. 1.00

01:40:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:35.000 It's a skunk. 1.00

01:40:37.000 Oh, you're like this. 1.00

01:40:38.000 You love fucking creatures. 1.00

01:40:40.000 On my trip, I saw Komodo dragons. 1.00

01:40:42.000 Oh, in the flesh?

01:40:44.000 Yeah.

01:40:44.000 Out in the wild?

01:40:45.000 Yeah.

01:40:45.000 You went hunting them.

01:40:47.000 Not to kill, but just to find them. 1.00

01:40:49.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:40:50.000 To what? 1.00

01:40:51.000 What?

01:40:52.000 I found out later you're not supposed to do that.

01:40:53.000 Jesus Christ, boy.

01:40:53.000 But I didn't know, man.

01:40:54.000 I was real close and I just touched one.

01:40:56.000 No.

01:40:57.000 Yeah.

01:40:58.000 Oh my god, dude, that's so scary.

01:40:59.000 He was sort of walking away and it was like, it's so close.

01:41:01.000 And I was like, just grabbed.

01:41:03.000 Yeah, they had these guys with weird pointed like V-sticks, like long sticks with like a little tip at the end that like can like put... 0.94

01:41:10.000 It's weird, but this one guy we had was like way into snakes and reptiles and shit.

01:41:14.000 He's like, let's go hunt. 0.99

01:41:15.000 Let's go find them.

01:41:16.000 We went out into the brush.

01:41:18.000 I wonder if a Komodo dragon was the inspiration for that thing that the alien would do from the movie Ridley Scott movie Alien where it would open its mouth and all the slime and everything.

01:41:28.000 They have all this bacteria in their mouths. 0.98

01:41:30.000 Yeah.

01:41:30.000 Like supposedly if you get bit you're still gonna lose your leg.

01:41:33.000 We've gone over this at least twice and I always forget which it is.

01:41:37.000 That they used to think that it was a toxin and now they think it's bacteria or they used to think it was bacteria and now they think it's a toxin.

01:41:43.000 Well, I read bacteria.

01:41:45.000 Yeah, it's like a botulism.

01:41:47.000 Yeah.

01:41:47.000 There's something...

01:41:48.000 Lots of different types of bacteria in their saliva.

01:41:50.000 And it's toxic.

01:41:51.000 Yeah.

01:41:51.000 And they know it.

01:41:52.000 And so they'll bite an animal and fuck it up and then they'll follow it around. 0.99

01:41:56.000 So I was reading this thing about a water buffalo that this Komodo dragon attacked. 0.99

01:42:00.000 They saw it bite it and then it followed it for like two days.

01:42:03.000 Really?

01:42:04.000 Just waiting for it to croak.

01:42:05.000 Oh, so this guy I met in somewhere deep in...

01:42:09.000 Okay, so it's the island of Flores.

01:42:11.000 Is where you can sort of like be?

01:42:13.000 That's where the Hobbit people were. 1.00

01:42:15.000 Flores?

01:42:16.000 Yeah.

01:42:16.000 In Indonesia?

01:42:17.000 Yeah.

01:42:18.000 Really?

01:42:18.000 Yeah.

01:42:19.000 What do you mean the Hobbit people?

01:42:20.000 There's little Hobbit people that they discovered. 0.99

01:42:22.000 Oh, really?

01:42:23.000 Dude, they discovered that within the last... 0.99

01:42:25.000 Shit, I want to say 14,000 years ago? 0.99

01:42:29.000 Is that what it was? 0.99

01:42:30.000 Within the last 14,000 years, somewhere in that range, humans shared time on Earth with another kind of human being.

01:42:38.000 This little tiny three-foot-tall human being that had completely different features than us.

01:42:43.000 Yeah, really conscious.

01:42:44.000 Homo floriensis or florensis.

01:42:47.000 And that was the flora.

01:42:47.000 What's that?

01:42:47.000 12,000 years ago.

01:42:48.000 12,000 years ago, yeah.

01:42:49.000 Oh, that's nothing.

01:42:50.000 Okay, that's nothing.

01:42:51.000 12,000 years ago.

01:42:52.000 Like, I'm...

01:42:53.000 I mean, I'm trying to imagine that those people were just like us 12,000 years ago, and they were a tiny little thing, almost like a cross between a human and a chimp. 1.00

01:43:04.000 They don't really know exactly what their skin color was or what they look like.

01:43:07.000 They put it next to a drawing of a full-grown, like, now man, and he's shredded.

01:43:11.000 Yeah, he's jacked.

01:43:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:13.000 I'm gonna fuck this little thing. 1.00

01:43:14.000 Perfect muscles, doesn't ever eat fast food. 1.00

01:43:16.000 Throw some dick into this little critter. 1.00

01:43:18.000 Wow. 1.00

01:43:19.000 There was even speculation that they had eaten humans or attacked humans.

01:43:24.000 Do you think they bred with us and that's why they're shorter out in Asia?

01:43:27.000 How dare you?

01:43:28.000 No?

01:43:28.000 That's what it looks like.

01:43:29.000 See that one, the drawing on the far left, Jamie, with the guy holding the spear?

01:43:33.000 That's what they think he looked like.

01:43:34.000 There's a full-sized version of that.

01:43:36.000 See if you can find that.

01:43:38.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:43:39.000 So these were like almost like what we were like, I guess, when we were on our way up the food chain.

01:43:46.000 And they just developed differently, so they sort of stayed.

01:43:49.000 Yeah.

01:43:49.000 Wow.

01:43:51.000 Australopithecus or something like that, like one of our earliest ancestors.

01:43:54.000 Yeah, it's real close to Australia.

01:43:56.000 Yeah.

01:43:57.000 Well, Australopithecus is like a modern human, but like one of the first versions, I think, I want to say a million years ago, but I'm probably just making that number up.

01:44:07.000 But, you know, human beings in this form, they don't know the exact number, obviously, but they think we've been around in this form for only about a quarter million years.

01:44:16.000 Give or take.

01:44:17.000 The Komodo dragons have venom.

01:44:19.000 They do have venom.

01:44:21.000 Thank you.

01:44:21.000 Okay, so they used to think it was bacteria, and now they think it was venom.

01:44:24.000 I gotta show you this picture.

01:44:24.000 I saw one on a rock, and you go right behind some leaves and some branches, so you get up close to them, and it's still sort of scary, because you could probably get through the branches, but probably not.

01:44:36.000 And you can just take a picture from that close, all the saliva's coming out.

01:44:41.000 I'll show you this at the store one night.

01:44:43.000 Can you imagine the horror that you would feel if a kimono dragon was clamped down on your calf and you felt all that hot poison going into your body and you were trying to get away and you broke free with a big chunk taken out of your calf and it's about to leap on you and you're trying to run away with a limp.

01:45:04.000 You're hobbling away and screaming no and no and running through the bushes and you look back and you see it just taking its time walking towards you.

01:45:11.000 Three of them coming towards you.

01:45:11.000 Taking its time because it knows it doesn't have to chase you.

01:45:14.000 Just tracks you.

01:45:14.000 Because you can't go far.

01:45:16.000 You're all fucked up now. 1.00

01:45:18.000 So wait. 1.00

01:45:19.000 Oh yeah.

01:45:19.000 There they are.

01:45:20.000 So beautiful. 1.00

01:45:21.000 And you know eventually it's going to catch you sick and shivering and it's just going to start eating your asshole first. 1.00

01:45:25.000 They get these things. 1.00

01:45:29.000 Yeah, they just bite him in the legs and shit. 0.99

01:45:32.000 But they gotta be careful they don't get stomped. 1.00

01:45:33.000 He smells with his tongue.

01:45:35.000 Jesus Christ.

01:45:37.000 They use the tongue to smell. 1.00

01:45:38.000 What a creepy fucking creature. 1.00

01:45:40.000 A giant... 1.00

01:45:41.000 Yeah, so these buffalo, they're not natural to the area.

01:45:43.000 Look at that.

01:45:44.000 They've been added in. 0.99

01:45:46.000 So they don't know what the fuck this- Oh, they've been added in to feed them? 0.99

01:45:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:45:49.000 Oh my god! 0.99

01:45:50.000 So they grow and shit, but then they die. 0.99

01:45:51.000 So they go to the watering hole, and the Komodo dragons know that they're gonna go to the watering hole, and they just fucking wait for him. 0.99

01:45:56.000 And so he jacked him on the leg, and then he's slowly making his way towards him. 0.69

01:46:01.000 Imagine if that was you, and you had to see that thing walking up the bank towards you.

01:46:05.000 Some guy got killed.

01:46:06.000 You'd be like, no, I'm a person.

01:46:08.000 You're not supposed to eat me.

01:46:10.000 I can think and I can reason and I'm progressive and I have health insurance.

01:46:14.000 I have two credit cards.

01:46:17.000 They killed a kid.

01:46:18.000 I have to call someone. 0.96

01:46:19.000 Don't eat me yet.

01:46:20.000 I have to make a call.

01:46:22.000 Hold on, let me get this text.

01:46:23.000 Don't eat me yet.

01:46:24.000 I have to check my Facebook. 1.00

01:46:27.000 Don't fucking eat me! 1.00

01:46:28.000 I'm checking Twitter! 1.00

01:46:29.000 Look, there's a bunch of them around that one. 1.00

01:46:30.000 Just going asshole first. 1.00

01:46:33.000 And you're feeling all the blood rush out of your body while this creepy lizard's chewing on your butt. 1.00

01:46:38.000 They eat everything except those boar's heads because of the horns. 0.99

01:46:42.000 Really?

01:46:43.000 That's not a boar, I mean an ox.

01:46:45.000 If they get a boar, they finish the skulls too.

01:46:47.000 Jesus Christ.

01:46:48.000 They eat the skulls? 0.95

01:46:50.000 Everything. 0.99

01:46:50.000 So just those fucking, what they're called, heads are the only ones left because of the horns. 0.99

01:46:54.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:46:55.000 Fuck them up on the inside. 1.00

01:46:55.000 So they eat the bones? 1.00

01:46:56.000 Yeah, they killed the kid.

01:46:57.000 They ate his stomach out.

01:46:58.000 He went to pee, but alone.

01:47:00.000 And they're like, oh, this one's by himself.

01:47:02.000 So this guy I met in Flores, in DeFlores, his guide found a boar that had been bitten and was dying in the bushes. 0.99

01:47:09.000 And so he was like, hey, you guys want to see some shit? 0.95

01:47:12.000 So this boar was kind of like, uh, like this, the venom had started to catch up. 0.99

01:47:15.000 And he took him, he dragged him to the watering hole and he threw it in there.

01:47:18.000 And they just ripped the shreds in front of them.

01:47:20.000 He showed me this video he made. 0.81

01:47:21.000 It was so fucking cool. 0.99

01:47:23.000 Jesus. 0.98

01:47:24.000 What is, look at the size of the bone that guy's eating.

01:47:26.000 Yeah, they're all on something.

01:47:29.000 Oh my god.

01:47:30.000 Look at that.

01:47:30.000 There's something about them.

01:47:32.000 The cold, unfeeling look in their eyes, like when he opens his mouth and you see all those teeth.

01:47:38.000 Saliva.

01:47:38.000 Ugh.

01:47:39.000 But that eye.

01:47:40.000 Yeah.

01:47:40.000 I mean, that's a real creature.

01:47:42.000 All black. 0.97

01:47:42.000 That's a thinking creature that's trying to eat you. 0.97

01:47:47.000 It's trying to eat either you or a buffalo.

01:47:49.000 It eats a water buffalo, man. 0.99

01:47:51.000 It doesn't use knives.

01:47:53.000 It's not using...

01:47:54.000 There's no fork.

01:47:56.000 There's no bullets. 1.00

01:47:57.000 It's eating a goddamn water buffalo. 1.00

01:47:59.000 So we're going through waist-high grass trying to find these things. 0.99

01:48:03.000 And then you see one pop its head up.

01:48:05.000 It's there!

01:48:06.000 It's there!

01:48:06.000 And you've got to get behind it and try to force it down the mountain.

01:48:09.000 No!

01:48:09.000 But there's other ones around, so you've got to stay close, keep your eyes up.

01:48:13.000 It was pretty cool, man.

01:48:14.000 You would love that.

01:48:14.000 No, I wouldn't.

01:48:15.000 You're into monsters like that.

01:48:16.000 You would love that. 0.90

01:48:17.000 I'd be terrified.

01:48:18.000 I don't want to be around them, man.

01:48:20.000 Why are you around them?

01:48:21.000 Oh, it was so cool.

01:48:22.000 Well, I found out when I was in Bali and I was like, I'll probably go to somewhere else from there.

01:48:25.000 And then this guy from Jakarta was like, you know, you're right next to the Komodo dragons. 0.83

01:48:29.000 You can do that.

01:48:29.000 I was like, what?

01:48:31.000 That's here? 1.00

01:48:32.000 And it was just a couple of boats and you're fucking there. 0.99

01:48:35.000 Wow. 1.00

01:48:36.000 Dude, fuck that. 1.00

01:48:38.000 No, man. 1.00

01:48:39.000 What if they got you?

01:48:39.000 You would love it.

01:48:40.000 They almost got Sharon...

01:48:41.000 What's her name?

01:48:42.000 Sharon Stone?

01:48:43.000 Sharon Stone's husband?

01:48:45.000 Really?

01:48:45.000 Yeah.

01:48:46.000 What do you mean they almost got him?

01:48:47.000 He was a newspaper man.

01:48:48.000 He was like a reporter.

01:48:51.000 And?

01:48:51.000 Or a journalist, rather.

01:48:53.000 And he went to do something in a cage with Komodo dragons and he had socks on. 0.99

01:48:58.000 And the fucking thing thought it's white foot. 0.99

01:49:01.000 It was a zoo. 1.00

01:49:02.000 Oh, really?

01:49:02.000 And he went and got him?

01:49:03.000 What do you mean?

01:49:04.000 Bit his foot. 0.99

01:49:05.000 Bit the fuck out of his foot.

01:49:08.000 Dude went to the hospital. 0.95

01:49:11.000 Crushing his big toe while thrashing his body around.

01:49:13.000 Yeah.

01:49:14.000 What?

01:49:15.000 He had to undergo foot surgery.

01:49:16.000 Oh.

01:49:17.000 Come on, son.

01:49:19.000 Yeah.

01:49:20.000 Oh, it was a shoeless foot.

01:49:21.000 Oh, I thought it was a sock.

01:49:23.000 Crushing his big toe.

01:49:24.000 Ouchie, wah-wah. 0.97

01:49:25.000 Oh, the zookeeper asked him to remove his white tennis shoes to keep the five-foot-long reptile from mistaking them for white rats.

01:49:33.000 It's like, hey, yo, dude, take your shoes off.

01:49:35.000 You'll be cool.

01:49:35.000 Don't worry about it.

01:49:36.000 As long as it knows...

01:49:37.000 And then they attack that foot.

01:49:39.000 It's like, why'd you tell me to take the shoe off?

01:49:40.000 Can you imagine?

01:49:41.000 At least I had a shoe on.

01:49:42.000 The feeling he must have had as that thing is biting his foot.

01:49:46.000 Natsuki must have been like, I'm really sorry about that.

01:49:48.000 He had severed tendons.

01:49:50.000 They had to reattach severed tendons and rebuild his big toe that was crushed by the dragon's jaws.

01:49:56.000 Jesus.

01:49:57.000 You have to piss again?

01:49:58.000 Yeah, man.

01:49:58.000 Hey, do you have enough room in that?

01:49:59.000 I have enough room.

01:50:00.000 This has got to be a half one.

01:50:01.000 Come on, man.

01:50:02.000 You sure?

01:50:02.000 Yeah, but there's only a little bit left because I had to pitch it back in.

01:50:05.000 Don't overspill.

01:50:06.000 Don't overflow.

01:50:07.000 I won't overflow.

01:50:08.000 You're peeing.

01:50:09.000 Professional this man, but here's the thing about animals like kimono dragons and wolves.

01:50:13.000 I love the fact that they're real. 0.99

01:50:15.000 Yeah, it's one of the things that makes life Fascinating is that there are these Ruthless merciless predators Jamie's shielding his eyes from Harry's dick. 0.96

01:50:28.000 Oh The image want to just put the image on me for a second educational You don't want to show his Jamie, could you get away with doing this on YouTube or Instagram? 0.99

01:50:38.000 We might be in trouble just because we mentioned that you're peeing.

01:50:42.000 What?

01:50:42.000 That level of censorship on the internet?

01:50:44.000 No way.

01:50:45.000 Here's the deal, dude. 1.00

01:50:45.000 Do you know that if you whipped your dick out and took a leak in front of a school, you'd be charged as a sex molester? 1.00

01:50:50.000 Dude, I do that all the time, and thank you for telling me because I will stop. 1.00

01:50:53.000 Yeah, for real.

01:50:54.000 Like, say if you're walking past the school and you're like, God, I gotta take a leak, and you just innocently walk towards a patch of trees, and you piss there, and someone from the school calls the police. 0.99

01:51:03.000 Because you had your dick out? 1.00

01:51:04.000 You have your dick out in front of a school. 1.00

01:51:05.000 You can't go like, oh, come on, guys, you know what I was doing. 1.00

01:51:07.000 I know a dude who got charged with that.

01:51:10.000 I know somebody who, well, we both know somebody who was hooking up with a girl on school property late at night. 0.99

01:51:15.000 They needed a place to pull over so they could fuck in the car. 0.99

01:51:18.000 Oh. 0.99

01:51:18.000 But since it was on school property. 0.99

01:51:20.000 But it was fucking 2 a.m., you know? 0.99

01:51:22.000 Yeah, they're trying to discourage that. 0.99

01:51:24.000 Well, yeah, I get that.

01:51:25.000 They don't want her condoms thrown out the window.

01:51:27.000 Just showing up for school in the morning, dropping your kid off.

01:51:30.000 Your kid slips and breaks her hip because she stepped on a condom. 0.95

01:51:36.000 Those little shiny school shoes that kids wear with the hard bottoms don't get good traction.

01:51:41.000 Whoop!

01:51:42.000 So aren't there rules about doing stuff within a thousand feet of school?

01:51:46.000 Yeah, stuff like that.

01:51:47.000 There's so many schools in Hollywood. 0.99

01:51:48.000 There's gotta be so much shit happening within a thousand feet of them. 0.99

01:51:51.000 Wasn't that one of the issues, too, with pot shops? 0.99

01:51:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:55.000 Oh, they can't open up, that's how they, yeah, fucked with them, too. 1.00

01:51:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:51:58.000 You can't be anywhere near this or that. 0.99

01:52:00.000 School or church.

01:52:00.000 The church part's hilarious.

01:52:02.000 It's like, uh-huh.

01:52:03.000 If that's really the case.

01:52:04.000 I wonder if that really is still the case.

01:52:07.000 But I get it, though.

01:52:08.000 If you really believed and you really believed that your church was sacred and important to you, you wouldn't want, like, one door down.

01:52:15.000 Yeah, maybe not one door down, but it's not all churches.

01:52:17.000 They're not the ones with the lawns like you see in the movies.

01:52:20.000 A lot of them in L.A. are just, like, in between two apartment buildings.

01:52:23.000 But also the question is, who gets to choose?

01:52:25.000 Who gets to choose that?

01:52:27.000 How much distance between a church and a liquor store?

01:52:31.000 I want to know, is selling liquor okay?

01:52:33.000 Is it okay?

01:52:34.000 It seems like it's okay.

01:52:35.000 It seems like a lot of people are doing it.

01:52:37.000 It seems like a lot of people are buying it.

01:52:38.000 It seems like we all agree.

01:52:39.000 Okay?

01:52:40.000 So if it is the case, A thousand foot radius.

01:52:44.000 Radius of a church. 0.94

01:52:45.000 Pull that up.

01:52:46.000 Go ahead.

01:52:46.000 Other rules in Detroit.

01:52:47.000 What does it say?

01:52:48.000 Shops are also prohibited from operating within a thousand foot radius of a church, school, park, liquor stores, or other dispensary or a drug free zone such as a library.

01:52:58.000 Hmm.

01:52:59.000 They also must close by 8pm.

01:53:01.000 Other dispensary.

01:53:02.000 Liquor to store.

01:53:03.000 Other dispensary.

01:53:04.000 Okay.

01:53:05.000 Okay.

01:53:05.000 This is a result of people going, well, I don't want them right next to this while I'm doing that.

01:53:09.000 But this is saying that they can't be close to a liquor store.

01:53:12.000 Like, a liquor store is the same as a church.

01:53:14.000 That's what they're saying.

01:53:15.000 Weird, you're right.

01:53:16.000 They're saying a pot shop can't be the alternative to a business that's already established.

01:53:22.000 Oh, like a liquor store.

01:53:23.000 That's what they're saying.

01:53:24.000 Don't quit booze.

01:53:26.000 Yeah.

01:53:27.000 Well, they're saying you can't be...

01:53:28.000 So, the liquor stores must have lobbied to have that put in there. 0.99

01:53:32.000 They must have figured out a way.

01:53:34.000 Is there a liquor store union?

01:53:36.000 There's a state liquor board, so yeah.

01:53:38.000 I mean...

01:53:39.000 Yeah, I mean, there's obviously...

01:53:40.000 That doesn't make sense.

01:53:41.000 Like, the church makes sense, reluctantly.

01:53:44.000 I get it, though.

01:53:45.000 It makes sense.

01:53:46.000 The school...

01:53:47.000 The liquor store doesn't make sense at all, you're right.

01:53:48.000 The school makes sense.

01:53:48.000 The liquor store doesn't make any sense.

01:53:50.000 Yeah.

01:53:50.000 Like, why can't I just walk right next door after I buy some weed and buy a beer?

01:53:55.000 Why do I have to go 500 feet further?

01:53:58.000 They don't have them here, but in Ohio, they still drive through alcohol places.

01:54:01.000 They have them in Phoenix.

01:54:04.000 Yeah, Louisiana.

01:54:06.000 Yeah, there's places where you can drive through and they'll give you mixed drinks.

01:54:09.000 Mixed drinks?

01:54:09.000 Yeah.

01:54:10.000 That's like, how are you going to justify it?

01:54:11.000 I'm not having this later.

01:54:12.000 Drive-thru bar.

01:54:14.000 It's my passenger's drink.

01:54:17.000 I wouldn't drink and drive, officer.

01:54:19.000 I don't think I looked that up.

01:54:21.000 Your passengers can drink.

01:54:23.000 Only the driver can.

01:54:25.000 Louisiana's on another level.

01:54:27.000 New Orleans is on a totally different level.

01:54:29.000 Were you with me in New Orleans when we had this driver?

01:54:32.000 For sure not. 0.99

01:54:34.000 We had this driver who's hilarious, a funny fucking dude. 0.99

01:54:37.000 I wish I could remember his name, but he was cool as shit. 0.99

01:54:39.000 We had him for a couple of days. 0.96

01:54:41.000 And when we're hanging out with this dude, he was telling me that he got pulled over outside of New Orleans because he was walking on the street with an open beer.

01:54:49.000 I forget where he was, some other city.

01:54:51.000 And they pulled him over.

01:54:53.000 And he had two beers in a paper bag.

01:54:56.000 And when they pulled him over, he was talking to the cop.

01:54:58.000 The cop's like, where are you from?

01:54:59.000 And he's talking to the cop.

01:55:01.000 He pulls out the other beer and cracks it open and starts drinking it. 0.99

01:55:04.000 And the cop's like, is there something fucking wrong with your head? 0.99

01:55:07.000 And he's like, what? 0.99

01:55:09.000 He goes, where are you from?

01:55:10.000 He goes, New Orleans.

01:55:11.000 He goes, oh, okay.

01:55:12.000 Oh, you don't know.

01:55:13.000 That's not allowed in other places.

01:55:14.000 You can't do that anywhere else.

01:55:16.000 And he's like, for real?

01:55:17.000 He's like, why?

01:55:17.000 I'm not doing anything wrong.

01:55:18.000 I'm just walking.

01:55:19.000 I forget where he was, but he was outside of New Orleans for sure.

01:55:22.000 But he was saying that he had no idea that you couldn't crack open a beer and start drinking in front of a cop when he's asking questions.

01:55:29.000 He's like, in my mind, I haven't done nothing.

01:55:30.000 That's the best about Southeast Asia. 0.99

01:55:32.000 You get a beer, you walk with it like a fucking free American. 0.99

01:55:35.000 You're just like out there. 1.00

01:55:36.000 You're not going to do anything.

01:55:37.000 Have a good time, man. 0.99

01:55:39.000 There's too many dumb young dudes that would bring drinks and splash them on people and be walking on the street with open beers and be goofy. 0.99

01:55:47.000 I guess so. 0.99

01:55:47.000 Maybe just here. 0.99

01:55:49.000 Maybe here.

01:55:50.000 But London's got a little bit of that.

01:55:52.000 They drink outside?

01:55:53.000 No, maybe not in the streets.

01:55:54.000 They drink like in outdoor pubs. 0.91

01:55:55.000 I've seen it in England, with people boozed up on the streets, beating the shit out of each other. 0.84

01:56:00.000 Well, yeah, I mean, that's gonna happen, sure.

01:56:02.000 But it's like, don't put yourself in a position where you have to fight all the time.

01:56:04.000 I wonder what the argument is for...

01:56:07.000 It's not about drinking outdoors or not.

01:56:08.000 It's about, like, don't drink so much.

01:56:10.000 Right.

01:56:11.000 Yeah, don't get so drunk that you can't control yourself.

01:56:12.000 Yeah, but you can do that in one space, or you can walk and do it.

01:56:14.000 That doesn't matter.

01:56:15.000 I wonder what the argument is for a 2 a.m.

01:56:18.000 like...

01:56:18.000 Cut-off time?

01:56:19.000 Yeah, it's over. 1.00

01:56:19.000 It's all Christian shit, dude. 1.00

01:56:21.000 Is it? 1.00

01:56:21.000 It's all remnants of Christian shit. 1.00

01:56:22.000 Who cares? 1.00

01:56:23.000 Why can't we just be up longer?

01:56:24.000 Miami, it's like 5 a.m.

01:56:26.000 New York, it's 4 or later.

01:56:28.000 A lot of places, it's not.

01:56:29.000 I've heard they're going to change it to L.A. to 4. Four?

01:56:32.000 Yeah.

01:56:33.000 I heard they're about to change that.

01:56:34.000 Maybe not.

01:56:34.000 The Comedy Store is super weird.

01:56:36.000 They'll still close it, too.

01:56:37.000 You don't have to be up until then.

01:56:38.000 Why?

01:56:39.000 Yeah, good point.

01:56:39.000 There's guys who want to go up.

01:56:40.000 Good point.

01:56:41.000 We could have some weird-ass shows, man.

01:56:43.000 I might do a 2 a.m.

01:56:44.000 set.

01:56:44.000 If they ever do that, I might book myself for a 2 a.m.

01:56:48.000 set.

01:56:48.000 Dude, the Comedy Cellar.

01:56:49.000 I go up a lot after 2 a.m.

01:56:52.000 to packed rooms.

01:56:53.000 Yeah.

01:56:54.000 Packed.

01:56:54.000 I mean, like, what time do those shows start?

01:56:56.000 They start late, but they're supposed to start at like 11.30?

01:56:58.000 And I'm up at like 145, too.

01:57:00.000 Wow.

01:57:01.000 And it's just like...

01:57:02.000 And it's hot.

01:57:03.000 It's still a great crowd, yeah.

01:57:04.000 Yeah, if those are the kind of people that are up...

01:57:06.000 Yeah, sure.

01:57:07.000 Come on.

01:57:07.000 Yeah.

01:57:08.000 There's a lot of people that are on different schedules.

01:57:10.000 Mm-hmm.

01:57:11.000 A place like New York, you can find 150 of them.

01:57:14.000 You can go up at 11.30 p.m.

01:57:15.000 and start my night.

01:57:16.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:16.000 And you'll still have a great long time.

01:57:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:57:19.000 And people in New York, like, they fucking go hard. 0.99

01:57:22.000 They go so hard. 1.00

01:57:24.000 There's so much drinking in New York.

01:57:25.000 You meet people at their show, and it's not like giving me a number.

01:57:27.000 It's like, let's go somewhere right now.

01:57:28.000 Yeah.

01:57:29.000 Let's just go to a bar.

01:57:30.000 There's 30 within walking distance.

01:57:31.000 Yeah.

01:57:32.000 Let's just talk.

01:57:34.000 Let's go somewhere.

01:57:36.000 You know, Duncan had Greg Fitzsimmons on his podcast this week, and I've only listened to the first 10 minutes or so, but Duncan was talking about how different New York is in terms of diversity and all the different cultures and people.

01:57:51.000 Yeah, he's liking it.

01:57:53.000 I've seen him a couple times.

01:57:54.000 It's been pretty fun, man.

01:57:55.000 Just be able to booze up and not have to worry about getting home.

01:57:58.000 Yeah.

01:57:59.000 He loves it.

01:58:00.000 I walk home from the stand, he takes a cab, you know, it's the normal.

01:58:03.000 Yeah.

01:58:04.000 Is he living in Brooklyn?

01:58:06.000 He's living in Brooklyn. 1.00

01:58:06.000 Of course he is, that fucking hippie. 1.00

01:58:08.000 No, that's right for him, for sure. 1.00

01:58:09.000 That's the spot.

01:58:10.000 Yeah.

01:58:10.000 Yeah, I mean, he was a Silver Lake kid, and then he went to, he's doing the same thing.

01:58:14.000 Yeah.

01:58:14.000 He's in like Williamsburg, right?

01:58:15.000 I think Park Slope. 1.00

01:58:16.000 Same shit, isn't it? 1.00

01:58:17.000 No, Williamsburg's past, like, it's over-gentrified. 1.00

01:58:21.000 Oh, it's gone too far.

01:58:22.000 So not only rich kids with style can afford it.

01:58:24.000 Ooh, I like it.

01:58:24.000 I might move in.

01:58:25.000 Yeah.

01:58:26.000 It's my style.

01:58:27.000 Yeah.

01:58:28.000 I was watching one of those house flipper shows.

01:58:31.000 Yeah.

01:58:33.000 What is the real estate?

01:58:35.000 Million Dollar Listing, that's what it's called.

01:58:37.000 Million Dollar Listing in New York.

01:58:40.000 And they had a house that was for sale in Brooklyn.

01:58:45.000 They built like a Georgia mansion in Brooklyn in like 1920. And they were trying to put mansions, like southern style mansions, in Brooklyn.

01:58:56.000 It's like an 11,000 square foot house.

01:58:58.000 I can't afford Williamsburg.

01:59:00.000 Really?

01:59:00.000 Yeah.

01:59:01.000 I thought I had to go there because I wouldn't be able to afford Manhattan.

01:59:03.000 And then I found out when I got there, I'm like, oh no, no.

01:59:05.000 Manhattan's cheaper now.

01:59:06.000 The cool parts of Manhattan where I live, it's cheaper.

01:59:08.000 Jesus.

01:59:09.000 Than the cool parts of Brooklyn.

01:59:11.000 Why is that?

01:59:13.000 This gentrification has this path.

01:59:15.000 At first you have...

01:59:17.000 Bad neighborhoods.

01:59:18.000 We're not talking about warehouse gentrifying.

01:59:19.000 That's different.

01:59:20.000 But like, you know, ethnic gentrifying.

01:59:23.000 Actually, both.

01:59:24.000 So first you have criminals or warehouses.

01:59:26.000 And then the people who are cool artists who have no money, they'll move in.

01:59:31.000 They can get a giant loft for basically nothing because you've got to worry about getting stabbed or having nothing around you.

01:59:36.000 They start adding the art to the area, making it more interesting.

01:59:40.000 Then people like Duncan and me come in.

01:59:43.000 Where we're like, we like it. 1.00

01:59:44.000 I'm not going to be the front lines of this shit. 0.99

01:59:45.000 I need some place to go get some food. 0.99

01:59:48.000 But there's still criminals around or lack of stuff.

01:59:51.000 And then the rich people who don't have style of their own, they move in and co-opt the other people's style.

01:59:56.000 And then you start getting too many coffee shops.

01:59:59.000 Then they start changing the laws to drive out the people who live there.

02:00:03.000 There's a park where they all camped out in Gowanus.

02:00:05.000 And every Sunday they would cook out there.

02:00:07.000 And they started saying, the rich people were like, the smoke is going to my windows.

02:00:11.000 So he started making laws about how you can't have cookouts.

02:00:15.000 And that pretty much just drove out the people who wanted to have that as part of their life.

02:00:20.000 You don't make the laws saying it's illegal to be ethnic, but you make laws around it.

02:00:24.000 Dude, there's a park down the street from here that we could go to.

02:00:28.000 It's like only a couple minutes away.

02:00:30.000 And if you go there on the weekends...

02:00:33.000 It's like a festival.

02:00:35.000 It's like people use those barbecue crates that they have out there.

02:00:38.000 They get down.

02:00:39.000 They set up picnic tables. 0.99

02:00:41.000 They lay out a cloth on the picnic tables and paper cups and shit. 0.98

02:00:46.000 And they got coolers. 0.99

02:00:47.000 They're pouring like Kool-Aid and shit. 0.98

02:00:49.000 They're cooking all kinds of different things on these racks. 0.99

02:00:53.000 And there's like maybe five, six families spread out in these areas that are doing that.

02:00:57.000 And then these kids are playing and everybody's running around.

02:00:59.000 It's a lot of people that live in apartments that don't have a lot.

02:01:02.000 They don't have a big backyard.

02:01:05.000 So now they just go to the park.

02:01:07.000 It's great.

02:01:08.000 And there's like this sense of community.

02:01:09.000 Everybody's laughing.

02:01:10.000 They got music playing.

02:01:12.000 People are drinking.

02:01:13.000 Yeah.

02:01:14.000 Are you allowed to drink booze in the park?

02:01:15.000 How's that work?

02:01:16.000 I don't know.

02:01:17.000 I know tailgating, you gotta use cans.

02:01:19.000 You can't use bottles.

02:01:19.000 But if you're sitting there on a picnic.

02:01:21.000 I think you can.

02:01:22.000 Can you?

02:01:22.000 I think maybe it's look the other way kind of stuff, if anything.

02:01:26.000 That would suck.

02:01:27.000 I mean, you've got to be able to have a beer.

02:01:30.000 You're having a cheeseburger in the park.

02:01:33.000 That's how I mean.

02:01:33.000 Some of these freedom laws are like, I'm not going to do anything, man.

02:01:36.000 Let me have a beer with my family.

02:01:38.000 This doesn't hurt anybody.

02:01:39.000 Well, if everyone did that, you're going to have drawings.

02:01:40.000 I'm like, yeah, but that's not me.

02:01:42.000 I'm not that, so let me do it.

02:01:44.000 What kind of diseases can you get from one of them park grills? 0.97

02:01:49.000 Who's cleaning that grill? 1.00

02:01:51.000 Dude, one of the best barbecues I ever had was on top of, in Vail, on top of the mountain. 0.98

02:01:55.000 So we were skiing, I was skiing with his chef, and he had a bunch of fucking chicken in his back, marinating in one of those bags. 0.98

02:02:01.000 What? 0.99

02:02:01.000 While he was skiing? 0.99

02:02:02.000 Yeah, so he kept shaking it up.

02:02:04.000 He's snowboarding, hitting jumps.

02:02:06.000 He's just marinating his chicken.

02:02:07.000 And then he's like, hey, you want to eat with us?

02:02:09.000 I'm like, yeah, sure.

02:02:09.000 He's like, oh, no.

02:02:10.000 I was going into the restaurant party.

02:02:11.000 He goes, no, no, out here.

02:02:12.000 Just use that thing. 1.00

02:02:13.000 And it's just grilled fucking chicken up on top of fucking the Rockies. 1.00

02:02:17.000 It was so good. 0.99

02:02:18.000 So did he have like a little grill in his pack, too?

02:02:20.000 No, they had the public grill up there.

02:02:22.000 Oh, that thing. 0.93

02:02:23.000 Yeah.

02:02:24.000 So he just got some wood and stuck it out of there?

02:02:26.000 There was just coals going, I guess.

02:02:27.000 Oh, wow.

02:02:29.000 People would like to do that up there.

02:02:31.000 Those things are so nasty. 0.73

02:02:33.000 So nasty. 0.99

02:02:34.000 Who's on birds shitting on them? 0.95

02:02:36.000 Nobody's ever cleaning them.

02:02:37.000 Nobody's ever cleaned any of those.

02:02:39.000 But I guess the idea is once the fire gets going, nothing's going to stay alive on it.

02:02:44.000 I guess?

02:02:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:46.000 When that motherfucker gets red hot to the point where you can sear a steak, nothing's surviving on that. 0.99

02:02:51.000 I mean, isn't that the whole principle behind cast iron pans? 0.99

02:02:55.000 Like you don't really wash a cast iron pan.

02:02:57.000 No, you don't.

02:02:57.000 You just sort of scratch out everything that's there, throw some water on it.

02:03:01.000 But like that dark blackness that you get from a cast iron pan, I don't know why, but when I cook on one of those, I feel like a fucking man. 0.97

02:03:09.000 Cast iron grill, man, it's the best. 0.98

02:03:09.000 I feel like a man. 0.98

02:03:11.000 A cast iron frying pan.

02:03:12.000 I feel like a man. 0.99

02:03:13.000 If you give me a choice, there's a cast iron pan and some bitch ass fucking tungsten, one of those ones that you could flip a cheeseburger without putting any non-stick. 1.00

02:03:27.000 Those are so gross. 0.99

02:03:29.000 In Myanmar, they used those non-stick pans, and a lot of that got into your food. 1.00

02:03:31.000 Because they had been cooking that shit for like 10 years on the streets. 0.99

02:03:34.000 Just scratching it. 1.00

02:03:34.000 Just street cooking. 1.00

02:03:36.000 Just fucking, here you go. 1.00

02:03:37.000 And you're like, shut off to it. 1.00

02:03:39.000 Let's go.

02:03:39.000 Just eat it.

02:03:40.000 Yeah.

02:03:40.000 It's going to come out in metal flakes.

02:03:42.000 My dog ate a packet of glitter.

02:03:45.000 Really? 1.00

02:03:46.000 And he shit glitter. 1.00

02:03:47.000 Shit glitter? 1.00

02:03:47.000 Yeah, he shit glitter. 1.00

02:03:49.000 It's like roped up in his shit. 1.00

02:03:51.000 I was going to take a picture of it and put it on Instagram, but I was thinking it's probably like... 0.99

02:03:55.000 They could probably take that down.

02:03:57.000 Get mad at you. 1.00

02:03:58.000 For shit. 1.00

02:04:00.000 I guess. 1.00

02:04:01.000 I bet they could.

02:04:02.000 I bet there's rules. 0.99

02:04:03.000 You can't show tits on Instagram. 1.00

02:04:04.000 Why? 1.00

02:04:05.000 On Twitter, it seems like you could show people fucking. 1.00

02:04:08.000 Stavros. 0.99

02:04:09.000 This guy Stavros is a comedian. 0.98

02:04:10.000 He's a fat guy. 0.97

02:04:11.000 Fat, cute, great guy. 0.98

02:04:12.000 He's on my podcast this week.

02:04:13.000 But like, he used to have...

02:04:15.000 Yeah.

02:04:16.000 It was.

02:04:17.000 But he used to take these naked pictures. 0.99

02:04:19.000 He just liked his big, fat, naked body. 0.99

02:04:21.000 Right. 0.99

02:04:21.000 Sometimes you see butt. 0.99

02:04:22.000 Never dick. 1.00

02:04:23.000 And he would just be naked with one foot in front of the other. 0.99

02:04:25.000 They were hilarious pictures.

02:04:26.000 And Instagram was like, nah.

02:04:28.000 Wow.

02:04:29.000 He's like, come on.

02:04:30.000 How rude.

02:04:31.000 Yeah.

02:04:31.000 People wrote blogs about him saying he's body positive.

02:04:36.000 Instagram deleted a comedian's accountant.

02:04:39.000 Bring back Stavvy Baby. 0.66

02:04:42.000 Stavvy Baby?

02:04:43.000 Stavvy.

02:04:44.000 S-T-A-V-V-Y. Yeah, look how funny those are. 1.00

02:04:45.000 The fucking Marrier Brothers one? 1.00

02:04:47.000 Yeah, they're funny. 1.00

02:04:49.000 You just see a butt cheek. 1.00

02:04:50.000 You don't see his asshole or anything like that. 1.00

02:04:52.000 There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. 1.00

02:04:54.000 Come on, Instagram. 1.00

02:04:55.000 A sad picture with fucking ice cream over his dick where he dropped one. 1.00

02:05:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:00.000 He's funny. 1.00

02:05:01.000 Funny pictures.

02:05:02.000 Why would that be offensive?

02:05:03.000 Like, are we that scared of nakedness?

02:05:05.000 I had one where I had to pay off a bag of bets on Punch Drunk.

02:05:08.000 A bag of bets?

02:05:09.000 Yeah.

02:05:10.000 We put bets in a hat, and so when you have like a, oh, I think so-and-so's definitely gonna win, you know?

02:05:16.000 I think Aldo's definitely gonna win.

02:05:18.000 I think the other guy's definitely gonna win.

02:05:19.000 And you're like, well, let's pick out of the hat.

02:05:21.000 So you have to do whatever the bet says.

02:05:23.000 That's what you have to do.

02:05:25.000 Wear a diaper for 24 hours. 0.95

02:05:26.000 No shitting anywhere else or pissing anywhere else except in a diaper. 0.92

02:05:29.000 One change. 0.99

02:05:30.000 One change of diaper.

02:05:31.000 Yeah, so I had to piss in one, and I did it in the shower, and I took a video of it, and YouTube was like, nope, not allowed.

02:05:39.000 Well, they were naked.

02:05:40.000 Wearing a diaper.

02:05:42.000 Fully wearing.

02:05:45.000 I think YouTube is super worried. 1.00

02:05:48.000 I hate that shit. 1.00

02:05:48.000 They're super worried about being able to put ads on things. 1.00

02:05:52.000 You know?

02:05:53.000 And being able to keep things...

02:05:56.000 It's lame, though.

02:05:57.000 It should be free.

02:05:58.000 I agree!

02:05:59.000 But who's got to pay for that infrastructure, son?

02:06:03.000 Yeah.

02:06:04.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:06:04.000 I guess so.

02:06:05.000 Can't be showing people fuck. 1.00

02:06:06.000 That would be what YouTube would become. 1.00

02:06:08.000 Not fuck! 1.00

02:06:08.000 Okay, not fuck. 1.00

02:06:08.000 You don't have penetration. 1.00

02:06:10.000 Okay, why?

02:06:10.000 You can't be free.

02:06:11.000 You're absolutely right.

02:06:11.000 Change my opinion.

02:06:12.000 Absolutely, you should be able to show fucking. 1.00

02:06:13.000 Show some sucking dick. 1.00

02:06:14.000 Yeah, parents, you want to put some blockers on there? 1.00

02:06:16.000 Go ahead.

02:06:17.000 Do you know the story of that guy Vincent Gallo?

02:06:20.000 The actor?

02:06:21.000 No.

02:06:23.000 Made a movie called Brown Bunny.

02:06:25.000 Oh yeah, he got full head. 1.00

02:06:27.000 Sucked. 1.00

02:06:28.000 She sucked it. 1.00

02:06:30.000 In Chloe Seventh-day. 1.00

02:06:33.000 And she just blew him on camera. 1.00

02:06:38.000 So she's second wave gentrification. 1.00

02:06:39.000 When she comes into your town, you know it's about to be.

02:06:42.000 You're still in it's cool and hip, but the Wall Street people are going to come in soon.

02:06:45.000 She's second wave? 1.00

02:06:46.000 Yeah.

02:06:47.000 What's first wave?

02:06:48.000 Artists, poor artists.

02:06:50.000 They afford to put up with a crime.

02:06:53.000 And then they bring a coolness factor to the area.

02:06:56.000 They use whoever's living there, the indigenous cultures.

02:07:01.000 Yeah, like what they do in downtown LA, right?

02:07:05.000 Exactly.

02:07:06.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:07:07.000 What is that shirt?

02:07:09.000 What does it say?

02:07:11.000 Cold Blue Rebels.

02:07:12.000 Cold Blue Rebels.

02:07:13.000 You know Danny Lucas, the sound guy in the main room?

02:07:15.000 Yes, yes.

02:07:15.000 It's his band.

02:07:15.000 Oh, no shit.

02:07:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:07:17.000 I love Danny. 0.99

02:07:18.000 It's a zombie rockabilly.

02:07:22.000 Zombie Billy, I guess.

02:07:24.000 Zombie rockabilly.

02:07:26.000 Yeah.

02:07:26.000 It's a pretty cool band, but I think they're breaking up.

02:07:30.000 So what's next, Ari Shafir?

02:07:31.000 Well, so I got this Netflix double special.

02:07:34.000 No, I'm good.

02:07:36.000 July 18th.

02:07:37.000 I'm building my new hour.

02:07:39.000 Want to get back in the road and see more places?

02:07:42.000 I want to see more things.

02:07:45.000 Yeah, everybody, it's going to be a great double special.

02:07:47.000 It's going to be really cool. 0.96

02:07:48.000 Now, when you're writing your new shit, like when you're doing it now, are you incorporating experiences that you had when you were on this walkabout? 0.98

02:07:57.000 I love the term walkabout. 0.99

02:07:58.000 I love the term walkabout as well.

02:08:00.000 Are you physically writing them?

02:08:02.000 Or are you having these stories that you're trying to work out on stage?

02:08:05.000 I do some of that, but my new hour is not going to be that.

02:08:08.000 So those will be like side bits.

02:08:12.000 Mostly I'm kind of hearing what Rollins said, too, about how he does it, and it's like, oh, some time to process it, you know, use it as, like, references and things, instead of, like, bits about that, you know?

02:08:23.000 Right.

02:08:24.000 You know where you have, like, just a tagline about something and not the whole bit about something?

02:08:27.000 Right, right.

02:08:29.000 So just in terms of, like, yeah, I incorporate it when it comes up, when I start thinking about it.

02:08:35.000 Bill Burr said it once, where it's like what Segura asked him a long time ago, like, how do you write a new hour?

02:08:39.000 Like, what do you write about?

02:08:41.000 He goes, I don't know.

02:08:42.000 What's on your mind?

02:08:42.000 What gets you angry?

02:08:43.000 What gets you, like, riled up when you talk about it to your friends?

02:08:46.000 Yeah.

02:08:47.000 Whatever that is.

02:08:47.000 Write about that.

02:08:48.000 Burr's got an interesting thing going on, too, because he does that podcast where he rants.

02:08:53.000 Yeah.

02:08:53.000 So it's just him ranting.

02:08:55.000 So his, like, ranting muscle and his ranting endurance, it's incredible.

02:09:00.000 I try to do that in my intros of my podcast.

02:09:02.000 Oh, that's great.

02:09:02.000 Your intros are great.

02:09:03.000 Thank you.

02:09:04.000 I appreciate it.

02:09:04.000 Really good.

02:09:05.000 I really love the one about Tom Segura and the bat and his expensive taste now.

02:09:10.000 It's very, very funny.

02:09:12.000 And that was your first one back, too.

02:09:14.000 Yeah, because I left going, like, they're chasing me out of here.

02:09:17.000 No, your narrations and those things, those are some of my favorite parts of your podcast.

02:09:21.000 You're breaking down things and getting excited about things, your enthusiasm for these things.

02:09:26.000 Yeah, I tried early on to realize, like, oh, this is where ads go.

02:09:29.000 So I don't want to make it just Addy.

02:09:31.000 Right.

02:09:32.000 But like, let's make it actual more content.

02:09:35.000 And then if you have to throw an ad in there too, fine.

02:09:37.000 But like, here's going to be some good times as well.

02:09:40.000 Yeah.

02:09:40.000 And sometimes I don't even have ads.

02:09:41.000 I still do fucking 25 minutes. 0.98

02:09:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:09:44.000 Why not?

02:09:44.000 Yeah, why not?

02:09:45.000 If it's funny.

02:09:46.000 If it's not, I'll re-record it.

02:09:47.000 They are funny and it's also, it's a different thing.

02:09:49.000 Because you're getting a chance to see you sort of unedited, just ranting.

02:09:54.000 Just thinking about stuff and talking.

02:09:56.000 Yeah.

02:09:57.000 Yeah.

02:09:58.000 Somebody told me one.

02:09:59.000 I had one after Anderson lost for the first time.

02:10:02.000 It was just part of a podcast about this girl who cuts herself.

02:10:05.000 Just talked about that.

02:10:06.000 But in the beginning, it was almost an hour on what Anderson Silva meant to me as a UFC fan.

02:10:11.000 Wow.

02:10:12.000 And how it was just this weird way to lose.

02:10:14.000 I kind of forgot about it now, but it was like...

02:10:16.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:10:18.000 It's fun.

02:10:18.000 But that went on for so long.

02:10:21.000 Yeah, well, that's something that was a real thing to you.

02:10:24.000 It meant something to you.

02:10:25.000 That's why it's interesting.

02:10:26.000 He was at my first UFC. He fought Chris Lieben, my very first UFC. I saw him become a champion.

02:10:31.000 He was like my guy. 0.97

02:10:33.000 I was at the fucking five and a half, four and a half round crazy ending to Chael. 0.99

02:10:41.000 I remember being in a ring with you and Dana and fucking Superman. 0.99

02:10:45.000 What's his name? 0.98

02:10:47.000 He won championships at heavyweight and light heavyweight.

02:10:50.000 Randy Couture.

02:10:52.000 Superman.

02:10:52.000 Whatever his name was.

02:10:53.000 What do they call him?

02:10:54.000 The Natural?

02:10:55.000 Whatever.

02:10:56.000 Superman. 1.00

02:10:56.000 I was like, what the fuck is he talking about? 1.00

02:10:59.000 He looked at me in a way like, I definitely got the wrong name, but whatever it is. 0.99

02:11:02.000 I was trying to figure out a nickname.

02:11:04.000 Like, who had the nickname Superman?

02:11:06.000 Yeah, but we're all in just a ring, and it was like, we're all talking about whatever stuff, and then one at a time, one of us, you could see them, like, thinking about how that fight ended.

02:11:12.000 Four rounds plus of dominance by one guy, and a last minute fucking triangle out of nowhere to keep this, one of the best champions of all time, still in power. 0.98

02:11:22.000 It was just so fucking nuts! 0.97

02:11:24.000 And you see, one at a time, Randy or somebody, I remember Randy doing it after someone else did it, they would just kind of go off, like you see them thinking about something, and they would just shake their head and go, whoa, my hand! 0.99

02:11:34.000 And you're like, oh, you're thinking about that fucking fight. 0.89

02:11:36.000 It was right in the hallway right afterwards. 0.99

02:11:38.000 Yeah.

02:11:38.000 God, it was crazy.

02:11:39.000 Yeah, there's a unique feeling that you get when you're recounting like a crazy event where someone knocks somebody out or chokes somebody out.

02:11:46.000 You're like, Jesus.

02:11:47.000 You got a look on your face. 1.00

02:11:48.000 How many times after the UFCs have we gone to dinner and been like, fuck. 1.00

02:11:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:11:51.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

02:11:53.000 And I saw Berg get that same look at the comedy store in the front after the baby bird.

02:12:00.000 At ONA. I saw him from far away talking.

02:12:02.000 I was like, hey, are you talking about the baby bird?

02:12:04.000 He goes, yeah.

02:12:04.000 I can tell.

02:12:05.000 I can tell the way you're doing it.

02:12:08.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:12:09.000 Yeah, so that's all I'm working on, just building my new hour, and then I can get the fuck out of this garbage dump again. 0.99

02:12:15.000 This garbage dump Los Angeles? 0.99

02:12:17.000 Is that what you're saying? 0.99

02:12:17.000 Yes, Hollywood. 0.99

02:12:18.000 How dare you?

02:12:19.000 How dare you?

02:12:20.000 This is the place where you've buttered your bread, sir.

02:12:24.000 No, I like it.

02:12:24.000 The business end makes me a little mad sometimes.

02:12:26.000 The business end.

02:12:27.000 I think, to be your friend and advisor, Yeah.

02:12:32.000 I would say it's time to remove yourself from the other side.

02:12:36.000 You no longer need to negotiate.

02:12:38.000 So it's fun to travel and stuff, is what I mean.

02:12:39.000 I think you're right.

02:12:40.000 Oh, 100%.

02:12:41.000 Listen, man, you'll all get along way better when you don't need them.

02:12:45.000 Yeah.

02:12:45.000 Everybody will be your friend.

02:12:47.000 Yeah.

02:12:49.000 But anyway, yeah, that's all I'm doing.

02:12:51.000 Working a new hour.

02:12:51.000 I'm just going to do it all about Judaism.

02:12:54.000 All about Judaism? 0.70

02:12:55.000 I think so. 0.97

02:12:56.000 Well, that's a good way to alienate the white supremacist, bro. 0.99

02:12:59.000 You don't even care about the people who hate the Jews. 0.99

02:13:06.000 Yeah, sorry. 0.66

02:13:07.000 Sorry, guys.

02:13:08.000 I've been culturally insensitive.

02:13:09.000 You're not even thinking about them.

02:13:11.000 I don't know.

02:13:12.000 What are you working on?

02:13:13.000 We never found that video of the evergreen professor throwing his hands around.

02:13:16.000 Oh, yeah.

02:13:17.000 There's one video I'm pretty sure it's in, but I need to double-check and listen to make sure it's the part they're talking about because it was getting highlighted as it.

02:13:23.000 Someone sent it to me, and they sent it queued up right where it is, and it's so hilarious.

02:13:29.000 There's probably...

02:13:30.000 You know what?

02:13:30.000 It's queued up in a website.

02:13:33.000 If you Google evergreen...

02:13:37.000 What is he?

02:13:38.000 The President?

02:13:38.000 Evergreen?

02:13:39.000 Oh, in Evergreen, hand motions are a microaggression.

02:13:46.000 Google that.

02:13:46.000 Hand motions are a microaggression.

02:13:47.000 There's a website for sure that has an article where they show the video and they have it queued up.

02:13:52.000 And when it's queued up, you can see the kids laughing when they get the teacher to put his hands behind his back.

02:13:58.000 That's them just not knowing.

02:13:59.000 Well, I'll see it.

02:14:00.000 But that's them not understanding what they really are looking for.

02:14:02.000 They're just looking for power.

02:14:04.000 Because part of them feels like, haha, I made you do it.

02:14:05.000 And another part says, that's a microaggression, don't do that.

02:14:07.000 But it's like, if you believe that, then don't laugh at someone for not doing it anymore.

02:14:10.000 What they're doing is just enjoying power.

02:14:13.000 These kids have taken over the school.

02:14:15.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:14:16.000 Give me some volume.

02:14:26.000 Don't point.

02:14:30.000 He's apologizing.

02:14:38.000 The dude walks up to the president's like, put your hands down.

02:14:46.000 Put your hands down.

02:14:47.000 Put his hands to his side.

02:14:48.000 Yes.

02:14:50.000 Dude.

02:14:51.000 And they're laughing at him.

02:15:08.000 My dad came after the Israeli army.

02:15:18.000 She's waiting for an applause.

02:15:22.000 Yeah, she seems to not know.

02:15:24.000 Oh, there she goes, trying to get off. 1.00

02:15:25.000 And what does he do about that?

02:15:26.000 He's clapping as well?

02:15:27.000 He's clapping too.

02:15:28.000 He needs to seriously stop.

02:15:32.000 He's clapping too.

02:15:33.000 Like, you had a really good point.

02:15:35.000 You can't...

02:15:37.000 She's saying something we know.

02:15:38.000 We already know that.

02:15:40.000 Okay, that version of that, that super-liberal left is feminist. 1.00

02:15:45.000 That version of that?

02:15:47.000 There's a version of that, which is just the feminists. 1.00

02:15:49.000 Like that version of feminists. 1.00

02:15:51.000 That version.

02:15:52.000 Yeah, there's versions of everything.

02:15:54.000 The bloggers and the...

02:15:55.000 There's versions of masculinists, too, right?

02:15:58.000 That's the alt-right, I guess.

02:16:01.000 Is it though?

02:16:01.000 I don't know.

02:16:02.000 I don't really understand.

02:16:03.000 I don't know.

02:16:04.000 Seems to me like the alt-right for more than a lot of what they're doing is having fun.

02:16:09.000 Yeah, it does seem like I'm trolling.

02:16:11.000 Some of it's like just straight trolling.

02:16:13.000 There's a lot of it is...

02:16:14.000 You said this!

02:16:15.000 I can't believe it!

02:16:16.000 It's like, can't you believe it?

02:16:17.000 Well, maybe it was a joke.

02:16:19.000 I mean, like Milo...

02:16:20.000 I know some of it.

02:16:21.000 Milo Yiannopoulos?

02:16:22.000 Surely there's...

02:16:23.000 That guy gets him so mad.

02:16:24.000 Yeah.

02:16:26.000 Milo is so theatrical.

02:16:29.000 So much of what he's doing seems like he's having fun. 0.99

02:16:31.000 Dude, I love it when they get on somebody and you just shit on them a little bit. 0.98

02:16:34.000 Someone's a god to them all of a sudden. 0.99

02:16:36.000 Beyonce after Lemonade.

02:16:38.000 Things like that. 1.00

02:16:38.000 If you shit on them a little bit, you can get people so fucking angry at you. 1.00

02:16:41.000 It's great. 1.00

02:16:43.000 It's great. 1.00

02:16:45.000 There's never been a time like this, Ari Shaffir, where you get so many morons mad at you. 1.00

02:16:49.000 I love it. 1.00

02:16:50.000 I love it.

02:16:53.000 But yeah, so what I've noticed is that of the super-liberal... 0.99

02:16:58.000 Okay, you know how American sports fans are kind of dumb? 1.00

02:17:02.000 How dare you? 1.00

02:17:03.000 I can't even believe I'm hearing this.

02:17:05.000 More so than other places.

02:17:06.000 We're not very thought out. 1.00

02:17:07.000 You're fucking rude, bro. 0.99

02:17:08.000 Our political analysis isn't that smart. 1.00

02:17:11.000 In the same way our liberal left, our feminism, is some of the dumbest feminism in the world. 1.00

02:17:15.000 Other ones are more thought out and more interesting and more just thoughtful in general. 1.00

02:17:20.000 Dude, I think you left America and became a fucking turncoat. 1.00

02:17:24.000 That's what I'm hearing. 1.00

02:17:25.000 I'm hearing a bunch of bullshit. 1.00

02:17:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:30.000 So what do you think, though?

02:17:31.000 You should hear people talking.

02:17:33.000 They're way smarter than the people we have. 1.00

02:17:34.000 So our people are just dumber? 1.00

02:17:36.000 Saying this microaggression shit. 1.00

02:17:37.000 Right. 1.00

02:17:38.000 What is that? 0.99

02:17:39.000 That's us having too much fucking free time. 0.98

02:17:42.000 Is that what it is? 0.97

02:17:43.000 That is you've left behind what's actually wrong, and you're jumping on...

02:17:46.000 Which is a lot.

02:17:47.000 There's a lot wrong.

02:17:48.000 Yeah.

02:17:48.000 So, like, worry about that.

02:17:50.000 And calm down.

02:17:51.000 Microaggression.

02:17:52.000 Guys... 0.99

02:17:53.000 It's not like there's better shit to do so you shouldn't worry about what actually bothers you. 0.98

02:17:56.000 This shouldn't bother you. 0.98

02:17:58.000 Right.

02:17:58.000 You know?

02:17:59.000 Take that same venom and put it into something that's actually happening.

02:18:02.000 There's this forced circumcision.

02:18:03.000 Okay, well like that girl that stood up there. 1.00

02:18:05.000 The girl that stood up there and it's like, your ancestors were not slaves.

02:18:09.000 You weren't brought here.

02:18:10.000 Mine were.

02:18:11.000 You know?

02:18:11.000 And slavery has repercussions.

02:18:13.000 And then everybody starts clapping and it's like...

02:18:15.000 You're right, but what is the point?

02:18:18.000 Okay, so what are you having to rally for?

02:18:19.000 What are we doing?

02:18:20.000 It's obviously ancestors.

02:18:22.000 When do we get over this ancestor thing?

02:18:24.000 How many generations in do we just treat people as individuals?

02:18:27.000 I've asked people, what do they want?

02:18:29.000 Some people got an advantage, for sure.

02:18:31.000 White people. 0.69

02:18:32.000 Got an advantage, for sure.

02:18:34.000 Okay, but it's more so, but it's not 100% of the time.

02:18:38.000 So if I came from a divorced household, I didn't, and my dad wasn't around, and my dad beat my mom, that can be a way worse and harder experience than the Cosby kids.

02:18:50.000 Right.

02:18:52.000 Today.

02:18:52.000 So it's like, just because you're this, it might make the odds harder for you, but it's not 100%.

02:18:58.000 But there's an origins thing, and one of the origins that every black kid has to face when they think about it, is that someone down the line was a slave.

02:19:07.000 And they're not slaves anymore, but that's why people who look like him are here.

02:19:12.000 They're all here because someone brought them over here in chains.

02:19:15.000 Yeah, and there's still a tree with remnants of that.

02:19:17.000 Right.

02:19:17.000 And there's got to be a weird self-esteem or a self-identity issue attached to knowing that everybody knows that your ancestors were slaves.

02:19:27.000 And there's a certain thing that people do when someone has something and someone else wants it.

02:19:36.000 If you have a group of people that's different, it's really easy to almost think of them as not you.

02:19:42.000 That's how they've justified wars.

02:19:45.000 So many people, by dehumanizing the other.

02:19:50.000 And this thing that has to balance out, that I guess is...

02:19:59.000 I guess just the echoes of that is like we have to get so many generations away from people being slaves and any repercussions of it socially or economically.

02:20:10.000 We have to get so far away that it doesn't factor in anymore where we don't care.

02:20:14.000 Okay, that's well expressed for sure.

02:20:16.000 I like that.

02:20:18.000 That kind of, like, calm way to explain something rarely gets put out anymore.

02:20:22.000 Of course.

02:20:22.000 It's screaming and yelling.

02:20:23.000 You know why?

02:20:24.000 And, like, you're not teaching anyone anything.

02:20:25.000 The biggest problem on the left and the right, but the ones that are angry, the angry mobs, is they never seek to educate.

02:20:30.000 They only seek to, like, punish.

02:20:32.000 Also, grandstand.

02:20:34.000 Yeah, sure.

02:20:34.000 They want to make this big speech.

02:20:36.000 You can hear in that lady's voice. 1.00

02:20:36.000 She was going for the audience clap two or three times, didn't get it, and was like, I'll keep going. 1.00

02:20:41.000 She's seen Oprah.

02:20:42.000 She knows how to manipulate a crowd. 1.00

02:20:44.000 She knows how to get those people riled up. 1.00

02:20:47.000 Yeah.

02:20:47.000 Well, listen, man, that's part of being a person.

02:20:49.000 Like, that's half the reward for saying something that's right, is the love that you get from people when you say that it's right.

02:20:56.000 And they recognize it.

02:20:57.000 And they go, yes!

02:20:57.000 So people get addicted to that yes.

02:21:00.000 So they constantly do things that they think are at least perceived as being right.

02:21:05.000 And they get very vocal with things when they perceive those things are going to get a very big reaction for standing up against them.

02:21:13.000 Yeah.

02:21:13.000 And it becomes this moral, high ground, sort of grandstanding, peacocking sort of a thing, where they just are constantly trying to let everyone even know how uncool it is to do this, and how wrong it is to do that.

02:21:26.000 Settle the fuck down. 1.00

02:21:28.000 You're setting up a weird thing. 0.99

02:21:30.000 And then sometimes they'll see something that doesn't quite fit in.

02:21:33.000 You know how they make rape broader and broader and broader?

02:21:36.000 Oh, yeah.

02:21:37.000 Which I really does think does a disservice to rape. 0.52

02:21:40.000 It does.

02:21:41.000 To be able to make it seem like...

02:21:42.000 Anyway, they were saying coercion is rape, where if you talk someone into it, that's rape. 0.68

02:21:47.000 And then a bunch of men was like, oh, well, if that's true, then I've been raped a bunch of times.

02:21:50.000 And then the super liberal left was like, oh, we don't want to make that.

02:21:53.000 We don't want to make you be able to be victims.

02:21:55.000 So, okay, that's no longer rape.

02:21:56.000 Yeah.

02:21:57.000 Coercion was one.

02:21:58.000 Someone under the influence of alcohol, which was very questionable.

02:22:02.000 That's a weird one because we all know that there's different states of mind and that a woman who decides to get a couple drinks and then wants to have sex. 1.00

02:22:12.000 If the man is sober...

02:22:14.000 That was a weird one.

02:22:15.000 It's supposed to be that you're not supposed to do it because she's under the influence.

02:22:19.000 That was the argument that was being pushed.

02:22:20.000 The problem is it's too black and white.

02:22:22.000 So it's like, I know a lot of women who are like, oh, I can't have sex without drinking. 1.00

02:22:25.000 I have to drink before I have sex.

02:22:27.000 And it's like, oh, well, so then, okay.

02:22:29.000 They don't all think the same thing.

02:22:31.000 Of course.

02:22:32.000 So some of them, the militant ones, We're good to go.

02:22:55.000 It wasn't your fault that you plowed into that school bus full of kids with your car because you were drunk.

02:23:00.000 That used to be the rule.

02:23:01.000 You couldn't control it.

02:23:02.000 Well, it still is the rule, but I'm saying they'll say that if it comes to sexual intercourse, but they won't say that when it comes to driving.

02:23:10.000 No one's going to say you couldn't consent to being behind the wheel.

02:23:13.000 You were under the influence.

02:23:14.000 It's not your fault.

02:23:15.000 You're supposed to know enough.

02:23:17.000 It's supposed to be deeply embedded in your head enough that you don't go into that car and start it even though you're drunk.

02:23:23.000 But sex, you're like, no, no. 0.70

02:23:24.000 Yeah, you can't handle it.

02:23:26.000 You don't know what's going on.

02:23:29.000 I used to be a guest for a drunk driver.

02:23:30.000 You ran over somebody while you were drunk driving.

02:23:32.000 They're like, I'm sorry, but officer, it's like, you know, self-defense.

02:23:34.000 I was drunk. 1.00

02:23:35.000 Same shit. 1.00

02:23:35.000 I wouldn't do it on purpose. 1.00

02:23:37.000 I didn't do it on purpose.

02:23:38.000 I was drunk.

02:23:38.000 That's why I lost control of the car.

02:23:40.000 Obviously, it's hard to control a car when you're drunk, right?

02:23:41.000 So that's what happened to me.

02:23:42.000 When did it become illegal to drink?

02:23:44.000 I don't know.

02:23:45.000 I don't know.

02:23:46.000 That's a very good question.

02:23:47.000 I looked that up for not too long.

02:23:48.000 60s?

02:23:49.000 My parents, my friends and whatnot, they did it.

02:23:53.000 Or like in the 70s.

02:23:54.000 Everybody's done it.

02:23:55.000 Let's Google it and find out.

02:23:56.000 But let's take a guess.

02:23:57.000 I say 50s.

02:23:58.000 50s?

02:23:59.000 What year?

02:23:59.000 I say 61. That's how late in the 50s.

02:24:03.000 I'm going to go with 69. Okay.

02:24:06.000 This is fun to say that.

02:24:07.000 I think I'm wrong though.

02:24:09.000 73?

02:24:10.000 73?

02:24:11.000 That seems so late.

02:24:12.000 Maybe.

02:24:13.000 Maybe.

02:24:15.000 I feel like I should stick to the 60s.

02:24:18.000 The first state that adopted any sort of law was New York in 1910. Jesus.

02:24:24.000 But...

02:24:25.000 Poor we off.

02:24:27.000 I didn't know that car's that.

02:24:28.000 I feel like when I looked this up before...

02:24:30.000 I thought cars were like late 20s.

02:24:33.000 People were drunk two years into having cars.

02:24:36.000 Yeah, don't get on your horse.

02:24:37.000 That's hilarious.

02:24:38.000 I tried to remember looking this up.

02:24:39.000 I think sometime in the 50s or 60s, or maybe even up to 1980 when MAD started, the states that weren't adopting it were going to stop getting funding for federal road money and stuff like that.

02:24:51.000 So they had to adopt all the laws.

02:24:53.000 That's how they forced everyone in.

02:24:54.000 Dude, of course people would drink.

02:24:55.000 It would be a bunch of people driving.

02:24:57.000 Like, have you tried driving yet?

02:24:58.000 Like, dude, it's awesome.

02:24:58.000 And someone's like, have you tried it drunk?

02:25:01.000 No!

02:25:01.000 Wow!

02:25:02.000 I'm for sure gonna do that!

02:25:03.000 That sounds like a great idea!

02:25:04.000 See, that's where a horse is superior.

02:25:06.000 Because a horse isn't gonna crash because the horse is sober.

02:25:09.000 Autopilot, yeah.

02:25:09.000 Yeah, I mean, it's almost like a form...

02:25:11.000 You can pass out on top of it.

02:25:12.000 It's like a superior form of travel in a lot of ways.

02:25:14.000 You have a relationship with this animal.

02:25:16.000 You know, you go up to it. 1.00

02:25:18.000 Hey, there are Mr. Flapjacks or whatever the fuck his name is. 0.99

02:25:21.000 You pet him. 0.99

02:25:22.000 You're a good old boy.

02:25:23.000 I'm gonna get you some feed.

02:25:25.000 Put the feed back on him.

02:25:26.000 He chews his food. 1.00

02:25:28.000 Like, what the fuck, man? 1.00

02:25:29.000 That's probably a way better way of getting around. 1.00

02:25:31.000 As long as you're not allergic to horses.

02:25:35.000 Yeah, that's way worse. 1.00

02:25:36.000 Oh, if you're allergic to horses in the West, you're fucked. 1.00

02:25:39.000 You're living here. 1.00

02:25:39.000 How the fuck is a person allergic to horses? 1.00

02:25:42.000 This is how weak our gene pool has gotten, folks. 1.00

02:25:45.000 Yeah.

02:25:46.000 That's sad.

02:25:47.000 I feel so bad for people that are allergic to animals and people that are allergic to pollen and people that are allergic to...

02:25:57.000 Allergic to wool.

02:25:58.000 A lot of people close to me have allergies.

02:25:59.000 It's so hard to watch because it's annoying.

02:26:03.000 Like, that there's a thing out there that can do that to them.

02:26:06.000 Just to them. 0.99

02:26:07.000 What the fuck is, that doesn't even make any sense. 0.98

02:26:09.000 And it's not the thing's self-defense mechanism. 1.00

02:26:11.000 No, it's dumb. 0.99

02:26:11.000 It's like grass. 0.99

02:26:13.000 Some kids are super allergic to types of grass.

02:26:16.000 There's kids that'll, like, they have celiacs.

02:26:19.000 My kids are friends with them, and, you know, you have to be real careful that they don't eat anything that has any wheat.

02:26:23.000 I thought you were going to say you have to be careful or they become too much friends with them.

02:26:26.000 No.

02:26:27.000 They can't eat.

02:26:28.000 Start inviting them to your home.

02:26:29.000 They have to have very strict diets.

02:26:30.000 Yeah, no soy sauce.

02:26:31.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

02:26:32.000 Real super strict diets because they have an allergy.

02:26:35.000 I've heard about it.

02:26:35.000 Your hand gets all hot and things happen to you.

02:26:38.000 Dude, allergies are fucking straight. 0.98

02:26:40.000 Like peanuts. 0.99

02:26:41.000 Like if you have that...

02:26:43.000 You can smell it two rows behind you in a plane. 1.00

02:26:45.000 You're fucked. 1.00

02:26:46.000 Brian Callen's mom, he said on the podcast, he was talking about how she eats Brazil nuts. 1.00

02:26:51.000 She gets, like, terribly ill.

02:26:52.000 Well, those are the most expensive ones.

02:26:54.000 They're gross, though.

02:26:55.000 They're not that good. 0.97

02:26:56.000 They're big. 0.99

02:26:57.000 Yeah, they ain't shit. 1.00

02:26:57.000 They're big. 1.00

02:26:58.000 They ain't shit. 0.99

02:26:59.000 Oh, macadamias. 1.00

02:27:00.000 Macadamias?

02:27:00.000 Macadamias are good.

02:27:01.000 They're expensive, too.

02:27:02.000 I love me macadamia.

02:27:02.000 Yeah.

02:27:03.000 But nobody's putting Brazil nuts in chocolate the fuck out of here with that big, stupid nut. 1.00

02:27:08.000 That's a big, stupid, weird tasting nut. 1.00

02:27:11.000 What is that? 1.00

02:27:13.000 You have a cashew and you eat that piece of shit? 1.00

02:27:15.000 Gotta fucking give me half of it now and half of it later. 1.00

02:27:18.000 Yeah, like if you told me, dude, you gotta pass on one nut for the rest of your life. 0.99

02:27:22.000 Brazil nuts right off the bat? 0.62

02:27:23.000 I kind of like walnuts.

02:27:27.000 It's an unusual, almost a dry flavor.

02:27:29.000 Yeah, they're weird once in a while with some salt on them.

02:27:31.000 Imagine if there was, like, sommeliers for nuts, the same way there are for, like, wines.

02:27:37.000 Some dude, like, sat you down and was talking to you about the cashews he was about to serve.

02:27:41.000 This is a cashew from the Himalayas.

02:27:44.000 You could open up a whole restaurant and call it Dee's Nuts. 0.64

02:27:51.000 Joe, I gotta go take pictures from my Netflix double special called Double Negative out this July.

02:27:55.000 Ari Shafir, rocking and rolling.

02:27:57.000 Yeah.

02:27:57.000 I'm very excited that you're gonna have your special on Netflix.

02:28:00.000 Yeah, man, me too.

02:28:01.000 That's huge.

02:28:01.000 Yeah.

02:28:01.000 All the Canadians out there and Australians, you finally get to see something.

02:28:05.000 Will you come on the day you're gonna release it?

02:28:08.000 You're gonna be out of town. 1.00

02:28:09.000 Jesus, bitch. 1.00

02:28:09.000 What day is it? 1.00

02:28:10.000 July 18th.

02:28:12.000 What about the day before that?

02:28:13.000 Am I out of town then?

02:28:13.000 Yeah, you're gonna be on vacation that whole week.

02:28:15.000 Oh, okay. 1.00

02:28:16.000 Shit! 1.00

02:28:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:17.000 Well, we're work out of time. 1.00

02:28:19.000 When are you leaving?

02:28:21.000 From here?

02:28:22.000 Yeah, when are you jetting?

02:28:23.000 June 24th? 0.99

02:28:23.000 That's when you're going back to that dirty, stinky, stacked up, rat infested. 0.99

02:28:27.000 We could record one off this and release it later. 0.95

02:28:30.000 Record one off this?

02:28:31.000 Off, not in the studio.

02:28:33.000 Let's go up on a hike by your house.

02:28:35.000 Let's do a hike.

02:28:36.000 And we'll do a hike podcast.

02:28:36.000 Let's do a hike podcast.

02:28:37.000 And you can put it out the day of.

02:28:38.000 I like it.

02:28:39.000 Would that work?

02:28:39.000 Yes.

02:28:40.000 Okay.

02:28:40.000 Absolutely.

02:28:41.000 Beautiful.

02:28:41.000 All right.

02:28:42.000 That's what it is.

02:28:42.000 Okay.

02:28:43.000 Ladies and gentlemen, make sure you download Ari Shafir's Skeptic Tank.

02:28:48.000 It's one of the best podcasts in the known universe.

02:28:50.000 Thank you.

02:28:51.000 And it's one that I never miss.

02:28:53.000 Punch Drunk Sports is one.

02:28:54.000 Oh, sorry.

02:28:54.000 I thought you said it's one you always miss.

02:28:56.000 I misheard it.

02:28:56.000 Punch Drunk Sports 2. Yeah.

02:28:58.000 But yeah, but you listen to Skeptic Tank.

02:28:59.000 That's great.

02:28:59.000 Yeah, I do.

02:29:00.000 I'm happy about that.

02:29:01.000 I'm not a sports fan so much, so the punch drunk, I'll listen to you guys when you talk about fights.

02:29:05.000 It gets weird sometimes.

02:29:06.000 And I always want to call in and go, no, [...

02:29:09.000 That's not how it works. 1.00

02:29:09.000 I got my asshole bleached yesterday. 1.00

02:29:10.000 I heard. 1.00

02:29:11.000 I heard.

02:29:11.000 I saw pictures.

02:29:12.000 Triple E. I mean, Serenity's had a hold up in my butt shakes. 0.66

02:29:16.000 How'd that feel?

02:29:17.000 Weird, man.

02:29:18.000 I would imagine.

02:29:19.000 If you were comfortable with it, then it'd be a problem. 1.00

02:29:21.000 This dude had his fucking finger right under the rim. 0.99

02:29:23.000 I kept thinking he was just going to go forward. 1.00

02:29:25.000 So he had to touch your asshole while he was bleaching it? 1.00

02:29:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:29:28.000 Glove.

02:29:29.000 He had a glove.

02:29:30.000 What'd this guy look like?

02:29:31.000 Can I guess?

02:29:32.000 Can I guess?

02:29:33.000 Yeah, sure.

02:29:33.000 I would guess that he has, like, um, like, limp implants and Botox, and it's like an oddly shiny forehead, and he, um, he's got a perfect haircut, and he's very feminine, but in a weird sort of a way, and he's just,

02:29:49.000 uh, rubbing, and he has a suit on, and he has white gloves.

02:29:53.000 They're white gloves, like, with the lines in the back of them, like Mickey Mouse has.

02:29:58.000 Like a butler's glove?

02:30:02.000 Well, to give you a hint, it's Sam Tripoli who got the person.

02:30:05.000 Oh, so he's an Armenian?

02:30:06.000 No. 0.93

02:30:07.000 He was a gimp wearing a mask with a leather leash around him and a codpiece. 1.00

02:30:15.000 That's better. 0.97

02:30:16.000 He was looking for a porn star, but one couldn't do it, so he got this instead.

02:30:19.000 That's amazing.

02:30:20.000 Yeah.

02:30:20.000 Was the person nice to you?

02:30:21.000 Yeah, he was pretty nice.

02:30:22.000 Beautiful.

02:30:23.000 I can see his mustache through his gimp mask, and that's it. 0.98

02:30:26.000 Wow.

02:30:27.000 Yeah.

02:30:27.000 Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

02:30:29.000 A lot of content for you.

02:30:30.000 A lot of content.

02:30:31.000 A lot of content.

02:30:31.000 It's back every-ish week.

02:30:33.000 Yeah.

02:30:34.000 I'm not doing too much travel and stuff, but yeah.

02:30:37.000 All right.

02:30:38.000 I want to get Killer Mike on.

02:30:40.000 Yeah, me too.

02:30:40.000 If you're out there, dude.

02:30:42.000 I want to talk to you about the revolution.

02:30:43.000 Okay, well, let's get him in town.

02:30:45.000 We'll have him do both.

02:30:46.000 Okay.

02:30:47.000 Or we can do a swap cast.

02:30:48.000 Ooh.

02:30:50.000 Put it up wherever you want.

02:30:51.000 Yeah, you know what Swapcast is?

02:30:52.000 Sort of.

02:30:53.000 Bert and Doug do it.

02:30:55.000 It'll go up on Bert's and it'll go up on Doug's.

02:30:58.000 Sort of like we did with The End of the World.

02:30:59.000 Everybody put The End of the World up.

02:31:01.000 When we did The End of the World podcast on election night, everybody got it.

02:31:05.000 We just sent a copy of it and everybody just put it up.

02:31:08.000 Swapcast.

02:31:08.000 That's a cool idea.

02:31:09.000 Yay! 0.99

02:31:10.000 It's democratic or something.

02:31:12.000 Alright, folks, that's it.

02:31:14.000 Love you.

02:31:15.000 Bye-bye.

02:31:16.000 See ya.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 07, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #972 - Ari Shaffir

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