The Joe Rogan Experience - JRE MMA Show #46 with Ari Shaffir

00:00:00.000 Bobby Kelly got us.

00:00:01.000 Five, four, three, two, one.

00:00:04.000 Can you talk about that on air or no?

00:00:05.000 Yeah.

00:00:06.000 Yeah?

00:00:06.000 What were you going to say?

00:00:07.000 He got us these knives made.

00:00:08.000 We went bushwhacking.

00:00:09.000 Oh.

00:00:10.000 And this one guy was like, I want to make you guys knives.

00:00:13.000 So he made me, Joe Liss, and Robert Kelly custom knives.

00:00:16.000 Bushwhacking knives, huh?

00:00:17.000 Yeah.

00:00:17.000 Like machete-type knives?

00:00:18.000 Yeah, chop up some wood.

00:00:19.000 Oh.

00:00:20.000 What were you guys doing?

00:00:22.000 Camping, hiking, and then hiking like four hours to a campsite.

00:00:25.000 Bobby Kelly loves fly fishing, right?

00:00:27.000 Isn't he a big fly fisher?

00:00:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:00:30.000 Maybe. 0.99

00:00:30.000 He likes doing shit that his body shouldn't allow him to do. 0.99

00:00:35.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.99

00:00:36.000 You know, I knew him when he was skinny.

00:00:37.000 That's nuts.

00:00:38.000 I see that picture of him, that headshot at the Comedy Cellar.

00:00:41.000 I'm like, that's that guy?

00:00:42.000 Dude, he was like my size.

00:00:43.000 He was like a normal-sized person.

00:00:45.000 It's nuts to me. 0.56

00:00:46.000 It is nuts.

00:00:47.000 Yeah.

00:00:48.000 When I met him, we were working together, and he lived in a home with special needs kids.

00:00:59.000 And he would like take care of him.

00:01:01.000 He was like a counselor or some sort of a teacher or something with special needs kids.

00:01:08.000 And he was totally normal size.

00:01:11.000 Wow.

00:01:11.000 Like you would see him like, let me compare him to somebody.

00:01:15.000 He's a fat fuck now. 1.00

00:01:16.000 I haven't seen him in a long time. 1.00

00:01:17.000 I mean, let me just trash him for a minute about his being overweight.

00:01:20.000 I'm sad because I really like that guy.

00:01:22.000 He's a sweetheart.

00:01:23.000 Yeah, well enjoy him while you can.

00:01:25.000 He has a kid too, right?

00:01:27.000 Yeah, he has a kid.

00:01:28.000 Great kid.

00:01:28.000 Well, why is he allowing himself to eat himself to death?

00:01:32.000 Okay, well, I think a little bit.

00:01:33.000 In the addict's mind, you don't really have it.

00:01:35.000 You're not really an addict.

00:01:36.000 It's like the replacement thing is real.

00:01:39.000 You gotta replace one with the other.

00:01:40.000 What was his addict before?

00:01:42.000 I think coke and booze.

00:01:45.000 Yeah, that's a thing, man.

00:01:47.000 That's a real thing.

00:01:48.000 Every time he tries to get in shape, he does a month, and then it just falls off for a day, and then just keeps falling off.

00:01:55.000 He's fatter than ever now.

00:01:56.000 Yeah, I saw a photo from that cruise that Bert went on with him.

00:02:00.000 I was like, oh, God.

00:02:01.000 Yeah, they couldn't let him go anywhere but the middle of the boat, otherwise it would tip.

00:02:04.000 That's crazy. 0.99

00:02:05.000 Sharks and shit were circling? 0.99

00:02:07.000 Yeah, I feel like, come to this side. 1.00

00:02:08.000 Come to this side, Bobby.

00:02:09.000 We have a chance to eat all those... 1.00

00:02:11.000 Well, you can't be on a boat with those fucking buffets, too, man. 1.00

00:02:15.000 Those buffets are brutal. 1.00

00:02:16.000 I gained 12 pounds on a week on the Joker's Cruise last year.

00:02:19.000 I believe it.

00:02:19.000 Yeah, buffets are rough, man.

00:02:23.000 Last time I was in Vegas, I ate that at the buffet.

00:02:26.000 I mean, they're great. 1.00

00:02:27.000 I ate crepes, all kinds of shit I should never eat. 0.99

00:02:30.000 I'll go for thirds, sure. 1.00

00:02:32.000 Yeah, why not?

00:02:32.000 A small portion.

00:02:33.000 Fried chicken and waffles.

00:02:34.000 And it's like your friends go, your friends go, do you want to eat?

00:02:37.000 I'm like, nah, I just ate like four hours ago.

00:02:38.000 Like, well, come sit with us.

00:02:39.000 They're like, okay.

00:02:40.000 And you're like, I can sell some fries.

00:02:42.000 I'll go get us some cupcakes.

00:02:43.000 Some cupcakes.

00:02:47.000 No matter how rich you get.

00:02:49.000 It's free.

00:02:49.000 You just take whatever.

00:02:50.000 You don't have to open your wallet.

00:02:52.000 It's such an easy process.

00:02:53.000 It's right there.

00:02:53.000 I can just grab it.

00:02:54.000 Dude, the best is these fucking Filipino and like these immigrant type like employees that are like, are you guys done with this? 1.00

00:03:00.000 And they're like, oh yeah, I'm done. 0.99

00:03:01.000 They're like, This could feed my whole village what you're throwing away.

00:03:06.000 I know. 0.98

00:03:07.000 We're so gross in America. 0.93

00:03:08.000 They have to keep their smile on their face. 0.73

00:03:10.000 When you find out the real statistics of how much people make in certain countries, like I was reading something about how much people, like the average salary of a person lives in Thailand.

00:03:20.000 Yeah.

00:03:20.000 It's like $1,000 a month.

00:03:22.000 Dude, I was on a bus.

00:03:23.000 It's amazing.

00:03:23.000 I was on a bus from Indonesia to East Timor crossing the land border, and some guy was talking about how much people make, and I told him, I was like...

00:03:31.000 Wait, what?

00:03:32.000 I'm like, cost of living is way higher.

00:03:33.000 He's like, that's great.

00:03:34.000 I showed him a $50 bill.

00:03:35.000 He was like, lost his mind.

00:03:37.000 How many, how many, I forgot what their currency is.

00:03:40.000 How many is this worth?

00:03:41.000 And I told him, he's like, what?

00:03:45.000 Yeah, I think I'm wrong too, about $1,000 a month.

00:03:47.000 I think they make less than $1,000 a month.

00:03:49.000 Yeah, it's possible.

00:03:50.000 It might be like one quarter of that.

00:03:52.000 A lot of them also don't use currency that much.

00:03:54.000 They're like, we farm, we trade with our neighbor for milk.

00:03:59.000 You know what I mean?

00:04:00.000 Like, we don't need currency.

00:04:02.000 Dude, we took these lessons on how to grow, how to take rice, plant it, and they take you through the whole steps in Thailand.

00:04:12.000 They give you the outfits and everything that all the people that farm rice wear. 0.98

00:04:16.000 But you realize before industrialized agriculture, what a process it was to actually get rice.

00:04:25.000 It is a giant process.

00:04:26.000 Yeah.

00:04:27.000 It's crazy how much work is involved. 0.99

00:04:29.000 Yeah, you see them up to their fucking waist in water. 0.99

00:04:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:32.000 I saw a dead dog in a rice paddy once face down.

00:04:34.000 And we're like, oh, that's just...

00:04:36.000 They're still serving that rice.

00:04:38.000 I'm sure.

00:04:39.000 Yeah, they're not going to waste that rice.

00:04:41.000 Yeah.

00:04:41.000 Do you think they wash it off at all?

00:04:43.000 I don't know.

00:04:44.000 Like...

00:04:45.000 Maybe.

00:04:46.000 They're like, whatever.

00:04:47.000 You're going to put dead dog on it anyway.

00:04:49.000 Yeah.

00:04:49.000 Like, oh, because it's uncooked.

00:04:50.000 It's so wrong.

00:04:52.000 Well, the thing about the rice is, like, I thought that at least when you get the rice, you'd just get the rice off the plant and then you could boil it and eat it.

00:04:59.000 No.

00:04:59.000 No?

00:04:59.000 It's like a husk, and you gotta beat it down and break it open, and then the actual rice is underneath it.

00:05:06.000 I'm just finding this about weed.

00:05:08.000 I thought you'd just pick weed off a plant and smoke it.

00:05:10.000 They're like, no, you've got to cure it and dry it.

00:05:11.000 I'm like, cure it?

00:05:12.000 What?

00:05:13.000 You know what's the worst? 0.94

00:05:15.000 Female weed is what you want, right? 1.00

00:05:17.000 Oh, right.

00:05:18.000 But male and female weed get together, and if the male weed and the female weed get together, it ruins the weed. 0.54

00:05:26.000 Yeah.

00:05:26.000 Kind of like real life.

00:05:28.000 Kind of like real life.

00:05:29.000 Yeah, men ruin everything.

00:05:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:31.000 I didn't know that plants, I don't know jack shit about horticulture or agriculture, but they breed.

00:05:41.000 There's a male and a female version of these plants. 0.99

00:05:44.000 I was like, what?

00:05:45.000 Like some guy who was a grower was trying to explain it to me, like how they isolate the female plants.

00:05:49.000 I go, wait a minute, what?

00:05:50.000 Pete knows a lot about it.

00:05:51.000 Of course he does.

00:05:52.000 But like, yeah, it's like, none of this makes sense.

00:05:55.000 Female plants. 0.97

00:05:55.000 What are you talking about? 0.97

00:05:56.000 I'm talking about plants.

00:05:57.000 You're wrong.

00:05:58.000 Yeah, no, they're plants. 1.00

00:05:59.000 They don't have vaginas, you fucking idiot. 1.00

00:06:01.000 You idiot. 1.00

00:06:01.000 You dumb idiot. 1.00

00:06:02.000 Hey guys, this thing I've never researched, I know way more about than this guy who lives his life in it. 1.00

00:06:06.000 I've never even looked into it.

00:06:07.000 I was stunned. 0.99

00:06:08.000 I was like, there's a male version, a female version of a fucking plant? 1.00

00:06:13.000 What? 0.99

00:06:14.000 Yeah.

00:06:15.000 Dude, the more I've researched plants...

00:06:18.000 Because I had on this guy who's fascinating, man.

00:06:21.000 You should really...

00:06:22.000 If you can get him on your podcast...

00:06:23.000 That's the guy who...

00:06:24.000 Paul Stamets?

00:06:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:25.000 I heard him on NPR. Oh, you should have him on.

00:06:28.000 Yeah.

00:06:28.000 I'll hook you guys up.

00:06:29.000 Okay.

00:06:29.000 You would love it.

00:06:30.000 Especially when he finds out that you invented Shroomfest. 0.97

00:06:34.000 You know, he would love you.

00:06:35.000 Yeah.

00:06:35.000 But when he was explaining to me the system...

00:06:39.000 Through which plants exchange nutrients and information with fungi.

00:06:46.000 And that fungi...

00:06:46.000 Yeah, fungi actually supply these plants with certain nutrients.

00:06:52.000 And there's like an information network of these mycelium that's underneath the ground.

00:06:57.000 Weird.

00:06:58.000 That's how it is.

00:06:58.000 I've heard about this, how like what trees will do is communicate with each other.

00:07:02.000 Once she's dying, they'll send nutrients to the other. 0.99

00:07:04.000 I guess fungi is the context.

00:07:06.000 Oh, dude. 0.99

00:07:07.000 It's fucking bananas. 0.99

00:07:09.000 Wow. 1.00

00:07:09.000 Yeah, and all underneath the ground. 1.00

00:07:11.000 I mean, underneath the ground is this whole almost like information exchanging network of fungi.

00:07:17.000 Wow, and like this one needs help.

00:07:18.000 Yeah, man.

00:07:19.000 They know when others need more resources.

00:07:22.000 They have like a socialist network of allocation of resources. 1.00

00:07:26.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:07:28.000 And they communicate with each other when they're being eaten. 1.00

00:07:32.000 What do you mean?

00:07:32.000 Please help me?

00:07:33.000 They know.

00:07:34.000 They know that other ones are being eaten and they'll change their flavor profile.

00:07:38.000 They actually make their leaves more bitter to avoid predation. 0.99

00:07:42.000 Because someone's here eating them, fucking put up your defenses? 0.98

00:07:45.000 It's so crazy that you can have the sound of caterpillars chewing leaves. 0.99

00:07:49.000 You can play it like on a recording next to a plant and that plant will change its flavor profile.

00:07:57.000 Yeah, they become so disgusting that giraffes won't eat them and they'll starve to death.

00:08:01.000 Because it's gross. 0.93

00:08:02.000 Because it's disgusting.

00:08:03.000 It's like when they're trying to get kids not to eat their nails, they paint them with that stuff that tastes gross.

00:08:06.000 Oh, did they do that?

00:08:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:08.000 Stupid kids eating your nails. 1.00

00:08:09.000 Stupid fucking kids. 1.00

00:08:10.000 I've seen a kid eat their boogers and you're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

00:08:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:14.000 You eat your boogers? 0.70

00:08:15.000 All the time, bro.

00:08:16.000 Still?

00:08:17.000 What are you going to do with them?

00:08:18.000 You fucking throw them away. 1.00

00:08:20.000 Throw them away into the trash receptacle for boogers? 1.00

00:08:22.000 Oh, God.

00:08:22.000 You put them in a tissue and you'd be gone with them.

00:08:24.000 You don't eat your boogers, you savage.

00:08:26.000 Then you'll run out of boogers. 1.00

00:08:27.000 Well, okay.

00:08:28.000 You do what you got to do.

00:08:29.000 I have one of these JRE shirts.

00:08:31.000 Oh, I have this one, actually, in my house.

00:08:32.000 Oh, nice.

00:08:33.000 I got one of your crazy mushroom shirts.

00:08:35.000 Which tour was that from?

00:08:37.000 Do Mushrooms tour?

00:08:38.000 I think it was two specials ago, not the last one.

00:08:40.000 There was that one, and then there was the other one with you or your tongue open with an acid tab.

00:08:45.000 Oh, that's the 2012. That's the 2012 shirt.

00:08:47.000 Oh, 2012 shirt.

00:08:47.000 Yeah, that's the coolest shirt.

00:08:48.000 I might not bring those back since I fucked up and didn't do a shirt this year. 0.83

00:08:52.000 You should bring that back just to sell it. 0.99

00:08:53.000 You should just sell it, period.

00:08:55.000 It's a cool one.

00:08:55.000 I like the idea of going like, because Iron Maiden had that with like a shirt per year.

00:09:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:09:01.000 You can show it off at the next Iron Maiden concert, but you had to be at that concert, otherwise you're fucked. 1.00

00:09:05.000 That's the one. 0.99

00:09:06.000 That's my favorite one.

00:09:07.000 I got that one. 0.89

00:09:08.000 And the hot black chick on top. 1.00

00:09:09.000 Ted Park did that. 0.89

00:09:10.000 That's the guy that did the Korean zombie shirt.

00:09:11.000 Oh, really?

00:09:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:09:12.000 Damn, he's good. 0.99

00:09:13.000 He is good. 1.00

00:09:14.000 That's a great fucking shirt, man. 0.99

00:09:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:16.000 And your eyes look sufficiently whacked out. 1.00

00:09:18.000 Yeah, people are like, why is Marc Maron in your shirt?

00:09:21.000 No, that is not Marc Maron.

00:09:22.000 Or the guy from Grateful Dead.

00:09:24.000 Imagine if Marc Maron went the other way.

00:09:26.000 Super drugged out?

00:09:26.000 Yeah.

00:09:27.000 He gave up on sobriety and just went all mushrooms.

00:09:31.000 He's totally the other way.

00:09:32.000 How's sobriety going, Marc?

00:09:33.000 Oh, good you should ask.

00:09:36.000 I bailed.

00:09:36.000 Put this on your tongue and then let's talk.

00:09:38.000 After 25 years, I realized, what the fuck am I doing avoiding all the best parts of life? 0.98

00:09:42.000 Yeah, that's teaching me this sober October thing. 0.97

00:09:45.000 It's teaching me a lot.

00:09:46.000 Dude, my bartender last night went to O'Neal's wedding, right?

00:09:48.000 O'Neal's wedding.

00:09:49.000 And I was like, do you have any?

00:09:50.000 It's at a brewery.

00:09:52.000 Right.

00:09:52.000 And I was like, do you have any non-alcoholic beer?

00:09:55.000 Like I was saying, it helps us socially. 0.99

00:09:57.000 Because socially, it's like, fuck, everyone's drinking. 0.99

00:10:00.000 And he goes, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:10:02.000 He goes, Sober October?

00:10:03.000 I'm like, yeah.

00:10:03.000 But he didn't know it.

00:10:04.000 A lot of people know this contest, but he was just like, I'm doing it too.

00:10:07.000 Did you know about it before last year?

00:10:10.000 No, because we were going to do it earlier or later, but then Bert had an Australia thing.

00:10:14.000 I'm like, there's no way you're doing it in Australia.

00:10:15.000 You can't be sober in Australia, and you can't be sober for the Joker's Cruise.

00:10:18.000 And that was November, I think first week of November or something.

00:10:21.000 And so we just settled on October.

00:10:23.000 So we just stumbled upon it.

00:10:25.000 And other people have been doing it for years, apparently.

00:10:27.000 How long has Sober October been going on for?

00:10:30.000 A long time?

00:10:31.000 Yeah.

00:10:31.000 Jamie says a long time off mic because he doesn't realize we're podcasting.

00:10:34.000 For sure a while.

00:10:35.000 Oh, who's that?

00:10:36.000 What's that sound in the distance?

00:10:39.000 Yeah, it's apparently been going on for a long time.

00:10:42.000 We just completely lucked into it.

00:10:45.000 Dude, I was at the Jets game.

00:10:47.000 Somebody sent me a beer, and I was like, what?

00:10:49.000 And then I turned, and I was like, I can't, and the guy's like, I was trying to catch you!

00:10:54.000 So I'm doing it from the stands.

00:10:55.000 Diaz thinks Bird's drinking.

00:10:56.000 He does?

00:10:57.000 Wow.

00:10:58.000 Yeah.

00:10:58.000 Really?

00:10:59.000 He goes, I think Bird's drinking.

00:11:00.000 He goes, I saw him the other day, he looked guilty.

00:11:04.000 He knocked his head down, wasn't looking at me.

00:11:07.000 I think he's drinking Joe Rogan.

00:11:08.000 Oh, I've wanted to so bad.

00:11:10.000 I actually needed a break this time.

00:11:11.000 I went to sushi.

00:11:12.000 I told you I went to sushi.

00:11:13.000 And when was...

00:11:14.000 I was like, oh yeah, get a nice cold asahi. 0.99

00:11:17.000 That'll be... 1.00

00:11:18.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:11:19.000 It's October. 1.00

00:11:20.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:11:21.000 It's like, it makes you realize now, it's not just casually drinking, that there's moments where booze really does go well with an experience. 0.99

00:11:28.000 Oh, yeah.

00:11:29.000 Steak and a nice glass of red wine.

00:11:31.000 Oh, yes.

00:11:33.000 Yeah.

00:11:33.000 November 5th, son.

00:11:35.000 We're going off.

00:11:36.000 November 5th, we're going off.

00:11:37.000 November 5th.

00:11:37.000 That's when we're going to do the recap podcast.

00:11:39.000 We're all going off.

00:11:40.000 So, Ari and I have been battling for first place recently until today when Tom Segura snuck in to second place with his 400 plus points today.

00:11:51.000 That really puts a pressure on me.

00:11:52.000 It really has hurt me to not...

00:11:54.000 I finally joined a gym because of this.

00:11:55.000 I have to.

00:11:56.000 Blink.

00:11:56.000 It's a small gym, but it's like right near my...

00:11:58.000 It's a seven-minute walk from my apartment.

00:12:00.000 So I can pass it on the way home from the cellar.

00:12:02.000 I can get a workout in right then if I want.

00:12:03.000 That's good.

00:12:04.000 Yeah.

00:12:04.000 It's 24 hours?

00:12:05.000 24 hours weekdays. 1.00

00:12:06.000 New York has a crazy fucking life. 1.00

00:12:09.000 There's a crazy life in New York. 1.00

00:12:10.000 Everything's 24...

00:12:11.000 There's so many 24-hour things.

00:12:13.000 Restaurants, pool halls...

00:12:15.000 Yeah, I passed by that place we went a bunch of times.

00:12:18.000 Which place?

00:12:19.000 All the time, actually.

00:12:20.000 Amsterdam?

00:12:20.000 Amsterdam.

00:12:20.000 It's always there.

00:12:21.000 That place is only up until 2. Oh, really?

00:12:23.000 Yeah, but it's still pretty late.

00:12:25.000 There's a few real sketchy joints that are 24 hours, but if you go in there, you'll get a bunch of creeps that want to gamble with you, and they look like they're cracked out.

00:12:33.000 Oh, fellas, I'm good.

00:12:34.000 I'm just trying to hit some balls.

00:12:35.000 Yeah.

00:12:35.000 Trying to take my mind off things.

00:12:36.000 Yeah, they're cracked out.

00:12:38.000 I'm trying to hustle.

00:12:38.000 There's very little of that anymore, though.

00:12:40.000 New York is cleaned up for the worse or the better.

00:12:43.000 I mean hustling.

00:12:44.000 Pool hustling.

00:12:45.000 It's just kind of died.

00:12:47.000 Really?

00:12:47.000 Yeah, so like pools dead.

00:12:50.000 They have like leagues now.

00:12:51.000 Yeah.

00:12:52.000 You know?

00:12:52.000 Yeah, it's like, well, I mean, that's good.

00:12:55.000 I'm just happy if people play.

00:12:57.000 It's a fun thing to play, but it's dead in terms of like the way it used to be in Manhattan where there was just gambling everywhere.

00:13:04.000 You know, at the turn of the century, there was a thousand pool halls in New York City?

00:13:07.000 What?

00:13:08.000 Yeah.

00:13:09.000 1900s.

00:13:09.000 The early 1900s.

00:13:11.000 Did you ever see the pool tables, like, outside in Thailand when you were there?

00:13:15.000 No, I didn't, but here in the Philippines, it's crazy.

00:13:18.000 Yeah, and it's just like, there'll be some, like, an awning or something.

00:13:21.000 Oh, I did see one.

00:13:21.000 Kind of like people who go tailgating, those kind of tents, and it'll be under that, and you can just pull over and be like, and they'll be like, white guy, for sure, let's play.

00:13:30.000 Yeah.

00:13:31.000 No gambling, just having a fun time.

00:13:33.000 Really?

00:13:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:13:34.000 I saw one in Chiang Mai in that downtown marketplace area.

00:13:38.000 I saw one. 0.99

00:13:40.000 How fun was that fucking Thai kickboxing? 0.99

00:13:42.000 Pretty fun. 1.00

00:13:43.000 It's so cool.

00:13:44.000 And they played the instrument, right? 0.97

00:13:46.000 Dude, how fucking fun is that? 0.98

00:13:48.000 Yeah, it's pretty wild. 0.98

00:13:49.000 I've been to those out here where they play it, but Americans get real bored with the Y crew, the dance they do.

00:13:56.000 Yeah, they do a dance for their own dojo.

00:13:58.000 Yeah.

00:13:59.000 Well, they do.

00:13:59.000 Everybody does it.

00:14:00.000 And there's a real logic behind it.

00:14:02.000 The logic is that you warm up and that you relax yourself.

00:14:05.000 Okay.

00:14:05.000 I can see that.

00:14:06.000 Because you're kind of performing in front of all these people.

00:14:08.000 Going through these dance moves.

00:14:09.000 Yeah.

00:14:09.000 And also people are staring at you.

00:14:11.000 So it kind of wears off your nerves.

00:14:13.000 There's a reality to that.

00:14:15.000 It's actually really wise.

00:14:17.000 Wow.

00:14:17.000 And you limber up your body, too.

00:14:20.000 A lot of the stuff they're doing is they're getting down on one knee like a lunge, and they're bouncing a little bit.

00:14:25.000 So they're limbering up their body, and then on top of that, they're actually doing this dance in front of all these people, and it calms the nerves a little bit.

00:14:33.000 Wow.

00:14:33.000 Yeah, John Fitch will always talk about that, about the idea of people watching you is actually a big thing, and the UFC is like a bigger people watching you than anywhere else.

00:14:41.000 It's a tougher... 0.99

00:14:42.000 People watching you is fucking... 0.99

00:14:43.000 I mean, people watching you shoot a free throw, you know? 1.00

00:14:47.000 Go ahead, dude!

00:14:48.000 A bunch of people watching, oh, fuck, here I go, here I go. 1.00

00:14:50.000 That's real, even if it's just like five of your friends. 1.00

00:14:53.000 Yeah.

00:14:54.000 Yeah.

00:14:55.000 Pressure. 0.98

00:14:55.000 Pressure's fucking real, man. 0.98

00:14:57.000 I mean, that's what everybody's most terrified about what we do. 0.99

00:15:00.000 Public speaking.

00:15:01.000 Mm-hmm.

00:15:02.000 I had somebody, we were giving a talk on Shakespeare or something.

00:15:05.000 It was a group project.

00:15:06.000 We each had to write one paragraph.

00:15:08.000 We wrote three paragraphs.

00:15:09.000 Each one of us read one.

00:15:10.000 So, I think I read mine.

00:15:12.000 Just reading it off the paper, I was paying attention.

00:15:14.000 This next lady's like, and then later Shakespeare had the time we have... 0.96

00:15:19.000 Panic attack! 1.00

00:15:19.000 And I was just looking at her like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:15:22.000 And the teacher's like, okay, okay, okay, it's alright. 1.00

00:15:24.000 Let's let somebody else read. 0.99

00:15:25.000 And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

00:15:28.000 It's crazy. 0.99

00:15:29.000 It's way before I was a stand-up, but like, it doesn't make any sense.

00:15:32.000 I used to panic when I would talk to bank tellers.

00:15:35.000 What?

00:15:36.000 Yeah, I used to go to a bank teller.

00:15:37.000 I'd get super nervous right before I'd have to talk to a bank teller.

00:15:39.000 Why?

00:15:40.000 I don't know.

00:15:41.000 Yeah, there's no reason for it.

00:15:42.000 Well, when I was a kid, I really felt like a loser.

00:15:45.000 I really did.

00:15:46.000 I had, like, serious low self-esteem issues up until, like, high school year, up until martial arts.

00:15:52.000 And then once I started doing martial arts and getting really good at it and then teaching, it kind of calmed me down.

00:15:57.000 Experience.

00:15:57.000 Yeah.

00:15:58.000 And then it kind of like was a, believe it or not, almost like a natural path to stand up.

00:16:03.000 But I remember before that being very awkward talking to people, like very nervous talking to people I didn't know.

00:16:11.000 You know, I just didn't feel like...

00:16:14.000 I still get that, where I'm like, I don't know how to talk.

00:16:17.000 You're a stranger.

00:16:18.000 I don't know how to talk to you.

00:16:19.000 Yeah, I know, right?

00:16:20.000 Especially if it's an odd thing.

00:16:25.000 It's worse when they know you, too, and they ask you questions that are so broad.

00:16:27.000 What's Joey Diaz like?

00:16:29.000 Oh, boy.

00:16:31.000 Yeah, that's hard.

00:16:32.000 That's hard.

00:16:33.000 Hey, man, I've got to ask you a question.

00:16:34.000 What should I do for a living?

00:16:35.000 Yeah.

00:16:36.000 What? 0.99

00:16:38.000 Trying to get my shit together. 0.98

00:16:39.000 Oh, okay. 0.99

00:16:40.000 Fire truck operator.

00:16:42.000 Yeah, you should make ladders.

00:16:44.000 Yeah, like, wow, I don't know anything about you.

00:16:47.000 What are you talking about?

00:16:49.000 Yo, you used to be a carpenter, but I don't want to do it anymore.

00:16:52.000 Okay.

00:16:53.000 I'm thinking of doing stand-up.

00:16:53.000 Should I do it?

00:16:54.000 Definitely.

00:16:54.000 I don't know.

00:16:55.000 Go for it.

00:16:56.000 Whatever you want.

00:16:56.000 I say go for it.

00:16:58.000 Sure, I guess.

00:16:59.000 If you want to do it, do it.

00:17:00.000 Yeah, but everything is like that.

00:17:02.000 But if it doesn't work out, don't get mad at me.

00:17:03.000 Don't get mad at me.

00:17:04.000 No, I'm not being responsible for this.

00:17:05.000 Hey, bro, you told me to become a fighter. 0.99

00:17:07.000 Now I'm all fucked up. 0.99

00:17:08.000 You told me to do jiu-jitsu. 0.99

00:17:09.000 I got a broken arm now, bro.

00:17:11.000 Who's going to fix this?

00:17:12.000 Huh?

00:17:13.000 You, bro.

00:17:13.000 That's the answer.

00:17:14.000 You, motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:15.000 Fix that shit. 1.00

00:17:16.000 Go get it fixed. 1.00

00:17:18.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:17:19.000 I was talking to a friend of mine who, I don't want to name his name because he's got a pretty significant injury, and we were talking about his injury, and it's fucking bad, man. 0.51

00:17:29.000 You know, he needs surgery, and his bone is changing shape because of arthritis that's building up in his joint. 0.99

00:17:37.000 I'm like, oh, fuck, and he's a young guy. 1.00

00:17:40.000 It just makes you realize the fucking punishment these guys are putting on their body that's totally below the surface. 1.00

00:17:49.000 People don't know. 0.99

00:17:50.000 It's behind the curtain.

00:17:51.000 No one knows about it.

00:17:52.000 And they've got these devastating injuries that they're fighting off and then competing against world-class fighters.

00:17:59.000 With injuries. 0.87

00:17:59.000 With these torn ligaments and fucked up joints. 0.87

00:18:01.000 It's like what you're talking about with Tony Ferguson. 0.95

00:18:03.000 He didn't look comfortable on that leg.

00:18:05.000 No.

00:18:05.000 And he's like, yeah, he wasn't.

00:18:07.000 You know what?

00:18:08.000 He went six months from catastrophic knee injury where the bone literally separated from the ligament.

00:18:14.000 The ligament tore off the bone.

00:18:16.000 You ever see the picture of his surgery? 1.00

00:18:18.000 Jamie, pull that shit up. 1.00

00:18:20.000 Pull that shit up, Jamie. 1.00

00:18:21.000 It's a crazy surgery because it's... 1.00

00:18:23.000 I'm not exaggerating.

00:18:25.000 It might be a 12-inch scar.

00:18:26.000 It's enormous.

00:18:27.000 It's like that big. 0.99

00:18:28.000 And it's all jagged and shit. 0.98

00:18:30.000 And it's just... 0.99

00:18:31.000 He ripped it apart.

00:18:32.000 They had to open him up like a trout.

00:18:33.000 How did he fight again in 12 months?

00:18:34.000 Not even.

00:18:35.000 Six months.

00:18:35.000 Six months, I mean, yeah.

00:18:36.000 Insane.

00:18:37.000 I don't understand how that guy doesn't clearly get the title shot.

00:18:40.000 He does.

00:18:41.000 We should talk about that.

00:18:42.000 Look at that.

00:18:43.000 Wow.

00:18:44.000 That's crazy.

00:18:44.000 And the thing is, that was just from a trip.

00:18:47.000 He just tripped.

00:18:49.000 Wow. 1.00

00:18:50.000 Fucking bananas. 1.00

00:18:51.000 Ew. 1.00

00:18:53.000 Yeah.

00:18:53.000 What's the second image, Jeremy?

00:18:55.000 It's a little different.

00:18:57.000 Oh, the other side.

00:18:58.000 Way worse angle.

00:18:59.000 Yeah, the extent of that injury, the fact that he came back in six months.

00:19:05.000 And what's really interesting is he came back in six months.

00:19:07.000 He didn't spar, apparently.

00:19:09.000 Really?

00:19:09.000 I need to talk to him about this, and I'm going to have him on with Eddie.

00:19:13.000 He didn't spar.

00:19:14.000 He just prepared.

00:19:15.000 Is he trained with Eddie?

00:19:16.000 Yeah, he's one of Eddie's black belts.

00:19:18.000 Wow, really?

00:19:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:20.000 Damn. 1.00

00:19:20.000 I believe he's a black belt. 1.00

00:19:22.000 He should be.

00:19:23.000 I think he is.

00:19:24.000 I think he's good at fighting.

00:19:25.000 I'm pretty sure Eddie gave him his black belt after he submitted Kevin Lee.

00:19:28.000 He did, yeah.

00:19:30.000 Yeah, he's a 10th planet guy.

00:19:33.000 Wow, that's pretty cool.

00:19:34.000 It's pretty badass.

00:19:35.000 He's got a nasty Darce joke.

00:19:37.000 Yeah, he should clearly get the title shot.

00:19:39.000 It doesn't make sense to me.

00:19:40.000 When he came back, he shouldn't have even gotten stripped, in hindsight.

00:19:43.000 I agree 100%.

00:19:45.000 And then it's like, you have Khabib, who's the title holder, fair and square, I guess, but you never beat the champion.

00:19:50.000 Well, he's more of a legit title holder, in my opinion, than Khabib was before Conor.

00:19:55.000 Because he beat Al Iaquinta, who wasn't even supposed to be fighting for the title, whereas Kevin Lee is a way more like...

00:20:02.000 Who did Ferguson get it from?

00:20:04.000 Well, Ferguson fought Kevin Lee for the interim title.

00:20:07.000 Oh, because Conor left it.

00:20:08.000 But Kevin Lee prepared for Tony Ferguson.

00:20:11.000 They met.

00:20:12.000 They fought for the interim title.

00:20:14.000 And Kevin Lee is like a top contender. 0.99

00:20:18.000 He's a fucking tough guy, obviously. 0.98

00:20:20.000 He went five rounds with Khabib. 0.99

00:20:21.000 Conor couldn't go five rounds with Khabib.

00:20:23.000 And he put up resistance.

00:20:25.000 It was a good fight.

00:20:26.000 But he would never bring him a title shot.

00:20:29.000 No.

00:20:29.000 Maybe in the future.

00:20:30.000 He was never in that discussion.

00:20:31.000 Well, he's fighting Kevin Lee.

00:20:32.000 If he beats Kevin Lee, that's the next fight for Al Iaquinta. 0.97

00:20:35.000 Look, Al Iaquinta is fucking legit. 0.91

00:20:38.000 He's very legit. 0.97

00:20:39.000 He's underrated.

00:20:40.000 Like, really underrated, in my opinion.

00:20:42.000 Yeah.

00:20:42.000 I think the way he got up from Khabib taking him down, nobody's been able to do that.

00:20:46.000 He got up.

00:20:47.000 Like, pretty consistently.

00:20:49.000 Took very little damage on the ground.

00:20:51.000 Khabib was never able to pound him out the way he pounded out Conor.

00:20:54.000 If you go back and watch Al Iaquinta vs.

00:20:57.000 Khabib and Conor vs. 0.97

00:20:58.000 Khabib, you realize how fucking good Al Iaquinta is. 0.96

00:21:01.000 Also, Conor does nothing on the ground. 0.98

00:21:04.000 Well, he didn't in that fight.

00:21:06.000 Really, when Mendez took him down on two weeks' notice, and it was like, if he didn't gas, Mendez would have beat him.

00:21:12.000 It's true.

00:21:12.000 It's like, he can't fight on the ground.

00:21:14.000 Well, he did very well on the ground against Max Holloway.

00:21:18.000 Which was early in Max's career.

00:21:20.000 Max was only like 21 at the time.

00:21:24.000 But I agree with you.

00:21:26.000 That's definitely his weakest part of his game and the strongest part of Khabib's game.

00:21:31.000 My point was just that Al Iaquinta did not get beat up on the ground like that.

00:21:35.000 Did not get close to being stopped.

00:21:37.000 Went full five rounds.

00:21:38.000 And Khabib clearly won the fight.

00:21:40.000 But Al Iaquinta provided resistance and provided more of a struggle than Conor did.

00:21:46.000 I honestly think some of the reason that's holding Ally Quinta back from the fans, from them thinking of him as like a top, is his name.

00:21:52.000 It's just not.

00:21:53.000 He has a name of someone who'd be like in the early round of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. 0.98

00:21:56.000 You say that, but if he started starching world champions, nobody would give a fuck about his name. 0.99

00:22:01.000 True. 0.99

00:22:02.000 Like if he went out there and destroyed Khabib and fucking head kicked him into another dimension. 1.00

00:22:06.000 True. 1.00

00:22:06.000 Good point. 1.00

00:22:07.000 Nobody would give a fuck about his name. 0.98

00:22:08.000 Yeah, when they talk about how hot celebrities are, you wouldn't say that if he wasn't in nine movies. 0.95

00:22:12.000 Like who?

00:22:13.000 I don't know.

00:22:13.000 Like Ryan Reynolds?

00:22:14.000 He's pretty hot.

00:22:15.000 Yeah, things like that.

00:22:16.000 Really?

00:22:16.000 Yeah.

00:22:16.000 The moon guy?

00:22:17.000 He's in the moon movie?

00:22:18.000 Or maybe like Dane.

00:22:19.000 Even like Dane.

00:22:20.000 People are like, he's good looking.

00:22:21.000 Dane Cook?

00:22:21.000 Yeah, but even back then it was like, no, he's fine.

00:22:24.000 He's kind of cute for a comedian.

00:22:25.000 He's fine, but for a comedian.

00:22:26.000 But for a super successful, so you're like, oh, this guy's hot.

00:22:28.000 It's like, not really.

00:22:30.000 Not like...

00:22:31.000 Jeremy Renner.

00:22:34.000 I remember him on commercial days.

00:22:35.000 Oh, yeah, he's not that odd.

00:22:36.000 And it was like, good looking guy, but now people are like, so gorgeous.

00:22:38.000 And it's like, that success is on that.

00:22:40.000 That's true, yeah.

00:22:41.000 For gals.

00:22:41.000 Isn't that funny that it doesn't work like that with girls at all?

00:22:44.000 Uh-uh.

00:22:44.000 At all.

00:22:45.000 As a matter of fact, it makes him a little gross.

00:22:47.000 What?

00:22:47.000 If they're more successful?

00:22:49.000 Yeah.

00:22:49.000 Like, nah.

00:22:50.000 Super successful and not that good looking?

00:22:52.000 Like, ew.

00:22:53.000 It works the opposite if they're gross looking and then they get successful.

00:22:56.000 Like Joan Jett. 1.00

00:22:57.000 Like, I'll fuck Joan Jett now. 1.00

00:22:59.000 Oh, Joan Jett's hot, man. 1.00

00:23:00.000 Yeah.

00:23:00.000 Joan Jett's always been hot.

00:23:01.000 PJ Harvey.

00:23:02.000 These women, without their fame, are like, get away from me! 1.00

00:23:06.000 Really?

00:23:06.000 We're talking!

00:23:07.000 Joan Jett?

00:23:08.000 Yeah, man.

00:23:09.000 I love rock and roll?

00:23:09.000 Yeah.

00:23:10.000 Put another dime in the jukebox, baby? 0.99

00:23:11.000 Yeah, but get out of here. 1.00

00:23:12.000 Go put a dime in the jukebox. 1.00

00:23:13.000 You're disgusting. 1.00

00:23:14.000 Wow. 1.00

00:23:15.000 I disagree strongly.

00:23:16.000 I'm saying it's only because of her fame.

00:23:18.000 She's great.

00:23:19.000 No, I always thought she was hot. 1.00

00:23:20.000 I know you did.

00:23:21.000 But when I was in high school...

00:23:23.000 Yeah.

00:23:23.000 Well, she was hot when I was in high school.

00:23:25.000 Like, Joan Jett's probably 155 years old.

00:23:27.000 Yeah, she's playing, like, Dewey Beach next week.

00:23:30.000 She's at the Canyon Club.

00:23:32.000 What does she look like now? 0.86

00:23:34.000 She looks like, uh, okay.

00:23:36.000 Well, that's a little older.

00:23:37.000 That's an issue.

00:23:38.000 That's, uh, Sharon Osbourne.

00:23:40.000 Yeah.

00:23:40.000 I think you got the wrong photo.

00:23:42.000 No, that's her. 0.59

00:23:43.000 I know, I'm joking.

00:23:44.000 I was like, wait, what?

00:23:45.000 At first I thought you said you looked like her, then I'm like, no, no, that is her. 1.00

00:23:48.000 Yeah, well, you know, fucking Father Time fucks us all in the ass. 1.00

00:23:52.000 God damn it, Father Time. 1.00

00:23:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:23:54.000 Anyway, the reason I wanted to come on here...

00:23:56.000 Talk MMA. Yeah, it's because I've had this unique experience that a lot of people, like I mention it sometimes, and they're like, oh, you've been to a UFC? I'm like, dude, I've been to like 50 of them.

00:24:04.000 And they're like, how?

00:24:06.000 How?

00:24:07.000 And it was just this cool thing where I guess in your contract early on, you got this deal.

00:24:12.000 You get a free companion flight and a free companion hotel.

00:24:16.000 And then you started inviting us.

00:24:18.000 And then we started doing comedy shows on Friday night after the weigh-ins.

00:24:21.000 And then it became like a thing.

00:24:23.000 And so these weekends, we do one big show and then go to the weigh-ins and have...

00:24:28.000 And have the actual UFC the next day.

00:24:32.000 It was just this fun weekend full of doing something, stand-up, and also having fun.

00:24:36.000 Well, how about the classic example of you and Duncan kissing when Stevie Dalloway was fighting?

00:24:40.000 Sure, that's a good way to start.

00:24:41.000 Why not?

00:24:42.000 It was Stevie Dalloway, right?

00:24:43.000 It was boring. 1.00

00:24:44.000 It was a fucking wrestling fight. 1.00

00:24:45.000 It was boring. 1.00

00:24:48.000 And you guys waited until the camera came out.

00:24:50.000 Here it is.

00:24:54.000 Yeah, he was on the ground.

00:24:55.000 And then he turned...

00:24:57.000 I couldn't stop that.

00:24:59.000 Look at Frosty.

00:25:00.000 Look at Frosty.

00:25:00.000 I wish I had held it longer.

00:25:02.000 Oh, it's Nate Marquardt.

00:25:03.000 That's who it is.

00:25:03.000 Nate Marquardt was fighting somebody.

00:25:06.000 Yeah, we were given a Luminati sign.

00:25:07.000 Duncan doesn't sit up there normally.

00:25:09.000 Frosty was always really cool, letting us sit up there and make us feel welcome, you know?

00:25:13.000 Frosty's a great guy.

00:25:14.000 Yeah, great guy.

00:25:15.000 Love him.

00:25:16.000 And then Duncan was like, let's give Illuminati signs because he's up there.

00:25:19.000 He doesn't really care about the sport. 0.99

00:25:21.000 So he's just looking at the monitors, seeing the fucking technique of all of it, of what goes into the fucking filming of it. 0.99

00:25:28.000 Yeah, we gave a joint Illuminati triangle. 0.99

00:25:31.000 A joint Illuminati triangle? 0.99

00:25:33.000 That's so ridiculous. 0.98

00:25:33.000 Right behind Joe Silva. 0.98

00:25:34.000 People, they're really, really dumb people. 1.00

00:25:42.000 They think you guys are really in the Illuminati. 1.00

00:25:44.000 Doug has that.

00:25:45.000 People have been saying, like, you're in the Illuminati.

00:25:46.000 I know you are.

00:25:47.000 You and Rogan.

00:25:47.000 I get people all the time saying I'm in the CIA. That's great.

00:25:51.000 That's great.

00:25:52.000 What a terrible operative you are if they uncovered it.

00:25:54.000 Could you imagine if that was the secret to my career?

00:25:57.000 All the other stuff was just so I could portray a normal person.

00:26:02.000 All the drug use, history of martial arts, getting in with the UFC, becoming the commentator.

00:26:08.000 It's so public, though, to be a CIA agent.

00:26:11.000 It's so I can go deep, deep undercover and nobody would buy it. 0.99

00:26:15.000 Yeah, it's like, wouldn't you just be better to be a garbage man? 0.97

00:26:18.000 Like, nah, no one would suspect this. 1.00

00:26:20.000 There's people that just want to believe the dumbest fucking conspiracies, period. 1.00

00:26:24.000 Like, the dumbest conspiracies. 1.00

00:26:26.000 Like, there was some fucking guy, one of those Infowars guy, that was promoting something recently that Hillary was 50% reptilian. 1.00

00:26:35.000 50%? 1.00

00:26:36.000 I've heard 30% I can believe, but 50?

00:26:39.000 Full half?

00:26:40.000 Yeah, see if you can find that.

00:26:41.000 Someone said she has 50% reptilian blood.

00:26:44.000 Well, you know, that was a David Icke thing for the longest time.

00:26:47.000 The reptilians.

00:26:48.000 Yeah, remember he was saying, he won't talk about that now apparently.

00:26:50.000 Why?

00:26:50.000 He gets angry when people bring up reptilians, because it's embarrassing.

00:26:53.000 Because he was like, I shouldn't have believed that. 0.99

00:26:55.000 Yeah, but it's a fucking foolhard... 0.97

00:26:56.000 And then he became way more mainstream, and then the internet came along. 0.99

00:27:00.000 And then people were like, hey, you remember that fucking reptilian thing? 1.00

00:27:03.000 That's the craziest shit of all time. 1.00

00:27:05.000 He needs to have an answer for that. 0.99

00:27:06.000 Either, oh yeah, I was just making that up for whatever, when I was back in the early days of the internet.

00:27:11.000 Or I believed it.

00:27:12.000 Right, or like, I believed it, now I realize how crazy that was.

00:27:14.000 Yeah, you can say that.

00:27:16.000 But not like, don't bring it up.

00:27:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:18.000 There's, I mean, look, there's fucking, there's real conspiracy. 0.99

00:27:22.000 You know that story about that journalist that was killed by the Saudis this week? 0.99

00:27:26.000 Uh-huh.

00:27:27.000 That's real.

00:27:28.000 That he was killed?

00:27:28.000 Yeah, they finally admitted that they killed him.

00:27:30.000 The Saudis did? 1.00

00:27:31.000 Yeah.

00:27:31.000 They said that they killed him in a fight.

00:27:33.000 Which is, if you see the guy, you're like, this guy's not fighting anyway.

00:27:38.000 And some of the Crown Prince's top people, top security people, have been released, apparently. 0.86

00:27:44.000 Probably gave him a fucking hundred million dollars and said go chill on a beach somewhere. 0.96

00:27:48.000 Wow. 0.99

00:27:49.000 Somebody said one of them, too, was like, died in a car accident this week.

00:27:53.000 They kill a lot of journalists, man.

00:27:55.000 No, not a journalist.

00:27:56.000 Infowars Real News Twitter banned after MSM outcry over Hillary's satire.

00:28:02.000 So it was a satire piece?

00:28:03.000 Yeah, I just found the piece and I was like, there's no way that this is real.

00:28:06.000 They thought it was satire?

00:28:07.000 I don't know who did.

00:28:08.000 Can I just tell you about...

00:28:10.000 Hillary Clinton releases DNA tests proving she's only half lizard person. 0.91

00:28:13.000 Only half lizard.

00:28:14.000 She released it to clear her name? 0.98

00:28:17.000 Did you know Elizabeth Warren released that thing that says she's got actual Native American blood, but it's literally like one 100,000 fucking million trillionth? 0.98

00:28:28.000 Wow. 0.95

00:28:29.000 She has, like, the smallest amount of... 0.99

00:28:31.000 Did you see what Ben Shapiro tweeted about that?

00:28:32.000 What'd he say? 1.00

00:28:33.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:28:34.000 Jamie, try to find it. 1.00

00:28:35.000 Your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather.

00:28:37.000 Yeah, but...

00:28:38.000 And then it was something else, but...

00:28:39.000 I forget what it was.

00:28:41.000 Let's see if we can find it.

00:28:42.000 But I think I'm 1.6% African.

00:28:45.000 I did one of those DNA tests.

00:28:47.000 Are you really?

00:28:47.000 Yeah.

00:28:48.000 And I'm done.

00:28:49.000 See you later.

00:28:50.000 I have standards.

00:28:51.000 Goodbye.

00:28:54.000 I think I'm at least 10 times more African than she is Native American.

00:29:00.000 Wow. 0.99

00:29:01.000 That's how ridiculous it is. 1.00

00:29:02.000 I might be wrong with these numbers, because Jamie and I were trying to work it out, and we were both stupid as fuck. 1.00

00:29:07.000 Why did she release that as, like, C, instead of going, like, oh, I guess I'm not. 0.99

00:29:10.000 Because she was lying...

00:29:11.000 And she was also lied to.

00:29:12.000 Probably her family was like, you know, we have Native in us.

00:29:14.000 I'm like, oh, cool.

00:29:15.000 That does happen.

00:29:17.000 Like Jamie.

00:29:18.000 Jamie thought he had a gang of Native Americans in them. 0.89

00:29:21.000 He does his chest.

00:29:22.000 Supposedly do.

00:29:22.000 It's hard to prove is from what I'm trying to find out.

00:29:25.000 Right.

00:29:25.000 I can't wait to do one of those tests.

00:29:26.000 I just have it to see if I'm over 97% Jewish or like under 97% Jewish.

00:29:32.000 Mine is almost exactly what I thought.

00:29:34.000 It's mostly Italian.

00:29:36.000 It's some other European, like Irish and English. 0.95

00:29:39.000 You've got to be part monkey. 0.58

00:29:41.000 Yeah, there's some Neanderthal.

00:29:43.000 I found Neanderthal in there.

00:29:44.000 Yeah.

00:29:44.000 57% more than the average person.

00:29:47.000 You see the South Park on that?

00:29:48.000 No.

00:29:49.000 Where he was trying to prove that he was a minority so he could claim victimhood. 0.95

00:29:51.000 And in order to take the test, he swabbed your mouth.

00:29:53.000 So first he found a Native American and just started making out with him and then swabbed.

00:29:58.000 And then they were like, uh, it came up kind of weird.

00:30:00.000 You're like 98% Native American.

00:30:02.000 So we're going to need a blood test. 1.00

00:30:03.000 He goes, oh, fuck. 1.00

00:30:05.000 So it proves he wasn't any minority, except he was like 2% Neanderthal. 1.00

00:30:08.000 And he goes, you wiped my people out! 0.99

00:30:10.000 You raped my people! 1.00

00:30:11.000 Oh, that's great. 1.00

00:30:12.000 Yeah.

00:30:13.000 Stan Marsh is a great character.

00:30:15.000 Yeah, so anyway, we're doing that.

00:30:17.000 We keep trying to get on the film.

00:30:19.000 Illuminati signs.

00:30:19.000 Yeah, he can see the monitor.

00:30:20.000 You know, the monitor on your table?

00:30:22.000 Yeah.

00:30:22.000 And so he goes, you know, next time we have to kiss.

00:30:24.000 And I was like, fuck. 1.00

00:30:26.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:30:28.000 Because as a person, I'm like, I don't want to do that. 1.00

00:30:30.000 But as a comic, I'm like, oh, I have no choice.

00:30:33.000 Obviously, that's the right move.

00:30:34.000 You have to. 0.93

00:30:34.000 So it's like, goddammit. 0.93

00:30:36.000 So I'm like, alright, I'm watching this fight. 0.61

00:30:37.000 Tell me when it's time.

00:30:39.000 And then a minute later he goes, now!

00:30:43.000 Did you guys touch tongues?

00:30:45.000 I mean, yeah, we wrapped it around a little.

00:30:47.000 Woo! 0.99

00:30:48.000 Gotta enjoy it.

00:30:48.000 No, I don't think we touched tongues.

00:30:50.000 Maybe we did.

00:30:51.000 I think you might have.

00:30:52.000 You might have, actually.

00:30:53.000 I think it was a real kiss.

00:30:54.000 And then Frost, he's just watching the monitor.

00:30:56.000 He's not even looking at us.

00:30:57.000 He's like, I wish I had held it a little longer.

00:30:59.000 I thought it was over.

00:31:03.000 Yeah, that's intense.

00:31:04.000 You grabbed his face, too.

00:31:05.000 Like, you really loved him.

00:31:06.000 Oh, yeah, I did, huh?

00:31:07.000 You put his hand on your shoulder in sort of like a submissive stance.

00:31:11.000 And look at Joe Silva.

00:31:12.000 Hmm, this fight is interesting. 0.82

00:31:14.000 Joe Silva's got his hands crossed, totally oblivious to the homosexual activity going on behind him. 0.98

00:31:18.000 This is back when the fighters could actually make a living in a sponsorship.

00:31:22.000 Oh yeah, look at his shorts, covered in sponsors.

00:31:25.000 Yeah, that's a big selling point for Bellator for a lot of fighters.

00:31:30.000 Come here and actually make some cash.

00:31:31.000 Well, there's a lot more money to be made if you can get sponsors.

00:31:36.000 I mean, Schaub was making more than $150,000 a fight just from sponsors.

00:31:40.000 Yeah, and that flag behind you afterwards?

00:31:42.000 The flag behind you, the shorts.

00:31:44.000 They quickly rushed to put the t-shirt on.

00:31:46.000 Yeah, and t-shirts around the week of the fight.

00:31:50.000 Like, you know, people would pay you to wear it for all your training footage.

00:31:52.000 Oh, really?

00:31:53.000 I remember when the sponsor, I remember when they did away with it. 0.97

00:31:57.000 The fighters going, hey, come to fucking, you know, whatever nightclub, come to Shush. 0.89

00:32:01.000 We're going to be partying. 0.99

00:32:02.000 I don't want to stop fucking nightclubs I have in Vegas. 0.99

00:32:05.000 Yeah, but after parties at Shush. 0.99

00:32:07.000 Someone's going to open up a church now.

00:32:10.000 And then they're like, hey, guys, you can't do that anymore.

00:32:12.000 It's gross.

00:32:13.000 I think that came out of the time, by the way.

00:32:15.000 I remember one of the earlier ones in Sacramento.

00:32:18.000 See, I got to see, luckily, not from when you were in the UFC, but from this middle range to where it is now, of like...

00:32:25.000 All the fighters would stay at the same hotel.

00:32:28.000 And we'd have the after party there.

00:32:30.000 We'd all hang out.

00:32:32.000 Four or five fans would show up who knew about it.

00:32:34.000 But generally, it was just a way you can drink with Keith Jardine and all these guys.

00:32:37.000 Those were great times.

00:32:38.000 Great times!

00:32:39.000 I remember you eventually had to make the decision, like, I can't be here anymore.

00:32:42.000 It's overrun with fans.

00:32:44.000 But for a while, it was awesome.

00:32:46.000 Yeah.

00:32:47.000 Two things changed.

00:32:49.000 One, cell phones with cameras.

00:32:51.000 Pictures all the time.

00:32:52.000 That changed.

00:32:53.000 Because it used to be people just wanted to say hi.

00:32:55.000 Then it was everyone had a phone out and they all wanted to take a photo and they would wait for you in the elevator bank.

00:33:00.000 So you would get out of the elevator and there would be 50 people there.

00:33:04.000 And you couldn't go anywhere.

00:33:05.000 You were always so late to the event.

00:33:06.000 You're like, I can't.

00:33:07.000 I have to go.

00:33:08.000 I should have left 20 minutes ago.

00:33:09.000 What about the fans?

00:33:10.000 I'm like, I'm doing my job.

00:33:11.000 I have to go do my job.

00:33:12.000 Yeah, I'm about to do it for a million fans, so you four don't really matter as much. 0.99

00:33:15.000 I'm running to the fucking weigh-ins. 0.99

00:33:16.000 These guys are starving to death right now, and I gotta get there. 0.99

00:33:19.000 I can't be late for the weigh-ins.

00:33:20.000 It's televised.

00:33:21.000 No.

00:33:21.000 People would get so angry if you didn't take their photo.

00:33:24.000 But it was such good times. 0.94

00:33:26.000 I remember in Sacramento, there was a hotel bar that we were all at, and it was like, this is fucking awesome.

00:33:31.000 Hanging out casually, you happen to get into conversations with fighters, trainers, Della Grotti, people like that.

00:33:37.000 You just talk.

00:33:38.000 Yeah, it completely changed.

00:33:40.000 It completely changed as a, well, 2005 is really when it changed, because that's when The Ultimate Fighter came on.

00:33:46.000 And when The Ultimate Fighter took off, and the sport became, it just became much bigger.

00:33:51.000 Like almost within a year it was like significantly bigger and then it kept going and then 2000 like what was the iPhone 2007?

00:33:59.000 Six ish. 0.91

00:34:01.000 That's when shit really changed with the cameras on the phones man. 0.96

00:34:04.000 From then to eight, nine and then I was like I can't do this anymore I have to because we would do shows. 0.96

00:34:10.000 I remember you were like I gotta go to Dana's Hotel.

00:34:12.000 Well, there was no way.

00:34:14.000 It was just too crazy.

00:34:15.000 It's like you would get stalked coming into the hotel.

00:34:18.000 You get stalked leaving the hotel.

00:34:20.000 People would find your door and knock on your door.

00:34:22.000 But it wasn't like that, and it was so fun.

00:34:24.000 It was so fun. 0.99

00:34:26.000 Yeah, we were there in the fucking salad days. 0.97

00:34:28.000 I remember you doing the weigh-ins once in, I believe, Fort Lauderdale. 0.98

00:34:32.000 And we were walking to there with the Tap Out guys.

00:34:35.000 Yeah.

00:34:35.000 I remember Scrape telling me, Scrape en masse, saying, like, we found it.

00:34:38.000 This was before the iPhone, actually, because he was like, we found a way to crank text people.

00:34:43.000 What you do is you put in 10 different contacts of a text, all the same number, and they say, hey, how you doing?

00:34:50.000 And then they would just get 10 individual texts.

00:34:52.000 And so you just keep doing that. 1.00

00:34:54.000 Oh, that's so fucking stupid. 1.00

00:34:56.000 Yeah, they would take pictures of people. 1.00

00:34:57.000 But I remember you doing the weigh-ins and going...

00:34:59.000 And back then, it was only the camp showed up.

00:35:02.000 Yeah, it was small.

00:35:02.000 Yeah.

00:35:03.000 It was just in a hall.

00:35:06.000 Not a hallway, but like a banquet hall.

00:35:09.000 And you go, Ari, I almost brought you up.

00:35:13.000 I was like, oh, I wish you would have, dude.

00:35:15.000 That's right, I was going to bring you on stage.

00:35:17.000 I was like, I would have for sure gotten naked. 0.88

00:35:19.000 Ari Shaffir! 0.98

00:35:20.000 And nobody would have stopped that.

00:35:22.000 No.

00:35:22.000 They would have been like, ha, ha, ha.

00:35:23.000 I would have gone up there, weighed in.

00:35:25.000 Well, imagine if the UFC was going to hire me today.

00:35:29.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:35:29.000 And then they like watched one episode of the podcast of us getting fucked up. 0.98

00:35:32.000 We need you to clean it up a little bit. 0.98

00:35:34.000 Yeah.

00:35:34.000 Yeah, William Morris wouldn't allow that as a hire.

00:35:37.000 If WME, like, yeah, I mean, they'd be like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

00:35:41.000 There's no way. 0.78

00:35:42.000 Yeah.

00:35:42.000 Uh-uh.

00:35:43.000 Let's get Jeff Probst.

00:35:45.000 Yes!

00:35:45.000 Get that guy.

00:35:46.000 Get that guy.

00:35:47.000 He knows a lot about MMA. Does he really?

00:35:50.000 No.

00:35:50.000 No, okay.

00:35:51.000 And that's not Sharon Osbourne. 1.00

00:35:52.000 Yeah, but it was such fucking Wild West crazy shit. 1.00

00:35:55.000 And I was just getting it. 1.00

00:35:56.000 I just started training with Eddie.

00:35:57.000 You started paying for that.

00:35:58.000 And so I'd see the billboard at the Hyatt, now the Andas, looking over the comedy store.

00:36:02.000 I remember seeing Liddell Couture 2, I think.

00:36:05.000 And people were like, oh, it's a fight.

00:36:07.000 I'm like, oh, what does that mean?

00:36:08.000 Who are those guys?

00:36:09.000 And having Tate and you go like, yeah, they actually fought an epic fight or two.

00:36:12.000 It might have been three.

00:36:12.000 I'm not sure.

00:36:14.000 And now they're going to have a rematch.

00:36:15.000 I'm like, oh, cool.

00:36:16.000 I didn't really know anything about it.

00:36:18.000 I remember rolling at the old bomb squad and having people talk about it.

00:36:21.000 I'm like, what is this thing that you guys are talking about?

00:36:23.000 I remember Hoist Gracie, but I don't know who any of these people are.

00:36:27.000 I don't know the terms you're using.

00:36:29.000 Getting them on the ground.

00:36:30.000 It's all a question of matchups.

00:36:33.000 Matchups makes fun.

00:36:34.000 I'm like, oh.

00:36:35.000 I'm just trying to get a half guard in.

00:36:37.000 Trying to figure out how to do that.

00:36:39.000 My rear naked choke defense got good fast.

00:36:42.000 Dude, you got pretty good.

00:36:43.000 You got pretty good.

00:36:44.000 I remember you tapping people. 0.99

00:36:46.000 I remember looking over and watching you tap some guys going, damn! 0.98

00:36:49.000 It was fun. 1.00

00:36:50.000 Fucking jujitsu. 0.99

00:36:50.000 If bodies didn't break from doing jujitsu, it'd be the most fun thing to do. 0.99

00:36:55.000 If bodies were way more durable, like necks didn't give out, like Eddie's had three surgeries inside of the last year.

00:37:05.000 He had knee surgery, he had his back disc replaced in his back, and then he just had shoulder surgery.

00:37:10.000 It's like your body just gets blown apart.

00:37:13.000 When I tore my meniscus, I had a surgery on it.

00:37:16.000 They didn't know what it was for the longest time.

00:37:18.000 Your buddy, Dr. Steve?

00:37:19.000 Steve Graham?

00:37:20.000 Yeah, he was like, oh, MRIs get false negatives 20% of the time.

00:37:24.000 Just tell them to scope it.

00:37:25.000 Because I was like, it's showing nothing.

00:37:27.000 It's probably that.

00:37:28.000 Just tell them to scope it.

00:37:29.000 They went in there and found it and did it right then.

00:37:31.000 But when they did it, they were like...

00:37:36.000 What do you do?

00:37:37.000 What might hurt it?

00:37:37.000 And I was showing jiu-jitsu high guard just like on the table myself.

00:37:40.000 And he was like, and so I'm pulling my leg back like that, you know?

00:37:43.000 And he's like, what?

00:37:44.000 Why?

00:37:44.000 Don't do that!

00:37:45.000 And I was like, oh, that's, I have to do, that's part of it.

00:37:48.000 Like, why would you bend your leg like that?

00:37:50.000 I'm like, that's every day, man. 0.99

00:37:52.000 That's silly. 1.00

00:37:54.000 They don't know what the fuck they're talking about. 1.00

00:37:55.000 That's just a flexibility issue. 0.99

00:37:56.000 Yeah.

00:37:57.000 That never bothered my knees.

00:37:59.000 Really?

00:37:59.000 No, no, if you're flexible, that's not a problem at all.

00:38:01.000 I think it was kettlebells more than jits that did it to me.

00:38:03.000 Yeah, because I remember we were doing some stuff, like you were doing cleans and presses, and I was like, ooh, for a guy who doesn't ever lift weights, this is a pretty explosive movement.

00:38:12.000 Yeah, my technique's not perfect, so then it's really opening it up to more damage.

00:38:17.000 And it's also, when you get sore from doing something like that, you really should take a long time off.

00:38:23.000 The real hard thing for people that are just starting to lift weights is the building process.

00:38:27.000 One of the things that we had talked about with this fitness challenge was lifting the most amount of weights and improving your max weight over the month.

00:38:35.000 I was like, okay guys, let's slow down here.

00:38:38.000 I know Tom lifts weights a little.

00:38:41.000 You don't lift weights at all.

00:38:42.000 No, I do not.

00:38:44.000 I lift weights a lot.

00:38:45.000 And I'm like, listen, if I'm going to improve my max in things, we're running the risk of catastrophic injury.

00:38:51.000 Like, we're running the risk of tearing ligaments.

00:38:54.000 It'd also be bad for the contest to have somebody have to drop out.

00:38:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:38:57.000 It could fuck you up pretty bad. 0.99

00:38:59.000 I don't lift max weight. 0.99

00:39:01.000 I lift, like, considerably less than my max weight, and I don't go to failure.

00:39:06.000 I do this...

00:39:07.000 You don't go to failure.

00:39:08.000 No.

00:39:08.000 I operate under these principles of this guy, Pavel Tatsulin, who came up with this company called Strong First.

00:39:15.000 And what the idea is, is you do less...

00:39:18.000 Like, say if I can do a 70-pound kettlebell and I can press it over my head 15 times.

00:39:24.000 I don't do 15 times.

00:39:25.000 I do six.

00:39:26.000 Five or six.

00:39:27.000 And then I put it down and I leave it alone for like 10 minutes.

00:39:32.000 And then I come back and I do another five.

00:39:34.000 And I do low repetitions...

00:39:37.000 And unless I'm doing conditioning, in which case I'll use a much lighter weight and I'll do way higher reps.

00:39:42.000 That's what Cam was saying. 0.99

00:39:43.000 Yeah, but Cam does different shit. 0.99

00:39:45.000 He does like 40 reps of 5. He does a bunch of ridiculous shit. 1.00

00:39:47.000 He's a fucking maniac. 1.00

00:39:49.000 You can't pay attention to him because he doesn't make sense. 1.00

00:39:51.000 He's outside the norm.

00:39:51.000 He doesn't make any sense.

00:39:53.000 He doesn't get injured. 1.00

00:39:55.000 He fucking runs marathons every day, and he'll do hundreds of repetitions. 0.99

00:39:59.000 He'll do sets of 25, like four sets of 25. That's marathons every day. 1.00

00:40:02.000 Yeah, when he's preparing for one of those big races, he runs a marathon a day.

00:40:07.000 Jesus.

00:40:08.000 Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

00:40:09.000 But also you have to recognize that he built himself into that state over decades.

00:40:15.000 Do you know marathon, where it comes from?

00:40:18.000 Yeah, it was a distance that they had to run to alert someone of something, right?

00:40:23.000 And do you know the guy?

00:40:24.000 I guess his name was Marathon.

00:40:25.000 Died right afterwards.

00:40:26.000 Right afterwards.

00:40:26.000 Delibered the message and died.

00:40:28.000 But it was more than an actual marathon.

00:40:29.000 It wasn't 26.2?

00:40:31.000 I think it was 100 miles.

00:40:32.000 I think the guy ran 100 miles.

00:40:33.000 See if that's true.

00:40:34.000 The origin of the term marathon.

00:40:36.000 JV, call that up.

00:40:37.000 Origin of marathon, please.

00:40:38.000 Thank you. 0.99

00:40:39.000 Yeah, pull that shit up, JV. Nice t-shirt, by the way. 0.99

00:40:42.000 Um...

00:40:44.000 So, uh, Cam doesn't count.

00:40:46.000 Yeah.

00:40:46.000 I don't understand how he's not always hurt.

00:40:49.000 But anyway, so you do less...

00:40:51.000 Oh, 25 miles.

00:40:54.000 Oh.

00:40:54.000 Huh.

00:40:55.000 So it is not... 0.99

00:40:56.000 He was just announcing the fucking... 0.99

00:40:58.000 announcing the defeat of the Persians. 1.00

00:40:59.000 He was just announcing a sports score.

00:41:01.000 Wow.

00:41:02.000 He wasn't alerting them.

00:41:03.000 Say that guy's name.

00:41:04.000 Try to say his name.

00:41:05.000 The soldier...

00:41:06.000 Fidip...

00:41:07.000 Fidipides?

00:41:10.000 Fidip...

00:41:11.000 Is that it?

00:41:12.000 Fidipides?

00:41:13.000 Sure.

00:41:14.000 He's like, I don't know, dude.

00:41:14.000 What do you want, man?

00:41:15.000 You're the boss.

00:41:16.000 The first marathon commemorated the run of soldier Pheidippides from a battlefield near the town of Marathon, Greece to Athens in 490 BC. According to legend, Pheidippides ran the approximately 25 miles to announce the defeat of the Persians to some anxious Athenians.

00:41:32.000 But it doesn't say that the guy died.

00:41:34.000 No, it does not, but I guess it did.

00:41:37.000 See how that guy's running?

00:41:38.000 Look up.

00:41:40.000 See where the guy's striking with his heel?

00:41:42.000 It's wrong.

00:41:43.000 Totally wrong. 1.00

00:41:44.000 Not only is it wrong, human beings never ran like that before they invented those stupid fucking shoes. 1.00

00:41:49.000 I heard you say that before when you're talking about the goat shoes. 1.00

00:41:51.000 So I try to like lead with my, not soul, what is it?

00:41:56.000 Ball of my foot.

00:41:57.000 Ball of my foot, yeah.

00:41:58.000 You're supposed to lean forward more, and when you lean forward more, you strike down, and you almost hit with your foot flat. 1.00

00:42:05.000 But what you never want to do is run like that asshole, heel down. 1.00

00:42:09.000 That's how people destroy their knees running. 1.00

00:42:10.000 And that was all created by Nike. 1.00

00:42:12.000 Nike created that stupid, fat heel shoe to give you more cushioning. 1.00

00:42:18.000 But the mechanics of it are totally wrong. 1.00

00:42:20.000 If you ever watch little kids run, they run ball of the foot first.

00:42:23.000 That's natural.

00:42:24.000 That's how you're supposed to naturally run.

00:42:26.000 Your foot is literally designed as a shock absorber.

00:42:29.000 I run with those minimalist shoes.

00:42:31.000 My shoes have zero cushioning.

00:42:33.000 Zero. 0.95

00:42:33.000 So I'm running mountains and hills and shit like that. 0.95

00:42:36.000 Even when I hunted elk last week, see these guys? 0.88

00:42:39.000 Oh yeah, right on the ball.

00:42:41.000 But yeah, the black ones, the real dark black ones who are good. 1.00

00:42:44.000 They run barefoot, those fucking guys. 1.00

00:42:46.000 But these guys, they're landing flat. 1.00

00:42:49.000 They have a lot of cushioning on these shoes, you have to realize.

00:42:52.000 Some of these guys are landing heel.

00:42:53.000 That guy in the back is landing heel first. 1.00

00:42:56.000 And that's because of those goddamn shoes. 1.00

00:42:57.000 If you didn't have shoes like that, there's no fucking way. 1.00

00:43:01.000 That guy's all heel. 0.99

00:43:02.000 See that last guy?

00:43:03.000 That guy's all heel.

00:43:05.000 You would never run like that.

00:43:06.000 It's against the mechanics of the human knee.

00:43:08.000 Hold it.

00:43:09.000 Go back to that.

00:43:09.000 What is that video that just came up?

00:43:11.000 It's the Elite.

00:43:12.000 What was that video that was just coming up next?

00:43:14.000 It was about to come up next.

00:43:15.000 It said Candice.

00:43:17.000 Running Cadence.

00:43:18.000 Oh, Cadence. 0.91

00:43:19.000 Okay.

00:43:20.000 That video, that's the only reason that people are running like that, is because of the invention of those shoes.

00:43:27.000 I mean, you run quite a bit, right?

00:43:29.000 I've seen, the reason I look for that is because I've seen a video from the Olympics, I think it was last year, where they were showing long-distance runners, and all of them had a different stride.

00:43:37.000 Some were running ball foot first, some were running heel first.

00:43:42.000 The winter was different.

00:43:43.000 I mean, it also goes to all their bodies are different.

00:43:45.000 They have different...

00:43:46.000 Well, you can run heel first with those shoes. 0.99

00:43:48.000 And you can get away with it for a long time.

00:43:50.000 The issue is that it's not the way your body is designed. 1.00

00:43:53.000 And the only reason why people are running like that is because of those fucking shoes. 0.99

00:43:56.000 You know, if you talk to physiologists and people study anatomy and the loads and the human need, there's massive... 0.99

00:44:04.000 Loads.

00:44:05.000 Loads.

00:44:06.000 There's massive problems with running heel first.

00:44:09.000 It's just not...

00:44:10.000 You're not designed like that.

00:44:11.000 I would say, though, just as a disclaimer, the biggest problem for most people who are probably listening to it is you don't run at all.

00:44:16.000 Yeah, that too. 0.99

00:44:17.000 So go ahead and get up your fucking ass and run, and then figure out the exact right technique later. 1.00

00:44:21.000 Remember when we tried to convince Bert that running on a treadmill is not the same as running? 1.00

00:44:24.000 And he was like, no way.

00:44:25.000 And then he tried real running. 1.00

00:44:26.000 He was like, oh, fuck. 1.00

00:44:28.000 Dude, it is so much harder. 1.00

00:44:29.000 Of course, the fucking treadmill's coming towards you. 0.99

00:44:32.000 All you have to do is pick your legs up. 0.99

00:44:33.000 But you know what's way, for me anyway, that I've noticed?

00:44:36.000 What?

00:44:36.000 Running on actual ground versus pavement.

00:44:39.000 Ground is way easier.

00:44:40.000 Oh, way easier.

00:44:41.000 On my joints, I can go longer.

00:44:43.000 It's a give or something.

00:44:44.000 It's like burning a cork.

00:44:45.000 But you can run on pavement, no problem, as long as you run uphill.

00:44:49.000 Oh, really?

00:44:50.000 Because then it's toe-toe-toe?

00:44:51.000 Well, it's not just that.

00:44:53.000 There's no pounding when you're running uphill.

00:44:55.000 Because you're decelerating as you catch yourself, and you're pushing off.

00:44:59.000 It's like you're doing lunges. 0.79

00:45:01.000 The problem, though, with that is unless you're running in a Dali painting, then it's fucking impossible to keep running uphill. 0.92

00:45:07.000 That's a good point. 0.62

00:45:07.000 Good reference, too. 0.62

00:45:08.000 Dali painting.

00:45:10.000 How many Dali references do you have on this MMA podcast?

00:45:13.000 Zero.

00:45:13.000 This is the first one ever.

00:45:15.000 I walk downhill, basically.

00:45:17.000 Your welterweight?

00:45:18.000 And then run uphill.

00:45:19.000 Oh, really?

00:45:19.000 I kind of...

00:45:20.000 I mean, I go way slower downhill.

00:45:22.000 It's just dangerous.

00:45:23.000 It's bad for your joints to pound, like, going downhill.

00:45:27.000 Like, deceleration, like, running downhill and catching yourself like that, it's just not good.

00:45:32.000 But the deceleration, like, when you...

00:45:34.000 It's not even deceleration, really, but when you run uphill, there's no pounding.

00:45:39.000 Yeah.

00:45:39.000 Because you're just reaching that area and then pushing.

00:45:42.000 But it wears you out more, your muscles, but you're right, the joints are okay.

00:45:46.000 We were hiking the Alps this year in July, and man, there's uphills where you really have to push, but the downhills, you're pushing off, and it just hurts more.

00:45:55.000 It hurts your quads.

00:45:56.000 It beats up your knees, too.

00:45:58.000 It really beats up your knees.

00:45:59.000 I found that elk hunting, too, but the painful stuff was the downhill.

00:46:04.000 You're just stopping yourself, stopping yourself, stopping yourself.

00:46:08.000 There's also a lot of sliding.

00:46:09.000 Yeah, and they almost got to push your foot sideways to go down that way.

00:46:13.000 It's almost easier.

00:46:13.000 Yeah, that's why they have such stiff shoes.

00:46:16.000 So you don't come over the edge?

00:46:18.000 You get an edge, and you can dig that edge into the ground.

00:46:21.000 I got some good boots for that, and it was really good.

00:46:24.000 Makes a big difference.

00:46:25.000 I tried hiking with these minimalist shoes this last trip that I was on.

00:46:29.000 I didn't like them.

00:46:30.000 I wasn't a fan.

00:46:31.000 They're fine for running, if I'm running on a trail, but for hiking, the human body is just... 1.00

00:46:37.000 We have bitch ass bodies. 1.00

00:46:39.000 Our bodies are so weak. 1.00

00:46:41.000 Also, with boots, you want to be able to walk into a creek without having to worry about this is going to soak my socks for the next four hours.

00:46:46.000 Yep.

00:46:46.000 Yeah.

00:46:47.000 Yeah, Gore-Tex.

00:46:48.000 You want that Gore-Tex lining of your boots.

00:46:50.000 By the way, so after that fight, after that me and Duncan kissing, there was a blog that went up pretty fast that said two bored bearded dudes make out of the UFC. And I got a text from a guy.

00:47:03.000 I just got a new phone, a new Flippi.

00:47:05.000 And I didn't know who it was.

00:47:07.000 Somebody texted me like, oh, you two were quite the social media darlings last night, weren't you?

00:47:11.000 And I didn't respond.

00:47:12.000 I didn't know who it was.

00:47:13.000 And then later, I looked through my iMessage.

00:47:16.000 It was Dana.

00:47:17.000 And I was like, I hope he's not mad.

00:47:19.000 He doesn't I don't think he does, but you never quite know.

00:47:22.000 I know, right?

00:47:22.000 Because you're like, you are a CEO. In addition to being this cool, fucking regular dude who curses all the time, you're also a CEO, which is who I don't normally get along with.

00:47:32.000 He's the president of a gigantic sports organization. 0.99

00:47:35.000 Yeah.

00:47:35.000 That guy, it's interesting meeting that guy, too.

00:47:39.000 Having dinners with him and casual conversation to listen to a highly successful person and just how they...

00:47:46.000 Normally act.

00:47:47.000 Once he dropped the guard, you know?

00:47:50.000 It's just interesting.

00:47:51.000 He's like a driven dude.

00:47:52.000 He's super normal.

00:47:53.000 He's very driven. 0.99

00:47:54.000 He loves making deals and all the shit that's involved in it. 0.99

00:47:59.000 Hearing you guys talk about, like, The fucking meatheads of Boston fighting and stuff, like the top two meatheads finally met. 0.99

00:48:06.000 I remember this story he told once and I was like, whoa. 0.98

00:48:09.000 Well, Boston, where Dana came up and where I came up, the sparring was awful.

00:48:15.000 He sparred a lot in South Boston and I sparred in Somerville and in Revere and a couple of these other places. 0.85

00:48:24.000 Everybody would beat the shit out of each other. 0.83

00:48:27.000 There was no real sparring. 0.95

00:48:28.000 I believe there's only one R in Revere.

00:48:30.000 Revere.

00:48:31.000 Yeah.

00:48:32.000 Revere.

00:48:33.000 Yeah, there was no...

00:48:35.000 You're supposed to spar...

00:48:36.000 Well, there's a lot of debate on this, but most people think you should spar at like 60 to 70% maximum.

00:48:44.000 Everybody sparred 100%.

00:48:46.000 Wow.

00:48:46.000 Went for it.

00:48:47.000 They just fought.

00:48:48.000 Everybody fought.

00:48:49.000 Right.

00:48:49.000 Everybody got brain damage.

00:48:51.000 100%.

00:48:54.000 That's why Boston's how it is. 1.00

00:48:55.000 Either you went to Harvard or you're a dork. 0.99

00:48:57.000 And the women aren't the best looking. 1.00

00:48:58.000 There was one time when you went on stage.

00:49:00.000 You went on stage.

00:49:02.000 You challenged me.

00:49:04.000 And we said something.

00:49:05.000 It's like one of these things that comics do where you say something like real dark just to your comic friends.

00:49:09.000 And they're like, you should do that on stage.

00:49:11.000 And it's like this challenge of like, oh, right.

00:49:13.000 Ari goes on stage at the Comedy Connection in Faneuil Hall.

00:49:17.000 I don't remember the exact wording of it.

00:49:19.000 But you were like, you know, the problem with Boston is women are just really not that good looking. 1.00

00:49:25.000 And people are like, how?

00:49:29.000 I love that training.

00:49:31.000 Now I can go after a crowd and just like, hey, you can go with me if you want.

00:49:35.000 I'm being honest.

00:49:36.000 Yeah.

00:49:36.000 You know?

00:49:37.000 Training.

00:49:37.000 Yeah.

00:49:38.000 Yeah.

00:49:38.000 And you can see that in like Cat Williams when he's shitting on Michael Jackson when he was still a hero.

00:49:45.000 Yeah. 0.85

00:49:45.000 And everyone's like, boo. 0.85

00:49:46.000 He goes, fuck you. 1.00

00:49:47.000 I have children. 1.00

00:49:48.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:49:48.000 He's a molester. 1.00

00:49:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:49:50.000 Yeah.

00:49:50.000 You know that go right at them.

00:49:51.000 I don't care how you feel.

00:49:53.000 I'm justified in this.

00:49:55.000 Well, Catwood is super justified with that.

00:49:56.000 Yeah.

00:49:56.000 I mean, that was just something.

00:49:57.000 So was I. Boston women are disgusting. 1.00

00:50:00.000 Even if they're good looking, their voices are garbage. 1.00

00:50:03.000 You're wicked funny. 1.00

00:50:05.000 Fuck me and my pussy, huh? 1.00

00:50:08.000 Come on, you fucking queer. 1.00

00:50:11.000 But those were fun times too, man, because when we first started going on the road together, one of the more fun things was really fun hanging out and doing shows, but it was also fun saying, you can't get fired. 0.99

00:50:26.000 Dude, that was such an influential time, my stand-up.

00:50:28.000 That specifically, where it was like, we're at the hotel, five-minute walk from Faneuil Hall, and they're like, let's get high.

00:50:35.000 And I was like, no, I'm about to perform on stage. 0.99

00:50:37.000 You're crazy. 0.96

00:50:38.000 I can't get high right now. 0.99

00:50:39.000 That's when I had been high 20 times, maybe.

00:50:42.000 And you're like, why?

00:50:44.000 I'm like, because I won't do good.

00:50:45.000 He goes, so?

00:50:46.000 I'm like, what do you mean so?

00:50:47.000 He goes, so?

00:50:49.000 I'm like, but then, he goes, you won't get fired.

00:50:51.000 They didn't hire you.

00:50:52.000 You can't play here.

00:50:53.000 It's 450 seats.

00:50:54.000 And also, like, it gets too far for you to go to feature, and you're just way too big for you to headline, so I'm hiring you. 0.99

00:51:00.000 And I don't care if you get too fucked up. 0.99

00:51:03.000 So smoke pot. 1.00

00:51:04.000 And I was like, yeah.

00:51:05.000 Yeah.

00:51:05.000 I also wanted you to feel free in that.

00:51:08.000 There's these moments when you get high and you go on stage where, and they don't always happen, but there are moments where you take a right turn into Brilliantville.

00:51:19.000 And that right turn doesn't exist sometimes if you're sober.

00:51:23.000 If you're sober, you'll stick to the script. 1.00

00:51:25.000 But if you're high, you're like, so what if I did fuck my dog? 1.00

00:51:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:29.000 And people are like, let's try it. 1.00

00:51:31.000 I don't know.

00:51:31.000 Let's try this for a while.

00:51:32.000 Out of nowhere, you might come up with this premise or this tagline or this thing that comes from you being in this altered state of consciousness.

00:51:40.000 Yeah.

00:51:40.000 And you can't do it, any comic listening, I would not advise you doing it on a big showcase where you have to show, like, William, Marshall, or when you're taping something where it's important.

00:51:48.000 But for workout sets, when really you're just trying to get work out of this.

00:51:52.000 Mm-hmm.

00:51:54.000 And back then, I could get high.

00:51:56.000 Now, you and I, we get high for a couple hours, maybe.

00:52:00.000 Then I was high for nine hours.

00:52:02.000 I smoked three hits.

00:52:04.000 So anyway, we had two sets that night, a Friday or Saturday night.

00:52:07.000 And the first set was awful.

00:52:11.000 I mean, I forgot what I was saying.

00:52:13.000 I had no idea where I was going.

00:52:15.000 It wasn't that bad.

00:52:16.000 It was bad.

00:52:17.000 No, no, no.

00:52:17.000 Parts of it were really funny.

00:52:18.000 Parts of it.

00:52:19.000 Okay.

00:52:19.000 But then by the second set, now then you went on for an hour, then we had a half hour break, and then went on again.

00:52:24.000 By then I had come down a little bit, and the second set was what you were talking about.

00:52:28.000 Free, flowing.

00:52:29.000 You really should get high about an hour and a half before you go on stage.

00:52:32.000 Not like right before. 0.99

00:52:34.000 I fucked up and got high right before. 0.97

00:52:36.000 That's not wise. 0.99

00:52:38.000 What's wise is an hour and a half.

00:52:39.000 On your way down.

00:52:40.000 You already know where it's gone, and now you're coasting.

00:52:42.000 You know what Edgar would do?

00:52:43.000 Matt Edgar would do it for a while?

00:52:44.000 He would go on late at the Comedy Store.

00:52:46.000 And he wouldn't get high all day.

00:52:47.000 You know your first hit of the day is like your biggest one?

00:52:51.000 Cigarette smokers have this.

00:52:52.000 It's the only time you can get a buzz, that first cigarette.

00:52:54.000 But your first weed hit is the biggest one.

00:52:57.000 He wouldn't smoke all day.

00:52:59.000 He'd have a 12, 15 a.m.

00:53:00.000 spot.

00:53:01.000 And when they go, hey, Matt, we're lighting Tony.

00:53:03.000 He'd go, cool, run to the main room, smoke a bunch in that three minutes, and then go on stage.

00:53:08.000 And he'd be going up and feeling it while he's on.

00:53:11.000 It wouldn't even hit him until he's two minutes on.

00:53:13.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:53:14.000 Yeah, he did that for like six months.

00:53:16.000 That would be good if you had notes.

00:53:18.000 Yeah.

00:53:18.000 And if you followed what you talked about already?

00:53:22.000 That's what I tell me when they play clandestine or Comedy Underground, they call it, in Toronto.

00:53:25.000 Oh, that place is crazy.

00:53:26.000 In Queens East.

00:53:27.000 Yeah, and I'm like, any advice?

00:53:28.000 I'm like, my advice is bring a set list.

00:53:30.000 I normally don't say that, but this is one you will lose your place.

00:53:34.000 Dude, there was no air in that room once.

00:53:37.000 It was only pot.

00:53:39.000 Like, you were breathing pot and exhaling pot.

00:53:41.000 It was all pot.

00:53:42.000 My buddy Manolis, he was like, I don't smoke.

00:53:44.000 And then he's in the back for 20 minutes. 0.99

00:53:46.000 Like, dude, I'm high as shit. 0.99

00:53:47.000 Yeah, Tripoli. 0.99

00:53:48.000 Tripoli wasn't getting high back then.

00:53:50.000 And yes, you are if you stand in there.

00:53:51.000 Oh, yes, you are.

00:53:52.000 He was barbecued.

00:53:54.000 That's when I started to believe secondhand smoke is a real thing. 0.99

00:53:56.000 It's fucking totally real. 0.97

00:53:57.000 I didn't think it was until then. 0.99

00:53:59.000 People don't think it's real.

00:54:00.000 We used to mock Tate because Tate didn't want to get high.

00:54:02.000 We would smoke pot and Tate would have to stick his head out the window like an ostrich. 1.00

00:54:06.000 I feel like, what the fuck is wrong with him? 0.99

00:54:08.000 He was worried he didn't want to get hotboxed. 0.99

00:54:10.000 That's when we used to get vans.

00:54:12.000 Remember we used to get vans for a while?

00:54:13.000 Yeah, conversion vans.

00:54:15.000 Yeah, we would rent vans because there were so many of us. 1.00

00:54:17.000 Oh yeah, you would come with a fucking entourage. 0.99

00:54:20.000 Yeah, we would entourage it. 1.00

00:54:22.000 And Red Van would film it.

00:54:24.000 We would just have shenanigans in every town we went to.

00:54:26.000 You bring...

00:54:27.000 You, of course, and then Eddie, Tate, and Red Band as the non-comedians, and then me and Duncan, or me and Diaz, or whatever.

00:54:36.000 There was a shitload of us.

00:54:38.000 Yeah, so five, six people.

00:54:40.000 And then we would feast. 0.99

00:54:41.000 We'd go to these fucking amazing restaurants, feast. 0.99

00:54:44.000 Fogo a lot. 0.99

00:54:45.000 Oh, we went to a lot of Fogos. 0.99

00:54:46.000 It brings me back.

00:54:47.000 One of my memories, I believe it was Cincinnati, was nearby, right near the hotel.

00:54:51.000 It was Cincinnati.

00:54:52.000 Okay, Chihuahua.

00:54:53.000 Yeah, right across the street.

00:54:55.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:54:55.000 And as we're leaving, fucking newly Botoxed, what's his name? 0.98

00:55:00.000 Vandele came in. 0.99

00:55:01.000 We're like, dude, that's fucking Vandele. 0.99

00:55:03.000 And he was the most fierce pre-game fighter. 1.00

00:55:07.000 The way he'd look at you like, I want to kill you for taking this fight. 0.54

00:55:10.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:55:10.000 Nobody was scarier than him in his prime. 0.97

00:55:12.000 Yeah.

00:55:12.000 Krokop was scary because he would just be so calm, like, I don't care, let's do this.

00:55:16.000 Well, Krokop stared him down more than anybody ever stared Vanderlei down.

00:55:20.000 He wouldn't break. 0.96

00:55:21.000 Krokop was a straight-up killer. 0.96

00:55:22.000 He was like, I've murdered people in Krokop. 0.94

00:55:25.000 He was the head of the Croatian anti-terrorist squad.

00:55:27.000 They've begged for mercy and I've showed them none. 0.99

00:55:29.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:55:29.000 And he's a world-class kickboxer. 0.99

00:55:31.000 He wasn't afraid of Vanderlei's strike, and he was a heavyweight, and Vanderlei really wasn't a heavyweight.

00:55:35.000 Yeah.

00:55:36.000 But anyway, we saw him checking in and we went to eat.

00:55:38.000 He was in that churrascaria 15 minutes late. 0.99

00:55:41.000 He threw his shit down and came in. 1.00

00:55:43.000 He was so excited about it. 1.00

00:55:44.000 That's it.

00:55:45.000 Look at Crow Cop. 1.00

00:55:46.000 Wow.

00:55:46.000 Yeah.

00:55:48.000 Dude.

00:55:50.000 Nobody stared down Krokop back then.

00:55:52.000 That was when Krokop was at the peak. 1.00

00:55:54.000 Look at this Japanese guy going through his routine and he's like, fuck. 1.00

00:55:56.000 And I'm pretty sure this was before Krokop really had sort of mastered MMA. He was coming over as a straight kickboxer and they had different rules for him. 0.98

00:56:06.000 The rules for Krokop were like, you can only fight on the ground for like 30 seconds.

00:56:11.000 Oh really?

00:56:11.000 Yeah, and if the fight went to a distance it would be a draw.

00:56:14.000 Damn. 0.96

00:56:14.000 Yeah, because he really didn't have a lot of experience with takedown defense or any MMA fighting back then. 0.96

00:56:22.000 And Vanderlei didn't get Botox.

00:56:23.000 He had his face reconstructed because his nose, he had been in so many brawls, his nose had completely flattened where he couldn't breathe out of it, and he had so much scar tissue over his eyes that his eyes were drooping down, so he'd get cut instantly.

00:56:36.000 Any any punch that would hit him would open him up like a gash and his nose was completely flat So they took a chunk of his rib and rebuilt his nose and he had his nose built big So he could breathe out of it more and then he had all the scar tissue removed from his eyebrows and then pulled back And according to Dana, I don't know but Dana's like he got it's done in Brazil on the cheap And it's just like wasn't the didn't they didn't really make him look like Vanderlei Wow, I

00:57:02.000 So he went from Vanderlei Silva, it's like Vanderlei Silva has the most profound facial form change in all of MMA. Because he went from pretty, if you go back, Vanderlei Silva versus, go to Vanderlei Silva versus Dan Henderson 1. When they first fought in Pride, he was a normal, actually pretty good-looking guy.

00:57:26.000 Like, regular, good-looking guy.

00:57:28.000 And then by the time he left Pride, his face was just smashed in.

00:57:32.000 By the time he fought Chuck Liddell, his face was just smashed in.

00:57:35.000 His nose had been literally flattened.

00:57:37.000 Wow.

00:57:38.000 From punches and kicks, and not just from fights, but also from training.

00:57:42.000 The training that he did at Shoot to Box in Curitiba was legendary. 0.99

00:57:46.000 Yeah, his face was fucked up. 1.00

00:57:48.000 Fucked up. 1.00

00:57:49.000 That also, okay, would bring me to another thing. 0.99

00:57:51.000 We got to go to Brazil one time.

00:57:52.000 Yeah.

00:57:53.000 We didn't do a show that time.

00:57:54.000 See, that's him versus Dan Henderson.

00:57:56.000 Yeah, pretty normal looking.

00:57:57.000 Make that a little bigger. 0.58

00:57:58.000 So you can see.

00:57:59.000 Yeah, super normal looking.

00:58:01.000 Just a normal looking badass.

00:58:03.000 That was the first fight while he fought Dan Henderson.

00:58:05.000 Dan Henderson's chin looks like it's drawn on.

00:58:07.000 Yeah, he's got an iron chin. 1.00

00:58:08.000 Like somebody fucked up. 0.99

00:58:10.000 I know. 0.99

00:58:10.000 That extra bone. 0.99

00:58:12.000 Yeah.

00:58:13.000 Jay Leno and him. 0.96

00:58:14.000 You see that picture of Vanderlei above that with the eye all fucked up? 0.54

00:58:16.000 That was him from that fight. 0.94

00:58:18.000 Oh, really?

00:58:19.000 Dan Henderson connected with a haymaker of a right hand and fucked up his eye. 0.95

00:58:22.000 I love how those guys smile on that. 0.88

00:58:23.000 Like, look at this badge.

00:58:24.000 Look at this cool picture I'm about to take.

00:58:25.000 But you mean, look at Vanderlei's face there in comparison to his face later on in his career.

00:58:30.000 Totally different.

00:58:31.000 Dan Henderson looks exactly the same.

00:58:34.000 He looks like the same guy.

00:58:35.000 He's just an older version.

00:58:37.000 He might be one of the toughest guys that's ever lived.

00:58:39.000 So tough. 1.00

00:58:40.000 Yeah, Dan is just a fucking... 1.00

00:58:42.000 Now look at that picture up there with the tattoos on the shoulders. 1.00

00:58:45.000 Go to that one.

00:58:46.000 Now that's him after facial reconstruction.

00:58:49.000 Make that larger.

00:58:49.000 See?

00:58:50.000 That's after the facial reconstruction has settled in.

00:58:53.000 You know?

00:58:53.000 Oh, we saw him right then.

00:58:54.000 And he just fought real recently, like a couple weeks ago.

00:58:57.000 No way, he's still fighting?

00:58:58.000 Got knocked out by Rampage.

00:59:00.000 Rampage flatlined him.

00:59:02.000 Wow.

00:59:02.000 Rampage is still fighting too.

00:59:04.000 Yep.

00:59:06.000 Rampage still carries that power.

00:59:07.000 That was when he KO'd, Rampage KO'd him in the UFC. Him knocking him through the ring, through the ring in Pride was one of the coolest.

00:59:16.000 Yeah.

00:59:17.000 I saw that later.

00:59:18.000 I mean, you know, way later.

00:59:19.000 You come to the UFC and it's like all these highlights, this backlog of highlights of MMA. Yeah.

00:59:24.000 Like, wow.

00:59:24.000 Especially after the UFC purchased Pride.

00:59:26.000 Yeah.

00:59:29.000 Rio was really cool.

00:59:31.000 That's a place to go.

00:59:32.000 And actually that fight, in terms of the audience response, the two biggest ones were Sylvia Couture in Columbus, first time they'd ever been in Columbus, and that Rio fight.

00:59:44.000 Jose Aldo versus, that was Chad Mendes, right?

00:59:47.000 Which one?

00:59:48.000 The one in Brazil, wasn't it?

00:59:50.000 It was a spinning back kick. 0.95

00:59:51.000 Oh, that was Terry Edom versus Edson Barboza.

00:59:55.000 Dude, from fight one of the undercard, the place was so loud.

00:59:59.000 You could feel it shaking.

01:00:00.000 And I remember them chanting something in the crowd.

01:00:03.000 Because Dana did smart.

01:00:04.000 It was one of the first foreign ones. 0.99

01:00:05.000 And he made a Brazilian fighter on every fight. 0.93

01:00:09.000 He fucked up a little by having a couple times Brazilian versus Brazilian. 0.99

01:00:13.000 And they were chanting something in the audience. 1.00

01:00:15.000 You're going to die.

01:00:15.000 Yeah, you were like, you go to the translator, like, hey, what are they saying?

01:00:18.000 Like, you're gonna die.

01:00:19.000 He's like, oh my god.

01:00:22.000 Oh my god.

01:00:24.000 Yeah, they didn't play games, man.

01:00:26.000 Oh my god.

01:00:26.000 That's when they were like, legit, and I believed it.

01:00:28.000 Like, we gotta figure out how we're gonna get Chelsson out of here, fights Anderson here.

01:00:31.000 And I'm like, come on.

01:00:32.000 And then you go there, you're like, oh, I believe it now.

01:00:34.000 Yeah.

01:00:34.000 Well, they're fiercely, fiercely nationalistic.

01:00:37.000 And also, that's where MMA started.

01:00:40.000 I mean, really, MMA. I mean, martial arts started in the Orient.

01:00:43.000 They started in Japan and China.

01:00:46.000 But in terms of, like, legitimate mixed martial arts, valetudo, those no-rules fights, that's all from Brazil, man.

01:00:53.000 Brazil changed jiu-jitsu.

01:00:56.000 You leave the airport, and there are these giant jiu-jitsu guys in guise looking at each other.

01:01:02.000 It's part of their organization, part of their culture.

01:01:05.000 It's huge over there.

01:01:07.000 I had on Rafael Lovato, who's one of the top Brazilian jiu-jitsu fighters in the world, who fights for Bellator now.

01:01:13.000 He's actually an American from Oklahoma.

01:01:15.000 It fights, you know, and really represents Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

01:01:19.000 But he was saying that, like, for the longest time, the Brazilians dominated the world championships.

01:01:25.000 He was one of the first Americans to win a gold medal in the world championships.

01:01:29.000 But for the longest time, like, even to this day, the Brazilians still, like, have a disproportionate number of gold medalists.

01:01:36.000 Yeah, it's in them, right?

01:01:37.000 Yep.

01:01:37.000 It's a huge part of the culture.

01:01:38.000 And they're so proud, you know?

01:01:40.000 So proud.

01:01:41.000 That was one of the coolest places we've ever been to.

01:01:43.000 I remember also when we went to...

01:01:46.000 From Australia to Sydney.

01:01:49.000 And we did do a show then, and actually we did two shows.

01:01:51.000 It was cool.

01:01:52.000 But it was in your contract, first class companion ticket, way before we were ever going to go to Australia for that.

01:02:00.000 And then it was just as the UFC grew, it just grandfathered in. 0.98

01:02:03.000 And so I remember Dana coming up to me, half joking and half serious, just going, do you know how much your fucking ticket cost? 0.97

01:02:10.000 And I'm like, $25,000, dude. 0.98

01:02:13.000 That's how much I'm paying for you to go to Australia.

01:02:16.000 Yeah, those are good times. 0.97

01:02:18.000 Yeah, and I was like, I almost want to be like, bro, put me in coach and give me fucking 12 of that. 0.88

01:02:21.000 I could use the money.

01:02:23.000 Let's split the difference, dude.

01:02:23.000 I'll suffer for 14 hours for 12 grand.

01:02:26.000 Shit. 1.00

01:02:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:28.000 Yeah, those are like apartments.

01:02:30.000 You have like a little apartment.

01:02:31.000 Oh, it was so great.

01:02:33.000 Yeah.

01:02:34.000 Segura told me, you brought him the year before, and he was like, dude, get ready.

01:02:37.000 It's going to be so good. 0.95

01:02:37.000 They give you socks that I jerked off into. 0.95

01:02:41.000 It's such a fucking grand experience. 1.00

01:02:43.000 Yeah, you've been to a lot of fucking UFCs live, man. 0.98

01:02:46.000 I went to... 0.98

01:02:48.000 Let's just talk about Anderson for a little bit.

01:02:49.000 Okay.

01:02:49.000 Because I believe my very first UFC was at the Pearl.

01:02:52.000 Yes, at the Palms.

01:02:54.000 And I think it was Anderson versus Chris Liebman.

01:02:56.000 Yes, it was.

01:02:57.000 Fun fight.

01:02:58.000 Yeah.

01:02:58.000 I guess Anderson...

01:02:59.000 It might have been his first fight in the UFC. It was.

01:03:01.000 Okay.

01:03:01.000 And people were like, yeah, he's highly touted, but not crazy like he's the best.

01:03:05.000 Just like he's a big...

01:03:07.000 Well, I knew who he was.

01:03:08.000 And I was telling everybody, like, whatever the betting line is, it's off.

01:03:12.000 You told me that on Glover Teixeira.

01:03:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:16.000 You're like, hey, dude, I don't really tell you. 0.99

01:03:17.000 Go fucking take money on this. 0.98

01:03:18.000 Yeah, put all the money on Glover. 1.00

01:03:19.000 He was early in the undercard.

01:03:21.000 That was when Glover fought Kyle Kingsbury.

01:03:24.000 And it's just like people don't know.

01:03:26.000 And, you know, Glover...

01:03:27.000 I was like, what's the line?

01:03:27.000 He goes, it doesn't matter.

01:03:28.000 He'll win.

01:03:29.000 He got a rough deal, man, because he couldn't get a visa to fight in the UFC for a long time.

01:03:33.000 Couldn't get out of Brazil, right? 0.99

01:03:34.000 For six fucking years. 0.99

01:03:35.000 For six years, Glover had a toil in other countries. 0.99

01:03:39.000 He was one of the best ever. 0.98

01:03:40.000 He was fucking phenomenal back then, man. 0.78

01:03:43.000 And I think, you know, when we got him in the UFC, he was at the tail end of his greatness, honestly. 0.95

01:03:48.000 I mean, I think we never really got a chance to see Glover at his very best in the UFC. It's kind of like a Jackie Robinson.

01:03:54.000 Like, what would his stats would have been if he could have played his whole career at HRO or something like that?

01:03:59.000 He's one of those guys that, I mean, I remember when he fought Sokuju.

01:04:03.000 He fought Sokuju, I think it was in the WEC, in the early days of the WEC when it was in Northern California.

01:04:10.000 Yeah.

01:04:11.000 Oh yeah.

01:04:12.000 He was Chuck Liddell's sparring partner and it was one of the rare times that he got to fight in the US. And I remember watching him fight and I would hear about him.

01:04:20.000 I think Hackleman told me about him too because he was training with Chuck. 1.00

01:04:23.000 And I was like, that guy's a motherfucker. 0.99

01:04:25.000 He is so good. 1.00

01:04:27.000 He was so solid.

01:04:28.000 And he was like, you know, training with Hackleman and training with Chuck Liddell in the early days when, you know, they're just savages, man.

01:04:35.000 And he had wrestling, too.

01:04:36.000 That was one thing that a lot of Brazilians didn't have.

01:04:38.000 They were more jujitsu-oriented.

01:04:40.000 He was a wrestler as well.

01:04:41.000 There was Babalu.

01:04:42.000 Babalu had a real good wrestling base, too.

01:04:44.000 He probably was the first guy I remember making money by leaving the UFC. He was one of the early guys to like, I'll get paid as a UFC vet.

01:04:51.000 I have a name. 0.99

01:04:52.000 I'll get paid a bunch off this fucking Chuck fight. 0.99

01:04:55.000 I'll get paid a bunch for the rest of my career until everybody started going and then it wasn't worth that much anymore to be a former UFC guy. 0.98

01:05:01.000 Yeah, that's when Strikeforce opened up.

01:05:02.000 A lot of people realized that there was a legitimate venue and they were on Showtime.

01:05:08.000 Strikeforce was on Showtime. 0.98

01:05:10.000 When Kimbo fought there, all of a sudden it was a big fucking deal. 0.98

01:05:14.000 That was Elite XC. Remember that? 0.97

01:05:16.000 Kimbo, the chick that went on to Gina Carano and they were making these people.

01:05:20.000 And that's actually where you've heard about Cyborg.

01:05:22.000 Yep.

01:05:23.000 Yep.

01:05:24.000 There was like Elite XC and then Strikeforce.

01:05:30.000 Those were two legit venues outside the UFC that really kind of, because the UFC wasn't as big back then, and then they were pretty legit.

01:05:40.000 You could get it, you didn't have to pay-per-view it.

01:05:42.000 You could actually just watch it.

01:05:44.000 Which is what Bellator has going for it, too.

01:05:46.000 But now Bellator is on that new thing, DAZN? Do you know what that is?

01:05:51.000 Well, what they're doing is they're splitting.

01:05:53.000 It's like a streaming service.

01:05:55.000 They're splitting half the fights, Bellator on Paramount, which used to be Spike, now it's Paramount.

01:06:02.000 Half the fights on this DAZN network.

01:06:05.000 But what's crazy is the DAZN network just gave Canelo Alvarez $365 million.

01:06:12.000 They just gave him this giant deal.

01:06:14.000 He's a former fighter, isn't he?

01:06:16.000 No, Canelo just won.

01:06:17.000 He just beat Triple G. You're out of boxing.

01:06:21.000 You know when I fully left it?

01:06:22.000 What?

01:06:23.000 We went to your place once.

01:06:25.000 Your old house.

01:06:26.000 Me, you, Eddie.

01:06:28.000 Maybe a couple other people.

01:06:30.000 We were watching some Pride stuff that you DVR'd.

01:06:32.000 Right.

01:06:33.000 And it cut off the last fight because it went long.

01:06:36.000 Oh, that's right.

01:06:36.000 And then we watched boxing.

01:06:37.000 We watched boxing.

01:06:38.000 And after watching two hours of MMA, you see a guy get knocked down and they're just like, get away, get away, let him get up. 0.99

01:06:43.000 You're like, what the fuck is this? 1.00

01:06:45.000 So much hugging and fucking... 1.00

01:06:49.000 Boxing sucks! 1.00

01:06:50.000 It's great if you watch really good boxers, and if you know you're gonna go see boxing. 0.98

01:06:54.000 The Triple G and Canelo Alvarez fight that happened a couple of weeks ago, it was a really good fight.

01:06:59.000 It was a really good fight.

01:07:00.000 I thought Triple G, well, I thought it was a real close fight, but if I was gonna give it to someone, I think I would've given it to Triple G. But it was close enough where you can go, okay, this isn't a robbery.

01:07:11.000 But good fight.

01:07:12.000 Too many decisions.

01:07:14.000 But leg kicks and takedowns.

01:07:16.000 It just makes fighting more interesting. 0.99

01:07:18.000 It's also just way too many fucking... 0.99

01:07:20.000 Let's see what the judges said. 0.99

01:07:21.000 So nobody really won.

01:07:24.000 This guy just did better.

01:07:25.000 Yeah.

01:07:26.000 Nobody beat a guy.

01:07:27.000 Right.

01:07:27.000 Rarely.

01:07:28.000 I mean, it happens, but just rarely.

01:07:29.000 It happens less.

01:07:31.000 Yeah, the thing about...

01:07:32.000 You know, Pacquiao Mayweather was like, I mean, he could have kept fighting.

01:07:35.000 Right.

01:07:35.000 So what have we decided?

01:07:37.000 Right, right, right.

01:07:38.000 Yeah, after 12 rounds, they could have gone 12 more.

01:07:39.000 That's why I like the early Pride, like the early UFC with like Hoist.

01:07:42.000 It's like, yeah, you're going to fight me for 35 minutes.

01:07:44.000 Right. 0.99

01:07:45.000 And then we'll see eventually I'll fucking wear you down. 0.99

01:07:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:48.000 That's what Nate always says.

01:07:50.000 Like, if this was a war, you'd be dead.

01:07:51.000 Yeah.

01:07:52.000 You know?

01:07:52.000 Yeah.

01:07:53.000 He's like, I choked you out.

01:07:53.000 That means I would have kept choking you.

01:07:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:55.000 And then just put a fucking, you know, twisted your neck. 1.00

01:07:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:58.000 I mean, if someone came along today and did no-time-limit fights, I wonder if you had three big no-time-limit fights.

01:08:08.000 Yeah.

01:08:09.000 Like Nate versus Connor, Jon Jones versus DC, and have just three giant fights and have no time limit.

01:08:20.000 Go.

01:08:20.000 Fight.

01:08:20.000 Oh!

01:08:22.000 That's a scary thing to go into that kind of a fight.

01:08:25.000 That's a different feeling.

01:08:26.000 What Hoist went into in those early days of the UFC... He took a lot of abuse just to get past guard.

01:08:31.000 Eight minutes later, he's like, so slowly move.

01:08:34.000 He's like, we're not in a rush.

01:08:36.000 Weird how it changes your fight plan based on this outside influence.

01:08:41.000 Well, people also have to remember Hoist fought guys that were so much bigger than them.

01:08:45.000 Massive!

01:08:45.000 Like Kimo.

01:08:46.000 Remember when he fought Kimo?

01:08:47.000 And Kimo was a giant roided up dude and was hitting him with bombs and Hoist was on his back and finally caught him in an arm bar and then couldn't continue.

01:08:57.000 He couldn't fight after that.

01:08:59.000 Yeah, he was supposed to fight later, and he couldn't fight.

01:09:02.000 He couldn't fight in the next fight.

01:09:05.000 He was just too bad.

01:09:05.000 Oh, that's when they had tournaments, right?

01:09:07.000 Mm-hmm.

01:09:07.000 Yeah.

01:09:07.000 Crazy that they could fight twice in a night.

01:09:09.000 They were three times in a night.

01:09:10.000 Yeah.

01:09:11.000 Yeah.

01:09:12.000 Look at this.

01:09:12.000 That's nutty.

01:09:12.000 Look how young Big John looks!

01:09:15.000 Oh my gosh!

01:09:15.000 Jesus Christ!

01:09:16.000 He's not even growing facial hair.

01:09:17.000 There's Kimo.

01:09:19.000 Kimo was giant.

01:09:20.000 I mean, he was so huge.

01:09:21.000 He had Jesus tattooed on his stomach.

01:09:23.000 Wow.

01:09:23.000 Look how big he is.

01:09:25.000 Damn. 1.00

01:09:25.000 Yeah, that was a crazy-ass fight, man. 1.00

01:09:27.000 That's when I was like, what is this whole sport?

01:09:30.000 I remember getting it in my friend's college dorm.

01:09:32.000 I was like, what?

01:09:33.000 Helson Gracie in the back.

01:09:35.000 I mean, that was the clan, man.

01:09:37.000 That was the Gracie clan. 0.97

01:09:38.000 Who was the Gracie that was supposed to be, but they were like, you're too good, it'll fuck everything up? 0.73

01:09:42.000 Hickson.

01:09:43.000 But the thing about it was not just that Hickson was too good, but also that Hickson wouldn't listen.

01:09:49.000 Like, no one could control Hickson.

01:09:50.000 Oh, really?

01:09:51.000 Like, yeah, because Horian created the UFC, and Horian was the oldest brother, Horian Helson.

01:09:57.000 I don't know.

01:09:57.000 I'm not sure which one was older.

01:09:58.000 Damn, they went right at it. 0.99

01:09:59.000 There was no feeling each other out. 1.00

01:10:01.000 17 seconds in, they're fucking full-on. 0.98

01:10:03.000 Horian had to do that. 0.97

01:10:04.000 I mean, he had to close the distance to get a hold of him.

01:10:06.000 The door opened.

01:10:08.000 He's like, wait, wait, wait. 1.00

01:10:09.000 He's like, oh, fuck, this is sucky. 1.00

01:10:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:12.000 Ready to go.

01:10:13.000 Yeah, and Kimo had his wrist taped up, but not his knuckles.

01:10:16.000 It was crazy times back then.

01:10:17.000 Yeah, bare knuckles.

01:10:18.000 I forgot about that.

01:10:18.000 Yeah, bare knuckles, stomps, soccer kicks.

01:10:21.000 You could do anything back then. 0.99

01:10:23.000 You could kick in the balls. 1.00

01:10:24.000 You could knee in the balls. 1.00

01:10:26.000 You could hold the hair. 0.99

01:10:26.000 Oh, yeah, right there. 0.99

01:10:27.000 That's right.

01:10:27.000 Remember that guy just kept wailing in the balls like 30 times, so eventually the guy was like, all right, all right, I'm out.

01:10:31.000 Ketachne. 0.86

01:10:32.000 Wow.

01:10:32.000 Keith Hackney versus Joe Son.

01:10:34.000 He fucking balled him up. 1.00

01:10:35.000 Joe Son who went to jail for rape, right? 1.00

01:10:36.000 He went to jail for...

01:10:38.000 Yeah, and he murdered his cellmate. 0.87

01:10:40.000 He went to jail for a gang rape.

01:10:43.000 They arrested him for something else and they did a DNA test on him and found out that he was a part of a gang rape. 1.00

01:10:49.000 Damn. 1.00

01:10:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:50.000 Look how skinny Big John is.

01:10:52.000 Big John is so small.

01:10:53.000 He's just John there.

01:10:54.000 So svelte looking.

01:10:55.000 So sexy.

01:10:56.000 Like a model. 0.73

01:10:57.000 This is 93, right?

01:10:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:10:59.000 So this is a long ass fucking time ago, man. 0.99

01:11:01.000 25 years. 0.99

01:11:02.000 Yeah.

01:11:03.000 And hoist.

01:11:03.000 Look, head butt.

01:11:04.000 See that?

01:11:05.000 Hoist with the head butt.

01:11:07.000 Headbutts, knees in the ball.

01:11:09.000 He's like, please fall down so I can do what I need to do.

01:11:11.000 Well, I mean, he really didn't have a wrestling background.

01:11:14.000 I mean, you see how high his hips are.

01:11:16.000 You know, he didn't drop down and go for a double.

01:11:19.000 He was basically just clinching.

01:11:20.000 He was so undersized.

01:11:21.000 Yeah, he was basically clinching and then hoping he could get to fight to the ground with a trip.

01:11:25.000 And there he goes.

01:11:26.000 And then when he tripped him, Kimo wound up on top of him, which is hilarious.

01:11:30.000 Look at this.

01:11:31.000 Flattened out, had his back.

01:11:32.000 It was terrible.

01:11:33.000 Terrible position.

01:11:34.000 But look, hoist...

01:11:35.000 He's instantly turning.

01:11:36.000 Hoist is just happy that he's on the ground.

01:11:38.000 He's like, dude, keep wrestling with me. 0.99

01:11:39.000 I'll fucking get you. 0.99

01:11:41.000 But look at this. 1.00

01:11:41.000 Kimo is riding his back. 1.00

01:11:43.000 But Kimo is maybe 80 or 90 pounds heavier than him.

01:11:47.000 It's a lot to get off your back.

01:11:49.000 Yeah, Hoist was like 175. And he's got that gi too. 0.90

01:11:52.000 Yeah, he was 175 and Kimo was easily 250. He was a big fucking guy, man. 0.99

01:11:58.000 Look, and there's no back of the head, so he's got to protect himself with distance. 0.99

01:12:02.000 And also, Kimo is holding on to Hoist's gi. 1.00

01:12:06.000 But now, look, he fucked up. 1.00

01:12:07.000 He got tired. 1.00

01:12:09.000 Look, wide open guard.

01:12:10.000 And then he just didn't even try to...

01:12:12.000 Yeah, but he bucked him off just from sheer size.

01:12:16.000 But Kimo just got exhausted. 0.59

01:12:17.000 Because when you're that big, if you don't have a real rigorous strength and conditioning program, you just get fucking Look at this.

01:12:23.000 Triangle's going in and you've got no idea.

01:12:25.000 Oh no, arm bar.

01:12:25.000 Armbar, but looks not that good.

01:12:27.000 Kind of sloppy.

01:12:28.000 He's tired, man. 1.00

01:12:29.000 He's carrying this fucking big guy's weight. 0.99

01:12:31.000 And again, they didn't have strength and conditioning back then, man. 0.99

01:12:34.000 Right. 0.98

01:12:34.000 No one knew what the fuck they were doing. 0.98

01:12:36.000 This was all just... 0.98

01:12:36.000 They definitely didn't know how to cut weight. 0.98

01:12:38.000 They didn't have to.

01:12:38.000 He didn't cut any weight.

01:12:39.000 Yeah, none of them had to. 0.98

01:12:40.000 But they didn't know shit about nutrition.

01:12:42.000 I mean, in 93, man, now remember he got a hold of that hair. 0.68

01:12:46.000 Yeah.

01:12:46.000 And he got a fistful of hair and started punching him in the face.

01:12:49.000 Oh, he really creates distance for the arm triangle there.

01:12:51.000 Nope, he still can't get it.

01:12:52.000 Fistful of hair.

01:12:54.000 He's not letting go.

01:12:55.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:12:55.000 Bitch, I got your hair. 1.00

01:12:56.000 You fucked up, man. 1.00

01:12:57.000 She's got a haircut. 1.00

01:12:58.000 Yeah, you can try to be sexy. 1.00

01:12:59.000 That Tong Po bullshit. 0.99

01:13:01.000 But, you know, we learned so much about martial arts from these fights. 0.97

01:13:05.000 Because everybody had these ideas like woodwork and wouldn't work.

01:13:09.000 And then once they did that, it was like, oh, I have to work on my ground.

01:13:11.000 And then that evolved, and that evolved, and it evolved.

01:13:13.000 I like the old logo.

01:13:14.000 It just opened up jujitsu schools worldwide, everywhere.

01:13:18.000 And everybody wanted to be a Gracie.

01:13:20.000 You know, guys were changing their name to Gracie.

01:13:23.000 Guys were like marrying Gracie's just to have the Gracie name.

01:13:26.000 Guys would marry a female Gracie and then change their name to Gracie. 0.87

01:13:29.000 I mean, it was crazy.

01:13:31.000 It was the difference between you making a million dollars and you making nothing.

01:13:35.000 Yeah.

01:13:35.000 Nobody wanted to go to Fred's Jiu-Jitsu.

01:13:39.000 Everybody wanted to be a part of the Gracie Academy, you know?

01:13:42.000 Like, look at this guy, all that hair on the ground.

01:13:44.000 What is that?

01:13:44.000 Oh, it's a hair clip.

01:13:45.000 That's Kimo's hair. 1.00

01:13:46.000 He pulled a fistful of fucking hair off of it. 1.00

01:13:48.000 He pulled it out? 1.00

01:13:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:49.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:13:51.000 They're both so tired. 1.00

01:13:52.000 Oh, exhausted, man.

01:13:53.000 This is really interesting, actually.

01:13:55.000 And this is only four minutes in.

01:13:55.000 How long does this fight go?

01:13:56.000 I think it went seven minutes, if I have to remember exactly.

01:13:58.000 It's crazy.

01:13:59.000 They're both so worn out.

01:14:02.000 It looks like it's more.

01:14:04.000 What's that, Jamie?

01:14:05.000 It's about to end right here.

01:14:05.000 It's about to end here?

01:14:06.000 422?

01:14:07.000 Oh, hey, he catches him.

01:14:09.000 He keeps going for the armbar of the triangle, and eventually he's like, I'll get one of them.

01:14:12.000 Oh, right here he gets it.

01:14:12.000 So it was like 428, he's catching the armbar.

01:14:15.000 So this is like first round.

01:14:17.000 I wonder if he even knows what he's going for here.

01:14:20.000 Oh, Hoist does.

01:14:21.000 No, not Hoist.

01:14:22.000 He's like, what are you doing?

01:14:23.000 I don't get it.

01:14:24.000 I think he more tapped because he was exhausted than anything.

01:14:27.000 Look at him.

01:14:28.000 He's exhausted.

01:14:29.000 Yeah, he is.

01:14:30.000 He got the arm bar for sure, but barely.

01:14:33.000 But then Hoist was so beaten down by this fight that he couldn't go on.

01:14:39.000 But Hickson would have destroyed chemo.

01:14:42.000 It would have been a completely different thing. 0.99

01:14:44.000 Because Hickson was strong as fuck, man. 0.99

01:14:47.000 And Hickson was... 1.00

01:14:48.000 There's Joe Son.

01:14:51.000 Hickson was a different animal.

01:14:53.000 Hickson was much more physically imposing.

01:14:55.000 He was about 190, 200 pounds.

01:14:59.000 He was smaller than chemo, but he was jacked.

01:15:01.000 Look at their bodies. 1.00

01:15:02.000 Look at his fucking body. 1.00

01:15:03.000 It's just like wrestler body. 1.00

01:15:04.000 A professional wrestler body.

01:15:07.000 Yeah, more bodybuilder than anything.

01:15:09.000 Whereas Hoist is just...

01:15:10.000 If you saw Hoist with his shirt off, you would think, that guy's not even a fighter. 1.00

01:15:14.000 He'll wrap you up like a fucking package. 0.99

01:15:16.000 So back to Anderson, though. 1.00

01:15:18.000 So my bookends with him are...

01:15:20.000 That first leave-and-fight, and then shattering his leg, which I was in front row for, which you didn't even believe it.

01:15:27.000 It didn't make sense to see a leg move like that.

01:15:29.000 You're like, I don't get it.

01:15:31.000 It looked like somebody filled up a sock with pebbles and just hit it against something.

01:15:36.000 It didn't make sense. 0.54

01:15:39.000 And it was so gross.

01:15:41.000 But in the interim, seeing that first Chael Sonnen fight, When he was, I mean, he won four and a half rounds, Chael Sonnen.

01:15:50.000 Yep, he almost won the title.

01:15:52.000 And then to get that, I mean, it was such a legendary sports thing.

01:15:57.000 Not UFC, but sports thing.

01:15:58.000 How this guy's down like crazy in a title fight, a guy who's never been tested, was finally tested, and was losing.

01:16:07.000 It was over.

01:16:08.000 This guy, Chael Sonnen, was beating him.

01:16:10.000 He figured him out.

01:16:12.000 And then to get that triangle with, what, 40 seconds left?

01:16:15.000 Two minutes left?

01:16:16.000 Whatever it was.

01:16:17.000 But I remember what's so clear and indelible in my head is afterwards.

01:16:21.000 We're at the entrance.

01:16:22.000 Everyone's cleared out of the stadium.

01:16:24.000 We're at the entrance to the caves of the stadium, wherever it was.

01:16:30.000 It's me, you, I think Dana, Randy was there.

01:16:34.000 And we're all talking.

01:16:35.000 And then every once in a while, somebody's mind would go to that fight.

01:16:39.000 And you just see him go like, yeah, yeah, I think the weather's pretty nice here.

01:16:42.000 And then you see somebody go like...

01:16:46.000 Like you couldn't believe it.

01:16:47.000 I remember seeing Randy Couture do that.

01:16:50.000 Look at this.

01:16:53.000 Four minutes into the fight, grabs a hold of it, or four rounds into the fight, grabs a hold of it, syncs up the triangle and gets a triangle armbar combination and taps him.

01:17:02.000 Wow.

01:17:04.000 And Anderson came into that fight injured. 0.92

01:17:07.000 Anderson had a fucked up rib entering into that fight, and a lot of people thought he should have pulled out.

01:17:12.000 What kind of weird edit is this with all the blurriness? 0.91

01:17:16.000 All these strange fan edits.

01:17:17.000 I mean, it was nuts.

01:17:18.000 It was nuts for that guy.

01:17:20.000 Look at him.

01:17:20.000 See how he's holding his side?

01:17:21.000 And that was the first trash talk fight I ever remember, too. 1.00

01:17:25.000 Well, Charles Sonnen, people forget how good he was at talking shit. 0.99

01:17:28.000 He was the best. 1.00

01:17:29.000 The best.

01:17:29.000 He was the best.

01:17:30.000 When Anderson Silva walks into the ring, you can hear a mouse pissing on cotton.

01:17:36.000 When I walk in, it's thunder.

01:17:39.000 I mean, the promos he would cut were just the best.

01:17:43.000 That hadn't been done yet.

01:17:44.000 Now it's done a lot.

01:17:45.000 Well, Conor McGregor, you know, it's arguable that Chael was even better than Conor.

01:17:51.000 It is arguable, but if you take time period into account, no one was doing it.

01:17:55.000 Right, he was the first.

01:17:56.000 And he was building up fights as a heel for the first time ever.

01:18:01.000 Brock did a little bit later.

01:18:03.000 People forget how good Chael could fight.

01:18:05.000 If you go back to me, one of his most impressive victories was Nate Marquardt.

01:18:09.000 Because he fought Nate Marquardt when Nate was one of the best.

01:18:12.000 And he ragdolled him.

01:18:13.000 And it was a bloody, crazy, chaotic fight.

01:18:16.000 And he basically dominated him with wrestling.

01:18:21.000 Chael just fought last week.

01:18:22.000 He just got knocked out by Fedor. 1.00

01:18:24.000 Damn. 1.00

01:18:25.000 He stopped by Fedor. 0.99

01:18:27.000 He had some good moments in that fight.

01:18:29.000 He had Fedor's back.

01:18:30.000 He tried to roll him over.

01:18:34.000 There's a move that you do.

01:18:35.000 You go under the chin when you have someone's back.

01:18:38.000 You go under the chin and then you somersault over and try to carry with momentum.

01:18:43.000 Try to carry them over.

01:18:45.000 But it's a core strength move.

01:18:47.000 Head and arm?

01:18:48.000 Well, yeah, he had the back, and he was kind of like riding high on the back, and he felt like he had a grip under the chin.

01:18:57.000 I don't know how he held his hands, but what you do is, when you have a guy's back, you hold it like this, and then you go forward, so you take them forward with you.

01:19:07.000 That way you have their back.

01:19:09.000 When you're on your back, you could cinch up a body triangle, you could cinch up the choke, but... 0.99

01:19:15.000 Fedor shook him off and then beat the fuck out of him. 0.96

01:19:17.000 And then he was on the ground. 0.98

01:19:18.000 Yeah, watch how he does it.

01:19:19.000 So he tries to flip him over seat, but he lost control.

01:19:22.000 And then BOOM! Haymakers coming down from one of the greatest ground-and-pound experts of all time.

01:19:27.000 What a giant difference that was.

01:19:29.000 Getting that or not getting it.

01:19:30.000 Also, you know, Chael fought 185. Fedor's been heavyweight his whole life.

01:19:35.000 It's like, you know, there's a lot of factors in there.

01:19:38.000 But it was a good fight for as long as it landed.

01:19:41.000 As long as it lasted, rather.

01:19:43.000 One of the cool things that we've gotten is the ability to hang out casually with these fighters.

01:19:48.000 Like having just breakfast with Randy.

01:19:52.000 Seeing him.

01:19:53.000 Enough times with you that I remember one time I was going into a buffet or whatever or the hotel free breakfast and looking around and just having him go like, Hey, sit with me.

01:20:01.000 I'm like, Oh, okay.

01:20:04.000 You're just such sought after.

01:20:05.000 I'm talking about nothing.

01:20:07.000 Some of my favorites were in Chicago going to the weigh-ins.

01:20:13.000 And then like, let's go to the show.

01:20:14.000 And then just drunk driving with Clay Guido.

01:20:18.000 I'm like, I'll drive you.

01:20:20.000 It's his city.

01:20:21.000 It's his city.

01:20:22.000 And he's like, come with me.

01:20:24.000 We're like, okay.

01:20:24.000 And you, white knuckling, holding on to the front seat as he's swerving with a brown paper bag.

01:20:30.000 He drives like he fights.

01:20:33.000 And I'm just like, I accept death, so either way, it doesn't matter.

01:20:37.000 And he's just going for it on these highways that he knows.

01:20:40.000 And then I believe the rain.

01:20:41.000 And it was just like, it was just like so fun.

01:20:46.000 Yeah, good times.

01:20:47.000 Another one that I remember early on, early on Jon Jones.

01:20:50.000 He wasn't anything then.

01:20:51.000 He was 4-0 maybe or something like that. 0.91

01:20:55.000 Meeting him, talking about shit, and I could talk about this now because it's no longer a banned substance in the UFC, but talking about weed. 0.97

01:21:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:04.000 And was like, yeah, let's smoke, bro.

01:21:05.000 He wasn't anything.

01:21:07.000 He wasn't anything.

01:21:08.000 And just going like, he's like, who's got weed?

01:21:10.000 I'm like, oh, Rogan's got it, but he's in his hotel room.

01:21:13.000 And texting you, flip phone texting you, back when it wasn't cool, hip to have a flip phone, when it was like, that's all anybody had.

01:21:20.000 That's how long ago.

01:21:21.000 Right.

01:21:22.000 And then just going like, maybe it's then.

01:21:24.000 Maybe it was early iPhone.

01:21:25.000 But like, just going, hey man, are you up?

01:21:28.000 And you're like, yeah, I'm kind of tired.

01:21:29.000 I'm going to sleep. 1.00

01:21:30.000 And it was like, fuck, John. 1.00

01:21:32.000 I think he doesn't want us up there. 0.99

01:21:34.000 And then like, no, no, let's go.

01:21:35.000 He's got the weed.

01:21:36.000 Let's go.

01:21:36.000 Because some fan gave it to us, right?

01:21:38.000 You had this fucking tin, like tin foil of weed. 0.99

01:21:41.000 And just knocking on your door. 1.00

01:21:42.000 And you're like, what?

01:21:43.000 And you're like, you were tired.

01:21:46.000 And it was like, do you have that weed?

01:21:48.000 Like, dude, come on.

01:21:48.000 I want to go to sleep.

01:21:49.000 It's like, me and John want to smoke.

01:21:50.000 And you're like, you looked at us.

01:21:51.000 You opened the door fully and looked at me and this young fighter.

01:21:53.000 And you were like, come on in. 0.99

01:21:56.000 And we all smoked pot together in this hotel room in fucking wherever it was. 0.98

01:22:00.000 I think Montreal, actually. 0.99

01:22:01.000 I think it was Montreal.

01:22:02.000 Yeah.

01:22:02.000 And it was just a fun time.

01:22:04.000 And then seeing this guy move on. 1.00

01:22:06.000 To become the baddest motherfucker on the planet. 0.99

01:22:08.000 Well, we also had a conversation with him about I wanted him to go to a different camp. 1.00

01:22:12.000 That's right! 0.99

01:22:13.000 He was training in fucking YouTube videos in New York with his buddies in a garage. 1.00

01:22:18.000 You're too good, Mike. 1.00

01:22:19.000 You should be in a real camp.

01:22:20.000 That's right.

01:22:20.000 We had that over weed in a hotel room.

01:22:23.000 He's like, you really think so?

01:22:24.000 I go, I know so.

01:22:25.000 I go, you only have a certain amount of time in this thing.

01:22:28.000 I go, and your time should be invested with a real coach who's going to hone your skills.

01:22:34.000 I go, you could be an all-time great, man.

01:22:36.000 Wow.

01:22:37.000 Yeah, I remember telling him that.

01:22:38.000 He's like, you really think so?

01:22:39.000 I go, I know so.

01:22:40.000 I know so.

01:22:41.000 You really got to move on.

01:22:42.000 I forgot about that part of it. 0.95

01:22:43.000 How influential was that in the fucking future of mixed martial arts? 0.89

01:22:47.000 I hope it helped, you know? 0.98

01:22:49.000 He did.

01:22:49.000 He went to Winklejohn.

01:22:50.000 Yeah.

01:22:51.000 Jackson Winklejohn.

01:22:52.000 Eventually.

01:22:53.000 I mean, he might have done it anyway.

01:22:55.000 He might have.

01:22:55.000 Who knows?

01:22:56.000 But I think it was a good conversation to have with a young guy.

01:23:00.000 I was like, listen, man, you have real talent.

01:23:04.000 You could really be something.

01:23:06.000 But you've got to be coached by guys who are going to find out your tendencies.

01:23:12.000 Your bouncing technique isn't going to take you that far. 0.99

01:23:15.000 Well, I mean, fucking he was so good. 0.99

01:23:17.000 Who knows how far? 0.99

01:23:18.000 He might have been a world champion even with the camp that he was in.

01:23:21.000 Yeah.

01:23:21.000 He's so good.

01:23:22.000 And his wrestling is so powerful.

01:23:24.000 And he's so physically talented.

01:23:26.000 But...

01:23:27.000 It made a big difference for him to go to Jackson's and be able to train on a regular basis with world-class fighters.

01:23:36.000 Being there on a daily basis with Carlos Condit, who was at the top of his game back then.

01:23:43.000 That's right.

01:23:44.000 I mean, Keith Jardine.

01:23:45.000 They just had a massive group of killers.

01:23:49.000 they called it the Ring of Fire, where you go five rounds of sparring to get ready for a fight with a different high level, I mean, highest level fighter.

01:24:01.000 So like Nate Marquardt, like, cool, that was round one, get out of here, Jardine, you come in.

01:24:05.000 And now I just finished a fucking round with Nate Marquardt, now I gotta go with Keith Jardine. 0.66

01:24:08.000 Cool, round three, Jardine, get out, John Jones, you come in. 0.98

01:24:11.000 And it's like, what?

01:24:13.000 I mean, the training you got there, Craig Jackson's camp, Yeah.

01:24:17.000 I mean, look, there's a reason why so many extremely high-level fighters are coming out of there.

01:24:22.000 And then Rashad Evans was there as well, too.

01:24:24.000 And Rashad had a real problem with John coming there because Rashad was like, hey, this guy's in my weight class.

01:24:29.000 Yeah, but what are you going to do?

01:24:30.000 Have one guy in his weight class?

01:24:31.000 Right.

01:24:32.000 It's an issue.

01:24:33.000 Yeah.

01:24:34.000 And then, you know, Rashad and John became friends.

01:24:37.000 They never fought.

01:24:38.000 They did fight.

01:24:39.000 Did they?

01:24:39.000 What?

01:24:40.000 Yeah.

01:24:40.000 When?

01:24:40.000 They fought and John beat the shit out of them.

01:24:43.000 I don't even remember that.

01:24:43.000 They fought after they had a big falling out because Rashad was upset that, you know, John wound up getting a title shot and beat Shogun because Rashad got injured.

01:24:55.000 Rashad was supposed to get the title shot John steps in and they were friends at the time and then somewhere along the line then the trash talk started you know I'll fight Rashad fuck it and then it was like man I thought we were friends and then oh yeah that's back when it was like you know you guys can fight as friends you don't you don't have to like be at enemies everybody fight it's it's a sport and it's a it's a money thing and then when John beat him it was a real drubbing and it was Five rounds was a decision

01:25:25.000 and it was a real clear-cut unanimous decision. 0.99

01:25:29.000 He did some crazy shit to him, like step in, elbow to the face, rocked him. 0.99

01:25:34.000 Oh yeah, I kind of do remember this one now. 0.99

01:25:36.000 This was John when he was developing.

01:25:38.000 It wasn't even John, like the John that knocked out DC. I remember him saying in fights that I didn't really ever see this by the fighters.

01:25:45.000 Where he would talk about, after wins, talking about the holes, the fuck-ups he had, more than what he did right.

01:25:51.000 Whereas most guys would be braggadocious and be like, I loved it. 0.86

01:25:53.000 But it was like...

01:25:54.000 He was upset at things that went wrong.

01:25:56.000 Yeah, he goes, I gotta cover that up.

01:25:57.000 That could get exposed.

01:25:58.000 I gotta, you know... 1.00

01:25:59.000 John's a fucking smart dude. 0.98

01:26:01.000 I mean, as reckless and chaotic as he is, and I've said this before, that I don't know what causes that kind of recklessness, but there is a direct correlation between traumatic brain injury, brain damage, and impulsive behavior and recklessness. 0.99

01:26:16.000 It's a fact.

01:26:18.000 It's well-researched.

01:26:19.000 It's well-documented in neuroscience.

01:26:22.000 They know that there's a connection.

01:26:25.000 I don't want to exonerate him from his past behavior, We see that in football players. 0.99

01:26:32.000 We see that in BMX riders that go crazy and fucking land on their head a bunch of times. 0.99

01:26:36.000 People, they get crazy. 1.00

01:26:37.000 Wow.

01:26:38.000 They get wild and impulsive.

01:26:40.000 It's just a fact.

01:26:41.000 It's just a part of the game.

01:26:42.000 You know, those people that engage in any kind of an activity where your brain gets rattled on a regular basis, you are way more likely to do ridiculous things that don't make any sense.

01:26:54.000 That does make sense.

01:26:54.000 Yeah, it does.

01:26:56.000 That's what I said about John.

01:26:57.000 Have you talked to John about it?

01:26:59.000 I know John was upset with me after one of those things.

01:27:06.000 Before we actually did a podcast together, he was upset and I said, listen, man, I have to be honest about everything.

01:27:12.000 I have to be honest about how I feel about every single aspect of your performance, of your behavior.

01:27:18.000 I have to be.

01:27:19.000 It doesn't mean I don't love you.

01:27:20.000 It doesn't mean I don't think you're a great guy.

01:27:22.000 You're paid to give your commentary on stuff.

01:27:24.000 I have to be.

01:27:25.000 You don't really choose sides.

01:27:27.000 Not only can I not choose sides, I have to call what I see.

01:27:31.000 It's everything.

01:27:32.000 Because if I don't, then no one's going to listen to me.

01:27:34.000 Finish this because I have a comment on it.

01:27:36.000 Go ahead.

01:27:36.000 No, go ahead.

01:27:37.000 Well, I remember finding it interesting that after Barack beat Heath Haring...

01:27:41.000 Yeah.

01:27:44.000 Went to whatever steakhouse he went to, and Heath coming in afterwards, and looking right at you, you said he wasn't good.

01:27:51.000 You were critical of him.

01:27:53.000 He sought you out and was like, can I talk to you? 1.00

01:27:55.000 And I was like, oh fuck, he's mad. 0.99

01:27:56.000 But he just wanted to express to you that he had this leg injury, and that's why he couldn't really defend that takedown. 0.99

01:28:01.000 But it's interesting how the fighters, that I get to see these fighters, respect your opinion enough to want to explain their side of it.

01:28:09.000 Well, I appreciate that.

01:28:11.000 And there's always a side.

01:28:13.000 Like, we were talking about that fighter that has this pretty significant injury that he's dealing with right now.

01:28:17.000 Like, most people don't even know.

01:28:19.000 And they wouldn't have known if he didn't tell you.

01:28:21.000 And there's a lot of these guys that go into fights and they're really compromised.

01:28:24.000 They have hand injuries, back injuries, neck injuries.

01:28:28.000 And this is just a part of this crazy sport where the whole objective is to injure people.

01:28:33.000 So you're injuring each other in training.

01:28:36.000 And you've got to hide those injuries because then they'll exploit them.

01:28:39.000 Right.

01:28:40.000 But this is one of the reasons why I have to be honest all the time, is because people, they respect the fact that I'm not saying things because it sounds cool.

01:28:52.000 I'm saying things because this is actually what I see.

01:28:55.000 And maybe you have a different perspective, and maybe you could share your perspective with me, and I'll tell you why I thought this, and maybe I'll change my mind.

01:29:01.000 And I'm not scared to change my mind, but I've got to say what I think. 0.96

01:29:05.000 Yeah, and it's cool that the fighters are like, just so you know I wasn't being a pussy. 0.99

01:29:08.000 I would never think Keith Haring would be a pussy. 0.98

01:29:11.000 But they care that you know the real truth of it, and not that it was bad, but here's the reason. 0.99

01:29:16.000 It was interesting how they respect your opinion like that.

01:29:19.000 Well, a guy like Brock Lesnar, man, I swear that if Brock Lesnar got into mixed martial arts right out of college, went college wrestler, right into training, really learned striking, and learned slowly, like took some small fights.

01:29:34.000 Like Jon Jones did.

01:29:35.000 Yeah.

01:29:36.000 But really learn striking instead of spending all that time doing WWE, which I'm sure he made a fuckload of money.

01:29:44.000 Oh, well, yeah.

01:29:45.000 I mean, good for him.

01:29:46.000 That's all great and everything like that.

01:29:48.000 But, man, I think he could have been one of the all-time greats.

01:29:51.000 I really do.

01:29:52.000 He was so strong.

01:29:53.000 He's a freak. 0.99

01:29:54.000 He's a freak. 0.88

01:29:54.000 Nobody I remember cutting that much to heavyweight. 0.88

01:29:58.000 Dude, he was giant.

01:29:59.000 Yeah.

01:29:59.000 Those heavyweights would weigh in with their jeans on because they're like, whatever I am.

01:30:03.000 There was no testing back then. 0.97

01:30:05.000 You've got to realize that the testing back then was horseshit.

01:30:09.000 And the best way to show that the testing was horseshit was to show when Alistair Overeem fought Brock. 0.91

01:30:15.000 That was the steroid Olympics.

01:30:17.000 Those two guys together inside the octagon. 0.99

01:30:20.000 But that was also Brock less than a year from diverticulitis surgery where they had to remove, I think, 12 inches of his fucking colon. 0.99

01:30:30.000 Or his... 0.99

01:30:31.000 Well, it's not even a meat eater.

01:30:33.000 I thought it was at the time.

01:30:34.000 Then I talked to, of all people, Anthony Bourdain told me, no, people get diverticulitis sometimes from seeds.

01:30:40.000 Oh, really?

01:30:41.000 Like a seed will get stuck in your intestines.

01:30:43.000 And it rot?

01:30:44.000 Yeah, well, just things get caught and stuck.

01:30:46.000 But they had to remove 12 inches of his intestines.

01:30:51.000 So they had to open him up.

01:30:52.000 He was done after that.

01:30:53.000 Well, he was, and then he came back.

01:30:55.000 But he was done, as the Brock Lesnar that everybody feared.

01:30:58.000 Well, he says that he was compromised even before that.

01:31:02.000 He said he was compromised before the Kane fight, and before a lot of his other fights, even the fight with Shane Carwin from diverticulitis.

01:31:09.000 He was suffering from it for a long time, and he just thought that he was just exhausted from training, but really, he was having this blockage and all this issue.

01:31:19.000 Yeah.

01:31:19.000 Look at this.

01:31:20.000 Jesus.

01:31:21.000 Yeah, it was fun talking to...

01:31:22.000 That's 256 is incorrect, by the way.

01:31:25.000 That's not true.

01:31:26.000 265?

01:31:26.000 When he weighed, he was 265. Who was?

01:31:30.000 Overeem?

01:31:30.000 Overeem was.

01:31:31.000 Overeem was 265 as well.

01:31:33.000 Wow.

01:31:34.000 And if you look at Overeem on the scale for that fight, that's a great picture of the two of them facing down.

01:31:40.000 Like, Jesus Christ, they're both so jacked.

01:31:42.000 So big. 0.91

01:31:43.000 And it's not like they're 6'10".

01:31:45.000 Brock is my height.

01:31:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:31:48.000 When Overeem was standing there flexing on the scale, you're like, what in the fuck is he? 0.99

01:31:55.000 Like right there. 1.00

01:31:56.000 What the fuck, dude? 1.00

01:31:59.000 Wow. 1.00

01:32:01.000 He's not even like really flexing hard.

01:32:03.000 He's still smiling. 0.78

01:32:04.000 He's so jacked!

01:32:05.000 Oh my god. 0.96

01:32:06.000 He was so jacked! 1.00

01:32:08.000 He was so fucking jacked. 0.99

01:32:10.000 What was Anderson's friend's trainer's name or manager's name? 0.99

01:32:14.000 George?

01:32:15.000 Oh, Ed Soares?

01:32:18.000 Ed Soares, yeah.

01:32:18.000 And we were asking him about the Pride days.

01:32:21.000 And he was like, oh, they tested for steroids in Pride.

01:32:23.000 And you were like, what?

01:32:25.000 They tested for steroids?

01:32:26.000 He goes, yeah, I mean, they didn't do anything about it, but they just tested.

01:32:29.000 But they're like, yeah, you're both positive.

01:32:30.000 Go fight.

01:32:30.000 Who cares?

01:32:30.000 Yeah, well, according to Ensign Inouye, not only did they not test in Pride, they put it in the contract, we do not test for steroids.

01:32:38.000 Oh, I thought he said they tested it and they're just like, we don't give a shit, but we just want to know. 0.89

01:32:42.000 I think they test, they took tests, but they didn't really test you. 0.99

01:32:46.000 Goddamn, those guys are big. 0.99

01:32:47.000 Look at that brain card girl. 1.00

01:32:49.000 She was so young.

01:32:50.000 Which one was that?

01:32:51.000 Gorilla.

01:32:52.000 He was a gorilla, son.

01:32:54.000 Jesus.

01:32:55.000 Yeah.

01:32:56.000 He's blonde hair.

01:32:56.000 He should have been a Nazi in the war.

01:32:59.000 He's missed his calling.

01:33:01.000 He would have been one of the most feared Nazis there were. 1.00

01:33:04.000 Honestly, if he was a fucking Nazi, I would have rooted for the other team. 1.00

01:33:06.000 He was a Viking. 1.00

01:33:08.000 Fuck Nazis, dude. 1.00

01:33:09.000 He would have been on one of them boats with a dragon in the front of it. 1.00

01:33:14.000 By the way, I mean, underrated John Jones for a weedhead. 0.99

01:33:19.000 I mean, everybody gives all the credit to fucking Nate and Nick. 0.99

01:33:22.000 It's fair. 0.99

01:33:23.000 They've earned it. 1.00

01:33:24.000 But when you would give a fucking, those breast strips, half a strip was the dose. 1.00

01:33:29.000 That's right. 1.00

01:33:29.000 And on the plane, he was like, hey, you got it? 1.00

01:33:31.000 One of my finest compliments was John Jones.

01:33:33.000 I heard somebody else goes, hey, you know, John Jones always goes, oh, Shafir, he's always got great weed.

01:33:38.000 And I'm like, hell yes. 0.99

01:33:39.000 Hell fucking yes, I'll take that. 0.99

01:33:42.000 I gave him a package of breath strips and he ate the whole package. 0.99

01:33:44.000 Two to a pack!

01:33:45.000 Half of one is the...

01:33:46.000 And you're like, two, two, two, no!

01:33:47.000 Half is the dose.

01:33:48.000 He took two.

01:33:49.000 And you're like, don't do that!

01:33:50.000 He's like, Joe Rogan, I'll be fine.

01:33:52.000 He was fine.

01:33:53.000 I was so scared for him.

01:33:54.000 I was paranoid because I gave Tommy Buns a half and we flew to Florida and he told me, he goes, dude, he goes, I swear to God, when we landed, he goes, I didn't think I was going to make it.

01:34:06.000 I've had one of those with you before.

01:34:08.000 I really thought I couldn't make it.

01:34:10.000 I really thought there's no way I'm going to be able to survive this flight.

01:34:13.000 I'm going to freak out.

01:34:14.000 I'm going to have them land somewhere.

01:34:16.000 I almost told the stewardess before we took off.

01:34:17.000 I was close to be like, we're not doing this.

01:34:20.000 We're not doing this.

01:34:21.000 We were on the runway.

01:34:22.000 The only thing that stopped me from doing it is knowing the abuse I would have taken from you verbally for the next two years.

01:34:27.000 That I'm like, I'd rather die.

01:34:29.000 I love those days.

01:34:31.000 It was so fun.

01:34:32.000 I was actually, I felt bad for you a couple times in my life.

01:34:36.000 Why?

01:34:37.000 One time me and Nick Youssef were doing a corporate in Vegas and we went to the new Aria and we took edibles and we walked around and I was like, oh, Rogan's too famous in Vegas.

01:34:44.000 He can't do this. 0.98

01:34:45.000 He can't get this fucked up and walk around casually. 0.99

01:34:48.000 But watching the fights on edibles, I'm like, it's too bad you don't get to experience this. 0.99

01:34:54.000 Yeah, you can't do that.

01:34:55.000 I have to do commentary 100% sober.

01:34:58.000 I tried early in the days.

01:35:00.000 Early in the day, I did one or two events where I was a little fucked up, and I was like, this is just too cloudy. 0.99

01:35:05.000 Because I would want to talk about other shit. 0.98

01:35:08.000 The fight would be going on, I'd want to talk about space. 0.99

01:35:10.000 Like that dude who had a Stingray tattoo on his back?

01:35:13.000 He just fought in his last fights.

01:35:15.000 He was on there. 1.00

01:35:16.000 I think a guy who the fucking big black dude beat on the last 13 seconds. 0.99

01:35:20.000 Oh, Volkov? 0.99

01:35:20.000 Yeah, I think he has a Stingray. 0.99

01:35:22.000 I thought it was like a...

01:35:23.000 Oh, yeah, it is kind of a Stingray, isn't it?

01:35:24.000 I can see you going like, what a great fight.

01:35:25.000 Dude, Stingrays are some of the most underrated sea creatures there are. 0.99

01:35:29.000 First of all, they're peaceful as shit. 0.97

01:35:30.000 They haven't evolved in millions and millions of years. 0.99

01:35:33.000 What a strange thing to have a tattoo on your back.

01:35:35.000 I wonder if he's like an ocean guy.

01:35:37.000 He's really into ocean creatures.

01:35:39.000 Dude, we swam with those in... 0.99

01:35:44.000 I forget where.

01:35:46.000 Oh, Flores.

01:35:47.000 Flores.

01:35:47.000 Really?

01:35:48.000 Yeah, near where the Komodo dragons are. 0.99

01:35:49.000 You fucking dive in and snorkel. 0.99

01:35:51.000 You went to the Isle of Flores? 1.00

01:35:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:53.000 That's where that little fucking man lived. 1.00

01:35:56.000 You know, they had that human being that they found. 1.00

01:35:59.000 What do they call it?

01:36:01.000 Homo floriensis, I think they call it.

01:36:04.000 Oh, really?

01:36:04.000 Yeah, it was a little tiny hobbit-like person that existed, I want to say, as recently as 10,000 to 15,000 years ago.

01:36:13.000 There was like a three foot tall kind of human.

01:36:17.000 Yeah.

01:36:17.000 There's been many different branches of human being, right?

01:36:21.000 There's been Neanderthal, Homo sapiens.

01:36:23.000 They both evolved different ways.

01:36:25.000 Yeah.

01:36:25.000 There's one from Russia, Dionysus or something like that.

01:36:29.000 I forget how to say it.

01:36:29.000 Look at that.

01:36:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:31.000 No, I met that guy.

01:36:31.000 He ran a hostel I stayed in.

01:36:32.000 Yeah, that guy was the shit. 1.00

01:36:34.000 He gave you good drugs. 1.00

01:36:36.000 But this little person that lived alongside human beings, see if my timeline is right. 0.96

01:36:44.000 Do they have speech?

01:36:46.000 They don't know, but they know they use tools.

01:36:48.000 Wow.

01:36:49.000 Yeah.

01:36:50.000 They always make sure to paint them with tools to show you what...

01:36:52.000 95,000, 70,000 years ago.

01:36:55.000 Oh, that's it.

01:36:55.000 17,000 years ago.

01:36:57.000 Wow.

01:36:57.000 Why does it say debunked?

01:36:58.000 What's that one?

01:36:59.000 Hobbit, human species, debunked?

01:37:01.000 I don't think that's correct.

01:37:02.000 It says new historian.

01:37:04.000 But I'm pretty sure that's probably an old article.

01:37:08.000 What year?

01:37:09.000 What's that article?

01:37:10.000 When is that?

01:37:11.000 10 years ago.

01:37:12.000 10 years ago?

01:37:12.000 Yeah.

01:37:13.000 Was it 10 years ago?

01:37:14.000 2004. Oh, no, no.

01:37:16.000 They're talking about...

01:37:17.000 I'm sorry.

01:37:19.000 So it's 2014 is the article.

01:37:21.000 That's fairly recently.

01:37:22.000 I don't think that's the consensus.

01:37:23.000 I don't think the consensus is that it's been debunked.

01:37:26.000 The debunked part is about the cranial volume.

01:37:29.000 The brain size, I guess.

01:37:30.000 But not that it was a separate species.

01:37:32.000 Cranial volume is calculated to be 430 milliliters, which puts it within the range of modern human living in the same region.

01:37:40.000 They went further comparing the size of the circumference of the occipital?

01:37:44.000 Is that the word?

01:37:49.000 in that region the planet they found the measurements were indeed similar if LB1 did have Down syndrome then it would explain the short femurs as well hence when calculated statistically for normal growth they would yield a height of just over four feet which matches up with some humans living on Flores Wow hmm this is I think this is probably one of those heavily debated things but You're trying to recreate.

01:38:13.000 There's a thing called island dwarfism that happens to mammals, but the opposite takes place with lizards and reptiles.

01:38:23.000 They get massive.

01:38:24.000 Yeah, reptiles get massive, like Komodo dragons on the island of Komodo.

01:38:27.000 Those are the scariest, funnest things.

01:38:29.000 They're giant.

01:38:29.000 They get huge.

01:38:31.000 They're monitor lizards, really, essentially, that are enormous.

01:38:33.000 Whereas elephants that live on islands get tiny.

01:38:37.000 They have these dwarf elephants.

01:38:38.000 Yeah.

01:38:39.000 Weird.

01:38:39.000 Yeah.

01:38:40.000 See that?

01:38:40.000 Why?

01:38:41.000 Because there's less room to have to cover?

01:38:43.000 No, less resources.

01:38:45.000 Oh.

01:38:45.000 So they adapt to the fact there's less food.

01:38:47.000 And so humans, too?

01:38:48.000 Like, look how tiny that elephant is that lives on those...

01:38:50.000 I mean, it's an elephant that's, like, shorter than you.

01:38:52.000 Wow.

01:38:53.000 And elephants...

01:38:55.000 6'3".

01:38:55.000 Yeah.

01:38:56.000 That's, like, an elephant that's, like, my kid's height.

01:39:00.000 It happens with all sorts of different animals.

01:39:02.000 You see dwarf buffalo.

01:39:04.000 Yeah, island dwarfism.

01:39:05.000 They think it's because these animals adapt to the fact that there's a limited amount of territory.

01:39:12.000 Right, they don't have to cover long distances to get to something. 0.94

01:39:14.000 It's fucking crazy what happens with animals, man, when they figure out what they need to do to survive. 0.79

01:39:21.000 One of the things that I was reading about really recently was these... 1.00

01:39:26.000 Fuck, I wish I had it off the top of my head. 0.99

01:39:29.000 But these moths that lived in an area where things were darker, and they changed from a light-colored moth to a black moth really quickly. 1.00

01:39:42.000 Really?

01:39:42.000 Yeah, like really quickly.

01:39:44.000 Like they did it over a couple generations. 0.99

01:39:46.000 And they're trying to figure out how the fuck this happened. 0.98

01:39:49.000 See if you can find that. 0.99

01:39:50.000 A couple generations is so fast.

01:39:51.000 Peppered moth, yeah.

01:39:53.000 Really fast.

01:39:53.000 Like it blew them away.

01:39:55.000 They don't understand how it happened so quickly.

01:39:57.000 I think there's like, there's so little that's truly understood about what adaptive changes can possibly happen within animals.

01:40:05.000 Like for instance, there's this documentary called Relentless Enemies.

01:40:08.000 And it's all about, are you going to piss in something?

01:40:11.000 I am, dude.

01:40:12.000 I need you to accept it.

01:40:13.000 It's just gonna happen.

01:40:14.000 What are you gonna use, though?

01:40:14.000 Kombucha bottle.

01:40:15.000 Oh, okay.

01:40:15.000 Where's the bottle?

01:40:16.000 Right here.

01:40:17.000 Oh, sorry.

01:40:17.000 Oh, I thought that was full.

01:40:18.000 It's the widest mouth.

01:40:20.000 Oh, okay.

01:40:21.000 You know what you should do?

01:40:22.000 You should get one of those ice bags that people use for...

01:40:27.000 Definitely don't show that.

01:40:29.000 We'll get kicked off of YouTube.

01:40:30.000 Too much work.

01:40:30.000 There's ice bags that people use, like compression ice bags.

01:40:35.000 Yeah.

01:40:35.000 And they have a nice wide mouth.

01:40:37.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:40:38.000 I had some of them here, but I don't want to give it to you. 0.99

01:40:41.000 God damn it. 0.98

01:40:42.000 Didn't work? 1.00

01:40:43.000 You have too much piss? 0.99

01:40:45.000 Too much piss. 1.00

01:40:46.000 Okay, what else we got?

01:40:47.000 There's nothing.

01:40:47.000 The cup.

01:40:49.000 Yikes.

01:40:51.000 Are you topping it off?

01:40:52.000 Yeah, I'm topping it off.

01:40:53.000 I'll use this. 1.00

01:40:54.000 Why don't you just run off to the bathroom real quick and just hold onto your dick and scare Jeff? 1.00

01:40:58.000 Why don't you just suck it? 1.00

01:40:59.000 I don't think I want to do that. 1.00

01:41:01.000 Don't piss in that cup, please.

01:41:02.000 What do you got? 0.63

01:41:04.000 What's that?

01:41:05.000 A tumbler?

01:41:06.000 Yeah, go ahead.

01:41:06.000 Piss in that.

01:41:07.000 I don't know what that's for. 0.99

01:41:10.000 Definitely take that piss out of here, though, afterwards.

01:41:13.000 Y'all take it with me?

01:41:14.000 I'm not going to waste it and sell it on eBay.

01:41:17.000 I bet you could. 0.99

01:41:19.000 That's the thing is, I bet you could sell that piss. 0.94

01:41:21.000 They're so popular now.

01:41:21.000 It's like, the piss that was on Joe Rogan's podcast.

01:41:23.000 This is Ari Shaffir's piss. 1.00

01:41:25.000 For real.

01:41:26.000 On episode 247 of his...

01:41:28.000 Using witchcraft. 0.99

01:41:29.000 This is real Jew piss. 1.00

01:41:31.000 All right. 0.99

01:41:33.000 Give it a shake, and let's get back to the show.

01:41:34.000 Okay.

01:41:35.000 All right.

01:41:36.000 Jamie's turned his head away. 1.00

01:41:37.000 He's afraid of dicks. 0.99

01:41:38.000 Jamie, don't be afraid. 0.99

01:41:39.000 The glory...

01:41:40.000 Are those me undies?

01:41:42.000 No?

01:41:42.000 I believe this might be, actually.

01:41:44.000 Yeah.

01:41:44.000 Yeah, they are.

01:41:45.000 How fucking comfortable are those guys? 0.97

01:41:46.000 They're the best! 0.96

01:41:47.000 They're the only, one of the only two, maybe them and Blue Apron are the only, like, no longer sponsors that I'm like, I'll still rep you guys.

01:41:53.000 See, what's going on with you and sponsors?

01:41:55.000 Did something happen when you said something crazy about a sponsor and they gave you a hard time?

01:42:00.000 Yeah, man.

01:42:01.000 ZipRecruiter, was that what it was?

01:42:02.000 Yeah, it's okay.

01:42:03.000 I get it.

01:42:03.000 I'm not for everybody, but then it's like, we can't work together anymore.

01:42:07.000 Yeah.

01:42:07.000 I just, I can't operate under the idea that you can tell them what to say.

01:42:10.000 What'd they say?

01:42:11.000 Don't say something?

01:42:12.000 They said it's offensive.

01:42:12.000 What did you say?

01:42:15.000 I think it was something along the lines of if you're a human resources person and you have to hire, your time can be spent better doing something else. 0.99

01:42:25.000 You could fucking quickly hire somebody, use ZipGrid, and then spend all your time masturbating in your office. 0.99

01:42:29.000 You could bring in a Ziploc bag and keep putting used socks in there that you masturbate into. 1.00

01:42:34.000 I don't know, I'm just going off the top of my head, trying to be funny. 0.98

01:42:37.000 It's pretty reasonable.

01:42:38.000 It's a three-minute read on a one-minute buy.

01:42:40.000 Yeah.

01:42:41.000 And then they're like, it's offensive.

01:42:42.000 Like, that's fine.

01:42:43.000 Alright.

01:42:43.000 But I can't be thinking about it.

01:42:45.000 I refuse to let myself think about it, so I'll just give up the money.

01:42:48.000 Yeah.

01:42:49.000 Yeah.

01:42:50.000 I've had some people get pissed at me, too.

01:42:51.000 Yeah.

01:42:51.000 And it's fair on their part.

01:42:52.000 I get it.

01:42:53.000 I don't agree, but I get it.

01:42:55.000 That's your right.

01:42:56.000 Some of them are pissed at just language.

01:42:58.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:42:58.000 But I'm like, that's not the way I'm going to do it.

01:43:00.000 So, we're done.

01:43:02.000 But that's such a foolhardy way of looking at it.

01:43:04.000 I believe that too.

01:43:05.000 I believe a good sponsor read. 0.99

01:43:07.000 That one I did with Segura for Saatva Beds, where I was like him getting pegged in the ass by Christina, and he's fucking bleeding out of his ass, but his knees are oh so soft on the Saatva mattress. 0.99

01:43:19.000 It's like, dude, they got super mad. 0.98

01:43:21.000 They had to go back in and edit and take it down, which I'm like, now you're giving me more work to not pay me.

01:43:26.000 They said take it down?

01:43:27.000 Yeah, so I had to go re-edit.

01:43:28.000 Why do they have the right to say take it down?

01:43:31.000 Because they're like, come on, we're a family company.

01:43:33.000 But my listeners aren't family.

01:43:35.000 Why are you advertising on the Ari Shafir's Captain Tech if you're a family company?

01:43:39.000 Exactly.

01:43:40.000 And I'm like, guys, I can give you gold once in a while if you let me be fully free.

01:43:44.000 Yeah.

01:43:44.000 I can give you something that got passed around.

01:43:46.000 Well, I remember Burr got Naturebox pissed at him. 0.99

01:43:49.000 He goes, it's fucking healthy. 1.00

01:43:51.000 Hey, hey, have a fucking apple. 1.00

01:43:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:53.000 You want to eat healthy?

01:43:54.000 Yeah. 0.92

01:43:54.000 Well, that goes against, like, I won't shit on the actual product. 0.92

01:43:58.000 He couldn't help it. 0.94

01:43:59.000 They gave him the copy, and it's like, the healthiest snacks ever.

01:44:04.000 He doesn't pre-read it. 0.99

01:44:05.000 He just, like, reads it, and it strikes bullshit with him. 0.99

01:44:07.000 He's like, nah, I know, we're done. 0.99

01:44:10.000 Well, there are some irrefutable sponsors.

01:44:15.000 For me, Squarespace, irrefutable, awesome product.

01:44:18.000 But Squarespace always let me go do whatever I want. 0.98

01:44:20.000 Whatever the fuck they want. 0.92

01:44:22.000 If I start saying, I wear MeUndies, they're super comfortable. 1.00

01:44:24.000 Also, when you have that last bit of cum on your dick, it'll soak them up perfectly. 0.99

01:44:28.000 They'd be like, whatever. 1.00

01:44:29.000 They don't care.

01:44:30.000 You're talking about MeUndies, right?

01:44:31.000 Yeah.

01:44:32.000 They're not saying, how dare you? 1.00

01:44:33.000 I'd be like, hey, get the dark ones that cover up the fucking blood that comes out of your ass really well. 1.00

01:44:38.000 They'd be like, oh, you're not shitting on the product. 1.00

01:44:40.000 You're not saying it's uncomfortable, so go ahead. 0.71

01:44:42.000 Yeah, it's those super corporate guys. 1.00

01:44:44.000 The ones that zip recruiter, that kind of shit. 1.00

01:44:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:48.000 Yeah, I guess.

01:44:49.000 And it's like, it's fine.

01:44:51.000 I make money...

01:44:53.000 By continuously focusing on free speech, and I'll lose money in some spots, and it makes money in other spots, and this is all just part of it.

01:45:01.000 Yeah, you can't really think about it like only looking to make money every time make more, because that universal growth paradigm, that's only for corporations.

01:45:10.000 And then I'm going to be doing straight ad reads, and my listeners are going to get bored as fuck, and I'm going to lose listeners, so then I'll be able to make less money off ads in the long run because of that.

01:45:17.000 More ads, less money, as opposed to fewer ads, more money. 0.92

01:45:19.000 It's like...

01:45:20.000 Well, not only that, it's like, how much time do we really have left?

01:45:23.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.90

01:45:24.000 I mean, if we, if both of us live another 45 years, it would be fucking amazing.

01:45:30.000 Yeah. 0.88

01:45:31.000 That's 45 seasons of sober Octobers.

01:45:35.000 You know?

01:45:35.000 That would be amazing if you got to 45. Oh no, dude.

01:45:38.000 This is the last sober October.

01:45:40.000 I shouldn't have gotten roped into this one.

01:45:42.000 Are you done because of the contest or are you done because of the sobriety aspect?

01:45:46.000 Can we do it in January?

01:45:48.000 Why January?

01:45:49.000 October is the best drinking month in New York.

01:45:51.000 We could definitely do it in January, but New Year's Eve.

01:45:54.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:45:55.000 Or February.

01:45:56.000 It's my birthday.

01:45:57.000 It's January 2nd.

01:45:57.000 Yeah.

01:45:59.000 Because technically, after midnight, you'd still be fucked up. 0.99

01:46:03.000 November? 0.99

01:46:03.000 I wouldn't mind November. 0.99

01:46:05.000 Yeah, no booze November.

01:46:06.000 No booze November.

01:46:07.000 What are you about in Thanksgiving?

01:46:08.000 You have a little turkey, you want a nice glass of wine.

01:46:10.000 Honestly, though, Thanksgiving, the memories you have for Thanksgiving, childhood, they're not alcohol-based.

01:46:15.000 No?

01:46:16.000 Not really.

01:46:17.000 You might want some, but what you really want is, if you said, no stuffing, you'd be like, hold on, that's part of it.

01:46:22.000 But no alcohol on Thanksgiving, that's not a big deal.

01:46:25.000 What about March?

01:46:28.000 March is okay.

01:46:29.000 More sober March.

01:46:30.000 Sure, that's okay too. 1.00

01:46:31.000 March is a bullshit month. 1.00

01:46:32.000 What the fuck goes on in March? 1.00

01:46:33.000 March is a bullshit month. 1.00

01:46:34.000 March madness. 1.00

01:46:35.000 St. Patrick's Day.

01:46:37.000 St. Patrick's Day is March?

01:46:38.000 Yeah.

01:46:38.000 Yeah, it is.

01:46:39.000 But I'm not Irish.

01:46:41.000 I mean, I'm barely Irish.

01:46:42.000 Yeah.

01:46:42.000 Like a quarter Irish.

01:46:44.000 Spring break also happens.

01:46:45.000 Spring break.

01:46:45.000 Yeah, guess what?

01:46:46.000 We don't have that anymore.

01:46:47.000 That'd be a big deal.

01:46:48.000 You have family guys.

01:46:49.000 There's always a reason, but October's a wonderful month.

01:46:51.000 All the NYU kids have calmed down and gone to classes, so you can actually, the city's back to yours again.

01:46:56.000 It's amazing. 0.94

01:46:58.000 And it's like, it's fucking hard. 0.99

01:47:01.000 I pass by bars, I'm like, I want to fucking go, I want to go with Jay, and be like, let's go to a fucking neighborhood bar! 1.00

01:47:06.000 It's fucking awful. 0.99

01:47:07.000 Couple days away, buddy. 0.99

01:47:08.000 We're only, we have ten days left.

01:47:11.000 Now what's really important is that we beat Burt.

01:47:13.000 For sure.

01:47:14.000 I don't care if you win, I don't care if Tom wins.

01:47:16.000 As long as Burt loses.

01:47:17.000 As long as Burt loses.

01:47:18.000 Can I tell you, can we talk about drugs at the UFC for a little bit?

01:47:22.000 Sure.

01:47:22.000 So, with Diaz always bringing the breast strips, There'd be this time where it wouldn't kick in, it wouldn't kick in, you'd look over, you're feeling it, you'd be like, ah, maybe, sort of.

01:47:33.000 Or one of those Jolly Ranchers that they'd have.

01:47:35.000 I remember having a side, I remember eating a Jolly Rancher, like, before the fight started, because I would get in so early with you. 0.57

01:47:41.000 And just like, just kind of sucking a lot, like this. 0.84

01:47:44.000 And some other guy, nobody knew me back then, and was like, dude, I think somebody's smoking weed. 0.87

01:47:48.000 I was like, yeah, might be coming from somewhere, huh?

01:47:50.000 You smell the weed from the Jolly Ranchers.

01:47:53.000 Yeah.

01:47:53.000 Yeah, and nobody could comprehend back then that it could be coming up from your Jolly Rancher.

01:47:57.000 It's only from Smokeable.

01:47:58.000 This is like 2003. Mm-hmm.

01:48:00.000 Yeah.

01:48:01.000 Mm-hmm.

01:48:03.000 And then you look over.

01:48:04.000 You're feeling it?

01:48:04.000 Sort of.

01:48:05.000 And then you look over again, and Diaz is just like in a trance.

01:48:08.000 And you realize you are too.

01:48:10.000 And you both look, and Diaz is going...

01:48:14.000 And you know he brought the devil in you. 0.99

01:48:16.000 And it was just fucking great. 0.98

01:48:17.000 I mean, I've talked about this on This Is Not Happening stories where it's like you don't even know who's winning fights. 0.96

01:48:21.000 You just know you're enjoying watching them.

01:48:22.000 You guys did acid at one of the UFC events.

01:48:25.000 Back when we were sitting with Kilstein and we didn't tell him.

01:48:29.000 Red Band knew.

01:48:31.000 And just doing acid.

01:48:32.000 I remember how into it you were.

01:48:34.000 That part of me is you never quite know how people are going to react to things until you really know them.

01:48:39.000 And it could have gone like, dude, it's my place of work.

01:48:42.000 You can't, you know?

01:48:43.000 Just a small part of you thinks maybe.

01:48:44.000 But then you're texting us while you're in the fights.

01:48:47.000 Where are you guys?

01:48:47.000 Where are you guys sitting?

01:48:48.000 It wasn't one of those we got bottom floor. 0.99

01:48:50.000 We were in the fucking stands for that one. 0.98

01:48:52.000 And you kept looking at us until you found us. 1.00

01:48:54.000 And you were like, you're doing acid!

01:48:58.000 This is so great!

01:48:59.000 Oh man, I've never seen stuff so clearly.

01:49:02.000 I remember Forrest Griffin coming in with Shipping Up to Boston playing and everyone cheering.

01:49:06.000 And I was like, this is the Colosseum.

01:49:08.000 We're watching what it was like in the Colosseum for people fighting lions.

01:49:11.000 Yeah.

01:49:12.000 Everyone's cheering for blood.

01:49:14.000 How are we different than the Romans? 0.99

01:49:16.000 Pretty fucking similar in a lot of ways. 0.98

01:49:18.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:49:18.000 Just a modern, more acceptable version of it. 0.98

01:49:20.000 Oh, that acid at the UFC was so fucking good. 0.97

01:49:24.000 It was great. 0.98

01:49:25.000 You didn't want any food.

01:49:26.000 Red Bank sort of took care of you a little bit. 0.99

01:49:28.000 He was like, I'll have some of the fucking Andy Dolores cookies. 0.98

01:49:32.000 Yeah, we've done... 0.99

01:49:34.000 I mean, I went to a bunch of events outside of the UFC where we got really fucked up on Edibles.

01:49:40.000 We went to that one at the Playboy Mansion.

01:49:42.000 Yeah, Strikeforce. 1.00

01:49:43.000 Yeah, we got fucked on those. 0.99

01:49:45.000 We got blasted in that one. 0.99

01:49:46.000 Yeah, that was fun.

01:49:47.000 But I missed out on a lot of that.

01:49:49.000 Like, you guys sitting there in the audience had a lot more fun than me.

01:49:52.000 Six hours. 1.00

01:49:53.000 Of fucking greatness. 0.99

01:49:55.000 So you take him early, and by the very end, it's like you're just coming down, and it's like, let's go eat these steaks! 1.00

01:50:01.000 Joe Rogan's buying again!

01:50:02.000 Let's go!

01:50:06.000 There was one in Calgary where it fell on Shroomfest, and it was with Duncan.

01:50:10.000 And I was like, hey, I got us mushrooms.

01:50:12.000 And he goes, oh, I don't want to take mushrooms right now.

01:50:16.000 And I was like, oh, okay, I'll just throw them out.

01:50:17.000 To get the mushrooms I had for you, I'll throw them out.

01:50:19.000 I'll step on them on the ground and throw them out.

01:50:20.000 He goes, all right, relax.

01:50:22.000 I'll take the mushrooms.

01:50:24.000 And, man, it was so fun there because, like, you would take them.

01:50:29.000 You'd get bored to some wrestling fight, you know, where it's like they're trying to outpoint each other.

01:50:33.000 And you're like, let's go wander.

01:50:34.000 And you just go wander.

01:50:35.000 You go get a hot dog.

01:50:36.000 We put them into a Maynard's, which is like Jolly Rancher, like gummy, whatever.

01:50:41.000 We'd stick them in there.

01:50:42.000 So you could reach for either a Maynard or you reach in there and you feel something crunchy like a stick.

01:50:45.000 And you're like, okay, I'm going for that.

01:50:47.000 And we just keep eating these mushrooms.

01:50:49.000 Some random dudes were like, hey... 0.98

01:50:52.000 You want to come fucking to our skybox? 0.97

01:50:54.000 And so we went to some skybox for a while. 0.99

01:50:56.000 And so we got kicked out by security.

01:50:57.000 And that was fun.

01:50:57.000 I'm like, thanks guys, you're great.

01:50:59.000 Fucking giant pupils. 0.99

01:51:01.000 I saw a fucking security guard in Calgary as we were going in and already tripping and trying to smuggle these mushrooms in there. 1.00

01:51:08.000 And this guy goes, hey man, happy Shroomfest. 0.99

01:51:11.000 And I was like, okay, you're being cool about it.

01:51:14.000 Like, you know about it and you're letting me go.

01:51:15.000 Like, thank you very much, security officer.

01:51:17.000 Wow, security guard knew about Shroomfest.

01:51:18.000 This was like a cop.

01:51:19.000 One of those that they hire there.

01:51:21.000 Calgary was fun.

01:51:23.000 Calgary's great.

01:51:24.000 Uh-huh.

01:51:24.000 Great city.

01:51:26.000 Yeah.

01:51:26.000 Doing that.

01:51:28.000 Doing the edibles.

01:51:28.000 I remember Alex Jones being there once and Diaz giving him a cookie.

01:51:31.000 That's right.

01:51:32.000 He goes, hey, this cookie.

01:51:33.000 Yeah.

01:51:33.000 And Alex Jones is like, what's in the cookie?

01:51:35.000 And Diaz goes, eat the fucking cookie! 1.00

01:51:37.000 Like, what kind of stupid question is that? 1.00

01:51:39.000 You know what's in there. 1.00

01:51:39.000 We went to eat with him afterwards. 1.00

01:51:40.000 He was barbecued.

01:51:42.000 Barbecued.

01:51:42.000 He was so much more reasonable back then.

01:51:44.000 He was a different guy.

01:51:45.000 I never understood...

01:51:48.000 How they made him from crazy conspiracy theorist to alt-rightist.

01:51:53.000 I didn't get the connection there.

01:51:54.000 Well, that connection happened when he became united with, like, Alex Jones became united with Donald Trump, right?

01:52:02.000 Because he was a big part of Donald Trump in the campaign days.

01:52:05.000 In what way?

01:52:06.000 Donald Trump would call in.

01:52:08.000 He would call into Infowars.

01:52:10.000 And he knew that Alex Jones had a big base and Alex Jones would help him get elected.

01:52:14.000 You know, Donald Trump was very clever in who he aligns himself with. 0.96

01:52:18.000 Like, when you see him standing there Listening to Kanye West, where Kanye West is ranting and saying all this crazy fucking schizo nonsense, and he's like this, hmm, that's a smart cookie. 1.00

01:52:29.000 Like, he's very smart in when he calls bullshit and when he doesn't call bullshit. 0.99

01:52:33.000 He chooses to call bullshit. 0.98

01:52:34.000 Yeah, it's like, imagine if Kanye West was debating him, and they were doing a presidential debate, and Kanye was talking like that. 1.00

01:52:41.000 He'd be like, what the fuck is this guy saying? 0.99

01:52:43.000 Exactly. 0.99

01:52:44.000 What are you saying?

01:52:44.000 He's like, I think you've given up for me, so I'll let you talk.

01:52:46.000 Yeah.

01:52:47.000 He's aligning himself with a super popular guy.

01:52:48.000 I just don't get how Alex Jones went to that, though.

01:52:51.000 So that's what it was?

01:52:52.000 Because he would have him on a bunch?

01:52:53.000 Well, you know, also, alt-right wasn't a thing back then.

01:52:57.000 You've got to realize, when Alex came with us to the fights, there was no alt-right. 0.99

01:53:02.000 But he was more like lizard people, or like, oh, it's a fucking government conspiracy. 0.99

01:53:07.000 Yeah, he was all about... 0.99

01:53:08.000 Don't get him started on 9-11.

01:53:09.000 Yeah, he was all about certain conspiracies.

01:53:12.000 I remember we were in Austin once when there was a shooting at an army base.

01:53:17.000 We were there right with him when the thing happened.

01:53:21.000 We were at a bar.

01:53:22.000 Remember that?

01:53:22.000 And he goes, I guarantee you, they're not taking that guy alive.

01:53:25.000 I guarantee they won't let him talk.

01:53:27.000 And then an hour later, like, they got him alive.

01:53:28.000 They shot him in the leg and they got him alive. 0.99

01:53:30.000 He goes, yeah, of course they got him alive because they want him to be a fucking martyr for this thing. 0.99

01:53:33.000 And it's like, or whatever. 0.98

01:53:34.000 I don't want him to be a martyr, right?

01:53:36.000 Yeah, and it's like...

01:53:37.000 No matter what, he's just, I'm spinning this to conspiracy.

01:53:39.000 And then I just...

01:53:41.000 That business is a tricky business.

01:53:42.000 I just don't...

01:53:43.000 How they said, like, now you've got to be off the air now.

01:53:46.000 It's like... 0.98

01:53:46.000 Well, that's where it's fucked up. 0.98

01:53:49.000 Just a lizard person guy. 0.94

01:53:50.000 Well, it's not, though, because, like, people were concerned that...

01:53:54.000 You're giving out bad information, right?

01:53:57.000 And they're concerned about it.

01:53:58.000 But then, with Alex, what came out was the Sandy Hook thing.

01:54:02.000 The Sandy Hook denial thing.

01:54:04.000 Again, conspiracy.

01:54:06.000 I don't get why that's...

01:54:06.000 Right, but it was a conspiracy involving children being murdered.

01:54:09.000 And their parents being actors.

01:54:11.000 And that everyone was some sort of a crisis actor.

01:54:14.000 And they were hired by the government to take away people's guns.

01:54:16.000 This is the most radical version of conspiracy.

01:54:20.000 Sure.

01:54:20.000 I understand.

01:54:20.000 And I understand that's wrong and crazy.

01:54:22.000 Mm-hmm.

01:54:23.000 Where do you get from there to you can't be allowed to say these – you've been saying these made-up things before.

01:54:29.000 You're saying it still.

01:54:32.000 I don't get why it's a hate monger.

01:54:33.000 You've got a really good argument, but here's the argument.

01:54:35.000 The argument is, what is Facebook?

01:54:39.000 What is Twitter?

01:54:41.000 What is YouTube?

01:54:42.000 Are they private companies, or even more so, are they utilities?

01:54:48.000 Is it like the electricity?

01:54:50.000 Is it like a phone?

01:54:52.000 Should you be allowed to tell someone they can't use it?

01:54:56.000 I wonder if Jack said, hey, I'm shutting down Twitter.

01:54:58.000 If the government's like, we're opening it back up again.

01:55:00.000 Right.

01:55:00.000 Or is it like NBC? Because if NBC is a private company and Ari Shaffir says, hey, the lizard people are eating kids and that's who runs 60 Minutes.

01:55:10.000 And they say, no, no, no, Ari, you're fired. 0.98

01:55:12.000 Look, Roseanne made one fucking bad ambient joke and they canceled her and they kicked her off of the Roseanne show. 1.00

01:55:19.000 They were looking to get rid of her for any other reason. 0.99

01:55:21.000 They weren't.

01:55:21.000 They were.

01:55:22.000 They weren't.

01:55:22.000 That's not true.

01:55:23.000 Why do you say that?

01:55:24.000 The show was a huge hit.

01:55:25.000 Because of the outrage over the first season when she was like, she supports Trump.

01:55:29.000 Yeah, but the show was a giant hit.

01:55:32.000 But they were looking to get rid of her.

01:55:33.000 This whole group was already saying, we want you out, we're looking for an excuse.

01:55:37.000 Kind of like when they got rid of you at the comedy store over filming, when it was like, come on, they already wanted to get rid of you.

01:55:46.000 And then they found an excuse to get it done.

01:55:49.000 Hmm, that's a tricky argument.

01:55:51.000 They wanted her out so bad.

01:55:53.000 I don't think they wanted her out.

01:55:54.000 I think they wanted to minimize her.

01:55:56.000 The left hated her.

01:55:57.000 That's true.

01:55:58.000 But she was telling me how they were changing the way they were writing things, and they weren't including her in the process, where she was very much included in the process during the first season.

01:56:07.000 When they were writing for the second season, they were basically excluding her from the process of premises and the way they were writing the show.

01:56:14.000 I mean, I read all the outrage about early on.

01:56:18.000 It's like, you're a Trump supporter.

01:56:20.000 And I saw someone like Ray Sani, some young female comedian, going like, when Silverman was like, hey, watch my friend's show, Roseanne.

01:56:29.000 She's great.

01:56:30.000 Great show. 1.00

01:56:31.000 And she goes, oh, this is the bitch I gotta be fake with at a party and kiss her on the cheek, pretend I'm cool with her. 1.00

01:56:35.000 And it's like, what is all this outrage over this pro-Trump thing? 1.00

01:56:38.000 And I finally, I'm like, let me go watch it.

01:56:40.000 And my friend, Jewish female leftist Morgan Murphy, who wrote it, I talked to her later about it, but I finally watched it, and it's just 12 characters in the show.

01:56:51.000 Ten of them don't talk about who they voted for at all.

01:56:54.000 One of them is pro-Trump.

01:56:55.000 One of them is anti-Trump.

01:56:56.000 There's also a little trans kid on there.

01:56:58.000 And that's it.

01:56:59.000 Just one pro-Trump, one anti-Trump.

01:57:01.000 And the outrage that I saw was almost like, I don't think you guys could have possibly watched this episode.

01:57:07.000 I think you're all reading headlines about stories.

01:57:10.000 And that's what I talked to Morgan about.

01:57:11.000 I'm like, it doesn't seem like it could have come from the actual facts.

01:57:16.000 Yeah.

01:57:17.000 There's a lot of that going on, right?

01:57:19.000 Yeah, and so I feel like it's the same thing with Alex Jones when I'm getting hate monger.

01:57:23.000 I'm like, what?

01:57:25.000 Alex Jones? 0.95

01:57:26.000 Just crazy conspiracy guy.

01:57:28.000 Most of it, yeah. 0.64

01:57:29.000 Where's hate monger?

01:57:31.000 Well, yeah.

01:57:32.000 Did he talk about taking away trans rights or anything like that?

01:57:35.000 No, no, no.

01:57:35.000 There was some talk.

01:57:37.000 There was some talk, Alex Jones was saying, in one of the last final straws, it was talking about people taking up arms and that people are not going to stand it.

01:57:47.000 It's basically rabble-rousing, which is a lot of what people do. 1.00

01:57:52.000 They're talking about the other side trying to take away your rights, trying to take away your guns.

01:57:56.000 We're not going to stand for it.

01:58:00.000 People are going to get shot.

01:58:01.000 That kind of talk.

01:58:03.000 I mean, I don't know specifically what he said, but there's a problem that you don't know specifically, right?

01:58:09.000 There's a problem that they can just decide that you represent a certain faction of thought, and that this should be eliminated from, you should be de-platformed.

01:58:19.000 De-platformed for a conspiracy guy, and people are going up to those parents and saying, like, your kid's not dead.

01:58:25.000 That's a real issue.

01:58:26.000 Yeah, but it's like, he's not calling for that.

01:58:28.000 That's what they're doing on their own.

01:58:30.000 Somebody shot two cops in New York because of the Black Lives Matter movement.

01:58:33.000 You don't shut down the Black Lives Matter movement over that.

01:58:36.000 They weren't asking for them to shoot cops.

01:58:38.000 Someone did that on their own.

01:58:39.000 He wasn't asking for them to do that.

01:58:41.000 No, he wasn't.

01:58:42.000 So, like, I don't see how you de-platford. 0.99

01:58:45.000 The only great article I've read was by a trans woman who said, when I hear crazy shit like that, I feel like you're supposed to roll your eyes and then walk away. 1.00

01:58:52.000 You don't say, hey, you need to get gone. 0.99

01:58:56.000 Well...

01:58:58.000 De-platforming people, that's a good way to put it.

01:59:00.000 That is what they're saying.

01:59:01.000 And it's also, it seemed like it was a universal de-platforming, because Twitter was one of the last places that kept him on.

01:59:07.000 And then they decided that they were going to remove him, but I didn't see anything specifically...

01:59:13.000 Yeah, like they have some rules, like when they got...

01:59:16.000 Who's the woman? 1.00

01:59:17.000 Rose McGowan.

01:59:18.000 And then she was talking about a rape.

01:59:20.000 And people were like, how dare you?

01:59:22.000 She outed a rape and then you deplatformed her from that or you took her down from that. 1.00

01:59:28.000 And then that was the story.

01:59:29.000 That was the headline.

01:59:29.000 Everyone's like, how dare you, Jack?

01:59:31.000 Is that the guy from Twitter?

01:59:32.000 Jack Dorsey.

01:59:32.000 Yeah.

01:59:33.000 How dare you?

01:59:33.000 And then he actually responded.

01:59:35.000 He goes, oh, no, no.

01:59:35.000 She docked somebody.

01:59:37.000 She gave somebody's information about where they live and stuff like that, and we already had that rule.

01:59:41.000 You can't do that.

01:59:42.000 Nothing to do with why she doxed him.

01:59:44.000 It was just over that.

01:59:46.000 Why don't you Google what exactly got Alex Jones kicked off Twitter?

01:59:51.000 Because Twitter was one of the last platforms.

01:59:54.000 And then they can say hate speech, and hate speech is one of those weird, broad terms.

02:00:01.000 It's like, I hate you.

02:00:02.000 Yeah.

02:00:03.000 Okay.

02:00:05.000 I mean, I really am like, I don't, I think people are forgetting how the ACLU defended the Klan members. 0.95

02:00:11.000 Because the free speech is too big a fucking issue to worry about how I feel about what they're saying. 0.77

02:00:19.000 Well, you know what's really interesting is that left-leaning people, the leftists are the ones that want to censor and de-platform and silence people on the right. 0.98

02:00:28.000 It is.

02:00:28.000 It's also both.

02:00:29.000 I think we see the left more because we're in that bubble.

02:00:31.000 I think the right is doing it, too.

02:00:32.000 We're not friends with them.

02:00:33.000 How are the white doing it? 0.98

02:00:34.000 They have no power in technology.

02:00:37.000 The tech companies, whether it's Facebook, Google, Twitter, they're all left.

02:00:41.000 And they're the ones who have the...

02:00:43.000 I mean, this is where it's weird, right?

02:00:45.000 It's because nobody saw this coming.

02:00:46.000 It was media, like you had Fox News, you had NBC, you had your left and you had your right.

02:00:52.000 More left than right, of sure.

02:00:54.000 But there was power in the Fox News faction.

02:00:57.000 They had their voice.

02:00:59.000 But when it comes to technology, there's not really an equivalent or commensurate company.

02:01:05.000 It's all left.

02:01:06.000 It's all left.

02:01:08.000 There's not one right-leaning, large social media platform.

02:01:12.000 They don't exist.

02:01:14.000 It should just stay out of it. 0.53

02:01:15.000 But I get why then you get a Reddit situation where it's like, okay, but suddenly it devolved into just child porn.

02:01:22.000 Well, Reddit, the problem with Reddit is anonymity. 1.00

02:01:25.000 When you give people anonymity, and one guy actually lost his job because of it, because somebody decided, hey, this guy's such a fucking creep piece of shit. 1.00

02:01:33.000 Let's find out who the fuck he is. 0.99

02:01:35.000 And they got his IP, and then they figured out who he was. 1.00

02:01:37.000 And then he was like some guy who was a dad.

02:01:39.000 Right.

02:01:40.000 He was like some regular guy with a job.

02:01:41.000 And they got him fired, and, you know, he had a bunch of weird, you know, I saw Holtzman as people running out of the room yesterday or two days ago.

02:01:59.000 He got a full room randomly at the end of the night.

02:02:02.000 Yeah, he spent his first three minutes like, there's too many people.

02:02:07.000 I don't know what to do.

02:02:07.000 I never get in front of this many people.

02:02:09.000 Like, he couldn't handle it.

02:02:10.000 And then he starts going, they start leaving, and he starts getting angrier and more into his pocket, you know, into where he belongs. 0.99

02:02:15.000 And then as people are leaving, like, he's talking about child fucking and stuff like that. 0.97

02:02:20.000 And he goes, hey guys, peek behind the curtain. 1.00

02:02:24.000 I didn't fuck a baby. 1.00

02:02:27.000 Just so you know, there were no babies fucked. 1.00

02:02:29.000 So calm down. 0.99

02:02:31.000 Well, people don't want to hear about that subject.

02:02:33.000 Right.

02:02:33.000 And that's fair.

02:02:34.000 Yeah.

02:02:34.000 They come to the comedy store to hear some wonderful jokes about people losing socks in the dryer.

02:02:38.000 Right.

02:02:38.000 So actually, honestly, walking out is a fine response.

02:02:41.000 Yeah.

02:02:42.000 Saying he can't go up anymore is not a fine response.

02:02:44.000 It's a different response.

02:02:45.000 Yeah.

02:02:45.000 And saying you're going to boycott the comedy store because they don't do your kind of comedy.

02:02:48.000 And if you want to boycott them, that's also okay.

02:02:51.000 But just trying to get other people to...

02:02:52.000 All right.

02:02:54.000 But this is a problem in that there's no balance, right?

02:03:00.000 If people are just right-leaning and people want to de-platform them because they have right-leaning beliefs, right-leaning ideas, like say if they support President Trump.

02:03:10.000 I mean, he is the president.

02:03:12.000 Whether you like it or not, that guy's the president.

02:03:17.000 And whether you like his policies or not, they are his policies.

02:03:20.000 He's the president of the United States.

02:03:22.000 And if someone supports that, deplatforming people who support him or support that is not the right response.

02:03:28.000 The right response is a well-worded argument that is against that, that is convincingly articulate to the point where you make an argument that this is a terrible policy, a terrible idea, and an objective fence that is convincingly articulate to the point where you make an argument that this is a terrible policy, a terrible idea, "Okay, this guy's got a good point on the left." I want to hear both sides, but I need to hear that side in order to hear the alternative side.

02:03:56.000 Like Dave Smith, who hates all politicians pretty much.

02:03:58.000 He's pointing out these like separating their kids from their parents thing.

02:04:01.000 And he's like, it's gotten real bad with Trump now.

02:04:03.000 And he goes, okay, that's true.

02:04:04.000 But look at the picture they're using on the bottom right hand corner.

02:04:07.000 There's a date stamp on it and it's 2014. Yeah, there's definitely a lot of shenanigans with photographs.

02:04:12.000 So, like, your anger is not even who you...

02:04:14.000 So, you can't even bring that up? 0.99

02:04:15.000 That's just shit journalism is what that is. 0.99

02:04:18.000 And online journalism... 1.00

02:04:20.000 Look, journalists are fucking fighting for their lives right now. 1.00

02:04:23.000 They're bad. 1.00

02:04:23.000 Their state of journalism is terrible. 1.00

02:04:24.000 It's terrible.

02:04:25.000 And it's also, there's no money in it.

02:04:27.000 The problem is nobody wants to buy newspapers, nobody wants to buy magazines, and it's really hard for online journalism to not resort to clickbait. 0.99

02:04:35.000 Anger shit. 0.99

02:04:35.000 Yeah, I mean, that's literally how they make their living now is clickbait shit. 0.99

02:04:39.000 And so, you know, they have a photo. 0.97

02:04:41.000 This is with the stock photo. 0.99

02:04:42.000 We got a little fucking kid who's crying and he's standing in front of a border patrol guy. 0.99

02:04:46.000 Throw it up. 1.00

02:04:46.000 Use it. 1.00

02:04:47.000 This is what we got.

02:04:48.000 The story's real.

02:04:49.000 The photo's not. 0.99

02:04:50.000 It's shit journalism. 0.97

02:04:52.000 I think it really comes down to like when you see like a Norm Macdonald where he's like, okay, I haven't done anything to anybody wrong. 0.99

02:04:59.000 I just want to look with compassion on another human.

02:05:02.000 I'm like, these are friends of mine, the people I know.

02:05:04.000 Be specific what you're saying about Norm Macdonald.

02:05:07.000 Well, he said, like, Roseanne and Louis, and, like, they've lost everything in a day, and people don't really understand what it's like.

02:05:12.000 Right.

02:05:13.000 And I would like to see these friends, human beings, friends of mine, come out with a way.

02:05:18.000 And he goes, honestly, I don't think Roseanne knew that lady was black.

02:05:20.000 I don't think she makes that comment. 1.00

02:05:21.000 And then people go, fuck you. 1.00

02:05:23.000 Your tonight's show appearance is canceled. 1.00

02:05:26.000 Yeah.

02:05:26.000 And it's like, well, I didn't even do anything.

02:05:28.000 Me and Norm MacDonald didn't do anything.

02:05:30.000 Instead of taking that opportunity to go, hey, let's hear him out.

02:05:33.000 Maybe you can clarify what you mean.

02:05:35.000 Right.

02:05:36.000 Even say, no, I didn't mean it that way.

02:05:38.000 They de-platformed him.

02:05:39.000 They de-platformed him because these women or people, I don't really know who they were, at The Tonight Show had their opportunity to fall on their sword.

02:05:45.000 And they go, now we get to stand up for women's rights. 0.99

02:05:47.000 We get to stand up for racial rights.

02:05:49.000 Well, the way to stand up for it goes to debate him.

02:05:55.000 What did you mean by that exactly?

02:05:57.000 And then to clarify his position, to now show, oh, I'm on your side, but people don't want that.

02:06:01.000 They're more interested in punishment.

02:06:03.000 Yes.

02:06:04.000 And so now you're punishing people who are on your side, so you can feel right. 0.98

02:06:07.000 At the Comedy Cellar, a waitress was traveling to fucking work wearing her Comedy Cellar t-shirt after Louis came back. 1.00

02:06:13.000 And somebody said, hey, headphones, take your headphones out. 0.98

02:06:15.000 She did.

02:06:16.000 She goes, what?

02:06:17.000 And they go, shame on you.

02:06:18.000 To some waitress, who, by the way, is not in charge of him coming back.

02:06:21.000 There's a guy or a girl that said, shame on you.

02:06:24.000 Don't know.

02:06:25.000 I think a woman.

02:06:25.000 Not sure.

02:06:26.000 But this waitress might have been heavily against him coming back. 0.98

02:06:30.000 But there's no research done.

02:06:31.000 It's just like, I get my chance to show that I've stuck up for somebody.

02:06:35.000 Instead of ruining some other woman's day who might be on your side. 1.00

02:06:39.000 They stuck a finger in Val's face after he came back and goes, fuck you. 1.00

02:06:44.000 Val's one of the managers of the cellar. 1.00

02:06:46.000 And it's like, so here's a fellow woman who hasn't done anything wrong.

02:06:50.000 Right.

02:06:51.000 And you're cursing her out so you can feel like I've done something for the cause.

02:06:56.000 Yeah.

02:06:56.000 Well, this is something that the left does.

02:06:58.000 That the right doesn't do.

02:07:00.000 The left attacks its own.

02:07:02.000 Yeah.

02:07:02.000 And they attack its own.

02:07:04.000 They attacked Tina Fey once. 0.99

02:07:05.000 Said you're anti-feminist. 1.00

02:07:06.000 And she was like, you're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

02:07:07.000 About what? 1.00

02:07:08.000 Five, six years ago.

02:07:08.000 I don't remember.

02:07:09.000 And she goes, you're out of your mind.

02:07:10.000 I'm your leader.

02:07:11.000 I'm on your side.

02:07:12.000 You're attacking me for being anti-feminist? 1.00

02:07:14.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

02:07:16.000 They eat their own. 1.00

02:07:16.000 They have bloodlust and they know how to control it. 1.00

02:07:18.000 You're not trained in fucking fighting. 1.00

02:07:20.000 Well, they're always looking for targets. 1.00

02:07:22.000 They're always looking for targets.

02:07:23.000 And in finding and establishing a target, you clearly establish that you're better and more virtuous than that person because you find offense in something that they do.

02:07:31.000 They're not progressive enough and they're a part of the problem.

02:07:34.000 And so you cast them out or you shut them down or you de-platform them.

02:07:38.000 Yeah.

02:07:38.000 So I think with Alex Jones, they go, they pointed to that one a lot.

02:07:41.000 They're like, dude, he said fucking Sandy Hook didn't happen. 0.97

02:07:44.000 And it's like, Okay, I'm not saying... 0.99

02:07:47.000 You try to now, I guess, strawman me into saying I'm saying that's okay or that's right.

02:07:52.000 I'm not saying that's right.

02:07:52.000 I just don't see the connection to this.

02:07:55.000 I don't see the connection to Michael Vick killing dogs, which I'm not on the side of, to you shouldn't play football.

02:08:00.000 You haven't made that connection to me.

02:08:02.000 And you're like, oh, you're saying it's okay to kill dogs?

02:08:04.000 No.

02:08:05.000 Just why is that job not allowed to do?

02:08:07.000 The connection would be if you have a private company...

02:08:11.000 This is where it all boils down to.

02:08:13.000 Like, do you have a right to use their platform?

02:08:16.000 So you're not taking Alex Jones off the internet, right?

02:08:19.000 Alex Jones still has his website on the internet.

02:08:22.000 But if you have, if Ari Shafir.com all of a sudden becomes Twitter, right?

02:08:28.000 Okay.

02:08:29.000 There's a separate thing, though.

02:08:30.000 Private company, are they allowed?

02:08:31.000 And private company, should you be doing that?

02:08:34.000 Should you be doing that?

02:08:34.000 And it's like, what the laws are.

02:08:36.000 I agree with only a portion of the laws. 0.98

02:08:38.000 Do you think that this is in response to the type of shit that has happened at Reddit? 0.97

02:08:43.000 That Reddit has gotten so fucking out there in so many different ways. 0.99

02:08:48.000 Especially the Trump section of Reddit. 0.96

02:08:52.000 Let them be there.

02:08:54.000 They're not doing anything to anybody.

02:08:55.000 They're not planning a tax.

02:08:56.000 But people who, if you say, if you own that company and you were one of the people that was responsible for trying to sell ads for Twitter or for whatever, I don't think Twitter has ads, but if you had, like, established guidelines of what you could and couldn't say, One of those things would probably be no hate speech, no racism, no this, no that, but you can't promote false conspiracy theories that hurt other people, right?

02:09:26.000 You could get away with saying that.

02:09:30.000 Right.

02:09:31.000 So it's not about...

02:09:32.000 So it's kind of like the Rose McGowan thing where it's like, oh, no, it's not about...

02:09:36.000 You just can't dox anybody.

02:09:37.000 What is this, Jamie?

02:09:38.000 This is from an NPR interview with a Washington Post reporter about why he...

02:09:43.000 Let's read this.

02:09:44.000 It says, They said one thing that weighed very heavily on them was the way that Jones conducted himself outside of a congressional hearing where Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey was testifying about the way the company moderates content online.

02:09:58.000 Jones essentially went after Republican Senator Marco Rubio, interrupted one of his press conferences.

02:10:04.000 He yelled at Dorsey at one point as he was trying to leave the building.

02:10:08.000 And then he live-streamed the incident where he was attacking a CNN reporter, hurling verbal insults at him.

02:10:14.000 The video was broadcast on Periscope, which is the live streaming site owned by Twitter.

02:10:20.000 And so in the minds of the company, it essentially was too much.

02:10:23.000 He had gone too far, and so they kicked him off the site.

02:10:26.000 Yeah, I mean, I guess if you're talking about your right, it's like, sure, I guess it's their right, but I disagree with them doing it.

02:10:31.000 I would like a world where you're like, we don't...

02:10:34.000 Unless it's physical harm to someone, possibly monetary, like direct monetary harm, like I'm stealing from you, infringes on your rights, then do what you want.

02:10:44.000 Say what you want.

02:10:45.000 Right.

02:10:45.000 It doesn't infringe on your rights, then keep going.

02:10:48.000 Well, the problem becomes who's to decide...

02:10:51.000 What is hate speech?

02:10:52.000 Exactly.

02:10:52.000 So it's like we don't decide that.

02:10:54.000 Yeah.

02:10:54.000 And who's to decide?

02:10:56.000 Is saying retard in a Tom Segura special hate speech?

02:10:59.000 Right.

02:11:01.000 It's such a slippery slope that the only way to do it is if you infringe on someone's right, you've gone too far.

02:11:08.000 If you haven't, you have not.

02:11:11.000 It's yelling fire in a crowded theater.

02:11:14.000 It's free speech until someone is getting hurt from this, or it's very possible they will.

02:11:19.000 You can see why they would.

02:11:20.000 Not just like, it might hurt their feelings.

02:11:22.000 It might make it harder for them to be a kid in this world.

02:11:26.000 It's like, no.

02:11:27.000 Yeah.

02:11:28.000 No, I agree.

02:11:29.000 But I also agree that if you're NBC or ABC or CBS and someone says things that you feel violate your company's policies, right?

02:11:40.000 So if someone promotes some outlandish conspiracy theory about children that get shot in Parkland, really never died, and their parents are all crisis actors paid by the CIA, it's a PSYOP, And, you know, this person is on CBS. Okay.

02:11:54.000 You could fire them.

02:11:55.000 Okay, sure.

02:11:56.000 Here's the question.

02:11:58.000 But let me finish here.

02:11:59.000 So is Twitter like CBS? Because they're both private companies.

02:12:04.000 And are the people who are on broadcasting on Periscope and on YouTube, are they essentially someone who is – I mean, are you working with or for YouTube if you're broadcasting on YouTube?

02:12:20.000 I mean, how do you look at it?

02:12:23.000 I think it's a private thing.

02:12:23.000 I think if you're making a video on how to make a bomb...

02:12:28.000 I think the authorities should get in there.

02:12:30.000 Right.

02:12:30.000 So you can't do that.

02:12:31.000 But what if you're making a video about how there's some people out there that are lying about their children being shot?

02:12:38.000 Same thing.

02:12:39.000 Get the authorities in if you think it's leading to harm.

02:12:41.000 But it's not the company to do it. 0.99

02:12:43.000 So you don't think you should be allowed, if you're YouTube, you don't think you should be allowed to tell someone, hey, you say a bunch of shit that's not true and it hurts people. 0.97

02:12:51.000 What's the word hurt mean? 0.86

02:12:52.000 Well, okay, if your children were murdered, and there's some guy screaming on YouTube that you're a crisis actor, and nothing ever happened to your kid, and your kids, it's a lie, and there's rubber kids on the ground with fake blood, and they can prove it with a hologram, you shouldn't be able to remove them from your platform?

02:13:12.000 Do you remember, um, what's his name?

02:13:15.000 From, um...

02:13:16.000 And by the way, I'm not arguing one way or the other.

02:13:18.000 But this is important for people online to understand.

02:13:20.000 Do you remember the Kansas pastor?

02:13:22.000 What's his name?

02:13:23.000 He died.

02:13:23.000 Kansas pastor.

02:13:25.000 We talked about it on the radio once.

02:13:26.000 The Baptist church.

02:13:28.000 Something Baptist church.

02:13:29.000 And he would go to funerals of...

02:13:32.000 Oh, Phelps.

02:13:33.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:13:34.000 And he would go there and say, the reason your son died is because gays are around. 0.82

02:13:38.000 And he'd ruin people's funerals of a child. 0.99

02:13:42.000 Godhatesfags.com. 0.99

02:13:43.000 And these weren't gay soldiers. 0.99

02:13:45.000 It was just soldiers. 0.92

02:13:46.000 Right.

02:13:46.000 It's horrible.

02:13:47.000 And then other people had to do things like create a blockade around their cars and say, give us tickets.

02:13:53.000 We'll eventually move, but the funeral will be over.

02:13:56.000 Yeah, man.

02:13:57.000 That's sucky behavior. 1.00

02:13:58.000 You can't stop it from doing it.

02:13:59.000 Okay.

02:14:00.000 You can't stop it in terms of public discourse.

02:14:03.000 Yeah.

02:14:03.000 So go to CBS and say that and say like, well, we can take you down because you've said things that are totally untrue.

02:14:08.000 Right.

02:14:08.000 What about the guy who gets caught smoking weed in Iowa's legal state in Alabama?

02:14:15.000 Could you fire him for that?

02:14:17.000 Yeah, but that's a different thing.

02:14:18.000 Well, it goes against what we think is okay.

02:14:20.000 Yeah, that's a slippery slope.

02:14:21.000 I mean, if you're saying, are you allowed legally?

02:14:23.000 Yes, of course.

02:14:25.000 But morally, no. 1.00

02:14:26.000 I think you're a fucking platform for speech. 0.99

02:14:29.000 So let all the speech in. 1.00

02:14:31.000 And 4chan got written up as this fucking hateful place where really they're just trolls. 0.99

02:14:36.000 And they know one of the best ways to troll is using Donald Trump. 0.99

02:14:39.000 Well, you know, there was a really interesting case with 4chan that I found preposterous where they trolled Shia LaBeouf.

02:14:45.000 Oh, yeah.

02:14:46.000 You know, they took down that podcast.

02:14:48.000 Yes, we talked about it.

02:14:49.000 I listened to it.

02:14:49.000 It was great.

02:14:51.000 It was hilarious.

02:14:51.000 And people go, how dare you promote 4chan?

02:14:54.000 They're a hate group.

02:14:54.000 And you're like, you didn't listen.

02:14:56.000 Yeah, you didn't listen at all.

02:14:57.000 We've just said that they're not a hate group.

02:14:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:59.000 And you're like, fuck you. 1.00

02:15:00.000 I don't like that interpretation. 1.00

02:15:01.000 Fuck you, Norm MacDonald. 1.00

02:15:03.000 I like the interpretation. 1.00

02:15:04.000 She did know that lady was black. 1.00

02:15:06.000 Okay, you went real far with that. 1.00

02:15:08.000 So they're saying, fuck you, you can't say Roseanne wasn't racist. 1.00

02:15:11.000 He's not saying racism's okay. 1.00

02:15:13.000 He goes, Norm is saying, I don't think she knew that lady was black.

02:15:17.000 I agree with you. 1.00

02:15:18.000 4chan is not saying pro-Trump, fuck all of you. 1.00

02:15:22.000 4chan is saying, this will fuck with you. 1.00

02:15:24.000 Let's fuck with you. 1.00

02:15:25.000 Well, they're saying fuck Shia LaBeouf because he's a goof. 1.00

02:15:28.000 And they decided to use science, and they literally studied the stars in the sky above the flag. 1.00

02:15:36.000 Oh, it was amazing.

02:15:38.000 Amazing trolls.

02:15:38.000 They had someone drive around and beep their horn so they could triangulate the area where this was taking place.

02:15:43.000 See where the airplanes were going overhead. 1.00

02:15:45.000 Took the fucking flag down and went, fuck Shiloh. 1.00

02:15:49.000 In a day. 1.00

02:15:50.000 They found it somewhere in the world.

02:15:52.000 And the podcast was great.

02:15:54.000 And there was no hate involved.

02:15:56.000 It had nothing to do with political ideology.

02:15:58.000 It had nothing to do with racism and nothing to do with hate.

02:16:00.000 And people were saying, oh, you're supporting 4chan?

02:16:02.000 You know, 4chan supports Hitler. 0.72

02:16:04.000 No, listen, 4chan is just a bunch of people.

02:16:06.000 And it's like, yeah, they've just said in that podcast that 4chan does not support Hitler. 1.00

02:16:09.000 They go, Trump will fuck with people. 1.00

02:16:11.000 Let's align that with some fucking weird frog for no reason. 1.00

02:16:14.000 It makes no sense. 0.99

02:16:15.000 Right.

02:16:15.000 And that's now explained to me where that frog thing came from.

02:16:18.000 And I'm like, oh, you just pulled a random thing out.

02:16:20.000 Well, most of that frog thing was fun.

02:16:23.000 Yeah.

02:16:23.000 And there was a few instances of that frog which were racist or KKK versions or Nazi versions.

02:16:29.000 And then people decided that whole frog is racist.

02:16:32.000 But the swastikas used all over Indonesia as a good luck sign. 0.79

02:16:35.000 Different case.

02:16:36.000 The vast majority of the use of that frog was not racist.

02:16:40.000 Right.

02:16:40.000 The vast majority was feels bad, man.

02:16:42.000 Yeah. 0.88

02:16:42.000 It was silly. 0.88

02:16:43.000 Trolling. 0.99

02:16:44.000 It was just being silly. 0.86

02:16:45.000 Yeah.

02:16:46.000 And then there was...

02:16:47.000 Look, you can't...

02:16:47.000 And it's okay.

02:16:48.000 You can't let people co-opt a frog.

02:16:50.000 Mm-hmm.

02:16:50.000 You know?

02:16:51.000 And NPR... I think it was NPR podcast.

02:16:54.000 It might have been...

02:16:55.000 I'm not sure what the company was.

02:16:57.000 They were like, yeah, we'll take it down.

02:16:58.000 You can still have it.

02:16:58.000 It's still on YouTube.

02:16:59.000 It was Radiolab.

02:17:00.000 Radiolab.

02:17:01.000 Okay.

02:17:01.000 Yeah.

02:17:01.000 And they're like, sorry about that.

02:17:02.000 We'll take it down.

02:17:03.000 Is it still on YouTube?

02:17:04.000 No.

02:17:04.000 I just heard it.

02:17:05.000 Well, I downloaded it.

02:17:07.000 And then when I went to send people to it, I found out on the show, on the podcast, that it had been taken down. 0.94

02:17:12.000 And I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

02:17:14.000 I think the iTunes version is down, but you can still get it other places. 0.98

02:17:16.000 But for them to apologize is me saying, okay, you're weak.

02:17:19.000 You're allowed to take that down.

02:17:20.000 Right.

02:17:21.000 But for someone else to come in and say, you can't make podcasts anymore.

02:17:25.000 Right.

02:17:26.000 Is like really dangerous.

02:17:27.000 Good point.

02:17:28.000 And that could have happened from that if someone had said, no, we're not going to take it down.

02:17:33.000 Radio Lab is now a hate monger.

02:17:34.000 Right, exactly.

02:17:36.000 They support 4chan, 4chan supports Hitler, Radiolab supports Hitler. 0.57

02:17:40.000 I mean, this is a circular logic.

02:17:42.000 Yeah, so the only answer is, you have to have a strong line, unless it's causing direct physical damage to someone, Everything's allowed.

02:17:51.000 The internet's a horrible place.

02:17:54.000 It's a great place, too, though. 0.98

02:17:55.000 They should have never fucking taken that down. 0.94

02:17:57.000 Nope. 0.97

02:17:58.000 They should have been like, you guys are wrong, you need to listen to it.

02:18:00.000 It made me laugh so hard how they trolled him, how they got together in a trolling...

02:18:05.000 And they used science.

02:18:07.000 They used logic. 1.00

02:18:08.000 These are smart fucking people that figured out where that flag was. 1.00

02:18:11.000 Fuck you Shia LaBeouf. 1.00

02:18:12.000 I mean, it's hilarious. 1.00

02:18:13.000 It was such a good podcast.

02:18:15.000 But meanwhile, by the way, me talking about it, people are like, I can't believe you don't get it.

02:18:20.000 You always have all these white supremacists on.

02:18:24.000 Are you alt-right?

02:18:25.000 Are you this? 1.00

02:18:26.000 I mean, every day people will tweet at me with stupid shit like that. 1.00

02:18:29.000 And that one podcast, me saying how great that podcast was in particular, people saying, what the fuck is wrong with Joe Rogan? 1.00

02:18:36.000 You know, I used to think he was a good guy. 1.00

02:18:37.000 Now I think he's a white supremacist or he's a fucking racist. 1.00

02:18:40.000 He's a KKK person. 1.00

02:18:42.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

02:18:43.000 One of my favorite books, maybe my favorite, I don't like to use that word favorite, but like The Fountainhead. 1.00

02:18:47.000 It's Ayn Rand.

02:18:50.000 People go like, oh, she's a socialist, just so you know. 0.99

02:18:52.000 You know, she took fucking Social Security in her old age. 1.00

02:18:54.000 She never did. 1.00

02:18:55.000 And I'm like, okay, okay. 0.99

02:18:57.000 And I used to shit on Ayn Randall all the time myself. 0.92

02:18:59.000 And then I realized I've actually never read a book. 0.98

02:19:02.000 Read The Fountainhead, and it changed my life.

02:19:04.000 Like, not even a little bit.

02:19:05.000 It's the direction of my career.

02:19:07.000 How so?

02:19:07.000 It freed me as an artist.

02:19:09.000 How so?

02:19:10.000 You gotta read it, bro, but it's all about how...

02:19:13.000 I read a chapter of it like 15 years ago.

02:19:15.000 It took me a year and a half to read.

02:19:17.000 Every chapter, I'd sit down and I'd think about it for two weeks, what I read.

02:19:20.000 And Jordan Peterson talks about her as a philosopher.

02:19:23.000 He doesn't like her.

02:19:24.000 As a novelist, he's like, she's great.

02:19:26.000 It shows you a true artist and it shows you a jobber.

02:19:31.000 A jobber?

02:19:32.000 Yeah.

02:19:33.000 Like pro wrestling style?

02:19:34.000 Sort of.

02:19:35.000 Someone who's just doing it for the money.

02:19:37.000 Oh, okay.

02:19:37.000 As opposed to a pure...

02:19:39.000 Like Abby Martin?

02:19:40.000 Abby Harris?

02:19:41.000 What's her name?

02:19:41.000 Which one?

02:19:42.000 The journalist?

02:19:43.000 Abby Martin.

02:19:44.000 She's like, oh, I don't want to just take money for reporting. 1.00

02:19:46.000 I want to actually really report now.

02:19:48.000 Yes.

02:19:48.000 So she's kind of a true artist, at least in that moment.

02:19:51.000 And none of us can be a fully true artist.

02:19:53.000 And none of us are really just full jobbers.

02:19:56.000 We all have a little bit of artistic taste. 0.64

02:19:57.000 Even the jobbers have the fucking little bit of like, I want to do something interesting. 0.86

02:20:00.000 You know?

02:20:01.000 And the full artist, it's just, it's almost an impossible 100% ideal. 0.98

02:20:06.000 But if you can only aim for that, If a sponsor says we need you to fucking tone it down, to realize like, oh fuck, I just gave up another four grand. 0.89

02:20:16.000 Nah, sorry, I can't use you anymore. 1.00

02:20:18.000 God damn it, I hate this. 1.00

02:20:19.000 That's what fuck you money is all about. 1.00

02:20:21.000 Sort of, yeah. 1.00

02:20:21.000 But this guy didn't have fuck you money. 1.00

02:20:23.000 In the fountain. 0.99

02:20:24.000 This guy's like, I'll go back to open mics.

02:20:25.000 I'll go back to open mics.

02:20:27.000 You can't take away my ability to freely do this.

02:20:30.000 No matter what.

02:20:31.000 So it freed me in terms of being able to think that way.

02:20:34.000 It was really, really informative to me. 0.99

02:20:37.000 But if I just heard these people going, fuck her, she's a socialist, and then you read it like, oh, I'm not getting what you're saying out of this. 0.99

02:20:43.000 I'm missing this amazing stuff. 1.00

02:20:45.000 So the people who just go, fuck you, 4chan is hate mongers, you're not even listening to what they're actually doing. 1.00

02:20:51.000 Well, as soon as you eliminate nuance and you have reductionist ideology, you just want to reduce something to, oh, he's racist, oh, he's hateful, oh, he's this, he's that. 1.00

02:21:01.000 That's where ideas go to die.

02:21:03.000 Because you eliminate what it is to be a human.

02:21:07.000 What it is to be a human is to be constantly conflicted, to deal with a bunch of different contrary ideas bouncing around your head, left and right, all the time. 0.72

02:21:17.000 If you want to eliminate the ability to talk to people that you don't agree with, boy, you're living in a fucking bizarre bubble because you're not going to agree with yourself five years from now, most likely. 1.00

02:21:29.000 I mean, if I had an argument today with myself 15 years ago, I'd be like, man, you're a fucking dumbass. 1.00

02:21:35.000 You need to stop thinking this way. 1.00

02:21:37.000 You need to stop doing this.

02:21:38.000 You need to look at yourself more objectively.

02:21:40.000 I would argue with myself.

02:21:41.000 Can I just tell you why I think that?

02:21:43.000 I mean, the fact that we're so divisive, but like, No one listens to the other side.

02:21:49.000 I'll give the easiest argument to me is abortion, where it's like, well, both sides are pro-life.

02:21:55.000 The idea of life.

02:21:56.000 And both sides are also pro-choice.

02:21:58.000 No one's against choice.

02:22:00.000 But you're not hearing the other side.

02:22:02.000 So one side is saying, it's a woman's right to choose.

02:22:05.000 It's her body. 0.98

02:22:05.000 It's her choice. 0.98

02:22:06.000 It's like, okay, but yes, it's her body.

02:22:08.000 But it ain't a tattoo.

02:22:10.000 You know there's more to it than just her body. 0.89

02:22:12.000 Right.

02:22:13.000 And then the other side, it's like, it's a human life.

02:22:15.000 Like, okay, yes, it's a life.

02:22:16.000 But also, this chick has to carry it for nine months. 1.00

02:22:19.000 She's got to change her whole body in order to carry it. 1.00

02:22:21.000 It's not just simply, it's a life.

02:22:23.000 It's not like they're going in and murdering babies.

02:22:24.000 It's in a human life.

02:22:25.000 So can you guys actually talk Can you guys really talk and own up to, like, it's more than just one side?

02:22:31.000 But no one's willing to give up any ground.

02:22:31.000 Yeah.

02:22:32.000 Right.

02:22:32.000 So then we won't talk.

02:22:33.000 The people with the pro-choice are saying, no, it's a woman's right to choose. 1.00

02:22:37.000 And the people that are pro-life say, no, you're killing a baby.

02:22:39.000 Yeah.

02:22:40.000 And if you give up any ground, the baby's going to die.

02:22:42.000 So then you can't even talk. 0.99

02:22:43.000 Or you're going to take away a woman's right to have an abortion, and then she's going to have to carry a bunch of kids from people that raped her. 0.80

02:22:48.000 I mean, this is the worst case scenario in extremes on both ends. 0.62

02:22:51.000 Yeah.

02:22:51.000 As a booker, as a former booker, someone who books a show, they're like, you need more women.

02:22:55.000 It's like, oh, I'm looking hard.

02:22:57.000 But you have to understand that I'm not going to hurt my product over it.

02:23:00.000 I do want diversity.

02:23:01.000 I want diversity of opinion on there.

02:23:02.000 I want diversity of experience.

02:23:03.000 I want some Australians. 1.00

02:23:05.000 I want some fucking black people. 1.00

02:23:07.000 Ali Sadiq gives a far different life experience than I do. 1.00

02:23:11.000 Forget about my race.

02:23:12.000 Just his life experience is way different.

02:23:14.000 You know, Ali Sadiq and Byron Bowers, both black guys, gives a far different worldview.

02:23:18.000 Yeah.

02:23:18.000 You know?

02:23:19.000 So I do want that diversity of experience. 0.93

02:23:21.000 But I'm not going to hurt my – I'm not going to get some shitty guy who just was in prison and doesn't know how to tell a story. 0.87

02:23:25.000 Right. 0.83

02:23:26.000 So I'll work hard, but meet me halfway.

02:23:29.000 Right.

02:23:29.000 I will do it, but find me quality people.

02:23:31.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:23:31.000 So I'll go to fucking Atlanta and find Miss Pat, but I'll go – I have to go far for it. 0.95

02:23:36.000 So if somebody cancels on my show and now I have five white guys, don't be like, fuck you. 1.00

02:23:41.000 Look into it a little more. 1.00

02:23:42.000 It's like, I just had two chicks cancel.

02:23:44.000 So meet me halfway.

02:23:46.000 Well, whenever you're looking for diversity as opposed to looking for the best possible product, you've got an issue.

02:23:53.000 Yeah.

02:23:53.000 And part of that best product is some diversity of opinion.

02:23:56.000 But it should be good.

02:23:58.000 And there's no reason why the two are mutually exclusive.

02:24:01.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

02:24:02.000 The idea that there's only a certain limited amount of good ideas that come mostly from white people is ridiculous. 0.95

02:24:10.000 So there's plenty of ideas that will come from Asians and plenty of ideas that come from all sorts of different ethnicities that are also excellent. 0.89

02:24:17.000 So it's just finding them. 0.97

02:24:19.000 But when you guarantee that you're going to have five of this and five of that, that's when you're going to have a real fucking problem. 0.96

02:24:25.000 Yeah, so I had my friend... 0.95

02:24:29.000 Collette said that what they're doing in the business world is they're taking what their industry is, the number of, let's say men and women only, black and white and Latino or whatever, just men and women.

02:24:39.000 They're taking the number of people in that industry and in order to correct an overuse of males, let's say, or the other way, overuse of females in autistic training.

02:24:49.000 But let's just say in the business world, it's 70-30, making that up.

02:24:55.000 So what you do is, they force you, instead of what California does, like you must put a woman on your board, which means like, okay, we have three board members, one left, and we have to hire a woman now.

02:25:05.000 Wait, Bill Gates just became available.

02:25:07.000 He wants to work on our board.

02:25:09.000 Can't hire him.

02:25:10.000 That's hurting my company.

02:25:12.000 He's great.

02:25:14.000 So what they said is, in order to correct it, they will interview at a 10% higher rate than the industry numbers.

02:25:20.000 So that they'll be exposed slightly to more of the people that are underrepresented.

02:25:24.000 And over time, that would correct the issue without hurting any company.

02:25:28.000 I have to hear, well, let me hear why you think you're right for the job.

02:25:32.000 And eventually, you will hear people like, wow, she was actually really good.

02:25:35.000 Let's actually hear her there. 0.75

02:25:36.000 But if it's still Bill Gates, you probably didn't get the job over him. 0.99

02:25:39.000 He's got his fucking, he's got his resume. 0.98

02:25:41.000 Well, that's where Jordan Peterson comes in with this equality of outcome argument. 0.99

02:25:47.000 And the equality of outcome argument is a dangerous argument.

02:25:49.000 If you guarantee equality of outcome, you guarantee that women are going to make exactly the same amount as men, and so even if the man works harder, the women are still going to make the same amount of money. 0.85

02:26:02.000 That's ridiculous. 0.75

02:26:04.000 And vice versa. 0.93

02:26:05.000 Sure.

02:26:06.000 But with anybody or anything.

02:26:08.000 Yeah, the NFL said you have to interview.

02:26:10.000 I mean, we're predominantly black.

02:26:12.000 You have to interview.

02:26:13.000 Interview, not hire. 0.96

02:26:15.000 Interview one black candidate before you hire somebody. 1.00

02:26:19.000 So at least these people get heard. 0.99

02:26:20.000 And sometimes you go like, that guy was actually pretty fucking good. 0.87

02:26:23.000 Let's really consider him. 0.92

02:26:24.000 And then they get hired a little more until it just shifts the needle.

02:26:27.000 But only qualified people.

02:26:29.000 Right.

02:26:29.000 Ideally what you would want is no racism, right?

02:26:32.000 No racism, no sexism.

02:26:33.000 That's ideal.

02:26:34.000 And not to have to...

02:26:36.000 Make some laws for it.

02:26:38.000 Yeah, but we're not in that world.

02:26:39.000 That's not the world we live in.

02:26:40.000 But it would be nice.

02:26:41.000 That would be what we really want.

02:26:43.000 What we really want is this is never an issue at all.

02:26:45.000 You're only getting people that are great at it.

02:26:47.000 And that way, if racism was not an issue at all, if there was no racism whatsoever, what you would say is, oh, look, it seems like Asian people gravitate towards this. 0.78

02:26:57.000 It seems like people of this color or this culture rather gravitate towards this activity.

02:27:03.000 And I wonder why that is.

02:27:04.000 Instead of saying, why don't you hire more white people? 0.96

02:27:07.000 You'd say, it seems like white people aren't really interested in that job.

02:27:10.000 I mean, the cleaners in New York is the very Asian job.

02:27:14.000 Yes.

02:27:15.000 Why?

02:27:15.000 But you're not like, you need to hire white people.

02:27:16.000 You need to hire black people. 1.00

02:27:17.000 It's like... 0.99

02:27:19.000 It's not a thought after job.

02:27:20.000 But because it's not a high prestige job, that's why.

02:27:21.000 So nobody cares.

02:27:22.000 Yeah, nobody cares.

02:27:23.000 But if it was a CEO of large financial institutions, you would say this is ridiculous that it's all this and not that.

02:27:29.000 Ideally, it would be a fascinating social experiment or a social observation to find out what genders, what sexual orientation, what race, what ethnicities gravitate towards specific jobs Those jobs didn't have a hierarchy of desire right if there wasn't some jobs that are far more desirable Yeah, 0.98

02:27:54.000 I mean one of the arguments I had really early on in Hollywood was with this guy who was a really nice guy, but he was Asian and He was saying there's no fucking roles for Asian actors. 0.98

02:28:05.000 This is bullshit and I was like, okay Why don't you make roles? 0.98

02:28:08.000 It's like, it's not that easy. 1.00

02:28:09.000 I go, I get it.

02:28:10.000 I understand that it's not that easy.

02:28:11.000 But do you think that someone should have to write an Asian leading man because you have a hard time getting a job?

02:28:17.000 Right.

02:28:18.000 Like, what should they do?

02:28:19.000 Like, how should it be done? 0.97

02:28:20.000 There's also no roles for ugly people. 0.93

02:28:22.000 Right. 0.95

02:28:22.000 It's true. 0.95

02:28:22.000 Like, what about, you know, what about people who are dwarves? 0.95

02:28:25.000 There's no, there's very few jobs for that.

02:28:27.000 Very few.

02:28:28.000 And one guy's killing it.

02:28:29.000 That one guy's dominating, that Game of Thrones dude.

02:28:32.000 What would you do?

02:28:33.000 Like, what would you do to correct that is the question.

02:28:37.000 It's not whether or not the world is fair.

02:28:38.000 The world's not fair.

02:28:39.000 There's no five-foot-tall white guys that are playing in the NBA. That's not fair either. 0.92

02:28:44.000 There's weird shit that just happens to be reality. 0.96

02:28:48.000 Like, what do you do to correct that? 0.99

02:28:49.000 And, you know, he was really adamant that Hollywood is racist, they're not hiring Asians to be leading men, and Asians, I'm like, okay. 0.94

02:28:57.000 I see how it would be frustrating for you as an actor, but if you're a screenwriter and you're a guy who writes a story about a white guy who moves into a haunted house and he falls in love with this woman and they buy a house together and the house winds up being haunted and there's monsters...

02:29:13.000 You're saying, should someone have to change that to an Asian guy so that you get a job?

02:29:19.000 Yeah, it's also simplistic because it's not hearing the other argument.

02:29:23.000 It's like, okay, sure, that guy could be anybody.

02:29:25.000 That guy could be any race.

02:29:27.000 But if me, I'm not Hollywood, I'm a guy making this one movie.

02:29:32.000 And if I cast an Asian... 0.99

02:29:35.000 I'm probably going to make far less money than if I cast a guy who looks like most of the movie ticket purchasers.

02:29:43.000 Which is a white guy.

02:29:44.000 Or a famous person which you know is going to sell big time tickets.

02:29:47.000 Sure, absolutely.

02:29:48.000 So then it's like, you want me to correct what Hollywood is, but I'm not Hollywood.

02:29:53.000 I'm just this producer for this movie.

02:29:56.000 That's something that my friend Frankie Renzulli said to me once.

02:29:59.000 He said, there's no Hollywood.

02:30:01.000 That's what I said about the AIDS cure. 0.53

02:30:03.000 Doctors have the cure, but they make more money in selling off the treatment.

02:30:09.000 But there's no such thing as doctors.

02:30:11.000 There's no doctor's group.

02:30:13.000 So if one doctor had it, he would be a billionaire.

02:30:16.000 If he just released the cure.

02:30:17.000 Well, this is the main problem with conspiracy theory, is that everyone's working together.

02:30:21.000 They think that everyone's working together as a part of some grand thing to keep the knowledge that the world's flat away from the general public. 1.00

02:30:28.000 Like that kind of stupidity. 0.99

02:30:30.000 But that comes from a lack of understanding of how human beings interact with each other and about how magnificent a discovery so gigantic would be to the one person that exposed it. 1.00

02:30:41.000 That that person's gonna keep their mouth shut? 0.99

02:30:43.000 For what fucking reason? 1.00

02:30:45.000 For what reason? 1.00

02:30:45.000 That's nonsense. 1.00

02:30:46.000 I will say with that in mind, there is a thing that when you interview a white lady or a black dude for a job, a lot of times your predispositions towards those races or genders go in and go like, I don't respect you as much as your mind is there. 0.68

02:31:01.000 I kind of like disrespect you a little. 0.51

02:31:03.000 I don't think you have the brain that someone who looks different has. 1.00

02:31:08.000 So now you're like not letting them get the part or get the job they would have gotten Not the part. 1.00

02:31:13.000 Hollywood's so garbage. 0.95

02:31:14.000 Yeah, the part doesn't work. 1.00

02:31:15.000 The job.

02:31:16.000 Because, like, ah, really?

02:31:17.000 You're smart?

02:31:18.000 No way.

02:31:19.000 Right, a woman's gonna do the best job? 1.00

02:31:21.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.97

02:31:22.000 Yeah, when you ever see, like, an actor who goes on to, like, write and direct his own thing, you're like, what? 1.00

02:31:25.000 Because most actors are fucking idiots. 1.00

02:31:27.000 Right. 1.00

02:31:27.000 And then when you see one that's actually intelligent, like, I would not have expected that from you. 1.00

02:31:30.000 And that happens also with race and gender.

02:31:32.000 So that, you do want to correct.

02:31:33.000 Yes.

02:31:34.000 Well, that's what Billy Bob Thornton did with Sling Blade.

02:31:36.000 He couldn't get jobs.

02:31:38.000 Made his own.

02:31:38.000 So he decided, you know what, I have this crazy character.

02:31:41.000 Swingers, exactly. 0.89

02:31:42.000 Jon Favreau.

02:31:43.000 They decided to make his own movie.

02:31:45.000 Rocky.

02:31:46.000 Yeah.

02:31:46.000 I mean, sort of.

02:31:48.000 He just made sure he played the character.

02:31:49.000 And he wrote it.

02:31:50.000 And he wrote it, yeah.

02:31:51.000 But he did go to a major...

02:31:53.000 Yeah.

02:31:54.000 Studio.

02:31:55.000 But you can't mandate creativity.

02:31:59.000 Creativity is a different element. 0.99

02:32:00.000 Because, like, look, how many fucking books has Stephen King written about Maine? 0.98

02:32:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:32:04.000 Like, every other book is about Maine. 0.99

02:32:06.000 You can't tell him he can't write a book about Maine because people from Kenosha, Wisconsin, are upset and they think that you're, you know, you're a locationist.

02:32:15.000 But I do like what they do in the UK in their, like, the first year of Black Mirror, which is UK-based.

02:32:20.000 Mm-hmm.

02:32:22.000 They just let black guys play roles. 0.96

02:32:25.000 They're not playing black person.

02:32:27.000 There's mixed race couples. 0.66

02:32:29.000 They're just people.

02:32:30.000 They're way further along than we are in terms of their social consciousness of the zeitgeist in general.

02:32:35.000 They don't see race as much.

02:32:37.000 Europeans?

02:32:38.000 English.

02:32:39.000 English.

02:32:39.000 They see Indians and Pakistanis and stuff like that.

02:32:44.000 They see that race really hard still.

02:32:46.000 We actually probably see that less.

02:32:47.000 But in terms of black and white, they're just way more like, they're just people.

02:32:52.000 Right.

02:32:53.000 That's interesting.

02:32:53.000 Because they don't have a history of slavery like we do?

02:32:56.000 Maybe it's that Serbs stopped earlier.

02:32:58.000 I'm not sure.

02:32:58.000 I mean, way back they had the Moor in Shakespeare.

02:33:01.000 But, like, I don't know.

02:33:02.000 It's just not as bad as us.

02:33:04.000 Right.

02:33:04.000 For whatever reason.

02:33:05.000 I'm not really sure of the causes.

02:33:06.000 But then black guys can just play a role. 0.94

02:33:09.000 There's an argument about that with Black Mirror that I found was kind of silly.

02:33:13.000 Someone was saying, oh, I'm upset about Black Mirror because it's like every show has a woman lead in every show.

02:33:19.000 I go, step away and look at the shows. 0.99

02:33:22.000 They're fucking fantastic. 0.98

02:33:23.000 The show is so good. 0.98

02:33:25.000 But that's someone who's so upset by this whole idea of diversity and enforced diversity that they're looking for it even when it's not relevant because the actual work itself is so good.

02:33:37.000 So, like, you shouldn't say the new Ghostbusters sucked because it was all women. 0.98

02:33:40.000 You should say the new Ghostbusters sucked because no one was calling for a remake of it. 0.98

02:33:44.000 Right. 0.99

02:33:44.000 And it sucked. 0.99

02:33:45.000 Or Star Wars. 0.79

02:33:47.000 The new Star Wars, like, when you had Carrie Fisher and Laura Dern were, like, the major generals.

02:33:53.000 And you're like, what?

02:33:54.000 This doesn't even work. 0.53

02:33:55.000 Like, maybe it doesn't work because it wasn't written well and because they didn't really pull it off, but you're telling me you couldn't have some badass chick like Sigourney Weaver when she was in Aliens who dominated the film and nobody gave a fuck that she was the lead.

02:34:09.000 Because it was so good.

02:34:11.000 And look how cool the blonde chick is from Game of Thrones. 1.00

02:34:13.000 Perfect.

02:34:14.000 And Cersei's.

02:34:15.000 Yes.

02:34:16.000 No one's like, oh yeah, whatever.

02:34:18.000 It's like no one thinks of them as women.

02:34:20.000 They're just like strong characters.

02:34:21.000 Yeah.

02:34:22.000 Omar from The Wire, who was gay and black. 0.97

02:34:25.000 Like, no one cares. 0.97

02:34:27.000 Right.

02:34:27.000 Because it was just like he nailed it.

02:34:29.000 Yeah.

02:34:30.000 But then how do you...

02:34:32.000 You have to not see it and be like, who's going to be great in this?

02:34:36.000 And also give a representation of, you can't make all the gangsters white because it'd be unrealistic.

02:34:40.000 Right.

02:34:41.000 You know what I mean?

02:34:41.000 We've seen this in comedy too, right?

02:34:44.000 There's a difference between enforced diversity and people who just happen to be diverse but are brilliant.

02:34:50.000 True.

02:34:51.000 And we've seen this where they're trying to enforce certain aspects of stand-up comedy.

02:34:55.000 If you say nobody with mustaches, you're going to make your product worse.

02:34:58.000 How many times have we seen this?

02:35:01.000 And people will say, hey, why aren't there more women at the comedy store? 1.00

02:35:05.000 Why aren't there more this?

02:35:06.000 Why aren't there more that?

02:35:07.000 Whoops.

02:35:08.000 Oh, yeah.

02:35:09.000 That lady who said, like, Whitney Cummings only got three spots last month. 1.00

02:35:12.000 Explain that.

02:35:12.000 Like, what you're doing is accusing.

02:35:15.000 But if you're actually asking, why did Whitney Cummings get three spots last month?

02:35:18.000 It's because Whitney Cummings called in for three spots last month. 0.92

02:35:21.000 She gets every spot she wanted. 0.77

02:35:22.000 She will tell you that if you ask it to her face.

02:35:25.000 She's one of the ones who's card blotting.

02:35:27.000 So are you.

02:35:28.000 You don't call in and not get a spot.

02:35:31.000 There are certain people who get the spots they want.

02:35:33.000 Yeah.

02:35:34.000 So she's one of them.

02:35:35.000 Yeah.

02:35:35.000 So the answer is...

02:35:36.000 She's busy. 0.52

02:35:37.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:35:38.000 The answer is not sexism there.

02:35:40.000 Yeah.

02:35:40.000 Well, that's nonsense, though.

02:35:41.000 That kind of thinking almost always comes from people who suck. 1.00

02:35:44.000 If you look at their art, they're almost always bad. 1.00

02:35:48.000 That's just a fact.

02:35:49.000 They want equality of outcome.

02:35:50.000 And that's not new.

02:35:50.000 I was talking to Lisa about this recently.

02:35:53.000 It's not new, it made me realize.

02:35:54.000 Same thing when Dane Cook got big.

02:35:55.000 People were like, oh, because he's good looking.

02:35:57.000 And that was a bunch of sucky guys who weren't killing every set like Dane was.

02:36:01.000 And they were going, there must be a reason, other than it's on me, why I'm not as big as him.

02:36:07.000 So how about the good looking thing?

02:36:09.000 That's off me.

02:36:10.000 I have no control over that.

02:36:11.000 And it's really like, dude, that guy kills 19 times out of 20, and you kill 2 out of 20. Like, can you possibly say it could be based on that?

02:36:19.000 But it's the people that are complaining are almost never doing well anyway.

02:36:22.000 So this is why they're complaining.

02:36:24.000 True.

02:36:25.000 I mean, you're not going to hear certain people.

02:36:29.000 You're not going to hear Bill Burr complaining about other people doing well.

02:36:31.000 Well, Chappelle said it.

02:36:32.000 I mean, black comics who do well, they're all successful.

02:36:36.000 Hugely.

02:36:37.000 You guys, if you're doing well on stage consistently...

02:36:40.000 As a black comic, there's no question you'll be making doctor money.

02:36:45.000 He didn't say that, but that's what it is.

02:36:46.000 That's what it is, yeah.

02:36:48.000 Well, comedy in many ways is very egalitarian in that way.

02:36:53.000 You get laughed so you don't.

02:36:54.000 Yeah, I mean, you are what you are.

02:36:57.000 Either you're really funny or you're not.

02:36:58.000 And there's black rooms for black comics to do something that doesn't relate to certain white audiences. 0.67

02:37:03.000 I just can't figure it out.

02:37:04.000 But there's rooms for them.

02:37:05.000 The Mexican rooms where they do half their punchlines in Spanish. 0.94

02:37:08.000 That wouldn't play at the comedy store, but it would play in certain audiences.

02:37:12.000 Well, when Diaz used to do Miami.

02:37:13.000 He would do Spanglish.

02:37:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:37:15.000 He would half his punchlines would be in Spanish and people would fall out of their fucking chair laughing. 1.00

02:37:18.000 Because they understood it. 0.99

02:37:19.000 And if you were a white guy who didn't swear, good luck.

02:37:23.000 Yeah, good luck. 0.96

02:37:24.000 Just jump out a window.

02:37:25.000 That was another thing. 1.00

02:37:25.000 Oh, you're dirty. 1.00

02:37:26.000 That's why you're successful. 1.00

02:37:27.000 Oh, yeah.

02:37:27.000 That's a big one.

02:37:28.000 Hey, man, just start crushing and this won't be an issue.

02:37:30.000 Yeah.

02:37:31.000 Well, that was a nonsense issue, too. 0.57

02:37:33.000 Like, I don't want to follow someone dirty. 0.82

02:37:34.000 Yeah.

02:37:34.000 Why not?

02:37:35.000 Yeah.

02:37:36.000 Why?

02:37:36.000 What difference does it have?

02:37:37.000 Yeah.

02:37:38.000 But this idea that, like, I'm not getting ahead because of reasons, not new.

02:37:41.000 I just realized this has been going on as a reason to be like, off me why I'm not doing well.

02:37:46.000 Yeah.

02:37:46.000 And it doesn't...

02:37:47.000 I think the real sexism... 1.00

02:37:49.000 Especially for women is having to work with a bunch of people that are trying to fuck you all the time. 1.00

02:37:54.000 Especially, I think, at open mics when you're already ready to quit anyway. 0.99

02:37:59.000 Yeah.

02:38:00.000 You're about ready to quit. 0.99

02:38:01.000 And now this fucking, these creeps are around and there's no one to talk to. 1.00

02:38:04.000 And they're half crazy. 1.00

02:38:06.000 The coffee shop, they're half homeless. 0.97

02:38:07.000 I mean, for real homeless.

02:38:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:38:08.000 People who line up for open mics, there's a giant percentage of them that are out of their fucking mind. 1.00

02:38:14.000 So if you're some girl who already feels vulnerable around men to begin with because you're smaller and you're a target for sexual harassment. 0.99

02:38:22.000 There's no manager to go talk to. 0.99

02:38:23.000 Like, hey, this guy's fucking, can you walk me in my car? 0.99

02:38:25.000 There's no rules. 0.99

02:38:26.000 You can sign up.

02:38:27.000 There's 30 other people signing up.

02:38:28.000 You wait around for your name to be called.

02:38:30.000 If you're lucky, you get three minutes.

02:38:32.000 And you're still, no matter what, five years away from making a dollar.

02:38:35.000 So it's like, you know what? 1.00

02:38:36.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:38:37.000 I'm done. 1.00

02:38:37.000 If Mary Lynn Rice Cub today gets harassed, she's not going to quit. 1.00

02:38:41.000 She's still making money. 1.00

02:38:42.000 She might not come to the store anymore if nobody does anything about it. 0.91

02:38:47.000 But people would do something about it.

02:38:49.000 There's a place to go to for like, hey, you need to get rid of this guy.

02:38:51.000 This audience member can't come anymore.

02:38:52.000 And that's just comedy.

02:38:54.000 I mean, with any job, I think the real issue...

02:38:57.000 Well, also with men. 1.00

02:38:59.000 Men are fucking stupid, okay? 1.00

02:39:00.000 If you're working with a man and you're nice to that man, he assumes you want to fuck him. 1.00

02:39:06.000 Because this is evolution. 1.00

02:39:07.000 This is how it worked.

02:39:08.000 Yeah, we're monkeys.

02:39:09.000 Touch my arm and it's like, I'm in for the next two days.

02:39:11.000 Oh, you must like me. 1.00

02:39:11.000 So if a woman is kind to a guy and gets some coffee, the guy thinks she wants to suck his dick because he's stupid. 1.00

02:39:18.000 Because this is how we're programmed. 1.00

02:39:19.000 We're programmed to think that women who are nice to us, if that woman is attractive, she must be sending us signals she wants sexual attention. 1.00

02:39:26.000 It can't just be some completely plutonic workplace situation.

02:39:30.000 That's not possible because eight hours a day when you're working with someone, you develop feelings and thoughts and ideas about that person.

02:39:37.000 I realized that when we were doing the Nasty Show in Montreal, and there's all these young interns, some of them women, and young people are cuter than old people. 1.00

02:39:47.000 I don't know what to tell you.

02:39:49.000 Stand by, you can be mad at me all you want.

02:39:50.000 You're an ageist! 0.71

02:39:51.000 Yeah, you can be mad at me all you want. 0.98

02:39:52.000 You're an ageist! 1.00

02:39:52.000 Fucking talk to every magazine. 1.00

02:39:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:39:55.000 And you get this idea and you're there a week early from everybody else.

02:39:59.000 The nasty show starts way earlier.

02:40:00.000 So you're pretty much the only English speaking show while the French stuff is going on. 1.00

02:40:03.000 And these interns come out and you're like, ooh, I think I can fuck one of them. 1.00

02:40:08.000 And then it hit me like, oh wait, there's also male interns who are also showing up to the shows. 0.99

02:40:12.000 And you're like, oh, they're all just comedy fans.

02:40:15.000 And I'm reading in...

02:40:17.000 These women must be flirting because they're coming when they're exhibiting literally the exact same behavior as the men who are coming. 0.98

02:40:25.000 Right.

02:40:25.000 Coming to like, I want to hang out with the comedian.

02:40:28.000 Yeah.

02:40:28.000 And they might want hookah.

02:40:30.000 They might not.

02:40:31.000 But I'm putting something on them only because of their gender. 0.89

02:40:34.000 And then it's like, OK, step back. 1.00

02:40:36.000 You can't fuck any of these people. 1.00

02:40:37.000 Right. 1.00

02:40:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:40:38.000 And that must be what it's like if you're the manager of an office and there's a cute woman who works for you and a guy who's fat and gross. 0.99

02:40:47.000 And they're both exhibiting the exact same friendly behavior towards you. 1.00

02:40:50.000 You don't assume the fat guy wants to suck your dick. 1.00

02:40:52.000 Right. 1.00

02:40:53.000 And then also it's like you can still hook up, but they have to do all the work.

02:40:57.000 The underling has to do all the pushing.

02:40:59.000 Man, can you?

02:40:59.000 Even though I don't think you can in an office environment.

02:41:01.000 I think if the underling keeps pushing...

02:41:03.000 But they have to push hard.

02:41:05.000 They have to push hard.

02:41:05.000 You can be like, what are you doing this weekend?

02:41:07.000 Everybody?

02:41:08.000 A friend of mine.

02:41:09.000 I'm going to move.

02:41:09.000 You want to come?

02:41:10.000 Sure.

02:41:11.000 Anybody else want to come?

02:41:11.000 You have to really not push and put them in that position.

02:41:16.000 Yeah.

02:41:16.000 And there's people going to take advantage of that on both sides.

02:41:19.000 Yeah.

02:41:19.000 And even on the female side.

02:41:21.000 There's a friend of mine who works at Vice.

02:41:23.000 And he was talking to me about this woman who was making these really obvious... 1.00

02:41:28.000 Flortations?

02:41:30.000 Well, advances. 0.99

02:41:32.000 She was trying to have sex with him. 1.00

02:41:34.000 And he contacted one of the other guys that he works with that was also there. 1.00

02:41:41.000 And he's like, do not fuck her. 1.00

02:41:43.000 Like, she is upwardly mobile. 1.00

02:41:45.000 Like, what she was doing, she's trying to fuck her way up to the top. 1.00

02:41:48.000 She did it to this guy. 0.99

02:41:49.000 And then she called sexual harassment on him after she flirted with him. 1.00

02:41:53.000 And then she got some fucking advance that she shouldn't have. 0.99

02:41:59.000 Some nonsense went on. 0.99

02:42:00.000 People are political. 0.99

02:42:01.000 Some people are very calculated, and some people are sociopaths. 1.00

02:42:04.000 And they exist with vaginas. 1.00

02:42:06.000 They exist with penises. 1.00

02:42:07.000 This is just part of being a person. 1.00

02:42:09.000 There's some people that are just bad people.

02:42:10.000 But there's also some women who like power, and that's not wrong either. 1.00

02:42:14.000 And so it's like, oh, you're a manager. 1.00

02:42:15.000 It justifiably makes me want to fuck you a little more. 1.00

02:42:18.000 And so that's okay, too. 1.00

02:42:20.000 Yeah.

02:42:20.000 Well, there's some women also that like being in power, and we hate those women, but we don't hate the men who like to be in power.

02:42:26.000 That's a weird thing, too. 1.00

02:42:27.000 Like, a woman who wants to run shit, we're like, look at this crazy bitch wanting to run everything. 1.00

02:42:30.000 Whereas a guy who wants to run shit seems totally normal. 1.00

02:42:34.000 Yeah, I will say it's a bigger wrong... 0.99

02:42:36.000 It's like, what do you most likely want to avoid?

02:42:40.000 You know? 0.99

02:42:41.000 And it seems like a bigger wrong for someone to have to, like, worry about getting fucking... 0.98

02:42:45.000 Not just being able to do their job versus... 0.99

02:42:49.000 Oh, this chick wants to sleep with me because she wants to get ahead. 1.00

02:42:51.000 Yeah, well, that's easy to avoid.

02:42:53.000 It's for the guy.

02:42:54.000 There's no physical threat.

02:42:56.000 Way easier.

02:42:57.000 There's never a physical threat for the guy. 0.99

02:42:58.000 Yeah, it's fucking nothing. 1.00

02:42:58.000 People are like, well, I got my ass grabbed. 1.00

02:43:00.000 And you could end it any time you want. 0.98

02:43:02.000 It's not the same.

02:43:03.000 Stop it.

02:43:03.000 I mean, unless you're really a mess and you're just vulnerable psychologically, physically, all the above.

02:43:12.000 It's rare. 0.93

02:43:12.000 You're an aberration. 0.93

02:43:13.000 Yeah, you're an aberration. 0.98

02:43:14.000 Yeah.

02:43:15.000 Yeah.

02:43:16.000 I don't know how to correct it, but like...

02:43:18.000 We were lucky we don't have to work with people all day, man. 0.99

02:43:21.000 People in a fucking office environment that are working around people all day and people have some weird shit and then you go to the company Christmas party and some guy who works with your wife says some creepy shit to you because you know he's been... 0.99

02:43:36.000 Like, he's been coveting your wife behind your back, and he wants her, and he talks shit about you to her, and she tells you, and that kind of shit is so normal, man. 1.00

02:43:47.000 Because you think about how many hours are in a day. 1.00

02:43:50.000 You have 24 hours in a day.

02:43:51.000 Eight of them you're sleeping.

02:43:52.000 Okay, so how much time is commuting?

02:43:55.000 How much time is work?

02:43:56.000 Most of your day is at work.

02:43:58.000 So your life is not with your spouse.

02:44:00.000 Yeah.

02:44:00.000 You might not hook up with them, but you're interacting with them in a disproportionate way.

02:44:06.000 Do you think, with people sometimes talk about Me Too going too far, but let's talk about for a second like Me Too going the right level.

02:44:13.000 Do you think, and we don't work in an office job, so we're just guessing.

02:44:16.000 Right.

02:44:16.000 Do you think sexual harassment are down now in the last year?

02:44:19.000 I think men who are creeps are probably a little more cautious.

02:44:23.000 I remember after them and see a video.

02:44:26.000 People all over open mics were calling each other out on it.

02:44:29.000 And then occasionally, it was a question of, it went too far.

02:44:33.000 We're like, you stole that joke from me.

02:44:34.000 It's like, dude, we both talked about the same movie.

02:44:36.000 You're trying to write me off my whole career off because I talked about, you know...

02:44:41.000 Whatever.

02:44:42.000 Dance with wolves.

02:44:43.000 And so are you.

02:44:43.000 But your thing was about the Native Americans.

02:44:45.000 Your thing was about the fucking dog they had. 1.00

02:44:49.000 And so I'm sure it went too far here or there. 0.99

02:44:51.000 But it was nice where it was no longer acceptable to steal jokes.

02:44:55.000 Yes.

02:44:56.000 And it wasn't just something we're going to tolerate.

02:44:58.000 Right.

02:44:59.000 It's got to be like that, too, with this Me Too stuff. 1.00

02:45:01.000 It's no longer acceptable to fucking pat an ass. 1.00

02:45:03.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:45:04.000 And you can be like, what?

02:45:04.000 I just wanted to...

02:45:05.000 And everyone else, even the guy's like, dude, no.

02:45:07.000 Dude, I couldn't imagine being a man rather the opposite. 0.99

02:45:11.000 I couldn't imagine being a woman working for a man who wanted to fuck me and me getting a raise, me getting some sort of upward movement in my career is dependent upon this person making a decision and this person's always trying to fuck me. 1.00

02:45:27.000 That would be disgusting. 1.00

02:45:28.000 And that's what a lot of women have to deal with all day long. 1.00

02:45:31.000 And that's only one step of it. 0.99

02:45:33.000 How about the fucking Bill Cosby step? 1.00

02:45:35.000 How about you can't leave your fucking drink alone? 1.00

02:45:39.000 You can't leave your drink. 1.00

02:45:40.000 That's a reality with a lot of women. 1.00

02:45:42.000 That's not a reality with you or me.

02:45:44.000 We're not always trying to rape us. 0.99

02:45:48.000 I mean, there's a lot of shit that women have to think about that we don't have to think about. 1.00

02:45:51.000 A lot. 1.00

02:45:52.000 Many, many, many, many, many, many, many things.

02:45:54.000 Yeah, it is interesting.

02:45:55.000 This now is all coming up.

02:45:56.000 You're like, what?

02:45:57.000 How many of you had something? 1.00

02:45:58.000 Damn. 1.00

02:45:59.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:45:59.000 It's worse than I thought. 1.00

02:46:00.000 A lot of it's too because you just want to believe the best in the world and people.

02:46:04.000 And so when you're like...

02:46:06.000 You're like, no, that can't happen that much.

02:46:08.000 It's not like you're the problem.

02:46:09.000 You're not doing it.

02:46:11.000 You just don't want to believe that's possible.

02:46:12.000 We're so removed.

02:46:13.000 You don't want to believe some kid can get chopped up by some monster.

02:46:17.000 Right.

02:46:17.000 You're like, no.

02:46:18.000 Right.

02:46:19.000 Yeah, we're removed from it.

02:46:19.000 We don't see it as much.

02:46:20.000 It's not directed at us. 0.99

02:46:21.000 We live in fucked up worlds, man. 0.99

02:46:23.000 Our world is everybody smokes pot. 1.00

02:46:25.000 Almost everybody drinks.

02:46:27.000 Yeah.

02:46:27.000 You know, everybody's a deviant.

02:46:28.000 Everybody is impossible for them to have a regular job.

02:46:32.000 Every single one of us that's successful as a comic, it's virtually impossible for any of us to have ever existed in an office environment and survived.

02:46:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:46:42.000 We're too fucked up. 1.00

02:46:44.000 But we're perfect for comedy. 1.00

02:46:46.000 You know what I mean?

02:46:46.000 So like us, us talking about office politics and office environments...

02:46:51.000 It's kind of silly.

02:46:51.000 We have no idea really what it is.

02:46:53.000 We're fools. 0.86

02:46:54.000 That's why I think it's funny when people say like, talk about, I don't know, Louis or something where it's like... 0.98

02:46:58.000 It was a comedy festival, so it was at their job.

02:47:00.000 And it's like, oh, no, no, no, no.

02:47:01.000 You just don't understand what comedy is.

02:47:03.000 It's a workplace safety issue.

02:47:04.000 If it was a workplace, then you would have to say, like, by the way, actually, do people do coke at the workplace in our job? 0.95

02:47:10.000 People actually consensually fuck during work at our workplace? 0.98

02:47:14.000 Because that happens, too. 0.99

02:47:16.000 A lot of pot smoking at our workplace.

02:47:18.000 Yeah, like, it's not, it's not, it's not.

02:47:20.000 Our workplace has a designated pot smoking place. 0.98

02:47:23.000 And now, where we are now... 0.99

02:47:24.000 While you're in the green room, you can't fuck with anybody. 0.99

02:47:26.000 But you can smoke. 0.99

02:47:28.000 Yeah.

02:47:29.000 It's not a workplace.

02:47:31.000 It's not.

02:47:32.000 Well, it's just...

02:47:32.000 But you should still have the rights to safety, but it ain't a workplace.

02:47:35.000 Well, and you should...

02:47:36.000 It's all...

02:47:37.000 Like, here's the thing.

02:47:38.000 Like, say if you're Tom and Christina.

02:47:42.000 Yeah.

02:47:42.000 You're married together.

02:47:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:47:44.000 You could fuck in the green room. 1.00

02:47:45.000 Absolutely. 1.00

02:47:46.000 Just lock the door, and who's gonna stop you? 1.00

02:47:47.000 So you could fuck at the workplace. 1.00

02:47:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:47:50.000 Yeah, you could.

02:47:51.000 That's not an issue. 0.99

02:47:52.000 Yeah, people fuck in the green room all the time. 1.00

02:47:53.000 Like, hey, beat it, this girl's coming in. 1.00

02:47:55.000 But you can't fuck if, you know, you're the manager and she's a secretary and you pull her into your office. 1.00

02:48:00.000 You get fired for that. 1.00

02:48:01.000 Even if it's your wife. 0.74

02:48:02.000 You're not allowed to do that.

02:48:03.000 At real work? 1.00

02:48:04.000 You can't fuck at work. 1.00

02:48:05.000 You can't fuck at work. 1.00

02:48:06.000 Remember Constanza got fired? 1.00

02:48:07.000 He goes, is that not allowed?

02:48:09.000 What did he do at work? 1.00

02:48:09.000 He fucked the mate. 1.00

02:48:11.000 And then they were like, we caught you on camera. 1.00

02:48:13.000 He goes, oh, was that a problem?

02:48:14.000 I didn't realize.

02:48:15.000 He's trying to lie his way out of it.

02:48:16.000 Yeah.

02:48:19.000 I think people are listening more and it's slow.

02:48:21.000 And I think the conversation gets sidetracked when you hit on punishment too much.

02:48:26.000 When people hit on punishment, like this person needs to go away. 0.99

02:48:28.000 It's like, can we get back to the fucking... 0.99

02:48:29.000 Same thing with Michael Vick. 1.00

02:48:35.000 Right.

02:48:38.000 Yeah, I'm on your side.

02:48:39.000 But like, oh, now you sidetracked me to go.

02:48:41.000 No, no, he should be allowed to play football.

02:48:42.000 That has nothing to do with it.

02:48:43.000 Let's just get back always to the argument.

02:48:45.000 Like, let's make it safer for chicks in the workplace. 1.00

02:48:48.000 Let's not let a black guy not get hired when he's deserving. 0.99

02:48:51.000 Right. 0.98

02:48:51.000 You know, let's fix that stuff. 0.98

02:48:53.000 The punishment sidetracks is you can still talk about it, but not when you're emotional. 0.96

02:48:57.000 I think one thing that we've come with in this conversation is that jobs suck. 0.99

02:49:01.000 Jobs do suck. 1.00

02:49:01.000 And no one should have them, because if you have them, people want to fuck you that you work with. 1.00

02:49:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:49:06.000 I think that's the solution. 0.99

02:49:08.000 When it's like, men need to shut up.

02:49:09.000 It's like, alright, well then we can't help you or hurt you if you need to shut up.

02:49:12.000 Wow, those people are just, there's fringe, there's loud fringe people. 1.00

02:49:15.000 Like, you know, that's one of my favorite tweets that I saved from this feminist woman that said, all white males are trash unless proven otherwise. 1.00

02:49:25.000 It's like, alright, great. 1.00

02:49:26.000 Well, we're not going to, then great.

02:49:28.000 But you want our help.

02:49:29.000 So, okay, great.

02:49:31.000 Good luck with that. 0.89

02:49:32.000 Unless proven otherwise, that's a ridiculous way to look at things. 0.89

02:49:35.000 What if a man said that? 1.00

02:49:36.000 All women are cunts unless proven otherwise. 1.00

02:49:38.000 That's a bad person. 1.00

02:49:39.000 Well, it's also like the answer to, I don't know, white dudes have been in charge forever, is not, fuck these people over who I wasn't here for forever. 1.00

02:49:47.000 White people just need to stop talking. 1.00

02:49:48.000 Yeah, and it's like, okay. 0.95

02:49:51.000 The answer is lack of racism, lack of sexism.

02:49:54.000 Yes, complete lack, even in judging white people, even in judging white males, even in judging white males in a position of power.

02:50:02.000 There should be no racism.

02:50:04.000 There should be no discrimination.

02:50:05.000 That presidential candidate early, early last time, they're like, how do you feel about Black Lives Matter?

02:50:11.000 He hadn't heard about it yet.

02:50:12.000 He goes, yeah.

02:50:13.000 What?

02:50:13.000 And he was super progressive.

02:50:15.000 He was like, of course Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter.

02:50:17.000 What are you talking about?

02:50:17.000 Yeah.

02:50:18.000 And they're like, All Lives Matter?

02:50:19.000 That's a slogan for the other side.

02:50:22.000 And they wrote him off. 0.98

02:50:23.000 And he's like, I just didn't know about your fucking three-word summation of the whole argument. 0.98

02:50:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:50:28.000 Black Lives Matter or All Lives Matter? 0.99

02:50:29.000 And Bernie Sanders said, Black Lives Matter.

02:50:31.000 And he said, why?

02:50:32.000 And people are like, oh, you're super progressive.

02:50:34.000 We love you, Bernie.

02:50:35.000 You're playing by the rules that we've established and you're saying the things that we make you say.

02:50:38.000 Yeah.

02:50:39.000 Well, of course all lives matter, but black lives matter as well.

02:50:43.000 So do yellow lives matter. 1.00

02:50:44.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

02:50:46.000 It doesn't work as a slogan. 1.00

02:50:48.000 If you go, hey, we need to figure out why black people are getting shot at a higher rate in their percentages than white people by cops.

02:50:55.000 So we need to curb that immediately.

02:50:57.000 We need to make it somewhere where you can actually trust the police to represent you all and not have a fear of them.

02:51:02.000 That's not a slogan you can throw out.

02:51:04.000 But if you said that, then nobody's going to be like, You should have to worry about cops.

02:51:09.000 We were just like, yeah, I'll get behind that.

02:51:11.000 This is a super deep and complex conversation about systemic racism in communities where, like in Baltimore, where they literally established zones where black people couldn't buy homes.

02:51:20.000 Yeah, and now you're going to sum it up into three words?

02:51:22.000 Yeah, this is...

02:51:23.000 You've got...

02:51:23.000 Giant cultural issues that should be addressed on literally a nationwide scale.

02:51:31.000 We're interested in building nations and helping people in Afghanistan and giving aid to Saudi Arabia and all these different – fill in the blank with whatever country it is. 0.97

02:51:41.000 How the fuck are they not fixing the south side of Chicago? 0.97

02:51:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:51:44.000 I mean, how the fuck are they not fixing Baltimore? 0.99

02:51:46.000 How are they not going to Compton, Flint? 1.00

02:51:48.000 The fucking water is still undrinkable. 0.99

02:51:50.000 Goddammit, Elon Musk has to step in and say he's going to fix your water? 0.99

02:51:53.000 And by the way, you and I... We have no idea about the backstory to it and how to fix it.

02:52:00.000 We have our opinions and our opinions are worthless.

02:52:01.000 They're just opinions.

02:52:02.000 Worthless and no solutions.

02:52:03.000 We're just talking.

02:52:04.000 Neither one of us have any skin in the game. 1.00

02:52:07.000 We're talking out of our ass. 0.96

02:52:08.000 But we're not doing anything really wrong to people. 0.98

02:52:10.000 We're not hurting anybody.

02:52:11.000 But if we want to look at things objectively, that is a real valid...

02:52:17.000 It's a real argument, a real valid point of discussion.

02:52:19.000 It's like, sure, black lives matter, but you know what else matters? 1.00

02:52:23.000 Really bad communities that have been bad for decade after decade after decade, and they're not being addressed by any politicians, they're not being addressed by any community leaders.

02:52:32.000 No one is stepping in and saying, hey, before we do anything involving any other country, We've got to fix all the problems we have right here, and they can be fixed.

02:52:42.000 They can be fixed, and it might take decades.

02:52:44.000 It might take years.

02:52:46.000 I don't know how long it's going to take, but it's not going to be fixed at all if we do nothing.

02:52:52.000 That's also part of this argument when it goes too far is the pendulum is here.

02:52:55.000 We want it back in the middle.

02:52:56.000 It's just going to have to swing a little too far and then come back.

02:52:59.000 When we're talking about Me Too and sexual harassment and rape and all this stuff, I think one of the things that we're dealing with is information.

02:53:07.000 Distribution of information is occurring at a rate that's unprecedented.

02:53:11.000 It's never been like this before.

02:53:13.000 And I think there's a real step that's going to happen with human beings where you're going to be able to Literally read minds and this is going to happen through some sort of a merging with humans and technology Elon Musk believes it's going to be this thing that he's releasing something in the next few months called neural link and this neural link is going to somehow or another Increase the bandwidth between people and information at a rate that's gonna literally change 0.98

02:53:43.000 what a human being is and The way he was explaining it was very vague, but you know when you're talking about a guy like Elon Musk and the Insane ideas that he has bouncing around inside his fucking robot brain.

02:53:55.000 Yeah, I believe him and I believe this is one step just like no one could have ever predicted the internet in 19, you know 60 and No one ever would have thought, other than, I think, Malcolm McLuhan had some ideas.

02:54:11.000 Some people had some ideas of what could possibly happen.

02:54:17.000 No one, no average person saw this coming and I think no average person is going to see these next stages of Integration between human beings and technology and one of them is going to be some sort of a Translation device some sort of a translation device that translates not just languages but thoughts and a universal language that is It defies economic boundaries,

02:54:46.000 political boundaries, geographic boundaries, something that everyone's going to be able to understand.

02:54:50.000 The real problem with the Tower of Babel argument is that if someone's talking in Bangladesh, and someone's talking in Japan, and someone's talking in America, there's so many different ways of saying things, it's too hard to understand them all.

02:55:04.000 No one knows all the languages.

02:55:06.000 And the nuance.

02:55:08.000 When they translated the stranger, the first sentence is, and it's in French, I think, but it's, mother died yesterday, or was it the day before?

02:55:17.000 I can't be sure.

02:55:18.000 And they have to have arguments about, should you use mother, should you use mom, should you use mama?

02:55:23.000 Like, which one is the actually meaning in French to not just get like a sterile one, but like a normalized one?

02:55:30.000 It's like, yeah, it's beyond just translation.

02:55:32.000 So yeah, so go ahead.

02:55:33.000 And I think this is one of the giant problems with whenever you're dealing with nationalism, whenever you're dealing with this idea of the other, that someone from another place is different than you.

02:55:45.000 It's different than you.

02:55:46.000 Yeah.

02:55:46.000 Kids in Yemen's lives don't matter nearly as much as, I don't know, someone not getting hired for late night TV. Sure.

02:55:53.000 Kids in Yemen is a perfect example because they're using drones to launch missiles into a country that we're not even supposed to be at war with. 1.00

02:56:00.000 Kids, six-year-olds.

02:56:01.000 Yeah.

02:56:01.000 Not insurgents.

02:56:02.000 Mm-hmm.

02:56:03.000 A six-year-old little girl is dead times a thousand, but if one died, why is that okay?

02:56:12.000 It's not happening in Chicago or San Francisco.

02:56:15.000 There's no drones launching into the East Village.

02:56:18.000 So because that's not happening, we don't think of it as a concern of ours.

02:56:23.000 And I think these hurdles These are informational hurdles as much as they're geographical hurdles and they're language hurdles and these are hurdles of understanding.

02:56:36.000 And I think as our realm of understanding expands and we get a better understanding of the idea that we really are just human beings in different places and that you are no different than me and I'm no different from some kid who lives in China and that we're all just human beings.

02:56:52.000 And whatever our differences are, they pale in comparison to our similarities.

02:56:56.000 And also the random chance that you were born in Maryland and I was born in New Jersey.

02:57:02.000 Yeah, there's that too.

02:57:03.000 This randomness. 1.00

02:57:04.000 And this idea that you take pride in that is so foolhardy and so ridiculous. 0.97

02:57:07.000 And the idea that somehow or another we're on some sort of a tribe. 0.98

02:57:10.000 And this is something that human beings cling to for security and safety.

02:57:15.000 And we go with tribe left and tribe right.

02:57:18.000 And we go with tribe progressive and tribe conservative.

02:57:21.000 And we go with tribe America and tribe Canada and tribe Mexico. 0.98

02:57:24.000 It's all foolishness. 0.91

02:57:26.000 As technology expands, that will be more and more preposterous.

02:57:30.000 And you're starting to see this with even the way people view religion.

02:57:36.000 If you look to people from just a few decades ago, how many people in this country identified as atheists?

02:57:43.000 It's quite a bit less than today.

02:57:44.000 Quite a bit more identified with today because you start to understand more about religion.

02:57:50.000 There's Google.

02:57:51.000 And Bill Maher and Sam Harris were actually talking about this on a podcast recently.

02:57:56.000 Because they were talking about the 10th anniversary of Religious, Bill Maher's documentary, and they made a really good point that Google came along, and when Google came along, people were allowed to then research the history of Mormonism, where they never really could before.

02:58:10.000 And they go, wait, he was 14 in 1820?

02:58:13.000 And Joseph Smith was just a kid, and he made up a bunch of... 0.99

02:58:16.000 Find me a 14-year-old that's not full of shit, and that's way more impressive. 0.99

02:58:20.000 Right. 0.99

02:58:20.000 And then Scientology and many of the chapters in the Bible when people look at the difference between the New Testament and the Old Testament and who wrote it and why and how many passages were removed and edited by human beings. 0.99

02:58:36.000 You decide the work of God, like what gets to be released and what's not.

02:58:40.000 All that stuff is...

02:58:43.000 It's kindling for the fire of enlightenment, and that fire is spreading.

02:58:49.000 And I think that it's an informational tool.

02:58:52.000 And this fire of enlightenment is a bad term, fire of enlightenment.

02:58:59.000 But just the spread of ideas.

02:59:00.000 When you realize it's like Me Too, when it really does get out, we're like, whoa, I didn't realize how bad it had gotten.

02:59:06.000 And we think about how many women, they were talking about this a long time ago, and you're like, come on.

02:59:10.000 Yeah, and you're like, man.

02:59:12.000 Relax, honey.

02:59:13.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:59:14.000 That's okay. 1.00

02:59:14.000 And now you're like, fuck, I guess it is really bad. 1.00

02:59:17.000 Well, the Cosby thing, I remember hearing about that when I was at news radio. 0.99

02:59:21.000 Yeah, it was always a thing like, I guess, I don't know, maybe.

02:59:24.000 But I didn't think about it in terms of if I was an actress.

02:59:28.000 Or if that was my sister who went through that.

02:59:31.000 Or my mom.

02:59:32.000 That's another reason, too, where I'll try to put myself in the place.

02:59:34.000 I'm pretty good at like...

02:59:35.000 I mean, you've seen me tell stories.

02:59:36.000 I get worked up.

02:59:37.000 You know, I can put myself in the place I was or, you know, imagine something pretty good. 0.99

02:59:42.000 And so it's like, yeah, if it was your sister, your mom, your girlfriend, your wife, daughter going through it, you'd be like, I'll fucking kill that guy, you know? 0.99

02:59:49.000 And so you're so mad. 0.99

02:59:51.000 But then the same thing when I hear about like...

02:59:54.000 I don't know, like Louie.

02:59:56.000 And if my sister told me that, I'd be like, you did what?

03:00:00.000 Was it all red?

03:00:01.000 Was it all red?

03:00:02.000 Was it red pubes?

03:00:04.000 How many of them were gray?

03:00:05.000 Yeah, so it's like, I try to put it in the position as best I can.

03:00:09.000 I still don't have to go through it if it's wrong, but like, there's levels.

03:00:13.000 There's levels.

03:00:14.000 But also, it's like, getting back to it, it's like, you really hear about all this stuff now, and you're like, whoa.

03:00:18.000 But there's also, in terms of someone like Louis, there's got to be a road to redemption. 0.52

03:00:23.000 And this is one of the problems with people that are so fucking angry, is that they don't think there's any road to redemption.

03:00:29.000 They want his career to be taken away. 0.98

03:00:31.000 Michael Vick should never play again.

03:00:32.000 But the Michael Vick thing is different.

03:00:34.000 Why?

03:00:34.000 Because Michael Vick tortured and murdered dogs.

03:00:37.000 Didn't murder.

03:00:38.000 But he also went to jail for four years.

03:00:41.000 He did the time that the state said, you need to do this for what you did.

03:00:45.000 He served his time.

03:00:46.000 He lost his freedom for four years.

03:00:48.000 Yes.

03:00:49.000 Yes.

03:00:49.000 So his job that he had before has nothing to do with it, but it does come down to people going, I'm not through with you suffering yet.

03:00:57.000 Okay.

03:00:58.000 Same thing with Louis.

03:00:59.000 I still think it's a different thing.

03:01:00.000 I'm not through with you suffering. 0.91

03:01:01.000 You represent evil to women. 1.00

03:01:03.000 Killing and torturing dogs. 1.00

03:01:03.000 Of course it's different. 1.00

03:01:04.000 Do you represent evil to women just because you beat off in front of them, or are you just a creeper? 0.98

03:01:08.000 Of course you're just a creeper, but not even that, I don't think. 1.00

03:01:12.000 A pervert. 1.00

03:01:13.000 I guess. 1.00

03:01:15.000 What are you?

03:01:16.000 I don't know man. 1.00

03:01:16.000 - You're sexually deviant? - You hang out with two girls who are talking dirty for two days, you go on drinks with them, you start getting the idea, it's like, I think I can hook up, I think I might have a threesome. 1.00

03:01:25.000 And they're like, that's not enough reason to go for it.

03:01:27.000 It's like, yeah, you're right, I need more signs.

03:01:28.000 They're like, well let me say you wanna go out for drinks.

03:01:30.000 And they do, and it's like, still, no, it's not enough of a sign.

03:01:33.000 It's like, yeah, you're right, you're right.

03:01:34.000 Oh, I know, I'll invite them up to my hotel room.

03:01:36.000 That's usually a pretty universal sign.

03:01:38.000 They're coming?

03:01:39.000 They came to my hotel room?

03:01:40.000 No, that's not enough.

03:01:41.000 You're right, you're right, you're right.

03:01:42.000 All these signs is not enough. 1.00

03:01:43.000 Tell you what, I'll just ask outright, can I fucking jerk off in front of you? 1.00

03:01:46.000 And they said yes. 1.00

03:01:48.000 No, that's still not enough?

03:01:50.000 What are you talking about?

03:01:53.000 So no, not Creeper, but he represents things to people, just like Roseanne represented Trump when she said she has a character who voted for Trump in the show.

03:02:02.000 So because they're representative of evil against women, they go, just get rid of that representative. 1.00

03:02:07.000 And they're not seeing him as a human being that people actually know, that is a human, that is a person.

03:02:13.000 Not only that, if someone says yes, If you ask, can I beat off in front of you, and they say yes.

03:02:20.000 And then never say, no, no, I was just kidding.

03:02:21.000 Just leave the yes out there.

03:02:23.000 Here's this.

03:02:24.000 We're done here.

03:02:25.000 We're done.

03:02:25.000 Did you say yes?

03:02:26.000 Yeah.

03:02:26.000 Okay.

03:02:27.000 So, like, if a girl says, can I play with my pussy in front of you? 1.00

03:02:30.000 And you go, yeah. 1.00

03:02:31.000 And then she doesn't, you go, well, that was fucking disgusting, and I can't even believe this happened, and I'm going right to the press. 0.98

03:02:37.000 Like, wait a minute. 0.98

03:02:38.000 Did you say yes?

03:02:40.000 Yeah.

03:02:40.000 Like, okay, here's one thing, is if this is an aggressive, angry person who traps you in a room, you feel like the only way you can get out, the only way you can get out of this room is you let this guy beat off in front of you, and you're fearful of your life.

03:02:53.000 Most people don't really care.

03:02:54.000 I saw him on stage.

03:02:56.000 Everyone clapped like crazy.

03:02:57.000 They were so happy.

03:02:58.000 And when he goes, guys, I'm just going to do jokes tonight. 1.00

03:03:00.000 Everyone's like, fuck yes. 0.99

03:03:03.000 Just do jokes. 0.99

03:03:05.000 We just want to see what we loved about you two years ago.

03:03:08.000 Ten months ago.

03:03:09.000 And Michael Vick, we just want you to see you throw.

03:03:12.000 We're done with that.

03:03:13.000 You did your crime or we still hate you.

03:03:15.000 There's nothing to do with how you got your job. 1.00

03:03:18.000 He just yelled out racist shit. 1.00

03:03:21.000 But nobody liked him on stage. 1.00

03:03:24.000 Yeah, you're right.

03:03:25.000 So it's like, I'm not missing anything from you.

03:03:27.000 The thing about Louis is, you know, there's got to be some path of redemption for everybody.

03:03:33.000 Yeah.

03:03:33.000 For everybody.

03:03:34.000 I mean, human beings vary wildly.

03:03:37.000 Can Bill Cosby not go up at a prison talent show?

03:03:42.000 No.

03:03:43.000 No?

03:03:43.000 No.

03:03:44.000 It's over.

03:03:45.000 He can't even go up in prison?

03:03:48.000 No.

03:03:49.000 Disagree.

03:03:50.000 No.

03:03:51.000 I'm kidding.

03:03:52.000 Until you show me the connection to what he did versus this job, you know what I mean?

03:03:56.000 Pete Rose bet on baseball.

03:03:58.000 He hurt the job he was doing. 0.98

03:04:00.000 So that, you're like, you can't be in baseball anymore because you fucked over baseball. 0.99

03:04:05.000 But did he fuck over baseball by betting on it? 0.99

03:04:08.000 Yeah, they show he probably threw some games. 0.99

03:04:10.000 Threw some games. 0.99

03:04:11.000 Or he used his relievers in situations he wouldn't have, that he can't use them tomorrow, because you fucked over baseball. 1.00

03:04:16.000 That fucked over baseball. 0.99

03:04:17.000 So baseball has shut its doors to you. 0.99

03:04:20.000 If you steal jokes, yes.

03:04:23.000 Maybe there is a path to redemption.

03:04:25.000 Maybe. 0.99

03:04:26.000 But you fucked over jokes. 1.00

03:04:27.000 Well, you fucked over other comics. 0.99

03:04:29.000 Yes, so you fucked over the experience you're talking about getting back into, but that guy can go to the supermarket. 0.99

03:04:34.000 Yes. 0.99

03:04:35.000 He can work at another job because it has nothing—you haven't shown me a connection to another job.

03:04:40.000 See, the thing about the joke-stealing thing—and this is where it gets really, really weird—is there's no real punishment other than people deciding they don't like you because you're a joke thief.

03:04:52.000 Exactly.

03:04:52.000 And that is the real punishment.

03:04:53.000 Like you're talking about, can Twitter take you down?

03:04:54.000 No, no, no.

03:04:55.000 What I'm saying is it's different than someone who steals cars.

03:04:57.000 Right.

03:04:58.000 Someone steals cars...

03:04:59.000 There's a punishment set up.

03:05:00.000 Yeah, you go to jail.

03:05:00.000 It's illegal.

03:05:01.000 If someone steals jokes, like you've basically done the same thing.

03:05:04.000 You've stolen a thing.

03:05:06.000 You know, that thing is ethereal.

03:05:07.000 Sort of.

03:05:08.000 Yeah, you saw the thing.

03:05:09.000 It's also a little different because you can still do your jokes.

03:05:12.000 If I steal your car, you can't have your car anymore.

03:05:14.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

03:05:14.000 If somebody goes on in front of you, like we know Mencia did, and does your headlock, your closing bit.

03:05:20.000 On purpose just those days. 1.00

03:05:20.000 On purpose to fuck with you. 1.00

03:05:22.000 On purpose to fuck with you. 1.00

03:05:23.000 He would do closing bits. 1.00

03:05:25.000 The best is Freddie fucking with Bobby once. 0.97

03:05:28.000 And he was like, oh, you're gonna love this. 1.00

03:05:29.000 I mean, he would fuck with Bobby. 0.99

03:05:31.000 Bobby Lee, what'd he do? 0.99

03:05:32.000 Yeah, but it wasn't to steal.

03:05:33.000 Freddie Toto? 1.00

03:05:33.000 Yeah, it was to fuck with Bobby. 1.00

03:05:34.000 What'd he say? 1.00

03:05:35.000 You're going to love this next guy.

03:05:36.000 He's so funny, and Bobby, all he wanted was Freddie's support.

03:05:39.000 He looked up to him so hard, and he could never get it.

03:05:42.000 You're going to love this next guy.

03:05:44.000 He does this joke about selling corn on the side of the road.

03:05:46.000 He's like yelling, corn, corn, he yells.

03:05:48.000 So good.

03:05:49.000 He has this other bit about his dad.

03:05:51.000 He would tell his bits?

03:05:52.000 He would just tell the ending punchlines of his bit.

03:05:55.000 Why would he do that?

03:05:56.000 Just pull his legs out from under him.

03:05:58.000 That's a terrible thing to do. 1.00

03:05:59.000 I mean, he was fucking with him. 0.93

03:06:00.000 But he wasn't doing to gain himself, only to hurt Bobby, and only in one moment that I ever saw. 1.00

03:06:05.000 But it was like, fuck, you got me bad. 1.00

03:06:10.000 Mmm. 1.00

03:06:10.000 Yeah, I mean they were bitter enemies. 1.00

03:06:13.000 It was like- Why were they bitter enemies?

03:06:14.000 It's not about ratting them out to somebody a long time before.

03:06:19.000 The argument's way gone.

03:06:21.000 It's done.

03:06:22.000 But like, they hated each other back then.

03:06:25.000 Freddie hated Bobby.

03:06:26.000 Bobby hated him back only because- The thing about people getting caught, it's like the punishment's real, though.

03:06:33.000 It's almost better than going to jail.

03:06:35.000 Yeah, it's like we know about you now.

03:06:37.000 Not only do we know about you now, but the public knows about you now.

03:06:41.000 And the disdain is palpable.

03:06:43.000 It's real.

03:06:44.000 And you see it not just with him, not just with Mencia, but there's a few of them.

03:06:48.000 And you can tell the difference, too, between somebody going, that guy took that guy's joke versus that guy takes jokes.

03:06:54.000 You know what I mean?

03:06:55.000 That guy took that guy's joke.

03:06:56.000 That's out there and that's real.

03:06:57.000 But it doesn't quite stick as much as, like, we all just know that guy steals jokes.

03:07:04.000 It's not a possible...

03:07:05.000 It's like over and over again.

03:07:07.000 There's such a clarity, too, in the difference between the jokes they come up with on their own and the jokes that they steal.

03:07:13.000 And sure, you can keep going up.

03:07:14.000 You can still sell out theaters.

03:07:15.000 So your punishment is, we know about you.

03:07:18.000 You can't sell out theaters, though.

03:07:20.000 That's what happens to them.

03:07:22.000 Eventually, but a lot of them still do.

03:07:24.000 Name one.

03:07:25.000 Dane Cook continued to sell at theaters while he does those things.

03:07:28.000 But it died off.

03:07:30.000 Eventually, but a lot of people die off too.

03:07:33.000 But while it was happening, there was no real.

03:07:35.000 He was still doing massive numbers.

03:07:36.000 Mencia was still living better than most A-level comics.

03:07:40.000 Right now, you mean?

03:07:42.000 Even right now, actually.

03:07:43.000 He still makes more money than Mike Vecchione does.

03:07:47.000 Than really good comics and Big J does.

03:07:50.000 He probably still makes more money than I do, to be honest.

03:07:53.000 I'm doing as great as I've ever done.

03:07:55.000 It doesn't get taken away from you completely.

03:07:58.000 You'll never get the respect of your peers.

03:08:00.000 That's a big deal with us.

03:08:02.000 Ron White and I were talking about this in the back of the Comedy Store. 0.97

03:08:06.000 He was talking about a bunch of shit he was going through and splitting up and all this and that. 0.98

03:08:11.000 He goes, listen, at the end of the day, all I give a fuck about, do I have the love and respect of my peers? 1.00

03:08:17.000 Yeah, and those guys don't have it, and it fucking drives them crazy. 0.98

03:08:20.000 You can take jokes and do whatever, but we're never going to look up to you, and that's what you want. 0.98

03:08:29.000 Nobody hates Larry.

03:08:31.000 Nobody hates Larry.

03:08:33.000 They might think he's lame, but nobody hates him.

03:08:36.000 Larry the Cable Guy?

03:08:36.000 He's a great guy.

03:08:38.000 Wait, I want one more story before I go about MMA. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:08:41.000 This is really an MMA podcast?

03:08:43.000 It's kind of not, but it is.

03:08:44.000 But that's how it goes.

03:08:45.000 We can go either way.

03:08:46.000 Release it however you want. 0.99

03:08:46.000 Listen, this fucking podcast is always like that, though. 0.99

03:08:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:08:50.000 I did this thing.

03:08:51.000 You helped me organize it a little bit, or arrange it in my head, where I was really stoked on the experience that LA people have with medical marijuana.

03:09:00.000 And I said, it's not fair that other people don't get to have this experience of taking these breath strips at a UFC and how great it is.

03:09:08.000 And I was like, I'm going to have an event called Hunt for the Edible.

03:09:12.000 Oh no!

03:09:13.000 And I am going to hide marijuana, have a scavenger hunt.

03:09:17.000 At first I thought, like, have some clues and they'll come to me, I'll give it to them.

03:09:20.000 Like, a cop will do that and come to you.

03:09:21.000 And you're like, good point, good point, I've got to hide this.

03:09:25.000 So I would hide marijuana.

03:09:28.000 I mean drugs, but only marijuana, one-time mushrooms.

03:09:31.000 But at UFCs, I would have access to them beforehand.

03:09:36.000 When we went to the MGM, for the weigh-ins, half of it was shut down.

03:09:39.000 So the other half, I could just walk through freely.

03:09:41.000 And I would hide, I would tape these breath strips to somewhere.

03:09:46.000 The first one's underneath a bathroom sink in one of the bathrooms.

03:09:51.000 And draw clues on Twitter.

03:09:53.000 Release them every five minutes.

03:09:54.000 Plan them out ahead of time.

03:09:55.000 Where one was like, if you want to get high, go up a level.

03:09:57.000 And it was like, okay.

03:09:58.000 People were like, run up.

03:09:59.000 People got into it.

03:10:00.000 They run up levels.

03:10:02.000 And then until this guy was like, I think it's right here.

03:10:04.000 This bathroom sink.

03:10:04.000 Then he looked under it.

03:10:06.000 Undid it.

03:10:07.000 Had a note in there with the proper dosage.

03:10:10.000 You know? 0.99

03:10:10.000 I don't want to fuck anybody over. 0.99

03:10:13.000 And it became such a fun, fun time. 0.99

03:10:16.000 I got to assume the powers that be knew about it and said nothing.

03:10:20.000 Said plausible deniability.

03:10:21.000 I don't know.

03:10:21.000 I don't care.

03:10:22.000 Did I promote it?

03:10:23.000 I forget.

03:10:24.000 No.

03:10:24.000 Did I tell people?

03:10:25.000 No.

03:10:26.000 I don't think so.

03:10:26.000 Yeah.

03:10:27.000 So how do you think they knew about it?

03:10:28.000 Twitter.

03:10:28.000 I might have mentioned it on the podcast or something.

03:10:31.000 But it was so fun for me.

03:10:35.000 And I would do it over and over again.

03:10:36.000 And then I would go back.

03:10:37.000 I remember looking times where I would tape it to a pillar somewhere, like the pearl.

03:10:42.000 And I would go to see if it's found.

03:10:43.000 And I would see an usher as I was looking.

03:10:46.000 And he didn't know I was the one who hit it.

03:10:48.000 He would just go, what you're looking for is no longer here.

03:10:52.000 Because I guess a bunch of people kept coming to this pillar.

03:10:55.000 They would follow the clues.

03:10:56.000 No one said...

03:10:56.000 Angry Usher.

03:10:57.000 No one said, it's found now.

03:10:59.000 Cut the game.

03:11:00.000 Later, I would go in and delete all the clues. 0.94

03:11:01.000 I'm not looking to fuck over the cops or anything like that. 0.88

03:11:04.000 But it was so fun. 0.99

03:11:07.000 One time, nobody found one.

03:11:09.000 I was always leaving.

03:11:09.000 I'm still here.

03:11:10.000 I'm fucking taking it off. 0.97

03:11:11.000 I'm using it myself. 0.99

03:11:13.000 But I usually hide two of them underneath a fucking fire extinguisher. 0.99

03:11:17.000 Something like that. 0.99

03:11:18.000 Now, one time...

03:11:21.000 Somebody found it and then came down and sat like right behind me and Chandra.

03:11:27.000 And then these ushers slash security guards came and found the guy and said, hey, I need you to come with me.

03:11:34.000 And they took him out. 1.00

03:11:35.000 And I was like, fuck. 1.00

03:11:36.000 He kept his mouth. 1.00

03:11:37.000 He wasn't like, it was this guy in front of me.

03:11:38.000 And I sat there for about 30 seconds.

03:11:40.000 And I was like, I gotta go, Chandra. 0.99

03:11:43.000 I gotta go fucking... 0.99

03:11:44.000 I gotta turn myself in on this. 1.00

03:11:47.000 Wow.

03:11:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:11:49.000 And she was like, I'm not letting this fucking kid do... 1.00

03:11:51.000 I gotta say, no, I hit it. 1.00

03:11:54.000 I'll figure it out.

03:11:55.000 And then I went up there and they were like, oh no, they were just moving our seats because we were sitting in the wrong seats.

03:12:00.000 We were fine.

03:12:01.000 You were ready to rack yourself out.

03:12:02.000 And I was like, oh, thank God, thank God. 0.99

03:12:04.000 But didn't you get busted in like Minneapolis or some shit? 0.99

03:12:06.000 Yeah, at the Mall of America. 0.97

03:12:08.000 That wasn't at a UFC. At the Mall of America I got found.

03:12:10.000 Oh, you kept doing it outside the UFC. Yeah, sure.

03:12:13.000 Actually, I never did Mushrooms.

03:12:14.000 Mushrooms was in Winnipeg.

03:12:16.000 It was not at a UFC. It was just at comedy shows.

03:12:18.000 But the UFC experience was so fun for me to give these people the drugs that I took.

03:12:24.000 And I want you to experience this heavily blown out on weed experience that me and Diaz get to do.

03:12:31.000 And it was fun to spread that joy.

03:12:33.000 It really was fun.

03:12:34.000 It was one of my favorite memories of this UFC. I wonder if you could do that again now that it's totally legal.

03:12:39.000 Oh, maybe.

03:12:40.000 You're right.

03:12:41.000 In California and Nevada, they're both entirely legal.

03:12:44.000 Legal, legal.

03:12:45.000 Wow.

03:12:46.000 Massachusetts, legal, legal.

03:12:47.000 Wow.

03:12:48.000 There's a bunch of states now, you know, and now all of Canada.

03:12:52.000 All of Canada, that's right. 0.99

03:12:53.000 October 17th, Canada fucking went whole hog, baby. 0.99

03:12:56.000 I wonder if I could do it again. 1.00

03:12:57.000 Salute, Canada.

03:12:58.000 Salute. 1.00

03:12:59.000 You bad motherfuckers. 1.00

03:13:01.000 Yeah, finally coming through. 1.00

03:13:02.000 Congratulations.

03:13:02.000 That's a beautiful thing they did.

03:13:04.000 They made it legal nationwide.

03:13:05.000 One hour.

03:13:05.000 One hour before the first guy got pulled over for smoking weed in his car.

03:13:11.000 Probably, right?

03:13:11.000 No, that's what it was.

03:13:12.000 It was an hour after it was fully legalized, the guy got busted for smoking weed in the car. 1.00

03:13:16.000 Smoke weed before you get in the car, you idiots. 1.00

03:13:18.000 Come on, stupid. 1.00

03:13:19.000 Don't be ridiculous. 1.00

03:13:20.000 Yeah, but that was one of my favorite memories of UFCs, having that thing. 0.99

03:13:24.000 We had some good goddamn times. 0.93

03:13:25.000 And it was funny that it took me a long time to figure out that I could combine the UFC and comedy. 0.98

03:13:30.000 Yeah, I remember you taking us with us a few times, and then I was like, dude, why are we doing nothing on Friday nights?

03:13:35.000 And you're like, what do you mean?

03:13:35.000 Like, I can't schedule a show.

03:13:37.000 Can you schedule a show?

03:13:38.000 Yeah.

03:13:39.000 I mean, we're going to do guest spots somewhere.

03:13:40.000 Yeah.

03:13:40.000 Let's just make a couple bucks.

03:13:42.000 How did we start doing it?

03:13:44.000 I think we would...

03:13:44.000 I think, honestly, when we did, like, The Pearl or something, Court McCown would be like, hey, if you want to come in and do a set, you can.

03:13:51.000 Like, Dom Herrera had, like, sets.

03:13:54.000 He's like, yeah, come do a set.

03:13:54.000 I remember smoking cigars with me, you, him, Kevin James, and just, like, the Common Bar.

03:13:59.000 Yeah, that's right.

03:14:00.000 I hated those clubs, but those Common Bars were the best.

03:14:02.000 Those were great, and we could sneak around back then.

03:14:05.000 Yeah, exactly.

03:14:05.000 We didn't get attacked.

03:14:06.000 Mm-hmm.

03:14:07.000 We didn't get mobbed.

03:14:08.000 Yeah.

03:14:09.000 And then eventually it was like, hey, instead of just doing occasional guest spots, why don't we do clubs?

03:14:13.000 And the clubs would get full.

03:14:14.000 I remember Guy Torrey doing something maybe in Omaha.

03:14:17.000 And he was like, well, how about a midnight Friday show?

03:14:19.000 Can we do that?

03:14:19.000 You don't want to bump anybody.

03:14:21.000 Right.

03:14:21.000 But then you would schedule it months and months out so nobody was scheduled.

03:14:24.000 Yeah.

03:14:25.000 And then theaters was just one night anyway.

03:14:29.000 And it just became like we're not wasting time doing these fun UFC stuff.

03:14:33.000 We're actually working.

03:14:34.000 If you ever want to do those again, man, we could do some.

03:14:37.000 It became harder as I started headlining to be like, I got to give up time to go do that.

03:14:43.000 I remember one time you were like, can you come do Dallas?

03:14:46.000 You know how there's shows that are important to you?

03:14:49.000 It might not be the most money or anything, but it's important to you.

03:14:53.000 Case in point, I went to do the Wilbur, my first time doing the Wilbur, you know?

03:14:57.000 And that was one of the ones I remember you doing, me opening for you, and then I'm doing two shows at the Wilbur.

03:15:02.000 I'm like, this is, I want to show Boston, an important comedy city.

03:15:05.000 Yeah.

03:15:06.000 So then I was like, I needed to get, like, a really good opener.

03:15:09.000 I trust somebody.

03:15:09.000 I got Joe List.

03:15:10.000 It was like, you're a headliner.

03:15:11.000 I need you to open for me.

03:15:12.000 And luckily, he'd been open for Louie, and his schedule became clear.

03:15:17.000 Because of that.

03:15:19.000 Lucky for us.

03:15:19.000 That's why I opened every show.

03:15:21.000 Lucky for us.

03:15:23.000 But yeah, and you were like, you had this show in Dallas, and you're like, can you do it? 0.91

03:15:26.000 I'm like, I'm doing the fucking San Francisco Comedy Festivals.

03:15:29.000 Like, how much are you getting paid? 0.98

03:15:29.000 I'm like, honestly, like 400 bucks. 0.98

03:15:31.000 It's not about that.

03:15:32.000 I agreed.

03:15:32.000 And you're like, I'll give you $5,000.

03:15:34.000 I'll cancel now.

03:15:38.000 Let me get off the phone right now and I'll go ahead and finish the process of canceling.

03:15:41.000 I wanted you to do it because it would be more fun.

03:15:43.000 Yeah, there's that too.

03:15:44.000 It would be more fun. 0.98

03:15:46.000 I mean, we've had some fucking fun times, man. 0.99

03:15:49.000 Blast. 0.95

03:15:50.000 And when I talk to people about the road, they go, oh, the road is lonely.

03:15:53.000 I'm like, you're doing it wrong.

03:15:55.000 You're supposed to do it with your best friends. 0.99

03:15:57.000 Do some fun shit with it. 0.99

03:15:58.000 I try to stay later on Sunday and go hiking. 1.00

03:16:01.000 If it's cold New York and I'm in Austin, fucking stay in the warmth a little bit and do something fun. 0.97

03:16:07.000 That's a good move. 0.99

03:16:07.000 But yeah, but you and your friends is the number one way to do it. 0.99

03:16:10.000 It's a different thing, man.

03:16:11.000 The Entourage thing, when we did that, it was too big.

03:16:13.000 It was too much work.

03:16:16.000 It was too hard to organize and get everybody together.

03:16:17.000 It was too much pressure on me.

03:16:19.000 I was like, I don't want to deal with this.

03:16:21.000 You had to be an administrator, too, with all those people.

03:16:23.000 Even two openers, or two acts, it's too much work.

03:16:27.000 One person is fine.

03:16:28.000 The only reason you brought a second opener was because the one opener was so irresponsible.

03:16:33.000 You couldn't trust that he'd be there.

03:16:35.000 But he was so brilliant that I refused to not hire him whenever I could work with him.

03:16:39.000 The obvious answer is, get someone else.

03:16:42.000 But you were like, no, I'll get a buffer in case.

03:16:45.000 Well, my feeling on Diaz is always that I've always had a special place in my heart for him.

03:16:50.000 Because he reminded me so much of my friend Johnny.

03:16:53.000 Johnny B. from New York.

03:16:55.000 Johnny the pool player?

03:16:56.000 Yeah.

03:16:56.000 And I knew what Joey was.

03:16:58.000 He was this brilliant guy who had a really hard time with reality.

03:17:02.000 With life.

03:17:04.000 With civilization.

03:17:05.000 But in those moments of brilliance, he was worth everything to me.

03:17:10.000 So I was like, look, what I'm going to try to do with this guy is I'm going to try to Somehow or another, because I was in mainstream.

03:17:20.000 I had a television show.

03:17:22.000 I had clubs that I could headline.

03:17:25.000 I'm like, I'm going to bring this guy into the world, and I'm going to show him how I do it, and I'm going to indoctrinate him.

03:17:32.000 I'm going to...

03:17:34.000 He's older than me, and I respect him, and I'm not a mentor to him, but I am someone who was more advanced in comedy, but was a giant fan of Joey Diaz.

03:17:46.000 So I was like, I just want to figure out a way where it can work for this guy.

03:17:50.000 Because I know if this guy's just out there hustling and being crazy and doing coke, it's going to go off the rails.

03:17:57.000 Whatever I can do. 0.99

03:17:59.000 And I think it helped him that someone who was established, A guy who legitimately me didn't give a fuck what he did. 0.99

03:18:09.000 I wanted him to be wild. 0.99

03:18:10.000 You let him be himself.

03:18:11.000 I wanted him to be himself.

03:18:12.000 Yeah, you loved it wilder than better.

03:18:13.000 I wanted him to be fun.

03:18:14.000 I never cared about what went on.

03:18:17.000 I wanted fun for everybody.

03:18:19.000 It was important for me that I'd be the only one.

03:18:22.000 That's one of the biggest poisons ever with comics.

03:18:24.000 Be the only funny one.

03:18:26.000 I'm the headliner.

03:18:27.000 I'm the only one who kills, and you guys are doing too well, or you guys are doing too much time.

03:18:31.000 For me, it was like, go have fun.

03:18:34.000 We're here to party.

03:18:35.000 This is a party.

03:18:36.000 Case in point, Denver once, I mean, I just did way too long.

03:18:39.000 It was just me and you, I think, but I did 44 minutes.

03:18:41.000 And Red Band's like, dude, you did like 45 minutes.

03:18:44.000 I was like, no, I did not.

03:18:45.000 Just didn't realize.

03:18:46.000 And he's like, you did.

03:18:47.000 I'm like, there's no way.

03:18:47.000 I did 25 or 30. But that's such a good club, the comedy works.

03:18:50.000 And he goes, I recorded it on video.

03:18:53.000 I can show you the starting point and the ending point.

03:18:55.000 And he did. 1.00

03:18:55.000 I was like, oh, fuck. 1.00

03:18:57.000 I've told you this before. 0.99

03:18:58.000 But I was like, dude, I'm so sorry.

03:19:00.000 That was way wrong.

03:19:01.000 He's like, no, it didn't matter.

03:19:02.000 I'm like, no, no, I'm really sorry.

03:19:04.000 He goes, no, no, it didn't matter.

03:19:05.000 I'm like, no, but I shouldn't do that.

03:19:06.000 He's like, no, no, you killed. 0.85

03:19:08.000 And then I went up and killed.

03:19:10.000 So, you haven't made a connection to me where it does actually matter.

03:19:14.000 It doesn't matter.

03:19:15.000 We both killed.

03:19:16.000 Why is it an issue? 1.00

03:19:17.000 If it goes off the rails one time and you go long, like, who gives a shit? 0.98

03:19:20.000 Yeah, and it's not a consistent thing. 0.98

03:19:22.000 It's just fun.

03:19:22.000 It's just that the whole thing to all of us should be...

03:19:26.000 We know the process. 1.00

03:19:27.000 Try some shit. 1.00

03:19:28.000 Have fun and the audience has a great time. 1.00

03:19:31.000 That's all I wanted.

03:19:33.000 And to have also that stand-up wasn't something that I had to do for money.

03:19:40.000 Like stand-up was almost like supplementing, whether it was news radio money or Fear Factor money.

03:19:47.000 It's like I had all this money that my bills were okay.

03:19:51.000 I didn't have to think about it.

03:19:52.000 So I didn't worry about getting kicked out of clubs.

03:19:55.000 I didn't worry about not getting booked.

03:19:58.000 I'm like, so what?

03:19:59.000 Like, we're here to have fun.

03:20:01.000 And we rolled through the entire country like that.

03:20:04.000 And it worked.

03:20:05.000 God, it was fun. 1.00

03:20:05.000 Goddamn, dude. 1.00

03:20:06.000 We had the time of our lives. 1.00

03:20:08.000 When you look back, if we look back as, you know, senior citizens at the fucking, the rare great times that we had consistently all across the country... 0.88

03:20:20.000 The offstage stuff was great.

03:20:21.000 For me, onstage, I was getting more stage time than I would get in LA, and I was getting this weird exposure to an actual good crowd where I could experiment with pausing.

03:20:30.000 I wouldn't be afraid of losing a crowd.

03:20:32.000 Packed shows, you're doing a half hour consistently, two shows a night.

03:20:36.000 I was talking to Michelle.

03:20:37.000 She just went to a Wolf.

03:20:37.000 She just went to, I think, Commonworks for the first time.

03:20:40.000 And I was like, oh, how is it?

03:20:40.000 She goes, it's not fair.

03:20:41.000 They're laughing at setups.

03:20:43.000 It's just too good.

03:20:43.000 It doesn't make sense.

03:20:44.000 I'm like, it's a victory lap.

03:20:45.000 You should enjoy it.

03:20:46.000 And then I remember, like, I think that might have been the first time I went with Brogan.

03:20:50.000 It was.

03:20:50.000 And I was doing so well that he's like, oh, you're coming with me again.

03:20:54.000 It was almost like...

03:20:56.000 It was an unfair showcase.

03:20:59.000 Well, I already knew you were funny.

03:21:01.000 Yeah, I guess that's why you asked me to go with one in the first place.

03:21:03.000 Yeah, but I was like, this is the perfect club for anybody to try out in because it's so set up.

03:21:07.000 It's like a wind-assisted 100-yard dash with heavy gusts of wind.

03:21:12.000 Right.

03:21:12.000 It's almost like you have a sale.

03:21:13.000 Yeah.

03:21:15.000 Oh, they were fun. 0.99

03:21:16.000 Yeah, we had a great fucking time, dude. 0.99

03:21:18.000 And it worked. 0.99

03:21:19.000 Look.

03:21:19.000 I mean, look how all the people that went with us, whether it's Diaz or Duncan or you or Segura, they're murdering now all over the country.

03:21:28.000 Murdering.

03:21:29.000 Doing quite well.

03:21:30.000 If I was a talent scout, dude, I'd be 100%.

03:21:33.000 No, you would not.

03:21:34.000 Think harder.

03:21:35.000 Okay, let's not.

03:21:36.000 Okay, I'm not going to say I was going to write down the names, but you know you're not 100%. 0.80

03:21:40.000 Pretty goddamn close.

03:21:41.000 You have a great percentage. 0.88

03:21:42.000 Because the people that I wasn't 100% on, they failed themselves.

03:21:44.000 Right, they also had the potential to be, and then it's on them.

03:21:47.000 Well, discipline is something that a lot of people lack, man.

03:21:50.000 And it's very, very unfortunate.

03:21:51.000 And we're seeing it right now, Bert Kreischer. 1.00

03:21:53.000 You're behind by a thousand points, motherfucker. 0.99

03:21:57.000 Can I promote two dates before we go? 0.99

03:21:59.000 I'm doing a live reading with Danish and O'Neal in New York November 11th of a screenplay I wrote in college.

03:22:05.000 Oh, I've been hearing about this in your podcast. 0.78

03:22:07.000 Oh, by the way, your podcast on Sober October when you're walking around New York is goddamn awesome. 0.99

03:22:12.000 I'm so angry and full of fucking withdrawal. 0.99

03:22:14.000 So fucking hilarious. 0.99

03:22:15.000 Thanks. 0.99

03:22:16.000 You're my favorite when you're angry.

03:22:18.000 Angry Ari is my favorite Ari. 1.00

03:22:20.000 When you're so fucking furious! 0.98

03:22:23.000 That's my favorite Ari. 0.97

03:22:26.000 And then I got a European tour coming.

03:22:29.000 November 16th starts in Reykjavik and it ends December 9th in Zurich and all sorts of cities.

03:22:34.000 So please check out AriTheGreat.com for tickets.

03:22:38.000 I'd love to see you out there.

03:22:39.000 Brussels, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, all sorts of places.

03:22:42.000 Boom.

03:22:43.000 And there's ten more days, ladies and gentlemen.

03:22:45.000 Ten more days.

03:22:46.000 And then goo that hair on! 1.00

03:22:48.000 Ten more days and then we're going crazy.

03:22:50.000 I can't wait for that.

03:22:51.000 November 5th will be the wrap-up show where someone besides Bert Kreischer will get that championship belt.

03:22:57.000 I might go work out right now.

03:22:58.000 I'm going to go work out right now.

03:23:00.000 I have to.

03:23:01.000 I have to twist a blade.

03:23:03.000 All right.

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 05, 2010

JRE MMA Show #46 with Ari Shaffir

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