The John-Henry Westen Show - July 31, 2023


'Made In His Image' ｜ Finding Love After The Lust Of Pornography

Topics
pornography addiction custody of the eyes
Hosted by
John-Henry Westen
Mentioned
Cardinal Burke Michael J. Ryan Sister Lucia Fatima Mary John Halliwell Henry Nowen Jim O'Day St. Lucia Archangel Dominic Viagra Lady
BREAKDOWN： Pope Francis' Progressive ATTACKS On Benedict XVI's Legacy Baptized into darkness - Abortion's links to Satanism ｜ Former High Wizard Zachary King

Episode Stats


Length

51 minutes

Words per minute

138.98

Word count

7,215

Sentence count

587

Harmful content

Misogyny

15

sentences flagged

Toxicity

8

sentences flagged

Hate speech

15

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of Integrity Restored, Fr. Jim O'Day, Director of the Priory of St. Michael the Archangel and Director of Interrogation at the Archdiocese of Indianapolis, joins Fr. John Henry to discuss the growing problem of sex addiction in the Catholic Church.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 This is everybody's problem. This is the problem of our priesthood, of our marriages,
00:00:06.940 of our future generations. How can we not address this?
00:00:18.740 Jim O'Day, welcome to the program.
00:00:21.020 Thank you so much, John Henry. This is an honor for me to be on your show.
00:00:25.640 Wow, likewise. Let's begin as we always do, with the sign of the cross. In the name of the Father,
00:00:33.500 and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
00:00:38.260 For this show, I almost think we should start with the St. Michael prayer, only because
00:00:42.160 this is the number one weapon Satan uses to bring people to hell, as we were told by Sister Lucy,
00:00:51.980 as revealed to her by Our Lady of Fatima. So, you know what? If you don't mind, we'll just
00:00:56.620 say the St. Michael prayer. I think it's a great idea.
00:01:00.180 St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in the day of battle. Be our safeguard against the wickedness,
00:01:06.660 the snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly
00:01:13.540 Host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan, and all evil spirits, who prowl about the world,
00:01:22.260 seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
00:01:25.400 Amen.
00:01:27.840 Actually, in this ministry, we have dedicated this ministry to the three archangels. And we did that
00:01:36.400 when we started about 10 years ago. And I can't imagine where we would be without their intercession.
00:01:43.720 So, thank you for the St. Michael's prayer.
00:01:47.160 Yeah, you are really in the battle. This is where Satan has taken most people. This is his
00:01:56.500 sacred territory, if you will. The quote from Our Lady, through Sister Lucy,
00:02:03.820 more people go to hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason. Expounded by St.
00:02:08.720 Lucy, this is about impurity. And we see it now more than ever before.
00:02:17.440 Why don't you start telling us about that? What does this problem look like today?
00:02:23.180 Well, I want to say, first of all, when we talk about the spiritual battle component of this,
00:02:31.620 and here at Integrity Restored, we have what we call three pillars of recovery. The first is the
00:02:38.100 science, strong counseling and therapy. The second is an increase in the spiritual life,
00:02:45.500 frequent reception of the sacraments, and spiritual direction. And then the third is community and
00:02:51.860 accountability, because we can't do it alone. When we talk about the spiritual battle here, you were
00:02:57.600 absolutely 100% right when you said that this is Satan's playground. And why is that? Because he is
00:03:05.720 inherently lazy. He doesn't have to work hard to get people to fall to sins of the flesh. And there's
00:03:14.940 really scientific reasons why that happens. Our brains are built in a certain way, and God was
00:03:22.420 incredible in his design. And those chemicals that are released when we are aroused, when we are
00:03:31.580 intimate, are powerful, powerful chemicals that become addicting. And so unlike alcohol or drugs, which is an
00:03:43.520 external substance that we have to bring in our body to get those feelings, with pornography addiction,
00:03:50.420 we're carrying our own source of supply in our brains 24 hours a day. So the devil is very smart
00:04:00.240 in knowing I don't have to really work hard to make people fall to this sin. Now, the good news is
00:04:07.200 you can rewire your brain. Our brains are neuroplastic. They will rewire. In fact, throughout our lives,
00:04:16.440 they're constantly rewiring. We're learning new things. We're experiencing new things. So don't
00:04:22.700 feel, ladies and gentlemen, that if you're struggling with this, you're stuck with it for the rest of your
00:04:28.740 life, because nothing could be further from the truth.
00:04:32.540 Hmm. Let's unpack that a little bit. First of all, the science.
00:04:37.820 God created us, as you said, so there must be a good end to that. What happens? How is it supposed
00:04:47.720 to be directed to the good? And what happens when it goes off kilter?
00:04:52.120 Great question. The way our brain works and some of the common chemicals that are released,
00:04:58.180 dopamine, delta-fosb, a number of different endorphins, oxytocin,
00:05:05.580 these are all chemicals that God created in order to make us behave in a certain way.
00:05:13.880 And when we are intimate with our spouse in our Catholic understanding of what a healthy
00:05:20.900 relationship looks like, it's amazing how those chemicals actually do bond us to one another.
00:05:27.980 You know, years ago, when I came back to the Catholic Church, I had crucifixes everywhere in
00:05:38.240 my house, holy statues everywhere in my house. I was so on fire. And I was talking to a priest one time
00:05:45.420 because they were everywhere in my house except the bedroom. And he said a great thing to me. He said,
00:05:54.500 Jim, you're making a huge mistake. Who do you think invented sex? You? No, this is from God.
00:06:04.980 And so now, before my wife and I are intimate, I actually pray. And it's a simple prayer. Lord,
00:06:12.780 help me touch her how she needs to be touched. Help me love her how she needs to be loved. 0.88
00:06:16.900 And you'd be amazed when you invite the Holy Spirit into that intimacy, how much better it is.
00:06:25.060 Yeah, I think that concept is going to be mind-blowing for people.
00:06:29.320 And...
00:06:29.800 It was for me.
00:06:31.500 And literally, for married couples, you got to try it. You got to do this. Obviously,
00:06:36.800 prayer is supposed to be part of everything of who you are. There's nothing hidden from God.
00:06:41.620 And you shouldn't be trying to conceal something or do something outside of him. He's blessed this.
00:06:47.900 For real.
00:06:49.600 For real.
00:06:50.840 Pray. I know it sounds mind-blowing for people. It's not. It's because we have a pornified culture
00:06:56.840 that that seems almost crazy to do. It's not crazy. We've got to reclaim
00:07:02.380 God's charge over our whole selves, including our marital embrace.
00:07:08.960 Absolutely. Absolutely. And if people have not yet read, watched, whatever theology of the body,
00:07:19.340 please do. It is an incredible resource to understand our human sexuality. And God created
00:07:28.720 our sexuality to be a good thing. Arousal is not a bad thing. Being turned on is not a bad thing.
00:07:35.160 What we do with it can be a bad thing. But the fact that our bodies respond in a certain way
00:07:43.020 is never bad. God made it that way. The problem with pornography is it's a complete lie.
00:07:51.880 Now, when I was growing up, if you saw a Playboy magazine, it was a big deal. And I found some of
00:07:59.800 them in the garbage growing up in New York City, and I kept them, and they were hidden under my bed.
00:08:05.560 And even at a young age, I knew that was shameful. Hide it. That's your first indication it's not from
00:08:15.180 God. God does not create anything shameful, nothing to be hidden. And when we fall to the lie of
00:08:25.400 pornography, what ends up happening as a chemical reaction in our brains is that we actually start
00:08:32.380 bonding to those pixels, to those images on the screen. I know it sounds completely crazy, but I promise
00:08:41.920 you, ladies and gentlemen, if I let you watch pornography, and then I do a chemical test, and I test your brain 0.94
00:08:47.700 chemicals, you're going to see it's happening. And that's a scary thing. When the average age in the
00:08:55.440 United States of first exposure to pornography is between 8 and 10 years old, and their usage amount
00:09:03.160 ramps up the older they get, we are creating a generation of individuals who cannot connect
00:09:11.180 physically or emotionally to another human being, because they've bonded so heavily to the screen.
00:09:20.060 It's very frightening.
00:09:22.160 Oh.
00:09:24.240 So, this is a difficult problem. A lot of people feel totally trapped. This is a situation where you feel
00:09:37.360 you have no control. Obviously, I'm talking from personal experience. After my initial sort of
00:09:44.680 conversion, I thought, well, I'm going to give God Sunday mornings. And I actually found myself
00:09:54.280 walking to, back in the day, it was a porn store.
00:09:58.500 Yep.
00:09:58.940 And I stopped myself and I said, wait, I thought I was doing the God thing. And I realized, oh, crap. 0.99
00:10:05.060 This has control over me. I don't have control over this. And so, that recognition, that realization 0.99
00:10:14.920 actually got me to do the very thing that is probably one of the most successful spiritual tools
00:10:22.380 in this whole arsenal. And I'd like to talk to you about that. It got me to read True Devotion to Mary.
00:10:28.580 But it was stunning because it was that very thing, the recognition that, whoa, I don't have control.
00:10:37.940 You know, you're always thinking as a, in your early 20s or late teens, I'm fully in control. I know everything.
00:10:44.160 Oh, no. Holy cow. This has got me.
00:10:47.140 It's funny, John Henry, because you don't even have to be early teens, early 20s. We always think
00:10:55.620 we're in control and we're not. We're not. God's the only one in control, truly. And so, when people
00:11:05.180 are struggling with this, depending on the level of addiction, there's going to be a lot of different
00:11:11.640 things that they may have to do. There's no one silver bullet. Have there been miraculous healings
00:11:18.340 that I've personally seen? Yes, absolutely. Where somebody goes, makes an incredible confession,
00:11:25.780 maybe for the first time in 20 years, gets in front of the blessed sacrament and prays, and God lifts
00:11:33.400 that temptation. That happens, but it's rare. And it's rare because I think that God wants our
00:11:44.260 cooperation. Just like He did with you, in order to break free, you had to do something. That devotion
00:11:51.600 to Mary opened your eyes, opened your heart. He wants our cooperation in this recovery.
00:11:58.220 Take a look at this. This is Cardinal Burke talking in 2017 about demonic forces entering
00:12:06.640 the church at that time in 2017. Hard to believe that's so long ago. This was given at Rome Life
00:12:12.080 Forum, a conference that LifeSite has been running since 2014, actually. Do you know that we're running
00:12:17.920 another one this year, October 31st of November 1st? That is right at the end of this horrific
00:12:25.500 synod on synodality. October 31st, November 1st, 2023. Come join us in Rome. Go to romelifeforum.com
00:12:34.680 for more information. Watch Cardinal Burke give this snippet on demonic forces entering into the
00:12:40.560 Vatican from his talk at Rome Life Forum in 2017. It seems clear from the most respected studies of
00:12:49.240 the apparitions of our Lady of Fatima that it has to do with the diabolical forces unleashed upon the
00:12:56.240 world in our time and entering into the very life of the church. For the recovery of peace will be a
00:13:03.400 gift from heaven. But it is not properly speaking the triumph of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Her victory
00:13:10.800 is of another order, supernatural, and then temporal by addition. It will first be the victory of the
00:13:19.940 faith, which will put an end to the time of apostasy and the great shortcomings of the church's pastors.
00:13:27.740 Let's, and for different people, it's probably different things, but give us the program, if you
00:13:38.260 will, that you know, that's been successful for most people. There's always going to be some
00:13:44.260 differences, of course, but there is a general pattern that seems to be very successful for people
00:13:49.220 and what's that? Amen, absolutely. And again, that goes back to our three pillars that I mentioned
00:13:55.160 before. The first step is the hardest step, ladies and gentlemen, and that is admitting you have a
00:14:02.160 problem. That is very difficult for us as human beings to do for a number of reasons. Shame and guilt
00:14:09.280 is a big one. We need to take that stigma away. I tell people all the time in my talks, you know, in our
00:14:17.860 church, in a Christian church, probably even in a synagogue, doesn't matter, if somebody comes 1.00
00:14:25.140 up after service and says, hey, I'm struggling with alcohol, I'm struggling with drugs, you know what,
00:14:32.220 we've got people jumping over the pews to go talk to that person, to help that person. If that same
00:14:39.760 person comes up and says, hey, I'm struggling with a pornography addiction or a sex addiction, well,
00:14:45.580 everybody drops their eyes and quietly walks away. That has to stop. This is the biggest threat to our
00:14:52.820 church today. Period. End of story. If you want to get healthy, you have to make that admission. That's the
00:15:01.440 first thing. Admit you're powerless and you need help. The second is reaching out. You have to reach out to
00:15:09.680 somebody. And here at Integrity Restored, we like to make sure that people are reaching out not only on the
00:15:17.240 scientific side, through a counselor or a coach or a therapist, but also on the spiritual side, to a
00:15:25.300 priest or a qualified spiritual director. Because those two things together are what is going to help
00:15:32.960 heal your brain. We hear far too often from people who are struggling with this. One of the core beliefs
00:15:41.740 of the addict is that if anybody knew them, they couldn't love them, even God. And so you can't just work on the
00:15:52.500 brain chemical science trauma part of it, without including that mercy and forgiveness and love that you get
00:16:01.380 from the spiritual part. So the first thing I would say is, is reach out to a therapist or a counselor, or a coach.
00:16:09.080 Reach out to your confessor, your priest, another priest, if you're too embarrassed, doesn't matter.
00:16:16.380 Get a priest on your team. And then finally, find some people. If you're a guy, find other men who are
00:16:24.820 fighting this battle. If you're a woman, find other women who are fighting this battle. If you're a woman
00:16:30.600 suffering from betrayal trauma because of her husband's usage, find other women. We need community
00:16:38.340 to recover. You can't do this alone. The definition, I'm sorry, the definition of not
00:16:46.360 being an addict is not sobriety, it's community. Because when you're an addict, you're isolated.
00:16:55.960 You are alone.
00:16:56.660 One of the most dangerous things today is public therapy. Because most of psychology is way on the
00:17:11.480 other side of this battle. They're encouraging self-abuse, which is what is properly named
00:17:18.160 masturbation, or self-abuse is actually a better term. They encourage porn use. In fact, they give it 0.98
00:17:25.320 as therapy for various mental disorders. I remember, already years ago, more than 20 years ago,
00:17:32.540 a relative of mine who was suffering mental issues was prescribed this as a therapy.
00:17:41.080 So tell us what kind of counselors, what kind of therapists are you talking about?
00:17:45.340 So generally speaking, I'm talking about Catholic or Christian counselors. The key thing, there's two 0.99
00:17:53.360 key things you want to find out in this counselor. Number one, do they have experience or certifications
00:18:00.000 in dealing with porn and sex addiction? That's very important because there are some nuances to this
00:18:07.100 struggle that your general off-the-shelf counselor may not be able to navigate with you. So you find out
00:18:15.220 those credentials. And we're generally looking for two. The first one is SATP, sexual addiction treatment
00:18:22.560 provider. The second is CSAT, C-S-A-T-P, certified sexual addiction treatment provider. So you look for
00:18:31.740 that. The second thing is, if you can find a Catholic one in your local area, home run. If you can't find a
00:18:41.440 Catholic, look for a Christian. Great. If you can't find a Christian, at least look for a therapist that 1.00
00:18:49.940 is open to incorporating your faith beliefs into recovery. And those are questions you just have to
00:18:57.560 ask. Hey, look, I'm a practicing Catholic. It's going to be very important to me to incorporate my
00:19:05.280 faith beliefs and my spiritual direction into this recovery. Are you okay with that? Unfortunately,
00:19:12.600 many of them will say no. But then you have your answer and you move on and you look for the next
00:19:18.660 one. People can always reach out to Integrity Restored and we'll put you in touch with the
00:19:25.100 therapists we're affiliated with or visit sites like the Catholic Psychotherapy Association,
00:19:31.420 CatholicPsych.com. There's a number of them. Just Google it and look for therapists in your area.
00:19:39.940 It's difficult to find, but it is worth it in the recovery journey.
00:19:45.960 There are even some in Canada. The therapists here have to be more circumspect about what they admit
00:19:53.740 because parts of the therapy that they would give are illegal in Canada, as they are in some states
00:20:00.220 in the United States. Because part of this sexual addiction problem relates to people wanting to
00:20:06.520 come out of homosexuality, for which you can get criminal charges in Canada, should the therapists 0.98
00:20:13.020 assist you that way. Although, if you want to go the other way, that's perfectly fine.
00:20:17.120 Well, and interestingly enough, I don't want to scare the audience, but there is kind of a continuum
00:20:23.000 of porn use. And for most people, you know, start young. I was 11, 12 years old. That's old in today's
00:20:36.020 standards. They just start out looking at naked pictures of the opposite sex because it's curiosity.
00:20:43.680 But that gets boring. And then they're looking at couples and then they're looking at groups and then
00:20:48.540 they're looking at violent stuff because the brain is always looking for something novel. And you cannot
00:20:55.840 imagine the amount of people who have contacted me, mostly men, married kind of in their 40s, 50s, 0.99
00:21:06.280 who now the only thing that turns them on is gay porn. Everything else has gotten boring. 0.99
00:21:12.320 And so it's very interesting that the brain just wants something new all the time and doesn't think
00:21:21.920 of the cost to the heart, to the soul, to the relationships.
00:21:28.640 Here's an interesting question for you then. How then does that work into achieving
00:21:35.760 fulfillment, satisfaction, whatever, in your marriage? Because where's the novel?
00:21:45.640 It's a huge, it's a huge problem. Look, Viagra was invented, I don't know how many years,
00:21:52.540 a couple decades ago, actually, as a heart drug when it was first invented. It is now probably
00:21:59.540 the most prescribed drug in the world. And when they decided, when they learned that this would help
00:22:10.480 with erectile dysfunction, they started using it. And in almost all cases, if you look at the medical
00:22:19.720 studies, it was 65 and above that was using this drug because there is natural drops in certain
00:22:28.700 chemicals that create erections in men, you know, as you age. Today is being prescribed to 40-year-olds,
00:22:38.300 30-year-olds, 20-year-olds. I just read an article in England, boys as young as 14, 15 are no longer
00:22:46.220 able to get erections because of the amount of porn they're consuming. And the body shuts down,
00:22:52.620 it says it's too much. And so instead of the doctors looking at the root cause and saying, hey,
00:23:00.160 just knock off porn for 30 days, everything will start to work again. No, let's prescribe this child
00:23:05.680 a little blue pill. It's insane. Your question is a good one. What ends up happening in the marital 0.92
00:23:14.080 relation is that generally speaking, the man will suffer from erectile dysfunction and not be able to
00:23:23.600 perform unless he is in front of his computer, getting those constant images, bombarding, scrolling
00:23:30.980 and scrolling and scrolling. And I've spoken to many couples where the wife has said, well, I don't want
00:23:38.880 him to leave me. I want him to be fulfilled. So they bring that into the bedroom and she feels used
00:23:46.840 and dirty and almost as if she's not even there. And unfortunately, that's the truth of what is
00:23:56.600 happening in this man's brain at that moment. You know that here on LifeSite, we love to tell
00:24:05.140 amazing stories. There are a few so heroic and amazing as the story we're about to tell you that's
00:24:12.280 coming soon. You got to watch this.
00:24:17.100 When I was in seminary, I was reading a book by Henry Nowen. He talked about a nuclear man, you know,
00:24:23.320 and people who grew up in the 1980s were kind of formed by that immediate and constant threat of
00:24:29.880 nuclear annihilation. My generation has grown up, you know, under the specter of priestly sexual
00:24:39.000 abuse. I think that for many of us, that has also been all-encompassing. You know, I mean,
00:24:49.100 I entered the seminary in January of 2004 and it's basically been there for me from in the beginning.
00:24:56.000 One priest's sacrifice for many priestly sins. The story of Father John Hallowell.
00:25:08.780 Coming soon from LifeSite News.
00:25:13.620 This is stunning because the science fits so perfectly. It shouldn't be surprising for anybody,
00:25:21.000 but God did to make us after all. But it fits absolutely perfectly with the Catholic teaching.
00:25:28.480 Amen. Absolutely.
00:25:29.860 Our Lord says,
00:25:30.880 I tell you, he who looks at another woman with lust commits adultery in his heart.
00:25:38.740 So there's no way to do this, this kind of in the bedroom, watch something else and just be with
00:25:45.380 you. That's complete insanity. That is adultery. So there's no way around it. There are a lot of
00:25:54.180 people, unfortunately, who believe that this is an okay thing. There are priests who counsel that this
00:26:01.980 is an okay thing. It is mortally sinful and harms your marriage massively. There's no way to do this.
00:26:09.920 So, yeah, it's, it's a challenge. What's your message to priests who are confused on this issue
00:26:17.940 and sort of counsel people to, ah, this is okay. It's probably a thing to do.
00:26:23.040 God help you.
00:26:25.540 Father, we are all going to stand in front of the Lord one day. We're going to all answer and, and,
00:26:32.500 and Lord knows I have a list of things to answer for. Um, but I do have a lot of compassion for these
00:26:41.160 priests because they were never taught in the seminary about these issues at all, never came up,
00:26:49.880 uh, here at integrity restored. We, we've done over the years, um, numerous in-person kind of four day
00:26:57.900 intensives where we train the priests, how to deal with this in, in the confessional and spiritual
00:27:04.940 direction and sacramental prep in just everyday conversations, going to a parishioners barbecue
00:27:11.400 because is that ubiquitous now? I mean, even mainstream TV talks about pornography and jokes
00:27:18.100 about it. Like it's no big deal. So our priests need to be trained. So we're building right now.
00:27:24.160 And I would ask for prayers because we are hitting every wall possible. Uh, the, the enemy does not
00:27:31.580 want this to happen, but we are building an 18 hour online certification program for our priests
00:27:37.900 that is going to be asynchronous. They can do the studies anytime they're available, uh, and,
00:27:46.260 and really get this information that they need to run an effective ministry in today's world.
00:27:52.680 So please pray for that. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll do that. That's, that's huge of all the
00:27:59.120 things they need to do. Um, that's so central. So basic. It's what they deal with every single day
00:28:05.300 without fail in the confessional. And when you talk to a priest or a bishop, I promise you,
00:28:11.460 you know, they're not going to break the seal, but if you just ask them, what's the most confessed sin?
00:28:16.780 It's this, it's this, it's this, we have people reaching out to us for help who are daily communicants
00:28:25.500 and who have been struggling with this silently for years because of the shame and the guilt.
00:28:31.500 Ladies and gentlemen, we have to stop that. I tell people all the time when I'm out giving public
00:28:37.060 talks. If you yourself are not struggling, you absolutely know and love someone who is.
00:28:45.900 That's just the statistics. That's the numbers.
00:28:49.960 There is a portion, um, a very, very small proportion of people who still understand some
00:28:59.120 of the church's teaching on this. It's ancient church teaching, but it's hardly known at all.
00:29:04.880 Talk to us about custody of the eyes.
00:29:10.800 Nobody talks about that anymore. Um, part of it is because, well, quite honestly, it would make life
00:29:17.280 very difficult. We are surrounded by literally pornographic images or images that, that put one foot
00:29:28.800 foot on a banana peel, that you're going to go down the road. That is social media is a huge problem.
00:29:36.880 Television, advertisements, billboards, it's surrounding us all the time. So the conversation
00:29:43.440 about custody of the eyes has really gone out of our preaching, uh, in, in the church. And it's really
00:29:50.540 unfortunate because one of the negative things that happens when we don't talk about it in, in God's
00:29:58.200 understanding of it is that we start to blame the women. Well, it's the woman's fault. She's dressed 1.00
00:30:05.140 provocatively. That's wrong. She's tempting me, blah, blah, blah. When I, when I first came back to
00:30:12.080 the church, uh, I would, you know, when you're going up to receive communion, oh my goodness, especially
00:30:19.480 when now you finally understand what it means. You're just, your heart is so full and you, and
00:30:26.320 you're, you're so excited to receive our Lord and savior body, blood, soul, and divinity. And so I'm
00:30:34.360 walking up there and I am just so excited and I'm pious as can be. And then, oh my goodness, what a
00:30:41.360 but just like that, I'm distracted by a beautiful young lady. I was talking to my spiritual director
00:30:51.160 years ago about this. And he said, wow, that's pretty awesome, Jim. What do you mean, father?
00:30:59.620 He said, look how amazing God made you that you can recognize, even in that moment, when you're so
00:31:06.260 focused, you can recognize true beauty. Now, what you do with that thought is your problem.
00:31:15.040 And so we talked about it for a while and we came up with this strategy and I've shared it in men's
00:31:20.400 conferences all over the country. When that happens to you, whether it's at mass, which can happen,
00:31:26.780 or on the street, or even watching a program on television, when you see an image like that of a
00:31:33.080 beautiful woman and right away, your mind goes to her body parts or a lustful thought, stop, pray for 1.00
00:31:42.040 her. And the prayer is very simple. Lord, I don't know what this woman needs. I thank you for making 1.00
00:31:49.320 this incredibly beautiful sister. I pray for her now that you will grant her what she's looking for at
00:31:57.940 this moment. Done. Takes the lust out of it. I cannot look at that woman the same way if I have
00:32:06.460 just prayed for her. It's amazing how the spirit changes and our brain, again, being neuroplastic,
00:32:14.980 changes. You turn off the deepest part of your brain, the reptile brain, I like to call it,
00:32:20.500 and you turn on the frontal lobe where you're actually thinking. The deepest part of our brain
00:32:27.780 is four F's, I call it. Flight, freeze, fight, and fornicate. That is in the deepest part of our brain. 0.81
00:32:40.680 God made it that way. That's how we stayed alive and propagated the human race.
00:32:47.220 But we need to turn that off or it can just become a lust driver. So when you're stuck
00:32:55.040 dealing with that issue where my eyes are constantly looking, okay, recognize it's a good
00:33:01.640 thing and pray for that person. It's amazing how your thoughts will change.
00:33:07.040 It's amazing. There's another thought that's comparable to that. It was the testimony of a
00:33:13.780 former porn actress. And she said, guys, if you're looking at porn, you have to stop.
00:33:23.660 You have to remember, you're looking at someone's daughter, perhaps your own daughter,
00:33:30.600 someone's mother, someone's sister.
00:33:33.080 As I've gotten older and had kids of myself, my own, the daughter thing.
00:33:43.480 Really gets you.
00:33:44.520 That does more than thinking of just some random person, even sister, child of God, whatever,
00:33:51.800 daughter. Because then you get that from a wholly different perspective.
00:33:56.360 Absolutely. From providing and protecting, which is, as Catholic men, what we're supposed to be
00:34:03.760 doing. You're not providing and protecting if you're watching this kind of material. You're
00:34:08.880 actually part of the problem. If there wasn't demand, they wouldn't be making 39 new movies
00:34:15.640 every single day in the United States. Many of those women are drug addicts. Many of those women 1.00
00:34:23.100 are economically disadvantaged and being forced. Many of those women are trafficked in the truest
00:34:29.800 definition of the word. I wrote a number of years ago a book, a little e-book that you could get for
00:34:37.360 free called Porn Slaves. And this is stories of what happens to these people, not just the women, 0.87
00:34:44.920 the men as well. They're being abused all the time. And we as Catholic men say, well, that's okay,
00:34:52.920 because I'm not cheating on my wife. Number one, you are. And number two, it can never be okay
00:34:58.920 to allow someone to be abused like that. If we lower the demand, they will stop reducing. It's all
00:35:07.180 about money. It's a multi hundred billion dollar industry. Yeah.
00:35:11.640 So let's go back to your thought from earlier, because there is a portion to it that is about
00:35:20.360 modesty as well. And I know you didn't mean to dismiss that. It's just on the part of us guys,
00:35:28.000 when we're dealing with it in the marketplace, as you might say, or in the public square,
00:35:33.260 we have to practice custody of the eyes. Absolutely. We have to recognize in that
00:35:39.140 daughter of our Lord, our own child or our own sister, however you want to look at it, that
00:35:45.720 enables you to get there. And it's a powerful mind shift, as you said. But talk to us about
00:35:52.980 modesty as well. What does it mean in this whole war?
00:35:57.040 It's one of many things that that literally breaks my heart. I, too, am a father. And I have a
00:36:06.120 daughter. And unfortunately, the message that our young girls, women are receiving today is their
00:36:16.340 value is only in the collection of their body parts and how they look. And that's heartbreaking.
00:36:24.860 And so, of course, many of our young girls and unfortunately, our parents, the parents of
00:36:30.720 these girls don't know any better either. They've fallen for the lies that in order to be popular or 1.00
00:36:37.680 successful, they have to dress immodestly and show their, quote unquote, assets to to be attractive.
00:36:47.860 How can we allow as fathers, at least I can't talk for moms, but as fathers, how can we allow our
00:36:56.340 daughters to be distilled down to just the sum of their body parts and physical attributes, how they 1.00
00:37:03.640 look? It enrages me, honestly, that we allow that. Women need to be modest. There's no question. 1.00
00:37:13.440 It's important for their own well-being, their own self-esteem to to be modest. It makes them feel
00:37:23.480 much better. They don't like being ogled. They want the attention, but not in that way. So why don't 0.99
00:37:31.380 we treat our young, I teach our young ladies to dress beautifully, attractively, but modestly? It 0.93
00:37:41.600 doesn't have to be opposites. Yeah, it's, it's unbelievable. You know, part of this disconnect
00:37:51.460 is about women not understanding guys and guys not understanding women as well, but I can speak
00:38:01.040 in the one direction much more easily than the other. Um, I've said it so many talks to young
00:38:07.460 people. So, and this is for a mixed audience. So I'd like the guys to come up, whoever wants to
00:38:17.860 say what you think of when you see a girl walking down the street, mini skirt, high heels, you know,
00:38:26.260 crop top, whatever, all those wonderful words that you think of in your mind when you see that and
00:38:32.300 you're looking after her, come on up and tell us. No one volunteers. I had once one guy, uh, I was in
00:38:42.720 New Zealand giving a talk and one of these guys thought he was real cool and came up to the front
00:38:46.500 and he just said a swear word. I won't even repeat it here. And I said, thank you. Thank you for being
00:38:55.160 honest. Now, young ladies, that's what the guys are thinking. Not a single one of them is ever going 0.96
00:39:03.640 to go, wow, she is so beautiful. She's such a gift of God. I wish I could meet her and get married. 0.79
00:39:10.000 I think we would make beautiful children together. Sorry. No, that's not what happens.
00:39:16.100 Not at all. There was a, there was a study a few years ago and I, I, I was wracking my brain trying
00:39:21.640 to think of it while you were speaking and I can't at the moment, but they showed guys in, in kind of
00:39:27.460 an MRI machine, um, to, to study the areas of the brain, uh, that lit up with certain imagery.
00:39:34.200 And this was kind of, uh, incredible, but not surprising when they showed very scantily dressed
00:39:43.680 women to the men, the same area of the brain lit up when they showed them a hammer.
00:39:50.700 When they showed a scantily dressed woman to a man, the same area of the brain lit up when they showed 0.86
00:40:03.460 them a hammer and people go, I don't understand the correlation. It's unfortunate and simple. It's
00:40:11.560 something to be used. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of crazy, but that's what happens, uh, particularly in
00:40:21.960 adolescent males brains. The more they're exposed to those images, the more women just become something 0.99
00:40:29.320 for their pleasure, something to be used, uh, for their benefit. And let me tell you something,
00:40:36.700 ladies and gentlemen, and I'm sure you will agree that is not how marriage works. And then we wonder
00:40:43.480 why the divorce rate is what it is. The American association of matrimonial lawyers, a nice way of 1.00
00:40:51.540 saying divorce lawyers. And, and by the way, these are not probably the most moral people in the world
00:40:56.460 has said in up to 60% of divorces, pornography usage has played a significant role.
00:41:04.200 Wow. Unreal. So do we get to freedom? I mean, this problem sounds so ubiquitous. Um, it,
00:41:22.940 it really is stunning. The, the numbers when you first give us those numbers, what does it actually
00:41:27.460 look like in terms of where the public is actually at? Given how stunning it is, is, is, is freedom
00:41:34.160 so possible, actual freedom. Um, so the, the numbers are what I said before without, and I'll
00:41:41.440 give you some stats in a moment, but, uh, without the numbers, if you yourself, I can almost make this
00:41:47.060 promise guaranteed. If you yourself are not struggling today, you absolutely know and love
00:41:52.480 someone who is, that's how widespread it is. Some studies say between 80 and 90% of men, uh,
00:42:00.300 under the age of 65. So, and they're studying between 18 and 65, 80 to 90% of men have used
00:42:08.440 pornography in the last week. Um, and now increasingly up to 40% of women, uh, in that,
00:42:15.860 in that similar age group. So, uh, the woman's number is growing rapidly. Men's number has always 1.00
00:42:22.940 kind of been steady. The fact of the matter is Sunday's a church in the pews. There are people
00:42:30.680 struggling. And who's helping them. I kind of take it as a challenge that we have to help everybody
00:42:38.940 because, um, this is everybody's problem. This is the problem of our, of our priesthood,
00:42:48.760 of our marriages, of our future generations. How can we not address this? When, when most of these
00:42:56.880 people are starting to doubt their relationship as a son or daughter of a loving God, because they
00:43:03.840 haven't been able to break free. So that means God doesn't care or he doesn't care about me.
00:43:11.140 That's a sad place to be.
00:43:12.860 Your second question is freedom possible. Absolutely. Is it going to be easy? No.
00:43:21.700 Is recovery a straight line? Do this, do this, do that? No, not at all. Particularly with this issue,
00:43:28.240 because again, we're carrying our own source of supply, those addictive chemicals, uh, that the
00:43:34.980 body craves, the society that we live in, that, that constantly bombards us with hyper-sexualized
00:43:43.820 imagery and language. So it's not going to be easy, but it is possible here at Integrity Restored.
00:43:51.820 I've been doing this work for eight years now. Um, thousands, we've seen thousands of, of people
00:43:58.320 healed from this addiction, uh, hundreds, if not thousands of marriages healed, uh, children
00:44:05.060 protected who were, who were struggling with this. And the parents, thanks be to God, got involved
00:44:11.800 and, and got them help. Um, there's a lot of hope too. And I can promise you when you speak to somebody
00:44:20.960 who's in recovery or recovered, when you speak to a marriage that has been healed of, of this damage,
00:44:30.700 it's never been better. You see, God will allow us to go through this struggle, but boy, he has
00:44:39.480 something so much better in mind for us. And once we get to that other side, the gifts are incredible
00:44:48.580 in our own lives and in our relationships. Yeah. There is another side. There is an ability
00:44:57.800 to get to purity. God wants that for us. He wouldn't put that want in us without giving us
00:45:03.800 that ability and the resources are there. Tell us please, Jim, where can we find the resources that
00:45:09.860 we need? Sure. Um, I would recommend you go to integrityrestored.com, uh, to start your search.
00:45:18.580 And, uh, if you have any specific questions, you can always send us an email info at integrityrestored.com.
00:45:27.100 We've got a weekly podcast that talks about this. We have a great online integrity circle coaching
00:45:33.840 program, um, for people to learn more about this addiction, how it works, the scientific,
00:45:40.540 the spiritual, and the relational, uh, aspects of it. Uh, we have a program for wives called bloom for
00:45:47.520 Catholic women for women suffering from betrayal trauma. So, um, that'd be a great first step. 1.00
00:45:54.600 And the one thing I tell people all the time, continue to educate yourself. This problem is
00:46:02.360 everywhere in every family, in every parish, in every community, make sure you are educated
00:46:09.720 so that you can help those that God puts in your circle of influence.
00:46:16.000 One of the big questions people are going to have is for their children, for their youth,
00:46:21.060 um, their teens and whatnot. Is there stuff specifically for parents there as well?
00:46:26.460 There is on our website. Um, we have a really, there's a whole section on our website just for
00:46:31.380 that. Uh, we have a really cool resource in our store. Uh, it's a little tiny book. It's called
00:46:37.380 Plunging Pornography, a Catholic bathroom book for teens. And, uh, the concept behind the book 0.82
00:46:44.240 is the parents read it first, and then you drop it in the kid's bathroom. And we all know that
00:46:50.140 teenagers spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. It doesn't matter if they're boys or
00:46:54.560 girls. They hang out in the bathroom a lot. At some point, you're going to hear that kid giggling 0.89
00:46:59.540 because this book is really funny. That's a great time to start the conversation.
00:47:04.980 Here's the things, mom and dad. This is not a one and done conversation. This is not the birds
00:47:13.000 and the bees talk. This is something your child is going to be battling every day for the rest of
00:47:21.200 their life. The world doesn't want this to go away. So you have to equip your children with the tools
00:47:29.300 and the understanding how to navigate that. So this is a constant conversation. And what I tell
00:47:36.440 parents all the time, please, please, for heaven's sake, please do not react with anger. If you find
00:47:46.720 out your child is using porn, has been exposed to porn, react with mercy because it's not their fault.
00:47:56.580 But we allowed the world to get to this point.
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00:48:24.020 They, of course, commemorate our 25-year anniversary of LifeSite News. We began in 1997 in September. So
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00:48:42.720 May God bless you.
00:48:43.220 Unbelievable. It is a sugar. I want to give you this one funny little story. It comes to me from a great
00:48:54.280 friend of mine, Michael Ryan. He talks about a monastery. A guy in his 30s goes, finally enters
00:49:02.040 the monastery. And he has this problem. And he's there a couple years. And he goes to the director, who's
00:49:11.100 80 years old. And he says, Father, Father, can I talk to you privately? They go over the corner. Yes, my son.
00:49:18.760 I've been struggling with this, these thoughts, these impurities for like the last two years. I thought when I
00:49:24.200 came here, it'd be much better. But you, you, you, Father, you, you've been here many, many years and
00:49:29.080 you're, you're a man of advanced years and, and holiness. Tell me, when does it end?
00:49:36.040 The father looks at him and replies, you better go speak with brother Dominic. He's 99.
00:49:44.340 Moral of the story is this, this battle continues.
00:49:47.340 Amen.
00:49:48.140 It continues throughout all of our lives.
00:49:49.420 Absolutely. And, and, and particularly as parents, I, you know, you're going to need to
00:49:54.720 start having these conversations younger than you want to. Um, and I tell parents all the time
00:49:59.940 when you're having these conversations with your kids, leave your own broken sexual narrative at the
00:50:08.380 door. We all have that. We live in a fallen world. We've all had struggles or thoughts or difficulties
00:50:16.900 or, or done things that maybe we wish we didn't. Don't bring that into the conversation with your
00:50:23.160 child. They don't have that. They're pure, they're innocent, and they're like a sponge.
00:50:30.780 So start early talking to them about their bodies and sexuality and what it means in God's eyes,
00:50:38.080 what God's plan for sexuality is for their life and have that conversation regularly. And when your
00:50:45.660 child does come across porn, because they will, you'll be the first person they come to, not their
00:50:52.880 buddy on the playground. And that's what you want.
00:50:58.120 Unbelievable. Jim, O'Day, thank you so much for all the work that you're doing.
00:51:03.240 You are attacking Satan head on. Our prayers are with you. It's a, it's a great work. It's a
00:51:10.960 courageous work. That's one that's so needed in our society today. IntegrityRestored.com. Go check it
00:51:18.480 out. God bless you, Jim. God bless you. Thank you so much for having me.
00:51:24.280 And God bless all of you. We'll see you next time.
00:51:27.540 Hi, everyone. This is John Henry Weston. We hope you enjoyed this program. To see more like it,
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00:51:49.280 stay up to date with all the latest life, family, faith, and freedom news. Thanks for watching,
00:51:53.920 and may God bless you.