445. An Honest Conversation About Hollywood | Adrian Grenier
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 6 minutes
Words per Minute
164.8875
Summary
Adrian Grenier is an American actor, producer, director, and musician best known for his portrayal of Vincent Chase in the television series Entourage, which ran from 2004 to 2011. He s appeared in a variety of films, including Drive Me Crazy in 1999, The Devil Wears Prada in 2006, Trashfire in 2016, and Marauders in 2016. He has an extensive career acting and has a family of his own. But growing up on the Upper West Side of New York City, Adrian grew up in the shadow of the city s most famous restaurants and nightclubs, he had to learn how to deal with the pressures of growing up with a single mother and being raised by a single father. In this episode, we talk about the challenges Adrian faced growing up and how he dealt with them, and how they shaped him into the man he is today. Dr. Jordan B. Peterson has created a new series that could be a lifeline for those battling depression and anxiety. We know how isolating and overwhelming these conditions can be, and we wanted to take a moment to reach out to those listening who may be struggling. With decades of experience helping patients, Dr. Peterson offers a unique understanding of why you might be feeling this way, and offers a roadmap towards healing. He provides a roadmap toward healing, showing that while the journey isn t easy, it s absolutely possible to find your way forward. If you're suffering, please know you are not alone, and there s not alone. Go to Daily Wire Plus now and start watching Dr. B.P. Peterson's new series on Depression and Anxiety. Let This is the first step towards the brighter future you deserve. by Dr. P! -Let This is a step towards a brighter future that you deserve by taking a chance to feel better. -Dr. P.B. Peterson Subscribe to DailyWire Plus now. by clicking here and let me know what you think of the show and what it means to you. Thank you for listening and sharing it with a friend or sharing it on your social media! -Podcast in the comments section! Thanks for listening to Dailywire Plus! by P.S. I ll be checking out the show on Insta: . P. and if you have a question or would like to recommend it? or a suggestion for me to be featured in the next episode? -
Transcript
00:00:00.940
Hey everyone, real quick before you skip, I want to talk to you about something serious and important.
00:00:06.480
Dr. Jordan Peterson has created a new series that could be a lifeline for those battling depression and anxiety.
00:00:12.740
We know how isolating and overwhelming these conditions can be, and we wanted to take a moment to reach out to those listening who may be struggling.
00:00:20.100
With decades of experience helping patients, Dr. Peterson offers a unique understanding of why you might be feeling this way in his new series.
00:00:27.420
He provides a roadmap towards healing, showing that while the journey isn't easy, it's absolutely possible to find your way forward.
00:00:35.360
If you're suffering, please know you are not alone. There's hope, and there's a path to feeling better.
00:00:41.780
Go to Daily Wire Plus now and start watching Dr. Jordan B. Peterson on depression and anxiety.
00:00:47.460
Let this be the first step towards the brighter future you deserve.
00:00:57.420
Hey everybody, so I have the privilege today of speaking with Adrian Grenier.
00:01:13.460
He's an American actor, producer, director, and musician, best known for his portrayal of Vincent Chase in the television series Entourage, which ran from 2004 to 2011.
00:01:26.180
He's appeared in a variety of films, Drive Me Crazy in 1999, The Devil Wears Prada 2006, Trashfire 2016, Marauders 2016.
00:01:39.940
And so we walked through the development of his career from the time he was a street rat, basically, in New York City, through his education at LaGuardia High School, where he studied film and acting.
00:01:59.180
And then through his choppy career as an actor, and not an all-in actor, until the time he signed a contract with Entourage and hit the road running.
00:02:12.560
He became spectacularly successful as a consequence of that, and had all the opportunities that go along with fame and fortune.
00:02:23.020
We talked about a radical shift that occurred in his life as a consequence of him disappointing the woman that he loved, and what that did to him, and how that worked out.
00:02:38.700
He's running a very interesting long-term experiment.
00:02:44.680
He has some land outside of Austin, about 46 acres.
00:02:47.300
He's trying to learn how to put some of the concerns he had on the environmentalist activist front into actual practice.
00:02:58.100
And that's what we talk about, fundamentally, about the difference between being immature and between being mature, and why the latter is actually an improvement.
00:03:14.420
Primarily in New York, New York City, Upper West Side.
00:03:18.200
Yeah, I guess I moved there when I was about four years old.
00:03:22.780
My mom moved me from New Mexico, where I was living with all my cousins and my family there.
00:03:30.600
And then she sort of snatched me away and thrust me into the chaos of New York.
00:03:36.780
And that's where I spent the rest of my life, from about four to about 40, 42.
00:03:43.420
Yeah, slugging it out on the streets of New York.
00:03:51.760
My mother was a free-flowing flower child of the 60s and 70s.
00:04:00.140
And she was, well, she was, she didn't just move to New York.
00:04:03.060
She was really moving away from her situation in New Mexico, which I didn't understand at the time.
00:04:21.840
And now being a father, I can't imagine what she must have been thinking.
00:04:39.160
When you moved to New York, what was it like for you?
00:04:44.200
I was a very sensitive kid, sweet, I would say, kind, gentle, shy, and yeah, I think those sorts of things.
00:05:03.060
So I would go either to public school or private school, depending on whether or not my mother, depending on who my mother was dating.
00:05:10.920
So if she had a rich boyfriend, I'd go to private school.
00:05:14.500
And then when she was dating other people, I'd go to public school.
00:05:21.700
I mean, I went to—one of my formative years, I went to Rudolf Steiner, which is like a Waldorf school.
00:05:29.040
Formative, like very, very important in my development.
00:05:35.740
And why was that particularly important for you?
00:05:41.520
It really helped to define my creativity and like lock in my ability to see the world, you know, not in a structured way,
00:05:53.300
but to like really expand out into like my ability to be creative and non-linear.
00:06:02.080
What happened after you went to the Waldorf school?
00:06:07.060
So she put—oh, no, what it was is the only drawback is they weren't teaching me how to read.
00:06:12.800
So I was in fourth grade, and I still wasn't learning to read.
00:06:15.640
And their philosophy is they'll learn when they're ready.
00:06:19.160
And then it'll, you know, really take hold instead of forcing it.
00:06:27.240
So then she put me into a Catholic school with nuns, and they beat the reading into me.
00:06:35.440
So I was there for a year, and I learned to read real quick.
00:06:45.280
I mean, it wasn't enjoyable to feel pressured into it.
00:06:49.140
And I mean, they were pretty aggressive, those nuns, rulers and stuff.
00:06:57.800
So I actually found acting when—so I, you know, didn't grow up with my dad, so I wasn't
00:07:06.620
particularly sporty, didn't have a lot of that at my disposal.
00:07:13.640
So in sports teams, I'd often get bowled over or overlooked or benched.
00:07:19.560
And—but I found a lot of comfort in the creative arts.
00:07:24.440
So in theater, and it was, you know, about how you were feeling, and it was a lot of camaraderie.
00:07:29.800
And frankly, you could play in fantasy and, you know, put on different costumes and characters,
00:07:37.380
which I took to quite well as an after-school program.
00:07:42.040
And I did that from sixth grade to high school.
00:07:46.240
And then I went to LaGuardia High School, which was one of the specialized public schools in New York.
00:07:54.440
Where—so there's Bronx Science and Stuyvesant and a number of other schools that you had to take tests to get into.
00:08:01.100
LaGuardia being one of them, but that was focused on music, art, and performing arts, so—
00:08:14.200
Yeah, you go in there—it's when I first started learning how to dress myself, you know, pretty much.
00:08:21.560
You go into high school, and now it's like, oh, I can't wear what my mom bought me from The Gap.
00:08:25.820
I got to probably step it up a little bit, be a little cooler.
00:08:30.220
So you were—you started doing creative work seriously when you were something around 12 or 13?
00:08:36.320
I read you'd done that before because you got into this high school.
00:08:41.100
Well, you auditioned, so, yeah, monologues, and, you know, I got in.
00:08:46.060
It's, you know, it's a hard—there's, you know, 3,000 kids or however many kids there are.
00:08:50.840
Are they still—is it still a selective school now?
00:08:54.520
Yeah, but, you know, 30,000 kids from the city auditioned, and they let in 100, so it was pretty competitive.
00:09:07.020
I always moved towards being just really honest.
00:09:21.260
I was just finding the parts in myself that were true to the material, and I didn't overdo it.
00:09:32.600
And what kind of experience did you have acting before you did your auditions?
00:09:38.060
Did, like, musical theater and, yeah, like we would put on a show.
00:09:44.100
It was more of an after-school program, not professionally.
00:09:47.840
Although, you know, producers and agents started to sniff around.
00:09:52.220
They started to notice me, and I just always rejected it because I didn't want to be an actor.
00:10:07.940
I was more into music, I think, and directing, filmmaking.
00:10:13.500
I loved to—so my friends and I in high school, we would make movies, high-eight cameras.
00:10:21.260
You know, you get a camera, and you just start filming, and you'd cut it.
00:10:24.640
You would do all the editing within the camera.
00:10:27.900
You wouldn't download it to a machine or, like, edit it.
00:10:32.960
And then you do one take, and then you change the angle, and you shoot it in sequence, and you edit as you shot.
00:10:40.140
And this was at LaGuardia when you were doing this?
00:10:42.320
Yeah, my friends and I, that's what we would do on the weekends.
00:10:46.000
And it didn't matter if you were holding the camera or if you were in front of the camera or if you were holding the boom or if you were climbing up the side of the building to get the cool shot.
00:10:54.720
You really were able to move throughout all the different roles.
00:11:02.000
So I was always okay being in front of the camera out of necessity because we're telling a story.
00:11:06.380
But I really had, you know, stories that I wanted to tell.
00:11:10.700
So whatever it took to get the job done, I was happy to do it.
00:11:13.780
But being an actor, you know, the ego of, like, wanting to be seen was never really my motivation.
00:11:30.240
And was that part and parcel of what you learned at LaGuardia?
00:11:34.240
Well, yeah, I had the skills, the baseline skill, you know, Stanislavski method and all that stuff.
00:11:42.020
I mean, Stanislavski method was really just about naturalness and being authentic to the circumstances of the material.
00:11:55.380
Finding that the part's in you that you come alive when you're, you know, because there is all of every character within us.
00:12:05.100
Like, how do you, I don't know how you learned to act.
00:12:18.560
At the end of the, like the third and fourth year there, you do plays, whole plays.
00:12:24.660
Yeah, but by then, I was really moving towards the music scene.
00:12:32.380
So I was playing guitar, bass, and, you know, eventually started playing drums.
00:12:36.360
Because I was autodidactic, because I had no formal training, I had, you know, no rules.
00:12:46.140
So, you know, you learn three chords and you're off to the races.
00:12:48.640
Um, I was in a band, our band in high school was called the UFOs, the Unidentified Funky Organisms.
00:12:59.680
And really loved the camaraderie and the immediacy of music.
00:13:03.900
Whereas acting, you know, you go and you rehearse and you practice, and then eventually, maybe you get on stage.
00:13:11.720
Filmmaking is a lot longer, you know, lead time for your gratification.
00:13:16.480
Music is like, boom, you hit the drum and people feel it, and it's like really present.
00:13:23.760
So why did things expand out for you on the acting side, rather than, say, on the music side?
00:13:30.020
I mean, I know that both of those are unlikely careers.
00:13:33.420
So I went to college briefly, and I was taking film.
00:13:38.140
And they handed me a bunch of books to read on film.
00:13:43.760
And they gave me a camera, and they go, go make a film.
00:13:52.280
Like, why would I pay all this money, go into debt, for you to tell me what I can do on my own?
00:14:00.480
So I just dropped out of school and just started doing it myself.
00:14:12.460
But you felt that you could do this, essentially, on your own or with your friends.
00:14:19.640
And it was, you know, it was a lot of money, right?
00:14:22.300
So, but, you know, that wasn't the main—that was one of the reasons I dropped out.
00:14:27.540
I fell in love with a girl who happened to be living in New York and would have just rather hang out with her and spend time with her.
00:14:40.120
It was like one night I was supposed to go back to school.
00:15:10.660
But once I got out of that, you know, I got my first job.
00:15:20.900
I was living with her at her parents' house who had this huge apartment on the east side.
00:15:31.220
And it was such a big apartment that they didn't even know I was there.
00:15:40.320
But it was the housekeeper that kicked me into gear.
00:15:52.520
You need to get yourself—I'm not doing your laundry anymore.
00:15:55.100
So she basically kicked some sense into me and made me get a job, which was my first job.
00:16:01.020
Where was your mother in the picture at this point?
00:16:03.000
I'm sure she was pulling her hair out and not knowing what to do.
00:16:08.380
I mean, in retrospect, she must have been distraught by my behavior.
00:16:22.880
And I thought I could save her and, you know, she could barely save myself in the whole situation.
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Because she was doing my laundry, and I was like, you know, it's like, I need to do something.
00:18:19.160
I think, I don't know, I just, I knew that it was time.
00:18:22.080
I mean, there's always this voice deep down inside.
00:18:24.480
It's like, hey, you know, you've got to get yourself together.
00:18:33.360
Typical, you know, starving actor, although I wasn't trying to act.
00:18:38.080
But as I was waiting tables, I was very rebellious.
00:18:49.240
Like, hipsters wear beards, you know, as waiters.
00:18:53.820
So the only jobs I ever got were these shitty restaurants that were going out of business or struggling.
00:19:00.820
So I had a lot of time on my hands to think about my life.
00:19:04.060
And it was in that moment that I was like, I have to make a change.
00:19:06.780
I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.
00:19:09.060
And that's when I found some motivation to try this acting thing.
00:19:16.820
And so that's when you started attending auditions?
00:19:31.160
But in this case, I was like, OK, I'm getting the next job that I go on.
00:19:39.720
So how are you spending your, forget about the restaurant jobs.
00:19:42.920
How are you spending your days during that period?
00:19:49.400
Well, I'm curious because, you know, part of what I like to understand about people is how they find their pathway forward, how they find their motivation.
00:20:04.520
You were hoping that something would come out of that, although that seems not to have made itself manifest.
00:20:15.720
You ended up with low-paying jobs, beginner jobs.
00:20:27.840
You know, I thought, like, we were going to be in love.
00:20:29.860
And, you know, and there's this, I guess, this starving artist idea.
00:20:36.920
You know, we have to be, you know, living low to ground, just, like, finding our food, sleeping in the streets.
00:20:47.020
I'm a street, you know, I'm living in the streets.
00:20:49.220
Like, we would hang out in the streets and, you know, find places to sleep.
00:21:05.820
It's a movie that whenever I watch it, it's, like, pure nostalgia.
00:21:10.500
It's like, oh, my God, that's exactly how it was.
00:21:18.260
And a lot of the kids in the movie I knew, because they were basically taking real kids from the streets
00:21:23.880
and then making a little story around these hood rats, you know.
00:21:28.780
And these were all the kids that I knew and hung out with.
00:21:32.140
Some of them were a little bit too scary for my crew, but we knew who they were.
00:21:44.600
And all these kids just finding a place to drink a beer, really.
00:21:53.680
But it's stoops and abandoned buildings, you know, that we'd break into.
00:21:58.980
At this time, it was still the 90s, so it hadn't been completely gentrified yet.
00:22:04.140
But, so yeah, there's a cool factor to it, like rock and roll and punk.
00:22:09.280
And, you know, I met the girl that I'm talking about.
00:22:11.960
I met her in a mosh pit at CBGB's when she was like 13.
00:22:30.880
I mean, it's not obvious what you have to go through when you're young to get your head screwed on straight.
00:22:35.960
So, it took me 20 more years before I finally did.
00:23:03.560
I'd make more money than I'd ever seen, 50 grand, you know, to do a movie.
00:23:15.500
It was called The Adventures of Sebastian Cole.
00:23:24.940
And did you have, it sounds like you had more offers than you took up.
00:23:35.320
But I just, I always reject, there's something that just didn't trust Hollywood.
00:23:50.040
It wasn't until, and I had opportunities, I did, but I was bike messengering for a while.
00:23:56.040
Like, I would rather do anything than have to act if I didn't have to.
00:24:02.900
Well, it's strange in some ways, because you obviously have a knack for it.
00:24:06.340
You were rewarded for it when you went into the selective high school.
00:24:10.840
You got parts when you auditioned, so you obviously knew what you were doing.
00:24:14.860
And even, you said that you weren't necessarily reliable in consequence of the auditions,
00:24:25.220
So, what was it about the, well, and even, it, even, you would think to some degree,
00:24:31.620
it would match the romance too, you know, because you were, in principle, you had made films,
00:24:39.620
And so, like, what the hell was wrong with some success?
00:24:41.900
What, what was it that stopped you from that, do you think?
00:24:50.040
I guess I did not want to be someone else's pawn.
00:24:55.040
You know, I didn't want to be someone, just like a, sort of a vapid shell for someone else
00:25:05.920
In fact, to just underscore the whole thing, Entourage, which is what I'm most known for,
00:25:12.820
kept coming at me to come audition, and I kept ignoring it.
00:25:21.360
And it wasn't until I was in Mexico, on my way to Cuba, I was going to sneak into Cuba to make
00:25:28.760
a documentary about Cuban hip-hop, which I found super interesting at the time.
00:25:33.200
And I had about $1,000 left from the last movie I did, six months ago.
00:25:38.040
And I was like, I could probably make this $1,000 stretch to make this film, come home,
00:25:44.340
get a job, and then make the movie on the side.
00:25:50.540
And when I was there, I would visit the internet cafe.
00:25:55.180
This is back when, you know, they didn't have, we didn't have cell phones and all that jazz.
00:25:59.120
So I'd go to the internet cafe to check my email every couple of days.
00:26:01.960
And my manager, he said, you have to read this.
00:26:06.220
And if you don't come back to LA to audition, you can find a new manager.
00:26:12.700
And I knew on some level that if I kept turning my back on Hollywood, it would find another.
00:26:23.440
But I did spend a lot of time there shooting the film.
00:26:32.960
You were obviously successful in that so that people were aware of you.
00:26:40.320
Yeah, it was indie films, a lot of indie films like Sundance, Starling, that kind of thing.
00:26:52.680
But here's this unique role where someone has to play a celebrity.
00:26:57.420
And all celebrities who would be celebrities, who would be good for the role, are already celebrities and would never do this pilot, which it was at the time.
00:27:06.880
Or they'd want more money than the budget would account for.
00:27:11.320
So you had to find someone who embodied, like who had that celebrity charisma.
00:27:19.880
And I guess part of my nonchalance and me ignoring them made them think, wow, who is this guy?
00:27:30.740
And when my manager sort of put the law down and I said, okay, I'll come, but can you send me a plane ticket?
00:27:47.060
And so you spent nine years before you had, what would you say, solid, reliable, continual?
00:27:58.760
You were working sporadically, a project a year or something like that?
00:28:01.840
But, you know, I lived in an apartment with a bunch of roommates and so I was just living really, you know, meek.
00:28:18.020
I mean, I have much more respect for money now.
00:28:23.800
You don't want the spotlight and you're not interested in money.
00:28:26.980
So that's a hard thing to square with a career in acting.
00:28:37.100
I think for the reason, for those reasons, you know, when I, you know, it feels like it's about them and what they want.
00:28:49.060
Well, you know, what kind of goes along with the territory?
00:28:51.060
I mean, people in media, people in politics, people in entertainment, they tilt towards narcissism.
00:28:59.400
I mean, every personality constellation has its associated vices.
00:29:05.000
Now, and if you're going to want to be on camera, if you're going to want to be around people, that's one of the things that tilts you in the direction of it sort of being about you.
00:29:14.560
And if you're a charismatic personality and you're an actor, you're going to attract people around you who facilitate that development, let's say.
00:29:26.920
But you're not really temperamentally like that.
00:29:32.200
No, I definitely found that part within me that was the character of Vince.
00:29:39.220
And I, you know, they say actors get lost in their characters, right?
00:30:01.340
When my manager found out that I got the part, he walked into the room and I had no place to stay.
00:30:10.980
And he walks in and he was the first person to call me Vince.
00:30:20.100
Because I knew that it was going to totally change my life in ways that I didn't know if I really wanted.
00:30:25.360
And I knew that I was going to have to commit to this.
00:30:27.520
Because he used to tell me, he's like, you don't even know what you don't know.
00:30:31.900
Like, you're going to have access and women and money and all these things.
00:30:37.080
Because he was, you know, managing other famous people.
00:30:41.140
And he's like, you don't even know you want it.
00:30:49.820
When you audition for something like that, you have to sign a six-year contract.
00:30:54.800
So you're already committed before they even give you the role.
00:31:07.660
And then with the success of the show and the popularity of the characters.
00:31:13.660
And people would come up to me and, you know, instant approval.
00:31:28.660
I mean, you'd had some success as an actor before that.
00:31:56.720
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00:33:03.200
Yeah, so Vince is a celebrity who's, you know, very, very nonchalant.
00:33:09.480
And, you know, the whole theme is if this doesn't work out, if all the fame and fortune doesn't work out, I can always move back to Queens.
00:33:21.760
So it was like a perfect, talk about typecast, right?
00:33:29.280
We're all New York kids and, you know, and we were all very well cast, you know.
00:33:34.260
But I think that's partly they were writing the character to reflect me.
00:33:40.680
And partly that was the character that was, because.
00:33:44.620
So that's fun trying to distinguish your actual life from your role.
00:33:48.100
It was more fun to blur the lines because you start to acquiesce to people's wanting you to be the character.
00:34:00.820
Okay, I'll, you know, do some shots with these guys and I like people.
00:34:05.200
And then, you know, then there's the pitfalls and the women and the, you know.
00:34:11.160
And I started to believe that that was the way it's supposed to be, right?
00:34:17.160
You mean, supposed to be meaning the characteristic of success?
00:34:20.920
Vince gets all the girls and the money and the power and the fame and that was appropriate and good.
00:34:27.560
And as his star rose, my star rose, and it just became easier and easier to say yes to the indulgences.
00:34:41.680
You get, you know, you allow yourself to enjoy it, you know, very easily.
00:34:56.120
You must know a little bit about that yourself.
00:34:59.160
Well, this all happened to me when I was pretty old.
00:35:02.060
So, I mean, I was laboring under some degree of obscurity until I was about 50.
00:35:09.840
So, you know, I was already fairly cemented into place by the time I...
00:35:16.920
And, you know, I have a very tight family and a very tight network of friends.
00:35:21.460
And so, that's also made a substantial difference to me.
00:35:25.620
I don't know what it would have been like to have encountered that sort of thing when
00:35:31.080
I mean, I probably would have been wild, especially if I would have done it before I quit drinking.
00:35:36.360
So, I quit drinking when I was about 25, 26, something like that.
00:35:40.920
You know, and that straightens out your life pretty radically.
00:35:42.920
But I was pretty wild, you know, when I was drinking.
00:35:46.860
So, you know, growing up in New York, there's a little bit of nihilism, godless, you know.
00:35:53.680
And this was now the overlay of my ego, which was, see, you know, I am the man.
00:36:06.140
And people are, you know, approval, the proving of me.
00:36:13.520
I mean, I don't know exactly how it is that you can resist.
00:36:20.600
Part of being socialized is to pay attention to what others think of you, right?
00:36:25.380
I mean, that's part of being in the loop for accepting social feedback.
00:36:29.420
And normally, you know, you're not carried around on the shoulders of others constantly.
00:36:34.520
But you found yourself in that situation, essentially.
00:36:37.580
It's like, it isn't obvious to me how people can withstand that.
00:36:41.320
I've talked to Russell Brand a little bit about that because he was spectacularly successful.
00:36:49.680
In the market for whatever appetitive urges might make themselves manifest.
00:36:55.640
And so, you know, he's talked to me a little bit about that.
00:36:58.000
And he paid, I would say, a relatively heavy price for that.
00:37:01.240
He and I might have been friends if we weren't competing for the same chicks.
00:37:11.080
So now you're in, now, so this is very interesting.
00:37:17.060
And now you're, now you were spending your primary amount of time in L.A. when Entourage was?
00:37:33.580
I kept my New York address and I got mail there and my bills there.
00:37:41.500
So, so funny enough, like I, um, you should, you should check out, I actually made a documentary.
00:37:51.500
So I, simultaneously while I'm on this ride and I'm finding more and more excuses to indulge and enjoy the lifestyle,
00:37:58.400
I was maintaining a sense of my goodness by doing environmental work and starting charities and making documentaries.
00:38:12.220
In fact, the band really, uh, got popular after that, even though we might not have deserved it otherwise.
00:38:18.160
Um, so I, I still had my other life, which kept me feeling like I was not, not swept up in that right thing.
00:38:30.480
But not really recognizing how much I really was, um, you know, captured.
00:38:41.100
Like, I mean, you were successful, you got the part, uh, the part was successful, the, the, um, the series was successful.
00:38:50.640
And you have these things that are laid at your feet.
00:38:56.620
It, you know, I thought I was going to live my whole life, uh, in that lifestyle.
00:39:02.980
And I couldn't figure out a way, like my logic mind could not understand why I would do it any other way.
00:39:14.980
I didn't, you know, I, I was, I was open and poly and, you know, liberal and, and I thought I was a good person.
00:39:24.600
And, um, it wasn't until I was in my forties and the love of my life, who I was dating at the time, she dumped me.
00:39:38.900
She, and she, in no uncertain terms said, you are the worst.
00:39:44.960
You're, you know, you need to look at, and she gave me a list.
00:40:02.860
And I, it was almost like a glitch in the matrix.
00:40:06.780
I was like, you know, for a second, I was like, what?
00:40:10.480
Like, how is it that this girl, she was young, you know, and she, she didn't like, here I am.
00:40:17.080
The powerful, rich, famous person who is justified in everything I'm doing because I also do charity.
00:40:36.040
But I was like, all right, I'll find another girl.
00:40:42.340
And because I loved her and respected her so much.
00:40:54.180
And I knew that she was, she wanted what's best for me.
00:41:09.280
And you said that the charity work you did and so forth, you're implying that, at least
00:41:17.060
in part, that that was, and what would you say, a moral flag to fly while you're living
00:41:29.200
No, I literally, I legitimately believed that I'm glad that I'm the famous person with the
00:41:36.160
access and the money because I can actually make the world a better place.
00:41:42.280
And I think this is like my mother telling me, oh, you're a good, you know, and that's
00:41:47.660
a whole nother sidetrack, but, you know, moms that love their kids, they tell them they're
00:41:53.320
And no one ever told me that I was bad or that I could be.
00:41:57.660
So I never really got to connect into the part of me that was treacherous and destructive
00:42:09.460
And did that happen, like, were there hints of that before the breakup?
00:42:26.220
Like, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
00:42:33.280
There's something that I'm not connecting into.
00:42:57.520
to your mother's insistence that you were essentially good, right?
00:43:08.920
there was some traumatic things that happened to me
00:43:11.660
that were so painful that I sort of dissociated
00:43:20.280
Now, later in life, after taking my ex-girlfriend's list
00:43:50.140
and basically removing everything that was keeping me,
00:43:56.980
Were you still working on Entourage during this time?
00:44:03.500
Were you involved in any other acting endeavor?
00:44:17.660
because I'm just not going to work for a while.
00:45:33.320
isn't just about saying whatever comes to mind.
00:45:47.260
as a launch pad for profound conversations with God,
00:46:25.980
as well as an extensive catalog of guided prayers