The Jordan B. Peterson Podcast


480. The Psychology Behind "Nice Guys Finish Last" | Keith Campbell


Summary

In this episode, Dr. Keith Campbell, a social psychologist at the University of Georgia, talks about narcissism and how it affects the social world. Dr. Campbell's research focuses on narcissism as a personality trait and how to recognize it in others. He discusses how narcissism affects leadership, status, and self-esteem, and the broader social world, as well as the role that narcissism plays in the development of social networks and the social behavior of people, and their own individual being. This episode is the first in a new series that Dr. Jordan B. Peterson has created that could be a lifeline for those struggling with depression and anxiety. With decades of experience helping patients, he offers a unique understanding of why you might be feeling this way, and a roadmap towards healing. He provides a roadmap toward healing, showing that while the journey isn t easy, it s absolutely possible to find your way forward. If you're suffering, please know you are not alone. There's hope, and there's a path to feeling better. Go to Daily Wire Plus now and start watching Dr. Peterson on Depression and Anxiety. Let this be the first step towards the brighter future you deserve. Dr. P.B. Peterson is a world-renowned expert in the field of mental health, and is dedicated to providing the best care, support, and resources to help you get the help you need and the support you need to get the care you need in order to feel better and live the life you deserve and the care and recovery you need. . Today's guest is Dr.Keith Campbell Campbell Campbell, who is a professor of psychology at the UGA, and author of more than 200 scientific papers, including The Big Five, The New Science of Narcissism, The Big 5, and many other books, and an author of over 60 PhD theses and over 70 articles, including a dozen books, including "The Big Five." and a dozen other books on the Big Five. He is the author of hundreds of articles, and hundreds of research papers, and he is a regular contributor to the Journal of Personality Psychology and Psychology, The Journal of the Psychology of Personality and Social Psychology. and the New Science. , and is a frequent contributor to many other journals, including the New Scientist, The Bulletin of the Social Psychology and The Bulletin, The Psychology of Narcism, and The Psychology Journal, The Atlantic, and The New York Times, and other publications.


Transcript

00:00:00.940 Hey everyone, real quick before you skip, I want to talk to you about something serious and important.
00:00:06.480 Dr. Jordan Peterson has created a new series that could be a lifeline for those battling depression and anxiety.
00:00:12.740 We know how isolating and overwhelming these conditions can be, and we wanted to take a moment to reach out to those listening who may be struggling.
00:00:20.100 With decades of experience helping patients, Dr. Peterson offers a unique understanding of why you might be feeling this way in his new series.
00:00:27.420 He provides a roadmap towards healing, showing that while the journey isn't easy, it's absolutely possible to find your way forward.
00:00:35.360 If you're suffering, please know you are not alone. There's hope, and there's a path to feeling better.
00:00:41.780 Go to Daily Wire Plus now and start watching Dr. Jordan B. Peterson on depression and anxiety.
00:00:47.460 Let this be the first step towards the brighter future you deserve.
00:00:57.420 Hello, everybody. So, I had the privilege today of speaking with Dr. Keith Campbell, who is professor of psychology at the University of Georgia.
00:01:16.980 Keith is a social psychologist, so he's interested in the relationship between the social networks and the social behavior of people and their own individual being.
00:01:28.680 He works at the nexus of social psychology, personality psychology, which is more centered on the individual person, and psychopathology, which is the study of pathological, abnormal, or otherwise counterproductive and painful behavior.
00:01:42.920 His research focuses more specifically even on narcissism, and narcissism is part of a broader cluster of personality pathologies that are counterproductive with regards to someone's success over long spans of time and in social circumstances.
00:02:08.160 So, if you're self-centered, and you're narcissistic, and it's all about you, the problem with that is that that's a good pathway to misery for you over any reasonable amount of time, although you may have some small punctuated victories.
00:02:21.680 And it's also extremely hard on the stability of your social relationships, because the only people who want to be around a manipulative narcissist for any length of time are, you know, disenchanted and demoralized masochists.
00:02:35.860 And that's not the basis for a productive and meaningful relationship.
00:02:41.600 And so, that narrow self-centeredness that's also hedonistic, whim-focused, requires immediate gratification of needs and wants.
00:02:51.580 It's a very counterproductive way of conducting yourself over any reasonable span of time.
00:02:57.460 And, well, I was interested in talking to Dr. Campbell, partly because I've talked to some of his compatriots who've been working on narcissism, but I'm also interested in the issue more broadly, because I think that we've seen something of an epidemic of dark personality trait narcissism because of the explosion of social media, which enables anonymity.
00:03:22.520 So, it enables people to get away with things that grab attention in the short run, but that are socially counterproductive and counterproductive in relationship to the future.
00:03:33.340 And so, I wanted to talk to Dr. Campbell about narcissism, about his work on narcissism, about how it's conceptualized, about how it's best understood, about how you could detect it, about its relationship, let's say, with leadership and status and self-esteem and broader personality.
00:03:49.580 And, well, the general social world.
00:03:53.520 And so, that's what we did.
00:03:56.640 Dr. Campbell is the author of 200 scientific papers.
00:04:00.840 That's a lot of papers.
00:04:02.140 It's about the equivalent of 60 PhD theses, 60 or 70.
00:04:07.060 So, that's how much scientific work he's done.
00:04:10.000 It's a lot.
00:04:10.600 And several books, including The New Science of Narcissism and Professor Ocean from the Big Five, openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, neuroticism.
00:04:23.120 Ocean, a small tale of personalities, Big Five.
00:04:26.560 In any case, that's what the discussion with Dr. Campbell focuses on.
00:04:31.360 So, join us.
00:04:32.460 Well, Dr. Campbell, we might as well start by allowing you to introduce yourself to everybody and tell people what you do, what your specialty is, where you're working, all of that, just to give them a general, well, a general introduction.
00:04:47.260 Sure.
00:04:47.760 My name's Keith Campbell.
00:04:49.020 I'm a professor of psychology at the University of Georgia here in Athens, Georgia.
00:04:54.820 My training and background are in social personality psychology.
00:04:59.420 So, my expertise is primarily on the self, the nature of self and self-enhancement.
00:05:06.180 And in terms of personality, most of my work has been on the trait of narcissism, which is sort of the individual difference having to do with self-enhancement.
00:05:14.140 Maybe tell people, so when I worked in Boston, I was in the personality and psychopathology research group, but that's slightly different.
00:05:25.100 So, that was the overlap between personality psychology and clinical psychology.
00:05:29.540 You're working at the nexus between personality psychology and social psychology.
00:05:34.420 Those are rather academic distinctions.
00:05:36.740 So, maybe one of the things you could do is let everybody know what it means fundamentally to work in the field of personality and in the field of social and how those are the same and how they're distinct.
00:05:47.420 Yeah, it's interesting.
00:05:50.040 So, with something like, from a social psychological perspective, when I'm interested in a topic like the self, I'm focused on things like self-regulation, how people enhance themselves publicly, status-seeking relationships, a lot of the social processes.
00:06:09.820 When I'm thinking about personality, I tend to think more about individual differences, how some people are more extroverted, more have different structures on the big five than other people.
00:06:22.380 So, those are more like personality traits.
00:06:25.600 And then that integrates with psychopathology, where I usually work with my friend Josh Miller, who's a clinician, and we try to integrate a lot of these social personality findings into the personality psychopathology literature.
00:06:38.240 To see how normal personality manifests as clinical personality or clinical personality disorders.
00:06:45.800 Generally, I think, you know, the study of normal personality is pretty useful for understanding disordered personality as well.
00:06:52.740 I don't think you cross a magic threshold and become a different person with a disorder.
00:06:56.880 So, I think it's very useful.
00:06:58.600 Yeah, so, for everybody watching and listening, you can think, well, there are different ways of analyzing people.
00:07:04.520 And so, you can analyze people, say, biologically, you can concentrate on the micro-mechanisms of physiological function.
00:07:12.960 So, you can look at the parts of someone, and then you can look at the person as a whole, but as an individual.
00:07:18.460 And that's really what the personality psychologists do.
00:07:21.360 The unit of analysis would be the individual as a whole.
00:07:24.680 And as you pointed out, Dr. Campbell, personality psychologists have done a pretty good job of differentiating the personality into its basic categories, its basic traits.
00:07:37.060 The big five theorists have probably done the best job of that with extroversion, neuroticism, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and openness to experience.
00:07:45.040 If you're a social psychologist, you start to veer, I suppose, to some degree into the territory of sociology, and you look at the human being as a social organism, like how it is that we interact with others because we're highly social creatures.
00:07:58.360 And what it means for our behaviors, our thoughts, our emotions, and our perceptions, that we exist in a social milieu.
00:08:10.400 And so, you're working at the intersection between personality and social.
00:08:15.100 Now, you also pointed out that in the domain of both personality and social, there are questions about, let's say, normal versus abnormal behavior, or healthy versus unhealthy behavior, depending on how you conceptualize it.
00:08:31.880 And that starts to delve into the realm of psychopathology.
00:08:36.400 And psychopathology might be described, at least in part, at the personality level.
00:08:41.420 So, you could say that someone who has a psychopathological personality is working at cross purposes to themselves, so they're anxious often and hopeless, too much negative emotion, not enough positive emotion, so that they themselves would complain about it.
00:08:59.320 But you could also think about psychopathology from the social perspective, because there are people, like the narcissists that you referred to,
00:09:07.640 who, at least in the short term, who, at least in the short term, might be perfectly happy from an emotional perspective.
00:09:13.600 They're not anxious.
00:09:14.840 They're not suffering.
00:09:15.720 They're not guilt-ridden.
00:09:17.060 They may even be enthusiastic.
00:09:18.660 But everybody else regards them as a veritable plague.
00:09:22.160 And so, okay, so we've sketched out the territory.
00:09:25.620 I don't know if you have anything to add to that from a definitional perspective.
00:09:29.320 No, I think you've hit the nail on the head.
00:09:31.580 I think what's really interesting is a lot of things when you focus on the individual, like self-enhancement or showing off or taking credit for things, those things that seem beneficial when you start integrating into a relationship can backfire on you.
00:09:46.440 So, if I'm attention-seeking, it might be great as an individual, but if I'm working on a team and I'm attention-seeking, my team members will hate me and my team performance will fall apart.
00:09:55.900 So, when we move into that social world, a lot of the rules change.
00:09:59.800 So, I think that's really important.
00:10:01.880 And I think clinically, what's really important is the role of impairment.
00:10:05.240 You know, is your personality causing impairment?
00:10:08.500 Most of us, as you said, think about impairment being internal psychological.
00:10:12.840 I'm depressed.
00:10:13.580 I'm anxious.
00:10:14.180 But it can also be, I'm cheating on my wife and ruining my marriage.
00:10:18.000 I'm a bad father.
00:10:19.460 You know, there's a lot of ways I can have issues that hurt other people and not necessarily myself.
00:10:25.700 Since I joined forces with the Daily Wire Plus two years ago, we've built a comprehensive collection of premium content.
00:10:35.300 We've developed these shows not only to provide you with a structure and framework for meaning, but to arm you against the sadistic troll demons.
00:10:42.860 My collection, which we've titled Mastering Life with Jordan B. Peterson, acts as a guide to help you win at the series of games that make up life.
00:10:51.760 My series, Marriage, was designed to help you strengthen your relationship so that you can create the perfect date that repeats endlessly.
00:10:59.320 In the series on masculinity, dragons, monsters, and men, I outlined the way of discovering your purpose of slaying the dragons that stand in your path.
00:11:07.680 In Vision and Destiny, that will help you transform the chaotic potential of the future into the actuality that you need and desire.
00:11:15.700 This fall, we're adding even more exclusive content to my Mastering Life series.
00:11:20.240 My new series, Negotiation, offers a practical guideline to help you close a deal where both sides walk away with a win.
00:11:26.660 We're also offering a three-part series on success.
00:11:29.860 Strengthen your family and to strengthen your relationships and to aim up.
00:11:33.180 You don't want to deteriorate into an idiotic hedonism.
00:11:35.700 Two of the top things people are struggling with are depression and anxiety.
00:11:38.800 While we walk through that, at the practical level and then right down to the neuroscientific level, in my five-part series, Depression and Anxiety.
00:11:46.660 In addition to our Mastering Life series, we've explored biblical writings and their cultural influence, including a deep evaluation of the books of Genesis and Exodus,
00:11:54.720 and how the biblical corpus, the biblical library itself, came into existence.
00:11:58.680 Our new ten-part series on the Gospels delineates the accounts of the New Testament writings.
00:12:03.860 And finally, join me on a journey through time to find out where we came from and how that formed who we are and what we believe.
00:12:11.680 Foundations of the West.
00:12:13.360 The first episode is out now on Daily Wire Plus.
00:12:16.080 Rome, Jerusalem, Athens.
00:12:18.280 Five-part series.
00:12:19.660 I had a blast making it, and I hope you find it extremely useful to watch.
00:12:23.640 For those of you who have already subscribed, thank you very much.
00:12:26.820 Stay tuned.
00:12:27.600 We're releasing new content now every week through the end of the year.
00:12:30.780 For those of you who have yet to sign up, use promo code JORDAN and save 35% on your annual membership.
00:12:38.340 It's a hell of a deal.
00:12:39.420 Visit dailywire.com to get the entire collection of Mastering Life, plus all the new releases that are to come.
00:12:46.620 The work I'm doing in conjunction with the Daily Wire brings the spirit of adventure forward.
00:12:53.760 Join us on Daily Wire Plus today.
00:12:56.160 Onward and upward.
00:13:00.780 Right, well, you're touching there on something approximating an objective definition of health or its opposite, you know, psychopathology.
00:13:16.400 Because what you're implying, and I'm going to flesh it out a little bit, so it's easy to assume that our notions of psychopathology, say, psychological disorder or ill health, are only cultural constructs.
00:13:33.560 But you've touched on something, I think, that disproves that quite radically.
00:13:37.760 And so let me walk through that a bit and tell me what you think about it.
00:13:41.020 So I could perform, I could look at the world or I could think about the world in a manner that optimizes my emotional functioning for the moment.
00:13:51.380 And that would be satisfying and rewarding for me in the moment.
00:13:56.620 But it could be that I'm regulating my emotions in the present at the cost of my emotional regulation in the future.
00:14:05.040 And so for me to be a functional person, because I extend across time, I have to act in the moment in a way that doesn't compromise my actions, my existence across time.
00:14:17.060 So you could think about it as, that would be the constraints of an iterating game.
00:14:21.620 I have to be able to play a game with myself that can last across the months and years of my life.
00:14:27.760 So that sets up a pretty serious set of constraints around the manner in which I have to conduct myself.
00:14:33.840 Now, the same thing applies socially.
00:14:36.900 There are ways that I could regulate my emotions that are going to manifest themselves at the expense of my wife or my children, my other family members or the broader community.
00:14:47.860 And so for me to be functional in the higher sense as a social creature, I have to, I can't regulate my emotions at the expense of other people.
00:14:57.300 That also sets up something like an objective criteria, at least a transpersonal criteria for how we conceptualize normal or healthy personality and abnormal or unhealthy personality.
00:15:09.860 It's not merely a matter of subjective judgment.
00:15:12.260 It's a matter of not being the sort of person that no one else wants to be around and being miserable and counter.
00:15:18.500 Exactly.
00:15:19.280 Okay, now you touched on something else that we should delve into a little bit.
00:15:22.920 So, because this is very complicated.
00:15:24.640 You started to talk a little bit about status.
00:15:28.280 Okay, so this is where it's very important for psychologists to be careful with their words because we tend to talk a lot about dominance and status and not enough about reputation and responsibility.
00:15:42.000 And so, let me outline something and you tell me what you think about it.
00:15:45.300 So, it's very important for people to be well situated in a social hierarchy.
00:15:51.400 We want to have friends.
00:15:53.180 We want to have people who love us.
00:15:54.360 We want to have colleagues, people who can cooperate with us.
00:15:57.540 We want to have people we can compete with as well, peaceably and productively.
00:16:02.340 And so, it's very important to us all the way down to a deep physiological level that we're well regarded by our fellows.
00:16:09.340 And our serotonin systems, for example, that regulate our emotions seem to be acutely sensitive to our position in a social hierarchy.
00:16:18.040 But that's not exactly status, right?
00:16:21.220 It's more like reputation.
00:16:22.940 So, even with little kids, if you're a four-year-old and you've learned to regulate your emotions so you're not pathologically self-centered and you can take turns, you can share and you can play other children's games when it's their turn.
00:16:38.100 You're going to make friends.
00:16:39.280 And if you're very good at making friends and you're fun to be around, your reputation is going to grow and that's going to situate you well in the social community.
00:16:47.080 When you're an adult, the same thing applies, although adults are also more focused, let's say, on competence rather than mere ability to play, even though that's important.
00:16:57.080 And so, you can enhance your reputation by being competent and by being a fair player and that situates you well socially.
00:17:05.740 You can also manipulate that by using power and dominance and false claims of competence and status.
00:17:13.460 And so, the reputation game can degenerate into a power game, but that doesn't mean that the reputation game is a power game.
00:17:22.960 And so, well, that's at least one way of looking at it.
00:17:26.460 So, I'm kind of curious about, you know, if you feel that that's a good definitional ground for our conversation to continue if you've got things to say about it.
00:17:37.020 Every year, over 800,000 innocent lives are lost to abortion in America.
00:17:41.700 The Biden-Harris administration's policies don't just permit the ending of unborn lives, they actively punish those who protect life, with penalties of up to 10 years in jail.
00:17:51.980 But there's a way to fight back.
00:17:54.160 In a world where the sanctity of life is under assault, Preborn's network of clinics stands as a beacon of hope, operating in areas with the highest abortion rates and offering a lifeline to mothers facing unplanned pregnancies.
00:18:05.520 Their approach is simple, yet powerful.
00:18:08.620 Introduce a woman to her baby through an ultrasound and surround her with compassion.
00:18:12.920 Here's where you come in.
00:18:14.120 Your support can make a tangible difference.
00:18:16.140 For just $28, you can fund one ultrasound, doubling the chance of that precious life being saved.
00:18:22.400 This isn't just about statistics.
00:18:24.080 It's about giving every life a fighting chance.
00:18:26.640 It's about standing up for those who can't stand up for themselves.
00:18:29.720 Ready to make a difference?
00:18:31.900 Your tax-deductible gift could be the turning point in a mother's decision and a child's future.
00:18:37.380 Make a donation today by visiting preborn.com slash Jordan, or just dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby, where for just $28, you can help save a life.
00:18:47.520 That's preborn.com slash Jordan, or dial pound 250 with keyword baby.
00:18:52.280 For sure.
00:18:56.160 I mean, there's a lot to unpack there.
00:18:57.860 First off is the challenge we have as people is we don't know if we're going to live 50 minutes or 50 years.
00:19:04.680 So do you regulate for just having a good time today, or do you try to do the long-term game?
00:19:10.000 And most of us are trying to play for the long-term.
00:19:12.420 If you regulate your emotions for the short-term, for example, I get mad at somebody, so I scream at them or bully them, or I want attention, so I go claim attention or something.
00:19:24.800 If I do that, it's going to feel good for me in the short-term, but in the long-term, I'm going to ruin my relationship.
00:19:30.760 So it's going to have a long-term cost.
00:19:33.320 And we have the way I think we're kind of wired, at least in social psychology, is we regulate emotion before we regulate other things.
00:19:40.940 So if I feel bad, the tendency is, like, I want to make that bad feeling go away.
00:19:44.780 I'll go have a drink.
00:19:45.660 I'll go binge eat.
00:19:46.780 I'll go watch TV or something, rather than I'll solve the fundamental problem that's making me feel bad.
00:19:52.340 So there's lots of these challenges.
00:19:55.820 The second thing I think you're pointing out, the difference in reputation and status or dominance, I think is really important.
00:20:02.220 Because you can gain a reputation by being sort of a kind of a showy, big deal, kind of the narcissistic model, you know, the celebrity model.
00:20:14.800 Or you can just be a good person over a long period of time.
00:20:18.240 And in the leadership world, this is sort of like dominance versus prestige.
00:20:23.700 You know, people either admire you and they want to make you a leader or you kind of dominate people.
00:20:28.860 So I think in the status world, there's sort of two paths to status.
00:20:32.520 One is you be a good person and people lift you up.
00:20:35.880 And the other path is you kind of fight your way with sharp elbows to the top and make sure people think you're a big deal, control the media, you know, control the message and all that.
00:20:44.580 So I think there's a lot of conflict in this human experience about this.
00:20:50.820 Yeah, well, so I interviewed Franz DeWall before he passed away in a rather untimely and a certainly unfortunate manner.
00:21:00.180 And I was really struck by his work on chimpanzees in relationship to the kinds of things that we're discussing.
00:21:06.260 Because the classic view among, even among evolutionary biologists, I would say of the somewhat less sophisticated sort, and also of psychologists, is that the hierarchies that we live in, the social structures, hierarchies because there's limited access to resources and people sort themselves out so that some people get preferential access.
00:21:29.960 And a functional hierarchy is one where the more able people get preferential access because that's good for everyone else.
00:21:35.260 Anyways, the classic view is being that the more dominant, say, the more socially successful, especially male, tends to be more dominant.
00:21:45.380 And it's construed as a power game.
00:21:47.420 But DeWall showed that even among chimpanzees, the dominance route was, you might say, a suboptimal solution.
00:21:56.080 It seemed better than being a subordinate, let's say.
00:22:00.360 So if you had to pick between being weak and useless and strong and mean and dominant from an evolutionary perspective and maybe even from a personal perspective, it would be better to take the dominance route.
00:22:12.440 But if you could serve a more sophisticated role, then, and DeWall pointed out that for his alpha chimps, the ones that were stable, that was the role, often a role of peacemaker and of reliable friend.
00:22:29.360 That the alphas that DeWall studied, even among chimpanzees, were much, their troops were more functional and their rule was more stable and less violent if they didn't use dominance.
00:22:42.420 And this is a finding of unbelievable importance, right?
00:22:47.060 Because it's really crucial that we understand these two pathways to both reproductive and personal success.
00:22:55.040 And the dominance route is simpler and it's more attractive at a surface level.
00:23:02.260 And that's also partly why the narcissists and the psychopaths have a niche, right?
00:23:07.360 And so I would like to delve into that.
00:23:09.740 So a narcissist, as far as I'm concerned, and you tell me, tell me what you think about this.
00:23:14.900 So a narcissist fundamentally is someone who manipulates to achieve unearned reputational status.
00:23:24.500 Now, so does that, so I know that needs to be fleshed out, but that seems to me to be something like at the core of it.
00:23:31.220 Perhaps the reason that works is because once you establish a social hierarchy that's functional, the higher you are in the hierarchy, the more resources accrue to you.
00:23:42.920 And for men in particular, that also involves reproductive success because the best predictor of mate access for men is relative position in a hierarchy.
00:23:53.020 It's a huge predictor.
00:23:54.380 Now, you can mimic that as a narcissist, right?
00:23:57.580 You can make a show of yourself.
00:23:59.860 You can display a confidence that would normally be associated with competence, but it's not real.
00:24:06.480 But it's real enough to fool people, right?
00:24:08.720 It's real enough to fool naive young women, for example.
00:24:11.400 And it's real enough to allow you to maneuver into positions of, into high-resource positions.
00:24:19.760 So is that in keeping with your conceptualization of narcissism?
00:24:25.180 Yeah, let me, there's so much here.
00:24:26.940 I've got, I'm going to take this in pieces.
00:24:31.100 First, I do think that idea of unearned status is really important with narcissism.
00:24:35.720 But there's also the case of people, and I'm thinking of Bill Clinton in particular after he was president, but I'm sure it applies to President Trump not picking parties here, where you have somebody that really is successful, really is competent, and still has the need for attention, still has the need to be admired, even though they have all those things.
00:24:55.240 So it's not necessarily only unearned.
00:24:58.440 It's like, hey, I just want attention, whereas other people are like, you know, I go out there, I do my best, I just want to go home with my family.
00:25:04.300 I don't need the attention.
00:25:06.060 So I think it can be, people enjoy the earned attention too, to some extent, but it always gets to the point where you want more than you deserve.
00:25:15.640 There's an inflation component with narcissism.
00:25:18.500 So I do think that, but I do think there are people who are very competent and narcissistic.
00:25:23.520 Yeah, okay, that's a good distinction.
00:25:25.660 So I want to go back to your alpha question, because it's so interesting.
00:25:29.460 I was, where it hit me, I was in South Africa looking at a group of gazelle of some sort with the guide, and I was watching the alpha running around mate guarding.
00:25:42.820 And I said to my guide, I'm like, what's going on here?
00:25:45.860 He goes, well, he's the alpha.
00:25:47.140 He has to spend his life mate guarding to make sure the other guys don't come in.
00:25:51.940 I said, how long does he last in this role of an alpha?
00:25:54.520 He goes, well, about a season, and then he'll die because your cortisol's up.
00:26:00.240 And in the human condition, what we have are reverse hierarchies.
00:26:03.720 I mean, this is Freud and totem and taboo.
00:26:06.140 This is essentially the tension in the human system.
00:26:09.720 So if you're an alpha and you're like, I'm not working with the younger guys, the younger guys are going to band together and take you out, and you're going to have an unstable system in the short-term reign or short-term rule.
00:26:21.500 But if, as you say, and like Franz de Waal said, is if you align the alpha with a group of, you know, become a peacemaker, work with the younger guys, you're going to be stable and have a more stable society.
00:26:35.240 So I totally agree with that.
00:26:37.300 I think this idea when I hear young guys saying, I want to be an alpha, I'm like, really?
00:26:41.620 Are you sure?
00:26:42.920 Like, being alpha is hard, and then somebody takes you out in a year, you know?
00:26:47.220 Not the best long-term strategy.
00:26:49.480 Yeah, well, you see that with gang members.
00:26:52.260 I mean, we know something about the psychology of gang members, and it's clearly the case that in gang members or among gang members, the more narcissistic, aggressive, manipulative, psychopathic types who are certainly prone to turn to violence can rise, but their lifespan tends to be extremely short.
00:27:11.180 And then they also adopt an attitude towards the world, which is associated with a truncated temporal view, which is, I'm going to get every goddamn thing I can get my hands on right now.
00:27:23.080 And, you know, you can understand the attractiveness of that if the alternative is, I never get anything I want, and I also die quickly.
00:27:32.700 But it's not a very good solution when you could be successful and productive, and that could span decades and also be of service to other people.
00:27:41.380 You know, we should point out, too, that this discussion that we're having, it strikes to the core of cultural critique as well, because one of the things that we see happening continually, I mean, throughout human history,
00:27:55.860 but I guess it's been amplified intellectually more since the time of Marx, is this insistence that male sociological structures are oppressive patriarchies.
00:28:08.280 And, you know, we need to take that apart, because we could say at a more sophisticated level that if the male hierarchy deteriorates in the direction of narcissistic power, then it becomes an oppressive patriarchy.
00:28:23.800 But if it's bounded by the necessity of productive, iterable interactions of the sort that define, let's say, de Waal's peacemaking chimps, then there's nothing about the patriarchy that's oppressive at all.
00:28:38.220 All that means, if it's oppressive, that means that it's not structured optimally, either for the people who are in the positions of authority and responsibility or for anybody else.
00:28:48.880 But the crucial issue here is that it's certainly possible to structure hierarchies of responsibility so that they're not narcissistic and dominance-based.
00:29:01.720 Oh, absolutely.
00:29:03.100 That's how they mostly are.
00:29:04.860 I mean, narcissistic leaders, when they get in power, are generally unstable.
00:29:09.000 People, you know, they get one group of people who love them, another group of people who don't like them.
00:29:15.420 Again, they tend to be less ethical.
00:29:18.060 They tend to get taken out.
00:29:19.400 It just takes some time for it to happen.
00:29:21.720 So it's not a stable system, and it can become toxic.
00:29:25.760 But a healthy, well-adjusted group of guys, I mean, guys get together, and they try to align towards a goal.
00:29:32.280 So if I took a bunch of guys and said, let's go fight that monster over there, we'd all get together and fight the monster and have a great time.
00:29:39.060 So guys can work together if they're not doing a bunch of ego stuff, if they're focused on goals.
00:29:45.780 Right, right, right.
00:29:46.980 Well, and it's also the case that men who aren't immature, and we'll go back to the immaturity issue,
00:29:53.020 and who are goal-focused tend to organize themselves in relationship to perceived competence while pursuing that goal.
00:30:03.060 And I think, you know, one of the things that's puzzled me, for example, is a trope, let's say, that's very common in American movies.
00:30:11.100 Because it kind of runs contrary to the apparent presuppositions of something like evolutionary biology.
00:30:17.760 So you can imagine a football movie, football team movie, and you can imagine a subplot being a quarterback who overcomes the odds and, you know, wins the championship game
00:30:29.220 and is paraded out of the stadium on the shoulders of his teammates.
00:30:34.060 So they're all celebrating him, right?
00:30:36.020 They're pushing him up to the highest position.
00:30:38.780 One of the consequences of that is that he becomes much more radically attractive to the cheerleaders, let's say.
00:30:45.440 And then you might ask, well, what the hell's up with those males who are putting this guy up on their shoulders?
00:30:51.000 Because they seem to be taking a reproductive hit with their celebration of his ability.
00:30:55.560 But I suspect that the corollary to that is something like, well, if you're a man and you associate with the group that's run by a very productive winner, let's say,
00:31:08.120 then the glory also descends on you.
00:31:11.400 And so you think that's a reasonable hypothesis?
00:31:16.280 Absolutely.
00:31:17.400 You know, in social psychology, we call this basking in reflective glory or burging.
00:31:23.420 And that's even if my team wins.
00:31:25.800 So if UGA wins a basketball or a football championship, I go, hey, we won.
00:31:30.080 I feel great.
00:31:31.280 But if it's my own team and I'm on it, yes, you definitely get esteem and status from being associated with great people.
00:31:39.100 I mean, it's a win.
00:31:40.220 Right, right.
00:31:40.840 So that's another indication of why the patriarchy is not pathological at its core, if it's structured properly.
00:31:49.520 Because it's such an optimistic view because it means that you can structure a sociological organization around a goal.
00:31:57.420 And we're going to assume the goal is, you know, at least mutually chosen by all the participants,
00:32:02.300 that the best man will rise to win.
00:32:05.060 But it's not a zero-sum game for the rest of the players, quite the contrary.
00:32:09.840 And you can see that with hunting, I think, is the best example among hunter-gatherers.
00:32:13.840 So from what I've read, the anthropological literature, any given hunter, even if he's the best hunter in the tribe,
00:32:20.800 has an overwhelming probability of failing at any given hunt.
00:32:26.160 And so what the men do is they distribute the spoils of hunts across multiple hunts.
00:32:31.840 And it's generally incumbent on the best hunter, especially when he has a successful day,
00:32:37.180 not to take the best cuts for himself and also not to claim credit for the hunt,
00:32:42.460 to distribute the best cuts and to be humble in his claims.
00:32:46.500 And I think the reason for that, I think this is a very compelling idea, fundamentally.
00:32:52.160 The reason for that is, well, you want to have a bunch of guys to hunt with all the time.
00:32:56.940 And if you turn out to be not only highly skilled, but also, like, generous to a fault,
00:33:03.420 people are going to be thrilled to go out and hunt with you because everybody wins.
00:33:08.200 And that's a really good long-term game.
00:33:11.240 Absolutely.
00:33:11.640 Yeah, and the example I always use is, you know, in sports, going back to football.
00:33:17.680 If I'm a quarterback and I win and I get on TV and say, yeah, I won because I'm awesome.
00:33:22.580 I'm the best there is.
00:33:23.700 The next game, my front line is going to let the defense in and I'm going to get slaughtered.
00:33:28.500 And so the next time I win, I'm going to say, I want to thank God and my offensive line.
00:33:33.680 They're the best they have.
00:33:34.720 Those guys are great.
00:33:35.660 And I'm going to give the status and the glory to them.
00:33:38.100 And they're going to help me next time.
00:33:39.520 And we're going to set up a virtuous cycle where I don't get to be a super, I don't
00:33:44.860 get to brag as much, but I win and I get all those benefits and I get more than if I took
00:33:51.580 the credit, basically, because in the long term, I win.
00:33:54.780 Right.
00:33:55.040 Well, so I think that's why it's such a crucial part of socialization, especially for young
00:33:59.720 competitive boys to tell them, well, don't be a whiny loser, you know, and certainly don't
00:34:05.100 distribute blame.
00:34:06.020 If you're going to take credit as a team player, especially if you're a star, take
00:34:11.540 credit for the losses and distribute the glory.
00:34:16.400 And you might say, well, that seems counterproductive because why shouldn't all the glory go to me?
00:34:20.220 And the answer is, well, do you want to be glorious for one game or your whole bloody
00:34:24.020 career?
00:34:25.400 Yes.
00:34:25.860 It's a long-term strategy is to share the glory with everybody else out there so they help
00:34:31.120 you win.
00:34:31.600 Because most things in life are a team sport.
00:34:34.560 Science is a team sport.
00:34:36.200 Most things are team sports.
00:34:37.480 You can't do it on your own.
00:34:39.320 And if you don't have a good team, they're going to drop you or stab you in the back or
00:34:44.060 frag you or whatever the term is.
00:34:46.420 Right, right.
00:34:46.980 Well, and the game has to iterate across multiple instantiations as well, which is also crucially
00:34:53.100 important.
00:34:54.200 So, okay, I want to turn the conversation slightly.
00:34:57.060 I want to focus, at least in part, on fleshing out exactly what narcissism consists of.
00:35:03.260 But there's two directions I guess I'd like to take the conversation.
00:35:06.020 The first is we talked a little bit about leadership, eh?
00:35:08.940 And so the thing about leadership that's a paradox, and this also pertains to female
00:35:16.760 mate selection, I would say, is that you kind of want someone in a leadership position often
00:35:23.160 who has the personality traits that might tilt towards narcissism.
00:35:28.160 So an extroverted person is going to be charismatic and able to communicate and want to work in
00:35:33.820 groups.
00:35:34.420 And a disagreeable person is going to be competitive and victory focused.
00:35:38.160 But a disagreeable extrovert is going to tilt towards narcissism.
00:35:42.040 So that's a problem for, you know, occupations like media or entertainment or politics, because
00:35:48.140 it's going to attract a disproportionate number of extroverted, disagreeable extroverts.
00:35:52.420 Now, it seems to me that one of the mediating personality factors there is probably trait
00:36:00.180 conscientiousness, right?
00:36:02.040 So if you have an extroverted guy who's competitive and disagreeable, and so that would define
00:36:07.160 Trump, for example, if he's someone who can commit and keep his word and stay focused on
00:36:15.200 long-term goals, that should take the truly pathological edge off the narcissism.
00:36:22.580 And my sense of the literature that's at the nexus of personality, social, and clinical is
00:36:30.180 that it's the, like, the psychopathic types look to me to be extroverted, disagreeable types
00:36:37.400 who are extremely low in conscientiousness.
00:36:39.560 A hundred percent.
00:36:40.900 They're like impulsive narcissists.
00:36:42.800 Yeah, I mean, I think of the two as cousins.
00:36:46.580 But if you're a disagreeable, and I like that disagreeable extrovert model of narcissism,
00:36:51.520 because I think it captures that profile really well.
00:36:54.600 And a lot of people in academia, you've got to be kind of antagonistic if you're going to argue
00:36:58.760 with people.
00:36:59.580 You know, if you're too agreeable, it's hard to do it.
00:37:02.080 But if you have that conscientiousness, you have morals, you have long-term goals, you
00:37:07.240 have duties, you have responsibilities, you're going to be a decent person.
00:37:12.160 You know, allegedly, if you're impulsive and you're just doing what you want, you're going
00:37:17.560 to be more psychopathic and self-centered and selfish.
00:37:20.860 And so when you look at the personality profile, big five profile of psychopathy versus narcissism,
00:37:25.860 the big distinction is going to be the lower conscientiousness with psychopathy.
00:37:32.080 It would be easy to toss all of your discipline to the side for the summer, but a life of
00:37:36.860 greatness doesn't happen by taking the easy route.
00:37:39.580 The Hallow app offers an incredible range of guided meditations and prayers, which are
00:37:44.040 designed to help you deepen your spirituality and strengthen your connection to God.
00:37:48.340 For the third year in a row, Hallow is having their wildly popular Saints in Seven Days Prayer
00:37:53.260 Challenge, where over the course of four weeks, you'll journey through the life of an
00:37:57.000 incredible saint, learning more about their faith, story, and ultimate surrender to the
00:38:01.540 will of God in their life.
00:38:03.220 The challenge will kick off August 5th with Joe Missoula, the coach of the Celtics, and
00:38:07.340 Saint Sebastian, the patron saint of athletes.
00:38:10.300 Then, Ria Wahlberg will lead meditations on the life of Saint Elizabeth Seton, followed by
00:38:15.140 Jonathan Rumi walking through the powerful story of Saint Maximilian Kolbe, who sacrificed
00:38:19.900 his own life for the life of another at Auschwitz.
00:38:22.780 Closing the series with Father David Michael Moses and Blessed Pierre Giorgio Frassati.
00:38:27.680 Saints in Seven Days goes deep into the lesser-known parts of a saint's life to show that while
00:38:33.120 their journeys to sainthood were filled with God's grace and glory, they also included human
00:38:37.820 struggles, great suffering, mistakes, and a profound need for God's mercy.
00:38:43.020 Download the Hallow app today at Hallow.com slash Jordan for an exclusive three-month trial.
00:38:48.280 That's Hallow.com slash Jordan.
00:38:50.020 Yeah, okay, okay.
00:38:53.600 Well, so then we could also think about that with regards to socialization because, so I
00:38:59.160 was, worked with a research team in Montreal, a very good team run by, now his name has escaped
00:39:05.600 me, it'll pop into my mind right away.
00:39:09.220 I interviewed him on my YouTube channel, worked with him for 10 years, but I have a hole in
00:39:13.160 my head with regards to names.
00:39:14.480 It'll come back to me.
00:39:15.320 But one of the things that we established when we were looking at the developmental course
00:39:20.620 of maturation, so tell me what you think about this.
00:39:23.320 So it seems to me that a lot of what we see as narcissism is actually something like prolonged
00:39:31.780 immaturity.
00:39:33.500 Now, it's a little more complicated than that.
00:39:35.160 So the little kids that we studied, and this is true of those who've studied little kids in
00:39:41.020 general, so there's about 5% of males at the age of two who hit, kick, bite, and steal
00:39:50.060 when you put them with other two-year-olds.
00:39:53.220 And they're almost all male, and there's only one in 20.
00:39:56.400 And so you could say most two-year-olds aren't psychopathic narcissists by temperament.
00:40:03.760 So these are probably the boys who are disagreeable extroverts by temperament, right?
00:40:08.640 And so they're competitive, they're pushy, and when they're very young, they're impulsive.
00:40:14.020 Now, most of them are socialized by the age of four.
00:40:18.860 Now, our studies of long-term criminality indicated that it was the minority of that 5% who weren't
00:40:24.860 socialized by the age of four that became the long-term predatory criminals.
00:40:30.100 And it was very difficult to do anything about that after the age of four.
00:40:33.940 But that's also made me think more recently that what we're seeing as that narcissistic
00:40:40.260 predatory parasitism is probably something like a failure of maturation.
00:40:47.240 It's like, rather than being a pathology in and of itself, it's just the maintenance of
00:40:52.120 self-centered immaturity far beyond its expiry date.
00:40:56.480 And so I'm wondering what you think of a formulation like that.
00:40:59.800 I like that idea and that there is an immaturity to narcissism.
00:41:06.400 Just to take it in a little bit of a Freudian direction, it seems you can think, you know,
00:41:12.160 if you think about it in terms of sort of Freud's developmental model, the narcissism is like
00:41:18.380 being stuck in the phallic stage a little bit rather than being stuck in, say, the oral stage
00:41:23.680 or anal stage.
00:41:24.600 So I don't think it's just there can be different types of being immature.
00:41:28.280 I think that...
00:41:30.120 Right, right, right.
00:41:30.960 It's not dependent, for example.
00:41:33.160 Yeah, it's not.
00:41:33.760 You're not a dependent.
00:41:34.740 Not like, I just need someone to take care of me.
00:41:36.800 I'm 50 years old.
00:41:37.880 It's more you get stuck in this, like I should say adolescent, this childish, phallic, masculine,
00:41:44.680 I'm going to do this.
00:41:45.540 I'm going to get this.
00:41:46.520 And you get stuck in that.
00:41:48.240 And that model, you know, you can use it as an adult, but it's kind of like you're a
00:41:52.180 little bit of a cartoon.
00:41:53.120 And so that's something I see that it's like you're a cartoon child acting like an adult,
00:41:59.280 like I'm a big deal, like the guys that try to be alpha.
00:42:02.900 And I'm like, yeah, dude.
00:42:05.200 So yeah, I do see...
00:42:06.600 Calm down there, buddy.
00:42:07.680 Yeah, calm down.
00:42:08.760 Come on.
00:42:09.720 So I do see that for sure.
00:42:11.600 But I do think it's sort of one path in development that you don't develop.
00:42:16.760 It's not all the paths.
00:42:18.240 Yeah, yeah.
00:42:19.060 Well, I think that's a good distinction because it shines a light on another sociological or
00:42:25.500 psychological phenomena.
00:42:26.740 So one of the things that we see is the rise to a certain type of stardom of people like
00:42:34.520 Andrew Tate.
00:42:36.560 And the Andrew Tate phenomenon has really interested me because I have some sympathy for him.
00:42:42.740 Now, it's limited, but it's limited in the way that you just described.
00:42:46.360 So you could imagine that the worst form of immaturity, the most counterproductive form
00:42:53.980 of immaturity would be something like, well, the Freudian oral stage.
00:42:57.640 If we reformulated that in more modern terminology, that would be something like prolonged infantile
00:43:03.660 immaturity.
00:43:04.460 So you're basically stuck as a dependent, right?
00:43:08.020 And so you have no...
00:43:10.100 All your locus of control is external.
00:43:12.540 All you do is whine to get people to deliver to you what you want.
00:43:17.480 Now, that's perfectly acceptable if you're six months old, although you could even use
00:43:21.480 smiling at that point as an invitation.
00:43:24.360 But then you might imagine that if you are stuck at that dependent stage and you have a
00:43:31.220 impulse for maturation, if someone who was more narcissistic and aggressive came along,
00:43:40.020 they would actually look attractive to you because, first of all, it would be better to be...
00:43:45.900 It's better to be a narcissistic extrovert than it is to be a dependent infant.
00:43:51.700 That doesn't mean it's good, right?
00:43:54.180 But it does mean that it's better.
00:43:56.440 Yeah.
00:43:56.800 Well, and you can think about that from an evolutionary biological perspective, too, because it's definitely
00:44:01.640 the case that manipulative psychopaths can be successful in finding sexual partners, whereas
00:44:10.060 infantile dependent men, they're just not going anywhere on that side of things because
00:44:15.640 they can't...
00:44:16.780 Like, no women...
00:44:17.760 Virtually no women are attracted to infantile dependent men.
00:44:22.000 Some women are attracted to narcissistic blowhards, right?
00:44:26.900 So, yeah.
00:44:29.140 Is that in keeping with your understanding of the developmental progression?
00:44:32.960 Yeah.
00:44:33.480 I mean, I think it makes sense.
00:44:35.320 And I like how you're saying that.
00:44:36.860 Like, look, dude, it's better to be narcissistic and full of yourself if you're a guy than just
00:44:41.360 be a dependent loser.
00:44:43.320 But that isn't the highest stage of male development isn't being a peacock, you know?
00:44:50.140 It's helping.
00:44:51.100 It's being a provider.
00:44:52.560 It's doing more than that.
00:44:54.440 It's leading a family.
00:44:55.880 It's leading people.
00:44:56.560 So, but again, it is better to be narcissistic than just dependent.
00:45:01.740 So, yeah, it makes sense.
00:45:03.600 Oh, you mentioned Andrew Tate, and I'm kind of old for this, but I see a lot of younger
00:45:09.160 guys that are attracted to this more sort of alpha, in quotes, personality model.
00:45:15.700 And I understand it, too, because they're not getting a lot of really good male role models
00:45:19.980 out there.
00:45:20.580 So, they see one that looks sort of cartoonish and seems functional and seems to have some
00:45:25.700 agency and seems to be navigating life effectively in a way that would be appealing to a 15-year-old
00:45:32.180 guy.
00:45:32.580 And so, I understand it.
00:45:34.060 I just wish we had better role models, you know?
00:45:37.560 Well, you know, it might also be, well, it might also be that there is a time at which
00:45:43.520 that's actually developmentally appropriate.
00:45:45.320 So, you know, one of the things we found in our analysis of the development of psychopathology.
00:45:51.800 So, imagine with teenagers, okay?
00:45:53.860 Imagine there's two patterns of, three patterns of living with the rules, say, when you're
00:46:01.420 13 to 15 and you're a male.
00:46:04.180 Now, it also applies to females, but less so, because they're not as aggressive.
00:46:08.440 But so, imagine that you're a 13 to 15-year-old male who never breaks a rule ever.
00:46:14.280 Okay, now imagine you're a 13 to 15-year-old and you break a rule all the time, and then
00:46:20.660 imagine that you're somewhere in the middle.
00:46:22.780 Okay, so that's the whole distribution.
00:46:24.780 Well, the males who never break a rule, they are at higher risk for dependent personality
00:46:32.160 disorder, for depression and anxiety later in life.
00:46:35.140 Now, the ones on the other end of the spectrum are much more at risk for lifetime criminality,
00:46:41.400 let's say, and substance abuse, violence, and all that.
00:46:43.860 So, there's pathology associated with both extremes with regards to rules.
00:46:48.840 Now, the kids in the middle, they are going to experiment.
00:46:52.540 And so, now you can imagine that if you're a kid who comes from a good home and you're
00:46:57.700 pretty rule-oriented, there might well be a time between the ages of 13 and 15 or 16,
00:47:03.860 something like that, where it's actually appropriate for you to admire the rule breakers to some degree,
00:47:10.840 because that's one of the things that pops you out of that childhood dependence on your
00:47:16.060 parents, right?
00:47:17.460 But hopefully, you would supersede that as you mature, and that is the pattern for most
00:47:23.020 men, right?
00:47:23.740 I mean, criminality drops off like mad around 25, and so does substance abuse, something
00:47:29.060 like that, and that's often when men who are like men, women like men, four to five years
00:47:36.800 older.
00:47:37.380 And so, it makes sense that it's about 25 or so that men start to get their act together.
00:47:42.240 And that's when they take that step beyond the more narcissistic and showy aspects of
00:47:49.240 masculinity and take on these roles that are oriented towards a longer time span and a broader
00:47:56.940 social horizon.
00:47:57.880 What you're making me think of is the classic Jack Block's work on drug use in Berkeley back
00:48:05.780 in the 70s.
00:48:06.700 It was the people who didn't use any and used too much that got into trouble, and then there's
00:48:10.740 this golden mean in the middle, and you see that golden mean in a lot of things, where
00:48:16.500 you want to have a little edge, but not too much edge.
00:48:19.720 You don't want to be perfectly moral, but you don't want to be immoral.
00:48:22.680 There's always that little bit of edge.
00:48:24.500 And you're right, developmentally, I think it's appropriate for young guys to kind of
00:48:28.500 go to that little darker side for a while, maybe.
00:48:31.740 Yeah, yeah.
00:48:34.060 Well, they've got to explore it.
00:48:35.760 And, you know, one of my children, my son was more disagreeable than my daughter, and
00:48:40.160 he was a pushy little rat.
00:48:41.580 And one of the consequences of that was he became extremely socially skilled.
00:48:47.200 And I think the reason for that, and I watched him do this, is because he was really good at
00:48:50.920 dancing on the edge.
00:48:51.920 You know, he wanted to push, and this is a characteristic of assertive and competitive
00:48:56.680 male behavior.
00:48:57.960 He wanted to push all the time to find out, well, what he could get away with, but also
00:49:03.780 exactly where the rules were.
00:49:06.880 And there is a kind of exploratory behavior in that pushiness, right?
00:49:12.000 Because if you're passive, you're not going to make those fine distinctions.
00:49:15.620 Now, it means that boys, especially the more aggressive boys, are much more difficult to
00:49:20.760 socialize, and that's why they need a father, for example, and go off the rails so badly
00:49:25.420 if they don't have one.
00:49:26.920 And it also may be why that it's not a good idea to have an education system that, you
00:49:32.080 know, is male absent entirely, not least because you get the formulation of male gangs.
00:49:37.820 But even that's somewhat of a socialization process, because I would say generally in male
00:49:42.480 groups, like the dependent guys get a real rough time, right?
00:49:46.220 So the males will gang up on them in some ways and try to shame them into accepting a
00:49:52.920 certain amount of maturation.
00:49:54.380 But they also do the same thing to the narcissistic guys, right?
00:49:57.940 And military organizations, when they're not fascist, are particularly good at that sort
00:50:02.540 of thing.
00:50:02.780 But sports teams as well, right?
00:50:04.260 It's like, if you are the showboat, especially if you don't have the requisite, like if you're
00:50:08.960 a genius, people might put up with you being more narcissistic.
00:50:13.740 But otherwise, the guys are going to take the edges off you pretty quickly for being
00:50:18.200 such a pain in the neck.
00:50:19.840 Yeah, the old, my friend Lenny Martin used to study hunter-gatherers, but he'd always,
00:50:24.440 the way he'd describe it in, you know, these groups that you'd have a guy who was sort
00:50:28.240 of narcissistic, psychopathic, maybe stealing, maybe he's, you know, hooking up with people's
00:50:32.960 partners or something.
00:50:35.200 They'd take him out hunting and there'd be a hunting accident and he wouldn't come back.
00:50:39.140 Or they'd go to the guy's family and say, hey, you got to get rid of this guy and there'd
00:50:43.340 be an accident and that would be the end of them.
00:50:45.940 So they would eliminate people who are psychopathic in these groups.
00:50:50.980 But if things, if times weren't stable, things changed, the psychopaths would do pretty well.
00:50:56.240 But yeah, guys don't want guys like that around.
00:50:58.540 They'll take them out if they can, if they don't add value.
00:51:01.700 The psychopaths, that's another interesting element of narcissistic psychopathy too, because
00:51:06.300 this will get us into a more complex conversation.
00:51:09.780 So, you know, I've been looking at the developing literature on short-term versus long-term mating
00:51:15.040 strategies in men.
00:51:16.960 And I've been particularly interested in this in relation to the sexual revolution, because
00:51:22.180 in principle, what the sexual revolution did with its decrease of strictures of sexual behavior,
00:51:28.820 but also the provision of, hypothetically, functional birth control, is it made it less risky for
00:51:38.140 women to engage in short-term sexual behavior.
00:51:42.300 Okay, but there's a question that comes up along with that that's a very interesting one.
00:51:46.380 So, you know, in the broad biological community, there are two types of mating pattern, right?
00:51:51.460 There's the R strategy and the K strategy, and the R strategy types have zero investment
00:51:57.860 in their offspring.
00:51:58.720 They produce a lot of offspring, sometimes millions or even more, but almost all of them die.
00:52:03.660 There's no post-coital investment.
00:52:07.760 And then on the other side, there are human beings, where it's few offspring, very, very
00:52:12.200 high investment.
00:52:13.360 But within human beings, that same distribution applies.
00:52:16.980 Yeah, well, so there's a developing literature, which you may be well aware of, identifying
00:52:23.280 the personality traits of the short-term maters.
00:52:26.480 And the short-term male maters are dark tetrad types.
00:52:30.740 They're narcissistic, psychopathic, Machiavellian, and sadistic, which is, you know, a nice addition
00:52:36.700 to the group.
00:52:38.520 And so, this is a very interesting development as well, as far as I'm concerned, because it
00:52:45.400 does seem to imply that as you tilt a society towards sexual freedom, let's say, on the
00:52:52.100 hedonistic side, it looks to me like you deliver the women over to the short-term mating males,
00:52:58.520 and they have those personality characteristics that we just described.
00:53:02.340 Absolutely, yes.
00:53:03.480 That seems like a bad idea.
00:53:05.000 I would say you're correct.
00:53:08.140 From the work I've done on narcissism in relationships, which is pretty significant, you find narcissism
00:53:16.240 predicts short-term mating.
00:53:18.540 You find narcissists are more extroverted, so they're more attractive.
00:53:22.300 They're more attractive when you meet, this is a grandiose narcissism, so when you meet
00:53:25.020 people narcissistic, they're more attractive.
00:53:27.340 They spend more time grooming, so they look better when they're mating.
00:53:30.720 They're also willing to cheat on their spouse.
00:53:33.880 So, even if you're in a steady relationship, if you're narcissistic, you're like, well, I
00:53:37.840 can go cheat on the side.
00:53:39.060 That'll be okay.
00:53:40.040 They tend to alternative partners more than other people.
00:53:43.620 So, there's all these different mechanisms in place that mean that if there's a lot of
00:53:47.880 short-term mating going on, the people doing it are going to be overrepresented by narcissists.
00:53:53.060 And on the apps, you're going to find the same thing.
00:53:56.060 Yeah.
00:53:56.540 Well, so this is, I'm so interested in this because it seems to me to lay out a plausible
00:54:04.020 pathway to doing something like solving the is-ought problem with regards to sexual morality.
00:54:11.980 Because, like, a real serious question arose, let's say, at the beginning of the 60s, right?
00:54:17.640 It's a question that might be the entire reason for the culture war.
00:54:22.660 There's probably more, but it's a big one.
00:54:24.660 It's like, okay, so now women have the pill.
00:54:28.680 All right.
00:54:29.180 So, that makes them very different than women before the pill.
00:54:33.400 Like, radically different.
00:54:34.500 Because now they're the first females that have ever existed that have voluntary control
00:54:38.940 over their reproductive function.
00:54:40.780 So, that's a huge deal.
00:54:42.140 Okay.
00:54:42.480 So, what does that mean?
00:54:43.940 It means, well, it means the definition of woman itself has to be rejigged.
00:54:49.140 And, okay, now, does it mean that women can tilt towards the same more profligate reproductive
00:54:56.880 strategy that men use?
00:54:58.700 Because that could be an outcome.
00:54:59.980 In fact, that's the promise of the sexual revolution, essentially.
00:55:03.420 But it looks to me like the consequence of that is that women turn themselves over to the immature,
00:55:10.400 narcissistic, self-grooming, showy men who can't commit, who don't want a long-term relationship,
00:55:16.180 who don't make good fathers because, well, they're not very likely to stick around, for example.
00:55:20.800 And so, then, like, I think we're at the point already, perhaps, and I'd like your view on this,
00:55:28.980 that one of the things that psychologists can tell young women is that the shorter-term mating strategy game
00:55:36.360 you play, the more likely you are to end up in the hands of a psychopathic partner.
00:55:41.120 Absolutely.
00:55:42.200 That is, if you're going for short-term mating, the other people involved are going to be less agreeable,
00:55:48.500 less interested in deep emotional connection, and they're going to be more interested in their own
00:55:53.120 power and pleasure from sexual conquest, which means you're going to get more narcissists and psychopaths.
00:55:58.680 That's just, it's just like the math of the situation.
00:56:01.600 Yes.
00:56:02.480 Yeah, okay.
00:56:03.140 And I'm not a prude in any way.
00:56:05.460 I mean, this is literally just the math of when you set things up this way, this is what you're going
00:56:10.180 to get.
00:56:10.540 It's like saying, hey, I meet guys at bars.
00:56:13.120 I'm like, well, the people you meet at a bar are going to be different than you meet at the charity
00:56:17.960 picnic.
00:56:18.820 Just a different selection of people.
00:56:21.300 Yeah.
00:56:21.640 Well, it's tricky for women, too, because, you know, they also have this additional problem,
00:56:25.780 which is that the dependent, hyper-obedient losers are also going to be the nice guys who
00:56:34.340 are hanging around the nice situations.
00:56:36.580 And that's also not a good deal for them, right?
00:56:39.440 But it is, the psychopathic end of it is quite frightening because, well, you know the literature,
00:56:44.900 when personality psychologists started to investigate subclinical psychopathy and develop the dark
00:56:52.580 triad formulation, right?
00:56:55.360 So that was narcissistic, so wanting unearned social status, Machiavellian, manipulative,
00:57:01.100 and psychopathic, which is predatory and parasitical.
00:57:03.940 That's a pretty bad combination, right?
00:57:06.460 And they were the ones.
00:57:07.340 But it wasn't bad enough.
00:57:09.220 This is the thing that's so terrifying because further investigations showed that that formulation
00:57:14.160 wasn't complete until you added sadism, which was positive delight in the unnecessary suffering
00:57:20.500 of others.
00:57:21.020 And so what women have to understand is that, you know, you're not only turning yourself over
00:57:26.780 to the, you know, excitement-seeking, narcissistic, self-centered guys.
00:57:33.420 I mean, that might be bad enough.
00:57:34.980 But if you're also turning yourself over to the sadists, which seems to be the case, because
00:57:39.860 those four things are pretty tightly associated, then you're really looking for a spot of positive
00:57:45.500 misery.
00:57:46.000 And so if that isn't what you're pursuing, you know, you might want to temper your thrill-seeking
00:57:51.160 with the idea that hanging about the psychopathic predatory parasites is probably not the world's
00:57:56.320 best idea.
00:57:57.980 Yeah, and the sadism is scary.
00:58:00.420 I mean, the old research where they'd see if people would, you know, grind bugs in a coffee
00:58:05.540 grinder or something.
00:58:06.620 It was like grinding pill bugs.
00:58:08.180 I mean, the sadism is, you know, really dark.
00:58:11.020 It's taking pleasure in people's suffering.
00:58:12.780 I think the challenge for women is they are attracted to guys who have confidence and ambition
00:58:18.940 and seem like they have a direction.
00:58:21.480 And you run into guys like, I'm a nice guy.
00:58:24.700 And I go, I don't know if you're nice so much as you're kind of a loser.
00:58:30.460 And, you know, and so the problem is if you're selecting for guys who are ambitious, half those
00:58:37.080 ambitious guys are going to be pretty nice guys.
00:58:39.040 And half of them are going to be kind of self-centered and maybe more problematic.
00:58:43.180 And it's hard to know the difference.
00:58:45.700 So it's very hard for women out there.
00:58:49.420 Are you tired of feeling sluggish, run down, or just not your best self?
00:58:52.900 Take control of your health and vitality today with Balance of Nature.
00:58:56.180 With Balance of Nature, there's never been a more convenient dietary supplement to ensure
00:58:59.780 you get a wide variety of fruits and vegetables every day.
00:59:02.700 Balance of Nature takes fruits and vegetables.
00:59:04.460 They freeze dry them, turn them into a powder, and then they put them into a capsule.
00:59:08.080 The capsules are completely void of additives, fillers, extracts, synthetics, pesticides,
00:59:12.920 or added sugar.
00:59:14.020 The only thing in Balance of Nature fruit and veggie capsules are fruits and veggies.
00:59:17.940 Right now, you can order with promo code JORDAN to get 35% off your first order, plus get
00:59:22.220 a free bottle of Fiber and Spice.
00:59:24.080 Experience Balance of Nature for yourself today.
00:59:26.620 Go to balanceofnature.com and use promo code JORDAN for 35% off your first order as a preferred
00:59:31.120 customer, plus get a free bottle of Fiber and Spice.
00:59:33.720 That's balanceofnature.com, promo code JORDAN for 35% off your first preferred order,
00:59:38.900 plus a free bottle of Fiber and Spice.
00:59:43.000 Well, this is also why the, well, the evidence also suggests that it's the younger and less
00:59:48.420 experienced women who are more likely to fall for the machinations of the psychopathic predators,
00:59:53.600 because they can't distinguish between competence, confidence, and false confidence.
01:00:00.820 Yeah, because you're young.
01:00:03.040 And the other thing with narcissism, and you see this a lot, is when you first meet people,
01:00:08.620 when you first start dating, the way our culture works is we go from sort of fun relationships
01:00:13.820 that are exciting to deep and emotional relationships.
01:00:17.120 And so at that fun stage, the people who are narcissistic are just more attractive.
01:00:22.500 Like if I meet somebody who's really narcissistic, I'm like, God, this person's fine.
01:00:25.900 We'll go out drinking.
01:00:26.600 It'll be great.
01:00:27.240 And then later on, I'm like, we want to really have a high trust relationship.
01:00:30.520 It's the wrong person.
01:00:32.080 So our whole system is designed to put people with people that are more narcissistic and not
01:00:39.740 people who are going to be good in the long term.
01:00:41.980 Just where our system works.
01:00:43.080 Yeah, yeah, well, there's another complexity there that you pointed to as well, which is
01:00:48.300 that, and we could make this rule of thumb, it's like almost all losers will attempt to
01:00:56.860 pass themselves off as nice guys.
01:00:59.840 But that, and I mean the infantile dependent types.
01:01:02.820 I'm not infantile and dependent.
01:01:04.440 I'm nice.
01:01:05.240 Well, so some nice guys are competent, but all infantile losers, except those who've fallen
01:01:12.960 completely off the edge of the world and are resentful beyond belief, they're going to
01:01:16.320 pass themselves off as nice guys.
01:01:18.520 Now, if you're hanging around with the predatory psychopaths, even in the initial short-term
01:01:23.840 stages of a relationship, you're not going to have to contend with the false nice guy
01:01:29.360 problem, right?
01:01:30.940 And that's a major problem, because what woman in her right mind wants a dependent man?
01:01:35.360 That's like, you might as well just have a child, right?
01:01:38.040 At least the child has an excuse.
01:01:40.100 And so, by being attracted to the more dominating types, you solve the nice guy problem, but
01:01:46.260 the next problem is that you throw your hand, yeah, okay, okay.
01:01:49.600 That is very well put.
01:01:51.460 You solve the dependent problem, but you get the psychopath problem.
01:01:55.760 So you solve one problem, but you end up with another problem.
01:01:58.220 And I think this is so important, because I get tired of guys saying, you know, I'm a
01:02:03.040 nice guy.
01:02:03.620 I'm like, really?
01:02:04.560 You're out doing charity work every week?
01:02:06.660 Do you run a—you're down at the church every week putting together the kids' camp?
01:02:11.700 Because I bet if you were doing that, women would find you attractive.
01:02:14.720 I bet you're just kind of weak.
01:02:17.560 Well, that's a really good point.
01:02:20.200 And that's actually something practical that the women—well, and the men, for that matter,
01:02:24.260 who are listening to this might understand, too.
01:02:26.380 So let's say that, you know, you do—you're a woman, and you do happen across a nice guy.
01:02:31.860 And now you're wondering, well, is he nice or is he just weak, right, in that way that
01:02:36.860 Nietzsche criticized, right, when he said that most morality is cowardice.
01:02:41.320 And he didn't mean that morality was cowardice.
01:02:43.500 He meant that cowards use morality as a disguise.
01:02:47.080 Okay, so now you're trying to sort that out if you're a woman.
01:02:49.460 So I think you do exactly what you just did, which is to say, okay, you're a paragon of
01:02:55.920 moral virtue.
01:02:57.540 Where's the proof, right, the work proof?
01:03:00.260 And that would be the sacrificial proof.
01:03:01.980 Like, what are you doing that's extremely difficult that indicates your commitment to
01:03:06.980 these high moral standards?
01:03:08.360 And that can't just be ideological hand-waving, which is the easiest thing to get away with.
01:03:13.200 It has to be real indication of commitment.
01:03:15.620 Yes, I like that.
01:03:17.780 And the sacrifice part, yeah.
01:03:20.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:03:21.620 You have to pay a price for it.
01:03:23.260 You have to pay a price.
01:03:24.240 I had a buddy who donated a kidney, and I thought, my goodness, you should put that on your dating
01:03:28.420 app, you know, because that's sort of an honest signal of being a good person.
01:03:33.900 But there's a lot of false signals of being a good person as well.
01:03:37.440 Well, that's worth delving into, too, because a lot of, I think, a huge part of what we're
01:03:44.160 seeing in the guise of the culture war is actually not a political issue.
01:03:49.720 So I'm going to flesh something out, and you tell me what you think about it.
01:03:52.560 So we know perfectly well that the core of cluster B psychopathology, let's say, which
01:04:00.960 is where the narcissists fit, is these narcissistic patterns that we've described.
01:04:05.620 But there is the other element that we've touched on.
01:04:08.360 One is the willingness to proclaim yourself a victim and to take advantage of that, but
01:04:14.580 also the desire to masquerade with false moral virtue, right?
01:04:21.700 And so that's a very sneaky game, because the game is, well, everything for me, but I'm
01:04:27.200 going to portray myself as hyper-virtuous.
01:04:30.440 And I think what we see in the political realm is that the psychopathic predatory types, who
01:04:38.200 I think are enabled online, by the way, because they can't be held responsible for their actions,
01:04:43.160 they take the moral claims of any given political group, left or right, and they steal those and
01:04:52.520 make them emblematic of their own virtue.
01:04:54.860 And then they hide in the political realm as exemplars of those ideals, and that doesn't
01:05:02.580 matter whether it's right-wing or left-wing in this formulation, all that does is give
01:05:06.860 them false social status and enable them to pick off the spoils.
01:05:11.580 And so I'm afraid, I really am afraid, and you can tell me what you think about this.
01:05:16.180 So, you know, the way we protect ourselves against the predatory psychopaths and the narcissists
01:05:21.920 in the real world is that we don't play with them more than once or twice, right?
01:05:26.680 It's like, if I'm going to trust, which is a good default attitude in a stable society,
01:05:31.820 then you can screw me over once.
01:05:34.800 And that's the price I pay for trusting.
01:05:37.380 But I'll remember, because people do remember, and maybe you can even take advantage of me
01:05:42.520 two or three times, but after that, it's like, no, nothing.
01:05:46.360 Okay, so I reputation track, and because I know who you are, you can't get away with
01:05:52.860 your shenanigans.
01:05:53.860 Yes.
01:05:54.080 The problem, it looks to me like the problem online is that you can do whatever the hell
01:05:59.820 you want with no repercussions whatsoever, and your identity can't be tracked.
01:06:05.140 And so I've thought about this sociologically.
01:06:07.840 Like, it looks to me like in times of crisis, let's say the Russian Revolution or the French
01:06:12.320 Revolution, what happens is that the underground psychopathic, narcissistic, predatory types,
01:06:18.500 like 4% of the population, they're never very successful, and they're never very organized.
01:06:23.340 And they like chaos because they can get away with their tricks when it's chaotic.
01:06:27.280 And so they're always hoping for chaos.
01:06:29.420 Now and then, situations become unstable, and they can gang together, and then they just destroy
01:06:35.460 everything.
01:06:35.940 And I'm very concerned at the moment that the way that we've organized our new social
01:06:42.480 media communication platforms enables the psychopaths to organize, and I'm really seeing
01:06:48.860 this on the right right now.
01:06:50.380 You know, like the left has done this for a long time, and it's very pathological, the
01:06:54.600 radical left.
01:06:55.300 But right now, like, we're seeing a terrible rise in, like, the neo-Nazi narcissist mouthpieces.
01:07:01.300 And it's just, it's happening so quickly, it's terrifying, it's very powerful online force.
01:07:07.280 But what seems to happen, and everyone needs to be aware of this, is that the psychopathic
01:07:12.060 predator types hijack the language of the political debate.
01:07:16.940 They accrue the morality of either side, because both sides make moral claims, and they benefit
01:07:24.060 from that, and the rest of us suffer dreadfully.
01:07:26.440 And the fact that we're, so much of the discourse is driven by anonymous narcissists, we even
01:07:33.960 know that from the literature, because the people who are manipulating the social media
01:07:37.840 landscape, the anonymous troll types are the dark tetrad types.
01:07:43.760 That's reasonably well established in the psychological literature now.
01:07:47.420 So, well, so I'm wondering what you think about that.
01:07:51.420 Well, there's, I mean, I think what you find is that people who are more narcissistic, psychopathic
01:07:57.140 are more likely to be, I mean, we have data, they're more likely to be trolls online, they're
01:08:00.960 more likely to be antagonistic online.
01:08:03.140 But then if you add to that anonymity, so you take sort of that natural personality disposition
01:08:09.560 and make people anonymous, people when they're anonymous are just generally, they do more of
01:08:15.060 whatever they're going to do.
01:08:16.360 Yeah.
01:08:16.540 And if it's a bad thing, they do worse.
01:08:18.620 And this is the old social cycle, like kids with costumes take more candy and, you know,
01:08:23.540 or they'll give more electric shocks or people driving in a car, flipping each other off and
01:08:28.580 honking, but they never do it in person because they're anonymous.
01:08:31.360 So the anonymity, that shield just makes everything more extreme.
01:08:36.320 It could also make people love each other more if you're at a rave or something, I guess,
01:08:40.840 or the old dark room study.
01:08:42.300 But generally online, it leads to this more problematic behavior.
01:08:45.660 So I think it's a combination of the personality traits plus anonymity.
01:08:50.880 And generally in a small town where everybody knows everybody, you can't be that narcissistic.
01:08:56.860 You'll get shut down.
01:08:58.100 Everyone's going to see it.
01:08:59.120 They know who you are.
01:08:59.940 You can't fool people.
01:09:01.460 You go to a big city, you can fool people.
01:09:03.960 You go online, which is the biggest city, you can fool more people.
01:09:07.580 So yeah, I think it's built into the structure.
01:09:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:09:10.960 Okay, well, and yeah, it's very much worth emphasizing the anonymity issue because, you
01:09:17.140 know, we like to think that the way we regulate our behavior is with something like a superego,
01:09:22.980 right?
01:09:23.200 Something like, or a conscience, something like an internal constraint.
01:09:26.540 And, you know, there's truth in that.
01:09:28.600 Although we all have our weak points where our own constraints, internal constraints might
01:09:35.200 not be as robust as they should be, right?
01:09:37.520 In the weakest part of our personality.
01:09:39.280 But I also think it's very dangerous for us to overestimate the degree to which our morality
01:09:45.760 is a consequence of our internal control.
01:09:49.100 Like, I think mostly the reason that people behave is because they're socialized enough,
01:09:57.640 they can take turns enough, they're altruistic enough so that other people can stand having
01:10:03.180 them around.
01:10:04.120 And now they're in a dynamic social environment.
01:10:06.620 And that means that every time they err, they get corrected almost immediately.
01:10:11.360 And so they can outsource that.
01:10:13.040 Now, as you point out, when you make people anonymous, they do misbehave very rapidly,
01:10:18.520 much worse.
01:10:20.400 And so that strips away that social control.
01:10:24.660 And so, and then you add to that, as you pointed out, breadth of reach, and maybe even
01:10:29.960 the fact that the social media networks incentivize attention seeking, because why wouldn't they?
01:10:36.220 And you have the makings of a perfect storm.
01:10:38.620 Like, my sense is that that alone, everything that we just described, right?
01:10:42.240 That proclivity to dark tetrad traits, plus the anonymity and the reach, that might be
01:10:48.420 enough in and of itself to account for, like, the vast majority of the political polarization
01:10:54.280 that characterizes the current discourse in the West.
01:10:57.400 It's literally a consequence of attention seeking narcissists ramping up the social discourse.
01:11:02.800 Yeah, I think you could be right.
01:11:06.080 You know, when they built social media, the point I try to make with people sometimes is
01:11:10.940 the way they built it was, it's not like a highway system where they plan the connections.
01:11:15.180 All they did was say, hey, connect away.
01:11:17.880 And the people who built those connections were the people who were narcissistic and attention
01:11:22.440 seeking.
01:11:24.140 Sometimes they were instrumental.
01:11:25.740 They wanted to make money or whatever.
01:11:28.200 But those are the, so they built, you know, they built social media on the back of attention
01:11:33.920 seeking and on the back of egotism.
01:11:36.060 That's the currency, is ego.
01:11:38.140 And the stuff that's transmitted is high emotional content, high anger, sometimes humor.
01:11:44.580 So you have a system that, you know, built by people with egos that transmits things that
01:11:49.880 have a lot of emotional content and a lot of anger.
01:11:53.120 And what do you expect is going to happen?
01:11:54.600 And everyone's going to hate each other.
01:11:56.360 I mean, well, it's also maximized.
01:11:59.420 Well, it's also optimized.
01:12:01.560 And this is also terrifying.
01:12:03.080 It's optimized.
01:12:04.120 And you might say this about the net period.
01:12:06.520 It's also optimized to grip short-term attention.
01:12:09.820 And so, you know, given our discussion already, we kind of associated maturity with the ability
01:12:16.720 to regulate your present behavior because of the future and because of other people.
01:12:21.420 And that's a long-term game, like a long-term mating strategy.
01:12:24.600 And there's nothing about that moment to moment that is rife with enthusiastic excitement,
01:12:32.720 even the excitement of rage, let's say, right?
01:12:36.040 Because it's a calmer, more mature, long-term game.
01:12:39.780 And, you know, maybe it's the great responsible adventure of your life.
01:12:44.440 But the net maximizes for the grip of short-term attention.
01:12:49.940 And so now we have a three-way storm.
01:12:52.500 It's like, well, the narcissists and the sadists rule.
01:12:55.720 That's optimized by the social media algorithms.
01:12:58.580 But even more importantly, the only thing that matters is capturing someone's attention now.
01:13:05.160 Now.
01:13:05.840 And so right now.
01:13:07.760 And so what that seems to do, what it seems to mean is that we've created an environment
01:13:12.360 where the mindset of an immature narcissist is reinforced.
01:13:20.320 Yeah.
01:13:20.620 Constantly.
01:13:21.060 Like, I mean, constantly, algorithmically, with the AI systems.
01:13:24.680 Yeah.
01:13:24.920 Right?
01:13:25.260 And so, because they're maximizing for short-term attention.
01:13:28.480 So that's, it's kind of like, you know, if you're in a classroom and you're a kid,
01:13:34.780 that you have to listen to the noisiest and most obnoxious person in the room all the time.
01:13:40.960 That's an interesting metaphor.
01:13:43.880 So imagine we're in a giant classroom, but we run it like Twitter or whatever.
01:13:47.780 And so whoever says the meanest, loudest thing is the person.
01:13:53.080 The teacher says, focus on that person.
01:13:55.180 And what happens to your class?
01:13:57.140 You end up with just this cycle of people just getting worse and worse to get attention.
01:14:01.920 And you have a, it just collapses.
01:14:04.120 You have a, you have a collapse.
01:14:06.240 Yeah.
01:14:06.820 Yeah.
01:14:07.160 Well, I'm, well, you know, well, we've seen too online, you know,
01:14:10.720 there have been games like literal games, multiplayer games that had to be shut down
01:14:16.580 because they degenerated into chaos.
01:14:18.500 So the rules of the game weren't structured to allow long-term iterative social play.
01:14:25.580 So it was a degenerating game and it could easily be like, it's way more difficult to
01:14:31.660 create a long-term iterating game that improves than a short-term game that degenerates.
01:14:38.600 Like there's a million ways to do that.
01:14:40.720 Right.
01:14:41.200 And so it easily could be, if you think about Facebook, if you think about Twitter, Instagram,
01:14:46.580 TikTok, maybe TikTok, worst of all, these could easily be non-sustainable games that,
01:14:53.480 that will degenerate into complete chaos because of the implicit pathology of their rules of
01:15:00.380 engagement.
01:15:01.440 It's highly probable.
01:15:03.080 It makes sense that they would do that.
01:15:05.760 Yeah.
01:15:05.960 Well, right.
01:15:06.940 Because it's easier for that to happen.
01:15:09.360 Yeah.
01:15:09.900 Because you have to get the reinforcement rules correct.
01:15:14.260 And the problem with that is we actually don't know how to do that explicitly.
01:15:18.360 You know, like where's the dividing line between allowable speech and let's say hate crime.
01:15:23.880 Like, obviously there's hateful speech, obviously, right?
01:15:28.640 And purposefully so.
01:15:30.240 Now, that doesn't mean we know formally how to regulate it in environments that are maximizing
01:15:36.300 short-term attentional grip, for example.
01:15:39.080 Not at all.
01:15:39.900 No, these systems are not, they're not well designed for psychological growth and they're
01:15:47.660 not going, it's not like Facebook's trying to get somewhere.
01:15:50.780 Like, we're trying to get to a place where everybody's happier, everybody's better, or
01:15:54.520 X is trying to get to a place where everyone knows everything.
01:15:57.980 I mean, there's no goal.
01:15:59.420 It's just everyone's living in the moment all the time.
01:16:02.580 And I am guilty as charged.
01:16:04.220 Instead of spending the day reading ancient books that have been around for a couple thousand
01:16:08.720 years that have proven their benefit, I'll spend the day scrolling on X.
01:16:12.820 That's a problem.
01:16:14.360 So, guilty as charged.
01:16:16.500 Yeah.
01:16:17.040 Yeah, well, it is remarkably addictive.
01:16:20.060 It's remarkably addictive.
01:16:21.400 Because I've also found, you know, there's been a shift in my reading habits.
01:16:24.640 I am, well, I guess partly because it's more effortful to read a classic, you know?
01:16:32.160 And so, especially if I'm tired, it's easy to default to the, and I think it's, I don't
01:16:38.540 know, maybe you have the same problem.
01:16:40.020 I'm kind of an information omnivore.
01:16:42.100 And X, at least, is what, a firehose of at least pseudo-information.
01:16:49.240 Yeah.
01:16:50.600 Yeah.
01:16:51.120 And the other thing you bring up there is kind of classic for self-regulation is we have
01:16:55.540 the best intentions in mind and we have goals of what we want to do.
01:16:59.440 But when we're tired or distracted, they kind of fall, we kind of go down the level
01:17:04.960 and you're like, yeah, I really want to keep my diet, but maybe I'll eat a, you know,
01:17:08.380 a burrito and, you know, I really want to read the book of Enoch, but maybe I'll just
01:17:13.440 scroll through X and see what's going on.
01:17:15.960 And it's just much easier to do stuff when you're tired.
01:17:19.040 Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
01:17:20.820 Well, okay, so let me shift gears momentarily and then I want to return to definitions of
01:17:25.320 narcissism and let you flesh that out a bit.
01:17:27.560 You recently taught a course for Peterson Academy.
01:17:31.040 And so thank you very much for that.
01:17:32.620 I thought I could update you a little bit about what's going on just so you know.
01:17:36.460 And so everybody else knows we have about 30,000 students now.
01:17:40.060 Wow.
01:17:41.020 And so, yeah, it took off like mad.
01:17:44.440 So we've been, we did a pre-enrollment for three weeks.
01:17:47.360 And so that was the enrollment so far.
01:17:49.840 So we're thrilled about that.
01:17:51.160 Now, people seem very happy with the course offerings.
01:17:55.760 So, and, you know, we've set up the social media platform on Peterson Academy to have
01:18:02.000 a goal, right?
01:18:03.720 The goal is for people to be able to exchange information related to their self-improvement
01:18:09.160 on the educational side.
01:18:10.640 And so far it's functioning that way.
01:18:12.800 And the fact that people have to pay essentially $500 a year to join also keeps the trolls and
01:18:19.740 the bots and the bad corporate actors pretty much down to zero.
01:18:24.200 So one of the problems actually with, well, exactly.
01:18:27.560 Well, so one of the problems with the social media pathology might merely be that it's free,
01:18:33.240 right?
01:18:33.500 Because anything, because people's attention is so valuable that if it's distributed for
01:18:39.960 free, the psychopaths are going to take like glorious advantage of that in a major way.
01:18:44.620 And that's another problem with the way these games are set up now.
01:18:48.320 So, so anyways, Peterson Academy is going extraordinarily well.
01:18:52.660 And we, we're going to expand it rapidly because now that we have 30,000 enrollees, we have enough
01:18:59.820 capital to put all of the plans that we formulated into practice.
01:19:04.060 So first of all, thank you for agreeing to teach a course and you're more than welcome
01:19:09.160 in all likelihood to teach another because we would like our, you know, our star lectures
01:19:14.180 to participate over the long run.
01:19:16.000 You'll get your account information on the 9th of September and that'll enable you to
01:19:21.980 use the social media network to interact with students.
01:19:25.400 And so we're hoping, you know, and also to start publicizing your own course, for
01:19:29.640 example, which, which, you know, would also be, well, helpful to you and helpful to us.
01:19:34.240 And so, and hopefully helpful to the students.
01:19:36.260 So we're really excited about that.
01:19:38.180 And we do hope that we've cracked the, we're going to see to what degree we've cracked the
01:19:44.580 pathological social network problem because it has a goal, has all the features of the
01:19:50.420 other social media networks, but it has a goal and it has a gate.
01:19:54.160 And, you know, we're going to impose relatively high standards for interpersonal behavior.
01:19:59.900 So like you would at a university, if it was functioning properly, right?
01:20:03.780 So, you know, we'll see if we can manage that, but, but so I, I'm curious about your
01:20:09.300 experience lecturing.
01:20:10.700 You went, you were recorded at Miami.
01:20:13.040 I mean, what was it like to go down there to do a course and, and going online without
01:20:18.960 express VPN is like not paying attention to the safety demonstration on a flight.
01:20:23.080 Most of the time you'll probably be fine, but what if one day that weird yellow mask
01:20:27.700 drops down from overhead and you have no idea what to do in our hyper-connected world, your
01:20:32.640 digital privacy isn't just a luxury.
01:20:34.640 It's a fundamental, right?
01:20:36.000 Every time you connect to an unsecured network in a cafe, hotel, or airport, you're essentially
01:20:40.960 broadcasting your personal information to anyone with a technical know-how to intercept
01:20:45.140 it.
01:20:45.480 And let's be clear, it doesn't take a genius hacker to do this.
01:20:48.680 With some off-the-shelf hardware, even a tech-savvy teenager could potentially access your passwords,
01:20:53.800 bank logins, and credit card details.
01:20:56.060 Now, you might think, what's the big deal?
01:20:58.160 Who'd want my data anyway?
01:20:59.700 Well, on the dark web, your personal information could fetch up to $1,000.
01:21:03.560 That's right, there's a whole underground economy built on stolen identities.
01:21:08.400 Enter ExpressVPN.
01:21:10.140 It's like a digital fortress, creating an encrypted tunnel between your device and the
01:21:14.140 internet.
01:21:14.840 Their encryption is so robust that it would take a hacker with a supercomputer over a
01:21:19.040 billion years to crack it.
01:21:20.480 But don't let its power fool you.
01:21:22.200 ExpressVPN is incredibly user-friendly.
01:21:24.640 With just one click, you're protected across all your devices.
01:21:27.660 Phones, laptops, tablets, you name it.
01:21:29.760 That's why I use ExpressVPN whenever I'm traveling or working from a coffee shop.
01:21:33.980 It gives me peace of mind knowing that my research, communications, and personal data
01:21:38.120 are shielded from prying eyes.
01:21:39.980 Secure your online data today by visiting expressvpn.com slash Jordan.
01:21:44.720 That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash Jordan, and you can get an extra three months free.
01:21:51.420 ExpressVPN.com slash Jordan.
01:21:52.980 I'll tell you, I only do things with people I like that are interesting at this age.
01:22:00.360 So, your team gave me the opportunity, said you could talk about whatever you want, and
01:22:08.000 we'll be nice to you, which was wonderful, which I really appreciated.
01:22:14.420 And so, my experience was you have an incredible crew down there.
01:22:18.600 The production value is the best production value I've ever been involved with.
01:22:22.660 I mean, it's incredible.
01:22:23.820 I don't know if people know, but it's a giant warehouse, painted white, where you're doing
01:22:28.680 this performance, and then they come in and add a bunch of work in post-production.
01:22:34.140 I mean, it's incredible what you're doing.
01:22:36.420 So, my perspective is, I appreciate you giving me a shot to do a lecture I really wanted to
01:22:42.400 do and spend eight hours or whatever covering a topic and really doing what I wanted with
01:22:48.260 a great team and a great audience.
01:22:50.120 I'm very excited to see how it turns out because, again, I really respect the production value,
01:22:55.600 and I'm glad you've made some money on it so you can do some more.
01:22:59.440 Yeah.
01:22:59.700 Well, so, if at the Peterson Academy site, even with an out-of-account, you can see the
01:23:06.360 trailers, and yours is one of them because yours is one of the 18 courses that we're
01:23:09.840 launching with.
01:23:10.360 We have about 30 more already filmed and about 50 in the pipelines, and so that's looking
01:23:17.020 extremely good.
01:23:18.100 Like, our production pipeline, four courses a month is what we're going to aim at, and
01:23:22.660 we figure we've got that filled already a year out.
01:23:25.220 So, that's really exciting.
01:23:26.440 You can see the trailers at petersonacademy.com.
01:23:32.220 But one of the things that you might know, but people who are listening or watching might
01:23:37.300 be interested in, too, is the trailers actually look like the courses, like they're not hyped.
01:23:42.900 You know, we spent a tremendous amount of time in post-production making sure that they
01:23:47.620 were edited very carefully and beautifully, and that the white space is filled with, well,
01:23:54.880 appropriate text and appropriate images, and so the whole thing is very aesthetically
01:23:59.200 pleasing, and that's really been fun to—it's so fun to be able to take somebody who wants
01:24:03.820 to lecture about something like yourself, and then to raise the production standards to
01:24:11.120 the same level as the content, and then to do the same thing with the imagery and the text.
01:24:16.420 And that seems to have worked out spectacularly well.
01:24:19.100 The courses really are quite beautiful.
01:24:21.080 So, that's so nice to see.
01:24:22.780 Well, I'm excited to watch.
01:24:24.720 I mean, just—I don't like watching myself, but I'd just like to see how it all turns out.
01:24:28.980 And like I said, you can't do lectures like this in universities anymore just because of
01:24:36.620 the way universities structured and the testing and the classes and everything else, and just
01:24:40.740 having the opportunity to go deep on something was fun and get it recorded.
01:24:45.400 Yeah, yeah.
01:24:46.680 So, I appreciate it.
01:24:48.460 Yeah, well, that's what we tell people when they come is like, we would like you to come
01:24:52.220 down there and talk for eight hours about the thing you would like to talk about most
01:24:57.120 if you could.
01:24:58.000 And that's what I did when I recorded my courses, and I was able to go into the specifics
01:25:03.080 of a thinker much more deeply than I could, well, in any course at university.
01:25:10.040 I mean, I like teaching the courses I taught at Harvard and at the University of Toronto,
01:25:13.660 but there's way more freedom in this approach.
01:25:17.220 And what that should mean is that if we get the right people, and we have got the right
01:25:21.220 people, they should be able to bring their best to the platform and share that with everyone.
01:25:26.100 And it looks so far that the response of the students is exactly that.
01:25:31.440 And most of our students, by the way, this is quite interesting, it looks like about 75%
01:25:37.020 of our students, and we don't have the final numbers yet, are really there because, not
01:25:42.060 even because they want the course credit, and we're working very hard on the accreditation
01:25:46.560 front, by the way, and that looks very promising, but because they, like a lot of them are people
01:25:51.560 who wish they could have had post-secondary education and didn't have the opportunity.
01:25:56.180 So sometimes older people, because everybody's welcome, regardless of their age, and, but
01:26:01.440 generally, they're the people that were in your audience when you came down there, which
01:26:05.540 is the reason they're on the platform, is because they want to learn.
01:26:09.860 And so that's a great opportunity for a lecturer, too, because there's nothing better than having
01:26:13.780 an audience of people who actually are playing the same game you are.
01:26:17.940 Yeah.
01:26:18.420 So I went into academia because I wanted to understand the human condition, and I love ideas.
01:26:24.200 And I did a postdoc with an academic named Roy Baumeister, who is a generational thinker,
01:26:30.500 and one day a week, we'd stay up till, you know, two in the morning, just talking about
01:26:34.460 ideas.
01:26:35.540 And that, to me, is kind of the heart of the whole thing, and that's what I love about
01:26:39.400 it.
01:26:40.240 I think in these courses, you're able to capture a little of that.
01:26:44.740 You're able to capture the depth, you're able to capture the love of just ideas and playing
01:26:50.600 with ideas.
01:26:51.360 And I think that's, I don't know, that's what I enjoy.
01:26:54.820 So thank you for inviting me.
01:26:56.700 It was fun.
01:26:57.660 Oh, man, it's a pleasure.
01:26:59.480 Well, we're also hoping, and this is going to be a tough nut to crack, you know, it's
01:27:03.420 not obvious what universities do, right?
01:27:06.000 Because there's the superficial elements, the obvious ones, let's say.
01:27:12.800 There are professors, there are students, there are classrooms, there are lectures, there
01:27:16.280 are tests.
01:27:16.880 In a way, that's easy to duplicate online.
01:27:20.620 What's harder to duplicate, and the universities aren't that great at this either, by the way,
01:27:25.580 is the apprenticeship element, the mentorship element, and the social network element, right?
01:27:32.140 And so those are things we're very acutely aware of.
01:27:35.220 And, you know, we're hoping, for example, that our professors will use the social media
01:27:39.080 site to interact with students.
01:27:40.620 And we're putting together study groups that are specific to each course, and we're going
01:27:45.380 to do meetups of people.
01:27:46.880 And we also hope, this would be fun, we hope, for example, to have conventions, maybe a couple
01:27:53.180 of times a year, where we rent something approximately, you know, the size of a large theater or stadium,
01:27:59.240 and we bring 10 of our lecturers together for two or three days, and, you know, however
01:28:04.080 many people we can attract, so that we can, well, we can do something in the real world
01:28:10.400 that's akin to, you know, the university experience.
01:28:14.260 And we're hoping, too, that people will do that spontaneously if we have enough students,
01:28:18.540 so that in New York or in Chicago, at least in the bigger urban areas, there could be centers
01:28:23.200 where people go to watch the lectures together, for example.
01:28:27.040 And so, we know we have to crack the social part of it.
01:28:32.740 Yeah.
01:28:33.020 That's extremely important.
01:28:34.360 And one way of doing that is to get the social media network right, so that, you know, hopefully
01:28:39.200 we can have a curated social media experience that offers people the benefits of social media
01:28:46.180 without all the pathologies that we've been laying out.
01:28:50.500 So, you know, we'll see if we can develop that culture right from the beginning.
01:28:54.400 So, anyways, you'll get all your membership information on the 9th of September, which
01:28:59.820 is when all the courses become freely available.
01:29:02.980 And, you know, we've got 30,000 people on the platform already, and the platform looks
01:29:07.240 stable.
01:29:07.940 It hasn't crashed.
01:29:09.440 We've been able to deliver the courses to everyone.
01:29:12.380 And so, and we have a number of jurisdictions interested in working with us to pursue accreditation.
01:29:19.280 So, you never know, you know.
01:29:21.600 We also hope to use the AI agents that are available now so that we'll be able to take
01:29:26.440 your course, for example, and translate it into the five biggest languages of the world
01:29:30.140 to begin with.
01:29:30.900 And maybe we can bring higher education to the developing world at a very low cost.
01:29:36.300 So, you know, that would be cool if we can pull it off.
01:29:39.620 So, basically, you built a university already.
01:29:42.240 You've got 30,000 people.
01:29:44.200 That's pretty remarkable.
01:29:46.500 Yeah.
01:29:46.740 And the language thing would work, I imagine.
01:29:49.200 I imagine that's something doable.
01:29:50.780 Well, they're getting pretty good at it.
01:29:52.140 It's close, right?
01:29:53.080 Yeah.
01:29:53.400 Well, it might be there already.
01:29:57.260 So, we could transcribe you into Spanish, and the AI systems would modify your mouth and
01:30:04.160 use your voice and intonation.
01:30:06.520 And they're very good at that.
01:30:07.800 Now, we've been struggling a bit to find a company that can do that and really accurate
01:30:14.240 translation, right?
01:30:15.340 Because those are two separate problems.
01:30:16.980 But my suspicions are that that's, well, it's already cracked to some degree, and I think
01:30:23.440 it'll be fully cracked within the next four or five months.
01:30:26.020 So, that's really cool.
01:30:27.740 And God only knows how many languages we might be able to branch into.
01:30:30.900 So, you know, we should be able to offer people very high-quality educational experience in
01:30:37.280 multiple languages at very low cost and scale like mad over the next few years.
01:30:43.020 So, that's fun and interesting.
01:30:47.120 So, anyways, you'll have all your material on the 9th of September.
01:30:50.340 So, we're looking very forward to that.
01:30:52.720 So, let me ask you another question here.
01:30:54.840 Why don't you flesh out for us a little bit, based on your experience in the lab and otherwise,
01:30:58.920 the nature of narcissism, exactly what you've been studying?
01:31:04.160 What are these people like?
01:31:05.600 And how do you identify them?
01:31:07.360 Yeah.
01:31:07.780 I mean, it's a little complicated because the term narcissism, we think about it as both
01:31:14.380 a personality trait, you know, an individual difference.
01:31:17.440 And what we mean by a trait is somebody's, you know, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are
01:31:22.880 consistent across time and situation.
01:31:25.020 So, if somebody acts the way in one situation, they act the way in another situation, they'll
01:31:30.120 probably act the same way in six months.
01:31:32.660 And in terms of narcissism, we find that in the personality world, there's sort of two
01:31:40.320 different flavors or two different forms of narcissism.
01:31:43.920 What most of us are talking about in this more grandiose form, this, you know, just a
01:31:48.040 disagreeable extrovert, so people that are self-centered, have a sense of superiority, have a sense of
01:31:54.920 entitlement, but are also assertive, agentic, maybe charismatic, extroverted, driven.
01:32:03.220 So, that combination of grandiosity is what you see in your classic ex-boyfriend, your politician,
01:32:11.520 your celebrity.
01:32:12.260 That's that profile.
01:32:14.700 And then there's the more vulnerable form of narcissism, which people don't talk about
01:32:19.520 as much, where you have that antagonism.
01:32:22.340 But you also have things like envy comes out a lot more with vulnerable narcissism, and
01:32:27.160 you see a lot of envy right now.
01:32:29.180 And then you also get a lot of neuroticism.
01:32:32.400 So, people who are vulnerable narcissists appear more, they might appear depressed or anxious,
01:32:37.920 and then you kind of get to know them, and you're like, wait, you're kind of self-centered
01:32:41.900 too.
01:32:42.400 You kind of think people don't.
01:32:44.180 So, they're kind of the more passive narcissists.
01:32:46.780 Now, is that the axis?
01:32:48.940 Okay.
01:32:49.340 So, is the fundamental axis of discrimination there trait neuroticism?
01:32:54.980 Like, if you take your extroverted, disagreeable, unconscientious person, let's say, so the real
01:33:00.760 kind of narcissist that's bordering on psychopathy, and then you break them into two types.
01:33:05.520 You'd have the low neuroticism, fearless, movie villain type of implacable, predatory
01:33:13.300 narcissist.
01:33:14.100 But then you could flip that, and you could say, well, what about the people who are really
01:33:17.580 high in neuroticism?
01:33:18.840 Well, they can be just as narcissistic, as you pointed out, but they're going to be depressed
01:33:22.400 and anxious, claim victimization.
01:33:24.620 They're going to use their suffering as a means of manipulating people.
01:33:28.020 Like, is it neuroticism that's the distinguisher between vulnerable and grandiose narcissism?
01:33:33.840 The neuroticism, and also you'll see lower extroversion with more vulnerable narcissism.
01:33:39.240 So, the extroversion won't be as high, and the neuroticism will be higher.
01:33:43.640 So, it's driven more, it's more of a defensive structure.
01:33:47.680 I don't want people to criticize.
01:33:49.260 It's, you know, sometimes called thin-skinned narcissism.
01:33:52.100 I'm looking for people trying to criticize me.
01:33:54.540 Whereas people are more grandiose, like, I'm looking for an opportunity to shine.
01:33:58.260 Hey, there's a camera.
01:34:00.200 You know, here's a microphone.
01:34:01.500 Awesome.
01:34:02.540 So, it's a little different.
01:34:04.120 It's like approach versus avoidance orientation.
01:34:07.100 And, of course, some people have characteristics of both.
01:34:10.920 But that's the main distinction that we've seen in the literature, and that took about 20
01:34:16.720 years to sort out.
01:34:17.860 It sounds crazy.
01:34:18.720 But because of the history, because what happened historically is the clinicians who were seeing
01:34:24.580 narcissism were often seeing more vulnerability.
01:34:27.980 The people who were studying narcissism in the world of leadership were seeing much more
01:34:32.560 grandiosity.
01:34:34.080 Sort of like studying-
01:34:34.920 Or criminals.
01:34:35.580 Or the criminal people.
01:34:36.400 Or in criminality, they're seeing more grandiosity.
01:34:41.480 And so, you ended up with sort of two theories coming together.
01:34:46.340 And then there's the issue of what's a personality disorder.
01:34:51.100 And that's typically when you take that narcissism, and narcissistic personality disorder is grandiose,
01:34:58.280 but also has elements of vulnerability in it.
01:35:01.000 And you make it extreme and then inflexible.
01:35:05.360 So, one of the challenges-
01:35:06.360 You know, if I'm narcissistic on stage, that's fine.
01:35:09.960 But if I go home and I'm that way with my kids, I'm that way with my wife, I'm going to have
01:35:13.780 problems.
01:35:14.780 So, when your personality becomes inflexible, then you get the impairment.
01:35:19.660 You ruin your relationships.
01:35:21.600 You take too big of risks at work.
01:35:24.240 You're too self-centered to learn from your mistakes.
01:35:26.740 So, you're overconfident.
01:35:27.840 You make bad business decisions.
01:35:30.680 Whatever the case is, you have that sort of impairment.
01:35:33.480 And that's where you start talking about a personality disorder.
01:35:37.620 People with a personality disorder, it's the extreme narcissism.
01:35:41.040 Sometimes there's some trauma, something going on in childhood that maybe makes it more fixed.
01:35:45.440 But generally, it's just the extreme with impairment.
01:35:49.940 And then people have noticed some other kinds of narcissism.
01:35:52.860 Sometimes people talk about communal narcissism, which are people that take the enhancements more
01:35:58.500 like, I'm the best friend ever, I'm the most moral person ever.
01:36:02.940 So, it's a more moralistic face on narcissism.
01:36:06.240 Sometimes in the clinical world, they'll talk about malignant narcissism as a specifier.
01:36:11.520 So, it's, I'm narcissistic, but I'm also sort of sadistic and pathological and mean.
01:36:16.320 So, there's that kind of darker face of narcissism.
01:36:20.160 So, you can move this around in different ways.
01:36:23.320 But typically, it's that combination of, you know, that disagreeable extrovert personality.
01:36:28.700 And then what you're doing is that self-regulation is about gaining positive attention and avoiding
01:36:35.220 negative attention.
01:36:36.380 So, gaining attention, gaining status, gaining power.
01:36:40.180 Yeah.
01:36:40.340 Okay, so, well, we should also point out something that's worth thinking about for people, too,
01:36:46.380 with regards to being self-centered.
01:36:49.420 You know, it's kind of an odd linguistic formulation.
01:36:54.000 And there's an inaccuracy in it that's actually dangerous.
01:36:57.020 Because the narcissists aren't so much self-centered as they are whim-centered.
01:37:05.120 Right?
01:37:05.840 And that goes along with the immaturity.
01:37:07.620 Because if you are treating yourself properly, you're playing the long game, you're trying
01:37:13.460 to regulate your social relationships, your marriage, your relationship with your children,
01:37:19.280 you're not going to be selfish.
01:37:23.200 But what that means more specifically, more precisely, is that you're not going to sacrifice
01:37:30.540 the future or other people around you to the immediate gratification of your motivational
01:37:38.020 or emotional states.
01:37:40.140 Right?
01:37:40.720 And so, the self, it's that because the narcissistic type isn't exactly selfish, not in a productive
01:37:47.880 way, because they don't do well across time.
01:37:51.300 What they are, are prisoners of their own whims.
01:37:54.000 And that speaks to the immaturity as well.
01:37:56.740 Because, like, a two-year-old is a creature of whim.
01:38:00.220 I mean, there's a developmental trajectory towards exploration and integration.
01:38:04.420 But fundamentally, two-year-olds aren't social.
01:38:07.420 And they want what they want right now.
01:38:09.600 Or it's tantrum time.
01:38:11.440 And kids are more or less like that.
01:38:13.560 Some are very tantrum prone and some much less so.
01:38:16.140 But that's still part and parcel of being a two-year-old.
01:38:18.940 But that selfishness that goes along with narcissism isn't really care for yourself.
01:38:27.180 It's subjugation to your own immature whims.
01:38:30.500 Right?
01:38:30.680 It's just not a productive...
01:38:31.760 It's not like the narcissist's benefit.
01:38:34.300 Not really.
01:38:35.740 Starting a business can be tough.
01:38:37.560 But thanks to Shopify, running your online storefront is easier than ever.
01:38:41.760 Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business.
01:38:45.840 From the launch your online shop stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million orders stage,
01:38:51.000 Shopify is here to help you grow.
01:38:53.140 Our marketing team uses Shopify every day to sell our merchandise.
01:38:56.320 And we love how easy it is to add more items, ship products, and track conversions.
01:39:01.120 With Shopify, customize your online store to your style with flexible templates and powerful tools.
01:39:06.360 Alongside an endless list of integrations and third-party apps like on-demand printing, accounting, and chatbots.
01:39:12.160 Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout.
01:39:17.000 Up to 36% better compared to other leading e-commerce platforms.
01:39:21.040 No matter how big you want to grow, Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level.
01:39:27.420 Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash jbp, all lowercase.
01:39:33.460 Go to shopify.com slash jbp now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in.
01:39:38.700 That's shopify.com slash jbp.
01:39:41.040 I like that you're pushing back on that term because you're correct in that, that it isn't self-centered.
01:39:50.940 Like, you know what?
01:39:51.480 I really care about myself and what's best for me in the next 20 years.
01:39:54.780 And I have a vision and I'm pursuing that vision aggressively.
01:39:58.800 It's like, oh, here's an opportunity for status.
01:40:01.520 I'm going to take it.
01:40:02.720 Oh, there's a cute woman.
01:40:04.020 My wife's not going to find out about this.
01:40:06.220 It's much more hedonistic.
01:40:07.840 It's much more immediate action, which is why when we were talking about conscientiousness as being a buffer to this, I mean, that's why it's important.
01:40:16.520 And as I usually tell my students, hedonism is a terrible way to be happy.
01:40:23.460 If you do what makes you happy in the moment all the time, you're guaranteed to be depressed and ruin your life.
01:40:29.680 I mean, so, yes, by self-centered, it's much more whim-centered.
01:40:34.820 It might be that the cardinal elements of narcissism are disagreeableness, let's say, extroversion, low conscientiousness when it gets really pathological.
01:40:45.360 But that short-term pleasure orientation is a crucial element of it, I think, right?
01:40:53.460 And that would be the hedonistic element.
01:40:55.860 And I don't think you get really, you certainly don't get the malignant narcissistic or the criminal narcissistic type without including that hedonism.
01:41:03.460 And that would be something like short-term mating strategy, live-for-the-day hedonism that's part and parcel of that.
01:41:11.700 And I do think that that's really equivalent to something like lack of cortical maturation, right?
01:41:17.480 Because it's the default condition of the typical two-year-old.
01:41:20.100 But now there's another element of this that's cool, too.
01:41:22.780 So, you know, in the linguistic analysis that established the big five, there are all sorts of trait descriptors of negative emotion that loaded powerfully on neuroticism, right?
01:41:35.440 One of those, this is so cool, is self-consciousness, which is actually a facet in the neo-system.
01:41:42.880 And this is something that's also extremely worth thinking about relationship to selfishness.
01:41:47.560 Because you might think, well, I'm concerned with myself and that's going to make me happy.
01:41:52.420 It's like, no, self-consciousness is indistinguishable from negative emotion.
01:41:57.620 And so it's so interesting, eh?
01:41:59.260 Because what it implies is that it isn't that there's a causal connection between being obsessed with yourself and being miserable.
01:42:07.000 It's that they're actually the same thing by different names.
01:42:11.280 So, you know, one of the ways I used to treat my socially anxious clients, so maybe they were worried about going to a party.
01:42:17.860 And one approach to that would be to teach them relaxation exercises and to teach them, to encourage them not to focus on their own experience.
01:42:27.340 But when you tell someone not to think about something, they tend to think about it more, right?
01:42:33.700 Right.
01:42:34.060 So what I did was I said, well, go to that party and pick a couple of people and try to make them comfortable.
01:42:40.160 That's interesting.
01:42:41.320 Yeah, a little jujitsu there.
01:42:43.440 That makes sense.
01:42:44.580 Well, it worked like a charm, you know, because, well, first of all, as soon as they, most of these people who were socially anxious had some social skill.
01:42:54.420 You know, not all of them.
01:42:55.460 Some of them were very badly socialized and they were anxious because they just didn't know how to behave in a social environment.
01:43:00.120 But some of them had social skills that they'd shut off because of their anxiety.
01:43:04.480 And then if they focused on being hospitable, let's say, then, well, they weren't thinking about themselves.
01:43:11.660 And then they were effective and their anxiety went away and they started to flow into a natural conversation.
01:43:17.860 So, you know, another thing worth pointing out, say, on the hedonism front is that not only is short-term gratification of your whims a bad strategy, even to gratify them, but because it's associated with self-consciousness, because it's associated with what you want right now, it's also a direct pathway to high levels of negative emotion.
01:43:40.340 Absolutely.
01:43:41.800 So part of depression is self-consciousness.
01:43:44.740 You look at, like, definitions of depression, part of it in there, it's that neuroticism piece.
01:43:49.460 And thinking about yourself is not a recipe for happiness.
01:43:52.780 Like, think about anything but yourself.
01:43:56.260 And also what you're saying is great with, you know, you're talking about that as a manipulation to deal with social anxiety.
01:44:04.060 You also see that in some of the social psych work on egotism, where people want self-esteem.
01:44:09.940 You can say, hey, here's your new roommate.
01:44:11.960 Go get some self-esteem from your roommate.
01:44:13.880 Or you can say, hey, go form a good relationship with your roommate.
01:44:18.080 People who go out and try to form a good relationship with the roommate end up getting self-esteem.
01:44:23.640 The people who try to get self-esteem don't get self-esteem.
01:44:27.040 So the self-esteem is sort of a side effect or epiphenomenon of forming close relationships with people.
01:44:34.400 But if you go directly for...
01:44:36.020 Yeah, that's so important.
01:44:36.260 Well, it's so important to say that because I was so appalled for like 20 years about the self-esteem movement.
01:44:45.260 Because I knew that from the personality front.
01:44:47.760 It's like, you're not teaching self-esteem.
01:44:50.100 You're teaching something like fragile narcissism.
01:44:53.380 That's a very bad thing to teach kids.
01:44:55.580 Yeah, it's really bad.
01:44:56.600 And, you know, your point is exactly right.
01:44:58.940 It's like what we call self-esteem, which is really regulation of negative emotion to a large degree, is actually obtained by establishing long-term functional reciprocal relationships.
01:45:12.800 Right?
01:45:12.940 And so because those are stable and reliable, that decreases negative emotion.
01:45:17.460 And most self-esteem measures are primarily neuroticism.
01:45:21.880 Like there's extroversion in there, but it's primarily neuroticism reversed.
01:45:26.260 So, yeah, it's so interesting that...
01:45:28.500 And psychologists could do this.
01:45:30.140 They could teach people.
01:45:31.500 We've done a bad job of this.
01:45:32.780 That the best pathway to emotional self-regulation is through service to other people.
01:45:38.800 Right?
01:45:39.160 And that's a great deal for everybody.
01:45:41.940 A long time ago, Gene Twenge and I took a look at this and wrote a book called The Narcissism Epidemic.
01:45:47.060 And we were looking at the cultural changes really emerging out of the self-esteem movement and other things.
01:45:52.760 And that's exactly what you found, is people said, well, we need to give kids self-esteem, so what we'll do is make them feel special.
01:46:00.480 I'm like, that's a disaster.
01:46:02.240 The way you make people self-esteem is you have, you know, positive, loving relationships and age-appropriate challenges.
01:46:08.960 So they can get some competence and a sense of connection.
01:46:11.900 And as you pointed out, relationships are a long-term, durable source of well-being.
01:46:17.980 I mean, you know, I can be close to my siblings for 50, 70 years, hopefully, if we make it.
01:46:24.100 Getting self-esteem from winning or being cool or attractive is a shorter-term game.
01:46:30.420 You know, thrill of victory, agony of defeat.
01:46:32.580 And it's very hard to be relevant for a long time.
01:46:35.560 So just in terms of the strategy, you know, if you want to like yourself, focus on relationships.
01:46:42.760 That's going to work.
01:46:44.340 All right.
01:46:44.660 Well, look, that's a really good place to end and also a good time to end.
01:46:47.880 So for everybody watching and listening, I'm going to delve more into Dr. Campbell's autobiographical background because we didn't flesh that out as much as I would have liked to on this side.
01:46:57.740 So if you want to join us on the Daily Wire side for the additional, for the extra half an hour of our conversation, like, please do join us there.
01:47:06.860 I'd like to, well, I would like to find out, for example, what it was that impelled Dr. Campbell to start studying narcissism to begin with and also how that's associated with self-enhancement.
01:47:19.020 We didn't talk a lot about entitlement, which I would have liked to have covered because that's not something that people understand really deeply.
01:47:26.000 And entitlement is a very dangerous attitude and one that's not going to work out very well for the entitled person, let's say.
01:47:33.880 So anyways, all of you who are watching and listening, you could join us on the Daily Wire side.
01:47:38.080 And Dr. Campbell, thank you very much for talking to us today about narcissism.
01:47:43.180 The time flew by.
01:47:44.740 It's an incredibly important topic at the moment, given the narcissistic proclivity of our social media environment.
01:47:52.340 That's for sure.
01:47:53.320 It might be the compelling challenge of the age, as a matter of fact.
01:47:57.600 And so you happen to be, I didn't remember that you were from Roy's lab, from Dr. Baumeister.
01:48:04.360 I knew Roy to some degree.
01:48:06.480 And he's an outstanding social psychologist.
01:48:10.560 And so, and right.
01:48:11.720 And were you a graduate student with Gene?
01:48:14.440 I was.
01:48:15.580 Gene and I were postdocs at the same time.
01:48:17.800 So we shared an office at Case Western.
01:48:21.080 Yeah, we had a basement office down there.
01:48:23.500 It's great.
01:48:23.920 Right, right.
01:48:24.960 Because I did an interview with her, too.
01:48:27.260 And I really liked her work.
01:48:28.760 It struck me quite deeply, her work on narcissism.
01:48:32.340 Absolutely, absolutely.
01:48:33.600 Yeah, very rich vein to mine, that intersection between psychopathology, social psychology, and personality psychology.
01:48:42.940 And that's right where you guys fit.
01:48:44.900 And Roy as well.
01:48:46.300 So, all right, sir.
01:48:47.480 Well, thank you very much for the conversation.
01:48:49.440 And for everybody watching and listening, join us on the Daily Wire side.
01:48:53.680 And otherwise, thank you very much for your time and attention.
01:48:56.700 Thank you, sir.
01:48:57.880 Thank you.