The Matt Walsh Show - Advice For The Simps And Wimps On Slate’s Discussion Board

00:00:00.000 being that I'm always right, one of my great talents is offering advice. The problem is that

00:00:03.820 people don't ask me for advice. So that leads me to offer the advice unsolicited. And they call

00:00:09.440 this mansplaining. I think that's technically what that's called. So today, instead, I've decided

00:00:13.900 that I'd like to do a little advice segment. I'm going to pilfer questions from another advice

00:00:19.200 column, and I'll give you the real advice, the correct answers to those questions. And for those

00:00:25.000 purposes today, we're going to refer to Slate. Now, Slate has what it looks like are a couple

00:00:29.780 of different advice columns that are up on their website. They have all kinds of poor saps that 0.99

00:00:35.200 come to them asking for help. And I thought this was especially important because

00:00:39.280 the advice they get is terrible. The advice that's dispensed is often even more misguided

00:00:46.200 than the original question, so that everybody at the end of it is just even more confused.

00:00:50.480 So today, we're going to go through, take some of these questions, and then give the real answers

00:00:55.060 to those questions. All right. Now, from Slate, let's start here. Here's a question sent in by

00:01:00.920 someone who identifies himself as Confused Cuck. That's his. That's his name he's given

00:01:07.060 himself. I didn't give him that name. He says, my wife and I live in the small conservative

00:01:10.560 rural town that we both were raised in. After having been married for about 12 years, my wife

00:01:15.280 and I began the hot wife lifestyle and have been hot wifing about five years now. No idea what that 0.97

00:01:23.600 means, but I think we're going to find out. It was my idea and she was initially resistant to it,

00:01:28.180 but eventually she said, yes, I find it an incredible turn on. And honestly, she has enjoyed

00:01:32.480 it more than she ever imagined. There have been different men over those years, some of them

00:01:36.320 longer term and some not. My wife video records these encounters and they've really enhanced our

00:01:41.660 sex life. Dear God. Jay entered our life at about two and a half years ago. It's hard to describe him,

00:01:48.120 but he's pretty much the perfect bull. I don't know what I'm reading. I'm getting the gist of it. I don't

00:01:52.700 like, I don't like the gist that I'm getting. He is handsome, well-traveled, speaks a half dozen

00:01:57.980 languages, teaches at a college with a PhD, does fitness modeling, is well hung, kinky, and the man

00:02:03.960 can literally have athletic sex all night. He is married and his gorgeous wife is completely

00:02:08.540 comfortable with his lifestyle, although she does not play, play herself. What's more, he is completely

00:02:13.120 down to earth and you never know. He wasn't just a muscle bro, unless you engaged him on some other

00:02:18.100 topic like foreign policy or Persian poetry. It's a joy watching him with my wife or on video

00:02:24.240 occasionally. What's more, I really enjoy him as a person. My wife and I have two kids and they

00:02:28.900 absolutely adore him and his wife and constantly ask to go visit them. Okay, you know what? I'm,

00:02:33.420 this actually goes on much longer than what I just read there. This is like a whole novel

00:02:36.920 from this guy. I don't even know what the question is. If the question is, am I a deranged,

00:02:43.940 disgusting, degenerate? The answer is yes. I can just give, that's a yes, no. I can just tell you

00:02:47.020 it is right away. I don't need whatever other question there might be. I don't need to know

00:02:51.040 what it is. Listen, this, this, this is not okay. No part of this is okay. No part of this is

00:02:57.740 acceptable. It should literally be illegal. If I was in charge of the country, this, you would go to

00:03:03.800 jail for this. I don't want to hear anything about, oh, it's this consensual relationship between

00:03:07.600 adults. So some consensual relationships are completely effed up for lack of a better phrase.

00:03:14.000 And this is one of them, by the way, it's not a victimless crime. There are kids involved.

00:03:19.140 Your kids adore your wife's boyfriend is what you're telling me. Yeah. Well, your kids are not

00:03:24.500 going to adore anything very much when they're paying thousands of dollars for the rest of their

00:03:28.240 lives to a therapist because, because you screwed them up so badly. So I know we're supposed to be open

00:03:33.500 and have accepting attitudes towards all lifestyles. I don't at all because some lifestyles are

00:03:39.780 disordered and wrong and damaging and toxic and disgusting like this one. So my advice is stop

00:03:46.100 this, what you're doing. Just stop everything about it. Grow a pair, literally, preferably your own pair.

00:03:55.100 All right. Um, so that was sufficiently traumatizing. Let's, let's read something else. This is from

00:03:58.680 someone who goes by no splitting the difference. She writes, I'm one of those letter writers who

00:04:04.680 probably just needs to hear someone say what I already know. A few months ago, I ended a five

00:04:09.180 year relationship with someone that I loved dearly because I couldn't see a way to agree on a future

00:04:12.880 family. When we talked about kids earlier in the relationship, my perception was that both of us

00:04:17.000 were pretty ambivalent. Now it seems clear that becoming a dad someday is important to him.

00:04:21.320 Meanwhile, my ambivalence has drifted toward being child free. If baby fever hasn't hit me yet,

00:04:26.140 it's just not going to, right? Everyone told me I'd changed my mind when I was older, but now I'm 32

00:04:30.260 and I still don't see the appeal of having kids. The stress of wondering whether we have a future

00:04:33.740 together was really affecting me. So I called it off. At the same time, he's my best friend. I love

00:04:37.360 him with all my heart. It's hard to imagine ever having that with someone else. Did I do the right

00:04:41.240 thing? Is there any middle path for this, for us that I don't see? And how were we able to

00:04:45.660 misunderstand each other for so long? All right. So your problem with this guy, you love this guy.

00:04:50.720 He's your best friend. And your problem with him is that he's responsible and wants to have a family.

00:04:55.040 That was the deal breaker. Most people aren't going to tell you this or won't put it to you

00:05:00.160 like this. But the fact is that the reason you don't see the appeal of having kids is that you're

00:05:04.300 selfish. That's the reason. I mean, that really is the reason we could try to dress it up all we

00:05:07.840 want and say, oh, there are other reasons why. No, that's 99.9% of the time, someone who's an adult

00:05:13.320 doesn't, especially in their thirties, doesn't want to have kids still. It's just because they're

00:05:16.020 selfish. They're pathologically selfish. That's the reason almost always, you know, you like your

00:05:19.900 freedom, quote unquote. You don't want to, you don't want anything tying you down. You want to be

00:05:23.960 able to spend money on vacations and that sort of thing. And that's why you don't want to have kids.

00:05:28.400 Well, the problem and what you have to realize is that a life lived only to serve yourself is not

00:05:33.580 fulfilling. It can be distracting though, right? If your life is fundamentally empty because you only

00:05:37.760 focus on yourself, then the good thing is that you have time and money to distract yourself. And so

00:05:42.800 you can take all the vacations and buy all the fancy stuff. But the problem is that eventually life

00:05:48.020 slows down, maybe not yet for you, but it does eventually. And the distraction techniques don't work.

00:05:53.160 And now you're left alone with the emptiness. And at that point, when that happens, your options are

00:05:58.220 limited. You know, when people say you'll regret it when you're older, they don't mean 32. Okay.

00:06:03.840 They mean like 52. And at that point, it's too late to have kids. What will happen is you will regret

00:06:11.100 it because you will be alone and old and you will die alone. And when you finally do die, no one's

00:06:19.160 going to care because you don't have anyone around to even grieve your loss. Good news is that you're

00:06:23.980 only 32. So you can still change courses. Maybe go find that guy who was, who loves so much and

00:06:28.420 super responsible and wants to be a father. Maybe go find him. Maybe go get him back. Here's another

00:06:33.120 one. It says, wife spent life savings. That's the headline. Okay. I'm married with four little kids.

00:06:39.400 I work. My wife stays home. She has struggled with anxiety and depression for which she is on

00:06:43.520 medication. We're pretty easygoing except for one big rift in our marriage, credit cards. I'm against

00:06:48.340 them and don't have one. My wife has always been financially smart as often takes care of the 1.00

00:06:52.160 bills in our home. We agree that she would use her credit card smartly and pay it off every month. 0.95

00:06:57.220 She did not like me seeing her card statements. Part of her anxiety is feeling judgment when there is

00:07:02.900 none. I agreed and it was never a problem. So we stopped looking at a statement. However, in the last

00:07:07.900 three months, she has spent our entire life savings in online purchases. I'm devastated. Well, my wife is

00:07:13.520 really smart with money except when she's blowing all of our money on Amazon purchases, but except for

00:07:18.320 that part of it, she's really smart. I'm devastated. I have put a little money aside every month for

00:07:23.340 various projects and vehicle upgrades and it's all gone. The question actually goes on from there,

00:07:27.460 but it's, it's, it's cut off because you have to subscribe to slate to read the rest of it.

00:07:30.940 Unfortunately, I don't care enough about this guy's problem to pay a monthly fee to read it,

00:07:35.140 but I think I got enough of the idea of it. What I'll say is this. First of all,

00:07:39.300 if your spouse doesn't want you to look at a credit card statement, that is like a red flag with

00:07:44.180 sirens and warning lights going off and big, just blinking lights saying problem, problem.

00:07:51.040 The only time when it's maybe okay for your spouse to tell you not to look at the statement

00:07:58.000 is around a gift giving occasion. And they're saying, Oh, I just bought you a gift. I don't

00:08:02.640 want you to see it on the statement. So can you not look at it for the next week or something?

00:08:05.860 But this is not one of those times. In fact, if there's anything your spouse doesn't want you to

00:08:11.920 see credit card, text, Facebook message, internet search history, anything, I mean, anything. If

00:08:19.320 your spouse is trying to block you from seeing anything, that means with rare exception,

00:08:23.820 they're doing something horrible and, or at least thinking about it. They don't want you to know.

00:08:29.320 So when your spouse says, Oh, I don't want you to see this. And you get that. If you get like a

00:08:32.540 sinking feeling like something's wrong here, well, something is wrong. I mean, something really

00:08:36.400 horrible is probably happening. That's just the reality. This doesn't mean we should have no

00:08:39.440 privacy as married people. It just means that we shouldn't be hiding things. That's, that's the

00:08:43.360 balance. You have privacy. You get your own space. If you're making the effort to hide something though,

00:08:49.560 now we've got a problem. All of this to say, how in the hell did she manage to blow through your

00:08:53.620 whole life savings over the course of three months? And you didn't notice. You want to look at the

00:08:59.360 credit card saving statement. And she said, Oh, it makes me, it gives me anxiety. When you look,

00:09:02.920 please don't look at it. Oh, it gives you anxiety. When I look at the credit card statement. That's

00:09:06.660 all the more reason to look at it. Bring it here. Now I need to see it. So I bet, I guess you were

00:09:10.460 afraid of coming off as patriarchal or something. If you spoke up, so you didn't say anything and now

00:09:14.700 you're broke. This is what happens. And guess what? You're the one who works and earns the paycheck.

00:09:21.300 So your wife has lost her credit card privileges. That's the consequence when you plunge your

00:09:27.260 family into destitution because you want to buy stuff from Amazon. Take the credit cards. You

00:09:31.740 give her a monthly allowance, like a child. You don't want to have to do this, but you're not

00:09:37.480 working every day to support your wife's Amazon shopping sprees, are you? So she did that to 1.00

00:09:42.320 herself and you did it. You're both her fault. All right. Finally, from someone signed, do I give him a

00:09:49.920 time out? Says, how do I approach a seven and a half year old boy who makes sexist jabs

00:09:57.060 at me? Some context. I am his 23 year old cis female cousin and I've been watching him full

00:10:04.800 time since August. I adore him, but I loathe to tolerate another. Yeah, but you can't use

00:10:09.800 a drill because you're a girl comment. My current approach has been cool puzzlement. Hmm. Why would

00:10:15.500 you think that? Followed up with, I can see why you would think that, but there aren't such

00:10:18.960 things as boy and girl things. And it hurts my feelings when you tell me I can't do something

00:10:22.880 because I'm a girl. And then maybe some follow-up discussion about how making that kind of boy girl

00:10:27.100 distinction can hurt our friends. It's not getting through though. I think part of the issue is that

00:10:31.620 I'm working from home and I'm currently embodying traditionally feminine roles like caregiving. Plus

00:10:36.160 he is probably getting counter messaging at home. I love him, but these jabs are really hitting me in

00:10:40.780 the soft spot. And honestly, I know these kinds of thoughts are hurting him too. How can I better

00:10:45.720 approach this behavior? Let me see if I have this straight. You're getting your feelings hurt

00:10:50.340 by a seven-year-old boy. You're a grown-ass adult and your feelings are hurt because a seven-year-old boy

00:10:59.540 said only boys use drills. So the question is not how to approach this behavior of the child. The

00:11:08.360 question is how to approach your own behavior, specifically the behavior of being fragile as hell.

00:11:14.640 So what I would recommend here is get over it. I mean, he's a kid. Actually, there's nothing

00:11:23.660 wrong at all with children associating certain activities with boys and girls. You know why

00:11:29.120 the supposedly sexist seven-year-old is doing that? You know why he associates like using power tools

00:11:35.120 with boys? Because he has eyes and a brain, unlike yourself, apparently. And he can see that most of

00:11:44.820 the time when someone is using a power tool, it's a boy. That's just what it is. He sees that. And so

00:11:51.020 he draws these connections. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. He is drawing reasonable connections and

00:11:58.380 associations between things. That should be encouraged, not dissuaded. So you need to get over

00:12:04.680 it. The boy is fine. And that's all there is to it. Should we do one more? No, I don't think we

00:12:09.980 should. I can only stomach so much. Basically, to summarize my advice to everyone who seeks it from

00:12:14.860 Slate, I guess just to get to the upshot, get to the point, it's stop being horrible and stupid.

The Matt Walsh Show - February 06, 2021

Advice For The Simps And Wimps On Slate’s Discussion Board

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