The Matt Walsh Show - July 05, 2022


Am I The A＊＊hole？ Matt Walsh Decides - Part 5


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

213.09355

Word Count

2,362

Sentence Count

170

Misogynist Sentences

5

Hate Speech Sentences

9


Summary

Reddit's "Am I the A-hole?" is back, and this week, we're back with a new segment called "AM I The Ahole?" in which Redditor presents their moral quandaries, their gripes, and their disputes with other people in their lives, and they want to know, are they the a hole, or is somebody else the ahole? And oftentimes, the advice they get from Reddit in this regard is very, very bad, which is why I feel like I need to come in here and save the day.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Well, a crowd fan favorite segment here. We're going to go back now to Reddit's
00:00:04.980 Am I the A-Hole Forum, where people present their moral quandaries, their gripes,
00:00:11.800 their disputes with other people in their lives, and they want to know,
00:00:15.080 are they the a-hole or is somebody else the a-hole?
00:00:17.840 And oftentimes the advice they get from Reddit in this regard is very, very bad,
00:00:21.660 which is why I feel like I need to come in here and save the day
00:00:23.860 and give the official proclamation. So we'll start with this.
00:00:26.920 Showtime, a-holes.
00:00:27.940 First one says,
00:00:29.120 My husband, and then in parentheses it says Asian,
00:00:32.900 My husband, Asian, and I, American, welcomed our firstborn four weeks ago.
00:00:37.500 The baby is healthy, thank God, but I'm exhausted.
00:00:40.060 My husband's family had been pressuring us to visit to meet the baby.
00:00:43.260 Yesterday I was surprised to find them standing on the porch.
00:00:45.920 I was embarrassed and felt like I wasn't ready for visitors,
00:00:48.720 because the house was a N-E-S-S, y'all.
00:00:52.020 A mess.
00:00:52.720 Later I asked my husband if we should order takeout for dinner.
00:00:55.200 He said no, because his parents would find this rude and unwelcoming.
00:00:58.700 He suggested that I go inside the kitchen and prepare something.
00:01:01.480 I said fine, then went and made some mac and cheese.
00:01:04.660 Once I served the family, my husband's mom asked if I really found it appropriate
00:01:07.940 to serve her and the family mac and cheese.
00:01:11.640 I hate macaroni and cheese.
00:01:13.720 We had an argument and they decided to go home.
00:01:15.300 My husband said that deciding to serve his family mac and cheese
00:01:17.240 was more offensive than serving them nothing at all.
00:01:19.660 Am I the a-hole? What's wrong with mac and cheese?
00:01:21.300 Wow, okay.
00:01:23.320 So this husband, here's the note, guys.
00:01:28.820 He's going to help?
00:01:29.480 Okay, I got a notepad.
00:01:30.620 You want to give your wife at least a week's notice.
00:01:34.380 If you're giving her a day, it's going to be a problem.
00:01:36.460 But they're here right now.
00:01:38.360 The house is a mess.
00:01:39.240 You just can't do that.
00:01:40.400 You cannot do that.
00:01:41.160 If you want to have a happy marriage,
00:01:43.400 you just cannot do things like that.
00:01:45.480 Then again, it's easy for me to say,
00:01:47.200 because I'm never really tempted to invite guests over for dinner in the first place.
00:01:52.220 So that's not something I'd ever really,
00:01:53.780 I'd ever want to do that anyway.
00:01:55.280 So I've never been tempted in that direction.
00:01:56.740 But if I were going to do it,
00:01:58.180 and on the rare occasion when I do,
00:02:00.700 you know, you can never give too much notice.
00:02:02.400 If you can give a year's notice for that,
00:02:03.880 that's probably best.
00:02:04.980 But I kind of like these kinds of questions
00:02:06.540 because this is one where I get to say,
00:02:08.080 you're all a-holes actually.
00:02:10.860 You are all a-holes.
00:02:12.540 Now, obviously, your mother-in-law and husband are a-holes,
00:02:15.820 imposing yourself on somebody,
00:02:18.040 especially a mother with a baby, expecting a feast.
00:02:20.800 One of my absolute unwavering non-negotiable principles
00:02:23.380 is that you never complain about food that has been served to you.
00:02:28.600 This is why we don't have picky eaters in my house, okay?
00:02:31.080 Picky eaters are a social construct.
00:02:34.160 They are made, not born.
00:02:35.940 My kids will eat anything, anything we serve them,
00:02:39.060 because that's the only option we've ever given them.
00:02:41.140 You are going to finish your dessert,
00:02:43.540 and you are going to like it!
00:02:46.020 But I also have to, unfortunately,
00:02:47.640 give you a demerit for serving mac and cheese.
00:02:50.480 Yes, they should have eaten it without complaint,
00:02:52.960 but I can complain because I'm not there,
00:02:54.940 so I'm not beholden to that rule.
00:02:56.940 And as an outside observer,
00:02:58.120 I can say that mac and cheese is for children.
00:03:00.320 More mac and cheese?
00:03:01.260 Yeah, just keep it going.
00:03:02.120 Keep it going.
00:03:02.500 Don't be afraid of the burned edges.
00:03:03.820 Just give me the tray.
00:03:04.540 There should be no room on an adult's plate for mac and cheese.
00:03:07.140 There's so many better, more sophisticated side options.
00:03:09.500 So you're all going to be a-holes for that one.
00:03:11.840 When you use the bathroom,
00:03:13.120 you always lock the door behind you, right?
00:03:15.540 Well, you don't want some random person
00:03:17.280 accidentally walking in on you.
00:03:18.680 So why would you let people walk in on your online data?
00:03:22.000 Using the internet without ExpressVPN,
00:03:23.640 it's like going to the bathroom and not locking the door,
00:03:26.340 or just leaving it completely open,
00:03:28.060 you exhibitionist.
00:03:29.840 Did you know that your internet service provider,
00:03:31.640 like Comcast or Verizon,
00:03:32.900 knows every single website you visit?
00:03:34.700 And what's worse is they can sell this information
00:03:36.520 to ad companies and tech giants
00:03:37.820 who will use your data to target you.
00:03:40.140 ExpressVPN puts a stop to that.
00:03:42.180 It creates a secure encrypted tunnel
00:03:43.760 between your device and the internet
00:03:45.100 so that your online activity can't be seen by anyone.
00:03:49.100 I use ExpressVPN on all my devices.
00:03:50.940 It works on everything, phones, laptops, even routers.
00:03:53.900 So everyone who shares your Wi-Fi
00:03:55.380 can still be protected,
00:03:56.620 even if they don't have ExpressVPN.
00:03:58.260 The best part is using ExpressVPN
00:03:59.940 is as easy as closing the bathroom door.
00:04:01.820 You just fire up the app,
00:04:02.860 click one button and you're protected.
00:04:04.560 It's as simple as that, very easy.
00:04:06.500 ExpressVPN is the world's number one rated VPN
00:04:08.660 by TechRadar, The Verge, and countless others.
00:04:10.720 So if you're like me
00:04:11.960 and believe your online activity is your business,
00:04:14.320 secure yourself today
00:04:15.540 by visiting expressvpn.com slash WalshYT.
00:04:20.000 Use my link and you can get an extra three months free.
00:04:22.980 Next one says,
00:04:23.560 I work a pretty standard day job
00:04:24.720 and at night I help my friend at her restaurant,
00:04:26.420 which serves an assortment of Thai cuisine.
00:04:28.840 To be honest, I'm insanely picky,
00:04:30.280 but I fell in love with this peanut sauce.
00:04:32.120 So about once a week,
00:04:32.860 I take it on either noodles or stir fry
00:04:35.440 to my day job for lunch.
00:04:37.060 Thursday, I took my noodles
00:04:38.060 and my entire Tupperware was missing.
00:04:39.640 Today, my boss confronted me
00:04:40.800 and accused me of poisoning my noodles
00:04:42.420 because his daughter, one of the new girls,
00:04:44.340 borrowed my lunch and had to be hospitalized.
00:04:46.440 Turns out she is severely allergic to nuts
00:04:48.740 and she ate some and boom,
00:04:51.140 she went into anaphylactic shock
00:04:52.440 and had to be hospitalized.
00:04:53.600 Now her dad is trying to hold me accountable
00:04:54.920 for her bills and condition.
00:04:57.000 So am I the asshole?
00:04:57.940 Well, obviously, your coworker and boss are a-holes here.
00:05:03.040 Is that a thing people actually do?
00:05:04.480 And I hear about this complaint a lot.
00:05:06.280 Like this is apparently, it's a thing.
00:05:08.640 You bring your food in and someone steals it.
00:05:11.240 I can't even...
00:05:12.320 Oh my God.
00:05:13.460 What have we become?
00:05:14.960 Steal someone's lunch from the fridge?
00:05:16.920 That's sociopath behavior.
00:05:18.500 If someone did that to me,
00:05:19.240 I'd probably, I'd like burn down their house.
00:05:21.260 Burn it down!
00:05:22.420 And then to do that when you have a food allergy
00:05:24.160 is just another level of stupid.
00:05:27.640 Which is why, like, this is a good lesson here.
00:05:30.060 If you're an adult...
00:05:31.080 I'm listening.
00:05:32.520 ...with food allergies,
00:05:33.740 that is not something you can impose on other people.
00:05:36.720 I'm sorry you have that problem
00:05:37.740 and it can be a serious problem,
00:05:39.160 but it is yours.
00:05:40.760 Younger kids are different.
00:05:41.680 But with adults,
00:05:42.380 we have this thing with food allergies now
00:05:43.800 where it's like, I'm allergic to peanuts.
00:05:45.900 And so any room I walk into,
00:05:47.800 there should be no peanuts anywhere.
00:05:49.400 I should have a 50-mile radius, peanut-free.
00:05:52.580 It doesn't work that way.
00:05:53.340 You have to figure out,
00:05:54.780 like some of the other problems we can have in life,
00:05:57.020 even when they're legitimate problems.
00:05:58.620 You have to figure out how to navigate life
00:06:00.660 with that problem.
00:06:01.520 That's on you.
00:06:01.980 All that said,
00:06:03.680 the person who wrote this
00:06:05.720 is also, I think,
00:06:07.760 in another way, the a-hole as well.
00:06:10.400 What a twist.
00:06:11.820 Of course, you never steal your co-worker's lunch
00:06:13.460 out of the fridge.
00:06:14.840 But also, you never bring a lunch
00:06:16.600 that has a pungent odor to it.
00:06:21.560 If I'm walking in the break room,
00:06:22.940 why should I have to smell
00:06:24.060 your disgusting peanut sauce?
00:06:26.740 So, another situation
00:06:27.960 where everybody involved is the a-hole.
00:06:31.100 Another one says,
00:06:31.920 my husband and I have been married for six years,
00:06:33.440 still don't have kids.
00:06:34.440 We want them,
00:06:35.080 but it's still not happening.
00:06:36.520 Friends and family are causing us
00:06:38.200 constant stress about having a baby soon,
00:06:40.560 but it's obviously something we can't control.
00:06:42.680 So, what I did was come up with an idea
00:06:44.720 to have an empty jar
00:06:45.940 and call it the pregnancy jar.
00:06:48.040 I carry it with me in my bag
00:06:49.600 whenever I'm with my friends and family.
00:06:51.140 And every time somebody asks about
00:06:52.420 when my husband and I are going to have a baby,
00:06:54.540 I pull my jar out
00:06:55.680 and ask them to put a dollar in there for asking.
00:06:58.540 What?
00:06:59.060 And they pull out a dollar
00:07:00.000 and they put it inside the jar.
00:07:01.180 They actually do it?
00:07:02.080 It actually worked
00:07:02.740 because most of them stopped asking
00:07:04.500 after about four months.
00:07:06.140 Last week, we had dinner at my parents' house.
00:07:07.740 My brother came back from his business trip
00:07:09.260 that lasted a month
00:07:09.940 and while we were eating,
00:07:10.880 he asked when me and my husband
00:07:12.580 were going to have a kid.
00:07:13.280 With my jar in my hand,
00:07:14.360 I asked him to drop a dollar
00:07:15.560 for the question he asked.
00:07:16.720 I could tell he felt embarrassed,
00:07:17.820 but he immediately reached out of his pocket,
00:07:19.740 pulled out his wallet
00:07:20.300 and put a dollar in the jar.
00:07:22.100 Made me on my way back to my seat
00:07:23.320 and sat down
00:07:24.480 and resumed eating like nothing happened.
00:07:27.160 This is...
00:07:28.600 And everybody in the comments,
00:07:29.660 and I scroll down,
00:07:30.240 everybody in the comments,
00:07:31.180 has somehow declared
00:07:32.320 that this woman is NTA, right?
00:07:34.560 Not the a**hole.
00:07:36.000 Somehow.
00:07:37.320 And that is exactly why
00:07:38.780 you don't turn to Reddit
00:07:39.960 for moral enlightenment.
00:07:41.380 That's why you have to turn to me.
00:07:42.720 Because yes, you are the a**hole.
00:07:44.540 Every single one so far.
00:07:45.520 Everyone involved is the a**hole.
00:07:46.960 If you're actually cooperating with this
00:07:49.160 and encouraging this behavior,
00:07:50.640 someone puts a jar in front of me
00:07:52.100 and says,
00:07:52.480 this is my pregnancy jar.
00:07:53.380 I put a dollar in it.
00:07:54.140 What?
00:07:54.480 No.
00:07:55.000 Get away from me.
00:07:56.060 Freak.
00:07:56.420 People ask that question
00:07:58.540 because they're taking an interest in you
00:08:02.120 and they want to know about your life.
00:08:04.620 We all have certain questions
00:08:06.900 that are asked of us all the time
00:08:09.280 by everybody
00:08:10.000 and that we're annoyed about.
00:08:12.940 But that's the price of living
00:08:14.320 in a human society.
00:08:15.420 Even if it's a little bit weird,
00:08:16.760 it's still people taking an interest in you.
00:08:19.000 And so that is your responsibility
00:08:20.700 to just deal with it
00:08:22.260 and make it less awkward, not more.
00:08:24.340 And that's the other problem
00:08:25.120 is that, okay,
00:08:27.200 somebody asks a question to you
00:08:28.560 and it's a little bit awkward.
00:08:30.940 You don't want to answer it.
00:08:32.560 Well, the objective now
00:08:33.660 should be to neutralize the awkwardness
00:08:35.740 and move on from it
00:08:36.680 as quickly as possible.
00:08:37.600 You've brought everyone else
00:08:38.740 into this awkwardness.
00:08:39.800 I can only imagine sitting there
00:08:40.900 at this dinner table
00:08:41.660 as a guest
00:08:42.700 and watching this whole exchange taking place.
00:08:45.380 How do you move on from that
00:08:46.740 and have a regular conversation?
00:08:50.000 So you're all A-holes.
00:08:51.120 Okay, last one.
00:08:52.260 For some background,
00:08:53.200 my husband and I
00:08:54.320 have been married
00:08:55.020 for a little over a year.
00:08:56.140 We recently bought a nice house.
00:08:57.500 It has a pool and a hot tub
00:08:58.520 and one of the things I've enjoyed
00:08:59.500 is unwinding after a long day.
00:09:01.420 My family has always been
00:09:02.460 very comfortable with nudity
00:09:03.540 so I find it really irritating
00:09:04.980 and completely unnecessary
00:09:06.200 to be told to restrict
00:09:07.240 some perfectly harmless things
00:09:08.740 such as swimming and hot tubbing,
00:09:10.720 nude, topless sunbathing,
00:09:12.480 having to wear a bra
00:09:13.200 whenever guests are over.
00:09:14.420 Nude grilling, hot tubs,
00:09:16.740 hippie houseboats.
00:09:18.000 Now, my husband's old mom
00:09:19.600 who is from a different world.
00:09:21.220 My husband's old mom?
00:09:22.840 Does he have a new mom?
00:09:23.660 There's something different about you.
00:09:25.960 She's a southern lady
00:09:26.860 who's super prudish
00:09:27.640 and very passive aggressive.
00:09:28.760 He's staying with us for a month.
00:09:29.900 My husband wants me
00:09:30.720 to stop sunbathing,
00:09:31.860 swimming, hot tubbing,
00:09:32.620 topless,
00:09:33.080 and dress up a little bit more
00:09:34.180 when having breakfast and dinner.
00:09:36.140 And by dress up,
00:09:37.040 I think he means like
00:09:37.480 just dress at all.
00:09:38.900 He's not saying dress up,
00:09:39.720 just dress.
00:09:40.460 Put on anything,
00:09:41.200 any kind of clothing at all.
00:09:42.340 We have guests over.
00:09:43.240 Please, honey.
00:09:43.920 I flat out refused.
00:09:45.240 I told her she's a guest in our house
00:09:46.680 and I won't be rude or inappropriate.
00:09:48.380 I'm not going to be rude or inappropriate,
00:09:49.560 but I will walk around nude.
00:09:51.040 Am I the a**hole here?
00:09:52.920 Are you the a**hole?
00:09:55.100 Yes, you are.
00:09:56.800 And you're also showing it off
00:09:59.080 to everybody in the house,
00:09:59.920 which is a good indication
00:10:01.440 that you are one.
00:10:02.760 That's a rule of thumb.
00:10:03.900 If you're showing your a**hole to people,
00:10:05.440 then you are one.
00:10:06.340 Like that's,
00:10:06.720 I think we could kind of take that,
00:10:07.960 put that on a bumper sticker.
00:10:09.000 That's words to live by.
00:10:10.060 A lot of entitled people
00:10:11.040 and it's a common theme.
00:10:13.140 Now, maybe all these entitled people
00:10:14.020 don't walk around naked in their house
00:10:15.160 and maybe they do,
00:10:16.180 but there's this thing people do
00:10:17.820 where they expect every accommodation
00:10:19.540 to be made for them,
00:10:21.180 but if they are ever expected
00:10:22.760 to make any accommodation
00:10:23.660 for anybody else,
00:10:24.800 it's oppression.
00:10:25.680 So that's the way she's living her life.
00:10:27.840 Everyone has to accommodate to her,
00:10:29.400 but even being asked
00:10:30.560 to simply put on clothing
00:10:32.080 when my mother is here,
00:10:34.500 she can't do that.
00:10:35.360 In conclusion,
00:10:36.180 put some clothes on,
00:10:37.060 you freak.
00:10:37.820 That's my message to this person
00:10:39.120 and indeed to the whole world.
00:10:40.560 A world which is
00:10:41.540 very much in need of it,
00:10:43.460 I think.
00:10:44.240 Put some clothes on!
00:10:46.620 Well, a lot of a-holes
00:10:47.840 of various different kinds
00:10:49.260 flying around in that segment.
00:10:50.780 If you don't want to be
00:10:52.020 an a-hole yourself,
00:10:53.220 then what you need to do
00:10:54.600 right now,
00:10:55.280 this moment,
00:10:56.140 is hit the like button,
00:10:59.060 hit the subscribe button,
00:11:00.720 and what else?
00:11:02.200 Hit the notification bell
00:11:03.140 so you don't miss
00:11:03.700 any more content
00:11:04.480 just like this.