The Matt Walsh Show - Am I The A-Hole？ Matt Walsh Decides Part 8

00:00:00.000 our am i the a-hole day and this is where we look at moral quandaries where two parties are in

00:00:10.720 dispute and each is claiming that the other is an a-hole probably it's kind of self-explanatory

00:00:15.700 i didn't need to explain it but i did and we usually pull from reddit for this and we'll do

00:00:19.640 that today let's go here to reddit am i the a-hole for telling my ex-wife i don't care if she and her 1.00

00:00:25.820 family starve that i'm just responsible for our sons i have two sons ages 16 and 14 with my ex-wife

00:00:32.640 our marriage reached a bitter end when i learned that she had remained married to me for over three

00:00:37.000 years so i would support her through returning to school so that she could switch careers to an even

00:00:41.240 better paying one despite her old one paying as much as mine for years i tried like hell to save 0.99

00:00:46.080 our marriage because i felt it fracture she played along until she got what she wanted and then she 1.00

00:00:50.260 was honest that she had never wanted to save our marriage and had been over me for years when we

00:00:55.400 divorce custody was set to 50 50 of our boys and she was ordered to pay child support to me because

00:01:00.680 she was making so much more after her change of career and education she remarried a year after

00:01:04.960 our divorce and had more children after the birth of her last child uh four years ago things got bad

00:01:10.520 her husband was diagnosed with cancer then one of her kids got diagnosed with a long-term medical

00:01:14.440 condition then covet impacted her job our boys would tell me how rough things were at their moms and how

00:01:19.800 they wanted to live more with me so i went to court and the judge moved her down to every other 1.00

00:01:24.660 weekend and changed child support order to reflect her decrease in custody recently she had to move 1.00

00:01:30.560 into a smaller house because of how badly they were struggling and then she came to me for help

00:01:34.980 after the courts refused to end the child support payments she told me that i needed to help her and

00:01:39.620 that i should be helping to take care of my boy's family and that's what she and her family are i told

00:01:45.320 her she used me for three effing years so she could survive off my money she did not get to ask me for 1.00

00:01:50.980 more to support a family that is not my own she called me a selfish a-hole and her husband sent me 1.00

00:01:56.180 a text that night saying i was a cruel a-hole and he hoped the boys would hate me when they realized 0.97

00:02:00.600 that i wanted their whole family to suffer okay am i the a-hole uh no you aren't what kind of man is this 0.93

00:02:09.180 like what kind of man is the other husband who's angry at another man for not taking care of his own

00:02:15.360 family because i can't think of anything more emasculating than that you expect your ex-wife's

00:02:22.520 or no you expect your wife's ex-husband to take care of you and your family this is what makes

00:02:28.580 divorce so brutal and terrible it is an ugly terrible thing because yes normally when you marry

00:02:35.860 someone it's it's part of their responsibility to take care of you and a wife should expect her 1.00

00:02:41.280 husband to care for the family that's that's perfectly valid but when you get divorced obviously 0.97

00:02:45.620 you have severed that bond and uh thus the responsibility has also been severed to a great

00:02:52.480 extent now parents are still responsible for their children after divorce and a spouse has to fulfill

00:02:57.760 whatever arrangements are made legally with alimony and all that kind of stuff but there has still

00:03:02.380 been a fundamental severing a disconnect that's happened and yet at the same time the vow you made

00:03:09.580 on the altar can't really be undone spiritually because you made an undying vow to this other

00:03:16.060 person and it happened whether you wish it happened or or not it did happen so the point is you create

00:03:21.780 this just absolute mess this terrible awful mess where there are no good answers no easy or fun

00:03:29.500 answers anyway though the answer for this woman is to just lie in the bed she made for herself when she 1.00

00:03:34.300 ran out on her husband that's the choice that you made you know people are raving about genucell

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00:04:49.500 a-hole for not inviting my stepmother to my wedding i am getting married to my fiancee this year my parents 0.50

00:04:55.280 separated when i was 14 years old my dad left my mom for his secretary i'll call her anna

00:05:00.020 after my mom was in an accident that left her badly visibly scarred leaving her to raise my two

00:05:05.240 sisters and me alone if you ever feel like you have too much faith in humanity and you're a little

00:05:10.780 bit too optimistic and you want a dose of um a dose of reality to bring you out of that then just go to

00:05:17.080 go to reddit you can go really anywhere on reddit but especially to this forum and you will be

00:05:21.120 introduced to the absolute dregs of humanity so this is a guy who left his wife and his family

00:05:26.340 because his wife was scarred in an injury like all right this completely devastated my mom and she

00:05:33.460 was depressed for a long time she's okay now but she's never completely recovered i'm the oldest

00:05:37.640 child by a long stretch and i was basically left to raise my sisters and look after my mom for a lot

00:05:42.060 of my teenage years i was very very angry for a long time i refused to see my dad until i was in my

00:05:46.700 mid-20s both my young sisters were slightly too young to grasp what had happened and continue to visit

00:05:51.320 him on weekends only they bonded a lot better with anna than i did and in many ways she was like

00:05:56.200 a mom to them she introduced them to a lot of female things like makeup and fashion because my 0.81

00:06:00.800 mom's scarring meant she didn't feel comfortable with that kind of thing i started speaking to my

00:06:04.400 dad again about seven years ago and we now have an okay relationship i understand a lot better at this

00:06:08.540 age that love isn't easy and you can't help who you fall for i'm also on reasonable terms with his

00:06:12.960 wife who has tried extremely hard to bond with me since i was a teenager um my mom has never fully

00:06:18.780 recovered from what happened and never found anyone else she just she can just about stand being in the

00:06:23.280 same room as my dad without crying nowadays but she absolutely cannot see his wife she's not cruel

00:06:28.180 or dramatic about it she just politely declines invitations to events if she knows ann will be 1.00

00:06:32.320 present and anyway she goes on to explain she's getting married and she decided for that reason she

00:06:35.760 wants to have her mom there she doesn't want this so she told the stepmom the uh the dad's new wife 1.00

00:06:40.720 uh you can't come to the wedding because i want my mom there and she doesn't want to see you 1.00

00:06:43.460 is she the a-hole for telling the stepmom she can't come to the wedding answer again no 0.84

00:06:48.300 and this brings us back to the point from the first one okay that divorce is an awful ugly terrible

00:06:57.480 no good horrible thing and if you walk out on your marriage what you have to understand

00:07:01.840 is that you are creating a world of difficulty you're creating for yourself everything has just

00:07:08.040 become more difficult and more awkward and you're creating tension and hurt feelings and all of that

00:07:13.120 all of that is there now okay and all of it is your fault because it all follows from what you did

00:07:19.120 all of the awkwardness the tension the hurt feelings this person doesn't want to be around

00:07:23.400 that person this all of that is on you you did that you created that so you're upset that your

00:07:29.240 daughter doesn't want your new wife at her wedding well if you didn't leave your first wife 0.99

00:07:34.240 this wouldn't be an issue here's the important point okay this is something we would all do well to

00:07:39.140 keep in mind when it comes to divorce and when it comes to like everything else people are not

00:07:43.440 required to accommodate your selfish choices your children especially are not so this is a complaint

00:07:51.580 that you know parents have a lot where they they they leave the marriage they go shack up with somebody

00:07:55.440 else and then the kid is not bonding with the new person and they get very upset about that and

00:08:00.140 sometimes they blame the kid for it no no you need to accept this person as your new mom or new dad no

00:08:04.560 that's not that's not your kid's responsibility that's not your child's parent so you you can't

00:08:08.660 just rat you can't completely fracture your child's world tear it apart at the seams and then demand that

00:08:18.760 they just accommodate themselves to this new arrangement maybe you should have accommodated

00:08:22.900 yourself to your marriage rather than expecting everyone else to just like get used to this and and and

00:08:28.240 roll with it maybe you should have rolled with your marriage to begin with figure out a way to

00:08:33.260 make your marriage work no you break the marriage up and then expect everyone else to figure out a

00:08:36.920 way to to to make it work for them this new thing that you've set up it was your job and your

00:08:41.460 responsibility to make your marriage work that's your responsibility and in fact i think that this

00:08:45.240 daughter is uh if anything the mistake she's making is she's too nice to her dad she says you can't 1.00

00:08:50.020 help who you fall for yes you can look because that's you know love is not literally falling it's not

00:08:56.740 like you're just walking down the street and you trip and you fall this is uh and and when you have

00:09:01.680 someone leaving a marriage for someone else and there's affairs and everything this is almost

00:09:05.240 always a gradual process you know and uh and the the cheating spouse you know they might after the

00:09:12.560 fact say oh i just i fell for this other person which by the way even if you did too bad those are

00:09:17.640 your feelings those are your emotions your requirement is to is to deal with that like you shouldn't be

00:09:23.220 having those feelings and emotions and you got to figure out a way to deal with that seek seek help

00:09:27.520 talk talk it out you know get marriage counseling there's lots of things you could do but no matter

00:09:31.240 how you're feeling it doesn't excuse you for acting on those feelings but but even so it's like the

00:09:36.420 feelings so often are nurtured so the cheating spouse notices you know that they have some sort of

00:09:44.000 thing going on it's like it's kind of in its infancy stages with this other person and rather than put

00:09:51.100 some separation there because they realize oh this is getting inappropriate i'm developing feelings i

00:09:55.380 shouldn't feel they have a chance to just put that to separate themselves and they don't instead they

00:10:01.600 lean into it and then they claim that they oh i just fell into it no you didn't fall into it you

00:10:05.720 walked into it with your eyes open is what you did all right finally um am i the a-hole for telling my 0.64

00:10:11.920 mom that she's the reason fat people hate themselves hello just for some context i 23 year old 0.60

00:10:17.980 female i'm overweight five feet zero inches and 380 pounds that's it's a little overweight my doctor

00:10:27.580 said for somebody of my size i am healthy and that unless i want to lose weight i can't make myself

00:10:32.520 any better than i am right now i had a few scares a few years ago but i don't have diabetes i don't

00:10:37.720 have heart problems etc i also run a tiktok page with my boyfriend where i show off my body to promote

00:10:43.280 that health can come at any size i also model on there sometimes but it's mostly debunking

00:10:47.940 misinformation about being overweight and showing that being fat is okay about a month ago my mom

00:10:53.320 a 50 year old female found this page she rung me and told me that i need to lose weight immediately 1.00

00:10:58.700 and that i will die if i don't she told me that she can't enable me anymore and that she won't speak

00:11:03.360 to me unless i'm a normal weight and break it off with my boyfriend i didn't speak with her after

00:11:07.740 this she sent me information details to a weight watcher's account on christmas and she said that that

00:11:12.280 was my present she paid for a trial for me and told me that uh i have to just give it a go and 0.99

00:11:17.120 if i don't like it then i don't have to lose any weight i was so annoyed at this point and i told

00:11:21.000 her that her attitude is what gets fat people to hate themselves because they believe they're not

00:11:24.740 good enough she told me that i was being a disrespectful brat and that she didn't raise me 1.00

00:11:28.940 this way she told me that she can't speak with me anymore because she gets angry am i the a-hole

00:11:34.080 maybe i could have phrased it a nicer way and i feel really bad that i'm hurting our relationship

00:11:37.600 but it's also not my fault that she is being fed misinformation about my weight

00:11:41.380 she's being fed misinformation like i don't this is going to sound wrong i mean five feet

00:11:46.960 three hundred eight pounds it's like at at that weight you have the physique of a large like bowling

00:11:51.800 ball and again it's like i don't mean that's an insult it's just that's that's the physique that

00:11:56.940 you have it's like for to be that short and that much weight the human body is not supposed to look

00:12:02.540 like that what's happening you're blowing up like a balloon like a blueberry and there is no i don't

00:12:07.380 you can't tell me about hormones anything like that there's there's no hormone that causes that

00:12:12.160 that is caused by one thing which is you're not getting any exercise and you are eating a lot of

00:12:17.840 food and then you eat some more and more and more that's how you get to that size so yes you are the

00:12:21.680 a-hole uh your mother you know what your mother doesn't want you to die that's her great sin okay that's 0.99

00:12:27.880 that's what makes her such a terrible mother she doesn't she she sees that you are killing yourself 0.93

00:12:32.120 and she doesn't want that and so she's she's uh desperate and saying something like i'm not going

00:12:38.140 to talk to you until you lose weight that might seem that might seem like an act of desperation

00:12:42.080 because it is any parent who loves their child when they see their child killing herself they they're 0.99

00:12:47.460 going to react that way but my bigger concern is actually with your doctor okay so you're the a-hole 0.70

00:12:53.240 but your doctor is the even bigger a-hole if he actually said what you claim which is that you're 0.53

00:12:57.480 healthy for someone your size he's lying okay that's that that is really no different than saying

00:13:03.320 to somebody with uh i don't know stage four lung cancer that well i mean except for the stage four

00:13:09.600 lung cancer you're in great great physical shape like it doesn't make any sense it's like to be 380

00:13:15.360 pounds at five feet there is no version of that that's healthy and just because you don't have

00:13:23.420 diabetes or any of those uh illnesses yet um you will in the future you know you're not gonna you're

00:13:28.620 not gonna find anybody with that physique who's 70 years old and that's because they die well before

00:13:32.180 then so that's the harsh truth that's the harsh reality you have to face it for your own sake people

00:13:37.120 that love you that's what they'll tell you and uh and anyone who's not telling you that's because 0.52

00:13:41.120 they don't love you including your boyfriend okay so you are the a-hole and uh that'll do it for us

00:13:45.580 we'll just uh leave it there we had what two three a-holes and one uh no two three non-a-holes and one a-hole so

00:13:49.880 that's not a bad ratio

The Matt Walsh Show - March 15, 2023

Am I The A-Hole？ Matt Walsh Decides Part 8

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