The Matt Walsh Show - Am I The A＊＊hole？ Matt Walsh Decides SBG Edition Part 3

00:00:00.000 I got something to tell ya!

00:00:06.380 You know, typically we have gone to the Reddit forum to find their Am I the A-hole quandaries,

00:00:12.900 but I think it's a lot more fun to actually get ones from our audience so that I'm speaking to

00:00:18.180 the A-hole-related, you know, moral dilemmas that you have in your own life. So we got a few today,

00:00:24.960 some of them a little bit complicated. We'll see what we can do, figure out who the A-holes are. 1.00

00:00:30.000 This is from Cass. It says,

00:00:31.240 So I'm a college sophomore who rushed for a fraternity last fall at my SEC school,

00:00:36.060 hoping to get into the same fraternity as two of my really good friends.

00:00:38.480 So I got to stop you here, Cass. And unfortunately, you're already the A-hole because you started 0.99

00:00:42.440 the sentence with so. That's one of my, I was going to say one of my major pet peeves. Every

00:00:50.380 pet peeve I have is a major one to me. So that's a distinction that is not necessary. You don't

00:00:54.960 need to start with the so. You jump right in. I don't need, so I'm a college sophomore. 0.78

00:00:58.900 sophomore. I'm a college sophomore. Get right into it.

00:01:01.360 You're sweating. Relax. Take a deep breath.

00:01:04.500 Okay. I had rushed my freshman year unsuccessfully and it really hurt me pretty badly. It took me a

00:01:11.140 long time to get back on my feet. I decided to try again because my friends said I had a shot.

00:01:16.240 They agreed to help me along the way. After I rushed unsuccessfully again and was hurt again,

00:01:20.480 I found out my friends knew that people were trashing me in a group chat. If I knew,

00:01:24.820 I probably wouldn't have hurt my pride again and risked embarrassing myself. I got really mad at them

00:01:29.780 and told them that they betrayed me and that our friendship could not go forward without changes.

00:01:34.020 Did I overreact? Am I the a-hole? So there's, I just began a sentence with so. Now that I've said

00:01:42.000 that, I have to watch myself for the rest of this segment. More information is needed. That's the

00:01:45.900 problem here. It's going to be hard to sort through this. For one thing, you say that your friends knew

00:01:52.300 that you were being trashed behind your back, obviously, in a group chat. When you say trashed,

00:01:57.240 what does that mean? Does that mean that people were having a conversation and you entered into

00:02:02.040 the conversation and people said some things that were critical? The problem is that that happens to

00:02:07.540 all of us. Like if you're a human being who exists physically in the world and you have relationships

00:02:11.840 and you know people, then you are going to enter into conversations when you're not there. And some

00:02:18.060 of the things that are said about you, even by people who you think are close to you, are not always

00:02:21.720 going to be flattering. That's the reality. And sometimes it might be because maybe you acted like a

00:02:25.840 jerk today. And so after you're gone, people like, Oh, what was his deal? That happens. You can't 1.00

00:02:33.400 really blame people for that. There's a difference between that and, and people engaging in full-on

00:02:39.000 gossip where they, it's like a recreational pastime for them to tear you down. They enjoy it, that sort

00:02:46.080 of thing. And if that's what's going on, then, okay, that's that, that does qualify as they're

00:02:50.560 trashing you behind their back. Then the next question is, were your friends participating in

00:02:53.840 that? Now you're upset that they didn't tell you about it, but it's not always necessarily the

00:02:59.560 right thing for someone to tell you when other people are, are trashing you. There are times

00:03:05.720 when maybe you're not around and there's a conversation that's had about you. It's not

00:03:09.600 very flattering. Someone who's close to you is aware of it or made aware of it, or they overhear it.

00:03:14.260 It's not always the right thing for them to track you down and say, guess what people are saying

00:03:17.000 about you. What'd you say? Cause it sounded to me like you're talking. That in itself is a form

00:03:20.900 of gossip and there might not be a lot you can do with the information and it's just going to make

00:03:24.380 you feel bad. There's no reason you have to know. So, but there are circumstances where you do need

00:03:27.860 to know. So these, all these things that I, that's what makes it hard to sort through. If these friends

00:03:32.380 were engaging in this trashing, they're taking part in it, taking delight in it, then they're not your

00:03:36.980 friends at all. And I wouldn't, there's no making changes to the friendship. If you have the kinds of

00:03:42.100 friends who enjoy cutting you down when you're not around, then they're not your friends. Now,

00:03:48.020 if they cut you down when you're there, then that just makes them, that makes them good male friends.

00:03:52.060 In fact, I saw someone making this point. I think it was on Twitter yesterday. I thought it was a

00:03:54.900 really good point that this is like male friends. A real male friend is someone who makes fun of you

00:04:00.640 to your face, but then roots for you behind your back. They might not be comfortable, like telling you

00:04:05.080 all their feelings to your face, but they want to see you do well and they're rooting for you.

00:04:09.040 But when you're with them, you guys just make fun of each other. That's just, that's a, that's a guy

00:04:13.280 thing. You're so old. You make dust look like a baby. But if they're cutting you down behind your

00:04:17.360 back, then they're not friends at all. So these are all, I don't know, I guess I need to say

00:04:20.740 undecided on this one. And I guess we, that's it. I need more information. Um, from Thomas,

00:04:28.020 good afternoon, all knowing sweet daddy Walsh. Would I be the a-hole to decline future family

00:04:31.700 gatherings due to a pest problem? This Christmas, me and my wife traveled to the town all of my close

00:04:36.720 family live at. Due to their economic hardships and conditions, there's only one house to actually

00:04:41.460 hold a gathering. While visiting, we noticed a roach problem. They weren't everywhere, but they

00:04:46.420 were not avoiding the light or people, which shows a major infestation. Growing up, my family's house

00:04:52.880 had the same issue with pests. As an adult, I keep my house clean and tidy to avoid this. I like visiting

00:04:59.060 my family and seeing them, but I'll be honest that I was disgusted when I looked down and saw a roach

00:05:03.500 next to my shoe. My wife grew up on a farm, but she was also taken aback by how casual my family

00:05:09.580 was with the problem. Needless to say, we didn't eat dinner while there. So would I be the a-hole to

00:05:13.740 decline unless the problem is fixed? Uh, you're not the a-hole for not wanting to eat dinner at a house

00:05:20.060 where there's a roach infestation. They're not the a-hole at all. I wouldn't be able to do that.

00:05:23.440 And I also would need to know, so you said this is their house. I'm assuming this is like a single 0.83

00:05:27.220 family type arrangement. If it's an- if they're living in an apartment complex type of deal,

00:05:32.460 then they could keep their- their part of the overall building spick and span, and yet there's

00:05:37.860 still going to be roaches that make their way in because of all the other rooms in the- and if

00:05:42.220 the landlord isn't taking care of the building, it might not be their fault. Um, now if you live in a

00:05:47.140 single family type of home and you've got a major roach problem, then yeah, it's because your house

00:05:51.620 is filthy. Filthy monsters! I wouldn't give up on them, but it is the kind of thing that I would 1.00

00:05:56.180 certainly bring up to them and say, look, uh, you know, I want to see you guys. I'd love to eat

00:06:01.500 dinner with you, but you know, it's, it's simply not sanitary. Is there anything I can do to help?

00:06:06.180 Like if you're in a position where you could help them contribute to get a, uh, get an exterminator

00:06:11.780 out there. Now it's the kind of thing that when you bring up to someone, it's like telling them

00:06:14.980 they smell bad. There's no way to bring it up that won't be offensive and it's good. They're going

00:06:19.540 to be offended by it. When you tell someone, Hey, your house is filthy and roach infested and it

00:06:22.680 grosses me out. They're going to be offended by that.

00:06:26.180 Obviously you're not going to put it quite that bluntly, but that is the message, but it is

00:06:29.880 something that needs to be brought up because it's not sanitary for them. So no, you're not the

00:06:33.080 a-hole. Hiring used to be really hard. You'd post your job on multiple sites. You'd hope the right

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00:07:27.240 ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. From Joey says, Dear Matt, am I the a-hole? My parents divorced

00:07:33.700 in late 2018 and in May of 2019. My mother passed away. Growing up, my dad expressed his anger with

00:07:39.460 insults and put-downs along with screaming towards us, but especially my mother. After her death, he

00:07:45.040 continues to talk negatively about her, the way she raises us and her family. He even pulls my friends

00:07:49.680 and recently my wife aside and talks to him about how he thinks my mother was a bad parent. It hurts

00:07:54.620 my very being. I've told him before several times to stop, but he defends his actions, starts yelling

00:07:59.540 and hangs up. I've decided not to talk to him until he apologizes and promises to stop. I feel I'm not

00:08:04.260 honoring my father the way God would want. For context, my wife and I are Catholic. My dad is

00:08:09.140 non-practicing. I don't hate him for the unpleasant childhood. I'm over it, but it's hard to put up with

00:08:13.740 the verbal jabs at my deceased mother or him talking about her to my friends and family. I'm not

00:08:19.660 sure if my decision to wait for an apology is childish or respectful towards my late mother.

00:08:23.120 Am I the a-hole? No, you're not the a-hole at all. Your dad sounds like a grade-A a-hole himself.

00:08:29.120 You don't owe him anything at this point. Yeah, we should honor our mother and father,

00:08:33.500 as it says in the Ten Commandments, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have any basic

00:08:38.320 respect for yourself. You also need to honor your wife. Okay, that's your first job now as a married man,

00:08:45.640 is to honor your wife before anyone. Putting her in a position where she has to endure this is not

00:08:51.440 okay. This is what I say all the time about parents. I know this now as a parent of six. It's your job

00:08:57.060 as a parent to develop a close bond and relationship with your children. That is your job. The onus when

00:09:03.240 your kids are children and they live in your house, the onus is on you 100%. If your kids leave and they 0.92

00:09:11.260 become adults and they don't want to have a lot to do with you, it's probably because you didn't do

00:09:14.540 the job of cementing that relationship in childhood, and that is your fault. That doesn't mean that they

00:09:19.340 should disown you and never talk to you again, but it does mean that you're probably never going to

00:09:22.820 have, as a parent, a really close relationship even with your adult children because you didn't,

00:09:27.340 as the left says, you didn't do the work when you needed to as kids. And now you're interested.

00:09:32.600 Now you want the relationship because they're not kids anymore and they're easier. You don't have to

00:09:36.320 take care of them and you only see them in small doses, and so it's a lot easier. And you want the fun

00:09:40.640 stuff. You didn't want to, you didn't want to do the hard work. Now you want the fun stuff. It

00:09:42.980 doesn't work that way. And so that's my message to, to, you know, if you're in the position as the

00:09:47.060 adult child now, you don't owe this. Like he didn't do anything to establish a relationship with

00:09:51.920 you. He went the other way. He was abusive and angry and shouting all the time. And now he's cutting

00:09:56.040 down your mom and he's just being a miserable person. You don't owe him. You don't owe him your time. 0.99

00:10:00.080 You don't owe him your affection. You don't, you don't owe him that. So no, you're not the hell.

00:10:04.900 Let's see. This is from Justin says, I'm 47, but I've always argued I was in the right on this incident.

00:10:10.380 Back when I was in high school, for some reason, when I was a junior or senior, my mother thought

00:10:13.480 it'd be funny to tickle my feet to get me up in the morning. What? This was an extremely torturous

00:10:19.600 experience, but I endured it every morning as my mother smiled and laughed at me while performing

00:10:23.880 this daily ritual while I struggled to drag myself out of an adolescent slumber. This went on for five

00:10:30.000 to six months, making mornings the most dreadful part of the day. And then one day it happened. I could

00:10:34.640 not take it anymore. I snapped and shouted, knock it the F off. My mother expectantly started slapping me in 1.00

00:10:40.240 the head, screaming at me in horror for what I did. A wonderful way to start the day. But I took

00:10:45.180 it gleefully knowing that I finally said what was brewing in my soul for months. Some say that I

00:10:48.860 should have had more respect for my mom, but I endured this as long as I could for before.

00:10:52.660 I could not take the torture anymore. So in my mind, I was justified. So I asked, is it me?

00:10:57.140 Look, yeah, you are the a-hole because we were just talking about honoring your mother and father. 0.96

00:11:00.360 And you don't cuss out your mom, period. 0.98

00:11:03.060 End of story. End of story. End of story.

00:11:05.420 So you don't do that. So you are the a-hole for that. On the other hand,

00:11:09.120 she does carry some of the a-hole weight here because I can't... Waking up to someone tickling 1.00

00:11:15.520 your feet every morning for months, like that would actually drive you. So I'm sympathetic.

00:11:21.300 I can see how that would drive you actually insane.

00:11:25.960 So I understand the frustration. I don't understand her behavior. Six straight months

00:11:31.500 of tickling. Why would you want to touch anyone's feet to begin with?

00:11:34.440 I like feet. I do not know why.

00:11:36.560 Six straight months of that. I don't get it. But you don't cuss at your mom. You don't do it.

00:11:42.800 Finally from Haley. So for Christmas, I got my family a trip to a cabin about two hours away

00:11:47.280 for one night. We have four kids, ages nine to two. As we slept there, there was a big snowstorm

00:11:51.900 that came in and 17 inches of snow was now in the parking lot. I told my husband we should have

00:11:55.920 brought his car, which has four-wheel drive and my minivan does not. But we brought my minivan.

00:12:00.340 After two hours of, well, let me stop you there. That's not a helpful, I don't even know where

00:12:05.660 you're going here. That's not a helpful thing to say in that situation. Okay. You don't need

00:12:09.140 after the fact, now after the fact, you say, well, we should have brought the four-wheel

00:12:13.280 drive. Yeah. But that's not helping anybody right now. Like we're all in the same situation. I don't

00:12:18.760 need you after the fact telling me what we should have done. Like it's my fault. Okay. That this is

00:12:24.080 probably what your husband's thinking. Anyway, after two hours of trying to get out of the parking lot,

00:12:27.580 the resort people plowed an area and a bunch of guys came to push our car. My husband was also

00:12:32.240 pushing. The road above the parking lot wasn't plowed either. There's a little hill to get out

00:12:36.380 of the parking lot. And as I made it, finally, my husband yelled, don't stop, keep going. So I

00:12:42.320 listened. I kept going and going. We had some friends who were not far in front of me. So I called

00:12:47.320 them to pick him up. And I kept driving for about 30 minutes with his cell phone in my car. My friends

00:12:54.300 called me like 15 minutes later, say they couldn't find him. So they went back to the road, driving my

00:12:58.640 way. After a while, they found him still running after my car. He ran about three miles with snow

00:13:05.480 clothes on in a blizzard. I felt so bad, but he said, don't stop. Apparently he meant don't stop

00:13:12.620 until you get up the hill, but that's not what he said. Oh, wow. Who are you? Like Amelia Bedelia?

00:13:18.520 He said, don't stop. And you thought like, just drive all the way to Mexico. Look, he's not in a

00:13:26.080 position where he can give exact instructions when you're driving and he's shouting something. I don't

00:13:31.060 think he can get very specific. Who's the a-hole here? I mean, this is, we've had some complicated

00:13:36.520 issues today. We've had some issues where we needed more information on this one. I think we make it

00:13:41.020 very simple, uh, that you are, you are the a-hole on this one. Uh, you, you left your husband to run 0.98

00:13:47.800 three, he's running after you for three miles in a blizzard. What did you think he was going to,

00:13:54.180 you had his phone. What did you think he was going to do? Oh man, I feel bad for this guy. He pushed

00:13:59.900 you out. He's out there. He's digging out. He's pushing you. And you thank him by just by leaving

00:14:06.080 him and fleeing the state. My God, I don't think a-hole even quite covers it, but, uh, hopefully 1.00

00:14:12.520 your marriage can be repaired after that incident. And look, I'm sure you already know this, but, uh,

00:14:18.200 this is something he's going to have on you for the rest of your marriage. He's going to be able

00:14:24.640 to bring this up. I'm not saying that's the most mature way to, to handle a marriage, but like,

00:14:28.500 we all have those things. And like, there are times, you know, in a marriage, you should never bring

00:14:33.600 up past faults, but there are also times in a marriage when you do something and you know,

00:14:38.340 okay, that's coming up again and I probably will deserve it. And this is one of those times.

00:14:42.120 So you are the healing.

The Matt Walsh Show - April 29, 2023

Am I The A＊＊hole？ Matt Walsh Decides SBG Edition Part 3

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