The Matt Walsh Show - Am I The A-Hole？ Sweet Baby Gang Edition Part Two

00:00:00.000 This is our time for analyzing some M.I. the a-hole moral quandaries.

00:00:05.720 We have some that were sent to us by listeners, and then we've got, I'll do one from Reddit.

00:00:12.440 Why is it always Reddit?

00:00:14.240 So we start with this. From Ty says,

00:00:15.980 My fiancé wants to try having kids shortly after we get married this summer.

00:00:19.300 While we're both on board with that plan, I want to stop at just one,

00:00:21.860 and she definitely wants many more children.

00:00:24.000 I'm aware that if neither of us changes our mind,

00:00:26.020 one of us will get what we want and the other will be crushed.

00:00:28.160 I, being the selfish bastard that I am and planning on putting my foot down

00:00:31.860 when push comes to shove and our first kid reaches two or three years old,

00:00:35.200 and she will want to try again.

00:00:37.460 Am I the a-hole for not being very transparent in my plan after our first kid is born?

00:00:41.940 I'm 100% firm on this, and as a last resort, if my back is up against the wall,

00:00:46.540 I'm not opposed to getting the snip, but I hope it doesn't come to that.

00:00:50.160 Yeah, you are the a-hole on a few different levels.

00:00:52.360 I mean, first of all, if you're even considering getting the snip, as you say,

00:00:56.220 A vasectomy's a medical procedure.

00:01:01.720 And that's something that you would do against your soon-to-be wife's wishes.

00:01:05.880 Then that is something that she needs to know.

00:01:07.800 You need to tell her that.

00:01:08.880 Also, don't do that to you.

00:01:10.760 Don't go neuter yourself like a dog.

00:01:13.580 Let the ball removal be good.

00:01:17.040 You're a man.

00:01:18.160 You're a human being.

00:01:19.300 Don't do that to yourself.

00:01:20.780 Look, how about this for an idea, right?

00:01:23.040 You both want a child, so it's good that you agree on that much.

00:01:26.280 So get married.

00:01:27.340 Have your child.

00:01:28.700 Allow yourself to grow and change.

00:01:33.160 My point is that there's a very good chance that you'll have one child,

00:01:36.420 and then you'll discover yourself that you actually want to have more.

00:01:41.960 Because right now, you're speaking all in theory,

00:01:44.760 and you've never had a kid before,

00:01:46.960 so you don't really know what you're talking about.

00:01:52.220 And once you experience that joy of having a child,

00:01:56.540 there's a very good chance that you're going to change your mind about that.

00:01:59.800 The joy of having a child is one that, again,

00:02:03.860 it's hard to describe until you've actually experienced it.

00:02:08.360 Allow yourself to have, you know, you have the child,

00:02:10.780 and you should be open to life.

00:02:14.780 You should be open to more kids if that's what God wants for you.

00:02:20.160 But you also need to be totally honest with the woman that you're about to marry.

00:02:24.180 All right.

00:02:24.820 Mary says,

00:02:25.560 Hello, sweet daddy.

00:02:26.620 Am I the a-hole for not encouraging my husband to have a relationship with his father or father's family?

00:02:30.580 For some backstory, my husband's parents divorced when he was 17.

00:02:33.580 His dad was verbally abusive,

00:02:35.420 tried to instigate a fight with my brother-in-law when my husband was younger

00:02:38.340 and hit his wife.

00:02:39.880 My husband was a witness to it all.

00:02:41.860 Whose wife did it?

00:02:42.420 Who was hitting whose wife?

00:02:43.800 Your dad hit your brother-in-law's wife?

00:02:46.820 Okay, so there's some kind of abuse going on, which is very bad.

00:02:49.860 After my husband and I started dating,

00:02:51.500 I tried to get my husband to have more of a relationship with his father

00:02:54.640 since his father had promised that he had changed and wanted to be better.

00:02:58.420 I kept at it for years,

00:02:59.400 just reminding him to text on holidays, birthdays,

00:03:01.720 and go see him at the yearly family reunion on his father's side.

00:03:05.020 A year after my husband and I had our wedding,

00:03:06.640 we attended the family reunion.

00:03:07.780 At this reunion, my father-in-law kept talking crap about my mother-in-law

00:03:10.640 and had his family joining in, making both his sons very uncomfortable.

00:03:15.340 Later, my father-in-law wanted to take a family photo of his immediate family.

00:03:18.560 When my husband and I started over to the spot for the photo,

00:03:21.380 his father called out,

00:03:22.300 Not you, girl.

00:03:23.440 Then did not want me in any of the other family photos either.

00:03:26.280 This hurt me deeply, so we left early after that.

00:03:28.960 Then afterwards, I come to find out his father doesn't like me at all

00:03:31.640 and blames me for the lack of relationship with his son.

00:03:33.420 And my husband told him he won't speak to him anymore until he apologizes to me.

00:03:38.360 Am I the a-hole for no longer encouraging my husband to make the relationship work?

00:03:41.980 Well, these are always really difficult.

00:03:43.520 And, you know, I get these kinds of questions.

00:03:46.840 And you're talking about family drama and resentment

00:03:50.840 and all these sorts of things have been building up over the course of years.

00:03:54.100 Maybe you thought about the possibility that your children are actually scared of you.

00:03:57.640 Oh, f*** off.

00:03:58.700 There's almost certainly going to be a bunch of other details that don't make it in here.

00:04:02.100 And part of that is just time constraints.

00:04:04.000 Part of it is also that you are seeing things through your own prism.

00:04:07.380 And if I were to talk to your father-in-law, he might have some other details.

00:04:11.640 He might say, well, guess what?

00:04:13.320 Guess what she did?

00:04:14.340 There's almost always more to the story.

00:04:16.640 It's, you know, very often there's not a clear bad guy.

00:04:21.540 I mean, sometimes there is, but oftentimes there isn't.

00:04:23.520 So, that's all just a qualifier to say that based on what you've told me,

00:04:27.300 if all of this is accurate, which I have no reason to think that it isn't,

00:04:30.180 I don't know you, then no, you're not the a-hole at all.

00:04:32.640 And also in general, even though I don't know all the rest of the situation,

00:04:36.180 your husband is absolutely right to take your side and defend you as the wife,

00:04:43.240 to cherish his relationship with you,

00:04:45.580 and to put it over as a priority above his relationship to anybody else in his family,

00:04:49.600 because that's what you're supposed to do when you get married,

00:04:51.300 that your relationship with your spouse comes before your relationship with anyone else,

00:04:56.860 to include your children, by the way.

00:04:58.320 Your relationship with your spouse is supposed to be the number one most important thing,

00:05:02.060 and it comes before everything else, certainly, you know, extended family,

00:05:06.420 but even with your kids.

00:05:07.860 Like, that's what your kids need.

00:05:09.300 Your kids need their parents to prioritize the relationship with each other.

00:05:12.240 It's the best thing for them.

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00:06:10.740 All right, from Steve says,

00:06:13.200 I appreciate you taking the time to answer my question.

00:06:14.600 I have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to excessive gifts from my mother-in-law.

00:06:18.020 Let me elaborate.

00:06:19.020 My mother-in-law is a hoarder in every sense of the word.

00:06:21.340 Her house is completely full with random toys, kitchen accessories, etc.,

00:06:24.440 to the point where I have told my wife I don't even want to visit

00:06:27.020 because there are literally very few places where someone can even sit down,

00:06:30.140 let alone relax, do the amount of stuff all over the place.

00:06:32.520 On top of filling up our house,

00:06:33.600 she is always bringing things over to our house that we don't want.

00:06:37.360 We've told her repeatedly over the years that when she comes,

00:06:40.380 we only want to spend time with her,

00:06:42.160 not go through all the things that she brings.

00:06:44.380 When we refuse the things she brings,

00:06:46.080 she is taken to leaving things in our house without us knowing,

00:06:49.040 thinking we wouldn't notice.

00:06:50.340 I asked her many times to stop,

00:06:51.680 and when she didn't,

00:06:52.440 I took to throwing away anything that she left.

00:06:54.880 When she notices that the things are gone,

00:06:56.360 I told her that I don't know where they are.

00:06:58.620 I know she thinks she's being generous and giving us gifts,

00:07:01.260 but if we're keeping everything that she brings to the house,

00:07:03.700 our house will end up looking like hers.

00:07:05.560 Am I the a-hole?

00:07:06.480 No, you're not.

00:07:06.940 I mean, as long as you're being nice to her about it.

00:07:08.740 I mean, she's trying to love her family

00:07:11.160 in the way that makes sense to her,

00:07:13.960 and so she thinks that by giving gifts,

00:07:15.740 that's the way of doing it,

00:07:17.260 and so she's trying to bless you,

00:07:19.320 and even if it's a way that's sort of annoying

00:07:21.320 and ends up being onerous and burdensome,

00:07:23.600 that is what she's trying to do.

00:07:25.060 So as long as you're being nice to her about it

00:07:26.760 and trying to be delicate,

00:07:28.340 then no, you're not.

00:07:30.900 Neither of you are exactly in the wrong.

00:07:33.400 Finally, this is a Reddit one.

00:07:34.440 It says,

00:07:34.680 Am I the a-hole for refusing to help my sister

00:07:36.720 pay for her daughter's medical expenses?

00:07:38.860 So, my sister's daughter,

00:07:40.560 sentence starting with so there,

00:07:42.080 you know how I feel about that.

00:07:43.220 My sister's daughter was recently diagnosed

00:07:44.880 with a serious medical condition

00:07:46.160 that requires extensive treatment.

00:07:47.700 My sister is a single mother

00:07:48.760 struggling to pay for the treatment on her own.

00:07:51.240 She asked me multiple times to help her

00:07:52.800 with the expense,

00:07:53.740 but I have refused.

00:07:54.720 My reasoning is that I have my own financial responsibilities

00:07:57.080 and I can't afford to help her out.

00:07:58.720 I also believe that it's not my responsibility

00:08:00.440 to take care of her and her family's expenses.

00:08:02.240 My sister is understandably upset with my decision

00:08:04.640 and has stopped talking to me.

00:08:06.040 My other family members are also disappointed in me

00:08:07.800 and think that I should have helped her out.

00:08:09.760 Am I the a-hole for refusing to help my sister

00:08:11.140 with her daughter's medical expenses?

00:08:13.560 Uh, yes.

00:08:14.960 Yes, this is classic a-hole territory.

00:08:18.220 This is one of those times

00:08:18.880 where I don't need to hear the other side

00:08:20.120 of the story, actually,

00:08:21.100 because I've heard enough.

00:08:22.740 This is horrible.

00:08:23.500 Now, it's one thing, look,

00:08:25.220 you have somebody in your family

00:08:26.060 who's suffering through something

00:08:27.060 and they need help financially

00:08:28.860 and you simply don't have,

00:08:31.180 like, you can't help them

00:08:32.100 because you really don't have it.

00:08:33.240 You're broke, you're poor,

00:08:34.800 you just, you don't, you don't,

00:08:35.780 and it pains you

00:08:37.020 and you want to be able to help,

00:08:38.580 but you can't

00:08:39.300 because you just don't have it.

00:08:41.940 That's one thing.

00:08:42.960 But then, but then the tone

00:08:44.560 and the attitude would be very different.

00:08:47.260 Then you wouldn't need to say anything about it.

00:08:48.560 This is your family.

00:08:49.500 It's not my problem.

00:08:50.260 You wouldn't need to say that.

00:08:51.280 You wouldn't say that.

00:08:52.680 Instead, it would be,

00:08:53.440 I'm distraught by this.

00:08:54.800 It's terrible.

00:08:55.340 It's heartbreaking.

00:08:56.400 I want to help,

00:08:57.200 but I just can't.

00:08:58.000 I wish that I could.

00:08:59.060 That would be the attitude.

00:09:00.120 What I take from this is that

00:09:01.440 probably you can help,

00:09:03.720 but you've decided

00:09:04.300 that it's not your problem.

00:09:05.540 And that is the height of selfishness.

00:09:07.860 I mean, this is your family.

00:09:09.620 And if you won't even do that,

00:09:11.000 then you are a selfish bastard

00:09:14.100 and an a-hole.

00:09:15.560 And we will leave it there for today.

00:09:18.240 We'll talk to you tomorrow.

00:09:19.140 Godspeed.

00:09:23.300 I don't want to be an a-hole anymore.

The Matt Walsh Show - February 18, 2023

Am I The A-Hole？ Sweet Baby Gang Edition Part Two

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