The Matt Walsh Show - November 25, 2021


Am I The Thanksgiving A＊＊Hole？ ｜ Matt Walsh Decides Who's To Blame


Episode Stats

Length

12 minutes

Words per Minute

219.2776

Word Count

2,827

Sentence Count

194

Misogynist Sentences

16

Hate Speech Sentences

2


Summary

Thanksgiving is a time of the year where people act like idiots, especially when it comes to other people's food. This week, we read about some of the worst ways that people have acted like idiots during the holiday season.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 So today, we're going to go back to Am I the A**hole, the forums on Reddit, to read about some of those cases that have to do with Thanksgiving.
00:00:07.980 We have a number of Am I the A**hole Thanksgiving-related dilemmas.
00:00:12.420 Thanksgiving is a time where lots of people act like a**holes, unfortunately.
00:00:16.780 Here are a few of those cases. These are some good dilemmas, I think. A lot to talk about. So, we'll read through some of these.
00:00:22.720 First, me and my wife had a baby seven months ago. My parents came to us for Thanksgiving dinner this year.
00:00:27.600 My wife made a great spread. As we were about to eat, the baby started fussing. He has been teething.
00:00:33.840 I told my wife she should go attend to him, but she asked if I could, because she hadn't eaten all day,
00:00:39.500 because she was trying to care for the baby, cook everything, and try to visit with my parents,
00:00:43.180 and she would really like a warm meal instead, and it had been a while since she'd had one.
00:00:48.100 I said it would be really rude to my parents to sit down without me, since in my family,
00:00:52.300 the hosting family member was always at the table with the guests.
00:00:54.760 My wife asked me again to please go, but I was annoyed and said no.
00:00:58.320 I could tell my wife was irritated, but she went to our baby.
00:01:01.220 I was thinking we'd wait for her to return, but my dad said he was starving, and everything looked fantastic.
00:01:05.940 So, I told them to dig in. My wife seemed to be having a hard time getting our son to settle down,
00:01:10.600 but she's always had the magic touch when it comes to him, so I left her to it.
00:01:15.220 That was very nice of you.
00:01:16.800 By the time he was content and quiet again, we'd finished, and we had moved into the other room.
00:01:20.900 I had left everything on the table, and when I went back around, she was feeding the baby.
00:01:25.960 I said she should probably clean up once she was done, and she really coldly asked when exactly she was supposed to eat.
00:01:33.100 I was taken by surprise and asked what she was on about, and she told me that she hadn't eaten anything,
00:01:38.220 and I had left a mess instead of at least taking the used dishes to the sink,
00:01:41.700 and she knew it was too much to think I'd actually be bothered to make her a plate, too.
00:01:47.640 I got irritated and told her that she was being dramatic that we were hosting,
00:01:52.440 and I thought it was more important to spend time with my parents.
00:01:55.060 She said that I was the one who invited my parents over, but I left her to do everything.
00:01:58.840 I said that wasn't true, but she asked me to name just one thing I'd done to help her.
00:02:02.600 I was put on the spot, and I couldn't think of something, so she said exactly.
00:02:05.600 I got pretty angry, but my mom came in then and asked if she could feed the baby.
00:02:09.620 My God, are you still talking?
00:02:12.020 My wife said yes, then started making herself a plate so she could eat.
00:02:15.840 My mom was upset with me when she realized that my wife still hadn't eaten.
00:02:19.240 Okay, first of all, before your wife ate, did you make sure that she had cleaned the bathroom?
00:02:25.240 Because it's not fair to leave a messy bathroom when there are guests over.
00:02:28.780 No, I'm actually concerned that as a five-year-old, you're probably way too young to be married.
00:02:35.900 I mean, I believe in early marriage, but that's too far, I think, even for me.
00:02:39.620 I can only assume that you're five and have been married for five minutes based on your behavior as you describe it.
00:02:45.320 You know what you are, actually?
00:02:47.520 You're like Kevin James or Ray Romano from a 90s sitcom, you know?
00:02:53.000 You did literally everything wrong every step of the way.
00:02:56.100 He's an a**hole.
00:02:57.060 You're so wrong and outlandishly a**hole-ish that I'm not sure if I even believe that this is real.
00:03:02.800 But then the whole bit breaks down if it's not real, so we'll just charge ahead and pretend that it is.
00:03:06.840 Next one says,
00:03:07.740 I'll preface this by saying that my son, Tim, recently got married to his now-wife, Sarah.
00:03:13.440 We get along just fine as a family, though she tends to act passive-aggressively sometimes.
00:03:18.160 She loves food and is always open to trying my cooking.
00:03:21.300 She said my cooking was amazing, though she made a few negative comments about certain meals
00:03:25.580 and advised me to use XYZ ingredients next time.
00:03:29.100 Who are these people?
00:03:31.140 So she sat down to have your meal and said,
00:03:32.740 oh, this is great, but next time you should try that ingredient.
00:03:35.060 Who does that?
00:03:36.420 I invited them over for Thanksgiving yesterday.
00:03:38.300 The whole family was there.
00:03:39.260 The bell rang and I opened the door to see Tim and Sarah.
00:03:42.000 Sarah was carrying what seemed to be a container.
00:03:44.400 I didn't ask about it nor pay much attention to it.
00:03:46.320 Everybody sat down to eat after I set up the table and put dinner on it.
00:03:50.460 My main dish was the traditional Thanksgiving dish every family in our community knows.
00:03:54.380 I had appetizers and side dishes and, of course, salad and dessert.
00:03:57.420 Sarah then put the container on the table and started unloading food onto her empty plate.
00:04:02.700 Everybody was watching as my eyes widened up.
00:04:05.580 I asked what she was doing and she said that she brought her own food to eat
00:04:08.580 since she doesn't want to eat what I cooked.
00:04:12.140 I was stunned and I politely asked if there was a reason for that and she shook her head.
00:04:17.980 I asked if she was vegan.
00:04:19.300 She said no.
00:04:20.420 I asked if she was allergic to anything at the table.
00:04:22.220 She said no.
00:04:23.180 I asked if she was having an upset stomach or anything.
00:04:25.880 She said no.
00:04:26.380 She just sat with a smug smile and which set me off.
00:04:30.820 And then anyway, OK, then it goes on and on and on.
00:04:33.280 And this ungrateful daughter-in-law eats her own meal at the table while the son just sits there.
00:04:38.860 OK.
00:04:40.020 So, yeah, Sarah is an a**hole, but I put the blame on your son, Tim, really.
00:04:44.240 I think he's the bigger a**hole here because what kind of husband allows his wife
00:04:47.780 to bring a Tupperware container with her own meal to his parents' Thanksgiving dinner?
00:04:52.720 What a little a**hole.
00:04:53.740 I mean, there are times when you put your foot down as a man, and this is definitely
00:04:58.400 one of them.
00:04:59.160 Although, if you got to this point, it probably means that you've never put your foot down
00:05:02.780 one time, and that's very obvious from this.
00:05:04.600 You're leaving for Thanksgiving dinner, and you see your wife holding a container of food.
00:05:09.900 And I could see asking, like, oh, is that your contribution to the meal?
00:05:13.060 Are you bringing—no, that's just for me.
00:05:15.600 Oh, you're joking, right?
00:05:16.740 This is one of your crazy practical jokes, right?
00:05:19.460 That's very funny.
00:05:20.280 No, no, no, I'm serious.
00:05:21.900 Okay, well, then you're a lunatic, and I'm calling an insane asylum.
00:05:25.300 Here's what we're going to do.
00:05:26.340 You put that damn container down, or I swear to God, I will have you admitted to an asylum.
00:05:30.700 Put that coffee down.
00:05:32.960 That's conflict resolution in a marriage, okay?
00:05:35.080 That's what you do.
00:05:36.960 You a**hole.
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00:07:06.160 Next, my family gets together once a year on Thanksgiving.
00:07:09.640 I'm recently remarried and my wife hasn't had much of a chance to bond with my family due to COVID
00:07:13.820 and we are all looking forward to getting everyone together.
00:07:16.320 Unfortunately, my elderly parents just told me that they've also invited my ex-wife to dinner,
00:07:19.980 which I'm adamantly against.
00:07:21.480 My ex has known these people for 20 years
00:07:23.580 and that familiarity and level of comfort will make it hard, in my opinion, for my new wife to fit in.
00:07:27.820 She insists that I could go without her, but if she won't go,
00:07:31.660 then I'm not going to go as my place is by her side.
00:07:34.460 My family says that my wife...
00:07:35.900 Isn't that very nice?
00:07:37.000 You're remaining steadfastly loyal to your second wife.
00:07:40.460 Good.
00:07:41.120 That's a man of principle.
00:07:43.180 My family says that my wife should just suck it up and deal
00:07:46.000 and that if we're not there, we'll ruin Thanksgiving for everybody.
00:07:49.600 So am I the a**hole for thinking my ex should make other plans and not attend my family's dinner?
00:07:54.800 Yeah, you're the a**hole.
00:07:55.700 I think for a number of reasons.
00:07:58.400 We're such an a**hole.
00:08:00.280 First is getting divorced in the first place.
00:08:02.040 And this is why you don't get divorced.
00:08:03.580 Divorce.
00:08:04.560 You just make everything complicated for everybody.
00:08:07.260 You make everything worse and everything complicated for everybody for the rest of your life,
00:08:11.080 including yourself.
00:08:12.060 That's what happens when you get divorced.
00:08:13.440 And your family...
00:08:14.540 Keep in mind, when you get married, it's not just you.
00:08:18.980 It's just the two of you are not the only ones affected.
00:08:21.060 But you have families and your families are now bonded as well through this bond of marriage.
00:08:26.860 Your parents, it sounds like, have accepted your first wife as their daughter, as a member
00:08:31.840 of the family.
00:08:32.640 And now they're supposed to renege on that?
00:08:34.560 They're supposed to reverse course just because you have?
00:08:37.560 Their bond doesn't mean anything anymore just because you've decided to sever it?
00:08:40.860 Doesn't work that way.
00:08:42.360 It's like when parents get remarried and then demand that their kids accept the new person
00:08:48.520 as their mom or dad.
00:08:50.500 You're not my dad!
00:08:51.880 Maybe they will, but that's not their responsibility.
00:08:54.220 That's not their obligation.
00:08:56.100 They have a mom and dad.
00:08:58.080 They only need one of each as far as they're concerned.
00:09:01.100 The fact that you couldn't work out your marriage and you decided to break your wedding vows,
00:09:04.920 that's not anybody else's problem.
00:09:06.740 That's your problem.
00:09:08.160 You figure that out.
00:09:09.280 All right, what else we got?
00:09:12.260 A couple more here.
00:09:13.140 Here in Canada, it's Thanksgiving weekend and my family is having our dinner tomorrow.
00:09:16.960 My aunt, who has a toddler and is in the middle of moving, insisted on hosting dinner this
00:09:21.020 year despite all of us warning her it could be a lot to do, especially with her moving.
00:09:25.020 She insisted that she'd be able to handle it and the plan was to have dinner at her place.
00:09:28.720 I'm a baking and pastry art student, so I offered to make pies for dessert.
00:09:32.660 My offer was taken up when I started planning and designing the pies for my family.
00:09:35.840 This would be the first time any of them had seen or tried any of my baking since I've
00:09:40.820 become more than a home baker.
00:09:42.960 I'm classically trained in French pastries, among other things, and I graduate this winter,
00:09:46.420 so needless to say, I take great pride in what I create and consider each bake good a
00:09:49.760 piece of art and a piece of meat.
00:09:51.420 Tomorrow is the dinner and I was just informed that there would be no home-cooked meal, but
00:09:54.400 instead my aunt is going to order Thai takeout for everybody.
00:09:56.900 I got upset and said that not only will I not be making the pies, but I won't be attending
00:10:02.140 the dinner at all.
00:10:02.820 My parents are mad at me for not following through, but I feel massively disrespected and
00:10:05.900 disregarded.
00:10:07.020 Am I the a**hole?
00:10:07.800 I mean, a little bit.
00:10:08.760 Yeah, I think you are.
00:10:09.380 This is kind of a half and half a**hole deal.
00:10:11.600 So you're the a**hole for all the stuff about how your baking is your art and it's a piece
00:10:15.440 of you and trying to impress everyone with the fact that you're in college.
00:10:18.240 I went to college!
00:10:20.020 That makes you an a**hole and no one wants to be around that.
00:10:22.240 On the other hand, your aunt is ordering takeout on Thanksgiving.
00:10:26.020 That is, that's a crime.
00:10:27.820 I mean, that should actually be a crime.
00:10:29.260 This isn't hard, okay?
00:10:30.160 Thanksgiving is a time for a specific sort of meal.
00:10:33.880 You should not legally be allowed to eat anything but the traditional meal.
00:10:39.440 So we're talking turkey, stuffing, green beans, gravy, sweet potatoes, etc., right?
00:10:43.360 Like there are a few other staples.
00:10:45.040 You can add in some variation.
00:10:46.660 You can add some things in addition to the staples, your own twist on things if you want,
00:10:51.980 but the staples need to be there.
00:10:53.300 And again, if, you know, when I'm theocratic fascist dictator of the world, this will be
00:10:56.920 a matter of the law.
00:10:58.560 All restaurants that serve takeout will be forcibly closed on Thanksgiving.
00:11:04.060 Any restaurant that tries to open on Thanksgiving will be immediately shot.
00:11:07.940 That's it.
00:11:08.780 All right?
00:11:09.040 It might seem a little harsh, but you got to break some eggs to make some omelets.
00:11:14.040 Finally, I am married to my husband and we have two kids.
00:11:16.740 We are vegans.
00:11:17.560 I am for ethical reasons.
00:11:18.700 My husband is allergic to dairy and so is my three-year-old.
00:11:20.880 Okay, I'm going to cut it off right there.
00:11:21.980 You are the a**hole.
00:11:22.780 I don't even need to know the entire story.
00:11:25.100 Vegans on Thanksgiving are always the a**holes.
00:11:28.880 Same with every other time of year, in fact.
00:11:30.680 Oh, God, you're such an a**hole.
00:11:32.680 And I don't want to hear about ethical reasons.
00:11:34.680 See, you won't eat dairy because of ethics.
00:11:38.480 You don't think we should get milk from cows?
00:11:40.440 Why?
00:11:41.500 What else should we do with the cow's milk?
00:11:43.500 Oh, yes!
00:11:44.840 The cows exist.
00:11:45.900 What are we going to do with the cows, first of all?
00:11:47.440 Like, do you want us to just release them into the wild?
00:11:50.360 What?
00:11:50.800 All of these cows.
00:11:51.840 I mean, I know you could say it's unethical that we have all the dairy farms and everything.
00:11:55.160 It's so terrible that we've enslaved all these cows.
00:11:57.960 What do you want us to do with them?
00:11:59.700 Just release them into the Serengeti?
00:12:02.120 I mean, bring them down to the Amazon?
00:12:03.400 Just, like, release them into the neighborhoods?
00:12:05.820 Kill them all?
00:12:07.220 Dump them into the ocean?
00:12:08.280 Like, we have them.
00:12:09.720 They need to be milked.
00:12:11.500 And then what do you do with the milk?
00:12:12.880 You might as well drink it.
00:12:13.940 Why not drink it?
00:12:14.480 Why not make cheese out of it?
00:12:15.400 And also, what about the lives of the plants that you're eating?
00:12:19.560 The lettuce that you're eating is a living thing, vegans.
00:12:22.640 It has hopes and dreams and ambitions and feelings.
00:12:27.260 And you ruthlessly chop it up and stick a fork in it and chomp on it while it screams silently
00:12:32.600 in pain, which you ignore those screams.
00:12:35.140 Take a head of iceberg lettuce.
00:12:36.440 Make sure the core is pointing down.
00:12:38.340 And slam it.
00:12:38.800 So don't come to me talking about ethical concerns.
00:12:43.100 Especially on Thanksgiving.
00:12:45.480 You should all be in prison as well.
00:12:47.460 Anyway, so, yeah, that's it.
00:12:50.180 Happy Thanksgiving.
00:12:51.180 Happy Thanksgiving, pilgrims.