The Matt Walsh Show - Chef Matt Walsh - The Bacon Master

00:00:00.000 this is actually the most important thing we'll discuss today and that's because one of the

00:00:13.060 biggest problems today in my view is that most people in the country don't know how to properly

00:00:19.340 cook bacon and now everyone says they love bacon right and this has been a an internet meme for

00:00:25.540 years where people go on and on about how much they love bacon yet most of the time i know you've

00:00:29.580 had this experience you go to someone's house you stay the night you wake up the next morning they

00:00:33.300 make breakfast they make bacon and then and then you feel grateful for that but then what they put

00:00:38.440 in front of you is an abomination it's either burnt to a crisp thereby robbing it of all its

00:00:43.800 bacon-y flavor or it's undercooked and flimsy and and has the consistency of microwave taffy

00:00:50.220 or it's both it's kind of burnt in parts and then undercooked in other parts and it becomes this

00:00:55.680 pockmarked uh leprous monstrosity so i'm going to do a psa for you guys i want to show you an example

00:01:04.320 of perfectly cooked bacon i'm going to show you a picture of of of what it looks like this actually

00:01:09.600 is bacon that was cooked by one of the great chefs of our time speaking of being one of the best in

00:01:14.720 the world at something and um one of the great chefs of our time that is me and i want i want to

00:01:20.600 show you this picture here it is now you see there and please leave this photo up for a minute

00:01:24.620 first of all you see only four pieces and now that could remove all of my credibility as a chef

00:01:35.420 if i only made four pieces of bacon because who does that what sort of deranged lunatic only makes

00:01:40.740 four pieces of bacon well i will inform you that i ate three of the pieces before i took that picture

00:01:45.300 i ate three of the pieces leaving four um to split among my family and that's four members of

00:01:52.180 the family so they each got one i got three actually after i took the picture i had one more so

00:01:56.380 i got four and then they split the three between them and because you know that's what generosity

00:02:00.620 is all about but anyway what you see here is um i want you to notice this bacon is firm it's got

00:02:07.120 the nice singe the nice blackened edge all around it's got the reddish brown coloring all throughout

00:02:12.700 each slice it's very consistent the perfect mix of of tender and crispy not overdone not underdone

00:02:18.980 the fatty parts are also cooked not burned but cooked melt in your mouth a brilliant job by me an

00:02:26.180 amazing job by me now how did i do this well i put the bacon on a preheated skillet heated to medium

00:02:33.000 high heat don't want it too hot don't want it too cool i put it on let it sit for about three minutes

00:02:38.040 and then i flip it give it another couple minutes and now now that i've done a couple minutes on each

00:02:43.360 side now i'm really just flipping it back and forth several more times and and i'm trying to get that

00:02:48.860 perfect color and texture it's it's more of an art than a science cooking bacon though is all about

00:02:55.120 vigilance it's all about loyalty heroism you can't leave the stove for any reason eyes on the bacon

00:02:59.980 the whole time all of your senses dialed in sight hearing smell become one with the bacon tap into

00:03:08.400 its essence okay you're not just you're not just doing this visual you also you're listening you're

00:03:13.680 smelling you're feeling you're sensing it now what my wife will do she'll throw bacon on the stove 1.00

00:03:20.540 and then she'll leave because you know one of the kids fell down the steps or something and she has to

00:03:26.600 go check to make sure they don't have to go to the hospital wrong the kid will be fine he'll figure

00:03:33.140 it out it's his fault for falling down the steps in the first place should have paid attention stay

00:03:38.220 with the bacon baby's crying kids are screaming doesn't matter stay focused remember your priorities

00:03:45.460 remember the great responsibility that you assumed on yourself when you open that package of bacon

00:03:51.260 now you're the one who opened and now you're committed you have to see it all the way through

00:03:57.240 and then here's the trick of course make sure to take the bacon off of the stove 90 seconds before 0.86

00:04:02.700 it's done so you want to take it off and it's a little bit underdone the grease is going to continue

00:04:07.000 to cook the bacon so you let the grease finish the job if you take the bacon off this is a big mistake

00:04:11.000 people make take the bacon off when it looks perfect and you say oh i've got perfect bacon you want to

00:04:15.420 call all your friends and family take a picture like i did by the time everyone gets into the room and

00:04:19.880 you're taking the picture it's ruined it's done it's burnt why did that happen because it kept

00:04:24.400 cooking for 90 seconds afterwards so you want to time it perfectly take it off 90 seconds before it's

00:04:28.780 done and um and then you will have perfectly cooked bacon this is from chris says matt your

00:04:39.820 disastrous and frankly dangerously heretical guidance on cooking the sweet ambrosia that is salty delicious

00:04:45.740 pork belly simply called bacon by the untutored is nothing short of inciting

00:04:49.620 vandalism you might as well champion drawing crayon mustaches on the mona lisa every man with an

00:04:56.640 orderly mind and properly educated in the preparation of the gift god literally blessed mankind with on a

00:05:01.340 tablecloth in the heavens knows it must be grilled only a searing well-seasoned grill provides the proper

00:05:07.040 balance of heat and carbon required to allow the internal fat to reach just that crispy and tender

00:05:11.520 homeostasis which yields a perfect sweetness that can set off any dish from omelets to oysters to only

00:05:17.480 bacon indeed the only acceptable justification for cooking bacon in a skillet is a need to save and use

00:05:23.100 the drippings to later infuse into a bottle of kentucky bourbon your distorted views on this topic

00:05:27.420 make me question your suitability for any future tyrannical aspirations well chris i spent 10 minutes

00:05:34.460 on my show talking about bacon while other shows are talking about breaking news important news like

00:05:41.600 impeachment i'm sitting here talking about bacon okay that's the kind of commitment you get from me

00:05:49.620 when it comes to this topic is there any other show hosts anyone else in conservative media anywhere

00:05:56.080 who's going to spend 10 minutes of a show talking about how to cook bacon

00:05:59.940 maybe there's a reason for that possible but that's what i did and and your response is to criticize me

00:06:09.600 your response rather than writing me an email saying thank you so much matt for that beautiful

00:06:15.960 presentation thank you for calling calling attention to this thank you for raising awareness

00:06:21.480 about the proper way to cook bacon thank you for that you are a hero you deserve the nobel prize

00:06:27.600 you are a genius you are a genius you know instead of that which is what i expect i get criticism

00:06:35.120 unbelievable and you expect me to believe that you know how to cook bacon because you know cooking

00:06:43.580 bacon comes down to character it comes down to what kind of a person are you and i firmly believe

00:06:49.800 if you if you cannot properly cook bacon that's a reflection of your character it's obviously that you

00:06:57.260 have character flaws one of them ingratitude so no i don't want your ungrateful bacon

00:07:02.920 you don't need i showed you the the photographic evidence you saw it for yourself so maybe you need

00:07:10.620 to expand your mind a little bit i don't need a fancy grill i'll put it on a skillet i could cook

00:07:14.840 the bacon on a on a hot furnace okay i could cook it i could cook it on the street on a 90 degree

00:07:21.140 day and it's going to look that good it's not about the tools you use chris it's about the it's

00:07:28.860 about the the spirit the love that you put into it that's what i believe

00:07:33.540 okay so danette has given us a picture of her bacon her bacon dish let's take a look at this picture 0.86

00:07:45.280 that you sent danette here it is now i'm going to leave that up on the screen for a minute

00:07:49.480 because we really need to get into this danette you want me to review the bacon

00:07:54.400 but you can't get offended now remember you asked for this

00:08:00.680 now um the management training course that i took for my assistant manager job at domino's when i was 19

00:08:08.420 told me that you should always couch criticism with positive feedback as well so on a positive note

00:08:14.920 i like the idea behind your dish i like your energy i like your hustle i like your commitment

00:08:21.200 to pork i like the cheddar gravy idea all that is good very commendable unfortunately the execution

00:08:27.680 is a disaster on the level of the hindenburg now this is supposed to be the finished product correct 0.98

00:08:33.800 what we're looking at here so you've already cooked it if you've already cooked this

00:08:39.720 then why is there raw bacon draped over the pork

00:08:44.400 is the pork tenderloin raw too is that just a live pig hanging out under there

00:08:49.980 i mean look at this bacon look at this bacon there is precisely one piece of bacon that is properly

00:08:56.300 cooked on this entire dish and you could spot it yourself it's right there you see the horizontal

00:09:00.720 strips of bacon at the bottom of the screen the one in the middle right there that is the only

00:09:06.740 properly cooked piece of bacon and how do you know that it's properly cooked well you notice the

00:09:12.340 coloring you notice the charred edges you notice the texture it's got all of the the hallmarks of

00:09:18.680 a properly well-cooked piece of bacon so well done you you you did one nicely cooked piece of bacon the

00:09:24.800 problem is there's like 20 pieces of bacon on that thing and i would never say that it's a problem to

00:09:29.620 have 20 pieces of bacon it's only a problem when you don't cook the other 19 now really having that

00:09:37.060 one well-cooked piece of bacon only makes the rest of it worse because then you get the you know now we

00:09:42.000 can compare it so compare that to the vertical slice all the way to the far left um of the of the screen

00:09:50.360 or no the far right depending on which way you're looking at this now notice it's it's sickly pale

00:09:56.940 white appearance it looks like it has the stomach flu pale sweaty soggy just lying there a limp 0.99

00:10:03.920 and you serve that to your family are you trying to kill them my god dinette this is if my wife 0.91

00:10:11.340 served that to me we'd be in marriage counseling that's how bad it is now the the bacon does get 0.61

00:10:17.760 progressively better as you go down the tenderloin but even the even the best cooked piece of bacon is

00:10:23.060 not cooked very well at all so let me ask you this dinette do when you make meatballs do you just

00:10:29.960 you know take the ground beef and and and grab a chunk of of raw ground beef and throw it on the

00:10:37.240 table throw it in your husband's face here's your meatball is that what you do because that's the 1.00

00:10:46.520 equivalent of what you've done here i can't look at this anymore i am i am shocked and appalled i have

00:10:54.440 to assume that this is some sort of practical joke but um thank you for being a subscriber and uh thank

00:11:02.280 you for for listening as well appreciate your support this is from laura says hello matt supreme

00:11:07.900 leader of the world i come to you to have my husband's bacon judged he says that today it is

00:11:13.440 perfect but you as the all-knowing will be able to tell me if it is or not i have attached a picture

00:11:19.060 for you okay laura perfect bacon you say um well pride cometh before the fall but let's see here

00:11:29.280 let's take a look at it this is the uh let's take let's put the picture up on the screen this is the

00:11:33.060 supposedly perfect bacon there it is okay so i i think i get it now your husband meant that this is

00:11:42.140 the perfect example of terrible bacon i think that's what he meant to say i'm going to assume

00:11:47.500 that's what he meant to say because that would make sense in that context yeah okay so the coloring is

00:11:53.860 okay the actual cook on the bacon is okay i'm not liking the color at the the top left corner there you

00:12:01.480 see that bacon uh that piece is much darker than the rest so the incongruity the lack of symmetry there

00:12:07.780 is very troubling to me then at the very bottom you've got that horizontal piece that looks sickly

00:12:13.020 and looks like it has yellow fever or something um so that's a problem but uh all of that you know

00:12:20.680 would only knock this bacon down to about a c plus so if i'm just going based on the cook and the color

00:12:26.560 i'm going to say c plus not bad also not great the thing that drops it the rest of the way

00:12:32.900 to an f and becomes grounds for deportation is the most obvious thing of all is the mangled twisted 0.96

00:12:40.560 contorted shape of the bacon itself so what was your husband doing was he torturing the bacon to get it

00:12:47.640 to talk i mean it's already dead someone let him know there's no there's it doesn't have anything

00:12:51.460 to tell him what did the bacon do to him that made him feel like he had to draw and quarter it

00:12:58.280 you know when someone puts bacon down in front of me i expect to see strips of bacon strips of bacon

00:13:07.300 not mangled clumps of bacon a perfectly shaped strip neatly sitting there politely waiting for me to eat it

00:13:16.100 okay i i want to see bacon that is proud um i don't want to see bacon that's begging me to put

00:13:23.800 it out of its misery that's my problem now i uh i assume that when you saw this bacon by your husband

00:13:31.260 your immediate response was to contact a divorce a divorce attorney and i don't blame you for that

00:13:37.480 and i'm not saying that it would be wrong to divorce your husband for making bacon like this

00:13:42.100 um i mean certainly legally ethically biblically you you would be well within your rights but look

00:13:49.800 you got to think about the kids laura if you have kids if you don't then then get out of there as fast

00:13:54.760 as you can if you do um you don't want to leave them with a man who prepares breakfast this way

00:14:00.280 and so i'm you know i'm sorry that you're going through this in your marriage um i and i and the

00:14:08.120 other thing is i don't blame your husband i blame whoever taught him how to make bacon

00:14:12.100 that monstrous person and now i fear that he's going to pass that down to his own children

00:14:16.840 and it's like a curse that will never end let's put a stop to it

00:14:21.300 you

The Matt Walsh Show - September 24, 2022

Chef Matt Walsh - The Bacon Master

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript