The Matt Walsh Show - Correcting Bad Parenting Advice ｜ Matt Walsh Reads Reddit Stories

00:00:00.000 I could not go on without you, Lisa.

00:00:02.980 You're scaring me.

00:00:05.160 You are lying. I never hit you.

00:00:07.820 You are tearing me apart, Lisa!

00:00:10.340 Okay, we're ready, Matt.

00:00:11.940 Okay, as we do some times here,

00:00:14.400 we're going to take a look at,

00:00:16.400 go over to Reddit, where people often go

00:00:18.560 seeking advice,

00:00:20.500 advice in many different areas of their life.

00:00:22.820 But in particular,

00:00:24.320 this is somewhere where parents will go

00:00:26.900 looking for advice,

00:00:28.020 which is like the worst possible place to go.

00:00:31.720 And so we're going to go through some of these questions

00:00:33.700 and they may be looking for advice

00:00:36.560 from strangers on Reddit,

00:00:38.140 but instead they're going to get advice from me,

00:00:39.820 which, as you know, the advice that I give

00:00:41.700 is at least a little better

00:00:43.780 than what you'll get from random people on Reddit.

00:00:46.580 So I'll say that much for myself.

00:00:48.680 Okay, there's this one.

00:00:49.520 It says, I can't wait for today to be over every day.

00:00:52.020 I'm literally wishing away my life

00:00:53.520 and time with my toddler while she's still so young.

00:00:55.920 I can't wait for her to go to bed every night. 0.91

00:00:57.520 This is a me problem, not her.

00:00:59.000 She's amazing, fun, and funny. 0.60

00:01:00.180 A good sleeper, a good eater.

00:01:01.480 Generally very well behaved,

00:01:02.620 but I'm overwhelmed as a parent,

00:01:03.800 overstimulated, tired,

00:01:04.900 and just want to veg out every night

00:01:06.240 because my brain is too full.

00:01:07.960 I feel so guilty.

00:01:09.060 Has anyone else felt like this for a long time?

00:01:11.040 Like 19 plus months?

00:01:12.520 What did you do?

00:01:13.220 How did you get over it?

00:01:14.420 And reading the responses,

00:01:15.540 and of course everyone is saying,

00:01:16.740 yeah, it's totally normal and okay to feel this way.

00:01:19.140 And that's all you're ever going to get from Reddit.

00:01:20.600 That's all you're going to get from a lot of people,

00:01:22.540 especially the internet.

00:01:24.000 If you pose a dilemma like this on the internet anywhere,

00:01:27.000 not just on Reddit,

00:01:28.120 you get people encouraging you

00:01:29.480 to continue along a path

00:01:32.280 that you obviously feel bad about.

00:01:34.340 You're going down a path I can't follow.

00:01:37.440 Because of Michael Knowles.

00:01:40.500 Now, can any parent relate?

00:01:42.380 Well, yeah, of course.

00:01:43.400 I have found myself on plenty of occasions

00:01:45.340 eagerly awaiting bedtime.

00:01:46.980 But that doesn't mean that it's fine.

00:01:49.180 We actually should not have this attitude as parents.

00:01:53.220 So you should fight against it.

00:01:54.520 Fight back! 1.00

00:01:55.740 You coward!

00:01:56.620 Fight back! 1.00

00:01:59.120 It's okay to want a break.

00:02:00.440 It's okay to be tired and stressed out sometimes.

00:02:02.500 But if you find that you spend every day

00:02:04.660 just anxiously waiting for your kid

00:02:06.340 to be out of your hair,

00:02:07.460 then yeah, that's a problem.

00:02:08.940 Because you are indeed just wishing your life away.

00:02:11.300 You have to make the choice to enjoy

00:02:13.160 being with your kid.

00:02:16.080 All done?

00:02:16.580 All done?

00:02:19.280 We're a culture obsessed with instant gratification.

00:02:22.980 We're, you know,

00:02:23.600 we're the kind of people that

00:02:24.820 we watch a movie

00:02:26.320 and if it doesn't thrill us

00:02:27.620 within the first three minutes,

00:02:28.960 we turn it off.

00:02:37.100 We don't want to expend any effort at all

00:02:40.280 in the pursuit of enjoyment

00:02:41.620 or more precisely of joy.

00:02:43.880 And as a result,

00:02:45.780 we rob ourselves of true joy

00:02:47.720 because true joy requires effort to obtain.

00:02:50.500 And you got to do that with your kids,

00:02:51.840 which isn't to say that you have to lie to yourself

00:02:54.180 and convince yourself

00:02:55.280 that you enjoy being around them when you don't.

00:02:57.040 It just means you have to try.

00:02:58.060 You have to make the effort.

00:02:59.380 You know, I mentioned a few days ago

00:03:01.300 on the show that we played Monopoly

00:03:04.060 two nights in a row during Christmas break.

00:03:06.460 Well, that second night,

00:03:07.440 I was not planning to play a board game with my kids

00:03:10.300 because I was having one of those

00:03:11.660 waiting for bedtime type of nights.

00:03:14.180 It was like six o'clock or so

00:03:15.600 and I was already doing the math of like,

00:03:17.760 my plan was what we put a movie on for the kids

00:03:19.940 and it'll, you know,

00:03:21.460 if the movie is this long,

00:03:22.860 by the time it's over,

00:03:23.560 it'll be bedtime.

00:03:24.340 But then I had to stop and recognize

00:03:25.480 that this is happening in myself,

00:03:27.900 recognize that this is not the right attitude.

00:03:29.740 And so I said,

00:03:30.580 kind of in spite of myself,

00:03:31.920 you know,

00:03:32.340 let's play Monopoly again.

00:03:33.380 The kids were,

00:03:34.040 of course,

00:03:34.240 thrilled with that.

00:03:35.280 And I did.

00:03:35.960 And we had a fun time.

00:03:37.220 You know,

00:03:37.440 we put the effort in

00:03:38.960 and then once you get into the flow of it,

00:03:40.480 I actually ended up having fun

00:03:42.400 and enjoyed it,

00:03:43.860 especially because I won.

00:03:44.880 Next one says,

00:03:45.440 is it normal to love your child

00:03:46.920 more than your spouse?

00:03:48.280 Ever since the birth of our son,

00:03:49.660 my first and my wife's third,

00:03:50.940 I feel like my relationship with my spouse

00:03:52.440 has taken a back seat.

00:03:53.740 Maybe it's due to the new dynamic

00:03:54.940 and not having as much time for one another,

00:03:56.680 but I find myself

00:03:57.520 becoming more and more distant from my wife,

00:03:58.960 investing more and more of myself

00:04:00.260 into my relationship with my son.

00:04:01.500 I love my wife

00:04:02.320 and can't imagine not having her in my life,

00:04:04.040 but it feels like every day is a battle with her.

00:04:06.120 We could never agree

00:04:06.840 or have any sort of meaningful dialogue

00:04:08.240 about how I'm feeling.

00:04:09.400 Is this a normal phase?

00:04:10.640 And will it pass?

00:04:11.580 Should I look into counseling?

00:04:15.000 You don't need counseling.

00:04:16.300 You also certainly don't need

00:04:17.340 the counseling of Redditors

00:04:18.500 because once again,

00:04:20.660 a lot of the comments are,

00:04:22.260 yeah, it's normal.

00:04:23.120 You know, this is,

00:04:23.820 it's what it is.

00:04:25.220 Once you have a kid,

00:04:25.820 you love your kid more than your spouse.

00:04:27.320 This is the response you get from people.

00:04:31.400 Although you don't need counseling for it,

00:04:33.500 I don't think it is wrong.

00:04:35.380 Like you should not love your child

00:04:37.020 more than your spouse.

00:04:38.100 That may be normal

00:04:39.440 in the sense that it's how

00:04:40.820 a lot of families operate these days,

00:04:42.820 but that's why is it normal

00:04:45.520 is the wrong question to ask.

00:04:47.600 Question is whether it is good,

00:04:49.640 whether it is healthy,

00:04:50.740 whether it is how it ought to be,

00:04:53.700 whether it will make your family stronger,

00:04:56.640 whether it's good for your kids,

00:04:58.280 whether it's good for your spouse.

00:04:59.560 The best thing you can do for your child

00:05:01.380 is to prioritize your wife first. 0.92

00:05:04.940 Good call, baby doll.

00:05:07.560 I mean, the relationship with your child

00:05:09.100 is important,

00:05:10.720 but it's not what the family is built on.

00:05:13.620 And you can go through seasons

00:05:15.640 with your child,

00:05:16.440 especially I imagine as they get older,

00:05:18.180 where there's some tension,

00:05:20.100 where there's,

00:05:20.980 where you're not connecting with your child.

00:05:22.660 I mean, these things are going to happen

00:05:24.020 through the course of parenting.

00:05:25.020 And that's going to happen.

00:05:28.720 It doesn't put the family in jeopardy though.

00:05:31.500 But when you're not prioritizing your spouse,

00:05:33.840 it does.

00:05:34.920 You know what I love about New Year's?

00:05:36.120 It's not just about watching that ball drop

00:05:38.060 or making resolutions

00:05:39.060 we might forget by February.

00:05:40.840 It's about the feeling of possibility,

00:05:42.560 the fresh start we all crave.

00:05:44.120 And while everyone's talking about

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00:05:47.480 I want to talk about something

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00:05:50.880 your financial freedom.

00:05:52.420 Make this the year you start

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00:06:00.280 Listen, so many people

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00:06:45.080 Next question says,

00:06:46.500 am I being too dependent

00:06:47.480 on my husband?

00:06:48.380 Today's been tough.

00:06:49.460 It's that time of the month 1.00

00:06:50.460 that I'm feeling

00:06:50.840 absolutely miserable.

00:06:51.900 Lightheaded,

00:06:52.360 heart racing week.

00:06:53.400 Arms are heavy,

00:06:54.340 there's vomit on his sweater already.

00:06:56.020 I told my husband

00:06:56.460 how I'm feeling.

00:06:57.120 He said he was concerned,

00:06:57.980 but I also know he's unfazed

00:06:59.320 because he says

00:06:59.860 I'm always complaining

00:07:00.660 about something.

00:07:01.440 What's bothering me

00:07:02.120 is right before he left,

00:07:03.140 he mentioned to our two-year-old

00:07:04.060 that he's going golfing

00:07:04.960 prior to going to work.

00:07:05.860 So basically,

00:07:06.540 he was letting me know indirectly.

00:07:08.200 He usually asks

00:07:08.780 if he can go golfing,

00:07:09.820 which I always say yes to.

00:07:11.400 I do sometimes find it annoying

00:07:12.540 when he asks

00:07:13.100 because I'm a default parent.

00:07:14.620 He has the freedom

00:07:15.100 to decide what to do

00:07:15.920 with his free time.

00:07:16.800 He doesn't need my permission

00:07:17.740 and he doesn't have to plan

00:07:18.900 around anyone's schedule,

00:07:20.140 but he didn't even ask this time.

00:07:21.660 I get it he needs a break,

00:07:22.700 but couldn't he have offered

00:07:23.620 to stay home

00:07:24.200 and help me with the kids?

00:07:25.440 I'm not expecting him

00:07:26.160 to take care of me,

00:07:27.000 but a little support

00:07:27.560 would be nice.

00:07:28.520 Before he left,

00:07:29.100 he asked what my plan was

00:07:30.280 for when the kids nap

00:07:31.100 and I said I'd lay down.

00:07:32.400 He just agreed and took off.

00:07:33.600 I feel like I'm being unreasonable,

00:07:35.120 but at the same time,

00:07:35.900 I wish he'd show

00:07:36.600 a bit more empathy.

00:07:38.340 Am I overreacting?

00:07:40.300 I want to focus really

00:07:41.120 on just one part of this.

00:07:42.400 The real answer here

00:07:43.200 is the obvious one,

00:07:43.960 which is you need to talk

00:07:44.700 to your husband.

00:07:45.680 Just take exactly

00:07:46.800 what you've written on Reddit

00:07:48.840 for strangers to chime in

00:07:50.500 and just say that

00:07:51.440 to your husband.

00:07:52.060 Don't scream it at him.

00:07:53.540 Don't scold him.

00:07:55.180 Just say it.

00:07:55.920 That's a good place to start.

00:07:56.900 Maybe your husband

00:07:57.300 should help you

00:07:57.760 with the kids more.

00:07:58.600 Maybe from his perspective,

00:07:59.660 you actually get more breaks

00:08:01.080 and have more time off

00:08:02.340 than he does.

00:08:02.920 I don't know.

00:08:03.560 I mean, that's where

00:08:04.380 communication is important,

00:08:05.620 you know, to figure that out.

00:08:07.100 But I do want to

00:08:09.000 home in on the bit

00:08:11.040 about complaining.

00:08:12.320 Your husband says

00:08:13.240 that you're always

00:08:14.320 complaining about something.

00:08:15.420 I'm going to constantly

00:08:16.420 complain about my fibromyalgia.

00:08:18.560 You don't have fibromyalgia.

00:08:20.000 No one does.

00:08:20.720 Now, predictably,

00:08:21.560 the Reddit commenters

00:08:22.480 are going to say

00:08:23.440 that your husband

00:08:24.280 is dismissive

00:08:25.100 and uncaring

00:08:25.680 and what a horrible thing

00:08:27.380 for him to say.

00:08:28.360 And maybe that's the case.

00:08:29.160 But my question is,

00:08:30.160 is he right?

00:08:31.600 Yes.

00:08:32.040 If you don't complain

00:08:32.800 very much at all,

00:08:33.760 but in this case,

00:08:34.620 you're just trying

00:08:35.500 to tell him how you feel,

00:08:36.660 trying to tell him

00:08:37.040 you don't feel well,

00:08:38.020 and his response

00:08:38.740 is just to blow you off 0.72

00:08:39.740 and say that you always

00:08:41.020 complain about something

00:08:41.760 and then go golfing,

00:08:43.040 well, then he'd be in the wrong.

00:08:44.500 But I have found

00:08:45.540 in my experience

00:08:46.320 that people who have

00:08:47.600 a reputation

00:08:48.040 for always complaining

00:08:49.020 have earned that reputation

00:08:50.900 most of the time

00:08:52.140 by complaining a lot.

00:08:53.220 So what if it's true?

00:08:54.980 Well, then you can't blame

00:08:56.440 your husband

00:08:56.920 for lacking sympathy.

00:08:58.500 You also can't blame him

00:08:59.620 for wanting to get out

00:09:00.360 of the house

00:09:00.700 and go golfing.

00:09:04.620 People just don't care.

00:09:08.900 How can they care?

00:09:10.120 How can someone care

00:09:11.280 when you're complaining

00:09:11.920 always at a certain point?

00:09:13.880 It's natural.

00:09:14.500 It's human.

00:09:15.100 Someone goes,

00:09:15.680 okay, what now?

00:09:17.380 We don't talk enough

00:09:18.220 about what complaining can do.

00:09:20.480 Complaining,

00:09:21.100 it's not like infidelity.

00:09:22.280 It's not going to blow up

00:09:23.220 your marriage

00:09:23.640 in one big dramatic explosion.

00:09:29.760 Complaining is more like,

00:09:30.860 it's more like,

00:09:31.580 it's like rust

00:09:33.060 that eats away gradually.

00:09:34.820 It makes the structure

00:09:35.660 of your marriage

00:09:36.420 weaker and more brittle

00:09:37.600 and it's just this kind of

00:09:39.160 gnawing, nagging,

00:09:40.400 constant thing.

00:09:42.480 Nobody likes to be

00:09:43.360 around a complainer.

00:09:44.320 It's not a lack of love

00:09:45.260 on their part,

00:09:45.780 it's just that it's

00:09:46.420 literally impossible.

00:09:47.900 I mean, actually,

00:09:48.840 physically impossible

00:09:49.600 to enjoy being around someone

00:09:51.240 who whines and peaches 1.00

00:09:52.380 and moans all the time.

00:09:53.240 I understand there's

00:09:53.840 a gender difference here.

00:09:54.780 Women are more prone 1.00

00:09:55.700 to complaining.

00:09:56.520 Wow.

00:09:58.720 I didn't know that.

00:09:59.820 I just,

00:10:00.280 you're telling me now

00:10:01.160 for the first time.

00:10:02.340 Part of that is that

00:10:03.220 women are more expressive, 1.00

00:10:04.500 more emotional.

00:10:05.120 They talk more about

00:10:05.800 how they feel,

00:10:06.760 which means that

00:10:07.400 it's always going to be

00:10:08.500 more repulsive

00:10:09.280 and more unattractive

00:10:10.680 for a man to be a whiner 1.00

00:10:11.920 than it is for a woman.

00:10:13.600 But that doesn't let

00:10:14.240 women off the hook. 1.00

00:10:15.460 Really think about it.

00:10:16.700 Has that become

00:10:17.820 the majority

00:10:18.920 of what you communicate

00:10:20.260 to him?

00:10:21.660 And if so,

00:10:22.780 you are killing

00:10:23.560 your marriage.

00:10:24.220 You are killing it.

00:10:25.380 You're destroying it.

00:10:26.900 And here's one more thought.

00:10:27.780 If you're prone to talking

00:10:28.800 about your frustrations

00:10:29.780 and burdens,

00:10:30.320 you should also talk

00:10:31.500 about the other side too.

00:10:33.220 You should talk about

00:10:33.860 what makes you happy.

00:10:35.020 When you have a good day,

00:10:36.300 you should talk about that.

00:10:37.760 I think complainers,

00:10:39.200 when the situation

00:10:40.520 really metastasizes,

00:10:42.040 they won't even tell

00:10:43.320 their spouse

00:10:43.980 if they had a good day.

00:10:45.720 It's like this contest

00:10:47.600 of who's more put upon.

00:10:50.160 And that's when

00:10:50.620 the situation is really bad.

00:10:52.120 And that's when you're

00:10:53.140 acting in a way

00:10:53.840 that could be catastrophic

00:10:55.020 for your marriage.

00:10:55.800 So I don't know

00:10:56.900 if any of that

00:10:58.960 is necessarily the case here.

00:11:00.180 But when I see

00:11:01.140 these kinds of things,

00:11:01.860 when people are

00:11:02.520 talking about

00:11:03.780 their marital disputes

00:11:05.000 and you see this sort of thing

00:11:06.220 just mentioned as an aside,

00:11:07.680 oh yeah,

00:11:07.960 he says I complain all the time.

00:11:08.940 Anyway,

00:11:09.880 it's like oftentimes

00:11:10.840 it's,

00:11:11.240 wait a minute,

00:11:11.940 that right there,

00:11:12.940 that's something there.

00:11:15.660 That's not in any way

00:11:16.760 and you move on.

00:11:17.860 When someone you know

00:11:18.880 and love

00:11:19.440 gives you

00:11:21.620 that kind of feedback

00:11:22.520 about yourself,

00:11:23.700 you got to take it

00:11:24.480 very seriously.

00:11:26.160 And you should also

00:11:27.160 take my feedback seriously

00:11:28.080 because after all,

00:11:29.780 I am a podcaster.

00:11:32.240 That's it.

00:11:33.740 Great shot.

The Matt Walsh Show - January 18, 2025

Correcting Bad Parenting Advice ｜ Matt Walsh Reads Reddit Stories

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