The Matt Walsh Show - January 18, 2025


Correcting Bad Parenting Advice ｜ Matt Walsh Reads Reddit Stories


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

206.26512

Word Count

2,388

Sentence Count

174

Misogynist Sentences

9

Hate Speech Sentences

5


Summary

It's okay to want a break sometimes. It's also okay to be tired and stressed out sometimes. But if you spend every day just anxiously waiting for your kid to be out of your hair, then you are indeed just wishing your life away.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I could not go on without you, Lisa.
00:00:02.980 You're scaring me.
00:00:05.160 You are lying. I never hit you.
00:00:07.820 You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
00:00:10.340 Okay, we're ready, Matt.
00:00:11.940 Okay, as we do some times here,
00:00:14.400 we're going to take a look at,
00:00:16.400 go over to Reddit, where people often go
00:00:18.560 seeking advice,
00:00:20.500 advice in many different areas of their life.
00:00:22.820 But in particular,
00:00:24.320 this is somewhere where parents will go
00:00:26.900 looking for advice,
00:00:28.020 which is like the worst possible place to go.
00:00:31.720 And so we're going to go through some of these questions
00:00:33.700 and they may be looking for advice
00:00:36.560 from strangers on Reddit,
00:00:38.140 but instead they're going to get advice from me,
00:00:39.820 which, as you know, the advice that I give
00:00:41.700 is at least a little better
00:00:43.780 than what you'll get from random people on Reddit.
00:00:46.580 So I'll say that much for myself.
00:00:48.680 Okay, there's this one.
00:00:49.520 It says, I can't wait for today to be over every day.
00:00:52.020 I'm literally wishing away my life
00:00:53.520 and time with my toddler while she's still so young.
00:00:55.920 I can't wait for her to go to bed every night.
00:00:57.520 This is a me problem, not her.
00:00:59.000 She's amazing, fun, and funny.
00:01:00.180 A good sleeper, a good eater.
00:01:01.480 Generally very well behaved,
00:01:02.620 but I'm overwhelmed as a parent,
00:01:03.800 overstimulated, tired,
00:01:04.900 and just want to veg out every night
00:01:06.240 because my brain is too full.
00:01:07.960 I feel so guilty.
00:01:09.060 Has anyone else felt like this for a long time?
00:01:11.040 Like 19 plus months?
00:01:12.520 What did you do?
00:01:13.220 How did you get over it?
00:01:14.420 And reading the responses,
00:01:15.540 and of course everyone is saying,
00:01:16.740 yeah, it's totally normal and okay to feel this way.
00:01:19.140 And that's all you're ever going to get from Reddit.
00:01:20.600 That's all you're going to get from a lot of people,
00:01:22.540 especially the internet.
00:01:24.000 If you pose a dilemma like this on the internet anywhere,
00:01:27.000 not just on Reddit,
00:01:28.120 you get people encouraging you
00:01:29.480 to continue along a path
00:01:32.280 that you obviously feel bad about.
00:01:34.340 You're going down a path I can't follow.
00:01:37.440 Because of Michael Knowles.
00:01:40.500 Now, can any parent relate?
00:01:42.380 Well, yeah, of course.
00:01:43.400 I have found myself on plenty of occasions
00:01:45.340 eagerly awaiting bedtime.
00:01:46.980 But that doesn't mean that it's fine.
00:01:49.180 We actually should not have this attitude as parents.
00:01:53.220 So you should fight against it.
00:01:54.520 Fight back!
00:01:55.740 You coward!
00:01:56.620 Fight back!
00:01:59.120 It's okay to want a break.
00:02:00.440 It's okay to be tired and stressed out sometimes.
00:02:02.500 But if you find that you spend every day
00:02:04.660 just anxiously waiting for your kid
00:02:06.340 to be out of your hair,
00:02:07.460 then yeah, that's a problem.
00:02:08.940 Because you are indeed just wishing your life away.
00:02:11.300 You have to make the choice to enjoy
00:02:13.160 being with your kid.
00:02:16.080 All done?
00:02:16.580 All done?
00:02:19.280 We're a culture obsessed with instant gratification.
00:02:22.980 We're, you know,
00:02:23.600 we're the kind of people that
00:02:24.820 we watch a movie
00:02:26.320 and if it doesn't thrill us
00:02:27.620 within the first three minutes,
00:02:28.960 we turn it off.
00:02:37.100 We don't want to expend any effort at all
00:02:40.280 in the pursuit of enjoyment
00:02:41.620 or more precisely of joy.
00:02:43.880 And as a result,
00:02:45.780 we rob ourselves of true joy
00:02:47.720 because true joy requires effort to obtain.
00:02:50.500 And you got to do that with your kids,
00:02:51.840 which isn't to say that you have to lie to yourself
00:02:54.180 and convince yourself
00:02:55.280 that you enjoy being around them when you don't.
00:02:57.040 It just means you have to try.
00:02:58.060 You have to make the effort.
00:02:59.380 You know, I mentioned a few days ago
00:03:01.300 on the show that we played Monopoly
00:03:04.060 two nights in a row during Christmas break.
00:03:06.460 Well, that second night,
00:03:07.440 I was not planning to play a board game with my kids
00:03:10.300 because I was having one of those
00:03:11.660 waiting for bedtime type of nights.
00:03:14.180 It was like six o'clock or so
00:03:15.600 and I was already doing the math of like,
00:03:17.760 my plan was what we put a movie on for the kids
00:03:19.940 and it'll, you know,
00:03:21.460 if the movie is this long,
00:03:22.860 by the time it's over,
00:03:23.560 it'll be bedtime.
00:03:24.340 But then I had to stop and recognize
00:03:25.480 that this is happening in myself,
00:03:27.900 recognize that this is not the right attitude.
00:03:29.740 And so I said,
00:03:30.580 kind of in spite of myself,
00:03:31.920 you know,
00:03:32.340 let's play Monopoly again.
00:03:33.380 The kids were,
00:03:34.040 of course,
00:03:34.240 thrilled with that.
00:03:35.280 And I did.
00:03:35.960 And we had a fun time.
00:03:37.220 You know,
00:03:37.440 we put the effort in
00:03:38.960 and then once you get into the flow of it,
00:03:40.480 I actually ended up having fun
00:03:42.400 and enjoyed it,
00:03:43.860 especially because I won.
00:03:44.880 Next one says,
00:03:45.440 is it normal to love your child
00:03:46.920 more than your spouse?
00:03:48.280 Ever since the birth of our son,
00:03:49.660 my first and my wife's third,
00:03:50.940 I feel like my relationship with my spouse
00:03:52.440 has taken a back seat.
00:03:53.740 Maybe it's due to the new dynamic
00:03:54.940 and not having as much time for one another,
00:03:56.680 but I find myself
00:03:57.520 becoming more and more distant from my wife,
00:03:58.960 investing more and more of myself
00:04:00.260 into my relationship with my son.
00:04:01.500 I love my wife
00:04:02.320 and can't imagine not having her in my life,
00:04:04.040 but it feels like every day is a battle with her.
00:04:06.120 We could never agree
00:04:06.840 or have any sort of meaningful dialogue
00:04:08.240 about how I'm feeling.
00:04:09.400 Is this a normal phase?
00:04:10.640 And will it pass?
00:04:11.580 Should I look into counseling?
00:04:15.000 You don't need counseling.
00:04:16.300 You also certainly don't need
00:04:17.340 the counseling of Redditors
00:04:18.500 because once again,
00:04:20.660 a lot of the comments are,
00:04:22.260 yeah, it's normal.
00:04:23.120 You know, this is,
00:04:23.820 it's what it is.
00:04:25.220 Once you have a kid,
00:04:25.820 you love your kid more than your spouse.
00:04:27.320 This is the response you get from people.
00:04:31.400 Although you don't need counseling for it,
00:04:33.500 I don't think it is wrong.
00:04:35.380 Like you should not love your child
00:04:37.020 more than your spouse.
00:04:38.100 That may be normal
00:04:39.440 in the sense that it's how
00:04:40.820 a lot of families operate these days,
00:04:42.820 but that's why is it normal
00:04:45.520 is the wrong question to ask.
00:04:47.600 Question is whether it is good,
00:04:49.640 whether it is healthy,
00:04:50.740 whether it is how it ought to be,
00:04:53.700 whether it will make your family stronger,
00:04:56.640 whether it's good for your kids,
00:04:58.280 whether it's good for your spouse.
00:04:59.560 The best thing you can do for your child
00:05:01.380 is to prioritize your wife first.
00:05:04.940 Good call, baby doll.
00:05:07.560 I mean, the relationship with your child
00:05:09.100 is important,
00:05:10.720 but it's not what the family is built on.
00:05:13.620 And you can go through seasons
00:05:15.640 with your child,
00:05:16.440 especially I imagine as they get older,
00:05:18.180 where there's some tension,
00:05:20.100 where there's,
00:05:20.980 where you're not connecting with your child.
00:05:22.660 I mean, these things are going to happen
00:05:24.020 through the course of parenting.
00:05:25.020 And that's going to happen.
00:05:28.720 It doesn't put the family in jeopardy though.
00:05:31.500 But when you're not prioritizing your spouse,
00:05:33.840 it does.
00:05:34.920 You know what I love about New Year's?
00:05:36.120 It's not just about watching that ball drop
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00:06:45.080 Next question says,
00:06:46.500 am I being too dependent
00:06:47.480 on my husband?
00:06:48.380 Today's been tough.
00:06:49.460 It's that time of the month
00:06:50.460 that I'm feeling
00:06:50.840 absolutely miserable.
00:06:51.900 Lightheaded,
00:06:52.360 heart racing week.
00:06:53.400 Arms are heavy,
00:06:54.340 there's vomit on his sweater already.
00:06:56.020 I told my husband
00:06:56.460 how I'm feeling.
00:06:57.120 He said he was concerned,
00:06:57.980 but I also know he's unfazed
00:06:59.320 because he says
00:06:59.860 I'm always complaining
00:07:00.660 about something.
00:07:01.440 What's bothering me
00:07:02.120 is right before he left,
00:07:03.140 he mentioned to our two-year-old
00:07:04.060 that he's going golfing
00:07:04.960 prior to going to work.
00:07:05.860 So basically,
00:07:06.540 he was letting me know indirectly.
00:07:08.200 He usually asks
00:07:08.780 if he can go golfing,
00:07:09.820 which I always say yes to.
00:07:11.400 I do sometimes find it annoying
00:07:12.540 when he asks
00:07:13.100 because I'm a default parent.
00:07:14.620 He has the freedom
00:07:15.100 to decide what to do
00:07:15.920 with his free time.
00:07:16.800 He doesn't need my permission
00:07:17.740 and he doesn't have to plan
00:07:18.900 around anyone's schedule,
00:07:20.140 but he didn't even ask this time.
00:07:21.660 I get it he needs a break,
00:07:22.700 but couldn't he have offered
00:07:23.620 to stay home
00:07:24.200 and help me with the kids?
00:07:25.440 I'm not expecting him
00:07:26.160 to take care of me,
00:07:27.000 but a little support
00:07:27.560 would be nice.
00:07:28.520 Before he left,
00:07:29.100 he asked what my plan was
00:07:30.280 for when the kids nap
00:07:31.100 and I said I'd lay down.
00:07:32.400 He just agreed and took off.
00:07:33.600 I feel like I'm being unreasonable,
00:07:35.120 but at the same time,
00:07:35.900 I wish he'd show
00:07:36.600 a bit more empathy.
00:07:38.340 Am I overreacting?
00:07:40.300 I want to focus really
00:07:41.120 on just one part of this.
00:07:42.400 The real answer here
00:07:43.200 is the obvious one,
00:07:43.960 which is you need to talk
00:07:44.700 to your husband.
00:07:45.680 Just take exactly
00:07:46.800 what you've written on Reddit
00:07:48.840 for strangers to chime in
00:07:50.500 and just say that
00:07:51.440 to your husband.
00:07:52.060 Don't scream it at him.
00:07:53.540 Don't scold him.
00:07:55.180 Just say it.
00:07:55.920 That's a good place to start.
00:07:56.900 Maybe your husband
00:07:57.300 should help you
00:07:57.760 with the kids more.
00:07:58.600 Maybe from his perspective,
00:07:59.660 you actually get more breaks
00:08:01.080 and have more time off
00:08:02.340 than he does.
00:08:02.920 I don't know.
00:08:03.560 I mean, that's where
00:08:04.380 communication is important,
00:08:05.620 you know, to figure that out.
00:08:07.100 But I do want to
00:08:09.000 home in on the bit
00:08:11.040 about complaining.
00:08:12.320 Your husband says
00:08:13.240 that you're always
00:08:14.320 complaining about something.
00:08:15.420 I'm going to constantly
00:08:16.420 complain about my fibromyalgia.
00:08:18.560 You don't have fibromyalgia.
00:08:20.000 No one does.
00:08:20.720 Now, predictably,
00:08:21.560 the Reddit commenters
00:08:22.480 are going to say
00:08:23.440 that your husband
00:08:24.280 is dismissive
00:08:25.100 and uncaring
00:08:25.680 and what a horrible thing
00:08:27.380 for him to say.
00:08:28.360 And maybe that's the case.
00:08:29.160 But my question is,
00:08:30.160 is he right?
00:08:31.600 Yes.
00:08:32.040 If you don't complain
00:08:32.800 very much at all,
00:08:33.760 but in this case,
00:08:34.620 you're just trying
00:08:35.500 to tell him how you feel,
00:08:36.660 trying to tell him
00:08:37.040 you don't feel well,
00:08:38.020 and his response
00:08:38.740 is just to blow you off
00:08:39.740 and say that you always
00:08:41.020 complain about something
00:08:41.760 and then go golfing,
00:08:43.040 well, then he'd be in the wrong.
00:08:44.500 But I have found
00:08:45.540 in my experience
00:08:46.320 that people who have
00:08:47.600 a reputation
00:08:48.040 for always complaining
00:08:49.020 have earned that reputation
00:08:50.900 most of the time
00:08:52.140 by complaining a lot.
00:08:53.220 So what if it's true?
00:08:54.980 Well, then you can't blame
00:08:56.440 your husband
00:08:56.920 for lacking sympathy.
00:08:58.500 You also can't blame him
00:08:59.620 for wanting to get out
00:09:00.360 of the house
00:09:00.700 and go golfing.
00:09:04.620 People just don't care.
00:09:08.900 How can they care?
00:09:10.120 How can someone care
00:09:11.280 when you're complaining
00:09:11.920 always at a certain point?
00:09:13.880 It's natural.
00:09:14.500 It's human.
00:09:15.100 Someone goes,
00:09:15.680 okay, what now?
00:09:17.380 We don't talk enough
00:09:18.220 about what complaining can do.
00:09:20.480 Complaining,
00:09:21.100 it's not like infidelity.
00:09:22.280 It's not going to blow up
00:09:23.220 your marriage
00:09:23.640 in one big dramatic explosion.
00:09:29.760 Complaining is more like,
00:09:30.860 it's more like,
00:09:31.580 it's like rust
00:09:33.060 that eats away gradually.
00:09:34.820 It makes the structure
00:09:35.660 of your marriage
00:09:36.420 weaker and more brittle
00:09:37.600 and it's just this kind of
00:09:39.160 gnawing, nagging,
00:09:40.400 constant thing.
00:09:42.480 Nobody likes to be
00:09:43.360 around a complainer.
00:09:44.320 It's not a lack of love
00:09:45.260 on their part,
00:09:45.780 it's just that it's
00:09:46.420 literally impossible.
00:09:47.900 I mean, actually,
00:09:48.840 physically impossible
00:09:49.600 to enjoy being around someone
00:09:51.240 who whines and peaches
00:09:52.380 and moans all the time.
00:09:53.240 I understand there's
00:09:53.840 a gender difference here.
00:09:54.780 Women are more prone
00:09:55.700 to complaining.
00:09:56.520 Wow.
00:09:58.720 I didn't know that.
00:09:59.820 I just,
00:10:00.280 you're telling me now
00:10:01.160 for the first time.
00:10:02.340 Part of that is that
00:10:03.220 women are more expressive,
00:10:04.500 more emotional.
00:10:05.120 They talk more about
00:10:05.800 how they feel,
00:10:06.760 which means that
00:10:07.400 it's always going to be
00:10:08.500 more repulsive
00:10:09.280 and more unattractive
00:10:10.680 for a man to be a whiner
00:10:11.920 than it is for a woman.
00:10:13.600 But that doesn't let
00:10:14.240 women off the hook.
00:10:15.460 Really think about it.
00:10:16.700 Has that become
00:10:17.820 the majority
00:10:18.920 of what you communicate
00:10:20.260 to him?
00:10:21.660 And if so,
00:10:22.780 you are killing
00:10:23.560 your marriage.
00:10:24.220 You are killing it.
00:10:25.380 You're destroying it.
00:10:26.900 And here's one more thought.
00:10:27.780 If you're prone to talking
00:10:28.800 about your frustrations
00:10:29.780 and burdens,
00:10:30.320 you should also talk
00:10:31.500 about the other side too.
00:10:33.220 You should talk about
00:10:33.860 what makes you happy.
00:10:35.020 When you have a good day,
00:10:36.300 you should talk about that.
00:10:37.760 I think complainers,
00:10:39.200 when the situation
00:10:40.520 really metastasizes,
00:10:42.040 they won't even tell
00:10:43.320 their spouse
00:10:43.980 if they had a good day.
00:10:45.720 It's like this contest
00:10:47.600 of who's more put upon.
00:10:50.160 And that's when
00:10:50.620 the situation is really bad.
00:10:52.120 And that's when you're
00:10:53.140 acting in a way
00:10:53.840 that could be catastrophic
00:10:55.020 for your marriage.
00:10:55.800 So I don't know
00:10:56.900 if any of that
00:10:58.960 is necessarily the case here.
00:11:00.180 But when I see
00:11:01.140 these kinds of things,
00:11:01.860 when people are
00:11:02.520 talking about
00:11:03.780 their marital disputes
00:11:05.000 and you see this sort of thing
00:11:06.220 just mentioned as an aside,
00:11:07.680 oh yeah,
00:11:07.960 he says I complain all the time.
00:11:08.940 Anyway,
00:11:09.880 it's like oftentimes
00:11:10.840 it's,
00:11:11.240 wait a minute,
00:11:11.940 that right there,
00:11:12.940 that's something there.
00:11:15.660 That's not in any way
00:11:16.760 and you move on.
00:11:17.860 When someone you know
00:11:18.880 and love
00:11:19.440 gives you
00:11:21.620 that kind of feedback
00:11:22.520 about yourself,
00:11:23.700 you got to take it
00:11:24.480 very seriously.
00:11:26.160 And you should also
00:11:27.160 take my feedback seriously
00:11:28.080 because after all,
00:11:29.780 I am a podcaster.
00:11:32.240 That's it.
00:11:33.740 Great shot.