'Do Long Distance Relationships Work？' Matt Walsh Gives Advice
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211.02144
Summary
Pastor Matt's advice on when it's too soon to get married, and why it's better to wait until you're older, and how soon a relationship is too soon for marriage, in the opinion of a young adult.
Transcript
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I'm looking for Matt, and I don't know if you're the right man, but I need to speak to you right
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now, please. Okay, we'll go to the email to find some people that are seeking advice on various
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different issues in their life. This is from Isaac, says, Dear Sweet Daddy, the guest preacher
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at the last worship service my college's ministry holds spoke about the Apostle Paul's message in
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1 Corinthians chapter 8 about how a married person's attention is divided between God and
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their spouse, and so Paul says it is better to remain single. The preacher and his wife of 18
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years then encouraged us to enjoy singleness and to not rush to get married too soon. However,
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I have also read passages about how it's good to get married, and I'm having trouble reconciling
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these two sentiments. Should I wait to seek a wife until I'm older, and how soon a relationship
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is too soon for marriage, in your opinion? How soon is too soon? I feel like that question comes up in
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every segment we do, but I've said, you know, I think six months for engagement is, like, there's
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no exact time frame, and I'm biased because I'm only telling you what happened for me, but I think
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six months is enough time to discern that you want to get engaged, and then you get engaged, but you
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don't need to be engaged for five years either. As to what the pastor said, you know, I think that it's
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at the best naive in the extreme, unhelpful, you know, in this environment. We're talking to young
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people, so you said you're a college student, right, so you're a young adult, and just have the
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message be, enjoy singleness. I certainly hope there was at least more to it than that. It's not
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so easy, especially from everything that I hear from single people all the time that are looking
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for someone. It's, you know, to just enjoy it and enjoy being alone, especially when most of us have
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this longing to find a companion that's very natural, and to just say, oh, I'll just enjoy being
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single out in this decaying society of ours. So I think that's at best naive, and it's also a
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misinterpretation of that particular passage of 1 Corinthians. It's a very specific situation,
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a moment in time, not that it has no application outside of that, but he's talking to people in a
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specific situation that I don't think is intended for you to be taken as a young adult in modern
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American 2023. I don't think that that verse is the Apostle Paul telling you that it's better if
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you don't get married. There are some people who are called to that, where you are called to a life
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of service outside of marriage, but for most people, that's not your vocation. That's not what you're
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called to. You should discern whether that's the case, but it sounds like for you, you know you want
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to get married eventually, so that's not the case for you. Also, in that same verse, if I'm not
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mistaken, I could look it up, but right after saying that, he also mentions that even in that
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context in which he was writing, if not getting married is going to lead you into sin, you know,
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into sexual sin, now you're having sexual relations outside of marriage and that sort of thing,
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if that's where it's going to lead you to, then it's better to get married. You know, he even says
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that in that passage, and I don't think that that's the only reason to get married, but it is
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also true. Trying to be chased and observe biblical sexual morality as a young single adult in modern
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America is a very difficult thing, and to just think that that's good, and for a pastor to say,
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well, do that indefinitely is not very practical. I don't think it's good advice. Man, that's some bad
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advice. So, I think already, as a young adult, you know, you're thinking about marriage, and you get
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into the dating scene with that in mind, and it doesn't mean that the first person you go on a date
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with, you're going to get married to. It's just that that's the end goal you have in mind, and you are,
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you know, it's like a, it's a mutual job interview.
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Where you are seeing if each other are the right fit for, for marriage down the line, but it's
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important to have that end goal in mind, to know, so you're dating with a purpose, you know what this
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is supposed to be leading to, you know the kind of standard that you're, that you're looking for,
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and there's no reason why you can't think, start thinking about that right now. You know, it takes a
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puretalk.com slash Walsh. Pure Talk. Wireless for Americans by Americans. Rachel says,
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Hi, Matt. I'm in the military, currently stationed overseas, and I'll be getting stationed in Alaska
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three months from now. I'm in a relationship with a man that I could see myself spending the rest of
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my life with, but he was sent to be stationed in the southeastern U.S. a few months ago.
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We still talk on the phone nearly every day since he left, and we watch movies and shows together
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on video chat. We send each other books to read and songs to listen to, all of which I'm beyond
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grateful for, but I'm so scared that the distance will eventually cause us to drift apart and I'll
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lose him forever. He's given me no reason to think this way. He always expresses that he misses me and
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he loves talking to me, and he's even told me that he doesn't want to lose me either. I'm trying to
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just enjoy every moment I share with him, but there are times that the fear of losing him is
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too overwhelming. Do you have any advice for pushing past this fear or on keeping a long
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relationship strong over a long period of time? I think it's sort of similar advice to what I just
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gave. I think that I don't know how long you guys were dating before you ended up being sent to
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different parts of the world. In any dating situation, it's important to have that end goal in mind and for
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you both to understand that that's what you're working towards is eventually getting engaged and
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getting married. If either one of you has ruled that out as a possibility or you have no interest
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in even thinking about marriage right now, then that's something that should be communicated to
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the other because that means that this is a relationship doomed to fail, and it's probably
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better to just cut it off now. Cut it out. Get out of here. Or you can hang on until the heartbreak
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comes down the line. So that's the case in any dating relationship, but I think especially in a
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situation like this where you guys are time zones apart, it's important to have that end goal in
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mind. So I would start talking about that if you haven't already. And I think that gives you your
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best chance when you both know where this is leading, what you want for the future. It's not
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like this open-ended. So having an open-ended, ambiguous kind of relationship is potentially fatal
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to the relationship in any context, but especially when you're not even physically around each other.
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So that's one thing I would certainly do. All right. We'll leave it there for today. Godspeed.