Ep. 348 - The Great Columbus
Episode Stats
Words per minute
167.04143
Harmful content
Misogyny
18
sentences flagged
Toxicity
91
sentences flagged
Hate speech
23
sentences flagged
Summary
Happy Columbus Day, everybody! Today is a day to remember a great man. Why was he great? Well, because he sailed across uncharted waters to an unknown destination, and then he did it 3 more times. And in the process, he vastly expanded our knowledge and understanding of the world.
Transcript
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Happy Columbus Day, everybody, and congratulations to anybody out there who actually gets to take off on Columbus Day.
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I think that's a group that's now limited to public school teachers and post office employees.
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I don't know if anyone else gets off anymore for Columbus Day, but it is a day to remember a great man.
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And yes, I say a great man. Christopher Columbus was a great man.
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Why was he great? Well, because he sailed across uncharted waters to an unknown destination,
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and then he did it three more times. And in the process, he vastly expanded our knowledge and understanding of the world.
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He planted the seeds of Western civilization. He changed the globe. He changed the course of history.
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He had an impact on civilization that has lasted for 500 years and will last for 500 more than 1,000 years after that.
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I would say that's something, isn't it? That's kind of impressive, maybe worthy of a statue, maybe worthy of your own day.
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Now, if you want to have your own day in the future, you want to have your own statue, then do the same thing.
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Change the course of history. Go ahead and try, if it's so easy to do.
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One thing I'll say about Columbus Day, he certainly had an impact on history that far exceeds the impact
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that his ungrateful modern critics, who enjoy the bounty of Western civilization,
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while whining about the men who provided that bounty to them, will have.
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Because those people who sit on Twitter and complain and say,
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Christopher Columbus, he was a genocidal maniac, those people are going to die and be forgotten.
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Because they're not doing anything with their lives.
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Christopher Columbus is remembered 500 years later.
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All I'm going to say is this, is that if, and hopefully maybe we can at least agree on this score.
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If you can't even drive to the neighboring state, I forget about that.
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If you can't even drive to your neighboring town, if you can't even drive to your local grocery store,
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without the help of a satellite orbiting the earth, giving you step-by-step instructions,
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saying, turn left here, turn right there, go 1.2 miles, turn right.
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if you can't even get to your CVS five blocks away,
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Then maybe you can at least admit that it's kind of impressive that Columbus and his crew managed to make a voyage across thousands of miles of open ocean,
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and then make it to a certain area on the map that wasn't even on the map yet,
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Using routes, by the way, that are still used today.
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Yes, it's true that Columbus committed the sin of not already having a completed map in front of him.
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Well, in fact, if you had a completed map, you couldn't use it,
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and I gave you a map to show you how to get to Lexington, Kentucky,
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listen, dummy, make a right here, left there,
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is because no one had made a map of the world yet,
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and the reason no one had made a map of the world
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is that no one had seen the entire world, okay?
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The Vikings didn't understand what they had discovered.
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But yeah, Leif Erikson, I mean, give the Vikings credit too.
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cross the entire expanse of the continental U.S.
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You have no idea how long you're going to be gone
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and to prevent them from throwing you overboard
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when they get sick and tired of being on the ship
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and to make sure that everyone doesn't starve to death