Ep. 45 - Guilt Is Good
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Summary
Guilt is a good sign of love. It's a sign of spiritual alertness. And it's a bad sign if you don't feel guilty for sinning. But it's not a bad thing if you do feel guilty.
Transcript
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Quick reminder at the top here, the Western Conservative Summit is June 8th and June 9th,
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so that's Friday and Saturday. I'm going to be speaking on Friday morning. I hope you can come
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out. It's in Denver. I guess I should probably let you know that. It's in Denver, and the theme
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this year, it's a good theme. It's fortifying freedom, which is not only catchy with the
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alliteration, but it's also just a really very meaty kind of subject. So I have a few things to
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say about freedom that I hope will be useful to you. Now, I want to talk about spiritual stuff
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today. I tell you that by way of disclaimer at the top. This particular show will be rated R for
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religious. Just so you know, I know that that kind of content is disturbing and distasteful to some
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people, so just fair warning. Now, I received an email from somebody who brings up an interesting
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subject, and I thought it'd be worth discussing with you. The subject is guilt. I will summarize
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the email for you. He says he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian, though recently he finds
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that he's experiencing a lot of guilt for past sins, for things in his past, and very intense guilt
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sometimes, and he's not sure what he should do with these feelings or if he should even be feeling
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them. Isn't the Christian life supposed to be guilt-free? That's what a lot of people seem to
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think. He says that the church he attends is not much help because it's a church that tends to treat
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guilt as an objectively bad thing, you know, that you should just let go of. You should forget,
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move on, not worry about it. His church seems to preach—he didn't use this term, but he seems to
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preach kind of a self-acceptance gospel where guilt is nothing but an obstacle to be overcome.
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He wants to know if I have a better answer to the question of guilt. I don't know if I do. I hope
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that I do. I'll give it a try. So, a few things on the subject of guilt. First, it's a good sign
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if you have it. If you have guilt, that's a good sign. It doesn't mean that you're meant to stew in it
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or drown in it your whole life, but it is a good sign. It's a sign of spiritual alertness.
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It's a sign of love. Guilt is a sign of love. Now, many Christians, I think today, it would seem
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that many Christians today feel very little guilt. And so, that means that Christians who do feel guilt,
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they end up feeling even more alone and more lost and confused because their fellow Christians can't
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seem to relate to them. Because there are some who can live in sin, can be dishonest, gossipy,
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materialistic, selfish, lustful, so on and so forth, and yet feel almost no guilt for it.
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And the thing is, they'll say that they lack this guilt because they have faith in God. And so,
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what they claim is that their lack of guilt is a sign, a symptom of their faith and of their
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confidence in God's forgiveness. But that's not really the case. Simply not the case. Their lack of
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guilt is due to their lack of love for God. A Christian who has never experienced serious,
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deep guilt either has never sinned. So, I'm not in that category. I don't know about you.
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Or the other explanation is they don't love God and they don't really care about their faith.
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Those are really the only two explanations for a Christian who has, who really just never
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experiences guilt. I've used this analogy before, but if you cheat on your wife and you feel no guilt
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for it, and maybe you apologize, but you're like, yeah, my bad about it. Sorry about the whole
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cheating thing. Anyway, what's for dinner? If you have a callous disregard for your wife and for your
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vows, you can't claim that this is somehow a sign of your confidence in those vows. You can't claim
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that, oh yeah, well, I don't feel guilty because I know my wife loves me and she wouldn't want me to
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feel guilty. So, that's why I don't feel guilty. No. If you approach it that way, if you feel no
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guilt for betraying your wife in such a terrible, evil way, it's because you don't love your wife
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and you don't care about your vows. And therefore, you're very far away from the place that you need
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to be in order for true reconciliation to happen. In order for the marriage to be healed, you're very
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far away from it. Even if your wife is a wonderful, loving person and is ready to forgive and has a
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forgiving heart, the marriage cannot be saved while you still have that attitude. There are
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many Christians who have never struggled deeply with guilt, never feel the weight of it, don't
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understand what you mean when you talk about it. And so, that means they can't repent because the
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repentance would not be sincere. And without love for God and without repentance, then their souls are
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in a very dangerous state. And to even call them Christian at all is, well, it's a bit of a stretch,
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let's just say. But if you have guilt, then your guilt, this guilt that you feel, it means at the very
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least that you're aware of your sins, that you're alert spiritually, that you love God. You love God
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enough to feel distraught by your betrayal of him. Remember when you were a kid and how it always felt
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so much worse. If you got in trouble, it always felt, at least for me, I know, it always felt so
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much worse if your parents said, I'm disappointed. They don't yell, they don't scream, they just tell
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you they're disappointed. That always felt worse, especially if they really appear to be disappointed.
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Like, I don't know if you were ever a kid and you did something, especially when you get a little
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bit older and you did something really bad and you hurt your pain. It's clear that you hurt them
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and they're almost too hurt to even be angry. That's always the worst, right? That's always so much
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worse because you can tell that their disappointment in you and in what you did is rooted in their love
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for you. And this gives rise to guilt on your part that's rooted in your love for them.
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So that's the one thing we should remember, that guilt itself is a good sign. Second, we should
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remember that guilt itself is not the problem. You know, it's uncomfortable, it's painful, depending on
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the situation, depending on the guilt, it can even feel crushing sometimes. But the guilt is your,
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the guilt is your soul's response to sin. So sin is the problem. Guilt is not the problem. It's not,
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we shouldn't talk about getting rid of guilt. Sin is the problem. Guilt, true guilt, you know,
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what I think we could call healthy guilt, is the Holy Spirit working within you, calling you to
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repentance and reconciliation. I think the problem in our society today and the church especially is
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that we kind of go to war against guilt, but not against sin. We treat guilt as the problem itself,
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as if a healthy Christian ought to feel no guilt whatsoever, no matter what he does. But this is a
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sign of a dead Christian, of a non-Christian, of a soul that's on the precipice of hell.
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That's not the sign of a healthy Christian. The church should battle against sin and teach us
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how to respond to guilt, what to do with it, so that we can be free from the burden of the sin
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that sparked the guilt, not free from guilt. The objective is to be free from sin, not free from
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guilt. Be free from guilt because you're free of sin. I think guilt without a correct understanding
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of sin, guilt without an understanding of divine justice, can lead us to despair. And I think that's
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one of the reasons why we see so much despair in our secular society. So many people that are just,
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even if everything else around them, even if their whole life seems like it's a wonderful life in so
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many ways, still so many people are in despair. And one of the reasons for it, I'm not saying the only
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reason, but one of the reasons I think in so many cases is this kind of guilt that they don't know
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what to do with it. They just have it. It brings to mind one of my favorite scenes in my favorite
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show of all time, Breaking Bad. And in this scene, it's a brilliant scene, Jesse Pinkman, one of the
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primary characters on the show, he's a drug dealer, also a drug addict. And he's at this kind of drugs,
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it's kind of like a Narcotics Anonymous, I guess, meeting. And they're all sitting around in a circle
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on folding chairs. And the leader of the group is preaching self-acceptance. And he's telling
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everyone, just let go of your guilt, let go of your past, let go of the shame, accept yourself for
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who you are, forget about your past actions, forget about past evils, and just move on. Well, Jesse,
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it just so happens at this point in the show, has just murdered an innocent man. And he killed him
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because he thought he had to, he rationalized it that way. But now the guilt of that action,
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and of his life of crime in general, that guilt is just eating him alive.
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And he hears all this stuff about self-acceptance, but it's just garbage to him. It rings so hollow.
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It just, it's not, there's something deeper that he needs. And self-acceptance and moving on,
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that doesn't, it doesn't, that's not going to do it for him.
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So he launches into this brilliant monologue, I think one of the most morally insightful monologues
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in the history of television, where he's crying out. And he's saying, you know, that, that, that he
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should be punished for what he's done. He should be judged. He doesn't want to accept himself.
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He doesn't want to accept his sin. He wants there to be some kind of consequence. Because what's the
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point of life, if you can just do whatever you want and face no judgment at all? It was kind of
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a moment, kind of a theme right out of Dostoevsky, which is probably why I liked it so much. But the
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point is that letting go of guilt, which is what, you know, he was being told in this support group,
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just, just let go, let go. That's not good enough. It's not a good enough answer for those who are
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morally aware enough to actually experience true guilt. It's not good enough. There has to be
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repentance. There has to be accountability. There has to be justice. Even those who are not Christian,
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yet who have well-formed consciences, still kind of innately recognize this. Whereas Christians who
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do not have well-formed consciences do not recognize this. So I think what the church should be saying
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is, here's what I think the church should be saying about guilt. The church should be saying,
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you feel guilt because you've sinned, and your sins are detestable, and you are right to feel the way
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you do about them. You've betrayed your father who loves you, and if you love him, you should hate that
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fact, and you should hate your sin, and you should feel pain because of it. Now, take all of that
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before him, and repent, and resolve to never do it again. And you've got to have that resolution also.
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If you don't have the resolution, even if you fail to perfectly carry it out, if you don't make that
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resolution and mean it, then it's not repentance. Third thing, then the question is, maybe the most
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difficult question is, well, what do we do about repented sins that still bring guilt?
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What if you've really reformed your life, you've repented, you resolve to live differently, and
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you're really carrying that out, though imperfectly, you really have changed through God's grace, and yet
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still you have guilt for a past that you can't do anything about anymore? Maybe you've done terrible
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things. You can't do anything about it. You wish it never happened, but it did.
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And you still feel guilt for it, even though you've repented, and you've thrown yourself on
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the mercy of God. What do you do about that? And where does that come from? Now, I think,
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I hope I'm not speaking above my pay grade here, because this is a very deep question, but
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as I've thought about it, I think there could be a couple of different explanations for that kind of
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guilt. And they're very different explanations, so each person has to discern prayerfully which
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explanation applies to their case personally. But I think that persistent guilt for repented sins
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could be the result of Satan tormented you. Scripture tells us that Satan is our accuser,
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and he's quite relentless in his accusations. And of course, he doesn't care if you've repented.
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He'd prefer if you didn't, but that's not going to make him stop. So he might accuse you of repented
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sins to discourage you from repenting in the future, because he wants you to feel like repentance
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is kind of fruitless. But mostly, I think he just likes to see you suffer. He enjoys it. And he wants
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you to find faith and religion burdensome and tiring and painful. And he wants you to see it as a source
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of self-loathing so that you abandon it. And also, I think Satan is interested in punishing you for
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repenting. He takes that personally. He doesn't like it. And so he's going to try to speak to you in
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the back of your mind and say, oh, yeah, well, remember what you did? Remember this? Remember this thing you
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did? You disgusting person. But here again, even this guilt, which is really more of a false guilt
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because it comes not from the Holy Spirit, but from the evil spirit. But even this guilt is a sign
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that, you know, you're kind of onto something, that you're a threat to Satan, that he knows that you're
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almost lost to him, that you're on the right path. And he doesn't like that. So he throws this against
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you. This is a desperate. This is when Satan gets really desperate. This is his most desperate move
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is when he starts doing this. He's trying to just scare you. He doesn't bother. Keep in mind,
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he doesn't bother tormenting the shallowest kinds of people with guilt because their consciences are
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too dead anyway, and they have no love for God. So he's got nothing to work with and he doesn't need
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to anyway. He's perfectly fine. You know, he's perfectly fine with those kinds of people to just
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let them be comfortable. And if they never feel any guilt, then that's great as far as he's concerned.
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But if you're struggling deeply with guilt, then that means that he has raw material to work with.
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So like, look at it this way. If you're kind of a prodigal son figure, you live deeply in sin.
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Now you've come to God and you've come sincerely and you've repented. And that's a wonderful thing.
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God rejoices over every lost sheep that he finds. And that's wonderful. However, unfortunately,
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now Satan has a lot of raw material to work with. He's got the perfect raw material because he has
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your past sins on one hand, which he knows about and he's seen and he delighted in when they were
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happening. And he takes it very personally that you stop doing those things. So he has that on one
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hand. On the other hand, he has your love of God on the other. He also has your love of God. That's
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also raw material that he can work with. He can exploit both of them. He's got to play them off of
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each other. But you love God. You've got your past sins. So that's the material that he's working with.
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Now, how do you know if your guilt has this origin? Is it, you know, does this guilt have
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diabolical origin or does it have heavenly origin? Well, if it's a repented sin and the guilt
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that you feel from it leads to self-hatred and despair, well, then that's from Satan because
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God would never give you those kinds of feelings. He doesn't want you to feel that way. God will stir
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in your heart a guilt that will drive you to repent and to restoration and to reformation.
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He's going to give you a guilt, in other words, that brings you closer to him.
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But if your guilt is drawing you away into the abyss, into despair, into faithlessness,
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into self-hatred, into resentment, then you should know that it's not God leading you there.
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So rebuke Satan in that case and give yourself over to God and his protection because that's Satan.
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But, you know, I guess we have to ask ourselves, is all guilt for past sin, for repentant sin?
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Is that always necessarily the work of Satan? I don't think so. And this is where it gets confusing.
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It's very difficult. It sometimes can be hard to discern. It's a scary thing to think about. But
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as fallen people in our conscience, sometimes it can be hard to discern. Is this a voice of light
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speaking to you or a voice of darkness? It can be hard to discern sometimes. And Satan comes disguised
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as an angel of light. So, but I don't think that all guilt that you might feel, even for past sins,
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even for repentances, I don't think it's necessarily the work of Satan. And it would be a mistake
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to assume that it is. Because it could be a sign, number one, that your repentance was not true.
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It was not sincere. It was not complete. You know, when you've lived deeply in sin and you've done
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terrible things, to truly repent can sometimes be a process to really get yourself to a point or to
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allow God to get you through his grace to a point of really confronting that and feeling true sorrow
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for it. It's not something that will just happen overnight. I think we're mistaken if we assume
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that repentance and forgiveness are simple and painless acts. And we're mistaken if we assume that
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our journey out of the darkness is going to be quick and comfortable. It's not going to be.
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It's going to be a process. It takes some time. And so you may think that you've sufficiently repented,
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but you may not have. Especially, again, if it's a life of sin and you in a fleeting moment say,
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oh my gosh, I'm sorry. That may not be true repentance. That may just be an emotional experience
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that you had, a fleeting emotional experience. Now I'd ask you, you know, do you think, take a,
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let's just take a really horrible thing. So think about a rapist or a murderer. Can someone like that
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expect to repent sincerely and from then on feel no guilt, no pain, no sadness, no grief,
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no sorrow over what they've done? Of course not. Because our sins still have consequences. They still
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leave marks. They still cause scars in ourselves and on other people. They still have a weight to
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them, even when we repent. And this idea of cheap repentance, kind of like the cheap grace that
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Bonhoeffer talks about, it's very damaging. It's very misleading. After all, the worst sins that we can
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commit are the sins that cause scandal and hurt to other people. And so even if we've repented of the
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damage that we've done to other people, the other people may still have to live with what we've done.
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Depending on what it is, they may still have pain for the rest of their lives. They may still have
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even worse than that. You know, if we have been Christians and we've given a very bad example, we've
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scandalized other people with our example and led them into sin, it's a terrible thing. It's the worst
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thing. And those people may still be struggling because of us. And if we've really repented and we really
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love God and we really love our fellow man, of course, we're going to still feel some pain about
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that. A truly repented rapist is going to realize that, well, the person that he raped is still out
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there and they still are going to have to suffer from this for the rest of their lives. And I think
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this, you know, this becomes a stumbling block for a lot of people who maybe are considering becoming
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Christian. And they hear about this really cheap idea of repentance and forgiveness. And it causes a
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I've heard this from people. It causes them to think twice about becoming Christian because it
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just doesn't, there's something about it. It seems almost sociopathic. And they'll say, like,
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you're telling me that someone can do all these horrible things to other people and victimize them
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and then just in a second say, oh, I'm sorry. And they're good to go and they can just live the
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rest of their life just whistling on by, whistling through the rose bushes and just, you know,
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like smelling the roses, not even thinking about what they've done to anybody else.
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That's not right. Well, no, that's not the way it is. Of course, if we have done terrible things and
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we've hurt other people, especially, we're going to feel pain. It shouldn't be debilitating. It
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shouldn't be a self-loathing pain. It shouldn't lead us away from God and into despair, but it may still
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be there. And depending on what it is, it may always be there. And so maybe we have to live with
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it. We have to carry it. It's our cross that we have made for ourselves and it's our burden. We have
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to accept it in humility and carry on. At the very least, I think if we still have a certain pain over
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the thought of things we've done to other people, that's a pain that God may give to us. And one of the
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things that he wants us to do with it for sure is to pray for those other people. If we have ever
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scandalized somebody or victimized them in any way, we should be praying for them. Like every day,
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we should be praying for them for the rest of our lives. That's what true repentance is. It's not,
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it's just not good enough to say, well, sorry, I guess they'll have to deal with that. Anyway,
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I'm going to go over here. Good luck with all that that I did to you. See you later. No, we shouldn't
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hate ourselves for it. But, uh, I mean, it's just, it's, it's, it's not as simple as, as, as that is
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just riding off into the sunset. Like it never happened. One other thought I've found that, uh,
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I will experience. And one other thing about that, again, this is, and I think that's just so
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important to draw this distinction that even remembering past things that we've done, you know,
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the pain that comes with that. I know I already said this, but I just think it needs to be
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emphasized that it is not a self-loathing pain. And if it gets into self-loathing territory,
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then that is not from God. It's not, so it's, it's more of just throwing ourselves at the mercy
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of God, going to God and saying, you know, I know I've done this terrible thing. I've repented of it.
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What else can I do though? I want, I maybe I don't need to do anything, but what else can I,
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I want to do more to try to make it right, to try to correct what I've done. And so one of those
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things God might say is, well, you know, you've hurt somebody you've done pray for them. That's
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one thing you can do. All right. One of the thought I've, um, I've often found that I will experience
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myself pangs of a serious guilt in moments when I find myself condemning other people in my heart.
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And so then I'll feel guilt, not just for the condemnation, but also for a past sin of my own,
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you know, a similar sin to the one that I'm noticing in another person will often come to
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the forefront of my mind when I am busy noticing someone else's sin. Now, who causes that to happen?
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That's not from Satan. The last thing Satan would do is that he prefers it. If we, if we stew in our,
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in our condemnation and resent of our fellow man, he doesn't want to interrupt that process at all.
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No, that again is guilt and pain, um, from God. He's trying to give you humility. He's not holding
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it against you. He's not, uh, trying to torment you, but he's just saying, I know this, when this
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happens to me, he's saying to me what he said to the crowd that we're going to stone the adulterous
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woman. He's just saying, he who is without sin. And he's also saying, you know, remember your,
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your past, remember your sin. Remember, because I want you to remember what I've delivered you from
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because I'm merciful. You're no better than the person that you condemn. So have humility.
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Don't, don't use my mercy and my forgiveness and my generosity as a means or as a reason for you to
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become prideful and arrogant. Yeah. God wants to, I don't think it's true that God wants us to forget
00:24:45.840
our past and our sins. Does not want us to forget because if we forget our sin and our past,
00:24:52.820
then we forget about his mercy and his love. And we, we, we, we, we cannot appreciate it and be
00:24:57.920
grateful for it. So I think he may bring that to the forefront of our mind sometimes to humble us
00:25:03.760
and also to give us gratitude and joy so that we can remember like, oh my gosh, I think about that
00:25:11.460
thing that I did, but yet he's forgiven. I do this with my own kids. Sometimes I recently,
00:25:16.520
my son got in trouble for yelling at his sister. Um, and then yelling at me after I tried to correct
00:25:23.060
him and his sister was kind of triumphant about it, you know, as kids can tend to be in these
00:25:29.460
situations. And so his sister came up to me and she said, oh, dad, daddy, Luke was really wrong for
00:25:36.860
yelling like that. I'm so glad that I didn't yell. And of course I had to say to her, you know,
00:25:42.500
yeah, he was, he made a mistake. He shouldn't have acted that way. You have also acted that way
00:25:46.860
in the past. So let's, let's, let's remember that everybody makes mistakes, including you.
00:25:54.400
And that was just my way of trying to teach her a little bit of humility and also compassion for her
00:26:00.200
brother so that she's not taking delight in the fact that he got punished. And so I think that God,
00:26:06.360
who's our heavenly father, um, can kind of do the same thing with us because we're his children.
00:26:11.500
And I think a lot of times we need that reminder and there might be a little bit of pain, a little
00:26:15.920
bit of guilt attached to it when we feel it, but, uh, but that's good. So I hope I, I hope,
00:26:22.160
I hope some of that was, was useful. Those are my thoughts about, about guilt. And, um, but if you're
00:26:28.280
really struggling with it, remember that you can never pray too much and probably almost all of us are
00:26:35.480
praying too little. I know I am. So always just bring it back to God and ask him, what do you want
00:26:42.280
me to do with this? What are you trying to teach me? What are you trying to show me?
00:26:47.040
Thanks for watching everybody. Thanks for listening. Godspeed.