The Matt Walsh Show - Ep. 79 - How Social Media Helps Turn Us Into Narcissists

00:00:00.000 So have you heard about the hottest new mental disorder? It's the newest one on the market. You can go and pick it up at Target or Walmart if you want. It's called Snapchat dysmorphia. That's the newest one. Let me read a little bit from the story about it on the Daily Wire.

00:00:15.420 It says plastic surgeons say more people are coming into their offices and asking if the doctors can make them look like they do in Snapchat. Researchers from Boston University School of Medicine's Department of Dermatology wrote previously patients would bring images of celebrities to their consultations to emulate their attractive features.

00:00:35.060 A new phenomenon dubbed Snapchat dysmorphia has patients seeking out cosmetic surgery to look like filtered versions of themselves instead with fuller lips, bigger eyes, or a thinner nose.

00:00:48.560 This is an alarming trend because those filtered selfies often present an unattainable look and are blurring the lines of reality and fantasy for these patients.

00:00:58.040 Okay, so people are going in and they're asking for plastic surgery.

00:01:02.580 There were some statistics about plastic surgery in this article. I'm trying to find them that were pretty disturbing.

00:01:08.960 The Washington Post reports that in a 2017 survey, the American Academy of Facial, Plastic, and Reconstructive Surgery found that 55% of plastic surgeons said patients had requested surgery to look better on social media apps, up 13% from the previous year.

00:01:28.580 55%, 55%, over half of the patients are going in and trying to permanently alter their bodies surgically just for the sake of social media.

00:01:41.880 Now, this really isn't that complicated.

00:01:46.220 And this is not a mental disorder either.

00:01:49.760 You see how easily we come up with new mental disorders?

00:01:52.680 Just like that.

00:01:54.080 They just call it that and, oh, it's Snapchat dysmorphia.

00:01:57.720 And there we go.

00:01:59.020 And now we've got a new mental disorder on the books.

00:02:01.640 If you're wondering how we end up with 300-some mental disorders in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, this is how we end up with it.

00:02:10.320 Because it's just, you can just make them up.

00:02:12.980 It's as easy as that.

00:02:14.340 If you're a researcher writing a paper or you're a doctor, you can just make up a new one.

00:02:20.060 It's kind of fun, actually.

00:02:22.000 You can just make up mental disorders whenever you want.

00:02:24.280 But this is not a mental disorder.

00:02:26.720 If we have any understanding of the human condition, it shouldn't be that difficult to spot narcissism when we see it.

00:02:34.500 This is just narcissism.

00:02:36.200 These are narcissists who are going to get plastic surgery.

00:02:42.480 Mostly it's narcissists who get plastic surgery in the first place. 0.86

00:02:45.500 But especially when they're getting it for the sake of social media, they're narcissists.

00:02:50.400 Narcissism is when you take an excessive interest in yourself, especially your appearance, but not only that.

00:02:58.520 I think we kind of have this misguided idea of narcissism where we think that, you know, a narcissist is somebody who thinks too highly of themselves, who has a—essentially we conflate arrogance and narcissism.

00:03:13.540 And then on the flip side, we think that a humble person is someone who thinks lowly of themselves, someone who has a low opinion of themselves.

00:03:21.720 But that's not the case.

00:03:24.420 And that's why we would—I think we often assume that if somebody is—has a bad self-image and so they're going to get plastic surgery, well, they couldn't possibly be a narcissist because they obviously think they have a poor opinion of their own appearance.

00:03:41.180 But that's just not the way it works.

00:03:43.540 A narcissist is someone who thinks about themselves too much.

00:03:47.640 Whether those are good or bad opinions doesn't really matter.

00:03:53.120 The point is they're spending way too much time thinking about themselves.

00:03:57.640 Whereas someone who is humble is someone who just doesn't think about themselves that much.

00:04:03.780 And when they do think about themselves, like a humble person—in fact, in order to be humble, you have to—part of humility is recognizing your gifts and your strengths and appreciating them and being grateful for them.

00:04:16.920 But then not dwelling on them.

00:04:19.400 So, like a humble athlete is someone who—it's not that they don't realize they're a good athlete.

00:04:26.020 No, they know they're a good athlete.

00:04:27.340 They just—and they appreciate that fact.

00:04:29.320 But then they just go and they live their life.

00:04:31.080 They don't think they're better than anyone because of it.

00:04:32.820 They don't spend a lot of time thinking about how great they are.

00:04:35.220 They just—they realize it.

00:04:36.740 They're grateful.

00:04:37.340 And then they go on and they play the game, right?

00:04:39.280 So, I think if you're—if you're obsessing all the time about your physical flaws or what you perceive your flaws to be, then you're a narcissist.

00:04:49.240 And you're a narcissist because there's a whole world out there and there are billions of people.

00:04:55.540 None of them—none of it has—none of them care about your physical flaws.

00:04:58.660 It doesn't matter.

00:04:59.600 It's irrelevant to everything.

00:05:00.680 Yet all you can do is just stare in the mirror and look at your nose that you think is too big or whatever.

00:05:07.240 I think narcissism lies at the root of many alleged mental disorders.

00:05:12.960 Many things that we consider mental disorders are really at root just narcissism, just self-obsession.

00:05:19.580 And we kind of create that in ourselves because we spend way too much time in our culture thinking about ourselves.

00:05:26.760 We spend entirely too much time looking inward, into ourselves, at ourselves.

00:05:33.280 So, we like to think that, you know, in this culture we have so much anxiety, we have so much stress, we have so much more of it than people in the past must have had.

00:05:44.480 And we talk as though we're the first generation to ever have self-image issues or issues with self-esteem or what have you.

00:05:52.960 But none of that is new.

00:05:54.340 The reason why we seem to have more of it is that we spend so much time thinking about ourselves.

00:06:04.140 We spend so much time analyzing our own emotional state.

00:06:10.020 And when you do that, you're bound to find problems.

00:06:13.320 Like when you sit there and think, how am I feeling right now?

00:06:16.940 How do I feel about how I'm feeling?

00:06:19.480 Where are these feelings coming from?

00:06:22.240 What do I look like?

00:06:23.280 How do I feel about what I look like?

00:06:26.120 You know, it's just I, I, I, I.

00:06:28.680 It's all about me.

00:06:29.780 And when you do that, it's just inevitable that there's going to be anxiety.

00:06:34.440 There's going to be stress.

00:06:35.360 There's going to be self-esteem issues.

00:06:37.420 It's inevitable.

00:06:38.140 And I think we could cure or treat or control at least a lot of that if we just thought about something else.

00:06:47.600 This is why, by the way, I'm not a fan of all of these love yourself campaigns and you're beautiful just the way you are and all that.

00:06:59.500 Embrace your imperfections.

00:07:00.900 All these marketing campaigns.

00:07:03.520 That it seems like every, you know, cosmetic company or, or, or whatever, any company that sells toiletry items, you know, this is, this is, this is, this is what they do now.

00:07:15.900 This is how they market.

00:07:16.700 Which is, which is especially funny if a, if a makeup company markets itself that way.

00:07:21.820 Embrace yourself just the way you are, but first put on a little makeup.

00:07:24.840 Okay.

00:07:25.480 But then embrace yourself.

00:07:27.080 I think those campaigns only contribute to the problem because you're encouraging people.

00:07:34.280 Yes.

00:07:34.840 You're encouraging people to think positively about themselves instead of negatively, but really you should be encouraging people to just stop thinking about themselves.

00:07:44.680 It's, it's not about trying to shift your image of yourself so that it's all positive.

00:07:50.200 It's just about just, it's just about getting away from yourself, not focusing on that.

00:07:55.540 Instead of focusing so much on loving yourself, focus on a, on a, on a good book, focus on, put on some music, focus on that.

00:08:05.720 Watch a documentary about, about dolphins.

00:08:09.260 Okay.

00:08:09.860 And focus on the dolphins.

00:08:11.500 Just think about the dolphins instead of yourself for five seconds.

00:08:14.200 Just think about something else.

00:08:16.040 Focus on anything that isn't you.

00:08:18.420 I think that's how to be a healthy person.

00:08:20.680 If you ask a healthy person, if you were, if you were to go up to a mature and healthy person,

00:08:25.400 and ask them, do you love yourself?

00:08:28.340 How do you feel about yourself?

00:08:29.200 Do you love yourself?

00:08:30.360 I think a healthy person would say, um, sure, I guess.

00:08:36.000 They'd be kind of confused by the question because they haven't really thought about that.

00:08:38.840 They don't, they don't spend a lot of time thinking about how they feel about themselves.

00:08:41.520 Whereas if you ask a narcissist, an unhealthy person, uh, if they love themselves,

00:08:47.000 they'll give you a whole speech, a whole monologue explaining in detail exactly how they see themselves,

00:08:52.400 how they feel about themselves, because that's all they ever think about.

00:08:55.460 And this all relates, of course, to, to, to people wanting plastic surgery for Snapchat,

00:08:59.540 because the same thing happens with our physical appearance.

00:09:03.760 If we spend all day staring in mirrors or taking pictures of our own faces,

00:09:09.760 inevitably we're going to notice flaws because we all have them.

00:09:15.300 And then we're going to become obsessed with those flaws.

00:09:17.080 Whereas if you aren't a narcissist and you aren't so intently focused on yourself,

00:09:21.540 you won't notice your physical flaws as much.

00:09:24.180 And when you do notice them, you won't be as focused on them or as obsessed with them

00:09:27.680 because you're just in general are not focused on and obsessed with yourself.

00:09:31.720 It's, it's not hard to see how social media, especially something like Snapchat contributes to this.

00:09:36.860 I don't think social media makes us narcissists.

00:09:39.660 It doesn't, doesn't turn us into narcissists exactly,

00:09:41.680 but it does, it does feed the narcissistic impulse because it encourages us to think about ourselves,

00:09:49.120 to think, to think about our image.

00:09:52.180 Worst of all, it encourages us to think about our brand.

00:09:55.100 I got an email from a guy a couple of days ago who said that he wanted some advice

00:10:00.580 on how to build his brand on social media, the brand of himself,

00:10:06.720 which is already an unhealthy way of looking at yourself.

00:10:10.240 If you're say a celebrity and you make money off of your image to see yourself as a brand is unhealthy.

00:10:16.820 Although in that context, somewhat understandable,

00:10:19.400 but it's completely, it's a completely insane way of looking at yourself.

00:10:23.180 If you're just a normal person working a normal job,

00:10:25.500 and now you're worried about your brand, right?

00:10:28.920 And I know I'm not breaking any new ground here complaining about this,

00:10:32.320 but have you ever seriously stopped to think about,

00:10:37.360 I mean, let's just focus on something like Snapchat or social media.

00:10:43.480 What's like one of the primary things people do is that they take pictures of themselves,

00:10:48.060 of their own faces, and they post them online, right?

00:10:51.220 But have you ever thought about the whole concept of taking a selfie?

00:10:53.860 I mean, who would have ever predicted that one day we'll have these high-powered cameras,

00:11:02.300 which we carry around in our pockets, and everybody would have one,

00:11:05.800 but we would use them to take pictures of our own faces 600 times a day,

00:11:10.820 where we're experiencing life, you know, with our back turned to it,

00:11:16.320 where even if we want to take a picture of something beyond ourself,

00:11:20.640 we have to take the picture so that we're in it also, you know?

00:11:25.360 So we're taking the picture, like, where the thing is behind us,

00:11:28.280 but we are also, because we need ourself.

00:11:30.800 I was at a lake recently, and, you know, there was just this great view of the lake,

00:11:35.680 and there were trees, and the sun was poking through,

00:11:39.420 and there was a few clouds in the sky, there were birds, just a beautiful view.

00:11:43.300 And there was this guy standing not far from me.

00:11:46.920 He was trying to get a picture of the lake, but he had his back turned to it

00:11:50.940 because he was trying to get the lake in the background.

00:11:52.980 He wanted the lake, but he needed his own mug on the forefront of the picture, right?

00:11:58.900 And it's like, why don't you just get your face out of the way and take a picture of the lake?

00:12:02.940 I mean, no one cares about your face.

00:12:04.600 You know what your face looks like.

00:12:05.740 Everyone knows what your face looks like.

00:12:06.800 It doesn't matter.

00:12:07.900 So just take a picture.

00:12:08.940 Or, you know what, better yet, don't take a picture of the lake at all.

00:12:13.140 Just experience it.

00:12:14.520 Be in the moment, sit there, and look at the lake, and think,

00:12:18.260 wow, that's a beautiful lake, and experience the beauty.

00:12:21.060 Don't document it.

00:12:22.880 Don't try to use it for something.

00:12:24.560 Just be there, and then have it in your head, something to think about,

00:12:28.800 something to focus on that isn't you, and go about your day.

00:12:32.180 Kind of absorb this beautiful moment into yourself,

00:12:35.900 not into your phone, but into yourself, and then carry it with you.

00:12:39.820 I think that's probably even a better strategy.

00:12:42.260 But this is what social media has turned us into.

00:12:45.240 It is an intensely self-centered thing,

00:12:47.620 a thing that has you constantly thinking about yourself and your image,

00:12:53.620 and which causes you to see every moment in your life

00:12:56.560 as an opportunity to get a great picture and post it

00:13:01.280 so that you can increase your brand awareness.

00:13:03.580 It's very unhealthy, and obviously it's going to contribute to narcissism

00:13:08.260 in a very serious way.

00:13:09.640 Now, I experience this temptation all the time, I'll admit,

00:13:12.960 and it has an increased intensity for me

00:13:15.300 because this is actually what I do for a living.

00:13:17.180 So I make my living on the internet, on social media,

00:13:20.380 so I have to be focused on it,

00:13:22.340 so I always have that excuse for myself that I can give myself.

00:13:25.480 But there's a real danger.

00:13:27.740 First of all, like everyone else on the internet,

00:13:30.660 there's a danger that I'm going to spend entirely too much time

00:13:33.460 thinking about myself, and this, again, has an added intensity

00:13:38.420 because so much of the email that I get, messages that I get,

00:13:42.800 the correspondence that I get online, I get a lot of it,

00:13:46.960 but so much of it is about me.

00:13:48.660 It's like people emailing me to give me their opinions about me.

00:13:53.500 And whether those are bad or good opinions,

00:13:55.660 it's just not a healthy thing to sit there

00:13:59.740 and read opinions about yourself.

00:14:02.320 It's not healthy.

00:14:03.900 But the second danger is this.

00:14:05.160 I've noticed that every time I have a thought about something,

00:14:09.380 every time I get lost in a train of thought,

00:14:12.980 thinking about something,

00:14:14.440 thinking about some issue, some idea, whatever,

00:14:17.300 very quickly, I kind of interrupt my own train of thought,

00:14:20.560 and I say to myself,

00:14:21.380 oh, this is good, I need to use this.

00:14:24.560 I need to use this for a video or a column or my book or whatever.

00:14:29.140 And then I continue in the thought,

00:14:31.080 but now I'm thinking of how I'll phrase it

00:14:34.400 or how I'll write it or how I'm going to present it.

00:14:37.760 So it's not a real thought,

00:14:39.680 and it's not an organic real thought anymore.

00:14:41.800 Now it's like I'm constructing something

00:14:44.040 that I can then present to the world.

00:14:46.680 And if I'm not careful,

00:14:48.020 it'll get to the point where I never have normal human thoughts.

00:14:51.380 I'm always just writing articles in my head

00:14:54.800 or planning monologues or something.

00:14:57.200 So sometimes I have to stop myself

00:14:58.660 and I have to say,

00:15:00.120 you know what?

00:15:00.980 No, I'm just going to think about this thing.

00:15:04.380 I'm not going to use it.

00:15:05.820 I'm not going to write it down.

00:15:07.420 I'm not going to say it into a camera.

00:15:09.360 I'm not going to publish it online.

00:15:11.460 I'm just going to think it.

00:15:12.920 This is my thought.

00:15:14.180 I'm going to keep it inside myself,

00:15:16.460 and I'm just going to have it there.

00:15:18.600 And that's all.

00:15:19.220 And I'm just like a person.

00:15:22.840 I'm just going to be a person who thinks things

00:15:25.580 and has them in his head, and that's all.

00:15:28.140 In the same way, I think we should do that same thing

00:15:32.600 when it comes to taking pictures for Instagram

00:15:34.680 or Snapchat or whatever.

00:15:36.520 This is not a temptation that I have personally

00:15:38.780 when it comes to taking pictures

00:15:40.940 because I hate cameras and I hate taking pictures.

00:15:42.840 But people who are inclined that way,

00:15:47.300 I think if you're in that boat,

00:15:48.720 you should just allow yourselves,

00:15:51.620 allow yourself sometimes to simply experience a moment,

00:15:56.860 to live in it, to be there without documenting it,

00:16:02.380 without trying to use it for something,

00:16:05.000 without thinking, oh, this is great for Snapchat,

00:16:07.400 this is great for Instagram,

00:16:08.400 this is great for Facebook, just whatever it is.

00:16:10.380 Even if you see a beautiful view

00:16:11.980 or you witness some weird or funny scene out in public,

00:16:15.960 whatever it is, don't document it, don't use it,

00:16:19.300 don't bring it back to yourself.

00:16:22.680 Just be there.

00:16:25.060 Just live.

00:16:26.160 Be a human.

00:16:28.440 And have this moment and carry it with you.

00:16:31.620 And don't tell anybody about it.

00:16:34.180 That have a, I guess what we would call an internal life.

00:16:40.280 And this is the thing, I think I talked about this a few months ago,

00:16:44.700 but this is the main thing that I think social media

00:16:49.180 and the internet is robbing us of.

00:16:52.820 It's robbing us of, and it certainly is doing it to me,

00:16:55.620 it's robbing us of an internal life.

00:17:00.220 A life that we just have inside ourselves

00:17:02.940 that is not really about ourselves, it's about other things.

00:17:07.900 Experiences, you know, things we've seen, ideas we've had,

00:17:12.340 just that.

00:17:14.060 Where now we pour all of that out online, on social media,

00:17:18.440 and we try to package it in a certain way

00:17:21.520 in order to puff up our image to other strangers

00:17:25.840 who happen to be online.

00:17:27.340 It's an unhealthy thing.

00:17:28.880 And as I said, it is fuel for narcissism.

00:17:32.400 And unfortunately, all of us who are online

00:17:34.800 and on social media, which I assume everyone watching this

00:17:37.180 or listening to this right now is,

00:17:38.420 there's just a ton of fuel out there for narcissism. 1.00

00:17:41.280 There's a lot of narcissism fuel.

00:17:44.080 And we have to avoid sometimes consuming it, I think.

00:17:47.780 Thanks for watching, everybody.

00:17:49.180 Thanks for listening.

00:17:50.640 Godspeed.

The Matt Walsh Show - August 08, 2018

Ep. 79 - How Social Media Helps Turn Us Into Narcissists

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