The Matt Walsh Show - March 23, 2025


GROSS： Matt Walsh TRIES The Skittles Drink!？ (And More)


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

180.18922

Word Count

1,676

Sentence Count

185

Misogynist Sentences

1

Hate Speech Sentences

1


Summary

On this week's episode, we taste some of the worst junk food on the market, and try to figure out if it's safe to eat or not. Plus, we talk about the new Skittles juice, the new Sonic Rice Krispies, and the new Lucky Charms.


Transcript

00:00:00.080 Recently on the show, I mentioned how I saw somebody at, when I was at Walmart, in fact,
00:00:04.420 buying a bottle of Skittles juice.
00:00:07.620 And I didn't know that Skittles juice existed, but it does.
00:00:10.140 It's a thing.
00:00:10.680 And there was someone actually buying it on purpose.
00:00:12.680 Ooh.
00:00:13.320 And so then, of course, we got the suggestion from a kind of,
00:00:15.680 oh, you should drink Skittles juice on camera.
00:00:19.060 And that quickly, what that quickly turned into was,
00:00:21.580 well, let's in fact have me try all of the worst junk food that's currently on the market.
00:00:27.640 This is actually, this is all the stuff that RFK Jr. is going to be banning.
00:00:32.400 These are all going to be the banned items that I'm going to taste them now
00:00:37.660 and get cancer from them now right before they're banned.
00:00:42.020 So RFK Jr. is going to bust through those doors any minute now.
00:00:50.260 Because most of them have, what is it that they have in them, McKenna, that is going to get banned?
00:00:54.180 A lot of these items have red 40.
00:00:56.740 Red 40.
00:00:57.380 And red 40 is essentially what a poison that gives you cancer.
00:00:59.780 Is that right?
00:01:00.480 That's correct.
00:01:01.300 All right.
00:01:01.680 One to five.
00:01:02.940 Five is like a delicious $95 steak at your favorite steakhouse.
00:01:08.600 And one is pure rancid filth.
00:01:11.160 And I'll give my review.
00:01:13.340 We'll start with these.
00:01:13.900 What are these, McKenna?
00:01:14.600 What are these things you...
00:01:15.400 Those are red velvet cookies.
00:01:17.600 Red velvet cookies.
00:01:18.960 Okay.
00:01:19.240 Red velvet cookies with, what's it?
00:01:20.520 Is it marshmallow in the middle?
00:01:22.000 I believe it's just white chocolate chips.
00:01:24.180 No, there's...
00:01:25.100 What is that white stuff in the middle?
00:01:26.520 You better know what that is.
00:01:27.400 I'm not eating it if you don't know what that is.
00:01:28.620 Is that not on the packaging?
00:01:30.540 You can always find out by just trying it.
00:01:32.920 All right.
00:01:33.160 And this has red 40 in it.
00:01:34.340 Okay.
00:01:35.100 You can tell because it's kind of red.
00:01:36.240 Is that red?
00:01:36.700 I guess.
00:01:36.900 No, I'm trying it and I still don't know what that is.
00:01:44.740 I mean, it looks like what it tastes like, which is not food.
00:01:47.020 This is not food.
00:01:48.440 You shouldn't be eating this.
00:01:50.500 This is not meant for human consumption.
00:01:52.540 Do we not give me an actual glass of water for this bit?
00:01:55.800 Do I not have actual water to drink in between these?
00:01:58.600 That's a one.
00:01:59.260 That's a one out of five.
00:02:00.300 So I have a feeling that's going to be what all these are rated.
00:02:02.660 Okay, next we have, what are these?
00:02:06.920 So those are Lucky Charms breakfast bars.
00:02:09.440 That is my least favorite cereal.
00:02:11.100 So these got red 40 in them too?
00:02:13.400 Yes, they do.
00:02:17.480 Not as bad as the other one.
00:02:18.660 Still really bad.
00:02:19.360 Don't get me wrong.
00:02:21.040 Who's eating this?
00:02:21.940 This is what I want to know.
00:02:23.040 I can't imagine a grown adult eating a Lucky Charms breakfast bar.
00:02:28.520 I can't imagine that.
00:02:30.160 So this is what kids, for kids.
00:02:34.000 What parent is buying this for their kids?
00:02:36.760 You should go to prison if you buy this for your kids.
00:02:38.500 You should actually go to prison.
00:02:41.680 That's a one also.
00:02:43.000 Okay, what is this?
00:02:43.580 Rice Krispies.
00:02:44.400 Oh, Sonic Rice Krispies.
00:02:46.600 Yeah, because I don't like Sonic, so.
00:02:51.120 I mean, I've had Rice Krispies, so this is not.
00:02:55.900 Yeah, I mean, you know.
00:02:57.500 Again, I'm going to assume that adults are not eating Sonic Rice Krispie treats.
00:03:04.380 I actually feel, I'm not just saying this for camera, I feel sick.
00:03:09.040 Okay, that's a one also.
00:03:11.060 I was going to say that we should just, all this stuff needs to be chucked into a fire,
00:03:14.160 but I don't think you can burn it.
00:03:15.220 I don't think it's safe to burn it.
00:03:16.500 If you burn it, it'll be, you know, you'll have to evacuate the whole town.
00:03:19.160 It'll be Chernobyl.
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00:04:32.060 All right, these are, what are these?
00:04:33.860 Those are Pillsbury Funfetti popcorn.
00:04:37.440 Pillsbury Funfetti popcorn.
00:04:40.100 Why are people fat?
00:04:41.280 Where's the obesity epidemic coming from?
00:04:43.260 It's such a mystery.
00:04:44.840 There's a market.
00:04:46.060 There's a market for Pillsbury Funfetti popcorn.
00:04:49.460 And now we're wondering, what is everyone fat for?
00:04:51.380 It must be, is it a genetic, is it a hormonal?
00:04:54.300 There's hormonal imbalances.
00:04:55.820 There's a thyroid.
00:04:56.540 Everyone has thyroid problems.
00:04:58.700 No, it couldn't be the Pillsbury Funfetti popcorn that everyone's eating.
00:05:07.680 Okay, number one, it's stale, I think.
00:05:09.900 And it's awful.
00:05:10.440 I mean, it's just, it's not, it's not popcorn.
00:05:13.180 This is not popcorn.
00:05:14.280 That's a lie.
00:05:15.020 There's, this is not what, like, what is that?
00:05:17.340 That's, that's styrofoam in there.
00:05:19.620 That's not popcorn.
00:05:20.440 Is this actually food?
00:05:21.500 Is this part of the joke?
00:05:22.380 Is this part of the bit?
00:05:23.060 You gave me one thing that's not even food?
00:05:24.720 No, that, well, it's in the food section.
00:05:26.640 Okay, that's, that's styrofoam.
00:05:28.760 You see that?
00:05:29.480 You hear that?
00:05:31.320 Can you hear the, was that next to the microphone?
00:05:33.360 You can hear that?
00:05:33.800 That's not, this is not, that's not the sound of popcorn.
00:05:37.200 This is, what is that when you, you know, when you order some, something, you know, something
00:05:41.180 fragile in the, in the mail and they send, they have all the, you know, the little styrofoam
00:05:45.160 peanut things that get all over the place.
00:05:47.240 It's, this is that.
00:05:48.380 I just ate that.
00:05:50.240 Um, let's get this out of the way.
00:05:51.900 So this, I actually know you absolutely hate, uh, Peep's cereal.
00:05:56.180 Peep's cereal.
00:05:57.320 Is this raw milk that you put in here too?
00:05:58.960 Is that part, is that going to be the next thing?
00:06:00.360 Just tell me now.
00:06:00.960 Is it raw milk?
00:06:01.720 No, that would have been a really good idea though.
00:06:03.400 No, it would not be a good idea.
00:06:05.080 I can get E. coli and cancer.
00:06:06.460 Maybe they cancel each other out.
00:06:08.160 I don't know if it works that way.
00:06:10.460 Oh, it's like, it's all soggy.
00:06:14.320 Oh God, help me.
00:06:15.880 That's not even a one.
00:06:16.940 I don't know why that's not even, that's, that, that doesn't make it.
00:06:19.340 Is that Windex?
00:06:22.060 Did you spray Windex in this?
00:06:23.600 Oh my God, no.
00:06:24.860 Full on Windex.
00:06:25.780 I've never had Windex before, but it tastes like what I imagine Windex tastes like.
00:06:30.620 What is this fizzy bull here?
00:06:32.440 What is this?
00:06:33.220 So that's, uh, the energy drink C4 and that is Jolly Rancher's flavored.
00:06:39.480 Specifically green apple.
00:06:44.200 Oh my God.
00:06:45.960 Oh, that's bad.
00:06:46.960 That is, that is vile.
00:06:50.220 We went to war with Iraq over this kind of thing.
00:06:52.780 We did.
00:06:53.180 This is like, this is chemical warfare.
00:06:55.020 So actually what's slightly more horrifying about that is there are zero added sugars.
00:07:00.800 Then what is, what is, what is all the sweetness?
00:07:04.320 Just pure chemical, chemical sweetness.
00:07:07.900 Don't laugh at my, I don't want to hear you laughing.
00:07:10.020 Turn the thing off if you're going to laugh and enjoy it so much.
00:07:12.940 Okay, so finally after that tour through the bowels of hell, we've made it to the Skittles juice.
00:07:21.600 The thing that started all this, started us on this, this madcap journey.
00:07:26.200 Um, I do, I feel nauseated.
00:07:29.380 I feel sickened.
00:07:30.340 Um, I guess I'm supposed to take a sip of all these.
00:07:34.220 So let's, uh, now we finally made it to the Skittles juice.
00:07:40.220 Hang on.
00:07:41.320 Let me just get through this.
00:07:47.080 What the is that?
00:07:48.640 What is that?
00:07:49.660 That's the tropical flavored one.
00:07:51.560 No, that's Drano.
00:07:53.100 I had Drano once.
00:07:54.160 I told myself I'd never drink it again.
00:08:00.700 Ugh.
00:08:01.680 I need to go to the hospital.
00:08:03.200 I actually am going to leave and go to the hospital.
00:08:05.520 I don't know if I can drive.
00:08:06.740 I don't know if I can make it there.
00:08:08.060 I think I'm going to need an ambulance.
00:08:09.720 It's like Kool-Aid, but it tastes less healthy.
00:08:13.640 I mean, it's making me pine for the nutritional value of Kool-Aid.
00:08:17.640 It's terrible.
00:08:18.300 This is, uh, it is as bad as I thought, but worse at the same time.
00:08:24.300 And my stomach, uh, right now is screaming out in pain.
00:08:30.060 My soul is crying with anguish.
00:08:34.320 Uh, RFK Jr., save us from this.
00:08:40.980 I lost my train of thought.
00:08:43.000 Okay, that's it.
00:08:44.120 We can cut it off.
00:08:48.300 We can cut it off.
00:08:48.760 We can cut it off.
00:08:50.200 We can cut it off.
00:08:50.900 We can cut it off.
00:08:51.200 I'll see you now.
00:08:51.560 We can cut it off.
00:08:53.620 We can cut it off.
00:08:55.220 I'll see you next time.
00:08:56.800 Bye-bye.
00:09:10.100 Bye-bye.
00:09:10.400 Bye-bye.
00:09:10.760 Bye-bye.
00:09:11.680 Bye-bye.
00:09:12.760 Bye-bye.
00:09:13.940 Bye-bye.
00:09:14.980 Bye-bye.
00:09:16.060 Bye-bye.
00:09:16.740 Bye-bye.