The Matt Walsh Show - How To Find Your Perfect Match

00:00:00.260 You got a kind face. You got a good head of hair. You seem like a nice guy. I want to help you.

00:00:08.080 I'm going to help you rediscover your manhood. You in or you out?

00:00:15.040 I'm in.

00:00:16.800 From David, dear sweet daddy, you frequently mention the importance of marriage and the calling of most people to marriage.

00:00:22.180 I think you're right and I should get married, but a woman who I could reasonably meet geographically

00:00:25.700 is not spoken for, shares similar values, and is herself interested in me

00:00:30.260 seems so astronomically unlikely as to be impossible.

00:00:33.960 I'm not sure I know anyone who meets two or three of these criteria,

00:00:37.300 so expecting to find someone who meets all four just seems unreasonable.

00:00:41.100 For example, I'm not sure I know any women at my church who are single,

00:00:44.080 and they seem to find me repulsive anyway.

00:00:46.140 The ladies at my work will put up with me, but they're all taken and or godless communists.

00:00:50.820 Anywhere else, I'm not given a second thought and I feel invisible.

00:00:53.160 The idea of looking for a potential wife seems like shopping for a multi-million dollar mansion

00:00:57.520 for when I win the lottery.

00:00:58.900 I don't want to give up.

00:01:00.040 I think I owe it to my parents to give them a daughter-in-law and grandchildren,

00:01:03.380 and I don't think I'm the only man who finds himself in this predicament.

00:01:07.300 What do you think?

00:01:08.760 Well, you're not the only man in this predicament, certainly,

00:01:11.420 and I think that every man, I can't say every, but a great number of men

00:01:17.340 feel this way at a certain point in their lives,

00:01:21.000 even the ones who end up married.

00:01:23.160 I can remember myself at a time thinking, thinking like you did.

00:01:26.480 Like the idea, you know, because it's all, it's not real right now,

00:01:30.860 and it's all kind of in theory.

00:01:32.960 And so the idea of finding a woman who, you know,

00:01:36.920 who I'm attracted to and shares my values

00:01:39.560 and is attracted to me for some reason,

00:01:43.040 and all those things, and lives somewhere within a vicinity

00:01:46.440 where I can see this person.

00:01:48.620 Like the idea of all that lining up and actually getting married

00:01:51.640 and starting a family and all these things,

00:01:53.900 there was a time in my own life where that felt,

00:01:56.440 it did feel a bit like window shopping for mansions

00:01:59.440 on the hope that you'll, you know, hit a Powerball or something like that.

00:02:02.780 But the good news is that for, you know,

00:02:07.760 I would say probably the majority of men who feel that way,

00:02:10.100 it does end up happening.

00:02:11.820 Because as it turns out, you know, winning a lottery is,

00:02:16.700 there's very few people that ever do that,

00:02:19.400 but a great many adults end up getting married.

00:02:21.940 So it is, it is a, it's a normal thing.

00:02:24.400 The way you're feeling right now is normal,

00:02:26.860 but what you're talking about and what you desire is also normal,

00:02:31.300 which means that just like statistically,

00:02:33.140 the odds that it will happen are great.

00:02:35.160 Now, there are also, I get these kinds of questions,

00:02:37.600 and it also puts me in a tough spot

00:02:39.540 because I'm not given important details that I would need.

00:02:44.500 Like, I have no idea how old you are.

00:02:46.120 I don't really know anything about you

00:02:47.260 other than what you've said here.

00:02:48.220 And some of that, you know, it can change the calculus somewhat.

00:02:53.640 So if you were to tell me that you're a single guy,

00:02:57.460 never married, feeling this way, and you're 55,

00:03:00.500 well, I would tell you that it's not hopeless.

00:03:03.340 I mean, people marry later in life,

00:03:04.740 so you shouldn't give up on that by any means.

00:03:07.460 It does make it more difficult, I have to admit.

00:03:09.620 Now, if you're a guy in your early 20s,

00:03:11.580 and you're feeling this way,

00:03:13.860 then it's like, you know, trust me.

00:03:16.340 Then I can say with much more confidence

00:03:19.460 that if you're in that category,

00:03:22.420 that it will work out, and it will be fine.

00:03:25.020 And you will, because every, you know,

00:03:27.600 almost any guy in their early 20s is going to feel this way.

00:03:30.840 And if you listen to a lot of women in their early 20s,

00:03:33.120 they feel this way too.

00:03:34.160 I'm never going to find the right guy, all the same.

00:03:36.080 What you're talking about in the reverse for women,

00:03:38.980 a great many women feeling that way.

00:03:40.100 The other part of the good news is that

00:03:42.220 it is true that a lot of this is under your control.

00:03:48.700 I think you have more control than you realize that you do.

00:03:51.900 Or at the very least,

00:03:53.260 you have a control over a certain part of it.

00:03:55.620 And so you should focus on controlling those parts.

00:03:58.220 Focus on the parts that you can control.

00:04:00.300 The parts that you can't, you know,

00:04:02.320 you can't make the perfect woman materialize out of thin air.

00:04:06.860 You can't do that.

00:04:07.580 You can't control other people.

00:04:09.560 If you meet a woman and she's not the right kind of woman,

00:04:11.860 you can't make her into that.

00:04:13.400 And you probably, you shouldn't try.

00:04:14.960 You know, you can't make a woman into the kind of woman

00:04:17.060 who you want to marry,

00:04:18.160 but you can make yourself into the kind of man

00:04:21.060 that women want to marry.

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00:05:27.700 Now, you say that you are repulsive to women.

00:05:30.380 Again, don't know anything about you.

00:05:32.060 I've never seen you.

00:05:33.560 I think it's very likely that you are being

00:05:36.260 much harder on yourself than you ought to be.

00:05:38.460 There are repulsive people out there,

00:05:40.020 but they're, you know, it's uncommon.

00:05:42.960 Then there are other people that intentionally

00:05:44.200 try to make themselves repulsive,

00:05:45.600 like the green-haired people on TikTok

00:05:48.000 with facial piercings and all the rest of it.

00:05:50.020 I assume that's not you.

00:05:51.560 So you're probably being too hard on yourself,

00:05:53.420 but we can all improve.

00:05:57.500 And if you're still single

00:05:59.040 and you haven't been able to find a woman

00:06:00.420 and you've made attempts

00:06:02.120 and there are women that you're interested in

00:06:03.460 that are not interested in you,

00:06:04.660 then you can control some aspects of that.

00:06:07.620 You can do things like you can go to the gym.

00:06:09.500 You can get in really good shape.

00:06:10.880 That's going to improve your chances significantly.

00:06:14.440 And it's not even because women are shallow.

00:06:17.560 I mean, some women are shallow,

00:06:18.380 just like some men are shallow.

00:06:20.220 But the physical aspect does matter.

00:06:21.620 That's the first thing someone's going to notice about you.

00:06:23.740 And they do have to be physically attracted to you.

00:06:26.240 Women aren't as visual as men are,

00:06:27.900 but it's still an important aspect.

00:06:29.560 So you can get to the gym.

00:06:31.340 You can get yourself in good shape.

00:06:33.680 You start thinking about, you know,

00:06:35.020 what you wear, how you present yourself.

00:06:37.020 If you think that your personality

00:06:38.400 is not attracting the kind of attention that you want,

00:06:42.800 or if you walk into a room

00:06:44.300 and you feel invisible

00:06:46.120 and you're not able to command attention in the room

00:06:48.760 the way that maybe you see other people are able to do.

00:06:51.400 Well, that again, good news.

00:06:52.800 That's something that you can control.

00:06:54.520 Even your personality.

00:06:55.440 You can change your personality.

00:06:56.880 I'm a big believer in that.

00:06:58.200 It's one of the reasons why, you know,

00:06:59.800 I've never been a huge fan

00:07:01.320 of all these personality tests out there.

00:07:03.100 I know there are some that are supposed to be

00:07:04.460 really scientific

00:07:05.560 and people really believe in them

00:07:07.120 and there's some validity to it.

00:07:09.800 You know, there's kind of a natural

00:07:10.880 sort of baseline personality

00:07:12.400 that maybe that we all have.

00:07:14.940 But I think that it gives people this idea

00:07:17.120 that, well, you're a certain personality type

00:07:18.540 and that's what you are

00:07:19.400 and so you act a certain way

00:07:21.420 and that's just, that's what it is

00:07:22.860 and you can't change it.

00:07:24.100 And I don't think that's true.

00:07:25.360 You know, your personality is,

00:07:26.640 there's a lot that goes into it,

00:07:27.840 but a lot of it has to do with your own behavior.

00:07:30.660 Like when people describe your personality,

00:07:32.080 they're talking about how you act

00:07:34.600 and what you say

00:07:36.080 and how you present yourself

00:07:37.880 and the kind of moods that you're in

00:07:40.640 or at least the kind of moods

00:07:41.740 that you present to the public.

00:07:44.120 That's what other people are talking about

00:07:46.180 when they describe your personality

00:07:47.420 and all of that is controllable.

00:07:50.520 You can control all of that.

00:07:52.360 So that's what I would do.

00:07:54.700 Just start thinking about making yourself,

00:07:58.520 if you feel like you're not desirable to women,

00:08:02.080 you can change that.

00:08:04.040 So think about all the things,

00:08:05.260 make a mental checklist.

00:08:06.480 What are all the things that you think

00:08:08.080 a good woman would find desirable?

00:08:13.580 And, you know, if that's a checklist

00:08:16.140 with five major items, let's say,

00:08:18.800 the great news is that about

00:08:20.100 probably four of those items

00:08:21.480 you can change immediately.

00:08:23.140 There are other things

00:08:23.660 that might take more time.

00:08:24.600 I mean, obviously,

00:08:25.360 being financially successful,

00:08:26.900 that also helps

00:08:28.300 because even women who fashion themselves

00:08:30.920 as independent and progressive

00:08:32.420 and enlightened

00:08:32.860 are actually looking for men

00:08:34.760 who can provide for them.

00:08:36.500 That's like biologically hardwired.

00:08:38.400 And that's not something

00:08:39.020 that you can immediately change overnight.

00:08:40.560 But it's also not a necessity either.

00:08:42.120 I was not anywhere close

00:08:43.120 to financially successful

00:08:44.120 when I got married.

00:08:44.940 So those are things that you can change.

00:08:47.760 And on the financial success part of it too,

00:08:49.460 I would also say

00:08:50.140 that if you're not rich right now,

00:08:53.360 like that's okay.

00:08:54.160 Most people aren't.

00:08:54.900 And you can't, you know,

00:08:57.520 I'm not going to give you

00:08:58.160 some get rich quick scheme

00:08:59.700 where you can go out

00:09:00.320 and be rich in 100 days.

00:09:01.380 What you can do though

00:09:02.400 is present the qualities

00:09:05.000 of someone who a woman might think,

00:09:07.600 well, that person,

00:09:08.340 yeah, they might not be

00:09:09.260 super financially successful now,

00:09:12.060 but I could see

00:09:12.680 that they would be in the future.

00:09:14.100 I could see the potential for that.

00:09:15.880 So you can present the qualities

00:09:17.340 of a hardworking, ambitious person

00:09:21.060 with lots of big ideas

00:09:22.760 and big dreams.

00:09:23.500 You know, women find that appealing.

00:09:25.660 So that's what I would do.

00:09:28.180 Work on all that.

00:09:29.420 Implement that.

00:09:30.420 Implement it for, you know, a while.

00:09:33.020 It's not going to be an overnight fix.

00:09:34.880 And then come back

00:09:35.820 and we'll see how you're doing.

00:09:37.160 And I think that's it.

00:09:38.200 That's only one,

00:09:38.900 but we'll leave it there.

The Matt Walsh Show - June 27, 2023

How To Find Your Perfect Match - Matt Walsh Advice

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