The Matt Walsh Show - April 15, 2023


Matt Walsh Gives Relationship and Parenting Advice


Episode Stats

Length

14 minutes

Words per Minute

230.4801

Word Count

3,250

Sentence Count

236

Misogynist Sentences

5

Hate Speech Sentences

4


Summary

In this episode, we talk about how important it is to break our kids of their addiction to screens and how to get them to spend more time with us and less time in front of them. We also talk about the emotional hurt that comes from being emotionally manipulated by them and how we can help our kids deal with it.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I want to start with this, though. This is actually not an email. This was a comment that somebody
00:00:20.180 left on YouTube on one of the shows this week that I thought was interesting. And it's not
00:00:23.740 looking for advice. It's actually giving advice. I just think it's good. So PBD Park Biz says,
00:00:28.580 parenting without screens is easy. You just have to join in and most parents won't. I don't think
00:00:34.280 my parenting is better or my child is well behaved with a screen. They're upset for a minute and then
00:00:38.840 they forget for a few. It takes a week to break the habit that most kids have. Just take it away
00:00:43.660 and don't give it back. The screens referring to. Be strong. Here's the part that's most important.
00:00:49.680 Spend time with them. Let them be in the room while you work. Let them ask 1,450 questions,
00:00:56.020 even if it's annoying. Stop being a child yourself and parent. I think that's extraordinary
00:01:01.280 advice. It's also very basic and it should be obvious, but the best advice often is. And this
00:01:07.340 is exactly right. The first thing when it comes to modern parenting anyway, this is like one of the
00:01:12.680 number one challenges is the screen. It's the siren song of all these screens that are constantly
00:01:19.620 beckoning to your children and to us and threatening to totally take over and absorb every minute of our
00:01:26.840 lives. And so you've got it. If you want to have a happy and fulfilled family and marriage and you
00:01:34.140 want happy, fulfilled children and you want to have some chance also of actually raising your own
00:01:39.060 children, of you being the one who raises them and that their moral formation and their spiritual
00:01:43.940 formation and all of that in their education is largely up to you. If you want some hope of that,
00:01:48.560 then you've got to be able to sever their ties and their dependency on the screen. And you just
00:01:55.940 got to be able to do it. And in some ways I don't have a lot of sympathy for parents that
00:02:01.240 like don't know how to do this or they don't want to, or they feel bad about it. No. Yeah. If you take
00:02:07.520 the screen away from your kid, maybe you've already given them a phone, big mistake, take it away,
00:02:11.620 say, well, nevermind. You can't have this phone. It's okay to admit when you made a mistake as a parent,
00:02:15.340 you could say, we made a mistake. We, you should not have this. We're going to take it away.
00:02:19.620 You take away that, you know, you severely cut down on TV time, on a time with video games.
00:02:27.880 If you do that, yeah, the kid's going to be upset. They'll be in a huff, whatever. Who cares?
00:02:34.620 You know, you cannot allow yourself to be emotionally manipulated by your children. You just
00:02:38.920 can't allow it. And what you should know as a parent is that there are basically like two kinds
00:02:44.280 of hurt that your child might experience. There's the discomfort that he might feel because he's not
00:02:51.460 getting something that he wants and yet shouldn't have. And you're taking that thing away or you're
00:02:57.540 limiting his time with that thing. And that makes him uncomfortable. That makes him bored.
00:03:02.700 And he's upset about that. There's like that kind of hurt. Okay. And then there's the real hurt.
00:03:07.780 There's a, you know, either emotional or physical where there's something deeper going on.
00:03:11.920 The first kind of hurt really shouldn't bother you. I can say for, for me as a parent, it just
00:03:16.880 doesn't. If my kids are whining because they want something and I don't give it to them. They want it.
00:03:21.820 They want to watch TV and they can't, they want to, you know, junk food snack. And I say, no,
00:03:26.140 you can't have that. They want some soda. And I say, I'm not going to give you soda. And they get,
00:03:29.680 they get a snit about it. That does, that has no impact on me at all. Like those kinds of emotions
00:03:35.620 from my kid. That's like, you got to get over that. That's just, I'm Teflon with that. That
00:03:40.840 bounces right off me. I don't care. Now, again, there's, there's the deeper kind of emotional
00:03:44.960 hurt that your child might feel and that you should take seriously. I mean, there are many
00:03:48.480 examples of that. Just a recent example for me. I was, uh, when I was most recently going on a trip
00:03:53.580 to another, speak at another college. And, uh, my son was like very upset that I was leaving again
00:03:58.940 because I've been traveling a lot. And he was really upset about, and he was in tears and he was,
00:04:02.200 now, of course, that's something deeper. That's like, I want to spend time with dad.
00:04:06.260 You're not here. I, you know, um, so then I'm going to sit down and we're going to have a real
00:04:11.020 conversation about that. Okay. And that does, you know, that's the kind of thing that that's a gut
00:04:15.060 punch that you actually feel as a parent, but there's other stuff where they're just whining
00:04:18.160 because they want something. You got to be able to, you know, be, be unfazed by that entirely.
00:04:25.620 And then yes, as the comment points out, you take the screens away, you take these things away
00:04:30.720 and especially when the children are younger, you can quite easily replace that in a way that
00:04:37.160 they will find more than satisfying and sufficient. If you're, if you spend time with them yourself,
00:04:42.200 but the dirty little secret, which is not much of a secret is that most parents,
00:04:45.920 this is exactly why they put their kids in front of the screens because they don't want to spend
00:04:49.580 time with their kids because they consider it taxing or annoying or right. Kid asks so many
00:04:54.760 questions or whatever, but you, you, you're a parent and this is what your child wants. It wants to be
00:05:00.380 around you, wants to spend time with you, especially for younger kids. And I think it's
00:05:05.360 one of the biggest mistakes that we make as parents of younger kids is that we don't give
00:05:09.640 children that time that they need and that attention that they need. You can't give them
00:05:13.420 attention all the time, right? Where they think the world revolves around them. They do want your
00:05:17.400 attention. They do just want to, they want to just be around you. They want to do the things that
00:05:20.860 you're doing. You don't always have to do childlike things. You can incorporate them into the
00:05:25.120 things that you're doing. They really like that. They want to do that. But you have a lot of
00:05:28.960 parents where they're annoyed by it. They don't want to, they don't want to deal with it. And so
00:05:33.360 they push the kids away. They say, ah, just go watch TV. And then the time inevitably comes
00:05:38.580 when they become teenagers or maybe even before that, where suddenly it's like a, a switch is
00:05:43.820 flipped. And now they don't even want to be around you anymore. They don't want your attention
00:05:47.860 anymore. And when that happens, we hear the story a million times from parents. That's when they
00:05:52.600 look back and they think of all those times when the kids were younger and begging for their
00:05:56.100 attention. And, and, and that's all they want. Like when you're a parent of a young child,
00:06:00.660 this is your biggest problem. It's just that your kids like you too much and they want to be around
00:06:05.100 you too much. It's like one of the biggest, it's one of the biggest issues that parents complain
00:06:08.240 about is when they have young kids, which is not really a problem at all. And once the kid gets
00:06:12.880 older, it doesn't want to be around you anymore because they're going through their teenage phase.
00:06:15.760 You look back on it and realize, oh, that was never a problem. That was a beautiful thing. I wish I had,
00:06:19.860 I wish I'd spent time with them when they wanted it. Maybe they would still want my attention now
00:06:23.560 if I had given it to them back then. You've heard me talk about how important it is to have a VPN
00:06:27.960 to protect your online privacy, but choosing a VPN you trust is equally as important. I like to do
00:06:32.900 research on my sponsors and I only recommend brands to my listeners that I believe in that I will
00:06:37.480 personally use. And I do use ExpressVPN. I think about all the times you've used wifi at a coffee shop,
00:06:41.720 hotel, even a friend's house. Without ExpressVPN, every site you visit can be logged by the admin of that
00:06:46.320 network. And that's true. Even when you're in incognito mode, it still can happen. So ExpressVPN is an app
00:06:52.060 that encrypts all of your network data, reroutes it through a network of secure servers so that
00:06:55.760 your private online activity stays private. ExpressVPN works on all of your devices. It's
00:06:59.540 super easy to use. The app has one button and it's a real big button. You just tap it and you're good
00:07:04.360 to go. Stop letting strangers invade your online privacy. Use my link at expressvpn.com slash WalshYT
00:07:10.480 to get three extra months free. That's expressvpn.com slash WalshYT.
00:07:15.920 All right. Carter says, Mr. Walsh, I listened to and enjoy your show very much. I would hazard
00:07:21.640 to say that I agree wholeheartedly with your views on marriage and the family. Being a traditionally
00:07:25.240 raised Catholic myself, I've come to understand the beauty and joy that marriage and the family
00:07:28.960 can bring into one's life. However, I find it impossible to find anyone that I'm interested
00:07:32.720 in dating, much less marrying who resides anywhere near me. I was wondering if you would have any advice
00:07:37.400 or words different from the typical be patient or you need to get out more. I'll admit that I have
00:07:42.280 reclusive tendencies and that I mostly just go to work and then go home. With that said,
00:07:46.160 most of the young adult groups in my area would consist of women in professions, which would not
00:07:50.160 allow for a traditional marriage and family, which is how I'd want to raise children. I also don't
00:07:54.540 like bars. They're typically loud, dark, and crowded, which usually causes me to shut down. Not to
00:07:59.500 mention, I likely wouldn't find the kind of woman I'm interested in at a bar. Combine this all with
00:08:03.880 the fact that most of my dreams that have had any true value have all ended in failure. I find it hard
00:08:08.900 to maintain hope that there is someone out there for me. Perhaps you have the golden nugget of
00:08:12.920 wisdom that will help me hold on to hope. I guess my first golden nugget of wisdom, Carter, is to
00:08:19.140 stop expecting anyone to have a golden nugget of wisdom that's going to solve your problem.
00:08:25.740 The path forward and the solutions, the potential solutions, I think are obvious to you. In fact,
00:08:31.060 you dismiss some of them outright. You say, well, don't tell me this. Those are some of the answers.
00:08:35.700 You dismiss, for example, the young adult groups in your area because you assume, you say, well,
00:08:40.160 they would consist of the kind of people that I don't want to be around. And I would go here,
00:08:44.000 but I'm not going to find people there. And I would go there, but there's going to be the wrong
00:08:46.560 people there. It sounds like you're just sort of assuming all of that. He's right. And you're
00:08:50.900 not actually trying. You're not actually putting yourself out there. And as much as you don't want
00:08:54.020 to hear it, that is part of the solution for you, potentially, is you've got to put yourself out
00:08:59.420 there more. I mean, you said that you go to work, you come home, you don't really socialize with anyone,
00:09:03.380 you don't go anywhere else. Well, how would you meet anybody in that case? Even if it's
00:09:08.020 uncomfortable. And I totally get that as an introverted person, myself, I'm not into forced
00:09:12.600 group activities. I'm not into that, but I did some of that when I was single because I realized
00:09:16.980 I got to put myself out there. I got to get outside of my comfort zone a little bit, focus on
00:09:21.160 improving yourself to whatever extent you can. And then the other practical piece of advice that you
00:09:28.000 didn't rule out, at least from the start is that this is a big one, expand your search area.
00:09:32.200 So you're telling me to begin with that there's no one in your area who you find worthy. And I'm
00:09:37.460 willing to bet that there are women even in your area. There aren't many great things about the
00:09:41.760 modern dating scene, but maybe the only one is that you can, that you're not relegated just to
00:09:46.660 where you physically live. You can expand your search area by using dating sites and that sort of
00:09:50.180 thing. And you have to be willing to travel. You know, my wife, when I met her, she, she lived two
00:09:55.220 and a half hours away. So it wasn't like she was halfway around the country, across the country,
00:09:58.020 but she was two and a half hours away. And so that meant that like to see each other took effort
00:10:03.160 and time. That's not a bad thing though. Now when you have to put in it to begin with, you have to
00:10:07.820 put the effort in and the time in just to see each other and be around each other. I think that can
00:10:11.700 be a great advantage. Ashley says, I've been married for six years and with my spouse for almost 14
00:10:16.840 years. Yes, it took him that long to propose. My question is how often should a couple say,
00:10:20.720 I love you? My husband is not outwardly emotional, hardly at all, unless he's upset.
00:10:24.020 We next to never say, I love you. Should I initiate this more? What are your thoughts? Yeah,
00:10:28.140 you should initiate it more. Just tell him you love him. Also, you could talk to him about this.
00:10:33.260 Maybe you have, but I'm always surprised by how often it seems that people have these kinds of
00:10:38.000 issues in their marriage, which are like relatively minor. And then you talk to him,
00:10:42.280 you find out, well, they've actually never talked about it. Let me say, we don't really need to be
00:10:46.400 here. So this is something you could bring up to him, not in a nagging way, not in a scolding way,
00:10:50.200 nothing like that, not an accusatory way. Once again, things that could have been brought to my
00:10:53.900 attention yesterday. You find a time when you're both in a good mood and you're sitting on the
00:10:57.820 couch or something and you just tell him, you know, I know you love me, but it makes me feel
00:11:03.040 good to hear the words from you. And so I'd like for us to start saying it more to each other.
00:11:06.760 I think, I think he would respond to that if you said that to him. And it is important to say the
00:11:11.940 words, you know, it's not like you have to be on a schedule where it's like, well, you got to say,
00:11:14.960 I love you 14 times a week, you know, and if it's been a few days, you haven't said it,
00:11:19.500 then you got to catch up. It's not that, but you should, the words do matter to spouses and also
00:11:23.620 matters to your kids. I think we should also be telling your kids that you love them.
00:11:26.360 All right. This will be the last one. This is from Jacob says, Matt, I recently did the
00:11:30.000 impossible. I matched with a fellow sweet baby on Tinder. That does seem to be on Tinder is where
00:11:35.300 you found the fellow sweet baby. Wow. I didn't know we had a presence on Tinder. I don't know
00:11:39.560 if I'm happy about that or not. As you can imagine, I was extremely excited and we quickly began
00:11:43.340 discussing our views and learning about each other. We exchanged numbers and socials and began
00:11:47.980 talking. I asked her if she wanted kids. And I also joked that maybe we should move to Tennessee
00:11:52.140 together. So we can rub elbows with the fine people, the daily wire. After a couple of days,
00:11:55.700 I tell her that we should go out after the holidays to which she seemed surprised and told me that she
00:11:59.780 thought I was just her political buddy because I didn't. Oh man. Sorry, man.
00:12:04.680 Because I didn't flirt enough in the beginning and that she found someone else. This genuinely hurt.
00:12:10.980 I find it hard to believe she didn't know I wanted to date her when we were on a dating app.
00:12:14.600 Do you think this was her way of trying to let me down easy or is she just evil and in need of being
00:12:18.080 canceled? She's not evil. She's a member of the sweet baby. So she's a baby gang. So we
00:12:21.920 know she's not evil to begin with. I think this was, yeah, her trying to let you down easy.
00:12:28.980 Now on her part, she should be more honest with you, but people don't feel always comfortable
00:12:33.480 being that honest with, especially someone they don't know. And yeah, I think we can assume that
00:12:39.720 she realized that you're not on Tinder looking for a quote, political buddy.
00:12:43.560 You're such a good friend, right? The bestest.
00:12:46.180 One of the worst kind of like friend of all the ways to friend zone someone. I think maybe that's
00:12:53.160 one of the worst ways you can do it. Did you do anything wrong that made it so that she lost
00:12:57.120 interest that quickly? It's impossible for me to say based on this short description of the
00:13:01.780 exchange that I have here. If I were you, I wouldn't have made the comment about moving to
00:13:06.580 Tennessee together. And I know you phrased it as a joke. Sorry, I'm making a go of it in a new city.
00:13:11.720 It probably wasn't entirely a joke, was it? It was, you were kind of like feeling things out.
00:13:15.100 Not that you were going to move with her that moment, but when you just met someone on Tinder,
00:13:18.780 you haven't even met them in person and you're already even jokingly bringing up moving somewhere
00:13:22.480 together that might've freaked her out a little bit. Other than that, you know, based on this
00:13:27.100 doesn't sound like you did anything wrong and you didn't let it linger too long. I think oftentimes
00:13:32.100 the mistake a guy will make is that you, you, I guess what they call the talking phase and you do the
00:13:36.660 talking phase for weeks and weeks and months. And then finally you work up the courage to say,
00:13:40.900 Hey, maybe we should actually like physically go out together. And at that point, she's already
00:13:44.260 lost interest. My density has popped me to you. What? But, uh, you talked to her for a few days
00:13:52.340 and asked her on a date. That sounds reasonable to me, but she wasn't interested and found someone
00:13:57.100 else. These things happen. Get back out there. Don't let that discourage you. And we will end on
00:14:02.460 that encouraging note as we, uh, finish up here. Godspeed.