The Matt Walsh Show - June 03, 2023


Matt Walsh Ranks The Worst Disney Songs

Hosted by
Matt Walsh
Mentioned
Gilbert Moana Jiminy Cricket Diane Guerrero Little Mermaid Pinocchio McKenna Encanto Gaston Peter Pixar
Ep. 1175 - 'What Is A Woman’ Wins The Free Speech Battle Ep. 1176 - Pride Month Isn't Going How The Left Planned

Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

184.5

Word count

1,712

Sentence count

191

Harmful content

Misogyny

6

sentences flagged

Toxicity

12

sentences flagged

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In honor of the new Little Mermaid song, we re-listen to a bunch of other terrible Disney songs, including "The Song" by Moana and "I'll Find a Treasure" by The Little Mermaid. Plus, a new Pinocchio remake.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Look, everyone, I brought my thingamabob, my weapons-grade thingamabob.
00:00:05.380 Oh, you just don't know what words are. That's your thing.
00:00:09.740 Run away! Run away! 0.99
00:00:12.080 Bend over and grab your ankles! 1.00
00:00:15.020 You know, a couple days ago, we talked about the new Little Mermaid movie, which is atrocious.
00:00:20.640 And I haven't seen it, but of course I can say that. You don't need to see it in order to say that.
00:00:25.160 One of the songs in that movie that went viral for all the wrong reasons, if you're Disney,
00:00:30.660 because it's potentially the worst song ever made. It's just terrible.
00:00:33.940 And so it was suggested to me by McKenna that because I so hated having to suffer through that song,
00:00:40.180 what we should do today is play a bunch of other terrible Disney songs.
00:00:43.560 So let's just start with this. This one's from Moana. Let's watch a little bit of it.
00:00:48.820 Shiny, like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck. Scrub the deck and make it look shiny.
00:00:56.740 I will sparkle like a wealthy woman's neck. Just a sec, don't you know.
00:01:02.540 Fish are dum-dum-dum. They chase anything that glitters. Beginners.
00:01:08.300 Oh, and here they come, come, come to the brightest thing that glitters.
00:01:13.080 Mmm, fish dinners. I just love free food.
00:01:16.320 All right. No, it's not five. Turn it off. Stop.
00:01:19.580 So here's the thing. I saw Moana. I believe I've seen Moana.
00:01:22.620 I think I took, I probably, I think I took my kids to see it when it was,
00:01:25.580 I saw it in theaters with my, with my kids.
00:01:28.040 Right. Sure.
00:01:29.020 And I remember thinking that it's not terrible. I remember thinking that.
00:01:34.080 It's not a remake. So that was my first thing going in.
00:01:36.180 It's not a remake. They're actually making original content.
00:01:38.360 You know, there's nothing, there's nothing woke in it.
00:01:40.140 And it's like, it's not, it's not terrible.
00:01:42.320 But I don't, I don't remember this at all.
00:01:47.360 I must've, I must've blocked this from my memory.
00:01:49.840 I must've suppressed this deep down in the recesses of my memory.
00:01:53.400 Cause I have no recollection of this awful song or I don't know what's happening in this scene.
00:01:59.360 Is she about to be eaten by this crab thing? 1.00
00:02:01.620 That is pretty bad, but it's not, it doesn't rise to the level of the Little Mermaid song.
00:02:06.800 So let's keep going. This one is from, uh, okay.
00:02:09.320 This is from the new Pinocchio, I guess. Let's listen.
00:02:12.200 I'll design the perfect wooden shoe.
00:02:15.800 And then we'll sing and dance the whole day through.
00:02:20.000 If you can splinter his eyes, I'll be there.
00:02:22.060 Peter, I'm your conscience, Jiminy Cricket.
00:02:24.620 Ah, bug! 0.99
00:02:25.840 That's in the running. That's, that's competing.
00:02:28.040 Is that trying to be bad? Is that the joke?
00:02:30.580 And the other thing about the Pinocchio remake is how many Pinocchio movies do we actually need?
00:02:38.040 Like this movie, there are so many versions of this movie.
00:02:42.760 And I know this because recently I was trying to, uh, put Pinocchio on for my kids.
00:02:47.980 Like the original, you know, the, the one from the sixties or the fifties or whenever that came out.
00:02:52.380 And I was trying to put that on for my kids.
00:02:54.060 And I, so I typed Pinocchio.
00:02:56.280 There's like, there's 15 versions of this movie.
00:02:59.720 Every year they come out with a Pinocchio remake.
00:03:02.380 Is it really the kind of movie that it's like, there's so much in that story that we need to keep retelling it over and over again?
00:03:09.300 I'll bet a lot of you folks don't believe that.
00:03:11.680 Do you?
00:03:12.120 Like the kids don't like Pinocchio.
00:03:14.000 Pinocchio written said that, uh, you know.
00:03:18.140 Gilbert said that, uh, Gilbert said that, uh, Gilbert said that, uh, Gilbert said that, uh, my.
00:03:23.200 Uh, kids don't like Pinocchio, uh, you know.
00:03:26.180 So I think Pinocchio exists as the kind of story and the kind of movie that kids hate.
00:03:31.000 And it's, this is not modern.
00:03:32.200 It's like, it's always been this way.
00:03:33.420 Kids hate it, but then they become parents and their perception of the story changes.
00:03:37.580 And they try to force their kids to watch it.
00:03:39.420 And the kids still don't care.
00:03:40.840 So Pinocchio was never great, but they somehow made it worse with that song.
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00:04:41.980 Clip three is, I don't know what this is, Diane Guerrero, Encanto.
00:04:48.300 Which one is that?
00:04:49.360 Is that a Pixar thing?
00:04:50.640 Oh, is that the Mexican one? 1.00
00:04:51.920 That's the Mexican one. 1.00
00:04:52.840 Okay.
00:04:53.880 Go ahead.
00:04:54.180 All right, that's enough of that.
00:05:18.860 Yeah, it sounds like a pop song.
00:05:20.580 It sounds like a modern pop song, and I mean that in the worst possible way.
00:05:22.940 I don't mean that as a compliment.
00:05:24.080 It just sounds like the kind of, just like, it's not aggressively obnoxious, I don't think.
00:05:29.320 It doesn't make your, it doesn't make you nauseous listening to it.
00:05:34.540 It's not good either.
00:05:35.700 It's just nothing.
00:05:36.340 But there's no charm to it.
00:05:37.400 That's the other thing.
00:05:38.100 You know, the old Disney movies, those songs, you still remember those songs, because there's
00:05:42.920 a certain kind of charm to them, and all this stuff, when they make these remakes in
00:05:47.440 the new Disney movies, they're not able to capture that charm and that enchantment anymore.
00:05:53.600 They don't have it.
00:05:54.800 Because all of these movies are made by, they're not made by storytellers, okay?
00:05:59.760 They're made by committee.
00:06:00.880 They're made by like, it's like, these are corporate products, and they're made by marketing
00:06:04.940 departments, and they sit around in rooms, in meetings, and they come up with these stories
00:06:09.360 based on, you know, what's going to make those money, and how can they merchandise it, and
00:06:13.520 how can they sell things?
00:06:14.400 That's all that matters.
00:06:15.700 So there's no, there's no magic to it.
00:06:17.620 Okay.
00:06:17.980 Mecanto was not the Mexican one.
00:06:19.300 So that was deeply racist on my part. 0.99
00:06:21.440 You vile racist. 0.98
00:06:23.820 The segment's going great. 0.99
00:06:24.980 Let's listen to this one.
00:06:25.720 Now I know she'll never leave me, even as she runs away, she will still torment me, calm 0.95
00:06:38.820 me, hurt me, move me, come what may, wasting in my lonely tower, waiting by an open door.
00:06:53.560 Okay.
00:06:54.000 Yeah, I can tell that's new.
00:06:54.920 I can tell that's new.
00:06:56.820 It sounds like it's their impression of the kind of a Disney song.
00:07:01.840 They're doing a, it's like they're doing, it's a parody.
00:07:04.080 It's a parody of a 90s Disney song, but it can't actually capture the essence. 1.00
00:07:09.440 And it also looks so stupid. 0.99
00:07:12.040 You take the beast, and you try to make it realistic. 1.00
00:07:15.200 Let's make it gritty and realistic.
00:07:16.560 You have this humanoid buffalo creature. 0.97
00:07:19.140 Let's make it realistic. 0.94
00:07:20.360 And it looks ridiculous. 0.81
00:07:22.460 And I'm not going to get into the whole thing about Beauty and the Beast. 0.90
00:07:24.480 We've already talked about it.
00:07:26.080 All my problems, my many problems with the story to begin with, you know, and the fact
00:07:29.900 that Gaston is the real good guy in the story.
00:07:31.700 We've talked about that.
00:07:32.640 But she goes, she gets kidnapped by a beast, like an animal.
00:07:38.080 It's not even a human, and falls in love with it.
00:07:41.560 Remember, she falls in love with that thing before she doesn't even know.
00:07:45.840 Wait a second.
00:07:46.840 Does she know?
00:07:48.580 Does she know that he used to be a human?
00:07:51.860 I don't think she knows that.
00:07:53.340 So it's not even like she falls in love with the potential, or she knows that he used to
00:07:57.380 be a human.
00:07:58.100 And if she, yeah.
00:07:59.800 She thinks that he's literally just like a buffalo creature.
00:08:02.220 A talking buffalo.
00:08:04.240 And she falls in love with him.
00:08:06.820 Disney's been woke for a while, because they were promoting bestiality, even all the way
00:08:10.200 back in the 90s.
00:08:11.420 All right.
00:08:12.000 I guess we should finish this up.
00:08:13.480 Should we finish this up by watching that Little Mermaid song again, listening to it?
00:08:17.700 Probably not, but let's do it anyway.
00:08:18.920 Hey, wake up, wake up, wake up!
00:08:22.540 What?
00:08:23.720 Hey, have you not heard that scat-o-butt? 1.00
00:08:25.740 Your butt? 1.00
00:08:26.160 No, the gossip, the buzz, the who said what, who does that, yeah, that's scat-o-butt. 0.99
00:08:30.860 Well, I was flying over land and seeing ear to the ground.
00:08:34.120 Then I came flying here for you to see and hear what I found.
00:08:37.360 Remember the swamp?
00:08:38.520 Remember my son?
00:08:39.320 Yeah, we didn't need to do that.
00:08:40.320 We didn't need to do that.
00:08:41.600 Nothing comes close to that.
00:08:42.760 When you listen to that again, you realize that it's just, that exists on a tier that
00:08:48.660 none of these other songs, none of the songs are bad.
00:08:51.200 They're just bad.
00:08:51.840 They're bad songs.
00:08:52.200 There are a lot of, bad songs are a dime a dozen.
00:08:54.600 You hear those all the time.
00:08:56.220 That, though, transcends badness.
00:08:59.320 It reaches some other, it's impressive.
00:09:02.060 It is actually, I'm almost impressed by it.
00:09:04.260 A strange new respect that you could make a song that terrible.
00:09:08.280 Good.
00:09:08.660 I think this is productive.
00:09:10.040 And I think it's, stop.
00:09:12.160 Okay, we've heard enough.
00:09:14.720 All right.
00:09:16.380 Good.