The Matt Walsh Show - July 06, 2022


Matt Walsh Reacts To Reality Show Trailers

Hosted by
Matt Walsh
Mentioned
Lizzo Teigen Blind Joey Lana Bishop Barron Download Hallow Stefan Calm
Am I The A＊＊hole？ Matt Walsh Decides - Part 5 The Battle of the Libs： Libertarians vs Jamie Raines

Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

184.42

Word count

2,290

Sentence count

265

Harmful content

Misogyny

8

sentences flagged

Toxicity

36

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Joey Fatone hosts a reality show where couples go on a journey to find out if they should live with each other or with a new partner, and at the end of the journey, they have to choose to marry the person they've arrived here with, or split forever.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Well, to be honest with you, I didn't really know that reality shows existed still, really.
00:00:05.740 That's how plugged into the entertainment world I am.
00:00:09.380 My producers inform me that reality shows are still very much a thing, and they're all the rage, in fact.
00:00:14.660 And they had the bright idea to have me watch some reality show trailers and react to them.
00:00:20.440 And I can only assume, because they're the ones who suggested it, that I will hate every minute of this,
00:00:25.060 because that's the only type of content they ever do suggest, because I guess everyone enjoys watching me in pain, watching me suffer.
00:00:33.220 So, I've steeled myself. I think I'm ready. As ready as I can be. Let's go.
00:00:39.140 I love you to death, but I just cannot wait any longer. That is why I'm giving this ultimatum.
00:00:45.180 You're here because someone in your relationship has issued an ultimatum.
00:00:50.140 You're not sure you want to marry your current partner. The risk is that they're going to find someone else who is.
00:00:55.720 I think it's natural to wonder what it would be like to be in a different relationship.
00:01:01.040 You'll each choose a new partner.
00:01:03.220 You'll move in together in a trial marriage.
00:01:05.540 And at the end of this experience,
00:01:07.220 you guys will have to choose to marry the person you've arrived here with, or to split forever.
00:01:13.880 Today, we get to move in with someone completely different.
00:01:16.920 Living with a guy that's not you will be a weird change.
00:01:19.640 How do you feel about me sleeping in the bed?
00:01:21.120 Are you nervous to meet my dad?
00:01:25.480 Hope they don't grill me too hard.
00:01:26.860 Hi!
00:01:27.600 This is the first time I felt like, okay, this guy's okay.
00:01:30.720 From what he said about you, I was not happy about this at all.
00:01:33.940 This is our first morning back together.
00:01:36.300 We came here as a couple, but it's about figuring out what's best as individual people. 0.82
00:01:40.240 Okay, I'm already 20 points, 20 IQ points dumber, and we just started. 0.68
00:01:45.600 I'm going to be a, I'm going to be a sea sponge by the end of this thing. 0.92
00:01:48.580 We'll give you the new member initiation.
00:01:50.320 Welcome to my club!
00:01:51.740 Welcome to my club!
00:01:52.900 What is even the premise here?
00:01:54.420 So you've got, you've got, uh, what's his name?
00:01:56.640 Joey Fatone hosting this, and you've got couples who want to get married, and so they come on
00:02:01.480 a reality show, and they shack up with somebody else for a while on camera to find out if they
00:02:07.180 should marry the other person. 0.92
00:02:08.520 Is that, do I have this right?
00:02:09.240 We want to get married, and to find out if we should get married, we're going to go
00:02:12.040 and live with somebody else on a, well, I can answer the, I can answer the question
00:02:17.540 for you right now.
00:02:18.200 You shouldn't get married. 0.95
00:02:19.020 Okay, spoiler, all of you are awful, um, none of you should get married, you should 0.96
00:02:24.700 all move into the wilderness by yourselves, and save society from having to endure your 0.96
00:02:29.040 presence.
00:02:29.460 That's what should happen here.
00:02:31.140 That's what needs to happen. 0.88
00:02:32.860 How is it that reality shows are dumber now than I remember them being?
00:02:36.060 I think I just, I, I couldn't handle living in a world where this kind of stuff exists,
00:02:39.920 so I blocked it out of my mind, and I, and I went to a, I went to my safe space, my happy
00:02:43.740 space, and now, um, now I have to confront this, and it's even worse than I remember.
00:02:47.540 But, uh, let's, uh, let's watch the next one.
00:02:50.340 I've met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
00:02:53.940 I've never seen her before.
00:02:56.100 Here, you will choose someone to marry.
00:02:58.220 Hello.
00:02:59.040 Nice to hear from you.
00:03:00.220 Can't say see ya without ever seeing her.
00:03:04.540 If you're ready to find the love of your life.
00:03:08.520 Game time.
00:03:09.520 The pods are now open.
00:03:12.860 What kind of work do you do?
00:03:14.220 So what are some of your biggest turnoffs?
00:03:15.640 So what are you looking for in a woman? 1.00
00:03:16.880 Ethnicity, race, physical appearance.
00:03:19.360 None of that matters.
00:03:20.740 I'm really starting to emotionally connect with you.
00:03:23.420 This could be a remarkable love story.
00:03:27.400 You're a beautiful person.
00:03:28.840 I don't have to see you to say that.
00:03:31.500 I'm scared of making the wrong decision.
00:03:33.600 I can't see my life without you.
00:03:35.680 Will you be my wife?
00:03:38.580 I am engaged to somebody I've never seen before.
00:03:41.720 I hope he's just fine to be very attractive.
00:03:43.580 Can they just lock the cubes and just leave them in there? 0.74
00:03:48.820 We can watch them slowly starve to death.
00:03:50.720 That would be a reality show.
00:03:51.820 And does Joey Fatone host all these shows now?
00:03:54.220 I thought he was dead.
00:03:55.340 I don't know.
00:03:55.680 They have him chained up in a basement somewhere and they bring him out like the Gimp and Pulp Fiction whenever there's a new Netflix reality show. 0.51
00:04:00.760 And I say new reality show, but really there has never been a new reality show, I think.
00:04:05.320 All these ideas are just versions of each other.
00:04:07.280 What about American Idol, but they have to write their own songs?
00:04:11.940 Love it.
00:04:12.300 Oh, what about American Idol, but they have to write their own songs?
00:04:16.100 Love it.
00:04:16.400 We're going to match a bunch of attractive people up and have them get married, even though they haven't seen each other. 1.00
00:04:21.780 I wonder what will happen.
00:04:22.600 We know what will happen.
00:04:23.160 They'll get divorced by next Thursday.
00:04:24.400 That's what's going to happen.
00:04:25.140 Second of all, the drama and suspense is taken out, right?
00:04:29.140 Because they're all relatively attractive.
00:04:31.800 I mean, that's what this is all about.
00:04:33.060 It's like, well, what does a person look like?
00:04:34.240 I mean, for a concept like this to work, you need to mix in some ugly ducklings.
00:04:39.460 They need to be in this mix here.
00:04:41.740 So you should have like a guy who's 600 pounds and they wheel him out on a forklift for the big reveal.
00:04:48.520 You've already gotten married and you're married to a 600 pound guy on a forklift.
00:04:52.400 That would be high drama.
00:04:53.980 Instead, everybody is in the seven to nine range as far as physical looks go.
00:04:58.500 So the show is, what will happen when these sevens to nines meet other sevens to nines?
00:05:03.280 Nothing interesting.
00:05:05.380 I can already tell you that.
00:05:06.560 I'll be honest, guys.
00:05:07.340 This job gets really hard sometimes. 1.00
00:05:09.540 All day long, I watch, debunk, and cancel stupid people. 0.99
00:05:12.560 Some days, my producers make me sit behind this desk for hours on end watching purple-haired weirdos attempt to explain their gender-neutral pronouns to me. 1.00
00:05:19.060 It's no easy task.
00:05:20.180 And the only way that I've found to cope with all this torture is with Halo.
00:05:24.360 Halo is the number one Christian prayer app in the U.S.
00:05:27.520 It's like Calm or Headspace, but rooted in Catholic faith as opposed to the religion of leftism.
00:05:32.940 Halo offers over 5,000 audio-guided prayers, meditations, and Christian music tracks.
00:05:37.900 Some of the most popular daily prayers are the daily rosary, gospel reading, the daily psalm with Bishop Barron, and so much more.
00:05:45.400 Halo helps me find peace and calm throughout the day, even as crazy leftists yell at me through a tiny screen.
00:05:50.380 Go to halo.com slash mattwalsh and get an extended three-month free trial, during which you'll have access to all 5,000-plus meditations and prayers.
00:05:59.700 That's halo.com slash mattwalsh for three months free.
00:06:02.720 Reclaim your peace in this crazy world.
00:06:04.420 Download Halo today.
00:06:06.300 Okay, continue.
00:06:07.960 Deep in the remote jungles of Columbia, a new species has been spotted at the watering hole.
00:06:14.120 Humans, a rare sight in this habitat.
00:06:16.780 These humans are using animal mating techniques in their search for true love and are forbidden to speak to one another. 0.99
00:06:27.320 Not talking sucks. 0.68
00:06:32.560 My inner animal is an otter because they're super playful. 0.99
00:06:36.720 I'm a tiger.
00:06:37.560 I have a big appetite.
00:06:38.960 I'm trying to eat.
00:06:39.860 Ducks are kind of like majestic, but also kind of goofy.
00:06:42.360 I feel like I'm a mix between the two.
00:06:43.800 Okay, things about to get interesting, a little spicy.
00:06:53.660 It was very weird, but very sexy and weird.
00:06:57.580 I think this is our new fetish for mating.
00:06:59.240 I guess mating rituals work because I've never been so attracted to Stefan before. 0.99
00:07:04.920 I want to be dead. 0.93
00:07:07.220 I just want to be dead now. 0.96
00:07:08.500 I'm in such deep despair in this moment. 1.00
00:07:13.440 And it's not even how stupid this show is. 1.00
00:07:15.540 Like, that's not the problem. 1.00
00:07:16.960 It's that people, I assume, watch this.
00:07:19.240 And those people are among us.
00:07:21.700 They walk among us.
00:07:23.240 They vote.
00:07:24.960 They drive.
00:07:27.520 It's possible that I've accidentally been polite to somebody who watches this show.
00:07:32.180 Well, probably not me.
00:07:32.920 I'm not polite to anybody.
00:07:33.960 But, you know, it's still, God help us.
00:07:37.060 But why should God help us?
00:07:38.480 We've forsaken him.
00:07:40.380 So why should he help us?
00:07:43.740 All right, go ahead.
00:07:44.620 What's up, y'all?
00:07:49.860 It's Lizzo.
00:07:50.980 I'm looking for dancers to join me on my tour.
00:07:54.540 Girls that look like me don't get representation. 1.00
00:07:57.180 Time to pull up my sleeves and find them myself.
00:08:01.720 We thick and we pretty and we know what we've got.
00:08:05.400 It's the battle of the big girls.
00:08:08.280 To be a background dancer for Lizzo would just mean everything.
00:08:15.080 It's showtime.
00:08:17.020 Hey, ladies! 1.00
00:08:19.140 What do we have in store?
00:08:20.780 This is the fun part.
00:08:22.680 I was always doubting myself.
00:08:23.980 And I feel like that has been detrimental in how I approach dance.
00:08:28.480 You know, this is how bad it's gotten.
00:08:30.120 That's actually refreshing compared to the others.
00:08:32.480 Lizzo and a bunch of obese dancers in thongs and spandex.
00:08:36.320 That's a sight for sore eyes compared to what we saw before. 0.98
00:08:40.820 Compared to the mental sewage that came before it.
00:08:44.240 You know what I really want to see?
00:08:45.320 I want to see the contestants of that show mixed in with the contestants on the Love is Blind show.
00:08:53.080 That's the show I want to see.
00:08:54.460 Okay?
00:08:55.240 I want to see one of the guys on the Love is Blind.
00:08:57.560 He falls in love.
00:08:58.660 Oh, looks don't matter. 0.94
00:09:00.140 I don't care.
00:09:01.320 Because he's assuming.
00:09:02.180 He knows it's a reality show.
00:09:03.000 He assumes it's some dime that he's going to be matched up with.
00:09:06.140 And then one of these Lizzo background dancers comes out. 0.99
00:09:09.200 300 pounds in spandex.
00:09:10.760 That is one marriage that will stay together.
00:09:12.460 He can't.
00:09:13.500 There's nothing he can do.
00:09:14.420 Because he has to be body affirming.
00:09:16.700 And so he's going to be stuck in this marriage forever now.
00:09:19.860 This person.
00:09:21.060 That would be fun.
00:09:22.560 Okay, go ahead.
00:09:23.160 I don't want to be doing this with anyone but you.
00:09:31.200 This is the first time in a long time that I'm open to love.
00:09:36.860 Spending time with you and getting to know you.
00:09:39.100 It just feels natural.
00:09:40.020 So what are you guys expecting from this island?
00:09:43.080 Oh, I guess that means Too Hot to Handle is back.
00:09:49.700 Oh, no.
00:09:51.060 I know that.
00:09:51.900 It's Lana.
00:09:52.660 No kissing.
00:09:53.680 No heavy petting.
00:09:55.360 What?
00:09:55.740 And no sex of any kind.
00:09:58.520 This is Lana. 1.00
00:09:59.740 The ultimate cock block. 1.00
00:10:01.320 Let's get nasty. 1.00
00:10:02.940 Each time the rules are broken, money will be deducted.
00:10:06.480 I kissed Izzy yesterday.
00:10:07.460 You don't keep me.
00:10:10.080 I love bad boys. 0.98
00:10:11.540 You are the bad boy.
00:10:12.780 Play the role.
00:10:13.920 Can I call my mom?
00:10:15.180 I want to go home.
00:10:17.020 I don't say this to be cruel or mean.
00:10:20.440 But watching that trailer, I have never in my life rooted for a tsunami so much.
00:10:26.160 Just a 100-foot tidal wave crashing through.
00:10:30.460 Cleansing the land.
00:10:31.560 That's my idea for a reality show.
00:10:33.020 Get all these kinds of people onto an island.
00:10:34.680 Tell them it's a reality show called Boob Island or whatever.
00:10:39.900 And then set off a tidal wave.
00:10:41.580 Not to kill them.
00:10:42.500 I wouldn't wish that on anybody.
00:10:43.760 I just mean to startle them a little bit.
00:10:46.640 Maybe wash some of the herpes and genital crabs off.
00:10:51.240 And if anybody drowns in the process, that was not the intention.
00:10:54.520 For legal purposes anyway.
00:10:56.320 I'm in a bad mood now.
00:10:57.400 I'm upset by this.
00:11:00.620 I feel drained and exhausted. 0.98
00:11:03.780 And I'm dumber. 0.99
00:11:04.800 I actually feel that I am dumber than I was at the start. 0.97
00:11:07.260 Maybe this last one will be, this will be a bright spot to end on maybe.
00:11:09.680 We can hope.
00:11:10.260 I'll rise to an honorable, the honorable.
00:11:14.840 Or the honorable judge, Chrissy Teigen.
00:11:17.580 The people are real.
00:11:19.560 The cases are real.
00:11:20.980 And the judgments are legally binding.
00:11:23.340 I'm fully naked under here.
00:11:25.080 I think that's the hardest part about being a judge. 0.63
00:11:26.800 It's so hot.
00:11:29.800 This is Chrissy's Court.
00:11:32.580 Chrissy?
00:11:33.120 Chrissy?
00:11:33.840 Ah!
00:11:34.240 Oh! 0.60
00:11:34.340 Okay, so first of all, nothing happens in that show at all.
00:11:41.960 Like, that's the trailer for it.
00:11:43.580 And the one highlight is Chrissy Teigen saying she's naked.
00:11:46.580 That's like if I went to a restaurant and I said that the highlight of the restaurant,
00:11:50.400 my restaurant experience, was that the chicken was undercooked and gave me food poisoning.
00:11:53.980 If that's the highlight, how low is the low light is the question.
00:11:56.560 This is what I want.
00:11:57.160 I want a judge show where I'm the judge and everybody gets the death penalty for coming on the show. 0.92
00:12:03.140 The death penalty. 0.96
00:12:03.780 The death penalty. 0.99
00:12:04.160 For everyone. 0.96
00:12:04.820 For everyone. 0.99
00:12:05.060 The fact that you would come to a judge show in the first place to settle your problem means you deserve the death penalty. 0.78
00:12:09.880 This has gotten really dark, hasn't it? 0.76
00:12:11.240 My mind is in a dark place now.
00:12:13.280 And you'd thank my producers for that.
00:12:16.060 For all of this.
00:12:18.280 This is all their fault.
00:12:20.940 Okay, let's stop now.
00:12:22.380 I'm done.
00:12:22.640 I'm ready to fall.