Matt Walsh Reacts To TikTok Marriage Advice
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
195.0145
Summary
What is the best age to get married? Is it too late to start a family if you get married in your 30s or too late if you wait until you re in your 40s? Is getting married too late too early too late, and is there any point in getting married at all if you re going to have a successful marriage?
Transcript
00:00:00.000
So for everybody's favorite communist holiday Labor Day we thought we'd come
00:00:17.520
outside and do a little cookout again with our favorite company Good Ranchers
00:00:22.640
who have supplied all the food and we're also we've returned to my roots in my
00:00:26.440
old studio here behind in front of the sheet now that we're here actually I'm
00:00:30.760
not exactly sure why we have the sheet here it doesn't make a lot of sense but
00:00:33.220
we have it so we're just gonna roll with it and you know as we tend to do as any
00:00:37.000
good dad as I'm flipping burgers here we're gonna I'm gonna give a little bit
00:00:39.940
of advice based on the tick-tock marriage advice that's out there so it's really
00:00:46.240
gonna be more of a corrective we'll watch some of those videos I'll tell you why
00:00:49.720
they're wrong and then I'll tell you what the actual good advice is so let's go
00:00:53.380
what is the best age to get married it's not in your 20s it's a better idea for
00:01:06.940
you to get married in your 30s because you've gone through all the changes and
00:01:11.200
you are more settled you come into your own in your 30s and I think that's a
00:01:17.560
very good time to get married I got married when I was 30 and I'm married for
00:01:22.960
41 years now all right so that's a relationship advice from a divorce lawyer
00:01:30.880
so that we know we're already on the wrong foot here like taking relationship
00:01:35.200
advice from a divorce lawyer it's like I don't know taking advice from a shark
00:01:40.060
on where the best swimming spots are there's a there's a real conflict of
00:01:43.780
interest there and so she says we should wait till you're in your 30s to get
00:01:47.620
married and she knows because she is very good at she's very good at breaking up
00:01:51.840
marriages helping marriages dissolve and so we're supposed to take her advice now
00:01:55.740
look you could get married at any time in your adult life and potentially have a
00:02:00.840
successful marriage there are people who get married in their 60s and you know
00:02:03.600
it's death to do we part now it's that way it's kind of easier actually when you
00:02:07.440
get married very late because you don't have very long until your death and so you
00:02:10.600
can have that success in that sense kind of running out the clock I guess but as in
00:02:15.840
general like what should we advise people to do as a general policy we should obviously advise
00:02:21.840
them to get married younger and there are a couple reasons for that one reason is that
00:02:26.840
biology exists okay despite what we hear from the left biology is a real phenomenon and what
00:02:33.740
that means is that our biological clocks are ticking especially for women so if you wait until
00:02:37.140
your mid-30s to get married it might be too late to have a family my wife is married with our number
00:02:42.840
five and six right now okay and uh because we like to do we like to double up when we have kids
00:02:47.880
and they're already telling you she's 35 they told her this is this technically counts as a geriatric
00:02:52.860
pregnancy at the age of 35 that's real so she's like that's what it is so you're gonna wait until
00:02:58.420
you're in geriatric pregnancy mode to get married to begin with doesn't make a lot of sense and also
00:03:03.420
the other point is that if you get married younger than you're building a life with someone rather than
00:03:09.240
building your adult life first and then trying to inject somebody else into it and that can cause
00:03:14.680
problems because then you feel like well this is mine this is my life and you feel like they're
00:03:19.000
intruding on it there's real value in starting young and like being on the ground floor together
00:03:24.260
as you build your life together so that's terrible advice let's uh check out the next one
00:03:29.660
this has completely changed our relationship so at the beginning of every month you write down new
00:03:38.080
ways that you can love your person either things you can do for them or things you can do with
00:03:42.060
them and you cut up the pieces of paper you fold it and you put it in something to pull from and then
00:03:46.660
every morning you both choose one piece of paper and find time just to do that one thing it forces
00:03:52.320
you to be intentional and it works do it is it american oh it's a lesbian okay it's a lesbian thing
00:03:58.520
all right this is what we're doing a uh a cookout in the parking lot there's someone loading a truck
00:04:05.980
plan so i don't know if you can hear that but anyway so what we hear from from from that relationship
00:04:09.800
advice is that you want to write little cute things you're going to do for each other and put
00:04:13.900
it on a slip of paper and then put it into a hat and pick it out of the hat at the beginning of the
00:04:18.140
day this is what happens when you get relationship advice from someone who's never like been in a
00:04:23.060
relationship that's the kind of idea it's like if you're 16 years old that's the kind of idea your
00:04:28.120
girlfriend might have and it's just it's in reality like living your everyday life you're not going to
00:04:32.860
stick first of all you're not going to stick to a plan like that if my if my wife came to me and
00:04:37.260
said oh we're gonna we're gonna write our goals for each other in slips of paper and we're gonna
00:04:41.000
pick it out of a what i'm not gonna do that what the hell are you talking about we're gonna i got we
00:04:46.780
have kids to deal with but we don't have time for this also if you can think of good ways to act
00:04:52.460
towards your spouse just do that don't don't write it on paper because how does that work it's like
00:04:58.720
if your wife comes to you and says oh i want you to i want you to listen more to me you're not
00:05:02.000
listening enough and then i say oh sorry it wasn't on the slip of paper today i just i didn't pull
00:05:05.620
it out that's why i can't do that one if you have good ideas of how you're supposed to treat
00:05:09.940
your spouse just enact it right away start living that don't try to turn it into a cute little game
00:05:16.180
more terrible advice what else do we got my husband and i recently changed something in
00:05:21.620
our communication and let me tell you it has changed everything our new house rule is every time
00:05:27.080
that you have some constructive criticism for the other person you have to lead with two positive
00:05:34.220
reinforcing comments one has to be physical and one has to be mental for example the other day
00:05:40.420
my husband decided that he didn't like the way i dried off our cutting knives so instead of just
00:05:45.320
coming to me after a long day of being a mom and abruptly telling me that he needs me to dry off the
00:05:51.360
knives better he started with the two compliment rule he said hannah i can tell that you have been
00:05:57.280
working really hard as a mom this week and that does not go unnoticed and then he told me that my
00:06:03.240
butt looked cute in my jeans do you think that you could maybe do a little bit of a better job drying off
00:06:07.480
these cutting knives in the end this small change in our communication has drastically changed the
00:06:12.700
dynamic of everything this week has felt lighter we've had more fun and i feel like we've gotten in
00:06:17.780
less fights so i hope this helps uh no it doesn't help okay that bullshit advice does not help
00:06:23.660
first of all that's a trap man to begin with so when when your wife comes to you and says
00:06:28.660
oh no i can take constructive criticism but just say something positive first that's not it's not
00:06:33.960
going to work in practice okay because you could you could you could lead with 50 things you like
00:06:38.840
about them you could spend an hour listing honey this is what i love about you and then just spend an
00:06:43.220
hour listing stuff as soon as you get to the bad thing that's all that's that's the headline right
00:06:47.620
there and all the other stuff dissipates okay it evaporates so just don't believe that in the
00:06:52.340
first place and then on the other end of it as a man i don't want that don't come to me
00:06:56.580
what i don't i know the setup just get to the point so as soon as my wife comes in and says uh honey
00:07:03.240
you know i i really like how you ironed your pants this morning and i think you're a nice person okay
00:07:09.380
yeah what you're about to criticize me get to the get to it come on what is it going to be what did i do
00:07:13.380
this time just what what helps more in a marriage take it from me is just to be direct and get to
00:07:20.500
the point cut to the chase if you have a problem say it and then you move on with your lives because
00:07:26.660
everything we're hearing so far from tiktok is just ways of like drawing all this out and making it into
00:07:32.620
a bigger deal than it needs to be just say she didn't do a good job drying off the cutting knives
00:07:37.920
is that the complaint that seems like a pretty petty thing to complain about in the first place but if
00:07:42.560
you if that's an issue for you just go and tell her honey dry the cutting knives next time okay look
00:07:47.600
at the streaks on it you're causing problems that's all you got to do no problem all right what do we got
00:08:35.040
okay that's it that's all i get the point first of all i'm just burning the hell out of these
00:08:42.840
burgers it's not my fault this is this tiktok has distracted me don't use tiktok while you're
00:08:49.060
while you're over an open flame okay that's the first bit of advice second is if you're making
00:08:54.440
a tiktok video why just say what you want once again this is the theme get to the point what is
00:08:59.320
the thing on tiktok now where they don't even speak they just look into the camera while there
00:09:03.140
are words coming up on the screen i did that a few weeks ago because i i was i'm a laryngitis
00:09:07.460
survivor so if you have laryngitis if you're mute or something i understand it but i don't think
00:09:11.540
that's the case for her and what's the point that she's making she's saying uh well women sometimes
00:09:17.940
feel unappreciated and then she's going through the list of all the things that you know the wife
00:09:22.940
deals with and she's dealing with the kids and she has to clean the house and all that kind of stuff
00:09:26.120
and and i get it but the thing that will kill a marriage more than anything is self-pity okay so
00:09:34.760
that's what when i watch that video i don't see a woman who's like put upon and oppressed everything
00:09:40.740
she's listing that's just part of life we all have roles in life and work is part of life so whether
00:09:47.520
you're a man or woman whatever you're doing in the house you're gonna have to work when you have
00:09:51.120
kids even more so it just it takes work so you're working the husband's working everybody's working
00:09:56.620
all the time we've got the sad piano music and she's listing all these really normal things she
00:10:01.400
has to do in her life i'm not seeing a problem of a woman being oppressed i'm seeing a problem of
00:10:06.020
someone who is drowning in self-pity to the point of they're like even putting their own story up on
00:10:11.420
tiktok with sad piano music in the background get over yourself realize that life is work
00:10:18.260
life is suffering and once you come to accept that you'll have if not joy maybe some contentment
00:10:25.980
i say this to my wife all the time she loves it when i say that to her what's next you know how when
00:10:33.440
you ask me what i want to eat and then i say i don't know and then we go in circles and then
00:10:39.220
sometimes we even get in an argument about that or like you ask me like what i want to do and then
00:10:43.500
i'm like i don't know and then it's the notebook scene okay what do you want it's not that simple
00:10:48.540
i feel like i i do know but i'm saying i don't know because i wish you would just be in your
00:10:53.980
masculine and take the lead and it makes me feel like i have to make all the decisions and decide
00:10:59.120
everything and it like it kind of pisses me off and so i'm saying i don't know because i wish you
00:11:03.720
would just take the lead okay so you want me to take the lead actually more and especially in
00:11:11.420
decision making processes yeah because you feel like you're being in the masculine role you know
00:11:17.200
the irony is i'm trying not to be toxic masculine i'm trying not to be disrespectful and so i'm trying
00:11:23.980
to make sure and give you an equal say an equal you know option and opinion i'm actually trying to
00:11:29.400
help you feel included in that decision making process but what i'm hearing is actually that
00:11:33.620
you don't necessarily want that yeah i mean i don't feel like you need to worry about being
00:11:38.880
domineering unless you were going to like force me to do something and like no i said we're doing
00:11:43.300
this today like you don't have a say that would be domineering but when you take the lead and then
00:11:47.700
you're open to me being like no actually you know i don't want that then that's really healthy so
00:11:52.860
but i actually really prefer you to take the lead to make decisions so i can be in my feminine and i
00:11:57.820
actually love most of the decisions that you make and it feels good awesome all right good so
00:12:05.260
finally a little bit of sanity you see glimmers of it every once in a while on tiktok and uh i never
00:12:14.300
thought i'd find it on a channel called what was that channel called the yoga the yoga couple well so
00:12:20.760
before we get that here's the bad news the woman is married to this guy and she wants him to be
00:12:26.460
masculine well unfortunately for you you married a guy with long hair who does yoga so that was out
00:12:33.220
the window to begin with but now it's actually very sad because she's like i married this overgrown
00:12:38.800
child uh i married a guy that looks like you know a 15 year old sporting his first goatee and she just
00:12:46.960
wants masculinity in the marriage but she can't have it so it's a very sad and tragic thing meanwhile this
00:12:52.260
guy has been conditioned by society that toxic masculinity is bad and you know we want to have
00:12:58.860
equality of the sexes and this is what he's been told and so he's been living that way and now he's
00:13:04.440
being told by his wife no i actually want you to be a man because that's what you are and he's sitting
00:13:09.380
there like oh really you mean you you want me to be a man you want the man to be a man i didn't know
00:13:15.260
i'm sorry because that's the reality no matter what we're told by society we're trying you know
00:13:20.760
society tries to condition us away from our natural inclinations you know from from natural law in many
00:13:29.220
ways but no matter what they do it can't change it is that in in most scenarios a woman is with a man
00:13:37.840
because she wants a man a man's with a woman because he wants a woman and yes she wants you to take the
00:13:43.180
lead now she might not like it when you put it like that okay so deciding where you're going to
00:13:48.680
eat she might not want you to say honey i'll take the lead here i'll tell you where we're going to
00:13:51.780
eat she doesn't want you to say that she just wants you to do it decide where you're going to eat
00:13:55.140
and tell her and you know she'll live with it so that's good advice that one you can take to the bank
00:14:01.240
all the rest of it you can toss into the wood chipper like so much else that we get on tiktok
00:14:06.520
and uh i think i'll just get to grilling these pieces of charcoal that i have here
00:14:11.380
uh remember good ranchers is where you should get all your meat and uh also have a great labor day