The Matt Walsh Show - September 09, 2023


Matt Walsh Reads MEAN TWEETS


Episode Stats

Length

12 minutes

Words per Minute

196.90015

Word Count

2,545

Sentence Count

197

Misogynist Sentences

1

Hate Speech Sentences

7


Summary

Matt Walsh is a moron. And Tucker Carlson thinks he's smart. And they're both idiots. So what's the deal with Matt Walsh and Tucker Carlson? And why do they have so much in common? They're both morons.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Okay, we got a classic for you today, something tried and true.
00:00:02.940 We're going to look at some mean tweets.
00:00:04.780 Well, you know, there are people out there who've tweeted some mean things about me,
00:00:08.720 and we're going to take a look.
00:00:10.700 I, you know, I had McKenna go and find these mean tweets,
00:00:13.420 which was the easiest job in the history of jobs,
00:00:16.420 because when it comes to negative tweets about me,
00:00:18.860 there's an embarrassment of riches, I will say.
00:00:21.320 It's ample supply.
00:00:22.820 So let's go through some of these,
00:00:24.860 and we'll find out if I really am a terrible, awful person.
00:00:28.860 I mean, we already know that I am that, but we'll do this anyway.
00:00:32.680 I'm not sure why.
00:00:33.880 If men like Matt Walsh is going to complain about women in the military,
00:00:36.840 I'm going to complain about him taking a girl job
00:00:38.860 rather than working in the mines like a real man.
00:00:41.600 Talking for a living is extremely feminine, Matt.
00:00:44.080 If men like Matt Walsh is going to complain,
00:00:46.640 if men like Matt Walsh is going to complain,
00:00:48.720 sure, I talk for a living, but you, on the other hand, can't talk at all.
00:00:51.780 So I don't know who's got the upper hand here.
00:00:54.460 But this is bad news for almost every man in the country,
00:00:57.400 because you have to work in the mines to be a real man.
00:00:59.920 But there are only like 500,000 people in the mining industry at this point.
00:01:05.080 So that leaves, by my count, 165 million men who are not real,
00:01:12.460 which is, that's a tough break.
00:01:13.760 And that's a tough break for all of us.
00:01:15.380 Why on earth does Matt Walsh have any fame?
00:01:17.460 Guys like Tucker Carlson can spin clever arguments
00:01:19.780 and have some personal charm.
00:01:21.480 I've never seen Walsh make a clever point.
00:01:23.720 He's about as charming as a turd in a punch bowl.
00:01:25.880 I don't know. That's a good question, honestly.
00:01:27.900 It is a strange thing.
00:01:28.920 Whenever somebody comes up to me and kind of makes a big deal out of it,
00:01:31.560 I'm appreciative, I'm grateful, I'm humbled.
00:01:33.820 Always a little confused, because I'm very aware of the fact that I'm just a guy.
00:01:38.460 That's the thing.
00:01:39.400 You know, when you achieve some level of prominence,
00:01:43.460 you're still very aware of your own just some guy-ness.
00:01:47.820 And actually, I'm barely a guy, because I don't even work in the mines.
00:01:50.960 So, you know, that's the situation.
00:01:53.940 Matt Walsh is one of the most annoying human beings on the planet,
00:01:56.820 because on many issues, he's very smart, has well-thought-out arguments,
00:01:59.940 and has a knack for comedic call-out films.
00:02:01.960 But somehow, he's an irredeemable moron when it comes to things like anime,
00:02:05.980 kid shows, and vidya games.
00:02:07.900 You know, I hear this kind of thing a lot.
00:02:08.980 People are like, well, Matt, you're so insightful about everything,
00:02:11.360 but on this pet issue of mine, you're a moron.
00:02:13.860 I'm an idiot!
00:02:14.880 You're an idiot!
00:02:15.500 You're an idiot!
00:02:15.920 Which, okay, I mean, it's possible that I'm a moron on whatever that issue is.
00:02:21.940 I accept that.
00:02:22.920 It's certainly possible.
00:02:24.840 I could be.
00:02:25.680 But also, if you think that I'm, quote, very smart,
00:02:29.980 and have, quote, well-thought-out arguments,
00:02:32.480 isn't it possible that my arguments on your pet issue are also well-thought-out,
00:02:38.860 and that you are the one who happens to be wrong?
00:02:41.500 Have you thought about it?
00:02:42.640 I mean, it's possible.
00:02:43.920 Because, like, generally, if somebody is smart and thoughtful,
00:02:46.580 they aren't going to be a moron on really any issue.
00:02:49.440 It doesn't mean that they're right about every issue,
00:02:51.320 but if someone, you know, if you know anybody in your life,
00:02:54.440 and you think, well, that's a thoughtful, smart person,
00:02:57.120 they probably are never a moron about anything.
00:03:00.580 Because, like, if they think something, even if they're wrong,
00:03:04.280 because they're a smart, thoughtful person,
00:03:06.420 there's a coherent reason why they think it.
00:03:08.900 That's what it means to be a smart, thoughtful person.
00:03:11.960 So what you're really saying is Matt Walsh is really smart
00:03:16.940 about all the stuff I agree with him on,
00:03:19.180 but on the stuff I don't agree with,
00:03:21.400 he happens to be irredeemably stupid.
00:03:24.220 Which is kind of a coincidence, isn't it?
00:03:25.960 That's strange.
00:03:27.100 It's funny how it worked out that way.
00:03:29.620 Right?
00:03:29.840 What are the chances?
00:03:31.660 What do Matt Walsh and a wrench have in common?
00:03:33.580 They're both tools.
00:03:36.500 McKenna, why did that make the cut?
00:03:37.720 Come on, like, let's raise our standards.
00:03:39.640 There's no way that that's even close to the meanest
00:03:45.200 or most vicious tweet we could do here.
00:03:47.320 Let's do better.
00:03:48.220 Do the work.
00:03:48.940 Do the work.
00:03:49.440 If you want to stop being racist, do the work.
00:03:52.560 This one's better.
00:03:53.580 The problem with Matt Walsh is that he's so hot,
00:03:56.300 but so stupid.
00:03:58.040 Well, it's actually the, I think it's the opposite.
00:04:00.580 I think it's more the opposite.
00:04:01.720 I think that I'm smart, but ugly.
00:04:03.720 I think it's more, not hideous, like a six out of 10.
00:04:06.660 I think I have a pretty realistic view
00:04:08.580 of my own physical features.
00:04:12.100 It's about a solid six out of 10.
00:04:14.040 6.5 on a good day, I'd give me.
00:04:16.640 I'd give myself.
00:04:17.620 Maybe approach 6.8, 6.9 about 10 years ago.
00:04:21.480 But with age, you know, things start to fall apart.
00:04:25.180 So more of that.
00:04:26.100 I think it's more of that.
00:04:27.340 I'm thinking a lot about the early days of the internet.
00:04:29.220 Remember when it felt like this vast open frontier,
00:04:31.720 a place where you could truly be free,
00:04:33.380 free from corporate oversight, free from tracking,
00:04:35.980 free from somebody looking over your shoulder,
00:04:38.340 kind of like America itself used to be.
00:04:40.000 But these days, every time we go online,
00:04:41.840 we are being watched.
00:04:42.860 Your internet service provider sees everything,
00:04:44.700 every site you visit, every click you make.
00:04:46.520 And here's the kicker.
00:04:47.200 In the U.S., they can legally sell
00:04:48.920 all that information to third parties.
00:04:51.040 Your private data becomes just another commodity.
00:04:54.060 That's why I started using ExpressVPN.
00:04:56.040 It's this brilliant piece of a technology
00:04:57.560 that routes all of my online activity
00:04:59.720 through secure encrypted servers.
00:05:01.340 Everything I do online is shielded from prying eyes.
00:05:04.120 My internet provider, data brokers, all of them.
00:05:06.840 I love the peace of mind that it gives me
00:05:07.980 when I'm traveling for work
00:05:09.240 and have to connect to public internet
00:05:10.560 that literally anybody could be on.
00:05:12.600 ExpressVPN hides my IP address
00:05:14.040 so data brokers can't track me.
00:05:15.960 Helps me know my data and information is mine alone.
00:05:18.860 And it's super simple to use.
00:05:20.360 One tap to connect, that's it.
00:05:21.840 It works on up to eight devices,
00:05:23.440 phones, tablets, TVs, computers,
00:05:25.360 you name it, it's protected.
00:05:26.780 So find out how you can get four months free
00:05:28.940 by scanning the QR code on screen
00:05:30.880 or clicking the link in the description box below
00:05:33.040 or by going to expressvpn.com slash walshvitee.
00:05:38.220 Matt Walsh is a idiot
00:05:39.680 who has a joyless soul-sucking life.
00:05:41.840 I'm now convinced he's congealed in a corner
00:05:43.760 as an unfun and unhappy adult
00:05:45.640 instead of having a childhood.
00:05:47.780 Okay, so this one's interesting.
00:05:49.680 This one's good.
00:05:50.640 That one counts as a mean tweet.
00:05:52.180 That's what we're looking for.
00:05:53.580 We're looking for Matt Walsh is a idiot.
00:05:55.080 Not, you know, he's like a wrench
00:05:58.540 because they're both tools.
00:05:59.760 Boo! You stink!
00:06:02.280 Okay, so this one's interesting
00:06:03.260 because this tweet is,
00:06:04.740 because I followed the rabbit hole
00:06:06.400 a little bit on this one.
00:06:07.400 This tweet is responding to another tweet
00:06:09.560 from somebody who was complaining
00:06:12.020 about my negative review of Sonic 3.
00:06:15.240 And that tweet,
00:06:16.300 the one that is initially complaining about my review,
00:06:19.020 has 200,000 likes,
00:06:21.200 200,000, and 4 million views.
00:06:24.380 So apparently there was this massive viral outrage
00:06:29.060 about the fact that I didn't like Sonic 3.
00:06:32.080 And I was mostly unaware of it.
00:06:34.000 Now, I knew that some adult Sonic fans
00:06:35.740 were having nerd spasms about it.
00:06:37.520 You know, they were having a dork meltdown
00:06:39.080 about the fact that I didn't like Sonic 3.
00:06:40.480 I knew that that was happening to some extent.
00:06:42.060 I saw it in my YouTube comments.
00:06:43.680 But I didn't know until I,
00:06:45.720 I didn't know that it was at this level.
00:06:47.180 I didn't know that,
00:06:48.040 and I started, like I said,
00:06:48.900 I would go down the rabbit hole a bit.
00:06:50.240 And it's like,
00:06:52.580 there were thousands of people
00:06:54.940 crying for days
00:06:57.760 about the fact that I didn't like Sonic 3.
00:07:00.020 And I was totally oblivious to it.
00:07:03.020 They were just screaming into a void
00:07:05.160 because I didn't like Sonic.
00:07:07.260 And I was whistling along, unaware.
00:07:08.880 Which is pretty funny.
00:07:11.640 And now we have this tweet
00:07:13.900 from someone who insists
00:07:15.660 that I'm joyless and unhappy
00:07:16.940 because I don't like Sonic.
00:07:18.740 I always find these kinds of comments hilarious
00:07:20.800 because anytime I express any criticism
00:07:23.880 of some kind of corporate Hollywood CGI slop,
00:07:30.240 I'm always accused of being joyless and unhappy.
00:07:33.820 Is that what makes someone happy and joyful and fun?
00:07:36.380 Or I love it when someone says,
00:07:39.240 you know,
00:07:40.100 because I say,
00:07:40.540 yeah, I didn't really like Sonic 3.
00:07:41.860 But why didn't you like it?
00:07:42.660 I don't know,
00:07:43.060 because I'm 38?
00:07:44.940 Because I'm an adult?
00:07:46.560 That's why I didn't like Sonic 3?
00:07:48.920 That's why I didn't like it.
00:07:49.940 What do you mean,
00:07:50.300 why didn't I like it?
00:07:51.360 I'm a grown-ass man,
00:07:52.880 because I didn't like Sonic 3.
00:07:55.880 It shouldn't be possible to actually like it.
00:07:59.340 So anytime I say something like that,
00:08:02.080 you get someone going,
00:08:03.180 oh, you must be fun at parties.
00:08:04.760 First of all,
00:08:05.160 I don't even go to parties.
00:08:06.500 So joke's on you.
00:08:07.700 I can't be fun at them.
00:08:08.640 I'm not there.
00:08:09.420 But second,
00:08:10.300 is that what makes someone fun at parties?
00:08:12.340 Is liking Sonic 3?
00:08:15.180 How does that work?
00:08:16.080 What kind of parties are you going to?
00:08:19.180 We're the life of the party.
00:08:21.500 So that guy over there,
00:08:22.240 he's the life of the party.
00:08:22.900 That guy's great.
00:08:23.900 Oh yeah,
00:08:24.180 what's so great about it?
00:08:24.760 He loves Sonic 3.
00:08:25.860 That's his thing.
00:08:27.040 He's over there.
00:08:28.160 He's over there just talking about Sonic 3,
00:08:30.140 the whole party.
00:08:30.640 And you got some guy,
00:08:31.500 there's a whole crowd gathered around him.
00:08:33.200 He's got his red cup.
00:08:34.420 He's drinking something.
00:08:34.940 And he's just talking about Sonic 3,
00:08:36.440 holding court.
00:08:37.340 People are fascinated for hours.
00:08:41.240 I'm trying to make that connection.
00:08:42.980 I'm trying to make the connection
00:08:43.820 between liking Sonic 3
00:08:45.120 and being fun at a party
00:08:46.160 or being a joyful person in life.
00:08:48.400 So is Sonic 3 supposed to just fill me with joy?
00:08:51.060 Not only do you want me to like it,
00:08:52.400 but it has to fill me with just like,
00:08:55.120 watching Sonic 3
00:08:56.560 should be an experience
00:08:58.860 like going up to the space station
00:09:02.700 and viewing the Earth.
00:09:04.120 It's like going to the moon
00:09:05.000 and seeing the Earth from the moon.
00:09:07.660 Just that transcendent feeling
00:09:10.020 of beauty and joy
00:09:11.440 is what watching Sonic 3
00:09:13.520 should be like,
00:09:14.600 according to you.
00:09:15.860 I think you might like Sonic 3
00:09:17.520 a little bit too much
00:09:18.200 is all I'm trying to say.
00:09:19.540 All right.
00:09:19.880 The best part of pick me losers
00:09:21.320 like Matt Walsh
00:09:22.100 is that they so desperately
00:09:23.200 want the adulation and recognition
00:09:24.640 that their insulated conservative bubble
00:09:26.120 cannot provide.
00:09:26.840 But they're the kid
00:09:27.800 who hates the kid
00:09:28.540 with the nice house
00:09:29.360 because they're never invited over.
00:09:31.400 Absolute loser.
00:09:33.280 Well, actually,
00:09:34.180 the kid with the nice house
00:09:35.240 did invite me over
00:09:36.140 when I was a kid.
00:09:38.800 Right.
00:09:39.100 I mean, I think this is
00:09:40.000 a universal thing.
00:09:41.300 Unless you were the kid
00:09:42.240 with the nice house,
00:09:42.800 which I was not.
00:09:43.620 But every like friend group,
00:09:45.540 you had someone
00:09:46.480 who had liked the nice house
00:09:47.740 with the rich parents
00:09:48.860 and had the big TV
00:09:51.860 and all that kind of stuff.
00:09:53.520 And so I wouldn't be invited
00:09:54.420 over to the house.
00:09:55.100 I did hate him,
00:09:56.040 but it wasn't
00:09:57.060 because he had a nice house.
00:09:58.000 It was because,
00:09:59.040 and this is true,
00:10:00.820 like this son of a bitch
00:10:02.000 had an infinite supply
00:10:03.640 of soda in his fridge.
00:10:05.700 We weren't allowed
00:10:06.240 to have soda.
00:10:06.900 This kid had soda.
00:10:09.160 He had like a whole fridge
00:10:10.040 of soda.
00:10:10.480 That's how I remember it.
00:10:11.260 I remember a walk-in fridge.
00:10:14.420 I remember going
00:10:15.160 into his basement.
00:10:16.100 It was like Scrooge McDuck
00:10:17.260 and there was just a soda,
00:10:18.800 just bottles of soda
00:10:19.780 in a giant pool.
00:10:21.180 He would jump into it
00:10:22.040 and swim.
00:10:23.260 And we would not get
00:10:24.940 any of the soda.
00:10:25.380 He would not share his soda.
00:10:26.480 So we'd go to his house
00:10:27.400 and we would drink tap water
00:10:29.260 while this kid
00:10:30.880 was drinking soda.
00:10:32.100 So I hated him for that.
00:10:33.840 I still do.
00:10:36.320 So you're half right.
00:10:37.820 Matt Walsh is the kind of guy
00:10:38.960 to call the cops
00:10:39.800 on a kid with a lemonade stand
00:10:41.160 because they didn't get
00:10:41.920 the proper permits.
00:10:43.160 No, you know,
00:10:43.880 I, I, you're just,
00:10:45.740 you don't,
00:10:47.280 I'm disappointed
00:10:48.560 by a lot of these tweets,
00:10:49.400 I have to say.
00:10:50.380 I wanted them to be,
00:10:51.640 it's like,
00:10:52.440 there's so many things
00:10:53.200 you can,
00:10:53.660 there's, there's so many
00:10:54.760 valid insults and criticisms
00:10:56.340 that you could make
00:10:58.040 directed at me.
00:10:59.180 And so many of these
00:11:00.300 are so off base
00:11:01.280 because I would not
00:11:02.320 call the cops
00:11:03.300 on the kid's lemonade stand
00:11:05.080 for not having a permit.
00:11:06.260 You think I care about a permit?
00:11:07.780 No.
00:11:08.420 I would call the cops
00:11:09.540 on the kid
00:11:10.340 with the lemonade stand
00:11:12.480 if he's selling
00:11:13.940 lemon flavored Kool-Aid
00:11:15.580 and trying to pass it off
00:11:17.300 as lemonade.
00:11:18.180 And this is something,
00:11:19.180 you know,
00:11:19.320 if you've ever stopped
00:11:19.880 at a lemonade stand
00:11:20.640 in a neighborhood,
00:11:21.440 which I try to stop at them.
00:11:23.440 And you know,
00:11:23.980 you don't see it
00:11:24.540 that often these days,
00:11:26.300 probably because
00:11:27.100 you got a lot of these people
00:11:27.740 calling, you know,
00:11:28.660 for permits and all this.
00:11:29.740 I don't do that.
00:11:30.720 But if I ever do see one,
00:11:32.940 I try to stop at
00:11:33.880 the lemonade stand
00:11:34.440 because I,
00:11:35.740 first of all,
00:11:36.060 I love lemonade,
00:11:37.080 number one.
00:11:37.620 Number two,
00:11:38.260 the sort of resourcefulness
00:11:39.920 and the ingenuity
00:11:41.020 and the kind of work ethic
00:11:43.280 of a child
00:11:43.880 who's starting a lemonade stand
00:11:45.100 to earn some,
00:11:45.640 some,
00:11:45.940 some spending money.
00:11:47.060 I really support that.
00:11:47.940 I want to support it.
00:11:49.320 But 90% of the time
00:11:51.740 I go to a lemonade stand,
00:11:52.820 I got to be honest,
00:11:53.540 I'm pretty disappointed
00:11:54.380 because it's not even lemonade.
00:11:56.680 If you did not use lemons,
00:11:58.720 and I try to explain this
00:12:00.100 to the kids,
00:12:00.700 like,
00:12:01.120 listen,
00:12:01.720 kid,
00:12:02.140 did you use lemons
00:12:03.180 to make this?
00:12:05.040 Well,
00:12:05.220 no,
00:12:05.380 I use powder.
00:12:06.000 Well,
00:12:06.120 then it's not lemonade,
00:12:06.980 is it?
00:12:07.880 Because he didn't use lemons.
00:12:09.200 Now go inside
00:12:10.160 and get real lemons
00:12:11.300 and bring them out here
00:12:12.340 and make me some lemonade.
00:12:14.220 You understand me?
00:12:15.340 That's what I say to the kids.
00:12:16.200 It's happened many times.
00:12:17.120 And then what happens
00:12:17.600 is that their parents
00:12:18.880 call the cops on me.
00:12:19.760 So then the cops show up
00:12:20.560 and I tell the cops,
00:12:21.300 well,
00:12:21.380 this kid,
00:12:21.880 this is false advertising.
00:12:23.160 This is fraud.
00:12:25.660 So that's how that would work out.
00:12:27.160 Anyway,
00:12:27.840 so there are the mean tweets.
00:12:30.700 A bunch of people
00:12:31.320 saying mean things
00:12:32.060 because they want me to see it
00:12:33.680 and hate myself.
00:12:35.600 But jokes on them,
00:12:36.520 I already hated myself
00:12:37.880 before this.
00:12:39.160 So there,
00:12:40.280 I win.
00:12:45.080 And then when I win,
00:12:46.080 I win.
00:12:54.600 I win.