The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Reviews Adorable Dog Videos

00:00:00.000 Today we go back to my favorite place on the internet, TikTok. And I say that both ironically

00:00:05.380 and also sort of not ironically. It's kind of confusing. And I have a feeling we're about to

00:00:09.740 be a lot more confused because today we will be watching and reviewing some crazy dog owner

00:00:15.480 videos on TikTok. There are a lot of these there, apparently, no surprise. And I'm a well-known dog

00:00:22.820 loather, not lover, but loather. Nothing against dogs personally. I just, I find them irritating

00:00:28.460 and useless and disgusting. What are you doing? 0.99

00:00:34.540 That's how I roll. I don't blame them for that. There's nothing personal against their animals.

00:00:39.300 They can't help affect their hairy, mangy, useless beasts. I blame instead the dog owners 0.98

00:00:45.080 and also America's obsession with dogs, which has become, I think, a sort of mental illness

00:00:52.600 in this country. No offense to any dog owners out there. So we'll go through and we'll see

00:00:57.560 how bad these get. Let's start here.

00:01:00.800 Thanks, TikTok made me buy part five.

00:01:03.920 We've been seeing these tiny little glasses all over TikTok, so I knew I had to get Ducky

00:01:07.600 a pair. These frames are from the Pawwag company and they're $12.99. I got him two frames, one

00:01:13.280 in a size small and one in a size medium to see which ones would fit him better. These

00:01:17.080 ones are the size small. It's the round glasses in black. I think they're so stinking cute on

00:01:21.820 him. It also comes with a connector that helps the glasses stay on his face.

00:01:25.400 I personally like the size small frames better on him, but we're going to try on the medium

00:01:30.640 ones next. These ones are the round glasses in gold in a size medium. These are definitely

00:01:35.620 still cute, especially if you're going for a more hipster oversized look. These are Ducky

00:01:40.140 approved and we give these a 10 out of 10 and we can't wait to get more.

00:01:45.160 Dog glass. Does the dog need glasses? Did you take him to LensCrafters and he got an eye exam?

00:01:50.280 No, probably not. Because he has no vision problem at all, I assume, right? He's not

00:01:55.600 visually disabled. You're forcing him to live like that. You're forcing a trans-abled identity 1.00

00:02:01.520 on this poor dog because you think glasses are cute. As a visually impaired American myself,

00:02:08.520 you see these glasses? This is not for show. I need these.

00:02:11.560 I have special eyes. 0.99

00:02:13.020 I just want to say my culture is not a damned costume for a dog, you bigot. Also, now that 0.99

00:02:21.220 poor dog has to run around with this thing attached to his face, which serves no medical

00:02:26.300 purpose at all. And come to think of it, we could probably all relate. Let's keep going.

00:02:43.020 What? Was that the noise coming from a dog? This is sickening to me. You know, there's

00:03:04.500 a book that came out recently. It's a good book called The Decadent Society. And I think

00:03:08.880 that these videos are all the proof you need that we live in a decadent. A tie? What is

00:03:15.360 he going for a job interview at PetSmart?

00:03:17.520 Welcome to Costco. I love you.

00:03:19.820 What does a dog need a tie for? And just because he's putting his paw on something, that doesn't

00:03:24.660 mean that he's choosing to wear it, okay? The dog is a dog. He's just randomly putting

00:03:30.280 his paw on something. This is something we always do. We ascribe human intentions to animals.

00:03:36.640 It's one of the reasons why people always say, oh, look at the dolphin in the ocean jumping

00:03:41.800 around. He's so happy. Look, he's smiling. No, his mouth is just like that. He can't help

00:03:46.940 it. Or you see a video of like a lion cuddling a tortoise and everyone says, isn't that so nice?

00:03:54.640 They're friends. No, as soon as the video cut off, he ripped that tortoise's head off.

00:03:59.340 Your dog is fine. He's a dog. He wants to run around in the fur God gave him. That's

00:04:05.880 what your dog wants to do. You hear me? You wacko pet owners. That's all he wants.

00:04:11.380 The animals just want to, they want to be animals and they want to live like animals because

00:04:15.040 they're animals. He doesn't want to be your baby doll. I don't even like animals and I'm

00:04:20.340 the one sticking up for their rights here. These people are going to turn me into a PETA activist

00:04:24.460 before too long. Um, I think it gets even worse. Let's, let's keep watching.

00:04:29.160 That, that to me is creepy. That freaks me. I actually find, I'm not even kidding. I find

00:04:54.680 this deeply on a real visceral level. I find that very disturbing. That whole scene

00:04:59.360 because you see the look in the dog's face. I know. Oh, I just said we can't ascribe human

00:05:03.460 emotions and intentions to animals, but there, I think there are times when you can just tell

00:05:08.220 and the look on the dog's face was, was a look of saying, help me. He's pleading with

00:05:12.140 the camera to the pleading with the public, come and rescue me from this serial killer I'm

00:05:18.940 living with. Cause you know, the dog didn't shoot dogs. Don't lie down like that. That's

00:05:24.560 not how a dog went. She forced that dog to lay there. You know how many takes it probably 1.00

00:05:28.500 took. She's, she's got her belt out, whipping the dog, get into bed and be cute. That's what 1.00

00:05:36.280 happened. You don't see that part on camera. Listen, man, if you're dating a woman and she

00:05:40.060 has a little dog, like in fact, if she has a little dog at all, that's a good reason to 1.00

00:05:43.760 run away. But especially if she has a literal bed with a nightstand and a lamp that by the way, 0.96

00:05:48.300 the dog can't turn that lamp on and off, then that's a, that's a good indication that this 0.94

00:05:52.680 woman will murder you in your sleep. There's actually statistically it's, and there's been 1.00

00:05:56.780 studies on this statistically 95% of owners of small dogs have at least one human body

00:06:05.020 in a freezer in the basement. I don't know if you knew that, but that's, that's pure science

00:06:09.600 right there. Let's keep going.

00:06:18.300 So the dog has a TV and a fireplace, you know, the vast majority of, and this is true. This is

00:06:33.300 like true. The vast majority of, of the world's population does not live as well as that dog.

00:06:39.520 And I don't mean that as a compliment to the owner. This is a larger systemic problem.

00:06:45.140 Did you know Americans, and this, this also is true. Americans spend close to a hundred billion

00:06:52.680 dollars a year on their pets. True figure. One hundred billion. We could solve world hunger

00:07:01.340 in a month. If you maniacs would stop taking your dog to the spa, that's all it would take. 0.65

00:07:07.980 Now, now's probably a good time to mention if you haven't, if I haven't already emphasized this, 0.98

00:07:25.600 that your dog is a dog. He's not your child. He's not your baby. There's nothing worse than people

00:07:33.360 when they talk about their, or they treat their dog like a child. And it's even worse when it's a

00:07:37.520 person who actually has kids. And you hear this all the time. Someone will say, oh, uh, you know,

00:07:42.820 we have three kids. And then you find out that, no, they have two kids and a labradoodle.

00:07:47.340 What you're saying is that you view your child as a, you view your children as dogs. It's not so

00:07:53.980 much elevating the dog to the status of human. You are, you are degrading. You are demoting the humans

00:08:00.780 in your families to the status of dogs. Um, okay. We've got a couple of others

00:08:05.080 that we'll play for some reason. Let's do that. Here's one of a dog bathing. This'll be fun.

00:08:09.660 What? Why? Rose petals in a bath for a dog. I've never understood the rose petals in the bath thing

00:08:33.280 at all. I don't understand baths at all. Like why would I want to sit in a stew of my own grime

00:08:39.640 and filth for 45 minutes? I don't see the point of that, but if you're going to do it, you know,

00:08:45.500 for, for a dog, you know, a dog, you just take the dog outside with a hose and that's it. Use some

00:08:50.940 Dawn dish soap, squirt the thing down, spray him with the hose done. You're done in two minutes. 0.67

00:08:57.100 Rose petals gives us a very uncomfortable sort of intimate sort of vibe.

00:09:00.340 And it, and it makes me concerned that things are happening in that home

00:09:04.360 that are illegal in 37 States, except Texas. Um, all right, let's, let's continue.

00:09:30.340 What you put that much effort into a meal for your dog and money that, that lunch probably cost

00:09:49.780 $115. And meanwhile, your dog would eat literal shit. Okay. That's what your dog would like to eat. 1.00

00:09:58.500 How long does it take? If that, if it takes that long to make your dog's lunch, how long does it

00:10:03.320 take you to make yours? Six hours? By the time you're ready to eat lunch, it's already dinner time.

00:10:07.260 Or maybe I'm, I'm, I could be, I'm getting this wrong because it's, it's, I wouldn't put it past

00:10:12.860 these self-flagellating obsessive dog owners, uh, to just, you know, they give the dog that meal

00:10:18.840 and then they eat dog food themselves. Cause these are the same people who always go on about,

00:10:22.780 Oh, we don't deserve dogs. We don't deserve them. This is why dogs are overrated. It's not about,

00:10:28.160 it's not about dogs themselves. Dogs are overrated because we, just because we rate them so high,

00:10:32.900 we rate them like literal angels. This is why, if you're going to own a pet, stick with something

00:10:37.780 simple, low maintenance, like, uh, I don't know, a sea sponge or an amoeba. I had a pet amoeba when I

00:10:44.540 was a kid. I couldn't see it, but I knew it was there. That was a good pet or just don't own pets at all.

00:10:51.820 That's also good. And live your life with dignity as a human at the top of the food chain,

00:10:57.100 where you belong, not debasing yourself in service to some lowly beast.

The Matt Walsh Show - June 24, 2021

Matt Walsh Reviews Adorable Dog Videos

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