The Matt Walsh Show - April 06, 2024


Matt Walsh Reviews Beyonce's ＂JOLENE＂ Cover [Weekly Walsh Original]


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

194.6473

Word Count

1,777

Sentence Count

132

Misogynist Sentences

12

Hate Speech Sentences

4


Summary

Beyonc s rendition of Dolly Parton s classic Jolene has been widely panned by critics, who have accused Beyonc of replacing everything that makes modern pop music great with something that makes it terrible.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 And every once in a while, I'll take a position that I realize is risky.
00:00:03.260 Even while I'm saying it out loud on camera,
00:00:05.240 I am conscious of the fact that I may well come to regret having said what I'm saying.
00:00:09.240 You might argue that it makes me imprudent and reckless to say something publicly
00:00:12.360 that I know I might soon wish I didn't say.
00:00:14.240 Or you might argue that it makes me courageous.
00:00:16.160 At least I'll try to argue the latter case, but the former is probably more true most of the time.
00:00:20.760 That took courage, my friend.
00:00:21.840 Either way, the problem with venturing out onto a precarious limb, of course,
00:00:25.140 is that the limb might snap and send you hurtling down to the forest floor.
00:00:28.580 And that is what happened to me after I publicly stated a few weeks ago
00:00:31.740 that Beyonce's new country song wasn't that bad.
00:00:34.480 Well, there's your problem right there.
00:00:36.500 I didn't say that it was good objectively.
00:00:37.980 I didn't say that I would be putting it on my Spotify playlist.
00:00:40.340 I just said it wasn't terrible.
00:00:42.300 It was catchy.
00:00:43.200 It was kind of not awful.
00:00:45.000 It wasn't much of a ringing endorsement,
00:00:46.600 but it was the closest thing to an endorsement that I've ever given Beyonce.
00:00:49.660 And so it was inevitable that I would live to rue the day
00:00:52.280 that I vaguely praised one of her songs, sort of.
00:00:54.620 And in fact, she's made me regret it multiple times in the intervening weeks,
00:00:57.460 but the real catastrophe struck when Beyonce released her new country album
00:01:01.220 and one of the other songs on that album.
00:01:04.480 And it's Beyonce's rendition of the classic Dolly Parton hit, Jolene.
00:01:08.380 If you're a red-blooded American, then you are well familiar with the original song.
00:01:11.620 It is Dolly's mournful plea to the woman, Jolene, who is trying to steal her man.
00:01:17.200 Your beauty is beyond compare with flaming locks of auburn hair with ivory skin
00:01:22.520 and eyes of emerald green.
00:01:27.660 Your smile is like a breath of spring.
00:01:30.280 Your voice is soft like summer rain.
00:01:32.500 And I cannot compete with you, Jolene.
00:01:36.240 Now, what makes this song unique and interesting,
00:01:38.760 which has caused it to resonate over the five decades since it was made,
00:01:41.600 is the vulnerability and the heartbreak and the longing in the lyrics and the performance.
00:01:46.680 Dolly Parton is insecure, fearful, desperately in love with a man
00:01:49.820 who she believes she cannot afford to lose.
00:01:51.580 Those opening lyrics are iconic because of how they kind of invert expectations.
00:01:55.200 She's singing to the woman who is trying to break up her relationship,
00:01:57.940 but instead of attacking her, she praises her rival's beauty.
00:02:01.000 And already there's more poetry in those opening lines
00:02:03.140 than in every Beyonce song ever written.
00:02:04.900 Now, when I heard that Beyonce was covering the song,
00:02:09.680 I, of course, knew that her cover wouldn't get within a thousand miles of Dolly's original.
00:02:14.220 Beyonce just doesn't have the soul and gravitas to do a song like that any justice.
00:02:17.480 But at the same time, in a weird way, I was initially impressed with the idea.
00:02:21.080 Because after all, it is a very tender, very feminine song
00:02:23.740 expressing deep insecurity and vulnerability.
00:02:26.500 And Beyonce just doesn't make songs like that.
00:02:28.160 So this seemed to be an interesting departure.
00:02:30.980 But then I listened to Beyonce's version.
00:02:33.520 Here's a little bit of it.
00:02:34.900 Oh, well, there you go.
00:02:58.600 Just when you think that Beyonce might be growing ever so slightly as an artist and a person,
00:03:03.600 she proves you wrong.
00:03:04.660 It turns out that she has taken this song,
00:03:06.300 full of pain and yearning and emotional honesty,
00:03:08.920 and turned it into yet another mediocre girl boss anthem.
00:03:12.120 Who runs the world?
00:03:13.440 Girl!
00:03:14.120 Who runs the world?
00:03:15.400 She has, in other words, taken everything that makes the song great
00:03:18.300 and replaced it with everything that makes modern pop music terrible.
00:03:21.700 Now, in Beyonce's molestation of the original,
00:03:23.500 she sings,
00:03:23.900 your beautiful beyond compare takes more than beauty and seductive stares
00:03:26.320 to come between a family and a happy man.
00:03:27.720 Jolene, I'm a woman too.
00:03:28.900 The games you play are nothing new,
00:03:30.100 so you don't want no heat with me, Jolene.
00:03:31.900 And later she adds,
00:03:33.320 but you don't want this smoke,
00:03:34.260 so shoot your shot with someone else.
00:03:35.460 And then sings,
00:03:36.460 Jolene, I know I'm a queen, Jolene.
00:03:38.240 I'm still a Creole banjee bitch from Louisiana.
00:03:40.760 Don't try me.
00:03:42.120 And finally she warns,
00:03:43.280 I'd hate to have to act a fool.
00:03:44.660 Not classy.
00:03:45.620 Not classy at all.
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00:05:06.640 The problem with this new version,
00:05:07.980 aside from the fact that the performance is flat
00:05:09.960 and uninteresting,
00:05:11.480 the lyrics are clunky and kind of stupid,
00:05:13.620 and that Beyonce has ripped the song's heart
00:05:16.020 out of its chest and eaten it
00:05:17.360 like some kind of nightmarish Aztec ritual.
00:05:19.900 The problem is that it lacks the vulnerability
00:05:21.980 of the original song.
00:05:24.200 In the original,
00:05:25.240 Dolly Parton is desperate.
00:05:26.820 She's worried.
00:05:27.400 She's anxious.
00:05:28.040 She's lying awake at night
00:05:29.100 listening to the man in bed next to her
00:05:30.740 as he dreams about a woman
00:05:32.380 more beautiful than herself.
00:05:34.140 In Beyonce's version,
00:05:35.440 she's a confident queen.
00:05:36.780 She's unbothered.
00:05:37.800 She's tough and independent
00:05:38.960 and perfect and wonderful and unafraid,
00:05:41.240 and her man would never cheat on her anyway.
00:05:42.760 Which, if that's the case,
00:05:44.700 then why should anyone even care about the story
00:05:47.160 you're telling us in the song?
00:05:49.380 Beyonce's the greatest.
00:05:50.280 She's a queen.
00:05:50.900 She's perfect.
00:05:51.480 Everything's perfect.
00:05:52.160 So who cares?
00:05:53.680 Your boasts are not interesting.
00:05:55.740 Boring.
00:05:56.700 They are also not relatable
00:05:58.200 to the rest of us mere mortals.
00:06:00.920 Beyonce is a strong, confident queen,
00:06:03.240 she claims.
00:06:03.760 This is your queen?
00:06:04.720 Well, the rest of us are human beings.
00:06:06.100 We're not kings and queens.
00:06:07.020 We're just, we're people.
00:06:08.120 Music at its best
00:06:09.140 expresses those universal human experiences.
00:06:11.940 But Beyonce's music
00:06:12.880 expresses nothing more
00:06:14.280 than how awesome
00:06:15.020 Beyonce thinks Beyonce is.
00:06:16.780 I'm Beyonce.
00:06:17.580 I am Beyonce always.
00:06:18.820 I can't think of anything
00:06:19.600 less interesting
00:06:20.760 than listening to a famous rich person
00:06:23.080 sing songs about how great they are.
00:06:25.700 But the thing is,
00:06:26.540 it isn't even true.
00:06:27.860 And that's the biggest problem
00:06:28.800 with just about every song
00:06:30.000 she's ever made
00:06:30.900 and with much of modern popular music generally.
00:06:33.040 It just isn't true.
00:06:35.120 It's not saying anything true
00:06:36.740 about the human experience.
00:06:38.540 It's not connecting
00:06:39.400 with anything real inside us.
00:06:41.340 Because the truth is
00:06:42.400 that any woman,
00:06:44.000 okay,
00:06:44.320 Beyonce included,
00:06:45.820 any woman
00:06:46.400 who sees another woman,
00:06:47.720 a beautiful,
00:06:48.520 radiant woman,
00:06:49.080 Absolutely.
00:06:50.040 hitting on her boyfriend
00:06:50.880 or her husband
00:06:51.420 will at some level
00:06:53.140 feel insecure and threatened.
00:06:55.080 Not.
00:06:55.540 Like no woman
00:06:56.520 would just wave that off
00:06:57.800 and say,
00:06:58.300 Whatever,
00:06:58.620 I'm a badass queen.
00:06:59.480 No man would ever leave me.
00:07:00.740 Now she might say that out loud perhaps,
00:07:02.420 but deep in her heart
00:07:03.460 she'll have doubts.
00:07:04.580 In fact,
00:07:05.020 it would have been interesting
00:07:06.160 if Beyonce's version
00:07:07.540 began
00:07:08.440 with the blustery confidence,
00:07:10.640 but then as the song went on
00:07:11.880 the cracks start to show
00:07:13.180 and she reveals herself
00:07:14.580 to be insecure
00:07:15.300 and anxious
00:07:15.720 about the situation.
00:07:16.980 That would have been
00:07:17.420 a smart artistic direction
00:07:18.920 to take it.
00:07:19.400 Write that down,
00:07:19.940 write that down.
00:07:20.480 But Beyonce has no capacity
00:07:22.620 for creativity
00:07:23.320 and has none of the
00:07:24.320 artistic intelligence
00:07:25.160 or honesty
00:07:25.620 to even conceive
00:07:26.760 of something like that.
00:07:27.820 But if it appeals
00:07:28.400 to those women
00:07:28.980 or men,
00:07:30.060 it's not because
00:07:30.920 they relate to
00:07:31.600 Beyonce's corny
00:07:32.660 feminist bravado,
00:07:34.380 but because they want
00:07:35.440 to relate to it.
00:07:36.460 That's the whole reason
00:07:37.120 people like to listen
00:07:37.920 to rappers and pop stars
00:07:39.120 brag about themselves.
00:07:40.280 It's because they,
00:07:41.320 the listeners,
00:07:42.360 want to feel
00:07:43.740 as arrogant
00:07:44.560 and self-assured
00:07:45.660 as those rappers
00:07:46.420 and pop stars
00:07:47.000 pretend to feel
00:07:47.800 about themselves.
00:07:48.680 And in reality,
00:07:49.420 Beyonce,
00:07:49.740 Beyonce is so
00:07:51.160 incredibly insecure
00:07:52.060 that she's won
00:07:53.540 like 32 Grammys
00:07:54.620 but still whines
00:07:56.260 because she hasn't
00:07:56.840 won album of the year.
00:07:57.680 She has more Grammys
00:07:58.500 than everyone
00:07:58.980 and never won album
00:07:59.920 in a year.
00:08:00.480 So even by your own
00:08:01.500 metrics,
00:08:01.940 that doesn't work.
00:08:02.800 She's won more awards
00:08:04.540 at the Grammys
00:08:05.180 than any artist
00:08:06.160 in history
00:08:07.080 and it's not enough.
00:08:08.980 That's how desperate
00:08:09.920 for affirmation
00:08:10.640 and approval
00:08:11.060 she really is.
00:08:13.100 And you know what?
00:08:13.660 That would be
00:08:14.280 an interesting subject
00:08:15.120 for a song.
00:08:15.740 If Beyonce explored
00:08:16.820 the fact
00:08:17.300 that she has praised
00:08:18.720 the world over
00:08:19.460 showered with money
00:08:21.320 and fame
00:08:22.040 and critical acclaim
00:08:22.800 and yet she still
00:08:24.060 hungers for approval.
00:08:25.540 That would be interesting.
00:08:27.160 I would listen
00:08:27.660 to a song like that.
00:08:28.780 That's the kind of thing
00:08:29.500 a real artist
00:08:30.400 who has the courage
00:08:32.280 to be vulnerable
00:08:33.340 and honest
00:08:35.380 might be able
00:08:36.780 to explore.
00:08:37.560 But Beyonce
00:08:38.000 is not a real artist.
00:08:38.980 She's a mediocre hack.
00:08:40.240 She's been making music
00:08:41.000 for 25 years
00:08:41.940 and during that entire time
00:08:43.580 she's never managed
00:08:44.420 to say one interesting
00:08:46.060 or insightful thing
00:08:47.160 ever.
00:08:48.220 She's bland
00:08:48.920 and dull
00:08:49.640 and arrogant
00:08:50.220 and also frankly
00:08:51.160 not a very good singer.
00:08:52.260 And that is why
00:08:52.900 she is today
00:08:53.900 cancel.
00:08:55.060 and I think
00:08:55.880 will continue to do
00:08:56.920 together for 3 minutes.
00:08:57.420 на
00:09:00.600 Hal
00:09:05.240 sheby
00:09:05.960 sheby
00:09:06.880 sheby
00:09:07.660 sheby