Matt Walsh Reviews The Worst TikToks of 2024
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
190.91553
Summary
The problem with these tests is that they are tests in the first place, and that no man was consulted in the devising of them. And that's a problem because men understand the psychology of men much better than women do, or at least than women on TikTok do.
Transcript
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so there seems to have been at least according to my producers who send me this stuff because
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they like to see me suffer a proliferation on tiktok in recent weeks of viral challenges that
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women draft their unwitting husbands and boyfriends into the challenges are really tests and every
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week someone on tiktok comes up with a new way for women to test the men in their lives and if the men
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fail the test they're bad i guess and if they pass the test then they're good at least until the next
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test comes along the problem with these tests is that they are tests in the first place as we'll
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discuss the other problem is that they're invented by women for men with a lot of womanly assumptions
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about what they mean and what a man's failure or success signifies it's very clear that no man was
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consulted in the devising of these tests which is a problem because men understand the psychology of
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men much better than women do or at least better than women on tiktok do so let's go through these
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one by one first we'll go back a few weeks to something called the bird test and here's how
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the bird test works the bird test theory is basically a predictor for whether or not your
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relationship is going to succeed and it kind of goes like this let's say that you and your partner
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are sitting at a coffee shop and you see a bird outside and you mention it to them there's a couple
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different ways that your partner can respond your partner could be like oh that's a really cool bird
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and engage with you and take interest in what you just said or your partner can dismiss it all
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together and be like okay it's a bird what about it basically the gotman institute which is this really
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big psychology institute for relationships calls that a bid and the idea is if your partner takes
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interest in the mundane little small things that you talk about the relationship is just more likely
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to succeed because your partner has genuine interest in whatever you say regardless of whether
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that thing is a small thing or not on the flip side if your partner kind of keeps ignoring your bids
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that's kind of a sign that the relationship is going to fail because whether small or big your partner is
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not giving attention to the things that you personally care about just for the sole reason that you care
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about it now this is the kind of thing that makes sense if you've never been in a relationship that lasted
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more than three months if you are incredibly naive and inexperienced and you get your relationship
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insights from tiktok you might have the expectation that your partner will be quote genuinely interested
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in whatever you say but in the real world which is populated by actual human beings nobody on earth
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will ever be genuinely interested in everything you say and they shouldn't be you're not that interesting
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nobody has ever been that interesting i don't care if you're married to socrates you're not going to be
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hanging on his every last word all day every day forever now i find my wife very interesting and
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intelligent but if she came into the room and said i just saw a bird i would not be especially
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interested in that information i just wouldn't be my only interest would be in the fact that my wife
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has apparently suffered some sort of brain damage otherwise why would an adult be screaming about a bird
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bird bird looky at the birdie like what are you two years old now if you saw say a bald eagle swoop
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down and catch a baby deer with its talons and fly away or something like that then that would be the
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kind of headline that would interest me so there needs to be something spectacular about the bird to
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garner my interest if you saw an ostrich ride by on a scooter that that would be a bird related
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announcement that i would like to hear otherwise what do you want me to say about a regular bird
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like how do you want me to react she said that you know you have to engage about the bird what do
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you mean engage say what oh really you saw a bird cool was it did it did it have wings i don't know what
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the follow-up is i don't know what a bird conversation would even be therefore this entire test fails
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if your husband passes that test it either means that he's being extremely patronizing
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oh you saw a bird did you tell me about the bird or that he's an ornithologist maybe he just really
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is into birds who knows or maybe he sees the cell phone in your hand and he knows that you're filming
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him for a tiktok challenge that could be the other reason why he responds you know what's interesting
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well i don't want to show you well i do want to show you you don't want to see it but but i want to
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show it to you because as you know i had to watch it and so now you're going to see it too and
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and maybe there's maybe there's a a more positive way of looking at this um i know i can be hard on
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tiktokers sometimes but every once in a while the tiktok community provides something useful
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and so here's a viral video of a woman showing us her coping strategies here's how she copes
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a lot of people have you know difficult lives and looking for ways to cope with it the ways to deal
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with it and uh this this is her way of doing it and it's a strategy you might want to try out
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yourself uh here it is let's watch oh i'm here i'm here i know you're scared i know you don't know
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what to do but i've got you and i won't leave you and i love you and i'm so sorry that you're scared
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but it's okay to feel it's safe to feel it's safe to cry it's safe to move through it
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seriously i've got you i won't leave you i can feel the emotions i can hold space for myself
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crying is beautiful crying is healthy crying is not negative
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i mean that that's relatable you know that that was that was basically me at chipotle last
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night when they said they ran out of guacamole and no warning by the way i went through the whole
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line there was no sign saying oh we don't have guacamole because then if i had known that i would
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have gone somewhere else but i went through the whole thing i built the burrito bowl i get to the
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guacamole station they said we're out of guac how does it even happen you have all the other
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ingredients but you don't have guac how does that how did you not are people going through the line
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and asking for a burrito bowl with only guacamole and that's how you end up that's how you end up
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with this disproportionate situation so in situations like that i think it's okay to react that way but
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most of the time i would say not and what what is so sad about these videos i mean what's sad about
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them like besides literally everything else about them what's sad is that i'm sure i think it's an
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important point i'm sure that this woman does have serious trauma in her past and i don't say that
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sarcastically i mean sincerely so we see stuff like this and and we're tempted to go oh what's
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why is your life so hard yeah look at you complaining right you snowflake gen z-er but
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this woman this is she has blue hair okay this is a woman with blue hair and that alone even when we
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putting aside what she's doing in the video that alone is a blaring deafening alarm signaling that
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she probably had a terrible home life almost certainly comes from a broken home a dad not in
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the picture we can assume that either her dad is not there or he's a terrible father he's failed
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utterly you know if your daughter if you catch your daughter wearing blue hair and you're you you failed
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like you as a father that is it that is an f that you got an f grade failure on the report card the moment
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you see the kid wearing blue hair um unless it's like a halloween costume and they're going they're
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dressed up as smurfs do smurfs even have blue hair they have blue skin so that's a good indication that
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she she has actually suffered like real trauma in life and so i'm perfectly willing to believe that
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this woman has legitimate issues real substantive reasons to be upset the problem is that first of
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all she's obviously never received any good counseling nobody's told her how to actually cope
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with the problems that you face in life and indulging yourself right indulging uh indulging in tears
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now i i you know how i feel about men crying women i give a lot more latitude women are you know women
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are criers they like to cry okay i i can't relate but you know we have to accept that it's something
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men and women are not the same fine but um even for a woman you can it's possible to to vastly over
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indulge in in uh in tears and especially in feelings of self-pity and this is what she's doing and that
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is not healthy coping okay if you want to cope with whatever you're dealing with again even if it's
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something real like you had a terrible childhood and your parents failed you go go for a walk like go
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for a hike go get some exercise uh pick up a hobby invest yourself and your time and your energy
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in something other than this rather than dwelling on whatever it is that upsets you
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go just do something else don't think about it take all that energy and channel it into something
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rather than just stewing in your own pity to the point where you you start to enjoy the feeling
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of self-pity a lot of young men are worried about getting married because they're afraid that they'll
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end up uh they'll end up with a bad selfish woman as a wife but the good news is that the bad wives
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generally announce themselves they're proud of it and they'll tell you all about it so take this woman
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named page page is a tiktok influencer also happens to be married with four children and she's a bad wife
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and is very eager to alert the public to that fact uh including with this video watch a few weeks ago
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i said i don't do my husband's laundry and a lot of people are saying whoa whoa whoa those are small
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acts of kindness why wouldn't you want to do that for your partner but here's the thing small acts of
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kindness that are mostly domestic labor just add up to work at the end of the day so here's a list of
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things that i don't do for my husband you all know i don't do his laundry he can do that himself
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i do my laundry and we do the kids laundry but he does his own i don't cook dinner he cooks dinner
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every single night i do breakfast and lunch for us and our kids i don't pack him a lunch if he's hungry
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he'll figure out what he's going to eat for lunch the same way that i do i don't make his doctor's
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appointments because guess what he's not making mine would it be kind of me to do that for sure
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is it my job absolutely not i want him to be healthy but he's a grown-ass man and he can book his
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own appointments right there's a lot of things that i don't do for my husband i don't schedule his
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haircuts i don't pack his clothes for vacation right i don't do those things i don't buy him
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new underwear when it's got holes in it all of those are things that he's a grown man and he can
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do himself can i do small acts of kindness for him of course i can and i do i see a vinyl that i
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think he's going to like because he's creating a vinyl collection i buy it i'm at the store and i
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see something that i think he might enjoy eating i buy it i find a new non-alcoholic beer that he wants
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to try out i buy it right those are small acts of kindness doing his laundry cooking him dinner making
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him lunch booking his doctor's appointments all those things that's domestic labor those are chores
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those are not acts of kindness do i do them occasionally when he's working a lot of course
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do i cook dinner sometimes when he's had a really long day of course but me not doing that does not
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mean that i don't show him love or kindness they're different things it is not my job as a wife it is
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not in my job description to do all the domestic labor as small acts of kindness to my partner and
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receive nothing in return i agree with this commenter if it's going both ways fantastic but
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oftentimes domestic labor especially when you have children adds up and so no i am not my husband's
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personal secretary or his personal assistant i am none of those things i am his partner i am his
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equal and i do not have to do things to cater to him and serve him at all times to be kind and loving
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for him now the video has gone viral with many women in the comments gushing over how much they
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respect and admire her for this approach which is good because it gives single men the chance to go
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through the comments and cross all of these women off of the list of potential wives in the future
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a video like this provides a perfect litmus test like show it to a woman you're dating and if she
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nods her head and says amen break up immediately just cut it off right there because there are two
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major problems with this video and anyone who endorses it also shares in these having these
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problems beginning with the fact that she made the video in the first place like even if i could agree
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that it's defensible for a wife to flat out refuse to do any of the things she lists which i don't agree
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uh i would still be it would still be a major red flag that you're proud of not doing them you're
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taking pride in what you don't do for your husband you are bragging about all the ways that you don't
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help him and don't care for him that alone tells us that your marriage is deeply sick and will not
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survive for much longer unless you change dramatically and quickly there's really no reason why you needed
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to tell the world who does the laundry in your house nobody asked for that information and if they did ask
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for it you could just ignore them but you're proud of not doing the laundry proud of the fact that
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apparently when you do a load of laundry for yourself and the kids you specifically separate
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his clothes and refuse to throw them in the washer with the other clothes it takes actual effort to not
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do the laundry for one person in the house that's how dedicated you are to not helping your husband