Feminists are in a difficult position. They ve insisted for many years that they don t need a man, that they re a bunch of girl bosses, large and in charge. But how can a feminist woman be empowered while still being a materialistic, cheap ass? Is it possible to be a strong, independent woman without also having to pay for dinner?
00:05:10.100For years I split the bill on dates as a Latina from a lineage of women whose lives have been micromanaged by family patriarchs.
00:05:16.560I thought I was breaking bad generational patterns by interacting with men as equals rather than as providers.
00:05:22.260But recently I started getting pushback from some of my friends.
00:05:25.240They argued that because of the persisting gender pay gap, it's actually now properly feminist to expect men to pay on first dates and contribute more financially in relationships.
00:05:34.980One friend instructed me, quote, Don't even think about reaching for your purse.
00:05:38.700The thought of possibly coercing a man into paying for my dinner, however, just seemed wrong.
00:05:43.080Still, this discussion did make me wonder.
00:05:45.320Should I expect men to pay on dates as a form of reparations for generational harm?
00:05:50.900Yes, the harm, again, of building every home and every bridge and every airplane.
00:06:34.740The problem with framing being taken out to dinner by a man as a form of reparations is that it's privately consumed.
00:06:40.620Juliet Williams, a UCLA gender studies professor, told me.
00:06:44.660It's not an accounting for injustice in any way that's visible or acknowledged.
00:06:48.820We have to be careful not to just label anything that's personally advantageous as somehow politically justified.
00:06:53.400But many women believe that in our unequal times, it's only fair for men to pay, and not just because men still out-earn women.
00:06:59.820Women also tend to spend more on date preps, such as makeup and manicures, to meet female beauty standards.
00:07:04.900Some women believe men should cover the costs of not only the dates, but transportation to and from.
00:07:10.160In a viral TikTok video, LA resident Gabby Faye, 27, says,
00:07:13.500Now, the writer goes on to examine both sides of this crucial issue.
00:07:31.620By the end, she's arrived at no particular conclusion.
00:07:34.600You know, some women say that men should pay in order to make up for our many sins.
00:07:37.920Others say that it isn't enough, you know, that the only reason we shouldn't do that is only because it couldn't possibly be enough to assuage our guilt for the patriarchy.
00:07:47.700And then there are others who point out that women in many cases are doing better financially than men.
00:07:51.620And so the financial burden should shift over to them in those cases.
00:07:57.500So let me see if I can lend some clarity to the situation.
00:08:04.480So there are a few things going on here.
00:08:06.520First, we see the propensity on the left to, in so many cases, dismantle something and then try to recreate kind of a simulacrum of that thing that they just destroyed.
00:09:10.040But it still wants free meals at Bonefish Grill.
00:09:12.520So the expectations of chivalry were reinstated without the philosophy of chivalry underlying them.
00:09:19.900So now men are expected to pay, but not for noble and strong and clear and traditional reasons, but for whiny and weak and petty reasons.
00:09:29.020We went from, it's a man's duty to provide, which is a strong and clear and positive and truly empowering vision of what the sexes are supposed to be doing.
00:09:40.820To now it's, well, you have to pay to heal my generational trauma, which is unclear and weak and resentful and petty and negative.
00:09:50.320Feminism uprooted all of the trees from the forest and then tried to put the trees back without the roots.
00:10:12.880There's a major confidence gap between men and women in the workplace, though it might not be in the way that you'd expect.
00:10:17.880A majority, 64% of women, think that they can do their manager's job better than them, versus 47% of men who believe the same.
00:10:24.940According to a Monster survey of 6,847 workers conducted on February, that perspective doesn't necessarily reflect that women feel proficient in their jobs,
00:10:32.920but rather that they feel undervalued and overlooked for management roles.
00:10:36.040According to Monster career expert Vicky Salemi, tells the CNBC,
00:10:43.740Women feel they can do their manager's job, she says, but the frustration is, why aren't they given the opportunity to do it?
00:10:53.400Why aren't you given the opportunity to do your manager's job?
00:10:55.840Well, because your manager is doing it.
00:12:00.980So often, when a member of an allegedly marginalized group complains about discrimination,
00:12:05.680they're really complaining about how they personally have been treated or how they perceive themselves to have been treated.
00:12:11.960It is a selfish complaint disguised as concern for the group.
00:12:15.960But then you quickly discover that this person will take no comfort in finding out that other people in the group aren't having those experiences.
00:12:23.300So when they say, don't treat us this way, what they really mean is, don't treat me this way.
00:12:28.920And that might seem like an obvious thing to point out, but it's an important distinction.
00:12:33.900It's a very different sort of complaint.
00:12:36.800Whether it's true or not that they're being mistreated, and often it's not true, but whether it's true or not,
00:12:41.320still it's worth noting the nature of the complaint, which is usually personal and self-centered.
00:12:47.180Bringing it back to women in the workplace, the fact is that women are being promoted, women are getting opportunities,
00:12:51.580and if anything, in big corporations at least, they're getting more opportunities than men.
00:12:55.020And these companies are actively looking to staff their management teams with anyone other than white males.
00:12:59.720They have a vested interest in doing that.
00:13:02.520But the women who still complain about a sexist conspiracy to rob them of opportunities,
00:13:06.880they aren't likely to take any solace in the fact that other women are in fact getting promoted.
00:13:11.500That's because, again, the women who say, you're being unfair to women,
00:13:15.880a woman who says that is often really saying, you're being unfair to me.
00:13:19.640She doesn't really care about women in general.
00:13:21.400She cares about herself, which is fine.