Matt Walsh's Dating HOT TAKES
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
210.42838
Summary
I ve done a few installments of giving advice to sad souls who use Reddit, so now I think it s time to reflect on the important knowledge I ve shared with these sad souls. Now, of course, I am objectively right in all of these cases, but it doesn t stop everybody from disagreeing with what I have to say.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
So today I want to review what some have deemed my hottest takes when it comes to dating advice,
00:00:05.900
or maybe my worst takes. It's all perspective, one or the other. I've done a few installments
00:00:10.780
of giving such advice to these sad souls who use Reddit, so now I think it's time to reflect
00:00:14.580
on the important knowledge I've shared with these sad souls. Now, I, of course, am objectively
00:00:20.060
right in all these cases, but it doesn't stop everybody from disagreeing with what I have to
00:00:24.280
say. Let's take a look. This one says, wife might have lost interest in me and be looking elsewhere.
00:00:30.480
We've been together for five years now. For the last six months, we've been fighting
00:00:33.980
and arguing a lot. It's mostly stopped over the last two to three weeks, but as of this
00:00:38.180
last weekend, she suggested an open relationship, stating that she's read that men are happier.
00:00:44.280
I do not want it. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like she wants it for her.
00:00:49.680
She's always getting hit on, even when I'm right there and I work long hours, so I'm not
00:00:53.560
home a lot. I know if I agreed to this, it would be just for her. I don't want anyone
00:00:58.260
else, and even if I did, I'm unattractive and socially awkward, so it's not like I'd
00:01:01.820
get anywhere. What set me over the edge is that I gave her my card before work to pay
00:01:06.740
rent, got home and wanted a soda from the store, and as I was looking for it in her
00:01:10.780
purse, I found a letter she wrote today. It doesn't say who it's to, but it's obviously
00:01:15.900
not for me, and it's signed, love always, and then her name. I don't know what to do at
00:01:21.040
this point. Do I tell her how I've been feeling? Do I confront her about the letter? My God,
00:01:26.680
these are depressing. I think I might cry. If I had a soul, I would cry, but I don't,
00:01:33.260
so we're good. But anyway, do you confront her? What do you mean, yes? What else would
00:01:41.900
This could very well be the stupidest person on the face of the earth.
00:01:45.360
What do you mean, do you? What other, I mean, she literally wrote a love letter to
00:01:49.880
another guy. How could you not confront her? What else, what else, what's the other
00:01:56.040
option? Would you go home, like order a pizza, watch MasterChef together, pretend
00:02:01.080
everything's fine? Is that even a feasible option? If I was in your shoes, I couldn't
00:02:07.160
do that. That would be impossible to do that. You can't be so cowed, so emasculated
00:02:14.020
that you've, that you, that you're that good at hiding your thoughts and feelings
00:02:18.480
around her. So yes, you confront her. Yes, you put your foot down. None of this is
00:02:22.460
okay. None of it is remotely okay. And by the way, there's no such thing as an open
00:02:28.380
A marriage by definition is closed. There's no open marriage. It's like saying that you
00:02:35.060
live in a house without a roof. If it doesn't have a roof, it's not a house. The roof is like
00:02:41.180
sort of the whole point of the house. That's what we talk about. You know, you're living
00:02:44.500
under my roof. I need a roof to sleep. It's the roof. That's what the, the roof is one
00:02:48.180
of the, is one of the main features of the house. And if you don't have that, you don't
00:02:51.640
have a house. Um, and in a marriage that one of the primary defining features is the
00:02:58.940
exclusive exclusivity is the commitment you make to another, to one another. So there's
00:03:04.020
no open marriage. What there is, is a, it's called adultery cheating. And even if you
00:03:09.100
both agree to it, it's still adultery. All right, next. It says, I feel like I'm not
00:03:14.560
allowed to have my own time. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost half a year now, and
00:03:18.600
it's been mostly great other than her clinginess. She's the type to send multiple walls of text
00:03:23.760
while I'm at work. And then when I give her a quick response, trying to explain to her
00:03:27.100
I'm busy, she thinks I'm upset at her, which in reality I am. And I've tried to explain to
00:03:31.720
her that there's no need to blow my phone up when I'm on the clock at work or at school.
00:03:35.280
I'm trying to explain to her I'm busy and I've even set boundaries for her to not borderline
00:03:39.820
spam me when I don't reply. But I feel like when I bring this up, she thinks you don't
00:03:44.000
want me to text you at all. She's also tried calling me while I'm at work. And, uh, when
00:03:48.120
I don't answer, she'll text my parents asking if I'm safe. There's also been instances of
00:03:53.360
me having to text her to get her to let me be when I'm hanging out with a friend. Uh, okay.
00:03:57.700
I think we'll get the idea here. Extremely clanging, extremely needy. Once again, I would
00:04:02.280
say breakup. Now, granted you guys have been dating for half a year, you'd say, which, uh,
00:04:08.580
which means you've barely been together at all. Okay. So you're, you're still babies in
00:04:12.980
a relationship and she's still in the infatuation stage of things. And every couple has the
00:04:17.680
infatuation stage when you're sort of obsessed with each other and you need to be around each
00:04:21.180
other 24 seven, which there's no love before the infatuation is gets in the way of love.
00:04:27.000
There can't be real love because the infatuation stage stages, self-focused. You're obsessed
00:04:32.160
with how this person makes you feel. So it's all about you. She's texting and calling you
00:04:37.320
all the time. Not because she's actually worried about you, but more that she needs that constant
00:04:41.260
connection with you for her own self. She doesn't really care if she's intruding on you or not.
00:04:46.460
So it's really not about you at all. It's more about her.
00:04:49.100
Tell me I'm pretty. Tell me I'm pretty. Tell me I'm pretty.
00:04:52.600
There's probably nothing beneath the infatuation except the infatuation itself. This is one of
00:04:57.780
those situations where you stay with her. And then in a few months she gets bored and just breaks
00:05:02.820
up with you also. She'll go from utterly obsessed with you. She doesn't want anything to do with
00:05:07.720
you just like that. Or she'll cheat or something. So I just cut this one off now. I mean, general rule
00:05:12.380
here, if you've been dating for only six months and she's already annoying the hell out of you every
00:05:17.860
second of the day, not a good sign. So I would just leave that one alone.
00:05:23.040
Okay. Next question. So I've been on three dates with this girl and we're really clicking and I
00:05:27.520
really like her. And she just agreed to a fourth date tomorrow. And it's been about less than two
00:05:31.620
weeks since we started talking. Point is every now and then she goes off for a good few hours and I
00:05:36.660
don't know. I'm in all sorts of stress. I don't want to say anything to her about it because I don't
00:05:40.880
want to overwhelm or seem needy, but I need to be able to healthily deal with this. And I just
00:05:45.420
instantly run through scenarios that she's not into me or so-and-so. Are some people just not
00:05:50.780
into texting? I don't know. Do I just need to chill the F out? Listen, there's nothing more repulsive
00:05:58.060
to a woman than neediness in a man. That is the most repulsive trait is to be needy. So you are
00:06:05.000
being repulsive in the eyes of this woman. Well, the problem is that phones and text messaging and all
00:06:11.420
that stuff just ignites this kind of neediness in people. So I'm not really blaming you for this.
00:06:17.740
And everyone is like this to a certain extent at this point, not just in relationships. The very
00:06:23.660
fact that the other person has their phone on them at all times means that you feel like, and not just
00:06:28.640
you, but universally, you feel like you're entitled to their attention all the time because they have on
00:06:34.840
them the means by which you can get their attention. Right. But you aren't. I mean, you can't just
00:06:40.260
barge in on someone at all hours of the day, relentlessly, whenever you feel like it and expect
00:06:44.940
that they'll drop everything they're doing and respond to you. It's insane, but it's an insanity
00:06:49.520
that you're in, you're in good company because like most of the country, this is how they operate.
00:06:53.600
If they send a text message, they expect an immediate response. You know, I frequently get text
00:06:58.540
messages and I don't respond to them for days. I treat text messages like, like they're letters
00:07:03.820
and I'm living on the frontier in 1835 and the mail comes by horseback every four months.
00:07:11.820
I give myself that kind of time to respond to a text message. That's what I do. You know why?
00:07:17.720
Because I don't owe you a response. I don't owe you my attention. I'm doing something. I'm in the
00:07:23.480
middle of something. Leave me alone. Or maybe I'm in the middle of nothing. Maybe I'm literally just
00:07:28.820
sitting on a chair, staring at a wall and you send me a text message. You know what I'm still
00:07:34.220
going to do? I'm going to look at my phone and just put it down and not respond. Because I don't
00:07:38.820
feel like talking right now. If I felt like talking, I'd be texting you. You see? Look, the point is,
00:07:44.680
this girl doesn't exist simply to respond to you. If you want that, go ask for a date from Siri.
00:07:50.960
Okay? See if Alexa is still single. You want a human being, then let them live a life apart from
00:07:58.580
your constant surveillance. Get a grip. Well, I mean, looking back on these clips, I'm not sure how
00:08:03.760
anybody could disagree with me on this or anything else. Now, if you want to make your case against
00:08:08.460
my advice, feel free to do so in the comments below. But just know you may be banned from the