The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Taste Tests Pumpkin Beers

00:00:00.000 Okay, wonderful. So happy that we could be together today on, you know, as we celebrate

00:00:06.540 Thanksgiving and we're well into the fall, we get into the holiday season, and that's a time

00:00:11.040 when I guess a lot of people enjoy pumpkin spice everything. Now, I am against pumpkin spice for a

00:00:20.780 number of reasons. The first is that pumpkin spice stuff doesn't taste like pumpkins at all.

00:00:25.220 Have you ever actually eaten like a piece of a real pumpkin? It doesn't taste anything like

00:00:28.040 pumpkin spice stuff. And it just tastes bad. And the other thing that I hate though also is

00:00:34.020 beer is not beer. I love beer, but holiday themed or any kind of like creative flavor on a beer. I

00:00:43.240 don't like any of that. And so my team here, of course, they hate me and they like to watch me

00:00:47.920 suffer. They had an idea for content, which will be me trying different versions of pumpkin spice

00:00:54.720 beer. Combining two things that I hate and like, let's let me suffer through it on camera. Now,

00:01:00.120 I was told that just for a little bit of background, I was told that, well, why don't you taste some of

00:01:03.960 the pumpkin spice beer and, you know, we'll use it for content. And I said, okay. And then I walk in

00:01:08.200 here and what they didn't tell me is that we would also include disgusting food as well, which has

00:01:13.820 nothing to do with the pumpkin spice theme. There's no reason why this was not explained to me. Why am I

00:01:19.460 eating the food to go along with it? I don't understand that. And the worst thing is that the food we have

00:01:24.720 foods that I like, but it's the worst kind of version of the foods that I like. So it's just

00:01:29.680 an insult to me personally. Take offense to it. All right. So let's go through these. Our first one

00:01:35.660 is pumpkin stout with pre-cooked bacon. Oh my God. That actually is really, really bad.

00:01:46.840 It's very chemical. It's like a very, I don't even taste the pumpkin. I don't even taste pumpkin spice

00:01:50.680 there at all. It's a very chemical, like almost it's like it's got a Drano. It's got a Drano

00:01:55.440 flavor to it. I don't know if I'm being poisoned on camera. It's how desperate they are for content

00:02:00.840 right here. That's going to kill me on camera. And then we've got the pre-cooked bacon, which

00:02:04.060 obviously is going to be an insult. It's just what I thought. I mean, it's actually not that bad,

00:02:09.980 really. I got to be honest with you. But pre-cooked, you know, that's actually better than I thought it was

00:02:12.920 going to be. That's not too bad. I mean, it's, it's not, it's not real bacon, but if you had to

00:02:20.040 choose between, if you don't have real bacon, you got to choose between no bacon or this stuff. I'd go

00:02:24.480 with that stuff. That's actually not so bad. Okay. I'll give that a passing grade. Next we have pumpkin

00:02:29.160 spice latte with frozen meatloaf. Has it been unfrozen at least for me? Oh dear God.

00:02:36.780 That's not, what is that? That's not even beer. That's just tastes sour. It tastes like, um, like a

00:02:46.660 candle. I feel like I'm tasting like a liquefied candle, a scented candle. I don't understand what

00:02:52.460 there's no way anybody buys this stuff on purpose and drinks it. All right. Now we've got the frozen,

00:02:59.380 the frozen meatloaf. Okay. Why are we doing this? What's the point of this part of this? This is not

00:03:03.280 even Thanksgiving themed. Oh, they didn't even cook it. Thanks guys.

00:03:11.400 You know, I actually have, I have like a successful podcast now. I don't need to be doing this stuff.

00:03:16.880 Why am I doing this? Okay. We're not this desperate for content. Are we? I wouldn't even give that to

00:03:22.140 my dog. I would not give that to my dog. I mean, I would, I hate my dog, but I wouldn't give that to

00:03:28.800 a dog. I liked what the f**k. I could never be, I would starve rather than eat that. I would just 1.00

00:03:34.840 die. Like I, like I've been broke in my life before and, but I've never been broke enough for

00:03:41.160 that. And if I was, I would just say, well, then life is not for me. I guess I'm just dying. I'll just

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00:04:58.460 Okay, this is pumpkin stout with canned chili. Literally in the can. Nobody does this. Nobody,

00:05:03.860 what is this like depression era times right now? Who's eating? You can't even put it in a bowl for me

00:05:10.760 first. Is that even safe to eat it like that? All right. I mean, that one's, man, that's bad.

00:05:21.640 Okay. For a second, I thought it was tolerable, and then I realized, no. So there's a brief moment

00:05:25.840 with this when it hits the front of your palate, and you're like, that's not terrible, but then the

00:05:30.300 despair is that it washes over your palate, the despair. So there's the aftertaste of despair that

00:05:35.900 comes with it. And then we got this. Do I really have, do you need to see me eating cold canned

00:05:40.200 chili out of a, right out of the can? Like I'm on a, like I'm on a, a merchant ship in the 1400s? 0.90

00:05:48.900 Okay. Yep. That's terrible. Just as I suspected. And I love chili. Like this is, this is,

00:05:57.720 this is blasphemy to me to make me eat that. And they know that too, that chili is my, it's my,

00:06:06.540 it's my, one of my great loves in life. And I don't have very many. And then you've just forced

00:06:11.560 me to endure that. That's bad. Finally, pumpkin donut harpoon. This is a pumpkin donut beer with a

00:06:19.040 jelly donut. And I love donuts, but my least favorite kind of donut is a jelly donut. Anytime

00:06:24.280 there's a box of donuts in the office, whoever gets them, they always get at least two jelly

00:06:28.460 donuts and the two jelly donuts are always sitting there last. Like someone is forced to eat them

00:06:33.580 because all the better donuts went before them. But my point is that just skip that. Why take up

00:06:38.860 real estate in a donut box with the donut that's always last because nobody wants it? Just substitute

00:06:43.860 that for just a regular glazed donut. The glazed donuts go first because everyone likes a glazed,

00:06:47.920 no one dislikes a glazed donut. Okay. Pumpkin donut harpoon.

00:06:54.280 Yeah. It's like a, it's like, it tastes a little bit like a pump. I never even had a pumpkin spice

00:07:04.340 latte, but it tastes a little bit like a pumpkin spice latte that's been sitting for three weeks,

00:07:11.680 like in someone's garage, you know, old tin bucket. And then you come in and drink it. That's what it

00:07:17.740 tastes like to me. So I don't like it. In other words, is what I'm trying to say. All right. Then I,

00:07:21.040 so you need to see me eating a jelly donut just for, why? Do I have to do this?

00:07:29.260 Oh, whoops. I just spilled on it by accident. Well, we can't do that.

00:07:32.520 Um, Oh man, that's a, we could reshoot this entire thing, but I don't think we want to do that. We've

00:07:39.660 had enough time for that. So that's it. I just, I spilled on it by accident. It was an accident.

00:07:47.480 That's it. I'm not eating the jelly donut. You don't need to see me eat the jelly donut. Okay.

00:07:50.360 I don't like them. There's no reason why I have to eat it. It's not like that's good content to see

00:07:55.200 Matt. Like everyone come and watch Matt eat a donut. All right, fine. Damn it. Fine. I'll just eat it.

00:07:59.080 I'll eat it dipped in beer. Maybe that makes it better.

00:08:05.360 Nope. Doesn't make it better. Makes it worse. Actually turns out. So don't spill beer on your

00:08:11.560 donut. It does not improve the flavor at all, but not that, you know, it can't get any worse than a

00:08:16.080 jelly donut. All right. I'm getting irrationally angry through this entire thing. And so that's it.

00:08:23.280 Have a happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

00:08:29.080 And, you know, here we go.

00:08:30.360 I'll see you again next one.

00:08:31.500 Thanks for coming.

00:08:35.500 Thank you.

00:08:47.180 Thank you.

The Matt Walsh Show - November 24, 2022

Matt Walsh Taste Tests Pumpkin Beers

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