Matt Walsh Taste Tests Pumpkin Beers
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Summary
Happy Thanksgiving! On today's episode of the podcast, we're celebrating all things pumpkin spice. We have pumpkin spice beer, pre-cooked bacon, frozen meatloaf, and pumpkin spice latte. We also have disgusting food, which has nothing to do with the theme.
Transcript
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Okay, wonderful. So happy that we could be together today on, you know, as we celebrate
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Thanksgiving and we're well into the fall, we get into the holiday season, and that's a time
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when I guess a lot of people enjoy pumpkin spice everything. Now, I am against pumpkin spice for a
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number of reasons. The first is that pumpkin spice stuff doesn't taste like pumpkins at all.
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Have you ever actually eaten like a piece of a real pumpkin? It doesn't taste anything like
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pumpkin spice stuff. And it just tastes bad. And the other thing that I hate though also is
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beer is not beer. I love beer, but holiday themed or any kind of like creative flavor on a beer. I
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don't like any of that. And so my team here, of course, they hate me and they like to watch me
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suffer. They had an idea for content, which will be me trying different versions of pumpkin spice
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beer. Combining two things that I hate and like, let's let me suffer through it on camera. Now,
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I was told that just for a little bit of background, I was told that, well, why don't you taste some of
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the pumpkin spice beer and, you know, we'll use it for content. And I said, okay. And then I walk in
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here and what they didn't tell me is that we would also include disgusting food as well, which has
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nothing to do with the pumpkin spice theme. There's no reason why this was not explained to me. Why am I
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eating the food to go along with it? I don't understand that. And the worst thing is that the food we have
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foods that I like, but it's the worst kind of version of the foods that I like. So it's just
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an insult to me personally. Take offense to it. All right. So let's go through these. Our first one
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is pumpkin stout with pre-cooked bacon. Oh my God. That actually is really, really bad.
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It's very chemical. It's like a very, I don't even taste the pumpkin. I don't even taste pumpkin spice
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there at all. It's a very chemical, like almost it's like it's got a Drano. It's got a Drano
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flavor to it. I don't know if I'm being poisoned on camera. It's how desperate they are for content
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right here. That's going to kill me on camera. And then we've got the pre-cooked bacon, which
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obviously is going to be an insult. It's just what I thought. I mean, it's actually not that bad,
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really. I got to be honest with you. But pre-cooked, you know, that's actually better than I thought it was
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going to be. That's not too bad. I mean, it's, it's not, it's not real bacon, but if you had to
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choose between, if you don't have real bacon, you got to choose between no bacon or this stuff. I'd go
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with that stuff. That's actually not so bad. Okay. I'll give that a passing grade. Next we have pumpkin
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spice latte with frozen meatloaf. Has it been unfrozen at least for me? Oh dear God.
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That's not, what is that? That's not even beer. That's just tastes sour. It tastes like, um, like a
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candle. I feel like I'm tasting like a liquefied candle, a scented candle. I don't understand what
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there's no way anybody buys this stuff on purpose and drinks it. All right. Now we've got the frozen,
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the frozen meatloaf. Okay. Why are we doing this? What's the point of this part of this? This is not
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even Thanksgiving themed. Oh, they didn't even cook it. Thanks guys.
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You know, I actually have, I have like a successful podcast now. I don't need to be doing this stuff.
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Why am I doing this? Okay. We're not this desperate for content. Are we? I wouldn't even give that to
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my dog. I would not give that to my dog. I mean, I would, I hate my dog, but I wouldn't give that to
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a dog. I liked what the f**k. I could never be, I would starve rather than eat that. I would just
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die. Like I, like I've been broke in my life before and, but I've never been broke enough for
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that. And if I was, I would just say, well, then life is not for me. I guess I'm just dying. I'll just
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Okay, this is pumpkin stout with canned chili. Literally in the can. Nobody does this. Nobody,
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what is this like depression era times right now? Who's eating? You can't even put it in a bowl for me
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first. Is that even safe to eat it like that? All right. I mean, that one's, man, that's bad.
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Okay. For a second, I thought it was tolerable, and then I realized, no. So there's a brief moment
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with this when it hits the front of your palate, and you're like, that's not terrible, but then the
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despair is that it washes over your palate, the despair. So there's the aftertaste of despair that
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comes with it. And then we got this. Do I really have, do you need to see me eating cold canned
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chili out of a, right out of the can? Like I'm on a, like I'm on a, a merchant ship in the 1400s?
0.90
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Okay. Yep. That's terrible. Just as I suspected. And I love chili. Like this is, this is,
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this is blasphemy to me to make me eat that. And they know that too, that chili is my, it's my,
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it's my, one of my great loves in life. And I don't have very many. And then you've just forced
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me to endure that. That's bad. Finally, pumpkin donut harpoon. This is a pumpkin donut beer with a
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jelly donut. And I love donuts, but my least favorite kind of donut is a jelly donut. Anytime
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there's a box of donuts in the office, whoever gets them, they always get at least two jelly
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donuts and the two jelly donuts are always sitting there last. Like someone is forced to eat them
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because all the better donuts went before them. But my point is that just skip that. Why take up
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real estate in a donut box with the donut that's always last because nobody wants it? Just substitute
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that for just a regular glazed donut. The glazed donuts go first because everyone likes a glazed,
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no one dislikes a glazed donut. Okay. Pumpkin donut harpoon.
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Yeah. It's like a, it's like, it tastes a little bit like a pump. I never even had a pumpkin spice
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latte, but it tastes a little bit like a pumpkin spice latte that's been sitting for three weeks,
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like in someone's garage, you know, old tin bucket. And then you come in and drink it. That's what it
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tastes like to me. So I don't like it. In other words, is what I'm trying to say. All right. Then I,
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so you need to see me eating a jelly donut just for, why? Do I have to do this?
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Oh, whoops. I just spilled on it by accident. Well, we can't do that.
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Um, Oh man, that's a, we could reshoot this entire thing, but I don't think we want to do that. We've
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had enough time for that. So that's it. I just, I spilled on it by accident. It was an accident.
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That's it. I'm not eating the jelly donut. You don't need to see me eat the jelly donut. Okay.
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I don't like them. There's no reason why I have to eat it. It's not like that's good content to see
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Matt. Like everyone come and watch Matt eat a donut. All right, fine. Damn it. Fine. I'll just eat it.
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I'll eat it dipped in beer. Maybe that makes it better.
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Nope. Doesn't make it better. Makes it worse. Actually turns out. So don't spill beer on your
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donut. It does not improve the flavor at all, but not that, you know, it can't get any worse than a
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jelly donut. All right. I'm getting irrationally angry through this entire thing. And so that's it.