The Matt Walsh Show - February 13, 2021


Matt Walsh Tries to Laugh at Feminist Comedian Lilly Singh! (WARNING： 99% Will Fail)


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

184.4593

Word Count

1,691

Sentence Count

180

Misogynist Sentences

15

Hate Speech Sentences

8


Summary

I ve been looking for a funny feminist comedian for months, and I ve come up with nothing. I ve tried to laugh at Samantha Bee, Chelsea Handler, and Hannah Gadsby, and they ve all failed me. So today, I m getting back on the horse, and we re going to try to ride this thing to victory. Today we re looking at comedian Lilly Singh.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 And no, being bisexual is not a superpower.
00:00:02.260 What's your superpower?
00:00:03.020 Oh, I can fly.
00:00:03.920 And you, what's your superpower?
00:00:05.040 I can, like, ride dolphins and I have a magical trident.
00:00:08.060 And you, what's yours?
00:00:08.880 I can have sex with different people.
00:00:13.500 So I've been putting this off for a long time.
00:00:15.680 Months ago, I began my quest to find a funny feminist comedian.
00:00:20.120 Well, not even a funny feminist comedian, actually, because the bar is lower than that.
00:00:23.700 I just, they don't need to be funny all the time, or even most of the time.
00:00:26.920 I just need to find a feminist comedian who can make me laugh one time.
00:00:31.740 I want just one laugh.
00:00:32.800 That's all I'm asking for.
00:00:34.080 I don't even need them to be funny twice.
00:00:35.500 Just one time.
00:00:37.000 And so far, I've come up empty.
00:00:38.140 So I tried to laugh at Samantha Bee.
00:00:40.300 Instead, I nearly died of boredom.
00:00:42.300 I tried to laugh at Hannah Gadsby.
00:00:44.000 Instead, I was depressed for three days afterwards.
00:00:46.280 Tried to laugh at Chelsea Handler.
00:00:47.980 And instead, I left only feeling very concerned.
00:00:50.840 I'm not suicidal.
00:00:51.600 You don't have to worry about it.
00:00:52.680 I did not laugh at any of their jokes or even come close to laughing.
00:00:55.180 So today, I'm getting back on the horse, and we're going to try to ride this thing to victory.
00:01:00.980 Today, I will try to laugh at one of the newest comedy sensations in the female comedy space.
00:01:07.560 Her name is Lilly Singh.
00:01:09.280 She was a popular YouTuber who then became a late-night host.
00:01:13.000 I just found out about her existence two days ago, so that's how plugged in I am to everything.
00:01:18.360 She replaced, apparently, Carson Daly.
00:01:20.360 Carson Daly has had a job on television for about 73 years.
00:01:23.760 A little mummy reference, a little Joan Rivers, put them together.
00:01:26.480 It's funny.
00:01:27.220 It's not easy to fill those shoes, is what I'm saying.
00:01:29.220 Lilly Singh is trying.
00:01:30.920 Feminist lover.
00:01:31.960 She's a big star, apparently.
00:01:33.640 Maybe she's the one who can crack the code.
00:01:35.460 Let's find out.
00:01:36.300 We'll start with this.
00:01:37.580 This is a bit she did on International Women's Day.
00:01:40.680 I am pumped because this Sunday, we're celebrating International Women's Day, y'all!
00:01:46.980 Woo!
00:01:47.160 Now, don't worry.
00:01:49.500 You don't have to remember to go out and get anyone flowers.
00:01:52.700 You just have to remember to go out and fight for equal pay for women in the workplace.
00:01:57.480 Yeah.
00:01:58.400 I think it's by the checkout at CVS.
00:02:01.920 Now, I know there are guys out there thinking,
00:02:05.600 International Women's Day?
00:02:07.660 Why don't we have an International Men's Day?
00:02:10.900 God bless you, Twitter.
00:02:12.020 Well, you're in luck because you do.
00:02:15.000 It's actually on November 19th.
00:02:17.380 But you wouldn't know that because you're too busy celebrating it every other day of the year.
00:02:25.900 Why do I do this to myself?
00:02:28.000 Why do I do this?
00:02:30.980 I don't, I'm just doubting my own life choices.
00:02:34.420 This is the level of humor that we're starting with.
00:02:38.200 Every day is men's day, har har har.
00:02:40.620 It's so unoriginal and witless that you may as well not say anything.
00:02:44.720 There's no point of even making the joke if that's what,
00:02:47.080 if it's between making no joke or pulling a joke from a Facebook meme from five years ago,
00:02:52.120 then you may as well make no joke at all.
00:02:54.260 You may as well get up there for your monologue and just stare blankly into the camera.
00:02:58.260 That would be significantly funnier than this so far.
00:03:01.300 By the way, you're damn right, lady.
00:03:03.000 Every day is, is men's day.
00:03:04.960 Every day is my day as a man.
00:03:06.520 You are damn right.
00:03:07.540 Every day could be your day too.
00:03:09.660 If you just went out and asserted yourself instead of whining about sexism
00:03:13.320 and being so damn focused on how everyone else feels about you.
00:03:17.520 You know, when you sit around demanding that other people affirm you and celebrate you,
00:03:20.880 if that's how you live your life, then yeah, you get one day of the year.
00:03:23.740 That's all you get.
00:03:25.140 I take every day.
00:03:26.280 I go and take it.
00:03:27.320 Okay.
00:03:28.060 Not funny so far, but maybe this will get better.
00:03:30.000 Let's keep listening.
00:03:30.600 Also, fun fact, November 19th is also International Toilet Day.
00:03:38.140 Now, I'm not saying men are toilets, but both holidays are mostly catered towards a bunch of white johns.
00:03:48.600 Oh, my God.
00:03:50.680 Oh, my God.
00:03:52.020 Lord, save me.
00:03:53.000 Deliver me from this trial.
00:03:54.820 White johns.
00:03:56.520 That joke made the cut.
00:03:58.280 Consider this.
00:03:58.900 Okay.
00:04:00.240 This is a late night show.
00:04:02.900 Presumably, they have some kind of writer's room.
00:04:04.820 You wouldn't know it from the material, but I assume they do.
00:04:07.040 So there were a bunch of jokes that didn't make it to air.
00:04:11.960 Right.
00:04:12.460 They actually threw out jokes because they were worse than that.
00:04:17.340 Maybe there's a brilliant writer in that room.
00:04:20.160 Probably a man.
00:04:20.980 Let's be honest.
00:04:21.500 No offense.
00:04:22.300 Could be the second coming of Richard Pryor in that room, writing material.
00:04:26.140 And maybe her sense of humor is so bad that she throws those out.
00:04:29.920 The brilliant material.
00:04:31.160 I don't like that.
00:04:32.180 White johns, though.
00:04:33.180 That is killer.
00:04:34.360 Let's do that.
00:04:35.320 This is the female equivalent of basically a dad joke.
00:04:38.260 But dad jokes don't work unless they're coming from a dad.
00:04:41.240 I don't mean to be sexist, but you've got to be a man to pull them off.
00:04:43.200 You can't do a dad joke in a dress, is what I'm trying to say.
00:04:46.300 I feel like not enough people know about International Women's Day.
00:04:49.980 I remember I asked one guy if he knew what IWD is, and he said,
00:04:55.240 yeah, can you believe George Bush lied about them being in Iraq?
00:04:59.960 What are you talking about?
00:05:02.920 According to Wikipedia, International Women's Day is only an official holiday
00:05:08.040 in 26 countries, and wait for it, the U.S. is not one of them.
00:05:13.760 That's right.
00:05:15.280 Essentially, it's the difference between how I'm treated on this show
00:05:18.560 and how I'm treated when I try to get a drink at a bar.
00:05:21.920 What?
00:05:24.620 Lily, you don't have to do this to yourself.
00:05:27.300 You really don't.
00:05:28.020 You had a good thing going.
00:05:28.840 You had a good life.
00:05:29.540 You had your YouTube channel.
00:05:30.560 You were making money.
00:05:31.140 This is so bad that Carson Daly is starting to look charismatic by comparison.
00:05:37.520 People are actually pining now for the comedic genius of Carson Daly.
00:05:42.080 That's how bad this is.
00:05:44.080 Maybe that was the plan all along by NBC.
00:05:46.480 Maybe they just brought her in to make people appreciate Carson Daly more.
00:05:50.640 I don't know.
00:05:51.480 Do you know why International Women's Day isn't an official holiday in the U.S.?
00:05:55.020 Because it's stupid.
00:05:56.420 Why would we have a holiday to celebrate women?
00:05:58.740 Yeah, celebrate certain women.
00:05:59.880 If you want to be celebrated, go out and do something to be celebrated for.
00:06:05.000 Not just because you're a woman.
00:06:06.040 That's not an accomplishment to be one.
00:06:08.460 Tell a funny joke, Lily.
00:06:11.000 That would be an achievement.
00:06:12.240 You tell a funny joke and I will name a holiday after you.
00:06:16.900 I'll build you a statue.
00:06:18.040 I'll name a galaxy after you.
00:06:19.580 Just tell one funny joke.
00:06:20.880 That's all I ask.
00:06:21.660 We're going to try one more.
00:06:23.520 And this is one.
00:06:24.500 Okay, I figure this one has got a lot of views on YouTube.
00:06:26.900 This particular segment and really popular.
00:06:31.620 So, who knows?
00:06:32.900 Maybe this is the one.
00:06:33.640 Let's listen.
00:06:34.520 And today, we're going to talk about LGBTQ plus issues.
00:06:40.440 That's right.
00:06:42.920 Okay, I made a huge mistake.
00:06:44.560 There is no way that this woman is going to take this anywhere funny.
00:06:50.460 That's right, Twitter.
00:06:51.400 Start your engines.
00:06:52.100 Now, as some of you may know, about a year ago, I came out as bisexual.
00:06:57.100 I tweeted out, female, colored, bisexual.
00:07:01.100 Throughout my life, these have proven to be obstacles from time to time.
00:07:04.400 But now, I'm fully embracing them as my superpowers.
00:07:07.320 No matter how many boxes you check, I encourage you to do the same.
00:07:11.020 And I really do.
00:07:12.040 I encourage you to do the same.
00:07:14.280 Okay, they're applauding her tweet.
00:07:17.240 That's what we've been reduced to.
00:07:19.080 And no, being bisexual is not a superpower.
00:07:20.920 What's your superpower?
00:07:21.900 Oh, I can fly.
00:07:22.780 And you, what's your superpower?
00:07:23.940 I can ride dolphins and I have a magical trident.
00:07:26.940 And you, what's yours?
00:07:27.800 I can have sex with different people.
00:07:30.600 So, no, not a superpower.
00:07:31.880 Also, not funny.
00:07:33.440 So, we haven't got to the funny part yet.
00:07:35.220 And I'm increasingly despairing of the possibility that we ever will.
00:07:38.120 You know what?
00:07:38.480 I was going to end it here, but I just thought, let's be totally fair.
00:07:41.080 Okay, this is all material from last season of her show.
00:07:44.020 I think it's from 2020.
00:07:45.680 She has a new season that just came out.
00:07:47.580 This is just the most recent episode of hers.
00:07:49.560 And let's see if it got any better.
00:07:52.100 Let's talk about Bridgerton.
00:07:53.340 So, it's been a month since Bridgerton came out and it continues to dominate the conversation on social media.
00:07:59.280 Like, straight up, my Twitter feed looks like a 19th century lookbook and I am not mad.
00:08:03.420 For those of you that don't know, because, I don't know, you're living under a rock, what are you doing?
00:08:06.460 The Netflix show is an adaptation of the book series by Julia Quinn and it is set in London in the 1800s.
00:08:12.420 Essentially, it's a story of noble families that attend balls and try to marry their daughters off.
00:08:16.580 In other words, it's a period piece that skips all the boring stuff about trade routes and instead focuses on the dresses and the sex.
00:08:22.260 Nope. Nope. Not any better.
00:08:26.060 Still have not splurged on that comedy writer yet, so it's only gotten worse somehow.
00:08:30.260 Plus, they seem to have taken her microphone away, too.
00:08:32.820 Next step is to turn the camera off, turn the lights off, and just spare me, spare the world of this, because I can't take any more of it.
00:08:40.060 Next step is to turn the camera off, turn the lights off, and turn the lights off, and turn the lights off.