The Matt Walsh Show - March 18, 2021


More Relationship Advice For The Reddit Crowd


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

207.57576

Word Count

2,329

Sentence Count

193

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

4


Summary

In this episode, we go back to the Reddit Relationship Forum to answer more questions submitted by clueless people looking for relationship advice. This time, we discuss cheating, texting, and how to deal with a partner who doesn't answer their phone.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 So today we're going to go back to the Reddit relationship forum and answer some more questions
00:00:04.440 from some more hopelessly clueless people looking for relationship guidance on Reddit.
00:00:09.640 And look, you guys know I'm coming at this from the perspective of a married man 10 years in,
00:00:14.360 four kids. So, you know, I think I'm pretty realistic if nothing else. My advice may not
00:00:19.540 be comforting, may not be polite, it may not be correct, but I'm going to give it to you straight.
00:00:24.800 So let's take a look. First question. I feel like my girlfriend is cheating on me and
00:00:29.840 messaging other guys on Instagram. Does anyone know how I can get into her account since she
00:00:34.540 doesn't give me her phone and changes the topic every time? By the way, there are no periods or
00:00:39.380 any punctuation at all in that whole question. Anyway, is your girlfriend cheating on you?
00:00:45.520 Probably. Yeah, she probably is. I mean, chances are pretty good. Look, it's not her responsibility
00:00:49.660 to hand her phone over to you in the first place. She's not your child. But if you're noticing some
00:00:54.200 weird secrecy around phones and messaging and that sort of thing, 99% chance that it's exactly
00:01:01.100 what you think it is, I hate to tell you. So this is one where I would say probably best to break up.
00:01:08.020 Probably heading that way anyway, regardless of the cheating or the potential cheating. So I would
00:01:12.960 simply break up. Okay, next question. So I've been on three dates with this girl and we're really
00:01:17.940 clicking and I really like her and she just agreed to a fourth date tomorrow and it's been about less
00:01:22.360 than two weeks since we started talking. Point is, every now and then she goes off for a good
00:01:26.380 few hours and I don't know. I'm in all sorts of stress. I don't want to say anything to her about
00:01:31.480 it because I don't want to overwhelm or seem needy, but I need to be able to healthily deal with this
00:01:35.620 and I just instantly run through scenarios that she's not into me or so-and-so.
00:01:40.500 Are some people just not into texting? I don't know. Do I just need to chill the F out? Listen,
00:01:46.620 there's nothing more repulsive to a woman than neediness in a man. That is the most repulsive
00:01:52.760 trait is to be needy. So you are being repulsive in the eyes of this woman. Well, the problem is
00:02:00.660 that phones and text messaging and all of that stuff just ignites this kind of neediness in people.
00:02:06.000 So I'm not really blaming you for this. And like everyone is like this to a certain extent at this
00:02:11.900 point, not just in relationships. The very fact that the other person has their phone on them at
00:02:17.000 all times means that you feel like, and not just you, but universally, you feel like you're entitled
00:02:22.440 to their attention all the time because they have on them the means by which you can get their
00:02:28.000 attention, right? But you aren't. I mean, you can't just barge in on someone at all hours of the day,
00:02:34.020 relentlessly, whenever you feel like it, and expect that they'll drop everything they're doing
00:02:37.240 and respond to you. It's insane, but it's an insanity that you're in, you're in good company
00:02:42.000 because like most of the country, this is how they operate. If they send a text message,
00:02:46.000 they expect an immediate response. You know, I frequently get text messages and I don't respond
00:02:50.700 to them for days. I treat text messages like, like they're letters and I'm living on the frontier
00:02:56.860 in 1835 and the mail comes by horseback every four months. I give myself that kind of time
00:03:05.160 to respond to a text message. That's what I do. You know why? Because I don't owe you a response.
00:03:10.800 I don't owe you my attention. I'm doing something. I'm in the middle of something. Leave me alone.
00:03:16.720 Or maybe I'm in the middle of nothing. Maybe I'm literally just sitting on a chair, staring at a wall
00:03:22.540 and you send me a text message. You know what I'm still going to do? I'm going to look at my phone
00:03:26.620 and just put it down and not respond. Because I don't feel like talking right now. If I felt like
00:03:31.420 talking, I'd be texting you. You see? Look, the point is this girl doesn't exist simply to respond
00:03:38.100 to you. If you want that, go ask for a date from Siri. Okay. See if Alexa is still single.
00:03:45.460 You want a human being, then let them live a life apart from your constant surveillance.
00:03:52.380 Get a grip. But yeah, she might be cheating on you too. That's also possible. All right.
00:03:57.120 This says, my boyfriend and I are compatible, but not soulmates. Not sure what to do.
00:04:02.620 When we first met, I knew he wasn't the one for me. We have literally nothing in common.
00:04:06.760 He likes football, computers, staying home, quiet time movies. I like adventuring, outdoors,
00:04:12.800 art, exploring. Okay. So when you first met, you knew he wasn't the one for you, but you started
00:04:17.160 dating. Got it. Good, good, good plan. When we go out and do anything together, it's never fun.
00:04:22.640 It's never spontaneous. Okay. So let me stop again. You met this guy. You knew he wasn't the
00:04:28.140 one for you. You never once had fun with him. And yet you decided to date him. Okay. It's never
00:04:34.380 anything we both like to do. The only activity we can both agree on is watching TV. We have
00:04:38.980 differing senses of humor. I can't remember the last time he's genuinely made me laugh. Okay. Let me
00:04:42.720 stop again. You met this guy. You knew he wasn't the one for you. You never had fun with him. He
00:04:46.140 never made you laugh yet. You still dated him. Okay. I'm not saying he has no sense of humor. He tells jokes
00:04:50.400 that I can chuckle at, but I can never have that deep belly laugh. I know I'm supposed to want to
00:04:54.600 be with him. And I do. I find it comforting to always have someone by your side at all times.
00:04:58.640 I love him with all my heart, but I know deep down that we will never be able to just get each other.
00:05:02.760 And I crave that so, so, so much. When I see couples on social media or in real life,
00:05:07.080 sharing the same type of humor, looking completely at ease with each other, I feel deeply resentful.
00:05:11.240 I feel like that feeling of romantic bliss was taken from me. It wasn't taken from you. You chose
00:05:16.280 a different path. You chose not to pursue it. Nothing was taken from you. This is a choice that
00:05:21.180 you made yourself. Don't blame anybody else. It's not this guy's fault for being how he is.
00:05:26.880 You knew how he was. You know who he was, how he was. You chose to date him. So it sounds like you're
00:05:32.200 just not into this guy and you weren't from the beginning. So the answer is to break up. Obviously,
00:05:36.340 you never should have been in the relationship to begin with. And by the way, no, you don't love him with
00:05:40.020 all your heart and soul. This is a common theme that I read a lot on Reddit. And I hear from people too,
00:05:44.700 like, yeah, you know, I'm with this person and I don't get along with them. I'm not into them.
00:05:49.660 I have no interest in them at all. And I want to leave them, but I love them deeply. No, no, you
00:05:55.900 don't. I mean, you obviously don't. That's not really what loving someone is all about, unless you
00:06:00.500 mean in like the universal empathetic sense of love in the same way that you, you know, love your
00:06:05.180 neighbor type of thing, but you don't love them in any way aside from that. With that said,
00:06:09.740 another point, of course, he's not your soulmate. Nobody is your soulmate. You have no soulmate.
00:06:19.660 If, if by soulmate, you mean somebody who you were destined to be with somebody who's, whose fate is
00:06:26.720 tied to yours, like it's written in the stars. Okay. That doesn't exist at all. I'll tell you when you
00:06:33.980 meet your soulmate at the altar in marriage. Okay. You become a soulmate when you say I do.
00:06:41.820 And your souls at that point become bonded through that shared commitment. That's when the soulmate,
00:06:49.260 that's when you become someone's soulmate is in marriage, but not before that. And this is a really
00:06:54.780 important thing to realize. You know why? Because if you go on thinking that you're looking for that
00:06:59.400 one individual person who the universe wants you to be with, then, then what happens when you do meet
00:07:06.080 somebody and you marry them? And then after the marriage, you meet someone else and you say, oh,
00:07:12.400 wait a second. No, this other dude is my soulmate. Turns out I married the wrong person. That's when
00:07:20.200 affairs happen, betrayal, heartbreak, all because of this ridiculous Disney idea of soulmates.
00:07:27.340 There are no soulmates. Pre-marriage. The problem with this guy isn't that he isn't your soulmate.
00:07:34.440 It's that you don't like him at all. And you never did. And yet you dated him. Nicely done.
00:07:41.460 This one says, we've been together for six years. And throughout those, I always put all my energy
00:07:45.860 into this relationship. He wouldn't initiate more than two minutes of chat per day on his own.
00:07:50.520 And if I tell him it bothers me that only I make sure our relationship consists of more than that,
00:07:55.200 he gets angry with me. I've spent the past week trying to match up to his amount and it's been
00:07:59.780 very distant and he seems to be okay with it. I can't communicate with him about it because he
00:08:03.960 gets very angry. And I've tried many times over the last six years. I don't know if it's a reasonable
00:08:08.040 cause to break up though. And after so long, we're also supposed to move in together in a month.
00:08:12.820 I just know I've been really unhappy and I don't know what to do. Moving in together is a terrible
00:08:17.680 idea to do. That's a terrible idea before marriage. Don't do that. If you're not married to someone,
00:08:21.780 you don't need to be around them 24-7. Trying to play fake marriage, to play house with someone
00:08:25.780 is a bad idea. It doesn't work out. I wouldn't do that. But in any case, as for your issue here,
00:08:31.740 look, there's no use in trying to even the talking score with a guy. As a woman, you are going to do
00:08:38.700 almost all the talking because you're the woman. That's your job. Men could go literally eight
00:08:44.240 months at a stretch and never say a word to anyone if you let them. I used to live alone before I got
00:08:49.900 married. And if I didn't have plans over the weekend, which I didn't most of the time,
00:08:55.120 I could literally stay at home and go the whole weekend without saying a single word to anybody.
00:08:59.860 My wife could not do that. The words accumulate in her brain. And if she doesn't let them out,
00:09:06.700 if she doesn't open the valve and let them out, then her brain would explode.
00:09:10.040 So this is why I always thought, by the way, that Cast Away, the movie, got it wrong. Because a man
00:09:18.320 could easily live on a deserted island for three years with no social interaction and be fine.
00:09:24.620 It's a woman who would need to make friends with a volleyball.
00:09:27.180 And it would be a tumultuous, it'd be like a tumultuous friendship too. You know,
00:09:32.420 very hot and cold. They'd have a falling out for a few weeks, a lot of fights. She'd start talking
00:09:37.960 behind the volleyball's back to like the coconuts. There'd be all kinds of complex social interactions
00:09:43.880 and dynamics on the island, even though there's only one human there. A man on the island would be
00:09:49.580 fine. He'd be rescued after three years and the rescuer would run up on the island and say,
00:09:54.400 hey, we found you. We've been looking for you for three years. And he would go, really? It's
00:09:58.040 for three years? Did I just get here last week? Finally, this says, this is pretty weird and makes
00:10:05.000 me feel bad, but I can't help it. And I'm concerned it highlights something underneath. Basically,
00:10:10.100 whenever my significant other gets me a present or recommends me a movie, things like that,
00:10:13.680 I tend to dislike it immediately without giving it the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes in very
00:10:18.160 irrational ways, like say they get me a book I wanted to read or a present I was actually planning on
00:10:23.060 buying myself, I'll be reading it or using the present and subconsciously looking for reasons
00:10:26.800 to dislike it in a way I know I wouldn't if I had gotten it myself, as if it coming from the other
00:10:32.740 person created a dark cloud in my brain or something. I usually try to hide these feelings.
00:10:37.520 I just can't relax and enjoy the thing and judge it the way I would if I had bought it or chose it
00:10:41.800 myself. It happened in the past with other people like members of my family and friends,
00:10:45.460 but much more intensely with my partner. Has anyone experienced something similar? It's a huge problem
00:10:49.900 because it often gets in the way of us connecting or enjoying stuff together.
00:10:53.640 Yeah, this is called being a miserable, narcissistic person. This would be my advice
00:10:57.440 if I was your therapist and you were laying down on the couch and describing this. I would just say,
00:11:01.840 stop being that. It's bad. Don't be that way. That'll be $100, please. And also probably you should break up.