The Matt Walsh Show - December 27, 2023


My Crew Gave Me New Year's Resolutions For 2024


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

199.86514

Word Count

1,976

Sentence Count

202

Misogynist Sentences

4

Hate Speech Sentences

3


Summary

Happy New Year, everyone! Happy New Year! In this episode, we talk about our New Year's resolutions for 2020, the value of honesty in marriage, and why we should all be more observant.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Okay, Happy New Year, everybody.
00:00:02.720 As you get into a new year, people like to do New Year's resolutions.
00:00:05.440 And I am not, probably just surprised you learned,
00:00:07.680 I'm not a big New Year's resolution guy. I don't believe in them.
00:00:10.320 But I guess apparently my team thinks that there are many things
00:00:13.040 that I should resolve to do in the next year.
00:00:14.400 So although I don't believe in New Year's resolutions,
00:00:16.640 I've been told that they have come up with New Year's resolutions for me.
00:00:20.720 And I think I know exactly how this is going to go.
00:00:22.960 But who knows? I could be surprised.
00:00:30.000 So this first one is coming from Holly.
00:00:32.400 And this resolution that she wants to give you is be more observant.
00:00:38.320 Are you saying that I'm not observant?
00:00:40.720 Would you like an example of you not being observant?
00:00:42.800 Oh, is that what this is?
00:00:44.240 I should have known. I should have known.
00:00:46.960 Okay, let's see.
00:00:48.880 I sometimes doubt the honest, the value of honesty in marriage.
00:00:51.680 And I'll just explain why.
00:00:52.800 Like, for example, yesterday, I got home from traveling.
00:00:55.360 I was traveling over the weekend.
00:00:57.120 And a few hours after I got home, my wife said to me,
00:01:00.000 hey, so you didn't say anything about my hair.
00:01:02.080 Okay, this is where I was going to be honest.
00:01:03.360 And I said, what about your hair?
00:01:06.160 And she said, I dyed it.
00:01:07.680 You know, it's brown now.
00:01:08.960 It was blonde before.
00:01:10.400 And then I said, it was blonde before?
00:01:12.400 And then I realized I should stop saying things in that moment.
00:01:14.800 But here's my point.
00:01:16.080 I was honest for the whole conversation.
00:01:17.520 I was completely honest.
00:01:18.560 First of all, I don't think that's an issue of being observant.
00:01:21.360 As you know, number one, one of my disabilities of many is color blindness.
00:01:27.200 I don't know what color my wife's hair is.
00:01:29.280 I have no idea.
00:01:30.240 I know it's some shade of brownish blonde.
00:01:32.960 I can't, I literally can't tell.
00:01:34.960 It's not my fault.
00:01:35.760 And it's not that I'm not observing.
00:01:36.960 I think I observe different things.
00:01:39.120 Okay, we all choose in life what things to focus on.
00:01:42.880 And so there are things that I don't focus on.
00:01:44.480 There are things that I don't notice.
00:01:45.760 It might also be, I just don't care.
00:01:47.200 Like, it could also be that.
00:01:48.400 I don't care.
00:01:50.080 I don't care.
00:01:51.600 Okay, so the second resolution that we have for you is actually coming from myself.
00:01:55.840 And this is going to be, be more consistent.
00:01:58.480 Can I just say, I don't like the daylight savings slander and defamation that goes on.
00:02:03.200 It's something that we do.
00:02:04.160 It's a sacred tradition.
00:02:05.520 It's the sacred tradition of our forefathers.
00:02:07.520 It would keep us stuck in daylight savings eternally.
00:02:11.120 Yet the daylight savings tradition continued lingering on, hanging there uselessly, like some kind of vestigial limb.
00:02:17.840 And it was time to end it.
00:02:19.120 I don't, I don't hear any inconsistency there.
00:02:25.600 What's the inconsistency?
00:02:26.880 Well, the inconsistency is before you said you liked it.
00:02:29.760 And then the next year you said you didn't.
00:02:31.600 It's a, it's a, it's, it's emotions.
00:02:36.320 Like I do have emotions also, and I might not seem like that.
00:02:39.280 And so sometimes, you know, I just, I get, I get caught up in the moment sometimes.
00:02:44.720 So what I'm hearing is you're also not emotionally consistent.
00:02:47.680 No, because, but there's an, here's what I'm saying.
00:02:50.880 I have a consistent view of what daylight savings is, as you just heard, but how I personally experience it.
00:03:01.120 Was not consistent.
00:03:02.080 And feel about it changes because I'm a living, vibrant human being.
00:03:08.960 Everything I'm saying makes sense.
00:03:10.560 I'm sure of it.
00:03:11.280 Okay.
00:03:12.480 The third one is coming from Sean, and this is just a blanket one.
00:03:16.320 We don't have a specific example, but it's just in general, can you be more agreeable?
00:03:20.800 First of all, how is that the one that you don't have examples of?
00:03:24.080 No, I can't.
00:03:25.200 That's just a flat no.
00:03:26.320 No way!
00:03:27.680 Okay, so the next one is, be less offensive.
00:03:32.000 This is coming from your lawyers.
00:03:33.280 Undermine the voting power, which is the essence of a democracy.
00:03:40.480 Those eyebrows are basically, that's January 6th all over again.
00:03:44.400 Those arms, can I even call those withered things arms?
00:03:48.480 He's literally built like Gumby.
00:03:50.560 The best argument for taking voting rights away from women is, is actually the view.
00:03:54.560 So that's kind of the irony here.
00:03:55.760 These must be the dog-faced pony soldiers that Biden warned us about.
00:03:59.200 If only we had listened.
00:04:00.240 Uh, I mean, what I take from that is I need to be more offensive.
00:04:02.960 Actually, if anything.
00:04:03.920 Can we just make that a video?
00:04:04.960 Can we do a, can we do a 20 minute compilation?
00:04:06.800 No way!
00:04:09.840 I forgot about that arm.
00:04:11.200 The, I've never seen an arm with less definition.
00:04:14.320 It's just the same exact width the whole way up.
00:04:18.080 It's an amazing arm.
00:04:19.840 I've never seen an arm like that.
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00:05:35.920 All right, so we have the next one coming from both Pavel and Austin, and this one is be on time.
00:05:43.120 No, I, you know, I can't.
00:05:46.320 I can't.
00:05:47.040 This might be the most annoying one of the year.
00:05:49.520 Well, no, we just can't. We just can't. You don't understand.
00:05:52.000 So you're supposed to start your show at 10 a.m. every day, and we have a bunch of screenshots
00:05:56.160 from our production reports showing when you actually start.
00:05:58.880 So we have 10.51 a.m., 10.29 a.m., 10.24 a.m., 10.29 a.m., 10.41 a.m., 10.35 a.m.,
00:06:07.680 and these are all just from this month.
00:06:09.280 You know, even I cannot be perfect, so that's the one area in life is my job.
00:06:15.600 The one area where there are people waiting on me and people depending on me,
00:06:18.480 that's the only area where I'm not on time.
00:06:20.800 I'm hopelessly flawed.
00:06:22.320 The show's supposed to start at 10 o'clock, right?
00:06:24.720 And based on what you just showed, I'm always in the 10 o'clock hour.
00:06:27.840 So I think I'm close enough that I can say, oh, the show started at about 10 o'clock.
00:06:32.640 No, sure, that works.
00:06:33.680 No, yeah, because if something happens at like 10.32, and you're telling somebody about it,
00:06:38.640 and, you know, later in the day, and they ask you, oh, when did that happen?
00:06:41.920 And you say, oh, it's about 10 o'clock.
00:06:43.440 I don't think 10.51 counts as about 10 o'clock.
00:06:46.160 I think that counts as about 11 o'clock.
00:06:48.080 No, you said, you know, it's about 10 o'clock, around 10 o'clock.
00:06:50.640 10 o'clock hour, it's somewhere in there.
00:06:52.160 That's how you, that's what you would say.
00:06:54.080 I'm already pretty much on time, all the time, except when I'm not.
00:06:58.320 Okay, and this one is coming from the Crane Boys.
00:07:01.680 They wanted you to learn to laugh more and also stop being a Ravens fan.
00:07:07.680 No, I do.
00:07:08.640 I don't think it's not.
00:07:09.440 I do laugh once every three or four months.
00:07:15.440 You said you have to catch me.
00:07:16.480 You have to catch me when I have a scheduled laugh.
00:07:18.400 I schedule it.
00:07:18.960 I have it on my calendar.
00:07:19.760 I don't know about that.
00:07:20.960 I'm not sure about that one.
00:07:22.400 That guy's a little crazy.
00:07:24.400 You just choose one of those.
00:07:25.360 Cut out the other ones.
00:07:26.400 So this one is coming from Michael Knowles, and this is because he's such a music enthusiast.
00:07:31.360 He would really like to encourage you this year to learn the banjo, for real.
00:07:36.240 Not only did I already learn it, are we going to play that video to prove?
00:07:39.840 First of all, you didn't prepare me because I could have come with my own evidence to support
00:07:43.440 my arguments.
00:07:44.320 But not only did I learn it, but I actually played, it is an actual fact,
00:07:48.960 I played the banjo with a professional, with one of the top banjo players in the world.
00:07:57.760 So I can't learn it again.
00:07:59.040 You learn it.
00:07:59.760 You learn it.
00:08:00.160 It's learned.
00:08:01.600 Okay.
00:08:01.760 So this next one is coming from basically just literally everyone.
00:08:05.520 It's be more approachable.
00:08:07.600 Before the event, we had our VIP meet and greet, which was kind of a receiving line.
00:08:15.120 And I have to say, I know I talk about how I'm an introvert, but I thought I was being
00:08:23.760 pretty jovial by my standards.
00:08:27.360 You know, I was making, I had the small talk down with each person.
00:08:30.960 It's like 350 people in a row.
00:08:32.640 And, but people kept coming up to me even still and saying, like each person that came
00:08:36.800 up would console me saying, oh, this is, this will be over soon.
00:08:40.160 Don't worry about it.
00:08:40.880 They were consoling me because I was being forced to meet them.
00:08:43.280 That's what I thought.
00:08:44.320 Am I really giving off those vibes?
00:08:45.760 I thought, I thought I'm doing pretty well here.
00:08:47.280 It's true.
00:08:48.000 Like you put anybody, even the most outgoing person, you put them in a room and then you
00:08:52.880 have a single file line and you have to, you have to have a brief exchange, which, which
00:08:58.000 with each person in that line, as they just, as you, as they file through the line, uh, it's just,
00:09:04.400 it's hard to do.
00:09:06.000 And then on top of it, here's the problem.
00:09:07.520 You try to make some like a little, have a little small talk exchange with each person,
00:09:11.360 but the other people in the line, especially the people who are closer to the front,
00:09:14.880 they can hear your exchange with the person who's, who's, who you're with.
00:09:18.720 And so you feel like you have to kind of change it.
00:09:20.320 Like you can't say the exact same thing with each person.
00:09:23.760 And I don't know.
00:09:24.400 I just don't have, I don't have that many things in the arsenal when it comes to small talk.
00:09:27.440 That's not my, that's not my fault.
00:09:28.960 I don't think that's a lack of approachability.
00:09:30.640 It's a lack of ammunition of a small talk ammunition.
00:09:33.440 There's only so much you could say, but generally speaking,
00:09:35.680 I'm very approachable.
00:09:36.480 I'm a really nice guy.
00:09:38.000 I think.
00:09:39.520 Nice.
00:09:40.400 I did actually just get a bonus one though from Ben Shapiro.
00:09:44.160 Um, it's actually, this is a really easy one that all it says is get back to work.
00:09:48.880 That I can do.
00:09:49.920 I would love to do that.
00:09:51.360 Let's do that.
00:09:51.920 Good.
00:09:52.800 Thank you.