The Matt Walsh Show - 'My Husband Constantly Complains' Matt Walsh Gives Advice

00:00:00.000 he's kind and he's funny and he's also mustachioed he solves all your problems by the end of every

00:00:08.380 episode tv dad everyone loves tv dad well we got some questions uh in the inbox asking for advice

00:00:20.020 okay from anonymous our daughter and middle child is going through the common toddler phase of

00:00:25.760 whining and crying and is super defiant s-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-p-p-p-p-p-e-r-r-r-r so super

00:00:33.480 super defiant about everything what do i do i feel like i'm always getting after her to quit acting

00:00:38.740 that way but i feel like i'm talking to a brick wall is this something i need to fix in myself

00:00:43.620 or our daughter is this middle child behavior toddler behavior girl behavior or a combination

00:00:48.080 of all three thanks for everything and thank you sean for asking matt the question sean's not here

00:00:52.600 thank you sean for asking matt the question you definitely need it you definitely need and

00:00:57.060 deserve a raise uh okay so this is uh uh this is toddler behavior that's what the toddler years

00:01:03.500 are all about and uh girl or boy you know we've we've gone through this as you know with several

00:01:11.940 kids and uh and it's it's the same thing toddlers are toddlers you know saying things like you said

00:01:17.680 you get after her to quit acting that way and we all we all lapse into this sometimes you know it's

00:01:22.320 just natural as a parent but saying something like quit knock it off like to actually say that

00:01:26.580 to a toddler is totally pointless it doesn't they it doesn't mean anything to them and what we also

00:01:35.180 have to remember with with children at that age is that uh is is that you know their brains are very

00:01:42.200 far from fully developed and so they're actually not they're not they're not capable of controlling

00:01:47.980 themselves perfectly all the time and really nobody is even adults no one is perfect about it

00:01:52.160 but for for for toddlers you know it's like they're this is why people talk about the terrible

00:01:58.540 twos and everything i think i think that the terrible two phase is way overblown but the reason

00:02:03.880 why you can and i also you know not to be like the overly sensitive type i'm not usually that but i

00:02:09.420 also i don't love putting a label like terrible onto a whole phase of life especially when they're

00:02:14.980 little kids you know i don't think that's quite fair you sure about that you sure about that

00:02:19.880 but you know you have this kind of perfect storm where they're um obviously moving around now

00:02:26.360 completely and they're walking around and so they have their um they're able to you know move around

00:02:31.100 that way um and they're able to develop like they they've kind of figured out that there is an option

00:02:39.160 to say no you know when they're younger like when a kid's like one one year old or something

00:02:43.960 they haven't even quite figured out that that knows even an option

00:02:46.980 and then now they're kind of figuring that out and they're they're starting to test boundaries a

00:02:52.940 little bit does it feel good ah so you've got that going on they can speak now but they don't have all

00:02:58.800 of their language skills developed yet so they're not able to really explain themselves and what

00:03:04.940 they're actually feeling have you ever had the dreams that that you um you had you you what you

00:03:12.420 could you do and so they can be frustrated about something and they don't even know what they're

00:03:16.080 frustrated about and they're not able to explain it to you it's all these things come together to

00:03:21.040 create the toddler temper tensions but that's also why just saying hey pipe down stop it like

00:03:26.960 stop it it doesn't do anything okay you know what you need to relax they can hear that they're not

00:03:34.380 going to say oh oh i should stop it well okay then father i will stop it right away so what do we do

00:03:38.960 about it i think that um the first thing is to is to realize that this is a natural part of childhood

00:03:47.440 doesn't doesn't mean that we accept it all the time it doesn't mean you let your kid act crazy all

00:03:51.620 the time uh but to realize that it is part of a natural development process so it's not like um

00:03:58.540 it's not it's not it's not a problem in the sense of something you need to worry about that it's a

00:04:02.660 it's a reflection of what's going to be in the future this is just a toddler but as i said you also

00:04:06.720 don't let them i can let them run the house and you you do still want to teach them discipline and all

00:04:11.460 of that so um i think that involves on your end just being firm and being consistent and being

00:04:20.680 simple in the instructions that you give to the child um and if you put rewards in place if you

00:04:27.700 put punishments in place being consistent about those things so firmness consistency patience

00:04:35.200 being calm you know yelling at a toddler never works it does it's not going to get the reaction

00:04:42.920 that you want hey i want a lawyer i am the law parents yell sometimes it happens but it's not

00:04:47.720 actually going to to help the situation that's just you letting off steam and also we are modeling

00:04:53.600 this is the biggest challenge for parents and i always have to remind myself of this because i'm

00:04:56.860 far from perfect as a parent but uh it is true that the best thing i can do for my kids is actually

00:05:03.700 model the behavior that i want to see in them so yes i'm going to set rules in place and i'm going to

00:05:09.740 say this is what you need to do and i'm going to give instructions and we're going to do all that as a

00:05:13.660 parent but we also have to model it and so particularly for a toddler if you want them to

00:05:18.340 be patient if you want them to control their emotions if you want them to um listen to

00:05:23.260 instructions if you want all that stuff out of a toddler the best way to get it is to show that and

00:05:29.160 i think for a lot of parents they get overwhelmed by the toddler phase and they start getting angry

00:05:33.360 and they yell a lot um but now you're you're just demonstrating that to the kid and so you're saying

00:05:39.340 something but they don't hear that all they see is what you're doing and so now they're emulating it

00:05:42.820 um so leading by example is and then and things like you know redirecting i think is often a good

00:05:50.280 strategy for for toddlers they really want something they're freaking out about it because they can't get

00:05:54.980 it redirect them to something else doesn't mean that you're bribing them all the time you know i'm

00:05:58.880 not saying that they're freaking out because they want to do something you don't want to do it and

00:06:01.820 you say oh here's a lollipop and you try to bribe them that's that's not going to be a good

00:06:04.720 strategy but redirecting them to something their energies to something more something better uh

00:06:08.940 and ignoring is all is is a tool in the parenting arsenal that has to be used sometimes uh as long

00:06:14.320 as you know that you know you've addressed their concern they're not hurt there's nothing serious

00:06:17.480 going on um they're still having an attitude having a temper tantrum sometimes it's like you

00:06:23.620 gotta just ignore it in certain circumstances not not like when you're out at the grocery store and

00:06:28.760 they're having a temper tantrum and you let them do it and disrupt everybody around you that's when

00:06:32.040 you have to get them out of the situation but um there are circumstances where you do that like

00:06:35.700 yesterday when i was putting my three-year-old down for for bed and uh she was very very upset

00:06:40.080 about going to bed even though it was actually past her bedtime and i did try to explain that to

00:06:43.680 her i said this is 30 minutes past your bedtime so you know you should be should be thanking me

00:06:47.280 but for some reason she was not persuaded by that she's very upset about going to bed

00:06:50.380 and uh she was not a full-on meltdown but she was like whining about it and you know i explained to 0.98

00:06:57.220 her this is bedtime you're going to bed brought her up gave her a kiss said goodnight 0.99

00:07:00.780 left her let and she was still whining but i'm not going to sit there and negotiate with you it's

00:07:05.260 like this is bedtime and then and then i left and she was fine and she got over you know men hate

00:07:10.220 going to the doctor you have to make the appointment you have to spend half your day sitting around

00:07:13.660 a waiting room you have to endure uncomfortable conversations about your body with another man

00:07:17.720 that you hardly know rex md understands that no one likes to go to the doctor's office that's why

00:07:21.620 they've created a safe online platform for men to discreetly consult with licensed physicians and get

00:07:26.440 personalized treatment plans rex md makes it easy and inexpensive to get the generic and branded

00:07:31.240 viagra or cialis online no waiting rooms no embarrassing trips to the doctor no insurance

00:07:35.860 no co-pays did you know viagra could cost 90 a pill rex md has generic viagra for just as low as

00:07:41.840 two dollars a pill just fill out their online medical questionnaire a doctor will review your

00:07:45.580 situation and if appropriate prescribe you medication medication will ship right to your door

00:07:50.260 with free two-day shipping it's fast it's simple it's cheap plus you can access your u.s licensed

00:07:55.420 rex md physician anytime you need rex md has already helped over 300 000 guys gain confidence

00:08:00.320 quickly and conveniently they are here to help they can help you to take advantage of their best deal

00:08:04.900 yet at rex md.com slash walsh and save up to 90 off by paying only two dollars per dosage that's

00:08:10.960 rex md.com slash walsh for up to 90 off go to rex md.com for more details and safety information

00:08:17.720 all right from ray says dear matt please help me figure out my marriage i've been married just over

00:08:22.600 five years and have four kids five and under we recently moved states to utah he's got a better

00:08:27.320 job here and i don't have to work i used to be the heavy earner i love being able to stay at home with

00:08:32.380 my three little boys and my nursing baby girl i cook all the meals to save money the house is clean

00:08:37.660 i homeschool and i'm involved in several church groups i don't dump all the hardships of my daily

00:08:42.220 life on my husband because of your advice not to do this good advice if i do say so myself i share

00:08:48.700 stories of the sweet things our little babies do and general news and some fun things i think that

00:08:52.960 he'd like to hear about that's all very good my husband constantly complains he complains about

00:08:57.880 work he complains that we have to buy a house in this state how it'll be so expensive and he'll have

00:09:01.460 to pay for it alone he complains about the kids interrupting him while he's looking at the phone

00:09:04.840 he complains about stubbing his toe he complains about the weather i try not to be hurt or offended by

00:09:08.560 this because we did leave his childhood home to come here i had to leave mine when we were married

00:09:12.860 because california is not a good place it's just so so hard to stay positive if i'm happy when he comes home

00:09:17.540 he'll say things like well i'm glad you're happy because that commute is an absolute killer

00:09:21.120 then he'll keep on about little things like the food being pricey or the beer being the wrong kind

00:09:25.700 the baby being cranky until i'm crying then he'll say well you wanted to move here so stop crying

00:09:29.840 i don't know what to do i try so hard to be supportive and uncomplaining but i can't i can tell

00:09:34.420 he's really unhappy i've asked him to try to give me the same courtesy of being just happy when he comes

00:09:39.240 home but he says then he just says what i'm not allowed to have feelings now then he'll yell at our

00:09:44.340 boys or for whatever they're doing what do i say what do i do i don't even know where to start

00:09:48.620 i want to be supportive but i actually hate being around him because of how much he nags at me and

00:09:52.940 yells at the kids please advise so the first thing always is to look at yourself that that's the first

00:10:02.360 person you can control in your marriage it's the only person you can directly control in the in the

00:10:08.220 entire universe so that's always the first place that you want to look and i'm not saying this is

00:10:13.080 your fault i don't know anything about you so um you have presented a pretty one-sided version of

00:10:18.340 events here and it could be totally accurate no indication that it isn't but um nine times out of

00:10:23.240 ten or maybe like 9.9 times out of ten you hear a story like this if i were to talk to your husband

00:10:28.520 he would have his own tale of woe uh related to you and and what you do and um that that would also

00:10:35.900 probably be rather one-sided and then between those two pictures maybe we would get a clearer picture

00:10:40.200 of what the truth is and that's not again not any criticism of you that's just how people are

00:10:42.880 you know that's that's how that's how i tell anybody is um if i were to complain about somebody

00:10:47.080 in my life and you talk to that person they would have their own complaints that's the way it goes so

00:10:49.820 the way that you have laid this out this version of the story he comes he's totally the bad guy

00:10:55.840 he's being completely unreasonable you are not you know you're trying to be happy and supportive and

00:11:01.000 you're doing all these things at home and the house is clean you're making food you're taking care of

00:11:04.160 the kids and you're happy to see him and you're you tell him happy stories and and all of that and

00:11:08.640 but he's complaining all the time about everything he's whiny and self-pitying my only point is that

00:11:13.240 as a matter of statistics uh it's very likely that the story is not as one-sided as you

00:11:20.820 have made it out to be boom roasted so i would look at yourself is it actually true this is this is this

00:11:28.340 is this true or is this a story you're telling about yourself and then after you've you've done that

00:11:34.840 inventory um you know there is a question about is there something else going on in his life

00:11:39.580 you know is this is this just childish whining or is there something more serious going on is

00:11:45.240 something going on at work um some major stress some major burden that he's carrying that he doesn't

00:11:50.860 want to tell you about uh because he doesn't want to put it on your shoulders but then unfortunately

00:11:54.240 he's not putting that on your shoulders but then he's he's putting everything else on your

00:11:57.180 shoulders because it comes out in these little ways that's a possibility i would try to talk to him

00:12:00.640 about that once you have covered those bases um and if it is true that this is basically a one-sided

00:12:08.320 thing there's nothing else more serious going on with him um then we are left with in that case

00:12:14.200 that on his part this is this is just simply self-centeredness this is being a being super whiny

00:12:24.640 and and being self-pitying you know this is someone who wants pity who wants attention and wants pity

00:12:29.440 and there are people like that in the world there are a lot of people like that and unfortunately

00:12:32.640 there are men like that um and it is uh a real problem especially when men become this way because

00:12:38.220 it's not respectable it's not respectable behavior it's very hard to respect someone

00:12:42.440 who's who desires pity all the time and uh even when you're trying to have a positive conversation

00:12:47.820 you're telling him about the kids and he and all he wants to do is complain he doesn't want to

00:12:50.740 see you happy like he's up he comes home and you're happy and he's like upset about that

00:12:53.820 so he wants to tell you about oh you're happy well here's what happened to me

00:12:56.660 what's the matter nothing's the matter if that's all the case then that that's that's not a good

00:13:01.640 thing he had a tough day at work and he comes home and everybody's happy that should make him even

00:13:05.380 happier that's like that's a great thing to come home to happiness my my goodness so if that's the

00:13:09.840 case then then it really becomes a man up situation for him and i know there are guys like in the

00:13:15.400 manosphere and all that that they don't like that phrase they don't want to hear about that um

00:13:19.560 they never want to hear that answer but sometimes that is the answer like sometimes for a man

00:13:23.780 just get the hell over it be a man but really that that's the only solution in that case and

00:13:34.800 if that's it then uh then you still need to have a talk to him and with him and and um you know that's

00:13:40.500 when you're talking about things like respect and you want to respect him but it's hard to respect

00:13:44.680 this kind of behavior you start using language like that that that really now he might react to

00:13:50.800 you might get angry at first but that will resonate there's a chance of getting through

00:13:54.600 it's going to be when you start using language like that you're not being vicious to him you're

00:13:57.640 not saying you don't respect him you're just saying i can't respect this behavior so that's

00:14:02.900 what i would say uh finally for michelle i'm married to a very kind and godly man he's both my husband

00:14:07.340 and my best friend my entire family loves him except for my sister every time i see her she has

00:14:10.460 something negative to say about him she has never brought anything concerning or serious to me about him

00:14:14.360 i believe she just doesn't get along with him because they're they have clashing personalities

00:14:17.800 i feel disloyal listening to her say unkind things about my husband however i don't want to cause

00:14:22.480 drama with my sister what should i say when she comes to me with complaints about my husband uh you

00:14:28.240 you can't listen to complaints about your husband at all um if if there's something really serious going

00:14:33.140 on that someone in your life is concerned about um and they bring that to you that's one thing but

00:14:38.040 you're saying there's nothing serious here he's a very good man and so she's just whining about him

00:14:41.880 and and nagging you know and like nitpicking and that sort of thing um no i don't i don't think you

00:14:48.200 don't you don't you don't have those kinds of conversations about your about your husband

00:14:51.440 with with anybody um complaining about them listening to complaints you can talk to our

00:14:56.740 complaint department it's a trash can it's not appropriate you know you should not be the

00:15:02.120 sounding board for anyone's complaints about your husband just like he shouldn't be

00:15:06.440 for any complaints about you um so that's what you tell your your sister because i'm not going to

00:15:11.520 listen to this it's not appropriate it's not right um i love and respect my husband we're not

00:15:15.780 going to have this conversation and i don't want to hear it anymore um and then she just has to do it 0.90

00:15:20.520 okay well we'll leave it there thanks for listening talk to you tomorrow god's meeting

00:15:25.840 we are family

00:15:28.600 get up everybody

00:15:32.040 you

The Matt Walsh Show - June 13, 2023

'My Husband Constantly Complains' Matt Walsh Gives Advice

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript