Real Lawyer Reacts To JUDGED By Matt Walsh
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
198.7412
Summary
In this episode of Judge Hands, James Sexton and Matt Walsh discuss a case involving a woman who claims her ex-boyfriend stole money from her and drove her to the Bahamas, where she claims he stole her car, and then abandoned her in the middle of the night.
Transcript
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But this was all after the relationship was over?
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And then you decided because of that, you're not paying for anything?
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I do have to say, just from a technique standpoint, Matt's use of judge hands is excellent.
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I'm a divorce lawyer based out of New York State.
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I've spent a lot of time in courtrooms getting yelled at by judges, making objections, having
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And I've appeared in front of probably every kind of judge that you could imagine.
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So I am very excited to be judging, judged by Matt Walsh.
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I hold your fate and perhaps even the fate of the world in my hands.
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We're here today because my ex-girlfriend is very crazy and just pure psychotic.
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I met her on a New Year's Eve party back in 2022.
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When I met her, she was very free-spirited, loud, you know what I mean?
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The good kind of crazy, you know, at the party.
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It's always the good kind of crazy until it becomes the bad kind of crazy.
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Uh, well, this one, well, she was good crazy, you know, she was drinking, having a good time.
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Matt has really, um, mastered the furrowed brow of a sitting judge.
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And I think that's a, that's a huge piece of the judging thing is the ability to sort of give that look
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that says, like, what you're saying right now is insane and you know it.
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And it's, uh, I've had, I've had that look given to me many, many times, so.
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So he said, please don't drive my car, I don't have insurance, and you thought that that was what?
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If he didn't want me to drive the car, he would have took the key and had it with him.
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So your, your, your logic is that if something is left within eyesight of you, that it's consent automatically for you to take it?
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I mean, not everything, but, like, he knows I needed to use it.
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Well, I feel like if we're together, whatever's his is mine too, and whatever mine is his, right?
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Boy, I, I think I've met this woman a few hundred times in courtrooms.
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Why is certain man want a woman to cook, want a woman to clean, do married woman stuff?
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There's not a lot that you could say about Matt Walsh is liberal, but his use of the gavel is very liberal.
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It is, it is, one might argue he is overly using the gavel.
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Like, I, I think in a 25-year career, I've seen a judge, like, use the gavel twice, and it was always, like, in kind of a mocking way.
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I mean, it could be his thing, this could be, like, his judicial demeanor is defined by liberal use of the gavel.
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Yes, sir, I have pictures, I have photos of, when I went to the Bahamian, um, hospital, they had to kind of just...
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...to a mask on me, I had to come right back to the United States to, uh, go to the emergency room, get a...
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What, what look would you say you're going for?
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I felt the fact that Matt was able to maintain composure throughout this, uh, particular case was actually a real sign of his professionalism as a judge.
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Because I don't know how, uh, he managed to keep a straight face between the two plastic surgery disasters that were in front of him there.
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Because as someone who makes preposterous arguments to judges sometimes, the ability to keep a straight face when we're saying something absolutely insane to you is really something that, um, it must take some time to master.
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But, but Matt, Matt got all over it right away early in his judicial career.
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She came over to my house or whatever, and she's explaining to me that one day when she was over, her phone was supposedly in the couch.
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She asked somebody to call her phone, and he called it for her, and she's saying that that's how he got her number, that he was texting her that way.
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But this was all after the relationship was over?
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And then you decided because of that, you're not paying for anything?
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Emotional distress he's caused you, would you put that price at $500, and that's what makes it even?
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$1,000 of emotional distress, that's a good amount of emotional distress, I guess.
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I do have to say, just from a technique standpoint, Matt's use of judge hands is excellent.
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It really is like it's an art form, judge hands.
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But just overall, judge hands, five stars on the judge hands, for sure.
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Would you say that it's made your life better on the whole to chase hoes?
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Has it made you a happier, more successful person?
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Something about hearing Matt say the word hoes seriously is amazing.
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Then you got all those moments after you got to live with.
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When I think back in my life, yeah, definitely.
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This is fairly emblematic of what is kind of wrong with the family law system, is you're
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trying to quantify financially certain things, like how much is your emotional distress worth?
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What does $1,000 worth of emotional distress look like?
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So the fact that Matt kind of turns it back into a life lesson, like a Charlie Brown life
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lesson for this guy about, you know, hey, what is the path that you've followed really
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led you to, you know, these hoes ain't loyal sort of an approach.
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Actually, you do go to the DMV to get a license to strip?
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You know, the problem with democracy is that her vote equals mine.
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You don't go to the IRS to become a stripper, do you?
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I already hated the IRS, and now I hate them more.
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And so the next plan was, okay, well, this is a Jacksonville law.
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If you can't get a stripping license, what's next?
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It's like an hour and a half or two hours, and that's Daytona.
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So Daytona doesn't have this standard where at least you have to be 21.
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I think Daytona is like a drive-through stripper license.
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Jacksonville, you have to be 21 to strip, but you have to be 18 for nudity.
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I mean, maybe you don't know, but those nude strip clubs that are fully nude, you only
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I think it's sort of adorable that Matt actually doesn't know the distinction between an all-nude
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Most jurisdictions have an all-nude strip club, also known as a juice bar, where you're not
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allowed to serve alcohol, but women are allowed to be completely naked.
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And then there are strip clubs where they can only be semi-nude.
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Normally, they have to have their private areas covered.
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Challenging insofar as it was hard to imagine that either of these young women were actually
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sufficiently intelligent to have found their way into the courtroom.
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And he somehow, again, managed to not hold them both in contempt and throw them out.
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I think the fact that Matt was not given the power to jail people or to assign people
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towards execution was probably a smart move on someone's part, and I applaud that.
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But I do think this is the kind of case where if he could have had them both held in contempt,
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I don't like to live life with periods at the end of them.
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I mean, when you have a sentence and it's over, especially if it's a really terrible sentence,
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So this is something that you've testified that you feel God is calling you not to do.
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And yet you're not willing to say that you won't do it again.
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Well, God was calling, but she was like, let's send it to voicemail.
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Like, let's say, let's say like I'm down bad and I want like a new car.
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You know, you could say a lot of things about Matt Walsh, but you couldn't possibly say that
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he's a guy that you'd use a phrase like down bad with.
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There's just no courtroom in the world where using a phrase like down bad is going to work
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Even in like Bronx County, that's not going to work.
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You know, I've been practicing law for 25 years and I've watched a lot of judges, their
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I have to say Judge Walsh is off to an amazing start.
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As a practicing attorney for, you know, a couple of decades, I would like my cases judged
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by Matt Walsh much more than the elected judiciary that they're currently in front of.