Sneak Peek Inside What Happens In The Walsh Home Part 2
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
203.04071
Summary
When your kid has a bad dream and you're the one on the hook to console them, do you let them stay in bed with you or do you send them back to their own bed to sleep? What do you do when they wake up in the middle of the night with a scary dream about a faceless man?
Transcript
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I had hoped to be more rested today. I was intent on catching up on some sleep last night,
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but that plan was foiled when our four-year-old came into the room at about one in the morning
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because he had a bad dream. And now my wife is nicer in these situations than I am. And it's
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not that I'm mean. I do take it seriously. When there's a bad dream situation and I'm on the hook
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for it, I try to console the dream victim, especially because kids really do have terrifying
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dreams. If you ever listen to them describe their dreams, it's like something out of a horror movie.
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So like the other day, again, my four-year-old had a different bad dream. And he told me about it.
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And he said that in his dream, he heard something in the basement. And so he opened the door to the
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basement and there was a man standing at the bottom of the steps, staring up like silently,
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not saying anything. And I said, well, who was the man in the dream? I mean, maybe it was,
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you know, maybe it was Santa Claus or something coming to, you know, try to look at, try to,
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try to see this in a positive light. And he said, well, I don't know who the man was, daddy,
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because he didn't have a face. And I said, wow, that is, yeah, that's terrifying. I am scared
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now, actually. You're spreading the bad dream to me. Now I'm infected. Stop talking about it.
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Keep this to yourself. So I get it with the dreams, but I, so, but I'll, I'll try to console
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the child and then send them back to their own bed to sleep, or, or I'll bring them back to the
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bed. I'll put them to bed and, and, and I'll say, good luck with the faceless guy. I got to go
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back to bed. But my wife, she'll always let the scared child sleep in our bed. And that's what she
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did last night. So our four-year-old ended up in bed with us. And if you know anything about young
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children and how they sleep, you know how this goes? Like they little kids, when they sleep,
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they're like wind up toys that are still wound up, but knocked over on their side. So their legs and
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their arms are still flailing around. So this kid is thrashing all over the bed all night. He's like
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pummeling me in the side of the face, karate chopping me, kicking me, dropping elbows. I felt like I was
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trying to take a nap in the middle of a mosh pit or something. Meanwhile, the kid, you know, he's,
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he's drooling all over the pillows. And then morning finally comes and you, as the parent,
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you're like a zombie, sleepless, battered, broken. And the kid bounds out of bed full of energy.
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We're experiencing kind of a contentious moment in our household, um, which I share with you
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because why wouldn't I just share it with a bunch of strangers? You know, I went into my,
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my daughter's room, uh, this, this morning before I left for work to say, uh, say bye to her like I
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always do. And she, um, she told me that she had, uh, she had lost a tooth the night before
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and she didn't, she didn't tell us that she had lost a tooth because she was, she was running a
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test. She's a smart girl. She's smart. And she was running a test. She's like, daddy, I lost a tooth.
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I didn't tell you. She, she was, she was running a test because she wanted to see like, yeah, the
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tooth fairy comes allegedly. But if I don't tell mommy and daddy that I lost a tooth, will the
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tooth fairy still come? Because the tooth fairy should still come. If the tooth fairy exists,
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even if mommy and daddy don't know about it, tooth fairy should know. And so she told me that night,
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you know, I'm kind of like scrambling and I'm like, well, yeah, well we, we communicate with the
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tooth fairy or something. I don't know. We have to send her an email. I was trying to
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think of an excuse. And of course the whole time I'm thinking in my head like what, why
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are we doing this? This has been my point all along. If I, if I could go back and redo
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one thing as a parent, go back to the beginning, it would probably be this. I don't, I don't
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think I would do the, the fantasy. I don't think I, you know, I, I think I might not introduce
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tooth fairy, Santa, Easter bunny, all that. And the problem is, or maybe you pick
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one, like just do Santa, not the others. Cause the problem is now they're a package
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and the tooth fairy is a lot more frivolous than Santa. And it feels not as important
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and also somehow even weirder and crazier and harder for kids to believe. Like they're
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going to figure out tooth fairy before they figure out Santa, but now it's a package.
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So I was talking to my wife about it. She's like, oh, we can't tell her about tooth fairy
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because then Santa goes and I want to get another Christmas out of that.
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It's, it's not, it's not worth the trouble. And then you're just lying to your kid's face
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about it. All for what? All for what is what I ask.
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Well, you know, the Tooth Fairy saga continues, by the way. Speaking of, I just said the truth
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matters. Well, here's an example of not telling the truth. I was saying yesterday, my daughter is
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very smart, critical thinker, and which I'm proud of her for that. But she's starting to figure the
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tooth fairy thing out. And yesterday, you know, I went into her room before I left in the morning
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and she told me that she'd lost her tooth. And, um, and she didn't tell us the night before that
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she lost it because she wanted, she was running a test to see if the tooth fairy would still come,
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even if she doesn't tell mom and dad. And of course, the tooth fairy didn't come with a
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coincidence because she didn't tell us. And, uh, and then, so the problem is that my, my wife,
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she, she really wants to, she, she realizes that it's a house of cards. And if you lose the tooth
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fairy and the Easter bunny, then you lose Santa Claus. And she really wants to hang on to Santa
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Claus for the kids for one more Christmas. It's really, you know, she, she just wants one more
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Christmas out of it, which means we got to keep the tooth fairy going. And this is becoming
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difficult because last night, my daughter, I'm not making this up. This is, she came up with this
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on her own because she's really trying to figure this out. And so she came up with a plan last night
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where she, um, first of all, she had the tooth under the pillow, of course, and she, uh, put out
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some food for the tooth fairy. I don't know. That's not usually part of the tooth fairy deal. The
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tooth fairy doesn't usually eat. Um, but so she put out so like a little bowl of water and I think
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some peanuts, maybe the tooth fairy eats peanuts. You know, why not? Everyone likes peanuts. And then
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she put out some, um, some baking soda around the dish so that she could get the footprints of the
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tooth fairy. Really tooth fairy is probably, probably flying, but still. And then she also
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said, yeah, she asked if we, she could use one of our phones and put up, like put a camera there so
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she could capture the tooth fairy coming in. And this was this whole plan she concocted.
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And my wife told her, yes, you could, let's do all that. And of course I'm saying to my wife,
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what are you, what's your plan here with the camera part of this? How are you going to make that?
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So apparently there's an app for the, there is an app for this exact situation where a little girl
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is trying to figure out the tooth fairy is real. And, um, anyway, there's an app where you can have
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like a tooth fairy come in and show it to the kid. So, um, we got her. She's, we, we fooled her for
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another, another few months. Yay us. I'm so proud of us.
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Well, I hope you had a blessed and happy Easter. Uh, we had a, you know, a lot of fun in my house
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started with a, started the day with a 6am Easter egg hunt outside, um, before church. We had to get
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it in before church and, you know, it wasn't going to work to hold the kids off on the Easter egg hunt
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until after church. We figured, uh, we, we do it before. So I apologize to our neighbors for that,
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um, because we were outside doing an Easter egg hunt at like 6am. Fortunately, my kids are,
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you know, they're only about as loud as a busload of coked up spider monkeys. So it probably wasn't
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that much of a disturbance. I have to say though, Easter egg hunts have become, uh, they've kind of
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gone downhill for me in terms of how fun they are ever since I got fired from the job of filling the
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eggs, um, before the Easter egg hunt. So now I'm the guy, my job is to go hide them, but I don't get
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to fill them. And the reason I got fired from that job is a few years ago, you know, I had the idea
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to fill because my wife, you know, made the mistake of, of giving the job to me. And she, like, she,
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she left me unattended and gave me all the empty eggs and said, yeah, fill these and we're gonna do
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the Easter egg hunt. And so I filled half of the eggs with things that no kid would ever want,
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you know, like olives. Some of them just had rocks and grass and stuff. And then I also put real raw
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eggs in some of the eggs. And I thought it would be hilarious. And it was, um, until one of the
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kids opened one of the eggs with an egg inside and dropped it and it splattered all over the place
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and got on his shoes and everything. And, um, and then it was a big scene. And my wife gave me that
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look that said, you know, you're, you're banned from doing this again. But I still think, I believe
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the game, it lent the game some necessary intensity when the eggs contain both good and bad surprises.
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That's my feeling. Now you, you might, there are, there are those who theorize
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that filling the eggs is a tedious task. And so I did that on purpose so that I would be banned from
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it forever in the future. And I would never have to do it again. That's also a theory. I'm not,
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I'm not going to speculate on whether that's true or not.