The Matt Walsh Show - April 03, 2021


Walsh Vintage Dating Advice


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

165.65323

Word Count

1,571

Sentence Count

159

Misogynist Sentences

10

Hate Speech Sentences

3


Summary

Dating advice from the late 1800's and early 1900's is back with a vengeance! Join us as we take a look at an old-timey dating advice video that was originally released in 1949, and see if you can figure out how to be a gentleman on a date.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 So this should be a lot of fun, hopefully edifying for all of us.
00:00:02.940 We talk a lot about, we do a lot of dating advice stuff.
00:00:05.840 So I thought today we're going to take a look at a dating advice video,
00:00:10.440 which originally was filmed, I think, in 1949.
00:00:13.760 We know that these days people have no idea what to do.
00:00:16.620 And that's very clear in some of the videos we've done.
00:00:18.320 People have no idea what to do on the dating scene.
00:00:20.300 Let's go back to 1949.
00:00:22.240 That was back when they believed in chivalry and self-respect and etiquette.
00:00:27.140 You know, there were no dating apps.
00:00:28.900 There was no Tinder chat.
00:00:31.240 No snap bumble.
00:00:32.560 If you wanted to date, you had to ride your horse to the next town, a five days journey,
00:00:36.360 then kill the bandits who had kidnapped her.
00:00:38.540 That's what you had to do, at least in my imagination.
00:00:40.420 Let's check out this old-timey dating PSA, and let's get the real scoop on dating.
00:00:46.560 Let's see.
00:00:53.620 What's that?
00:00:54.480 Oh, yes, the ticket he told me about.
00:01:00.640 Well, let's see what he has to say.
00:01:03.800 Here's the latest on my broken ankle.
00:01:07.900 Doc says I'll be all right, only I have to stay off my feet for a week or so.
00:01:15.940 Okay, just to stop it there for a second, I don't mean to be rude,
00:01:18.200 but why is the kid reading like it's the first time he's encountered the written word in his life?
00:01:23.660 Today, junior?
00:01:25.800 Maybe he's struggling because it's cursive.
00:01:28.160 The biggest waste of time in school is they made us learn cursive,
00:01:30.480 and then I graduated, and then I discovered that nobody in actual adult human life ever writes in cursive.
00:01:36.660 They may as well have made us become fluent in, like, hieroglyphics or something.
00:01:41.140 One couple.
00:01:42.160 That means a date.
00:01:46.520 Okay, now wait a second.
00:01:49.340 The high teen carnival?
00:01:51.140 What kind of debauchery is this?
00:01:52.680 All right, all right, all right.
00:01:55.140 How you doing?
00:01:56.540 I thought we did something wholesome from the 1940s.
00:01:59.860 You can let your kid go on a date to a carnival full of high teens.
00:02:05.480 And the high part is, I mean, it's kind of redundant.
00:02:07.120 Everybody is high at a carnival.
00:02:08.240 We already know that, especially the people operating the rides.
00:02:10.400 Like, the guy running the ride is blitzed out of his skull,
00:02:14.600 and you're putting your four-year-old onto this spinning metal death trap.
00:02:19.100 You're putting your child's life in this man's hands.
00:02:22.280 Not a smart thing to do.
00:02:23.620 But this video is taking a scandalous turn.
00:02:25.440 I'm already a little bit disappointed.
00:02:27.420 I was expecting something more buttoned up than this.
00:02:30.260 How do you choose a date?
00:02:32.800 Whose company would you enjoy?
00:02:35.380 Well, one thing you can consider is looks.
00:02:38.040 Woody thought of Janice and how good-looking she was.
00:02:42.740 Yes, he'd enjoy that.
00:02:44.660 Except, well, it's too bad Janice always acts so superior and bored.
00:02:49.420 She'd make a fellow feel awkward and inferior.
00:02:52.780 Well, perhaps someone who doesn't feel superior.
00:02:55.840 There's Betty.
00:02:56.420 And yet, it just doesn't seem as if she'd be much fun.
00:03:01.780 What about Ann?
00:03:03.740 She knows how to have a good time and how to make the fellow with her relax, have fun, too.
00:03:09.340 Yes, that's what a boy likes.
00:03:11.640 He wants to know he's appreciated.
00:03:14.160 Ann would be fun on a date.
00:03:15.720 Okay, I gotta say, now, here's what I like so far.
00:03:20.860 I like that all the onus is being put on the women to impress the man.
00:03:25.860 That's the way it should be.
00:03:27.000 For legal reasons, that's a joke.
00:03:28.780 For legal reasons, that's a joke.
00:03:30.500 I like how we're ranking the different kinds of women.
00:03:32.260 You're never gonna find this kind of thing these days.
00:03:34.300 Here's what I don't like.
00:03:35.360 These kids are way too young to be dating in the first place.
00:03:38.180 You shouldn't be dating until you're at least 25, 30 years old.
00:03:41.820 At the youngest.
00:03:42.560 First, second, Ann here, who gets chosen, has the manners of a damned barn animal chomping away at the cotton candy.
00:03:50.640 It's disgusting.
00:03:51.440 Chewing with her mouth open.
00:03:52.740 No decorum, no class.
00:03:54.360 I'm shocked that these kinds of manners were considered appropriate in the 1940s.
00:03:57.700 The correct response as a gentleman, if you're dating a lady who eats like that,
00:04:01.880 is to say, excuse me, ma'am, your manner of eating repulses me.
00:04:06.100 Leave my presence.
00:04:07.840 This is dating 101.
00:04:08.900 When I was single, I had at least 12 first dates.
00:04:12.560 End that way.
00:04:13.860 You know, speaking of kids in the 1940s dating, what you never want to have to say is that your home got stolen.
00:04:18.400 Like mine did.
00:04:19.000 My home was stolen.
00:04:19.780 I'm holding a copy of the legal title to my home in my hand.
00:04:24.200 This piece of paper could not be anything but.
00:04:26.160 This is proof that it's a legal title to my home.
00:04:28.360 And my signature on it is on it.
00:04:29.940 It says that I sold my home, even though I didn't.
00:04:33.020 Luckily, this is just a demo, though, from Home Title Log.
00:04:35.920 Here's how cyber criminals get you.
00:04:37.900 The title documents to our homes are kept online.
00:04:40.300 The thief forges your signature on a quit claim deed stating that you sold your home and he's the new owner.
00:04:45.580 You never know until it's too late and you've got the late payment or eviction notices arriving.
00:04:50.980 That's why I have Home Title Log.
00:04:53.080 The instant Home Title Log detects someone tampering with my home's title.
00:04:57.600 It helps shut it down.
00:04:58.880 Let's get you protected.
00:04:59.760 Go to hometitlelock.com and register your address to see if you're already a victim.
00:05:03.860 And enter Walsh for 33 days of protection.
00:05:06.720 That's promo code Walsh at hometitlelock.com.
00:05:10.800 The 1940s are dropping the ball so far.
00:05:12.660 But let's let's give it another shot.
00:05:14.500 Let's let's watch again.
00:05:15.740 Oh, mom, is it all right with you if I have a date Saturday night?
00:05:19.940 Well, of course you generally go out on Saturdays.
00:05:22.760 Hello.
00:05:23.240 May I speak to Mary, please?
00:05:25.160 But mom, this is different.
00:05:27.220 A date.
00:05:28.420 I well, I haven't asked her yet, but I'd like to take Aunt Davis to the high teen carnival.
00:05:33.580 Oh, Ann's a nice girl, but a date?
00:05:38.580 Well, you're rather young.
00:05:40.560 Oh, mom, give him a break.
00:05:42.720 I think he can swing it.
00:05:44.280 We all have to start sometime.
00:05:46.540 Well, if you don't overdo on dating, Ed knows what I mean.
00:05:51.760 Weekends only and not too late.
00:05:54.340 Hey, Mary.
00:05:55.000 So what's going on here?
00:05:56.480 Both boys are talking back, mouthing off to their mother.
00:06:00.300 What kind of respect?
00:06:01.760 Is this what we call respect?
00:06:03.580 Where is the father coming in with his belt, ready to fix some attitudes the old-fashioned way?
00:06:09.140 That's what I would expect to see here.
00:06:11.100 Speaking of father, why hasn't the father been consulted about this date at all?
00:06:14.980 Why isn't Ann's father being consulted?
00:06:17.200 The proper way to get a date is to bring gifts of silver and gold to the lady's father
00:06:22.360 and ask for permission to court his daughter.
00:06:24.200 If you get the okay, and then the courtship will last for about four days,
00:06:27.180 and then you get married.
00:06:27.700 That's the way that things, that's the way I assume things were done.
00:06:31.560 Not this liberal nonsense we're seeing in the video.
00:06:33.480 It's a shame.
00:06:59.920 Just a damn shame.
00:07:00.760 Look at that.
00:07:01.960 Hijinks, frivolity, dancing, hot dogs, totally inappropriate, unacceptable behavior.
00:07:07.380 These kids should all be home engaged in vigorous study and reflection.
00:07:11.600 Welcome to Bible study.
00:07:13.240 We're all children of Jesus.
00:07:16.140 Kumbaya.
00:07:16.580 Now we see how we ended up where we are today, right?
00:07:19.140 We see the slippery slope, because first you got kids dancing at a carnival,
00:07:23.300 and next thing you know, WAP is the number one song of 2020.
00:07:27.600 It's not hard to see the trajectory.
00:07:30.380 I'm a feeling it's going to get a lot worse now.
00:07:31.660 So that's the date, and now we get to the end of the night.
00:07:35.720 And let's see what advice the 1940s can give us for how to end a date.
00:07:39.360 How do you say goodnight?
00:07:43.980 Perhaps...
00:07:44.980 Don't leave!
00:07:51.700 Whatever.
00:07:52.260 Or it could go this way.
00:07:56.560 Well, so long.
00:08:02.220 Just like that.
00:08:04.220 After all, a girl likes to know you've had a good time.
00:08:07.440 So let's try saying goodnight again.
00:08:10.440 One more way.
00:08:13.200 Well, it's getting late.
00:08:15.780 Yes, it is.
00:08:17.020 I'd ask you in for a bite to eat if it were so late.
00:08:20.160 Um, let's plan to get home in time for a sandwich or something next time.
00:08:24.760 Say, that sounds good.
00:08:26.240 I'll call you next week.
00:08:28.000 Will you?
00:08:29.340 Well, thanks so much.
00:08:31.840 I had loads of fun.
00:08:33.600 So did I.
00:08:34.720 Goodnight, Woody.
00:08:35.980 Night, Anne.
00:08:50.360 No.
00:08:51.660 I'm wrong.
00:08:52.120 See, the appropriate way to say goodnight is to walk the lady to the door no later than
00:08:58.360 three o'clock in the afternoon.
00:08:59.860 Shake her hand and say, have a pleasant afternoon.
00:09:02.240 And then turn around and walk away quickly.
00:09:04.000 No smile.
00:09:04.500 No, nothing suggestive like kissing, smiling, laughing.
00:09:09.580 I have to say that the advice here turns out to be far too progressive for my taste.
00:09:15.880 I always thought, you know, I should have been born in the 1940s.
00:09:18.780 I think I should have been born in the 1240s.
00:09:20.640 Silence, foul, temptress.
00:09:22.180 I thought we'd get something wholesome here.
00:09:23.380 And I apologize that we didn't.
00:09:25.020 What we get instead is pure, unadulterated hedonism.