The Matt Walsh Show - What Are Realistic Standards To Have When Dating？

00:00:00.000 Well, now time for everyone's favorite part of the day, maybe, the members block.

00:00:05.540 And this is where we read some emails from people asking for advice and various things.

00:00:10.240 What do we got?

00:00:11.280 From V.

00:00:12.580 Dear Mr. Walsh, I have wanted to send an email or comment for some time,

00:00:16.460 but I've always felt I'd had nothing good to ask.

00:00:19.200 However, now I have a question and have asked friends this,

00:00:21.900 and their opinions bother me, and I feel strongly I am in the right.

00:00:24.920 I'm asking to know if my opinions are vindicated

00:00:27.080 or if I am simply being unreal in my expectations.

00:00:29.240 So here it is.

00:00:30.660 I am a Christian man and have been for the last eight years.

00:00:33.040 I've been in one church this entire time,

00:00:34.720 and over the years I've found little or no love interest in my church.

00:00:38.240 For the few I have tried, they usually fell flat

00:00:40.620 because of a difference in opinion on how a courtship should go.

00:00:43.580 I believe that when you're dating someone,

00:00:44.960 you should not be talking to other potential love interests like you're at a grocery store.

00:00:48.680 I'm not talking about in a dating relationship.

00:00:50.420 I'm talking about simply devoting yourself to the person you wish to get to know

00:00:53.360 and maybe potentially date.

00:00:55.000 If I'm interested in a woman, for instance,

00:00:56.640 I would not talk to other women with the intention to date them as well.

00:01:00.520 However, it seems in today's culture, women and men court multiple people at a time

00:01:04.340 and then choose what appears to be the best option for themselves.

00:01:07.460 I don't necessarily find this to be wrong,

00:01:09.280 but I feel like if you like someone and are getting to know them

00:01:11.920 with the intention of dating them in the future,

00:01:13.900 you should not be getting to know other potential suitors at the same time.

00:01:16.440 Your thoughts and advice on this would be appreciated.

00:01:18.480 Well, so you're running into the problem.

00:01:21.080 This is one of the classic fundamental problems with the modern dating scene,

00:01:26.220 which we've talked about plenty of times,

00:01:28.320 which is that nobody knows what to call anything.

00:01:30.760 Nobody knows what to label anything.

00:01:32.440 We've had this idea that it's bad to label.

00:01:36.440 We don't want to put labels on things.

00:01:38.140 And we certainly don't want any idea of roles or responsibilities in a relationship

00:01:42.280 and certainly not in a relationship between a man and a woman.

00:01:44.980 And because we've decided that as a culture, what we end up with is a dating scene

00:01:49.740 where nobody knows what's going on.

00:01:52.560 Like nobody has any idea.

00:01:54.940 They're talking to somebody.

00:01:56.520 They don't know, like, what are the phases of it?

00:01:58.820 Where is this supposed to go?

00:02:00.180 What's the point?

00:02:01.080 And if there are phases or steps in the relationship,

00:02:05.540 when do we reach to the next step?

00:02:07.660 And how do we know we're there?

00:02:09.120 And, you know, like, what is this exactly?

00:02:11.620 So every man is wondering this and every woman's wondering this.

00:02:13.780 When they're sitting down to eat with, you know, the other person,

00:02:17.660 they're both sitting there thinking, like, what is this right now?

00:02:20.280 And what's the point of it?

00:02:21.860 And is this a thing?

00:02:24.300 Is it not a thing?

00:02:25.040 These are all questions that plague, I think, the modern dating scene.

00:02:28.440 They come into focus in your question.

00:02:32.280 Because my answer would be that if you're actually dating someone,

00:02:36.700 which would, I guess, be the modern analog for courtship,

00:02:40.480 although I think we should just get back to calling it that, courtship,

00:02:43.160 which is the process of, you know,

00:02:45.480 when you have found someone that you want to marry,

00:02:47.780 it's the process leading up to marriage.

00:02:50.440 Or rather, you know, we should say leading up to engagement,

00:02:54.700 which then leads to marriage.

00:02:56.120 In courtship, you both know, you're with one person,

00:02:59.040 and you know that the intention is to kind of figure out

00:03:02.660 whether you're going to get married.

00:03:05.440 It's a time of discernment between the two of you,

00:03:07.620 which is what dating allegedly kind of is supposed to be.

00:03:10.620 And if you're in that stage, then, yeah,

00:03:13.240 you shouldn't be talking to anybody else,

00:03:15.180 talking to anybody else in the sense of, like,

00:03:16.980 you shouldn't be, you know, still perusing the options,

00:03:19.560 because it doesn't work unless you're committed to that person

00:03:22.900 and trying to discern and figure out whether this is going to work

00:03:26.420 as a marriage.

00:03:27.660 But if you're not officially dating and you're still in the phase

00:03:33.620 of just, like, trying to meet people

00:03:35.520 and figure out who you want to date

00:03:37.540 to then lead, hopefully, to engagement and to marriage,

00:03:41.380 then, well, of course, you're going to talk to other people.

00:03:45.480 It's because how else would it work?

00:03:47.620 It's like, are you going to, you know,

00:03:48.980 so that you strike up one conversation with a woman

00:03:51.880 and you think there might be something there,

00:03:53.360 and so then you're not going to talk to anybody else

00:03:55.640 until you figure out it just doesn't work that way.

00:03:59.620 You know, hiring used to be really hard.

00:04:01.540 You post your job on multiple sites,

00:04:03.500 you hope the right people see it,

00:04:04.640 and then you wait for them to apply.

00:04:06.100 It's similar to when you're applying for jobs.

00:04:08.180 You search countless places to find a company

00:04:10.060 that fits best with your skills and experience

00:04:11.940 and your passions.

00:04:13.200 Well, now there's a place where you can go

00:04:14.480 that makes hiring faster and easier.

00:04:16.560 It's called ZipRecruiter.

00:04:17.760 Head to ZipRecruiter.com slash Walsh

00:04:19.300 and try it for free.

00:04:20.380 ZipRecruiter's matching technology

00:04:21.480 excels at finding the most qualified candidates

00:04:23.320 for a wide range of roles.

00:04:24.900 See a candidate you like,

00:04:25.840 well, you can easily send them a personal invite

00:04:27.660 so they're more likely to apply.

00:04:29.400 It also gives you a competitive edge

00:04:30.840 against other employers

00:04:31.920 who may also be interested in that candidate.

00:04:34.320 Their user-friendly dashboard

00:04:35.360 makes it easy to filter, review,

00:04:36.860 and rate your candidates all from one place.

00:04:38.960 You can see how much easier hiring is

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00:04:41.020 Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter

00:04:42.700 get a quality candidate within the first day.

00:04:45.220 See for yourself.

00:04:45.940 Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash Walsh

00:04:47.660 to try ZipRecruiter for free.

00:04:48.780 Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash W-A-L-S-H.

00:04:52.700 ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

00:04:54.920 You mentioned the word suitors.

00:04:56.460 Well, like going back to,

00:04:57.440 if we're going to go back to the old-fashioned way

00:04:59.120 of doing these things, which was better,

00:05:01.140 you had, you know, a woman had suitors

00:05:04.060 and then we landed on one arrangement

00:05:06.460 and that leads to courtship.

00:05:08.320 But, you know, there are going to be multiple suitors.

00:05:10.420 So I guess you kind of have to figure out

00:05:12.100 what it is first

00:05:12.900 and you have to be not afraid to put a label on it.

00:05:15.660 You have to know, like,

00:05:17.080 is this officially dating or not?

00:05:18.620 Are we official?

00:05:19.520 You know, people don't want to ask these things.

00:05:21.660 It's always awkward to,

00:05:23.140 like, what do you say to someone?

00:05:24.300 Would you be my girlfriend?

00:05:25.460 Like, it sounds very high school,

00:05:27.140 but you have to have some way of establishing

00:05:29.760 that, okay, we are actually dating right now.

00:05:31.680 That's what this is.

00:05:32.720 It sounds to me like you're, you know,

00:05:35.220 you're not establishing that

00:05:37.400 with any of these women that you're talking to.

00:05:39.520 If it's not established that you're officially dating,

00:05:41.440 then you can't be upset at ever talking to other people.

00:05:44.780 You know, they have no commitment to you whatsoever.

00:05:46.700 All right, we'll do one more.

00:05:48.900 This is from Liz.

00:05:50.820 It says,

00:05:51.140 Dear Matt and Sean,

00:05:52.040 My husband, 34 male, and I, 35 female,

00:05:55.120 are recently married.

00:05:56.120 We're wanting to have a baby in the next few years,

00:05:57.700 but we have some fertility concerns

00:05:59.120 due to our ages and reproductive health issues.

00:06:01.140 I started birth control at a young age, 18 years old,

00:06:03.260 and only recently have come off of it.

00:06:04.740 I was told by my parents, doctors, and peers

00:06:06.440 that this is what we're supposed to do

00:06:07.740 so you can go to college, get a job,

00:06:09.400 become established, et cetera,

00:06:10.260 and then later get married and have kids.

00:06:12.120 Now it's looking like I won't be able

00:06:13.340 to have kids in the future

00:06:14.280 and wanted to know your thoughts

00:06:15.500 on adoption and fostering.

00:06:17.100 As much as we really want to have

00:06:18.360 our own biological child,

00:06:19.600 that may not be an option for us.

00:06:21.800 Is adoption or fostering a child worth pursuing?

00:06:24.280 My husband and I are by no means wealthy

00:06:25.760 and we both must work full time.

00:06:27.880 Any advice you could give

00:06:28.660 would be greatly appreciated.

00:06:30.300 Thanks so much and love listening to your show.

00:06:32.720 Yeah, this is,

00:06:33.620 it's important that people hear your story too

00:06:35.740 because there's many stories like this.

00:06:37.160 Young women sold this story about birth control,

00:06:40.640 the magic pill that solves all your problems.

00:06:42.980 And it's like, there's no trade-offs at all.

00:06:45.340 Just take the pill.

00:06:46.160 You don't have babies.

00:06:47.120 And then because it's too early

00:06:49.900 and you haven't established yourself.

00:06:51.180 And then down the line,

00:06:52.060 whenever you want to have kids,

00:06:52.860 you can have kids.

00:06:53.560 But what it turns out

00:06:54.840 that it's not always that easy

00:06:56.460 and that there are,

00:06:57.520 it ends up being a trade-off in so many cases.

00:06:59.760 And it's a tragedy too

00:07:00.940 because it's a trade-off

00:07:01.980 that you might not understand

00:07:04.160 was a trade-off until it becomes apparent.

00:07:07.180 So, I mean, hopefully,

00:07:08.140 and there are,

00:07:08.980 if you have fertility issues

00:07:10.920 and all the rest of it,

00:07:11.640 I'm sure you're looking into,

00:07:13.020 you know, you're talking to doctors and everything.

00:07:14.980 So hopefully for you,

00:07:16.260 it'll still turn out

00:07:17.580 that you can conceive a child.

00:07:19.780 But if you can't,

00:07:20.960 what about the option of adoption and fostering?

00:07:23.440 Well, I obviously can't tell you

00:07:26.120 whether that's the right option for your family,

00:07:28.740 but it's absolutely something worth investigating

00:07:32.100 and certainly talking about and praying about.

00:07:34.460 Adoption is a beautiful vocation

00:07:37.940 and it's something that's very much needed.

00:07:41.580 You know, if you're the adopted parent of a child,

00:07:44.120 then you are the parent.

00:07:45.380 If you're the adopted mother,

00:07:46.380 you are the mother.

00:07:47.440 And, you know,

00:07:47.820 it's just as much as if you conceive the child yourself.

00:07:51.640 So, yeah, I would absolutely think about that

00:07:54.780 and pray about it

00:07:56.240 and, you know,

00:07:57.020 have a period of discerning about that as well.

00:07:58.700 You know, I've said before,

00:08:00.040 I've said many times

00:08:00.680 that I think every married couple

00:08:02.860 is called to parenthood.

00:08:07.220 You know, every woman is called to be a mother.

00:08:09.820 Every man is called to be a father.

00:08:12.460 And in many cases,

00:08:13.960 that is going to mean,

00:08:15.520 like in the biological sense of conceiving a child.

00:08:18.360 But not in every case,

00:08:19.500 there are other ways of being a mother

00:08:22.820 and of being a father.

00:08:24.020 And of course,

00:08:25.040 one of the most obvious ways is through adoption.

00:08:26.560 So, good questions there

00:08:28.980 and we will leave it there for today.

00:08:31.240 Talk to you tomorrow.

00:08:32.380 Godspeed.

00:08:32.660 Giving yourself to me

00:08:34.680 can never be wrong

00:08:36.420 if the love is true.

The Matt Walsh Show - May 29, 2023

What Are Realistic Standards To Have When Dating？

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