Who's The Biggest A-Hole？ Episode 2
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
206.90076
Summary
In this episode, I talk about why I don't allow my kids to bring their kids over to my house and why I would never allow my wife to bring her kids over. I also talk about the time my wife stole my shoes and socks.
Transcript
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a close friend of mine was visiting last week and stayed at my house yesterday we went out for a few
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hours and i wore heels and encouraged her to wear a cute pair of heels as well by the time we got
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back our feet were in a lot of pain my boyfriend gave me a foot massage as he always does whenever
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my feet hurt and my friend asked him for one as well but i didn't feel comfortable with that
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and asked him not to my friend got upset she said that i was an a-hole for leaving her in pain and
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that i was the one who gave her the idea to wear heels for that long but i just didn't feel
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comfortable with my boyfriend giving another woman a foot rub am i the a-hole well you are the a-hole
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only for taking your nasty feet out and asking for a foot rub in full view of another person
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you've been walking around all day in heels and then you pull your feet out and take your sock off
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i guess you weren't probably weren't wearing socks and you're showing those off in front of somebody
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else feet are disgusting should never be seen by anybody other than your podiatrist go suck a
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but don't worry your friend is even worse she not only wanted to take her feet out but actually was
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soliciting someone else's boyfriend to rub them what kind of freak are you hanging out with foot
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massage is nothing i give my mother a foot massage it's bad enough that you asked your boyfriend to
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rub your feet did you even wash your feet first did you take a shower first before you made this
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request yeah but for her it's even more perverse and and her reason is that she wore heels well whose
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fault is that this is why you know i don't like to hear this some of these complaints from women
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about uh it's so hard we have to wear heels and it makes our feet hurt that's your decision high heels
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are a cross that women are meant to bear with stoicism and dignity
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am i the a-hole for not allowing my brother and his wife to stay over in our family vacation house
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if they bring the dogs don't need to read the story here uh you are not you are not the a-hole
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quite the opposite i'm gonna say this because no one else will i'm not an a-hole no one should try to
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bring their mangy mutts into somebody else's house it's bad enough to have them in your own
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house but to bring him somewhere that's almost as bad as exposing your feet he did tell you about
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the feet that's why i also don't get back to the feet thing for a second you know the people that are
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like uh at they want you to take your shoes off in their house that i we don't do that in our house
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why like first of all it's weird the the second someone walks into your house you're you're telling
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them to take off items of clothing how far is this gonna go strip and and also i know i don't
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want to see i don't even like you're just coming in my house i don't want to see your feet i don't
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know where you've been this whole time but anyway taking the shoes off that's almost as bad as
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bringing the dog in and and here's my question my question like why do we give dogs special
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treatment in general in life but when it comes to this like when it comes to pets if i had a free
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range tarantula that i let crawl around my house and then i came to your house and i said oh i brought
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my tarantula hope you don't mind and i just let it loose in your living room okay you'd probably
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be upset about that how is this different what if i wanted to bring my kangaroo to your house or
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my pet crocodile no you would say what are you doing bringing animals into my house
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i invited you over you're a human i didn't invite any and this isn't a zoo i don't make an exception
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i acknowledge as a father and husband that a lot of things that were singularly mine
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just before now aren't wife steals my clothes wife and kids steal my food kids steal my phone
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the stealing the clothes thing is is that's really a thing i mean all this is a thing this is the thing
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this is stuff that wife and kids do the stealing clothing that's when i didn't quite expect ahead
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of time like my wife and i are not the same size thankfully and but she she'll like take my sweat
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pants she'll take my you know my slippers she's always stealing those they don't fit her at all
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they're also gross like why would you want to wear my slippers have you seen my feet speaking of
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feet enough um anyway they uh steal all these things and usually i'm fine with it but i just needed
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one thing to myself without hurting feelings and making someone cry because everybody is sensitive
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in this house including me i bought a single serve piece of cake and ate it in my car without
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any wife sneaking bits or kids licking the chocolate from the top unfortunately i got caught my wife is
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upset with me for going so far as to eat cake while hiding in my car and called me dramatic when i told
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her my reasoning am i the a-hole no you're not remotely the a-hole not at all you you you you're cool
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you as the man of the house have a right to eat some damned cake every once in a while without a
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bunch of piranhas swarming you and and nibbling at it your only mistake was eating the cake i guess
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did you eat it in the car in your own at your own house like in your driveway you snuck out that's a
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rookie move you don't do that or or did she discover the the packaging or something like that
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no um what you do is you you go and you get the cake or whatever snack you want at the store or the
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restaurant you eat it in the parking lot and this is why in any restaurant park store parking lot you
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look around and pretty much any parking lot anytime you're going to see men alone in cars eating this is
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a thing that we do it's the one place we get some peace and quiet it's our sanctuary and uh so you eat
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in the car and then you throw away the evidence and then you drive home i've been through this many
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time you know i have snacks in my house that are supposed to be just for me so i have to hide them
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you can also do that but that's a tough that can be a tough move sometimes but you hide your snacks
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like like sacred artifacts you hide them away for example i really enjoy fruit snacks yes i i like fruit
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snacks as a grown man what of it got something to say about that i do like fruit snacks i like the
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motz fruit snacks or scooby-doo don't bring any of that welsh's around me i don't eat that
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but if i bring a box of fruit snacks home my kids will consume the entire thing including the box
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within an hour so i have to hide it i have to like climb a mountain and bury it up there or or descend
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into a cavern into a cave like gollum if anyone comes into the cave and wants a fruit snack i have
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to ask them three riddles you know it's a whole thing it's weird anyway you're not the a-hole uh not
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at all you you do the right thing you just you're incompetent in this case you'll get better with time
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