The Matt Walsh Show - October 14, 2023


Would Walsh Rather...Be Beardless Or Bald？


Episode Stats

Length

8 minutes

Words per Minute

191.82227

Word Count

1,606

Sentence Count

155

Hate Speech Sentences

5


Summary

Would you rather be surrounded by spiders or surrounded by trans-activists? Or would you like to meet an alien or be the only one to make contact with one? What would you do if you had to choose between being an Avenger or a Jedi?


Transcript

00:00:00.000 All right, so today, a fun game to play is Would You Rather.
00:00:05.280 At least that was a fun game to play when I was seven,
00:00:08.400 and now I'm playing it again at the age of 37 for this video.
00:00:12.580 The first question is, would I rather do this video or anything else with my time?
00:00:17.940 And the answer is anything else.
00:00:19.120 But we're doing this because it's good content.
00:00:20.900 Wait, McKenna, are you going to give me the Would I Rather?
00:00:23.500 Yes, I am.
00:00:24.280 You are? Okay. Well, let's just get right into it.
00:00:26.180 I think that was a great intro.
00:00:27.440 People are excited about this idea.
00:00:28.980 They're excited about the concept.
00:00:30.600 And so, let's do it.
00:00:32.060 Yeah, definitely your best video intro ever.
00:00:34.120 So, your first question is, would you rather explore the Arctic or the rainforest?
00:00:41.780 I think about this a lot.
00:00:42.980 I think I'd take, you know, you'd think there's more to discover, more to see in the rainforest,
00:00:48.400 but there's something about just the cold, dead, barren, miserable, dark gray wasteland of the Arctic
00:00:56.580 that I find oddly appealing.
00:00:58.600 So, I think I'd go with the Arctic.
00:01:00.620 All right.
00:01:00.980 Next would be, would you rather be surrounded by spiders or by trans activists for the rest of your life?
00:01:08.540 What do you mean surrounded?
00:01:10.020 Like, literally all around you.
00:01:11.340 Well, because you could argue that I'm already surrounded by spiders, just can't see them,
00:01:14.160 because there's, you know, there's like billions and trillions of spiders in the world.
00:01:16.620 So, like, what do you mean all around me?
00:01:18.460 Imagine tarantula specifically.
00:01:20.360 Tarantula.
00:01:20.760 Well, that's more information than you gave me originally.
00:01:22.640 So, tarantula.
00:01:23.620 So, would I rather be surrounded by tarantulas?
00:01:25.360 And when you say surrounded, like, are we talking they're crawling all over me?
00:01:29.400 Are they just sort of in a privilege?
00:01:30.740 Do they make contact with me?
00:01:32.580 100%.
00:01:32.900 They make contact with you.
00:01:35.500 Yes.
00:01:35.700 And then what are the trans activists doing?
00:01:43.400 They're just following me around all the time.
00:01:44.980 Like, when I'm sleeping in my bed, they're there.
00:01:47.320 And this is a story about children making their parents try one bite.
00:01:51.500 I'll take the spiders.
00:01:58.060 Okay.
00:01:59.860 Next would be, would you rather let everyone have the chance to meet an alien or be the only one?
00:02:06.060 For that, that's not even anything to think about.
00:02:08.940 I'd be the only one.
00:02:09.620 I only want to be the only one who meets the aliens.
00:02:11.320 I don't trust anybody else.
00:02:13.120 I don't trust anybody else to make that first contact.
00:02:17.460 I've been preparing for this my whole life.
00:02:19.120 I've thought a lot about it.
00:02:20.220 I know exactly how it would go.
00:02:22.760 I surrender.
00:02:25.780 And I even have it depicted in a painting.
00:02:28.380 So I'd only want it to be me.
00:02:31.120 Would you rather be an Avenger or a Jedi?
00:02:34.460 Which one are the Avengers?
00:02:35.380 I know they are, but which superheroes are the Avengers?
00:02:37.940 Is that like Spider-Man?
00:02:39.020 Iron Man, Captain America.
00:02:40.240 Yeah, Spider-Man.
00:02:41.760 Transformers, are they in there?
00:02:42.920 No.
00:02:44.160 Thor, Hawkeye, Black Widow.
00:02:47.380 Hawkeye.
00:02:48.220 Doctor Strange.
00:02:49.140 Okay, and then that or a Jedi.
00:02:51.820 What do Jedi do?
00:02:53.100 They don't have...
00:02:53.620 So Jedi, they have their little sword.
00:02:58.660 But Jedi, they can move things with just the power of their minds, can't they?
00:03:04.260 Isn't that a thing that Jedi can do?
00:03:05.300 I think that's how the force works.
00:03:08.020 Well, you're the one who's putting these scenarios in front of me.
00:03:10.960 I need all the information necessary to make these kinds of important decisions to make.
00:03:14.940 I guess I would probably take...
00:03:17.280 I mean, Thor can basically do everything.
00:03:19.980 So he can fly.
00:03:20.900 He's like the rip-off Spider, the rip-off of Superman.
00:03:23.480 So I guess I would take him.
00:03:24.640 I think he'd beat Thor.
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00:04:24.140 All right.
00:04:25.200 Would you rather meet an ancient ancestor or meet your descendant who lives 2,000 years from now?
00:04:30.760 So it's kind of a question of would I rather meet the person who I can blame for how I turned out
00:04:36.020 or do I want to meet someone who I'm to blame for how they turned out in some way?
00:04:40.260 I don't want to know what my descendants 2,000 years from now, what's going on with them.
00:04:44.420 And I would feel somewhat responsible for it.
00:04:47.400 So I know it's not going to be good.
00:04:49.660 I'll take the ancestor.
00:04:50.920 Would you rather be Ben Shapiro or Michael Knowles?
00:04:57.720 Well, that's an easy one because Ben Shapiro is the only one of the two that, as far as we know,
00:05:03.540 is even capable of growing a beard.
00:05:05.560 I don't even know if Michael can.
00:05:06.940 I don't think we've ever seen any evidence.
00:05:09.560 I'm also going to assume that Ben probably has a higher net worth, so I'm going with Ben.
00:05:14.660 Okay, that's fair.
00:05:15.640 Would you rather go fishing and never catch anything or never go fishing again?
00:05:21.500 I already go fishing and never catch anything, so I'll take that.
00:05:24.720 Oh, okay.
00:05:25.720 That's sad.
00:05:27.560 Would you rather only ever eat bad chili or only ever eat bad bacon?
00:05:34.000 What do you mean only ever eat?
00:05:35.980 Like, literally, that's the only thing I ever eat in my life.
00:05:38.360 I cannot eat anything else but that.
00:05:39.500 No, so whenever you go to eat chili, like it's only ever bad.
00:05:42.540 Well, then I wouldn't need it.
00:05:43.060 But I wouldn't need it anymore if it was only bad.
00:05:44.640 So I just would not eat it.
00:05:45.980 So what you're really asking me is which would I rather stop eating, right?
00:05:49.440 Bacon or chili?
00:05:50.700 Sure.
00:05:51.640 Isn't that the question?
00:05:53.580 Why do you have to analyze this?
00:05:55.240 Well, is that the question, though?
00:05:56.440 But it's a difference between every time I go to eat it, it's bad,
00:05:59.640 or I can only eat that food for my whole life.
00:06:02.320 Okay, fine.
00:06:03.120 You can only ever eat that for your whole life if that's how this is going to be.
00:06:06.240 Okay, well, then obviously I'm going to take the chili because I think I could survive.
00:06:08.880 It's going to have more nutrients in it.
00:06:10.300 I mean, well, it depends also.
00:06:11.260 Then there's a question about is this Texas-style chili where it's really just spices and meat?
00:06:15.780 Is this Cincinnati chili where you've got even the noodles in there so you've got some carbohydrates?
00:06:20.040 I think you can survive on that for longer.
00:06:22.740 Bacon, if you only eat that, you're not going to survive past probably a few weeks, I would think.
00:06:26.980 So I guess I'll take the bad chili.
00:06:33.840 Okay.
00:06:36.600 Would you rather never put your grocery cart away or always have to use the urinal right next to someone else?
00:06:44.280 Well, what do you mean always?
00:06:45.300 So if I walk into the bathroom and there's not anyone at the urinal, I'm not allowed to go?
00:06:50.560 Or does someone materialize magically?
00:06:52.480 There's always somebody there.
00:06:53.640 Could I just not ever go into a public restroom ever again then?
00:06:57.400 And I just go at home?
00:06:58.320 Or is there someone there too?
00:06:59.520 We should have never done this video.
00:07:01.280 Well, I need all the information.
00:07:02.460 I'm trying to do the bit, but I don't have the information I need to make the kinds of decisions that you're asking.
00:07:06.840 Literally all the information is in your question, Matt.
00:07:09.260 Okay.
00:07:09.760 Is there always someone in the bathroom, no matter what bathroom I go to?
00:07:13.140 Absolutely.
00:07:14.260 Okay.
00:07:14.700 Well, then I'll do the grocery cart.
00:07:17.180 Come on.
00:07:18.020 Okay.
00:07:18.640 God.
00:07:19.560 All right.
00:07:20.120 Would you rather be beardless or bald?
00:07:22.420 Uh, bald.
00:07:25.880 Easy.
00:07:27.840 Okay.
00:07:28.440 Uh, that's it.
00:07:29.560 Oh, is that it?
00:07:30.280 All right.
00:07:30.960 Well, I think I nailed that.
00:07:32.220 Um, I think in the future, uh, if we do this again, I'm gonna, we're gonna need to spell out these scenarios a little bit more so we have a full picture of what I'm really choosing because I don't like to make choices without having all, I like, this is an important lesson.
00:07:44.080 I like to be educated on all the scenarios before I make choices, but overall, I think, uh, I think it worked out pretty well.
00:07:50.940 Okay.
00:07:52.420 Thank you.
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