The Matt Walsh Show - Would Your Dad ACTUALLY Want This？ Reviewing Stereotypical Dad Gifts

00:00:00.000 Out of the kindness of my heart and an abundance of Christmas joy and generosity,

00:00:04.640 I'm going to help anyone who's still trying to figure out what sort of gift to buy for any dad

00:00:10.300 in their life for Christmas or any other gift-giving occasion. Also be helping out all

00:00:14.300 the dads out there by hopefully rescuing them from the plague of bad gifts that we dads suffer

00:00:19.300 from by the millions across the globe every year. It is the silent epidemic that nobody talks about,

00:00:24.280 but today it ends. So we're going to run down a list of some of the most popular and common

00:00:28.860 categories really of dad gifts. To celebrate the Christmas season, Daily Wire Plus is offering

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00:01:12.220 These are gifts that you just simply should not give your dad or your husband, even if you've given

00:01:16.640 him this kind of gift in the past and he claimed that he liked it. We're always going to pretend that

00:01:20.100 we like anything you give us. That doesn't mean we actually do. So let's go through some of these.

00:01:23.860 At the end, I'll also tell you which gifts you should buy, so I won't just leave you with the

00:01:28.200 negative. We'll get to the constructive part of it. But as for the bad gifts, there are really

00:01:32.220 three categories, okay? These are bad gifts for a dad. Bad gifts category number one. Anything that

00:01:38.160 qualifies as a gag gift. Now, dads have been the primary recipients of gag gifts since the beginning

00:01:45.240 of time. The entire gag gift market is kept afloat by our wives and children buying this crap for us. 1.00

00:01:52.020 No one else gets the gag gifts as much as we do. Across the world, like $9 trillion are spent on 0.97

00:01:58.080 gag gifts every year. I don't know if that's the exact number, but I'm sure it's something around

00:02:01.300 there. And all that money is a waste. You're wasting money and our time on a thing that we

00:02:07.000 will open and pretend to find vaguely amusing and never think about again. There are a million

00:02:11.940 examples of this sort of thing, but here's just one. This was apparently featured on Shark Tank at

00:02:16.160 one point. The toilet timer. Oh, hell no, man. The gag is that it's a timer that you keep on the

00:02:23.520 toilet so that I guess you can keep track of how long it takes you to finish your business. I don't

00:02:27.020 know. Now, what's the problem with it? It's the same problem with any gag gift. It's just not that

00:02:30.100 funny. Like, why isn't it funny? Well, because the companies that make cheap novelties are not

00:02:34.060 comedic masterminds. If you're a true comedy, like, genius, you're not working at the toilet timer

00:02:42.740 company. You're not getting a job coming up with wacky slogans for mugs or t-shirts or ties. The

00:02:49.000 people producing this stuff aren't funny. And so we're not amused, which is why whenever you,

00:02:53.460 your dad or your husband opens a gag gift, you've probably noticed he always has the same reaction.

00:02:57.380 He goes like, and then you have to spend the next five minutes explaining why it's funny. So the real

00:03:03.080 gift here, I guess, is that we get to listen to you explain a joke, a joke that, by the way,

00:03:07.200 really doesn't need explaining. You have to explain it. It's not good, chief. Number two, here's,

00:03:10.740 here's another for the bad gift column. Do not buy the dad in your life, any kind of object, tool,

00:03:19.140 gadget, gizmo, instrument that you haven't seen him use before. By the time we become dads,

00:03:27.100 we will have already picked all of the types of things that we will ever want to use ever.

00:03:33.700 We are not adding any more things. Here's the important part. That's not to say that we will

00:03:39.240 have all of the things we will ever use. I said, we've selected all of the types of things. Your job

00:03:45.120 as the gift giver is to figure out what types of things your dad or husband uses and buy him

00:03:51.280 something within that type. For example, if you've never seen him wear a watch before, don't get him

00:03:57.460 a watch. He's not a watch guy. A watch is a type of thing that didn't make the cut in his life. If he likes

00:04:04.340 coffee, but you've never seen him in your entire life, use a French press, don't get him a French 0.99

00:04:08.840 press. He's not a French press guy. He's not going to start to become one just because you buy him

00:04:13.480 one that's asking too much. That's a major lifestyle change. This goes especially for any kind of

00:04:17.680 electronic gadget. You know, if you've never seen him use a tablet,

00:04:21.220 don't get him an iPad. It's a nice gift. It's an expensive gift. He thanks you for it,

00:04:29.760 but he'll never use it. He appreciates the idea of it. He likes it in theory, maybe, but he won't

00:04:34.680 use it. He just doesn't use that type of thing. If you've never seen him wear slippers, don't buy

00:04:38.720 him slippers. He's not a slippers guy. I'm a slippers guy. Slippers are, for me, are a great gift, but

00:04:42.820 only because that type of thing has made it onto my roster, you see. If you've never seen him use any

00:04:48.820 kind of electronic back massager thing or whatever, again, don't buy him one. He doesn't use that type of

00:04:56.660 thing. These are not bad gifts per se. They could be amazing gifts, but only if it's a type of thing

00:05:02.160 that has already made it onto your dad or husband's menu of things that he uses. Don't try to add to

00:05:08.040 the menu. Now, there is a wrinkle here that I have to mention. It's possible that a man may try to

00:05:14.740 expand into a new type of thing, but if that's the case, you'll know it because he'll announce it to

00:05:19.820 you. He'll be excited about his journey into a new thing. The new thing probably won't take. He

00:05:24.160 probably won't stick with it or remain interested in it for very long, but for a few months or weeks,

00:05:28.660 he'll be very gung-ho about it. For instance, I use the example of a watch. Well, in fact,

00:05:32.280 I am thinking about becoming a watch guy. Never worn one before. Randomly, I decided one day,

00:05:37.720 maybe I'll do the whole watch thing. I told my wife. I was excited. I told her because she was

00:05:40.960 asking me, you know, Christmas gifts. I said, yeah, you can give me a watch if you want. She said,

00:05:44.700 watch? You're not a watch guy. And I said, I know, but we're going to try this out. I'm going on the

00:05:48.460 watch journey. Who knows where to lead? Let's get crazy. Let's throw caution to the wind. Try this

00:05:53.000 whole watch deal. See what the fuss is about. So she'll probably buy me a watch. I'll wear it once

00:05:57.300 and never again in my life. Based. That's how it goes when a man tries to expand. So it kind of,

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00:06:51.960 Don't buy your husband a gift that's really a gift for you. We see what you're doing. We're on to you.

00:06:57.140 We know what game you're playing. Ladies, I'll give you an example. My wife, usually an expert level 1.00

00:07:02.700 gift giver, truly a master of the craft. She can still occasionally try to sneak one of these

00:07:06.580 things past me. So recently, she gifted me something that is called, and I'm not making

00:07:12.700 this up, a beard bib. So this is a large bib. Yes, a bib that you wear when you're trimming your beard

00:07:20.760 and it attaches by suction cups to the mirror in the bathroom. You wear it around your neck and it

00:07:26.280 goes to the mirror. All right, gay. And the idea is that it catches the beard trimming so that they 1.00

00:07:32.040 don't clog up the sink. This is the gift my wife gets. Why did she give me this generous gift? Well, 0.62

00:07:37.420 because she is tired of the sink being clogged with beard trimmings. I, on the other hand, 0.99

00:07:42.200 am not tired of it. I think it's fine. I think it's not a big deal. So this is a gift that she

00:07:48.840 bought for herself. It's also something that I, in a million years, would never use. You could put a gun

00:07:54.560 to my head and tell me to choose between a bloody death or the beard bib, and I would take death. 1.00

00:07:59.320 And it would not be a hard decision. So the beard bib violated basically every rule I've just laid 0.93

00:08:05.720 out. It's, it's a type of thing I've certainly never used and would never use. And it's a gift

00:08:10.080 for my wife, not for me. Let it slide because my wife bats like 900 with gifts, but still it's the

00:08:15.040 sort of thing you don't want to do. So what gift should you buy the dad in your life? Well, and I'll

00:08:20.640 tell you, and this may sound like an unhelpful answer, but it is the answer. Just buy him something

00:08:25.780 that he likes. You take that back. That's it. Every dad has about three, maybe four things that

00:08:35.180 he likes. No dad likes more than five things. Five is the top. Some like fewer than three. There

00:08:40.860 are dads who only like one thing, but usually it's like three, three to four. That's the average. So

00:08:45.460 for example, I'll give you another example. My dad likes to eat at Ruby Tuesday. It's one of the three

00:08:50.500 things he likes. Ruby Tuesday. It's not my thing. I don't quite understand his brand loyalty to Ruby

00:08:54.900 Tuesday. You sure about that? But that's fine. My dad likes it. So over the years, I've, I have

00:09:00.580 probably given him a gift card to Ruby Tuesday for probably like 20 different gift giving occasions.

00:09:05.260 And, and so my wife, she'll, she'll, you know, every year she'll look at that. And so, you know,

00:09:09.540 it's hard to figure out what to get your dad. And I say, what do you mean it's hard? He likes Ruby

00:09:13.660 Tuesday. What's complicated about this? It's not hard. This is what he likes. Just get him that. See,

00:09:18.420 when people say that their dad or husband is hard to shop for, what they mean is that it's hard to

00:09:23.140 find them a gift other than the three kinds of gifts that he likes. And these are, they feel

00:09:28.420 like they need to switch it up, get creative, expand his horizons. No, we don't want our horizons

00:09:33.120 expanded. We've set our horizons exactly where we want them and they will stay there until we die.

00:09:39.120 And that's it. All that said, we don't care that much. So you really just get whatever you want.

00:09:44.280 It's fine. I mean, in truth, if we want something, we'll just buy it for ourselves anyway.

00:09:48.060 Right. So the whole thing is sort of pointless. Even so, for the record,

00:09:51.760 these are the gift giving rules. And these are the dad gifts that are today canceled.

00:09:58.180 Merry Christmas to you.

The Matt Walsh Show - December 25, 2024

Would Your Dad ACTUALLY Want This？ Reviewing Stereotypical Dad Gifts

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