Would Your Dad ACTUALLY Want This？ Reviewing Stereotypical Dad Gifts
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Summary
It's the silent epidemic that nobody talks about, but today it ends. So we're going to run down a list of some of the most popular and common types of dad gifts, and why they're a waste of money and time.
Transcript
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Out of the kindness of my heart and an abundance of Christmas joy and generosity,
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I'm going to help anyone who's still trying to figure out what sort of gift to buy for any dad
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in their life for Christmas or any other gift-giving occasion. Also be helping out all
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the dads out there by hopefully rescuing them from the plague of bad gifts that we dads suffer
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from by the millions across the globe every year. It is the silent epidemic that nobody talks about,
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but today it ends. So we're going to run down a list of some of the most popular and common
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categories really of dad gifts. To celebrate the Christmas season, Daily Wire Plus is offering
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These are gifts that you just simply should not give your dad or your husband, even if you've given
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him this kind of gift in the past and he claimed that he liked it. We're always going to pretend that
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we like anything you give us. That doesn't mean we actually do. So let's go through some of these.
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At the end, I'll also tell you which gifts you should buy, so I won't just leave you with the
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negative. We'll get to the constructive part of it. But as for the bad gifts, there are really
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three categories, okay? These are bad gifts for a dad. Bad gifts category number one. Anything that
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qualifies as a gag gift. Now, dads have been the primary recipients of gag gifts since the beginning
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of time. The entire gag gift market is kept afloat by our wives and children buying this crap for us.
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No one else gets the gag gifts as much as we do. Across the world, like $9 trillion are spent on
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gag gifts every year. I don't know if that's the exact number, but I'm sure it's something around
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there. And all that money is a waste. You're wasting money and our time on a thing that we
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will open and pretend to find vaguely amusing and never think about again. There are a million
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examples of this sort of thing, but here's just one. This was apparently featured on Shark Tank at
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one point. The toilet timer. Oh, hell no, man. The gag is that it's a timer that you keep on the
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toilet so that I guess you can keep track of how long it takes you to finish your business. I don't
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know. Now, what's the problem with it? It's the same problem with any gag gift. It's just not that
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funny. Like, why isn't it funny? Well, because the companies that make cheap novelties are not
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comedic masterminds. If you're a true comedy, like, genius, you're not working at the toilet timer
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company. You're not getting a job coming up with wacky slogans for mugs or t-shirts or ties. The
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people producing this stuff aren't funny. And so we're not amused, which is why whenever you,
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your dad or your husband opens a gag gift, you've probably noticed he always has the same reaction.
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He goes like, and then you have to spend the next five minutes explaining why it's funny. So the real
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gift here, I guess, is that we get to listen to you explain a joke, a joke that, by the way,
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really doesn't need explaining. You have to explain it. It's not good, chief. Number two, here's,
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here's another for the bad gift column. Do not buy the dad in your life, any kind of object, tool,
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gadget, gizmo, instrument that you haven't seen him use before. By the time we become dads,
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we will have already picked all of the types of things that we will ever want to use ever.
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We are not adding any more things. Here's the important part. That's not to say that we will
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have all of the things we will ever use. I said, we've selected all of the types of things. Your job
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as the gift giver is to figure out what types of things your dad or husband uses and buy him
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something within that type. For example, if you've never seen him wear a watch before, don't get him
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a watch. He's not a watch guy. A watch is a type of thing that didn't make the cut in his life. If he likes
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coffee, but you've never seen him in your entire life, use a French press, don't get him a French
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press. He's not a French press guy. He's not going to start to become one just because you buy him
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one that's asking too much. That's a major lifestyle change. This goes especially for any kind of
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electronic gadget. You know, if you've never seen him use a tablet,
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don't get him an iPad. It's a nice gift. It's an expensive gift. He thanks you for it,
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but he'll never use it. He appreciates the idea of it. He likes it in theory, maybe, but he won't
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use it. He just doesn't use that type of thing. If you've never seen him wear slippers, don't buy
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him slippers. He's not a slippers guy. I'm a slippers guy. Slippers are, for me, are a great gift, but
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only because that type of thing has made it onto my roster, you see. If you've never seen him use any
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kind of electronic back massager thing or whatever, again, don't buy him one. He doesn't use that type of
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thing. These are not bad gifts per se. They could be amazing gifts, but only if it's a type of thing
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that has already made it onto your dad or husband's menu of things that he uses. Don't try to add to
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the menu. Now, there is a wrinkle here that I have to mention. It's possible that a man may try to
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expand into a new type of thing, but if that's the case, you'll know it because he'll announce it to
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you. He'll be excited about his journey into a new thing. The new thing probably won't take. He
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probably won't stick with it or remain interested in it for very long, but for a few months or weeks,
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he'll be very gung-ho about it. For instance, I use the example of a watch. Well, in fact,
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I am thinking about becoming a watch guy. Never worn one before. Randomly, I decided one day,
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maybe I'll do the whole watch thing. I told my wife. I was excited. I told her because she was
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asking me, you know, Christmas gifts. I said, yeah, you can give me a watch if you want. She said,
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watch? You're not a watch guy. And I said, I know, but we're going to try this out. I'm going on the
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watch journey. Who knows where to lead? Let's get crazy. Let's throw caution to the wind. Try this
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whole watch deal. See what the fuss is about. So she'll probably buy me a watch. I'll wear it once
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and never again in my life. Based. That's how it goes when a man tries to expand. So it kind of,
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Don't buy your husband a gift that's really a gift for you. We see what you're doing. We're on to you.
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We know what game you're playing. Ladies, I'll give you an example. My wife, usually an expert level
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gift giver, truly a master of the craft. She can still occasionally try to sneak one of these
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things past me. So recently, she gifted me something that is called, and I'm not making
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this up, a beard bib. So this is a large bib. Yes, a bib that you wear when you're trimming your beard
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and it attaches by suction cups to the mirror in the bathroom. You wear it around your neck and it
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goes to the mirror. All right, gay. And the idea is that it catches the beard trimming so that they
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don't clog up the sink. This is the gift my wife gets. Why did she give me this generous gift? Well,
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because she is tired of the sink being clogged with beard trimmings. I, on the other hand,
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am not tired of it. I think it's fine. I think it's not a big deal. So this is a gift that she
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bought for herself. It's also something that I, in a million years, would never use. You could put a gun
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to my head and tell me to choose between a bloody death or the beard bib, and I would take death.
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And it would not be a hard decision. So the beard bib violated basically every rule I've just laid
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out. It's, it's a type of thing I've certainly never used and would never use. And it's a gift
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for my wife, not for me. Let it slide because my wife bats like 900 with gifts, but still it's the
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sort of thing you don't want to do. So what gift should you buy the dad in your life? Well, and I'll
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tell you, and this may sound like an unhelpful answer, but it is the answer. Just buy him something
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that he likes. You take that back. That's it. Every dad has about three, maybe four things that
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he likes. No dad likes more than five things. Five is the top. Some like fewer than three. There
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are dads who only like one thing, but usually it's like three, three to four. That's the average. So
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for example, I'll give you another example. My dad likes to eat at Ruby Tuesday. It's one of the three
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things he likes. Ruby Tuesday. It's not my thing. I don't quite understand his brand loyalty to Ruby
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Tuesday. You sure about that? But that's fine. My dad likes it. So over the years, I've, I have
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probably given him a gift card to Ruby Tuesday for probably like 20 different gift giving occasions.
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And, and so my wife, she'll, she'll, you know, every year she'll look at that. And so, you know,
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it's hard to figure out what to get your dad. And I say, what do you mean it's hard? He likes Ruby
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Tuesday. What's complicated about this? It's not hard. This is what he likes. Just get him that. See,
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when people say that their dad or husband is hard to shop for, what they mean is that it's hard to
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find them a gift other than the three kinds of gifts that he likes. And these are, they feel
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like they need to switch it up, get creative, expand his horizons. No, we don't want our horizons
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expanded. We've set our horizons exactly where we want them and they will stay there until we die.
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And that's it. All that said, we don't care that much. So you really just get whatever you want.
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It's fine. I mean, in truth, if we want something, we'll just buy it for ourselves anyway.
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Right. So the whole thing is sort of pointless. Even so, for the record,
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these are the gift giving rules. And these are the dad gifts that are today canceled.