The Megyn Kelly Show - Andrew Schulz on Trump and Biden, the State of Comedy, and Feminism

00:00:00.580 Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show, your home for open, honest, and provocative conversations.

00:00:11.600 Hey, everyone. I'm Megyn Kelly. Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show.

00:00:15.080 You're going to love today's episode. It's a guarantee, I promise you.

00:00:18.500 Now, it's a little naughty, so if you don't like stuff that's R-rated, I will confess you might not.

00:00:24.320 But if you like PG-13 and under, you're going to love it.

00:00:28.820 Andrew Schultz is our guest, and he is hysterical.

00:00:31.720 I've never laughed so hard in an hour and a half.

00:00:34.440 He had me laughing and my team laughing every minute.

00:00:38.700 So if you need a good laugh, you've got to listen to Andrew.

00:00:41.340 This guy is like shooting to the top of the comedy ranks.

00:00:45.880 Over COVID and the lockdown, he started putting out these YouTube videos and posting them on Instagram, too, where they just went on fire.

00:00:53.940 Millions and millions of hits.

00:00:55.320 He's got a podcast as well that everybody loves.

00:00:58.660 He had a Netflix special that you should definitely watch.

00:01:01.700 Basically, just Google Andrew Schultz and see where it takes you and click on anything because you will laugh.

00:01:05.960 So he came on and we talked about everything.

00:01:09.900 I mean, from Meghan Markle to the Iraq and Afghanistan wars to being a Mormon, which neither one of us is, to like porn and how ubiquitous it is and the damage it does to the movie swingers and a very funny, inappropriate moment with my mom.

00:01:27.360 OK, so that's what you're in store for.

00:01:28.720 I think you're going to love it in a minute.

00:01:31.100 Andrew Schultz.

00:01:39.060 Meghan Kelly, how are you?

00:01:40.600 I'm good.

00:01:41.620 All right.

00:01:41.860 Let me start with this.

00:01:42.520 Is it true that you're the cousin of Bill Schultz, formerly of Red Eye?

00:01:45.760 Second cousins.

00:01:46.640 You know, I heard it and I looked at you and I was like, I could kind of see a little family resemblance there.

00:01:53.920 What do you think?

00:01:54.820 We got strong family features on the Schultz side.

00:01:58.760 Fortunate for the men, unfortunate for the women.

00:02:01.200 But yeah, there's there's some similarity going on over there.

00:02:04.720 We actually didn't know each other until we were in entertainment.

00:02:07.940 No way.

00:02:08.840 What?

00:02:09.100 Yeah, I met I met him once at the cellar and I was like, dude, I think we're related.

00:02:12.560 I'm not exactly sure.

00:02:14.120 And he's like, we might know, you know, we might have some family.

00:02:17.360 So, yeah, it's a second cousin situation.

00:02:19.480 But I love Bill.

00:02:20.200 So as celebrities in your family go, like, are you happy with where you landed?

00:02:26.020 Yeah, 100 percent.

00:02:26.840 As long as I'm better than Bill, everything's fine.

00:02:30.460 Can I tell you, I have a celebrity in my family.

00:02:33.260 OK, I found this out when I was a kid.

00:02:34.660 And I am related to Loretta Switt from MASH.

00:02:41.320 Ah, isn't there a Schultz in MASH or something like that?

00:02:44.640 Hot Lips Houlihan.

00:02:48.020 She I don't know.

00:02:49.180 She's like my sixth cousin.

00:02:50.960 It's like very distant, but it's legit.

00:02:53.300 And I once saw her on the Upper West Side in the Pottery Barn signing copies of her new book and greeted her like a long lost relative.

00:03:00.020 And she was off, but it was it was awkward.

00:03:04.660 Oh, you promised to be good friends.

00:03:08.060 But I thought, you know, I like mine.

00:03:09.660 I like my celebrity relation like Hot Lips.

00:03:12.580 Cool.

00:03:12.940 Hot Lips is pretty good.

00:03:14.440 Hot Lips is pretty good.

00:03:15.880 You could do worse anyway.

00:03:17.040 So I thought about you this week.

00:03:18.600 I was excited you were coming on because I know you've you've done some bits about whether our current president is all there.

00:03:26.620 Like whether like how how confident should we be that he's got all of his faculties?

00:03:31.200 Oh, yeah.

00:03:32.200 And this clip made the rounds about him just to set it up for the audience.

00:03:35.580 He he appears to forget not only the word Pentagon, right?

00:03:41.940 He's referring to this facility by the Pentagon, but he doesn't he can't get the word.

00:03:45.360 But he forgot the name of our secretary of defense.

00:03:48.040 Listen to the clip.

00:03:49.180 I just want to thank you both.

00:03:51.060 And I want to thank the the former general.

00:03:55.000 I keep calling him general.

00:03:56.220 My my the guy who runs that outfit over there.

00:04:01.060 I want to make sure we thank the secretary for all he's done to try to implement what we just talked about and for recommending these two women for promotion.

00:04:11.800 Yeah, that's that's tough, man.

00:04:18.120 You know, it sucks is that like we all forget words like I forget words every single day.

00:04:22.140 But, you know, once it's become like ingrained in your identity, every single time it happens, people are like, oh, yeah, he's got Alzheimer's.

00:04:29.020 It's over for him.

00:04:29.900 It's a wrap.

00:04:30.440 How is he running the country?

00:04:31.660 So he's not allowed to have a single slip up.

00:04:34.820 Yeah, yeah, that's tricky.

00:04:36.440 What do you think?

00:04:37.000 You think he's gone?

00:04:38.460 I think they shouldn't let him do live events.

00:04:40.160 I think everything should be pre-taped with a prompter.

00:04:43.320 There should be no ad libbing.

00:04:44.500 He can't handle it.

00:04:45.240 We've seen that time and time again.

00:04:46.520 And now it's starting to make me feel like, you know, when your grandpa can't get the words out and you're like, oh, come on, Pop Pop, you can do it.

00:04:52.680 Like that's sort of how I'm feeling, except Pop Pop was never leader of the free world.

00:04:56.520 So it's there's an additional layer of concern.

00:04:59.080 But doesn't it prove that anybody can be president?

00:05:03.140 Like didn't Trump prove that?

00:05:04.960 Yeah, but like, yeah, Trump proved.

00:05:07.340 But there are other guys that proved it before.

00:05:08.840 It's not a real job.

00:05:10.480 You don't have to be good at anything to be president.

00:05:13.220 Like what is the skill of president?

00:05:15.060 Outside of just being likable, which we all know the douchiest people are the most likable usually.

00:05:21.420 Right?

00:05:22.040 So like if I like somebody immediately upon meeting them, I'm usually thinking, oh, I'm going to hate you within a week.

00:05:27.780 Like if you're like a little weird when I first meet you, you're a little bit like maybe socially awkward.

00:05:32.740 I'm like, oh, this guy's going to be like one of my best friends.

00:05:35.240 And he's probably going to take a bullet for me.

00:05:37.040 He would take a bullet for me.

00:05:38.320 Right?

00:05:38.680 So it's like you have this ability to be likable off the bat.

00:05:42.260 And that's your only qualification.

00:05:45.080 It's not like they're lawyers.

00:05:46.240 It's not like they're doctors.

00:05:47.180 They literally are an HR director.

00:05:49.440 And they just got to hire smart people to do the things that they don't know how to do because they have no real skills.

00:05:55.180 So, of course, anybody can be president.

00:05:57.100 It's a likability contest.

00:05:59.120 I mean, in Joe Biden's case, it was truly just a contest of who could stay in the basement the longest.

00:06:02.780 How long can you stay down here and how long can Trump not say something that's going to screw things up for him?

00:06:08.220 Like you be quiet and you be totally out of sight and don't go anywhere.

00:06:11.820 I also think and like I don't think people are given, I guess, Trump enough criticism for this is that he didn't know how to be.

00:06:18.540 This is actually weird.

00:06:19.320 He didn't know how to be a winner.

00:06:21.080 Like he knew how to be the underdog, but he didn't know how to be the winner.

00:06:27.880 It's easy to run against someone because you're just going, hey, I'm not that.

00:06:31.940 Like, what did he run on?

00:06:33.120 He was like, I'm not a politician.

00:06:35.060 And that's how much.

00:06:35.480 Crooked Hillary.

00:06:36.820 Exactly.

00:06:37.360 Right.

00:06:37.540 It's like, I'm not those people.

00:06:39.060 And it just so happens that those people are so crooked that you can run an entire campaign on I'm not them.

00:06:45.720 And then people are like, all right, fine.

00:06:46.840 We'll take not them.

00:06:47.980 Right.

00:06:48.340 Which is more of an indictment on our politicians.

00:06:50.480 But once he became them, you have to change your strategy.

00:06:55.760 Like it's easier to come to power than it is to lead.

00:06:59.140 Leading is tough.

00:07:00.060 How many people have successfully led?

00:07:02.820 It's true.

00:07:03.920 Because you can't say what you're not, you know?

00:07:06.640 Well, that's why I feel like what happened to our old tradition of putting like Eisenhower in there?

00:07:12.360 Like pick a military leader, somebody who actually knows how to lead people through times of crises.

00:07:19.880 Yeah.

00:07:20.480 Yeah.

00:07:20.960 Yeah, I guess.

00:07:21.840 I don't know.

00:07:22.240 It's tricky, though, also, because like you need to be diplomatic.

00:07:25.460 Diplomatic, right?

00:07:26.640 Like the thing about the military is, yeah, I think.

00:07:30.460 Do you think Trump was?

00:07:31.460 Democracy.

00:07:33.080 No, I don't think he was very diplomatic, you know?

00:07:36.420 I guess.

00:07:37.180 Yeah, maybe he wasn't that diplomatic.

00:07:38.820 I don't know.

00:07:39.420 I mean, like, was he less diplomatic than most?

00:07:42.220 What does anybody get done?

00:07:43.140 I think you could make the case.

00:07:44.060 Tell me what these people do.

00:07:45.000 What do these people do?

00:07:45.920 I have no clue what they do.

00:07:47.580 I don't know.

00:07:48.180 But I don't think you're supposed to you're not supposed to refer to the countries as shithole countries.

00:07:51.900 I don't think that people would chalk that up to diplomacy.

00:07:55.360 Some countries are shitholes.

00:07:56.400 You've traveled.

00:07:56.960 I've traveled.

00:07:57.780 I'm not denying it.

00:07:58.920 I'm just saying you're not supposed to say it as president.

00:08:01.380 Maybe you're not supposed to say it as president.

00:08:03.240 But it is kind of refreshing to be like, OK, yeah, that place stinks.

00:08:07.060 You know, like there are places that stink and there are places in the first world that stink, too, by the way.

00:08:13.260 There are a lot of countries that think they got their shit together.

00:08:15.340 And you go there like, man, this place stinks.

00:08:18.140 Well, listen, there are places in our own country that you could describe that way.

00:08:21.200 It's just Trump was the only who's the first president to actually start doing it.

00:08:24.920 Yeah, I guess.

00:08:25.660 I don't know.

00:08:26.100 Like, what is worse?

00:08:26.960 What is worse?

00:08:27.520 Like saying a country is a shithole or bombing it into being a shithole?

00:08:31.300 Like we got our priorities totally messed up, don't we?

00:08:34.820 Like that that president said bad words.

00:08:37.560 Meanwhile, this other president that we think is a hero is just bombing places into dust.

00:08:42.340 So it's just it's just weird to me.

00:08:45.280 At least maybe I'm more of like an actions guy.

00:08:46.960 I like, you know, to see exactly what your actions are.

00:08:49.840 I'm not really defending him because he just wasn't good enough to, like, get the job done.

00:08:54.840 You know, and like I think people took him way too seriously.

00:08:57.640 Like I always said, like, if Trump was in my friend group, I'd poke him in the belly and fuck up his hair.

00:09:02.760 You know, like this is he's like a buffoon, but he's a fun buffoon.

00:09:06.840 You know, like you'd have him in the group, but you tease him all the time.

00:09:09.920 I am someone who has actually run her fingers through Trump's hair.

00:09:13.780 I did it on camera.

00:09:14.800 It happened.

00:09:15.880 And I'm here to tell you, by the way, it's 100 percent real.

00:09:18.500 It's all his.

00:09:20.060 I don't I mean, I've read the story, same as everybody that, you know, there may have been some plugs or whatever.

00:09:24.760 I don't know.

00:09:25.180 All I can tell you is that it's nice hair and it's legit.

00:09:29.540 I what's so funny to me is like all these women that make fun of Trump's fake hair.

00:09:33.700 It's like, ladies, let's let's take a break with making fun of fake things.

00:09:37.380 OK, do we really need to get into the eyelashes and the cheekbones and the nose and the lips and the hair, the extension?

00:09:44.160 Like, let's let's the boobs a little bit.

00:09:46.360 Right.

00:09:46.700 And the boobs, the butts.

00:09:48.100 I mean, I'm in Miami right now.

00:09:49.560 I haven't seen a real girl in a month.

00:09:51.920 Oh, my God.

00:09:52.540 I don't understand Miami.

00:09:53.760 I've only been there a couple of times and I did.

00:09:57.020 Does anybody work there or just work out, work out eight hours a day?

00:10:02.100 Listen, Miami is Latin America's idea of what America is.

00:10:07.340 Right.

00:10:08.180 And they got a great idea.

00:10:10.440 I mean, it's just how does it work?

00:10:12.200 They got it made.

00:10:13.500 They just got it made.

00:10:14.660 They figured it out.

00:10:15.820 They're like, we should be super free and we should do whatever we want.

00:10:19.540 If you can enjoy yourself and all the women are beautiful and cocaine.

00:10:24.220 And that's pretty much it.

00:10:25.120 That's Miami.

00:10:25.840 How are they?

00:10:26.300 What is the industry down there?

00:10:27.520 Like, how are they keeping the ship afloat?

00:10:30.000 There's no industry.

00:10:31.440 It is nothing.

00:10:32.600 I don't know.

00:10:33.060 I don't know what's going on.

00:10:34.040 Maybe it's Bitcoin.

00:10:34.840 I think everything runs on Bitcoin.

00:10:36.180 I'm honestly not sure.

00:10:37.520 But there's these hot places where nobody gets anything done and everybody's still rich and it makes no sense.

00:10:42.660 I have to say it confuses me.

00:10:43.960 And I and I never feel so obese is when I go down to Miami because it's just like there's no there's it's like it's as if there's no body fat allowed at the city border.

00:10:51.320 Yeah, the pressure is it's heavy for girls.

00:10:54.180 That pressure is heavy in New York.

00:10:57.200 You just throw on that hoodie for the winter and nobody notices start getting in shape around April.

00:11:02.420 That's right.

00:11:03.880 That's right.

00:11:04.400 I love sinking into my winter body down there.

00:11:06.760 There's no winter.

00:11:07.240 It is true.

00:11:09.280 It is true.

00:11:09.940 It's a different pressure, Megan.

00:11:11.060 It's a different pressure.

00:11:12.300 Well, plus, I have to tell you, I grew up first 10 years in Syracuse and the rest in Albany and upstate New York, the tundra.

00:11:17.840 And there, you could be in your winter body 10 out of 12 months.

00:11:21.320 It was great.

00:11:22.120 Yeah.

00:11:22.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:23.640 You got some burly ladies up there and fellas.

00:11:26.560 Where are you from?

00:11:28.660 New York.

00:11:29.500 I grew up in Manhattan.

00:11:31.420 Oh, really?

00:11:32.120 New York City.

00:11:32.660 Proper Manhattan.

00:11:33.980 Like, where'd you go to school?

00:11:35.040 I went to PS6 for elementary school.

00:11:40.360 That's the one everybody wants to get into.

00:11:43.040 Me, Lenny Kravitz, you know what it is.

00:11:46.640 Who else went there?

00:11:47.580 I don't know, some other people.

00:11:49.260 And then I went to Wagner Middle School, which is kind of like just this big, I don't know, middle schools in New York are kind of weird.

00:11:56.260 They're just like holding cells to divide up the kids before they go to high school.

00:12:00.480 And then I went to a Baruch College campus high school, which is a small public school that was kind of associated with the college.

00:12:06.600 And then I went out to get my college degree in the University of Santa Barbara.

00:12:14.820 So, nice, fun party school.

00:12:17.020 Nice.

00:12:17.820 What?

00:12:18.300 Like, that's what I wish I had done.

00:12:20.040 So, I went back to Syracuse for college because I just couldn't get enough of the, you know, sub-zero temperatures and four feet of snow every December through May.

00:12:30.300 You wanted that journalism degree.

00:12:32.280 That's the only way to get into journalism if you go to Syracuse, right?

00:12:35.560 And, Andrew, they didn't let me in.

00:12:37.800 I didn't get into Newhouse at Syracuse.

00:12:39.960 I, like, they now, like, they, yeah.

00:12:42.240 Oh, people just assume that I went there.

00:12:43.760 I couldn't get in.

00:12:44.260 I went poli-sci.

00:12:45.540 I went to Syracuse because I had a soft spot in my heart for Syracuse, having lived there for 10 years.

00:12:51.700 And my dad had been a professor there and my dad had died when I was in high school, so even more of a soft spot.

00:12:56.500 And they let me in.

00:12:59.460 My GPA was not so great.

00:13:01.500 My SATs were not so great.

00:13:03.320 So, they let me in.

00:13:04.300 But I, had I been smart, I would have started thinking about a place like Santa Barbara or when I went to law school instead of Albany, Pepperdine.

00:13:12.320 Right?

00:13:12.440 Like, how did you get that brilliant idea?

00:13:15.360 I grew up surfing randomly.

00:13:17.380 I know it doesn't make any sense, but I grew up surfing.

00:13:19.980 And my folks had, like, a beach house on this gay island called Fire Island.

00:13:25.360 You ever go to Fire Island?

00:13:27.100 Yes.

00:13:27.660 My friends go there all the time.

00:13:30.260 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:13:30.960 It's great.

00:13:32.220 So, I grew up, my summers were on a gay island and I would go surfing there.

00:13:38.340 Now, Fire Island actually has a bunch of communities that are not strictly gay.

00:13:42.160 It only has two communities that are gay.

00:13:44.560 But, you know, like most things, like if it's a little gay, the reputation is it's all gay, you know?

00:13:49.920 So, by the way, the nicest communities on Fire Island are the nicest ones.

00:13:54.140 Oh, yeah.

00:13:54.760 Flaming.

00:13:55.300 Right?

00:13:55.880 Like, how did it happen that it became a gay, you know, community and it's called Fire Island?

00:14:00.900 Well, it's probably Fire Island first and the gays were like, that sounds right.

00:14:05.320 I mean, that's where we should be.

00:14:08.340 And they have by far the nicest homes.

00:14:10.800 Like, it's the rich gays that go, that's their Hamptons.

00:14:13.920 Right?

00:14:14.320 Yes, that's true.

00:14:14.980 And then the rest of us have, like, you know, just kind of regular places.

00:14:17.760 So, there are these other communities.

00:14:18.820 But whenever I tell people that I used to spend my summers in Fire Island, I have to say, like, my straight parents had a house in Fire Island because sex in the city turned the whole thing into, like, an orgy.

00:14:28.480 So, no, it's like, you go there, you take the ferry, and then it's like this community.

00:14:33.740 The ferry.

00:14:34.100 Where.

00:14:34.520 You take the what?

00:14:35.000 You can.

00:14:35.540 You take the what?

00:14:36.400 The ferry.

00:14:36.520 The ferry?

00:14:37.880 Like, how many puns are we going to put out?

00:14:45.640 My parents were gay.

00:14:46.900 All right, Megan?

00:14:47.680 They were gay.

00:14:48.300 I had gay parents.

00:14:49.400 I was adopted.

00:14:51.660 I'm just nosing around it.

00:14:53.280 I didn't want to go there directly.

00:14:54.600 Anyway, so you can run around, like, you don't have to wear your shoes.

00:15:00.760 They've got, like, all these little pathways.

00:15:02.140 You can ride your bike everywhere.

00:15:03.380 It's a delightful community.

00:15:05.960 Okay, so your parents, they were straight.

00:15:07.880 And what did they do for a living?

00:15:09.840 They owned a ballroom dance school.

00:15:12.100 They would teach partner dancing.

00:15:13.940 Come on.

00:15:15.020 Yeah, 100%.

00:15:15.740 My mom is a three-time U.S. ballroom dance champion.

00:15:19.120 That's greatness right there, Megan.

00:15:21.220 That is also gay.

00:15:23.200 Very gay.

00:15:24.600 So, are you amazing at ballroom dancing?

00:15:32.600 No, no.

00:15:33.280 I mean, I got a couple little moves.

00:15:35.080 I could cut the rug a little bit if need be.

00:15:37.780 You know, but my mom and dad.

00:15:39.140 I don't understand that.

00:15:40.720 Like, Patrick Swayze, the way he became such an amazing dancer was his mom owned a dance studio that taught dancing like that.

00:15:48.700 So, what happened?

00:15:49.780 I can bust it down a little bit.

00:15:51.520 I would not be surprised if you had heard maybe of the suit.

00:15:54.840 You lived in New York?

00:15:55.920 Did you ever live in New York?

00:15:57.180 Yeah.

00:15:57.320 Okay.

00:15:57.340 Yeah, I live in New York now.

00:15:58.820 You live in New York now.

00:15:59.480 Okay.

00:15:59.640 So, it was called the Sandra Cameron Dance Center, right?

00:16:02.500 And I don't know.

00:16:04.600 It was down, like, at one point in the East Village, and then it moved down to, like, a Nolita area.

00:16:10.520 Did you ever take lessons there?

00:16:12.540 I did not.

00:16:13.940 But I did take lessons out in Chicago at the old, I think it was Arthur Miller.

00:16:19.220 No, it was before my first marriage.

00:16:21.540 Before my first marriage, before there was Doug, there was Dan.

00:16:24.280 And we took lessons before our wedding to, like, learn a little routine.

00:16:28.540 And we were pretty good.

00:16:30.100 And I've, of course, forgotten all those moves.

00:16:32.000 And by the way, you can't do them with a second husband because he wasn't there for the lessons.

00:16:36.260 But you can take more lessons, Megan.

00:16:37.860 You can learn a new dance, you know?

00:16:42.000 I'll work on that.

00:16:43.920 I'll work on that.

00:16:45.440 So, you didn't put that much time into it.

00:16:48.040 You were focused on other things, apparently.

00:16:50.520 Yeah, my mom didn't want to be, like, a stage mom because her mom was kind of a stage mom.

00:16:55.980 And so, she, like, didn't try to pressure me into learning dance.

00:16:59.740 But I think I got some of it down by osmosis.

00:17:02.620 But, yeah, dance is the best.

00:17:04.440 Like, dance could cure all this stuff.

00:17:06.240 You know, when you were younger, I think this happened.

00:17:08.740 I mean, I don't think you're old enough to be younger.

00:17:11.840 And it was part of your, you know, regular, I don't know, cultural weekend activities.

00:17:17.700 But, like, my dad said that, like, kids just learn how to dance.

00:17:20.680 Like, that was just what you did.

00:17:22.380 Like, you learned how to maybe play basketball.

00:17:23.900 But dance lessons were just part of the norm.

00:17:26.260 And I think it would really help out, like, all this, you know, these, like, nerds that, like, have never spoken to a girl.

00:17:33.460 And then they're just on the internet angry all the time.

00:17:35.460 Like, what if you were just having dance lessons and then you had to actually hold a female human being and talk to them and, like, be comfortable around them and learn that it's not so terrifying.

00:17:45.760 And then, you know, you don't develop these, like, little incel communities.

00:17:49.720 Like, we've got to get back to dance.

00:17:51.560 I like that.

00:17:51.800 There's no incels in the Dominican Republic, right?

00:17:54.660 There's no incels in Puerto Rico.

00:17:56.080 There's no incels anywhere where there's dance in the culture.

00:17:59.400 Incels only exist without dance.

00:18:02.600 Any partner dancing, there is no terrorism.

00:18:06.040 Think about this.

00:18:06.660 If there's any partner dancing in the culture, terrorism doesn't exist.

00:18:10.300 That's fascinating.

00:18:12.220 Maybe I've been too hard on my producer, Debbie Murphy, with her little tap dance lessons.

00:18:15.560 I mocked her up in Canada.

00:18:17.140 But I actually do think it was important to her well-being.

00:18:20.620 And it was a stress reliever.

00:18:22.100 And rather than mock, I should have just partaken.

00:18:24.300 Yeah, but tap dance is just kind of like, like, you could do all those things without it making extra noise.

00:18:31.300 But tap dance is almost like, you know, walking down the street with the boombox on your shoulder of dance.

00:18:37.120 Do you know what I mean?

00:18:38.280 Like, you could do all that tapping without the metal on the shoes.

00:18:41.680 But you're like, I want everybody to hear what I learned today.

00:18:45.920 It's just too much, right?

00:18:47.520 Like, it doesn't have to be that loud.

00:18:49.280 Like, if anything, put felt or something on the bottom of the shoe.

00:18:52.060 And then just you do it for you.

00:18:53.240 But now we all got to hear you tapping away.

00:18:55.680 It's like, turn the boombox off when you're walking down the street and then turn off the tap dance.

00:19:00.100 It's so true.

00:19:01.320 Oh, my God.

00:19:01.900 The boombox is so annoying, isn't it?

00:19:04.180 Like, you'll be sitting in your doctor's office, whatever.

00:19:06.100 Somebody go by with the boombox.

00:19:07.520 It's like, why did we all have to enjoy your music?

00:19:09.920 Or even the people who, like, turn their car radio up so loud.

00:19:12.640 It's like, really?

00:19:13.600 Why?

00:19:14.100 Like, I like my music, too.

00:19:15.540 But I don't feel the need to force it on you.

00:19:17.860 I nothing has been more annoying like growing up where you're on the subway

00:19:21.160 and some guy comes on the subway with his phone playing music, right?

00:19:25.520 And he's just playing music off of his phone for the entire subway to, like, indulge in.

00:19:30.460 And I used to think this was the most annoying fucking thing in the world.

00:19:33.360 And then one day, a guy was playing my podcast out loud on the subway.

00:19:41.300 And I was like, sometimes this works.

00:19:45.200 And sometimes this can be entertaining for everybody.

00:19:49.840 So I'm a complete hypocrite is the point of that story.

00:19:53.700 Okay?

00:19:54.180 So can I tell you something?

00:19:55.240 I had a – this is a side story.

00:19:58.320 But I was walking down the street the other day.

00:20:00.220 I was going to see my therapist, which is critical, especially here in New York.

00:20:03.940 And I was listening to Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who launched her own podcast.

00:20:09.460 And she was interviewing a guy who I would like to speak to, by the way.

00:20:12.860 His name is Vivek Ramaswamy.

00:20:14.800 He's amazing.

00:20:16.560 Anyway, so I'm listening to Ayaan.

00:20:17.940 And I passed this cop, this young cop, probably 30, and he is listening to Ayaan on my show.

00:20:27.880 So I'm listening to her do her show.

00:20:29.460 He's listening to her on my show.

00:20:30.620 I was like, oh, my God.

00:20:31.740 Like, the universe is trying to tell me something, which is, like, Ayaan's amazing, apparently.

00:20:36.080 But on the subject of listening to people, like, do their business out loud, all over New York now, you see people sitting.

00:20:44.300 And they no longer sit with books.

00:20:45.640 They sit with somebody on fucking FaceTime.

00:20:48.620 Excuse me.

00:20:49.240 But it's like, I don't need to hear the other half of the conversation in this way.

00:20:53.300 It's so annoying.

00:20:55.260 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:20:56.580 You were overhearing it?

00:20:58.800 Yes.

00:20:59.520 Oh, my God.

00:21:00.060 They do it.

00:21:00.520 I won't name the restaurant.

00:21:01.940 But there's this particular restaurant where you go.

00:21:03.500 It's not like a Starbucks.

00:21:04.300 I hate Starbucks.

00:21:05.340 But it's like a cute little cafe.

00:21:07.340 Hold on.

00:21:07.560 Hold on.

00:21:07.900 Hold on.

00:21:08.120 Why do you hate Starbucks?

00:21:09.460 Because it tastes terrible.

00:21:11.340 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:21:12.320 Stop this.

00:21:13.500 Stop this.

00:21:14.360 Stop it.

00:21:15.000 It's too bitter.

00:21:16.380 No, no, no, no.

00:21:16.920 It tastes terrible compared to Blue Bottle.

00:21:21.900 It tastes terrible compared to La Colombe.

00:21:25.540 It tastes terrible compared to, like, these other absolutely incredible coffee options that we have in New York, right?

00:21:32.680 No.

00:21:32.940 It tastes terrible compared to New York City deli coffee.

00:21:35.800 I was about to say diner coffee, but you went deli.

00:21:38.900 That's fine.

00:21:39.720 You think Starbucks tastes worse than diner coffee in New York?

00:21:45.700 I don't think there's any competition.

00:21:47.460 I like...

00:21:47.960 You're out of your mind.

00:21:49.060 You're out of your mind.

00:21:50.400 I can't stand Starbucks coffee.

00:21:52.460 And I'm not particularly into Starbucks' whole vibe.

00:21:55.900 I don't know.

00:21:56.620 Why don't you just call it a small, a medium, and a large?

00:21:58.640 Like, why do I have to use a foreign language to say what I want?

00:22:01.940 Because then we talk about it.

00:22:02.260 And everything in there is unhealthy.

00:22:03.440 Everything.

00:22:04.460 Yes.

00:22:04.920 It's unhealthy.

00:22:06.460 Coffee's...

00:22:06.900 Actually, no.

00:22:07.280 Coffee's probably pretty good for you.

00:22:08.700 It's like the only drug where even doctors...

00:22:11.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:11.640 The food.

00:22:12.340 But the fact that they even have food.

00:22:14.020 The fact that you can go to the airport and then you can get something at Starbucks and you're like, all right, this isn't horrendous.

00:22:19.120 I get my little FETA, whatever, FETA wrap or whatever, and I don't feel too bad about myself while I'm on this flight.

00:22:24.340 I'm just saying, Starbucks.

00:22:25.420 I can't believe you don't like Starbucks.

00:22:27.340 No, I don't.

00:22:27.540 You walk in, it's kind of comfortable.

00:22:29.620 I am the...

00:22:30.840 Listen, I'm a comedian.

00:22:31.980 My job is to make fun of institutions.

00:22:34.060 That's literally all we do.

00:22:36.300 I like Starbucks.

00:22:37.980 I like it.

00:22:38.640 It's comfortable.

00:22:39.340 They get the job done.

00:22:40.760 I also like...

00:22:41.940 Their politics are annoying.

00:22:43.840 They kind of went woke.

00:22:45.700 And remember when they were inviting all the homeless people into the Starbucks?

00:22:49.420 And it was like, oh, it's the right thing to do.

00:22:51.240 It's like, okay.

00:22:52.160 So that's never going to last because paying customers are not going to want to...

00:22:57.000 I mean, let's be real.

00:22:58.660 Like, bringing homeless people in can usually involve bringing somebody who may have a criminal record in, who may be a pedophile in.

00:23:04.840 We just dealt with this here in New York.

00:23:06.280 I know it sounds all laudable, like in theory, but as a practical matter, it was never going to work.

00:23:10.260 And sure enough, they reversed the policy.

00:23:12.900 Yeah, but that's because the guy wanted to be president.

00:23:15.200 And I think what happens is like...

00:23:16.920 And also no relation to him whatsoever, even though we both have the same last name.

00:23:21.720 Yeah, I think he wanted to be president.

00:23:23.740 He was like trying to do his best.

00:23:25.320 And it's just like...

00:23:26.500 I think eventually you have that much success.

00:23:28.180 You make that many right decisions that you start kind of believing your own hype.

00:23:31.780 And I get that completely.

00:23:33.100 Imagine you made that many correct decisions.

00:23:35.780 Like that guy doesn't have to make too many decisions a year,

00:23:38.700 but he's paid an enormous amount of money for every decision he makes, right?

00:23:43.260 Because the ones that he does make have huge repercussions.

00:23:47.720 Imagine you made that many right decisions that you built this into the biggest coffee brand on the planet.

00:23:53.620 Nothing is bigger on the whole planet.

00:23:55.360 You probably go, I could be president.

00:23:57.040 I get where your line of thinking goes.

00:23:59.680 I don't understand why you would want to be president.

00:24:01.780 What a useless job that is.

00:24:03.560 Like you can do so much more by being not president.

00:24:06.840 What do you make of people like...

00:24:08.940 You're right.

00:24:09.360 I never thought about it that way.

00:24:11.060 I mean, I'm sure...

00:24:11.500 What do they change, Megan?

00:24:12.740 Tell me what they change.

00:24:13.760 Can anybody explain one thing that they do?

00:24:16.700 I do not know.

00:24:18.000 What is...

00:24:18.460 The last president to do anything was Abraham Lincoln.

00:24:21.120 Ever since Abraham Lincoln, I don't know a single president that did a single thing.

00:24:25.600 Can you name a single thing that any president did since Abraham Lincoln?

00:24:29.980 Well, I mean, LBJ signed some important laws into effect.

00:24:35.060 The civil rights law.

00:24:35.760 But he didn't create the law.

00:24:38.020 He just signed the paper because the pressure, the outside pressure for him to do it was so

00:24:44.100 strong that he had to.

00:24:45.320 It's not like LBJ has the greatest track record for diversity.

00:24:49.480 Right?

00:24:49.720 No, correct.

00:24:50.520 He's not exactly a social justice hero.

00:24:52.640 He just got so much pressure from the people.

00:24:54.680 Well, who cares about that?

00:24:55.700 Trump signed in the Anti-Sex Trafficking Act, which really helped protect women, but I

00:25:00.300 wouldn't describe Trump necessarily as the most pro-feminist protector of women we've

00:25:04.840 ever had in the office.

00:25:05.800 I love all these bills.

00:25:07.680 This is a hilarious thing.

00:25:09.380 You just name the bill something really righteous, and then you sign it.

00:25:12.840 Of course he's going to sign that.

00:25:14.100 If you name a bill the Anti-Sex Trafficking Act, you think he's going to veto that?

00:25:19.420 You think that bill comes across his desk and be like, I don't know.

00:25:22.340 I think we've got to negotiate a little more.

00:25:24.220 It's the easiest fucking bill to sign.

00:25:28.040 It's true.

00:25:28.880 What do they do?

00:25:30.260 Tell me what presidents do.

00:25:32.240 I literally cannot put my finger on a single thing that they do outside of bomb places.

00:25:38.660 I mean, I think you...

00:25:39.400 Yes.

00:25:39.680 Well, exactly.

00:25:40.300 Military protection.

00:25:41.820 And I mean, George Bush launched a couple of wars.

00:25:44.020 That was significant.

00:25:45.320 That's had some repercussions.

00:25:47.540 And that's a bad thing.

00:25:48.920 So they do bad things.

00:25:50.480 What is the good...

00:25:51.300 I don't know.

00:25:51.960 What were we supposed to do?

00:25:53.100 Forget Iraq.

00:25:53.840 That was a bad idea.

00:25:54.760 But Afghanistan, I mean, they had the Taliban.

00:25:58.520 The Taliban is what gave rise to Osama bin Laden.

00:26:01.260 Should we have not done anything?

00:26:03.360 I mean, honestly, I was about to give you an answer.

00:26:06.520 Right?

00:26:06.660 And then I just realized I don't fucking know enough.

00:26:09.280 So I just stopped myself.

00:26:11.260 But I was literally about to just lie to you.

00:26:13.760 I was about to be like, no, the Taliban can't do anything.

00:26:16.480 I was about to say that on a recorded podcast.

00:26:21.220 Like, I'm not an expert on geopolitics.

00:26:23.900 Okay?

00:26:24.140 I don't know exactly how all this shit works.

00:26:26.060 And I don't know who started and what came first, the chicken or the hummus.

00:26:29.300 But I know for a fact that absolutely nothing ever gets done.

00:26:33.120 We're still in Afghanistan.

00:26:34.500 Right?

00:26:35.180 Yeah.

00:26:35.420 We're still in Afghanistan.

00:26:37.060 I don't think the average person can name three cities in Afghanistan.

00:26:40.740 Can you name three cities in Afghanistan?

00:26:43.460 Kabul.

00:26:44.280 Kabul.

00:26:44.760 We all just know Kabul because it sounds like Kabul, which is what we've been doing there

00:26:47.920 for the last 20 years.

00:26:49.300 Right?

00:26:49.700 So how are we at war with the country for or with the country, against the country?

00:26:55.400 We don't even know what's going on there.

00:26:56.540 How are we at war for decades?

00:26:59.000 And we have no fucking clue a city's name in Afghanistan.

00:27:04.260 That's crazy.

00:27:06.180 It's it was.

00:27:07.200 I mean, truly, we can see now 20 years later that it was in many ways an unwinnable war,

00:27:12.120 as the Russians found out before we got there back in the 80s.

00:27:15.180 But what we're supposed to do, you know, it's like 3,000 people died.

00:27:20.460 We had to respond.

00:27:21.700 And we tried shocking on all that.

00:27:24.040 It just it wasn't an easy battle to win, but we fought it.

00:27:27.540 We fought it nobly.

00:27:28.420 We still got guys over there fighting it for us.

00:27:30.160 And we're going to need to leave some troops there.

00:27:32.300 I think Biden's got till May to decide whether he wants to pull them all out or not.

00:27:35.240 But, you know, we got troops all over the world because once you sort of go in there

00:27:38.560 and engage, you can't just walk out and you can't just leave all the blood and treasure.

00:27:43.940 100%.

00:27:44.340 I'm not saying we just take out the cartridge and blow on it and restart.

00:27:49.480 It's not a video game.

00:27:50.380 These are real lives.

00:27:51.660 And if you're a soldier and you're willing to risk your life for America, it is one of

00:27:56.400 the most noble and brave things in the world.

00:27:58.260 I just want to make sure that the decision makers are using those people who are willing

00:28:03.020 to risk their lives for us in the right way.

00:28:07.140 Do you see what I'm saying?

00:28:07.920 Like, don't.

00:28:08.480 Yeah, no, I do.

00:28:09.140 That is a noble fucking thing, man, to go.

00:28:11.600 I love something more and I believe in something more than my own life.

00:28:17.860 It is unbelievably selfless.

00:28:20.480 Don't waste that selflessness.

00:28:22.280 Don't do that.

00:28:23.520 Because you need those people.

00:28:24.900 I don't disagree with that principle.

00:28:26.680 I just think Afghanistan was a noble war.

00:28:29.400 It's just it's such a complicated region of the world.

00:28:32.140 And it's like the we got longstanding issues over there that not even 20 years with American

00:28:38.760 and other troops can solve.

00:28:40.360 And we're sort of we've I think we've come to that reality.

00:28:42.800 But out of respect for everybody who's sacrificed there, we need to need to get out.

00:28:47.220 I don't know.

00:28:47.800 Right.

00:28:48.140 I don't know.

00:28:48.740 I don't know.

00:28:49.340 I don't know.

00:28:49.920 I don't know.

00:28:50.380 That's it.

00:28:50.880 I don't know.

00:28:51.440 I don't know.

00:28:52.280 And I can say I don't know.

00:28:53.920 Here's one group.

00:28:54.640 I can tell you.

00:28:55.080 Go and be honest.

00:28:56.100 Why don't we just go and be honest?

00:28:57.440 Why don't we just.

00:28:57.980 Well, it doesn't sound like it.

00:28:58.900 Like, yeah, but let's it might be a better policy.

00:29:01.700 Why don't we just go in and be like, look, dude, you got oil.

00:29:05.420 We like it.

00:29:06.260 Oil.

00:29:07.120 OK, we're going to protect your shit.

00:29:09.220 You get to keep a piece of the oil.

00:29:11.620 Everybody's happy.

00:29:12.340 I mean, isn't that what happens in Texas?

00:29:14.240 These big oil companies go to some hillbilly who has some land and they go, hey, we did some

00:29:18.260 research.

00:29:18.620 We found out you got some oil here.

00:29:19.760 You want to be a millionaire?

00:29:20.640 They're like, hell, yeah, I want to be a millionaire.

00:29:22.200 Like, all right, we're going to suck it out for you.

00:29:23.540 Do all the work.

00:29:24.660 You get a piece of it.

00:29:25.480 They're like, hell, yeah, but you do that everywhere.

00:29:27.600 And then life is good.

00:29:28.820 Let's just be honest.

00:29:30.040 But stop acting like you care how women dress.

00:29:32.640 Like, that's the thing that annoys me the most.

00:29:34.340 Right.

00:29:34.620 They're like, look how they make the women dress.

00:29:36.980 Isn't that bad?

00:29:37.880 Don't they need freedom?

00:29:38.940 Oh, they got oil?

00:29:40.460 Crazy.

00:29:41.460 What a coincidence.

00:29:43.500 Stop.

00:29:44.120 You know what I mean?

00:29:44.740 Stop, for lack of a better word, veiling it.

00:29:47.160 Veil.

00:29:48.020 Stop doing this like you care about how women are treated.

00:29:51.960 I hate that shit.

00:29:53.640 It's funny because I had Tim Dillon on recently and he was saying he used to be an aspiring,

00:30:00.140 yeah, he was an aspiring, like, political guru.

00:30:02.520 And he wanted, he said he used to be in this place where he was like, you know, we have to support the people of Iraq and their quest for democracy.

00:30:08.480 And then he sort of got to the point where, like, what am I saying?

00:30:12.500 No, this isn't who I want to be.

00:30:14.940 And also, they might not want democracy.

00:30:17.180 Like, stop thinking that democracy is the only thing that works.

00:30:20.760 No, we've certainly seen that.

00:30:22.140 We've certainly seen that.

00:30:22.920 I mean, that was, that, listen, I, I, like you, lived through the Bush administration and through 9-11.

00:30:27.860 And I was an adult when it happened.

00:30:29.260 I was 30 years old when 9-11 happened.

00:30:32.580 And I do remember thinking, okay, he's got, like, a blank check to protect us.

00:30:36.920 That's how the American public felt.

00:30:38.500 Blank check.

00:30:39.400 And the Iraq war was definitely controversial even when he launched it.

00:30:43.140 And he said there were weapons of mass destruction.

00:30:45.260 And there weren't, there were questions about whether there really were and why he was going there.

00:30:48.280 Was it to avenge his old man who they tried to take out?

00:30:50.760 And all that stuff.

00:30:52.960 But I don't know.

00:30:54.000 I just think that the quest at the time to bring democratic values.

00:31:00.400 Say why we went there to Iraq.

00:31:02.660 Because Saddam.

00:31:02.960 I don't believe it was to get their oil.

00:31:04.880 Saddam was about to get sneaky with the oil.

00:31:07.680 He's like, I'll sell oil to whoever I want.

00:31:09.480 I don't got to go through you guys.

00:31:10.820 And we were like, oh, word?

00:31:12.460 Is that how you think things are going to work?

00:31:14.820 Same thing with Gaddafi.

00:31:15.980 Gaddafi's like, what if I just create my own currency?

00:31:17.720 I sell oil through that.

00:31:19.080 And we were like, what?

00:31:20.300 That's not how things work.

00:31:21.660 You sell oil in American dollars.

00:31:24.060 And that's the only thing that is allowed to happen.

00:31:27.700 And any country that tries to do otherwise, well, they run into some problems.

00:31:32.280 They run into some big problems.

00:31:33.360 So do you look back at, let's say, Colin Powell testifying before Congress and saying,

00:31:38.100 here's where we believe there are WMDs.

00:31:40.180 And here's the here's the map showing where we see them on the satellite.

00:31:43.040 And so you think that was all all.

00:31:44.980 I mean, we know it's not true now.

00:31:46.820 He would say a mistake.

00:31:47.740 You think it was an active lie to cover a plan to go in there and get the oil protected?

00:31:51.640 Well, based on my my thorough research by watching the movie Vice.

00:31:55.800 Coming up in a minute, I'm going to ask Andrew what he thinks about the Kardashians, about

00:32:09.220 Oprah Winfrey and her interview of Meghan and Harry.

00:32:12.820 And he's got thoughts.

00:32:14.120 Stand by.

00:32:14.560 Let me shift gears with you to something you do know about.

00:32:21.660 And that's the British royal family.

00:32:23.600 I know everything about the British royal family.

00:32:26.780 I didn't even know how to say it.

00:32:28.560 I know absolutely everything.

00:32:30.300 Did you watch the Oprah interview?

00:32:33.460 Yeah, my girl was watching it.

00:32:34.840 So I kind of watched it over her shoulder for a little bit.

00:32:37.200 And yeah, it is what it is.

00:32:40.240 I mean, I just don't.

00:32:42.100 They all suck.

00:32:43.060 They all suck.

00:32:46.180 Everyone you're not on you're not on Team Meghan or Team Queen.

00:32:48.960 I mean, like what I don't understand is like, let's say hypothetically, right, let's say

00:32:53.660 hypothetically, they were concerned about this, the baby's skin being dark, right?

00:32:59.820 Mm hmm.

00:33:00.920 I just find it hilarious that they're less concerned about the baby being inbred than they

00:33:08.780 are about it being dark.

00:33:10.000 Like, shouldn't they be through the roof that some new genes are entering that bloodline?

00:33:16.580 Thank fucking God.

00:33:18.900 Right?

00:33:19.640 Like, isn't that a time for celebration in England?

00:33:23.300 You're not going to have the same like half cards being born year after year by these families

00:33:29.640 that are just marrying cousins?

00:33:31.480 It's repulsive.

00:33:32.460 If you look at that bloodline, I mean, it's closer than Charles's eyes.

00:33:38.440 They are close.

00:33:39.980 Oh, my God.

00:33:40.480 They're very close.

00:33:41.500 Yeah, they're very close.

00:33:42.600 That's what happens.

00:33:43.680 That's what happens when your parents are related.

00:33:46.260 Everybody there is related.

00:33:47.020 And their teeth are very long.

00:33:47.900 Their teeth are very long.

00:33:49.200 They're turning into lemurs.

00:33:52.940 This is what happens.

00:33:54.500 This is what happens.

00:33:56.160 This is what happens when you have literal centuries of inbreeding.

00:34:00.640 Is that even true?

00:34:01.340 Well, now, now I have to tell.

00:34:03.440 No, no.

00:34:05.020 Now, they're blaming the Americans.

00:34:07.580 Some people are saying that what this means is no more Americans marrying into the British

00:34:11.020 royal family.

00:34:11.780 And I have to say, that's not the problem.

00:34:14.240 That is not the problem, right?

00:34:15.900 Like, I'm not on team Meghan and Harry at all, but I don't think you can blame the Americans.

00:34:21.100 I think Prince Harry looks as bad as Meghan does.

00:34:22.980 He's weak.

00:34:24.040 He's somebody was using the term whipped, you know, like kind of do whatever your gal says.

00:34:27.720 He's not strong enough to stand up for his family or his heritage or the British people.

00:34:32.260 I just think like I have no use for either one of them now.

00:34:35.760 Yeah.

00:34:36.260 First of all, I'm insulted to say they're not letting Americans marry into the British royal

00:34:40.320 family.

00:34:40.780 The way I looked at this is that he married into America.

00:34:44.400 Like, you're very lucky that you married into America.

00:34:48.040 This is the A squad.

00:34:48.920 You made it to the all-star team.

00:34:50.420 Okay.

00:34:51.320 I mean, it's an adorable little country they got over there.

00:34:53.980 England.

00:34:54.660 Right.

00:34:54.980 It's absolutely adorable.

00:34:56.520 Right.

00:34:56.760 But there hasn't exactly been a great migration from America to England.

00:35:00.920 You know, the other way around has existed.

00:35:03.740 So let's really get on track here.

00:35:05.720 I mean, like you got a lady that writes about magic that has more money than the queen.

00:35:10.220 Get your shit together.

00:35:11.600 All right.

00:35:11.780 It's not like we married into J.K. Rowling's family.

00:35:14.480 That'd be something that we should brag about.

00:35:16.440 Holy shit.

00:35:17.100 We got an American in the Potter fam.

00:35:18.800 That's amazing.

00:35:19.920 But the queen of England.

00:35:22.720 Like, is that even a special thing?

00:35:25.780 It's kind of special.

00:35:27.040 Yeah.

00:35:27.240 I mean, it's like goes back a long time.

00:35:28.920 She's got a lot of jewels.

00:35:30.120 She's got a bunch of palaces.

00:35:31.920 What do you mean she has jewels?

00:35:33.460 She doesn't have jewels.

00:35:34.120 She can't sell them.

00:35:34.980 She sells the jewels.

00:35:35.880 Then she looks poor.

00:35:36.900 So you're a prisoner of the jewels.

00:35:39.000 You really take them out.

00:35:41.020 She can put them.

00:35:41.640 She can put on a tiara and a necklace and the earrings and the bracelet.

00:35:44.840 She could roll around naked in all of the crown jewels.

00:35:47.260 And we can't.

00:35:48.980 She was cool when she didn't have a last name.

00:35:52.200 That was cool.

00:35:53.460 OK.

00:35:54.620 Nobody knows her last name.

00:35:56.000 You don't know her last name.

00:35:57.180 It's just.

00:35:57.620 I do, too.

00:35:58.580 What is her last name?

00:35:59.760 It's Mount Baton, Windsor.

00:36:02.080 Boom.

00:36:03.400 I was actually really impressive, Megan.

00:36:04.860 I'll be honest with you right there.

00:36:05.860 I thought she didn't have a last name.

00:36:07.540 I thought she was like a Brazilian soccer player.

00:36:09.360 I thought you'd just call her Elizabeth.

00:36:10.860 Then you'd call the other one Charles.

00:36:12.460 And that's just what they are.

00:36:13.620 I was like, that is kind of cool.

00:36:14.700 That's a good branding thing they got going on.

00:36:16.740 But outside of that, I mean, it's impressive that she's still alive and stuff.

00:36:20.840 But who cares about the Royals?

00:36:22.420 Like, it's just so.

00:36:23.280 It's so stupid.

00:36:24.160 Like, we have real families like the Kardashians here in America.

00:36:27.760 Not the Royals.

00:36:28.100 To think about.

00:36:29.080 Sure.

00:36:29.620 What do you think about that?

00:36:30.560 Are you a Kardashian fan?

00:36:32.900 Do you watch that show?

00:36:33.680 No, but I appreciate their influence and stuff like that.

00:36:37.700 I understand, like, what they are.

00:36:39.060 Yeah.

00:36:39.340 Like, what they built.

00:36:40.320 It's unbelievable what they built.

00:36:42.620 From a business standpoint, yes.

00:36:44.940 I mean, from a business standpoint, they've been geniuses.

00:36:46.920 But, you know, I asked them.

00:36:48.620 I sat down with all of them and interviewed them together.

00:36:50.500 And I asked them this directly.

00:36:51.880 Like, are you a force for good or a force for evil?

00:36:54.880 And there's a real debate about that in the country, as you know, given the selfie culture

00:36:58.460 and the big bottoms and all surgically enhanced, but presented as though it's not.

00:37:02.460 Yeah, I think that there is no good or evil with them.

00:37:05.520 I think they're just eyeballs.

00:37:07.000 And they will take the eyeballs through good and they will take the eyeballs through evil.

00:37:11.600 And all they care about is attention.

00:37:13.880 And they will get that attention in any way possible.

00:37:16.860 Because the attention is currency.

00:37:18.880 So that is the name of the game.

00:37:21.340 But it's better that they look like that if we have to look at them all the time.

00:37:24.860 I mean, imagine they were ugly and we had to look at them all the time.

00:37:27.120 That would be so unfortunate for us.

00:37:30.100 It's like the Richard Nixon presidency.

00:37:32.780 I don't know.

00:37:33.460 Yeah, was Nixon ugly?

00:37:35.100 And that he was not an attractive man.

00:37:36.880 He was considered ugly?

00:37:38.200 There should be two.

00:37:40.060 Two.

00:37:41.800 I don't know.

00:37:42.580 I don't like what the Kardashians have done to selfie culture.

00:37:46.300 I think they created it.

00:37:47.400 But on the other hand, I confess, I do click on the pictures.

00:37:52.040 Like when you see it on the Daily Mail, it's like, oh, Kim Kardashian just posted this.

00:37:55.340 I can't help myself.

00:37:56.520 It's like, I don't know.

00:37:58.340 So you can't remove your eyes.

00:38:01.980 Yeah.

00:38:02.320 It's weird because did they create it or did they monetize technology that we were all going

00:38:07.900 to lean into anyway because we're obsessed with ourselves?

00:38:11.320 I don't think that they created the idea of I want to look better than I am.

00:38:15.800 No.

00:38:16.080 Right?

00:38:16.500 No.

00:38:16.680 They were just the best at it.

00:38:19.380 You know, it's like when the Greeks always say like they invented math.

00:38:23.780 And it's like, shut the fuck up, you idiots.

00:38:26.560 Like you thought that people didn't know how to count before you?

00:38:29.960 You thought they just looked at things and they were just like, oh, it'd be great if we

00:38:32.480 had a system to figure out how many of them there were.

00:38:34.760 It's just the most absurd thing in the world that anybody could invent math.

00:38:41.660 Math exists.

00:38:43.020 And then you figure out the thing that exists.

00:38:45.420 You don't invent it.

00:38:47.480 You know, so like they're just the Greeks of being sluts.

00:38:51.900 I think they invented sort of the the half nude public photo.

00:39:01.720 I don't remember that being so ubiquitous before them.

00:39:03.960 And now you see like the Vanity Fair after party, after the Oscars, you see these models

00:39:11.100 or like wannabe actresses there wearing nothing, wearing like the most classless dresses where

00:39:18.360 there's basically a tube top and then right above the pubic area, the skirt begins.

00:39:23.680 It's like, oh, I miss when we used to wear clothes and we left something to the imagination.

00:39:28.680 It's it is tricky.

00:39:29.640 It is tricky because the imagination creates the desire, but the nudity gets the eyeballs.

00:39:38.600 You know, like you got to care about someone to imagine.

00:39:43.180 Like, I don't know if you've taken any naked pictures for any publication.

00:39:46.780 Like, I don't know.

00:39:47.340 I mean, it's not recently.

00:39:49.360 They would be more interest in seeing you naked than seeing the Kardashians because we've seen

00:39:54.160 it already.

00:39:55.300 You see what I'm saying?

00:39:55.940 Yeah, well, I don't mind saucy pictures.

00:39:59.420 Saucy pictures is one thing like showing everything like at the Oscars.

00:40:05.280 I just like that's different to me.

00:40:07.320 That's just I love when women celebrate their own sexuality.

00:40:10.900 I think that's awesome.

00:40:11.760 I hate how feminism's gone to this place where you're no longer allowed to be sexy.

00:40:15.260 Somehow that's diminishing.

00:40:16.280 I don't accept any of that.

00:40:17.480 I'm just saying I like when women choose to be sexy and own it.

00:40:21.420 That's good.

00:40:21.860 We shouldn't be shamed out of owning that piece of ourselves, but like a little goes

00:40:26.220 a long way.

00:40:26.900 You don't have to be naked at the Oscars.

00:40:28.800 So what's the I guess what I'm trying to figure out now is like, where's the limit?

00:40:32.840 And then who gets to decide the limit?

00:40:35.480 I do.

00:40:36.660 Because whoever is at the you do whoever's at the limit in order to have a competitive

00:40:41.580 advantage.

00:40:43.140 Somebody's always going to go a little further.

00:40:45.060 Right.

00:40:45.480 Like like we can put all this pressure on men for like creating societal standards for women.

00:40:50.420 But the reality is, it's like we're only going to have sex with women.

00:40:53.880 Right.

00:40:54.040 We're not going to let go.

00:40:55.040 OK, well, if women aren't shaving their legs, we're going to have sex with goats.

00:41:00.280 Right.

00:41:00.680 So you can decide to do absolutely nothing to your bodies.

00:41:04.300 You don't have to shave your legs.

00:41:05.380 You have to shave your pubic region.

00:41:06.720 You don't have to put on makeup.

00:41:08.120 You could do absolutely nothing.

00:41:09.420 And we will be lining up in the exact same way to have sex with you because that's what

00:41:13.760 we've been doing since the beginning of time.

00:41:15.620 Right.

00:41:16.080 There was no wax.

00:41:16.960 There was a Brazilian wax job, you know, 10 million years ago.

00:41:20.720 Whenever homo erectus was walking.

00:41:22.520 Right.

00:41:23.080 So what I think happens is women, in order to get a competitive advantage against one

00:41:27.680 another, are going, oh, she shaved her legs.

00:41:30.420 Well, I'm going to shave my pubic region.

00:41:33.320 Right.

00:41:33.500 Oh, she shaved her pubic region.

00:41:35.040 Well, I'm going to get electric lasers shot into my pores so the hair never grows back.

00:41:41.140 Like it just keeps on one and up each other in the same way that we do it with cars.

00:41:45.240 It's like, oh, that guy has a Ferrari.

00:41:46.700 Well, I'm going to get a Lamborghini and crush her with diamonds, blah, blah, blah.

00:41:50.380 It just sucks for women that like men are so shallow that we really value aesthetic over

00:41:58.680 everything.

00:42:00.100 Well, but it's so it's so random, right?

00:42:02.280 Because it's like who decided that pubic hair was unattractive and that you needed to wax

00:42:07.880 it all off to turn on a man.

00:42:09.600 You need to make yourself look like an 11 year old boy in order to turn on a grown man.

00:42:14.380 I don't get that.

00:42:15.320 Like what?

00:42:16.100 And then and then like the fashions change, right?

00:42:18.840 Like the landing strip is what you should have to go over the triangle.

00:42:21.360 No, like a full full on bush.

00:42:23.000 Sorry, forgive me.

00:42:23.940 Or or just nothing.

00:42:25.140 Right.

00:42:25.380 Like you got to go for like the prepubescent.

00:42:27.180 It's weird.

00:42:28.100 I don't understand trendiness on these issues.

00:42:31.720 Yeah.

00:42:32.120 I also don't understand like the it looks like a little girl thing.

00:42:36.500 It's like, no, it doesn't.

00:42:38.560 It just looks like an adult woman with no hair.

00:42:42.140 Like, no, nobody sees nobody sees a naked porn star.

00:42:45.900 Right.

00:42:46.300 It's shaved and goes, is that a little girl?

00:42:49.660 It's just like, whoa, that's a hot chick that doesn't have pubic hair.

00:42:55.260 Like what happened to pubic hair?

00:42:57.280 How did it get unattractive?

00:42:58.780 Well, I guess I don't know.

00:42:59.540 I guess what I'm trying to say is I never understood that like metaphor analogy that

00:43:02.560 people use for me is like when you see like Michael Jordan with like a shaved head, you're

00:43:06.140 like, he looks like a baby.

00:43:08.660 Right.

00:43:09.100 Nobody does that.

00:43:12.160 But babies have no hair on their head often.

00:43:16.160 So how did it become attractive?

00:43:18.640 Girls wanted a competitive advantage to get guys.

00:43:21.700 And they're like, OK, guys don't like leg hair.

00:43:24.500 They probably don't like they don't like armpit hair.

00:43:26.420 That means they don't like hair anywhere.

00:43:27.600 And we should just get rid of all the hair that exists below our eyelashes.

00:43:32.900 And now some men do it, too.

00:43:34.080 Now you see like some guys who have clearly had laser treatments on their chest.

00:43:38.300 And it's not it's not just like they've shaved their hair.

00:43:40.720 It's like they they'll never see another hair there again.

00:43:43.500 Yeah, it's bad.

00:43:44.420 I mean, like I shaved my pubes the other day way too low.

00:43:47.100 Like and I just look like a detective that's been at work all night.

00:43:51.460 You know, it's just it's just stupid.

00:43:53.580 I look like Enrique Iglesias.

00:43:55.120 That's what I look like.

00:43:57.560 It just looks so dumb.

00:43:59.040 But I think I'm like, oh, maybe my fiance will like this or whatever.

00:44:01.960 It's it's it's it's dumb.

00:44:04.000 Oh, so you're engaged.

00:44:05.140 OK, I didn't know that.

00:44:06.140 So.

00:44:06.300 So so it must be very hard for her because like I'm married to a writer and I'm always

00:44:13.300 worried that something I say or something that happens in our relationship is going to

00:44:16.860 wind up in one of his books.

00:44:18.460 And I would imagine it's a thousand times worse for her to be engaged to a comedian.

00:44:25.340 Oh, yes.

00:44:25.720 She knows it's happening.

00:44:27.000 It's happening.

00:44:27.540 If she says something wild or something funny happens, it's going to be on a podcast.

00:44:31.900 It's going to be in the stand up.

00:44:33.380 But it's easier for her because she doesn't want any attention at all.

00:44:37.400 She like hates attention.

00:44:39.220 So she's like private on Instagram.

00:44:41.620 She doesn't want to be put in pictures or any of that kind of stuff, which works out

00:44:45.560 for me because I want to protect her from all this that I want to protect her from any

00:44:49.420 like Internet scrutiny because she doesn't want it.

00:44:52.860 Like she's not asking for that.

00:44:54.440 Like this is my career.

00:44:55.300 She shouldn't have to suffer because of that.

00:44:57.160 But but yeah, she knows it's going to be on the podcast.

00:44:59.980 But at least she doesn't have people like writing comments underneath her pictures like,

00:45:03.840 oh, I was so dumb.

00:45:04.720 The thing you said or blah, blah, blah.

00:45:06.580 Right.

00:45:07.200 That takes a special level of thick skin.

00:45:09.340 So so she's not in the industry.

00:45:11.160 She's not in the entertainment industry at all.

00:45:13.540 No, no, no.

00:45:14.280 She's getting her master's.

00:45:16.040 And did you have you ever dated celebrities or, you know, people in the industry?

00:45:22.480 Yeah, maybe a little bit or like people.

00:45:25.240 Yeah, maybe, you know.

00:45:26.940 What do you mean maybe?

00:45:27.900 I guess I don't know who's a celebrity anymore.

00:45:30.560 There's no more celebrities.

00:45:31.540 There's just, you know, there's no more.

00:45:33.320 Justin Bieber was like the last universally famous person.

00:45:36.220 Wait a minute.

00:45:36.700 Outside of like presidents.

00:45:38.040 Yeah.

00:45:38.460 If you said these women's names, would I know them?

00:45:41.440 Maybe.

00:45:42.200 Maybe no one.

00:45:44.220 Maybe something.

00:45:45.380 Maybe.

00:45:45.760 I don't know.

00:45:46.640 What happened?

00:45:47.440 Because like sometimes when you have two people who really need attention, it doesn't work

00:45:50.700 out.

00:45:51.200 I don't even know if that was that was the issue.

00:45:53.480 But yeah, that that definitely can be an issue.

00:45:55.820 But sometimes I'm just like picky.

00:45:58.500 Like I won't sacrifice my joy.

00:46:02.680 You know, like I just I admire Mormons so much because they can like just be uncomfortable.

00:46:09.120 Like whenever I talk to like people who like left Mormonism, it's it's like kind of pretty

00:46:14.520 traumatic for them.

00:46:15.460 But I think it's traumatic because they're like, why is everybody else around me happy and I'm

00:46:19.280 not?

00:46:19.640 You know, so it's like, you know, I know what you mean.

00:46:23.580 You know what I'm saying?

00:46:25.040 Yeah.

00:46:25.340 No, no.

00:46:25.640 I've often thought like I was saying this to somebody recently, like I, I want I want

00:46:30.620 to become a Mormon before my kids get to the age where they're going to start drinking

00:46:34.320 and wanting to do drugs and things like that because Mormons do a good job of not doing

00:46:37.860 that stuff.

00:46:39.080 Yeah.

00:46:39.340 They really lock that down.

00:46:40.920 And they're like sweet people.

00:46:42.500 We were just in Salt Lake doing shows and they're like really sweet people and they're

00:46:46.140 like amazing business acumen.

00:46:48.680 They've got this like incredible, you know, ability to like build wealth within the community.

00:46:54.700 And yeah, they're just a fascinating people.

00:46:57.220 And we look at them like they're these like weirdos.

00:46:59.560 And there's some odd things about every religion, I'm sure.

00:47:03.040 But like genuinely nice people that have created like a really nice city to live in.

00:47:08.160 You know, they're they're like the gays.

00:47:10.660 You know, it's just it's just the gays don't wear the full body underwear.

00:47:14.760 Yeah.

00:47:14.900 Well, you haven't been to the right parties in Far Island, Megan.

00:47:17.040 That's all I have to say.

00:47:20.440 That's 100 percent true.

00:47:22.220 That's I have no question about that.

00:47:24.180 I just think that it's it's kind of cool.

00:47:26.960 So are you going to have kids?

00:47:28.980 Yeah, I'd love to love to have some kids when she you know, I don't want to put any

00:47:32.280 pressure on her.

00:47:33.420 She's still finishing her her degree.

00:47:36.420 And then like, you know, she'll, you know, join the workforce for a little bit.

00:47:41.080 And then we'll take advantage of that maternity leave.

00:47:45.160 That's the goal.

00:47:46.040 Just get her a job and then immediately knock her up.

00:47:49.360 That is take advantage of the matriarchy or whatever that is.

00:47:54.600 Yes.

00:47:55.060 It's such a leisurely time after you squeeze another human being out of your body.

00:48:00.440 It's just like being on vacation at the spa.

00:48:03.140 I know, right?

00:48:04.400 I mean, it's just the easiest thing in the world.

00:48:07.180 I mean, isn't that hard to get it out?

00:48:09.100 Like you think that we'd figure that out by now through evolution, right?

00:48:13.760 So can I tell you, it wasn't for me because I had three C-sections.

00:48:17.120 And my kids are always asking me.

00:48:19.240 Yeah.

00:48:19.680 So I feel like it was actually kind of lucky because my first kid was what they call transverse,

00:48:23.920 which means like sideways.

00:48:25.900 Trans?

00:48:26.440 Oh, I thought you said trans.

00:48:27.800 So I thought you said your first kid was trans.

00:48:29.560 And I was like, already, dude?

00:48:34.300 Right.

00:48:34.820 No, he came out and I could recognize immediately he would be called a baby.

00:48:38.320 Right.

00:48:39.040 Right.

00:48:39.920 So your kid was just like chilling in there.

00:48:42.600 Like, what was it?

00:48:44.000 Like Kate Winslet in the Titanic?

00:48:46.500 Like when she was getting drawn by Jack?

00:48:49.440 Not at all.

00:48:51.640 He was at like, he was at like, let's say two o'clock.

00:48:55.920 It would be like 2.40 if you're looking at the hands on a clock.

00:48:59.380 You know what I mean?

00:48:59.700 It was like diagonal.

00:49:01.580 And my OB said, well, you could either try to go, you know, naturally and you'd be in

00:49:06.480 labor for 30 hours and then I'd have to do a C-section on you or we can just schedule

00:49:10.100 a C-section.

00:49:10.880 I was like, I don't need to be a hero.

00:49:12.700 Let's schedule the C.

00:49:14.080 Because I love these women who make you feel like you didn't actually have a baby if you

00:49:16.680 have a C-section.

00:49:17.480 It's like, I still have a baby.

00:49:18.740 I see the baby.

00:49:20.920 Anyway, so then I had the other two by C-section.

00:49:23.240 And like, honestly, your abs hurt for a couple of weeks after.

00:49:26.500 And that's it.

00:49:27.200 It's not, I didn't find it that unpleasant.

00:49:30.200 Although your body springing back is a different story.

00:49:33.940 It takes a little bit, right?

00:49:35.280 It takes a little bit.

00:49:36.660 Sure does.

00:49:38.040 It's funny too, because you'll be sitting in there about to give birth and they always

00:49:40.800 say to you and your husband, now remember, you can't have sex for six weeks after this

00:49:45.920 baby's born and of course the husband's like six weeks and the wife is like six weeks?

00:49:51.480 As soon as six weeks?

00:49:52.200 Only six weeks?

00:49:55.420 I mean, it takes like a year to come back from an ACL and that seems like way less than

00:50:00.880 a birth, you know?

00:50:03.680 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:50:05.640 I feel for my fellow women who went the other way.

00:50:08.540 But also you have to look at it like this, like you must've gotten it back because you

00:50:12.640 had two more babies.

00:50:14.180 I did and you want to know how I did it?

00:50:16.440 How'd you do it?

00:50:17.960 I breastfed.

00:50:19.600 I always say women are selling like the breastfeeding sort of super Nazis.

00:50:23.640 They are selling breastfeeding all wrong.

00:50:25.880 Like I get it's best for the baby and every mom cares about that.

00:50:28.960 But what we really need to get motivated on is how to get rid of those extra 30 pounds

00:50:34.560 and all the saggy flesh that's newly all over us.

00:50:37.520 Breastfeeding, it like snaps everything back into shape.

00:50:41.360 And you, you, by the time the baby's like six months, you're burning off between five

00:50:45.580 and 800 calories a day just by sitting there.

00:50:48.120 It's awesome.

00:50:48.840 That's amazing.

00:50:50.380 Can people breastfeed when they don't have kids?

00:50:52.340 Like can just like fat people breastfeed?

00:50:54.580 I've asked that.

00:50:55.460 I would love to find a job.

00:50:56.480 Like how do the wet nurses do it?

00:50:57.980 Like how do I've heard, I've heard stories about like, if you adopt a child, somehow you

00:51:02.980 can get the boobs fired up.

00:51:04.040 Like it would be brilliant.

00:51:04.940 That way you would never have to exercise.

00:51:07.140 We wouldn't even need the vaccine.

00:51:08.500 Just get all the fat people breastfeeding.

00:51:10.540 Then they won't be fat.

00:51:11.700 They don't die from COVID.

00:51:12.860 And then we're good to go.

00:51:14.080 Open up the country.

00:51:15.900 Coming up in one second, we're going to talk to Andrew about when he had COVID.

00:51:19.680 And also he's got some strong thoughts on Sacha Baron Cohen.

00:51:22.400 Does he like that kind of comedy or not?

00:51:25.220 But first, I want to bring you a feature that we call Asked and Answered here on the Megyn Kelly

00:51:29.820 Show.

00:51:30.520 And that's where we answer some of our listener questions.

00:51:33.160 Steve Krakauer is our executive producer.

00:51:34.780 He's got the question for us this week.

00:51:36.920 Hey, Steve.

00:51:37.620 Hey, Megan.

00:51:38.040 This one came to us at questions at devilmaycaremedia.com.

00:51:41.720 Anyone can email and we try to answer questions every week.

00:51:44.220 This one from Kimberly Hahn.

00:51:45.820 She wants to know, how do you do all the research and watching the news without being scared

00:51:49.540 all the time?

00:51:50.100 I want to be informed.

00:51:50.980 I also want to leave my house.

00:51:52.460 Tips or tricks on how you compartmentalize all the information we're fed each day?

00:51:56.820 That's a good question.

00:51:58.080 I think, number one, remember that the media exaggerates most things.

00:52:02.580 They really do.

00:52:03.760 Sensationalism sells.

00:52:05.080 Outrage sells.

00:52:06.340 Drama sells.

00:52:07.440 Especially when you're watching cable news.

00:52:09.960 So if that's how you get your information.

00:52:12.300 But also broadcast news.

00:52:13.280 I mean, I've worked at ABC and NBC.

00:52:15.300 And they all have this knee-jerk instinct to, forgive the term, but like sex it up.

00:52:19.240 Right?

00:52:19.420 To make it sexier or as sexy as it can be.

00:52:21.840 And to lead with the thing that's scariest.

00:52:24.320 So try not to get all of your news from television.

00:52:26.860 I think the papers are actually better at this.

00:52:29.100 And try to get your news from multiple sources.

00:52:30.920 Right?

00:52:31.120 Read from the left and the right.

00:52:32.200 I do think that the left is prone to more hysteria.

00:52:35.320 But trust me, working on Fox for all those years, they like the if it bleeds, it leads

00:52:39.540 approach too.

00:52:40.820 They'll definitely go for the most outrageous stuff.

00:52:42.660 So just remember that and discount everything you're hearing by a factor of 20%, I'd say.

00:52:48.940 That's sort of how I stayed calm during the whole COVID thing.

00:52:51.180 I'm like, I know it's real.

00:52:52.460 I know it's serious.

00:52:53.100 But there's absolutely 100% chance that they're enjoying playing this up.

00:52:59.200 That's how they are.

00:52:59.880 It's disgusting.

00:53:01.120 But it's true.

00:53:02.500 So just remember that.

00:53:03.500 And honestly, like, you don't want to live your life that way.

00:53:05.740 The more time you wallow in fear, the worse off you are in this world.

00:53:09.460 Like, put down the newspaper if you have to.

00:53:12.020 Like, my sister-in-law, Diane, she's lived most of her life not really being up on the

00:53:16.220 news.

00:53:16.660 And she lives in Cape Cod, and she's an oyster fisherman.

00:53:19.120 She's great.

00:53:19.640 Got a great story.

00:53:20.220 She went to Duke undergrad and Harvard for grad school, and now she's an oyster fisherman

00:53:23.220 on Cape Cod.

00:53:24.240 But she's a happy person.

00:53:25.780 You know?

00:53:26.440 She started getting into all the COVID news and the vaccines and all that.

00:53:29.120 She's gotten a little less happy, I think, because she's getting closer to the news.

00:53:32.520 So to be honest, the news can stress you out.

00:53:35.340 But I think, not to be too self-promotional, but you're in the right place.

00:53:38.720 I think one thing we do well here is we don't discuss the news with hysteria.

00:53:43.420 And we'll continue to do that, because if you go to hysterical people to deliver you

00:53:46.880 your facts, you're going to wind up a little bit more hysterical yourself.

00:53:50.120 We're fine.

00:53:51.120 It's all going to work out in the end.

00:53:53.660 Hefty, you know, more than a grain of salt, a big old boulder of salt when you listen to

00:53:58.820 journalists trying to tell you the sky is falling.

00:54:01.300 And read a book, hug your kid, and remember, I think it was Barry Weiss, or maybe it was

00:54:07.880 Alana.

00:54:08.460 I'm trying to remember who it was.

00:54:09.440 But they said, remember that the things that matter most in your life are generally within

00:54:13.420 12 feet of you, right?

00:54:14.700 The things and the people.

00:54:16.260 And that doesn't even include me, but it includes your family and your friends and your home

00:54:20.880 and yourself and your love.

00:54:23.860 That's where you go.

00:54:25.000 That's what matters.

00:54:26.340 Sky has not yet fallen.

00:54:28.240 And we're all going to be okay.

00:54:29.960 Thanks for the question.

00:54:31.300 Back to Andrew right after this.

00:54:39.720 The CDC said 78% of people who were hospitalized or needed a ventilator or who died from COVID-19

00:54:46.800 have been overweight or obese.

00:54:49.940 Almost 80%.

00:54:51.300 Do you think it's that they die of COVID or not being able to taste food for three days?

00:54:57.880 Oh, God.

00:54:58.600 I think it underscores the folly.

00:55:05.660 It underscores the folly of closing the gyms.

00:55:08.180 That's the worst time to close the gyms.

00:55:10.540 That's true.

00:55:11.240 Get people in the gyms immediately.

00:55:13.880 Did you get Corona?

00:55:15.560 No.

00:55:16.560 I didn't.

00:55:17.640 Nope.

00:55:18.340 Don't come to Florida.

00:55:19.340 You will get it immediately.

00:55:20.420 Me and I had it already back home.

00:55:22.640 But everybody on my team that moved to Florida with me got it within a week.

00:55:27.560 Literally within a week.

00:55:28.740 Every single one of them.

00:55:29.760 Yeah.

00:55:29.880 It's a guaranteed right of passage.

00:55:31.160 You move to Florida, you get Corona.

00:55:32.480 It is what it is.

00:55:33.400 A hundred percent.

00:55:33.980 But do people care?

00:55:35.320 I heard people don't care about Corona down in Florida.

00:55:38.260 If you wear a mask, it's almost looked down upon in a lot of places.

00:55:41.220 They're like, really?

00:55:42.500 Like, people love to tell you that they don't do the mask thing.

00:55:45.480 That's what they go.

00:55:46.060 Yeah, we don't do the mask thing.

00:55:47.500 The thing I really like about it is I took a cross-country flight and I fell asleep.

00:55:53.200 And it saves your dignity when you fall asleep and your jaw falls open.

00:55:57.560 Yeah.

00:55:57.900 Good point.

00:55:58.760 Good point.

00:55:59.400 Also, everybody's better looking with a mask.

00:56:01.260 There are advantages to the mask.

00:56:03.500 Not Prince Charles with his beady little eyes.

00:56:06.180 Yeah.

00:56:06.980 Charles doesn't have a good mask face.

00:56:09.940 But, yeah, I mean, it covers up them British teeth, though.

00:56:14.860 I mean, maybe that's why they're like, there's a new strain.

00:56:17.680 They just keep making up strains in the UK.

00:56:19.640 Just cover their fucking teeth.

00:56:25.500 So what happened to you when you got it?

00:56:28.520 Did it level you?

00:56:31.320 We were actually in the middle of doing the Netflix special.

00:56:34.200 And we got it.

00:56:35.820 And, I mean, it was whatever.

00:56:37.480 It wasn't that bad.

00:56:38.200 I mean, I'm in pretty good shape.

00:56:39.980 You know, it's just kind of annoying.

00:56:41.420 You're just, like, knocked out for 10 days.

00:56:43.860 You're just lower energy and you're tired easier.

00:56:47.480 But, yeah, it was okay.

00:56:48.960 I was...

00:56:49.600 Were you scared at all?

00:56:51.760 No.

00:56:52.560 Not really, to be honest with you.

00:56:54.540 I wasn't really scared.

00:56:57.800 No.

00:56:58.060 I mean, maybe a little bit in the back of your head.

00:56:59.800 I was more scared that, like, if my fiancé got it, if something happened to her, or if,

00:57:06.620 like, my parents got it because they were around me, and then I was in some way responsible

00:57:11.200 for their death.

00:57:11.820 That was terrifying for me.

00:57:14.220 But, yeah.

00:57:15.940 How old are you?

00:57:17.400 37.

00:57:18.760 Yeah.

00:57:19.100 So you have almost no risk from this thing.

00:57:22.200 So are you going to get the vaccine now?

00:57:24.160 Because, you know...

00:57:25.040 Yeah.

00:57:25.660 Do it.

00:57:26.240 Whatever.

00:57:26.780 There's a question about whether you need it after you had it.

00:57:29.460 Yeah.

00:57:29.840 I don't...

00:57:30.320 Honestly, I don't know.

00:57:31.820 Do we do the vaccine?

00:57:32.800 Like, let's get back to normal.

00:57:33.840 What do you need me to do to get back to normal?

00:57:35.380 Yeah.

00:57:35.920 Like, that's...

00:57:36.760 I mean, like, do we do the vaccine?

00:57:38.580 Do we not do the vaccine?

00:57:39.700 Like, what happens?

00:57:41.060 But we need to get back.

00:57:42.460 It's been enough.

00:57:43.480 The year?

00:57:44.240 Come on.

00:57:45.500 You're one of the few people for whom COVID has been, I think, great professionally.

00:57:50.200 Am I wrong?

00:57:50.920 Like, you found a way.

00:57:53.200 Yeah.

00:57:54.040 You found a way.

00:57:56.000 Like, you...

00:57:56.820 You know, it's just like the evolutionary process.

00:57:59.400 You found a way to keep getting your comedy out there on YouTube, which became huge.

00:58:04.260 And, like, the number of hits on those videos, which is where I first saw you, and the Netflix

00:58:09.580 special.

00:58:10.080 It's like, your career's taken off in this thing.

00:58:13.180 Yeah.

00:58:13.420 I mean, the way I look at it is, like, I mean, I knew this was going to happen because

00:58:18.040 once I saw, like, the late night shows and all the other comedy shows, like, once they

00:58:22.300 started producing stuff out of their homes, I was like, oh, yeah, this is a home game for

00:58:27.560 me.

00:58:28.280 Like, you're competing with me at what I do.

00:58:31.480 Right?

00:58:32.000 So, I've had to compete with you guys without all the flashy lights and a million different

00:58:35.660 camera angles and a fake crowd and all that kind of stuff.

00:58:38.480 So, it's like, once they were on my field, I was like, oh, it's done.

00:58:42.160 It's, oh, this is guaranteed, you know, to the moon, Dogecoin, whatever it is.

00:58:48.540 And, yeah.

00:58:50.080 And I just got a great, you know, great team of guys that are just like, you know, we're

00:58:54.320 all on the same page with what we want to do and what we want to put out.

00:58:57.300 And we just decided we're going to go out there and just murder shit this year.

00:59:01.420 And, uh, it is, it is weird to be like, yeah, the best year of my, my career happened during

00:59:06.540 the worst year of most people's, uh, lives.

00:59:11.340 But, um, but yeah, it is, uh, you got to be able to take advantage of things.

00:59:15.820 I don't know.

00:59:16.220 You got to be able to drive.

00:59:16.880 No, but you're, you're in one of those businesses where your career doing well helps the rest of

00:59:22.740 the people do well.

00:59:24.300 You're, I mean, you're in the business of making people laugh.

00:59:26.140 That's what did they need more this past year other than, yeah, yeah.

00:59:30.220 Right.

00:59:30.560 I guess, um, I don't know.

00:59:32.240 I don't like to look at myself in that way at all.

00:59:34.720 Like, uh, you know, uh, we, I'm doing this selfishly, right?

00:59:40.240 Like I enjoy making people laugh because it makes me feel good.

00:59:43.020 Right.

00:59:43.600 Like once, once you're an entertainer and you start acting like you're doing something for

00:59:48.120 a greater good, you're just lying.

00:59:51.820 Like that's what annoys me about Sacha Baron Cohen.

00:59:54.420 Like he was so funny.

00:59:55.620 Before he pretended to be this like activist.

00:59:58.720 It's like, dude, you're not an activist.

01:00:00.160 You need people to tell you you're good and funny and smart.

01:00:03.700 You need it or else you get depressed and sad.

01:00:06.720 Okay.

01:00:07.480 So you create these characters and to be honest, you're kind of a douchebag, right?

01:00:12.280 Like you're taking advantage of kind people who like let you in their home out of the

01:00:16.760 kindness of their hearts and then humiliating them for like millions of people.

01:00:20.160 Right.

01:00:20.980 And lying to them on the process of humiliating them and then letting the lawyers fight it

01:00:25.280 out when they sue you after they were nice to you.

01:00:27.340 And then you humiliated them and misrepresented them.

01:00:31.540 But when, so I don't even have an issue if he did that, if it was like a prank show,

01:00:35.780 I'm like, okay, that's fine.

01:00:36.580 We all have prank shows.

01:00:37.340 They're absolutely hilarious.

01:00:38.040 The second you started going like my comedy exposes racism and sexism and Islamophobia and anti-Semitism and all this nonsense.

01:00:49.140 And it's like, oh, dude, do you really think that we need you to tell us that racism exists in America?

01:00:57.020 Right.

01:00:57.680 Can you just make us laugh?

01:00:59.440 Yeah, dude.

01:01:00.680 Exactly.

01:01:01.180 Just be like, hey, I'm a douchebag that takes advantage of people and makes millions of dollars.

01:01:06.720 And that's what I do.

01:01:08.140 And we'll go, yeah, funny.

01:01:09.600 You're the funniest douchebag.

01:01:11.080 But the fact that you acted like you're exposing something.

01:01:13.900 Oh, shut the fuck up.

01:01:15.860 Shut your mouth.

01:01:17.400 That's what I feel like when I see that stuff.

01:01:19.300 I don't like him either.

01:01:20.400 I do.

01:01:20.680 I don't like mean and he's mean.

01:01:23.400 And like when you get people feeling sorry for Rudy Giuliani, you know, you're you're mean.

01:01:28.340 I felt bad with what he did to Rudy.

01:01:30.580 I like I don't know.

01:01:31.680 Just the whole thing.

01:01:32.460 I just every time I see him, I'm like, oh, trigger.

01:01:35.000 I just like he's nasty.

01:01:36.360 But it's he's sort of a bigger version of the late night comedians who are also mean and not that funny.

01:01:44.400 And, you know, that that home gig is really exposing.

01:01:47.000 It's exposing how badly they need the audience with sitting in front of the applause signs.

01:01:53.140 That's the thing.

01:01:53.980 It's they're not mean, the late night guys.

01:01:55.980 They're just.

01:01:57.740 They want to be invited to the party, man.

01:02:00.200 This is something that happens when you get in L.A.

01:02:02.460 And like most of these guys, like most comics are losers, right?

01:02:05.460 Like they never got laid till they started doing comedy.

01:02:07.540 Right.

01:02:07.940 So they're just kind of nerds.

01:02:10.160 And like when nerds get to sit at what they think is the cool table, it's really exciting.

01:02:13.960 And then when you act as if they could have their seat removed, they'll do anything to keep that seat.

01:02:20.520 So you get guys who are absolutely hilarious earlier in their career, like Jimmy Kimmel, just completely, you know, turning into these like, I don't know, just kind of like maybe like left wing mouthpieces just to keep their job.

01:02:35.380 I guess like I wouldn't even care completely nudist.

01:02:39.680 I don't care if you're like a left wing mouthpiece or right wing mouthpiece.

01:02:42.120 I don't care if that's what you believe in.

01:02:43.920 But the fact that you're completely changing who you are to fit the model that is the show so you can keep buying houses and fucking Utah or wherever you want to live.

01:02:54.020 It's just so corny to me.

01:02:55.820 I just it's just not funny.

01:02:57.620 Like, I feel like we all witnessed that happen.

01:03:00.840 We all witnessed that happen with Jimmy Fallon, who I think is is much more likable than those other guys.

01:03:06.180 But of course, he surrendered like he got hit for having that fun interview with Trump or he ruffled the hair.

01:03:12.500 People are like, you normalized him.

01:03:14.500 And then he tried to go political and like anti-Trump and it didn't work.

01:03:18.300 You could tell it wasn't authentic.

01:03:20.500 Yeah.

01:03:20.700 And it was just awkward.

01:03:22.100 Yeah.

01:03:22.280 I mean, you know, God bless Jimmy.

01:03:23.940 He's always been awkward to me.

01:03:25.600 I don't.

01:03:26.920 Yeah.

01:03:27.340 I've never thought I'd really like to hear Jimmy have a discussion with somebody.

01:03:31.640 I think that they did a brilliant job of of just creating games out of the show.

01:03:37.140 And the thing that they did different that I thought was really smart is made the celebrities look vulnerable in the games.

01:03:43.520 So instead of Jimmy getting a pie thrown in his face, it's Ariana Grande or some famous person that you would never see in a vulnerable moment.

01:03:50.480 And I was like, oh, that's genius what they did.

01:03:53.360 And they'll use Jimmy's likability and then create these games.

01:03:56.580 And it's fun.

01:03:57.580 But yeah, once he like went political and then they just all pussied out.

01:04:02.320 That's the thing.

01:04:03.040 It's like the second there's a little bit of negative feedback, they get so terrified because they think that the Internet is reality when it's not reality.

01:04:10.700 You know, and and yeah, but that's you know, that's the thing is like when you have your own platforms, like you have your own YouTube page or Patreon or your own podcast, like your own.

01:04:23.860 You only have to be loyal to your constituents.

01:04:25.920 Right.

01:04:26.360 You only have to be loyal to your shareholders, if you will.

01:04:28.780 But if you work for NBC or even Netflix, you have to be loyal to their shareholders and their constituents and their shareholders are not a monolith.

01:04:40.620 Some of their shareholders might be upset at the shit you say.

01:04:43.420 Some of their shareholders might like it.

01:04:45.100 And if those people that are upset are loud enough, they can potentially cancel you because ABC or NBC has to be loyal to their shareholders, not to the show that they're putting on.

01:04:57.740 So you're always going to be vulnerable to that with the current system that we have unless you control your platform.

01:05:04.020 That's right.

01:05:04.340 In other circumstances, they can use whatever you say as an excuse to get rid of you for whatever else is happening behind the scenes that they're upset about.

01:05:11.600 You know, it's like, is that the mercy of these?

01:05:14.360 No comment.

01:05:16.220 Kate, are you not allowed to talk about that stuff?

01:05:18.640 I'm not even allowed to talk about whether I'm allowed to talk.

01:05:22.080 Really?

01:05:23.760 Let's just say, let me put it in general terms.

01:05:25.660 Wow.

01:05:25.920 Let's just say my industry is so fucked up because when media people get in trouble, you're fighting media people who know how to manipulate the media and do an all out assault on you.

01:05:37.900 So it's it's like high level jujitsu and you might have been trained a little, but you're never going to be trained as well or control as many outlets as the big companies do.

01:05:47.800 So whatever narrative they want to put out, they can put out and you can fight back.

01:05:51.780 But it's teaspoons in the ocean.

01:05:53.500 One thing I like about you is you're totally non PC.

01:05:57.040 I even I have a very high bar for all conversation and jokes and discussion.

01:06:02.280 And I had a couple of moments where I was like, oh, my God, I can't look at the screen and watching some of your stuff.

01:06:08.240 But I I like that.

01:06:09.340 It's refreshing.

01:06:10.060 You're not afraid to go there.

01:06:11.960 No, because I don't need to be right.

01:06:14.260 I'm telling you how I feel and how I feel is sometimes wrong and sometimes it's right.

01:06:22.300 But it is how I feel.

01:06:24.260 And I think comics that are good comics and get things right and even pundits to do the same thing can express that they have a feeling without saying that that's how the world should be.

01:06:34.640 You know what I'm saying?

01:06:35.720 Yeah.

01:06:35.960 Like, yeah, I'm sure there are times where like my girlfriend, my fiance, whatever the hell term we have to use.

01:06:41.840 But I'm sure there are times where she wants to just like punch me in the face.

01:06:44.880 Now, that's a wrong thing to do.

01:06:47.160 And she doesn't do it.

01:06:48.220 But she felt like she wanted to.

01:06:50.320 But I'm not going to be angry at her for that feeling because that's, I'm sure, a relatable feeling.

01:06:55.400 I'm sure a lot of people want to punch me in the face.

01:06:57.980 Matter of fact, it might be the most relatable feeling that she has in terms of like the general public.

01:07:04.020 So as long as I put things out there in terms of how I feel and not dictate whether things are right or wrong, I think that that's something that people can respect because you're just being honest, you know?

01:07:17.520 Now, but do you get so in a way I I hope this is a compliment, but in a way you remind me of Dave Chappelle, where he just says the most incendiary things that you are not allowed to say you are not allowed to say that you can't use racial stereotypes or short forms about black people, about Asians, about white people, but Italians, about what?

01:07:39.020 And you're like, no, I don't follow any of those rules.

01:07:41.580 And your audience laughs there.

01:07:43.700 They're there.

01:07:44.600 They're with you.

01:07:45.680 They and they can't all know what they're getting when they go to see Andrew Schultz.

01:07:49.420 Some some may not know what they're I've never seen people recoil in horror that you've crossed the third rail of politically correct comedy.

01:07:57.580 So is that well, I don't know.

01:08:00.160 Is it scary for you in today's day and age of wokeness to be as bold on that as you are?

01:08:04.360 No, not at all.

01:08:05.980 Not at all.

01:08:06.740 Least bit scary.

01:08:07.920 No, this is this is just funny.

01:08:09.740 This is what we do.

01:08:10.740 Also, I've got the most diverse audience in comedy.

01:08:13.900 It's not even close.

01:08:14.880 So it's like when I'm telling a joke, if I'm saying a joke about an Asian person or a black person, right, I'm saying it to their face.

01:08:23.560 With other black people or Asians or white people or Jews or Muslims, whatever, it's happening to them and you get to see how they react.

01:08:32.380 So instead of like a bunch of like white ladies coming on the Internet and being offended on behalf of someone else who isn't even angry, you get to see how they react in the moment.

01:08:40.440 And there's a trust that's built up because I've been doing this for over a decade.

01:08:45.220 Right.

01:08:45.680 And these people know me and they know my heart and they know what we're all signing up for when we come out to the show.

01:08:50.620 Right.

01:08:51.240 Everybody's taking part of this.

01:08:52.340 Right.

01:08:52.480 It's a dodgeball game.

01:08:53.440 It's like when you go to play dodgeball, you're not upset if someone hits you with a dodgeball.

01:08:57.380 Right.

01:08:57.820 Because that's what you signed up for.

01:08:59.940 So, yeah, I don't I don't worry about it.

01:09:02.400 Matter of fact, it's like I relish in it.

01:09:04.380 Like these are the times where like great comedians get to be born.

01:09:07.740 Like great comedians come from times of censorship.

01:09:10.780 They don't come from times of say whatever the fuck you want.

01:09:14.400 You name any great comedian throughout history, they were pushing back against something.

01:09:18.160 There was some sort of institution where, you know, that that the general public didn't like that made their voice valuable.

01:09:25.640 If you could say anything, then when you can say anything, comedy becomes like irreverent and it becomes absurdist.

01:09:31.060 You know, you're talking about like like a Zach Galifianakis types really thrive when you could say anything, you know, yeah, because we're like, OK, well, what is there to push back against?

01:09:42.920 Well, we'll push back against the institution of comedy.

01:09:45.820 There's no institutions to push back against.

01:09:48.360 Well, we'll push back against comedy itself.

01:09:50.760 But when there are institutions to push back against, when there is some sort of like cultural unrest, that's when, you know, comics who are confident in their feelings and believe in their feelings tend to thrive.

01:10:01.520 So it's cool.

01:10:03.240 Well, and you're what I've noticed is you're an equal opportunity offender.

01:10:06.360 There's no group that's safe, which is what makes it so fun.

01:10:09.740 Like everyone's going to get it.

01:10:11.860 And they and they're laughing, too.

01:10:13.760 And one thing I noticed about you that I don't know, I've spent a lot of time at the Comedy Cellar, which I freaking love.

01:10:20.320 Not all comedians laugh heartily at their own best jokes.

01:10:25.100 But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:27.640 I'm funny.

01:10:28.480 That's why.

01:10:32.500 All right.

01:10:33.080 So is that what's happening?

01:10:34.080 You're genuinely cracking yourself up?

01:10:36.340 Yeah.

01:10:36.600 Like there's two times.

01:10:38.100 Well, two like ways I'll laugh on stage.

01:10:39.900 Right.

01:10:40.140 Like one way I'll laugh is like if something happens in the moment that is just so wild, because a lot of moments that I share on YouTube, I have like an hour of material that like I'll do on the road.

01:10:51.300 But I also will just, you know, mess around with the audience and like, you know, we'll have these crazy moments like just last week in Salt Lake.

01:10:59.980 There's a guy and his girlfriend is at the show.

01:11:02.260 And then the guy next to the girl just so happened to have had sex with the girl before the other couple started dating.

01:11:09.900 So it's just like this crazy occurrence that will never happen again.

01:11:13.560 And we happen to record it.

01:11:15.080 So like we put that out.

01:11:16.200 So these things are always fun.

01:11:17.520 These things are happening for me as well.

01:11:19.540 Right.

01:11:19.860 So I'm seeing something happen in real time.

01:11:21.860 I'm like, oh, that's really funny that that happened.

01:11:23.340 And then the other reason why I laugh is I can't fucking believe that I'm able to say these things out loud for a living.

01:11:32.600 Like I'll just say something and then I'll just kind of chuckle myself.

01:11:36.600 He's like, this is a crazy way to make a living.

01:11:41.340 What the fuck just happened?

01:11:44.420 You are on the tightrope.

01:11:46.120 Yeah, but it makes no sense.

01:11:49.180 It makes no sense.

01:11:50.720 Megan, it makes no sense.

01:11:52.420 So were you always funny?

01:11:55.440 Yeah.

01:11:56.880 Yeah.

01:11:57.500 You came into the world that way.

01:11:59.380 Yeah.

01:11:59.780 Yeah.

01:12:00.100 I was funny and I valued being funny.

01:12:05.220 I always and I valued people that were funny.

01:12:08.400 I really admired people that were funny.

01:12:10.400 You know, like older, I didn't have any older brothers, but like my friends who had older brothers, if they were funny, you know, I just loved listening to them say jokes and bust balls.

01:12:22.940 And I just thought they were the coolest people.

01:12:25.880 Like if you were funny, you were the coolest guy to me.

01:12:28.640 Right.

01:12:28.840 Anybody who's funny was just my aunts were really funny.

01:12:31.880 My mom's Scottish and like Scottish women have like a real sharp wit.

01:12:34.840 Like I get my my wit from my the women on my mom's side.

01:12:41.200 Same.

01:12:42.580 And it is.

01:12:43.780 I mean, they're just they were brutal.

01:12:45.860 They toughen me up.

01:12:47.100 They toughen me up.

01:12:48.600 Those women were brutal.

01:12:50.620 And oh, my God, the dudes couldn't keep up with them.

01:12:54.160 They would run the house and they would tear these guys down.

01:12:57.760 It was unbelievable to see.

01:12:59.860 So like I also may be a little bit, you know, tough when we come to like the gender dynamic stuff, because I just grew up with like really strong, successful women.

01:13:07.380 So like when I hear like these like chicks who went to Harvard crying about how hard it is for women, I'm just like, sweetheart, grow the fuck up and get some better role models.

01:13:17.280 To me, too, that there's nothing more incendiary, more infuriating than seeing somebody with a ton of advantages playing the victim and acting like everything is as undermined them.

01:13:28.480 It's like I was just talking about this after Rush Limbaugh died, because one of his most controversial moments was when he was referring to this Sandra Fluck as a slut.

01:13:36.620 He called her a slut.

01:13:37.540 It's not a nice thing to do.

01:13:38.700 I get it.

01:13:39.440 But Rush was part comedian.

01:13:40.840 Number one, a lot of his bits were done with that sort of tongue in cheek attitude.

01:13:44.620 And number two, Sandra Fluck took the went and testified before Congress about how we all needed to pay for her birth control.

01:13:50.580 And it was outrageous.

01:13:51.440 She was pissed that birth control can can run up the bills every month.

01:13:55.800 And how is she supposed to afford it?

01:13:57.500 Meanwhile, she was at Georgetown Law School, Georgetown Law.

01:14:01.220 Like, give me a break.

01:14:02.440 I went to Albany Law School.

01:14:03.740 Somehow I found a way, Sandra.

01:14:05.620 Try harder.

01:14:06.840 Yeah.

01:14:07.460 But, you know, what's weird is like, yeah, I'll pay for your birth control.

01:14:12.200 I don't think guys are pushing back on that that much.

01:14:16.640 There's one thing we're probably willing to pay for.

01:14:18.900 It's birth control.

01:14:19.920 Like, what dude is going to be like, nope, they got to cough it up to themselves.

01:14:25.120 I'll pay $18 for a cocktail, but I refuse to pay 30 cents a month for all women to have birth control.

01:14:34.560 You raise a good point.

01:14:37.120 Rush did not feel the same.

01:14:38.480 You see this happen all the time where, like, I actually, it kind of, like, annoys me that, like, there's, like, this, like, pushback against feminism, right?

01:14:50.300 Which you see not only this modern, like, third wave or fourth wave.

01:14:53.600 I don't know how many fucking waves we're at right now.

01:14:55.120 But in its inception, the way, like, I've digested feminism is it's almost as if, like, some dude snuck in there and, like, convinced women to become awesome, you know?

01:15:10.880 Like, literally, you see these marches where girls are like, I want to be able to free the nipple.

01:15:17.460 And it's like, is that really your idea?

01:15:20.280 Or did a guy convince you guys to take your shirts off, right?

01:15:24.840 Like, girls are like, we should be able to get abortions.

01:15:28.580 Girls are like, we need to make equal money so we could work.

01:15:31.740 Like, and we could pay half of the bill.

01:15:33.920 And it's like, yeah, this is awesome.

01:15:35.380 Like, guys, shut the fuck up.

01:15:37.260 Just let them do this shit, okay?

01:15:39.680 Because we're on the same page, finally.

01:15:44.420 Right?

01:15:44.820 I never looked at it quite that way.

01:15:47.460 Feminism is for men.

01:15:48.900 I think we invented it.

01:15:51.680 Tell me one bad thing for dudes.

01:15:54.840 Like, I get to pay half for dinner.

01:15:57.280 Girls get to walk around topless all the time.

01:15:59.560 If we make a little mistake, you know, she's 100% down to take care of it.

01:16:04.140 It's like, tell me where this is at.

01:16:06.520 You no longer have to hold doors open for us.

01:16:09.200 You don't have to let us pay when we go out to dinner.

01:16:11.580 You don't have to pay when you go out to dinner.

01:16:12.900 It's like, there are a lot of advantages.

01:16:14.680 You're right.

01:16:15.140 Now that I think it through.

01:16:15.860 Feminism, I mean, this seems like feminism seems like it is a bigger disadvantage to women than it is to men.

01:16:22.140 Like, I don't know.

01:16:24.240 It's just instead of like having your bra hold your boobs up all day, you got to just let them fucking hang there.

01:16:29.760 Like, bra seems convenient.

01:16:33.240 Right?

01:16:33.640 That could be good and that could be bad.

01:16:36.640 My mom always jokes, my mom's going to be 80 in July.

01:16:39.120 She always jokes that when she was younger, she was a 38C.

01:16:43.960 But now she's almost 80.

01:16:45.080 She's a 44 long.

01:16:46.220 She needs that bra.

01:16:52.300 She can't burn that bra.

01:16:53.980 She needs that bra.

01:16:54.560 She never wears one.

01:16:55.780 She never.

01:16:56.300 I'm like, mom, you got to wear a bra.

01:16:57.600 She's like, I don't like it.

01:16:58.440 It's uncomfortable.

01:16:59.240 Meanwhile, there's this story that lives in infamy of my family of when she went.

01:17:03.280 It was it was like basic.

01:17:04.700 It was almost parodied in the movie Swingers.

01:17:07.080 My mom and the family went out to a diner.

01:17:10.540 She's sitting on the one end of the booth.

01:17:12.160 And my sister, whose daughter was just a baby, is right across from her.

01:17:15.760 And my mom's going, how big is Emily?

01:17:18.000 Which is the baby.

01:17:18.920 So big with the arms above the head.

01:17:20.760 So big.

01:17:21.840 And there's a guy in the booth behind Suzanne and Emily, like staring at my mother.

01:17:27.100 And my mother is like, she can't take her eyes off of me.

01:17:29.060 He can't take his eyes off of me.

01:17:30.160 Look at him.

01:17:30.440 Look at him.

01:17:30.780 I mean, truly, half of this is parodied in Swingers.

01:17:33.500 And my mom's like, I still got it.

01:17:35.220 Which she always says.

01:17:35.960 She's always like, I still got it.

01:17:37.620 And it turns out my mom didn't have a bra on.

01:17:40.400 And she lifted up her sweatshirt as she's going so big, so big.

01:17:43.920 And showing her tits?

01:17:45.720 Yes.

01:17:46.220 And they're so long now.

01:17:47.400 They're like the 44 long.

01:17:48.340 She didn't.

01:17:49.740 Oh, I love it.

01:17:51.140 She got those Aladdin slippers.

01:17:53.760 That's what happens to tits as they keep going.

01:17:55.700 What's an Aladdin slipper?

01:17:56.980 What do you mean?

01:17:57.820 I don't get it.

01:17:58.180 You know Aladdin?

01:17:59.160 Yeah.

01:17:59.580 You know the movie Aladdin?

01:18:00.340 You know the shoes he wears?

01:18:01.640 They're like pointy at the tip?

01:18:04.120 That's what boobs turn into.

01:18:05.960 I certainly hope not.

01:18:11.680 Oh my God.

01:18:12.600 Also, Swingers, a movie changed my life.

01:18:15.920 How?

01:18:16.960 Robin, it's just like the most amazing movie I ever saw in my entire life.

01:18:20.980 Especially at this like, I forget exactly how old I was when I saw it.

01:18:25.040 But like, my whole life changed in that moment.

01:18:28.000 It was spectacular.

01:18:30.100 It really was.

01:18:30.920 Vince Vaughn.

01:18:31.880 Oh, he was amazing.

01:18:32.660 Is it like, he basically taught me in that moment, like, you can be charming and charismatic

01:18:39.200 to women and they will appreciate it.

01:18:42.600 What showed you that in that movie?

01:18:44.800 Like, he would go up to these girls and he'd just say wild stuff and have these crazy stories

01:18:48.840 and like, big up his friends and like, oh, look how cool my friend is.

01:18:52.320 And yeah, we're going to do this.

01:18:53.600 And like, he was just this crazy schmoozer, right?

01:18:57.060 And like, the way that he would talk about how cool his friends were so that the girls

01:19:00.260 would see value in his friends.

01:19:01.520 But it also made him look cool to be so vulnerable to like, big up his friend instead of himself.

01:19:06.960 And I think before that, all my examples of like, male role models were either like, Bruce

01:19:12.220 Willis, like, like, in order to get laid, I got to save America, which was a lot, right?

01:19:17.960 Or super like, romantic movies where, you know, our love has been etched in stone and yada,

01:19:26.180 yada, yada.

01:19:26.500 It was the first person I saw that like, reflected what I thought my personality was.

01:19:31.180 And I didn't know that you could use that personality with the opposite sex and that

01:19:35.000 they would like, find it fun and entertaining.

01:19:37.280 And immediately after that, I was like, oh, that's how you can meet women and like, court

01:19:41.880 women.

01:19:42.240 You can have fun with them.

01:19:43.720 You don't have to like, pretend you're in a fucking romantic, not even a romantic comedy,

01:19:48.540 like some like, romance novel.

01:19:50.540 And you're so beautiful.

01:19:52.100 And I love you.

01:19:53.080 Your hair is this.

01:19:54.200 And I long for you and all this other nonsense, but you can actually treat them like human

01:19:58.680 beings and like, be charming and fun with them.

01:20:02.400 And it was just so cool to see that.

01:20:04.680 Don't get me wrong.

01:20:05.480 If we watch the movie now, I'm sure it's like douchey and sexist and all this other stuff.

01:20:09.440 But who cares?

01:20:10.560 Yeah.

01:20:10.800 But at its core, I thought it was really cool to show that like, women like charming guys.

01:20:17.440 I think that they want a knight in shining armor when it requires a knight in shining armor.

01:20:23.800 But I think that a knight in shining armor all the time is exhausting.

01:20:29.160 You know, do you know what I mean?

01:20:30.160 Like, yeah, I do.

01:20:31.360 I don't know.

01:20:31.820 I think it's like you're insulting women's intelligence by acting as if you can't engage

01:20:36.920 them intellectually.

01:20:37.740 And I think banter is what I think British people call it, is an intellectual endeavor.

01:20:45.100 Like, it's fun to like exchange wits with someone.

01:20:48.380 And I don't know, the women I've always connected with value that.

01:20:52.340 And I've always valued that, you know, in them.

01:20:55.420 And I think when society is critical of like hot chicks that just have nothing else, that's

01:21:01.920 what they're actually critical of.

01:21:03.480 They just don't know how to express it.

01:21:04.860 Like, it's almost like, I understand you're hot, but I still want to have banter with

01:21:10.420 you.

01:21:11.140 And if you think that you can just be hot and not supply any banter, that's almost insulting

01:21:19.400 to me.

01:21:20.360 Well, you're going to wind up with a loser.

01:21:22.100 You're going to wind up with a loser.

01:21:23.300 That's the hard thing.

01:21:24.500 Like women, they got to work on developing their whole personalities, because if you're

01:21:27.620 just going to go off your looks, you're going to wind up with a loser.

01:21:29.860 That's the truth.

01:21:31.160 Yeah.

01:21:31.900 Yeah.

01:21:32.340 And look, you should have some.

01:21:33.660 Like, I, maybe it's sexist to say this, but like, yeah, I think guys should try to be

01:21:37.580 successful financially still.

01:21:39.780 Like there's going to be a time where your girl can't do anything because she just squeezed

01:21:43.680 the baby out.

01:21:44.660 She got to look after that for a few months.

01:21:47.160 Like you should be able to hold it down for that time period.

01:21:49.680 If I was a girl, it's pretty vulnerable.

01:21:51.800 I like to make you feel like you're secure.

01:21:53.600 So I don't know if that's sexism.

01:21:55.660 You can call it sexism if you want.

01:21:57.080 But like if my girl goes, hey, I think I'd like to take a few months off after squeezing a

01:22:00.900 human being out of my vagina.

01:22:02.700 Can you hold it down?

01:22:03.700 I'm like, yeah, that's the point.

01:22:05.080 That's that's my job.

01:22:06.780 So maybe we need a little bit of sexism.

01:22:09.740 In a perfect world, you've got the woman has a good job and her maternity leave is going

01:22:13.180 to make that whole decision a lot easier.

01:22:14.860 But yeah, the partnership.

01:22:16.040 And I mean, I love what you're saying about swingers because I love that movie, too.

01:22:20.280 And Vince Vaughn, I mean, it's what made him a star.

01:22:22.540 And his character was utterly charming.

01:22:24.920 And I'm sure you related to it because he was funny.

01:22:27.520 He was quick.

01:22:28.340 He was clever.

01:22:29.560 And I like what you said about how he he built his friend up.

01:22:34.180 That's so true, too.

01:22:35.400 I think that's attractive in either sex, right?

01:22:38.320 Not to be threatened by your friend, but to be showing them off, to be supporting them,

01:22:42.400 to be building them up.

01:22:44.060 Yes, it's attractive, actually, like someone with the confidence to big up their friend.

01:22:50.860 To me, I'm looking at that person like, oh, you're so confident in who you are that you

01:22:56.320 don't even need my validation.

01:22:58.080 You want my validation to go to your friend.

01:23:00.560 That's hot.

01:23:02.460 Right.

01:23:03.120 It's true.

01:23:03.900 You're so money.

01:23:04.700 You don't even know it.

01:23:05.640 You're so money.

01:23:06.460 You don't even know it, Megan.

01:23:10.360 Do you watch a lot of movies?

01:23:11.780 What do you do in your spare time?

01:23:14.280 How do you refuel that brain with new information for your act?

01:23:18.460 I don't know.

01:23:19.360 To be honest with you, that's a great...

01:23:21.420 I just try to feel things.

01:23:23.480 And anytime I try to write jokes about things that I don't have any connection to, it doesn't

01:23:27.900 work out.

01:23:29.380 Yeah.

01:23:29.740 It's like I need to feel...

01:23:30.720 Well, you seem like you're watching the news a lot because your humor is so timely.

01:23:36.760 Not even, to be honest with you.

01:23:37.920 When we were doing the weekly pieces where I would do those rants, we would do an immense

01:23:41.920 amount of research.

01:23:42.700 And it was a painful amount of research so that we could be right.

01:23:47.080 But when we're just busting balls, again, I just like to soak in what the story is and

01:23:51.300 then just say how I feel about the story.

01:23:54.500 Like, what is my knee jerk?

01:23:56.980 When I found out China was doing those anal swab tests, you know?

01:24:00.700 Oh, my God.

01:24:01.560 Just to tell the audience what you're talking about because that was a horrible thing.

01:24:04.860 So for foreigners, if you want to go to China now, there's a new COVID test that was developed

01:24:10.100 that's actually more accurate, they say.

01:24:12.320 And the swab doesn't go up your nose.

01:24:14.440 It goes up your rectum, right?

01:24:16.140 And my knee jerk reaction to that was, you know, why do Chinese people need to get 100

01:24:25.680 on every test?

01:24:27.620 You know, like, isn't 99 good enough, right?

01:24:33.860 Like, what's the PCR?

01:24:35.700 Is that 98?

01:24:36.580 Like, I'll take a 98.

01:24:38.540 So like, that's just, that's the type of way that I can write jokes.

01:24:42.780 I just have to feel something.

01:24:44.480 I can't manifest it.

01:24:46.160 Like, there's some comics, they just try to say the funniest thing about Uber.

01:24:49.580 I don't care about that.

01:24:51.040 I want to feel something about the topic.

01:24:54.840 That's hilarious and so disturbing.

01:24:57.760 I mean, whereupon no one ever went to visit China again, ever.

01:25:00.740 Who would do that?

01:25:01.800 Who would consent?

01:25:03.120 You're walking around China and everybody there goes, whoa, he really wanted to be here.

01:25:10.000 They're just looking at you laughing.

01:25:11.560 They know what you went through to have a Peking duck.

01:25:14.900 That's a big sacrifice.

01:25:17.440 And the story was, we had a bunch of diplomats go over there, the US, and many of them were

01:25:23.120 subjected to this.

01:25:24.300 And this, the story was, they complained because they felt it was undignified.

01:25:29.840 Like, you think?

01:25:30.980 Yeah.

01:25:31.520 Send me back, dude.

01:25:32.500 I'm not, we're not doing this.

01:25:33.740 You're not putting anything in my butt.

01:25:34.840 I don't care.

01:25:35.460 No.

01:25:35.660 Oh my God.

01:25:37.680 I mean, that takes like the TSA search that we find undignified to a whole new level.

01:25:42.900 Oh yeah.

01:25:43.360 Oh yeah.

01:25:43.700 That's just not going to happen.

01:25:44.920 You're not going to do it.

01:25:45.940 Send me back.

01:25:46.560 I would just say, send me back.

01:25:47.860 Put me back.

01:25:48.380 Put me on a plane.

01:25:49.020 You're not going to put anything in my butt.

01:25:50.280 It's not happening.

01:25:53.320 It's not going to happen.

01:25:54.140 I don't put anything in my own butt.

01:25:55.440 I don't do that to me.

01:25:57.000 So you can't do that to me.

01:25:58.400 Well, let me tell you something.

01:25:59.060 This describes a lot of sexual experiences a lot of women have had and discussions they've

01:26:03.840 had.

01:26:05.120 Let's get something straight right from the top.

01:26:09.820 The anal swab.

01:26:11.120 It's just an anal swab.

01:26:13.020 It's not going to be right.

01:26:14.040 That's all.

01:26:14.940 You won't feel a thing.

01:26:17.860 I never understood that.

01:26:19.280 I never understood why people even want to explore that hole.

01:26:23.000 It just doesn't make sense to me.

01:26:25.000 Straight people, you mean?

01:26:26.960 Yeah.

01:26:27.160 Well, gay guys got to do it because that's the only option.

01:26:30.120 It's not like they want to.

01:26:31.720 It's not the only option, but it's.

01:26:33.420 Yeah.

01:26:33.700 I mean, it's the only option where you guys still get to have a nice conversation.

01:26:43.160 Do you think that's what they're doing?

01:26:46.160 It's the only option where you can still have eye contact.

01:26:48.980 You know, the important things about sex.

01:26:52.200 Maybe.

01:26:53.680 Maybe, maybe not.

01:26:55.260 I don't know.

01:26:55.960 It's just so weird.

01:26:56.740 Like, it's just this, it's almost like this manifest destiny thing about it, you know?

01:27:00.760 Like.

01:27:01.160 Well, I feel bad for the girls today because, you know, back in my day, men had access to

01:27:05.820 like penthouse, penthouse forum.

01:27:08.160 But there was no internet when I grew up in the 80s.

01:27:10.800 And now these kids are like looking at the dirtiest, most disgusting, weird porn that no

01:27:15.960 one in real life does and trying to convince these young girls that that's a thing, right?

01:27:20.680 Like, that's what everybody's doing.

01:27:22.100 That's what sex is like.

01:27:23.040 It's ruining sex for both parties.

01:27:24.880 You know what?

01:27:25.620 You're 100% right.

01:27:26.540 And like, people get so fixated on these like stupid issues that involve sexism.

01:27:31.000 Like, it's just cartoon characters.

01:27:32.760 Sex is like when they don't realize that there's an entire generation of young people that are

01:27:40.120 probably now adults that grew up watching porn and thinking that's what sex is.

01:27:46.920 And the problem with that is porn is for men.

01:27:54.280 Like, it's not for girls.

01:27:56.940 There are girls in it, but it's not for them, right?

01:28:00.320 They have like, I know a lot of girls that say they watch lesbian porn.

01:28:03.800 And I'm like, yeah, that makes sense.

01:28:05.240 Even if you're not gay, because at least they're trying to make the women feel good.

01:28:12.440 So it's like you put up with the lesbianism because you're like, well, at least I can

01:28:16.060 imagine that I'm that girl and there's someone that wants me to feel good in the porn.

01:28:21.540 But there's all these girls that are thinking that's what's normalized sex is.

01:28:25.320 I'm shocked that this is not like a story every single day.

01:28:28.320 I know.

01:28:28.880 It's crazy.

01:28:29.500 You know who's been raising the alarm about this?

01:28:32.240 Pamela Anderson.

01:28:33.860 Really?

01:28:34.340 Pamela Anderson has made this one of her, this and Julian Assange.

01:28:38.300 Those are, and animals.

01:28:39.580 Those are her three big causes.

01:28:41.060 But she knows a thing or two about this weird industry.

01:28:44.680 She was never a porn star.

01:28:45.760 She, you know, she gave pictures to Playboy.

01:28:48.900 No, she had the porn.

01:28:49.920 She had the video.

01:28:50.420 It's adjacent.

01:28:51.700 It's well, but that wasn't like her willingly engaging in porn.

01:28:55.560 Right.

01:28:55.740 Wasn't that just like a home video of action that then got released or stolen?

01:28:59.800 It was stolen out of their house.

01:29:01.300 Stolen.

01:29:01.600 You're right.

01:29:01.940 It was stolen.

01:29:03.100 Yeah.

01:29:03.400 Yeah.

01:29:03.600 Yeah.

01:29:03.800 She's I've talked to her.

01:29:05.300 She's actually I mean, I don't know how to say this, but the phrase that's coming to

01:29:09.680 my head is she's a good girl.

01:29:10.820 Like she's she's smart and she's thoughtful.

01:29:13.340 Yeah.

01:29:13.780 And she was like she had a really interesting outlook on Harvey Weinstein.

01:29:17.400 Like she said, like the women, they need to think hard, long and hard about why they

01:29:22.620 accept an invitation to go right into his hotel room at 11 o'clock at night for for a

01:29:26.840 meeting.

01:29:27.080 And I and I could defend the women all day long.

01:29:28.760 But I just I like different thinkers who are like, remember this, too.

01:29:32.260 I was Pamela Anderson.

01:29:33.280 I never did that.

01:29:34.000 I had lots of opportunities.

01:29:34.940 But my mom in Canada told me, beware.

01:29:38.100 Right.

01:29:39.160 That's interesting about Weinstein.

01:29:40.940 You know, I don't think it's enough shit with Weinstein is the people that protected

01:29:44.920 Weinstein, because like they're going to be Weinsteins in the world.

01:29:49.880 Like, obviously, this guy's a douchebag and he should die in jail.

01:29:52.320 But like there's going to be more versions of him.

01:29:55.180 Right.

01:29:55.920 And women should be able to complain about Weinstein.

01:30:01.340 And also, by the way, there's Weinsteins for dudes in Hollywood, too.

01:30:04.380 Like this is the big kept secret.

01:30:07.340 Right.

01:30:07.560 There's a bunch of like gay casting directors and a gay producer, et cetera.

01:30:11.580 They're like, take advantage of these, you know, young actors.

01:30:14.100 And they're doing the exact same thing.

01:30:15.440 But nobody wants to talk about it.

01:30:16.700 But that's fine.

01:30:17.680 But so there are people that protect the Weinstein.

01:30:21.480 In other words, there are girls that complain about that time in the hotel room.

01:30:25.740 And then they get silenced.

01:30:27.880 And that I have a huge problem with because there are going to be other Weinsteins.

01:30:32.280 And you should be able to complain about these people and have your complaints listened to and heard.

01:30:39.600 And then those people should be able to get those people in trouble or this, that, the other.

01:30:44.340 But when when the person who is the victim of this, you know, sexual assault complains and then is told to shut the fuck up by a bunch of people who are still around, I'm sure now and have received no justice at all.

01:30:59.140 Well, that's when the system completely falls apart and someone feels, you know, completely helpless.

01:31:04.540 So you need to look no further than, you know, people like Meryl Streep calling Harvey a god at the Oscars.

01:31:11.420 I think it was a guy or the Globes, whatever one of those one year, which is a message everybody was reinforcing about him, even though there were rumors about what a shitty guy he was for a long, long time, which people either had no desire to look into or just didn't want to believe.

01:31:25.360 Notwithstanding the proof staring them in the face.

01:31:28.300 Yeah, I mean, like, again, it's the same thing as Sacha Baron Cohen.

01:31:31.560 They just want to be invited to the party.

01:31:33.520 They just want to be able to make the movie.

01:31:35.440 Oh, yeah, they want the rules.

01:31:37.360 They need the attention.

01:31:39.140 They're addicted to this attention.

01:31:41.160 And they are willing to look past absolutely anything in order to continue to get it.

01:31:46.060 It's an addiction.

01:31:46.840 So let me ask you a question, because we're sitting here and breaking news just came in across the wires as we were chatting.

01:31:54.840 It's kind of a little bit relates to the discussion we had at the top, which is, you know, Piers Morgan, right?

01:32:00.720 Of Good Morning Britain.

01:32:02.060 Yeah.

01:32:02.540 Whatever happened to him?

01:32:03.880 Like, he went bad or something?

01:32:05.560 Well, he's out now.

01:32:06.640 He's it.

01:32:07.600 The statement is and he's been hosting Good Morning Britain with his co-host, Susanna, for a long time.

01:32:12.740 I was just on the show talking about Markle and Harry following discussions with ITV.

01:32:17.480 That's the network.

01:32:18.080 Piers Morgan has decided now is the time to leave Good Morning Britain.

01:32:22.320 ITV has accepted this decision and has nothing further to add.

01:32:27.580 Hmm.

01:32:29.700 Hmm.

01:32:30.840 What do you think it is?

01:32:31.700 I don't know what to make of that.

01:32:32.820 What do you think it is?

01:32:33.420 Well, he's been embattled.

01:32:34.600 He's very anti Meghan Markle, which he has been.

01:32:37.920 And look, I guess the better way of saying it is he's not drinking the Kool-Aid on her.

01:32:42.740 Right.

01:32:42.980 He doesn't he doesn't seem like a fan.

01:32:45.280 But yesterday he was really going off about the Oprah interview.

01:32:49.580 And I I agreed with much of what he said.

01:32:51.840 I thought that I'm not I'm not a big fan of Meghan and Harry and their their victimhood knee jerk to everything.

01:32:58.080 Like, have you ever seen such privileged people play the victim on virtually everything?

01:33:01.500 It's just I've had it.

01:33:02.540 And no message of like, you know what?

01:33:04.380 We had some rough times, but we're good.

01:33:05.760 We're still I'm still a prince.

01:33:07.340 I'm still a duchess or at least, you know, sort of at some day.

01:33:10.960 Archie will be a prince.

01:33:11.900 And we live in a 14 million dollar mansion in, you know, Montecito next to Oprah.

01:33:15.880 And we just signed one hundred and fifty million dollars worth of deals with Netflix and Spotify.

01:33:19.420 So we're good.

01:33:19.940 We're good.

01:33:20.380 Don't worry about us.

01:33:21.180 No, that wasn't in there.

01:33:22.160 Right.

01:33:22.360 It was like sad.

01:33:23.940 Everyone's had to get me the palace, the press, my dad.

01:33:26.700 Yeah.

01:33:26.860 OK, so anyway, that's so Piers is kind of he's very protective of the queen.

01:33:32.920 It was sort of going off on what an insult it was.

01:33:35.480 And then today on the show, there was a guy who he was arguing with and the guy just kept

01:33:42.500 like saying, well, all that matters is her lived experience.

01:33:45.920 And Piers just kept saying, but but her facts were wrong.

01:33:48.780 She said that Archie wasn't going to be a prince because of his skin color.

01:33:52.620 And what the what we've all now seen now, thanks to all the press, is that Archie was

01:33:57.840 never going to be a prince.

01:33:59.340 That was an edict handed down 100 years ago until Charles became king, because I don't

01:34:05.440 know something about the way the rule the rules work.

01:34:07.300 Anyway, any thoughts on Piers Morgan out at Good Morning Britain?

01:34:11.840 Um, I could care less about British TV.

01:34:17.500 Uh, so and who's on it.

01:34:19.920 Um, also any any man that says I'm not a Meghan Markle person immediately.

01:34:28.080 Anything else they ever say, I don't care about.

01:34:30.800 I said that I was paraphrasing for him.

01:34:33.880 Stop it.

01:34:34.460 That's not any man that has an opinion on Meghan Markle.

01:34:39.260 I don't care about anything else you say.

01:34:42.220 Like if Meghan Markle has got you riled up, like it's just I don't understand why people

01:34:50.020 even care.

01:34:50.780 Like this woman, she became she married into the royal family.

01:34:54.280 What did she think that meant?

01:34:56.060 Did she I mean, like, what does she think that you just married to the royal family and

01:35:00.600 then you just go on living your life as normal?

01:35:02.600 No, there's going to be responsibilities and you better show up to those responsibilities.

01:35:06.560 You're getting paid to do nothing.

01:35:08.880 So you're going to wear the stupid outfits.

01:35:10.740 You're going to curtsy.

01:35:12.080 You're going to go to the whatever it is, not Independence Day parade, but like removing

01:35:17.240 other countries Independence Day parade.

01:35:19.340 Is that what they celebrated?

01:35:21.240 I'm just saying, like, the least you can do, right, the least you can do for all the money

01:35:30.220 and advantages that you get to be attached to the royal family is go through the rigmarole

01:35:36.160 that is the royal family.

01:35:37.460 Just fucking shut up and do it.

01:35:39.020 And if you don't want to be part of it, say you don't want to be a part of it and then

01:35:41.760 shut up again.

01:35:42.720 And then leave with class, leave with class like she left.

01:35:46.740 She was a B-list actress here in the United States who we never would have wanted to hear

01:35:50.100 from.

01:35:50.440 Has she not married Harry?

01:35:51.700 Now she's getting one hundred and fifty million dollars because of that family because she

01:35:55.280 married in and they accepted her.

01:35:56.760 And there's no there's no gratitude.

01:35:58.640 There's only slings and arrows and complaints.

01:36:01.540 I'm not on her side, all her bitching and moaning about how hard she had on the royal tour when

01:36:06.660 we've had a year of doctors and nurses laying their lives on a line watching people die around

01:36:10.060 them without complaint.

01:36:11.900 But she can't handle the royal tour to Australia.

01:36:14.340 Yeah, no, she sucks.

01:36:15.820 But she definitely sucks.

01:36:17.620 And but so does like I think it's beneath Americans to care about royalty from any other

01:36:24.240 country.

01:36:24.700 Like, I think it is beneath us to give any fucks about the British royal family.

01:36:30.280 Like when I hear an American care about it, I'm just like, come on, come on, come on.

01:36:33.980 What is this?

01:36:34.560 Like lions, though, you know, aren't concerned about the opinions of sheep.

01:36:38.240 There's a sheep.

01:36:39.520 You know what I mean?

01:36:40.220 There's a sheep.

01:36:40.760 I hate myself for caring.

01:36:42.220 Shit.

01:36:42.640 I I'm looking at a whole new light.

01:36:44.280 Why do I care?

01:36:45.160 I don't know why.

01:36:45.960 You're better than this.

01:36:47.200 You're an American.

01:36:48.740 Come on.

01:36:50.080 We already whooped their ass.

01:36:52.060 This is you know what I mean?

01:36:53.580 We handled that.

01:36:54.640 That's years ago.

01:36:55.860 Now let them go have their little fun.

01:36:57.260 We had a debate one time on on NBC about whether an American should curtsy to the queen.

01:37:03.000 And I was saying, well, why would we?

01:37:04.700 We're not one of her subjects.

01:37:05.840 We fought a whole war to be not one of her subjects.

01:37:08.060 And of course, at NBC, it was like, oh, that's rude.

01:37:11.000 You're you know, you're being rude.

01:37:12.260 I'm like, I don't think it's rude.

01:37:14.060 I'm not her subject.

01:37:14.940 Why would I?

01:37:15.580 I don't like that's where I draw the line.

01:37:18.080 I think it's embarrassing that Canada still has the queen on their money.

01:37:21.540 That's pathetic.

01:37:22.820 It's absolutely pathetic.

01:37:23.860 Like, like, get the queen off your money.

01:37:26.040 Are you your own country or are you not?

01:37:28.500 It's a very simple question.

01:37:29.660 You have to ask yourself.

01:37:31.540 So in the case of Canada, you know, I'm just look, there may be a little bit soft, but

01:37:36.800 like, come on, stand up for yourself.

01:37:38.580 You're not part of the what do they call it?

01:37:40.440 That doesn't sound like Canada.

01:37:42.020 The kingdom.

01:37:43.040 Yeah, the kingdom.

01:37:43.980 That's right.

01:37:44.780 But yeah, it's just a little it's just I don't know.

01:37:47.100 It's just a little silly.

01:37:48.060 The whole royalty thing.

01:37:49.080 I don't get it.

01:37:49.860 I mean, I get maybe, you know, in the movies, it's nice to be a princess or this at the other.

01:37:54.180 But like, if I want to curtsy to the queen, then I'll curtsy to the queen.

01:37:57.500 But you're not going to tell me what I have to do.

01:38:00.140 Canadian Debbie, my tap dancer producer, is telling me that they have whole highways

01:38:03.980 named after the queen in Canada.

01:38:05.800 It's like rename it.

01:38:07.800 Rename it.

01:38:08.520 They have what Canadian do they have to really name things after?

01:38:11.760 Honestly, Janice Dean.

01:38:12.920 She'd be one.

01:38:13.480 Justin Bieber and the the first what is that woman's name?

01:38:20.560 What is the man?

01:38:21.480 I feel like a woman.

01:38:22.900 That girl, the country music star.

01:38:25.520 Oh, Shania Twain.

01:38:27.000 Shania Twain.

01:38:28.360 That's a great highway.

01:38:29.580 Wayne Gretzky.

01:38:31.180 You know what I mean?

01:38:31.880 Like they got a lot of Ryan Reynolds.

01:38:35.200 Oh, Drake.

01:38:35.860 Highway.

01:38:36.800 Drake.

01:38:38.260 Drake's Canadian.

01:38:39.560 Jim Carrey.

01:38:40.520 Like there's a lot of people you can name highways after.

01:38:42.600 You don't have to name a highway after the queen.

01:38:44.180 Like get out of here.

01:38:45.080 Did they build the highway?

01:38:46.140 Did the queen build it?

01:38:48.280 Yeah, you raise a good point.

01:38:49.560 I think she did actually, didn't she?

01:38:50.940 Like her people, her money, I don't like that counts.

01:38:53.420 If she built the highway, then she gets her name on it, I guess.

01:38:56.560 That's fair.

01:38:58.780 It's an homage or something.

01:39:00.780 Well, anyway, maybe here in New York, we'll get an Andrew Schultz way.

01:39:03.940 You know how they name streets here after somebody who did the city proud?

01:39:08.220 I'll nominate you.

01:39:09.700 Yeah.

01:39:10.200 I got a lot of people in this city.

01:39:11.580 They love me here.

01:39:12.860 Yeah.

01:39:13.360 Honestly, Megan, that would be pretty cool.

01:39:16.440 I get the whole statue thing.

01:39:18.860 You know, I get it.

01:39:20.520 But then again, maybe I'm just supposed to exist within my time.

01:39:23.300 Maybe that's my, maybe that is my destiny and I have to exist within my time.

01:39:27.700 Future generations don't need to know about you.

01:39:30.500 I don't know.

01:39:31.340 I don't know.

01:39:32.100 You know what?

01:39:32.640 I don't care.

01:39:33.620 I just want to, I want to ride this to the wheels, fall off.

01:39:36.800 And then whatever happens later, that's cool.

01:39:38.720 You know, but like, yeah, maybe that's my role.

01:39:42.320 Maybe that's my role in the ecosystem.

01:39:43.780 I have to exist within my time and then be, you know, as impactful, but also just be a

01:39:49.500 good guy to the people that I meet and then, you know, live a good life.

01:39:52.600 Be a good guy.

01:39:53.460 It's not that hard, right?

01:39:54.600 I love it.

01:39:55.320 Ride it till the wheels come off.

01:39:57.160 Andrew Schultz, what a pleasure.

01:39:59.160 Thank you so much for being here.

01:40:00.660 Nice to meet you.

01:40:01.340 You're great.

01:40:01.760 Don't miss Friday's show.

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01:40:19.900 When I listen to him, I'm like, ah, it all makes sense now.

01:40:23.220 Ah, right.

01:40:25.140 Very conservative guy, way more conservative than I am, but brilliant and can explain everything

01:40:31.120 from Trump to Biden to immigration to, you know, the Equality Act, all that stuff in a

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01:40:38.960 Right.

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The Megyn Kelly Show - March 10, 2021

Andrew Schulz on Trump and Biden, the State of Comedy, and Feminism ｜ Ep. 74

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