The Megyn Kelly Show - Andrew Schulz on Trump and Biden, the State of Comedy, and Feminism

00:00:00.000 Now streaming on Paramount Plus.

00:00:02.860 Someone is trying to frame us.

00:00:05.160 Until our names are cleared.

00:00:07.700 We're fugitives from interval.

00:00:09.480 Like Bonnie and Clyde with better snacks.

00:00:12.840 Espionage?

00:00:13.560 You still as good a shot as you used to be?

00:00:16.580 Better.

00:00:17.400 Is there love language?

00:00:18.860 We like to walk that fine line between techno-thriller

00:00:21.360 and romantic comedy.

00:00:24.180 We make up our own rules.

00:00:25.940 NCIS Tony and Ziva.

00:00:27.400 Now streaming on Paramount Plus.

00:00:30.000 When I found out my friend got a great deal

00:00:32.300 on a wool coat from Winner's,

00:00:33.920 I started wondering,

00:00:35.580 is every fabulous item I see from Winner's?

00:00:38.680 Like that woman over there with the designer jeans.

00:00:41.400 Are those from Winner's?

00:00:42.940 Ooh, or those beautiful gold earrings.

00:00:45.380 Did she pay full price?

00:00:46.740 Or that leather tote?

00:00:47.740 Or that cashmere sweater?

00:00:48.940 Or those knee-high boots?

00:00:50.380 That dress?

00:00:51.220 That jacket?

00:00:51.880 Those shoes?

00:00:52.900 Is anyone paying full price for anything?

00:00:55.400 Stop wondering.

00:00:57.160 Start winning.

00:00:58.080 Winners find fabulous for less.

00:01:00.840 Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show.

00:01:02.680 Your home for open, honest, and provocative conversations.

00:01:11.820 Hey everyone, I'm Megyn Kelly.

00:01:13.440 Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show.

00:01:15.100 Hope you're enjoying this first week of summer.

00:01:17.460 This is it, officially.

00:01:18.940 While I am away this week with my family,

00:01:21.280 I didn't want to leave you hanging.

00:01:22.340 Wanted to bring you a couple of episodes

00:01:23.700 from our archives

00:01:25.020 that we think will make you laugh

00:01:26.680 and make you think.

00:01:28.000 You might have missed this one

00:01:28.820 because it's from early in our stint as a podcast.

00:01:32.080 Today we bring you my conversation

00:01:33.340 with Andrew Schultz.

00:01:35.260 It's from March of 2021.

00:01:37.160 Andrew was so funny.

00:01:38.600 I couldn't stop thinking about this interview

00:01:40.120 and I played it.

00:01:40.860 I did something I rarely do

00:01:41.860 because I experience it live,

00:01:42.940 so I don't really need to listen to it back.

00:01:44.320 But I played it from beginning to end

00:01:46.860 on a super long walk with my dogs

00:01:49.020 and I recommend you do the same.

00:01:51.020 He was hilarious.

00:01:51.900 And we covered a ton of ground

00:01:52.980 during this lengthy episode

00:01:54.600 on the state of comedy,

00:01:56.520 feminism, Trump, Biden,

00:01:58.600 the Kardashians, Meghan and Harry,

00:02:00.500 and much, much more.

00:02:02.500 Take a listen.

00:02:07.720 Megyn Kelly, how are you?

00:02:09.320 I'm good.

00:02:10.380 All right, let me start with this.

00:02:11.240 Is it true that you're the cousin of Bill Schultz,

00:02:13.020 formerly of Red Eye?

00:02:14.320 The second cousins.

00:02:16.760 You know, I heard it

00:02:18.000 and I looked at you

00:02:19.120 and I was like,

00:02:20.100 I could kind of see

00:02:21.040 a little family resemblance there.

00:02:22.640 What do you think?

00:02:23.520 We got strong family features

00:02:25.640 on the Schultz side.

00:02:27.500 Fortunate for the men,

00:02:28.580 unfortunate for the women.

00:02:29.960 But yeah,

00:02:31.180 there's some similarity

00:02:32.700 going on over there.

00:02:33.440 We actually didn't know each other

00:02:34.600 until we were in entertainment.

00:02:36.740 No way.

00:02:37.560 What?

00:02:37.820 Yeah, I met him once at the cellar

00:02:39.580 and I was like,

00:02:40.040 dude, I think we're related.

00:02:41.260 I'm not exactly sure.

00:02:42.340 And then he's like,

00:02:43.500 we might know,

00:02:44.780 you know,

00:02:45.120 we might have some family.

00:02:46.100 So yeah,

00:02:46.960 it's a second cousin situation,

00:02:48.300 but I love Bill.

00:02:48.940 Great guy.

00:02:50.480 As celebrities in your family go,

00:02:52.420 like,

00:02:52.800 are you happy with where you landed?

00:02:54.740 Yeah, 100%.

00:02:55.540 As long as I'm better than Bill,

00:02:56.640 everything's fine.

00:02:57.220 Can I tell you,

00:02:59.980 I have a celebrity in my family.

00:03:01.980 Okay.

00:03:02.480 I found this out when I was a kid.

00:03:04.040 I am related to Loretta Swit from MASH.

00:03:10.160 Ah, isn't there a Schultz in MASH

00:03:12.380 or something like that?

00:03:13.460 Hot Lips Houlihan.

00:03:16.860 She, I don't know.

00:03:17.900 She's like my sixth cousin.

00:03:19.720 It's like very distant,

00:03:21.220 but it's legit.

00:03:22.220 And I once saw her on the Upper West Side

00:03:23.820 in the Pottery Barn

00:03:24.660 signing copies of her new book

00:03:26.080 and greeted her like a long-lost relative.

00:03:29.060 And she was off,

00:03:30.760 but it was awkward.

00:03:31.960 You didn't get the same reception?

00:03:35.260 Well, you promised to be good friends.

00:03:36.780 But I thought, you know what?

00:03:37.440 I like mine.

00:03:38.320 I like my celebrity relation.

00:03:40.060 Like Hot Lips?

00:03:41.300 Cool.

00:03:41.660 Yeah, Hot Lips is pretty good.

00:03:43.160 Hot Lips is pretty good.

00:03:44.560 You could do worse anyway.

00:03:45.760 So I thought about you this week.

00:03:47.300 I was excited you were coming on

00:03:48.440 because I know you've done some bits

00:03:51.940 about whether our current president

00:03:54.480 is all there.

00:03:55.700 Like how confident should we be

00:03:58.580 that he's got all of his faculties?

00:04:00.620 And this clip made the rounds about him

00:04:02.820 just to set it up for the audience.

00:04:04.520 He appears to forget

00:04:06.920 not only the word Pentagon,

00:04:10.500 right?

00:04:10.660 He's referring to this facility by the Pentagon,

00:04:12.840 but he can't get the word.

00:04:14.300 But he forgot the name

00:04:15.360 of our Secretary of Defense.

00:04:17.280 Listen to the clip.

00:04:17.880 I just want to thank you both.

00:04:19.700 And I want to thank the former general.

00:04:23.720 I keep calling him general,

00:04:24.960 but the guy who runs that outfit over there.

00:04:29.800 I want to make sure we thank the secretary

00:04:32.880 for all he's done to try to implement

00:04:35.720 what we just talked about

00:04:36.980 and for recommending these two women for promotion.

00:04:40.460 The guy who runs that outfit over there.

00:04:45.080 Yeah, that's that's tough, man.

00:04:46.840 You know, it sucks is that like

00:04:48.040 we all forget words.

00:04:49.060 Like I forget words every single day.

00:04:50.860 But, you know, once it's become

00:04:52.520 like ingrained in your identity,

00:04:54.140 every single time it happens,

00:04:56.000 people are like, oh, yeah,

00:04:56.720 he's got Alzheimer's.

00:04:57.720 It's over for him.

00:04:58.620 It's a wrap.

00:04:59.160 How is he running the country?

00:05:00.400 So he's not allowed to have a single slip up.

00:05:03.560 Yeah, yeah, that's tricky.

00:05:05.180 What do you think?

00:05:05.720 You think he's gone?

00:05:07.100 I think they shouldn't let him do live events.

00:05:09.360 I think everything should be pre-taped

00:05:10.680 with a prompter.

00:05:12.060 There should be no ad libbing.

00:05:13.220 He can't handle it.

00:05:13.940 We've seen that time and time again.

00:05:15.160 And now it's starting to make me feel like,

00:05:17.240 you know, when your grandpa

00:05:18.120 can't get the words out

00:05:19.180 and you're like, oh, come on, Pop Pop,

00:05:20.580 you can do it.

00:05:21.400 Like that's sort of how I'm feeling,

00:05:22.580 except Pop Pop was never leader of the free world.

00:05:25.120 So it's there's an additional layer of concern.

00:05:27.820 But doesn't it prove that

00:05:28.780 anybody can be president?

00:05:31.880 Like didn't Trump prove that?

00:05:33.640 Yeah, but like, yeah, Trump proved,

00:05:35.980 but there are other guys that proved it before.

00:05:37.660 It's not a real job.

00:05:39.200 You don't have to be good at anything to be president.

00:05:41.940 Like what is the skill of president?

00:05:43.800 Outside of just being likable,

00:05:45.580 which we all know the douchiest people

00:05:48.240 are the most likable usually, right?

00:05:50.760 So like if I like somebody immediately upon meeting them,

00:05:54.100 I'm usually thinking,

00:05:55.220 oh, I'm going to hate you within a week.

00:05:57.620 If you're like a little weird when I first meet you,

00:06:00.080 you're a little bit like maybe socially awkward.

00:06:01.540 I'm like, oh, this guy's going to be like

00:06:02.860 one of my best friends

00:06:03.960 and he's probably going to take a bullet for me.

00:06:05.800 He would take a bullet for me, right?

00:06:07.420 So it's like you have this ability to be likable

00:06:09.900 off the bat.

00:06:11.360 And that's your only qualification.

00:06:13.740 It's not like they're lawyers.

00:06:14.960 It's not like they're doctors.

00:06:15.900 They literally are an HR director

00:06:18.160 and they just got to hire smart people

00:06:20.160 to do the things that they don't know how to do

00:06:22.480 because they have no real skills.

00:06:23.980 So of course anybody can be president.

00:06:25.900 It's a likability contest.

00:06:27.840 I mean, in Joe Biden's case,

00:06:28.880 it was truly just a contest

00:06:30.020 of who could stay in the basement the longest.

00:06:31.500 How long can you stay down there?

00:06:33.360 And how long can Trump not say something

00:06:35.400 that's going to screw things up for him?

00:06:36.940 Like you be quiet

00:06:38.000 and you be totally out of sight

00:06:39.500 and don't go anywhere.

00:06:40.560 I also think and like,

00:06:41.780 I don't think people are given,

00:06:42.960 I guess, Trump enough criticism for this

00:06:45.200 is that he didn't know how to be.

00:06:47.280 This is actually weird.

00:06:48.040 He didn't know how to be a winner.

00:06:49.820 Like he knew how to be the underdog,

00:06:53.020 but he didn't know how to be the winner.

00:06:56.620 It's easy to run against someone

00:06:58.460 because you're just going,

00:06:59.440 hey, I'm not that.

00:07:00.920 Like, what did he run on?

00:07:01.840 He was like, I'm not a politician.

00:07:03.800 And that's how much-

00:07:04.460 Crooked Hillary.

00:07:05.540 Exactly, right?

00:07:06.260 It's like, I'm not those people.

00:07:07.800 And it just so happens

00:07:08.580 that those people are so crooked

00:07:10.540 that you can run an entire campaign

00:07:13.240 on I'm not them.

00:07:14.440 And then people are like,

00:07:15.140 all right, fine, we'll take not them, right?

00:07:17.060 Which is more of an indictment

00:07:18.280 on our politicians.

00:07:19.220 But once he became them,

00:07:22.240 you have to change your strategy.

00:07:24.480 Like it's easier to come to power

00:07:26.700 than it is to lead.

00:07:27.880 Leading is tough.

00:07:28.780 How many people have successfully led?

00:07:31.540 It's true.

00:07:32.640 Because you can't say what you're not,

00:07:34.400 you know?

00:07:35.360 Well, that's why I feel like

00:07:36.380 what happened to our old tradition

00:07:39.220 of putting like Eisenhower in there?

00:07:41.080 Like pick a military leader,

00:07:42.680 somebody who actually knows

00:07:44.420 how to lead people

00:07:46.000 through times of crises.

00:07:48.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess.

00:07:50.560 I don't know.

00:07:50.960 It's tricky though also

00:07:51.880 because like you need to be diplomatic,

00:07:54.720 right?

00:07:55.280 Like the thing about the military is,

00:07:57.660 yeah, I think.

00:07:59.180 Do you think Trump was?

00:07:59.840 I mean, that's the idea of democracy.

00:08:01.820 No, I don't think he was very diplomatic,

00:08:04.340 you know?

00:08:05.120 I guess.

00:08:05.920 Yeah, maybe he wasn't that diplomatic.

00:08:07.540 I don't know.

00:08:08.140 I mean, like,

00:08:08.840 was he less diplomatic than most?

00:08:10.940 What does anybody get that?

00:08:11.860 I think you could make the case.

00:08:12.800 I don't know what these people do.

00:08:13.720 What do these people do?

00:08:14.620 I have no clue what they do.

00:08:16.300 I don't know,

00:08:16.920 but I don't think you're supposed to,

00:08:18.120 you're not supposed to refer

00:08:19.000 to the countries as shithole countries.

00:08:20.600 I don't think that people

00:08:21.580 would chalk that up to diplomacy.

00:08:23.900 Some countries are shitholes.

00:08:25.120 You've traveled, I've traveled.

00:08:26.500 I'm not denying it.

00:08:27.640 I'm just saying you're not supposed

00:08:28.520 to say it as president.

00:08:30.100 Maybe you're not supposed

00:08:30.820 to say it as president,

00:08:31.960 but it is kind of refreshing

00:08:33.040 to be like,

00:08:33.840 oh, okay, yeah,

00:08:34.440 that place stinks.

00:08:36.140 You know, like there are places

00:08:37.060 that stink,

00:08:38.400 and there are places

00:08:39.000 in the first world

00:08:40.080 that stink too, by the way.

00:08:41.980 There are a lot of countries

00:08:42.800 that think they got

00:08:43.400 their shit together,

00:08:44.040 and you go, they're like,

00:08:44.720 man, this place stinks.

00:08:46.860 Well, listen,

00:08:47.380 there are places in our own country

00:08:48.680 that you could describe that way.

00:08:49.940 It's just Trump was the only,

00:08:51.080 he was the first president

00:08:51.800 to actually start doing it.

00:08:53.600 Yeah, I guess, I don't know.

00:08:54.860 Like, what is worse?

00:08:55.680 What is worse?

00:08:56.300 Like saying a country's a shithole

00:08:57.740 or bombing it into being a shithole?

00:09:00.200 Like, we got our priorities

00:09:01.400 totally messed up, don't we?

00:09:03.540 Like, that president said bad words.

00:09:06.240 Meanwhile, this other president

00:09:07.260 that we think is a hero

00:09:08.060 is just bombing places into dust.

00:09:10.120 So, I don't know.

00:09:12.580 It's just weird to me.

00:09:14.020 At least, maybe I'm more

00:09:14.740 of like an actions guy.

00:09:15.840 I like, you know,

00:09:16.540 to see exactly what your actions are.

00:09:18.560 I'm not really defending him

00:09:19.980 because he just wasn't good enough

00:09:22.140 to like get the job done,

00:09:23.800 you know?

00:09:24.140 And like, I think people

00:09:25.260 took him way too seriously.

00:09:26.560 Like, I always said,

00:09:27.580 like, if Trump was in my friend group,

00:09:29.180 I'd poke him in the belly

00:09:30.280 and fuck up his hair.

00:09:31.680 You know, like, this is,

00:09:32.800 he's like a buffoon,

00:09:34.000 but he's a fun buffoon.

00:09:35.540 You know, like,

00:09:36.060 you'd have him in the group,

00:09:36.920 but you tease him all the time.

00:09:38.660 I am someone

00:09:39.500 who has actually run her fingers

00:09:41.480 through Trump's hair.

00:09:42.520 I did it on camera.

00:09:43.540 It happened.

00:09:44.600 And I'm here to tell you,

00:09:45.580 by the way,

00:09:46.100 it's 100% real.

00:09:47.260 It's all his.

00:09:48.820 I don't,

00:09:49.320 I mean, I've read the story,

00:09:50.660 same as everybody that,

00:09:51.620 you know,

00:09:51.920 there may have been some plugs

00:09:52.980 or whatever.

00:09:53.500 I don't know.

00:09:54.000 All I can tell you is that

00:09:54.980 it's nice hair

00:09:56.020 and it's legit.

00:09:58.580 What's so funny to me

00:09:59.460 is like all these women

00:10:00.660 that make fun of Trump's fake hair.

00:10:02.320 It's like,

00:10:02.820 ladies,

00:10:03.320 let's,

00:10:03.720 let's take a break

00:10:04.520 with making fun of fake things.

00:10:06.120 Okay.

00:10:06.800 Do we really need to get

00:10:07.920 into the eyelashes

00:10:08.720 and the cheekbones

00:10:10.240 and the nose and the lips

00:10:11.520 and the hair,

00:10:12.260 the extension?

00:10:12.880 Like,

00:10:13.380 let's,

00:10:13.720 let's relax a little bit.

00:10:15.060 Right.

00:10:15.420 And the boobs,

00:10:16.200 the butts.

00:10:16.840 I mean,

00:10:17.300 I'm in Miami right now.

00:10:18.280 I haven't seen a real girl

00:10:19.240 in a month.

00:10:20.440 Oh my God.

00:10:21.280 I don't understand Miami.

00:10:22.620 I've only been there

00:10:23.200 a couple of times

00:10:23.900 and I,

00:10:25.480 does anybody work there

00:10:26.860 or just work out?

00:10:27.920 Work out

00:10:28.400 eight hours a day.

00:10:30.580 Listen,

00:10:30.980 Miami is Latin America's idea

00:10:33.760 of what America is.

00:10:36.080 Right.

00:10:36.960 And they got a great idea.

00:10:38.960 I mean,

00:10:39.620 it's just,

00:10:40.320 how does it work?

00:10:40.920 They got it made.

00:10:42.220 They just got it made.

00:10:43.380 They figured it out.

00:10:44.360 They're like,

00:10:44.960 we should be super free

00:10:46.300 and we should do

00:10:47.300 whatever we want

00:10:48.240 and you can enjoy yourself

00:10:49.600 and all the women

00:10:50.280 are beautiful

00:10:50.860 and cocaine.

00:10:52.620 And that's pretty much it.

00:10:53.820 That's Miami.

00:10:54.500 How are they,

00:10:55.020 what is the industry down there?

00:10:56.180 Like,

00:10:56.380 how are they keeping

00:10:57.020 the ship afloat?

00:10:58.700 There's no industry.

00:10:59.640 It is nothing.

00:11:01.320 I don't know.

00:11:01.780 I don't know what's going on.

00:11:02.760 Maybe it's Bitcoin.

00:11:03.560 I think everything runs on Bitcoin.

00:11:04.920 I'm honestly not sure.

00:11:06.260 But there's these hot places

00:11:07.780 where nobody gets anything done

00:11:08.980 and everybody's still rich

00:11:09.980 and it makes no sense.

00:11:11.520 I have to say,

00:11:11.960 it confuses me

00:11:12.680 and I never feel so obese

00:11:14.360 as when I go down to Miami

00:11:15.440 because it's just like,

00:11:16.120 there's no,

00:11:16.520 it's like,

00:11:17.060 it's as if there's no body fat

00:11:18.220 allowed at the city border.

00:11:20.180 Yeah,

00:11:20.540 the pressure.

00:11:21.500 It's heavy for girls.

00:11:23.180 That pressure is heavy.

00:11:24.920 In New York,

00:11:25.900 you just throw on that hoodie

00:11:26.820 for the winter

00:11:27.380 and nobody notices.

00:11:28.800 Start getting in shape

00:11:29.940 around April.

00:11:31.220 That's right.

00:11:32.600 That's right.

00:11:33.060 I love sinking into my winter body.

00:11:35.120 Down there,

00:11:35.480 there's no winter body.

00:11:37.000 It is true.

00:11:37.980 It is true.

00:11:38.640 It's a different pressure,

00:11:39.600 Megan.

00:11:39.760 It's a different pressure.

00:11:41.000 Well,

00:11:41.220 plus I have to tell you,

00:11:42.100 I grew up first 10 years

00:11:43.160 in Syracuse

00:11:43.740 and the rest in Albany

00:11:44.600 and upstate New York,

00:11:45.800 the tundra.

00:11:46.900 And there,

00:11:47.380 you could be in your winter body

00:11:48.800 10 out of 12 months.

00:11:50.060 It was great.

00:11:50.840 Yeah.

00:11:51.480 Yeah,

00:11:51.760 you got some burly ladies up there

00:11:53.980 and fellas.

00:11:55.320 Where are you from?

00:11:57.400 New York.

00:11:58.240 I grew up in Manhattan.

00:12:00.180 Oh,

00:12:00.340 really?

00:12:00.840 New York City,

00:12:01.440 proper Manhattan.

00:12:02.720 Like,

00:12:03.040 where'd you go to school?

00:12:04.940 I went to PS6

00:12:06.800 for elementary school.

00:12:09.080 That's the one

00:12:09.660 everybody wants to get into.

00:12:11.820 Me,

00:12:12.380 Lenny Kravitz,

00:12:13.300 you know what it is.

00:12:15.360 Who else went there?

00:12:16.300 I don't know,

00:12:16.560 some other people.

00:12:17.960 And then I went to

00:12:19.200 Wagner Middle School,

00:12:20.440 which is kind of like

00:12:21.120 just this big,

00:12:22.540 I don't know,

00:12:22.900 middle schools in New York

00:12:23.760 are kind of weird.

00:12:24.980 They're just like

00:12:25.420 holding cells

00:12:26.460 to divide up the kids

00:12:27.900 before they go to high school.

00:12:29.300 And then I went to

00:12:29.760 Baruch College Campus High School,

00:12:31.740 which is a small

00:12:32.520 public school

00:12:33.520 that was kind of associated

00:12:34.620 with the college.

00:12:36.100 And then I went out to

00:12:37.480 get my college degree

00:12:41.240 in the University of Santa Barbara.

00:12:43.540 So,

00:12:43.860 nice,

00:12:44.160 fun party school.

00:12:45.780 Nice.

00:12:46.540 What,

00:12:46.980 like,

00:12:47.300 that's what I wish I had done.

00:12:48.720 I went,

00:12:49.000 so I went back to Syracuse

00:12:50.600 for college

00:12:51.100 because I just couldn't

00:12:51.940 get enough of the,

00:12:52.880 you know,

00:12:53.280 sub-zero temperatures

00:12:54.220 and four feet of snow

00:12:55.640 every December through May.

00:12:59.000 You wanted that journalism degree.

00:13:01.000 That's the only way

00:13:02.220 to get into journalism

00:13:03.060 if you go to Syracuse,

00:13:04.120 right?

00:13:05.000 Andrew,

00:13:05.420 they didn't let me in.

00:13:06.520 I didn't get into

00:13:07.240 Newhouse at Syracuse.

00:13:08.700 I,

00:13:08.880 like,

00:13:09.280 they now,

00:13:09.980 like,

00:13:10.140 yeah,

00:13:10.960 oh,

00:13:11.100 people just assume

00:13:11.820 that I went there.

00:13:12.480 I couldn't get in.

00:13:12.980 I went poli-sci.

00:13:14.260 I went to Syracuse

00:13:15.520 because I had a soft spot

00:13:16.580 in my heart

00:13:17.620 for Syracuse

00:13:18.680 having lived there

00:13:19.260 for 10 years

00:13:19.940 and my dad

00:13:21.360 had been a professor there

00:13:22.360 and my dad had died

00:13:23.180 when I was in high school

00:13:23.900 so even more

00:13:24.500 of a soft spot

00:13:25.220 and they let me in

00:13:27.400 because my GPA

00:13:29.160 was not so great.

00:13:30.240 My SATs were not so great

00:13:31.560 so they let me in

00:13:32.940 but I,

00:13:33.680 had I been smart,

00:13:35.140 I would have started

00:13:35.800 thinking about a place

00:13:36.740 like Santa Barbara

00:13:37.900 or when I went to law school

00:13:39.000 instead of Albany,

00:13:40.020 Pepperdine,

00:13:41.020 right?

00:13:41.240 Like,

00:13:41.440 how did you get

00:13:42.520 that brilliant idea?

00:13:43.340 I grew up surfing

00:13:45.100 randomly.

00:13:46.100 I know it doesn't make

00:13:46.880 any sense

00:13:47.300 but I grew up surfing

00:13:48.120 and my folks

00:13:50.380 had like a beach house

00:13:51.600 on this gay island

00:13:52.520 called Fire Island.

00:13:54.080 You ever go to Fire Island?

00:13:55.840 Yes,

00:13:56.220 my friends go there

00:13:57.340 all the time.

00:13:59.000 Oh,

00:13:59.240 yeah,

00:13:59.440 yeah,

00:13:59.680 it's great.

00:14:01.040 So I grew up,

00:14:01.640 my summers were

00:14:02.540 on a gay island

00:14:03.620 and I grew up surfing there.

00:14:06.880 Now,

00:14:07.160 Fire Island actually

00:14:08.420 has a bunch of communities

00:14:09.380 that are not strictly gay.

00:14:10.880 It only has two communities

00:14:12.080 that are gay

00:14:12.760 but,

00:14:13.660 you know,

00:14:13.900 like most things,

00:14:14.700 like if it's a little gay,

00:14:15.920 the reputation is

00:14:17.140 it's all gay,

00:14:17.900 you know?

00:14:18.640 So,

00:14:19.020 by the way,

00:14:20.000 the nicest communities

00:14:20.860 on Fire Island

00:14:21.500 are the nice ones.

00:14:22.860 Oh,

00:14:23.080 yeah,

00:14:23.380 claim it.

00:14:24.040 Right?

00:14:24.620 Like,

00:14:24.880 how did it happen

00:14:26.440 that it became a gay,

00:14:27.620 you know,

00:14:27.980 community

00:14:28.340 and it's called Fire Island?

00:14:30.540 Well,

00:14:30.740 it's probably Fire Island first

00:14:31.740 and the gays were like,

00:14:32.420 that sounds right.

00:14:34.000 I mean,

00:14:34.560 that's where we should be

00:14:36.220 and they have by far

00:14:38.440 the nicest homes.

00:14:39.540 Like,

00:14:39.720 it's the rich gays

00:14:40.840 that go,

00:14:41.240 that's their Hamptons,

00:14:42.080 right?

00:14:43.020 Yes,

00:14:43.260 that's true.

00:14:43.720 And then the rest of us

00:14:44.600 have like,

00:14:45.220 you know,

00:14:45.360 just kind of regular places.

00:14:46.480 So,

00:14:46.620 there are these other communities

00:14:47.420 but whenever I tell people

00:14:48.520 that I used to spend my summers

00:14:49.540 in Fire Island,

00:14:49.980 I have to say like,

00:14:50.900 my straight parents

00:14:52.380 had a house

00:14:53.300 in Fire Island

00:14:54.140 because sex in the city

00:14:55.300 turned the whole thing

00:14:56.240 into like an orgy.

00:14:57.200 No,

00:14:58.520 it's like you go there,

00:14:59.900 you take the ferry

00:15:00.600 and then it's like

00:15:01.500 this community

00:15:02.180 where you can

00:15:04.180 you take the what?

00:15:05.160 The ferry.

00:15:05.380 The ferry?

00:15:06.600 Like how many puns

00:15:07.820 are we going to put out?

00:15:14.340 My parents were gay.

00:15:15.660 All right, Megan?

00:15:16.420 They were gay.

00:15:17.040 I had gay parents.

00:15:18.120 I was adopted.

00:15:20.340 I'm just nosing around it.

00:15:22.020 I didn't want to go there directly.

00:15:23.320 Wait.

00:15:25.740 Anyway,

00:15:26.220 so you can run around like

00:15:27.600 you don't have to wear your shoes.

00:15:29.480 They've got like

00:15:29.900 all these little pathways.

00:15:30.860 You can ride your bike everywhere.

00:15:32.120 It's a delightful community.

00:15:34.660 Okay,

00:15:35.060 so your parents,

00:15:35.920 they were straight

00:15:36.540 and what did they do for a living?

00:15:38.540 They owned a ballroom dance school.

00:15:40.820 They would teach partner dancing.

00:15:42.680 Come on.

00:15:43.740 Yeah,

00:15:44.100 100%.

00:15:44.460 My mom is a three-time

00:15:45.800 U.S. ballroom dance champion.

00:15:48.120 That's greatness right there, Megan.

00:15:49.940 That is also gay.

00:15:52.000 Very gay.

00:15:53.320 So,

00:15:58.000 are you amazing

00:15:59.640 at ballroom dancing?

00:16:01.320 No,

00:16:01.760 no.

00:16:02.000 I mean,

00:16:02.180 I got a couple little moves.

00:16:03.800 I could cut up the rug

00:16:04.580 a little bit if need be,

00:16:06.340 you know,

00:16:06.720 but my mom and dad

00:16:07.900 I don't understand that.

00:16:09.440 Like Patrick Swayze,

00:16:10.820 the way he became

00:16:11.520 such an amazing dancer

00:16:12.500 was his mom

00:16:14.520 owned a dance studio

00:16:15.660 that taught dancing like that.

00:16:17.440 So what happened?

00:16:18.500 I can bust it down

00:16:19.780 a little bit.

00:16:20.380 I would not be surprised

00:16:21.920 if you had heard

00:16:22.900 maybe of the super...

00:16:23.520 You lived in New York?

00:16:24.600 Did you ever live in New York?

00:16:25.880 Yeah.

00:16:26.120 Yeah,

00:16:26.280 I live in New York now.

00:16:27.520 You live in New York now.

00:16:28.220 Okay,

00:16:28.440 so it was called

00:16:29.000 the Sandra Cameron Dance Center,

00:16:30.800 right?

00:16:31.340 And I don't know,

00:16:33.340 it was down like

00:16:34.080 at one point in the East Village

00:16:35.560 and then it moved down

00:16:36.360 to like a Nolita area.

00:16:39.280 Did you ever take lessons there?

00:16:40.620 I did not.

00:16:42.680 But I did take lessons

00:16:43.520 out in Chicago

00:16:44.160 at the old...

00:16:45.600 I think it was

00:16:46.000 when you were young.

00:16:47.940 No,

00:16:48.520 it was before my first marriage.

00:16:50.260 Before my first marriage,

00:16:51.480 before there was Doug,

00:16:52.120 there was Dan

00:16:52.620 and we took lessons

00:16:54.400 before our wedding

00:16:55.280 to like learn a little routine

00:16:56.700 and we were pretty good.

00:16:58.820 And I've,

00:16:59.320 of course,

00:16:59.880 forgotten all those moves

00:17:00.680 and by the way,

00:17:01.160 you can't do them

00:17:01.760 with a second husband

00:17:02.820 because he wasn't there

00:17:03.540 for the lessons.

00:17:04.960 But you can take more lessons,

00:17:06.460 Megan.

00:17:06.840 You can learn a new dance.

00:17:09.180 You know?

00:17:10.720 That's also possible.

00:17:11.420 I'll work on that.

00:17:12.640 I'll work on that.

00:17:14.160 So now,

00:17:14.860 so you didn't put

00:17:15.860 that much time into it.

00:17:16.760 You were focused

00:17:17.180 on other things apparently.

00:17:19.240 Yeah,

00:17:19.640 my mom didn't want

00:17:20.620 to be like a stage mom

00:17:22.220 because her mom

00:17:22.960 was kind of a stage mom.

00:17:24.600 And so she like

00:17:25.700 didn't try to pressure me

00:17:27.000 into learning dance,

00:17:28.420 but I think I got

00:17:29.660 some of it down by osmosis.

00:17:31.340 But yeah,

00:17:31.760 dance is the best.

00:17:33.140 Like dance could cure

00:17:34.240 all this stuff.

00:17:35.380 You know,

00:17:35.540 when you were younger,

00:17:36.320 I think this happened.

00:17:37.440 I mean,

00:17:37.940 I don't think you're old enough

00:17:39.160 to be younger

00:17:39.920 and it was part

00:17:41.400 of your,

00:17:42.040 you know,

00:17:42.380 regular,

00:17:43.120 I don't know,

00:17:44.080 cultural weekend activities.

00:17:46.420 But like my dad said

00:17:47.340 that like kids

00:17:47.900 just learned how to dance.

00:17:49.340 Like that was just

00:17:50.020 what you did.

00:17:51.080 Like you learned

00:17:51.520 how to maybe play basketball,

00:17:52.620 but dance lessons

00:17:53.360 were just part of the norm.

00:17:54.960 And I think it would

00:17:57.220 really help out

00:17:57.960 like all this,

00:17:59.700 you know,

00:17:59.920 these like nerds

00:18:00.780 that like have never

00:18:01.340 spoken to a girl

00:18:02.100 and then they're just

00:18:02.660 on the internet

00:18:03.340 angry all the time.

00:18:04.200 Like what if you were

00:18:04.800 just having dance lessons

00:18:05.880 and then you had

00:18:06.880 to actually hold

00:18:08.020 a female human being

00:18:09.300 and talk to them

00:18:10.840 and like be comfortable

00:18:11.800 around them

00:18:12.440 and learn that it's

00:18:13.120 not so terrifying.

00:18:14.420 And then,

00:18:15.260 you know,

00:18:15.520 you don't develop

00:18:16.200 these like little

00:18:17.180 incel communities.

00:18:18.460 Like we got to get

00:18:18.920 back to dance.

00:18:20.080 There's no incels

00:18:21.420 in the Dominican Republic,

00:18:23.160 right?

00:18:23.380 There's no incels

00:18:24.020 in Puerto Rico.

00:18:24.820 There's no incels

00:18:25.460 anywhere where there's

00:18:26.560 dance in the culture.

00:18:28.140 Incels only exist

00:18:29.260 without dance.

00:18:31.220 Any partner dancing,

00:18:32.980 there is no terrorism.

00:18:34.240 Think about this.

00:18:35.400 If there's any partner

00:18:36.480 dancing in the culture,

00:18:38.120 terrorism doesn't exist.

00:18:39.940 That's fascinating.

00:18:40.940 Maybe I've been too hard

00:18:41.880 on my producer,

00:18:42.480 Debbie Murphy,

00:18:42.920 with her little tap dance lessons.

00:18:44.280 I mocked her up in Canada,

00:18:45.880 but I actually do think

00:18:47.140 it was important

00:18:48.100 to her well-being

00:18:49.040 and it was a stress reliever

00:18:50.400 and rather than mock,

00:18:52.060 I should have just partaken.

00:18:54.380 Yeah,

00:18:54.520 but tap dance

00:18:55.200 is just kind of like,

00:18:56.880 like you could do

00:18:57.680 all those things

00:18:58.340 without it making extra noise,

00:19:00.280 but tap dance

00:19:01.080 is almost like,

00:19:01.660 you know,

00:19:01.900 walking down the street

00:19:02.640 with the boombox

00:19:03.400 on your shoulder.

00:19:04.240 of dance.

00:19:05.900 Do you know what I mean?

00:19:07.000 Like,

00:19:07.500 you could do all that tapping

00:19:08.760 without the metal

00:19:09.800 on the shoes,

00:19:10.520 but you're like,

00:19:11.100 I want everybody

00:19:11.860 to hear what I learned today.

00:19:14.640 It's just too much,

00:19:15.920 right?

00:19:16.240 Like,

00:19:16.480 it doesn't have to be that loud.

00:19:18.000 Like,

00:19:18.220 if anything,

00:19:18.580 put felt or something

00:19:19.720 on the bottom of the shoe

00:19:20.700 and then just,

00:19:21.320 you do it for you.

00:19:22.440 But now we all gotta hear

00:19:23.360 you tapping away.

00:19:24.360 It's like,

00:19:24.700 turn the boombox off

00:19:25.760 when you're walking

00:19:26.240 down the street

00:19:26.800 and then turn off

00:19:27.620 the tap dance shoes.

00:19:28.920 It's so true.

00:19:30.040 Oh my God,

00:19:30.620 the boombox is so annoying,

00:19:32.560 isn't it?

00:19:32.900 Like,

00:19:33.080 you'll be sitting

00:19:33.520 in your doctor's office,

00:19:34.560 whatever.

00:19:34.840 Somebody go by

00:19:35.300 with the boombox.

00:19:36.240 It's like,

00:19:36.660 why did we all

00:19:37.380 have to enjoy your music?

00:19:38.580 Or even the people

00:19:39.420 who like turn their car radio

00:19:40.780 up so loud.

00:19:41.380 It's like,

00:19:41.940 really?

00:19:42.340 Why?

00:19:42.780 Like,

00:19:43.140 I like my music too,

00:19:44.280 but I don't feel

00:19:44.860 the need to force it on you.

00:19:45.780 Nothing has been more annoying

00:19:48.380 like growing up

00:19:49.100 where you're on the subway

00:19:49.900 and some guy comes

00:19:50.880 on the subway

00:19:51.360 with his phone

00:19:52.160 playing music,

00:19:53.800 right?

00:19:54.260 And he's just playing music

00:19:55.440 off of his phone

00:19:56.420 for the entire subway

00:19:57.840 to like indulge in.

00:19:59.180 And I used to think

00:19:59.740 this was the most annoying

00:20:01.060 fucking thing in the world.

00:20:02.320 And then,

00:20:03.700 um,

00:20:04.560 one day

00:20:05.200 a guy was playing

00:20:06.580 my podcast

00:20:07.620 out loud

00:20:08.600 on the subway

00:20:09.780 and I was like,

00:20:10.720 sometimes

00:20:12.180 this works

00:20:13.500 and sometimes

00:20:14.860 sometimes

00:20:15.860 this can be entertaining

00:20:17.720 for everybody.

00:20:18.500 So,

00:20:18.860 uh,

00:20:19.440 I'm a complete hypocrite

00:20:20.980 is the point of that story.

00:20:22.340 Okay.

00:20:22.760 So,

00:20:23.100 can I tell you something?

00:20:24.080 I had,

00:20:24.360 I had a,

00:20:25.340 this is a side story,

00:20:27.000 but,

00:20:27.240 um,

00:20:27.640 I was walking down the street

00:20:28.420 the other day.

00:20:28.920 I was going to see my therapist,

00:20:30.260 which is critical,

00:20:31.360 especially here in New York.

00:20:32.580 And I was listening to

00:20:34.420 Ayaan Hirsi Ali

00:20:35.480 who launched

00:20:36.380 her own podcast

00:20:37.440 and she was

00:20:38.780 interviewing a guy

00:20:39.820 who I would like to

00:20:40.720 speak to,

00:20:41.200 by the way,

00:20:41.580 his name is Vivek Ramaswamy.

00:20:43.540 He's amazing.

00:20:44.740 Um,

00:20:45.260 anyway,

00:20:45.620 so I'm listening to Ayaan

00:20:46.640 and I passed this cop,

00:20:49.260 this young cop,

00:20:51.040 probably 30,

00:20:52.420 and he is listening

00:20:53.980 to Ayaan

00:20:55.260 on my show.

00:20:56.600 So,

00:20:57.080 I'm listening to her

00:20:57.680 do her show.

00:20:58.200 He's listening to her

00:20:58.860 on my show.

00:20:59.360 I was like,

00:20:59.920 oh my God,

00:21:00.460 like the universe

00:21:01.000 is trying to tell me something,

00:21:02.400 which is like,

00:21:03.240 Ayaan's amazing,

00:21:04.060 apparently.

00:21:04.760 But on the subject

00:21:05.900 of listening to people

00:21:06.840 like do their business

00:21:08.340 out loud,

00:21:08.880 all over New York now,

00:21:11.440 you see people sitting

00:21:12.760 and they no longer

00:21:13.760 sit with books.

00:21:14.560 They sit with somebody

00:21:15.580 on fucking FaceTime,

00:21:17.380 excuse me,

00:21:17.960 but it's like,

00:21:18.620 I don't need to hear

00:21:19.880 the other half

00:21:20.840 of the conversation

00:21:21.460 in this way.

00:21:22.040 It's so annoying.

00:21:23.960 Yeah,

00:21:24.380 that's crazy.

00:21:25.300 You were overhearing it?

00:21:27.520 Yes.

00:21:28.260 Oh my God,

00:21:28.780 they do it.

00:21:29.220 I'm like,

00:21:29.520 I won't name the restaurant,

00:21:30.660 but there's this particular

00:21:31.280 restaurant where you go,

00:21:32.200 it's not like a Starbucks,

00:21:33.020 I hate Starbucks,

00:21:33.520 but it's like a cute little cafe.

00:21:35.940 Hold on,

00:21:36.280 hold on,

00:21:36.620 hold on.

00:21:36.860 Why do you hate Starbucks?

00:21:38.260 Because it tastes terrible.

00:21:40.060 No,

00:21:40.280 no,

00:21:40.420 no,

00:21:40.580 no,

00:21:40.780 no,

00:21:40.920 no,

00:21:41.060 stop it.

00:21:42.240 Stop it.

00:21:43.080 Stop it.

00:21:43.720 It's too bitter.

00:21:45.100 No,

00:21:45.340 no,

00:21:45.420 no,

00:21:45.540 no.

00:21:45.660 It tastes terrible

00:21:47.400 compared to

00:21:48.780 Blue Bottle.

00:21:50.640 It tastes terrible

00:21:51.320 compared to

00:21:52.660 La Cologne.

00:21:54.140 It tastes terrible

00:21:54.980 compared to like

00:21:55.940 these other

00:21:57.200 absolutely incredible

00:21:58.320 coffee options

00:21:59.220 that we have

00:21:59.840 in New York,

00:22:00.520 right?

00:22:01.480 No.

00:22:01.660 It tastes terrible

00:22:02.640 compared to

00:22:03.220 New York City

00:22:03.760 deli coffee.

00:22:04.860 I was about to say

00:22:05.940 diner coffee,

00:22:06.820 but you went deli,

00:22:07.600 that's fine.

00:22:08.500 You think Starbucks

00:22:09.740 tastes worse

00:22:11.560 than diner coffee

00:22:13.400 in New York?

00:22:14.380 I don't think

00:22:15.120 there's any competition.

00:22:16.380 You're out of your mind.

00:22:17.780 You're out of your mind.

00:22:19.140 I can't stand

00:22:20.220 Starbucks coffee

00:22:21.040 and I'm not particularly

00:22:22.380 into Starbucks's

00:22:23.720 whole vibe.

00:22:24.660 I don't know.

00:22:25.400 Why don't you just call it

00:22:26.140 a small,

00:22:26.560 a medium,

00:22:26.900 and a large?

00:22:27.520 Like,

00:22:27.660 why do I have to

00:22:28.200 use a foreign language

00:22:29.260 to say what I want?

00:22:30.700 And everything in there

00:22:31.540 is unhealthy.

00:22:32.160 Everything.

00:22:33.200 Yes,

00:22:33.640 it's unhealthy.

00:22:35.180 Coffee's,

00:22:35.620 actually no,

00:22:36.020 coffee's probably

00:22:36.540 pretty good for you.

00:22:37.420 It's like the only drug

00:22:38.340 where even doctors,

00:22:39.700 oh yeah,

00:22:40.380 the food,

00:22:41.060 but the fact that

00:22:41.660 they even have food,

00:22:42.780 the fact that you can

00:22:43.460 go to the airport

00:22:44.060 and then you can get

00:22:44.940 something at Starbucks

00:22:45.480 and you're like,

00:22:45.920 all right,

00:22:46.160 this isn't horrendous.

00:22:48.140 I get my little Feta,

00:22:49.320 whatever,

00:22:49.740 Feta wrap or whatever

00:22:50.500 and I don't feel too bad

00:22:51.420 about myself

00:22:51.960 while I'm on this flight.

00:22:53.060 I'm just saying,

00:22:53.760 Starbucks,

00:22:54.160 I can't believe

00:22:54.820 you don't like Starbucks.

00:22:56.180 No, I don't.

00:22:56.760 It's kind of comfortable.

00:22:58.380 I,

00:22:58.940 and the,

00:22:59.620 listen,

00:22:59.860 I'm a comedian.

00:23:00.700 My job is to make fun

00:23:01.820 of institutions.

00:23:02.660 That's literally all we do.

00:23:05.000 I like Starbucks.

00:23:06.480 I like it.

00:23:07.360 It's comfortable.

00:23:08.060 They get the job done.

00:23:09.460 I also like they,

00:23:10.980 their politics are annoying.

00:23:12.500 They kind of went woke

00:23:14.000 and remember when they were

00:23:15.260 inviting all the homeless

00:23:16.440 people into the Starbucks

00:23:17.620 and it was like,

00:23:18.720 oh,

00:23:19.120 it's the right thing to do.

00:23:19.940 It's like,

00:23:20.280 okay,

00:23:20.660 so that's never going to last

00:23:22.220 because paying customers

00:23:23.340 are not going to want to,

00:23:25.520 I mean,

00:23:25.960 let's be real,

00:23:27.320 like bringing homeless people in

00:23:28.800 can usually involve

00:23:30.140 bringing somebody

00:23:30.780 who may have a criminal record

00:23:32.300 in,

00:23:32.580 who may be a pedophile

00:23:33.400 in.

00:23:33.620 We just dealt with this

00:23:34.360 here in New York.

00:23:35.160 I know it sounds all laudable

00:23:36.460 like in theory,

00:23:37.240 but as a practical matter,

00:23:38.300 it was never going to work

00:23:38.940 and sure enough,

00:23:39.440 they reversed the policy.

00:23:41.720 Yeah,

00:23:42.140 but that's because the guy

00:23:42.860 wanted to be president

00:23:43.680 and I think what happens

00:23:44.760 is like,

00:23:45.700 and also no relation

00:23:46.500 to him whatsoever,

00:23:47.260 even though we both

00:23:47.820 have the same last name.

00:23:50.400 Yeah,

00:23:50.880 I think he wanted to be president

00:23:52.300 and he was like trying

00:23:53.020 to do his best

00:23:53.880 and it's just like,

00:23:55.240 I think eventually

00:23:55.800 you have that much success

00:23:56.820 to make that many

00:23:57.560 right decisions

00:23:58.200 that you start

00:23:58.940 kind of believing

00:23:59.900 your own hype

00:24:00.420 and I get that completely.

00:24:01.860 Imagine you made

00:24:02.540 that many correct decisions

00:24:04.120 like that guy

00:24:05.120 doesn't have to make

00:24:06.240 too many decisions a year,

00:24:07.420 but he's paid

00:24:08.420 an enormous amount

00:24:09.380 of money

00:24:09.700 for every decision

00:24:10.880 he makes,

00:24:11.800 right?

00:24:12.060 Because the ones

00:24:12.720 that he does make

00:24:13.500 have huge repercussions.

00:24:16.440 And imagine you made

00:24:17.120 that many right decisions

00:24:18.700 that you built this

00:24:19.460 into the biggest coffee brand

00:24:20.980 on the planet.

00:24:22.340 Nothing is bigger

00:24:22.980 on the whole planet.

00:24:24.100 You probably go,

00:24:24.760 I could be president.

00:24:25.800 I get where your

00:24:26.980 line of thinking goes.

00:24:28.400 I don't understand

00:24:29.280 why you would want

00:24:29.940 to be president.

00:24:30.520 What a useless job that is.

00:24:32.260 Like you can do

00:24:32.800 so much more

00:24:33.620 by being not president.

00:24:36.060 What do you make

00:24:36.840 of people like,

00:24:37.660 you're right,

00:24:38.060 I never thought

00:24:38.560 about it that way.

00:24:39.780 I mean,

00:24:39.900 I'm sure.

00:24:40.200 What do they change,

00:24:41.140 Megan?

00:24:41.460 Tell me what they change.

00:24:42.480 Can anybody explain

00:24:43.320 one thing that they do?

00:24:45.440 I do not know.

00:24:46.740 What is the last president

00:24:47.880 to do anything

00:24:48.540 was Abraham Lincoln.

00:24:49.860 Ever since Abraham Lincoln,

00:24:51.100 I don't know

00:24:51.580 a single president

00:24:52.520 that did a single thing.

00:24:53.560 Can you name

00:24:54.800 a single thing

00:24:55.800 that any president

00:24:56.960 did since Abraham Lincoln?

00:24:59.380 Well,

00:24:59.620 I mean,

00:24:59.920 LBJ signed

00:25:00.760 some important laws

00:25:01.980 into effect.

00:25:03.820 The civil rights law.

00:25:04.480 But he didn't create

00:25:05.380 the law.

00:25:06.760 He just signed

00:25:07.640 the paper

00:25:08.200 because the pressure,

00:25:10.080 the outside pressure

00:25:11.560 for him to do it

00:25:12.440 was so strong

00:25:13.080 that he had to.

00:25:14.060 It's not like LBJ

00:25:14.760 has the greatest track record

00:25:16.220 for diversity.

00:25:18.160 Right?

00:25:18.440 No,

00:25:18.860 correct.

00:25:19.240 He's not exactly

00:25:19.700 a social justice hero.

00:25:21.360 He just has so much

00:25:22.220 pressure from the people.

00:25:23.420 Well,

00:25:23.640 who cares about that?

00:25:24.500 Like,

00:25:24.700 Trump signed in

00:25:25.480 the Anti-Sex Trafficking Act,

00:25:27.240 which really helped

00:25:27.940 protect women,

00:25:28.820 but I wouldn't describe

00:25:29.560 Trump necessarily

00:25:30.460 as the most

00:25:31.180 pro-feminist

00:25:32.300 protector of women

00:25:33.280 we've ever had

00:25:33.880 in the office.

00:25:34.540 I love all these,

00:25:35.480 like,

00:25:35.860 bills.

00:25:36.400 Like,

00:25:36.520 this is a hilarious thing.

00:25:38.100 You just name the bill

00:25:39.020 something,

00:25:39.560 like,

00:25:39.660 really righteous,

00:25:40.400 and then you sign it.

00:25:41.520 Like,

00:25:41.740 of course he's going

00:25:42.320 to sign that.

00:25:42.820 If you name the bill

00:25:43.580 the Anti-Sex Trafficking Act,

00:25:45.060 you think he's going

00:25:45.580 to veto that?

00:25:48.140 You think that bill

00:25:49.160 comes across his desk

00:25:50.040 and be like,

00:25:50.380 I don't know.

00:25:51.060 I think we've got

00:25:51.580 to negotiate

00:25:52.240 a little more.

00:25:53.880 It's the easiest

00:25:54.840 fucking bill to sign.

00:25:56.760 It's true.

00:25:57.620 What do they do?

00:25:59.000 Tell me what presidents do.

00:26:00.980 I literally cannot

00:26:02.560 put my finger

00:26:03.300 on a single thing

00:26:04.320 that they do

00:26:04.880 outside of,

00:26:05.740 like,

00:26:05.960 bomb places.

00:26:07.360 I mean,

00:26:07.620 I think you,

00:26:08.120 yes,

00:26:08.400 well,

00:26:08.560 exactly,

00:26:09.020 military protection

00:26:10.180 and,

00:26:10.640 like,

00:26:10.780 I mean,

00:26:11.080 George Bush launched

00:26:11.880 a couple of wars.

00:26:12.760 That was significant.

00:26:14.060 That's had some

00:26:14.540 repercussions.

00:26:16.280 And that's a bad thing.

00:26:17.640 So they do bad things.

00:26:19.220 What is the good?

00:26:19.880 I don't know.

00:26:20.680 What were we supposed to do?

00:26:21.900 Forget Iraq.

00:26:22.640 That was a bad idea.

00:26:23.460 But Afghanistan?

00:26:24.600 That,

00:26:24.980 I mean,

00:26:25.620 they had the Taliban.

00:26:27.240 The Taliban is,

00:26:28.100 you know,

00:26:28.320 what gave rise

00:26:28.920 to Osama bin Laden?

00:26:29.980 Should we have not

00:26:30.480 done anything?

00:26:32.100 I mean,

00:26:32.680 honestly,

00:26:33.180 I was about to give you

00:26:34.420 an answer,

00:26:35.220 right?

00:26:35.360 And then I just realized

00:26:36.140 I don't fucking know enough.

00:26:37.960 So,

00:26:38.480 I just stopped myself.

00:26:39.980 But I was literally

00:26:40.620 about to just lie to you.

00:26:42.360 I was about to be like,

00:26:43.520 that's how they can't

00:26:44.680 do anything.

00:26:45.360 I was about to say that

00:26:46.660 on a recorded podcast.

00:26:49.960 Like,

00:26:50.580 I'm not an expert

00:26:51.540 on geopolitics,

00:26:52.620 okay?

00:26:52.860 I don't know exactly

00:26:53.680 how all this shit works

00:26:54.760 and I don't know

00:26:55.180 who started

00:26:55.800 and what came first,

00:26:56.760 the chicken or the hummus.

00:26:58.140 But I know for a fact

00:26:59.480 that absolutely

00:27:00.560 nothing ever gets done.

00:27:01.880 We're still in Afghanistan,

00:27:03.200 right?

00:27:03.900 Yeah,

00:27:04.200 that's right.

00:27:04.680 We're still in Afghanistan.

00:27:05.760 I don't think

00:27:06.740 the average person

00:27:07.360 can name three cities

00:27:08.240 in Afghanistan.

00:27:09.460 Can you name three cities

00:27:10.300 in Afghanistan?

00:27:12.220 Kabul.

00:27:13.020 Kabul.

00:27:13.500 We all just know Kabul

00:27:14.400 because it sounds like Kabul,

00:27:15.600 which is what we've been doing there

00:27:16.640 for the last 20 years.

00:27:18.280 Right?

00:27:18.680 So,

00:27:19.240 how are we at war

00:27:20.440 with the country

00:27:21.040 for or with the country

00:27:22.860 against the country?

00:27:24.140 We don't even know

00:27:24.660 what's going on there.

00:27:25.560 How are we at war

00:27:26.180 for decades

00:27:27.160 and we have no fucking clue

00:27:29.680 a city's name

00:27:31.820 in Afghanistan?

00:27:33.000 That's crazy.

00:27:34.960 It's,

00:27:35.480 it was,

00:27:35.920 I mean,

00:27:36.260 truly,

00:27:36.600 we can see now

00:27:37.200 20 years later

00:27:37.940 that it was

00:27:38.600 in many ways

00:27:39.860 an unwinnable war

00:27:40.840 as the Russians found out

00:27:42.160 before we got there

00:27:43.240 back in the 80s.

00:27:44.080 But what we're supposed to do,

00:27:46.020 you know,

00:27:46.280 it's like

00:27:46.640 3,000 people died.

00:27:49.180 We had to respond

00:27:50.100 and we tried

00:27:51.480 shock and awe

00:27:52.160 and all that.

00:27:52.780 It just,

00:27:53.740 it wasn't an easy battle

00:27:55.080 to win,

00:27:55.580 but we fought it.

00:27:56.260 We fought it nobly.

00:27:57.140 We still got guys over there

00:27:58.060 fighting it for us

00:27:58.880 and we're going to need

00:27:59.420 to leave some troops there.

00:28:01.020 I think Biden's got till May

00:28:02.060 to decide whether he wants

00:28:02.900 to pull them all out or not.

00:28:03.980 But,

00:28:04.540 you know,

00:28:04.680 we got troops

00:28:05.040 all over the world

00:28:05.640 because once you sort of

00:28:06.800 go in there

00:28:07.280 and engage,

00:28:09.340 you can't just walk out

00:28:10.360 and you can't just leave

00:28:11.100 all the blood and treasure.

00:28:12.660 100%.

00:28:13.060 I'm not saying,

00:28:13.980 you know,

00:28:14.200 I'm not saying we just

00:28:15.200 take out the cartridge

00:28:16.880 and blow on it

00:28:17.620 and restart.

00:28:18.220 It's not a video game.

00:28:19.120 These are real lives.

00:28:20.220 And if you're a soldier

00:28:21.800 and you're willing

00:28:22.520 to risk your life

00:28:23.500 for America,

00:28:24.620 it is one of the most noble

00:28:25.840 and brave things

00:28:26.620 in the world.

00:28:27.160 I just want to make sure

00:28:28.120 that the decision makers

00:28:29.180 are using those people

00:28:31.420 who are willing to lift,

00:28:32.540 risk their lives for us

00:28:33.900 in the right way.

00:28:35.640 Do you see what I'm saying?

00:28:36.620 Like,

00:28:36.860 don't.

00:28:37.200 That is a noble

00:28:38.420 fucking thing,

00:28:39.420 man,

00:28:39.940 to go,

00:28:40.540 I love something more

00:28:42.540 and I believe in something

00:28:44.460 more than my own life.

00:28:46.920 It is unbelievably selfish.

00:28:49.200 Don't waste that selflessness.

00:28:51.000 Don't do that.

00:28:52.260 Because you need those people.

00:28:53.540 I don't disagree

00:28:54.380 with that principle.

00:28:55.400 I just think

00:28:55.940 Afghanistan was a noble war.

00:28:58.120 It's just,

00:28:58.680 it's such a complicated

00:28:59.700 region of the world

00:29:00.880 and it's like the,

00:29:02.360 the,

00:29:03.120 we got longstanding

00:29:04.240 issues over there

00:29:05.440 that not even 20 years

00:29:06.840 with American

00:29:07.480 and other troops

00:29:08.080 can solve

00:29:08.740 and we're sort of,

00:29:10.040 we've,

00:29:10.300 I think we've come

00:29:10.880 to that reality

00:29:11.560 but out of respect

00:29:12.400 for everybody

00:29:12.860 who's sacrificed there,

00:29:14.100 we need to,

00:29:14.740 we need to get out

00:29:15.340 carefully.

00:29:16.140 I don't know.

00:29:16.520 Right?

00:29:16.880 I don't know.

00:29:17.460 I don't know.

00:29:18.060 I don't know.

00:29:18.660 I don't know.

00:29:19.100 That's it.

00:29:19.620 I don't know.

00:29:20.180 I don't know.

00:29:20.980 And I can say,

00:29:21.700 I don't know.

00:29:22.640 Here's one group

00:29:23.260 I can tell you does nothing.

00:29:24.180 Why don't we just go and be honest?

00:29:24.820 Why don't we just go and be honest?

00:29:26.180 Why don't we just go and be honest?

00:29:26.720 Well, it doesn't sound like us.

00:29:27.720 Like, yeah,

00:29:28.580 but let's,

00:29:29.260 it might be a better policy.

00:29:30.440 Why don't we just go in

00:29:31.020 and be like,

00:29:31.480 look, dude,

00:29:32.840 you got oil.

00:29:34.160 We like it oil.

00:29:35.840 Okay?

00:29:36.380 We're going to protect your shit.

00:29:38.100 You get to keep a piece of the oil.

00:29:40.340 Everybody's happy.

00:29:41.040 I mean,

00:29:41.220 isn't that what happens in Texas?

00:29:42.960 These big oil companies

00:29:44.000 go to some hillbilly

00:29:44.980 who has some land

00:29:45.720 and they go,

00:29:46.160 hey,

00:29:46.420 we did some research.

00:29:47.360 We found out you got some oil here.

00:29:48.480 You want to be a millionaire?

00:29:49.360 They're like,

00:29:49.680 hell yeah,

00:29:50.080 I want to be a millionaire.

00:29:50.920 Like,

00:29:51.140 all right,

00:29:51.280 we're going to suck it out for you.

00:29:52.280 Do all the work.

00:29:53.380 You get a piece of it.

00:29:54.200 They're like,

00:29:57.720 just be honest,

00:29:58.500 but stop acting like you care

00:30:00.000 how women dress.

00:30:01.320 Like,

00:30:01.500 that's the thing that annoys me the most,

00:30:03.020 right?

00:30:03.340 They're like,

00:30:03.880 look how they make the women dress.

00:30:05.700 Isn't that bad?

00:30:06.620 Don't they need freedom?

00:30:07.680 Oh,

00:30:07.920 they got oil?

00:30:09.200 Crazy.

00:30:10.220 What a coincidence.

00:30:12.220 Stop.

00:30:12.860 You know what I mean?

00:30:13.460 Stop,

00:30:13.880 for lack of a better word,

00:30:14.920 veiling it.

00:30:16.740 Stop doing this like you care about

00:30:19.520 how women are treated.

00:30:20.680 I hate that shit.

00:30:22.280 It's funny because I had Tim Dillon on recently

00:30:24.320 and he was saying

00:30:25.120 he used to be

00:30:27.120 an aspiring,

00:30:28.880 yeah,

00:30:29.080 he was an aspiring

00:30:29.860 like political guru

00:30:31.060 and he wanted,

00:30:32.120 he said he used to be in this place

00:30:33.180 where he was like,

00:30:34.000 you know,

00:30:34.240 we have to support the people of Iraq

00:30:35.680 and their quest for democracy

00:30:36.760 and then he sort of got to the point

00:30:38.940 where like,

00:30:39.320 what am I saying?

00:30:40.420 What,

00:30:40.780 what am I,

00:30:41.360 no,

00:30:41.820 this isn't who I want to be.

00:30:43.660 And also,

00:30:44.340 they might not want democracy.

00:30:45.900 Like,

00:30:46.200 stop thinking that democracy

00:30:47.520 is the only thing that works.

00:30:49.480 No,

00:30:49.720 we've certainly seen that.

00:30:50.880 We've certainly seen that.

00:30:51.640 I mean,

00:30:51.740 that was,

00:30:52.400 that,

00:30:52.700 listen,

00:30:52.900 I,

00:30:53.340 like you lived through the Bush administration

00:30:55.200 and through 9-11

00:30:56.580 and I was an adult

00:30:57.380 when it happened.

00:30:58.000 I was 30 years old

00:30:59.500 when 9-11 happened

00:31:00.300 and I do remember thinking,

00:31:03.240 okay,

00:31:03.580 he's got like a blank check

00:31:04.900 to protect us.

00:31:05.660 That's how the American public felt.

00:31:07.300 Blank check.

00:31:08.160 And the Iraq war

00:31:08.720 was definitely controversial

00:31:09.880 even when he launched it

00:31:11.180 and he said there were

00:31:12.760 weapons of mass destruction

00:31:13.840 and there weren't,

00:31:14.520 there were questions

00:31:14.980 about whether there really were

00:31:16.080 and why he was going there

00:31:16.920 or was it to avenge his old man

00:31:18.160 who they tried to take out

00:31:19.080 and all that stuff.

00:31:20.560 But I don't know.

00:31:22.760 I just think that

00:31:23.500 the quest at the time

00:31:26.380 to bring democratic values.

00:31:29.140 Say why we went there to Iraq

00:31:30.900 because Saddam

00:31:31.900 I don't believe it was

00:31:32.440 to get their oil.

00:31:33.620 Saddam was about to get sneaky

00:31:35.380 with the oil.

00:31:36.420 He's like,

00:31:36.780 I'll sell oil to whoever I want.

00:31:38.220 I don't got to go through you guys.

00:31:39.560 And we were like,

00:31:40.080 oh,

00:31:40.360 work?

00:31:41.300 Is that how you think

00:31:42.440 things are going to work?

00:31:43.560 Same thing with Gaddafi.

00:31:44.700 Gaddafi was like,

00:31:45.240 what if I just create my own currency?

00:31:46.580 I sell oil through that.

00:31:47.780 And we were like,

00:31:48.240 what?

00:31:49.060 That's not how things work.

00:31:50.280 You sell oil in American dollars.

00:31:52.800 And that's the only thing

00:31:54.120 that is allowed to happen

00:31:56.340 in any country

00:31:57.020 that tries to do otherwise.

00:31:58.660 Well,

00:31:59.140 they run into some problems.

00:32:01.000 They run into some big problems.

00:32:02.060 So do you look back at,

00:32:04.040 let's say,

00:32:04.340 Colin Powell

00:32:04.920 testifying before Congress

00:32:06.140 and saying,

00:32:07.060 here's where we believe

00:32:07.840 there are WMDs

00:32:08.900 and here's the map

00:32:10.200 showing where we see them

00:32:11.220 on the satellite and so on.

00:32:12.140 You think that was all?

00:32:13.620 I mean,

00:32:13.840 we know it's not true now.

00:32:15.560 He would say a mistake.

00:32:16.560 You think it was an active lie

00:32:17.940 to cover a plan

00:32:18.760 to go in there

00:32:19.220 and get the oil?

00:32:19.820 Well,

00:32:20.140 based on my thorough research

00:32:23.200 by watching the movie Vice,

00:32:24.520 coming up in a minute,

00:32:34.500 I'm going to ask Andrew

00:32:35.240 what he thinks about

00:32:35.960 the Kardashians,

00:32:37.500 about Oprah Winfrey

00:32:38.940 and her interview

00:32:40.100 of Meghan and Harry.

00:32:41.480 And he's got thoughts.

00:32:42.860 Stand by.

00:32:43.280 Let me shift gears with you

00:32:49.200 to something you do know about

00:32:50.280 and that's the British Royal Family.

00:32:52.300 I know everything

00:32:53.500 about the British Royal Family.

00:32:55.500 I didn't even know how to say it.

00:32:57.280 I know absolutely everything.

00:32:59.020 Did you watch the Oprah interview?

00:33:02.240 Yeah, my girl was watching it

00:33:03.540 so I kind of watched it

00:33:04.300 over her shoulder

00:33:04.820 for a little bit

00:33:05.560 and yeah,

00:33:07.920 it is what it is.

00:33:08.840 I mean,

00:33:09.160 I just don't.

00:33:10.820 They all suck.

00:33:13.620 They all suck.

00:33:14.500 Who, everyone?

00:33:15.360 You're not on Team Meghan

00:33:16.700 or Team Queen?

00:33:17.720 I mean,

00:33:18.320 like,

00:33:18.560 what I don't understand

00:33:19.800 is,

00:33:20.320 like,

00:33:20.460 let's say hypothetically,

00:33:21.820 right,

00:33:22.020 let's say hypothetically,

00:33:23.360 they were concerned

00:33:24.900 about this,

00:33:25.800 the baby's skin being dark,

00:33:27.540 right?

00:33:28.540 Mm-hmm.

00:33:29.680 I just find it hilarious

00:33:31.500 that they're less concerned

00:33:33.180 about the baby being inbred

00:33:36.360 than they are about it being dark.

00:33:38.840 Like,

00:33:39.020 shouldn't they be

00:33:39.780 through the roof

00:33:41.060 that some new genes

00:33:42.460 are entering that bloodline?

00:33:45.300 Thank fucking God.

00:33:47.620 Right?

00:33:48.360 Like,

00:33:48.600 isn't that a time

00:33:50.100 for celebration in England?

00:33:52.020 You're not going to have

00:33:52.940 the same,

00:33:53.880 like,

00:33:54.540 half-carts being born

00:33:55.940 year after year

00:33:57.480 by these families

00:33:58.360 that are just marrying cousins?

00:34:00.240 It's repulsive.

00:34:01.320 If you look at that bloodline,

00:34:03.160 I mean,

00:34:03.700 it's closer than Charles' eyes.

00:34:07.180 They are close.

00:34:08.680 Oh my God,

00:34:09.200 you're right.

00:34:09.500 They're very close.

00:34:10.220 Yeah,

00:34:10.500 they're very close.

00:34:11.320 That's what happens.

00:34:12.240 That's what happens

00:34:13.180 when your parents are related.

00:34:14.960 Everybody there is related.

00:34:15.760 And their teeth are very long.

00:34:16.620 Their teeth are very long.

00:34:18.840 They're turning into lemurs.

00:34:21.660 This is what happens.

00:34:23.220 This is what happens.

00:34:24.900 This is what happens

00:34:25.840 when you have

00:34:27.120 literal centuries

00:34:28.120 of inbreeding.

00:34:29.360 Is that even true?

00:34:30.080 now,

00:34:30.780 now,

00:34:31.540 I have to tell,

00:34:32.160 no,

00:34:32.420 no.

00:34:33.740 Now,

00:34:34.960 they're blaming the Americans.

00:34:36.280 Some people are saying

00:34:37.220 what this means

00:34:38.120 is no more Americans

00:34:38.940 marrying into the British royal family.

00:34:40.520 And I have to say,

00:34:41.540 that's not the problem.

00:34:42.960 That is not the problem.

00:34:44.240 Right?

00:34:44.700 Like,

00:34:45.120 I'm not on team Meghan and Harry

00:34:47.220 at all,

00:34:47.940 but I don't think

00:34:48.540 you can blame the Americans.

00:34:49.560 I think Prince Harry

00:34:50.540 looks as bad as Meghan does.

00:34:51.720 He's weak.

00:34:52.760 He's,

00:34:53.140 somebody was using the term whipped,

00:34:54.520 you know,

00:34:54.780 like,

00:34:55.200 kind of do whatever your gal says.

00:34:56.580 He's not strong enough

00:34:57.360 to stand up for his family

00:34:58.400 or his heritage

00:34:59.460 or the British people.

00:35:01.040 I just think,

00:35:01.760 like,

00:35:01.960 I have no use

00:35:02.580 for either one of them now.

00:35:04.720 Yeah.

00:35:05.020 First of all,

00:35:05.560 I'm insulted to say

00:35:06.560 they're not letting Americans

00:35:07.900 marry into the British royal family.

00:35:09.560 The way I looked at this

00:35:10.740 is that

00:35:11.200 he married into America.

00:35:13.640 Like,

00:35:14.080 you're very lucky

00:35:14.900 that you married into America.

00:35:16.760 This is the A squad.

00:35:17.640 You made it to the all-star team.

00:35:19.140 Okay?

00:35:20.080 I mean,

00:35:20.360 it's an adorable little country

00:35:21.560 they got over there.

00:35:22.700 England.

00:35:23.400 Right?

00:35:23.720 It's absolutely adorable.

00:35:25.280 Right?

00:35:25.520 But there hasn't exactly

00:35:26.480 been a great migration

00:35:27.580 from America to England.

00:35:29.640 You know,

00:35:29.960 the other way around

00:35:30.980 has existed.

00:35:32.500 So,

00:35:33.060 let's really get on track here.

00:35:34.500 I mean,

00:35:34.700 like,

00:35:35.140 you got a lady

00:35:35.940 that writes about magic

00:35:37.240 that has more money

00:35:38.040 than the queen.

00:35:38.920 Get your shit together.

00:35:40.280 All right?

00:35:40.560 It's not like we married

00:35:41.480 into J.K. Rowling's family.

00:35:43.180 That'd be something

00:35:43.860 that we should brag about.

00:35:45.140 Holy shit,

00:35:45.780 we got an American

00:35:46.540 in the Potter fam?

00:35:47.520 That's amazing.

00:35:48.660 But,

00:35:49.180 the queen of England?

00:35:51.560 Like,

00:35:51.800 is that even a special thing?

00:35:54.520 It's kind of special.

00:35:55.760 Yeah,

00:35:55.980 I mean,

00:35:56.220 it goes back a long time.

00:35:57.660 She's got a lot of jewels.

00:35:58.780 She's got a bunch of palaces.

00:36:00.640 What do you mean

00:36:01.220 she has jewels?

00:36:02.180 She doesn't have jewels.

00:36:02.840 She can't sell them.

00:36:03.680 She sells the jewels

00:36:04.500 and she looks poor.

00:36:05.580 So,

00:36:06.100 you're a prisoner

00:36:06.940 of the jewels.

00:36:08.180 You really have no wealth.

00:36:08.900 She can take them out.

00:36:09.720 She can put on a tiara

00:36:11.460 and a necklace

00:36:12.160 and the earrings

00:36:12.820 and the bracelet.

00:36:13.560 She could roll around naked

00:36:14.560 in all of the crown jewels

00:36:15.800 and we can't.

00:36:17.660 She was cool

00:36:18.680 when she didn't have

00:36:19.960 a last name.

00:36:20.940 That was cool.

00:36:22.200 Okay?

00:36:23.320 Nobody knows her last name.

00:36:24.720 You don't know her last name.

00:36:25.920 It's just Elizabeth.

00:36:26.360 I do too.

00:36:27.280 What is her last name?

00:36:28.500 It's Mountbatten, Windsor.

00:36:30.820 Boom.

00:36:32.140 That was actually

00:36:32.680 really impressive, Megan.

00:36:33.580 I'll be honest with you right there.

00:36:34.780 I thought she didn't have

00:36:35.720 a last name.

00:36:36.260 I thought she was

00:36:36.740 like a Brazilian soccer player.

00:36:38.080 I thought you'd just

00:36:38.540 call her Elizabeth

00:36:39.220 and you'd call the other one Charles

00:36:41.040 and that's just what they are.

00:36:42.360 I was like,

00:36:42.660 that is kind of cool.

00:36:43.420 That's a good branding thing

00:36:44.260 they got going on.

00:36:45.440 But outside of that,

00:36:47.260 I mean,

00:36:47.500 it's impressive

00:36:48.060 that she's still alive

00:36:49.040 and stuff,

00:36:49.600 but who cares

00:36:50.360 about the Royals?

00:36:51.160 Like, it's just so,

00:36:51.920 it's so stupid.

00:36:52.940 Like, we have real families

00:36:54.400 like the Kardashians

00:36:55.380 here in America,

00:36:56.460 not the Royals.

00:36:56.840 To think about.

00:36:57.820 Sure.

00:36:58.360 What do you think about that?

00:36:59.360 Are you a Kardashian fan?

00:37:01.640 Do you watch that show?

00:37:03.280 No,

00:37:03.740 but I appreciate

00:37:04.660 their influence

00:37:05.380 and stuff like that.

00:37:06.460 I understand

00:37:06.880 like what they are.

00:37:07.780 Yeah,

00:37:08.060 like what they built.

00:37:09.040 It's unbelievable

00:37:09.640 what they built.

00:37:11.340 From a business standpoint,

00:37:13.220 yes.

00:37:13.660 I mean,

00:37:13.880 from a business standpoint,

00:37:14.640 they've been geniuses,

00:37:15.600 but, you know,

00:37:16.640 I asked them,

00:37:17.360 I sat down with all of them

00:37:18.200 and interviewed them together

00:37:19.060 and I asked them this directly.

00:37:20.620 Like,

00:37:20.820 are you a force for good

00:37:22.300 or a force for evil?

00:37:23.620 And there's a real debate

00:37:24.580 about that in the country,

00:37:25.660 as you know,

00:37:26.120 given the selfie culture

00:37:27.220 and the big bottoms

00:37:28.060 and all surgically enhanced

00:37:29.840 but presented as though it's not.

00:37:31.700 Yeah,

00:37:32.020 I think that there is no good

00:37:33.220 or evil with them.

00:37:34.240 I think they're just eyeballs

00:37:35.180 and they will take the eyeballs

00:37:36.840 through good

00:37:37.900 and they will take the eyeballs

00:37:38.840 through evil

00:37:39.600 and all they care about

00:37:41.800 is attention

00:37:42.340 and they will get that attention

00:37:43.720 in any way possible

00:37:44.800 because the attention is currency.

00:37:47.620 So,

00:37:48.000 that is the name of the game.

00:37:50.060 But it's better

00:37:50.800 that they look like that

00:37:51.720 if we have to look at them

00:37:53.040 all the time.

00:37:53.580 I mean,

00:37:53.780 imagine they were ugly

00:37:54.640 and we had to look at them

00:37:55.400 all the time.

00:37:55.800 And that would be

00:37:56.720 so unfortunate for us.

00:37:58.820 It's like the Richard Nixon presidency.

00:38:01.580 I don't know.

00:38:02.140 Was Nixon ugly?

00:38:03.820 And that he was not

00:38:04.460 an attractive man.

00:38:05.620 He was considered ugly?

00:38:06.920 There should be two.

00:38:08.740 Two.

00:38:10.520 I don't know.

00:38:11.300 I don't like what the Kardashians

00:38:13.360 have done to selfie culture.

00:38:15.040 I think they created it.

00:38:16.120 But on the other hand,

00:38:17.160 I confess,

00:38:18.740 I do click on the pictures.

00:38:20.780 Like when you see it

00:38:21.320 on the Daily Mail,

00:38:22.220 it's like,

00:38:22.540 oh,

00:38:22.700 Kim Kardashian just posted this.

00:38:24.080 I can't help myself.

00:38:25.020 It's like,

00:38:26.400 I don't know.

00:38:27.680 Yeah.

00:38:28.460 Can't remove your eyes.

00:38:30.680 Yeah.

00:38:31.080 It's weird because

00:38:32.080 did they create it

00:38:33.460 or did they monetize technology

00:38:35.600 that we were all

00:38:36.420 going to lean into anyway

00:38:37.660 because we're obsessed

00:38:38.620 with ourselves?

00:38:40.060 I don't think

00:38:40.860 that they created the idea

00:38:42.280 of I want to look better

00:38:43.300 than I am.

00:38:44.540 No.

00:38:44.820 Right?

00:38:45.260 They were just

00:38:45.920 the best at it.

00:38:48.140 You know,

00:38:48.360 it's like,

00:38:48.820 it's like when the Greeks

00:38:50.540 always say like

00:38:51.300 they invented math

00:38:52.360 and it's like,

00:38:52.960 shut the fuck up,

00:38:54.080 you idiots.

00:38:55.020 Like,

00:38:55.740 you thought that people

00:38:57.060 didn't know how to count

00:38:57.860 before you.

00:38:58.680 You thought they just

00:38:59.220 looked at things

00:38:59.900 and they were just like,

00:39:00.600 oh,

00:39:00.720 it'd be great

00:39:01.020 if we had a system

00:39:01.780 to figure out

00:39:02.580 how many of them

00:39:03.180 there were.

00:39:06.240 It's just the most

00:39:07.220 absurd thing in the world

00:39:08.500 that anybody could invent math.

00:39:10.400 Math exists

00:39:11.320 and then you figure out

00:39:12.680 the thing that exists.

00:39:14.140 You don't invent it.

00:39:16.200 You know?

00:39:16.900 So like,

00:39:17.520 they're just the Greeks

00:39:18.520 of being sluts.

00:39:20.260 I think they invented

00:39:26.960 sort of the half-nude

00:39:29.080 public photo.

00:39:30.380 I don't remember that

00:39:31.220 being so ubiquitous

00:39:32.140 before them.

00:39:33.080 And now you see

00:39:34.080 like the Vanity Fair

00:39:35.960 after party,

00:39:37.180 after the Oscars.

00:39:38.420 You see these models

00:39:39.820 or like wannabe actresses

00:39:41.220 there wearing nothing.

00:39:43.240 Wearing like,

00:39:44.500 it's like the most

00:39:45.400 classless dresses

00:39:46.780 where there's basically

00:39:47.660 a tube top

00:39:48.480 and then right above

00:39:49.980 the pubic area

00:39:51.260 the skirt begins.

00:39:52.420 It's like,

00:39:53.400 oh,

00:39:53.740 I miss when we used

00:39:54.580 to wear clothes

00:39:55.320 and we left something

00:39:56.100 to the imagination.

00:39:57.400 It is tricky.

00:39:58.620 It is tricky

00:39:59.200 because

00:39:59.620 the imagination

00:40:01.700 creates the desire

00:40:03.220 but the nudity

00:40:05.180 gets the eyeballs.

00:40:07.280 You know,

00:40:07.520 like,

00:40:08.760 you gotta care about

00:40:10.440 someone to imagine.

00:40:11.920 Like,

00:40:12.200 I don't know if you've

00:40:12.840 taken any naked pictures

00:40:14.080 for any publication.

00:40:15.480 Like,

00:40:15.640 I don't know.

00:40:15.960 I don't mean to be

00:40:16.680 inappropriate asking.

00:40:18.080 They would be more

00:40:18.780 interest in seeing

00:40:19.820 you naked

00:40:20.460 than seeing

00:40:21.240 the Kardashians

00:40:22.080 because we've seen

00:40:22.900 it already.

00:40:24.060 You see what I'm saying?

00:40:24.660 That's true.

00:40:25.320 Yeah.

00:40:26.120 Well,

00:40:26.500 I don't mind

00:40:27.100 saucy pictures.

00:40:28.160 Saucy pictures

00:40:28.660 is one thing.

00:40:29.820 Like,

00:40:30.260 showing everything

00:40:31.880 like at the Oscars,

00:40:34.120 I just,

00:40:34.680 like,

00:40:34.920 that's different to me.

00:40:36.060 That's just,

00:40:36.640 I love when women

00:40:37.640 celebrate their own sexuality.

00:40:39.620 I think that's awesome.

00:40:40.480 I hate how feminism

00:40:41.340 has gone to this place

00:40:42.100 where you're no longer

00:40:42.600 allowed to be sexy.

00:40:43.980 Somehow that's diminishing.

00:40:44.880 I don't accept any of that.

00:40:46.220 I'm just saying,

00:40:46.880 I like when women

00:40:48.520 choose to be sexy

00:40:49.540 and own it.

00:40:50.160 That's good.

00:40:50.840 We shouldn't be shamed

00:40:51.660 out of owning

00:40:52.600 that piece of ourselves.

00:40:53.740 But,

00:40:54.060 like,

00:40:54.360 a little goes a long way.

00:40:55.640 You don't have to be

00:40:56.240 naked at the Oscars.

00:40:57.780 So what's the,

00:40:58.660 I guess what I'm trying

00:40:59.380 to figure out now

00:41:00.000 is, like,

00:41:00.600 where's the limit

00:41:01.540 and then who gets

00:41:02.500 to decide the limit?

00:41:04.220 I do.

00:41:05.420 Because whoever's at the,

00:41:06.900 yeah,

00:41:07.120 you do.

00:41:07.520 Whoever's at the limit,

00:41:08.940 in order to have

00:41:09.820 a competitive advantage,

00:41:11.560 somebody's always

00:41:12.500 going to go

00:41:12.900 a little further,

00:41:13.960 right?

00:41:14.240 Like,

00:41:14.660 we can put all this

00:41:16.240 pressure on men

00:41:16.860 for, like,

00:41:17.300 creating societal standards

00:41:18.740 for women,

00:41:19.180 but the reality is,

00:41:19.920 it's like,

00:41:20.560 we're only going to have

00:41:21.340 sex with women,

00:41:22.540 right?

00:41:22.760 We're not going to,

00:41:23.280 like,

00:41:23.380 go,

00:41:23.700 okay,

00:41:24.540 well,

00:41:24.960 if women aren't

00:41:25.720 shaving their legs,

00:41:26.440 we're going to have

00:41:26.860 sex with goats,

00:41:29.000 right?

00:41:29.340 So you can decide

00:41:30.820 to do absolutely

00:41:31.740 nothing to your bodies.

00:41:33.020 You don't have to

00:41:33.440 shave your legs,

00:41:34.120 you don't have to

00:41:34.400 shave your pubic region,

00:41:35.440 you don't have to

00:41:35.900 put on makeup,

00:41:36.820 you can do absolutely

00:41:37.740 nothing,

00:41:38.160 and we will be lining

00:41:39.440 up in the exact same

00:41:40.960 way to have sex with you

00:41:41.860 because that's what

00:41:42.480 we've been doing

00:41:42.980 since the beginning

00:41:43.600 of time,

00:41:44.360 right?

00:41:44.800 There was no wax,

00:41:45.820 there was no Brazilian

00:41:46.580 wax job,

00:41:47.560 you know,

00:41:47.940 10 million years ago

00:41:49.020 whenever homo erectus

00:41:50.500 was walking,

00:41:51.160 right?

00:41:51.800 So what I think

00:41:53.200 happens is women,

00:41:54.020 in order to get

00:41:54.620 a competitive advantage

00:41:55.480 against one another,

00:41:56.840 are going,

00:41:57.760 oh,

00:41:58.020 she shaved her legs?

00:41:59.200 Well,

00:41:59.400 I'm going to shave

00:41:59.960 my pubic region,

00:42:02.020 right?

00:42:02.220 Oh,

00:42:02.420 she shaved her pubic region?

00:42:03.760 Well,

00:42:03.960 I'm going to get

00:42:04.440 electric lasers

00:42:06.140 shot into my pores

00:42:07.980 so the hair never

00:42:08.840 grows back.

00:42:09.860 Like,

00:42:10.080 it just keeps on

00:42:10.880 one and up each other

00:42:11.740 in the same way

00:42:12.300 that we do it

00:42:12.740 with cars.

00:42:14.140 It's like,

00:42:14.420 oh,

00:42:14.500 that guy has a Ferrari?

00:42:15.420 Well,

00:42:15.520 I'm going to get

00:42:15.920 a Lamborghini

00:42:16.760 encrusted with diamonds,

00:42:18.460 blah,

00:42:18.660 blah,

00:42:18.760 blah.

00:42:19.080 It just sucks

00:42:20.140 for women

00:42:20.720 that,

00:42:21.040 like,

00:42:21.160 men are so shallow

00:42:22.360 that we really

00:42:25.100 value aesthetic

00:42:26.800 over everything.

00:42:28.820 Well,

00:42:29.200 but it's so,

00:42:29.720 it's so random,

00:42:30.840 right?

00:42:31.020 Because it's like,

00:42:31.560 who decided that

00:42:32.600 pubic hair

00:42:33.680 was unattractive

00:42:35.120 and that you needed

00:42:35.920 to wax it all off

00:42:37.480 to turn on a man?

00:42:38.280 You need to make

00:42:38.740 yourself look like

00:42:39.340 an 11-year-old boy

00:42:40.360 in order to turn on

00:42:42.360 a grown man.

00:42:43.020 I don't get that.

00:42:44.520 And then,

00:42:45.040 and then,

00:42:45.340 like,

00:42:45.980 the fashions change,

00:42:47.440 right?

00:42:47.560 Like,

00:42:47.720 the landing strip

00:42:48.340 is what you should have.

00:42:49.020 Go over the triangle.

00:42:50.100 No,

00:42:50.220 like,

00:42:50.560 full-on bush.

00:42:51.780 Sorry,

00:42:52.060 forgive me.

00:42:52.740 Or just nothing,

00:42:53.940 right?

00:42:54.120 Like,

00:42:54.260 you got to go for,

00:42:54.820 like,

00:42:54.900 the prepubescent.

00:42:55.920 It's weird.

00:42:56.640 I don't understand

00:42:57.960 trendiness

00:42:58.620 on these issues.

00:43:00.440 Yeah.

00:43:00.840 I also don't understand,

00:43:02.360 like,

00:43:03.020 the,

00:43:03.320 it looks like

00:43:03.880 a little girl thing.

00:43:05.240 It's like,

00:43:05.680 no,

00:43:06.040 it doesn't.

00:43:07.260 It just looks like

00:43:08.260 an adult woman

00:43:09.140 with no hair.

00:43:10.620 Like,

00:43:11.300 nobody sees,

00:43:12.620 nobody sees a naked

00:43:13.740 porn star,

00:43:14.640 right?

00:43:15.020 That's shaved and goes,

00:43:16.200 is that a little girl?

00:43:18.160 Right?

00:43:18.540 It's just like,

00:43:19.380 it's just like,

00:43:20.380 whoa,

00:43:20.940 that's a hot chick

00:43:21.780 that doesn't have pubic hair.

00:43:23.320 What happened to pubic hair?

00:43:26.000 How did it get unattractive?

00:43:27.520 I guess,

00:43:27.960 I don't know.

00:43:28.320 I guess what I'm trying to say

00:43:29.000 is I never understood

00:43:29.840 that,

00:43:30.260 like,

00:43:30.420 metaphor analogy

00:43:31.140 that people use it for me.

00:43:32.200 It's like,

00:43:32.400 when you see,

00:43:32.900 like,

00:43:33.120 Michael Jordan

00:43:33.720 with,

00:43:34.080 like,

00:43:34.140 a shaved head,

00:43:34.780 you're like,

00:43:35.420 he looks like a baby,

00:43:37.220 right?

00:43:37.840 Nobody does that,

00:43:39.500 right?

00:43:40.920 But babies have

00:43:41.980 no hair on their head often.

00:43:44.820 So,

00:43:45.520 how did it become attractive?

00:43:47.340 Girls wanted a competitive advantage

00:43:49.020 to get guys.

00:43:50.360 And they're like,

00:43:51.180 okay,

00:43:51.540 guys don't like leg hair.

00:43:53.020 They probably don't like,

00:43:54.080 they don't like armpit hair.

00:43:55.140 That means they don't like hair anywhere.

00:43:56.860 And we should just get rid of all the hair

00:43:58.640 that exists below our eyelashes.

00:44:01.240 And now some men do it too.

00:44:02.820 Now you see,

00:44:03.600 like,

00:44:03.800 some guys who have

00:44:04.580 clearly had laser treatments

00:44:06.120 on their chest

00:44:07.020 and it's not,

00:44:07.780 it's not just like they've

00:44:08.700 shaved their hair.

00:44:09.460 It's like they,

00:44:09.980 they'll never see another hair there again.

00:44:12.180 Yeah,

00:44:12.520 it's bad.

00:44:13.140 I mean,

00:44:13.320 like,

00:44:13.500 I shaved my pubes the other day

00:44:14.920 way too low.

00:44:16.000 Like,

00:44:16.360 and I just look like a detective

00:44:18.440 that's been at work all night.

00:44:20.460 You know,

00:44:20.760 it's just,

00:44:21.320 it's just stupid.

00:44:22.000 I look like Enrique Iglesias.

00:44:23.840 That's what I look like.

00:44:26.340 It just looks so dumb,

00:44:27.760 but I think I'm like,

00:44:28.820 ah,

00:44:28.960 maybe my fiance will like this or whatever.

00:44:30.700 It's,

00:44:30.860 it's,

00:44:31.120 it's,

00:44:31.460 it's dumb.

00:44:32.700 Oh,

00:44:32.860 so you're engaged.

00:44:33.860 Okay.

00:44:34.100 I didn't know that.

00:44:34.900 So,

00:44:35.380 so,

00:44:36.560 Oh yeah,

00:44:36.900 of course.

00:44:37.340 it must be very hard for her because like I'm married to a writer and I'm always worried

00:44:42.300 that something I say or something that happens in our relationship is going to wind up in

00:44:46.060 one of his books.

00:44:47.200 And I would imagine it's a thousand times worse for her to be engaged to a comedian.

00:44:52.900 Oh yes.

00:44:54.500 She knows it's happening.

00:44:55.700 It's happening.

00:44:56.240 If she says something wild or something funny happens,

00:44:58.940 it's going to be on a podcast.

00:45:00.620 It's going to be in the standup,

00:45:02.140 but it's easier for her because she doesn't want any attention at all.

00:45:06.120 She like hates attention.

00:45:08.000 So she's like private on Instagram.

00:45:10.240 She doesn't want to be put in pictures or any of that kind of stuff,

00:45:13.440 which works out for me.

00:45:14.520 Cause I want to protect her from all this that I want to protect her from any like internet

00:45:18.600 scrutiny because she doesn't want it.

00:45:21.520 Like she's not asking for that.

00:45:23.100 Like,

00:45:23.300 this is my career.

00:45:24.020 She shouldn't have to suffer because of that.

00:45:25.620 But,

00:45:26.080 but yeah,

00:45:27.380 she knows it's going to be on the podcast,

00:45:28.800 but at least she doesn't have people like writing comments underneath her pictures.

00:45:32.180 Like,

00:45:32.540 Oh,

00:45:32.660 I was so dumb.

00:45:33.440 The thing you said or blah,

00:45:35.100 blah,

00:45:35.200 blah.

00:45:35.300 Right.

00:45:35.560 That takes a special level of thick skin.

00:45:38.060 So,

00:45:38.360 so she's not in the industry.

00:45:39.900 She's not in the entertainment industry at all.

00:45:42.280 No,

00:45:42.660 no,

00:45:42.880 no.

00:45:43.020 She's getting her master's.

00:45:44.780 And did you,

00:45:45.780 have you ever dated celebrities or,

00:45:48.020 you know,

00:45:48.820 people in the industry?

00:45:51.180 Yeah,

00:45:51.940 maybe a little bit or like people.

00:45:53.960 Yeah,

00:45:54.340 maybe,

00:45:55.060 you know,

00:45:55.680 what do you mean?

00:45:56.360 Maybe.

00:45:57.180 Yes.

00:45:57.780 I don't know who's a celebrity anymore.

00:45:59.260 There's no more celebrities.

00:46:00.240 There's just,

00:46:00.860 you know,

00:46:01.060 there's no more.

00:46:02.060 Justin Bieber was like the last universally famous person.

00:46:05.100 Wait a minute.

00:46:05.360 Outside of like presidents.

00:46:06.740 Yeah.

00:46:07.200 If you said these women's names,

00:46:09.040 would I know them?

00:46:10.160 Maybe,

00:46:10.900 maybe no one.

00:46:12.820 Maybe something.

00:46:14.020 Maybe.

00:46:14.480 I don't know.

00:46:15.160 What happened?

00:46:16.120 Cause like sometimes when you have two people who really need attention,

00:46:18.880 it doesn't work out.

00:46:19.920 I don't even know if that was,

00:46:21.100 that was the issue,

00:46:22.220 but yeah,

00:46:22.700 that,

00:46:23.380 that definitely can be an issue.

00:46:24.540 But,

00:46:24.860 uh,

00:46:25.320 sometimes I'm just like picky.

00:46:26.800 Like I won't,

00:46:27.820 uh,

00:46:28.180 sacrifice my joy,

00:46:30.860 you know,

00:46:31.580 like,

00:46:31.960 um,

00:46:32.420 I just,

00:46:32.980 I admire Mormons so much because they can like,

00:46:35.960 just be uncomfortable.

00:46:37.800 Like whenever I talk to like people who like left Mormonism,

00:46:40.320 it's,

00:46:41.200 it's like,

00:46:41.960 uh,

00:46:42.620 kind of pretty traumatic for them,

00:46:44.180 but I think it's traumatic.

00:46:45.160 Cause they're like,

00:46:45.800 why is everybody else around me happy?

00:46:47.520 And I'm not,

00:46:48.460 you know?

00:46:50.320 So it's like,

00:46:51.000 I know what you mean.

00:46:52.320 You know what I'm saying?

00:46:53.720 Yeah.

00:46:54.060 No,

00:46:54.240 no.

00:46:54.340 I've,

00:46:54.560 I've often thought like,

00:46:56.000 I was saying this to somebody recently,

00:46:57.340 like I,

00:46:58.320 I want,

00:46:59.180 I want to become a Mormon before my kids get to the age where they're going to

00:47:02.540 start drinking and wanting to do drugs and things like that.

00:47:04.640 Because Mormons,

00:47:05.340 they do a good job of not doing that stuff.

00:47:07.800 Yeah.

00:47:08.020 They really lock that down.

00:47:09.660 And they're like sweet people.

00:47:11.240 We were just in Salt Lake doing shows and they're like really sweet people.

00:47:14.520 And they're like amazing business acumen.

00:47:17.380 They've got this like incredible,

00:47:18.960 uh,

00:47:20.360 you know,

00:47:20.600 ability to like build wealth within the community.

00:47:23.080 And yeah,

00:47:24.300 they're just a fascinating people.

00:47:25.840 And we look at them like they're these like weirdos and,

00:47:28.540 uh,

00:47:28.700 there's some odd things about every religion,

00:47:31.300 I'm sure.

00:47:31.680 But like genuinely nice people that have created like a really nice city to

00:47:36.200 live in.

00:47:36.820 You know,

00:47:37.240 they're,

00:47:37.680 they're like the gays,

00:47:39.380 you know,

00:47:39.780 it's just,

00:47:40.420 it's just great.

00:47:41.620 Don't wear the full body underwear.

00:47:43.500 Yeah.

00:47:43.620 Well,

00:47:43.800 you haven't been to the right parties in fire around Megan.

00:47:45.800 That's all I have to say.

00:47:49.160 That's a hundred percent true.

00:47:50.960 That's,

00:47:51.360 there's no question about that.

00:47:52.880 I just think that it's,

00:47:54.340 it's kind of cool.

00:47:55.580 So are you going to have kids?

00:47:57.680 Yeah.

00:47:58.020 I'd love to,

00:47:58.520 love to have some kids when she,

00:47:59.900 you know,

00:48:00.060 I don't want to put any,

00:48:01.020 uh,

00:48:01.380 pressure on her.

00:48:02.180 She's still finishing her,

00:48:03.840 her degree.

00:48:05.300 And then like,

00:48:06.180 uh,

00:48:06.520 you know,

00:48:06.720 she'll,

00:48:07.220 you know,

00:48:07.540 join the workforce for a little bit.

00:48:09.800 And then,

00:48:10.400 uh,

00:48:11.180 we'll take advantage of that,

00:48:12.240 uh,

00:48:12.900 maternity leave.

00:48:13.740 That's the goal.

00:48:14.700 Just get her a job and then immediately knock her up.

00:48:18.180 That is take advantage of the matriarchy or whatever that is.

00:48:23.320 Yes.

00:48:23.720 It's such a leisurely time after you squeeze another human being out of,

00:48:27.880 out of your body.

00:48:29.180 It's just like being on vacation at the spa.

00:48:31.880 I know.

00:48:32.580 Right.

00:48:33.100 I mean,

00:48:33.360 it's just the easiest thing in the world.

00:48:35.660 I mean,

00:48:36.100 isn't that hard to get it out?

00:48:37.800 Like you think that we'd figure that out by now through evolution,

00:48:41.540 right?

00:48:42.500 So can I tell you,

00:48:43.460 it wasn't for me.

00:48:44.160 Cause I had three C sections.

00:48:45.840 And my kids are always asking me.

00:48:47.980 Yeah.

00:48:48.300 So I,

00:48:48.880 I feel like it was actually kind of lucky.

00:48:50.580 Cause my first kid was what they call transverse,

00:48:52.800 which means like sideways.

00:48:54.940 Oh,

00:48:55.380 I thought you said trans.

00:48:56.720 I thought you said your first kid was trans.

00:48:58.100 And I was like,

00:48:58.860 already.

00:49:03.040 Right.

00:49:03.540 No,

00:49:03.680 he came out and I could recognize immediately.

00:49:05.240 He would be called a baby.

00:49:07.040 Right.

00:49:07.660 Right.

00:49:08.660 So your kid was just like chilling in there.

00:49:11.080 Like,

00:49:11.440 uh,

00:49:12.180 what was it?

00:49:12.680 Like Kate Winslet in the Titanic.

00:49:14.920 Like when she was getting drawn by.

00:49:18.140 Not at all.

00:49:20.340 He was at like,

00:49:21.880 he was at like,

00:49:22.820 uh,

00:49:23.000 let's say two o'clock.

00:49:24.780 It would be like two 40.

00:49:26.540 If you're looking at the hands on a clock.

00:49:27.920 You know what I mean?

00:49:28.400 It was like diagonal.

00:49:30.220 And,

00:49:30.580 uh,

00:49:30.900 my OB said,

00:49:31.680 well,

00:49:31.780 you can either try to go,

00:49:33.640 you know,

00:49:34.040 naturally and you'd be in labor for 30 hours.

00:49:36.280 And then I'd have to do a C-section on you or we can just schedule a C-section.

00:49:39.580 I was like,

00:49:40.020 I don't need to be a hero.

00:49:41.420 Let's schedule the C.

00:49:42.820 Cause I love these women who make you feel like you didn't actually have a baby.

00:49:45.160 If you have a C-section.

00:49:46.120 It's like,

00:49:46.520 I still have a baby.

00:49:47.780 I see the baby.

00:49:49.740 Anyway.

00:49:50.060 So then I had the other two by C-section and,

00:49:52.060 and like,

00:49:52.720 honestly,

00:49:53.180 your abs hurt for a couple of weeks after.

00:49:55.040 And that's it.

00:49:55.860 It's not.

00:49:56.760 I,

00:49:56.960 I didn't find it that unpleasant.

00:49:58.920 Although your body springing back is a different story.

00:50:02.420 It takes a little bit,

00:50:03.600 right?

00:50:03.980 It takes a little bit.

00:50:05.400 Sure does.

00:50:06.780 It's funny too,

00:50:07.520 cause you'll be sitting in there about to give birth.

00:50:09.120 And they always say to you and your husband,

00:50:11.100 now remember you can't have sex for six weeks after this baby's born.

00:50:15.220 And of course the,

00:50:16.060 the,

00:50:16.360 the husband's like six weeks.

00:50:17.620 And the wife is like six weeks.

00:50:20.000 As soon as six weeks.

00:50:20.920 Six weeks.

00:50:21.560 I mean,

00:50:24.680 it takes like a year to come back from an ACL and that seems like way less than

00:50:29.600 a birth.

00:50:30.660 You know?

00:50:32.380 Yeah.

00:50:32.780 I don't know.

00:50:34.020 I feel for my fellow women who went the other way.

00:50:36.760 But also you have to look at it like this.

00:50:39.040 Like you must've gotten it back because you had two more babies.

00:50:42.880 I did.

00:50:43.560 And you want to know how I did it?

00:50:45.160 How'd you do it?

00:50:46.680 I breastfed.

00:50:47.440 I always say women are selling like the breastfeeding sort of super Nazis.

00:50:52.340 They are selling breastfeeding all wrong.

00:50:54.580 Like I,

00:50:54.980 I get it's best for the baby and every mom cares about that.

00:50:57.700 But what,

00:50:58.520 what we really need to get motivated on is how to,

00:51:01.480 how to get rid of those extra 30 pounds and all the saggy flesh.

00:51:04.480 That's newly all over us.

00:51:06.260 Breastfeeding.

00:51:06.920 It,

00:51:07.440 it like snaps everything back into shape.

00:51:09.700 And you,

00:51:10.360 you,

00:51:10.880 by the time the baby's like six months,

00:51:12.440 you're burning off between five and 800 calories a day just by sitting there.

00:51:16.660 It's awesome.

00:51:17.440 That's amazing.

00:51:19.120 Can people breastfeed when they don't have kids?

00:51:21.020 Like can you just,

00:51:21.620 I've asked people breastfeed?

00:51:23.140 I asked that.

00:51:24.180 I would love to find a job.

00:51:25.180 Like how do the wet nurses do it?

00:51:26.720 Like how do I've heard,

00:51:28.300 I've heard stories about like,

00:51:30.340 if you adopt a child,

00:51:31.400 somehow you can get the boobs fired up.

00:51:32.760 Like it would be brilliant.

00:51:33.660 That way you would never have to exercise.

00:51:35.860 We wouldn't even need the vaccine.

00:51:37.240 Just get all the fat people breastfeeding.

00:51:39.340 Then they won't be fat.

00:51:40.440 They don't die from COVID.

00:51:41.620 And then we're good to go.

00:51:42.820 Open up the country.

00:51:44.680 Coming up in one second,

00:51:45.620 we're going to talk to Andrew about when he had COVID.

00:51:48.420 And also he's got some strong thoughts on Sacha Baron Cohen.

00:51:51.100 Does he like that kind of comedy or not?

00:51:53.940 But first want to bring you a feature that we call asked an answer to here on the Megan

00:51:58.320 Kelly show.

00:51:59.340 And that's where we answer some of our listener questions.

00:52:01.900 Steve Krakauer is our executive producer.

00:52:03.680 He's got the question for us this week.

00:52:05.640 Hey,

00:52:05.780 Steve.

00:52:05.980 Hey, Megan.

00:52:06.780 This one came to us at questions at devilmaycaremedia.com.

00:52:10.440 Anyone can email and we try to answer questions every week.

00:52:12.960 This one from Kimberly Hahn.

00:52:14.560 She wants to know,

00:52:15.180 how do you do all the research and watching the news without being scared all the time?

00:52:18.840 I want to be informed.

00:52:19.720 I also want to leave my house.

00:52:21.180 Tips or tricks on how you compartmentalize all the information we're fed each day?

00:52:25.520 That's a good question.

00:52:26.780 I think,

00:52:28.120 number one,

00:52:28.600 remember that the media exaggerates most things.

00:52:31.240 They really do.

00:52:31.760 So sensationalism sells,

00:52:33.820 outrage sells,

00:52:35.060 drama sells,

00:52:36.140 especially when you're watching cable news.

00:52:38.660 So if that's how you get your information,

00:52:41.000 but also broadcast news.

00:52:42.020 I mean,

00:52:42.160 I've worked at ABC and NBC and they all have this knee jerk instinct to forgive the term,

00:52:46.840 but like sex it up,

00:52:47.960 right?

00:52:48.140 To make it sexier or as sexy as it can be and to lead with the thing that's scariest.

00:52:53.100 So try not to get all of your news from television.

00:52:55.620 I think the papers are actually better at this and try to get your news from multiple sources,

00:52:59.640 right?

00:52:59.860 Read from the left and the right.

00:53:00.940 I do think that the left is prone to more hysteria,

00:53:04.040 but trust me,

00:53:05.040 working on Fox for all those years,

00:53:06.720 they like the,

00:53:07.460 if it bleeds,

00:53:07.920 it leads approach to,

00:53:09.560 they'll definitely go for the most outrageous stuff.

00:53:12.160 So just remember that and discount everything you're hearing by a factor of 20%,

00:53:16.220 I'd say.

00:53:17.640 That's sort of how I stayed calm during the whole COVID thing.

00:53:19.880 I'm like,

00:53:20.180 I know it's real.

00:53:21.180 I know it's serious,

00:53:21.820 but there's absolutely a hundred percent chance that they're enjoying playing this up.

00:53:27.920 That's how they are.

00:53:28.600 It's disgusting,

00:53:29.780 but it's true.

00:53:30.940 So just remember that.

00:53:32.220 And honestly,

00:53:32.620 like you don't want to live your life that way.

00:53:34.560 The more time you wallow in fear,

00:53:36.360 the worse off you are in this world.

00:53:38.160 Like put down the newspaper if you have to.

00:53:40.740 Like my sister-in-law,

00:53:41.700 Diane,

00:53:42.400 she's lived most of her life,

00:53:43.460 not really being up on the news.

00:53:45.280 And she lives in Cape Cod and she's an oyster fisherman.

00:53:47.840 She's great.

00:53:48.380 Got a great story.

00:53:48.940 She went to Duke undergrad and Harvard for grad school.

00:53:50.960 And now she's an oyster fisherman on Cape Cod,

00:53:52.720 but she's a happy person.

00:53:54.420 You know,

00:53:55.120 I,

00:53:55.460 she started getting into all the COVID news and the vaccines and all that.

00:53:57.820 She's gotten a little less happy,

00:53:58.820 I think because she's getting closer to the news.

00:54:01.500 So to be honest,

00:54:02.320 the news can stress you out,

00:54:03.540 but I think not to be too self-promotional,

00:54:06.360 but you're in the right place.

00:54:07.300 I think one thing we do well here is we don't discuss the news with hysteria.

00:54:12.160 And we'll continue to do that because if you go to hysterical people to deliver you your facts,

00:54:16.060 you're going to wind up a little bit more hysterical yourself.

00:54:18.700 We're fine.

00:54:19.840 It's all going to work out in the end.

00:54:22.400 Hefty,

00:54:23.040 you know,

00:54:23.340 more than a grain of salt,

00:54:24.500 a big old boulder of salt.

00:54:26.180 When you listen to journalists trying to tell you the sky is falling and read a book,

00:54:32.180 hug your kid.

00:54:33.340 And remember,

00:54:34.480 I think it was Barry Weiss or maybe it was,

00:54:36.440 it was Alana.

00:54:37.200 I'm trying to remember who it was,

00:54:38.100 but they said,

00:54:39.020 remember that the things that matter most in your life are generally within 12 feet of you,

00:54:43.240 right?

00:54:43.420 The things and the people.

00:54:44.940 And that doesn't even include me,

00:54:47.340 but it includes your family and your friends and your home and yourself and your,

00:54:51.540 your love.

00:54:52.520 That's where you go.

00:54:53.740 That's what matters.

00:54:55.040 Sky has not yet fallen.

00:54:56.960 And we're all going to be okay.

00:54:58.680 Thanks for the question.

00:55:00.100 Back to Andrew right after this.

00:55:08.100 The CDC said 78% of people who were hospitalized or needed a ventilator or who died from COVID-19

00:55:15.560 have been overweight or obese.

00:55:18.620 Almost 80%.

00:55:20.940 Do you think it's that they die of COVID or not being able to taste food for three days?

00:55:26.620 Oh God.

00:55:27.320 I think it's,

00:55:31.220 it's underscores the folly.

00:55:34.400 It underscores the folly of closing the gyms.

00:55:36.720 That's the worst time to close the gyms.

00:55:39.260 That's true.

00:55:39.960 Get people in the gyms immediately.

00:55:42.400 Did you get Corona?

00:55:44.280 No,

00:55:45.260 I didn't.

00:55:46.360 Nope.

00:55:47.060 Don't come to Florida.

00:55:48.060 You will get it immediately.

00:55:49.500 Me and I had it already back home,

00:55:51.340 but everybody on my team that moved to Florida with me got it within a week,

00:55:56.240 literally within a week.

00:55:57.500 Every single one of them.

00:55:58.480 Yeah.

00:55:58.600 It's a guaranteed right of passage.

00:55:59.880 You move to Florida,

00:56:00.480 you get Corona is,

00:56:01.360 it is what it is.

00:56:02.140 A hundred percent.

00:56:02.700 But do people care?

00:56:04.040 I heard people don't care about Corona.

00:56:05.660 No,

00:56:05.980 no.

00:56:06.220 Florida.

00:56:06.980 If you wear a mask,

00:56:07.860 it's almost looked down upon in a lot of places.

00:56:09.780 They're like,

00:56:10.320 really?

00:56:11.180 Like people love to tell you that they don't do the mask thing.

00:56:14.200 That's what they go.

00:56:14.800 Yeah.

00:56:14.920 We don't do the mask thing.

00:56:16.240 The thing I really like about it is I took a cross country flight and I fell asleep.

00:56:21.840 And it,

00:56:22.480 it saves your dignity when you fall asleep and your jaw falls open.

00:56:26.100 Yeah.

00:56:26.460 Good point.

00:56:27.520 Good point.

00:56:28.120 Also,

00:56:28.520 everybody's better looking with a mask.

00:56:30.140 There are advantages to the mask.

00:56:32.220 Not Prince Charles with his beady little eyes.

00:56:34.900 Yeah.

00:56:35.220 Charles doesn't have a good mask face,

00:56:39.640 but,

00:56:39.780 but yeah,

00:56:41.260 I mean,

00:56:41.460 it covers up them British teeth though.

00:56:43.580 I mean,

00:56:44.120 maybe that's why they're like,

00:56:45.220 there's a new strain.

00:56:46.080 They just keep making up strains in the UK,

00:56:48.380 just cover their fucking teeth.

00:56:50.080 So what happened to you when you got it?

00:56:57.220 Was it,

00:56:57.480 did it level you?

00:56:58.920 Um,

00:56:59.440 we were actually in the middle of doing the Netflix special and,

00:57:03.220 uh,

00:57:03.480 we've got it.

00:57:04.220 And,

00:57:04.680 uh,

00:57:05.060 I mean,

00:57:05.380 it was whatever.

00:57:06.180 It wasn't that bad.

00:57:06.960 I mean,

00:57:07.120 I'm in pretty good shape,

00:57:08.640 you know,

00:57:08.900 it's just kind of annoying.

00:57:10.080 You're just like knocked out for 10 days.

00:57:12.500 You just lower energy and you're tired easier,

00:57:16.060 but yeah,

00:57:16.580 it was,

00:57:16.900 it was okay.

00:57:17.420 I was,

00:57:18.020 um,

00:57:18.700 were you scared at all?

00:57:20.440 No,

00:57:21.280 not really.

00:57:21.900 To be honest with you,

00:57:23.260 I wasn't,

00:57:24.300 I wasn't really scared.

00:57:26.280 No,

00:57:26.760 I mean,

00:57:26.940 maybe a little bit in the back of your head.

00:57:28.540 I was more scared that like,

00:57:30.140 if my,

00:57:30.860 my,

00:57:31.520 uh,

00:57:32.220 fiance got it,

00:57:33.460 if something happened to her or if like my parents got it because they were

00:57:37.180 around me and then I was in some way responsible for their death.

00:57:40.560 That was terrifying for me.

00:57:43.040 But,

00:57:43.360 um,

00:57:44.420 yeah.

00:57:44.660 How old are you?

00:57:45.860 Uh,

00:57:46.180 37.

00:57:46.600 37.

00:57:47.420 Yeah.

00:57:47.840 So you have almost no risk from this thing.

00:57:50.920 So are you going to get the vaccine now?

00:57:52.860 Cause you know,

00:57:53.780 yeah,

00:57:54.400 do it.

00:57:55.000 Whatever.

00:57:55.500 There's a question about whether you need it after you had it.

00:57:58.180 Yeah.

00:57:58.560 I don't,

00:57:59.040 honestly,

00:57:59.600 I don't know.

00:58:00.520 Do we do the vaccine?

00:58:01.500 Like,

00:58:01.660 let's get back to normal.

00:58:02.560 What do you need me to do to get back to normal?

00:58:04.080 Yeah.

00:58:04.680 Like that's,

00:58:05.400 I mean,

00:58:05.920 like,

00:58:06.300 do we do the vaccine?

00:58:07.300 Do we not do the vaccine?

00:58:08.420 Like what,

00:58:08.820 what happens?

00:58:09.780 But we need to get back.

00:58:11.180 It's,

00:58:11.340 it's been enough.

00:58:12.200 The year.

00:58:13.000 Come on.

00:58:14.240 You're one of the few people for whom COVID has been,

00:58:17.040 I think,

00:58:17.540 great professionally.

00:58:18.880 Am I wrong?

00:58:19.640 Like me,

00:58:20.200 you found a way.

00:58:21.940 Yeah.

00:58:22.780 You,

00:58:23.340 you found a way like you,

00:58:25.620 you know,

00:58:26.080 it's just like the evolutionary process.

00:58:27.840 You found a way to keep getting your comedy out there on YouTube,

00:58:31.120 which became huge.

00:58:33.020 And like the,

00:58:33.860 the number of hits on those videos,

00:58:35.600 which is where I first saw you and the Netflix special.

00:58:38.740 It's like your career is taken off in this thing.

00:58:41.960 Yeah.

00:58:42.300 I mean,

00:58:42.900 the way I look at it is like,

00:58:44.760 I mean,

00:58:45.100 I knew this was going to happen because,

00:58:46.880 um,

00:58:47.600 once I saw like the late night shows and all the other comedy shows,

00:58:50.340 like once they started producing stuff out of their homes,

00:58:52.940 I was like,

00:58:53.820 Oh yeah,

00:58:55.040 this is a home game for me.

00:58:56.980 Like you're competing with me at what I do.

00:59:00.180 Right.

00:59:00.700 So I've had to compete with you guys without all the flashy lights and a

00:59:03.960 million different camera angles and a fake crowd and all that kind of

00:59:06.980 stuff.

00:59:07.160 So it's like once,

00:59:08.120 once they were on my field,

00:59:09.640 I was like,

00:59:10.360 Oh,

00:59:10.500 it's done.

00:59:11.040 It's all,

00:59:11.460 this is guaranteed to the moon,

00:59:14.800 doge coin,

00:59:15.660 whatever it is.

00:59:16.780 And,

00:59:17.280 um,

00:59:18.460 yeah.

00:59:18.740 And I just got a great,

00:59:19.560 you know,

00:59:19.980 great team of guys that are just like,

00:59:21.780 uh,

00:59:22.520 you know,

00:59:22.840 we're all on the same page with what we want to do.

00:59:24.940 What we want to put out.

00:59:25.900 And,

00:59:26.340 um,

00:59:26.680 we just decided we're going to go out there and just murder shit this

00:59:29.960 year.

00:59:30.220 And,

00:59:30.600 uh,

00:59:30.680 it is,

00:59:31.300 it is weird to be like,

00:59:32.420 yeah,

00:59:32.520 the best year of my,

00:59:33.780 my career happened during the worst year of most people's,

00:59:37.940 uh,

00:59:38.540 lives.

00:59:40.080 But,

00:59:40.580 um,

00:59:41.840 but yeah,

00:59:42.400 it is,

00:59:42.880 uh,

00:59:43.040 you gotta be able to take advantage of things.

00:59:44.460 I don't know.

00:59:44.960 You gotta be able to,

00:59:45.580 you're,

00:59:45.860 you're in one of those businesses where your career doing well helps the

00:59:51.080 rest of the people do well.

00:59:52.880 You're,

00:59:53.320 I mean,

00:59:53.440 you're in the business of making people laugh and that's what did they need

00:59:55.800 more this past year other than,

00:59:57.480 yeah.

00:59:58.540 Yeah.

00:59:58.940 Right.

00:59:59.300 I guess,

00:59:59.980 um,

01:00:00.680 I don't know.

01:00:00.940 I don't like to look at myself in that way at all.

01:00:03.440 Like,

01:00:03.680 uh,

01:00:04.240 you know,

01:00:04.640 uh,

01:00:05.060 we,

01:00:05.560 I'm doing this selfishly,

01:00:08.060 right?

01:00:08.960 Like I enjoy making people laugh because it makes me feel good.

01:00:11.740 Right.

01:00:12.400 Like once,

01:00:13.360 once you're an entertainer and you start acting like you're doing something

01:00:16.280 for a greater good,

01:00:18.920 you're just lying.

01:00:20.540 Like,

01:00:20.960 that's what annoys me about Sasha Baron Cohen.

01:00:23.160 Like he was so funny before he pretended to be this like activist.

01:00:27.440 It's like,

01:00:27.820 dude,

01:00:28.000 you're not an activist.

01:00:28.880 You need people to tell you you're good and funny and smart.

01:00:32.400 You need it.

01:00:33.160 Or else you get depressed and sad.

01:00:35.680 Okay.

01:00:36.220 So you create these characters and to be honest,

01:00:39.320 you're kind of a douchebag,

01:00:40.800 right?

01:00:41.060 Like you're taking advantage of kind people who like let you in their home

01:00:44.680 out of the kindness of their hearts and then humiliating them for like

01:00:48.060 millions of people.

01:00:49.120 Right.

01:00:49.700 And lying to them on the process of humiliating them and then letting the

01:00:53.280 lawyers fight it out when they sue you after they were nice to you.

01:00:56.140 And then you humiliated them and misrepresented them.

01:00:59.400 Um,

01:01:00.240 but when,

01:01:01.060 so I don't even have an issue if he did that,

01:01:03.460 if it was like a prank show,

01:01:04.500 I'm like,

01:01:04.740 okay,

01:01:04.900 that's fine.

01:01:05.300 We all have prank shows.

01:01:06.060 They're absolutely hilarious.

01:01:07.100 The second you started going like my comedy exposes racism and

01:01:13.120 sexism and Islamophobia and anti-Semitism and all this nonsense.

01:01:18.060 And it's like,

01:01:18.540 Oh dude,

01:01:19.960 do you really think that we need you to tell us that racism exists in

01:01:24.460 America?

01:01:25.560 Right.

01:01:26.420 Can you just make us laugh?

01:01:28.160 Yeah,

01:01:28.460 dude,

01:01:29.060 exactly.

01:01:29.760 Just be like,

01:01:30.400 Hey,

01:01:30.540 I'm a douchebag that takes advantage of people and makes millions of

01:01:34.420 dollars.

01:01:35.420 And that's what I do.

01:01:36.860 And we'll go,

01:01:37.420 yeah,

01:01:37.740 funny.

01:01:38.340 You're the funniest douchebag.

01:01:39.820 But the fact that you acted like you're exposing something.

01:01:42.640 Oh,

01:01:42.860 shut the fuck up.

01:01:44.580 Shut your mouth.

01:01:46.200 That's what I feel like when I see it.

01:01:47.540 I don't like him either.

01:01:49.140 I do.

01:01:49.500 I don't like mean and he's mean.

01:01:52.000 And like,

01:01:52.500 when you get people feeling sorry for Rudy Giuliani,

01:01:54.860 you know,

01:01:55.500 you're,

01:01:55.860 you're mean.

01:01:56.740 I felt bad with what he did to Rudy.

01:01:59.300 I like,

01:02:00.000 I don't know,

01:02:00.420 just the whole thing.

01:02:01.180 I just,

01:02:01.480 every time I see him,

01:02:02.660 I'm like,

01:02:03.020 Oh,

01:02:03.280 trigger.

01:02:03.720 I just like,

01:02:04.360 he's nasty,

01:02:05.080 but it's,

01:02:06.680 he's sort of a bigger version of the late night comedians who are also

01:02:10.180 mean and not that funny.

01:02:13.140 And you know,

01:02:13.740 that,

01:02:13.980 that home gig is really exposing.

01:02:15.740 It's exposing how badly they need the audience with sitting in front of the

01:02:20.320 applause signs.

01:02:21.880 That's the thing.

01:02:22.700 It's they're not mean the late night guys.

01:02:24.680 They're just,

01:02:25.300 they want to be invited to the party,

01:02:28.220 man.

01:02:28.940 This is something that happens when you get in LA and like most of these

01:02:32.300 guys,

01:02:32.680 like most comics are losers,

01:02:33.780 right?

01:02:34.180 Like they never got laid till they started doing comedy.

01:02:36.300 Right.

01:02:36.660 So they're just kind of nerds.

01:02:38.880 And like when nerds get to sit at what they think is the cool table,

01:02:41.660 it's really exciting.

01:02:42.680 And then when you act as if they could have their seat removed,

01:02:47.360 they'll do anything to keep that seat.

01:02:49.120 So you get guys who are absolutely hilarious earlier in their career,

01:02:52.580 like Jimmy Kimmel,

01:02:53.640 just completely,

01:02:55.100 you know,

01:02:56.260 turning into these like,

01:02:57.860 I don't know,

01:02:59.820 just kind of like maybe like left wing mouthpieces just to keep their job,

01:03:04.180 I guess.

01:03:05.360 Like,

01:03:05.580 and I wouldn't even care completely nudist.

01:03:08.400 I don't care if you're like a left wing mouthpiece or right wing mouthpiece.

01:03:10.780 I don't care if that's what you believe in.

01:03:12.680 But the fact that you're completely changing who you are to fit the model

01:03:18.420 that is the show.

01:03:19.240 So you can keep buying houses and fucking Utah,

01:03:21.660 wherever you want to live.

01:03:22.760 It's just so corny to me.

01:03:24.520 I just,

01:03:25.520 it's just not funny.

01:03:27.120 I feel like we all witnessed that happen.

01:03:29.560 We all witnessed that happen with Jimmy Fallon,

01:03:31.600 who I think is,

01:03:32.780 is much more likable than those other guys.

01:03:34.920 But of course he surrendered.

01:03:36.760 Like he,

01:03:37.280 he got hit for having that fun interview with Trump or he ruffled the hair.

01:03:41.120 People were like,

01:03:41.700 you normalized him.

01:03:42.900 And then he tried to go political and like anti-Trump and it didn't work.

01:03:47.000 It,

01:03:47.240 you could tell it wasn't authentic.

01:03:49.000 Yeah.

01:03:49.420 And it was just awkward.

01:03:50.780 Yeah.

01:03:51.000 I mean,

01:03:51.340 you know,

01:03:51.960 God bless Jimmy.

01:03:52.660 He's always been awkward to me.

01:03:54.180 I don't,

01:03:55.400 uh,

01:03:55.840 yeah,

01:03:56.080 I've never thought I'd really like to hear Jimmy have a discussion with

01:04:00.060 somebody.

01:04:00.580 I think that they did a brilliant job of,

01:04:02.800 of just,

01:04:03.420 um,

01:04:03.760 creating games out of the show.

01:04:05.700 And,

01:04:06.160 uh,

01:04:06.300 the thing that they did different that I thought was really smart is made

01:04:09.040 the celebrities look vulnerable in the games.

01:04:12.220 So instead of Jimmy getting a pie thrown at his face,

01:04:14.780 it's Ariana Grande or some famous person that you would never see in a

01:04:18.540 vulnerable moment.

01:04:19.740 And I was like,

01:04:20.480 Oh,

01:04:20.600 that's genius what they did.

01:04:21.960 And they'll use Jimmy's likability and then create these games and it's

01:04:25.480 fun.

01:04:26.000 But,

01:04:26.520 um,

01:04:27.500 yeah,

01:04:27.840 once he like went political and then they just all pussied out,

01:04:31.000 that's the thing.

01:04:31.720 It's like the second there's a little bit of negative feedback,

01:04:33.960 they get so terrified because they think that the internet is reality when

01:04:38.100 it's not reality,

01:04:39.560 you know?

01:04:40.720 And,

01:04:41.180 um,

01:04:42.400 and yeah,

01:04:42.960 that,

01:04:43.180 but that's,

01:04:43.900 you know,

01:04:44.180 that's the thing is like when you have your own platforms,

01:04:48.000 like you have your own YouTube platforms,

01:04:49.200 page or Patreon or your own podcast,

01:04:51.040 like your own,

01:04:52.540 you only have to be loyal to your constituents,

01:04:54.300 right?

01:04:55.100 You only have to be loyal to your shareholders,

01:04:56.880 if you will.

01:04:58.000 But if you work for NBC or even Netflix,

01:05:00.760 you have to be loyal to their shareholders and their constituents and their

01:05:06.380 shareholders are not a monolith.

01:05:09.080 Some of their shareholders might be upset at the shit you say.

01:05:12.020 Some of their shareholders might like it.

01:05:14.100 And if those people that are upset are loud enough,

01:05:16.600 they can potentially cancel you because,

01:05:19.000 uh,

01:05:20.280 ABC or NBC has to be loyal to their shareholders,

01:05:23.720 not to the show that they're putting on.

01:05:26.400 So you're always going to be vulnerable to that with the certain,

01:05:29.520 the current system that we have,

01:05:30.620 unless you control your platform.

01:05:32.460 That's right.

01:05:33.240 In other circumstances,

01:05:34.060 they can use whatever you say as an excuse to get rid of you for whatever

01:05:38.080 else is happening behind the scenes that they're upset about.

01:05:40.460 You know,

01:05:40.600 it's like,

01:05:41.300 is that the mercy of these,

01:05:42.840 uh,

01:05:43.180 no comment.

01:05:44.960 Are you not allowed to talk about that stuff?

01:05:47.380 I'm not even allowed to talk about whether I'm allowed to talk.

01:05:50.840 Really?

01:05:52.520 Let's just say,

01:05:53.320 let me put it in general terms.

01:05:54.420 Wow.

01:05:54.660 Let's just say my industry is so fucked up because when media people get in

01:06:00.760 trouble,

01:06:00.980 you're fighting media people who know how to manipulate the media and do an

01:06:05.520 all out assault on you.

01:06:07.140 So it's,

01:06:07.640 it's like high level jujitsu and you might've been trained a little,

01:06:11.300 but you're never going to be trained as well or control as many outlets as

01:06:15.000 the big companies do.

01:06:16.480 So whatever narrative they want to put out,

01:06:18.660 they can put out and you can fight back,

01:06:20.520 but it's teaspoons in the ocean.

01:06:22.240 One thing I like about you is you're totally non PC.

01:06:25.760 I even,

01:06:26.420 I have a very high bar for all conversation and jokes and discussion.

01:06:31.200 You know,

01:06:31.700 I had a couple of moments where I was like,

01:06:33.120 Oh my God,

01:06:33.560 I can't look at the screen and watching some of your stuff.

01:06:36.960 But I,

01:06:37.260 I like that it's refreshing.

01:06:38.800 You're not afraid to go there.

01:06:40.420 No.

01:06:40.820 Cause I don't need to be right.

01:06:42.960 I'm telling you how I feel and how I feel is sometimes wrong.

01:06:48.840 And sometimes it's right,

01:06:50.620 but it is how I feel.

01:06:53.280 And I think comics that are good comics and get things right.

01:06:57.020 And even pundits to do the same thing can express that.

01:06:59.440 They have a feeling without saying that that's how the world should be.

01:07:03.380 You know what I'm saying?

01:07:04.440 Yeah.

01:07:04.680 Like I'm sure there are times where like my girlfriend,

01:07:08.160 my fiance,

01:07:08.720 whatever the hell term we have to use,

01:07:10.580 but I'm sure there are times where she wants to just like punch me in the

01:07:12.960 face.

01:07:13.640 Now that's a wrong thing to do.

01:07:15.900 And she doesn't do it,

01:07:17.020 but she felt like she wanted to.

01:07:19.680 I'm not going to be angry at her for that feeling because that's,

01:07:22.780 I'm sure,

01:07:22.980 relatable feeling.

01:07:24.120 I'm sure a lot of people want to punch me in the face.

01:07:26.720 Matter of fact,

01:07:27.340 it might be the most relatable feeling that she has in terms of like the

01:07:31.560 general public.

01:07:32.820 So as long as I put things out there in terms of how I feel and not dictate

01:07:38.580 whether things are right or wrong,

01:07:41.080 I think that that's something that people can respect because you're just

01:07:44.560 being honest,

01:07:45.460 you know?

01:07:46.260 Now,

01:07:47.040 but do you get,

01:07:48.380 so in a way I,

01:07:49.860 I hope this is a compliment,

01:07:51.220 but in a way you remind me of Dave Chappelle where he just says the most

01:07:55.700 incendiary things that you are not allowed to say.

01:07:59.520 You are not allowed to say that.

01:08:00.900 You can't use racial stereotypes or short forms about black people,

01:08:05.420 about Asians,

01:08:06.080 about white people,

01:08:06.760 but Italians about whatever.

01:08:08.000 And you're like,

01:08:08.760 no,

01:08:09.100 I don't follow any of those rules.

01:08:10.260 And your audience laughs.

01:08:12.000 They're there.

01:08:13.340 They're with you.

01:08:14.420 They,

01:08:14.700 and I can,

01:08:15.500 they can't all know what they're getting when they go to see Andrew

01:08:17.780 Schultz.

01:08:18.140 Some,

01:08:18.400 some may not know what they're,

01:08:19.720 but I've never seen people recoil in horror that you've crossed the third

01:08:23.220 rail of politically correct comedy.

01:08:26.480 So is that,

01:08:28.140 well,

01:08:28.520 I don't know.

01:08:28.860 Is it scary for you in today's day and age of wokeness to be as bold on

01:08:32.520 that as you are?

01:08:33.960 Not at all.

01:08:34.700 Not at all.

01:08:35.500 Least bit scary.

01:08:36.640 No,

01:08:36.920 this is,

01:08:37.640 this is just funny.

01:08:38.460 This is what we do.

01:08:39.220 Also,

01:08:39.700 I've got the most diverse audience.

01:08:41.660 It's in comedy.

01:08:42.620 It's not even close.

01:08:44.080 So it's like,

01:08:44.940 when I'm telling a joke,

01:08:46.260 if I'm saying a joke about an Asian person or a black person,

01:08:49.320 right?

01:08:49.600 I'm saying it to their face with other black people or Asians or white

01:08:54.800 people or Jews or Muslims,

01:08:57.660 whatever it's happening to them.

01:08:59.340 And you get to see how they react.

01:09:01.200 So instead of like a bunch of like white ladies coming on the internet and

01:09:04.220 being offended on behalf of someone else who isn't even angry,

01:09:06.840 you get to see how they react in the moment.

01:09:09.160 And there's a trust that's built up because I've been doing this for over a

01:09:13.060 decade.

01:09:13.940 Right.

01:09:14.400 And these people know me and they know my heart and they know what we're all

01:09:17.180 signing up for when we come out to the show.

01:09:19.360 Right.

01:09:20.000 Everybody's taking part of this,

01:09:21.080 right.

01:09:21.200 It's a dodgeball game.

01:09:22.160 It's like,

01:09:22.400 when you go to play dodgeball,

01:09:23.460 you're not upset if someone hits you with dodgeball.

01:09:26.120 Right.

01:09:26.440 Cause that's what you signed up for.

01:09:28.660 So yeah,

01:09:29.660 I don't,

01:09:30.080 I don't worry about it.

01:09:31.100 Matter of fact,

01:09:31.820 it's like,

01:09:32.180 I relish in it.

01:09:33.100 Like these are the times where like great comedians get to be born.

01:09:36.600 Like great comedians come from times of censorship.

01:09:39.520 They don't come from times of say whatever the fuck you want.

01:09:43.120 You name any great comedian throughout history,

01:09:44.920 they were pushing back against something.

01:09:46.880 There was some sort of institution where,

01:09:49.140 you know,

01:09:49.560 that the general public didn't like that made their voice valuable.

01:09:53.960 If you could say anything,

01:09:55.540 then when you can say anything,

01:09:56.840 comedy becomes like irreverent and it becomes absurdist.

01:10:00.300 You know,

01:10:00.880 you're talking about like,

01:10:02.020 like a Zach Galifianakis types really thrive when you could say anything,

01:10:07.060 you know?

01:10:08.100 Yeah.

01:10:08.520 Because we're like,

01:10:09.540 okay,

01:10:09.820 well,

01:10:10.040 what is there to push back against?

01:10:11.640 Well,

01:10:11.760 we'll push back against the institution of comedy.

01:10:15.000 There's no institutions to push back against.

01:10:17.100 Well,

01:10:17.220 we'll push back against comedy itself.

01:10:18.900 But when there are institutions to book,

01:10:21.040 but push back against,

01:10:21.840 when there is some sort of like cultural unrest,

01:10:24.240 that's when,

01:10:25.320 you know,

01:10:25.820 comics who are confident in their feelings and believe in their feelings tend to

01:10:29.900 thrive.

01:10:30.160 So it's cool.

01:10:31.540 Well,

01:10:32.000 and you're,

01:10:32.480 what I've noticed is you're an equal opportunity offender.

01:10:35.080 There's no group that's safe,

01:10:36.360 which is what makes it so fun.

01:10:38.460 Like everyone's going to get it.

01:10:40.580 And they,

01:10:41.100 and they're laughing too.

01:10:42.540 And one thing I noticed about you that I don't,

01:10:45.340 I've spent a lot of time at the comedy seller,

01:10:46.800 which I freaking love.

01:10:47.920 Um,

01:10:49.240 not all comedians laugh heartily at their own best jokes,

01:10:53.380 but you do.

01:10:54.940 Yeah.

01:10:55.420 Yeah.

01:10:55.960 Yeah.

01:10:56.360 I'm funny.

01:10:57.160 That's why.

01:11:01.200 All right.

01:11:01.780 So is that what's happening?

01:11:02.800 You're genuinely cracking yourself up.

01:11:05.060 Yeah.

01:11:05.260 Like there's two times.

01:11:06.800 Well,

01:11:07.120 two like ways I'll laugh on stage,

01:11:08.600 right?

01:11:08.860 Like one way I'll laugh is like,

01:11:11.040 if something happens in the moment that is just so wild,

01:11:13.960 because a lot of moments that I share on YouTube,

01:11:16.220 I have like an hour of material that like I'll do on the road,

01:11:20.140 but I also will just,

01:11:21.560 you know,

01:11:22.320 mess around with the audience and like,

01:11:24.600 you know,

01:11:24.880 we'll have these crazy moments.

01:11:26.560 Like,

01:11:27.280 I mean,

01:11:27.460 just last week in Salt Lake,

01:11:28.680 there's a guy and his girlfriend is at the show.

01:11:31.040 And then the guy next to the girl just so happened to have had sex with the

01:11:35.320 girl before the other couple started dating.

01:11:38.540 So it's just like this crazy occurrence that will never happen again.

01:11:42.220 And we happen to record it.

01:11:43.800 So like we put that out.

01:11:44.920 So these things are always fun.

01:11:46.240 These things are happening for me as well.

01:11:48.260 Right.

01:11:48.580 So I'm seeing something happening in real time.

01:11:50.580 And I'm like,

01:11:50.800 Oh,

01:11:50.900 that's really funny that that happened.

01:11:52.260 And then the other reason why I laugh is I can't fucking believe that I'm

01:11:56.900 able to say these things out loud for a living.

01:12:01.440 Like I'll just say something and then I'll just kind of chuckle myself.

01:12:05.240 He's like,

01:12:05.840 this is a crazy way to make a living.

01:12:10.100 What the fuck just happened?

01:12:13.160 You are on the tightrope.

01:12:15.680 Yeah.

01:12:16.140 But it makes no sense.

01:12:17.900 It makes no sense.

01:12:19.440 Megan,

01:12:19.700 it makes no sense.

01:12:21.140 So were you always funny?

01:12:24.140 Yeah.

01:12:25.580 Yeah.

01:12:26.200 Yeah.

01:12:26.480 You came into the world that way.

01:12:28.100 Yeah.

01:12:28.500 Yeah.

01:12:28.820 I was,

01:12:29.260 I was,

01:12:29.680 yeah,

01:12:30.400 I was funny and I valued being funny.

01:12:33.200 I always,

01:12:34.420 I always,

01:12:34.920 and I value people that were funny.

01:12:36.900 I really admired people that were funny,

01:12:39.660 you know,

01:12:39.920 like a older,

01:12:41.800 I didn't have any older brothers,

01:12:43.380 but like my friends who had older brothers,

01:12:45.260 if they were funny,

01:12:47.120 you know,

01:12:47.360 I just loved listening to them say jokes and bust balls.

01:12:51.680 And I just thought they were the coolest people.

01:12:54.600 Like if you were funny,

01:12:55.460 you were the coolest guy to me.

01:12:57.080 Right.

01:12:57.540 Anybody who's funny was just my,

01:12:59.080 my aunts were really funny.

01:13:00.480 My mom's Scottish and like Scottish women have like a real sharp wit.

01:13:03.940 Like I get my,

01:13:04.900 my wit from my,

01:13:06.500 the women on my mom's side.

01:13:09.980 Same.

01:13:11.360 And it is,

01:13:12.460 I mean,

01:13:12.800 they're just,

01:13:13.420 they were brutal.

01:13:14.580 They toughened me up.

01:13:15.860 They toughened me up.

01:13:17.320 Those women were brutal.

01:13:19.380 And,

01:13:19.980 um,

01:13:20.600 Oh my God,

01:13:21.480 the dudes couldn't keep up with them.

01:13:22.820 They would run the house and they would tear these guys down.

01:13:26.300 It was unbelievable to see.

01:13:28.620 So like,

01:13:29.880 I also may be a little bit,

01:13:31.220 you know,

01:13:31.440 tough when we come to like the gender dynamic stuff.

01:13:33.820 Cause I just grew up with like really strong,

01:13:35.480 successful women.

01:13:36.100 So like when I hear like these like chicks who went to Harvard crying about

01:13:39.060 how hard it is for women,

01:13:40.000 I'm just like,

01:13:40.580 sweetheart,

01:13:42.140 grow the fuck up.

01:13:43.760 Like get some better role models.

01:13:46.020 To me too,

01:13:46.640 that there's nothing more incendiary,

01:13:48.640 more infuriating than seeing somebody with a ton of advantages playing the

01:13:53.320 victim and acting like everything is,

01:13:56.000 as undermined them.

01:13:57.200 It's like,

01:13:57.800 I was just talking about this after Rush Limbaugh died because one of his

01:14:00.880 most controversial moments was when he was referring to this Sandra

01:14:03.520 Fluck as a slut.

01:14:05.340 He called her a slut.

01:14:06.280 It's not a nice thing to do.

01:14:07.420 I get it.

01:14:08.160 But Rush was part comedian.

01:14:09.560 Number one,

01:14:10.420 a lot of his bits were done with that sort of tongue in cheek attitude.

01:14:13.340 And number two,

01:14:14.200 Sandra Fluck took the,

01:14:15.560 went and testified before Congress about how we all needed to pay for her

01:14:18.660 birth control.

01:14:19.160 And it was outrageous.

01:14:20.180 She was pissed that birth control can,

01:14:22.820 can run up the bills every month.

01:14:24.520 And how was she supposed to afford it?

01:14:26.220 Meanwhile,

01:14:26.640 she was at Georgetown law school,

01:14:29.060 Georgetown law.

01:14:29.940 Like,

01:14:30.340 give me a break.

01:14:31.160 I went to Albany law school.

01:14:32.480 Somehow I found a way,

01:14:33.620 Sandra try harder.

01:14:35.580 Yeah.

01:14:36.400 But you know,

01:14:36.860 what's weird is like,

01:14:37.800 yeah,

01:14:37.940 I'll pay for your birth control.

01:14:40.960 Like,

01:14:41.420 I don't think guys are pushing back on that that much.

01:14:44.720 Right?

01:14:45.200 Like,

01:14:45.480 if there's one thing we're probably willing to pay for,

01:14:47.600 it's birth control.

01:14:50.280 Right?

01:14:50.760 Like,

01:14:50.960 one dude is going to be like,

01:14:52.000 nope,

01:14:52.520 they got a call for it up to themselves.

01:14:53.800 I'll pay $18 for a cocktail,

01:14:55.600 but I refuse to pay 30 cents a month for all women to have birth control.

01:15:02.940 Right?

01:15:03.560 You raise a good point.

01:15:05.740 Rush did not feel the same.

01:15:08.140 You see this happen all the time where like,

01:15:10.600 I actually,

01:15:11.240 it kind of like annoys me that like,

01:15:13.760 that there's like,

01:15:14.880 this,

01:15:16.280 this like pushback against feminism.

01:15:18.480 Right.

01:15:19.020 Which you see not only this modern,

01:15:20.900 like third wave or fourth wave.

01:15:22.340 I don't know how many fucking waves are at right now,

01:15:23.860 but in its inception,

01:15:27.200 the way like I've digested feminism is it's almost as if like some dude

01:15:32.380 snuck in there and like convinced women to,

01:15:35.740 become awesome.

01:15:38.800 You know,

01:15:39.520 like they literally,

01:15:41.520 you see these marches where girls are like,

01:15:43.380 I want to be able to free the nipple.

01:15:46.180 And it's like,

01:15:47.200 is that really your idea?

01:15:48.840 Or did a guy convince you guys to take your shirts off?

01:15:52.740 Right?

01:15:53.380 Like,

01:15:53.900 like girls are like,

01:15:56.020 we should be able to get abortions.

01:15:57.240 Girls like,

01:15:57.660 we need to make equal money so we could work like,

01:16:00.740 and we could pay half of the bill.

01:16:02.460 And it's like,

01:16:03.040 yeah,

01:16:03.160 this is awesome.

01:16:03.900 Like guys,

01:16:04.700 shut the fuck up.

01:16:05.980 Just let them do this shit.

01:16:07.980 Okay.

01:16:08.340 Because we're on the same page.

01:16:09.920 Finally.

01:16:13.120 Right.

01:16:13.560 I never looked at it quite that way.

01:16:16.220 Feminism is for men.

01:16:17.640 I think we invented it.

01:16:20.420 Tell me one bad thing for,

01:16:22.680 for dudes.

01:16:23.440 Like I get to,

01:16:24.260 I get to pay half for dinner.

01:16:26.020 Girls get to walk around topless all the time.

01:16:28.180 If we make a little mistake,

01:16:29.700 you know,

01:16:29.960 she's a hundred percent down to take care of it.

01:16:32.800 It's like,

01:16:33.580 tell me where this is at.

01:16:35.240 You no longer have to hold doors open for us.

01:16:37.960 You don't have to let us pay when we go out to dinner.

01:16:40.300 You don't,

01:16:40.460 you don't have to pay when you go out to dinner.

01:16:41.680 It's like,

01:16:42.140 there are a lot of advantages.

01:16:43.360 You're right.

01:16:43.860 Now that I think it through.

01:16:45.200 I mean,

01:16:45.500 this seems like feminism seems like it is a bigger disadvantage to women than it is to men.

01:16:50.820 Like,

01:16:52.300 I don't know.

01:16:52.820 It's just,

01:16:53.420 instead of like having your bra,

01:16:55.300 hold your boobs up all day,

01:16:56.740 you got to just let them fucking hang there.

01:16:58.480 Like bra seems convenient.

01:17:01.980 Right.

01:17:02.500 Like that could be good.

01:17:04.380 That could be bad.

01:17:05.360 My mom,

01:17:05.840 my mom always jokes.

01:17:06.580 My mom's going to be 80 in July.

01:17:07.840 She always jokes that when she was younger,

01:17:10.480 she was,

01:17:11.140 she was a 38 C,

01:17:12.700 but now she's almost 80.

01:17:13.800 She's a 44 long.

01:17:19.820 She needs that bra.

01:17:21.020 She can't burn that bra.

01:17:22.700 She never wears one.

01:17:24.500 She never,

01:17:25.040 I'm like,

01:17:25.400 mom,

01:17:25.700 you got to wear a bra.

01:17:26.400 She's like,

01:17:26.680 I don't like it's uncomfortable.

01:17:27.960 Meanwhile,

01:17:28.180 there's this story that lives in infamy in my family of when she went,

01:17:32.020 it was,

01:17:32.300 it was like basic.

01:17:33.320 It was almost parodied in the movie swingers.

01:17:35.840 My mom and the family went out to a diner.

01:17:39.280 She's sitting on the one end of the booth.

01:17:40.840 And my sister,

01:17:41.720 whose daughter was just a baby is right across from her.

01:17:44.460 And my mom's going,

01:17:45.880 how big is Emily?

01:17:46.740 Which is the baby.

01:17:47.680 So big with the arms above the head.

01:17:49.480 So big.

01:17:50.140 And there's a guy in the booth behind Suzanne and Emily,

01:17:54.440 like staring at my mother.

01:17:55.820 And my mother is like,

01:17:56.620 she can't take her eyes off of me.

01:17:57.780 He can't take his eyes off of me.

01:17:58.880 Look at him.

01:17:59.180 Look at him.

01:17:59.500 I mean,

01:17:59.720 truly half of this is parodied in swingers.

01:18:02.240 And my mom's like,

01:18:03.280 I still got it.

01:18:03.940 Which she always says.

01:18:04.780 She's always like,

01:18:05.280 I still got it.

01:18:06.360 And it turns out my mom didn't have a bra on.

01:18:09.240 And she's still,

01:18:09.820 she lifted up her sweatshirt as she's going so big.

01:18:12.660 And showing the tits.

01:18:14.520 Yes.

01:18:14.920 And they're so long now.

01:18:16.140 They like the 44 long.

01:18:17.060 She didn't.

01:18:18.460 Oh,

01:18:18.840 I love it.

01:18:19.860 She got those Aladdin slippers.

01:18:22.520 That's what happens to tits as they keep going.

01:18:24.420 What's an Aladdin slipper?

01:18:25.700 What do you mean?

01:18:26.520 I don't get it.

01:18:27.880 Yeah.

01:18:28.320 You know the movie Aladdin?

01:18:29.080 You know the shoes he wears?

01:18:30.360 They're like,

01:18:30.600 they're like pointy at the tip.

01:18:32.840 That's what boobs turn into.

01:18:38.520 I certainly hope not.

01:18:40.400 Oh my God.

01:18:41.820 Swingers.

01:18:42.540 Movie changed my life.

01:18:44.640 How?

01:18:45.680 Robin is just like the most amazing movie I ever saw in my entire life.

01:18:49.700 Especially at this like,

01:18:51.540 I forget exactly how old I was when I saw it.

01:18:53.780 But like,

01:18:54.080 my whole life changed in that moment.

01:18:56.700 It was spectacular.

01:18:58.860 It really was.

01:18:59.640 Vince Vaughn.

01:19:00.600 He was amazing.

01:19:01.960 He basically taught me in that moment,

01:19:04.200 like,

01:19:04.880 you can be charming and charismatic to women.

01:19:09.300 And they will appreciate it.

01:19:11.300 What showed you that in that movie?

01:19:13.500 Like he would go up to these girls and he'd just say wild stuff and have these crazy stories and like big up his friends and like,

01:19:19.520 oh,

01:19:19.680 look how cool my friend is.

01:19:21.040 And yeah,

01:19:21.460 we're going to do this.

01:19:22.300 And like,

01:19:22.780 he was just this crazy schmoozer.

01:19:25.100 Right.

01:19:25.340 And like the way that he would talk about how cool his friends were so that the girls would see value in his friends.

01:19:30.240 But it also made him look cool to be so vulnerable to like big up his friend instead of himself.

01:19:34.980 And I think before that,

01:19:37.740 all my examples of like male role models were either like Bruce Willis,

01:19:41.520 like,

01:19:42.160 like in order to get laid,

01:19:43.140 I got to save America,

01:19:45.040 which was a lot.

01:19:46.160 Right.

01:19:46.460 Or super like romantic movies where,

01:19:51.300 you know,

01:19:52.280 our love has been etched in stone and yada,

01:19:54.880 yada,

01:19:55.080 yada.

01:19:55.460 It was the first person I saw that like reflected what I thought my personality was.

01:19:59.600 And I didn't know that you could use that personality with the opposite sex and that they would like find it fun and entertaining.

01:20:06.000 And immediately after that,

01:20:07.320 I was like,

01:20:07.760 oh,

01:20:08.020 that's how you can meet women and like court women.

01:20:10.960 You can have fun with them.

01:20:12.420 You don't have to like pretend you're in a fucking romantic,

01:20:16.060 not even a romantic comedy,

01:20:17.260 like some like romance novel.

01:20:19.280 And you're so beautiful.

01:20:20.820 And I love you.

01:20:21.820 Your hair is this.

01:20:23.080 And I,

01:20:23.340 I long for you and all this other nonsense,

01:20:25.380 but you can actually treat them like human beings and like be charming.

01:20:29.480 And it was just so cool to see that.

01:20:33.400 And I don't get me wrong.

01:20:34.220 If we watch the movie now,

01:20:35.060 I'm sure it's like douchey and sexist and all this other stuff,

01:20:38.100 but who cares?

01:20:39.300 Yeah.

01:20:39.520 But at its core,

01:20:40.740 I thought it was really cool to show that like women like charming guys.

01:20:46.580 I think that they want a knight in shining armor when it requires a knight in shining armor.

01:20:52.120 But I think that a knight in shining armor all the time is exhausting.

01:20:57.940 You know,

01:20:58.220 do you know what I mean?

01:20:58.800 Like,

01:20:59.240 yeah,

01:20:59.640 I do.

01:21:00.060 I don't know.

01:21:00.540 I think it's like you're,

01:21:01.420 you're insulting women's intelligence by acting as if you can't engage them intellectually.

01:21:06.680 And I think banter is what I think British people call it is an intellectual endeavor.

01:21:13.440 Like it's fun to like exchange wits with someone.

01:21:16.920 And I don't know the women I've always connected with value that.

01:21:21.000 And I've always valued that,

01:21:22.760 you know,

01:21:23.380 in them.

01:21:23.900 And I think,

01:21:24.760 I think when society is critical of like hot chicks that just have nothing else,

01:21:29.880 that's what they're actually critical of.

01:21:32.200 They just don't know how to express it.

01:21:34.280 It's almost like,

01:21:35.080 I understand you're hot,

01:21:37.460 but I still want to have banter with you.

01:21:39.880 And if you think that you can just be hot and not supply any banter,

01:21:45.360 that's almost insulting to me.

01:21:49.340 Well,

01:21:49.500 you're going to wind up with a loser.

01:21:50.820 You're going to wind up with a loser.

01:21:52.080 That's the hard thing.

01:21:53.200 Like women,

01:21:53.880 they got to work on developing their whole personalities.

01:21:55.800 Cause if you're just going to go off your looks,

01:21:57.340 you're going to wind up with a loser.

01:21:58.580 That's the truth.

01:21:59.880 Yeah.

01:22:00.560 Yeah.

01:22:01.060 And,

01:22:01.300 and look,

01:22:01.700 you should have some,

01:22:02.460 like I,

01:22:03.400 maybe it's sexist say this,

01:22:04.380 but like,

01:22:04.600 yeah,

01:22:04.700 I think guys should try to be successful financially still.

01:22:08.520 Like there's going to be a time where your girl can't do anything because she just squeezed the baby out.

01:22:13.400 She got to look after that for a few months.

01:22:15.900 Like you should be able to hold it down for that time period.

01:22:18.340 If I was a girl,

01:22:19.260 it's pretty vulnerable.

01:22:20.520 I like to make you feel like you're secure.

01:22:22.440 So I don't know if that's sexism.

01:22:24.420 You can call it sexist if you want,

01:22:25.820 but like if my girl goes,

01:22:27.240 Hey,

01:22:27.320 I think I'd like to take a few months off after squeezing a human being out of my vagina.

01:22:31.420 Can you hold it down?

01:22:32.420 I'm like,

01:22:32.680 yeah,

01:22:32.940 that's the point.

01:22:33.820 That's,

01:22:34.180 that's my job.

01:22:35.500 So maybe we need a little bit of sexism.

01:22:38.460 In a perfect world.

01:22:39.200 You've got the woman has a good job and her maternity leave is going to make that whole decision a lot easier,

01:22:43.460 but yeah,

01:22:44.200 the partnership.

01:22:44.760 And I,

01:22:45.360 I mean,

01:22:45.640 I love what you're saying about swingers.

01:22:47.460 Cause I love that movie too.

01:22:48.980 And Vince Vaughn,

01:22:49.780 I mean,

01:22:49.920 it's what made him a star and his character was utterly charming.

01:22:53.500 And I'm sure you related to it because he was funny.

01:22:56.240 He was quick.

01:22:57.080 He was clever.

01:22:58.260 And I like what you said about how he,

01:23:00.260 he built his friend up.

01:23:02.920 That's so true too.

01:23:04.140 I think that's attractive in either sex,

01:23:06.760 right?

01:23:07.040 Not to be threatened by your friend,

01:23:08.880 but to be showing them off,

01:23:10.140 but to be supporting them,

01:23:11.060 to be building them up.

01:23:13.720 Yes.

01:23:14.240 It's attractive.

01:23:15.180 Actually.

01:23:15.580 Like someone with the confidence to big up their friends.

01:23:19.280 It,

01:23:19.960 to me,

01:23:20.280 I'm looking at that person like,

01:23:21.520 Oh,

01:23:21.700 you're so confident who you are that you don't even need my validation.

01:23:26.800 You want my validation to go to your friend.

01:23:29.300 That's hot.

01:23:31.200 Right.

01:23:31.860 It's true.

01:23:32.620 You're so money.

01:23:33.420 You don't even know it.

01:23:34.380 You're so money.

01:23:35.200 You don't even know it,

01:23:36.120 Megan.

01:23:36.360 Do you watch a lot of movies?

01:23:40.600 Like,

01:23:40.680 is that,

01:23:41.120 is that,

01:23:41.720 what do you do in your spare time?

01:23:42.900 Like,

01:23:43.120 how do you refuel that brain with new information for your act?

01:23:46.960 God,

01:23:47.400 I don't know.

01:23:48.080 To be honest with you,

01:23:48.820 that's a great,

01:23:50.140 I just try to feel things.

01:23:51.840 And like,

01:23:52.780 anytime I try to write jokes about things that I don't,

01:23:54.860 I don't have any connection to,

01:23:56.260 it doesn't work out.

01:23:57.920 Yeah.

01:23:58.320 It's like,

01:23:58.900 I need to.

01:23:59.420 Well,

01:23:59.520 you seem like you're watching the news a lot because you're,

01:24:01.760 your humor is so timely.

01:24:05.420 Not even to be honest with you,

01:24:06.660 when we were doing the weekly pieces where I would do those like rants,

01:24:09.500 we would do an immense amount of research.

01:24:11.280 And it was like,

01:24:11.960 it was a painful amount of research so that we could be like,

01:24:15.100 right.

01:24:15.640 But when we're just busting balls,

01:24:17.260 like I,

01:24:17.900 again,

01:24:18.040 I just like to soak in what the story is and then just say how I feel about

01:24:22.620 the story.

01:24:23.640 You know,

01:24:24.100 like what is my knee jerk?

01:24:25.520 Like when I found out like China was doing those like anal swab tests,

01:24:29.260 you know,

01:24:29.560 Oh my God.

01:24:29.960 It's just to tell,

01:24:31.160 tell the audience what you're talking about.

01:24:32.320 Cause that was horrible.

01:24:32.960 Uh,

01:24:33.540 so like for foreigners,

01:24:35.000 if you want to go to China now,

01:24:36.940 there's a new COVID test that was developed.

01:24:38.980 It's actually more accurate.

01:24:40.300 They say,

01:24:40.960 and it,

01:24:41.780 the swab doesn't go up your nose.

01:24:43.080 It goes up your rectum.

01:24:44.460 Right.

01:24:45.460 And,

01:24:45.920 um,

01:24:46.780 my knee jerk reaction to that was,

01:24:49.920 um,

01:24:51.220 you know,

01:24:51.440 why do Chinese people need to get a hundred on every test?

01:24:55.920 You know,

01:24:56.620 like,

01:24:57.580 like,

01:24:58.840 isn't 99 good enough.

01:25:02.280 Right.

01:25:02.560 Like what's the PCR?

01:25:04.420 Is that 98?

01:25:05.280 Like I'll take a 98.

01:25:07.300 So like,

01:25:08.280 that's,

01:25:08.540 that's just,

01:25:09.260 that's the type of way that I can write jokes.

01:25:11.460 I just have to feel something.

01:25:13.440 I can't manifest it.

01:25:14.780 Like there's some comics.

01:25:15.880 They just try to say the funniest thing about Uber.

01:25:18.260 I don't care about that.

01:25:19.580 I want to feel something about the topic.

01:25:22.500 Hmm.

01:25:23.620 That's hilarious.

01:25:24.840 And so disturbing.

01:25:26.420 I mean,

01:25:26.700 whereupon no one ever went to visit China again,

01:25:28.980 ever.

01:25:29.500 Who would do that?

01:25:30.520 Who would consent?

01:25:31.840 You're walking around China and everybody there goes,

01:25:34.760 Whoa,

01:25:34.940 he really wanted to be here.

01:25:38.760 They're just looking at you laughing.

01:25:40.400 They know what you went through to have a Peking duck.

01:25:43.620 That's a big sacrifice.

01:25:45.800 And the story was,

01:25:47.320 we said,

01:25:47.680 we had a bunch of diplomats go over there,

01:25:49.280 the U S and many of them were subjected to this.

01:25:52.800 And this,

01:25:53.580 the story was they complained because they felt it was undignified.

01:25:58.540 Like you think.

01:25:59.780 Yeah.

01:26:00.240 Send me back,

01:26:00.960 dude.

01:26:01.200 I'm not,

01:26:01.660 we're not doing this.

01:26:02.460 You're not putting anything in my butt.

01:26:03.580 I don't care.

01:26:04.200 No,

01:26:04.520 no.

01:26:05.800 Oh my God.

01:26:06.340 I mean,

01:26:06.520 that takes like the TSA search that we find undignified to a whole new

01:26:10.280 level.

01:26:11.620 Oh yeah.

01:26:12.080 Oh yeah.

01:26:12.420 That's just not going to happen.

01:26:13.640 You're not going to do it.

01:26:14.660 Send me back.

01:26:15.220 I will just say,

01:26:15.880 send me back.

01:26:16.580 Put me back.

01:26:17.100 Put me on a plane.

01:26:17.760 You're not going to put anything.

01:26:18.380 I don't.

01:26:18.980 It's not happening.

01:26:19.520 I don't.

01:26:22.020 It's not going to happen.

01:26:22.800 I don't put anything in my own butt.

01:26:24.180 I don't do that to my,

01:26:25.340 to me.

01:26:25.720 So you can't do that to me.

01:26:27.120 Well,

01:26:27.300 let me tell you something.

01:26:27.840 This describes a lot of sexual experiences.

01:26:29.820 A lot of women have had.

01:26:31.000 And let's get something straight right from the top.

01:26:38.480 The anal swab.

01:26:39.840 It's just an anal swab.

01:26:42.520 That's all.

01:26:43.700 You won't feel a thing.

01:26:46.520 I never understood that.

01:26:48.000 I never understood people,

01:26:49.040 why people even want to explore that hole.

01:26:51.700 It just doesn't make sense to me.

01:26:53.820 Straight people.

01:26:54.460 You mean?

01:26:55.760 Yeah.

01:26:55.940 Well,

01:26:56.160 gay guys got to do it because that's the only option.

01:26:58.840 It's not like they want to.

01:27:00.440 It's not the only option,

01:27:01.520 but it's,

01:27:02.100 yeah.

01:27:02.420 I mean,

01:27:02.820 it's the only option where you guys still get to have a nice conversation.

01:27:11.820 Do you think that's what they're doing?

01:27:14.880 It's the only option where you can still have eye contact.

01:27:17.700 You know,

01:27:18.180 the important things about sex.

01:27:20.860 Maybe.

01:27:22.400 Maybe,

01:27:22.940 maybe not.

01:27:23.980 I don't know.

01:27:24.680 It's just so weird.

01:27:25.560 Like,

01:27:25.820 it's just this,

01:27:26.860 it's almost like this manifest destiny thing about it.

01:27:29.200 You know,

01:27:29.420 like,

01:27:29.580 well,

01:27:30.060 I feel bad for the girls today because,

01:27:32.020 you know,

01:27:32.160 back in my day,

01:27:33.380 men had access to like penthouse,

01:27:35.620 penthouse forum.

01:27:36.860 Uh,

01:27:37.220 but there was no internet when I grew up in the eighties.

01:27:39.540 And now these kids are like looking at the dirtiest,

01:27:42.640 most disgusting,

01:27:43.620 weird porn that no one in real life does.

01:27:45.920 And trying to convince these young girls that that's a thing,

01:27:48.960 right?

01:27:49.380 Like that's what everybody's doing.

01:27:50.800 That's what sex is like.

01:27:51.720 It's ruining sex for both parties.

01:27:53.560 You know what?

01:27:54.340 You're a hundred percent right.

01:27:55.260 And like people get so fixated on these like stupid issues that involve

01:27:59.220 sexism.

01:27:59.820 Like it's just cartoon character sex is like when they don't realize that

01:28:03.380 there's an entire generation of young people that are probably now adults

01:28:09.680 that grew up watching porn and thinking that's what sex is.

01:28:16.660 And the problem with that is porn is for men.

01:28:22.080 Like it's not for girls.

01:28:25.660 There are girls in it,

01:28:26.760 but it's not for them.

01:28:28.540 Right.

01:28:29.000 They had like,

01:28:29.680 I know a lot of girls that say they watch lesbian porn and I'm like,

01:28:33.020 yeah,

01:28:33.160 that makes sense.

01:28:34.040 Even if you're not gay,

01:28:35.220 because at least they're trying to make the women feel good.

01:28:41.160 So it's like you put up with the lesbianism because you're like,

01:28:44.000 well,

01:28:44.120 at least I can imagine that I'm that girl.

01:28:46.740 And there there's someone that wants me to feel good in the porn,

01:28:49.940 but there's all these girls that are thinking that's what's normalized sex

01:28:53.760 is.

01:28:54.060 I'm shocked that this is not like a story every single day.

01:28:57.020 It's crazy.

01:28:58.020 Like,

01:28:58.560 you know,

01:28:58.760 you know,

01:28:59.020 who's been raising the alarm about this?

01:29:01.000 Pamela Anderson.

01:29:02.580 Really?

01:29:03.660 Anderson has made this one of her,

01:29:05.800 this and Julian Assange.

01:29:06.960 Those are an animals.

01:29:08.300 Those are her three big causes,

01:29:09.620 but she,

01:29:10.900 she knows a thing or two about this weird industry.

01:29:13.380 She was never a porn star.

01:29:14.580 She,

01:29:14.720 you know,

01:29:15.000 she gave pictures to play boy,

01:29:17.220 but she had the porn video.

01:29:19.320 It's a Jason.

01:29:20.360 It's well that,

01:29:21.340 but that wasn't like her,

01:29:22.520 her willingly engaging in porn.

01:29:24.180 Right.

01:29:24.440 Wasn't that just like a home video of action that then got released or stolen?

01:29:28.540 It was stolen out of their house.

01:29:30.000 Stolen.

01:29:30.320 You're right.

01:29:30.660 It was stolen.

01:29:31.800 Yeah.

01:29:32.140 Yeah.

01:29:32.340 Yeah.

01:29:32.500 She's I've talked to her.

01:29:33.980 She's actually,

01:29:34.920 I mean,

01:29:35.240 I don't know how to say this,

01:29:36.260 but the phrase that's coming to my head is she's a good girl.

01:29:39.540 Like she's,

01:29:40.420 she's smart and she's thoughtful.

01:29:42.080 Yeah.

01:29:42.700 And she was like,

01:29:43.500 she has a,

01:29:43.920 I had a really interesting outlook on Harvey Weinstein.

01:29:46.080 Like she said,

01:29:47.480 like the women,

01:29:48.420 they need to think heart long and hard about why they accept an invitation to go right into his hotel room at 11 o'clock at night for,

01:29:54.940 for a meeting.

01:29:55.800 And I,

01:29:56.140 and I could defend the women all day long,

01:29:57.480 but I just,

01:29:58.080 I like different thinkers who are like,

01:30:00.160 remember this too.

01:30:00.960 I was Pamela Anderson.

01:30:02.000 I never did that.

01:30:02.720 I had lots of opportunities,

01:30:03.680 but my mom in Canada told me beware.

01:30:06.780 Right.

01:30:07.880 That's interesting about Weinstein.

01:30:09.460 You know who I don't think it's enough shit with Weinstein is the people that protected Weinstein.

01:30:14.280 Because like,

01:30:16.560 they're going to be Weinsteins in the world.

01:30:18.620 Like,

01:30:18.740 obviously this guy's a douchebag and he should die in jail,

01:30:21.120 but like,

01:30:21.720 there's going to be more versions of him.

01:30:23.940 Right.

01:30:24.640 And women should be able to complain about Weinstein.

01:30:30.040 And also,

01:30:30.460 by the way,

01:30:30.840 there's Weinsteins for dudes in Hollywood too.

01:30:33.420 Like,

01:30:33.600 this is the big kept secret.

01:30:36.060 Right.

01:30:36.300 There's a bunch of like gay casting directors and a gay producer,

01:30:39.820 et cetera.

01:30:40.280 They're like,

01:30:40.620 take advantage of these,

01:30:41.580 you know,

01:30:41.980 young actors and they're doing the exact same thing,

01:30:44.180 but nobody wants to talk about it,

01:30:45.480 but that's fine.

01:30:46.420 But,

01:30:46.640 um,

01:30:47.720 so there are people that protect the Weinstein.

01:30:50.220 In other words,

01:30:50.620 there are girls that complain about that time in the hotel room and then they get silenced.

01:30:56.620 And that I have a huge problem with because there are going to be other Weinsteins.

01:31:01.000 And you should be able to complain about these people and have your complaints listened to and

01:31:07.840 heard.

01:31:08.480 And then those people should be able to get those people in trouble or this,

01:31:12.660 that,

01:31:12.820 the other.

01:31:13.300 But when,

01:31:13.840 when the person who is the victim of this,

01:31:17.140 you know,

01:31:17.380 sexual assault complains and then is told to shut the fuck up by a bunch of people who are still around,

01:31:24.920 I'm sure now,

01:31:25.780 and have received no justice at all.

01:31:28.240 That's when the system completely falls apart and someone feels,

01:31:31.160 you know,

01:31:31.820 completely helpless.

01:31:33.240 So you need to look no further than,

01:31:35.120 you know,

01:31:35.660 people like Meryl Streep calling Harvey a God at the Oscars.

01:31:40.160 I think it was a guy or the Globes,

01:31:41.620 whatever one of those one year,

01:31:43.400 which is a message everybody was reinforcing about him,

01:31:45.980 even though there were rumors about what a shitty guy he was for a long,

01:31:49.320 long time,

01:31:49.820 which people either had no desire to look into or just didn't want to believe that

01:31:54.300 was standing the proof staring them in the face.

01:31:56.840 Yeah.

01:31:57.240 I mean,

01:31:57.740 like they,

01:31:58.280 again,

01:31:58.520 it's the same thing as a Sacha Baron Cohen.

01:32:00.280 They just want to be invited to the party.

01:32:02.240 They just want to be able to make the movie.

01:32:04.160 Oh yeah.

01:32:04.560 They want the world.

01:32:05.940 Yes.

01:32:06.720 They need the attention.

01:32:07.840 They're addicted to this attention and they are willing to look past absolutely anything in order to continue to get it.

01:32:14.740 It's,

01:32:15.040 it's an addiction.

01:32:15.580 So let me ask you a question.

01:32:17.800 Cause we're sitting here and breaking news just came in across the wires as we were chatting.

01:32:23.580 It's kind of a little bit relates to the discussion we had at the top,

01:32:27.720 which is,

01:32:28.120 you know,

01:32:28.500 Piers Morgan,

01:32:29.160 right?

01:32:29.460 Of good morning,

01:32:30.060 Britain.

01:32:30.800 Yeah.

01:32:31.260 Whatever happened to him?

01:32:32.420 Like he,

01:32:33.460 well,

01:32:33.640 he's out now.

01:32:35.340 He's it,

01:32:36.080 it,

01:32:36.620 the,

01:32:36.760 the statement is,

01:32:37.980 and he's been hosting good morning,

01:32:39.020 Britain with his cohost,

01:32:40.260 Susanna for a long time.

01:32:41.460 I was just on the show talking about Markle and Harry following discussions with ITV.

01:32:46.160 That's the network.

01:32:46.780 Piers Morgan has decided now is the time to leave.

01:32:49.620 Good morning,

01:32:50.200 Britain.

01:32:51.060 ITV has accepted this decision and has nothing further to add.

01:32:58.460 Hmm.

01:32:59.560 What do you think it is?

01:33:00.440 I don't know what to make of that.

01:33:01.540 What do you think it is?

01:33:02.120 Well,

01:33:02.180 he's been embattled.

01:33:03.320 He's very anti Megan Markle,

01:33:05.080 which he has been.

01:33:06.580 And look,

01:33:07.460 I guess the better way of saying it is he's not drinking the Kool-Aid on her,

01:33:11.480 right?

01:33:11.720 He,

01:33:11.960 he doesn't,

01:33:12.720 he doesn't seem like a fan,

01:33:14.000 but yesterday he was really,

01:33:16.000 really going off about the Oprah interview.

01:33:18.320 And I,

01:33:19.020 I agreed with much of what he said.

01:33:20.560 I thought that I'm not,

01:33:22.100 I'm not a big fan of Megan and Harry and their,

01:33:23.960 their victimhood knee jerk to everything.

01:33:26.800 Like,

01:33:27.220 have you ever seen such privileged people play the victim on virtually everything?

01:33:30.220 It's just,

01:33:30.480 I I've had it and,

01:33:31.700 and no message of like,

01:33:32.780 you know what?

01:33:33.100 We had some rough times,

01:33:33.960 but we're good.

01:33:34.480 We're,

01:33:34.700 we're still,

01:33:35.220 I'm still a prince.

01:33:36.060 I'm still a duchess or at least,

01:33:37.580 you know,

01:33:37.900 sort of at someday Archie will be a prince.

01:33:40.620 And we live in a $14 million mansion in,

01:33:42.660 you know,

01:33:42.980 Montecito next to Oprah.

01:33:44.580 And we just signed 150 million.

01:33:46.000 worth of deals with Netflix and Spotify.

01:33:48.140 So we're good.

01:33:48.680 We're good.

01:33:49.100 Don't worry about us.

01:33:49.920 No,

01:33:50.180 that wasn't in there.

01:33:50.920 Right.

01:33:51.080 It was like sad.

01:33:52.660 Everyone's had to get me the palace,

01:33:54.080 the press,

01:33:54.560 my dad.

01:33:55.440 Okay.

01:33:55.600 Okay.

01:33:56.700 So anyway,

01:33:57.240 that's,

01:33:57.640 so Pierce is kind of,

01:33:59.520 he,

01:34:00.020 he's very protective of the queen.

01:34:01.640 It was sort of going off on what an insult it was.

01:34:03.840 And then today on the show,

01:34:05.600 um,

01:34:06.660 there was a guy who he was arguing with,

01:34:10.420 and the guy just kept like saying,

01:34:12.360 well,

01:34:12.480 all that matters is her lived experience.

01:34:14.640 And Pierce just kept saying,

01:34:15.700 but,

01:34:15.980 but her facts were wrong.

01:34:17.560 She said that Archie wasn't going to be a prince because of his skin color.

01:34:21.100 And what the,

01:34:22.420 what we've all now seen now,

01:34:23.800 thanks to all the press is that Archie was never going to be a prince.

01:34:28.060 That was an edict handed down a hundred years ago until Charles became king.

01:34:33.280 Because I don't know something about the way the rule,

01:34:35.240 the rules work anyway,

01:34:37.280 any thoughts on Pierce Morgan out at good morning,

01:34:40.380 Britain?

01:34:41.240 Um,

01:34:42.100 I could care less about a British TV.

01:34:46.220 Uh,

01:34:47.020 so,

01:34:47.640 and who's on it.

01:34:48.320 Um,

01:34:48.960 also any,

01:34:50.500 any man that says I'm not a Megan Markle person immediately.

01:34:56.820 Anything else they ever say,

01:34:58.300 I don't care about.

01:34:59.540 I said that I was paraphrasing for him.

01:35:02.620 Stop it.

01:35:03.180 That's not his man that has an opinion on Megan Markle.

01:35:08.000 I don't care about anything else you say ever.

01:35:10.920 Like if Megan Markle has got you riled up,

01:35:15.100 like it's just,

01:35:17.640 I don't understand why people even care.

01:35:19.480 Like this woman,

01:35:20.840 she became,

01:35:21.680 she married into the royal family.

01:35:22.980 What did she think that meant?

01:35:24.780 Did she,

01:35:25.580 I mean like,

01:35:27.140 what does she think that you just married to the royal family and then you just

01:35:29.980 go on living your life as normal?

01:35:31.160 No,

01:35:31.540 there's going to be responsibilities and you better show up to those

01:35:34.400 responsibilities.

01:35:35.540 You're getting paid to do nothing.

01:35:37.440 So you're going to wear the stupid outfits.

01:35:39.620 You're going to curtsy.

01:35:40.780 You're going to go to the,

01:35:42.060 whatever it is,

01:35:43.080 not independent state parade,

01:35:44.560 but like,

01:35:44.960 um,

01:35:45.640 removing other countries,

01:35:46.820 independent state parade.

01:35:47.980 Is that,

01:35:48.500 is that what they celebrated?

01:35:53.040 I'm just saying like the least you can do,

01:35:56.180 right?

01:35:56.520 The least you can do for all the money and advantages that you get to be

01:36:01.240 attached to the royal family is go through the rigmarole.

01:36:04.880 That is the royal family.

01:36:06.040 Just fucking shut up and do it.

01:36:07.760 And if you don't want to be part of it,

01:36:09.040 say,

01:36:09.260 you don't want to be a part of it.

01:36:10.100 And then shut up again.

01:36:11.940 Like it's crazy with class,

01:36:13.740 leave with class.

01:36:14.420 Like she left,

01:36:15.360 she was a B list actress here in the United States who we never would have

01:36:18.320 wanted to hear from.

01:36:19.160 Has she not married Harry?

01:36:20.340 Now she's getting $150 million because of that family.

01:36:23.140 Cause she,

01:36:23.500 cause she married in and they accepted her and there's no,

01:36:26.400 there's no gratitude.

01:36:27.340 There's only slings and arrows and complaints.

01:36:30.640 I'm not on her side,

01:36:32.180 all her bitching and moaning about how hard she had on the royal tour.

01:36:34.880 When we've had a year of doctors and nurses laying their lives on a line,

01:36:37.840 watching people die around them without complaint,

01:36:40.640 but she can't handle the royal tour to Australia.

01:36:43.100 Yeah,

01:36:43.340 no,

01:36:43.540 she sucks,

01:36:44.640 but like she definitely sucks.

01:36:46.180 And,

01:36:46.480 uh,

01:36:46.820 but so does,

01:36:48.300 like,

01:36:48.600 I think it's beneath Americans to care about,

01:36:51.360 uh,

01:36:51.820 royalty from any other country.

01:36:53.440 Like,

01:36:54.060 I think it is beneath us to give any fucks about the British royal family.

01:36:59.360 Like when I hear an American care about it,

01:37:01.240 I'm just like,

01:37:01.940 come on,

01:37:02.220 come on,

01:37:02.460 come on,

01:37:02.640 come on.

01:37:02.760 What is this?

01:37:03.280 Like lions though,

01:37:04.320 you know,

01:37:04.780 aren't concerned about the opinions of sheep.

01:37:06.960 There's a sheep.

01:37:08.280 You know what I mean?

01:37:08.940 There's a sheep.

01:37:09.460 I hate myself for caring shit.

01:37:11.360 I I'm looking at a whole new light.

01:37:13.020 Why do I care?

01:37:13.900 I don't know why you're better than this.

01:37:15.920 You're an American.

01:37:17.460 Come on.

01:37:18.820 We already whooped their ass.

01:37:20.780 This is the,

01:37:21.480 you know what I mean?

01:37:22.320 We handled that.

01:37:23.380 That's years ago.

01:37:24.580 Now let them go have their little fun.

01:37:26.140 We had a debate one time on,

01:37:27.840 uh,

01:37:28.120 on NBC about whether an American should curtsy to the queen.

01:37:31.560 And I was saying,

01:37:32.340 why,

01:37:32.640 why would we,

01:37:33.420 we're not one of her subjects.

01:37:34.420 We fought a whole war to be not one of her subjects.

01:37:36.840 And of course at NBC,

01:37:38.000 it was like,

01:37:38.460 Oh,

01:37:38.800 that's rude.

01:37:39.720 You're,

01:37:40.060 you know,

01:37:40.200 you're being rude.

01:37:41.000 I'm like,

01:37:41.560 I don't think it's rude.

01:37:42.800 I'm not her subject.

01:37:43.660 Why would I,

01:37:44.300 I don't like,

01:37:45.200 that's where I draw the line.

01:37:46.780 I think it's embarrassing.

01:37:48.380 That Canada still has the queen on their money.

01:37:50.280 That's pathetic.

01:37:51.560 It's absolutely pathetic.

01:37:53.000 Like get the queen off your money.

01:37:54.760 Are you your own country?

01:37:56.280 Or are you not?

01:37:57.200 It's a very simple question.

01:37:58.360 You have to ask yourself.

01:37:59.920 So in the case of Canada,

01:38:02.340 you know,

01:38:03.020 I'm just,

01:38:03.800 look,

01:38:04.060 there may be a little bit soft,

01:38:05.340 but like,

01:38:06.080 come on,

01:38:06.520 stand up for yourself.

01:38:07.260 You're not part of the,

01:38:08.240 what do they call it?

01:38:09.040 That doesn't sound like Canada,

01:38:10.760 the kingdom.

01:38:11.760 Yeah,

01:38:12.020 the kingdom.

01:38:12.720 That's right.

01:38:13.520 But,

01:38:13.720 uh,

01:38:13.900 yeah,

01:38:14.040 it's just a little,

01:38:15.020 it's just,

01:38:15.560 I don't know.

01:38:15.820 It's just a little silly.

01:38:16.800 The whole real thing.

01:38:17.600 I don't get it.

01:38:18.580 I mean,

01:38:18.800 I get maybe,

01:38:19.820 you know,

01:38:20.060 in the movies,

01:38:20.540 it's nice to be a princess or this,

01:38:22.540 that,

01:38:22.640 the other,

01:38:22.900 but like,

01:38:23.500 if I want to curtsy to the queen,

01:38:25.180 then I'll curtsy to the queen,

01:38:26.200 but you're not going to tell me what I have to do.

01:38:28.840 Canadian Debbie,

01:38:29.840 my tap dancer producer is telling me that they have whole highways named after the queen in Canada.

01:38:34.520 It's like,

01:38:34.920 rename it.

01:38:36.500 Rename it.

01:38:37.100 I mean,

01:38:37.140 who do they have?

01:38:37.840 What Canadian do they have to really name things after?

01:38:40.500 Honestly,

01:38:40.820 Janice Dean,

01:38:41.600 she'd be one.

01:38:42.180 Justin Bieber and the,

01:38:44.600 the first,

01:38:46.640 what is that woman's name?

01:38:49.280 What is the man?

01:38:50.180 I feel like a woman.

01:38:51.640 That girl,

01:38:52.800 the country music star.

01:38:54.160 Oh,

01:38:54.600 Shania Twain.

01:38:55.720 Shania Twain.

01:38:57.000 That's a great highway.

01:38:58.320 Wayne Gretzky.

01:38:59.900 You know what I mean?

01:39:00.620 Like they,

01:39:01.380 they've got a lot of Ryan Reynolds.

01:39:03.760 Oh,

01:39:04.160 Drake highway.

01:39:05.700 Drake.

01:39:07.260 Drake's Canadian.

01:39:08.280 Jim Carrey.

01:39:09.200 Like there's a lot of people you can name highways after.

01:39:11.320 You don't have to name a highway after the queen.

01:39:12.880 Like get out of here.

01:39:13.800 Did they build the highway?

01:39:14.860 Did the queen build it?

01:39:17.020 Yeah.

01:39:17.380 You raise a good point.

01:39:18.280 I think she did actually.

01:39:19.120 Didn't she?

01:39:19.700 Like her people,

01:39:20.320 her money died on like that counts.

01:39:22.160 If she built the highway,

01:39:23.260 then she gets her name on it.

01:39:24.920 I guess that's fair.

01:39:27.480 It's an homage or something.

01:39:29.520 Well,

01:39:29.780 anyway,

01:39:30.040 maybe here in New York,

01:39:30.960 we'll,

01:39:31.200 we'll get an Andrew Schultz way.

01:39:32.760 You know how they named streets here after somebody who did the city

01:39:35.580 proud.

01:39:36.900 I'm I'll,

01:39:37.300 I'll nominate you.

01:39:38.780 I got a lot of pull in this city.

01:39:40.300 They love me here.

01:39:41.560 Yeah.

01:39:42.140 Honestly,

01:39:43.160 Megan,

01:39:43.720 that would be pretty cool.

01:39:45.160 I get the whole statute thing.

01:39:47.520 You know,

01:39:48.080 I get it.

01:39:49.240 But then again,

01:39:49.680 maybe I'm just supposed to exist within my time.

01:39:52.020 Maybe that's my,

01:39:52.940 maybe that is my destiny and I have to exist.

01:39:55.080 Future generations don't need to know about you.

01:39:59.020 I don't know.

01:40:00.060 I don't know.

01:40:00.820 I,

01:40:01.020 you know what?

01:40:01.380 I don't care.

01:40:02.600 I just want to,

01:40:03.420 I want to ride this to the wheels,

01:40:04.980 fall off.

01:40:05.520 And then whatever happens later,

01:40:06.780 that's cool.

01:40:07.920 You know,

01:40:08.360 but like,

01:40:09.540 yeah,

01:40:09.820 maybe that's my role.

01:40:11.020 Maybe that's my role in the ecosystem.

01:40:12.480 I have to exist within my time and then be,

01:40:15.480 you know,

01:40:15.840 as impactful,

01:40:17.200 but also just be a good guy to the people that I meet.

01:40:19.620 And then,

01:40:19.780 yeah,

01:40:20.400 live a good life.

01:40:21.220 Be a good guy.

01:40:22.140 It's not that hard,

01:40:22.780 right?

01:40:23.260 I love it.

01:40:24.060 Ride it till the wheels come off.

01:40:27.920 Thanks for listening to the Megan Kelly show.

01:40:29.760 No BS,

01:40:30.900 no agenda,

01:40:31.760 and no fear.

The Megyn Kelly Show - June 23, 2022

Andrew Schulz on Trump and Biden, the State of Comedy, and Feminism ｜ Summer Re-Release

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