The Megyn Kelly Show - Meghan Markle's Cringe Netflix Show, Bizarre Baldwins Reality Show, and Obama Divorce Rumblings, with Maureen Callahan

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00:00:31.360 Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show, live on Sirius XM Channel 111 every weekday at New East.

00:00:42.960 Hey everyone, I'm Megyn Kelly. Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show and happy Friday.

00:00:47.160 It's our last live show for a little bit. My kids are on spring break for two weeks so

00:00:50.660 I'm going to be traveling with them but then we're going to be,

00:00:52.760 we're going to do the AM update live all next week and the week after

00:00:57.200 and then this show will resume the second week

00:01:01.040 but next week we have our Megyn Kelly Investigates the Baby Lisa Disappearance

00:01:07.460 and this is something I've been working on for three years.

00:01:09.460 We're going to have more on this later but I'm excited, excited to bring this to you.

00:01:13.180 We wanted, like we could have had it over this Christmas break

00:01:15.940 and it wasn't quite ready. I wanted it to be even better and I love it.

00:01:19.280 I love where it is now and I think you guys are going to love it too but I got,

00:01:23.040 okay, there's a lot going on. First of all, it's such a great Friday.

00:01:26.420 We've got Maureen Callahan here and that's exactly who needs to be here today,

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00:02:42.700 Maureen, thank you for being here.

00:02:45.000 Thank you for having me on this very important day.

00:02:47.640 I got to tell you, just to kick it off.

00:02:49.260 So yesterday, I showed you a little bit before we got started.

00:02:52.360 Last night, I went to my daughter's performance in The Little Mermaid at her school.

00:02:57.200 And these eighth grade girls absolutely crushed it.

00:03:00.580 I cried so many times.

00:03:02.780 I cried when they opened the play, when they closed the play, when the little mermaid Ariel

00:03:06.480 came out, when my daughter who played Ursula came out.

00:03:09.540 I cried when the mermaid sisters were up.

00:03:12.120 I was like a hot mess.

00:03:14.540 It's so emotional.

00:03:16.080 I don't know what it is.

00:03:16.840 Just like, there's something about, yes, your child coming of age and like out there doing

00:03:21.460 her thing.

00:03:21.960 Yeah.

00:03:22.240 But it's also something about these girls on the cusp of womanhood.

00:03:26.800 These 13-year-old girls, like the song says, not a girl, not yet a woman, showing their

00:03:36.000 stuff and having the sass and the confidence to get up there in front of an auditorium full

00:03:43.240 of people and singing their hearts out and nailing it.

00:03:47.360 I have to tell you, it's just like so freaking uplifting.

00:03:50.720 And then after the show, it was so cute because they let the girls come out in their costumes

00:03:55.640 and all the little girls who were there looked up to them like they were real Broadway stars.

00:04:02.000 We're asking for pictures with them.

00:04:04.520 They were a little afraid of Yardley because she was Ursula.

00:04:07.420 So the little ones were a little like, oh, and then they saw her big smile.

00:04:11.260 It was, that is the stuff life is made of.

00:04:15.500 No kidding.

00:04:16.700 No kidding.

00:04:17.600 I feel the same way about my niece and her burgeoning basketball career.

00:04:21.920 Her dream is to be a WNBA star and she's like killing it.

00:04:25.260 And you just, you see this potential and you see this life force and you see this talent

00:04:30.880 that they lean into.

00:04:32.240 Yeah.

00:04:32.600 And it's just, I think it's always a testament to great parenting, a great system of people

00:04:39.560 who love them around them, great educational systems that like really lift these girls

00:04:45.640 up and how lucky that these girls aren't suffering so many of the slings and arrows you've been

00:04:53.780 talking about for so long.

00:04:55.280 Do you know what I mean?

00:04:55.880 Yeah, totally.

00:04:56.600 They're like, they've got it all in front of them.

00:04:58.920 Yeah.

00:04:59.060 And like, they're, these are, I really think like our future leaders, our future mothers,

00:05:03.240 it's just like, there's so much promise there.

00:05:05.960 They, they, they all did such a wonderful job.

00:05:07.980 Every girl in her own way just had her own special thing.

00:05:10.580 And the costume designer was amazing.

00:05:12.340 The woman who ran the play, the director, all of them, this was top quality.

00:05:16.580 I'm telling you, this thing is like Broadway.

00:05:17.800 Anyway, so we did that and Yardley had a friend who surprised her, her best friend from the

00:05:23.620 summers where, you know, we go to the Jersey shore.

00:05:25.380 She surprised her.

00:05:26.740 And when Yardley saw her, her jaw literally dropped.

00:05:29.640 They cried.

00:05:30.880 We all came back to our house after.

00:05:33.560 Let's just say that there was too much champagne flowing too late in the evening for the grown

00:05:38.160 up half of this party.

00:05:39.760 I am a slightly hungover.

00:05:42.020 I don't know, hungover.

00:05:42.980 I'm just really tired.

00:05:43.900 I only had one, but I'm tired and I'm still like on a high from the whole play.

00:05:49.420 And then I spent the morning watching that fucking Megan Markle special and it sobered

00:05:56.240 me right up.

00:05:57.100 Oh, oh, oh, I'm so sorry.

00:05:59.460 Oh, Maureen.

00:06:00.440 Something killed your vibe.

00:06:01.700 Did you watch all episodes of this?

00:06:03.760 No, no, no.

00:06:04.660 I, I, I will go hard in the paint when it's necessary.

00:06:08.000 Yeah, I know you will.

00:06:09.260 This, okay.

00:06:10.780 So I woke up at 5 a.m. when it dropped, it dropped to begin streaming it.

00:06:16.640 And Megan, I, within 10 minutes, I fell asleep.

00:06:19.040 It was so boring.

00:06:20.060 It was, it's the, it's like you can, I would sooner you really offend me or just like, I

00:06:25.360 love a bad watch.

00:06:26.640 I love a good bad watch.

00:06:28.040 This is not that.

00:06:29.600 This is really grueling to get through.

00:06:32.000 Yeah.

00:06:32.580 So I did episodes one, episodes two, episode two and episode eight.

00:06:36.860 I did one, two, three and four, my friend.

00:06:39.140 So I can fill in some of the blanks.

00:06:40.780 You're a little bit ahead of me.

00:06:42.200 For me, the killer moment, and this is being discussed online quite a bit, was the Mindy

00:06:48.720 Kaling episode.

00:06:49.840 Oh, and when she, the snap back.

00:06:51.980 The, oh, you see the jaw set.

00:06:53.940 We got to show it.

00:06:54.820 Okay.

00:06:55.200 So Mindy Kaling, first episode one, I just want to say this observation before we get

00:07:00.160 to that.

00:07:00.900 So what I observed was episode one was her makeup artist.

00:07:05.480 Okay.

00:07:05.780 So like, that's somebody who works, works for you, you know, like it's fine.

00:07:09.580 You can become friends with your makeup artist and I'm friends with my hairstylist, but this

00:07:14.440 guy was an employee of hers for all of her past.

00:07:18.180 And while they were like, he's so close.

00:07:20.220 The children call him Uncle Daniel.

00:07:23.400 There was a moment where he was like, oh, your wedding cake.

00:07:26.160 That reminds me of your wedding cake.

00:07:27.580 And he's like, I taste your, tasted your wedding cake.

00:07:30.540 And I was like, that's a weird thing to say.

00:07:32.140 Who says that?

00:07:33.400 And the reason he said that, it soon became clear was because he went to the tasting with

00:07:38.820 her to actually try out the wedding.

00:07:40.680 He did not go to the wedding.

00:07:41.940 Her dear friend, Uncle Daniel.

00:07:43.840 That's a great observation.

00:07:45.520 Very clearly wasn't invited to her wedding.

00:07:47.340 I just assumed he was.

00:07:49.380 No.

00:07:49.660 Why else would you be like, oh, I remember tasting the cake.

00:07:52.780 And the way they were talking about it was clear.

00:07:54.540 Like he, that was his one shot at the cake.

00:07:57.060 Uncle Daniel is clearly a prop brought in who had to be nice to her because she was paying

00:08:02.880 him.

00:08:03.280 And then she's like, remember when I just, I was like lost in the wilderness.

00:08:07.880 That was when I only had, um, an agent.

00:08:10.300 I didn't have a PR person.

00:08:12.500 Oh yeah.

00:08:12.940 Didn't have a manager.

00:08:14.280 Yeah.

00:08:14.540 I was a real woman of the people back then with just my heavy, high powered agent.

00:08:19.360 And I used to call you for tips.

00:08:21.220 Like what's hot.

00:08:22.740 What's on trend.

00:08:23.700 What's on trend in the makeup department.

00:08:25.660 Like we're supposed to be relating to her.

00:08:27.860 Like she's just like us with her agent and her makeup artist calling for what's on trend

00:08:32.500 to Uncle Daniel, who clearly will not be invited to the actual wedding.

00:08:35.880 So that that's number one.

00:08:37.600 Then we get to number two, where Mindy Kaling comes on, who also is not a friend.

00:08:41.960 Agreed.

00:08:42.300 She came on her podcast, like archetypes.

00:08:47.780 And that's when they met, which was what, two years ago.

00:08:50.540 So this is not some lifelong bud.

00:08:53.180 So Mindy Kaling comes and they clearly didn't know each other.

00:08:56.040 You could see there was an awkwardness.

00:08:57.300 Oh, 100%.

00:08:58.380 Right.

00:08:58.680 I loved.

00:08:59.700 So my favorite was first we meet.

00:09:01.740 It almost looked like a 70s sitcom, like opening credits when they like freeze frame a person.

00:09:06.280 And it's like, you know, Dana Plato is Kimberly on different strokes.

00:09:10.100 And it was like Mindy Kaling.

00:09:12.020 And it was actress, comma, producer, comma, friend, period.

00:09:18.760 Oh, God.

00:09:19.120 All in capital letters, like actress, producer.

00:09:21.340 Like, I think the bulk of Americans know who Mindy Kaling is for better or for worse.

00:09:24.760 Yes, they do.

00:09:25.520 And then she comes in and I kind of like, I don't really care for Mindy Kaling personally.

00:09:30.180 She's a bit much.

00:09:30.880 She's a bit much.

00:09:32.000 She, uh, she comes in and she's like overdone.

00:09:35.500 She's like wearing night makeup for day.

00:09:37.560 She had tons of jewelry on some bling.

00:09:39.680 All the jewelry, the Valentino denim ensemble with like the gold.

00:09:43.660 It all felt very garish and try hard.

00:09:46.680 Yep.

00:09:46.940 So she was immediately kind of like on the back foot because Megan's there in her quiet luxury.

00:09:52.460 Totally.

00:09:52.980 Like I just threw this on.

00:09:54.520 I don't know how I got to be wearing this entirely cashmere white outfit.

00:09:57.740 Mm hmm.

00:09:58.360 Yeah.

00:09:58.640 In the kitchen.

00:09:59.140 There was a juxtaposition there.

00:10:00.420 You're right.

00:10:01.000 And then Mindy says to Megan, she starts asking her to break down her ensemble.

00:10:06.020 So Megan's like Zara pants, woman of the people, Mindy's like, no, no, no way.

00:10:13.940 Yet now Laura Piana sweater, which, you know, average base price is $1,300 for Laura Piana.

00:10:20.840 Right.

00:10:21.220 Then just a Jenny Kane sweater on top of that sweater.

00:10:23.800 And that base price is about three 95.

00:10:25.960 Just that.

00:10:26.840 Then Mindy goes, she makes the mistake of what you, of what I don't think any malignant

00:10:32.580 narcissist ever takes well, which is if you try to praise them too much, it backfires.

00:10:38.360 Like Mindy goes, you know, you have to talk to me about your fashion is one of my favorite

00:10:43.080 things about you.

00:10:43.780 Like I'll see you in something and I'll run to the Max Mara website and it's sold out.

00:10:47.420 Mm hmm.

00:10:47.920 And Megan is opening the refrigerator door and you can see this mixture on her face of like

00:10:53.160 utter disdain and contempt for that sentiment.

00:10:56.820 Yeah.

00:10:57.060 And then false humility.

00:10:59.080 Like, oh, me, you follow me.

00:11:01.860 You mean when I'm walking around Montecito in 80 degree weather with my full on wool Max

00:11:07.000 Mara floor lanes coat?

00:11:08.740 You're trying to copy me.

00:11:10.600 What's it now?

00:11:11.840 Who, me?

00:11:12.760 No, it was amazing.

00:11:14.020 Here's, here's actually part of that where Mindy asked her about her look.

00:11:17.560 Let's watch it.

00:11:18.120 Stop four.

00:11:18.460 And then we'll get to the big moment.

00:11:19.860 Megan, I want to ask about your look.

00:11:22.840 My who?

00:11:23.640 Your look.

00:11:25.040 Your look, Megan.

00:11:26.360 Oh, my look.

00:11:27.560 Your look.

00:11:28.240 Did I not say it right?

00:11:29.640 I don't know.

00:11:30.240 I'm way cooler than I am.

00:11:32.320 I don't know what you're talking.

00:11:33.380 My look.

00:11:34.240 My look.

00:11:34.980 She likes my look.

00:11:36.400 Your look.

00:11:37.260 Oh my gosh.

00:11:39.040 Your fashion is like one of my favorite things.

00:11:42.020 This was awkward AF.

00:11:44.720 So awkward.

00:11:45.840 And I began to really feel sympathy for Mindy Kaling because she was doing such a heavy lift.

00:11:53.280 Yeah.

00:11:53.440 You know, I felt like watching this whole thing play out was really interesting in terms of realizing I don't think Meghan Markle really has any friends.

00:12:03.120 No, she doesn't.

00:12:04.320 And she is the most insecure person I have seen in the public eye in a long time.

00:12:09.720 That is why everything had to be perfectly curated.

00:12:15.480 It was like that's the biggest absurdity of this whole thing was just how over the top perfect everything has to be around her, her outfit.

00:12:25.080 I mean, who the hell picks fucking berries in a white cashmere blouse and white pants?

00:12:32.040 Literally no one on earth does that.

00:12:33.880 And like this garden, which is like the most over the top.

00:12:37.560 Like we're all supposed to go, Maureen, to make our breakfast in the morning out to our gardens, which are the size of Shea Stadium.

00:12:45.880 Mm hmm.

00:13:15.860 I Googled.

00:13:16.420 I was like, just for kicks.

00:13:17.780 I'm like, what local beekeeper?

00:13:19.900 And everything that came up was the people who will kill bees in my eye.

00:13:23.780 Oh, my God.

00:13:24.760 Like if you have a beehive and you want to get rid of it, here are like to 20 people who will kill it.

00:13:28.660 There you go.

00:13:29.360 Absolutely.

00:13:30.060 Clearly, we're living in different in different worlds.

00:13:32.820 Do you have a chicken coop?

00:13:34.260 No chickens.

00:13:35.360 No.

00:13:36.000 Just the dead ones in the freezer.

00:13:37.220 You don't have a chick nick table to feed your chickens.

00:13:41.320 Did you catch that?

00:13:42.400 Did not catch that.

00:13:43.480 Literally, Megan, she has a chicken coop and she talks.

00:13:47.520 So she brings out.

00:13:49.060 I don't mean to get off Mindy, but she brings out to feed them a thick disc of ice.

00:13:56.520 And the chickens.

00:13:57.680 Oh, yeah.

00:13:58.060 And inside that disc are frozen organic vegetables, which she then puts down for them so that their yolk, she tells us, will be that much more golden.

00:14:07.520 Oh, my God.

00:14:07.940 And nutritious.

00:14:08.460 And then the camera pans to a miniature picnic table.

00:14:12.980 It looks like something that would go in a child's dollhouse on the ground.

00:14:16.420 And she says, don't laugh at me.

00:14:18.460 That is my chick nick table where I put food for the chickens.

00:14:23.620 Okay.

00:14:23.940 In this economy.

00:14:25.480 Right.

00:14:26.200 Well, same thing with her dog and everybody else's dog.

00:14:30.720 The one friend comes who's Harry's friend's wife from Polo.

00:14:35.660 Oh, this one.

00:14:36.620 So relatable.

00:14:37.200 So some woman from Argentina who's married to Harry's polo player friend shows up.

00:14:42.660 Again, not really a Meghan Markle friend.

00:14:45.180 And for her dog, Meghan makes some sort of biscuits, which, of course, have only the organic materials and everything has to be mixed just so.

00:14:55.640 And then she's making the bacon because, you know, the dog's just going to love it if it has a little bacon in it.

00:15:01.300 And, you know, she eats bacon all the time, she wants you to know, in her house.

00:15:04.940 Of course she does.

00:15:05.480 Sure.

00:15:05.700 She looks like it.

00:15:06.300 Right.

00:15:07.200 With her size, like double zero.

00:15:09.680 Okay.

00:15:10.120 Yeah.

00:15:10.580 Yeah.

00:15:11.400 But here was the other thing.

00:15:12.580 When you talk about the chick nick, I wrote this down just from the episodes I watch.

00:15:16.720 She's got this little like verbal tick she does where she's big into like rhyming or making these weird little plays on words that I think she thinks are very clever.

00:15:25.740 Like the first episode, they're putting peas in a little pod, she and her makeup artist, and they're like, they look like little green pearls, green pearls, green pearls, green pearls, girls.

00:15:40.160 Okay.

00:15:41.160 Then there was the honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, then they were cheersing their champagne with her little marmalade edition.

00:15:51.780 Cheers, dear.

00:15:52.780 Cheers, dear.

00:15:53.780 Cheers, dear.

00:15:54.780 Cheers, dear.

00:15:54.980 Cheers, dear.

00:15:55.360 Then there was it's darling and delicious, darling and delicious.

00:15:59.800 Then there was the tea following the champagne, detox, and then retox, and then there was working hard over there, working hard or hardly working.

00:16:12.320 Maureen, I died.

00:16:13.320 Oh, my God.

00:16:14.260 Megan, it's like this is a window into the tiny little brain at work, the absolute, not just inauthenticity, but like you want to talk about a lack of original thought and just being totally basic, what they would call a basic bitch.

00:16:28.140 Basic.

00:16:28.500 Like the opening scene of this show, like you think, okay, the opening scene of this show should be a knockout, right?

00:16:35.120 It should make me want to know what's coming next.

00:16:37.940 What is she going to do next?

00:16:39.400 What is she going to say next?

00:16:40.680 She's strolling out to her beehive where she's clearly never been before.

00:16:44.400 Right.

00:16:44.600 She's wearing half the bee outfit.

00:16:47.140 It is clear she's never been.

00:16:48.400 You're right.

00:16:49.200 She's wearing half a bee outfit, not a full bee outfit.

00:16:51.540 That's true.

00:16:51.740 Okay.

00:16:52.420 Because you have to show off the skinny jean.

00:16:55.100 And then she's got the dangling tendrils visible behind the bee screen.

00:17:01.440 And her beekeeper, who seems like kind of an interesting guy, like he's definitely quirky.

00:17:06.440 You have to be quirky if you're around these all day.

00:17:08.240 Uh, they open up the honeycomb and she goes, busy bees.

00:17:14.000 See?

00:17:14.740 See?

00:17:15.240 Now, this is what she's been practicing, right?

00:17:18.300 She's been practicing in her mirror, right?

00:17:21.440 All these things she's going to say and these like dialogues she's going to have with her guests.

00:17:25.680 Honey, honey.

00:17:26.340 Oh, this is like her bedside blooms for Daniel, who's like probably sleeping in the garage.

00:17:31.340 That must be discussed.

00:17:32.360 The bedside situation.

00:17:33.980 So Daniel, the makeup artist, gets this tray of welcoming presence, unlike anything I've ever seen.

00:17:43.200 So she, he's coming to help her with her series.

00:17:47.400 And she puts together this tray for like his bedside that includes homemade Epsom salts.

00:17:53.280 Doesn't everybody who wants Epsom salts just order the same blue bag that we all get from CVS or you can get it on Amazon?

00:17:59.740 It's huge.

00:18:00.780 And you dump half of it into the bath.

00:18:02.780 But she's like hand mixing this, the Himalayan salt in with his special Epsom salts.

00:18:08.700 And then the, the pretzels.

00:18:11.440 Oh.

00:18:11.720 Oh, the pretzels.

00:18:12.400 The pretzels.

00:18:13.340 Like, oh, we have it.

00:18:15.180 Okay.

00:18:15.520 Here's top three.

00:18:17.400 And since we put all of our energy into making those.

00:18:26.080 This, we're just going to put into a different bag.

00:18:30.700 Different bag.

00:18:32.020 Peanut butter pretzels.

00:18:33.600 Into a cellophane bag.

00:18:35.120 I've been eating these forever and I love these so much.

00:18:37.200 My mom loves to.

00:18:37.400 Sure you have.

00:18:38.740 Sure, Jan.

00:18:39.640 Mm-hmm.

00:18:44.300 Look how she pours.

00:18:45.380 I know that Daniel loves peanut butter.

00:18:47.760 I'm still going to label this.

00:18:49.020 You always want to be conscious if someone has a nut allergy.

00:18:52.360 She doesn't know.

00:18:53.520 She doesn't know.

00:18:54.260 She actually doesn't know.

00:18:55.340 Pack this all up so I can take it home and prep the guest room.

00:18:58.440 And now, everything's ready for Daniel's arrival tonight.

00:19:06.820 Daniel, who, dear Lord.

00:19:09.420 First of all, that was really incredible that they showed her taking store-bought pretzels.

00:19:16.640 Peanut butter pretzels.

00:19:17.400 And decanting them into another plastic bag.

00:19:22.380 First of all, isn't she a great environmentalist?

00:19:24.280 Why are we using and reusing so much plastic?

00:19:26.320 Good point.

00:19:27.060 Then she gives us the ineffable tip that when you tie a knot, always be sure you put a bow

00:19:34.200 on that shit.

00:19:36.500 And then Daniel does show up.

00:19:40.000 Poor Daniel.

00:19:40.460 Poor Daniel.

00:19:41.200 And she doesn't know if he likes tomatoes.

00:19:45.040 Lifelong friend of decades.

00:19:46.540 The before, during, and after, as she says, right?

00:19:49.140 Doesn't know if he likes tomatoes.

00:19:51.040 Right.

00:19:51.400 Doesn't know that he's left-handed.

00:19:52.940 He's her makeup artist.

00:19:54.560 What hand is he using?

00:19:56.080 What is his dominant hand?

00:19:58.260 And then what was the third thing she didn't?

00:19:59.880 Oh, she says, you know I love to send all my guests home with stuff.

00:20:03.500 You always go home with stuff.

00:20:05.060 He says, listen, I live in New York City.

00:20:07.520 I don't have counter space in my kitchen.

00:20:09.720 She doesn't know that.

00:20:10.820 She's a normal person.

00:20:11.980 She's never been to his apartment.

00:20:13.780 Right.

00:20:14.340 Very clearly.

00:20:15.580 And then he cuts his finger in one.

00:20:19.060 It is the tiniest little slit.

00:20:21.120 It looks like a paper cut that he gets.

00:20:23.580 And the reaction is so over the day.

00:20:25.320 Oh, it's like drama.

00:20:26.340 We have drama for our show.

00:20:27.680 Something happened.

00:20:28.500 This is so exciting.

00:20:29.320 They make a big thing out of her going to get the band-aid and wrapping it up.

00:20:32.400 And all I can think is, this is the car chase.

00:20:34.740 This is the Manhattan car chase all over again.

00:20:36.780 With the one.

00:20:37.740 It's huge.

00:20:38.600 Something happened.

00:20:40.000 Alert.

00:20:40.820 Okay.

00:20:41.660 Drama.

00:20:42.300 I'm into it.

00:20:43.480 It was the one paparazzi on a bicycle.

00:20:46.040 Right.

00:20:46.380 Remember?

00:20:46.840 Right.

00:20:47.040 And she's going to Harry.

00:20:48.940 Just be calm.

00:20:50.640 It's going to be okay.

00:20:51.340 Right.

00:20:51.620 Right.

00:20:51.760 Ten minutes.

00:20:52.360 On a Vespa.

00:20:52.780 Underground garage.

00:20:53.660 He was on a Vespa.

00:20:55.320 Oh, sorry.

00:20:56.100 A Vespa.

00:20:56.480 Her need for drama was very evident.

00:20:59.480 So here's, and I want to play the mini moment with standby.

00:21:02.420 I just, I thought you'd get a kick out of this.

00:21:04.120 So I made notes as I was watching a couple of the episodes and then I just got too tired

00:21:07.300 and I abandoned this.

00:21:08.800 Okay.

00:21:09.540 By the, okay.

00:21:10.040 So that, that popcorn that you see on her tray for Daniel, she took a corn of cob, a cob

00:21:17.260 of corn and stuffed it in a brown paper bag and put it in the microwave.

00:21:21.300 A dead cob of corn.

00:21:22.480 It was black.

00:21:23.240 Yes.

00:21:23.480 It was like the kind of thing you would just throw out as toxic waste.

00:21:26.540 Well, it's like, what, who is not just putting a thing of Orville Redenbacher in the microwave

00:21:32.120 for a minute 30 or two 30.

00:21:33.820 Seriously.

00:21:34.400 That like ridiculous.

00:21:35.300 Literally nobody's going out to get a dead corn cob, putting it into a brown paper bag

00:21:40.840 and trying to pop that shit.

00:21:42.380 Everyone knows that's going to go wrong.

00:21:43.900 Exactly.

00:21:44.360 One hundred percent.

00:21:45.240 Okay.

00:21:45.460 So that's what she does then.

00:21:46.540 Yeah.

00:21:46.680 I have the same note.

00:21:47.360 Don't tie a knot without a bow.

00:21:49.180 Peanut butter pretzels.

00:21:51.140 Okay.

00:21:51.540 She shows the house that is clearly not hers.

00:21:54.940 And then she continues to remind us, this is not my house.

00:22:00.520 It's a beautiful home.

00:22:02.160 It's nicer than everyone on earth's kitchen.

00:22:04.940 Yeah.

00:22:05.220 But she makes a point repeatedly of being like, this isn't my home.

00:22:08.900 Her home is obviously 10 times nicer than this one.

00:22:12.180 And she wants us to know that because she's, you know, the Duchess.

00:22:16.620 And she later says to People Magazine, like, my home is just too intimate for me to share

00:22:21.920 with others.

00:22:22.460 And I'm not comfortable having 80 crew members come in.

00:22:27.240 Do you believe there were 80 crew members?

00:22:28.820 If there were, what the hell kind of budget is Netflix paying for this bullshit show?

00:22:35.240 Seriously.

00:22:35.980 And by the way, not for nothing, I have seen people online, there are her defenders, whether

00:22:40.800 they are paid bots, I don't know.

00:22:43.100 But people saying, why can't you just leave her alone?

00:22:46.320 She's just trying to make an entertaining cooking show, whatever.

00:22:50.380 To which I say, I pay for my Netflix subscription, which is going into her pocket.

00:22:57.920 Right.

00:22:58.420 So I do get to judge it.

00:23:00.100 I get to judge it as harshly as I want.

00:23:02.220 Yeah.

00:23:02.640 And that's why they also have those little buttons on the screen.

00:23:05.280 Thumbs up, thumbs down.

00:23:06.340 Do you like it?

00:23:06.800 Do you not like it?

00:23:07.460 So we can all go to town on this as we should.

00:23:10.140 If she doesn't want us to judge her cooking, she should do it off cam and in private, right?

00:23:14.960 Like it's, she's putting it out there for public consumption.

00:23:17.940 You know, that reminds me of something I, a point I wanted to make last week.

00:23:21.280 I went down and did this interview with Ben Smith of Semaphore and he gave me a hard time

00:23:25.360 because he thought I got too personal when I raised the fact that Rachel Maddow makes

00:23:29.740 $25 million a year, but she's out there pretending to boo who the layoffs at MSNBC, which are her

00:23:36.020 fault for discrediting her own network with Russia, Russia, Russia, et cetera.

00:23:40.520 And he was like, yeah, but you know, you showed her houses, not in show an address.

00:23:45.100 I showed the picture.

00:23:45.680 Now, how do you think I got pictures of Rachel Maddow's houses?

00:23:49.380 Is it because she invited me over and I surreptitiously photographed them and then

00:23:52.920 betrayed her by, she fucking had them photographed.

00:23:56.000 She put them on the air because she wanted us to celebrate her luxurious life.

00:24:01.140 Yes.

00:24:01.300 She put those on the air.

00:24:02.400 Yes.

00:24:02.640 Her massive spread in Western Massachusetts.

00:24:05.700 It was in a magazine.

00:24:06.780 Oh, it's like architectural digest or something.

00:24:08.840 Yeah.

00:24:09.080 Yeah.

00:24:09.280 You can't have it both ways.

00:24:10.380 I like, oh, it's totally fair game.

00:24:12.040 And by the way, in the other pictures of her apartment, we're on the, we're on like a realtor.com

00:24:16.540 situation and all over all the real estate, uh, blogs and things as Rachel Maddow's apartment.

00:24:22.280 Now, let me tell you something.

00:24:23.180 I have sold and bought homes and apartments since I became a public figure.

00:24:27.240 You good luck.

00:24:28.460 Good luck to you.

00:24:29.120 Go ahead right now.

00:24:29.760 Google Megan Kelly homes.

00:24:30.840 You might find some bullshit.

00:24:32.320 I saw some one long YouTube video that showed me with like a, a Bentley that does not seem

00:24:38.800 your, I have a BMW, but I don't have a Bentley.

00:24:40.820 Um, no one's that we don't publicize where we live and we don't show our homes because

00:24:46.560 I'm not trying to rub anything about my life into anybody else's face.

00:24:50.860 She put her name on that because she thought she'd get a better sale price on it.

00:24:55.820 It's totally fair game.

00:24:57.480 And Megan Markle is totally fair game.

00:24:59.940 She's doing this because she wants us to watch it and comment and react.

00:25:04.440 Yes.

00:25:05.000 Now, if I can just circle back for one second to the Rachel Maddow thing, because I was

00:25:08.460 listening to you talk about this and I was dying because she had previously lived in the

00:25:14.360 West village in Michael Stipe's old apartment, which she turned around and sold for a lot of

00:25:19.680 money.

00:25:20.020 Yep.

00:25:20.340 Then she bought this place, which I did not know until listening to you was on the east side

00:25:24.560 of central park.

00:25:26.280 So, you know, what is interesting about those buildings?

00:25:28.580 And I'm sure you do on the east side of the park.

00:25:31.380 The way they get around non-discrimination laws is they make potential buyers show that

00:25:37.200 they can put down 75% of the purchase price.

00:25:40.740 I didn't know that actually.

00:25:41.820 So if you're buying, say, a $20 million place, you have to have 17 million that you can lay

00:25:46.340 out immediately.

00:25:46.960 And that's how they keep the undesirables out.

00:25:51.300 Not that Rachel would ever admit that she lives in such a place where perhaps a black

00:25:57.260 family that could only put down 50% could never be shown the door.

00:26:01.340 Oh, my God.

00:26:01.800 That's so interesting.

00:26:02.840 Well, we did look at there were a couple of celebrities in that building, at least.

00:26:05.780 So she's chosen, of course, one of the most tony apartment buildings in the city.

00:26:09.440 And she's, I'm sure, very proud of her huge spread with her terraces off the master bath

00:26:13.480 and the living room, whatever.

00:26:14.480 But she feels really bad for the laid off MSNBC workers.

00:26:17.660 Maureen, don't don't judge.

00:26:18.800 Not bad enough to kick in, as you said, a measly two million.

00:26:22.120 That's it.

00:26:22.660 Just do like what?

00:26:23.520 Tom Brady.

00:26:24.200 Yeah, that's it.

00:26:25.080 Take some of it.

00:26:25.740 I don't need it.

00:26:26.320 Just lower the 25 to 23.

00:26:28.000 You'll never even feel it.

00:26:29.100 You won't even know that that money's not hitting your bank account.

00:26:31.880 But no, she just wants the credit for feeling bad for those poor laid off workers without

00:26:35.840 actually having to sacrifice anything herself.

00:26:37.940 And by the way, not for nothing, but the 25 million is for one day a week, one hour of

00:26:45.080 television a week.

00:26:47.040 And still, she wants us to believe this.

00:26:49.380 Like, I'm deeply sad for everyone here.

00:26:51.700 I, you know, I, I deserve every penny of my money, whatever.

00:26:54.940 Okay.

00:26:55.120 So back to Meghan Markle.

00:26:56.680 Okay.

00:26:57.140 I wanted to get to this part of my notes.

00:27:00.680 I'll stand by.

00:27:01.420 Hold on a second.

00:27:02.000 News coming in.

00:27:03.080 Oh God.

00:27:04.480 What?

00:27:04.800 This just in season two is coming.

00:27:07.560 No, no.

00:27:08.760 Yes.

00:27:09.420 If you're loving season one, Meghan put out on Insta, just wait till you see the fun

00:27:14.640 we cooked up in season two.

00:27:16.740 Thanks for joining the party.

00:27:18.500 An endless thanks to the amazing team and crew who helped bring it all to life with love.

00:27:25.660 Meghan.

00:27:26.480 Okay.

00:27:26.880 So wait, let me keep going.

00:27:29.140 Okay.

00:27:29.880 Injury.

00:27:30.360 It's like their fake car chase.

00:27:32.020 And here's the part I wanted to get to in the midst of my notes.

00:27:34.140 I wrote the best part of watching this is picturing Maureen watching this.

00:27:39.380 Oh my God.

00:27:40.940 Oh, you're so funny.

00:27:42.420 Oh, it was, it was an inglorious morning.

00:27:44.960 I was in my pajamas with like my eighth cup of coffee, really gutting it out and taking

00:27:52.420 notes as you do.

00:27:53.500 I take them analog on like an actual notepad.

00:27:56.400 Um, there were so many contradictions.

00:28:00.000 Okay.

00:28:00.200 So my favorite moment, and I do think the most telling it was in the Mindy episode and it

00:28:05.520 was the moment where Mindy is playing along with Meghan's oft told much debunked origin

00:28:14.680 story that she was this poor little latchkey kid in the slums of Los Angeles coming home

00:28:20.400 from school every day, eating her sad little fast food on a tray table while she's watching

00:28:25.220 Jeopardy, mind you.

00:28:26.080 So she may be watching TV, but she's watching Jeopardy.

00:28:28.500 She's smart.

00:28:28.920 She's smart.

00:28:29.680 So in case you didn't know.

00:28:30.740 Right.

00:28:30.760 And she's not writing, you know, feminist manifestos to soap companies.

00:28:34.640 That's part of a class project, not an auto generated thing.

00:28:38.140 She does mention later.

00:28:39.540 We never forget.

00:28:40.560 Yeah.

00:28:40.680 Never forget.

00:28:41.920 So we're not walking through landmines here like Diana.

00:28:45.820 Okay.

00:28:46.620 Right.

00:28:48.900 Mindy says to her, you know, I just don't think that anybody really realizes Meghan Markle

00:28:56.060 ate Jack in the box.

00:28:58.160 And you watch Meghan tense up, right up and the micro expressions and the jaw sets and

00:29:04.100 the eyes go black and her shoulders rise up and she goes, you know, it's so funny.

00:29:09.220 And she's like chopping something.

00:29:10.280 So it's like dangerous.

00:29:11.580 You know, it's so funny you say that.

00:29:12.760 So funny you say that because you know what?

00:29:14.240 I'm Sussex now.

00:29:15.220 I'm Sussex.

00:29:16.340 Oh my God.

00:29:17.260 It was like a soap opera moment.

00:29:19.500 We have it.

00:29:20.060 Let's watch it.

00:29:21.880 I don't think anyone in the world knows that Meghan Markle has eaten Jack in the box.

00:29:26.320 It's so funny too that you keep saying, Meghan Markle, you know, I'm Sussex now.

00:29:30.380 You have kids and you go, no, I share my name with my children.

00:29:34.680 Yes.

00:29:35.120 And that feels so, I didn't know how meaningful it would be to me, but it just means so much

00:29:41.560 to go, this is our family name.

00:29:45.900 Very weird.

00:29:46.620 Oh, and what follows that is she goes, our little family name.

00:29:50.900 Right.

00:29:51.300 Yet another dig at the Royals that gave her that title.

00:29:54.140 Did you notice that at the end of every episode, it says like the starring Meghan, Duchess of

00:30:01.600 Sussex.

00:30:02.180 Yes.

00:30:02.480 That's how she's billed.

00:30:04.120 Yes.

00:30:04.480 At the, on the credits roll at the end, you know, standalone, nobody else is on the page,

00:30:07.820 but Meghan, Duchess of Sussex because they became Sussex when the queen died and Harry's

00:30:15.360 dad became king.

00:30:16.620 And that's when Lilibet and Archie became princess and prince.

00:30:20.900 And I guess as a result, their last name is now no longer Mountbatten, Windsor.

00:30:26.640 It's Meghan Sussex and Harry Sussex.

00:30:29.580 I have no idea.

00:30:30.860 And no fucking Meghan, no one knew that.

00:30:33.300 Like, why are you correcting?

00:30:34.620 You know, you know, it's Sussex.

00:30:36.520 No, I don't know.

00:30:37.280 Who knows that?

00:30:38.000 Literally nobody knows that.

00:30:38.960 This is the thing that I love too, because, you know, the thing about manners when you're

00:30:43.360 a kid and they're teaching you manners, the line is always like, they're, they are, they

00:30:47.300 are for you to go out into the world, but they're really also for other people.

00:30:50.780 It's so you learn how to make other people feel welcome and comfortable and never ashamed

00:30:55.700 or humiliated or hurt.

00:30:57.380 Like that was a dagger.

00:30:59.380 That's a guest in her fake house.

00:31:01.340 She was mad on her fucking fake show, you know, who dared to call her Meghan Markle, the

00:31:08.580 name we all regrettably know her by.

00:31:11.840 And now it's Dutch.

00:31:12.720 Oh, by the way, I don't know if you saw this.

00:31:14.680 Probably not.

00:31:15.680 But she was on Drew Barrymore yesterday.

00:31:18.160 Oh, yes, we saw.

00:31:19.180 You watched?

00:31:19.760 Yeah, I saw the clips.

00:31:21.060 I saw a little bit.

00:31:21.840 I couldn't, I couldn't gut it out.

00:31:23.280 Again, I could not gut it out.

00:31:25.080 But there's this moment where Drew, they're cooking, they're behind a thing and Meghan's

00:31:30.580 rolling some garbage with her hands.

00:31:32.580 And Drew proudly brings out this blown up black and white photo of herself at like

00:31:38.480 age seven.

00:31:39.280 It's very sweet.

00:31:40.520 It's E.T.

00:31:41.520 Steven Spielberg and George Lucas are behind her.

00:31:42.980 Cutest Drew there was.

00:31:44.420 She's got this little stuffy, the stuffed animal.

00:31:46.700 I don't know if it was E.T. or not.

00:31:47.900 And she's presenting it to Diana, a very young Princess Diana.

00:31:51.540 Oh.

00:31:52.340 And she's showing this like, this was such a meaningful moment for me.

00:31:56.680 Of course it was.

00:31:57.700 And Meghan, instead of going, what a life you've had.

00:32:01.340 Like, tell me what that moment was like for you.

00:32:03.340 What was Diana like?

00:32:04.840 You know, she goes, oh, how sweet.

00:32:08.900 I'll have to tell H about it.

00:32:10.780 Oh, God.

00:32:11.740 So, so already she's like levitating herself above this conversation.

00:32:15.580 It's not Harry.

00:32:16.500 It's H.

00:32:17.040 It's my H.

00:32:17.960 Yep.

00:32:18.080 Like, I'll tell him that.

00:32:19.160 We're separate over here.

00:32:20.480 And by the way, presumably, isn't your husband watching this show and cheering you on?

00:32:23.980 Yeah, right.

00:32:24.400 Your big launch.

00:32:25.320 Right.

00:32:25.640 Like, you're going to have to relay this to him.

00:32:28.320 Right.

00:32:28.660 Is he, I don't know, is he playing Minecraft?

00:32:30.120 She, she's constantly on this show with, my husband, you know, it drives me nuts.

00:32:34.500 My husband, my husband.

00:32:35.980 Honestly, like, I almost never refer to Doug like that.

00:32:38.160 I don't know.

00:32:38.580 It's like, well, my husband, it's like Doug.

00:32:41.500 But she, she thinks like, it's not, it's not cool to say Harry because it looks like

00:32:45.720 she's going to be showing off.

00:32:46.720 That's what, how a normal wife sounds.

00:32:48.440 Right.

00:32:48.760 A normal partner would say, Harry thinks this.

00:32:51.720 Right.

00:32:51.900 No one would find that ostentatious.

00:32:53.880 No.

00:32:53.980 H sounds ostentatious.

00:32:57.020 And that's the other thing I noticed.

00:32:59.060 If you look at the first couple of episodes, every comment she makes is about herself.

00:33:06.380 She's got her friend, Uncle Daniel's there.

00:33:09.660 And then there's the Argentinian woman.

00:33:11.500 And then there's a chef she brings in and Mindy Kaling.

00:33:14.820 So there are no questions or comments about them, except there's one in episode one and

00:33:21.700 there's one in episode two.

00:33:22.960 And if you go back and look at them, they're voiced over.

00:33:26.820 Really?

00:33:27.940 She clearly was told after the fact, you know, it might be nice if we kind of had you track

00:33:34.540 like a question to Daniel about himself to set up that comment he made.

00:33:40.600 And it's, it's all voiceover.

00:33:42.460 Anything she asks of the guest was laid in after the fact.

00:33:46.940 You can see the break.

00:33:48.060 It's like someone had to coach her on how to be a normal person who's an actual friend

00:33:53.820 who has interest in something other than themselves.

00:33:57.800 She doesn't.

00:33:58.660 She's not interested.

00:33:59.800 She's interested in so far as you can help her realize whatever thing she's trying to

00:34:06.580 manifest in any given moment.

00:34:07.860 Basically, I love the premise of this show, which is I'm going to show you how to make

00:34:12.380 a happy, warm, loving home after I have successfully severed my husband's ties from his entire

00:34:19.840 family.

00:34:20.680 After I have successfully severed every single tie, save my mother from my own family of

00:34:26.020 origin.

00:34:26.600 Who better?

00:34:27.680 Who better to teach one how to create a loving, warm home?

00:34:32.400 I loved the thing with Mindy where they're, oh my God, she's, she goes, we are, um, planning

00:34:38.660 a children's party.

00:34:40.020 Yeah.

00:34:40.540 Children are not around.

00:34:41.580 No children.

00:34:42.100 She's got three.

00:34:42.420 She's got two.

00:34:43.240 They're presumably other children in Montecito.

00:34:45.420 No children are around, uh, you know, cause they're unpredictable and messy, I guess.

00:34:49.280 Right.

00:34:49.440 It's annoying to her.

00:34:50.480 And she says to Mindy, I don't know.

00:34:52.620 Again, great friends.

00:34:54.380 I don't know if you go all out for your children's birthday parties or not.

00:34:58.180 Mindy goes, the woman I hire does.

00:35:01.460 Okay.

00:35:02.020 Right.

00:35:02.260 Very relatable.

00:35:03.400 Right.

00:35:03.860 Very relatable.

00:35:05.640 And then there's something where, what was the other thing with Mindy that was just like

00:35:10.120 so wild.

00:35:11.180 I couldn't believe it, but it's a similar thing.

00:35:13.340 There was the balloon arch.

00:35:14.660 The balloon.

00:35:15.020 Oh, and then they'd have a wardrobe change to their sun dresses.

00:35:18.420 Cause that's how we all do when we, when we get together, we have several outfits for

00:35:21.780 our time together.

00:35:22.580 Exactly.

00:35:22.980 For like different times of day with different settings and different food stuff.

00:35:29.300 So I suppose that we're having, they, they dress in these.

00:35:32.240 They're sun dresses and they go out to Megan's little garden shack.

00:35:34.960 Yes.

00:35:35.240 Like her, her greenhouse where, you know, she just sits.

00:35:37.720 All I could think was that must be actually so buggy in real life.

00:35:40.260 Oh, but okay.

00:35:40.900 So they go out there.

00:35:41.800 Yes.

00:35:41.960 Cause we all have several settings in our enormous, you know, football field size garden

00:35:45.940 where like we can sit and have tea with our friends.

00:35:48.720 It's all perfectly curated again and absolutely visually stunning.

00:35:52.180 And the other thing about it is you have, there's so much to get to.

00:35:55.640 We're never going to get to anything else.

00:35:56.660 Um, you have such inanity happening in the conversation.

00:36:01.820 Like these are not clever people.

00:36:03.180 This is not like having tea with Maureen Callahan or Megan Kelly.

00:36:06.260 No, truly.

00:36:06.780 And so everything is heavily produced with track with soundtrack, you know, the light jazz,

00:36:12.500 like the festive jazz playing.

00:36:14.440 And so like, they don't have to talk, which I'm sure the producers are like more track.

00:36:18.580 I could only, it's so funny you say that.

00:36:20.180 I could only think of how much money Netflix spent on licensing this music.

00:36:24.440 There's so much freaking Motown in this thing.

00:36:26.500 Yes.

00:36:26.900 It's like, oh, come and get your love.

00:36:28.960 It's like the final, like, really?

00:36:30.560 It's like, it's like when you watch, one of the things that always irked me the most

00:36:34.400 about The Devil Wears Prada was that the music cues were so literal.

00:36:38.800 They're always telling you what to think.

00:36:41.560 Like the moment where Andy's walking down the street in Manhattan at night debating whether

00:36:47.540 she can throw Emily under the bus to go to Paris.

00:36:49.960 It's like the song that's playing is I Can't Sleep.

00:36:53.000 Oh, I never noticed that.

00:36:54.300 If you watch it again, you'll never see it the same way.

00:36:56.920 And I felt the same way about this, where the music was doing all the heavy lifting.

00:37:01.660 Who sings, ah, sugar, sugar.

00:37:04.600 Oh, yeah.

00:37:05.060 I love a spoonful or something.

00:37:06.100 And she was like, cue the lemon head, whoever it was.

00:37:08.380 She's like, cue the platters.

00:37:09.900 I can't remember.

00:37:10.480 Forgive me.

00:37:10.780 But then in comes the music while she's sifting the sugar.

00:37:14.320 Your point about Mindy being like, no, but the person I hire does.

00:37:18.540 Now, OK, even I do not hire anybody to do my kids' birthdays.

00:37:22.600 And I have very few domestic bones in my body.

00:37:25.180 The most I will hire is somebody to blow up the like, you know, like a bouncy castle or

00:37:29.980 whatever.

00:37:30.360 Which is a professional thing.

00:37:31.360 You need someone to do that.

00:37:32.260 I don't know how to do that.

00:37:33.280 And Doug's not handy.

00:37:35.340 Handsy, but not handy.

00:37:37.240 Anyway, so you made this point in one of your articles on The Daily Mail.

00:37:42.400 And I was like, that's exactly it.

00:37:43.680 That's the moment, you know, who this show is for.

00:37:46.640 Because I was watching the whole thing like, who is this for?

00:37:50.080 Who is this appealing?

00:37:50.940 And you said it's for the one percent, the one percent who is like, yes, my person does

00:37:55.400 all of this.

00:37:56.360 Or I was talking about this with my hairstylist, Sarah, and a friend of hers who came over

00:38:00.960 while I was watching some of this.

00:38:02.940 And they were both saying, I'm like, maybe the women in this town, like will, will, will

00:38:09.360 produce a birthday party like that, or we'll make a meal like that.

00:38:13.580 But I don't think so.

00:38:14.600 Because the women I know in this town are actually active moms.

00:38:18.040 They are bringing their kids to school.

00:38:19.740 They are making their own dinner.

00:38:21.040 They don't have eight hours to freaking prepare that meal.

00:38:24.240 Right.

00:38:24.440 They've got to do the household stuff.

00:38:26.020 They've got to go to the grocery store.

00:38:27.100 So who is it for?

00:38:28.600 And one of the gals was saying it's for the staff of women like that in like the next

00:38:34.380 level communities where I guess everybody has a cook who can sit around all day watching

00:38:40.640 Meghan Markle and her fancy chef show them how to parboil chicken and then brine chicken

00:38:47.720 and then work for eight hours to make little chicken wings, which most of us making fried

00:38:53.580 chicken would just stick in some Crisco and fry.

00:38:57.360 Right.

00:38:57.740 Right.

00:38:57.900 And some breadcrumbs and you're done.

00:38:59.820 Right.

00:39:00.500 That's if you're not buying them pre-made because that's even easier.

00:39:03.300 The thing about that show too is, okay, I think it was episode two again or no, it was

00:39:08.260 episode one.

00:39:08.880 It was with Daniel.

00:39:11.220 May he rest.

00:39:15.300 She's making some sort of Italian dish.

00:39:18.220 I'm sure the Italian in you would find this very-

00:39:21.120 I pass no judgment on cooking.

00:39:22.460 Oh, really?

00:39:22.820 Okay, fair enough.

00:39:24.160 But, you know, it's like she's got this Le Creuset white pot, right?

00:39:28.460 Which, by the way, Mindy made the rookie error of calling it Le Creuset.

00:39:33.220 Right, right.

00:39:33.700 It's like, is it foyer or foyer?

00:39:35.820 You'll be tossed out if you, you know.

00:39:38.140 So, and Meghan, of course, had to correct her, which is another thing you don't do.

00:39:41.760 You don't correct your guest's pronunciation of something.

00:39:44.340 Either way, that would be a nice thing.

00:39:45.960 Like, whatever, who cares?

00:39:47.120 Right.

00:39:47.620 But no, and Mindy was like, oh, well, some of us have been to Europe.

00:39:50.040 Like, she got a couple of digs in.

00:39:51.680 Yeah.

00:39:52.600 But, so it's this white, like, crusade.

00:39:54.900 And there is not a splatter of anything on anything.

00:39:59.880 Like, everything is immaculate.

00:40:02.420 And she's in the all-white outfit.

00:40:03.960 And she's in the all-white, and she's not really wearing an apron, and there is, nothing is spilled.

00:40:10.380 Nothing is mistakenly put anywhere.

00:40:13.560 And it just goes to the absolute, utter artifice of this woman.

00:40:17.660 I just think, I think, you know, the last time we talked about her, I said, I do think there's something very dark about her.

00:40:25.240 And I think that this reaction, I mean, we're laughing about it, because a lot of it is funny.

00:40:30.380 But the reaction that a lot of us are having, which is a complete and utter recoil, is, I do think, this sort of built-in evolutionary response to somebody who does not seem quite right.

00:40:43.900 Like, I look at her, and I think, to myself, only my opinion, this is a dangerous person.

00:40:49.500 I don't like her.

00:40:50.400 That's what everybody says.

00:40:51.500 Yeah.

00:40:51.720 Everybody who works for her quits.

00:40:53.640 Everybody says she's a bully.

00:40:55.220 She's very nasty.

00:40:56.540 Not only is she incredibly controlling, but she's a bitch about it to everybody who works for her.

00:41:01.000 When things inevitably start spiraling downward, she blames everyone but herself.

00:41:05.860 Okay, wait, I wanted to rewind, because there's so many points.

00:41:09.060 She's big into these crudités boards, veggies.

00:41:13.240 Oh, yeah.

00:41:13.960 And or fruit.

00:41:15.060 And this was one of the most every, every mother out there will understand.

00:41:19.420 She wants us to put together a fruit crudités board for our children in the morning.

00:41:28.980 Now, look, Maureen.

00:41:31.440 I can't.

00:41:32.660 Look at this.

00:41:33.300 I can't.

00:41:33.800 I can't.

00:41:34.280 It is huge.

00:41:36.040 It starts with strawberries, and then it has raspberries, and then it has apricots, and then it has mandarin oranges, and then it has pineapples, and then it has blueberries, and then it has blueberries.

00:41:46.160 And then you finish it up with dollops of yogurt.

00:41:49.260 Now, I literally, I want, I'd love to have a running clock, and how long it would take me to go, let's do something fancy, Whole Foods, right?

00:41:57.560 Where, like, you get the true organic.

00:41:58.680 To go and shop for, what's that, eight fruits?

00:42:02.560 Get all the fruits.

00:42:03.880 Get them home.

00:42:04.820 Wash them.

00:42:05.680 Let them dry up.

00:42:06.920 Cut them all up.

00:42:08.060 Cutting, like, teeny tiny apricot pieces up.

00:42:11.120 Not to mention pineapples, which is a pain in the ass.

00:42:13.240 Oh, and then bananas, too.

00:42:14.060 I forgot she added those as well.

00:42:15.920 And then laying them out, and she's like, if you don't have time to do this big thing, you can just do it, like, a single plate style.

00:42:22.500 That alone, with all I just said, with cutting, and buying, and cleaning, and chopping, would be probably an hour.

00:42:30.020 Who, my warning is, like, here is a piece of toast.

00:42:35.540 I am Martha Stewart.

00:42:37.400 You're welcome.

00:42:38.500 When my guest comes, I had a guest come over last night, because they came to see Marley at the play.

00:42:42.320 And I was, my own Martha, I gave them a glass of water as they went to bed.

00:42:47.940 You're welcome.

00:42:48.720 I'm, like, hostess with the mostest.

00:42:50.420 Who the hell is putting corn on the cob in the microwave to pop their own popcorn, and making the bows, and then doing the fruit platter extravaganza for their children?

00:43:01.620 And she says, you know, because I'm a busy mom, and this is how mornings are as I get the kids off to school.

00:43:07.260 You're making fruit parfait crudite bars?

00:43:10.460 Oh, my God.

00:43:11.140 Like, boom.

00:43:11.340 She is so full of shit.

00:43:13.040 That platter, by the way, is, like, half the size of your desk.

00:43:16.320 It's like, it's like a football field for a child.

00:43:18.620 It's enormous.

00:43:19.700 And, you know, sticky little kids do not keep things orderly.

00:43:24.160 As a matter of course, they do not.

00:43:26.060 This is my other favorite thing, speaking of how much free time does she have?

00:43:29.500 Because she has the kind of free time that would make me enter intensive therapy.

00:43:36.260 I didn't know where that was going.

00:43:37.620 She talks about, she's sitting down at a desk, and she's making out her menu for the big party that she's going to have.

00:43:45.640 It all feels very Real Housewives.

00:43:47.100 Like, the final episode.

00:43:48.720 Stand by.

00:43:49.120 Should we have this, I think?

00:43:50.240 Okay.

00:43:50.360 So we have this.

00:43:51.260 Is this not six, you guys?

00:43:52.920 We'll watch it.

00:43:53.460 Anything that I can do with handwriting, I think, adds a personal touch.

00:43:57.980 Let's write a menu, folks.

00:44:01.660 So when you have unlined paper, you can use a template that can at least keep your lines straight.

00:44:06.760 No matter how straight you believe that you write, it's always helpful to have a template.

00:44:10.660 Use a soft pencil, because you're going to erase those lines, obviously, after you've written everything in.

00:44:17.160 First things first.

00:44:18.140 Heirloom, tomato, quiche with fresh basil.

00:44:20.100 I always do those little scrolls.

00:44:25.080 I don't know why.

00:44:26.420 In school, I got an A- in penmanship class.

00:44:30.120 But you know what?

00:44:30.920 I was like, I'll take the minus for a little bit of character.

00:44:34.740 Oh, good God.

00:44:35.800 Keep going.

00:44:36.480 She got an A- in penmanship.

00:44:37.980 She's clearly not over it.

00:44:39.740 We're not doing straight A's all the way.

00:44:42.020 It's an epic fail.

00:44:43.660 She's hand lining in soft pencil lines in her notebook instead of buying a notebook.

00:44:48.420 And you can buy a very expensive notebook.

00:44:50.100 Go buy a Smithson, spend $400 on that line notebook.

00:44:54.040 But no, she's got to line it herself.

00:44:55.680 Again, what kind of time do you have?

00:44:57.800 Then she's doing that infuriating calligraphy.

00:45:00.600 I know.

00:45:01.140 Was she 12?

00:45:01.860 I know.

00:45:02.340 I took a calligraphy class when I was 12.

00:45:04.700 It was a way to kill some time.

00:45:06.460 I didn't think it was going to be a life skill I would take into middle age.

00:45:09.740 And then she's writing.

00:45:11.340 She's saying, this is a no fuss.

00:45:12.600 She literally says, Megan, this is a no fuss menu.

00:45:15.340 Oh, right.

00:45:15.800 She's within the reach of anybody.

00:45:17.480 As she writes, like, whole wheat toast with estate honey.

00:45:24.140 Estate honey.

00:45:25.340 Honey from her goddamn estate.

00:45:27.360 She's obsessed with her honey.

00:45:28.580 But she's obsessed that she's growing it on an estate in a manner that we can't see because we're just the great unwashed who are tuning in to supposedly, you know, just royal ourselves in envy and feeling like failures because we don't have mini scissors.

00:45:45.220 That's the goal to deploy with our huge freaking basket in our backyard garden that looks like Central fucking park.

00:45:53.860 You've never seen anything so beautiful and enormous.

00:45:56.760 No, I laugh because then, of course, she's got the French pressed coffee, you know, like the perfect everything.

00:46:02.260 Literally this morning when our guests were here, I confess I'm not even good at making coffee.

00:46:07.960 I'm seriously bad in the kitchen.

00:46:09.680 People know this about me.

00:46:10.580 And normally, now Doug and I have a coffee maker in our bedroom now.

00:46:14.820 That's how we start our day.

00:46:16.440 But we do have one in the kitchen.

00:46:18.080 And now we had a guest.

00:46:18.940 So I had to make the coffee down in the kitchen.

00:46:20.500 And it's kind of a highfalutin coffee machine.

00:46:23.020 I don't totally understand it, to be honest.

00:46:24.840 I'll take a picture and I'll post it.

00:46:27.060 Well, let's just say it didn't go well.

00:46:28.740 I don't know how I screwed up making coffee, Maureen.

00:46:30.800 But next thing I knew, it sounded like it was brewing.

00:46:32.980 Next thing I knew, it started to bubble out of, like, the part where you put the grinds in.

00:46:37.460 Like, it started to bubble out of the top.

00:46:38.720 And I was like, whoa.

00:46:39.300 So I pulled it and, like, hot coffee went all over with the ground, all over the counter and the floor.

00:46:47.280 And, like, for some reason, it didn't drip.

00:46:49.160 It didn't drip into the carafe.

00:46:50.980 But, like, this is me.

00:46:51.720 I'm just looking at her in her white, her French press and her perfectly made donuts and her, you know, fruit, crudités, whatever.

00:46:58.540 And there I am.

00:46:59.600 Like, I can't even make a damn coffee.

00:47:01.400 Now, I realize most women are better than I am.

00:47:02.940 But, and by the way, speaking of how I am, my team has apparently put together a little highlight reel of how, and I know I'm not alone.

00:47:11.180 I am not the only woman who is this way.

00:47:12.600 But just so you know what, full disclosure, this is how I am.

00:47:17.080 Give it that.

00:47:17.900 The more butter, the better.

00:47:18.920 The more butter, the better.

00:47:20.400 All right.

00:47:20.580 That's it.

00:47:20.980 And then it goes to the skillet.

00:47:21.900 We're going to place those right in there.

00:47:23.020 Oh, it's not going well already.

00:47:26.720 I got rid of the skin.

00:47:28.020 Oh, that's kind of gross.

00:47:29.060 You put them in there, too.

00:47:29.820 What's that?

00:47:30.320 These are carrots.

00:47:31.880 No, no.

00:47:32.800 I know.

00:47:33.080 There.

00:47:34.300 Time.

00:47:35.140 Yes.

00:47:35.340 This confuses me.

00:47:40.700 Oh, God.

00:47:43.820 You might get a little skin, a little blood in there.

00:47:45.780 It makes it taste better.

00:47:46.680 What?

00:47:46.960 You know how that goes.

00:47:48.060 What do I press on the food processor?

00:47:49.980 On?

00:47:50.760 You can do it.

00:47:51.780 When I'm serving breakfast and I want to make an omelet, how do I make it a flat, white

00:47:55.960 omelet instead of an enormous, fluffy, yellow omelet, which I don't like?

00:47:59.400 Well, if you want white versus yellow, you take the yolks out.

00:48:02.640 We should do some one-on-one.

00:48:04.020 It's going to be good.

00:48:04.540 We're going to do some personal training.

00:48:06.100 Oh, God.

00:48:06.780 I'm getting called in for extra help.

00:48:12.760 There was so many epic fails.

00:48:14.300 There was one.

00:48:15.000 I tried to, like, make a stuffed turkey.

00:48:18.640 Yeah.

00:48:18.900 And I had to take the stuff, like, the stuff out of the turkey.

00:48:22.020 It was, is that a video?

00:48:23.580 Do you guys have a video of that?

00:48:25.840 All right.

00:48:26.360 Hang on.

00:48:26.880 It's coming.

00:48:28.100 My team is ready.

00:48:29.160 They're ready for today.

00:48:30.060 Watch it.

00:48:35.580 It's a chicken.

00:48:37.640 It's so gross.

00:48:38.920 My hands are inside of it.

00:48:42.640 It's disgusting.

00:48:43.480 Look, look, look how gross it is.

00:48:47.680 Look away.

00:48:55.100 I would love to see you add, like, a little cooking something to your, your programming and, like, put it up against Meghan Markle.

00:49:03.560 No, you and I are going to recreate the Meghan Markle extravaganza.

00:49:08.320 It's happening.

00:49:09.620 And rule number one, you will hear us actually ask a question of the other person that is about the other person that isn't all fishing for a compliment about one's self.

00:49:21.320 Correct.

00:49:21.780 We have a little SOT montage of that.

00:49:24.340 Here's SOT two.

00:49:25.180 I got to set early to make you a frittata.

00:49:28.800 Then, while it was cooking, I'm reading what a yogurt parfait.

00:49:35.000 It's the same thing that you would give your kids, right?

00:49:37.780 It just looks a little bit more darling.

00:49:40.180 Do you believe my little donuts?

00:49:41.780 You guys, I made those for you.

00:49:43.900 You bake them from scratch?

00:49:45.200 Yes.

00:49:45.500 Oh, that's nice.

00:49:46.440 I have some treats for you to take home.

00:49:47.860 Oh.

00:49:49.240 I made dog biscuits for Nina.

00:49:51.480 For Nina.

00:49:52.480 Of course.

00:49:52.860 We had our sun tea, so I made you some.

00:49:55.160 Oh, sun tea.

00:49:56.140 Yes.

00:49:56.540 And they're different ones that you and the girls can do together.

00:49:59.380 And also some raspberry preserves.

00:50:02.520 You know, when I come to your house, you're like, give me some coffee, give me some coffee, give me some coffee.

00:50:05.860 Because I'm a coffee holly.

00:50:07.020 You know, coffee.

00:50:08.020 And you're like, give me some cream.

00:50:09.220 And so I thought, how can I make the cream that you love?

00:50:13.660 So I did a little bit of condensed milk and a little bit of half and half and added some nice vanilla bean paste and frothed it up.

00:50:21.160 Oh, my gosh.

00:50:21.800 And I think you're going to, I think you're going to love it.

00:50:25.300 Look what I did for you.

00:50:26.660 I got to set early.

00:50:28.020 I made you this.

00:50:29.120 This is exactly how I did it.

00:50:30.540 I spared no expense.

00:50:31.880 And did I mention my flower sprinkles, which are all over every episode as if any of us has the ability to make a fucking flower sprinkle jar?

00:50:41.700 What is that?

00:50:42.560 That's merchandise hawking.

00:50:44.040 She wants us to go to her website and buy her stupid flower sprinkles, which is not a thing.

00:50:49.060 All right, stand by.

00:50:50.300 I have to take a quick break.

00:50:51.420 We're not done, weirdly, but it's Friday.

00:50:53.780 Let's have a fun.

00:50:54.740 All right, stand by.

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00:52:27.420 One of the great things is she talks about gift bags for children.

00:52:36.040 And she's like, you know, parents really love a gift bag for a child.

00:52:38.480 Okay.

00:52:38.880 Parents may love when their children receive one.

00:52:41.160 I don't know those parents.

00:52:42.420 Most of us are like, why did you give my child all these things that they could choke on?

00:52:46.660 And that's just going to clog up my non-existing junk drawers.

00:52:49.260 But she claims parents love it.

00:52:52.720 And by the way, the gift bags are the bane of my existence.

00:52:56.840 Thank God my children have aged out of that phase of life.

00:52:59.960 But I object to them on a fundamental level.

00:53:03.220 I have invited you to my child's party.

00:53:05.840 You know, we got a bouncy castle.

00:53:07.760 I gave you cake and a ton of pizza and like maybe a magician, whatever you do.

00:53:13.300 Why are you getting anything more than that?

00:53:15.420 You give me a gift.

00:53:16.640 My kid gets a gift.

00:53:17.800 I don't have to give you a gift.

00:53:18.940 Why am I giving your kid a gift?

00:53:20.280 I gave him all his entertainment.

00:53:21.480 I took him for the afternoon.

00:53:22.700 I plunged him full of food and good times.

00:53:25.440 And then on top of it, I have to give him a present.

00:53:27.340 It makes no sense.

00:53:28.640 It's just another thing for the host of the birthday party to have to do.

00:53:31.080 So I'm against them.

00:53:32.280 Of course she's not.

00:53:34.060 And so she talks about how to prepare the perfect gift bag for your child and your child's friends.

00:53:42.000 And here is a bit of that.

00:53:44.960 I think a gift bag is important.

00:53:48.180 The guest experience starts young.

00:53:50.620 If there's a garden theme, then let's really go with it and try to inspire them to want to get their hands in the dirt and grow something, watch it grow.

00:53:59.020 A little mini gardening tools.

00:54:02.560 Our kids have real sets.

00:54:04.840 They take their gardening seriously.

00:54:06.760 Great.

00:54:06.920 I think it's nice to give kids some seeds that they can plant.

00:54:09.480 Things that they can watch grow easily and pick from.

00:54:13.420 So sugar snap peas and some sweet basil.

00:54:19.200 What are we missing?

00:54:21.380 Something sweet.

00:54:23.100 Manuka honey stick.

00:54:24.180 Great.

00:54:25.200 Oh my God.

00:54:25.980 I always have these in my house.

00:54:28.180 I'll just sit it in there so it can actually be featured a little bit more.

00:54:31.140 And then she does her calligraphied name tags and little mini bees as an homage to her beehive on every bag.

00:54:43.800 Okay.

00:54:44.380 First of all, to your point about you've done it all, why do you have to give these people and these little people more gifts?

00:54:50.580 Right.

00:54:50.800 That's 100% correct, but you're not a malignant narcissist who needs to have other mommies marvel that you then put together this other gift bag that Meghan Markle thinks is going to form a core memory of like miniature garden tools, crap from China, basically.

00:55:10.960 Yes.

00:55:11.160 And what's better for small people than little sticks of things that are sweet, that are sharp, that you can just shove in your mouth or in your eye or God knows what.

00:55:20.380 The little garden tools?

00:55:21.500 I'm like, your one toddler would use that against the other toddlers like that.

00:55:25.520 That's it.

00:55:26.020 Next thing you know, somebody's lost an eye.

00:55:27.200 Lights out.

00:55:28.260 She's out of her mind.

00:55:29.800 I know.

00:55:30.380 Oh my God.

00:55:31.240 This was the other thing about like the, anyway, I'm, I'm, there was so much going on, but it had to do with the parties and the kids and her.

00:55:41.580 With Mindy and, um, oh, oh, oh, it was her talk.

00:55:45.200 So there's much talk in this about, um, you know, I think it had to do with a vase she was working on or something.

00:55:52.140 It's like, you know, broken things, broken things are worth something, Megan.

00:55:56.300 Oh God.

00:55:57.000 Broken things.

00:55:58.420 Sometimes they're better for being broken.

00:56:00.820 And then when you repair them, you see a beauty in a different way, or they're making a cake.

00:56:07.100 Oh, that was episode one.

00:56:08.560 The icing on the inside.

00:56:10.120 It's, she's pretty on the inside.

00:56:12.560 She's pretty.

00:56:13.120 You got like, don't just like, just don't, don't just love Megan Sussex, excuse me, for her physical appearance, but appreciate everything that she goes through internally for all of us.

00:56:24.900 She's beautiful on the inside where it counts.

00:56:27.400 Dig deep and you'll find it.

00:56:28.720 Yeah.

00:56:28.860 There was a line there that I was like, what did they just say?

00:56:31.420 It was Daniel, sweet Daniel.

00:56:33.180 It says something about that cake, which I actually wrote down.

00:56:35.720 Cause I was like, what?

00:56:36.540 That was like subversive.

00:56:38.260 Um, hold on a second.

00:56:42.060 Uh, she's an all white, the kid, the cake.

00:56:45.900 First of all, he apologizes for having to taste something that would, that they were making together.

00:56:49.280 And you can see, she shoots him a look like, Oh, he snuck a taste of the jam.

00:56:53.800 Yes.

00:56:54.120 The preserves.

00:56:55.120 Off of a spoon that she had given him that he was supposed to use to spoon it like into the, I don't know.

00:57:01.100 Whatever the catch all is that the pastry, whatever she's making, she seems like the most fun mom.

00:57:05.500 Don't you think?

00:57:05.800 Oh God.

00:57:06.220 You could see her like, it's fine.

00:57:08.600 It's no problem.

00:57:09.800 I'll get you another one.

00:57:10.500 Another scene.

00:57:11.240 She drops a blueberry and she's like, Oh, dropped a blueberry.

00:57:15.100 Like, okay.

00:57:17.360 Calm down.

00:57:18.380 You're fine.

00:57:19.260 Hold on.

00:57:19.840 He says, Oh, about the cake.

00:57:21.700 You just don't know how good she is until you cut her open.

00:57:26.860 I'm like, Whoa, what's going on there?

00:57:30.000 And then I made a mark.

00:57:31.360 I will have jazz piano playing while serving all cake in the future.

00:57:34.820 Like, okay.

00:57:35.820 Nobody does that.

00:57:37.100 But yeah, those, the little kids party favors were ridiculous.

00:57:40.100 No parent of a, she's got toddlers, very young kids is going to give their kids those mini sharp tools.

00:57:45.940 By the time you get them home, someone will have lost a body part.

00:57:49.140 Um, okay.

00:57:50.840 Here's the other problem for me in this.

00:57:52.700 She gave an interview to people magazine and in the people magazine article, she says she loves like building this safe haven and show with her daughter.

00:58:08.360 Um, and it's part of her as ever brand.

00:58:11.520 And she says, being able to have my own little girl, as I've spent so much of my life championing the rights of girls and women.

00:58:20.640 And to be able to see this as a multi-generational story, Archie is of course included in that.

00:58:26.200 My, my husband is of course included in that, but I love the heritage feeling of it.

00:58:30.980 And knowing this is something that I can create in front of my daughter and teach her what it's like to be a working mom.

00:58:38.940 Um, this is not what it's like to be a working mom.

00:58:45.200 What it's like to be a working mom is to come downstairs with no makeup on.

00:58:50.540 You're barely out of your pajamas and you're like, did you eat?

00:58:54.420 Let's go.

00:58:55.360 You're like, get your backpack.

00:58:57.380 Come on.

00:58:58.140 If you do this again, I'm not bringing it to you at school.

00:59:01.040 Let's go.

00:59:02.060 Good.

00:59:02.660 Right.

00:59:03.140 Get some, get, grab anything.

00:59:05.200 Doesn't matter what the sugar content is that this is such a farce.

00:59:09.680 Nevermind dinner.

00:59:11.160 Like I was saying, you know, it's like this guy comes some professional chef.

00:59:14.720 You're making the multi-sauced chicken wings.

00:59:17.980 It's like, as you point out, you want chicken wings.

00:59:20.140 There's only one way we all get chicken wings.

00:59:21.780 We all fucking order chicken wings.

00:59:23.420 That's what we do.

00:59:24.060 You go to Grubhub.

00:59:24.780 Yes, exactly right.

00:59:26.220 Grubhub.

00:59:26.680 This is maybe the only authentic thing that she has let slip, which is that the help does everything.

00:59:32.360 Yes.

00:59:32.820 The nannies that we do not see, much as on, there are some parallels, by the way, with the Baldwin's reality show.

00:59:38.080 Yes, which we'll get to.

00:59:38.940 You know, but like the nannies we don't see are the ones rousing these children, feeding these children, getting them dressed, taking them to school.

00:59:46.800 Do you remember, was it like New York Magazine?

00:59:49.520 I forget which profile it was, where Megan made this very big show about picking up Archie from school.

00:59:56.740 Yes.

00:59:57.300 The deep hug.

00:59:58.480 Wasn't it her special?

00:59:59.560 It was their first Netflix special, I thought.

01:00:02.120 Perhaps.

01:00:02.440 Perhaps.

01:00:02.760 Remember, she was like, and we donate a backpack or we give food out of our curated backpacks to random homeless people on the way to school.

01:00:09.820 Yes, except she sent the driver out of the car to give it.

01:00:13.280 You don't go near a homeless person.

01:00:14.600 You're not Megan Sussex and go near an actual homeless person.

01:00:17.460 Well, how about she's talking about how she goes to yoga now, and that was in, oh, that was on Drew Barrymore.

01:00:24.960 Is that a soundbite?

01:00:26.080 Do we have that?

01:00:27.200 Oh, it was people?

01:00:27.780 Okay, I can't keep track of it.

01:00:29.020 Yeah, but she's talking about how she goes to yoga classes that sometimes have 40 to 50 people in them now.

01:00:34.840 And then I just walk in like, hi, she says, laughing.

01:00:38.160 Of course, at the beginning, that felt like a lot, a lot.

01:00:42.160 By the way, I think anyone walking into a yoga class with 50 people and everyone looks up, it's going to feel a little uncomfortable.

01:00:48.260 But now I love it.

01:00:49.300 It's the best.

01:00:50.000 I had missed it.

01:00:51.160 Okay, so she's just, you know, it's a lot for her to go into the yoga class when everybody looks up at her.

01:00:58.500 She loves it.

01:00:59.660 This is why she wanted to partner with Harry.

01:01:03.140 So she would become as famous as Harry and be the darling of the world.

01:01:06.560 But now she wants us to see that it's a burden for her until she could really get over this ostracizing fame and be seen as a woman of the people.

01:01:15.260 And now she's accepted.

01:01:16.660 Okay, no one believes that.

01:01:18.440 And then she goes on, okay, then she goes on Drew Barrymore.

01:01:23.200 And she, okay, I want to get my sots together.

01:01:27.080 She talks about, okay, this is the moment, sot eight, that we want to see.

01:01:36.180 Let's play it.

01:01:37.660 What's your favorite thing that you see in your kids that you go, oh, that's their dad?

01:01:44.900 Like, oh, some of the words that they still say with a British accent.

01:01:49.920 So they'll say zebra.

01:01:51.780 And what else do they say?

01:01:53.820 They have these little moments where it comes out because they have very American accents, but they say words that are just like him.

01:01:59.360 And I think it's adorable.

01:02:00.940 Zebra is a good one.

01:02:02.600 Instead of zebra.

01:02:03.460 Here's more, sot 12.

01:02:04.360 I always make it a point when I'm traveling if I can't do bedtime stories with my kids because Archie and Lily are just three and five.

01:02:13.920 So I'll always pack a really thin book and I'll videotape myself reading it so whoever's with them or Papa can say, here's Mama reading your bedtime story.

01:02:22.140 You find ways to show up for each other.

01:02:24.200 And if that's the one thing that I can convey through the show or through As Ever as a brand, I want people to know you can show up for each other because you know how good it feels when someone shows up for you.

01:02:33.240 So thank you for having me.

01:02:34.880 Okay.

01:02:35.940 So, again, this is not how any normal working mom.

01:02:39.760 She's not a working mom.

01:02:40.720 What is she working at?

01:02:41.820 She's done this special and she did that other lame podcast, like 12 episodes.

01:02:46.440 That's it.

01:02:47.660 Someone does all the work.

01:02:48.900 Literally, somebody has bought the Le Creuset.

01:02:52.560 Somebody has prepared the chicken.

01:02:54.520 Someone has cut the vegetables and the fruit for her.

01:02:56.740 She hasn't touched a thing except for those probably two hours a day she's on camera to do these ridiculous faux photo shoots.

01:03:04.920 But somehow I found time to record myself reading a thin book to the children.

01:03:09.960 This is ridiculous, Maureen.

01:03:11.420 So my favorite thing in those clips is when she's talking to Drew and she's got this patented expression down, which is like the eyebrows go up, the eyes go up.

01:03:21.640 We're just sort of talking in terms of hope and optimism.

01:03:25.560 But I'm also telling you something that's so fucking obvious that I think you're all stupid for not getting that family members show up for each other.

01:03:33.400 However you do it, you know, you don't have to pack a thin little book when you're flying private.

01:03:39.160 By the way, it's not like she's lugging right luggage overhead in that little tiny cabin.

01:03:43.760 Right.

01:03:43.880 My favorite story that came out right before this Netflix shit show dropped was that WME's Ari Emanuel had dropped her.

01:03:54.400 Yeah.

01:03:54.600 He was done with her.

01:03:55.580 And apparently it was because she threw yet another fit.

01:03:58.600 Yes.

01:03:58.880 This is all reportedly that his staff hadn't come up with decks and plans for her new shows.

01:04:06.340 Right.

01:04:06.620 They were all supposed to do the conceptualizing, the execution of the vision, what the show was going to look like, what it was going to be about, the very premise of it.

01:04:15.200 It's not what an agent does.

01:04:16.500 She's going to do it.

01:04:17.140 Like she doesn't want to do it.

01:04:18.620 And thirdly, I saw that clip of the Drew Barrymore show in real time, and I was watching the audience response.

01:04:25.700 The faces of the women in the audience.

01:04:27.560 This was a multi-ethnic group, white women, black women, middle aged.

01:04:32.600 And every time they cut to them after Megan issued another Beaumont, their faces were like, what the fuck?

01:04:38.960 Well, that's, that's, that's the other thing.

01:04:40.520 Can I just say, like, you're watching her.

01:04:42.140 She made such a big deal out of like her race and the royal family's racism.

01:04:46.200 And everybody's worried about how brown the babies are allegedly going to be, which of course, you know, turned out to be bullshit because then Harry walked it all back.

01:04:53.180 But I'm like, this person looks whiter than I am.

01:04:56.580 Like how, and she even said when her race became an, like, it was never an issue.

01:05:00.980 She never thought of herself as black.

01:05:02.440 Right.

01:05:02.640 But then when it became convenient, when we had Black Lives Matter and George Floyd, now suddenly she's leaning into her black lineage as though she's really suffered the American story.

01:05:12.300 It's, that's a bullshit lie too.

01:05:14.200 Where's the soul food on the show?

01:05:15.680 Yeah.

01:05:16.000 Right.

01:05:16.220 The only soul we're getting is the Motown soundtrack.

01:05:18.880 Everything else is Anglo-Saxon, white American culture.

01:05:22.660 It's WASP.

01:05:23.380 It's one percentage privilege.

01:05:25.080 That's it.

01:05:25.800 That's all she is.

01:05:27.140 Okay.

01:05:27.440 So that's enough of her because it was fun, but we have to move on.

01:05:31.280 Yeah.

01:05:31.720 That's what they said, by the way, just to put some, some more details to that.

01:05:36.260 New York Post, page six, reporting she's been dropped by WME, Ari Emanuel's agency.

01:05:41.120 WME says it is still working with her, but in very benign, vanilla terms.

01:05:46.480 So I actually believe the report.

01:05:48.140 All they said was WME continues to represent Meghan and Archwell.

01:05:51.960 Now there would be more typically if you had a report that was that wrong.

01:05:56.020 Yeah.

01:05:56.120 Um, because the report by page six is very detailed saying, um, an insider said she was

01:06:01.000 let go.

01:06:01.460 She was too demanding.

01:06:02.320 She is difficult to work with.

01:06:03.640 They talked about that, that outburst in January of 2024, right after the holidays, demanding

01:06:08.640 a meeting, expected decks and plans.

01:06:10.760 Unclear if this is for herself or Archwell, but this led to a dispute.

01:06:13.940 Ari Emanuel was done with her.

01:06:15.260 The incident was confirmed by yet another source and yet another Hollywood source told us, quote,

01:06:19.480 I don't know what those projects are, but WME is definitely not working on Megan's personal

01:06:23.540 business.

01:06:24.140 So this, what, this is what happens to her wherever she goes.

01:06:27.300 People wind up distancing herself because she's annoying and she's a bully and she's highly

01:06:32.860 unpleasant.

01:06:33.220 And as they said in the London times in, um, uh, February 6th article, quote, she had a

01:06:40.980 Messiah complex.

01:06:42.440 According to one of the couple's former staffers, she was focused on how she could become the

01:06:47.720 best known and most loved member of the Royal family.

01:06:51.200 And when she realized she couldn't, she peaced out.

01:06:54.260 Okay.

01:06:55.580 American royalty, Alec Baldwin and Hilaria, or is that Spanish royalty?

01:07:01.000 Unclear.

01:07:01.460 I, I don't know.

01:07:03.520 Um, when everybody was looking elsewhere, they decided to launch a reality show of their

01:07:09.800 own, which is just so weird given the fact that like the biggest thing he's been in the

01:07:13.740 news for has been killing a woman.

01:07:15.580 It seems like kind of odd timing.

01:07:18.200 Um, but here's just a little taste of the show.

01:07:22.360 Um, she was asked about her fake accents, which is a good thing to be asked about.

01:07:28.380 And here's what she said.

01:07:29.400 It's not 17.

01:07:31.180 I want to teach my kids pride in speaking more than one language.

01:07:34.520 I think just growing up and speaking two languages is extremely special.

01:07:39.580 Love English.

01:07:40.500 I also love Spanish.

01:07:42.360 And when I mix the two, it doesn't make me inauthentic.

01:07:45.340 When I mix the two, that makes me normal.

01:07:47.040 We are a mix of all these different things.

01:07:50.780 And that's going to have an impact on how we sound and are an impact on how we articulate

01:07:54.880 things and the words that we choose and our mannerisms.

01:07:58.760 That's normal.

01:08:01.060 Okay.

01:08:01.600 No one ever gave her a hard time for mixing the two.

01:08:04.740 Uh, people who are truly fluent in two languages sometimes will mix a word in here.

01:08:08.820 Right.

01:08:08.960 It's pretending that you forgot your English words that we've given like this famous, infamous

01:08:15.520 video.

01:08:16.180 It's just six seconds, not 20.

01:08:18.540 We have very few ingredients.

01:08:20.180 We have tomatoes.

01:08:21.580 We have, um, what do you say in English?

01:08:24.320 Cucumber.

01:08:24.860 Cucumbers.

01:08:25.220 How do you say in English?

01:08:27.720 Oh, cucumber.

01:08:30.000 She.

01:08:30.680 Hillary.

01:08:31.540 Told us she was from Spain.

01:08:33.780 Alec Baldwin used to go on like Letterman, Kimmel all the time and be like, you know,

01:08:37.740 my wife is from Spain.

01:08:38.560 That's right.

01:08:38.860 Like this conferred some sort of specialness on that.

01:08:40.660 And he would imitate her with a Spanish accent.

01:08:42.400 With a Spanish accent.

01:08:43.360 So I want to know, like if I'm producing this show and I'm giving Alec Baldwin income that

01:08:48.800 he so badly needs because he's uninsurable at this point.

01:08:52.140 Yeah.

01:08:52.400 He cannot get a job.

01:08:53.180 I'm, I'm, I want the answers.

01:08:56.400 I want to know, Alec, when did, did you learn that your wife was really a white woman from

01:09:01.180 Boston?

01:09:01.760 Was it with the rest of us?

01:09:03.020 Very privileged Tony school.

01:09:04.600 Right.

01:09:04.880 Was it with the rest of us when we learned it?

01:09:06.760 Because there's a moment in episode one or maybe two where they're doing a confessional

01:09:11.420 on the couch and Hillary's always barefoot.

01:09:13.060 It's very creepy.

01:09:13.760 I don't want to see your bare feet, but I guess she thinks it makes her relatable.

01:09:17.460 She's talking and she starts talking at a fast clip and she's rolling her R's and doing

01:09:22.600 that stuff and he doesn't even look at her.

01:09:25.180 He looks in her direction and he says to her, you are speaking English in a Spanish cadence

01:09:31.020 and I need you to slow it down because that is always very perilous for me.

01:09:35.560 There's so much in that statement.

01:09:37.200 Right.

01:09:37.500 That is just like, holy crap.

01:09:40.960 All the kids have Spanish names.

01:09:42.960 Yep.

01:09:45.160 Alec Baldwin seems like, I mean, it's definitely like a filet of dew, but he just seems like

01:09:51.540 he's trapped.

01:09:52.360 Like the eye bags are like down to here.

01:09:55.180 Like they're down to here.

01:09:56.680 He's telling a story about in his twenties, he was like rooming with some friend who had

01:10:02.240 a cat.

01:10:02.660 He had this extremely allergic reaction to the cat, wound up in the emergency room.

01:10:07.020 He told this to Hilaria.

01:10:08.540 The next day she comes home with four cats.

01:10:11.180 What?

01:10:12.220 Four cats, Megan.

01:10:13.400 And he's telling the story and the reaction shot, which is a closeup of her.

01:10:17.560 She's like smirking and looking in the camera.

01:10:20.280 Whoa.

01:10:20.760 It's extreme.

01:10:21.520 There's a very dark, dark, twisted dynamic going on.

01:10:25.320 Right.

01:10:25.760 And aside from the children, they have seven children.

01:10:28.640 They have eight pets.

01:10:31.020 Oh my God.

01:10:31.740 So they're living in a duplex in Manhattan, five bedrooms, seven children, four cats, four

01:10:38.820 dogs, at least two nannies.

01:10:40.760 And the two of them, that's 19 people.

01:10:42.700 That is a five-star hotel for migrants in New York, right?

01:10:49.500 Totally.

01:10:50.680 She, I think, look, she's a very odd person.

01:10:54.020 I don't know of another person who pretends they're from another country.

01:10:57.580 That's a strange thing to do.

01:10:58.920 It really is.

01:10:59.400 Like, and she's done it repeatedly.

01:11:00.780 I don't, like, if this is how the series is going to be, where she gets away with, like,

01:11:04.080 not actually addressing the thing, it's going to fail, right?

01:11:06.620 The only way these things work is if you actually press somebody on the controversy and then they

01:11:11.300 say the truth and you have some fun at their expense.

01:11:14.320 That's why the Real Housewives actually work because they're not spared anything.

01:11:18.240 And there's real stakes.

01:11:19.520 Yeah.

01:11:19.720 So here, just because we're on the subject and I love it, here she is in January 2023.

01:11:24.500 It is more than mixing English and Spanish.

01:11:27.760 She is all American.

01:11:29.560 Again, she's from a very nice suburb of Boston and went to a Tony private school there and

01:11:35.760 is not in any way from Spain.

01:11:38.100 Okay?

01:11:38.400 She grew up speaking English.

01:11:39.820 Here she is in SOT 21.

01:11:43.200 I want you guys to realize that we have seven kids and you being here to escort them to school

01:11:51.660 and to be there when they come home is not good.

01:11:55.400 So on a human level, you guys know I'm not going to say anything to you.

01:11:59.920 You know that.

01:12:00.520 So please leave my family in peace and let this all play out.

01:12:07.380 Okay?

01:12:08.120 So let my kids come home and you stay away from them because they asked me,

01:12:13.760 Mommy, what are these people doing?

01:12:17.920 And it's a very hard thing as a mom to try to explain.

01:12:20.780 So please go home because I'm not going to say anything and Alec is not going to say anything.

01:12:26.500 It's ridiculous.

01:12:27.540 You know, she lives for those roadside pressers.

01:12:32.300 Yeah.

01:12:32.460 Do you remember right after the shooting and they were like holed up in Vermont and there

01:12:36.700 was this press pack?

01:12:37.480 That was problematic.

01:12:38.420 And Alec and Hillary got out of the car and Alec had his iPhone like this.

01:12:42.460 He was surreptitiously recording all the media and Hillary got herself into like high dungeon

01:12:49.400 and she was like castigating this media.

01:12:51.560 Like, let's be real.

01:12:52.380 She married Alec Baldwin because of the fame and the money.

01:12:54.840 Of course.

01:12:55.240 She can't be famous on her own.

01:12:56.320 She has nothing to offer much like Meghan Markle.

01:12:58.060 Right.

01:12:58.240 It's very like dual track.

01:13:00.020 Yep.

01:13:01.160 She starts jutting her jaw out and self-righteously yelling at them going, say her name.

01:13:06.900 Her name is Helena.

01:13:07.960 Say her name.

01:13:08.580 Say her.

01:13:08.880 I'm sorry.

01:13:09.280 Your husband's the one who shot this poor woman.

01:13:11.280 So shut up.

01:13:12.060 It's not our fault.

01:13:12.960 And he turns to her and he says, would you just stop it?

01:13:18.260 Like, I'm going to talk to them.

01:13:20.020 This is my press conference.

01:13:21.260 This is my moment.

01:13:22.540 Get out of the frame.

01:13:23.280 She, of course, is love.

01:13:25.180 I mean, she would come on the Today Show all the time trying to promote whatever, like

01:13:29.340 there you saw her doing her cooking.

01:13:31.080 She's just like Meghan Markle trying to build like a lifestyle brand.

01:13:34.560 What's that, Deb?

01:13:35.960 Canadian Debbie's recommending something.

01:13:37.500 Let's watch it.

01:13:37.980 It's not 15.

01:13:38.480 It was a very traumatic thing for everybody that was in that room.

01:13:46.820 I found these text messages the other day between us, you know, the day after.

01:13:52.560 And he said he wanted to kill himself.

01:13:55.020 He'll never be the same.

01:13:56.820 This has affected his health and his mental health tremendously.

01:14:00.160 For the past few years, all of a sudden, he, you know, has started having heart problems.

01:14:04.880 He's been hospitalized multiple times.

01:14:07.320 And I, uh, he's, you know, he's fainted.

01:14:11.980 And he just, and everybody's just screaming.

01:14:15.040 I'm going on top and I'm shaking him.

01:14:19.240 So Alec has been stressed out by the Helena Hutchins situation.

01:14:23.720 That's what she wants us to know.

01:14:24.800 So do we believe that it's the stress around that?

01:14:27.380 I mean, I'm sure he was because he was facing criminal charges, which is stressful.

01:14:30.920 But, you know, when you saw him like in his public interviews, he was very defiant.

01:14:35.400 You know, he wasn't like, please forgive me.

01:14:37.200 My God, this is so odd.

01:14:38.280 He was defiant and angry.

01:14:41.000 So this must be a rehabilitation show, right?

01:14:43.400 Like where they're trying to soften us on him.

01:14:45.340 Yeah.

01:14:45.460 I think it's a hundred percent a rehabilitation show, by the way, using their minor children

01:14:49.040 who have really no say in making their lives.

01:14:52.240 They're very emotionally chaotic lives public.

01:14:54.980 Like the little that we are seeing of their elder daughter, Carmen, who Alec helpfully

01:15:00.800 tells us is his do-over for Ireland.

01:15:04.740 Oh my God.

01:15:05.420 And yelling at her in that infamous voicemail.

01:15:07.860 Thoughtless little pig.

01:15:08.900 She was 11.

01:15:10.080 She missed his phone call.

01:15:11.080 She was a thoughtless little, a rude, thoughtless little pig.

01:15:13.860 But Carmen's his do-over.

01:15:15.360 So this is all very emotionally healthy.

01:15:17.140 I will never forget the interview he gave to George Stephanopoulos.

01:15:21.680 Yep.

01:15:22.440 And he sat there.

01:15:23.840 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:15:24.660 I never pulled the trigger.

01:15:25.580 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:15:26.660 Which, by the way, the FBI and every ballistics expert will tell you, like that gun does not

01:15:30.560 get fired without pulling-

01:15:31.320 Oh, by the way, in this show, the other thing that they pathologize that hilarious, hilarious

01:15:36.060 is mouthpiece.

01:15:37.260 He is-

01:15:37.960 She tells us he has severe OCD.

01:15:40.880 You're telling me this guy has severe OCD and he didn't open that fucking gun?

01:15:44.520 I don't buy it.

01:15:46.540 Like, I had real OCD when I was a kid.

01:15:49.020 Like, I know what that's like.

01:15:50.580 And it's out of your control and it's often very much a response of trying to make, like,

01:15:56.740 an emotionally chaotic situation.

01:15:59.160 Like, maybe your parents are out of control emotionally, as mine often were.

01:16:02.820 It's a magical kind of thinking way of trying to make sure everything is okay.

01:16:07.840 You have order.

01:16:08.540 You have order and you have some sort of control.

01:16:11.100 And if you really have that level of OCD, you are double-checking everything.

01:16:17.320 Not just the lid of a garbage can.

01:16:19.420 But like a firearm?

01:16:20.440 But a gun with other people in close proximity.

01:16:23.620 And he goes on George Stephanopoulos and then says to-

01:16:26.500 By the way, his friend from the Hamptons never disclosed.

01:16:28.760 Mm-hmm.

01:16:29.120 Oh.

01:16:29.640 Then says to him, you know what?

01:16:32.480 She's the one who told me to point the trigger at her.

01:16:34.680 She's the one who-

01:16:35.640 I'm sorry, the gun.

01:16:36.380 The gun, yeah.

01:16:36.800 She said, point this right at her, like, what was I to do?

01:16:39.840 That's what she told me.

01:16:40.840 So I did it.

01:16:41.280 Like, actors don't run their own sets.

01:16:43.260 Like, they're not rage egomaniacs.

01:16:45.520 And he was an EP on the whole production as well.

01:16:48.120 A production, by the way, that had seen his entire crew walk off the set over safety concerns

01:16:52.600 that had been launched multiple times.

01:16:54.580 So he is so full of it.

01:16:56.120 What were the symptoms of your OCD?

01:16:59.320 I'm fascinated.

01:17:00.460 It would be, like, thinking anything from, I have a bad thought, and that means something

01:17:05.740 bad is going to happen.

01:17:07.220 You can't get off the thought?

01:17:08.920 Yeah.

01:17:09.580 Like, it can circle.

01:17:11.160 Or, like, I have to check that the oven is off, like, at least five times before I leave

01:17:17.140 the kitchen.

01:17:17.700 Otherwise, there's going to be a fire that, like, I could have prevented.

01:17:22.500 Like, it's a lot of taking on responsibilities or catastrophizing things that just aren't

01:17:31.060 real.

01:17:31.780 But you're so trying to, again, like, make sure nothing bad happens.

01:17:37.700 And it's strange for a little kid to feel like the onus is on them, right?

01:17:41.440 Did you just grow out of it, Maureen?

01:17:42.840 No.

01:17:43.760 I had it.

01:17:45.900 It lessened.

01:17:46.740 It would then get worse.

01:17:47.660 And then I went to a therapist who prescribed me, like, a very low dose of, like, anti-anxiety

01:17:53.060 meds.

01:17:53.840 And those work.

01:17:55.000 Wow.

01:17:55.460 And I'll be on them for the rest of my life.

01:17:57.180 Wow.

01:17:57.300 I know that I will.

01:17:58.160 So that resolved all that way of thinking.

01:18:00.380 It quiets it immensely.

01:18:02.060 Like, it's almost never there.

01:18:03.480 And I actually went off of them.

01:18:05.020 Like, I did the thing they say never to do, where, like, you run out of your pills, and

01:18:08.260 you're like, oh, I think I'm all right, and I'll do it.

01:18:10.020 And, like, within two months, these, like, catastrophic thoughts.

01:18:13.940 Like, I was having these intrusive thoughts.

01:18:15.540 And I was like, this isn't me.

01:18:16.860 Wow.

01:18:17.140 Like, this isn't me.

01:18:18.360 And then the light bulb goes off.

01:18:19.800 Wait a minute, I stopped.

01:18:20.120 Yes, and you're like, I have to do it.

01:18:21.720 And so now I, but I'm also not a little kid anymore either, right?

01:18:25.920 And I can look back at my childhood and be like, I understand the origin.

01:18:30.060 It's very funny.

01:18:32.400 I don't think he would mind me saying this, but, like, I would, as a young adult, I disclosed

01:18:38.060 this to my sibling, who was like, yeah, me too.

01:18:41.360 Well, you know, it can be inherited.

01:18:42.840 Can it?

01:18:43.440 Yeah.

01:18:44.100 Yep.

01:18:44.380 I have a friend whose daughter has it bad.

01:18:47.360 Really?

01:18:47.800 And it can be inherited.

01:18:48.960 And I actually wonder, because I don't have OCD, but I used, like, when I was at my most

01:18:54.260 stressed out as a lawyer, I was doing an OCD thing of obsessively counting.

01:19:00.940 Yeah.

01:19:01.260 I would count every footstep.

01:19:03.040 Yeah.

01:19:03.420 And especially when it came to stairs, I couldn't go up stairs without counting them, no matter

01:19:07.940 how many stairs.

01:19:08.780 And so you could be quietly, like, at the Duomo, and somebody would just look over me and be

01:19:12.560 like, how many?

01:19:13.200 And I'd have the exact number.

01:19:14.440 Wow.

01:19:14.800 It was like a stress coping mechanism.

01:19:18.520 And then as soon as I got, and then that's, that's actually the reason I first got into

01:19:21.740 therapy back when I was a lawyer.

01:19:23.460 Like, I think I'm managing stress poorly.

01:19:27.300 And, um, once I did do talk therapy, it kind of went away.

01:19:31.480 It still comes back a little.

01:19:32.580 Like I, I do count in my head.

01:19:34.740 Like if you get me on numbers, like I'll just keep doing them like in sequences.

01:19:39.420 Um, so I think a lot of people, and I did read someplace that a lot of very successful

01:19:42.980 people have some form of OCD.

01:19:45.820 You know, it's funny.

01:19:46.760 I think more people have it than not.

01:19:48.280 I think a lot of people don't talk about it because it feels like you're a smart person.

01:19:51.940 Why are you sort of subjected to this completely illogical thing?

01:19:56.500 When I watched the David Beckham documentary, you see, he's got it really bad.

01:20:01.220 Yes.

01:20:01.620 He's really bad.

01:20:02.760 He's meticulous about everything.

01:20:04.960 Like even down to like the length of a candle wick.

01:20:07.820 Yeah.

01:20:08.260 Like it's very, you know, and it's kind of, it feels like a double-edged sword.

01:20:11.840 It's like, maybe he doesn't treat it.

01:20:14.220 So I don't know what he does, if he does anything, but maybe he feels that that level of obsessiveness

01:20:19.300 is also partly responsible for his incredible success, right?

01:20:23.240 Of course it would be.

01:20:24.920 Who else would spend that number of hours in the backyard with a soccer ball, you know,

01:20:29.080 doing the kick over and like, like they show just over and over and over, like the amount

01:20:32.480 of times you have to do it in order to become David Beckham, right?

01:20:35.120 Exactly.

01:20:35.760 I don't know.

01:20:36.400 So that's interesting because I have never had real anxiety.

01:20:41.240 You know, we've talked about this before, but that I'll get tired, you know, I'll definitely

01:20:45.420 get tired, but I kind of see them as opposites, you know, like being like wired, you know,

01:20:50.680 like being torqued up.

01:20:52.100 I'm rarely that way.

01:20:53.160 I'm more like, I need a nap.

01:20:54.680 But then I can, I tell you, um, I went out to one of those conferences and they gave me

01:20:59.800 in the, um, like gift bag.

01:21:02.520 What is that stuff called that I was just taking?

01:21:05.160 It was everybody's taking it.

01:21:07.040 Um, I'll get you, I'll get a picture of it, but it's not, it's supposed to be like this

01:21:10.500 new thing for people over 50.

01:21:11.880 It's like, it's supposed to bring you energy and keep you young.

01:21:14.980 And I was just like in my gift bag, like an idiot.

01:21:17.420 I started taking it.

01:21:18.280 I'm like, Oh, I'll give it a try.

01:21:19.700 And, um, it does, it did make me feel more energetic and I have been sleeping so poorly

01:21:24.920 for the past three weeks.

01:21:26.140 It just dawned on me.

01:21:27.380 It's probably this damn random bottle of supplements that I just started and I just stopped taking

01:21:32.860 it and I've been sleeping like a baby.

01:21:34.220 Wow.

01:21:34.680 I know.

01:21:35.360 So dumb.

01:21:36.140 So that's interesting though, that you never feel anxiety really because anxiety.

01:21:40.460 No.

01:21:41.000 Like how does stress then manifest for you?

01:21:43.940 How do you know when you're stressed out or you're possibly approaching?

01:21:48.280 Maybe like you've been working a stretch that's super hard.

01:21:51.000 I would like the election cycle, I would imagine.

01:21:52.600 Right.

01:21:52.780 Like what's the thing that signals to you?

01:21:56.020 Oh, I got to.

01:21:56.980 Well, two different things.

01:21:57.720 So if, if I'm working too much and doing like no self nurturing, I'll just get unhappy.

01:22:02.420 Okay.

01:22:02.820 Like I'll notice I'm not happy.

01:22:04.600 I don't, there's not enough joy in my day.

01:22:06.620 I haven't like laughed enough and I'm feeling cranky, you know?

01:22:10.420 So that's, that's number one.

01:22:12.080 And, but when I'm truly stressed, like I'm thinking back to the, the post NBC period where

01:22:16.860 like at the immediate period where it was genuinely stressful, like I felt truly bad

01:22:21.280 stress, the kind that gives you cancer, that, that kind.

01:22:24.880 Um, and it was the only time in my life where I seriously considered an antidepressant.

01:22:28.280 Really?

01:22:28.540 But I wouldn't because I was like, there is no fucking way Andy lack is getting me on

01:22:33.660 an antidepressant.

01:22:34.720 I refuse and I didn't do it.

01:22:36.820 And I know it's a weird thing to have a personal point of pride on, but I do, you know, I just

01:22:41.120 feel like he never broke me.

01:22:42.820 He, he kicked me.

01:22:44.400 I was down, but I didn't stay down and I got back up on my own.

01:22:48.120 You ever, um, but that, that stress was manifested in obsessive thinking.

01:22:55.600 Interesting.

01:22:56.080 We're like, you just, you can think of nothing else, even though you have these beautiful

01:23:00.800 children around you.

01:23:01.860 And of course my life was still grand and wonderful and Doug and great friends.

01:23:05.820 And you do find out in those moments who your friends are, which is another blessing, but

01:23:10.280 still obsessive thinking.

01:23:12.000 We're like, you can't think about anything else.

01:23:14.220 And this is, you know, this is damaging.

01:23:15.980 Yeah, I know.

01:23:16.500 You know, I know I can still relate to that.

01:23:18.660 I mean, obviously not something ever that high profile, but the idea of feeling almost consumed

01:23:24.820 by something and having the knowledge that like super ego in you going, this is bad for

01:23:30.220 you.

01:23:30.860 Why are you allowing this outside thing to control and define who you are?

01:23:35.060 And you know, it can have deleterious effects to you physically and you got to, but you have

01:23:40.720 to feel it.

01:23:41.480 Like that's the only way you kind of have to just feel all of those horrible, ugly emotions.

01:23:47.280 And sometimes, I mean that I agree when it's big, you must, there's no way forward without

01:23:52.000 feeling it for a while and having a good cry and feeling sorry for yourself for a couple

01:23:56.340 of days, right?

01:23:57.380 But only a couple.

01:23:58.480 And then you got to pick yourself up, touch yourself off and move forward.

01:24:02.100 But on the smaller things in my life, I've now become such a big fan of cognitive behavioral

01:24:07.060 therapy.

01:24:07.560 I was going to ask you if you had done that.

01:24:09.160 I spend almost no time mired in the badness now.

01:24:11.460 Like if somebody's whatever attacking me or something bad happens in my life, like I acknowledge

01:24:16.980 it.

01:24:17.180 I understand what's happening.

01:24:18.100 And then I focus not at all.

01:24:20.420 And I will say, I know it's controversial, but this is something Scientology does very well.

01:24:26.680 This is interesting.

01:24:27.580 All cults have their positives.

01:24:29.640 Yeah.

01:24:29.980 Yeah.

01:24:30.180 This is something about Scientology that I admire.

01:24:33.660 They're very, you know, you get labeled a suppressive person, an SP.

01:24:37.240 Yes.

01:24:37.420 And you can't, like, I knew a Scientologist pretty well, and this person decided they

01:24:44.540 didn't like me.

01:24:45.440 And this person told everybody around them to never mention my name to this person.

01:24:50.300 Like I was dead to them.

01:24:52.220 And I get the logic, you know, it's like, I'm just going to cut this person out of my

01:24:57.640 life in every way I can so that I don't have to be irritated by them anymore.

01:25:01.340 And so, well, I didn't really care about this person's, you know, fondness for me or not,

01:25:04.740 but I'm like, I kind of get it.

01:25:06.760 And that's kind of what I do.

01:25:09.000 Like, I don't have to think about you at all if you're bothering me.

01:25:12.120 I can just think about, I have so many other things I can think about.

01:25:14.920 And I've told my audience this before, but if it's like an earworm, I have a song I always

01:25:19.360 use that gets the earworm out of my ear.

01:25:21.260 Really?

01:25:21.780 And it's a catchy song that's not an earworm itself.

01:25:24.820 It's the song Up on the Roof.

01:25:27.360 I'll have to use this.

01:25:28.160 And I will sometimes use that to rejigger the negative thinking about whatever, somebody

01:25:34.200 who's on my nerves or something bad that's happening in my life.

01:25:37.960 I don't know.

01:25:38.460 It's something about that song works for me.

01:25:39.900 It's not about like, I just love that song.

01:25:41.620 It's just it rejiggers things.

01:25:42.820 It's when this old world starts getting you down and people are just too much for me

01:25:49.840 to take up on the roof.

01:25:52.480 You know that song?

01:25:53.040 I know that song.

01:25:54.160 Yeah, it works.

01:25:55.020 I don't know.

01:25:55.780 It could be anything for you.

01:25:57.540 It's like rewiring your brain, basically, like your thought patterns, trying to interrupt

01:26:01.920 a thought pattern that's destructive.

01:26:04.340 Someone is in your life that is causing you agita.

01:26:07.160 You can't really do anything about it.

01:26:08.360 The thing, though, about like saying, I would never say to somebody, never mention that person

01:26:13.280 to me again.

01:26:14.160 They're dead to me because I feel like there's so much energy involved in that.

01:26:17.140 Yeah, it's a lot.

01:26:18.160 It's a lot of energy.

01:26:19.080 Now I'm going to have all this coming back, maybe like so-and-so said what?

01:26:22.340 Like I'm dead to that.

01:26:23.120 Like I prefer the emotional version of the Irish goodbye, which is the slow fade.

01:26:28.500 Like I will fade you out of my life and you won't really realize it until it's too late.

01:26:32.340 And I find that it also allows for a little bit of thought to like sort of process

01:26:38.300 is this a person I really want out of my life or in a limited way?

01:26:42.500 Is there something I do get from this relationship or not?

01:26:45.620 But I typically will do like a complete slow fade.

01:26:50.220 Is it hard for you to move on?

01:26:52.140 Like when you lose a friend?

01:26:54.800 I was harder in my 20s.

01:26:56.240 I lost a friend recently.

01:26:57.720 You did?

01:26:58.200 Over politics.

01:26:59.360 And I like it was an upsetting evening where I was like, whoa, what's happening here?

01:27:04.680 And then I had to tell you the next day I was I was over it.

01:27:07.340 It was amazing because I was like this person has shown me who they are.

01:27:10.780 Like I've received new information, which is this person prizes politics over our friendship.

01:27:15.540 And I didn't know that prior to last night.

01:27:18.840 So that's a gift for me to know.

01:27:20.260 And this is not the right person for me because I am a very political person now.

01:27:23.980 Right.

01:27:24.200 You know, I'm very opinionated, kind of can't avoid my opinions if you're online, you know,

01:27:29.420 and following me on any social media.

01:27:31.080 So that's not the one for me.

01:27:33.000 I, I, I'm very good at moving on from people who, you know, wind up not to be for me.

01:27:40.520 How about you?

01:27:41.680 That's interesting because I think, and I've realized this since I was like a kid and my

01:27:47.300 mom had such great, she had such high emotional intelligence.

01:27:52.900 She was so good with stuff like this.

01:27:54.380 And sometimes I'll be like, what would she say to me in any moment?

01:27:57.780 Because you get to this age and you still deal with mean girl stuff.

01:28:01.840 You really do.

01:28:03.640 But I think for me, I think friendship breakups can be worse than romantic breakups.

01:28:08.640 It can be way more devastating.

01:28:12.080 And I don't know if it's because women tend to share so much of ourselves with each other

01:28:18.480 when you have a really close, intimate friend.

01:28:21.120 I mean, I have friends who I cannot imagine being out of my life, you know, and the longer

01:28:27.940 they've been in my life, the more important they become to me because you can't replace

01:28:32.380 those friends.

01:28:33.380 You can't replace that kind of institutional knowledge of each other, you know?

01:28:38.120 So I had somebody say, um, we did a friendship special over this past summer.

01:28:41.720 It was great.

01:28:42.640 Steve, find out the episode for me, will you?

01:28:44.700 Um, and she said the average friendship lasts seven years.

01:28:50.380 Really?

01:28:51.140 And I thought that was really interesting.

01:28:52.260 Cause if you kind of look at your life, that, that tracks for me, like you kind of go through

01:28:56.120 different phases.

01:28:57.160 You have some people who will make it the whole duration and that's a gift, but like seven

01:29:01.780 years, that makes some sense.

01:29:03.720 Um, and I don't know, it's just like if a relationship ends because of an argument, you

01:29:09.080 know, because somebody's passed a very negative judgment on you or the things that are important

01:29:12.880 to you, it's like, Oh, okay.

01:29:15.240 Bye.

01:29:15.780 You know, like that it's not sad because you're losing something that's not good to have in

01:29:20.820 your life anyway.

01:29:21.460 That isn't the valuable thing you thought it was.

01:29:24.100 There could be some disappointment around, Oh, I was wrong about having this special thing.

01:29:28.800 Right.

01:29:29.180 But like the disappointment shouldn't be around losing that because you never had it.

01:29:34.420 Like you didn't, you didn't have the thing you thought you had the idea that you would

01:29:38.020 have a friend who would drop you because of what you think politically.

01:29:43.320 I know.

01:29:43.680 Like, first of all, you could say the one thing you could never say about you, Megan,

01:29:48.600 is that you are not extremely bright.

01:29:50.860 So you would like, how could you have a friend who wouldn't be like this person thinks differently

01:29:56.340 than I do, but I have to respect where she's coming from.

01:29:59.280 She thinks things through.

01:30:00.700 She reads, she pays attention.

01:30:02.820 She cares.

01:30:03.360 She gives a shit.

01:30:04.540 By the way, one of the few voices out in the wilderness defending girls and women at this

01:30:09.340 very moment.

01:30:10.100 Do you know, that's not, I, that is to say, I would agree with you.

01:30:13.700 I would take that and be like, how good of a friend was that to me?

01:30:16.920 Right.

01:30:17.340 How good of a friend was that to me?

01:30:19.180 No, because I always say like, I have tons of liberal friends, tons, but we just don't

01:30:24.300 talk politics and that's how we keep a friendship.

01:30:26.760 Like I don't need them to believe as I do and they don't need me to believe as they do.

01:30:30.940 But I think this particular person is definitely of the left and has been in New York City for

01:30:37.520 a while getting talked up by her leftist friends about me because they see me much more aligned

01:30:44.660 with Trump now.

01:30:45.600 And so for some people, like I was an acceptable option when I was adverse to Trump, but on the

01:30:51.720 right.

01:30:51.960 But pro Trump on the right is a special category of, you know, problem.

01:30:57.360 And, you know, there are definitely campaigns, I think for some of my leftist friends amongst

01:31:03.740 their friends for like, why would you be friends with her?

01:31:06.680 Why?

01:31:06.920 You know, she's, she's doing the devil's work out there being friends with Trump.

01:31:09.960 Now, if that works on you, are you really my friend to begin with?

01:31:13.380 Like, no, my true friends would be like, don't be absurd.

01:31:16.340 You don't know her.

01:31:17.040 But, you know, the ones that that would work on, yes, that's new information that that shouldn't

01:31:21.480 be somebody I should be sharing my secrets with anyway.

01:31:24.060 It's good information to have very good information to have.

01:31:27.240 And I say this to other people when their friends disappoint them.

01:31:31.280 Like, well, you have some new information.

01:31:32.880 Like, don't forget it.

01:31:34.500 Don't sort of dismiss it because it's inconvenient.

01:31:37.460 Just pocket it away.

01:31:38.840 Yeah.

01:31:39.040 Like you never know when it might come back to you.

01:31:40.840 I certainly know, you know, there's a part of Long Island that I spend a lot of time in

01:31:45.620 and, you know, it was my therapist who said it to me because I couldn't understand it.

01:31:49.820 I was like, why are these people so rude to me?

01:31:51.980 Like, they partly want to be friends with me and they partly just want to make me feel

01:31:56.020 like shit all the time.

01:31:58.240 And they'll never let me all the way in.

01:32:00.500 And she said, it's because of where you work.

01:32:02.700 Right.

01:32:03.120 And I was like, no, it can't be.

01:32:05.020 No, it can be.

01:32:05.760 And she was like, no, I think it is.

01:32:07.180 And I realized she was right.

01:32:09.160 And that was great information to have.

01:32:10.860 Yes.

01:32:11.580 And then you like, you don't have to get rid of them, but you've got to put them in a different

01:32:14.820 category for sure.

01:32:16.300 Right.

01:32:16.700 Because it's like, that's not somebody you're going to share your most intimate thoughts

01:32:19.660 and vulnerabilities with.

01:32:21.200 No.

01:32:21.620 Right.

01:32:21.780 Like you got to have your guard up with that person, which you don't with friends.

01:32:25.300 So like, that's, there's a betrayal in there because when you're with friends, you don't

01:32:28.420 have your guard up.

01:32:29.140 It's your full, most vulnerable.

01:32:30.600 Exactly.

01:32:31.180 You're showing your belly for sure.

01:32:32.980 Exactly.

01:32:33.740 And so then you can't get hit professionally.

01:32:35.460 You can't get hit for, you know, who you are in your professional life or judged for it

01:32:39.480 when you're, you know, sharing the things that you're insecure about or, you know, your

01:32:44.540 health stuff or your kids stuff, whatever.

01:32:47.840 And those people are as it, you know how they say the average American has maybe three to

01:32:53.520 five good friends.

01:32:54.860 And in that cohort, maybe two are true confidants.

01:32:58.780 And that's definitely true for me.

01:33:00.620 You know, and watching the, by the way, watching the Meghan Markle show, I literally thought

01:33:07.500 to myself, like, how lucky am I that I have a sister-in-law who I love so much and who

01:33:15.280 I know if I ever had a rift with my brother would do everything in her power to repair

01:33:20.300 it, not make it worse.

01:33:21.700 And she is like become one of my true core people, you know, and you just, you, they're,

01:33:29.420 they're invaluable.

01:33:30.300 Like you just said, like where you can share the things that keep you up at night or your

01:33:35.000 health stuff or your deepest anxieties about something.

01:33:38.400 And you know, they're not going to play into those.

01:33:40.200 They're going to help you out of them.

01:33:42.400 That was the one thing.

01:33:43.040 There was an episode, I think four, where she had two friends come over who were supposedly

01:33:46.240 longer friends in her life.

01:33:48.340 I don't buy it.

01:33:49.360 There was none of the, like, I don't know, it's weird, but like start almost grooming and

01:33:54.420 body language that will appear between two very lifelong friends.

01:33:59.420 We're like, you're just looking out for the other.

01:34:00.920 You're making sure everything's good.

01:34:02.080 Right.

01:34:02.460 You make references to like longstanding jokes.

01:34:04.920 Right.

01:34:05.240 There's a familiarity there.

01:34:06.660 I just don't buy it.

01:34:07.960 That's why George Clooney was at her wedding.

01:34:10.100 You know, she didn't have family.

01:34:11.660 She didn't have lifelong friends.

01:34:12.940 It appears even Daniel wasn't there.

01:34:15.620 It's, she's not even for a touch up.

01:34:17.460 Everything is artifice.

01:34:18.720 Yeah.

01:34:19.000 You know, like the, the show is artifice.

01:34:20.680 Her life is artifice.

01:34:21.580 And that's why like this deep insecurity is all about, I have no friends.

01:34:27.280 I have no people.

01:34:28.220 I only have the next station to reach.

01:34:30.420 And therefore you can't have the fucking blueberry fall on the floor.

01:34:33.680 You can't have the white outfit, get a speck on it.

01:34:37.020 You know, everything has to be absolutely Daniel cannot have a spoonful of the jam before

01:34:42.460 it's time.

01:34:43.880 Even though it's a joyful act, is it not?

01:34:46.180 It's joyful.

01:34:46.960 To scoop a little bit of that jam.

01:34:48.740 But I feel joyful, just in case you didn't know, I feel joyful.

01:34:51.760 That rictus grin tells us everything.

01:34:54.340 Her whole message is with love, Megan.

01:34:58.000 I'm going to do a cooking show that is fuck off.

01:35:02.380 Megan.

01:35:03.660 All right.

01:35:04.280 More with Maureen just ahead.

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01:37:42.100 I'm Megan Kelly, host of The Megan Kelly Show on Sirius XM.

01:37:47.900 It's your home for open, honest, and provocative conversations

01:37:51.260 with the most interesting and important political, legal, and cultural figures today.

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01:38:46.420 Speaking of relationships, Maureen, more fuel on the fire that there's a potential,

01:38:52.900 maybe a divorce or some sort of rockiness going on in the Obama's relationship.

01:38:58.620 They both posted these mirrored, very choreographed Valentine's Day messages on X,

01:39:05.620 but he was just seen at an LA, whatever, the basketball team.

01:39:12.620 What's it called?

01:39:13.640 I can't remember the name.

01:39:14.380 The Clippers.

01:39:14.960 Thank you.

01:39:15.880 Game without her.

01:39:18.460 And yeah, the LA Clippers.

01:39:19.860 And then with Steve Ballmer, who's the owner, who he's been on this show.

01:39:25.640 And then on Tuesday, he was spotted eating out at a fancy dinner in Sherman Oaks with both

01:39:33.560 daughters, Malia and Sasha.

01:39:35.200 But again, no Michelle, according to TMZ.

01:39:39.100 So I think they seem to be soft launching their divorce.

01:39:44.080 I mean, if it were the opposite and all of these rumors are flying,

01:39:49.940 wouldn't they make a concerted effort to be seen together or just absolutely issue a statement

01:39:54.320 and saying there's no truth to these rumors?

01:39:56.780 I kind of think maybe they're not even sure or maybe one wants it more than the other.

01:40:01.820 You know, she didn't go to the inauguration.

01:40:03.960 She did not go to the inauguration.

01:40:06.060 She never gave a really credible, solid reason why she wasn't at Jimmy Carter's funeral.

01:40:12.600 That to me is the previous engagement, previous engagement.

01:40:17.300 What?

01:40:17.560 Now, let's say I'm trying to think how a publicist would spin it or a crisis manager.

01:40:24.360 Let's say she had had some plastic surgery and Jimmy Carter happened to die during her recovery.

01:40:31.280 Could you not say health reasons?

01:40:34.460 Yeah.

01:40:35.040 And leave it at that.

01:40:35.860 And most people will respect that.

01:40:37.180 They're not going to go near it.

01:40:38.060 But she didn't even say that, which made it seem a very petty, vengeful move on her part.

01:40:46.240 Well, when I first saw that he was seen at a basketball game without her, I'm like, well, that's no big deal.

01:40:51.020 Doug would go to a basketball game without me all the time.

01:40:53.580 I would say, go without me.

01:40:55.540 But then when I heard, then he went on to meet with their daughters.

01:40:58.500 Right.

01:40:58.960 Like there was, I mean, you know how it is.

01:41:00.160 Like every parent who's got girls who are in college is like dying to spend time with their daughters.

01:41:05.580 And so this is an opportunity to see both of them and she's not there.

01:41:09.540 So I don't know why, but this just keeps happening.

01:41:12.420 And that Valentine's Day message was so ridiculously, and like I said, choreographed.

01:41:17.620 Here was the, here was what they wrote.

01:41:20.500 This is the last public acknowledgement of each other.

01:41:22.860 She wrote, if there's one person I can always count on, it's you at Barack Obama.

01:41:28.800 You're my rock.

01:41:29.920 Always have been, always will be.

01:41:31.900 Happy Valentine's Day, honey.

01:41:33.740 And then he wrote, 32 years together and you still take my breath away.

01:41:37.540 Happy Valentine's Day at Michelle Obama.

01:41:40.800 It just doesn't feel organic at all.

01:41:45.120 It reads bloodlessly.

01:41:46.640 Same photo.

01:41:46.840 They both posted the exact same photo.

01:41:48.720 So clearly staffers put all this together.

01:41:50.880 Okay.

01:41:51.500 And also, can we ask the lawyer in you to parse these statements?

01:41:55.760 Because, okay, let's take Barack, for example.

01:41:58.160 You still take my breath away.

01:41:59.780 How?

01:42:00.600 Right.

01:42:01.000 With your fucking anger?

01:42:03.120 With your complete inability to just get with the program and show up?

01:42:07.600 At the inauguration so I don't have to walk in like a lonely soldier?

01:42:10.500 Exactly.

01:42:11.160 And then tell people you're mad because I was laughing with Donald Trump.

01:42:14.880 Right.

01:42:15.340 Maybe you're taking my breath away for that reason.

01:42:17.600 Interesting.

01:42:18.040 So these are truthful statements, but you have to look beyond what you're actually seeing.

01:42:24.100 I like that.

01:42:25.000 And hers.

01:42:25.700 If there's one person I can always count on, it's you.

01:42:29.200 Count on for what?

01:42:30.380 You're my rock.

01:42:31.680 Always have been, always will be.

01:42:32.700 In what way?

01:42:33.480 Like the person who weighs you down?

01:42:35.160 Right.

01:42:35.600 Are you weighing me down in the ocean?

01:42:37.140 Are you the immovable rock around all that we all have to move around?

01:42:41.420 Like your ambition is the immovable rock?

01:42:43.440 And we are the waves crashing against it.

01:42:46.280 Maybe it's that.

01:42:47.100 Now we've really gone deep.

01:42:48.500 All right.

01:42:49.060 I got to leave it there.

01:42:50.220 I want to tell the audience before we go, please, please, please look out for our special

01:42:53.920 series.

01:42:54.360 It starts on Monday.

01:42:55.340 It's Megan Kelly investigates.

01:42:57.080 It'll be on all the platforms at the same times and all that.

01:43:00.000 And we take a deep dive into this fascinating case of a baby, Lisa Irwin, who went missing

01:43:05.980 in the middle of the night out of her crib in Kansas City, Missouri.

01:43:10.480 We've been working on this project for you for three years and it launches Monday.

01:43:15.180 Thank you.

01:43:15.820 Have a great weekend, Maureen.

01:43:16.920 Thank you as well.

01:43:18.200 Thank you, Megan.

01:43:21.280 Thanks for listening to The Megan Kelly Show.

01:43:23.180 No BS, no agenda, and no fear.

01:43:35.980 Thanks for listening to The Megan Kelly Show.

The Megyn Kelly Show - March 07, 2025

Meghan Markle's Cringe Netflix Show, Bizarre Baldwins Reality Show, and Obama Divorce Rumblings, with Maureen Callahan ｜ Ep. 1021

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