The Michael Knowles Show - Blackface, Seed Oils, & Diddy ｜ YES or NO： John Crist

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00:00:37.680 Oh, mention never take a paternity leave.

00:00:40.340 Not because there's anything wrong with taking care of the family, but because you don't want people to think you're a lesbian. 1.00

00:00:45.460 Okay, I didn't read the end of that.

00:00:47.940 Hold on.

00:00:49.260 Hold on.

00:00:56.980 My guest today is a professional comedian with a tour called Jokes for Humans.

00:01:09.940 But the yes or no game is no laughing matter.

00:01:12.820 This is very, very serious, and I intend to win against my guest, John Crist.

00:01:19.220 Let's do it, brother.

00:01:20.100 John, thank you for being here.

00:01:21.160 We shake hands?

00:01:22.220 For now.

00:01:23.160 We'll see how the game goes.

00:01:24.100 If you want to play the game, not against John, he won't come to your house, but you can play against your friends and family.

00:01:30.740 DAILYWIRE.com slash shop.

00:01:32.280 You can get the expansion packs.

00:01:34.080 You can't get my drink, but you can probably find that at the liquor store.

00:01:36.660 I have to have scotch today.

00:01:38.520 You've got to have scotch.

00:01:39.100 This is new.

00:01:39.800 This is new.

00:01:40.620 Usually I have a martini.

00:01:41.660 I have a martini, and I don't want to call anyone out or anything, but my assistant Molly broke my glass. 1.00

00:01:48.200 It's her fault.

00:01:49.100 It is her, and I'm...

00:01:50.940 I was thinking this is a power play because you'd normally, and I was thinking maybe if you, this is a little stronger, you're maybe a little bit more nervous about this.

00:01:58.660 Well, I am.

00:01:59.660 It's very hard to keep up with a comedian.

00:02:01.180 See, I'm already on top.

00:02:02.420 I'm already on top.

00:02:03.460 This is a glass of pure vodka.

00:02:05.740 Straight.

00:02:06.380 Straight.

00:02:06.760 Okay.

00:02:06.860 And people drink it with pebble ice.

00:02:09.260 A little vodka slushy.

00:02:10.580 That's very common, yeah.

00:02:11.140 Yeah, right.

00:02:11.580 You know, and you're like, I've never seen that.

00:02:13.580 You go into a bar, can I get a straight vodka with slushy ice?

00:02:17.100 That'd be great.

00:02:17.580 I'd have an icy machine.

00:02:18.760 Interesting.

00:02:19.600 Now, is the watch part of the strategy or no?

00:02:23.440 It's a nice watch.

00:02:24.380 Thank you.

00:02:25.180 This watch, this is a true story.

00:02:27.160 I had a knockoff, a Chinatown knockoff of this in high school. 1.00

00:02:30.880 Yeah.

00:02:31.240 And I finally decided when Ben Shapiro sent me my first paycheck, which was like two weeks ago.

00:02:35.560 And that's how he makes you say it.

00:02:36.820 Yes.

00:02:37.140 Ben Shapiro said it.

00:02:38.680 I said, great, I can invest in a watch.

00:02:40.460 Yeah.

00:02:40.940 This game, the clock is ticking.

00:02:43.860 We have, I think, under an hour.

00:02:45.820 I'm ready.

00:02:46.240 To see who knows the other one better.

00:02:48.800 Interesting.

00:02:49.560 And we've done a little bit of research on each other.

00:02:52.560 Peripherally.

00:02:53.040 Yes.

00:02:53.520 Yeah.

00:02:54.680 I feel like if I shaved, I would look like you.

00:02:57.860 But now you look like Matt.

00:02:59.040 Yeah, now I look like Matt.

00:03:00.040 Yeah.

00:03:01.060 Number one.

00:03:03.180 You have to guess how I would answer this.

00:03:05.000 Got it.

00:03:05.360 Moses would be a Republican.

00:03:15.940 Bonus.

00:03:16.480 You're right.

00:03:16.900 But bonus, why?

00:03:18.360 Open borders.

00:03:21.340 He left Egypt, dude.

00:03:23.480 Come on.

00:03:24.360 What do you mean?

00:03:25.460 Open borders.

00:03:26.420 I was thinking he might be more akin to a monarchist.

00:03:29.000 But you're right.

00:03:29.540 The open borders.

00:03:30.220 Yeah, he left.

00:03:30.740 That man is traversing.

00:03:31.300 He's like, I'm out of here.

00:03:32.540 Wow.

00:03:33.240 You're stuck in Egypt.

00:03:34.440 He said, no, we're not.

00:03:35.680 I'm leaving.

00:03:36.720 My land now.

00:03:37.720 Thank you.

00:03:39.680 Yeah, Moses, for sure.

00:03:41.680 I'm going to drink just for that beautiful answer.

00:03:44.060 Oh, you take it back.

00:03:45.180 I thought you'd leave it here.

00:03:46.200 I say, if I get it wrong, I have to drink.

00:03:49.900 Okay.

00:03:50.340 If I get it right, I get to drink.

00:03:52.280 Oh, I like that.

00:03:53.280 So it's not like with out of arms reach.

00:03:55.000 You can't because you got it wrong.

00:03:56.780 All right.

00:03:57.640 You're up.

00:03:58.300 Well, Moses, let me think.

00:03:59.660 I mean, the plagues, he called those down.

00:04:01.600 Let me see.

00:04:02.960 What else did he do?

00:04:03.820 Oh, he had that.

00:04:05.420 He killed somebody.

00:04:07.280 Soft on crime.

00:04:08.540 Soft on crime.

00:04:09.200 Moses.

00:04:10.340 Yeah, dude, for sure.

00:04:12.340 He killed somebody.

00:04:13.480 They go, eh.

00:04:14.400 Just go out in the desert for a little bit.

00:04:16.740 But no, there was no one ever came down on him.

00:04:18.880 Nope.

00:04:19.140 No Tom Homer.

00:04:19.700 Served no time.

00:04:20.960 No.

00:04:23.040 For sure a Democrat.

00:04:25.120 Yeah.

00:04:25.560 Definitely.

00:04:26.300 All right.

00:04:26.580 My turn.

00:04:27.040 You're up.

00:04:27.280 Going to Disney sucks.

00:04:33.900 It's really just a way for cocky parents to test their family's resilience.

00:04:42.740 Going to Disney sucks.

00:04:44.020 Obvious.

00:04:44.540 For sure.

00:04:45.820 I've never done it with my family.

00:04:47.140 I did it when I was a kid.

00:04:48.040 Never since.

00:04:48.800 Never with yours?

00:04:49.780 No.

00:04:50.040 Not with my, like, you know, since I'm a father.

00:04:52.400 Well, I think one of my, I remember, I never forget this story.

00:04:54.720 One of my buddies, Randy, he took his four kids.

00:04:58.760 Disney, you know, all, you know, you can do like five, how many parks are down there?

00:05:01.780 Yeah.

00:05:02.120 So many.

00:05:03.060 And he, they took them to Epcot, Magic Kingdom, Animal, I was going to say Animal Planet.

00:05:07.140 What's it called?

00:05:07.520 Animal Kingdom.

00:05:07.900 Song of the South.

00:05:08.680 All of them.

00:05:09.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:10.040 And one day, he told me this story when he got back to the office.

00:05:13.060 He said, one day it rained.

00:05:15.280 So we couldn't go to any of the parks.

00:05:16.780 And we were staying at, like, the Motel 6.

00:05:19.080 And he goes, there was a pond out back, and his kids went and caught crawdads in the pond

00:05:27.380 because they were just bored.

00:05:28.860 And on the way home, they said, what was your favorite part, dude?

00:05:33.900 What was your favorite part of the week?

00:05:35.640 And they said, catching the crawdads behind the, not hotel, Motel 6. 0.85

00:05:41.500 And he said, I will never do this again.

00:05:43.020 Yeah, well, that's nice.

00:05:44.220 So he spent probably $10,000 or something, and they've got great crawdads.

00:05:49.280 That's good.

00:05:50.520 Yeah, because you know kids.

00:05:51.980 After, when do your kids melt down?

00:05:53.800 After how many hours?

00:05:55.580 Being out?

00:05:56.560 Yeah.

00:05:57.120 Two starts to push it.

00:05:58.260 Max.

00:05:58.480 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:59.560 So you get there.

00:06:00.640 You're in the park.

00:06:01.180 You're not getting into the amusement park until two hours.

00:06:05.200 No.

00:06:05.600 Since waking them up?

00:06:06.800 Yeah.

00:06:07.440 Tram, parking lot.

00:06:09.680 Oh, you got to buy tickets.

00:06:10.640 No.

00:06:11.380 And then you get in there, we want some chicken fingers.

00:06:14.200 No.

00:06:14.660 No.

00:06:15.260 Plus, I don't know.

00:06:16.120 I need to get my ratings up before I can afford the fast pass where you actually get to cut

00:06:19.940 the lines and everything.

00:06:20.720 I was going to say, ratings with your family?

00:06:22.120 They rate you?

00:06:22.580 I got, they do.

00:06:23.400 They do.

00:06:23.840 They're going to rate me low if I take you to Disney.

00:06:25.640 All right, here we go.

00:06:26.800 In 15 years or so, scientists will discover the health benefits of seed oils.

00:06:32.700 You have to guess what I would say.

00:06:36.380 Hmm.

00:06:40.820 Mr. Davies, could you please give me a point?

00:06:44.620 I say no.

00:06:45.500 Wait, is it?

00:06:46.100 It is.

00:06:46.420 They will.

00:06:46.880 Here's why.

00:06:47.340 You think so?

00:06:47.940 Even because the seed oils are of the devil.

00:06:51.180 We all agree they're poison.

00:06:52.680 They cause inflammation or whatever.

00:06:54.260 They turn the frogs.

00:06:54.800 And which are the popular ones?

00:06:56.200 The canola.

00:06:57.340 Okay.

00:06:57.740 Which is, canola was the rebrand, I think, of something called rapeseed oil.

00:07:01.580 Okay.

00:07:01.720 That's not a joke.

00:07:02.460 All right.

00:07:03.380 There's corn.

00:07:03.940 Could have used a rebrand.

00:07:05.380 I could.

00:07:06.040 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:06.480 It was a glow up.

00:07:07.100 If there's anyone overdue for a rebrand.

00:07:10.800 It was good old rapeseed oil.

00:07:12.920 But, so now they're the devil and everyone hates them.

00:07:15.020 However, the thing about science is it's largely fake.

00:07:18.920 Yeah.

00:07:19.120 So every 15 years, everything is popular, especially nutritional science changes.

00:07:24.580 Remember when they flipped the food pyramid?

00:07:26.200 Yeah.

00:07:26.340 So I bet, I'm not coming out as pro-seed oil.

00:07:30.340 I'm just saying, this is more a referendum on science than it is on rapeseed oil.

00:07:34.920 And read the question again.

00:07:35.840 So, hold on.

00:07:37.420 You're saying?

00:07:38.500 In 15 years or so, yes, scientists will discover the health benefits of seed oils.

00:07:45.240 Because now they've just discovered why they're bad.

00:07:47.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:47.760 Oh, so they currently think they're bad.

00:07:49.740 Yes.

00:07:50.420 Well, I was because we had a thing about the, like, you know, the cold plunge.

00:07:55.100 Mm-hmm.

00:07:55.660 Everybody's on it.

00:07:56.620 And it was, when was it?

00:07:58.000 Last summer.

00:07:58.940 Everybody's obsessed with it.

00:08:00.000 And then they were like, oh, wait, this is actually just putting your heart, you're having

00:08:04.140 a mini heart attack.

00:08:05.700 That's why you're so, like, amped up all day.

00:08:07.780 You're like, I have so much energy.

00:08:08.960 Like, yeah, you just had, you just almost went into paralysis.

00:08:11.800 Yeah.

00:08:12.180 Your body went into shock and it was like, pump the blood everywhere, we're drowning.

00:08:16.980 Yes.

00:08:17.600 Did you ever, did you ever do it?

00:08:18.960 Never once.

00:08:19.560 No.

00:08:19.660 I mean, it turns out, that's not good for your body.

00:08:22.800 Yeah.

00:08:23.200 And they're just like, oh, my bad.

00:08:25.420 Yeah.

00:08:25.840 Yeah.

00:08:26.300 You're like, what?

00:08:27.120 Well, oh, well, we thought.

00:08:29.220 Everybody's like, I can send so many more emails at work.

00:08:31.660 You're like, how is this a venom?

00:08:32.720 Well, luckily, right when that became popular, everyone had just taken a clot shot, mRNA vaccine,

00:08:37.740 and had started doing a bunch of six-milli lip pillies.

00:08:40.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:40.600 So their hearts were already begging, just saying, please don't, no, not the cold plunge.

00:08:45.320 Not, yeah.

00:08:46.480 I knew, do you know what I do instead of the cold plunge?

00:08:48.340 What's that?

00:08:48.800 I take a nice, warm shower in the morning, like a normal person.

00:08:51.700 Yeah, and just wake up and say a prayer, and then I go to work.

00:08:54.340 Yeah, it's kind of like, maybe have a cup of coffee.

00:08:55.400 Yeah, and then they have, they were so insane, because they were like, they were putting ice

00:09:00.160 in there, and they were like, going to the Arctic, and then there's like, there's like

00:09:03.140 retreats, like cold plunge retreats.

00:09:05.000 I go, just forgive your parents.

00:09:06.980 Yeah.

00:09:07.300 Like, this is too much, dude.

00:09:09.460 It's okay, man.

00:09:09.840 It's okay.

00:09:10.460 Hey, I'm depressed, too.

00:09:11.600 Yeah.

00:09:11.840 It's fine, dude.

00:09:12.580 You got your dad's phone number right there.

00:09:15.140 Just call him and say, Dad, I'm coming home for Christmas.

00:09:20.900 Maybe the seed oils weren't the problem, dude.

00:09:24.340 All right, here we go.

00:09:27.320 Sent in by a listener.

00:09:29.020 I'm not sure, actually.

00:09:30.060 The Diddy files are worse than the Epstein files, but we likely won't get to see either.

00:09:34.540 I'm going to say, guaranteed, we're not going to see either, but the Diddy files are worse

00:09:41.340 than the Epstein files.

00:09:43.120 You would say, what would I say?

00:09:46.000 Hold on, let me think what I'd say about this.

00:09:49.520 All right, I'm ready.

00:09:53.020 I think the Epstein files are worse.

00:09:54.600 Yes.

00:09:55.120 Yeah, you agree.

00:09:56.180 Yes.

00:09:56.620 Yeah.

00:09:57.300 And I agree that you would also think that, which I happen to agree with.

00:10:00.760 What's the score?

00:10:01.660 No one knows.

00:10:02.720 No one knows.

00:10:03.280 The letter B, I think.

00:10:05.440 Well.

00:10:06.740 The Diddy stuff was widespread.

00:10:09.220 It went on for a long time.

00:10:10.000 But to me, it seems like usual Hollywood.

00:10:12.560 Like just, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:14.140 There's no ulterior.

00:10:15.280 It's just a bunch of people not having boundaries.

00:10:17.840 Yes.

00:10:18.240 And that's how it goes.

00:10:19.400 That seems like an international spy ring or something, right?

00:10:22.280 I think, yeah.

00:10:23.060 Although maybe people say Diddy's a Fed.

00:10:25.720 Kanye West said Diddy was a Fed.

00:10:26.920 But Kanye West says a lot of things.

00:10:27.880 Yeah, Kanye West.

00:10:28.860 It should be, do you believe Kanye West in everything or nothing?

00:10:31.760 And we have to choose.

00:10:32.660 Yeah.

00:10:33.380 I mean, I think the Epstein, there's a little bit more money and power.

00:10:37.860 Yeah.

00:10:38.740 Diddy said, I got $5 million to bid.

00:10:40.460 They're like, $5 million?

00:10:41.820 Did what?

00:10:42.220 Are you kidding me?

00:10:43.080 It's the canapé budget.

00:10:44.400 One Epstein dinner.

00:10:45.380 I make this this afternoon.

00:10:46.960 Yeah.

00:10:47.680 It tends to be more sinister, I think, because there's more.

00:10:50.800 Plus, what's Diddy doing it in New York City?

00:10:55.020 Yeah.

00:10:56.500 You're like, dude, talk to me when you've got to fly to a private island.

00:10:59.320 An island off the other island that you have to land in.

00:11:02.700 Yeah.

00:11:02.980 Yeah.

00:11:03.200 Because then, because they know what the international law is.

00:11:06.400 Now, granted, there's not many laws in New York City.

00:11:08.320 That's true.

00:11:08.720 But if you go, yeah, where are you going to the Diddy party?

00:11:12.280 Yeah.

00:11:12.680 Floor six.

00:11:13.760 Yeah.

00:11:13.900 They wake up, we're like, what?

00:11:15.180 Fine.

00:11:15.720 Yeah.

00:11:16.140 I don't love it.

00:11:17.100 Yeah.

00:11:17.360 I don't love it.

00:11:18.180 But, I don't know.

00:11:19.540 We'll be in the parking garage, dude.

00:11:22.420 And, well, who's in jail?

00:11:25.800 Diddy's in jail, currently.

00:11:26.920 Diddy is in jail.

00:11:27.720 But Epstein was in jail.

00:11:29.120 And they're probably both going to end up in the same place.

00:11:31.180 Is he still alive?

00:11:34.200 What's the end up in the same place?

00:11:35.520 No, he's not alive.

00:11:36.240 They're both going to.

00:11:36.600 What's that joke?

00:11:37.560 Oh, I thought you meant hell.

00:11:38.860 And hell.

00:11:39.440 Also, and after that.

00:11:41.120 I know.

00:11:41.740 I was going to make sure everybody got that joke.

00:11:43.500 I don't think Epstein is still alive.

00:11:46.520 Do you?

00:11:48.880 No.

00:11:49.440 Tupac is.

00:11:50.260 But Epstein.

00:11:50.620 Tupac certainly is.

00:11:51.100 No, Tupac's alive for sure.

00:11:52.420 Yeah.

00:11:52.680 Epstein.

00:11:53.080 And Biggie killed Epstein.

00:11:54.260 Yeah.

00:11:54.660 Yeah.

00:11:55.420 A hundred percent.

00:11:56.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:11:56.760 Epstein is, yeah.

00:11:58.140 I don't believe he's alive.

00:11:59.440 Granted, I didn't know who he was before.

00:12:01.100 No.

00:12:02.180 Did anyone?

00:12:02.760 This is what happens in the news, though.

00:12:04.280 Is there's like a news story.

00:12:05.360 Yeah.

00:12:05.880 And then everyone reads half an article.

00:12:08.220 Yeah.

00:12:08.360 Or like four tweets.

00:12:09.480 Yeah.

00:12:09.680 And just becomes an expert on it.

00:12:11.260 Yeah.

00:12:11.580 Of that kind.

00:12:11.780 I was saying 45 minutes ago.

00:12:14.000 Oh, yeah.

00:12:14.760 I like those TikTok investigators.

00:12:17.080 Remember when the murder happened here in Nashville?

00:12:19.600 Yep.

00:12:19.960 Not the murder.

00:12:20.540 Sorry.

00:12:20.720 The kid that went in the river.

00:12:22.080 Yeah, yeah.

00:12:22.320 Remember that?

00:12:23.040 There's all these guys in their apartments like, all right.

00:12:26.540 I'm like, what?

00:12:27.460 What?

00:12:28.300 Hold on, guys.

00:12:29.060 Be quiet.

00:12:29.600 Let's hear this guy out.

00:12:30.960 Hold on.

00:12:31.720 Let's hear this guy out.

00:12:32.600 He's unemployed, but I think he knows.

00:12:34.920 I think he knows.

00:12:35.740 He read some tweets.

00:12:36.460 Guys, be quiet.

00:12:37.440 Let's listen to the real.

00:12:38.520 Yeah.

00:12:38.740 Not the news.

00:12:39.360 No.

00:12:39.480 There's so much more to say.

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00:13:45.600 All right, here we go.

00:13:46.540 People say Democrats have no sense of humor, but that's not true.

00:13:50.800 They're always talking about women's rights. 0.97

00:13:55.680 Looking at the camera.

00:13:57.960 Yeah, they're always talking about women's rights. 0.95

00:14:03.200 Yeah.

00:14:03.540 Yeah, I agree.

00:14:04.420 And you said they got a good sense of humor?

00:14:06.400 Yeah, well, hold on.

00:14:07.140 I'm just saying they're talking about it.

00:14:10.600 It's a fact.

00:14:11.240 Yeah.

00:14:11.780 They are talking about it.

00:14:12.800 Yeah, that's all right.

00:14:13.620 I would say.

00:14:14.100 I would say the right has a better sense of humor.

00:14:18.460 For sure.

00:14:19.120 Derns have made jokes.

00:14:20.820 You know what?

00:14:22.740 I think every time I go, I mean, I spend a lot of time making jokes around right-leaning

00:14:27.340 things.

00:14:28.880 NASCAR, you know, college football.

00:14:30.760 I would say, we used to do a thing on our podcast where you used to choose, is it right

00:14:34.760 or left?

00:14:35.440 We used to do car brands.

00:14:36.820 Chevy, right or left?

00:14:38.180 You know, you just guess.

00:14:39.380 Ford, right or left?

00:14:40.260 You know.

00:14:40.660 For some reason, I would say Chevy left.

00:14:42.180 That's what we'd always do this.

00:14:43.160 So we're like, what is NASCAR, right or left?

00:14:45.680 NASCAR's right.

00:14:46.440 Yes.

00:14:46.800 Yeah, without saying it.

00:14:48.020 They pray to Jesus, by the way.

00:14:50.980 Really?

00:14:51.780 Yes.

00:14:52.240 I haven't watched it.

00:14:52.940 Live.

00:14:53.500 Really?

00:14:53.940 They pray to Jesus live before the race. 0.97

00:14:56.540 That's great.

00:14:57.160 Which I don't know.

00:14:57.740 They're like, God, please keep us safe.

00:14:59.400 We're going to fire these things up.

00:15:00.500 Ford's definitely on the right.

00:15:02.020 For sure.

00:15:02.560 He was kind of extreme on the right.

00:15:03.940 Yeah, but not a like, what is the Ford Focus might be left.

00:15:09.780 That's true.

00:15:10.260 But Ford is rolling over in his grave.

00:15:11.880 Ford is a brand.

00:15:13.120 Yeah.

00:15:13.800 It would be right.

00:15:14.660 They put out newspapers and things.

00:15:15.900 It was in the past.

00:15:17.460 Tesla could go either way.

00:15:19.120 You're right.

00:15:19.680 You're like the libertarians.

00:15:20.620 Yeah.

00:15:21.100 Like Elon's a libertarian.

00:15:22.440 Yeah.

00:15:22.900 Libertarians, sometimes they have purple hair.

00:15:24.640 Could go either way.

00:15:25.580 Or they're, you know, just give me my money and my guns.

00:15:28.660 But the Democrats, I would say, you go to a NASCAR race and you're making fun of that.

00:15:35.340 They're like, they're like, they have a mullet and they have like overalls and like Crocs on.

00:15:40.980 Yeah.

00:15:41.440 But they know.

00:15:43.620 They know it's, they know they're in on it.

00:15:46.020 Yeah.

00:15:46.180 They're like, yeah, we know this is funny.

00:15:47.720 Get me in your video.

00:15:48.700 Yeah.

00:15:49.040 It's funny.

00:15:49.620 Yeah.

00:15:49.840 Yeah.

00:15:51.040 There's never anything.

00:15:51.980 Where would be the funnest left-leaning activity?

00:15:59.940 That they were like having a good joking time.

00:16:04.140 Everything's very serious.

00:16:05.360 And speech is very protected.

00:16:07.560 Truly, the nearest would be just doing drugs.

00:16:10.340 That's what they, that's what they.

00:16:11.280 It's pretty fun.

00:16:11.960 And it, but the thing is, I've always, I never got into, I've never done hard drugs.

00:16:16.000 And even if I had a little of the devil with us, you know.

00:16:18.560 No, I'm just kidding.

00:16:20.080 That's one of the prompts.

00:16:21.260 Even if I had the, you know, on occasion, maybe a little of the old sin spinach, I found

00:16:25.820 it made other things sometimes seem funnier, but I got much less funny.

00:16:30.900 Okay.

00:16:31.380 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:31.760 You weren't as funny.

00:16:32.620 I just, I just got stupider.

00:16:34.280 Oh, you weren't, you weren't, you weren't on it.

00:16:36.080 I wasn't on it.

00:16:36.820 Not like you're on it right now.

00:16:37.780 It was dumb.

00:16:38.100 Yeah, exactly.

00:16:38.840 Yeah.

00:16:39.420 You were like, I got to get hammered if I'm going to go to this WNBA game to enjoy it.

00:16:43.900 I mean, I just, I guess that would be funny.

00:16:46.480 That would be a funny.

00:16:47.000 But everything seems so serious.

00:16:48.740 Yeah.

00:16:48.980 And, but we'll, hey, listen, we'll open it up to everybody.

00:16:51.660 I'm sure most of the right leaning people are watching this, but we'll come.

00:16:55.060 Me and you.

00:16:55.600 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:56.000 We'll go.

00:16:56.580 Tell us a left leaning fun event.

00:16:58.220 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:58.640 We'll go.

00:16:59.080 Please.

00:16:59.580 Yeah.

00:16:59.880 We'll go learn.

00:17:00.900 Yeah.

00:17:01.280 And we'll never have to leave our homes.

00:17:05.300 Oh, here we go.

00:17:06.600 Now this one makes, this one at least grammatically is going to be easy to choose.

00:17:11.100 Okay.

00:17:12.140 A small colony will be established on Mars in our lifetime.

00:17:18.560 Now let's get a couple of things straight here.

00:17:21.360 Oh.

00:17:22.960 How long, how long are we living?

00:17:25.780 I'm 40.

00:17:26.860 If the, I'm 34.

00:17:28.280 Okay.

00:17:28.820 If.

00:17:29.480 Where are you going to put us to 80, 90?

00:17:32.100 If we're lucky.

00:17:33.240 I don't know.

00:17:33.680 Or it might, they might come up with some seed oils.

00:17:36.540 Right.

00:17:37.060 And we could go 120.

00:17:38.420 Well, that, that, Silicon Valley wants us to live to 500.

00:17:41.660 I don't really want to live to 500.

00:17:42.860 I don't.

00:17:43.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:44.140 So you're, you're talking 60 years.

00:17:47.000 Okay.

00:17:47.360 Is a stretch.

00:17:48.160 That's like the crazy stretch.

00:17:49.000 So let's say 50.

00:17:50.140 Yes.

00:17:50.520 Max.

00:17:51.700 Colony on Mars in 50 years.

00:17:52.900 What is a colony?

00:17:55.040 What is a woman? 1.00

00:17:57.000 Matt?

00:17:57.580 I don't know.

00:17:58.280 I would say, how many people, does that have to be like the Mayflower?

00:18:04.660 It has to be Mayflower.

00:18:05.040 Somebody could, the Mayflower equivalent, the Christopher Columbus equivalent, led by

00:18:09.380 Elon Musk.

00:18:10.020 Imagine Elon Musk, then in 1492, with that 600 years, then he gets canceled.

00:18:15.620 Yes.

00:18:15.860 Like Christopher Columbus.

00:18:16.820 And then they discover that he's secretly a Converso Jew. 0.77

00:18:21.440 Oh, secretly.

00:18:22.240 They found that out.

00:18:22.640 Did you hear that about Columbus?

00:18:23.420 Really?

00:18:23.740 Yeah, I don't know if I believe it.

00:18:24.500 After all this time.

00:18:25.200 Yeah, that's what they say.

00:18:25.940 Okay, a colony on Mars will be established in our lifetime.

00:18:28.420 Yes.

00:18:33.180 I say no.

00:18:34.320 No way.

00:18:34.960 No way.

00:18:35.740 No way.

00:18:36.140 No way.

00:18:36.720 That's all fake.

00:18:37.720 Yeah.

00:18:38.300 Because there's no such thing as outer space.

00:18:40.540 Wow.

00:18:41.680 What is up there?

00:18:42.620 Did I?

00:18:43.600 You can go for it.

00:18:44.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:45.360 No, I believe in outer space.

00:18:48.560 I believe in the spherical...

00:18:50.340 Okay, I've heard a lot of conspiracies.

00:18:51.820 I didn't know that was one of them.

00:18:52.920 You know, the flat Earth and the sort of the celestial...

00:18:56.300 And they just made it.

00:18:57.040 ...crystal domes.

00:18:57.820 Okay, nobody's been up there.

00:18:58.960 Yeah.

00:18:59.500 But I believe in outer space.

00:19:00.680 Yeah.

00:19:01.000 And I believe that Mars exists.

00:19:03.200 But we're not going.

00:19:05.720 We're not going.

00:19:06.600 We're not going.

00:19:07.300 Listen, my roommate who goes, dude, he heard about Elon going to Mars.

00:19:14.260 And he goes, they're looking for people.

00:19:17.160 And he goes, I'm going to apply.

00:19:19.100 I go, dude, what contribution?

00:19:24.240 You've made no contributions to Earth, my guy.

00:19:27.660 We're sitting here at 2.30 in the afternoon.

00:19:30.360 You got Dorito dust on your fingers saying you can't cook.

00:19:35.780 You can't harvest.

00:19:37.440 You can't fix anything.

00:19:38.640 Can he fly like nuclear-powered jet?

00:19:41.680 No.

00:19:42.500 He's on Southwest.

00:19:44.840 Sea boarding group.

00:19:46.020 Where are you going, dude?

00:19:48.160 You got a long way to go.

00:19:50.320 They're not going.

00:19:50.900 Before you contribute to Mars.

00:19:52.360 If people want to go to Mars, just say, again, just forgive your dad, number one.

00:19:59.640 Or just say you want to end your life.

00:20:03.200 Yeah.

00:20:03.680 And then we'll give you some antidepressants.

00:20:04.880 It would be a suicide trip.

00:20:06.200 What are you doing?

00:20:06.980 Yeah.

00:20:07.560 Also, Earth is nice.

00:20:09.400 Earth is...

00:20:10.060 Have you seen any of the photos of Mars?

00:20:12.880 Have you seen any of the moon?

00:20:14.320 Yeah.

00:20:14.920 Why do we...

00:20:15.480 Who would want to go there?

00:20:16.680 Earth is beautiful and wet and verdant.

00:20:19.940 And you can put a seed in the ground and food comes out of it.

00:20:23.680 And then you can harvest it, squeeze the oil out of the sea.

00:20:26.220 Tell us anywhere in the universe where that exists and we'll...

00:20:29.860 Yeah.

00:20:30.460 Yeah.

00:20:30.800 It's total...

00:20:31.320 The Mars thing is fake news.

00:20:32.440 You likely are not going to heaven unless you physically break the surface of the water when you're baptized.

00:20:41.180 Hold on.

00:20:41.760 Hold on.

00:20:42.060 Now, what do you...

00:20:42.420 I got to...

00:20:42.940 Hold on.

00:20:43.180 Hold on.

00:20:43.480 This was clearly written by my evangelical Protestant producer.

00:20:47.100 But that's about something of it.

00:20:48.120 That's something of mine.

00:20:49.220 But I also...

00:20:50.260 Read it again.

00:20:51.640 You likely aren't going to heaven unless you physically break the surface of the water when you're baptized.

00:20:56.100 Now, does this...

00:20:57.780 If you think of the more traditional high liturgy baptisms, if the priest pours the water on your head, is that breaking the surface of the water or not?

00:21:09.000 No.

00:21:09.280 We're talking about full immersion.

00:21:11.300 Full immersion, which would be Baptist. 0.93

00:21:12.920 Now, what tradition did you grow up?

00:21:14.620 Catholic.

00:21:15.840 Catholic.

00:21:16.440 Mackerel, snap, and papyrus.

00:21:17.580 Oh, so not even Christian. 1.00

00:21:19.320 No, I didn't mean that.

00:21:20.100 It's a sect of Islam, actually.

00:21:22.660 What kind of Catholic?

00:21:24.000 In New York?

00:21:25.500 Yeah, well, I grew up cradle Catholic, but I became an atheist at 13.

00:21:29.520 Okay.

00:21:29.920 And then I was brought back...

00:21:31.500 The short version of it is I was brought back by...

00:21:34.200 By Ben.

00:21:35.180 Wow.

00:21:35.520 It's a really...

00:21:36.400 They have very cool hats in that new form of Catholicism.

00:21:39.240 No wonder he gave you the watch.

00:21:41.000 Welcome back.

00:21:42.440 Welcome to heaven.

00:21:43.240 I was brought back in by a lapsed Catholic who became a megachurch evangelical Protestant in France who then reverted to Catholicism, introducing me to the arguments made by a Calvinist analytic philosopher at a Catholic university, followed by C.S. Lewis, kind of a Protestant, into Chesterton, was a Protestant when he wrote Orthodoxy, became a Catholic, back to the Catholic Church.

00:22:06.820 And that's how you got here.

00:22:07.820 It was dizzying.

00:22:09.260 Wow.

00:22:09.820 Yeah.

00:22:10.340 That's like religious trance.

00:22:13.380 You don't know which one you are.

00:22:14.900 You're always going back.

00:22:15.800 You finally settled.

00:22:16.320 Who are you?

00:22:16.860 You've come back.

00:22:17.820 At the end of our travels, we arrive where we started.

00:22:20.440 Well, I did...

00:22:20.900 I think after COVID, I went to...

00:22:24.380 I did this series called First Time Visitor.

00:22:27.900 Yeah.

00:22:28.160 And I just went to every church.

00:22:29.980 I went to all of them.

00:22:31.520 I go, I want to just see.

00:22:32.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:33.060 I went to cowboy churches.

00:22:34.900 I went to Pentecost dancing churches, black churches.

00:22:37.540 I went to all of them.

00:22:38.800 I go, I want to see which one...

00:22:41.000 And everybody does baptism different.

00:22:42.400 They...

00:22:43.000 Yes.

00:22:44.580 Now, Z, you're guessing me?

00:22:46.500 You've got to guess me, I guess.

00:22:47.900 And read it again.

00:22:49.020 You likely are not going to heaven unless you physically break the surface of the water

00:22:53.420 when you're baptized.

00:22:54.880 Okay, but that's a confusing question.

00:22:56.620 It's very good.

00:22:57.760 You're likely...

00:22:58.860 If you...

00:22:59.640 No.

00:23:02.360 Meaning...

00:23:03.000 Well, and it's kind of a double negative.

00:23:05.040 No, you are...

00:23:06.500 You're likely not...

00:23:07.220 I do...

00:23:07.820 I disagree with that being saying you're...

00:23:09.460 You're saying, yes...

00:23:10.760 Yeah.

00:23:12.220 No, you are not less likely to go to heaven unless...

00:23:16.220 Okay.

00:23:17.100 Correct.

00:23:17.780 I don't...

00:23:18.820 Full immersion versus pouring over doesn't...

00:23:20.760 Doesn't matter.

00:23:21.320 Doesn't change it for you.

00:23:22.800 However, our Lord tells us you have to be baptized.

00:23:26.800 He does.

00:23:27.360 Some people today, they minimize the sacraments and even baptism.

00:23:31.040 Yep.

00:23:31.240 And that's why you guys got a...

00:23:32.680 You guys got a stranglehold on the sacraments.

00:23:35.280 Pretty robust on the sacraments.

00:23:36.040 Yeah, you're good.

00:23:36.980 You're a big sacrament energy over there.

00:23:38.100 Yes.

00:23:38.660 Yeah.

00:23:39.060 You're big sacraments over there.

00:23:40.180 But this is...

00:23:40.860 You know, in modernity, we say that all the physical...

00:23:42.360 What's modernity?

00:23:43.360 Yeah, it's...

00:23:44.280 The sacraments?

00:23:44.720 There's women in it. 1.00

00:23:45.440 No, like, you know, the modern world.

00:23:47.180 Oh, modern.

00:23:48.080 Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

00:23:48.660 We are...

00:23:49.580 We tend to believe that physical things don't matter.

00:23:53.160 So we're iconoclasts.

00:23:54.960 We now say the body doesn't matter.

00:23:56.380 You can be a woman or whatever. 0.63

00:23:57.540 Yeah.

00:23:57.740 But...

00:23:58.140 Oh, great point.

00:23:58.980 You...

00:23:59.580 I think you have to be baptized.

00:24:03.100 Yeah.

00:24:03.700 But we could do...

00:24:04.840 We could do...

00:24:05.380 Probably not with this.

00:24:06.240 No, but...

00:24:06.640 But I could baptize you with this.

00:24:07.780 With that, yes.

00:24:07.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:08.520 Because you're like, well, is it full immersion?

00:24:10.720 In the baby, you were dunked.

00:24:12.600 I was...

00:24:13.220 Yeah, I don't know how vigorous they were with you.

00:24:15.280 Yeah.

00:24:15.580 But at least a little pouring on the head.

00:24:16.920 Yeah.

00:24:17.680 Yes.

00:24:18.180 Well, because, you know, they go, well, we don't...

00:24:20.180 Like, in Catholicism, the grape juice or the wine becomes the blood.

00:24:26.240 Yes.

00:24:26.880 Yes.

00:24:27.340 And the host becomes the blood.

00:24:28.240 Yes.

00:24:28.520 And I don't...

00:24:29.260 And I don't...

00:24:29.860 Like, I have...

00:24:30.480 I used to talk about how...

00:24:31.580 I don't...

00:24:32.160 I don't...

00:24:33.100 Like...

00:24:34.740 I still have...

00:24:35.680 The God of the Old Testament...

00:24:37.540 Yeah.

00:24:38.000 Like, I still...

00:24:40.080 He's still around.

00:24:41.840 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:42.400 And, like, I know the judgment.

00:24:43.780 He's going to, like, all that.

00:24:45.080 But, like...

00:24:45.400 He's the same guy.

00:24:46.120 But, like, when the rappers, like, wear the cross necklaces, I go, I'd be careful with

00:24:51.120 that.

00:24:51.340 Yeah.

00:24:51.720 I don't, like...

00:24:54.240 I wouldn't take it lightly.

00:24:55.160 Yeah, neat.

00:24:55.680 No, that's what I'm saying.

00:24:56.380 I wouldn't take it lightly.

00:24:56.540 I go, you're, like...

00:24:58.460 You see, like, you know, when Lil Nas X wore that, like, the Jesus on the...

00:25:02.620 And I go, and the Jesus' blood in the shoes, I go, I don't...

00:25:08.100 You don't see, like, the miracles of the Bible and the God's, like, power and the cloud

00:25:13.500 of smoke and the pillow.

00:25:14.320 You don't see that.

00:25:15.620 But I go, I would be careful with that.

00:25:18.660 Yes.

00:25:18.940 I don't know what...

00:25:19.880 Does that make sense?

00:25:20.780 It does.

00:25:21.180 It makes a lot of sense.

00:25:22.200 Because there is actually a verse that is very...

00:25:24.680 Like, when...

00:25:25.640 In your Bible or mine?

00:25:26.600 You know, in the correct Bible.

00:25:27.980 Yeah.

00:25:29.400 The only laugh.

00:25:30.620 Yeah.

00:25:31.020 The, you know...

00:25:32.900 God is not mocked.

00:25:34.680 Yes.

00:25:35.180 So, like, when these guys...

00:25:36.880 Look, I think if a rapper is kind of interested in the symbols of Christianity, it kind of leads

00:25:44.220 him...

00:25:44.520 Okay, good, good.

00:25:45.780 But if you're going to be, like, Lil Nas X, not twerking...

00:25:48.860 Directly.

00:25:49.840 Yeah.

00:25:50.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:50.700 You did the thing on The Devil, you remember that?

00:25:52.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:52.840 And I would...

00:25:54.680 Who am I?

00:25:55.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:56.100 I would caution against it.

00:25:56.860 Dude, I still say, oh, my gosh, just in case.

00:25:58.860 Yes.

00:25:59.160 I certainly...

00:25:59.520 Yeah.

00:25:59.660 I'm not saying...

00:26:00.380 You're not catching me.

00:26:01.320 No.

00:26:01.980 Like, I feel like God's like, I better hurt an SH on this. 0.91

00:26:05.380 Yeah.

00:26:05.900 Like, I'm...

00:26:06.380 Hey.

00:26:07.720 In by a technicabic.

00:26:08.720 Yeah.

00:26:08.960 Hey.

00:26:09.660 Like, yeah.

00:26:10.560 I'm still...

00:26:11.760 Like, people are looser with the rules.

00:26:14.220 You know, when I was growing up, and now, you know, now, they're, you know, there's

00:26:18.540 R-rated movies that kids are watching, or they're, like, you know, they kind of don't

00:26:23.600 respect authority anymore.

00:26:25.180 I go, y'all, like, you're not going to catch me on this.

00:26:27.880 That's...

00:26:28.280 Yeah.

00:26:28.480 Not at all.

00:26:29.240 I'll take...

00:26:29.560 I'll still take my hat off for a prayer.

00:26:31.000 Yeah.

00:26:31.660 Just in...

00:26:32.660 Yeah.

00:26:33.060 As you should.

00:26:33.740 Yeah.

00:26:33.960 You know what's coming back?

00:26:35.040 Women wearing veils in church. 0.77

00:26:36.520 Have you seen this?

00:26:37.340 Is it?

00:26:37.880 Yes.

00:26:38.260 There was a whole article about it.

00:26:39.680 Yeah.

00:26:40.100 So you know it's real.

00:26:40.860 Yeah, it has to be real.

00:26:41.800 I've noticed it.

00:26:42.320 It's all the young ladies. 0.99

00:26:43.560 Well, we need to get back.

00:26:44.340 That's...

00:26:44.540 We need to get back a little bit to the...

00:26:46.460 Show a little respect.

00:26:47.740 Yeah.

00:26:47.920 Yeah.

00:26:48.400 I'll still wear it.

00:26:48.980 Now, if you...

00:26:52.180 The tricky thing is at meals.

00:26:54.720 So, I pray before meals.

00:26:56.840 Yeah.

00:26:57.040 Yeah.

00:26:57.380 But, you know, eat at a Mexican restaurant before chips?

00:27:01.860 Yeah.

00:27:02.400 This is a big question.

00:27:04.080 Yeah.

00:27:04.360 See?

00:27:05.280 That should be the next question.

00:27:06.400 And especially, it's also, like, if you're sitting with people who are not believers.

00:27:10.500 Yeah.

00:27:10.860 Do you...

00:27:11.620 Like, what I prefer to do is scream the grace in their faces.

00:27:14.920 Got to.

00:27:15.300 Yeah.

00:27:15.480 So they get it.

00:27:16.160 Yeah.

00:27:16.260 So they get it.

00:27:17.200 Yeah.

00:27:17.340 I think that's only...

00:27:18.020 Do you go before...

00:27:19.100 I mean, obviously, if they bring out bread...

00:27:21.740 You're not praying before bread.

00:27:23.180 I...

00:27:23.640 You pray before the main course.

00:27:25.680 I think it is acceptable to pray before the main course.

00:27:27.900 I will...

00:27:28.700 What if you're only getting appetizers?

00:27:30.060 Yeah.

00:27:30.340 I actually...

00:27:31.220 I pray before the bread, generally.

00:27:32.800 You do?

00:27:33.820 I will sometimes pray before eating like a jelly bean.

00:27:36.960 I will.

00:27:37.640 I will.

00:27:38.200 Call it a little scrupulous or something.

00:27:41.260 Yeah.

00:27:41.360 Yeah.

00:27:41.440 But you get up there in the end and you go, well, glad I was safe.

00:27:44.200 Yeah.

00:27:44.520 Yeah.

00:27:44.640 You're like, yeah, but Michael, what about all those other sins?

00:27:46.340 Yeah.

00:27:46.680 Yeah.

00:27:46.700 You're like, oh, well, hold on.

00:27:47.880 I thought, did you notice those?

00:27:48.940 Yeah.

00:27:49.200 Are you sure?

00:27:49.700 Yeah.

00:27:49.780 We had pebble ice.

00:27:51.060 Yeah, I know.

00:27:51.660 What about my slushie?

00:27:52.520 All right.

00:27:53.040 My turn?

00:27:53.560 Mm-hmm.

00:27:54.940 Here we go.

00:27:56.940 Chick-fil-A has been on a slow yet steady decline since they stopped allowing employees

00:28:01.160 to hand make their lemonade.

00:28:04.180 Certainly.

00:28:06.160 I, you know, it's...

00:28:07.640 They got...

00:28:08.040 Every city you go to, it seems like there's one popping up.

00:28:11.400 Mm-hmm.

00:28:11.740 But I used to work there.

00:28:14.620 And this is, I'm guessing this is a story where I was in charge of making the lemonade

00:28:21.560 and I got, you know, it's three things in there.

00:28:25.160 Yeah.

00:28:26.340 Water, lemon, sugar.

00:28:28.600 That's it.

00:28:29.080 That's it.

00:28:29.440 That's all you need.

00:28:30.240 Chick-fil-A, that's all you need.

00:28:31.260 And they pray for it.

00:28:32.300 Yeah, probably.

00:28:32.640 I'm sure they do.

00:28:33.540 Yeah.

00:28:34.180 Got the water, got the...

00:28:34.960 And I was 15 years old, by the way.

00:28:36.700 Saturday afternoon, packed.

00:28:38.320 Got the water, got the lemonade.

00:28:39.580 There's three people waiting at the counter.

00:28:42.720 We need some, yeah.

00:28:44.620 Couldn't find this third.

00:28:46.500 Nowhere to be seen.

00:28:47.380 I'm a new employee.

00:28:48.400 Uh-oh.

00:28:48.700 This is my...

00:28:49.500 I go...

00:28:51.180 Let's go.

00:28:51.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:52.340 Why not?

00:28:52.500 Five gallons.

00:28:53.300 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:53.900 You can't just...

00:28:54.760 Your forearm's clean.

00:28:55.780 Yeah, dude, I got it in there.

00:28:57.140 I got it mixed all up and I went and said...

00:28:58.640 Did you have a, like a glove on or anything?

00:29:01.860 No.

00:29:02.240 No.

00:29:02.760 Nah, short-sleeved.

00:29:03.900 Raw.

00:29:04.120 Short-sleeved.

00:29:05.340 All right, yeah.

00:29:06.640 Wow.

00:29:07.220 You got a phrase for everything, but you weren't going to say raw.

00:29:09.080 I wasn't on this show.

00:29:10.380 I respect that.

00:29:11.060 You know, this is...

00:29:11.560 We're trying to be a family program.

00:29:13.040 I don't think that's...

00:29:14.420 Now they use that phrase, if you just fly on an airplane but don't watch a movie.

00:29:18.000 Yeah.

00:29:18.480 Yeah.

00:29:18.700 Raw dog in a flight.

00:29:19.540 Yeah.

00:29:20.260 Have you done it?

00:29:21.140 Yeah, no.

00:29:21.920 I don't have it.

00:29:22.700 No, that's crazy.

00:29:23.840 I once heard...

00:29:24.460 I would never do it.

00:29:24.800 I'm not going to say who it was, that a very serious presidential candidate and governor

00:29:28.180 of Florida...

00:29:29.180 But I'm not going to say who.

00:29:30.380 Okay.

00:29:30.720 That he does that.

00:29:31.780 Is he related to me?

00:29:33.500 He might be.

00:29:34.720 Is that who we're talking about?

00:29:35.440 Yeah.

00:29:35.820 No.

00:29:35.980 Same last name as me?

00:29:37.880 No.

00:29:38.380 No, no.

00:29:38.820 Not that one.

00:29:39.240 Okay.

00:29:39.580 All right.

00:29:39.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:42.200 No, that guy.

00:29:43.160 That guy is so decadent.

00:29:44.480 He'd probably be eating like...

00:29:45.800 That's what people think I'm related to.

00:29:47.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:47.660 He's old.

00:29:48.480 Charlie Criss.

00:29:49.280 Yeah.

00:29:49.640 I would never think so low of you.

00:29:51.460 Oh, yeah.

00:29:51.820 No way.

00:29:52.780 No chance.

00:29:54.480 They're on a steady decline.

00:29:55.940 No, it's your turn.

00:29:56.740 Is it my turn?

00:29:57.360 Yeah.

00:29:57.680 Okay.

00:29:57.860 Okay.

00:29:57.940 A woman will be the president... 1.00

00:30:01.620 Why is it?

00:30:02.700 I know.

00:30:03.220 They're all the women questions. 1.00

00:30:04.020 All right.

00:30:04.260 A woman will be the president of the United States in our lifetime. 1.00

00:30:09.360 A woman will be president in our lifetime. 1.00

00:30:15.800 And we're saying this before Mars, I guess.

00:30:18.380 Mm-hmm.

00:30:18.740 Yeah.

00:30:20.620 You think...

00:30:21.820 Mr. Davies, would you please give me another point?

00:30:33.080 No, I don't think so.

00:30:34.420 You don't think so?

00:30:35.280 Look, the...

00:30:35.700 I agree.

00:30:37.260 Yeah, I don't think so.

00:30:37.820 But I thought you would say yes.

00:30:39.800 The country is becoming decadent and ridiculous and all the rest of it.

00:30:43.060 Yeah.

00:30:44.280 However, I was talking to a female friend of mine and...

00:30:50.140 Breaking news.

00:30:50.880 Yeah, I was.

00:30:51.400 She says, you know, Michael, I just...

00:30:55.140 I know it's politically incorrect, nonetheless.

00:30:56.140 And I don't think you can do an accent, but go ahead.

00:30:58.140 Now, listen, she's from Mexico. 1.00

00:30:59.800 Yeah.

00:31:00.140 Well, Michael, you know, I don't...

00:31:02.140 I don't...

00:31:03.140 I know it's politically correct, but I don't want a woman to be president. 1.00

00:31:07.300 Yeah.

00:31:07.480 She said this to me.

00:31:08.280 Yeah.

00:31:08.860 And I think many people, including many women, have that prejudice.

00:31:15.640 Yeah.

00:31:16.220 I think 2016 to 2024, you compare those two elections.

00:31:20.640 Yeah.

00:31:21.740 Trump won men by, like, one more point.

00:31:23.920 Okay, yeah.

00:31:25.140 He won women by... 1.00

00:31:27.140 Or he didn't...

00:31:28.880 He...

00:31:29.660 Kamala lost support among women by, like, seven points.

00:31:32.700 Really?

00:31:33.080 They did not...

00:31:33.800 They don't...

00:31:34.340 They're not voting for the lady.

00:31:36.080 Yes.

00:31:36.380 Look, you can say that's good or bad.

00:31:37.760 I don't...

00:31:38.020 I'm just saying that's...

00:31:38.700 Talk to them.

00:31:39.400 Talk to them.

00:31:40.140 Talk to the ladies. 1.00

00:31:40.940 So you think it won't happen?

00:31:42.160 I don't think...

00:31:43.100 Not yet.

00:31:43.800 It could have at some point.

00:31:44.960 Wouldn't you have thought that...

00:31:47.900 Not in terms of those candidates, but in 2016, 2024, this culturally would have been the time.

00:31:56.660 Except you've got to remember, there's a gap between the elites who want to castrate your children.

00:32:02.340 Yeah.

00:32:02.660 And ordinary people.

00:32:04.000 Yeah.

00:32:04.520 And ordinary people are not...

00:32:06.120 They really...

00:32:06.720 They're not that progressive, actually.

00:32:08.320 Yeah.

00:32:08.640 They don't...

00:32:09.780 Turns out, they look at their paycheck and go, what's this being taken out of here?

00:32:13.500 Yes.

00:32:13.800 They didn't really quite...

00:32:14.920 Think about the women, too.

00:32:15.900 First of all, if Dragon Lady Hillary couldn't wrest that power from the men, you know, I don't 0.99

00:32:20.880 know that any other woman would.

00:32:22.560 And the women who strive to be president...

00:32:25.740 Yeah.

00:32:26.820 I don't think they're the most popular women, among men or women.

00:32:31.220 Interesting take.

00:32:32.480 Yeah.

00:32:33.340 They're not the ones that you want to hang with.

00:32:35.500 No.

00:32:35.980 Queen Elizabeth?

00:32:37.400 Yeah.

00:32:37.660 Sure.

00:32:38.340 Make her Queen of America, whatever.

00:32:40.040 I think I'm good.

00:32:41.040 Yeah.

00:32:41.440 You want her on the show? 1.00

00:32:42.820 I think I'm good.

00:32:43.640 Can someone get her?

00:32:44.440 Yeah.

00:32:44.760 Queen Elizabeth?

00:32:45.360 Yeah.

00:32:46.140 But it's an interesting point.

00:32:48.420 Who would you pick?

00:32:52.300 Yeah.

00:32:52.720 Not that we've seen.

00:32:53.780 Well, luckily, there won't be any more presidential elections now that Trump is back in.

00:32:56.960 Okay, yeah, yeah.

00:32:57.400 It'll go to Barron, Octavian.

00:32:59.560 And then we're going to get...

00:33:00.540 Somebody's going to dig this up in 40 years.

00:33:03.320 We told you.

00:33:04.160 Yeah.

00:33:04.460 Yeah.

00:33:04.640 Yeah.

00:33:05.980 Or the mayor and the men that don't even have genders.

00:33:08.600 That's true.

00:33:09.120 Yeah.

00:33:10.000 Think about it this way, though.

00:33:10.980 If they dig this up in 40 years, and we're now several decades into Emperor, Baron, Octavian's reign,

00:33:18.060 then we're going to look like geniuses.

00:33:19.200 Yeah.

00:33:19.580 We're going to look like geniuses.

00:33:21.280 That's what I tell myself every day.

00:33:22.460 Just like our parents are like, dude, we've got to shoot this eight-track tape.

00:33:26.220 We're going to be like, okay.

00:33:27.920 So there's this website called YouTube.

00:33:31.080 Yeah.

00:33:31.400 And they're like, what was it?

00:33:32.800 I was like, okay.

00:33:33.660 So you could just upload.

00:33:36.820 You could do anything.

00:33:37.820 First of all, you had to find internet.

00:33:39.520 And they're like, so internet wasn't everywhere?

00:33:41.060 You'd be like, no.

00:33:42.000 Internet?

00:33:42.600 You'd be like, yeah.

00:33:43.060 So there was this thing called the internet.

00:33:44.420 All right.

00:33:44.660 And it was mostly.

00:33:45.840 Yeah.

00:33:46.220 But there were some to also.

00:33:48.100 Yeah.

00:33:48.620 Card games that you could watch.

00:33:50.240 And there was the AOL.

00:33:52.100 And then there was this website called YouTube.

00:33:54.080 Yeah.

00:33:54.380 And anybody could put whatever they want on it.

00:33:56.240 Yeah.

00:33:56.560 Yeah.

00:33:56.820 But they couldn't just think it in AI and it would go up there.

00:33:59.920 They could do anything they wanted.

00:34:01.380 But it was mostly cat videos.

00:34:02.920 Yes.

00:34:03.440 They had to film it.

00:34:04.580 And then go and then press upload.

00:34:07.260 And it would take, like, sometimes it would take an hour.

00:34:09.720 They're like, what?

00:34:10.800 Yeah.

00:34:11.120 Huh?

00:34:11.360 Yeah.

00:34:12.020 They were just talking to us in like the glass jars that we're preserved in.

00:34:15.320 Plugged into the matrix.

00:34:17.280 We're still feeling good, though.

00:34:19.540 Australia finally did something right when they banned social media for kids under 16.

00:34:24.120 Australia finally did something right.

00:34:27.740 And they banned social media for kids under 16.

00:34:32.180 Easy.

00:34:32.840 Easy.

00:34:33.220 Easy.

00:34:33.520 That's not even.

00:34:33.900 100%.

00:34:34.340 That was a weak question.

00:34:35.840 That's a fine point for me.

00:34:37.680 But that's a weak question.

00:34:38.980 Who disagrees with that?

00:34:40.540 Yeah.

00:34:40.980 Yeah.

00:34:41.420 They are a penal colony that they do all sorts of terrible things.

00:34:45.740 Yeah.

00:34:46.160 But that.

00:34:46.520 We'll overlook that.

00:34:47.240 That's a no-brainer.

00:34:48.080 Yeah.

00:34:48.960 Yeah.

00:34:49.800 We should.

00:34:50.360 If anything, it should be, like, just a blanket.

00:34:54.440 Like, hey, you don't have it.

00:34:55.260 Yeah.

00:34:55.400 Yeah.

00:34:55.540 No phones.

00:34:56.140 We didn't know about it.

00:34:57.100 Yeah.

00:34:57.340 We didn't have it.

00:34:57.880 Yeah.

00:34:58.100 You don't have anything.

00:34:58.820 No.

00:34:59.100 You can't be.

00:34:59.580 It can't be out here on the internet.

00:35:01.040 No.

00:35:01.420 But they can't.

00:35:02.460 You can't buy a cigarette.

00:35:03.780 Yeah.

00:35:04.080 You can't vote.

00:35:04.820 Yeah.

00:35:05.160 You can't.

00:35:05.660 What else can't you do?

00:35:06.300 Get a tattoo?

00:35:06.720 I think giving your kid access to the internet, other than in the most circumscribed way, where

00:35:12.060 you're like, you're just over their shoulder while you're doing homework or whatever.

00:35:14.800 I think it's child abuse.

00:35:17.300 Wow.

00:35:18.180 I think it's child abuse.

00:35:18.600 Because they're just going to either, most likely they're just going to look at porn.

00:35:24.660 They're going to find it.

00:35:25.580 They're going to find it in me.

00:35:26.600 They're going to find it.

00:35:27.040 Yeah.

00:35:27.160 They're going to.

00:35:28.380 But let's say they don't even get into the porn.

00:35:30.300 They're going to be on social media.

00:35:31.680 They're going to get all these kind of weird body issues. 1.00

00:35:33.960 Yeah.

00:35:34.060 And they're going to talk to weirdos.

00:35:35.480 And it's just, there's no good to come from that.

00:35:38.680 You could argue, we shouldn't have it.

00:35:41.020 Yeah.

00:35:41.380 True.

00:35:41.700 You're right.

00:35:42.020 You're right.

00:35:42.880 And we're adults.

00:35:43.780 Why are we doing this show?

00:35:45.060 I mean, we should have this show.

00:35:47.480 Yeah.

00:35:47.760 Yeah.

00:35:48.340 That's an interesting point.

00:35:49.520 Yeah.

00:35:49.720 I don't think, 60, I mean, I didn't, when did you start?

00:35:53.320 We were at the, you didn't have it at 16, didn't you?

00:35:54.640 I remember getting my first computer.

00:35:56.420 And I remember getting the internet.

00:35:58.800 I was like six when we got the internet dial up.

00:36:02.060 And then I had a MySpace, my user handle was something to the effect of Italian Stallion

00:36:07.840 or something.

00:36:08.100 Oh, we're going to find it.

00:36:08.840 We're going to look it up.

00:36:09.760 We're going to look it up.

00:36:09.780 It's somewhere, yeah.

00:36:10.360 Italian Stallion.

00:36:10.980 And then I had Facebook pretty quickly.

00:36:15.540 Yeah, earlier.

00:36:16.120 But it's like 2000, what?

00:36:18.520 Five-ish, six or something.

00:36:19.780 Okay, yeah, yeah.

00:36:19.940 When you had to have a college.

00:36:21.500 Yeah, yeah.

00:36:22.400 It was like they did, and they brought it to high schools, yeah.

00:36:25.220 But then you get, but like the idea that, I remember being up, like with AOL, Instant

00:36:30.160 Messages.

00:36:30.480 I think what they're talking about in social media is like, we should not be conversing

00:36:36.040 with criminals.

00:36:37.880 No.

00:36:38.140 Or like your kids.

00:36:39.880 When you're talking about the internet, where you can, I think a kid could go on with some

00:36:43.880 control YouTube.

00:36:45.100 Yeah, maybe.

00:36:45.960 Look at whatever, yeah.

00:36:47.080 Or maybe go, yeah, I don't know.

00:36:48.600 With the parent watching.

00:36:50.180 Maybe the Michael Knowles show.

00:36:51.100 Yeah, yeah.

00:36:52.080 Exclusively.

00:36:52.820 Anything from Daily Water.

00:36:53.960 But once you get, I remember somebody like messaging me on Instant Messenger, and I was

00:37:00.460 like, what is going on?

00:37:04.100 It was like a woman, and I was like, wait. 0.99

00:37:05.960 It was not a woman, by the way.

00:37:06.900 Yeah.

00:37:08.920 I've been chasing that high ever since.

00:37:10.800 Talking Matt.

00:37:14.840 Matt said it was not a woman.

00:37:15.740 No, it was not.

00:37:16.520 What is a woman? 1.00

00:37:17.140 It wasn't who you were talking about.

00:37:18.180 Certainly not.

00:37:18.740 For sure.

00:37:19.640 Many prescribed psychotropic drugs actually work by dampening the user's ability to sense

00:37:24.540 spiritual realities.

00:37:25.720 How would I answer that?

00:37:33.900 Yes, only inclusively, though.

00:37:35.420 Because they actually work by dampening your sense of everything.

00:37:38.600 A lot of things.

00:37:39.160 You just become insensitive.

00:37:40.460 Yeah.

00:37:40.840 But part of that is grappling with spiritual realities.

00:37:45.060 So I'm not saying it dampens your ability to see demons or something.

00:37:47.260 Yeah.

00:37:47.420 It just deadens your perception of everything.

00:37:50.460 Who cares about what people say about me on Twitter?

00:37:54.720 Yeah.

00:37:55.040 I now care about nothing.

00:37:57.160 I care about nothing.

00:37:57.860 Yeah, this is not a heightening.

00:37:58.600 I've never been happier.

00:37:59.200 Yeah, this is not a heightening.

00:37:59.940 I can't feel anything.

00:38:00.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:01.740 Those are bad.

00:38:02.960 One in five women are on those drugs. 1.00

00:38:04.740 Really?

00:38:05.220 Yes.

00:38:06.020 One in five women. 0.96

00:38:06.780 What is included in them?

00:38:09.200 I thought it was just mushrooms.

00:38:09.920 All the antidepressants.

00:38:10.940 Oh, yeah.

00:38:11.220 No, no, no.

00:38:11.480 I'm not saying like LSD or something.

00:38:13.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:13.960 But like the antidepressants, all the heavy psych drugs.

00:38:16.880 Psychotropic drugs.

00:38:17.520 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:17.660 That's the antidepressant.

00:38:18.740 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:19.620 You said psychedelic.

00:38:21.200 I believe.

00:38:21.900 I want to go back to the tape.

00:38:22.780 I believe I said psychotropic.

00:38:24.740 Okay, all right.

00:38:25.580 The psychedelic drugs.

00:38:26.640 I was thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:27.880 I don't know.

00:38:28.300 In some cases, I wonder if they actually open one up to spiritual realities.

00:38:33.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:33.660 Maybe you shouldn't be open to it.

00:38:34.660 You shouldn't be, yeah.

00:38:35.740 All right, so the antidepressants is what you're talking about.

00:38:37.720 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:38.340 All that stuff.

00:38:38.440 And then you're just kind of like your sex drive is limited.

00:38:43.440 Yeah.

00:38:43.620 And you're just kind of.

00:38:44.500 You're every feeling.

00:38:45.620 It's just a little dim.

00:38:46.840 Yeah.

00:38:47.120 But you're not going to kill yourself.

00:38:48.580 Yes.

00:38:48.940 But they just.

00:38:49.740 Except the side effect of these drugs is that you kill yourself.

00:38:52.160 Unfortunately.

00:38:52.780 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:53.240 Isn't that, you know.

00:38:53.900 Again, it could come back to picking up the phone, calling your dad.

00:38:59.040 In that case, it legitimately does.

00:39:01.480 Yeah.

00:39:01.860 And even, I was talking to my wife about this.

00:39:05.480 I'm not knocking all of psychiatry and psychology over this.

00:39:08.000 Gosh, dude, that's so crazy.

00:39:09.120 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:09.520 The conversation I was having with my wife was, it's not that all psychology is, there's something

00:39:14.880 to psychology.

00:39:15.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:16.440 It's just because in modern atheist life, we got rid of confession.

00:39:21.800 Like, you no longer confess your sins to a minister of God.

00:39:24.580 Gosh, yep.

00:39:24.960 So you just, like, talk to some guy.

00:39:27.320 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:27.560 And you're like, you know, my dad, he didn't hug me enough.

00:39:30.920 Yeah.

00:39:31.060 And then they're like, great, here are some drugs.

00:39:33.060 Yeah.

00:39:33.440 That's it.

00:39:33.880 It's just a sad replacement for sacrament, I think.

00:39:39.100 Dude, I think, I'm not Catholic.

00:39:40.860 But I've long since said that the Catholic Church does have that figured out.

00:39:45.780 Yeah.

00:39:45.920 Now, unfortunately, you've got to talk to a minister, and you might know him from week to

00:39:49.520 week, or I don't know how it actually works out.

00:39:51.060 You can throw your voice if you have a radio show.

00:39:52.760 Yeah.

00:39:53.100 I've heard it.

00:39:53.960 I've heard it.

00:39:54.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:55.020 But in, when that, is it called a sacrament?

00:39:58.080 What's it called?

00:39:58.640 Yeah, the sacrament.

00:39:59.380 The confession is a sacrament.

00:40:00.600 Yeah.

00:40:01.060 That you go, I mean, I've been in counseling, or, you know, they're just like, hey, just write

00:40:06.200 it down.

00:40:06.800 Yes.

00:40:07.040 And burn it.

00:40:07.780 Yeah.

00:40:08.100 Meaning what?

00:40:08.820 Get it out of here.

00:40:11.140 Yes.

00:40:11.500 And then you usually find that you tell a buddy, and he goes, oh, yeah.

00:40:16.040 Maybe he doesn't say same, but he goes, oh, yeah, I knew a, and you go, what?

00:40:20.840 So this isn't, it's not just me?

00:40:22.700 Yeah, and then you can go down the process.

00:40:24.980 If you can't tell somebody, there's things you can do before that, and then you tell somebody,

00:40:29.360 and now, if you've been in the practice of it, there's no shame in it.

00:40:33.200 That's the other thing.

00:40:34.260 And that may be what the depression was, was the.

00:40:37.260 Yes.

00:40:38.200 Yeah, because that's what, that, we should start something.

00:40:40.600 This is what, we should start up, I was going to say cult, but.

00:40:43.600 Yeah.

00:40:44.460 Like, that's how it goes.

00:40:46.140 Tell us.

00:40:46.420 This is where all of this ends, I think.

00:40:49.100 It, you know, with, I've said it before, but I'm not the first to observe it.

00:40:53.980 Yeah.

00:40:54.220 The devil always tells you, right when you're about to sin, he's like, oh, just sin.

00:40:56.700 It's no big deal.

00:40:57.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40:57.560 And then the minute you sin, he's like, ha ha, you'll never, you'll never be forgiven.

00:41:00.900 Bad person.

00:41:01.220 But it's truly, if you just, if you, at a psychological level, if you just say it.

00:41:06.380 No, you're not, you're, you're not wrong.

00:41:08.800 And then you go, hey, I have lied, cheated, stolen.

00:41:14.480 Should I verbalize those things?

00:41:19.260 No.

00:41:19.760 Take this.

00:41:21.140 Really?

00:41:21.800 I mean, and I'm saying this to myself.

00:41:23.880 Yes.

00:41:24.160 Louder, yeah.

00:41:24.740 Sorry, I'm saying this too, but then you go, we're the same.

00:41:27.500 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:28.280 Then you go, hey, if, like I was at the, at the Taylor Swift concert, you know, I went

00:41:34.000 down in, in New Orleans, and it was great.

00:41:36.020 And everybody in there was somehow the, the, the victim, or that they're struggling, or

00:41:43.760 some guy, this and that.

00:41:45.020 And I, dude, I'm sitting in a, I'm sitting in a seat that's $3,000.

00:41:50.700 Yeah.

00:41:51.180 I go, I want it.

00:41:51.640 You got the cheap seat.

00:41:52.340 Yeah.

00:41:52.600 And I'll go, hey, pause the show really quick.

00:41:54.160 Pause the show.

00:41:54.760 Everybody here, or I know you're all crying about, hey, you're doing great.

00:41:59.800 Yeah.

00:42:00.140 You're doing great.

00:42:01.640 You're doing great.

00:42:02.660 Dude, just a, just a quick celebrate.

00:42:04.480 You're all, you're doing very well.

00:42:06.660 Very, very well.

00:42:08.760 Let's just keep that in mind before we're all.

00:42:10.720 A little perspective here.

00:42:12.600 Let me just, and that's, that's oftentimes when somebody goes, you know, they get out

00:42:16.180 of, off the internet, go to, my buddy right now is in Africa, and he goes, dude, I have

00:42:21.420 no problems.

00:42:22.440 Yeah.

00:42:22.900 Compared to.

00:42:24.480 Yeah, like I heard in Africa, some of the latte machines don't even froth the milk 1.00

00:42:29.220 properly.

00:42:29.760 Unbelievable.

00:42:30.160 Can you imagine?

00:42:30.660 What are we doing here?

00:42:31.300 I know.

00:42:31.620 I know.

00:42:32.760 Nah, this is wild.

00:42:33.660 So, it would be more difficult to be a practicing Christian at Yale University than a practicing

00:42:38.840 homosexual at Sanford University, where I graduated from.

00:42:43.140 Hold on.

00:42:44.080 Let me read that again with a straight face.

00:42:45.580 Sorry.

00:42:45.860 Look at that.

00:42:46.220 Yeah.

00:42:46.780 Hold on.

00:42:47.260 My producer also went to Sanford and is very much a practicing homosexual. 0.89

00:42:51.540 So, can you read it just so I have it?

00:42:55.340 He's like, I'm not saying for me.

00:42:57.740 It would be more difficult to be a practicing Christian at Yale University than a practicing 0.99

00:43:04.760 homosexual at Sanford University, which is a Baptist college in Alabama.

00:43:11.960 And before we get into this, I feel like you or me need to say what practicing is.

00:43:20.520 Yeah.

00:43:21.500 What are you practicing?

00:43:22.840 You would have to say who has a robust religious life.

00:43:28.080 Not just praying in your own head, but actually doing the things that attain to religion.

00:43:32.980 Okay.

00:43:33.320 So, you're not having alcohol in your dorm.

00:43:35.800 You're Catholic.

00:43:37.240 It's actually required that you have that wine.

00:43:37.880 I would say it depends on what, yeah.

00:43:40.180 You're going to church.

00:43:41.180 Going to church.

00:43:41.860 You've got a Bible.

00:43:43.420 You're carrying a Bible with you.

00:43:44.820 You're praying in the cafeteria.

00:43:46.260 You're praying before meals.

00:43:47.160 Yeah, that kind of thing.

00:43:47.760 And what is a practice?

00:43:48.440 You're not, you're trying not to sin.

00:43:50.440 You're, you know.

00:43:51.040 Yeah.

00:43:51.620 Oh, mostly that.

00:43:52.680 I was just doing, yeah, yeah.

00:43:53.660 Trying to follow the book.

00:43:55.100 And what is a practicing homosexual doing? 0.94

00:43:57.120 Well, I don't.

00:43:58.640 Do I have a chalkboard or anything?

00:44:00.200 I can, I think, yeah.

00:44:01.680 I'm not an expert, believe it or not, even though I went to Yale.

00:44:04.140 But.

00:44:05.620 Oh, you did?

00:44:06.560 I did.

00:44:07.460 Oh.

00:44:08.220 But I was an atheist.

00:44:09.040 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:09.260 So, I wasn't really a practicing.

00:44:10.720 They should have been practicing atheists. 1.00

00:44:12.640 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:13.800 That's pretty easy at Yale, actually.

00:44:18.340 It would be more difficult to be a practicing Christian at Yale than a practicing homosexual at Sanford. 0.70

00:44:22.480 No.

00:44:23.240 No.

00:44:23.540 And here's why.

00:44:24.680 Well, you tell me your answer.

00:44:26.060 Did I get it right?

00:44:27.380 I think it's harder to be a practicing homosexual at Yale.

00:44:29.900 Yes.

00:44:30.200 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:44:31.380 Even though at Yale it's required to be a practicing homosexual, some people still avoid it.

00:44:36.200 The reason is that if you're a Christian, you have the benefit of grace.

00:44:40.720 Yeah.

00:44:41.000 And grace strengthens you in the virtue of all the rest.

00:44:43.560 Whereas at Sanford, I imagine they're pretty strict on the weird stuff.

00:44:50.060 Yeah.

00:44:50.420 Yeah.

00:44:50.980 Yeah.

00:44:51.220 And you might get away with having a rainbow koozie. 0.86

00:44:55.320 Yeah.

00:44:55.740 But that's about as far as that.

00:44:57.340 That's it.

00:44:57.640 Is that a euphemism?

00:44:58.420 Yeah.

00:44:59.040 I hope not.

00:45:00.560 Nice.

00:45:01.100 The old rainbow koozie.

00:45:02.380 That's about as far as it worked again, dude.

00:45:04.280 Back when my uncle was in Vietnam, he had a few rainbow koozies. 1.00

00:45:07.480 Okay.

00:45:09.160 The real reason excavation of Gobleki Tepe was stopped after 5% completion is because

00:45:14.980 it's connected to Noah's Ark, constructed post-flood.

00:45:19.060 Wow.

00:45:20.780 What do you mean constructed post-flood?

00:45:23.500 I have no idea what he meant by that.

00:45:25.960 So I'm going to leave off.

00:45:27.180 What do you mean construct?

00:45:28.380 Oh, Noah's Ark.

00:45:29.760 Let's just say Noah's Ark.

00:45:30.300 Let's just say Noah's Ark and pretend that this was written in a coherent way.

00:45:33.880 No.

00:45:34.440 The answer is no.

00:45:35.120 Because Noah's Ark is in...

00:45:36.780 Turkey.

00:45:37.240 In Kentucky, I thought.

00:45:38.340 Oh, yeah.

00:45:39.380 I messed up your joke, dude.

00:45:40.400 I messed up your shit.

00:45:42.160 That's the real one.

00:45:42.980 But Gobleki Tepe is...

00:45:44.660 I thought that was in Turkey.

00:45:46.000 Is that not?

00:45:46.500 It is.

00:45:46.800 I think it is.

00:45:47.520 It is.

00:45:47.880 So then would you answer...

00:45:49.680 I don't think it's connected to Noah's Ark.

00:45:51.800 Yeah.

00:45:52.160 Or necessarily...

00:45:52.620 I don't think that's why it was stopped, at least.

00:45:54.020 Yeah.

00:45:54.240 Do you think that is why?

00:45:55.920 I do not.

00:45:58.080 There's always those documentaries.

00:45:59.600 Yeah.

00:45:59.740 They were like, look at this board from a satellite.

00:46:03.620 It looks like...

00:46:05.620 And I go back to the...

00:46:08.340 I go back to the miracles of the Bible.

00:46:13.160 Many people witnessed.

00:46:15.640 You walked across the Red Sea.

00:46:18.000 Yeah.

00:46:18.340 Got to the other side and go, nah, I don't think it's real.

00:46:20.940 Yeah.

00:46:21.200 They started complaining as soon as they got there.

00:46:22.780 Yeah.

00:46:23.220 You know, the people witnessed every...

00:46:25.240 You saw the holes in Jesus' hands and you go, I don't think so.

00:46:29.080 Five seconds later, you're saying...

00:46:30.640 You go, mm...

00:46:31.960 And the unbelievable miracles of the New Testament, they witnessed them in person.

00:46:37.120 Yes.

00:46:37.460 And they still go...

00:46:39.220 So I've long since said, if you're looking for...

00:46:42.760 If we found that thing...

00:46:44.240 Yes.

00:46:44.640 ...it would solidify it for me.

00:46:47.540 Yes.

00:46:47.900 It would not.

00:46:48.460 It would be...

00:46:49.020 But, you know, they do this...

00:46:50.200 They would not.

00:46:50.800 There was a headline just the other day about this.

00:46:53.060 What Jesus really looked like.

00:46:55.380 And whenever you see past tense, you know, you're dealing with a big lib atheist. 0.73

00:46:59.480 Yeah.

00:47:00.060 A non-believer.

00:47:01.140 Yeah, okay.

00:47:01.900 But what do they always do?

00:47:03.140 So I think we have pretty good images of our Lord.

00:47:05.360 I think we have a good idea of what our Lord looks like.

00:47:06.880 Right.

00:47:07.200 Because we have the Shroud of Turin, which strikes me as miraculous.

00:47:11.340 But we have pretty consistent depictions of our Lord throughout history, going back to antiquity.

00:47:16.940 And they all roughly look the same.

00:47:19.020 The same.

00:47:19.420 And then the libs always basically concoct a picture of a monkey on AI or something.

00:47:24.740 And they say, no, that...

00:47:25.620 And you say, why do you think that's what our Lord looks like?

00:47:27.540 Yeah.

00:47:27.860 And they say, well, because, you know, he was a Palestinian...

00:47:30.100 Why is his nose like that?

00:47:30.760 Yeah.

00:47:31.240 They say, yeah, it's because we found a random skull in the ground.

00:47:34.340 And we see...

00:47:34.760 Like, I don't know.

00:47:35.800 There are 15 people in this room.

00:47:37.980 We all look the same.

00:47:38.620 You're going to find our skulls.

00:47:39.440 So they always do this.

00:47:40.740 And what conclusions are you going to draw from it?

00:47:42.720 Right.

00:47:43.080 That we found the skull.

00:47:44.020 We found...

00:47:44.600 Also, whenever they reconstruct it, they always make him look like an orangutan or something.

00:47:49.900 It's so obviously...

00:47:52.340 And he looks like Mel Gibson.

00:47:55.840 Or Jim Caviezel.

00:47:56.760 Yeah, Jim Caviezel.

00:47:58.100 Jim Caviezel.

00:47:58.960 No.

00:47:59.560 Yeah, I missed that one.

00:48:00.160 Wallace was the one who looked like Mel Gibson.

00:48:02.300 I mean, there's people that saw pulling the coin out of the donkey's mouth.

00:48:07.020 Yes.

00:48:07.360 And then they go, I don't believe it.

00:48:08.500 Right.

00:48:08.720 That happens in people's lives.

00:48:10.960 People experience miracles.

00:48:12.400 Yeah.

00:48:12.600 And then they...

00:48:13.240 Five seconds later, they say, oh, well, never mind.

00:48:14.940 Including me and you, by the way.

00:48:16.200 Yes, that's right.

00:48:16.780 Including me and you, by the way.

00:48:17.140 Five seconds later, you're just like, so where can I sin again?

00:48:19.120 Yeah.

00:48:19.540 Can I go sin?

00:48:20.420 Yeah.

00:48:20.720 They were like, we don't...

00:48:21.740 God's not healing anybody that can't walk anymore.

00:48:25.000 Yeah, because doctors do that a thousand times a day.

00:48:27.440 And also, sometimes people miraculously heal.

00:48:29.760 And that's a miracle.

00:48:30.700 Yes.

00:48:30.900 Yeah, that you're like, dude, that people...

00:48:33.900 Real talk, and it's funny that I've been sober for five years.

00:48:40.000 I've been sober for five seconds.

00:48:41.260 Five.

00:48:41.500 It is a miracle.

00:48:44.200 Yes.

00:48:44.680 Yeah, yeah.

00:48:44.860 It is.

00:48:45.320 Right, right.

00:48:45.820 There is...

00:48:46.260 Nobody can tell me that that's not a miracle.

00:48:48.140 I didn't realize this until...

00:48:50.340 You know, I have buddies who are recovering addicts and alcoholics and stuff.

00:48:53.420 And I always used to think when they'd say in AA or whatever, you know, you can't do

00:48:57.600 this without a higher power.

00:48:58.860 And I was an atheist.

00:48:59.480 I was like, yes, it's just you.

00:49:00.500 Take some credit for yourself, whatever.

00:49:01.900 And then when I matured and actually spoke to people who have been through this and actually

00:49:06.380 experienced my own, I don't know, attempts at growth in virtue and experience of grace,

00:49:11.400 you realize, yeah, no, you couldn't.

00:49:13.880 You would be a drop-down drunk without God's grace.

00:49:16.700 Let alone without just, hey, no, like I said, social media.

00:49:21.900 Just let it, let anything run its course.

00:49:24.260 Yes.

00:49:24.800 It leads, you will die.

00:49:26.120 Yes.

00:49:26.420 And I'm pretty sure there's a verse about that.

00:49:27.820 I think so.

00:49:28.280 Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a couple of verses about that.

00:49:30.320 All right, here we go.

00:49:32.540 When you think about it, most, okay, most of Trey Kennedy's bits are basically the white

00:49:38.380 woman version of blackface. 1.00

00:49:40.240 Wow.

00:49:40.860 Hold on, hold on.

00:49:41.820 Whoa, wow.

00:49:42.600 Read that again.

00:49:43.460 When you think about it, most of Trey Kennedy's jokes are basically the white woman version

00:49:48.180 of blackface.

00:49:51.900 Who's guessing?

00:49:53.420 You are.

00:49:53.880 I'm guessing your answer.

00:49:55.200 Yeah.

00:49:57.580 No.

00:49:58.160 No, what are you talking about?

00:49:59.500 Really?

00:49:59.860 Do you think so?

00:50:00.560 Yeah.

00:50:01.320 No.

00:50:01.840 Yeah, absolutely.

00:50:02.980 But I don't necessarily.

00:50:03.700 You think it's appropriation?

00:50:04.840 I don't see it as necessarily a problem for a comedian to make jokes.

00:50:08.700 Yeah.

00:50:08.900 That's what I'm saying.

00:50:09.140 Well, okay, I got you there.

00:50:10.500 I'm not making any specific claims about it, but as a general rule, I support comedians

00:50:15.120 making jokes.

00:50:15.760 Yeah, same.

00:50:16.220 So do I.

00:50:17.140 So even if that were the description, I'm not necessarily.

00:50:19.580 Well, you just got to think about what, well, and I do it the same, is that who's consuming

00:50:26.880 the product?

00:50:29.360 White women. 1.00

00:50:30.020 Yes.

00:50:30.500 So they've clearly signed off on it.

00:50:32.520 Yes.

00:50:32.900 Same with me.

00:50:33.440 And all the jokes I make about Christianity, they've clearly signed off of it. 0.56

00:50:37.060 They're the ones at the show.

00:50:38.820 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:39.500 But I will say, how far do you go if you were impersonating a woman?

00:50:46.580 You'd be like, oh my God, girl, yes.

00:50:48.480 Okay, you'd do that.

00:50:49.480 Some people would go, I'll wear a wig.

00:50:51.840 Yeah.

00:50:52.220 Some people would go, I'll wear a wig, I'll wear a dress.

00:50:55.720 Some people say, I'll have the surgery.

00:50:57.240 Some people go, I'll wig, I'll wear the dress, I'll stuff my bra.

00:50:59.880 Like, they're where, and it's where do you.

00:51:03.240 Where do you draw the line?

00:51:04.640 Well, to me, it seems to depend on the propriety of the joke.

00:51:08.020 Yep.

00:51:08.660 One time I was driving, there was some blackface non-traversy that was going on. 1.00

00:51:12.700 Non-traversy.

00:51:13.360 Did you make that up?

00:51:14.240 I will take credit for it.

00:51:15.280 I like that.

00:51:15.820 Can I use that?

00:51:16.300 It's a good, you can steal it.

00:51:17.340 I'm going to say it's from you.

00:51:18.360 Good.

00:51:18.820 Non-traversy.

00:51:19.920 That's a non-traversy.

00:51:20.840 I like that.

00:51:21.220 So I get in an Uber in LA, and my driver's a black guy.

00:51:24.780 But I knew he was a conservative, because he was driving a Cadillac and had like an American

00:51:28.680 flag somewhere.

00:51:29.460 So we're driving around, and something about blackface came on the radio.

00:51:32.400 Yeah.

00:51:32.640 And I said, oh yeah, you saw that blackface scandal? 0.97

00:51:35.140 He goes, oh man, I don't care.

00:51:37.840 Like, if it's in good fun.

00:51:39.500 Ask them.

00:51:40.040 Yeah, right.

00:51:40.960 And I think, oh, it's mostly angry white liberals who are making a big deal out of this.

00:51:47.300 To keep it going.

00:51:48.360 To keep it going.

00:51:48.760 Like, there's a kid that, like, dressed up as, like, his favorite black football player.

00:51:54.280 Yeah.

00:51:54.540 And painted his, he loves that player.

00:51:57.220 Yes.

00:51:58.020 What?

00:51:58.540 Yeah.

00:51:59.140 Usually, like, well, he's not doing that.

00:52:00.700 He's not doing it in malice.

00:52:02.820 Right.

00:52:03.200 Right.

00:52:03.320 Yeah.

00:52:03.640 Like, when I dressed up as Malcolm X.

00:52:06.020 Yeah.

00:52:06.580 On Sunday.

00:52:07.000 It's not in malice.

00:52:09.100 Yes.

00:52:09.420 Yeah.

00:52:09.720 That's right.

00:52:10.140 Yeah.

00:52:10.940 Malcolm X is a good one.

00:52:13.640 You know who I wouldn't dress up as?

00:52:15.820 What?

00:52:17.020 Jesus.

00:52:17.900 I would not.

00:52:18.640 I know.

00:52:19.220 Okay.

00:52:20.300 But J.B. Beasel did.

00:52:22.780 I...

00:52:23.100 He's making a movie.

00:52:25.540 Because I've done a bunch of bits about the disciples and, you know, Bible characters.

00:52:31.040 And I...

00:52:32.120 Yeah.

00:52:32.340 Jesus and Mary.

00:52:34.060 Yes.

00:52:34.480 Right.

00:52:34.620 I go...

00:52:35.020 Right.

00:52:35.420 Yes.

00:52:36.240 Both.

00:52:36.720 And everybody was human in the Bible.

00:52:38.480 So, imagine if, you know, my parents told me when I was going to get to heaven, I was

00:52:41.760 going to meet them.

00:52:42.500 Yeah, yeah.

00:52:42.820 And I was going to meet, you know, Goliath.

00:52:44.820 Not right.

00:52:45.220 Goliath.

00:52:45.600 He's in hell.

00:52:45.940 Yeah, probably.

00:52:46.380 I was going to meet David or whoever, right?

00:52:49.920 Then you go, oh, I saw that bit you did about me and it was funny.

00:52:53.540 Yeah, yeah.

00:52:53.920 I go, I'm not...

00:52:55.080 Just like the cross necklace or the oh my gosh.

00:52:57.900 I go...

00:52:59.580 No.

00:53:00.300 For some views?

00:53:01.860 Yeah.

00:53:02.300 I...

00:53:03.780 No.

00:53:04.300 And I see it every now and then.

00:53:06.200 And I go, I just...

00:53:07.400 I don't think I'm doing...

00:53:09.140 I'm not doing a bit about our Lord or his mother.

00:53:13.340 No, no, no.

00:53:13.720 No, thanks.

00:53:14.400 Just like, yeah, I see people from Halloween dressed up as Jesus or, you know, down on the

00:53:20.500 beach or...

00:53:21.180 I go, that...

00:53:23.860 Yeah.

00:53:24.620 I say...

00:53:25.500 I can't say you shouldn't do it, but I go...

00:53:28.000 Unless I'm acting in Persona Christi, I don't think so.

00:53:30.240 You're on your own on that one.

00:53:31.860 Gender reveals are a way for couples to signal that they should be avoided as friends at all 1.00

00:53:38.500 costs without question.

00:53:40.100 Well, is that fair?

00:53:42.040 I'll give you the point, because that was my gut reaction.

00:53:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:45.360 But they all do it now.

00:53:46.680 Yeah.

00:53:47.020 They all do it.

00:53:48.080 Including...

00:53:48.640 Including...

00:53:49.760 Look, some are murderers, some are...

00:53:51.760 But some, I assume, are good people.

00:53:53.460 Yeah.

00:53:53.680 And some are, I think, I assume, good people.

00:53:55.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:56.480 But I don't like the gender reveal. 0.97

00:53:59.080 They...

00:53:59.680 If the...

00:54:00.120 You know Trump is like, you know, the panel appointments?

00:54:03.080 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:03.380 Me and you, gender reveals.

00:54:07.140 Send it to us.

00:54:08.300 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:08.720 We decide...

00:54:09.760 We'll give you the stamp of approval.

00:54:11.200 Because my sister-in-law had one, and we were down at the beach, and I knew the guy that

00:54:15.880 had the helicopter.

00:54:17.380 I got him to fly over and put out the confetti or whatever, and it was great.

00:54:22.940 I did it for her.

00:54:24.280 But yeah, if you're saying, hey, come to my house on Saturday afternoon, when the game's

00:54:28.840 on, by the way, and we're going to sit in our backyard, and we're going to fill out a

00:54:33.120 Q&A.

00:54:34.320 Forget about the Q&A.

00:54:35.900 What do you think it's going to be?

00:54:36.880 What they do is they blow things up, and then people die.

00:54:40.080 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:54:40.560 How many people have died of gender reveals? 0.88

00:54:42.440 Forest fires.

00:54:42.940 Yeah.

00:54:43.180 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:43.760 Explosives.

00:54:44.220 Yeah.

00:54:44.440 Yeah, that's the problem.

00:54:45.620 I say, you know, go ahead and do it, but just like, whatever gender, that kid better 1.00

00:54:53.240 go on to be successful.

00:54:54.860 That kid better go on to be successful, dude.

00:54:57.400 No, this is my, you know, I actually think, I told my wife, I wanted to do, I had a buddy

00:55:00.880 who, for his first or second kid, he went to the bakery, gave the test results, the

00:55:06.520 baker did like a blue icing or something, and I said, oh, that's kind of cute.

00:55:11.100 I told my wife I wanted to do that.

00:55:12.000 She goes, absolutely not.

00:55:13.020 That's gauche and ridiculous.

00:55:14.140 I'm not doing that, Mac.

00:55:15.100 It's what, ridiculous?

00:55:16.560 Gauche.

00:55:17.060 I don't know if she actually said gauche.

00:55:18.260 What is that?

00:55:18.780 It's the French word.

00:55:19.960 Oh, gauche and ridiculous.

00:55:21.060 Okay, got it.

00:55:21.600 Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

00:55:22.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:55:22.840 And so, she said, absolutely not, Mac.

00:55:25.040 And, but I kind of like the idea of it, however.

00:55:29.240 I like celebrating things.

00:55:30.480 Yeah, but I don't want to, yeah, I like, and whimsy, but I don't want to get my head

00:55:34.680 blown off.

00:55:35.540 No, I don't want to get my, yeah.

00:55:37.080 I said, I just, in general, in general, and this doesn't count because this is our job.

00:55:42.140 This, if, is, is this for the internet?

00:55:45.840 This is, this is for the internet.

00:55:46.860 No, is it, is this gender reveal for the internet? 0.98

00:55:49.380 Oh, yes.

00:55:49.620 Is it for you?

00:55:51.240 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:55:51.960 Like, because you, have you seen like a, have you seen like a, I saw it the other day,

00:55:56.300 like a kid's birthday party?

00:55:57.800 I was like, this, this kid hates this.

00:56:00.400 Yeah.

00:56:00.680 This kid is not enjoying this.

00:56:01.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:02.400 Like, it's for, you went over the top of the decor and then are like, tag all these businesses

00:56:07.560 that help, I go, oh, this is for the internet.

00:56:09.620 That's awful.

00:56:10.280 This is for the internet.

00:56:11.040 I'll go, I'll go a step further.

00:56:12.680 Not the kid.

00:56:13.460 No kids on social media.

00:56:14.500 Not even, not accessing social media.

00:56:16.660 I mean, I, people should not post their kids to social media.

00:56:20.020 Until, yeah.

00:56:20.880 Until ever.

00:56:21.920 Until they're 25.

00:56:23.020 I don't know.

00:56:23.320 They can decide.

00:56:24.260 Yeah, they don't want to.

00:56:25.180 Why does, you know, I think about this.

00:56:27.040 Yeah.

00:56:27.520 Or using them for, for likes.

00:56:30.380 It's tough.

00:56:30.940 It's tough.

00:56:31.060 So that some stranger, by the way, there's going to be some creep out there.

00:56:34.060 There's going to be, it's the internet.

00:56:35.380 It's the internet.

00:56:35.900 Some creep is good.

00:56:36.660 Why do you want some stranger looking at your kid?

00:56:38.260 The internet is, I think that, like, I, everything came around and that, you know,

00:56:42.660 when the radio came out, I'm sure they were like, this is, right?

00:56:48.620 Yeah.

00:56:49.300 Like, I can't, you just can't have these influences coming into your house.

00:56:52.380 You don't know what they're going to say.

00:56:53.320 Yeah.

00:56:53.680 Right?

00:56:54.240 TV came out.

00:56:55.560 I can't believe you just have all these channels.

00:56:58.020 Yeah.

00:56:58.280 The internet came out.

00:56:59.580 Social media came out.

00:57:00.620 I think, I do have great hope in the, in the future that they will figure it out.

00:57:04.900 Yeah.

00:57:05.180 Then they go, I can't believe back in like 2020s that we were just letting everybody

00:57:11.480 on it.

00:57:11.880 People would post their five-year-olds on, you know, Instagram so that mommy can feel

00:57:17.440 the adrenaline rush.

00:57:19.200 Wow.

00:57:19.980 Her high school sweetheart commenting on it or something.

00:57:23.440 See, like, I'm making them jealous.

00:57:25.020 Yeah.

00:57:25.720 Men, oh, this is a good one.

00:57:28.160 Good one to end on.

00:57:29.100 Men should never take a paternity leave. 0.81

00:57:31.000 Not because there's anything wrong with taking care of the family, but because you don't

00:57:36.100 want people to think you're a lesbian. 0.99

00:57:37.880 Okay.

00:57:38.460 I didn't, I didn't read the end of that.

00:57:40.500 Hold on.

00:57:41.700 Hold on.

00:57:43.860 Who's guessing?

00:57:44.900 You got to guess what I think.

00:57:46.660 Men should never take a paternity leave. 0.81

00:57:48.020 Not because there's anything wrong with it, but because they don't want people to think

00:57:51.140 you're a lesbian. 1.00

00:57:55.120 Does any more need to be said?

00:57:56.980 I think that's it.

00:57:57.620 I think that's.

00:57:58.600 That about covers it.

00:57:59.640 Self-evident.

00:58:00.440 Yeah.

00:58:00.640 I, I, what, imagine, I mean, we, we got makeup on for this.

00:58:05.780 Yeah.

00:58:05.940 So we're, we don't really qualify to speak on.

00:58:08.320 And I'm wearing stilettos.

00:58:09.540 Just.

00:58:09.620 Yeah.

00:58:09.860 Yeah.

00:58:10.140 Yeah.

00:58:10.300 You can't see it, but I don't think if you're, if you're at a, if you're in a coal mine.

00:58:17.140 Yeah.

00:58:18.340 Are you, are you, say, fellas, I'll be back in April.

00:58:22.220 I got to go chest feed.

00:58:23.680 My baby's having a baby.

00:58:25.620 I don't think so.

00:58:26.500 I take the time, if they're paying for it, I'll take the time, but I'm going to play

00:58:30.280 a call.

00:58:31.400 Well, this is the problem.

00:58:32.340 Yeah.

00:58:32.620 If you're getting paid for it.

00:58:33.940 This is the other real problem.

00:58:34.980 Yeah.

00:58:35.920 I've taken hours of paternity leave.

00:58:38.020 Yeah.

00:58:38.780 Multiple.

00:58:39.340 We scheduled my wife's most recent delivery.

00:58:41.700 Yeah.

00:58:41.800 It was a C-section.

00:58:42.700 Around the show?

00:58:43.480 Around the show.

00:58:44.120 Yes.

00:58:44.540 Yeah.

00:58:44.740 Yes.

00:58:44.960 And I came in and I did the show.

00:58:46.320 I was joking.

00:58:47.000 The next morning, we scheduled it.

00:58:48.740 It was like, it's supposed to be Sunday.

00:58:50.060 Yeah.

00:58:50.200 We do Monday.

00:58:50.980 Then you can do the show.

00:58:51.800 Yeah.

00:58:51.980 You did it.

00:58:52.500 And then I did a, actually, I did a second film shoot and then I went back to the hospital.

00:58:57.020 Yeah.

00:58:57.160 And so maybe that's an extreme, but part of me says, what was I going to do?

00:59:01.260 She's in the hospital.

00:59:01.900 What were you going to do?

00:59:02.320 The nurses.

00:59:02.720 She told me, go away for a few hours.

00:59:04.460 And then I stay home for, I'm going to change.

00:59:06.620 We don't want you here.

00:59:07.660 Yeah.

00:59:08.160 Actually, you know what would be helpful?

00:59:10.440 Go to work, make us some money and send me a nanny. 1.00

00:59:13.940 Yes.

00:59:14.180 Not you.

00:59:15.040 Yeah.

00:59:15.220 You have clearly shown your best contribution to this family is in the coal mine.

00:59:20.820 The coal mine.

00:59:21.640 Yeah.

00:59:22.500 Not here helping you make a bottle.

00:59:25.640 What am I, I'll just mess that up.

00:59:27.380 Yeah.

00:59:27.580 And then, so if I go out and make the money, if I work extra hard, I can maybe afford one

00:59:33.120 night of a night nurse.

00:59:34.300 Have you heard, you know night nurses?

00:59:35.140 Uh-huh.

00:59:35.460 Have you, did you ever, night nurses, it is the most lucrative profession on the face of

00:59:39.920 the earth.

00:59:40.380 Yeah.

00:59:40.680 They make $100 million an hour.

00:59:42.860 And they come in overnight?

00:59:44.420 Yes.

00:59:44.760 And they sleep for a lot of the night.

00:59:46.980 Gosh, dude, yeah.

00:59:47.980 And they're proud.

00:59:48.280 But it is, it is a tough job because then the baby wakes up.

00:59:50.620 My buddy said that he said before he got married, and I don't know if, take this, take

00:59:54.900 it, take it or leave it.

00:59:55.840 He said before he got married, you know, he's a businessman, you know, he said, hey, babe,

01:00:00.500 look, if I have an hour free, everybody, you're not going to want me fixing the toilet,

01:00:07.660 hanging the mirrors, doing the laundry.

01:00:10.520 If I can do an hour of work on this computer, I will make this family millions of dollars.

01:00:18.440 I will never cut the grass, but I will always have enough money we would pay for, have some,

01:00:24.040 and they shook hands, and they never talked about it again.

01:00:27.340 This is what I tell my wife.

01:00:28.240 I say, you don't want me hanging the pictures or fixing the toilet.

01:00:30.540 No.

01:00:30.820 Because if I can go do one hour of work at Daily Wire's wages, I can bring home $13 to

01:00:36.740 $14 before taxes.

01:00:39.240 If Ben approves.

01:00:40.020 And if Ben sends me my check.

01:00:42.040 Yeah, from this guy.

01:00:43.580 And then we can hire an illegal alien and lock him up in our home and never let him out. 1.00

01:00:49.580 And we just show him what to do.

01:00:50.980 He's like, we can't speak the same language.

01:00:52.140 No, no, no.

01:00:53.720 I think we solved it, brother.

01:00:55.760 Who won?

01:00:57.600 It's tied right now?

01:00:58.700 Who runs this show?

01:01:00.220 I have no idea.

01:01:01.520 I work so hard around here to read what people put me on the...

01:01:06.160 Do we have a tiebreaker?

01:01:09.780 All right, ready?

01:01:12.760 Forget about that.

01:01:13.760 You've done enough, Mr. Davies.

01:01:15.540 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

01:01:16.560 Two out of three?

01:01:17.040 Yeah, do it.

01:01:17.620 Yeah.

01:01:18.000 Two out of three.

01:01:19.780 And on shoot.

01:01:20.940 All right.

01:01:21.220 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

01:01:22.260 All right.

01:01:22.560 Ready?

01:01:23.400 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

01:01:25.600 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

01:01:27.600 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

01:01:28.700 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

01:01:31.200 No!

01:01:32.600 Let's go, baby.

01:01:35.100 Come on, dude.

01:01:35.920 I was in your head the whole time, dude.

01:01:37.920 Oh, my.

01:01:39.480 You were in my head the whole time.

01:01:40.940 Oh, I was in your head the whole time, dude.

01:01:42.820 Has anyone ever beat you?

01:01:44.580 Once or twice.

01:01:45.360 In the show?

01:01:46.420 I've never done that in the show.

01:01:47.820 Oh, yeah.

01:01:48.120 That was because of the producer error.

01:01:49.560 Yeah, producer error.

01:01:50.660 That was devastating.

01:01:51.640 Yeah.

01:01:52.000 Because people were going to come up to me in public, and they were like,

01:01:55.060 dude, I go, how did you find out about me?

01:01:57.240 They go, yes or no.

01:01:59.040 Yeah, obviously.

01:01:59.580 Michael Goals.

01:02:00.240 Where else?

01:02:00.900 When you beat him.

01:02:01.800 Yeah.

01:02:02.080 John, I guess I would say thank you for coming in.

01:02:04.800 It was extremely well done.

01:02:06.380 Go see John's tour.

01:02:08.920 Jokes for humans.

01:02:11.620 Let's do it.

01:02:12.180 Starting in February.

01:02:14.460 February.

01:02:15.100 We're back.

01:02:16.240 See you next time.

01:02:17.600 That was great.

01:02:18.420 That was hilarious.

01:02:19.080 That was hilarious.

The Michael Knowles Show - December 30, 2024

Blackface, Seed Oils, & Diddy ｜ YES or NO： John Crist

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