The Michael Knowles Show - February 17, 2025


Comedian Ari Shaffir Drinks & Answers Tough Questions： YES or NO


Episode Stats


Length

43 minutes

Words per minute

186.74507

Word count

8,194

Sentence count

1,297

Harmful content

Misogyny

13

sentences flagged

Hate speech

52

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Ari Shafir, whose new Netflix special, America's Sweetheart, is out now, we'll get to see a teaser later. Today, I will ask Ari a Yes or No question. He will select his answer away from my prying eyes, then I will guess how he answered. If I guess correctly, I get a point; if I guess incorrectly, I lose a point. Then, it's Ari's turn.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Is this gay? 0.93
00:00:09.200 Buddy, there's only one right answer.
00:00:10.940 It's not straight.
00:00:11.740 Wow.
00:00:12.320 Now, I am fine with that, being gay.
00:00:14.820 Yeah.
00:00:15.280 Because gay means happy and delightful.
00:00:17.680 No, it means lame and retarded. 1.00
00:00:19.200 And that's what that was.
00:00:30.000 Hello, everybody.
00:00:35.740 I'm Michael Knowles.
00:00:37.380 This is Yes or No.
00:00:40.520 Very exciting.
00:00:42.100 Nice.
00:00:43.340 Welcome to Yes or No, the bibulous battle to discover who knows whom better.
00:00:48.820 My guest today is comedian Ari Shafir, whose new Netflix comedy special, America's Sweetheart, is out now.
00:00:56.080 We'll get to see a teaser later.
00:00:57.520 How do we play?
00:00:58.160 Today, I will ask Ari a yes or no question. 0.86
00:01:01.940 He will select his answer away from my prying eyes.
00:01:05.760 Then, I will guess how he answered.
00:01:08.400 If I guess correctly, I get a point.
00:01:11.520 If I guess incorrectly, I lose a point.
00:01:14.640 No matter how I guess, I will probably drink.
00:01:18.580 Then, it's Ari's turn.
00:01:21.340 Neither of us has seen the questions beforehand.
00:01:23.420 The questions cover various and sundry topics, from the philosophical to the anatomical, and everything in between.
00:01:30.580 Whoever has the most points wins.
00:01:32.840 The stakes could be higher.
00:01:35.780 Let's get started.
00:01:37.480 Ari, thank you for being here.
00:01:38.800 That was great.
00:01:39.520 That was great.
00:01:40.560 That's a fancy-looking drink.
00:01:41.860 It's a godfather.
00:01:42.600 It's the Padron in South America.
00:01:44.440 I've got a martini, though.
00:01:45.740 I don't know.
00:01:45.980 I think someone slipped a mickey in it.
00:01:47.380 It's kind of fizzy.
00:01:48.160 I barely see a bubbly martini.
00:01:51.620 Okay, I always say chin-chin to your health.
00:01:53.420 Bubbly martinis, you can't really cheers them.
00:01:56.120 Okay, that's good.
00:01:57.580 I always say, if you win, you get to drink.
00:02:02.160 If you lose, you have to drink.
00:02:03.520 Okay.
00:02:04.280 I want to stumble out of here.
00:02:05.560 Do you believe that to be a real comic, you cannot be offended by anything?
00:02:14.360 Do you believe that to be a real comic, you cannot be offended by anything?
00:02:21.520 They're good and shuffled?
00:02:22.860 Yeah.
00:02:25.500 Okay, so that's your guess.
00:02:26.900 Okay.
00:02:27.920 Put it right on the stick.
00:02:28.760 It's a real comic, you cannot, I think you're going to say.
00:02:36.440 It's tough, you're actually, to really understand the question.
00:02:42.520 You have to figure out double negatives.
00:02:44.240 You have to really think what the other guy is going to do.
00:02:46.280 I think you say, no.
00:02:50.840 A comedian can be offended by some things.
00:02:54.960 No, okay.
00:02:55.680 The answer is no.
00:02:56.000 You're correct.
00:02:56.760 So there are some limits.
00:02:57.800 Yeah, who says you can't be offended?
00:02:59.800 This is, sometimes you hear this, oh, pure, beautiful comedy.
00:03:03.620 Someone can walk up and call your mother a whore and you have to applaud them for it or whatever.
00:03:07.240 Oh, we just prefer people not be offended, but you can get offended.
00:03:10.460 You just have to, like, leave.
00:03:11.520 Yeah.
00:03:12.460 It's all right.
00:03:13.440 You can be offended.
00:03:14.680 Yeah, my friend made a joke about 9-11 and there was somebody in the audience.
00:03:17.640 He goes, my brother died 9-11.
00:03:19.240 And he was like, oh, this is never going to be for you.
00:03:23.160 You got to go out.
00:03:23.960 You got to get out of here.
00:03:24.740 We're all going to be enjoying this.
00:03:26.140 It's just, you're not going to enjoy this.
00:03:28.600 There's no, you're not going to, you can't tailor that joke to that guy.
00:03:31.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:03:32.140 It's just like a sad thing.
00:03:33.080 Comics get offended, too.
00:03:34.440 Yeah.
00:03:34.780 At, like, lame jokes.
00:03:36.440 Comics get offended because of how lame they are?
00:03:38.520 Yeah, sometimes it's like, you see it roasts, that's the best.
00:03:41.420 You see it roasts, somebody make fun of you, but they'll do something bad.
00:03:43.500 But then, you know, you're on camera, so you're going to go, meh, meh, meh, meh.
00:03:47.000 Yeah, that's offensive when it includes you, too.
00:03:50.680 You know, you're part of it.
00:03:51.920 Yeah.
00:03:52.080 You're sullied by it.
00:03:52.800 I don't mind bad jokes, as long as I don't have to be part of it, yeah.
00:03:55.520 All right, now you're up.
00:03:56.460 Okay.
00:03:57.940 Take your game piece away.
00:03:59.140 Damn, nice.
00:04:00.720 I'm going to be kind of pissed.
00:04:02.820 Okay, production value on this is wild.
00:04:05.340 You guys can't see it.
00:04:06.660 I thought these were going to be printed on here.
00:04:08.300 It's just a piece of paper tape.
00:04:10.000 That's brand name.
00:04:10.440 It's got you paper.
00:04:10.940 It's not even a full tape.
00:04:12.020 They really narrowed it.
00:04:13.180 Like, Jews and Palestinians could solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love
00:04:23.620 of digging tunnels.
00:04:25.800 This is a comparison I have made a lot of times.
00:04:30.400 And, by the way, Mexicans, you're invited to the table.
00:04:34.420 Jews and Palestinians could solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels. 0.98
00:04:40.120 Yes or no?
00:04:41.480 Could Jews and Palestinians solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels? 1.00
00:04:53.980 Yeah, that's a lot to the question.
00:04:56.020 Could they solve those differences?
00:04:59.640 Do they both love digging tunnels?
00:05:01.320 What if they both don't?
00:05:02.700 Still, I guess they could.
00:05:07.780 Okay, I've got my answer.
00:05:08.880 You either think that they could solve their differences through that.
00:05:14.460 I think you're, I don't know enough about you.
00:05:17.340 I think you're the kind of guy who says, get them to the table and we can work anything out.
00:05:21.220 So, I'm going to say that you say, yes, they could solve those differences.
00:05:27.200 There it is.
00:05:28.500 We got a game!
00:05:31.360 They could, because the other thing is, right now, we're thinking two-dimensionally.
00:05:35.320 You know, we're thinking, but really, what if you change the direction of the tunnels?
00:05:39.780 So, like, for instance, the Palestinians are digging tunnels into Israel. 0.93
00:05:43.620 Yeah.
00:05:43.860 What if they dug them into Egypt or something?
00:05:46.320 The Palestinians get their tunnels. 1.00
00:05:47.800 Get rid of that way.
00:05:48.180 The Israelis get rid of the Palestinians. 1.00
00:05:51.080 Yeah.
00:05:51.360 Everyone's happy.
00:05:52.240 Everyone's happy.
00:05:52.840 And then they could have, like, a guest speaker, like someone from Vietnam.
00:05:57.360 Yeah.
00:05:57.680 Yeah, like, let me show you about some barbecues we had down there.
00:06:00.680 You can really doll it up.
00:06:01.620 You guys are just using it for transport.
00:06:03.020 You can live in these things.
00:06:03.960 Yeah, yeah.
00:06:04.940 Wow, that's beautiful.
00:06:06.400 Yeah.
00:06:07.160 Okay.
00:06:09.020 A homeless person started the LA fires.
00:06:13.080 The only way I could really know is if I'm the one who started them.
00:06:22.120 And then it would be, am I homeless or not?
00:06:24.060 Really Cartesian.
00:06:25.180 Yeah.
00:06:25.380 Okay.
00:06:27.060 Let's see.
00:06:27.640 A homeless person started the LA fires.
00:06:39.660 Put these here.
00:06:40.680 These are the ones.
00:06:41.940 Okay.
00:06:50.380 Yes.
00:06:54.240 Ah!
00:06:54.680 Oh, I don't know, but I believe it was PG&E.
00:06:58.760 You do, yeah.
00:06:59.600 With their constant lack of safety measures.
00:07:01.840 Did you think it was PG&E or even, like, Newsom himself?
00:07:05.440 Oh, Newsom went in there and just started fire.
00:07:06.880 Yeah, basically, yeah.
00:07:08.300 Burn it all down.
00:07:09.520 It could also have been a fat chick who's learned to be okay with her body weight, having 1.00
00:07:14.420 her thighs go together so fast that eventually it will start. 1.00
00:07:17.580 Yes.
00:07:18.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:19.380 With jorts or something.
00:07:20.560 Yeah.
00:07:20.580 It just creates a friction.
00:07:21.700 Mm-hmm.
00:07:22.380 Yeah.
00:07:22.880 When she should have walked by.
00:07:23.300 But she could have a home.
00:07:24.460 She could be housed.
00:07:25.220 Yeah.
00:07:25.440 Oh, right.
00:07:26.000 Exactly.
00:07:26.520 Yeah.
00:07:27.500 I really don't know.
00:07:29.000 I don't know.
00:07:29.700 Yeah, it's funny, though.
00:07:30.640 Everybody went right to, like, who did it.
00:07:32.220 Like, hey, go help them, though, first.
00:07:33.880 First time I ever went to LA, I went up.
00:07:36.860 I said, I want to see the Hollywood sign.
00:07:38.220 I love cigars.
00:07:39.340 So I go up.
00:07:40.160 Went up there for the first time.
00:07:41.260 Did you?
00:07:41.760 I lived there for 12 years, been back for 10, and I never was up there.
00:07:44.540 It's like New Yorkers with the Empire State Building.
00:07:46.440 You know, if you're there a lot, you don't go.
00:07:47.820 But I went up, and I said, that's really cool.
00:07:50.200 And you know what?
00:07:50.500 I'm going to smoke a cigar.
00:07:51.860 And all these.
00:07:52.720 Oh.
00:07:53.440 They come by.
00:07:53.880 They're screaming at me.
00:07:55.060 Yeah.
00:07:55.140 I said, what's the matter?
00:07:55.760 They hate smoking?
00:07:56.880 I was like Steve Martin in The Jerker.
00:07:58.280 This guy hates cans, you know?
00:07:59.820 And I'm smoking my cigar.
00:08:01.020 And then I realized it's because it can burn the whole city to the ground.
00:08:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:04.780 They can't even smoke cigarettes in your car on the way up.
00:08:07.480 Yeah.
00:08:07.720 The window's up.
00:08:08.660 Yeah.
00:08:08.960 They're, like, real strict about it.
00:08:10.260 Yeah, yeah.
00:08:10.940 Okay.
00:08:11.200 Did they find out who actually started it, or is it just a bunch of theories?
00:08:14.280 No, it's going to be like Notre Dame Cathedral.
00:08:16.720 They're going to be like, wasn't it the Muslims? 1.00
00:08:18.860 And they'll be like, no, it was, you know, just a random cigarette or something.
00:08:21.900 No one's going to ever find out ever, but it was probably the homeless.
00:08:24.640 I will say, it might not have been PG&A, but PG&A has started over 1,000 fires in California.
00:08:32.080 So why would you think it's not?
00:08:33.440 Yeah.
00:08:34.220 You're right.
00:08:36.920 That's called a lead, boys.
00:08:41.200 The world would be better if everyone had at least one psychedelic trip.
00:08:46.740 Now, what do I know about Michael Knowles?
00:08:48.920 Is he straight edge?
00:08:53.400 Michael, before you answer, I'm going to tell you something.
00:08:55.940 Okay.
00:08:57.520 Do you believe in God?
00:08:58.660 Do?
00:08:59.180 I do.
00:09:00.940 God makes things for reasons.
00:09:02.760 We can't know them all, but he makes things for a reason.
00:09:04.840 Yes.
00:09:05.980 Why would he make mushrooms if he didn't want us to take it?
00:09:08.440 Answer your question.
00:09:09.220 Wow.
00:09:09.940 It's a lot to think about.
00:09:11.240 It's kind of leading the witness, you know?
00:09:15.600 The world would be better if everyone had at least one psychedelic trip.
00:09:18.900 I got to say yes.
00:09:19.820 You'd be crazy not to think that.
00:09:21.360 It would obviously be better.
00:09:23.180 There's only one acceptable answer, Nulls.
00:09:24.780 Could I please have my point?
00:09:25.520 That's crazy.
00:09:26.360 That's crazy.
00:09:27.420 How would it not be better?
00:09:28.860 How wouldn't it be improved?
00:09:30.280 Here.
00:09:30.560 You talk to God.
00:09:31.780 He said, pick up the phone.
00:09:32.780 I want to talk to you.
00:09:33.480 Yeah, but he also created, like, you know, I don't know, avocados doesn't mean I want
00:09:38.720 to eat them.
00:09:39.320 They're no good, but he made them.
00:09:40.840 Everyone had access to avocados.
00:09:42.540 It wouldn't be better.
00:09:43.520 Yeah, but now they won't because Trump is slapping tariff signs.
00:09:46.020 You think it wouldn't be better, though?
00:09:47.720 No, because I'm going to quote Paul McCartney here.
00:09:50.100 Okay.
00:09:50.700 Paul McCartney gave this story.
00:09:52.260 He said, John said, he said, John said, you know, if you have some LSD, then it'll rewire
00:09:58.420 your brain.
00:09:58.940 And I thought, you know, well, my brain's all I got, you know, and I don't want to lose
00:10:02.660 my brain, man, you know.
00:10:04.160 And that's kind of how I feel.
00:10:05.600 I was really tempted by psychedelics.
00:10:08.120 Yeah.
00:10:08.380 Because listen, back in my wayward youth, man, I had a few puffs of the devil's lettuce
00:10:11.820 every so often, you know, a couple of jazz cigarettes, but I had a bunch of friends
00:10:16.240 that got really into acid.
00:10:17.520 Yeah.
00:10:17.960 And mushrooms.
00:10:20.120 But this is the thing, though.
00:10:21.760 Yeah.
00:10:22.620 All it takes is one, man.
00:10:24.380 And then I take some tab of acid, and then I think I'm a banana and start peeling my
00:10:28.540 skin off or something.
00:10:28.880 Only for like 10 hours.
00:10:31.560 It's not forever.
00:10:32.560 What's it like?
00:10:34.360 You just remove yourself from your ego.
00:10:37.000 Yeah.
00:10:37.220 You get to view the whole world without, like, connection to it.
00:10:40.120 And so you can look at yourself with, like, oh, that's a guy who's just going through
00:10:43.860 this, and you're not, like, trying to defend your own actions.
00:10:47.500 So you're like, oh, that guy should, like, tell his friends he loves them more.
00:10:50.120 That guy meaning you.
00:10:51.180 You, yeah.
00:10:51.560 You're viewing yourself.
00:10:51.760 You know everything about that guy.
00:10:52.800 You know a little bit about lots of people, but you know the most about yourself.
00:10:55.980 Yeah.
00:10:56.400 But because you're, like, trying to defend your actions all the time.
00:10:59.740 Yeah.
00:11:00.100 I don't know if that's the ego or whatever, but, like, then you don't, you know, improve.
00:11:03.560 Because, but if you can, like, you ever play golf?
00:11:06.960 Yeah.
00:11:07.340 Play best ball?
00:11:08.480 I, no.
00:11:09.740 Both of you hit a shot, then you decide which shot to hit from there.
00:11:12.320 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:12.960 Everyone ends up, there's some point in the golf course where you hit one here in the
00:11:16.540 sand close, and I hit one further away in the fairway.
00:11:19.900 And we both argue about which one's ball is better.
00:11:21.680 And you're both defending your own ball.
00:11:23.240 Yeah.
00:11:23.420 But if you looked at it with, like, I don't know, here's two balls, we'd agree.
00:11:26.800 Would you agree?
00:11:27.900 Yeah, you'd agree.
00:11:28.600 That one's better, or that one's better.
00:11:30.340 But because you're, like, looking at your own thing, you want yours to be better.
00:11:34.380 So, with mushrooms, it takes away the ability.
00:11:38.080 Did you find, this is my big objection to mushrooms.
00:11:41.720 I've had friends who got into psychedelics, and one thing they tell me.
00:11:45.440 One, though, one, one time.
00:11:46.920 Okay, one, psychedelic.
00:11:48.220 Yeah, okay.
00:11:49.360 One thing they tell me is, you know, man, I've heard this from multiple people.
00:11:52.540 I mean, I'll talk the same way.
00:11:53.380 They'll be like, oh, yeah, you know, man, oh, you know, man.
00:11:56.400 They'll say, I just, I felt so much more at peace with myself.
00:12:00.700 Yeah.
00:12:00.860 I wasn't so worried about, like, sin and guilt and shame.
00:12:05.920 Yeah.
00:12:06.420 But, man, I think guilt and shame are great.
00:12:09.280 Yeah, okay.
00:12:09.700 I'm very pro-guilt and shame, you know?
00:12:12.040 Like, I.
00:12:12.580 My superpower, I don't like superpower, I read not to be able to feel shame.
00:12:15.760 So, I could just do whatever.
00:12:17.180 It's good for a comedian.
00:12:18.060 Yeah, exactly.
00:12:18.900 Karen, you got it.
00:12:19.740 Yeah.
00:12:21.160 All right.
00:12:25.580 Is this racist?
00:12:28.240 And now we're going to watch a video.
00:12:29.840 This is, hold on.
00:12:31.060 I need you to help build a deck.
00:12:34.240 Yes.
00:12:36.600 They think they're coming over to my house.
00:12:38.640 Is this you?
00:12:38.760 Fixed my deck.
00:12:39.540 Yeah, a long time ago.
00:12:40.220 What they don't know is that we're not going to my house.
00:12:42.260 We're going somewhere else.
00:12:43.880 I'm not going to ruin the surprise, but we'll be there in a minute.
00:12:46.140 I remember this video.
00:12:47.360 Yeah.
00:12:47.780 It was early, uh, pre-YouTube.
00:12:51.560 Oh, boy.
00:12:52.020 Was this, like, E-Balm's world or something?
00:12:58.040 Yeah.
00:12:58.400 I am...
00:12:59.400 Yeah, it was a long time ago.
00:13:08.900 I didn't realize I was in the presence of royalty.
00:13:11.020 Yeah, thanks.
00:13:11.580 This is every 14-year-old boy's, like, first foray into the internet.
00:13:14.520 That was an amazing bit.
00:13:17.520 Yeah.
00:13:18.580 Yeah, it was pretty funny.
00:13:19.860 It was out there.
00:13:20.440 We did it for National Lampoon's, and then, uh, and then, like, right at the beginning,
00:13:23.620 it's, like, E-Balm's world.
00:13:24.600 Yeah.
00:13:24.820 And, uh, somebody ripped it to the internet.
00:13:28.180 YouTube.
00:13:28.580 It was early, early YouTube.
00:13:30.240 So, people with no context, you're like, what the F is this?
00:13:33.300 That was a great bit.
00:13:35.020 Yeah, thanks.
00:13:35.920 Thanks.
00:13:38.560 Okay, I think you'll say it's racist.
00:13:40.240 Yes.
00:13:41.020 And here's why.
00:13:42.240 Not what you're thinking.
00:13:43.320 Here's why it's racist.
00:13:44.120 It was just a racial joke.
00:13:45.100 Those people all got, you know, gave them all 50 bucks.
00:13:48.260 That wasn't actually a, uh...
00:13:50.480 A sting operation?
00:13:51.520 Yeah.
00:13:51.880 It was a library in Van Nuys.
00:13:54.840 Um, it's because I still have that shirt.
00:13:58.020 That was over 20 years ago.
00:13:59.120 And I'm a Jew who still has an article of clothing from 20 years ago.
00:14:02.780 And that is racist.
00:14:05.000 Not against the Mexicans.
00:14:05.940 Not against the Mexicans.
00:14:06.840 In the last place you'd look.
00:14:08.340 Mm-hmm.
00:14:09.220 Anti-Semitism.
00:14:10.120 Yes.
00:14:10.600 Yeah.
00:14:11.060 I remember watching that the first time.
00:14:12.900 I thought, this is a very anti-Semitic video.
00:14:14.580 Yeah.
00:14:15.020 So obvious.
00:14:16.540 Wow.
00:14:17.060 Amazing.
00:14:17.260 That would have got me a lot of death threats.
00:14:18.660 Did it really?
00:14:19.380 Oh, yeah.
00:14:20.060 My friend Duncan Dressel put up, uh, it was, like, early, early internet, man.
00:14:23.720 It was so fun.
00:14:24.920 And he just put in, um, artistic terrorism was his website.
00:14:28.620 He put in, like, hey, prank call my friend, Ari Shaffir.
00:14:30.920 This was before that came out.
00:14:32.440 Prank call my friend, Ari Shaffir.
00:14:33.560 Best one.
00:14:34.160 You record it.
00:14:34.700 I'll give you 20 bucks.
00:14:36.440 And so then that came out.
00:14:37.540 Everyone started Googling me.
00:14:38.420 I used my real name.
00:14:39.640 Dumb.
00:14:40.520 And, uh, and then the first thing would come up.
00:14:42.480 It was, like, Ari Shaffir with phone number.
00:14:44.660 And so I would just start getting phone calls.
00:14:46.500 Like, I'll build a deck in your ass, Holmes. 0.64
00:14:48.120 It was so great.
00:14:51.780 I'm like, what is this?
00:14:53.320 Wow.
00:14:53.820 Fast forward to the Trump era, you know?
00:14:55.740 Oh, yeah.
00:14:56.080 You're on the winning side now.
00:14:57.160 It's got new life.
00:14:59.620 You're right.
00:15:00.260 Nice kids like it.
00:15:03.860 Oh, here we go.
00:15:05.100 Oh, this is great.
00:15:06.080 Is this gay? 0.93
00:15:07.860 Dumb, dumb, dumb.
00:15:11.000 Wow.
00:15:11.360 Buddy, there's only one right answer.
00:15:27.920 Yeah.
00:15:28.520 Now, hold on.
00:15:29.260 I got to guess.
00:15:30.020 I got to.
00:15:30.380 I know.
00:15:30.860 I got to guess.
00:15:31.780 Be a man.
00:15:32.840 Own up to what you did.
00:15:33.940 Own up to your crimes.
00:15:35.620 Own up to your crimes.
00:15:36.720 And the production value.
00:15:37.940 All of you were part of that.
00:15:41.360 It's obviously gay. 0.96
00:15:43.960 It's so freaking gay. 1.00
00:15:45.480 It's gay. 1.00
00:15:46.020 Oh, my God.
00:15:47.440 It's not straight.
00:15:48.400 Wow.
00:15:48.880 Now.
00:15:49.480 Wow.
00:15:49.920 How did you not get deported from a music town for that?
00:15:53.740 I'm going to tell you, though.
00:15:54.580 I am fine with that being gay.
00:15:56.600 Yeah.
00:15:57.160 Because I want to reclaim the word.
00:15:59.260 You know, gay means happy and delightful.
00:16:01.820 And right now, like, for instance, have you heard this term, the woke?
00:16:04.340 No, it means lame and retarded. 1.00
00:16:05.880 And that's what that was.
00:16:07.220 Well, but even.
00:16:08.100 I was thinking about this the other day.
00:16:09.280 I was thinking about this.
00:16:10.020 So, so gay is like happy. 0.83
00:16:13.300 I can't even look at you.
00:16:14.280 No, listen.
00:16:14.960 I don't.
00:16:15.440 My, my shoes are brown.
00:16:16.980 I'm not even wearing the suede ones now.
00:16:18.480 You're not wearing socks.
00:16:19.300 Yeah.
00:16:19.520 Well, I'm still not wearing socks.
00:16:20.760 And I can do a little pas de bourree.
00:16:22.300 But I, the, so you ever heard of the woke, right?
00:16:26.160 Have you heard of this new phrase, the woke, right?
00:16:27.600 It's like.
00:16:27.980 I love it.
00:16:28.620 It's referring, it's like the fascist.
00:16:30.800 Yeah.
00:16:30.840 It's Karen's on the other side.
00:16:31.860 So, so it's, but if that, if it means that the extreme edgy hip, if that means that woke 0.86
00:16:37.820 is the new based, which means.
00:16:40.640 Woke is the new based.
00:16:41.280 Woke is the new based, which means straight is the new gay. 0.99
00:16:43.840 And then I was even thinking the etymology of the word.
00:16:45.800 Can I use a naughty word?
00:16:46.720 There's a lot of dancing around an apology.
00:16:48.680 Can I, hold it.
00:16:49.200 Can I, can I say it?
00:16:50.820 Maybe they can bleep it out.
00:16:52.200 The word.
00:16:54.480 Yeah.
00:16:54.840 It, it, etymologically, it's related to fascist, like bundle of sticks.
00:16:59.680 Okay.
00:17:00.080 So basically.
00:17:01.020 But it means something different now.
00:17:02.260 But now, well, that's what I'm saying.
00:17:03.440 If, can we reclaim the word?
00:17:04.800 Like instead of being based, straight, patriotic, should we be, is it now cool to be woke, gay?
00:17:13.020 No, no.
00:17:14.820 Sexual.
00:17:15.600 No.
00:17:15.760 That had nothing to do with that.
00:17:17.200 That whole thing was gay. 1.00
00:17:18.660 The production value was gay. 1.00
00:17:20.220 The little wink thing was gay. 0.97
00:17:21.960 The thinking you're awesome.
00:17:23.960 That was gay. 1.00
00:17:25.440 That was from start to finish gay. 1.00
00:17:27.620 I can see someone goes, hey, how about we do a take where you get on the table?
00:17:30.620 It's gay. 1.00
00:17:31.740 They're gay for suggesting it. 1.00
00:17:32.940 You're gay for doing it. 1.00
00:17:33.880 Yeah.
00:17:34.320 That's gay. 1.00
00:17:35.140 Can I.
00:17:35.440 I'm out of here.
00:17:35.900 Here's my only, here's my only defense.
00:17:37.420 Part of this.
00:17:37.900 Yeah.
00:17:38.040 My only other defense.
00:17:39.100 They.
00:17:39.300 Throw yourself at the court and the mercy of them.
00:17:42.280 My, oh, they.
00:17:43.580 They initially wanted me to wear a turtleneck too.
00:17:45.940 Oh.
00:17:46.460 So, okay.
00:17:46.920 So that's a little straighter than that.
00:17:48.000 Yeah.
00:17:48.140 Thanks for fighting back.
00:17:48.920 Yeah.
00:17:49.340 Okay.
00:17:49.640 All right.
00:17:50.100 Well, I, I take my licks.
00:17:51.460 Oh.
00:17:51.700 And by the way, I'm not gay, even though my boyfriend is.
00:17:55.300 All right.
00:17:56.360 Don't forget that.
00:17:57.480 Now, I will tease you no longer, my friends.
00:18:01.500 My best-selling game, Yes or No, exclusively available at Daily Wire Shop, is expanding yet
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00:18:26.820 For babies.
00:18:27.760 Or please do.
00:18:28.280 Yeah, please.
00:18:29.220 What's that one say?
00:18:30.380 Relationships should have defined roles, e.g.
00:18:32.580 This is so this network.
00:18:35.380 Any of those you read could end your career.
00:18:41.400 Daily Wire is hilarious.
00:18:43.600 Marriage is full.
00:18:44.960 Marriage is failed because of lack of communication.
00:18:47.420 Oh, my God.
00:18:47.980 This whole thing is gay. 1.00
00:18:50.200 It's okay to break up our text messages.
00:18:51.900 Now we're back to normal.
00:18:52.900 Yeah.
00:18:53.140 Okay.
00:18:54.140 No, I'm not reading that.
00:18:54.800 This is a game within a game.
00:18:56.300 Yeah.
00:18:56.600 This is inception.
00:18:57.600 This is a relationship game.
00:18:59.100 So this will make your relationship stronger.
00:19:00.640 It will.
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00:19:09.600 It'll be great for your relationship.
00:19:12.160 Yeah.
00:19:13.160 Oh, these are pretty fun.
00:19:14.380 There you go.
00:19:16.120 We'll give you a great discount on that.
00:19:17.900 10% off for you, my friend, my friend.
00:19:20.140 Yes.
00:19:20.640 Marshall in the history.
00:19:22.700 Oh.
00:19:22.920 Okay, I've got one for you.
00:19:25.180 I mean, did Ben Shapiro see that?
00:19:26.760 He directed that, actually.
00:19:27.800 He wrote it.
00:19:30.620 We've overcomplicated cancel culture.
00:19:33.160 It's not about the left or right.
00:19:35.400 It's really just Kobe Bryant fans.
00:19:39.820 Wow.
00:19:40.280 What's your answer?
00:19:42.680 I say...
00:19:47.180 Should I get one of those martinis?
00:19:48.800 I kind of want a godfather.
00:19:50.240 Yeah, let's swap these.
00:19:51.280 I'd get a godfather.
00:19:52.180 I'd get a little backup godfather.
00:19:53.420 I got to catch up.
00:19:54.420 I say you say yes.
00:20:00.900 No, there is no cancel culture.
00:20:03.080 It's a geezer term.
00:20:04.180 That's about five years ago.
00:20:05.200 Literally, nobody's talking about it anymore.
00:20:07.020 Why did it end?
00:20:08.920 Because it's like every word.
00:20:10.220 You guys expanded it so much.
00:20:12.660 Expanded it so much to where it has no meaning anymore.
00:20:14.560 Nazi, fascist.
00:20:15.500 It doesn't mean the same thing.
00:20:16.460 So you have different people arguing about different meanings.
00:20:19.720 Yeah.
00:20:20.000 So like, is this guy a Nazi?
00:20:20.980 I'm going, clearly yes.
00:20:21.780 Someone, a Holocaust survivor's son.
00:20:23.860 It was like, clearly no.
00:20:24.920 Right.
00:20:25.260 Then we'll never communicate.
00:20:26.420 We're talking about different things.
00:20:28.160 Right.
00:20:29.040 And that's what happened here.
00:20:30.400 Yeah.
00:20:30.840 Yeah, I do.
00:20:31.420 It was that you'll never have an ability to work again.
00:20:34.360 Some people say that.
00:20:35.220 Other people are like, are you losing work over it?
00:20:37.720 Yeah.
00:20:38.020 Other people are like, is it just mean you got in trouble?
00:20:40.640 So we're all talking about different stuff.
00:20:41.940 So they just kind of went away.
00:20:42.840 Just do your work.
00:20:43.960 Yeah.
00:20:44.620 Yeah, I agree.
00:20:45.680 Even, I think 15 years ago, people would be like, you're a racist.
00:20:49.480 It's like, no, I'm not.
00:20:50.780 No, I'm not, man.
00:20:51.900 Seriously.
00:20:52.980 But now, you're a racist.
00:20:54.740 You're like, sure.
00:20:57.720 Who even cares?
00:20:58.620 Whatever.
00:20:59.840 It's the dumbest issue in America, and we're constantly talking about it.
00:21:02.840 Okay.
00:21:03.960 You're up.
00:21:04.280 Yeah, I'm giving you that.
00:21:05.160 I'll admit when I'm wrong.
00:21:06.220 Let's go.
00:21:06.940 I'll admit when I'm wrong.
00:21:08.300 Yeah.
00:21:08.720 And I'll admit when I'm gay.
00:21:11.080 Yeah, great.
00:21:12.500 That's great.
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00:22:23.560 Being a female comedian isn't hard. 1.00
00:22:27.580 Oh boy, this is going to go somewhere.
00:22:29.220 I should have been like, they're like, why would you not go to...
00:22:31.820 And they offer me this.
00:22:33.440 They're like, are you sure?
00:22:34.940 I'm like, what do you mean?
00:22:35.800 Yeah.
00:22:36.300 Why not?
00:22:36.980 What would they make me say on camera?
00:22:38.420 Yeah.
00:22:38.980 Being a female comedian is not hard. 1.00
00:22:41.020 You just need to be hefty, dykey, or Jewish. 1.00
00:22:43.600 Wow.
00:22:44.920 Wow.
00:22:46.520 Oof.
00:22:48.460 Hefty.
00:22:49.760 You didn't shy away from dykey, but you shied away from fat. 1.00
00:22:55.820 By the way, the twist of orange in here, whoever made this, that's a solid, that's great.
00:23:00.540 A lot of people missed that.
00:23:01.420 That's an impressive drink.
00:23:03.240 Okay, I've got my answer, Tim.
00:23:05.080 I'm going to say, what would you say?
00:23:09.640 It's not what I'd say.
00:23:10.600 Not what you'd say.
00:23:11.320 You have no ownership of this opinion.
00:23:14.900 How well do you know stand-up?
00:23:15.860 I heard you didn't know who Nate Bargatze was until a week ago.
00:23:17.940 I heard the name.
00:23:19.080 He's the number one grossing comedian in the world.
00:23:22.520 So you don't know anything about comedy.
00:23:24.500 I know the beginning and end of comedy.
00:23:27.200 Yeah.
00:23:27.540 Norm Macdonald.
00:23:28.620 That's all I know about comedy.
00:23:34.700 I'm hoping you're going to say, ah, man.
00:23:37.640 Yeah.
00:23:37.980 I don't know.
00:23:38.340 I think you're going to say yes, but I don't know.
00:23:41.140 Hold on.
00:23:41.620 I'm not saying this yet.
00:23:43.040 Mm-hmm.
00:23:43.480 It is.
00:23:44.400 Oh, there's more to it than that now.
00:23:45.320 Because what if you say yes, and then I say no, and then you look like you think it?
00:23:47.740 So you don't watch any stand-up?
00:23:49.100 I watch some stand-up.
00:23:50.060 Just Norm.
00:23:50.740 Just Norm.
00:23:51.280 Clips on Reap.
00:23:52.000 Yeah.
00:23:53.520 No, some other guy.
00:23:54.460 Sometimes some.
00:23:56.600 Oh.
00:23:59.660 It's, there's definitely more to it.
00:24:01.720 I think you're going to say yes, but there's definitely more to it than that.
00:24:04.860 It doesn't, it's just my opinion.
00:24:05.980 It's just your opinion.
00:24:06.980 Yeah.
00:24:07.200 I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and then you say no.
00:24:12.820 Come on.
00:24:13.420 You knew the answer.
00:24:14.040 I knew it.
00:24:14.600 You knew the answer.
00:24:15.500 There's so much more to it.
00:24:16.860 Please.
00:24:17.380 It's not that easy.
00:24:18.620 Let me tell you.
00:24:19.140 You still have to write good jokes.
00:24:20.020 You don't think I know fat, lesbian, Jew comics? 0.99
00:24:26.300 There's so much more to it.
00:24:27.240 You're right.
00:24:27.580 You still got to be able to write a joke.
00:24:28.600 Would you say at least that is the minimum condition required?
00:24:31.700 No, you can be hot now, too.
00:24:33.040 Everything's different.
00:24:33.740 Dane Cook changed everything.
00:24:34.960 It's not for dorks anymore.
00:24:37.140 There's like attractive people come into this.
00:24:38.660 I hate it.
00:24:39.400 I think it's gross.
00:24:40.960 I think it's gross.
00:24:42.300 This was a calling card.
00:24:44.680 And now it's all different.
00:24:45.700 These people like have nice hair.
00:24:47.180 They got look like you.
00:24:48.060 They got, all right.
00:24:49.420 It's so much harder than that.
00:24:50.660 You know, that was not, that's not.
00:24:51.760 That's another old one.
00:24:52.700 That's another old.
00:24:53.880 That's not my opinion.
00:24:54.940 10 years ago term.
00:24:56.160 Actually, the guy whose opinion that was, he wrote an essay in Vanity Fair.
00:24:59.740 Yeah.
00:25:00.100 He's been dead for like 10 years.
00:25:01.140 Michael Hutchins?
00:25:02.100 Christopher Hitchens.
00:25:02.780 Christopher Hitchens.
00:25:03.240 Christopher Hitchens.
00:25:04.140 His view was that they have to be hefty, dyke, or Jewish. 1.00
00:25:06.320 It was a long time ago.
00:25:07.480 After that started, so let me just tell you what happened.
00:25:10.100 After that started, a bunch of women who hadn't even started yet got into stand-up. 1.00
00:25:15.560 Not because of that, but it.
00:25:16.640 So, these 15-year comics that are now like running the world were post that.
00:25:21.720 Who?
00:25:22.520 Because I could name, I could name some exceptions to the rule, but exceptions prove the rule.
00:25:25.560 Yeah.
00:25:26.220 Who are the female comedians who are funny, who are actually funny? 1.00
00:25:29.620 Yeah.
00:25:30.000 And they can even be TV comedians.
00:25:31.280 They don't have to be just standing.
00:25:32.020 Yeah.
00:25:32.600 Who are, who don't fit one of those three categories.
00:25:35.480 Hefty.
00:25:37.500 Adrian's fat.
00:25:40.640 Michelle Wolfe.
00:25:42.020 Michelle Wolfe.
00:25:43.160 Yeah.
00:25:43.340 And you would say she's funny? 0.97
00:25:44.480 Oh, yeah.
00:25:44.820 She's great.
00:25:45.480 Really?
00:25:46.080 Yeah.
00:25:46.260 She was like the best female comic in the world at some point.
00:25:48.860 She was definitely famous.
00:25:51.020 No, you see her Netflix stuff.
00:25:52.480 Yeah.
00:25:52.760 She's her stand-up.
00:25:53.320 Really?
00:25:53.740 Is it fun?
00:25:54.080 Okay.
00:25:54.400 All right.
00:25:54.540 I'll take your word for it.
00:25:55.160 She's the white chick so hard. 1.00
00:25:56.180 Really?
00:25:56.600 She speaks for all of us.
00:25:59.320 Because we can, you know how they're like, well, you can't say that about black people
00:26:01.920 or the military or whatever, because you're not in there.
00:26:03.640 She's the white chick going, you have to calm down. 1.00
00:26:08.120 She's, she was all of us.
00:26:09.920 Yeah.
00:26:10.720 Okay.
00:26:11.080 She's a great example.
00:26:12.460 Okay.
00:26:13.160 Yeah.
00:26:13.860 There's, there's so many.
00:26:15.280 I was cumin.
00:26:16.260 There's just like a ton in New York.
00:26:17.760 It's, it's like.
00:26:18.420 All right.
00:26:18.740 When I used to work at the comedy store, people would call in, I'd work the phones, they'd be
00:26:21.660 like, is Jim Carrey going to be there?
00:26:22.920 I'm like, no.
00:26:23.760 They're like, how about Eddie Murphy?
00:26:24.920 I'm like, no.
00:26:25.980 And then it was like, how about this?
00:26:27.160 And it was like, hey, listen, anyone you've heard of is bad now.
00:26:30.060 Yeah.
00:26:30.800 It is not a current stand-up comic.
00:26:32.460 The real stand-ups are like in it now.
00:26:34.980 Yeah.
00:26:35.080 Yeah, of course.
00:26:35.980 But I also know a lot of like lesbo comics that are really funny, but that's not the 1.00
00:26:41.100 requirement.
00:26:41.520 But no Jewish. 1.00
00:26:42.380 That's a geezer. 1.00
00:26:42.960 You don't know any.
00:26:44.180 That's a geezer take.
00:26:44.980 Okay.
00:26:45.380 Look, I'll have to look up.
00:26:45.920 I get it.
00:26:46.420 You're just not around stand-up.
00:26:47.420 I'll have to watch it.
00:26:47.940 I should have gone.
00:26:48.360 Yes.
00:26:48.580 I should have known that would be the take.
00:26:50.260 I'll take the points.
00:26:51.080 That's fine by me.
00:26:51.800 Yeah.
00:26:52.080 Yeah.
00:26:52.280 Okay.
00:26:54.540 There is, there's a video to be played.
00:26:59.000 It is absolutely wild times.
00:27:02.700 It really, really.
00:27:04.200 I was there for this.
00:27:04.940 Really?
00:27:05.680 I was.
00:27:06.180 It was the only Trump writer.
00:27:06.880 It was rare that you will play a homosexual comedian on this network.
00:27:09.960 I don't know if you guys know this, but there's literally a floating island of garbage
00:27:12.500 in the middle of the ocean right now.
00:27:14.640 Yeah.
00:27:15.160 I think it's called Puerto Rico.
00:27:18.520 Okay.
00:27:19.360 All right.
00:27:20.340 Tony rules.
00:27:22.000 Yeah.
00:27:22.940 Okay.
00:27:23.640 That's one of my best friends.
00:27:25.300 Technically speaking, is Puerto Rico, in fact, a floating pile of garbage?
00:27:31.160 No, you're not.
00:27:31.840 I have to guess how you would guess.
00:27:33.380 Is technically safe.
00:27:36.000 Yeah.
00:27:36.600 Yeah.
00:27:36.860 So we're talking geology here.
00:27:38.640 Yeah.
00:27:38.920 Dude, I'm already Jewish.
00:27:40.320 You don't have to try to educate me.
00:27:40.920 Yeah.
00:27:40.940 Okay.
00:27:41.340 All right.
00:27:41.740 So the answer you would say is yes.
00:27:43.860 No, it doesn't float.
00:27:44.960 Oh.
00:27:45.600 It doesn't.
00:27:48.900 What?
00:27:49.940 That's crazy.
00:27:51.480 Do you think, oh my God, that's so sad.
00:27:53.400 Buddy, do you think islands float?
00:27:54.500 Oh, I'm really sorry.
00:27:57.180 No, it goes all the way down.
00:27:58.760 Yeah.
00:28:00.340 It's just garbage to the seabed.
00:28:03.480 Oh, yeah.
00:28:04.400 He, I was, it was the only Trump riot.
00:28:06.080 How was it?
00:28:06.940 Well, so the way they played it, you'd think he was doing a buddy routine with Trump on stage.
00:28:12.060 That was like six hours before Trump got there.
00:28:14.860 Sweet.
00:28:15.480 So he goes, he gets there and he does this whole like 30 minute thing about it.
00:28:19.400 And he gets there and he goes, hey, I'm here.
00:28:20.880 I have this, these notes I wrote like on this tiny piece of paper because I can't let the lady next to me see what I'm writing on the plane.
00:28:27.940 And he goes, do you have the teleprompter?
00:28:29.700 And they go, no, it's too late for that.
00:28:30.880 He goes, oh, all right.
00:28:32.100 Well, I got to memorize these jokes real quick.
00:28:33.960 And he goes, when am I going?
00:28:34.880 They're like, you're going first.
00:28:35.760 And he goes, he goes, oh, that's no way.
00:28:39.160 I'm a dirty comedian.
00:28:41.160 Yeah.
00:28:41.620 He goes, I don't go first at night.
00:28:42.980 It's like nude.
00:28:43.600 It's nude.
00:28:43.940 When he's going.
00:28:44.780 What a terrible order.
00:28:46.560 He said he saw afterwards everyone coming in with like all the, all the, like the, the tweets were coming in.
00:28:50.440 Like how dare this guy.
00:28:51.680 And he goes, and then he looks up and there's a magician on stage.
00:28:54.060 He goes, why is that guy not before me?
00:28:56.680 He's doing like painting.
00:28:58.060 Wrong order.
00:28:58.540 Yeah.
00:28:59.000 So how did it go?
00:29:00.240 It, so I had just gotten here.
00:29:02.160 You got to figure out he's playing at this point.
00:29:04.200 It's Madison Square Garden.
00:29:06.200 80% is empty because people aren't getting there for four more hours.
00:29:10.380 So I'm there at this point.
00:29:11.540 I mean, there, there are still a lot of people.
00:29:12.820 There's still probably, I don't know, 2000, 3000.
00:29:14.900 Yeah.
00:29:15.100 But you know, 25,000 theater.
00:29:16.960 By the way, the last time he was there, he performed for his sold out match.
00:29:20.700 For his show.
00:29:21.580 Yeah.
00:29:21.920 Yeah.
00:29:22.400 So it's like, he's going into this jarring thing, but I thought it was so great.
00:29:26.940 It reminded.
00:29:27.500 Did you watch anybody or were you kind of glancing at it?
00:29:29.060 Yeah.
00:29:29.320 I mean, I was there.
00:29:29.900 I was like getting my whatever hot dog and drink, but I was, I was listening to it.
00:29:34.420 I was like, oh, this is different.
00:29:35.760 And it reminded me, I remember John Stewart reacted to Clint Eastwood doing the empty
00:29:40.840 chair bit at the RNC and everyone was, was piling on Eastwood and John Stewart said, oh
00:29:46.500 man, I loved it.
00:29:47.580 It was so refreshing.
00:29:49.080 It was so different than anything you hear at these.
00:29:51.300 I thought it was great.
00:29:53.180 I thought it was so funny.
00:29:54.780 People that friends there, they'd go like, no, you did well.
00:29:57.140 Yeah.
00:29:57.400 And then just not really mic'd for.
00:29:59.500 Yeah.
00:29:59.660 Yeah.
00:29:59.880 No, in terms of the, like just the people sitting around me in a largely empty stadium.
00:30:03.960 Yeah.
00:30:04.860 They loved it.
00:30:05.660 I mean, that was a straight set up job.
00:30:07.460 That's just like, that's political people suck.
00:30:10.020 Yeah.
00:30:10.380 They just were just like, let's just offer this guy up.
00:30:12.540 Who cares if it's true or not?
00:30:13.820 Let's just misrepresent what happened for our own personal game.
00:30:17.360 It's all Game of Thrones, right and left.
00:30:19.020 You guys are all doing Game of Thrones stuff.
00:30:20.140 Also though, that joke.
00:30:21.660 Yeah.
00:30:21.940 Do you know any Puerto Ricans who were offended by that joke?
00:30:24.800 No.
00:30:25.060 Well, I make a point to not be around.
00:30:26.720 No, no.
00:30:27.160 Any Puerto Ricans. 0.63
00:30:28.080 No, no.
00:30:28.480 I do.
00:30:28.840 I do know.
00:30:29.320 I do know what.
00:30:29.940 His father was stabbed, but let's forget that stereotype, but Luis Gomez, but no, no,
00:30:38.740 none.
00:30:39.000 Also, there's almost no undecided voters that time.
00:30:41.360 And they try to broaden it from Puerto Ricans to all Latinos.
00:30:45.580 And other Latinos are like, you know, a lot of us hate each other.
00:30:49.140 Most of us, actually.
00:30:50.220 Yeah.
00:30:50.600 You guys are acting like one unit that's all going to be offended by humor.
00:30:54.200 It was so dumb.
00:30:55.180 It's so like, it really made me hate all politicians that they'll do this to my industry.
00:31:00.620 Yeah.
00:31:00.940 Take it out of context and intention, like offer someone's whole life up.
00:31:04.720 Yeah, of course.
00:31:05.300 Because you got to figure at that point, it was two weeks before the election.
00:31:08.560 So the Dems were like, well, whatever.
00:31:09.720 We're going to treat that guy like he's Trump's vice president.
00:31:11.600 Yeah.
00:31:11.720 You know, he's the running mate.
00:31:13.180 Exactly.
00:31:13.800 Yeah.
00:31:14.300 It's funny.
00:31:14.800 I've talked some, some comedians got upset about it.
00:31:17.460 Really?
00:31:17.840 And I tried to reach out to them like compassionately, like, you know, not like publicly just like
00:31:21.800 message.
00:31:22.320 They got upset by the joke or the fact that he did a gig for Trump?
00:31:25.180 Yeah.
00:31:25.320 That's what it came down to.
00:31:26.420 Yeah.
00:31:26.700 They're like, it's racist.
00:31:27.340 I'm like, it's not.
00:31:27.740 It means this and this.
00:31:28.540 And also he's like, Tony's like obsessed with the refuse problem in Puerto Rico.
00:31:33.960 They actually have abandoned the nation state.
00:31:36.940 I don't know what you call it even.
00:31:37.720 I mean, I'm also living in a very liberal area in Manhattan.
00:31:41.220 And when Trump said that Puerto Rico is not part of America and everyone's like, all the
00:31:46.160 liberals like, that's, is that wrong?
00:31:48.340 Yeah.
00:31:48.700 It's crazy.
00:31:49.380 How dare you?
00:31:50.120 Like they were just running out right then.
00:31:52.120 It's a protectorate.
00:31:54.020 Is it a principality?
00:31:55.520 I don't.
00:31:55.740 But, um, so that, but they see him as Hitler, as Adolf Hitler.
00:32:00.500 Yes.
00:32:00.940 Yeah.
00:32:01.400 And it doesn't matter what the joke meant to them.
00:32:04.680 Yeah.
00:32:04.880 You're trying to get Hitler back in, in charge of the United States of America. 0.95
00:32:09.140 Right.
00:32:09.520 So to them, it's like joke or joke dot work.
00:32:12.840 What does that have to do with it?
00:32:13.480 So you can't get through it.
00:32:14.400 Yeah.
00:32:14.960 Same thing.
00:32:15.480 They're speaking different languages.
00:32:16.400 He could have gone up and said why the chicken crossed the road and you would have had half
00:32:20.000 the country furious at him for it.
00:32:21.520 Yeah.
00:32:22.260 Oh yeah, exactly.
00:32:23.080 Why are you even there?
00:32:24.040 Yeah.
00:32:24.380 Yeah.
00:32:24.620 Yeah.
00:32:24.740 You can't even hold a door open for that.
00:32:25.960 Yeah.
00:32:26.300 I mean, and imagine if they really believe that.
00:32:28.320 It's like the guy who shot up the, who brought a shotgun to the pizza gate place.
00:32:31.600 Yeah.
00:32:31.880 Right.
00:32:32.120 Like he really thought he was trying to free kids.
00:32:34.560 Yeah.
00:32:34.880 Right.
00:32:35.140 Like you're doing the right thing morally.
00:32:37.080 Yeah.
00:32:37.520 You were just misinformed.
00:32:38.520 Yeah.
00:32:38.660 The premise might've been a little skew.
00:32:40.820 Yeah.
00:32:40.880 And when they told everybody, this guy's a racist and trying to get Hitler elected, they're kind
00:32:44.840 of doing the right thing.
00:32:45.840 If I had to be compassionate.
00:32:47.120 Yeah.
00:32:47.640 They're like, oh yeah, that's bad.
00:32:49.080 Yeah.
00:32:49.240 They're like the guy who shot up the pizza gate place.
00:32:51.100 Yeah.
00:32:51.320 That's exactly it.
00:32:52.200 Yeah.
00:32:53.020 That's a compliment, I think.
00:32:54.500 Yeah.
00:32:55.080 I don't know.
00:32:55.600 People who shoot up abortion clinics do.
00:32:57.020 They really think it's murder.
00:32:58.060 So it's like, I get it.
00:32:59.180 Yeah.
00:32:59.540 But don't.
00:33:00.600 Yeah, you may.
00:33:01.500 I want to, yeah, here we go.
00:33:02.920 I got you some olives to snack on.
00:33:05.040 Ooh, snacking olives?
00:33:06.140 Brody.
00:33:06.680 Are those luchies?
00:33:07.680 Yeah.
00:33:07.980 Okay.
00:33:09.380 Thank you, sir.
00:33:10.340 This is good stuff.
00:33:11.920 Wow.
00:33:13.520 So I had that.
00:33:14.400 I traveled all over.
00:33:15.100 I was in Ecuador for like six months during the pandemic.
00:33:17.880 My industry was done.
00:33:18.740 Yeah.
00:33:19.300 Why not?
00:33:19.980 Yeah.
00:33:20.520 Gathering was over.
00:33:22.200 And Padrones is huge in South America.
00:33:24.760 Are they really?
00:33:25.480 Yeah.
00:33:25.800 Named after the Godfather.
00:33:27.000 A lot of Italians, you know, made it that way after a certain global conflict.
00:33:31.720 Down to Argentina and those areas.
00:33:34.680 Oh, wow.
00:33:35.320 Oh, maybe.
00:33:36.140 That might be it.
00:33:37.140 Okay.
00:33:37.540 Europe.
00:33:37.880 I'm feeling the tension now.
00:33:42.340 Now I'm going to play the game.
00:33:46.060 This network is great.
00:33:47.540 Was this a tad transphobic?
00:33:49.360 Play it.
00:33:49.740 If it is false, and for the good of society, and especially for the good of the poor people
00:33:55.520 who have fallen prey to this confusion, transgenderism must be eradicated from public 1.00
00:34:01.940 life entirely.
00:34:03.700 The whole preposterous ideology.
00:34:06.020 He's a handsome guy.
00:34:06.960 At every level.
00:34:10.300 Transphobism should be a trans... 1.00
00:34:11.840 Trans... 0.98
00:34:12.520 Transgenderism. 0.67
00:34:13.480 Transgenderism should be eradicated. 1.00
00:34:15.500 Transgenderism. 0.67
00:34:16.240 Was this word tad?
00:34:19.280 Was it a tad?
00:34:20.120 Tad.
00:34:20.620 Was this a tad transphobic?
00:34:22.340 Okay, I'm going to...
00:34:22.880 And I'll put my answer...
00:34:23.900 A tad.
00:34:24.160 A tad.
00:34:25.100 A tad.
00:34:25.740 I know it was you, so you want to be like, not at all.
00:34:27.680 But was it a tad transphobic?
00:34:29.700 Okay, I've got my answer, dude.
00:34:31.220 It's got to be yes.
00:34:32.320 It's got to be a tad...
00:34:33.280 A minimum a tad.
00:34:34.700 Not even a smidgen.
00:34:36.040 I knew you wouldn't have asked that way.
00:34:37.780 You wouldn't even get a tad?
00:34:38.800 Because to be phobic...
00:34:39.980 To be phobic...
00:34:41.520 Yeah.
00:34:41.780 It has to be an irrational fear.
00:34:44.400 But that was a very rational statement.
00:34:45.620 Wait, phobic is irrational?
00:34:47.000 An irrational.
00:34:47.720 Like arachnophobia is the irrational fear of spiders.
00:34:50.980 So you say...
00:34:51.320 It's just a fear of spiders.
00:34:52.700 I believe it has to be irrational.
00:34:54.540 Like, I can't be lion-eat-my-face phobic.
00:34:57.900 Because a lion might eat my face, you know?
00:34:59.940 I think it's got to be an irrational...
00:35:01.100 What can you be phobic of?
00:35:02.440 It can be phobic.
00:35:03.220 Well, I have spiders.
00:35:04.780 So what would that be?
00:35:06.740 Phobic of, like, dangerous spiders.
00:35:08.780 That would be...
00:35:09.940 Yeah, I don't...
00:35:10.920 It'd be reasonable, I guess.
00:35:13.340 Common sense.
00:35:14.500 Okay.
00:35:14.940 So I think...
00:35:15.680 Get me on the phobic.
00:35:16.620 Because...
00:35:16.940 Get me on the phobic.
00:35:17.480 Yeah, right.
00:35:18.100 I say it's got to be reasonable.
00:35:19.120 But it's definitely not...
00:35:20.480 It's not pro-
00:35:21.700 Phobic is not a fear of gays.
00:35:23.460 It's a rational fear of gays. 1.00
00:35:24.740 Now, I have a very rational fear of gays. 1.00
00:35:27.260 Like, that they might, you know, make my style better or, you know...
00:35:30.740 Yeah, like, decorate my neighborhood.
00:35:32.240 You're a good style.
00:35:32.760 Thank you.
00:35:33.320 Well, you saw the video earlier.
00:35:35.060 Damn.
00:35:35.360 So, yeah.
00:35:35.940 I should have known how you were going to...
00:35:37.280 Yes.
00:35:37.700 There was no way you would have said that was wrong.
00:35:40.580 Okay.
00:35:41.420 You're up.
00:35:42.280 Phobic is irrational.
00:35:44.600 Is that true?
00:35:45.140 Can we look that up?
00:35:45.880 Yeah.
00:35:46.560 I want to recount on this.
00:35:48.820 This is a rapid fire round.
00:35:50.300 I will read three questions, one after the other.
00:35:53.180 You will have 30 seconds to answer all three.
00:35:56.920 The clock starts now.
00:36:00.320 Are some religions better than others?
00:36:04.220 Yes.
00:36:05.340 Yeah.
00:36:06.340 Do ghosts or other supernatural entities reveal themselves at cemeteries?
00:36:12.420 Yes, sometimes.
00:36:14.380 No.
00:36:15.180 All right.
00:36:15.680 Whatever.
00:36:16.000 That's fine.
00:36:16.520 For RFK Jr. to make America healthy again, he needs fat shaming to come back.
00:36:23.200 To make America... 0.59
00:36:24.840 Does he need that in order to make America healthy again?
00:36:27.880 You know, obviously he does.
00:36:29.120 That's obviously he does.
00:36:30.520 Obviously.
00:36:31.000 He can do it another way, too.
00:36:32.540 How could he do it?
00:36:32.900 It would help.
00:36:33.400 It would help.
00:36:33.860 He could, yeah.
00:36:35.340 Wow.
00:36:35.920 All right.
00:36:36.520 This godfather.
00:36:37.800 He can do it other ways.
00:36:41.280 Rapid fire.
00:36:43.680 Boy, buddy.
00:36:45.040 Please don't put me in trouble.
00:36:49.460 Is Louis C.K. overrated?
00:36:55.080 No, he's not.
00:36:55.880 No, he's not.
00:36:56.460 He's not overrated.
00:36:56.980 It's all right.
00:36:57.360 Wow, it's all right.
00:36:57.980 It's fast.
00:36:58.540 Do you think Diddy killed Tupac?
00:37:04.940 No.
00:37:05.600 It's more than likely, yes.
00:37:06.620 Yeah, probably.
00:37:07.420 I thought he had him killed.
00:37:08.740 I don't think he did it himself.
00:37:09.420 Yes.
00:37:10.300 Republicans should forgive Bud Light.
00:37:16.540 No.
00:37:17.200 Transizer Bush needs to be made an example. 1.00
00:37:19.060 I should just...
00:37:19.920 I should not.
00:37:22.160 I'm answering my own answers.
00:37:23.280 Oh, mm.
00:37:23.840 All right.
00:37:24.340 Wait, so hold it.
00:37:24.820 I need a napkin.
00:37:25.540 I'm sorry.
00:37:26.160 One down one.
00:37:27.060 Look at this disaster.
00:37:28.660 Well, because how are you supposed to move fast with a martini glass?
00:37:31.140 I'm so glad.
00:37:31.500 It's the least functional glass in the world.
00:37:33.080 Yeah, you got a good one.
00:37:33.960 That was so great for the back half of the game.
00:37:36.660 Wow.
00:37:36.860 Yeah.
00:37:37.540 Final question.
00:37:38.280 Both answer.
00:37:39.060 Mm-hmm.
00:37:44.620 Went on to rush, right?
00:37:45.920 Went on to rush.
00:37:46.440 Okay.
00:37:46.680 Do you think President Trump will make it to the end of his term?
00:37:50.660 Mm-hmm.
00:37:51.820 I mean, this asks a lot of questions.
00:37:54.460 One, about the state of health care for elderly people in the United States.
00:37:59.280 Mm-hmm.
00:37:59.460 Also, what happened to American marksmanship has been on the downturn.
00:38:04.040 Mm-hmm.
00:38:04.300 So that's another extenuating circumstance.
00:38:06.240 And Iranian marksmanship.
00:38:07.520 Yeah.
00:38:07.980 And access to golf courses seem pretty easy.
00:38:10.880 Yeah, yeah.
00:38:11.220 Maybe they should have more security on those.
00:38:13.800 So you think, or will he just be like, actually, this sucks.
00:38:16.180 You guys suck.
00:38:16.800 I'm out.
00:38:18.180 Also possible.
00:38:19.120 At the inauguration, I could have easily said, I'm going, nope, not doing it.
00:38:21.940 Fight it out.
00:38:22.280 I'm done.
00:38:23.020 Just want to see if I'm going to win.
00:38:23.960 Give me that pension.
00:38:24.780 Yeah.
00:38:26.540 So, Will, do I think you think, and do you think I think, that President Trump will make
00:38:31.320 it to the end of his term?
00:38:40.020 What does the Daily Wire think?
00:38:43.060 And specifically me.
00:38:44.160 And specifically me.
00:38:44.640 Yeah.
00:38:45.200 There might be different opinions of the Daily Wire.
00:38:46.820 You're Italian.
00:38:47.620 I'm Italian.
00:38:48.360 Can I ask a second true or false question?
00:38:50.980 You may.
00:38:51.800 For not points?
00:38:52.620 Yep.
00:38:54.620 Are you ready to tell the American public that your original name was Cannolis?
00:38:59.120 It was anglicized at Ellis Island.
00:39:02.260 It was initially Michael Chocolate Sprinkle Cannolis.
00:39:05.280 Yeah.
00:39:05.820 And you just changed the spelling.
00:39:07.460 I did.
00:39:07.960 I did.
00:39:08.800 I did.
00:39:09.200 But it is cannoli.
00:39:10.220 If you look in the old parish register in Sicily, it's Chocolate Sprinkle Cannolis.
00:39:14.500 Okay.
00:39:15.120 K-apostrophe-N-O-W-L-E-S. 1.00
00:39:20.020 Cannolis.
00:39:20.460 Cannolis.
00:39:21.220 Yeah.
00:39:21.580 Okay.
00:39:22.220 So will Donald Trump make it to the end of his term?
00:39:25.260 What do we think that you'll say?
00:39:27.160 And what do I think that you'll say?
00:39:28.720 You got your answer.
00:39:29.440 All right.
00:39:29.740 Yeah.
00:39:31.880 Wait, wait, wait.
00:39:32.420 This is for game.
00:39:33.540 This is for the game.
00:39:34.100 This is for game.
00:39:34.580 Do I think you think Donald Trump will make it to the end of his term?
00:39:40.240 I mean, they're coming after him hard.
00:39:42.760 Got an extra game left.
00:39:43.780 You think that guy, he's dead now, right?
00:39:49.640 But do you think that guy is like in heaven or whatever and hell?
00:39:52.240 Which one?
00:39:52.740 Jimmy Carter?
00:39:53.200 The first one.
00:39:54.300 That guy got his ear.
00:39:55.120 Biden?
00:39:55.680 Oh, that guy.
00:39:56.680 Yeah, that guy.
00:39:57.380 He's like, oh, wait, I made him, I got him votes?
00:40:00.140 Yeah.
00:40:02.460 And that might be the-
00:40:03.500 Oh, I'm dead and I got him votes.
00:40:04.520 Yeah.
00:40:05.220 The most meritorious thing that guy ever did.
00:40:09.140 Okay.
00:40:11.100 I think you're going to say yes.
00:40:12.340 We're both right.
00:40:12.880 Okay.
00:40:13.720 Wait.
00:40:15.680 Don't we tie?
00:40:17.140 It's a tie.
00:40:17.940 It's a tie at zero.
00:40:19.740 It's a tie at zero.
00:40:20.900 This is-
00:40:21.200 Which is really what politics is all about.
00:40:23.160 When you don't get anywhere ahead by engulfing yourself in this negative-
00:40:28.000 Yeah.
00:40:28.600 You're all tied at zero.
00:40:30.200 Both right and left.
00:40:31.480 Go outside.
00:40:32.800 Talk to your friends.
00:40:34.040 Call your mom.
00:40:35.020 Do something of merit.
00:40:36.120 Yeah.
00:40:36.280 Certain roses smell well.
00:40:38.060 Other roses smell terrible.
00:40:39.640 Yeah.
00:40:40.320 What roses smell terrible?
00:40:41.700 Well, none of them smell terrible.
00:40:43.460 Yeah.
00:40:44.300 This is such a good metaphor for politics.
00:40:48.320 Yeah.
00:40:48.820 We've been here for like an hour.
00:40:49.920 Everyone loses.
00:40:50.520 Yeah.
00:40:50.740 Nothing has been accomplished.
00:40:51.980 Nothing was accomplished.
00:40:53.040 Nothing happened.
00:40:54.300 I know somebody that was setting up a provisional government in Afghanistan in the army.
00:40:58.080 Yeah.
00:40:58.400 It's about a year.
00:40:59.300 It was there, stationed there for one year.
00:41:01.060 Yeah.
00:41:01.240 And they had to negotiate on what's the percentage of Shiites, percentage of Sunnis, or percentage
00:41:06.660 of, there's another group.
00:41:07.680 What are like the, I don't know.
00:41:09.520 The ones who live like hotel travelers. 0.96
00:41:11.700 Yeah.
00:41:11.900 I think it was the Orthodox.
00:41:13.760 Orthodox Jews.
00:41:14.340 Jewish Muslims.
00:41:15.000 And they had to like, no, no, we should have a higher percentage.
00:41:17.320 We should have a higher percentage.
00:41:18.160 No, that should be lower.
00:41:19.020 And then they finally, finally, after almost 11 and a half months, agreed, okay, these
00:41:22.980 are the percentages.
00:41:23.660 Like, fine.
00:41:25.800 Okay.
00:41:27.020 Have a weekend.
00:41:27.860 On Monday, we're all going to meet.
00:41:29.240 It'll be a first convening.
00:41:30.180 And they go, I'm not sitting in the room with a Shiite. 1.00
00:41:32.940 And you're like, oh.
00:41:34.020 And then his tour was over, and nothing was accomplished.
00:41:38.220 And we're getting there.
00:41:40.020 You know, whether it's the joys of stereotyping or the beauty of drug addiction, Ari Shafir
00:41:44.900 focuses on the positive in this darkly uplifting special.
00:41:48.820 Check out this tease for America's Sweetheart. 1.00
00:41:52.000 People are going to get killed.
00:41:54.380 So, who better than a child?
00:42:00.760 They don't contribute to the GDP, like, at all.
00:42:04.960 Guys, I'm joking.
00:42:10.240 I hope you understand that.
00:42:11.800 Remember when you couldn't kill Asian people for three months four years ago? 0.99
00:42:15.380 I've been having so much fun.
00:42:16.700 I've been shoplifting, like, a lot.
00:42:20.740 Black people, you've got to be white someday. 1.00
00:42:22.980 It rules so fucking hard.
00:42:25.220 Oh, it's the best.
00:42:27.440 Black people, honestly, I hope you get white privilege someday soon. 0.95
00:42:30.740 But until that happens, man, you make excellent decoys.
00:42:35.260 If I'm at CVS and three brothers walk in, I'm like, it's go time.
00:42:38.420 I just turned invisible.
00:42:46.940 Nice.
00:42:51.220 Nice.
00:42:51.940 Thanks.
00:42:52.360 Ari.
00:42:52.840 Good promo.
00:42:53.360 Nobody plays this stuff.
00:42:54.160 Having not won or lost this game, I was feeling totally neutral.
00:43:01.880 But now I feel actually a lot better.
00:43:03.900 I can't wait for that special.
00:43:05.660 Yeah.
00:43:06.020 Watch it.
00:43:06.420 It's fun.
00:43:06.920 It's about, like, ignoring politics.
00:43:08.660 Good.
00:43:09.280 Finding better things to focus on.
00:43:11.300 Blessed you to be avoiding.
00:43:14.140 I'm trying to fight back.
00:43:15.020 All the nonsense.
00:43:15.500 That's great.
00:43:15.880 Ari, thank you, sir.
00:43:16.440 Thanks, Michael.
00:43:17.320 It was a pleasure.
00:43:18.220 It was cool.
00:43:19.400 Yeah.
00:43:19.600 And guys, everyone in the audience, you're going home with a yes or no card game.
00:43:30.680 You're going home with a yes or no card.
00:43:32.900 You get one card from the game.
00:43:34.840 I'm going home with a yes or no card game.
00:43:46.020 I'm going home.
00:43:46.640 All the nonsense.
00:43:47.600 You're going home with a yes or no card game.
00:43:48.220 You're going home with a yes or no card game.
00:43:50.300 I'm going home.
00:43:50.560 For what?
00:43:51.260 It was love.
00:43:51.640 We're going home.