The Michael Knowles Show - Comedian Ari Shaffir Drinks & Answers Tough Questions： YES or NO

00:00:00.000 Is this gay? 0.93

00:00:09.200 Buddy, there's only one right answer. 0.91

00:00:10.940 It's not straight.

00:00:11.740 Wow.

00:00:12.320 Now, I am fine with that, being gay. 0.50

00:00:14.820 Yeah. 0.89

00:00:15.280 Because gay means happy and delightful. 1.00

00:00:17.680 No, it means lame and retarded. 1.00

00:00:19.200 And that's what that was. 0.97

00:00:30.000 Hello, everybody.

00:00:35.740 I'm Michael Knowles.

00:00:37.380 This is Yes or No.

00:00:40.520 Very exciting.

00:00:42.100 Nice.

00:00:43.340 Welcome to Yes or No, the bibulous battle to discover who knows whom better.

00:00:48.820 My guest today is comedian Ari Shafir, whose new Netflix comedy special, America's Sweetheart, is out now.

00:00:56.080 We'll get to see a teaser later.

00:00:57.520 How do we play?

00:00:58.160 Today, I will ask Ari a yes or no question. 0.86

00:01:01.940 He will select his answer away from my prying eyes.

00:01:05.760 Then, I will guess how he answered.

00:01:08.400 If I guess correctly, I get a point.

00:01:11.520 If I guess incorrectly, I lose a point.

00:01:14.640 No matter how I guess, I will probably drink.

00:01:18.580 Then, it's Ari's turn.

00:01:21.340 Neither of us has seen the questions beforehand.

00:01:23.420 The questions cover various and sundry topics, from the philosophical to the anatomical, and everything in between.

00:01:30.580 Whoever has the most points wins.

00:01:32.840 The stakes could be higher.

00:01:35.780 Let's get started.

00:01:37.480 Ari, thank you for being here.

00:01:38.800 That was great.

00:01:39.520 That was great.

00:01:40.560 That's a fancy-looking drink.

00:01:41.860 It's a godfather.

00:01:42.600 It's the Padron in South America.

00:01:44.440 I've got a martini, though.

00:01:45.740 I don't know.

00:01:45.980 I think someone slipped a mickey in it.

00:01:47.380 It's kind of fizzy.

00:01:48.160 I barely see a bubbly martini.

00:01:51.620 Okay, I always say chin-chin to your health.

00:01:53.420 Bubbly martinis, you can't really cheers them.

00:01:56.120 Okay, that's good.

00:01:57.580 I always say, if you win, you get to drink.

00:02:02.160 If you lose, you have to drink.

00:02:03.520 Okay.

00:02:04.280 I want to stumble out of here.

00:02:05.560 Do you believe that to be a real comic, you cannot be offended by anything?

00:02:14.360 Do you believe that to be a real comic, you cannot be offended by anything?

00:02:21.520 They're good and shuffled?

00:02:22.860 Yeah.

00:02:25.500 Okay, so that's your guess.

00:02:26.900 Okay.

00:02:27.920 Put it right on the stick.

00:02:28.760 It's a real comic, you cannot, I think you're going to say.

00:02:36.440 It's tough, you're actually, to really understand the question.

00:02:42.520 You have to figure out double negatives.

00:02:44.240 You have to really think what the other guy is going to do.

00:02:46.280 I think you say, no.

00:02:50.840 A comedian can be offended by some things.

00:02:54.960 No, okay.

00:02:55.680 The answer is no.

00:02:56.000 You're correct.

00:02:56.760 So there are some limits.

00:02:57.800 Yeah, who says you can't be offended?

00:02:59.800 This is, sometimes you hear this, oh, pure, beautiful comedy. 0.99

00:03:03.620 Someone can walk up and call your mother a whore and you have to applaud them for it or whatever. 0.97

00:03:07.240 Oh, we just prefer people not be offended, but you can get offended. 0.99

00:03:10.460 You just have to, like, leave.

00:03:11.520 Yeah.

00:03:12.460 It's all right.

00:03:13.440 You can be offended.

00:03:14.680 Yeah, my friend made a joke about 9-11 and there was somebody in the audience.

00:03:17.640 He goes, my brother died 9-11.

00:03:19.240 And he was like, oh, this is never going to be for you.

00:03:23.160 You got to go out.

00:03:23.960 You got to get out of here.

00:03:24.740 We're all going to be enjoying this.

00:03:26.140 It's just, you're not going to enjoy this.

00:03:28.600 There's no, you're not going to, you can't tailor that joke to that guy.

00:03:31.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:32.140 It's just like a sad thing.

00:03:33.080 Comics get offended, too.

00:03:34.440 Yeah.

00:03:34.780 At, like, lame jokes.

00:03:36.440 Comics get offended because of how lame they are?

00:03:38.520 Yeah, sometimes it's like, you see it roasts, that's the best.

00:03:41.420 You see it roasts, somebody make fun of you, but they'll do something bad.

00:03:43.500 But then, you know, you're on camera, so you're going to go, meh, meh, meh, meh.

00:03:47.000 Yeah, that's offensive when it includes you, too.

00:03:50.680 You know, you're part of it.

00:03:51.920 Yeah.

00:03:52.080 You're sullied by it.

00:03:52.800 I don't mind bad jokes, as long as I don't have to be part of it, yeah.

00:03:55.520 All right, now you're up.

00:03:56.460 Okay.

00:03:57.940 Take your game piece away. 0.99

00:03:59.140 Damn, nice. 0.99

00:04:00.720 I'm going to be kind of pissed. 0.99

00:04:02.820 Okay, production value on this is wild.

00:04:05.340 You guys can't see it.

00:04:06.660 I thought these were going to be printed on here.

00:04:08.300 It's just a piece of paper tape.

00:04:10.000 That's brand name.

00:04:10.440 It's got you paper.

00:04:10.940 It's not even a full tape.

00:04:12.020 They really narrowed it.

00:04:13.180 Like, Jews and Palestinians could solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love

00:04:23.620 of digging tunnels.

00:04:25.800 This is a comparison I have made a lot of times.

00:04:30.400 And, by the way, Mexicans, you're invited to the table.

00:04:34.420 Jews and Palestinians could solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels. 0.98

00:04:40.120 Yes or no?

00:04:41.480 Could Jews and Palestinians solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels? 1.00

00:04:53.980 Yeah, that's a lot to the question.

00:04:56.020 Could they solve those differences?

00:04:59.640 Do they both love digging tunnels?

00:05:01.320 What if they both don't?

00:05:02.700 Still, I guess they could.

00:05:07.780 Okay, I've got my answer.

00:05:08.880 You either think that they could solve their differences through that.

00:05:14.460 I think you're, I don't know enough about you.

00:05:17.340 I think you're the kind of guy who says, get them to the table and we can work anything out.

00:05:21.220 So, I'm going to say that you say, yes, they could solve those differences.

00:05:27.200 There it is.

00:05:28.500 We got a game!

00:05:31.360 They could, because the other thing is, right now, we're thinking two-dimensionally.

00:05:35.320 You know, we're thinking, but really, what if you change the direction of the tunnels?

00:05:39.780 So, like, for instance, the Palestinians are digging tunnels into Israel. 0.93

00:05:43.620 Yeah.

00:05:43.860 What if they dug them into Egypt or something?

00:05:46.320 The Palestinians get their tunnels. 1.00

00:05:47.800 Get rid of that way. 0.99

00:05:48.180 The Israelis get rid of the Palestinians. 1.00

00:05:51.080 Yeah. 0.95

00:05:51.360 Everyone's happy.

00:05:52.240 Everyone's happy.

00:05:52.840 And then they could have, like, a guest speaker, like someone from Vietnam.

00:05:57.360 Yeah.

00:05:57.680 Yeah, like, let me show you about some barbecues we had down there.

00:06:00.680 You can really doll it up.

00:06:01.620 You guys are just using it for transport.

00:06:03.020 You can live in these things.

00:06:03.960 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:04.940 Wow, that's beautiful.

00:06:06.400 Yeah.

00:06:07.160 Okay.

00:06:09.020 A homeless person started the LA fires.

00:06:13.080 The only way I could really know is if I'm the one who started them.

00:06:22.120 And then it would be, am I homeless or not?

00:06:24.060 Really Cartesian.

00:06:25.180 Yeah.

00:06:25.380 Okay.

00:06:27.060 Let's see.

00:06:27.640 A homeless person started the LA fires.

00:06:39.660 Put these here.

00:06:40.680 These are the ones.

00:06:41.940 Okay.

00:06:50.380 Yes.

00:06:54.240 Ah!

00:06:54.680 Oh, I don't know, but I believe it was PG&E.

00:06:58.760 You do, yeah.

00:06:59.600 With their constant lack of safety measures.

00:07:01.840 Did you think it was PG&E or even, like, Newsom himself?

00:07:05.440 Oh, Newsom went in there and just started fire.

00:07:06.880 Yeah, basically, yeah.

00:07:08.300 Burn it all down. 0.95

00:07:09.520 It could also have been a fat chick who's learned to be okay with her body weight, having 1.00

00:07:14.420 her thighs go together so fast that eventually it will start. 1.00

00:07:17.580 Yes.

00:07:18.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:19.380 With jorts or something.

00:07:20.560 Yeah.

00:07:20.580 It just creates a friction.

00:07:21.700 Mm-hmm.

00:07:22.380 Yeah.

00:07:22.880 When she should have walked by.

00:07:23.300 But she could have a home.

00:07:24.460 She could be housed.

00:07:25.220 Yeah.

00:07:25.440 Oh, right.

00:07:26.000 Exactly.

00:07:26.520 Yeah.

00:07:27.500 I really don't know.

00:07:29.000 I don't know.

00:07:29.700 Yeah, it's funny, though.

00:07:30.640 Everybody went right to, like, who did it.

00:07:32.220 Like, hey, go help them, though, first.

00:07:33.880 First time I ever went to LA, I went up.

00:07:36.860 I said, I want to see the Hollywood sign.

00:07:38.220 I love cigars.

00:07:39.340 So I go up.

00:07:40.160 Went up there for the first time.

00:07:41.260 Did you?

00:07:41.760 I lived there for 12 years, been back for 10, and I never was up there.

00:07:44.540 It's like New Yorkers with the Empire State Building.

00:07:46.440 You know, if you're there a lot, you don't go.

00:07:47.820 But I went up, and I said, that's really cool.

00:07:50.200 And you know what?

00:07:50.500 I'm going to smoke a cigar.

00:07:51.860 And all these.

00:07:52.720 Oh.

00:07:53.440 They come by.

00:07:53.880 They're screaming at me.

00:07:55.060 Yeah.

00:07:55.140 I said, what's the matter?

00:07:55.760 They hate smoking?

00:07:56.880 I was like Steve Martin in The Jerker.

00:07:58.280 This guy hates cans, you know?

00:07:59.820 And I'm smoking my cigar.

00:08:01.020 And then I realized it's because it can burn the whole city to the ground.

00:08:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:04.780 They can't even smoke cigarettes in your car on the way up.

00:08:07.480 Yeah.

00:08:07.720 The window's up.

00:08:08.660 Yeah.

00:08:08.960 They're, like, real strict about it.

00:08:10.260 Yeah, yeah.

00:08:10.940 Okay.

00:08:11.200 Did they find out who actually started it, or is it just a bunch of theories?

00:08:14.280 No, it's going to be like Notre Dame Cathedral.

00:08:16.720 They're going to be like, wasn't it the Muslims? 1.00

00:08:18.860 And they'll be like, no, it was, you know, just a random cigarette or something.

00:08:21.900 No one's going to ever find out ever, but it was probably the homeless.

00:08:24.640 I will say, it might not have been PG&A, but PG&A has started over 1,000 fires in California.

00:08:32.080 So why would you think it's not?

00:08:33.440 Yeah.

00:08:34.220 You're right.

00:08:36.920 That's called a lead, boys.

00:08:41.200 The world would be better if everyone had at least one psychedelic trip.

00:08:46.740 Now, what do I know about Michael Knowles?

00:08:48.920 Is he straight edge?

00:08:53.400 Michael, before you answer, I'm going to tell you something.

00:08:55.940 Okay.

00:08:57.520 Do you believe in God?

00:08:58.660 Do?

00:08:59.180 I do.

00:09:00.940 God makes things for reasons.

00:09:02.760 We can't know them all, but he makes things for a reason.

00:09:04.840 Yes.

00:09:05.980 Why would he make mushrooms if he didn't want us to take it?

00:09:08.440 Answer your question.

00:09:09.220 Wow.

00:09:09.940 It's a lot to think about.

00:09:11.240 It's kind of leading the witness, you know?

00:09:15.600 The world would be better if everyone had at least one psychedelic trip.

00:09:18.900 I got to say yes.

00:09:19.820 You'd be crazy not to think that.

00:09:21.360 It would obviously be better.

00:09:23.180 There's only one acceptable answer, Nulls.

00:09:24.780 Could I please have my point?

00:09:25.520 That's crazy.

00:09:26.360 That's crazy.

00:09:27.420 How would it not be better?

00:09:28.860 How wouldn't it be improved?

00:09:30.280 Here.

00:09:30.560 You talk to God.

00:09:31.780 He said, pick up the phone.

00:09:32.780 I want to talk to you.

00:09:33.480 Yeah, but he also created, like, you know, I don't know, avocados doesn't mean I want

00:09:38.720 to eat them.

00:09:39.320 They're no good, but he made them.

00:09:40.840 Everyone had access to avocados.

00:09:42.540 It wouldn't be better.

00:09:43.520 Yeah, but now they won't because Trump is slapping tariff signs.

00:09:46.020 You think it wouldn't be better, though?

00:09:47.720 No, because I'm going to quote Paul McCartney here.

00:09:50.100 Okay.

00:09:50.700 Paul McCartney gave this story.

00:09:52.260 He said, John said, he said, John said, you know, if you have some LSD, then it'll rewire

00:09:58.420 your brain.

00:09:58.940 And I thought, you know, well, my brain's all I got, you know, and I don't want to lose

00:10:02.660 my brain, man, you know.

00:10:04.160 And that's kind of how I feel.

00:10:05.600 I was really tempted by psychedelics.

00:10:08.120 Yeah.

00:10:08.380 Because listen, back in my wayward youth, man, I had a few puffs of the devil's lettuce

00:10:11.820 every so often, you know, a couple of jazz cigarettes, but I had a bunch of friends

00:10:16.240 that got really into acid.

00:10:17.520 Yeah.

00:10:17.960 And mushrooms.

00:10:20.120 But this is the thing, though.

00:10:21.760 Yeah.

00:10:22.620 All it takes is one, man.

00:10:24.380 And then I take some tab of acid, and then I think I'm a banana and start peeling my

00:10:28.540 skin off or something.

00:10:28.880 Only for like 10 hours.

00:10:31.560 It's not forever.

00:10:32.560 What's it like?

00:10:34.360 You just remove yourself from your ego.

00:10:37.000 Yeah.

00:10:37.220 You get to view the whole world without, like, connection to it.

00:10:40.120 And so you can look at yourself with, like, oh, that's a guy who's just going through

00:10:43.860 this, and you're not, like, trying to defend your own actions.

00:10:47.500 So you're like, oh, that guy should, like, tell his friends he loves them more.

00:10:50.120 That guy meaning you.

00:10:51.180 You, yeah.

00:10:51.560 You're viewing yourself.

00:10:51.760 You know everything about that guy.

00:10:52.800 You know a little bit about lots of people, but you know the most about yourself.

00:10:55.980 Yeah.

00:10:56.400 But because you're, like, trying to defend your actions all the time.

00:10:59.740 Yeah.

00:11:00.100 I don't know if that's the ego or whatever, but, like, then you don't, you know, improve.

00:11:03.560 Because, but if you can, like, you ever play golf?

00:11:06.960 Yeah.

00:11:07.340 Play best ball?

00:11:08.480 I, no.

00:11:09.740 Both of you hit a shot, then you decide which shot to hit from there.

00:11:12.320 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:12.960 Everyone ends up, there's some point in the golf course where you hit one here in the

00:11:16.540 sand close, and I hit one further away in the fairway.

00:11:19.900 And we both argue about which one's ball is better.

00:11:21.680 And you're both defending your own ball.

00:11:23.240 Yeah.

00:11:23.420 But if you looked at it with, like, I don't know, here's two balls, we'd agree.

00:11:26.800 Would you agree? 0.92

00:11:27.900 Yeah, you'd agree.

00:11:28.600 That one's better, or that one's better.

00:11:30.340 But because you're, like, looking at your own thing, you want yours to be better.

00:11:34.380 So, with mushrooms, it takes away the ability.

00:11:38.080 Did you find, this is my big objection to mushrooms.

00:11:41.720 I've had friends who got into psychedelics, and one thing they tell me.

00:11:45.440 One, though, one, one time.

00:11:46.920 Okay, one, psychedelic.

00:11:48.220 Yeah, okay.

00:11:49.360 One thing they tell me is, you know, man, I've heard this from multiple people.

00:11:52.540 I mean, I'll talk the same way.

00:11:53.380 They'll be like, oh, yeah, you know, man, oh, you know, man.

00:11:56.400 They'll say, I just, I felt so much more at peace with myself.

00:12:00.700 Yeah.

00:12:00.860 I wasn't so worried about, like, sin and guilt and shame.

00:12:05.920 Yeah.

00:12:06.420 But, man, I think guilt and shame are great.

00:12:09.280 Yeah, okay.

00:12:09.700 I'm very pro-guilt and shame, you know?

00:12:12.040 Like, I.

00:12:12.580 My superpower, I don't like superpower, I read not to be able to feel shame.

00:12:15.760 So, I could just do whatever.

00:12:17.180 It's good for a comedian.

00:12:18.060 Yeah, exactly.

00:12:18.900 Karen, you got it.

00:12:19.740 Yeah.

00:12:21.160 All right.

00:12:25.580 Is this racist?

00:12:28.240 And now we're going to watch a video.

00:12:29.840 This is, hold on.

00:12:31.060 I need you to help build a deck.

00:12:34.240 Yes.

00:12:36.600 They think they're coming over to my house.

00:12:38.640 Is this you?

00:12:38.760 Fixed my deck.

00:12:39.540 Yeah, a long time ago.

00:12:40.220 What they don't know is that we're not going to my house.

00:12:42.260 We're going somewhere else.

00:12:43.880 I'm not going to ruin the surprise, but we'll be there in a minute.

00:12:46.140 I remember this video.

00:12:47.360 Yeah.

00:12:47.780 It was early, uh, pre-YouTube.

00:12:51.560 Oh, boy.

00:12:52.020 Was this, like, E-Balm's world or something?

00:12:58.040 Yeah.

00:12:58.400 I am...

00:12:59.400 Yeah, it was a long time ago.

00:13:08.900 I didn't realize I was in the presence of royalty.

00:13:11.020 Yeah, thanks.

00:13:11.580 This is every 14-year-old boy's, like, first foray into the internet.

00:13:14.520 That was an amazing bit.

00:13:17.520 Yeah.

00:13:18.580 Yeah, it was pretty funny.

00:13:19.860 It was out there.

00:13:20.440 We did it for National Lampoon's, and then, uh, and then, like, right at the beginning,

00:13:23.620 it's, like, E-Balm's world.

00:13:24.600 Yeah.

00:13:24.820 And, uh, somebody ripped it to the internet.

00:13:28.180 YouTube.

00:13:28.580 It was early, early YouTube.

00:13:30.240 So, people with no context, you're like, what the F is this?

00:13:33.300 That was a great bit.

00:13:35.020 Yeah, thanks.

00:13:35.920 Thanks.

00:13:38.560 Okay, I think you'll say it's racist.

00:13:40.240 Yes.

00:13:41.020 And here's why.

00:13:42.240 Not what you're thinking.

00:13:43.320 Here's why it's racist.

00:13:44.120 It was just a racial joke.

00:13:45.100 Those people all got, you know, gave them all 50 bucks.

00:13:48.260 That wasn't actually a, uh...

00:13:50.480 A sting operation?

00:13:51.520 Yeah.

00:13:51.880 It was a library in Van Nuys.

00:13:54.840 Um, it's because I still have that shirt.

00:13:58.020 That was over 20 years ago.

00:13:59.120 And I'm a Jew who still has an article of clothing from 20 years ago.

00:14:02.780 And that is racist.

00:14:05.000 Not against the Mexicans.

00:14:05.940 Not against the Mexicans.

00:14:06.840 In the last place you'd look.

00:14:08.340 Mm-hmm.

00:14:09.220 Anti-Semitism.

00:14:10.120 Yes.

00:14:10.600 Yeah.

00:14:11.060 I remember watching that the first time.

00:14:12.900 I thought, this is a very anti-Semitic video.

00:14:14.580 Yeah.

00:14:15.020 So obvious.

00:14:16.540 Wow.

00:14:17.060 Amazing.

00:14:17.260 That would have got me a lot of death threats.

00:14:18.660 Did it really?

00:14:19.380 Oh, yeah.

00:14:20.060 My friend Duncan Dressel put up, uh, it was, like, early, early internet, man.

00:14:23.720 It was so fun.

00:14:24.920 And he just put in, um, artistic terrorism was his website.

00:14:28.620 He put in, like, hey, prank call my friend, Ari Shaffir.

00:14:30.920 This was before that came out.

00:14:32.440 Prank call my friend, Ari Shaffir.

00:14:33.560 Best one.

00:14:34.160 You record it.

00:14:34.700 I'll give you 20 bucks.

00:14:36.440 And so then that came out.

00:14:37.540 Everyone started Googling me.

00:14:38.420 I used my real name. 1.00

00:14:39.640 Dumb. 0.99

00:14:40.520 And, uh, and then the first thing would come up. 0.99

00:14:42.480 It was, like, Ari Shaffir with phone number.

00:14:44.660 And so I would just start getting phone calls. 1.00

00:14:46.500 Like, I'll build a deck in your ass, Holmes. 0.99

00:14:48.120 It was so great. 1.00

00:14:51.780 I'm like, what is this?

00:14:53.320 Wow.

00:14:53.820 Fast forward to the Trump era, you know?

00:14:55.740 Oh, yeah.

00:14:56.080 You're on the winning side now.

00:14:57.160 It's got new life.

00:14:59.620 You're right.

00:15:00.260 Nice kids like it.

00:15:03.860 Oh, here we go.

00:15:05.100 Oh, this is great. 0.99

00:15:06.080 Is this gay? 1.00

00:15:07.860 Dumb, dumb, dumb. 1.00

00:15:11.000 Wow. 1.00

00:15:11.360 Buddy, there's only one right answer.

00:15:27.920 Yeah.

00:15:28.520 Now, hold on.

00:15:29.260 I got to guess.

00:15:30.020 I got to.

00:15:30.380 I know.

00:15:30.860 I got to guess.

00:15:31.780 Be a man.

00:15:32.840 Own up to what you did.

00:15:33.940 Own up to your crimes.

00:15:35.620 Own up to your crimes.

00:15:36.720 And the production value.

00:15:37.940 All of you were part of that. 0.99

00:15:41.360 It's obviously gay. 1.00

00:15:43.960 It's so freaking gay. 1.00

00:15:45.480 It's gay. 1.00

00:15:46.020 Oh, my God. 0.98

00:15:47.440 It's not straight.

00:15:48.400 Wow.

00:15:48.880 Now.

00:15:49.480 Wow.

00:15:49.920 How did you not get deported from a music town for that?

00:15:53.740 I'm going to tell you, though. 0.97

00:15:54.580 I am fine with that being gay. 0.87

00:15:56.600 Yeah.

00:15:57.160 Because I want to reclaim the word.

00:15:59.260 You know, gay means happy and delightful.

00:16:01.820 And right now, like, for instance, have you heard this term, the woke? 0.99

00:16:04.340 No, it means lame and retarded. 1.00

00:16:05.880 And that's what that was. 0.98

00:16:07.220 Well, but even.

00:16:08.100 I was thinking about this the other day.

00:16:09.280 I was thinking about this.

00:16:10.020 So, so gay is like happy. 0.97

00:16:13.300 I can't even look at you. 0.99

00:16:14.280 No, listen.

00:16:14.960 I don't.

00:16:15.440 My, my shoes are brown.

00:16:16.980 I'm not even wearing the suede ones now.

00:16:18.480 You're not wearing socks.

00:16:19.300 Yeah.

00:16:19.520 Well, I'm still not wearing socks.

00:16:20.760 And I can do a little pas de bourree.

00:16:22.300 But I, the, so you ever heard of the woke, right?

00:16:26.160 Have you heard of this new phrase, the woke, right?

00:16:27.600 It's like.

00:16:27.980 I love it.

00:16:28.620 It's referring, it's like the fascist.

00:16:30.800 Yeah.

00:16:30.840 It's Karen's on the other side.

00:16:31.860 So, so it's, but if that, if it means that the extreme edgy hip, if that means that woke 0.86

00:16:37.820 is the new based, which means.

00:16:40.640 Woke is the new based. 0.97

00:16:41.280 Woke is the new based, which means straight is the new gay. 0.99

00:16:43.840 And then I was even thinking the etymology of the word. 0.84

00:16:45.800 Can I use a naughty word?

00:16:46.720 There's a lot of dancing around an apology.

00:16:48.680 Can I, hold it.

00:16:49.200 Can I, can I say it?

00:16:50.820 Maybe they can bleep it out.

00:16:52.200 The word.

00:16:54.480 Yeah.

00:16:54.840 It, it, etymologically, it's related to fascist, like bundle of sticks.

00:16:59.680 Okay.

00:17:00.080 So basically.

00:17:01.020 But it means something different now.

00:17:02.260 But now, well, that's what I'm saying.

00:17:03.440 If, can we reclaim the word?

00:17:04.800 Like instead of being based, straight, patriotic, should we be, is it now cool to be woke, gay?

00:17:13.020 No, no. 0.84

00:17:14.820 Sexual.

00:17:15.600 No.

00:17:15.760 That had nothing to do with that. 0.83

00:17:17.200 That whole thing was gay. 1.00

00:17:18.660 The production value was gay. 1.00

00:17:20.220 The little wink thing was gay. 0.97

00:17:21.960 The thinking you're awesome. 0.99

00:17:23.960 That was gay. 1.00

00:17:25.440 That was from start to finish gay. 1.00

00:17:27.620 I can see someone goes, hey, how about we do a take where you get on the table? 0.99

00:17:30.620 It's gay. 1.00

00:17:31.740 They're gay for suggesting it. 1.00

00:17:32.940 You're gay for doing it. 1.00

00:17:33.880 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:34.320 That's gay. 1.00

00:17:35.140 Can I. 0.99

00:17:35.440 I'm out of here.

00:17:35.900 Here's my only, here's my only defense.

00:17:37.420 Part of this.

00:17:37.900 Yeah.

00:17:38.040 My only other defense.

00:17:39.100 They.

00:17:39.300 Throw yourself at the court and the mercy of them.

00:17:42.280 My, oh, they.

00:17:43.580 They initially wanted me to wear a turtleneck too.

00:17:45.940 Oh.

00:17:46.460 So, okay.

00:17:46.920 So that's a little straighter than that.

00:17:48.000 Yeah.

00:17:48.140 Thanks for fighting back.

00:17:48.920 Yeah.

00:17:49.340 Okay.

00:17:49.640 All right.

00:17:50.100 Well, I, I take my licks.

00:17:51.460 Oh. 0.96

00:17:51.700 And by the way, I'm not gay, even though my boyfriend is.

00:17:55.300 All right.

00:17:56.360 Don't forget that.

00:17:57.480 Now, I will tease you no longer, my friends.

00:18:01.500 My best-selling game, Yes or No, exclusively available at Daily Wire Shop, is expanding yet

00:18:06.840 again.

00:18:07.360 Oh, really?

00:18:07.660 The all, it is.

00:18:09.020 The all-new Yes or No Dating and Relationships Expansion Pack is now available for pre-order.

00:18:14.480 Look at that.

00:18:14.720 Let's see.

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00:18:16.580 Got a nice little heart in the middle there.

00:18:18.220 Good design.

00:18:18.940 You can test your relationships and how well you know those around you by exploring such

00:18:23.160 topics as stay-at-home girlfriends or just modern-day concubines.

00:18:26.820 For babies.

00:18:27.760 Or please do.

00:18:28.280 Yeah, please.

00:18:29.220 What's that one say?

00:18:30.380 Relationships should have defined roles, e.g.

00:18:32.580 This is so this network.

00:18:35.380 Any of those you read could end your career.

00:18:41.400 Daily Wire is hilarious.

00:18:43.600 Marriage is full.

00:18:44.960 Marriage is failed because of lack of communication.

00:18:47.420 Oh, my God. 0.99

00:18:47.980 This whole thing is gay. 1.00

00:18:50.200 It's okay to break up our text messages.

00:18:51.900 Now we're back to normal.

00:18:52.900 Yeah.

00:18:53.140 Okay.

00:18:54.140 No, I'm not reading that.

00:18:54.800 This is a game within a game.

00:18:56.300 Yeah.

00:18:56.600 This is inception.

00:18:57.600 This is a relationship game.

00:18:59.100 So this will make your relationship stronger.

00:19:00.640 It will.

00:19:01.720 Guaranteed.

00:19:02.120 If you go to dailywire.com slash shop today.

00:19:06.760 If you play these on mushrooms, it'll hit far harder.

00:19:09.600 It'll be great for your relationship.

00:19:12.160 Yeah.

00:19:13.160 Oh, these are pretty fun.

00:19:14.380 There you go.

00:19:16.120 We'll give you a great discount on that.

00:19:17.900 10% off for you, my friend, my friend.

00:19:20.140 Yes.

00:19:20.640 Marshall in the history.

00:19:22.700 Oh.

00:19:22.920 Okay, I've got one for you.

00:19:25.180 I mean, did Ben Shapiro see that?

00:19:26.760 He directed that, actually.

00:19:27.800 He wrote it.

00:19:30.620 We've overcomplicated cancel culture.

00:19:33.160 It's not about the left or right.

00:19:35.400 It's really just Kobe Bryant fans.

00:19:39.820 Wow.

00:19:40.280 What's your answer?

00:19:42.680 I say...

00:19:47.180 Should I get one of those martinis?

00:19:48.800 I kind of want a godfather.

00:19:50.240 Yeah, let's swap these.

00:19:51.280 I'd get a godfather.

00:19:52.180 I'd get a little backup godfather.

00:19:53.420 I got to catch up.

00:19:54.420 I say you say yes.

00:20:00.900 No, there is no cancel culture.

00:20:03.080 It's a geezer term.

00:20:04.180 That's about five years ago.

00:20:05.200 Literally, nobody's talking about it anymore.

00:20:07.020 Why did it end?

00:20:08.920 Because it's like every word.

00:20:10.220 You guys expanded it so much.

00:20:12.660 Expanded it so much to where it has no meaning anymore. 0.99

00:20:14.560 Nazi, fascist.

00:20:15.500 It doesn't mean the same thing.

00:20:16.460 So you have different people arguing about different meanings.

00:20:19.720 Yeah.

00:20:20.000 So like, is this guy a Nazi?

00:20:20.980 I'm going, clearly yes.

00:20:21.780 Someone, a Holocaust survivor's son.

00:20:23.860 It was like, clearly no.

00:20:24.920 Right.

00:20:25.260 Then we'll never communicate.

00:20:26.420 We're talking about different things.

00:20:28.160 Right.

00:20:29.040 And that's what happened here.

00:20:30.400 Yeah.

00:20:30.840 Yeah, I do.

00:20:31.420 It was that you'll never have an ability to work again.

00:20:34.360 Some people say that.

00:20:35.220 Other people are like, are you losing work over it?

00:20:37.720 Yeah.

00:20:38.020 Other people are like, is it just mean you got in trouble?

00:20:40.640 So we're all talking about different stuff.

00:20:41.940 So they just kind of went away.

00:20:42.840 Just do your work.

00:20:43.960 Yeah.

00:20:44.620 Yeah, I agree.

00:20:45.680 Even, I think 15 years ago, people would be like, you're a racist.

00:20:49.480 It's like, no, I'm not.

00:20:50.780 No, I'm not, man.

00:20:51.900 Seriously. 0.99

00:20:52.980 But now, you're a racist. 0.97

00:20:54.740 You're like, sure. 0.97

00:20:57.720 Who even cares?

00:20:58.620 Whatever. 0.99

00:20:59.840 It's the dumbest issue in America, and we're constantly talking about it. 0.99

00:21:02.840 Okay. 0.99

00:21:03.960 You're up.

00:21:04.280 Yeah, I'm giving you that.

00:21:05.160 I'll admit when I'm wrong.

00:21:06.220 Let's go.

00:21:06.940 I'll admit when I'm wrong.

00:21:08.300 Yeah.

00:21:08.720 And I'll admit when I'm gay.

00:21:11.080 Yeah, great.

00:21:12.500 That's great.

00:21:13.400 Right now, go to helixsleep.com slash Knowles.

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00:22:22.760 Do not miss out.

00:22:23.560 Being a female comedian isn't hard. 1.00

00:22:27.580 Oh boy, this is going to go somewhere.

00:22:29.220 I should have been like, they're like, why would you not go to...

00:22:31.820 And they offer me this.

00:22:33.440 They're like, are you sure?

00:22:34.940 I'm like, what do you mean?

00:22:35.800 Yeah.

00:22:36.300 Why not?

00:22:36.980 What would they make me say on camera?

00:22:38.420 Yeah.

00:22:38.980 Being a female comedian is not hard. 1.00

00:22:41.020 You just need to be hefty, dykey, or Jewish. 1.00

00:22:43.600 Wow. 0.99

00:22:44.920 Wow.

00:22:46.520 Oof.

00:22:48.460 Hefty.

00:22:49.760 You didn't shy away from dykey, but you shied away from fat. 1.00

00:22:55.820 By the way, the twist of orange in here, whoever made this, that's a solid, that's great.

00:23:00.540 A lot of people missed that.

00:23:01.420 That's an impressive drink.

00:23:03.240 Okay, I've got my answer, Tim.

00:23:05.080 I'm going to say, what would you say?

00:23:09.640 It's not what I'd say.

00:23:10.600 Not what you'd say.

00:23:11.320 You have no ownership of this opinion.

00:23:14.900 How well do you know stand-up?

00:23:15.860 I heard you didn't know who Nate Bargatze was until a week ago.

00:23:17.940 I heard the name.

00:23:19.080 He's the number one grossing comedian in the world.

00:23:22.520 So you don't know anything about comedy.

00:23:24.500 I know the beginning and end of comedy.

00:23:27.200 Yeah.

00:23:27.540 Norm Macdonald.

00:23:28.620 That's all I know about comedy.

00:23:34.700 I'm hoping you're going to say, ah, man.

00:23:37.640 Yeah.

00:23:37.980 I don't know.

00:23:38.340 I think you're going to say yes, but I don't know.

00:23:41.140 Hold on.

00:23:41.620 I'm not saying this yet.

00:23:43.040 Mm-hmm.

00:23:43.480 It is.

00:23:44.400 Oh, there's more to it than that now.

00:23:45.320 Because what if you say yes, and then I say no, and then you look like you think it?

00:23:47.740 So you don't watch any stand-up?

00:23:49.100 I watch some stand-up.

00:23:50.060 Just Norm.

00:23:50.740 Just Norm.

00:23:51.280 Clips on Reap.

00:23:52.000 Yeah.

00:23:53.520 No, some other guy.

00:23:54.460 Sometimes some.

00:23:56.600 Oh.

00:23:59.660 It's, there's definitely more to it.

00:24:01.720 I think you're going to say yes, but there's definitely more to it than that.

00:24:04.860 It doesn't, it's just my opinion.

00:24:05.980 It's just your opinion.

00:24:06.980 Yeah.

00:24:07.200 I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and then you say no.

00:24:12.820 Come on.

00:24:13.420 You knew the answer.

00:24:14.040 I knew it.

00:24:14.600 You knew the answer.

00:24:15.500 There's so much more to it.

00:24:16.860 Please.

00:24:17.380 It's not that easy.

00:24:18.620 Let me tell you.

00:24:19.140 You still have to write good jokes. 0.99

00:24:20.020 You don't think I know fat, lesbian, Jew comics? 0.99

00:24:26.300 There's so much more to it. 0.98

00:24:27.240 You're right.

00:24:27.580 You still got to be able to write a joke.

00:24:28.600 Would you say at least that is the minimum condition required?

00:24:31.700 No, you can be hot now, too.

00:24:33.040 Everything's different.

00:24:33.740 Dane Cook changed everything. 0.97

00:24:34.960 It's not for dorks anymore. 0.55

00:24:37.140 There's like attractive people come into this. 0.99

00:24:38.660 I hate it. 0.87

00:24:39.400 I think it's gross. 0.89

00:24:40.960 I think it's gross.

00:24:42.300 This was a calling card.

00:24:44.680 And now it's all different.

00:24:45.700 These people like have nice hair.

00:24:47.180 They got look like you.

00:24:48.060 They got, all right.

00:24:49.420 It's so much harder than that.

00:24:50.660 You know, that was not, that's not.

00:24:51.760 That's another old one.

00:24:52.700 That's another old.

00:24:53.880 That's not my opinion.

00:24:54.940 10 years ago term.

00:24:56.160 Actually, the guy whose opinion that was, he wrote an essay in Vanity Fair.

00:24:59.740 Yeah.

00:25:00.100 He's been dead for like 10 years.

00:25:01.140 Michael Hutchins?

00:25:02.100 Christopher Hitchens.

00:25:02.780 Christopher Hitchens.

00:25:03.240 Christopher Hitchens. 0.98

00:25:04.140 His view was that they have to be hefty, dyke, or Jewish. 1.00

00:25:06.320 It was a long time ago.

00:25:07.480 After that started, so let me just tell you what happened.

00:25:10.100 After that started, a bunch of women who hadn't even started yet got into stand-up. 1.00

00:25:15.560 Not because of that, but it.

00:25:16.640 So, these 15-year comics that are now like running the world were post that.

00:25:21.720 Who?

00:25:22.520 Because I could name, I could name some exceptions to the rule, but exceptions prove the rule.

00:25:25.560 Yeah.

00:25:26.220 Who are the female comedians who are funny, who are actually funny? 1.00

00:25:29.620 Yeah.

00:25:30.000 And they can even be TV comedians.

00:25:31.280 They don't have to be just standing.

00:25:32.020 Yeah.

00:25:32.600 Who are, who don't fit one of those three categories.

00:25:35.480 Hefty.

00:25:37.500 Adrian's fat. 0.93

00:25:40.640 Michelle Wolfe. 0.73

00:25:42.020 Michelle Wolfe.

00:25:43.160 Yeah.

00:25:43.340 And you would say she's funny? 0.97

00:25:44.480 Oh, yeah.

00:25:44.820 She's great.

00:25:45.480 Really?

00:25:46.080 Yeah.

00:25:46.260 She was like the best female comic in the world at some point.

00:25:48.860 She was definitely famous.

00:25:51.020 No, you see her Netflix stuff.

00:25:52.480 Yeah.

00:25:52.760 She's her stand-up.

00:25:53.320 Really?

00:25:53.740 Is it fun?

00:25:54.080 Okay.

00:25:54.400 All right.

00:25:54.540 I'll take your word for it. 0.98

00:25:55.160 She's the white chick so hard. 1.00

00:25:56.180 Really?

00:25:56.600 She speaks for all of us.

00:25:59.320 Because we can, you know how they're like, well, you can't say that about black people

00:26:01.920 or the military or whatever, because you're not in there. 0.96

00:26:03.640 She's the white chick going, you have to calm down. 1.00

00:26:08.120 She's, she was all of us.

00:26:09.920 Yeah.

00:26:10.720 Okay.

00:26:11.080 She's a great example.

00:26:12.460 Okay.

00:26:13.160 Yeah.

00:26:13.860 There's, there's so many.

00:26:15.280 I was cumin.

00:26:16.260 There's just like a ton in New York.

00:26:17.760 It's, it's like.

00:26:18.420 All right.

00:26:18.740 When I used to work at the comedy store, people would call in, I'd work the phones, they'd be

00:26:21.660 like, is Jim Carrey going to be there?

00:26:22.920 I'm like, no.

00:26:23.760 They're like, how about Eddie Murphy?

00:26:24.920 I'm like, no.

00:26:25.980 And then it was like, how about this?

00:26:27.160 And it was like, hey, listen, anyone you've heard of is bad now.

00:26:30.060 Yeah.

00:26:30.800 It is not a current stand-up comic.

00:26:32.460 The real stand-ups are like in it now.

00:26:34.980 Yeah.

00:26:35.080 Yeah, of course.

00:26:35.980 But I also know a lot of like lesbo comics that are really funny, but that's not the 1.00

00:26:41.100 requirement.

00:26:41.520 But no Jewish. 1.00

00:26:42.380 That's a geezer. 1.00

00:26:42.960 You don't know any.

00:26:44.180 That's a geezer take.

00:26:44.980 Okay.

00:26:45.380 Look, I'll have to look up.

00:26:45.920 I get it.

00:26:46.420 You're just not around stand-up.

00:26:47.420 I'll have to watch it.

00:26:47.940 I should have gone.

00:26:48.360 Yes.

00:26:48.580 I should have known that would be the take.

00:26:50.260 I'll take the points.

00:26:51.080 That's fine by me.

00:26:51.800 Yeah.

00:26:52.080 Yeah.

00:26:52.280 Okay.

00:26:54.540 There is, there's a video to be played.

00:26:59.000 It is absolutely wild times.

00:27:02.700 It really, really.

00:27:04.200 I was there for this.

00:27:04.940 Really?

00:27:05.680 I was.

00:27:06.180 It was the only Trump writer. 0.90

00:27:06.880 It was rare that you will play a homosexual comedian on this network. 1.00

00:27:09.960 I don't know if you guys know this, but there's literally a floating island of garbage 0.99

00:27:12.500 in the middle of the ocean right now.

00:27:14.640 Yeah.

00:27:15.160 I think it's called Puerto Rico.

00:27:18.520 Okay.

00:27:19.360 All right.

00:27:20.340 Tony rules.

00:27:22.000 Yeah.

00:27:22.940 Okay.

00:27:23.640 That's one of my best friends. 0.95

00:27:25.300 Technically speaking, is Puerto Rico, in fact, a floating pile of garbage? 0.98

00:27:31.160 No, you're not. 0.95

00:27:31.840 I have to guess how you would guess.

00:27:33.380 Is technically safe.

00:27:36.000 Yeah.

00:27:36.600 Yeah.

00:27:36.860 So we're talking geology here.

00:27:38.640 Yeah.

00:27:38.920 Dude, I'm already Jewish.

00:27:40.320 You don't have to try to educate me.

00:27:40.920 Yeah.

00:27:40.940 Okay.

00:27:41.340 All right.

00:27:41.740 So the answer you would say is yes.

00:27:43.860 No, it doesn't float.

00:27:44.960 Oh.

00:27:45.600 It doesn't.

00:27:48.900 What?

00:27:49.940 That's crazy.

00:27:51.480 Do you think, oh my God, that's so sad.

00:27:53.400 Buddy, do you think islands float?

00:27:54.500 Oh, I'm really sorry.

00:27:57.180 No, it goes all the way down.

00:27:58.760 Yeah. 0.98

00:28:00.340 It's just garbage to the seabed. 0.99

00:28:03.480 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:28:04.400 He, I was, it was the only Trump riot.

00:28:06.080 How was it?

00:28:06.940 Well, so the way they played it, you'd think he was doing a buddy routine with Trump on stage.

00:28:12.060 That was like six hours before Trump got there.

00:28:14.860 Sweet.

00:28:15.480 So he goes, he gets there and he does this whole like 30 minute thing about it.

00:28:19.400 And he gets there and he goes, hey, I'm here.

00:28:20.880 I have this, these notes I wrote like on this tiny piece of paper because I can't let the lady next to me see what I'm writing on the plane.

00:28:27.940 And he goes, do you have the teleprompter?

00:28:29.700 And they go, no, it's too late for that.

00:28:30.880 He goes, oh, all right.

00:28:32.100 Well, I got to memorize these jokes real quick.

00:28:33.960 And he goes, when am I going?

00:28:34.880 They're like, you're going first.

00:28:35.760 And he goes, he goes, oh, that's no way. 0.99

00:28:39.160 I'm a dirty comedian. 0.99

00:28:41.160 Yeah. 0.98

00:28:41.620 He goes, I don't go first at night.

00:28:42.980 It's like nude.

00:28:43.600 It's nude.

00:28:43.940 When he's going.

00:28:44.780 What a terrible order.

00:28:46.560 He said he saw afterwards everyone coming in with like all the, all the, like the, the tweets were coming in.

00:28:50.440 Like how dare this guy.

00:28:51.680 And he goes, and then he looks up and there's a magician on stage.

00:28:54.060 He goes, why is that guy not before me?

00:28:56.680 He's doing like painting.

00:28:58.060 Wrong order.

00:28:58.540 Yeah.

00:28:59.000 So how did it go?

00:29:00.240 It, so I had just gotten here.

00:29:02.160 You got to figure out he's playing at this point.

00:29:04.200 It's Madison Square Garden.

00:29:06.200 80% is empty because people aren't getting there for four more hours.

00:29:10.380 So I'm there at this point.

00:29:11.540 I mean, there, there are still a lot of people.

00:29:12.820 There's still probably, I don't know, 2000, 3000.

00:29:14.900 Yeah.

00:29:15.100 But you know, 25,000 theater.

00:29:16.960 By the way, the last time he was there, he performed for his sold out match.

00:29:20.700 For his show.

00:29:21.580 Yeah.

00:29:21.920 Yeah.

00:29:22.400 So it's like, he's going into this jarring thing, but I thought it was so great.

00:29:26.940 It reminded.

00:29:27.500 Did you watch anybody or were you kind of glancing at it?

00:29:29.060 Yeah.

00:29:29.320 I mean, I was there.

00:29:29.900 I was like getting my whatever hot dog and drink, but I was, I was listening to it.

00:29:34.420 I was like, oh, this is different.

00:29:35.760 And it reminded me, I remember John Stewart reacted to Clint Eastwood doing the empty

00:29:40.840 chair bit at the RNC and everyone was, was piling on Eastwood and John Stewart said, oh

00:29:46.500 man, I loved it.

00:29:47.580 It was so refreshing.

00:29:49.080 It was so different than anything you hear at these.

00:29:51.300 I thought it was great.

00:29:53.180 I thought it was so funny.

00:29:54.780 People that friends there, they'd go like, no, you did well.

00:29:57.140 Yeah.

00:29:57.400 And then just not really mic'd for.

00:29:59.500 Yeah.

00:29:59.660 Yeah.

00:29:59.880 No, in terms of the, like just the people sitting around me in a largely empty stadium.

00:30:03.960 Yeah.

00:30:04.860 They loved it.

00:30:05.660 I mean, that was a straight set up job. 1.00

00:30:07.460 That's just like, that's political people suck. 1.00

00:30:10.020 Yeah. 0.99

00:30:10.380 They just were just like, let's just offer this guy up.

00:30:12.540 Who cares if it's true or not?

00:30:13.820 Let's just misrepresent what happened for our own personal game.

00:30:17.360 It's all Game of Thrones, right and left.

00:30:19.020 You guys are all doing Game of Thrones stuff.

00:30:20.140 Also though, that joke.

00:30:21.660 Yeah.

00:30:21.940 Do you know any Puerto Ricans who were offended by that joke?

00:30:24.800 No.

00:30:25.060 Well, I make a point to not be around.

00:30:26.720 No, no.

00:30:27.160 Any Puerto Ricans. 0.63

00:30:28.080 No, no.

00:30:28.480 I do.

00:30:28.840 I do know.

00:30:29.320 I do know what.

00:30:29.940 His father was stabbed, but let's forget that stereotype, but Luis Gomez, but no, no,

00:30:38.740 none.

00:30:39.000 Also, there's almost no undecided voters that time.

00:30:41.360 And they try to broaden it from Puerto Ricans to all Latinos.

00:30:45.580 And other Latinos are like, you know, a lot of us hate each other.

00:30:49.140 Most of us, actually.

00:30:50.220 Yeah.

00:30:50.600 You guys are acting like one unit that's all going to be offended by humor. 1.00

00:30:54.200 It was so dumb. 0.98

00:30:55.180 It's so like, it really made me hate all politicians that they'll do this to my industry. 0.99

00:31:00.620 Yeah.

00:31:00.940 Take it out of context and intention, like offer someone's whole life up.

00:31:04.720 Yeah, of course.

00:31:05.300 Because you got to figure at that point, it was two weeks before the election.

00:31:08.560 So the Dems were like, well, whatever.

00:31:09.720 We're going to treat that guy like he's Trump's vice president.

00:31:11.600 Yeah.

00:31:11.720 You know, he's the running mate.

00:31:13.180 Exactly.

00:31:13.800 Yeah.

00:31:14.300 It's funny.

00:31:14.800 I've talked some, some comedians got upset about it.

00:31:17.460 Really?

00:31:17.840 And I tried to reach out to them like compassionately, like, you know, not like publicly just like

00:31:21.800 message.

00:31:22.320 They got upset by the joke or the fact that he did a gig for Trump?

00:31:25.180 Yeah.

00:31:25.320 That's what it came down to.

00:31:26.420 Yeah.

00:31:26.700 They're like, it's racist.

00:31:27.340 I'm like, it's not.

00:31:27.740 It means this and this.

00:31:28.540 And also he's like, Tony's like obsessed with the refuse problem in Puerto Rico.

00:31:33.960 They actually have abandoned the nation state.

00:31:36.940 I don't know what you call it even.

00:31:37.720 I mean, I'm also living in a very liberal area in Manhattan.

00:31:41.220 And when Trump said that Puerto Rico is not part of America and everyone's like, all the

00:31:46.160 liberals like, that's, is that wrong?

00:31:48.340 Yeah.

00:31:48.700 It's crazy.

00:31:49.380 How dare you?

00:31:50.120 Like they were just running out right then.

00:31:52.120 It's a protectorate.

00:31:54.020 Is it a principality?

00:31:55.520 I don't.

00:31:55.740 But, um, so that, but they see him as Hitler, as Adolf Hitler.

00:32:00.500 Yes.

00:32:00.940 Yeah.

00:32:01.400 And it doesn't matter what the joke meant to them.

00:32:04.680 Yeah.

00:32:04.880 You're trying to get Hitler back in, in charge of the United States of America. 0.95

00:32:09.140 Right.

00:32:09.520 So to them, it's like joke or joke dot work.

00:32:12.840 What does that have to do with it?

00:32:13.480 So you can't get through it.

00:32:14.400 Yeah.

00:32:14.960 Same thing.

00:32:15.480 They're speaking different languages.

00:32:16.400 He could have gone up and said why the chicken crossed the road and you would have had half

00:32:20.000 the country furious at him for it.

00:32:21.520 Yeah.

00:32:22.260 Oh yeah, exactly.

00:32:23.080 Why are you even there?

00:32:24.040 Yeah.

00:32:24.380 Yeah.

00:32:24.620 Yeah.

00:32:24.740 You can't even hold a door open for that.

00:32:25.960 Yeah.

00:32:26.300 I mean, and imagine if they really believe that.

00:32:28.320 It's like the guy who shot up the, who brought a shotgun to the pizza gate place.

00:32:31.600 Yeah.

00:32:31.880 Right.

00:32:32.120 Like he really thought he was trying to free kids.

00:32:34.560 Yeah.

00:32:34.880 Right.

00:32:35.140 Like you're doing the right thing morally.

00:32:37.080 Yeah.

00:32:37.520 You were just misinformed.

00:32:38.520 Yeah.

00:32:38.660 The premise might've been a little skew.

00:32:40.820 Yeah.

00:32:40.880 And when they told everybody, this guy's a racist and trying to get Hitler elected, they're kind

00:32:44.840 of doing the right thing.

00:32:45.840 If I had to be compassionate.

00:32:47.120 Yeah.

00:32:47.640 They're like, oh yeah, that's bad.

00:32:49.080 Yeah.

00:32:49.240 They're like the guy who shot up the pizza gate place.

00:32:51.100 Yeah.

00:32:51.320 That's exactly it.

00:32:52.200 Yeah.

00:32:53.020 That's a compliment, I think.

00:32:54.500 Yeah.

00:32:55.080 I don't know.

00:32:55.600 People who shoot up abortion clinics do.

00:32:57.020 They really think it's murder.

00:32:58.060 So it's like, I get it.

00:32:59.180 Yeah.

00:32:59.540 But don't.

00:33:00.600 Yeah, you may.

00:33:01.500 I want to, yeah, here we go.

00:33:02.920 I got you some olives to snack on.

00:33:05.040 Ooh, snacking olives?

00:33:06.140 Brody.

00:33:06.680 Are those luchies?

00:33:07.680 Yeah.

00:33:07.980 Okay.

00:33:09.380 Thank you, sir.

00:33:10.340 This is good stuff.

00:33:11.920 Wow.

00:33:13.520 So I had that.

00:33:14.400 I traveled all over.

00:33:15.100 I was in Ecuador for like six months during the pandemic.

00:33:17.880 My industry was done.

00:33:18.740 Yeah.

00:33:19.300 Why not?

00:33:19.980 Yeah.

00:33:20.520 Gathering was over.

00:33:22.200 And Padrones is huge in South America.

00:33:24.760 Are they really?

00:33:25.480 Yeah.

00:33:25.800 Named after the Godfather.

00:33:27.000 A lot of Italians, you know, made it that way after a certain global conflict.

00:33:31.720 Down to Argentina and those areas.

00:33:34.680 Oh, wow.

00:33:35.320 Oh, maybe.

00:33:36.140 That might be it.

00:33:37.140 Okay.

00:33:37.540 Europe.

00:33:37.880 I'm feeling the tension now.

00:33:42.340 Now I'm going to play the game.

00:33:46.060 This network is great.

00:33:47.540 Was this a tad transphobic?

00:33:49.360 Play it.

00:33:49.740 If it is false, and for the good of society, and especially for the good of the poor people

00:33:55.520 who have fallen prey to this confusion, transgenderism must be eradicated from public 1.00

00:34:01.940 life entirely. 0.99

00:34:03.700 The whole preposterous ideology.

00:34:06.020 He's a handsome guy.

00:34:06.960 At every level.

00:34:10.300 Transphobism should be a trans... 1.00

00:34:11.840 Trans... 0.98

00:34:12.520 Transgenderism. 1.00

00:34:13.480 Transgenderism should be eradicated. 1.00

00:34:15.500 Transgenderism. 0.99

00:34:16.240 Was this word tad?

00:34:19.280 Was it a tad?

00:34:20.120 Tad.

00:34:20.620 Was this a tad transphobic?

00:34:22.340 Okay, I'm going to...

00:34:22.880 And I'll put my answer...

00:34:23.900 A tad.

00:34:24.160 A tad.

00:34:25.100 A tad.

00:34:25.740 I know it was you, so you want to be like, not at all.

00:34:27.680 But was it a tad transphobic?

00:34:29.700 Okay, I've got my answer, dude.

00:34:31.220 It's got to be yes.

00:34:32.320 It's got to be a tad...

00:34:33.280 A minimum a tad.

00:34:34.700 Not even a smidgen.

00:34:36.040 I knew you wouldn't have asked that way.

00:34:37.780 You wouldn't even get a tad?

00:34:38.800 Because to be phobic...

00:34:39.980 To be phobic...

00:34:41.520 Yeah.

00:34:41.780 It has to be an irrational fear.

00:34:44.400 But that was a very rational statement.

00:34:45.620 Wait, phobic is irrational?

00:34:47.000 An irrational.

00:34:47.720 Like arachnophobia is the irrational fear of spiders.

00:34:50.980 So you say...

00:34:51.320 It's just a fear of spiders.

00:34:52.700 I believe it has to be irrational.

00:34:54.540 Like, I can't be lion-eat-my-face phobic.

00:34:57.900 Because a lion might eat my face, you know?

00:34:59.940 I think it's got to be an irrational...

00:35:01.100 What can you be phobic of?

00:35:02.440 It can be phobic.

00:35:03.220 Well, I have spiders.

00:35:04.780 So what would that be?

00:35:06.740 Phobic of, like, dangerous spiders.

00:35:08.780 That would be...

00:35:09.940 Yeah, I don't...

00:35:10.920 It'd be reasonable, I guess.

00:35:13.340 Common sense.

00:35:14.500 Okay.

00:35:14.940 So I think...

00:35:15.680 Get me on the phobic.

00:35:16.620 Because...

00:35:16.940 Get me on the phobic.

00:35:17.480 Yeah, right.

00:35:18.100 I say it's got to be reasonable.

00:35:19.120 But it's definitely not...

00:35:20.480 It's not pro-

00:35:21.700 Phobic is not a fear of gays. 0.87

00:35:23.460 It's a rational fear of gays. 1.00

00:35:24.740 Now, I have a very rational fear of gays. 1.00

00:35:27.260 Like, that they might, you know, make my style better or, you know... 0.87

00:35:30.740 Yeah, like, decorate my neighborhood.

00:35:32.240 You're a good style.

00:35:32.760 Thank you.

00:35:33.320 Well, you saw the video earlier. 0.99

00:35:35.060 Damn. 0.99

00:35:35.360 So, yeah. 0.99

00:35:35.940 I should have known how you were going to...

00:35:37.280 Yes.

00:35:37.700 There was no way you would have said that was wrong.

00:35:40.580 Okay.

00:35:41.420 You're up.

00:35:42.280 Phobic is irrational.

00:35:44.600 Is that true?

00:35:45.140 Can we look that up?

00:35:45.880 Yeah.

00:35:46.560 I want to recount on this.

00:35:48.820 This is a rapid fire round.

00:35:50.300 I will read three questions, one after the other.

00:35:53.180 You will have 30 seconds to answer all three.

00:35:56.920 The clock starts now.

00:36:00.320 Are some religions better than others?

00:36:04.220 Yes.

00:36:05.340 Yeah.

00:36:06.340 Do ghosts or other supernatural entities reveal themselves at cemeteries?

00:36:12.420 Yes, sometimes.

00:36:14.380 No.

00:36:15.180 All right.

00:36:15.680 Whatever.

00:36:16.000 That's fine.

00:36:16.520 For RFK Jr. to make America healthy again, he needs fat shaming to come back.

00:36:23.200 To make America... 0.59

00:36:24.840 Does he need that in order to make America healthy again?

00:36:27.880 You know, obviously he does.

00:36:29.120 That's obviously he does.

00:36:30.520 Obviously.

00:36:31.000 He can do it another way, too.

00:36:32.540 How could he do it?

00:36:32.900 It would help.

00:36:33.400 It would help.

00:36:33.860 He could, yeah.

00:36:35.340 Wow.

00:36:35.920 All right.

00:36:36.520 This godfather.

00:36:37.800 He can do it other ways.

00:36:41.280 Rapid fire.

00:36:43.680 Boy, buddy.

00:36:45.040 Please don't put me in trouble.

00:36:49.460 Is Louis C.K. overrated?

00:36:55.080 No, he's not.

00:36:55.880 No, he's not.

00:36:56.460 He's not overrated.

00:36:56.980 It's all right.

00:36:57.360 Wow, it's all right.

00:36:57.980 It's fast.

00:36:58.540 Do you think Diddy killed Tupac?

00:37:04.940 No.

00:37:05.600 It's more than likely, yes.

00:37:06.620 Yeah, probably.

00:37:07.420 I thought he had him killed.

00:37:08.740 I don't think he did it himself.

00:37:09.420 Yes.

00:37:10.300 Republicans should forgive Bud Light.

00:37:16.540 No.

00:37:17.200 Transizer Bush needs to be made an example. 1.00

00:37:19.060 I should just...

00:37:19.920 I should not.

00:37:22.160 I'm answering my own answers.

00:37:23.280 Oh, mm.

00:37:23.840 All right.

00:37:24.340 Wait, so hold it.

00:37:24.820 I need a napkin.

00:37:25.540 I'm sorry.

00:37:26.160 One down one.

00:37:27.060 Look at this disaster.

00:37:28.660 Well, because how are you supposed to move fast with a martini glass?

00:37:31.140 I'm so glad.

00:37:31.500 It's the least functional glass in the world.

00:37:33.080 Yeah, you got a good one.

00:37:33.960 That was so great for the back half of the game.

00:37:36.660 Wow.

00:37:36.860 Yeah.

00:37:37.540 Final question.

00:37:38.280 Both answer.

00:37:39.060 Mm-hmm.

00:37:44.620 Went on to rush, right?

00:37:45.920 Went on to rush.

00:37:46.440 Okay.

00:37:46.680 Do you think President Trump will make it to the end of his term?

00:37:50.660 Mm-hmm.

00:37:51.820 I mean, this asks a lot of questions.

00:37:54.460 One, about the state of health care for elderly people in the United States.

00:37:59.280 Mm-hmm.

00:37:59.460 Also, what happened to American marksmanship has been on the downturn.

00:38:04.040 Mm-hmm.

00:38:04.300 So that's another extenuating circumstance.

00:38:06.240 And Iranian marksmanship.

00:38:07.520 Yeah.

00:38:07.980 And access to golf courses seem pretty easy.

00:38:10.880 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:11.220 Maybe they should have more security on those. 0.97

00:38:13.800 So you think, or will he just be like, actually, this sucks. 1.00

00:38:16.180 You guys suck. 1.00

00:38:16.800 I'm out. 1.00

00:38:18.180 Also possible.

00:38:19.120 At the inauguration, I could have easily said, I'm going, nope, not doing it.

00:38:21.940 Fight it out.

00:38:22.280 I'm done.

00:38:23.020 Just want to see if I'm going to win.

00:38:23.960 Give me that pension.

00:38:24.780 Yeah.

00:38:26.540 So, Will, do I think you think, and do you think I think, that President Trump will make

00:38:31.320 it to the end of his term?

00:38:40.020 What does the Daily Wire think?

00:38:43.060 And specifically me.

00:38:44.160 And specifically me.

00:38:44.640 Yeah.

00:38:45.200 There might be different opinions of the Daily Wire.

00:38:46.820 You're Italian.

00:38:47.620 I'm Italian.

00:38:48.360 Can I ask a second true or false question?

00:38:50.980 You may.

00:38:51.800 For not points?

00:38:52.620 Yep.

00:38:54.620 Are you ready to tell the American public that your original name was Cannolis?

00:38:59.120 It was anglicized at Ellis Island.

00:39:02.260 It was initially Michael Chocolate Sprinkle Cannolis.

00:39:05.280 Yeah.

00:39:05.820 And you just changed the spelling.

00:39:07.460 I did.

00:39:07.960 I did.

00:39:08.800 I did.

00:39:09.200 But it is cannoli.

00:39:10.220 If you look in the old parish register in Sicily, it's Chocolate Sprinkle Cannolis.

00:39:14.500 Okay.

00:39:15.120 K-apostrophe-N-O-W-L-E-S. 1.00

00:39:20.020 Cannolis.

00:39:20.460 Cannolis.

00:39:21.220 Yeah.

00:39:21.580 Okay.

00:39:22.220 So will Donald Trump make it to the end of his term?

00:39:25.260 What do we think that you'll say?

00:39:27.160 And what do I think that you'll say?

00:39:28.720 You got your answer.

00:39:29.440 All right.

00:39:29.740 Yeah.

00:39:31.880 Wait, wait, wait.

00:39:32.420 This is for game.

00:39:33.540 This is for the game.

00:39:34.100 This is for game.

00:39:34.580 Do I think you think Donald Trump will make it to the end of his term?

00:39:40.240 I mean, they're coming after him hard.

00:39:42.760 Got an extra game left.

00:39:43.780 You think that guy, he's dead now, right?

00:39:49.640 But do you think that guy is like in heaven or whatever and hell?

00:39:52.240 Which one?

00:39:52.740 Jimmy Carter?

00:39:53.200 The first one.

00:39:54.300 That guy got his ear.

00:39:55.120 Biden?

00:39:55.680 Oh, that guy.

00:39:56.680 Yeah, that guy.

00:39:57.380 He's like, oh, wait, I made him, I got him votes?

00:40:00.140 Yeah.

00:40:02.460 And that might be the-

00:40:03.500 Oh, I'm dead and I got him votes.

00:40:04.520 Yeah.

00:40:05.220 The most meritorious thing that guy ever did.

00:40:09.140 Okay.

00:40:11.100 I think you're going to say yes.

00:40:12.340 We're both right.

00:40:12.880 Okay.

00:40:13.720 Wait.

00:40:15.680 Don't we tie?

00:40:17.140 It's a tie.

00:40:17.940 It's a tie at zero.

00:40:19.740 It's a tie at zero.

00:40:20.900 This is-

00:40:21.200 Which is really what politics is all about.

00:40:23.160 When you don't get anywhere ahead by engulfing yourself in this negative-

00:40:28.000 Yeah.

00:40:28.600 You're all tied at zero.

00:40:30.200 Both right and left.

00:40:31.480 Go outside.

00:40:32.800 Talk to your friends.

00:40:34.040 Call your mom.

00:40:35.020 Do something of merit.

00:40:36.120 Yeah.

00:40:36.280 Certain roses smell well.

00:40:38.060 Other roses smell terrible.

00:40:39.640 Yeah.

00:40:40.320 What roses smell terrible?

00:40:41.700 Well, none of them smell terrible.

00:40:43.460 Yeah.

00:40:44.300 This is such a good metaphor for politics.

00:40:48.320 Yeah.

00:40:48.820 We've been here for like an hour.

00:40:49.920 Everyone loses.

00:40:50.520 Yeah.

00:40:50.740 Nothing has been accomplished.

00:40:51.980 Nothing was accomplished.

00:40:53.040 Nothing happened.

00:40:54.300 I know somebody that was setting up a provisional government in Afghanistan in the army.

00:40:58.080 Yeah.

00:40:58.400 It's about a year.

00:40:59.300 It was there, stationed there for one year.

00:41:01.060 Yeah.

00:41:01.240 And they had to negotiate on what's the percentage of Shiites, percentage of Sunnis, or percentage

00:41:06.660 of, there's another group.

00:41:07.680 What are like the, I don't know.

00:41:09.520 The ones who live like hotel travelers. 0.96

00:41:11.700 Yeah.

00:41:11.900 I think it was the Orthodox.

00:41:13.760 Orthodox Jews.

00:41:14.340 Jewish Muslims.

00:41:15.000 And they had to like, no, no, we should have a higher percentage.

00:41:17.320 We should have a higher percentage.

00:41:18.160 No, that should be lower.

00:41:19.020 And then they finally, finally, after almost 11 and a half months, agreed, okay, these

00:41:22.980 are the percentages.

00:41:23.660 Like, fine.

00:41:25.800 Okay.

00:41:27.020 Have a weekend.

00:41:27.860 On Monday, we're all going to meet.

00:41:29.240 It'll be a first convening.

00:41:30.180 And they go, I'm not sitting in the room with a Shiite. 1.00

00:41:32.940 And you're like, oh.

00:41:34.020 And then his tour was over, and nothing was accomplished.

00:41:38.220 And we're getting there.

00:41:40.020 You know, whether it's the joys of stereotyping or the beauty of drug addiction, Ari Shafir

00:41:44.900 focuses on the positive in this darkly uplifting special.

00:41:48.820 Check out this tease for America's Sweetheart. 1.00

00:41:52.000 People are going to get killed.

00:41:54.380 So, who better than a child?

00:42:00.760 They don't contribute to the GDP, like, at all.

00:42:04.960 Guys, I'm joking.

00:42:10.240 I hope you understand that.

00:42:11.800 Remember when you couldn't kill Asian people for three months four years ago? 0.99

00:42:15.380 I've been having so much fun. 0.61

00:42:16.700 I've been shoplifting, like, a lot. 0.99

00:42:20.740 Black people, you've got to be white someday. 1.00

00:42:22.980 It rules so fucking hard. 1.00

00:42:25.220 Oh, it's the best. 0.99

00:42:27.440 Black people, honestly, I hope you get white privilege someday soon. 0.98

00:42:30.740 But until that happens, man, you make excellent decoys. 0.98

00:42:35.260 If I'm at CVS and three brothers walk in, I'm like, it's go time.

00:42:38.420 I just turned invisible.

00:42:46.940 Nice.

00:42:51.220 Nice.

00:42:51.940 Thanks.

00:42:52.360 Ari.

00:42:52.840 Good promo.

00:42:53.360 Nobody plays this stuff.

00:42:54.160 Having not won or lost this game, I was feeling totally neutral.

00:43:01.880 But now I feel actually a lot better.

00:43:03.900 I can't wait for that special.

00:43:05.660 Yeah.

00:43:06.020 Watch it.

00:43:06.420 It's fun.

00:43:06.920 It's about, like, ignoring politics.

00:43:08.660 Good.

00:43:09.280 Finding better things to focus on.

00:43:11.300 Blessed you to be avoiding.

00:43:14.140 I'm trying to fight back.

00:43:15.020 All the nonsense.

00:43:15.500 That's great.

00:43:15.880 Ari, thank you, sir.

00:43:16.440 Thanks, Michael.

00:43:17.320 It was a pleasure.

00:43:18.220 It was cool.

00:43:19.400 Yeah.

00:43:19.600 And guys, everyone in the audience, you're going home with a yes or no card game.

00:43:30.680 You're going home with a yes or no card.

00:43:32.900 You get one card from the game.

00:43:34.840 I'm going home with a yes or no card game.

00:43:46.020 I'm going home.

00:43:46.640 All the nonsense.

00:43:47.600 You're going home with a yes or no card game.

00:43:48.220 You're going home with a yes or no card game.

00:43:50.300 I'm going home.

00:43:50.560 For what?

00:43:51.260 It was love.

00:43:51.640 We're going home.

The Michael Knowles Show - February 17, 2025

Comedian Ari Shaffir Drinks & Answers Tough Questions： YES or NO

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