The Michael Knowles Show - Honest Comedy In America ｜ Comedian Ryan Long

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00:00:30.280 I've always really enjoyed Ryan Long's comedy.

00:00:34.120 I think it's very, very funny.

00:00:36.280 But increasingly, it is taking on the character of prophecy.

00:00:41.240 And you've seen this before with his sketches about, I don't know,

00:00:45.940 the vaccines or about COVID or about wokeism or whatever.

00:00:49.300 But he did one that was really on the money.

00:00:52.040 Ryan did a masterclass on a neocon defense contracting war criminal nation building type of individual.

00:01:02.500 And I don't know, like five minutes later, masterclass announces that it is in fact hosting a class with Hillary Clinton.

00:01:09.240 This, I don't know how, unless he has a crystal ball, he could have known this.

00:01:12.500 Ryan, thank you for coming on.

00:01:13.980 Hey, yeah.

00:01:14.680 What did she say?

00:01:15.480 She's in the trailer.

00:01:17.020 She was doing this speech that like would have been.

00:01:19.600 Isn't that crazy?

00:01:21.140 That's like a dude.

00:01:21.940 Yeah.

00:01:22.080 You get married and then like the divorce goes and you go, you give a class on marriage and

00:01:26.760 you go, you know, this is the speech I almost gave at my wedding before we broke up.

00:01:30.940 This would have been my 50th anniversary speech, the toast at our party.

00:01:35.920 Yeah, we broke up after two years, fairly dramatically, actually.

00:01:39.160 But had we made it to 50 years, this is the kind of stuff I would have been saying.

00:01:42.440 You know, this brings up actually one of my favorite sketches that you did recently that

00:01:47.780 it was hilarious, but it got to a really important philosophical and anthropological point

00:01:54.540 that men do not appreciate.

00:01:56.680 It was on the phrase, one of my least favorite phrases in the English language, happy wife,

00:02:02.620 happy life.

00:02:04.780 Yeah, there's a base and the gist was the guy that just consistently says happy wife, happy

00:02:12.140 life.

00:02:12.520 And by the end of it, you're just like 100% a simp.

00:02:15.880 Because obviously, yeah, I mean, there's obviously a point underneath where any proper working relationship

00:02:22.920 with like a person or, you know, a wife or whatever there, you're going to have to argue

00:02:28.540 to some degree.

00:02:29.580 But I find that what people do, dudes, they go, they'll like bottle it all in and just

00:02:34.720 take it, take it, take it, and then just blow up and they go, I'm putting my foot down.

00:02:39.700 And then you got to make some big stink about nothing when really it was 100 issues at the

00:02:44.920 same time where it's like, if you just know, just be kind of cool all the time.

00:02:48.880 Be like, hey, what's going on here?

00:02:50.300 You know, this, you have like a fight about something, but you let it go.

00:02:53.320 And then it's like the girl that says, hey, you can't, I don't want you going out with

00:02:57.300 your friends on Tuesday.

00:02:58.160 And you go, all right, whatever.

00:02:59.400 And then, you know, she's like, no Thursday.

00:03:01.360 And then by the end of it, you're like, she goes, I need you to come out because my mom,

00:03:05.740 my mom's getting married again.

00:03:07.380 And I need you to come to the wedding.

00:03:08.400 And you go, I am going out. 0.99

00:03:10.880 Didn't that, you end up making a stink about something ridiculous. 0.93

00:03:13.740 I have my wig night and I will change for nothing. 0.97

00:03:17.680 You pushed me to the edge.

00:03:18.880 This is it.

00:03:20.040 If you, I am, I am putting my knuckles on the floor and drag it because you don't need

00:03:23.900 to be a knuckle dragger.

00:03:25.280 The, the, the, just to your point, the phrase is not even true.

00:03:30.860 If, if happy wife, happy life means appease your wife in all of her unreasonable and disordered 0.67

00:03:38.220 demands and desires that will, that will not make your life happy.

00:03:41.780 It won't make her life happy either.

00:03:44.000 It's just, and the guys who tell me happy wife, happy life, they're generally not the

00:03:49.800 happiest guys.

00:03:50.400 This is even why.

00:03:51.300 They have awesome wives. 0.99

00:03:52.760 Like, or it's a dude that his wife kind of rules and he's, you know, happy wife, happy 0.96

00:03:56.720 life.

00:03:56.940 You're like, well, yeah, easy to, you say, you're to say like, she's pretty reasonable.

00:04:00.100 Yeah.

00:04:00.280 You don't have that battle ax, you know, that I've got hanging around.

00:04:03.320 This is why I'm, I'm skeptical of man caves.

00:04:06.300 Even look, some man caves, they're very beautiful.

00:04:08.900 I like, you know, they, some of my friends have incredible man caves.

00:04:11.560 So I like that.

00:04:12.380 But the idea of the man cave is that you, you, you, you don't have any place in your house.

00:04:20.500 You, you have to go to a subterranean dungeon so that you can watch football and eat wings

00:04:27.000 or whatever, because your, your wife will just banish you. 1.00

00:04:30.700 If you tried it, what happened to a man's home is his castle.

00:04:33.580 You know what the, I always, it's always.

00:04:36.300 It's always like a matching thing, even with employees.

00:04:38.000 Cause I have like some bodies that are pushover guys, you know, whatever certain people it's

00:04:42.940 like, it's not always the bad characteristic.

00:04:44.780 A lot of times it's why people like them because they're, you know, kind of down for whatever.

00:04:47.760 Right.

00:04:48.160 But in this, in like those kinds of scenarios and people are always like, well, you need

00:04:52.180 to put your foot down.

00:04:52.940 Like, don't take from her.

00:04:53.880 It's like, the truth is if you're the type of guy that's always, you know, agreeable

00:04:58.160 like that, what you really need is to find like a nice person that doesn't take advantage

00:05:02.700 of people like that.

00:05:04.260 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:05:04.860 I see some of these like crazy girls. 1.00

00:05:06.860 I'm like, I think I can handle that. 0.89

00:05:08.180 Cause I'm down.

00:05:08.680 If I'm like the type of guy that's like, I'm down to argue.

00:05:11.500 If you want to argue, let's argue.

00:05:13.240 But if you're not, if you're the type of guy that's not, you need to find a person that's

00:05:16.480 like a, that's not going to take advantage of you nonstop.

00:05:20.040 That's right.

00:05:20.480 Rather than totally change your own personality, you just need to not marry a predator.

00:05:24.520 Yeah, that this is, well, you know, there's this weird thing where I was just talking

00:05:28.320 to my friend, Michael Anton, who's a great political philosopher and writer over at Claremont.

00:05:33.900 And he pointed out that we're living in kind of upside down world right now in this very

00:05:39.260 unprecedented time where everything that is, is supposedly beautiful is actually ugly.

00:05:46.980 And you look at it on the billboards and even, you know, even lingerie models. 0.85

00:05:50.580 Now you look at a billboard in Times Square and it's like the ugliest, fattest, most 0.98

00:05:57.220 grotesquely naked person. 0.96

00:05:59.140 Well, they kind of have no chill in this country, right?

00:06:01.580 It's, it went straight from, uh, there's no, there's no moderation.

00:06:05.200 It went from every model looks like a twig and she's puking out breakfast, lunch, and 1.00

00:06:09.000 dinner.

00:06:09.220 Like, you know what I mean?

00:06:10.120 I got to go throw up cause I ate a grape to like, I'm modeling the biggest piece of

00:06:14.620 fabric in the history of the world.

00:06:16.920 There's no in between, no balance.

00:06:18.740 I guess we're just very extreme.

00:06:20.820 Cause I was trying to think, you know, it, it hit me with, it hit me with the marriages 1.00

00:06:24.660 because we went from this world in which a man's home is his castle and, you know, man

00:06:28.100 is the ruler of the roost to if a man, a man ever expresses an opinion in his home that

00:06:32.380 he, he's basically a psychopath patriarch and needs to be booted to the street.

00:06:37.540 And same thing with comedy. 0.98

00:06:38.280 Not in my home.

00:06:38.800 Yeah.

00:06:38.940 In comedy now we're told that, you know, jokes are not there.

00:06:44.860 Jokes are not funny, but Nat Nat and that woman, the least funny woman of all time is 1.00

00:06:49.760 that she's the funniest woman ever.

00:06:51.520 And the tragedy actually is the new comedy.

00:06:53.540 And then it just got me thinking about the billboards and like even the buildings, you

00:06:58.240 know, hideous, brutalist buildings are beautiful buildings and all the beautiful classical architecture

00:07:04.060 in DC basically has to be knocked down.

00:07:06.420 It's like, I sort of live like a weird pirate life.

00:07:09.520 And a lot of it comes to like normalizing outliers where it's like, you know, that's

00:07:13.180 actually the good thing, but it never, it doesn't really help because even if you think

00:07:17.500 of Nanette, like, yeah, I guess they like pushed it, but it also, they created like

00:07:21.260 such a backlash what it always does.

00:07:22.940 Right.

00:07:23.260 Like, you know, that show, okay.

00:07:25.060 There's this show, Love Island.

00:07:26.840 It's like girl show. 0.91

00:07:28.160 Right.

00:07:28.400 And it's like a bunch of hot people.

00:07:30.060 Right.

00:07:30.340 And so they've always, on these shows that are essentially a bunch of hot people, they

00:07:34.860 pick the people they've been trying to introduce, like, you know, non-traditionally attractive

00:07:39.440 people and like pretty decent looking for normal.

00:07:43.020 But so they'll have like supermodel, supermodel, supermodel, Walmart customer, supermodel.

00:07:48.980 Right.

00:07:49.700 And then, so the dudes don't want to get in trouble.

00:07:52.040 So you see the guys, they kind of go up and they go, you know, everyone was good.

00:07:55.440 I felt that I had a bit more of attraction with the five supermodels.

00:07:58.900 Gotta be honest.

00:08:00.540 So you're like, who is this helping?

00:08:04.040 And then every year a girl like kills herself because they get bullied on the internet and

00:08:07.600 the show kind of is like bullying is bad.

00:08:10.140 But also it's like, if you said a 12 year old was like pretty good at basketball.

00:08:13.680 Right.

00:08:14.140 And then you put them in the NBA and then every day you were like, he's the best player in

00:08:17.720 the NBA.

00:08:18.260 Everyone would be like, yo, I hate this 12. 0.98

00:08:20.360 You know what I mean? 0.97

00:08:20.920 And all of a sudden everyone's like talking trash on the 12 year old.

00:08:24.040 And then the kind of idea is like, why are you guys being mean?

00:08:26.400 It's like, no, because they're mad that this thing's getting like pushed in their face.

00:08:29.940 So I don't know if you try to just like upset like reality too much.

00:08:33.560 I think it generally kind of backlashes, even when you're talking about that, you can't say

00:08:37.120 jokes and stuff like the truth is like, there's probably more of a, like a want for people

00:08:43.040 to hear like wild stuff when you do comedy clubs because of that, you know, because people

00:08:47.260 feel like maybe you can't say it at jobs or whatever.

00:08:49.340 Whereas probably the, in the nineties or whatever, when it was like most accepted, there was

00:08:55.480 almost like a, a genre of like the wild comedy.

00:08:58.540 Like we're saying outrageous stuff.

00:09:00.380 It was almost gross.

00:09:01.560 Like it's kind of like when you do like an edgy show and they go, this is the like edgy,

00:09:05.440 we're saying everything.

00:09:06.780 And then you like, your instinct there is like, I don't want to say it now. 0.60

00:09:10.380 That's gross.

00:09:11.460 No, well, this is, that was what Norm Macdonald did at the Bob Saget roast, right? 0.96

00:09:14.940 Everyone was just saying all these filthy, disgusting anatomical things.

00:09:19.040 And Norm gets up and does a joke about how Saget's head looked like cauliflower.

00:09:22.820 And he was doing all these like Dean Martin roast jokes and it totally subverted.

00:09:27.080 So actually that, yeah, that's the exact, that's like the perfect reference.

00:09:30.540 It really is that.

00:09:31.180 And that's the like mechanism.

00:09:32.220 Cause he's, you know, he's saying the whole thing is it's the funniness stems from in

00:09:36.980 that genre, like the opposite of what expected.

00:09:39.360 And once it's like really expected, it just feels disgusting to do.

00:09:42.020 So, you know, I was joking at the top about how you're Nostradamus and you keep kind of

00:09:46.140 calling these things.

00:09:47.200 I have had a few, yeah.

00:09:48.360 Well, I think the reason for this is a priest friend of mine from New York pointed out that

00:09:53.360 prophets are not people who have a crystal ball and they predict the future.

00:09:58.000 Prophets are just observing the world as it is while other people are imagining a world 0.96

00:10:04.020 that no longer is.

00:10:05.000 And so they're just observing reality.

00:10:07.060 And then this seems like they're predicting the future because they're telling the truth in

00:10:10.160 a world full of lies.

00:10:11.120 So what does that mean for us?

00:10:13.620 The fact that you, you seem to be predicting all of these things, Nostradamus, please tell

00:10:17.360 me, what do we have to look forward to?

00:10:19.300 Well, you, I think there is something to be said about, or you could maybe make it less

00:10:24.240 important where you just say, Hey, things are like moving in a direction.

00:10:28.960 And then like the satire I do is like, I just do an extreme version of it.

00:10:33.700 And then as long as we stay on that path, we'll get there.

00:10:36.960 You know what I mean?

00:10:37.620 But in terms of like predicting it, it's always like a predicting a stock market, right?

00:10:43.580 Like on a trend, is this the top or is this, you know, keep going?

00:10:47.480 I would say in my opinion, culturally, I remember to some degree, I was like switching on some

00:10:54.920 of the things I was talking about in like around 2016.

00:10:57.220 And then it felt like we went back a few years and I would say right now, culturally, we're

00:11:03.000 sort of like, we were here for my hand where you can see it.

00:11:06.400 And then if there was a peak, it sort of went up and then back.

00:11:09.520 So I feel like we're back, you know, like 20% from the top right now.

00:11:13.920 Like without Trump, it feels a little, a little calmer.

00:11:17.040 People aren't as, you know, fired up in general.

00:11:20.080 So it depends on what happens next, right?

00:11:23.160 Like, does this go back down or does things get like fired up the way it is before?

00:11:28.320 Like, I was loving the idea of just, you know, at peak, like how much you could just every

00:11:32.940 family gathering, people are fighting.

00:11:34.720 And I was loving the idea of just going up to a family gathering and you, whatever people

00:11:38.320 think, just show up and go, Hey, who do you guys think's the bigger hero?

00:11:41.060 George Floyd or Kyle Rittenhouse?

00:11:42.300 Anyway, got to go to the bathroom and just, just try to get people fired up. 1.00

00:11:46.120 That we get, there's this, there's this big chasm between what we're being told is real

00:11:52.460 on this, you know, George Floyd is the greatest hero or whatever, you know, there's this great

00:11:56.340 chasm between what we're being told by the whole establishment and the, the reality of

00:12:02.780 it.

00:12:02.920 And you see this reflected in poll numbers.

00:12:04.740 You see, you know, Biden's at 38% and he's basically the most popular guy in his administration.

00:12:10.040 Kamala Harris is at 27%, which is lower than, than Dick Cheney was after the Iraq war and

00:12:15.680 after shooting a guy in the face.

00:12:17.220 So this is historically low kind of stuff.

00:12:20.140 And yet we're being told it's the most popular thing ever.

00:12:22.480 It's the most wonderful thing.

00:12:23.240 Pete Buttigieg, who's now being hailed as the, the next great presidential candidate.

00:12:27.240 He was asked, Hey, what are people supposed to do about gas prices?

00:12:30.120 And he basically said, go buy a Tesla with a straight face.

00:12:33.820 And, and so what's the react, you know, what's the reaction when we're living in this kind

00:12:39.100 of clown world from the propaganda of the ruling class.

00:12:41.880 And yet we, we still can look around and we still have eyes to see that that's not what's

00:12:45.980 going on.

00:12:46.800 Yeah.

00:12:46.960 I feel like every, every president is just like the, the, the like team that likes him

00:12:53.080 puts out press releases about how much he's killing it.

00:12:55.380 And then the, cause I remember that with, you could say the same thing with Trump where,

00:12:58.360 you know what I mean?

00:12:59.300 Like the left would be like, look here, we did a poll and actually it's negative 5% people

00:13:03.700 like him.

00:13:04.360 And then people will be like, and then you'd go and it's like everyone from, you know,

00:13:07.720 all these States loves them, but Biden doesn't have, that's one thing that's like interesting

00:13:12.460 with people that are like commentary that like hate Biden.

00:13:16.460 You kind of, it's not the same as Trump.

00:13:18.840 Cause they're kind of like, I, you know, he's the worst or whatever, but I feel like he

00:13:22.060 doesn't have people defending that.

00:13:23.720 So it's not so cut and dry.

00:13:25.120 Like there's not even really people that are really left wing.

00:13:27.800 They're just like, I'm just like a Biden head.

00:13:30.620 You know what I mean?

00:13:31.260 Like my, you know what I mean?

00:13:33.160 Like, does that exist?

00:13:34.120 I think even people that like were super liberal are kind of like, you know, maybe like some

00:13:39.360 60 year old kind of upper West side types.

00:13:42.240 And I think in general, there's no 25 year old that's all in on Biden, no matter what you're

00:13:47.200 kind of politically.

00:13:47.700 No, we're in the, I don't even know what the version of the MAGA hat for Biden would be,

00:13:51.860 you know, I like make.

00:13:53.460 It's no, it's like a nightcap.

00:13:55.480 It's just wearing, just these young people wearing blue nightcaps to express their support.

00:14:01.140 But you don't see it.

00:14:02.340 And actually in the, in the polling, this is left wing polls now of Democrats, only about

00:14:07.560 37% even want them to be the nominee going forward.

00:14:10.540 So you don't, you don't know who's going to come up.

00:14:12.320 So then I have to ask your expert opinion.

00:14:14.200 So you kind of just before, so I find whenever it gets like that, then you notice all the

00:14:18.280 infighting between the sides.

00:14:19.760 Like I feel like all the left wing people are fighting with each other and all the right

00:14:22.880 wing people are fighting with each other a little bit now.

00:14:25.060 Don't you kind of, haven't you noticed that more in the last four months?

00:14:27.820 That's like kind of always what happens.

00:14:29.120 Right.

00:14:29.880 It was like so clear who was, you know, on which side or whatever.

00:14:33.780 And then once it became wishy-washy, everyone kind of looks at, it's like the, I imagine

00:14:38.200 like being in a church and then like no one's paying attention to you anymore.

00:14:40.820 And then you're kind of like, she's having sex without marriage.

00:14:44.320 All these, all these people start arguing with each other.

00:14:46.640 And then the left wing people are kind of like, this guy doesn't even, he's not even

00:14:50.320 a communist enough.

00:14:52.120 Yeah.

00:14:52.480 This guy, man, he's not even wearing the hammer and sickle.

00:14:54.620 This is no good.

00:14:55.760 Well, so what I, what I need to know from you and your expert opinion in comedy is Donald,

00:15:02.400 it seems to me Donald Trump was a very funny president.

00:15:04.540 I think he was probably the funniest.

00:15:06.180 He had the, have you seen his like stuff, the press releases there.

00:15:10.780 It's not the one that he released the other day.

00:15:13.100 Dude, they're so funny.

00:15:14.720 He came out with one and it was just like, just want to say that people at the view were

00:15:18.440 a bunch of slobs. 1.00

00:15:21.740 He goes, something, it was like the McCain's daughter.

00:15:25.380 And he goes, you know, her, her dad like made me do the world's longest funeral of all

00:15:30.300 time.

00:15:30.940 And it was like, and the fact that he's like writing it down and putting it out at a press

00:15:36.900 release is like even funnier.

00:15:38.780 The fact, I remember there was one time he was at a state dinner.

00:15:41.680 He was, he was having dinner with, with the queen and he sent out a tweet back in those

00:15:47.340 days when he was still on Twitter.

00:15:48.520 He sent out a tweet at what would have been about one 30 in the morning, his time after

00:15:52.800 this beautiful dinner with the Royal family in which he called Bette Midler, a washed up 0.97

00:15:57.900 psycho. 0.99

00:15:59.040 He's out of control.

00:16:01.020 So I think, okay, I think, I think Trump is probably the funniest, best comedic chops

00:16:05.380 president we've ever had.

00:16:06.420 No, Obama was funny.

00:16:08.160 You think Obama was funny?

00:16:09.660 Obama was really funny.

00:16:10.580 Yeah.

00:16:10.760 It was kind of like they both, they both were kind of, uh, you know, could have been TV

00:16:14.860 presenters, you know, or I guess Trump was, but like, no, Obama was, uh, comedically like

00:16:20.740 a very high level.

00:16:22.020 That's like, uh, that's why, you know, Obama had everyone who was, they liked him the way

00:16:27.120 that, you know, people that like Trump, like Trump, because he was like a guy everyone kind

00:16:30.120 of like wanted to be like, he was cool and he was funny.

00:16:32.340 He did have that line about the predator drones.

00:16:34.540 I thought that was pretty funny.

00:16:35.860 He did that.

00:16:36.580 I do remember he did that bit, uh, for one of the dinners where he acted as Daniel day

00:16:42.660 Lewis acting as Barack Obama.

00:16:44.780 I thought that was, that was pretty funny too.

00:16:46.360 But so then looking forward, who is the funniest presidential candidate that we can look at for

00:16:51.980 2024?

00:16:52.640 I know that you said, I don't really know them that well.

00:16:55.860 Uh, but the, the, I remember I met Andrew Yang at the stand and he's kind of, I always

00:17:01.560 thought it was funny that, uh, he was, he, his whole thing is like, you know, wearing

00:17:05.160 the math pen and like kind of nerdy.

00:17:06.920 And then when I saw him, he was all like, cool.

00:17:08.680 He's all like, yeah, what's up, man?

00:17:09.900 Like he's like a New York cool kid.

00:17:11.560 Really?

00:17:12.140 I didn't realize that he was like different in real life, but the, um, Buttigieg, I just

00:17:16.520 remember it is kind of what you said where they were always, it seemed like every

00:17:21.100 blog was like 10 reasons why he's so sick.

00:17:24.240 And they're like, he has a slingshot.

00:17:25.540 He skateboards like they're always kind of pushing.

00:17:28.540 They like, he's actually pretty sick.

00:17:30.760 Like that was kind of the vibe of, of the push on Buttigieg.

00:17:34.220 Um, so 2024, I guess that's, there's kind of a couple of years away.

00:17:37.580 It seems like if the Democrats want to win, they need like someone that's very charismatic

00:17:42.440 and kind of, uh, cool.

00:17:44.700 I don't know the Republicans.

00:17:47.220 I don't know.

00:17:47.460 Is Trump running?

00:17:48.140 You probably have a better pulse.

00:17:49.320 So I don't know.

00:17:50.060 I mean, I look, I think there are good candidates, uh, on the right.

00:17:53.700 I mean, DeSantis is running pretty hard.

00:17:56.700 I think at this point at the governor level, there's no one can touch him.

00:18:00.140 He's by far the best setup for this.

00:18:01.840 I think at the Senate level, no one can touch Ted Cruz.

00:18:04.820 I don't just say it cause we're buddies, but he, uh, you know, he's just got the infrastructure.

00:18:09.000 He's done it before he's kind of leading in the Senate, but sort of the rock.

00:18:13.660 Yeah.

00:18:14.160 Well, this is the thing you get these kind of, you know, random candidates would be thrown in,

00:18:18.380 but then none of it really matters in my view, because if Trump runs, that's it, right?

00:18:24.740 He just totally clears the field.

00:18:26.440 No one's going to, no one wants to become the next little Marco.

00:18:28.780 He's the right wing guy.

00:18:29.520 I think.

00:18:30.300 Yeah.

00:18:30.520 Who wants to be in that?

00:18:31.520 Yeah.

00:18:31.640 And if you do, it's just true.

00:18:33.580 If you're like a Republican and you want to run and Trump's running, you're like, 0.92

00:18:36.260 ugh, I got to go have him call my wife fat now. 1.00

00:18:40.020 You're talking about how I eat pizza. 0.97

00:18:42.320 I mean, he, Trump went on this whole thing about how, how disgusting Kasich looks when 0.65

00:18:46.400 he eats a slice of pizza.

00:18:48.000 No one wants to be in that.

00:18:49.900 Yeah.

00:18:50.160 I don't, I don't, I think everyone might be like, I guess there's a lot of people that

00:18:53.280 are hardcore fans, but I think he, I think a lot of people even that were like Trump

00:18:57.560 guys kind of don't like him as much because of like the vaccine stuff.

00:19:00.480 Right.

00:19:01.300 No.

00:19:01.560 Well, that is, it is a weird spot that he's in because a lot of conservative, I mean,

00:19:06.200 I'm, I'm obviously extremely skeptical of all the vaccines and having to take the 17th

00:19:10.600 Fauci ouchie, you know, just to get, because it's so, so very effective.

00:19:14.940 Oh, so you, so you've almost got immunity.

00:19:17.680 Yeah.

00:19:18.120 You get just a few more and then you're pretty close.

00:19:20.060 My buddy, I'll quote my buddy, Danny Polishuk's thing, but cause they're giving everyone free

00:19:24.760 stuff and he goes, New York's like not the city to be giving people free ticket, free

00:19:28.720 stuff for vaccines.

00:19:30.320 And it was like, we're giving, Hey, we're giving out Yankees tickets now.

00:19:32.860 And Danny said, Oh, uh, uh, I guess I'm going to find out what it, what happens when you

00:19:37.300 get 40 doses of this vaccine.

00:19:40.680 Did you see in the, in the Netherlands, there's a brothel that's giving a free 30 minute session. 1.00

00:19:46.540 Yes.

00:19:47.380 No, there's a, yeah, I, I, you might be booking your tickets right now to Holland, but they, 0.98

00:19:51.860 there was this brothel was giving away a free 30 minute sex session. 0.99

00:19:57.680 If you took the shot, which means that there are people now who are, who are more Pfizer 0.94

00:20:04.260 than man at this point, I think.

00:20:06.760 Yeah, I know.

00:20:08.180 Dude, that stuff's so funny.

00:20:09.540 But yeah, I think that, I don't know.

00:20:11.480 I, to be honest, I think that like who, it would be probably even more tumultuous than

00:20:16.580 before if he goes, so I don't know.

00:20:18.200 We'll see.

00:20:18.780 But, uh, I, I think right now it's like a little calmer.

00:20:22.980 I was, I think it's more likely that Trump has a podcast and he's selling like Patriot

00:20:28.000 pills for, you know what I mean?

00:20:31.000 I would tune in.

00:20:31.400 For the top tier subscribers to like the Truth Social and he's selling like Freedom Water

00:20:35.520 and stuff like that.

00:20:36.360 And he's just making, just making more, like Truth Social, Trump, I think he quadrupled

00:20:42.280 his net worth overnight with just like people pumping that stock.

00:20:46.200 So I don't know why.

00:20:46.780 Just sending out one, because he can't even put it on Twitter.

00:20:49.120 Well, I guess this, this raises the question about that then though, if the guy is not

00:20:53.740 allowed on any social media, if the guy, if the SEC is looking into him and all the kind

00:20:58.980 of bureaucratic arms are trying to shut this guy up, I would subscribe to his podcast, but

00:21:04.680 are, are they, are they going to let him, are they going to let him do anything?

00:21:08.280 Who knows?

00:21:09.180 I have one, I have a, you know what a funny thing was?

00:21:11.160 This was, so we're at this like, uh, there's this thing in New York and one of our buddies,

00:21:16.080 Oh, it was like a fancy, like party kind of thing.

00:21:18.640 It was like a bunch of rich people.

00:21:19.540 Right.

00:21:20.020 I'm not really like, I don't know these people, but I knew like one guy and then, uh, Trump,

00:21:24.040 one of Trump's like daughters was there.

00:21:25.940 And then I guess because of that, the secret service has to like travel with you.

00:21:31.100 So we're at like a party and we had to go to get like white claws from like a bodega

00:21:35.220 and the secret service had to like follow us.

00:21:39.440 I was like, this is, I guess they follow him forever.

00:21:42.020 So we're at a bodega and there's like secret service guys outside of the bodega, making

00:21:46.900 sure that we're safe when we're getting white claws.

00:21:49.320 I was like, that is so, that is so embarrassing because as a fellow, just absolute lover of

00:21:55.780 white claws, I consider myself a white claw aficionado.

00:21:58.560 Like if you're standing next to GI Joe, you know, and you go to the bodega to order your,

00:22:03.920 and you order, you know, raspberry flavored hard seltzer that can't, that can't make you

00:22:08.320 feel very masculine.

00:22:09.600 No, isn't that crazy?

00:22:10.600 That, that I didn't, I didn't realize that they all get it forever.

00:22:14.500 And could you imagine if, if he does run again, could you imagine the, the riots?

00:22:20.380 Can you imagine just if you think the people would have to like dust off their Molotov cocktails,

00:22:25.440 like people that, you know, left that life and just have like went back to their normal

00:22:29.720 job and then have to go back to the closet and be like, all right, we're writing again,

00:22:33.920 dust off my Twitter fingers.

00:22:35.560 I'm getting into it.

00:22:36.480 Like, so I don't know as far as like, it feels like that chapter is closed up a bit.

00:22:41.220 And he should, you know, he could, uh, it's like, he's so, you're so old.

00:22:45.980 Like all these presidents are so old now.

00:22:48.040 It was like, I think it's time to potentially do something else.

00:22:50.880 So I think, well, it is hard if you, if the, if you're running against a guy for being 80,

00:22:58.220 Joe Biden, and then you're like, look at, and he's a bit younger.

00:23:01.260 He's like, yeah, look at this guy.

00:23:02.600 He's so old.

00:23:03.480 He's so old.

00:23:03.940 I look at him.

00:23:04.720 I'm only 79 as opposed to this old geezer. 0.99

00:23:08.200 Although Trump did have that line.

00:23:09.460 When they asked him about Biden's age, he did say, they said, you know, he said, I'm not

00:23:15.280 going to attack Biden for his age, you know, but look, all I know is I'm a, I'm a young

00:23:19.220 man, I'm a young, vibrant man.

00:23:22.980 And certainly there's, there's obviously not a ton of youth or vibrancy out in most of

00:23:28.680 the political landscape, but what's, what's your, so you're in New York.

00:23:31.260 You mentioned you're, you're still.

00:23:32.400 He believed it too, for sure.

00:23:33.500 Like if Shumple was like, he's like writing this speech and he's like, dude, I'm like young

00:23:37.000 as hell.

00:23:37.500 And everyone's like, I don't know about that.

00:23:38.600 He's like, what?

00:23:39.220 You don't think I'm young?

00:23:40.240 He's got dragon energy, him and Kanye.

00:23:42.060 They've got, he's got, it's pumping through his veins.

00:23:44.100 Now you're, so you're in New York.

00:23:46.880 You have, you've stayed there.

00:23:48.960 You've survived the smash and grabs and the peaceful arson and the de Blasio administration.

00:23:54.900 I live in the East, the East village.

00:23:58.160 And it's like, uh, it really has become like a pretty wild.

00:24:03.460 Like, and when I used to, I used to film these videos on the street and at first it was like

00:24:07.540 mostly normal people.

00:24:08.500 But by the end it was like the people that kind of just lived there, like took over the

00:24:12.460 park.

00:24:13.040 And this is, this is, I said this on stage, but this is the argument that I heard a guy

00:24:18.080 and a girl have a guy and a girl were arguing. 1.00

00:24:19.900 The girl goes, the guy and she goes, Hey, I showed you the, now give me the McFlurry.

00:24:23.820 And so these are the kind of deals that are taking place like outside of my house.

00:24:31.420 And by the, this is actually, I've, this is actually true.

00:24:35.800 We were just talking about this, but this is, might be the Canadian in me, but there's

00:24:39.620 a guy and I live in like, not by the way, not a, you know, some like dump, right?

00:24:44.100 It's like Manhattan.

00:24:45.480 You're in a beautiful part of Manhattan.

00:24:46.880 Very, I realize it's not like wildly expensive, but it's, you know, how New York is.

00:24:51.240 Right.

00:24:51.560 And then outside my house, all these people like smoke crack.

00:24:54.460 And then I noticed after doing this like three or four times that I'm very, when I

00:24:59.280 walk by being like, Hey, sorry guys, like really sorry.

00:25:02.040 I need to get by.

00:25:02.900 And now I'm just like, why am I apologizing to these people?

00:25:05.100 I'm smoking crack in my doorway.

00:25:06.480 But they're, they're clearly pretty evil people because I was just thinking about the

00:25:11.820 guy who bribed the woman to flash him with the McFlurry.

00:25:14.980 Everybody, everyone who goes to McDonald's knows the McFlurry machine is always broken.

00:25:19.580 So if you're offering a woman, that's, that's dark, man. 1.00

00:25:23.840 That's very deceitful.

00:25:25.620 That's his trick.

00:25:26.460 He finds out when the McFlurry machine's broken and makes all these McFlurry deals.

00:25:30.280 He comes back.

00:25:31.120 No, I, so I, you're a junior cheeseburger.

00:25:34.580 Sorry, here's a filet of fish.

00:25:37.140 I don't have anything.

00:25:38.360 So you, you move from Canada, you make it here to America.

00:25:42.740 But now I got to ask most of my friends, I'm a New Yorker born and raised.

00:25:46.900 Most of my friends from New York, I'm in Nashville now.

00:25:49.120 I'm in Nashville.

00:25:49.880 I left New York.

00:25:50.580 I left LA.

00:25:51.300 Now I'm living in the heart of the country.

00:25:53.020 A lot of other people are, are you now that you're an American, are you going to, are you

00:25:56.900 going to flee New York as well?

00:25:58.920 Or are you going to stick it out?

00:26:00.440 No, New York's still the best place in the world for comedy.

00:26:02.500 Um, I know a lot of, every once in a while, unfortunately, like every, everyone will always

00:26:08.400 be like, actually there's a comedy scene and, you know, Memphis, they like just pick a place.

00:26:12.840 Right.

00:26:13.540 But no, it's the, the difference is insane.

00:26:15.760 Like I do, you know, the stand and the comedy cellar and Brooklyn comedy club.

00:26:18.680 And like, these are, you know, the best comedians in the world.

00:26:21.680 And Austin has a little pocket, you know, of, of, of people and their, every scene has

00:26:26.740 a little pocket, but unfortunately it's like, there's nowhere where you could do five, six

00:26:30.040 sets a night and really be, you know, there with the best of the best.

00:26:33.060 So it's just like the same reason if you, you know, now it does shift.

00:26:37.300 Like if you want to be in tech, like I think it used to be San Francisco.

00:26:40.360 Now you can move to Austin and there's always people moving and shaking, but New York, as

00:26:45.140 far as like art goes, as far as comedy goes, it's pretty back to normal.

00:26:48.400 And still all, all of the people that during COVID were like, I'm the hell out of here.

00:26:54.280 I'm going to go, you know, this comedy scene, I'll be in Miami comedy scene.

00:26:57.380 And they're all slowly coming back one by one and being like, yeah, I mean, that's not

00:27:01.880 really the same thing.

00:27:03.120 So it's, it's unfortunate.

00:27:04.760 I mean, you know, it would be obviously better to live somewhere where you have a big, you

00:27:08.800 know, house and it's warm and, but it's unfortunate.

00:27:11.560 I even went to LA like recently and I'm just like, man, New York is better comedy.

00:27:16.000 It's just what the situation is.

00:27:17.340 So I moved here specifically for that reason.

00:27:19.980 So I don't think that I would, I would leave for the next little bit unless my life changed

00:27:25.340 drastically and I gave up on, you know, trying to be the best of the best.

00:27:29.000 But I think if you want to, if you're in this zone and you're in your years where you go,

00:27:33.760 I want to try to be the best comedian in the world or one of the best means in the world.

00:27:36.820 I think it's hard to properly do that somewhere else.

00:27:39.540 You're probably right about that.

00:27:41.280 So how, how is the reception?

00:27:44.120 Obviously you're super popular.

00:27:45.340 You've got about a bazillion views on YouTube, but how, how is your reception in Brooklyn or in

00:27:51.920 Manhattan?

00:27:52.360 You know, I'm not saying you're some like buttoned up tweed wearing bow tie conservative,

00:27:56.140 but you obviously contradict a lot of the liberal orthodoxies that are, I think, I think I used

00:28:01.960 to just think it is like masculine and feminine, like, but most people are like pretty receptive.

00:28:07.760 Like there's obviously people at every show and this is, I know, I know that over the last

00:28:13.120 like little while it was probably liberals that were the wild, but like, you know, there's,

00:28:18.580 I would say it's depending on where I am, it's like they're conservatives can be just

00:28:23.060 as bad.

00:28:23.520 It's just different topics.

00:28:24.440 Right.

00:28:25.040 But like, and then there's people that, that are, there's always like a difference between

00:28:29.820 like you were trying to get mad and you know, you were trying to get mad and then you actually

00:28:35.360 were mad. 0.71

00:28:35.940 Cause you know, conservatives have their topics like, you know, pedophile jokes, like troop

00:28:39.820 stuff.

00:28:40.240 Like obviously some of that stuff can be very testy or, but sometimes there'll be

00:28:44.900 like, I've, I've been where it's my fault too, where you go do a show and you know, maybe

00:28:50.160 you're too, too wild.

00:28:51.320 You're talking about, you know, even it could just be something similar as like sex stuff. 0.63

00:28:55.500 And there's like a old bunch, like way too many old people in the crowd and, and they 1.00

00:28:59.600 didn't like it.

00:29:00.440 And you could come up where I'd be like, yo, there are just afraid of real cop.

00:29:04.580 Or you could be like, you know what?

00:29:06.500 I went into that situation.

00:29:07.680 I did it wrong.

00:29:08.260 I didn't tailor it to, right.

00:29:10.300 But that's very, and not that you have to tailor it always, but like, that's different

00:29:13.800 than a bunch of old people saying like, Hey, there's this comedy show where people are

00:29:18.060 talking about sex. 0.96

00:29:18.780 Let's go down there and like be mad. 1.00

00:29:21.180 Right.

00:29:21.400 So I think that, so it's, it depends on where it is, but most comedy clubs, I think people

00:29:27.040 are fairly receptive to anything that's funny.

00:29:30.900 Definitely.

00:29:31.620 I switch a little what I'm doing based on red States and blue States because I'm more, my

00:29:37.420 general like tone is to be against what I'm talking to.

00:29:42.380 Right.

00:29:42.800 It's kind of like recipe for success.

00:29:45.580 Just whatever the audience is, just find a way to piss them off.

00:29:48.720 That's right.

00:29:49.400 Yeah.

00:29:49.580 Yeah.

00:29:49.980 It really is.

00:29:50.620 But I, I even think of it as like, think about with your friends.

00:29:53.420 It's like, imagine you were hanging out with your friend and you're all making fun of him,

00:29:58.360 but he's there.

00:29:59.200 And then, or like even your girlfriend or whatever, and then they leave and you're all

00:30:04.500 making fun of them.

00:30:05.160 And then some other people that don't know them that well, they're kind of making fun

00:30:08.080 of them.

00:30:08.320 You're like, well, you don't get to really do that.

00:30:10.480 You're not like, well, like you, you have to be pretty close to make fun of them when

00:30:14.940 they're left.

00:30:15.460 Right.

00:30:16.140 So I kind of think of that, the same comedy principle where it's like, let's say I was

00:30:20.520 doing like a really hard thing on LGBTQ or whatever.

00:30:23.640 I wouldn't want to do that in front of a room of people that were, you know, actually thought

00:30:27.800 gay people shouldn't get married. 1.00

00:30:28.880 Had the electrodes in their hands. 1.00

00:30:30.800 It was all just Mike Pence with the electrodes.

00:30:32.600 Right.

00:30:32.780 Yeah. 0.94

00:30:33.400 Straight up like gay therapy stuff. 1.00

00:30:34.980 But yeah, it also felt like, it feels funner to even like, you know, let's say you're 0.99

00:30:39.980 a trash and Trump, like that feels way funner to do at places where they like him. 0.97

00:30:44.500 And if you go to somewhere where they hate him, like if they hate him, it feels like gross 0.99

00:30:49.160 if, you know, you're just pandering at that point.

00:30:51.000 So a lot of times my general tone is to kind of make fun of, but I didn't find that with

00:30:58.100 like, uh, you know, like, uh, even like TV shows or, or, or friend groups or like music

00:31:05.360 genres, like, let's say everyone's into punk, right?

00:31:08.280 When everyone's into punk music and you get together, you don't generally talk about what's

00:31:11.900 wrong with jazz.

00:31:13.020 You kind of talk about what's wrong with your thing.

00:31:15.040 Right.

00:31:15.740 So I think that a lot of the stuff that I've been making fun of, even, you know, when

00:31:19.720 people were getting wild in the Trump years was like, I know these people and I grew

00:31:23.900 up with them and it's a bit me to be honest.

00:31:25.760 So I think there's kind of, uh, I try to have some of that stuff in the comedy or else

00:31:31.060 it, it comes across as, um, you know, more propaganda.

00:31:35.620 And preachy and right, right.

00:31:37.120 That's a, that's a great, that's a great distinction, a profound prophetic as usual

00:31:42.580 distinction, Ryan.

00:31:43.540 I've already taken up too much of your time as I often do, uh, but I look forward to the

00:31:49.220 next great prophecy that you have.

00:31:50.840 I'm sure there will be many more.

00:31:52.120 Where can people find you if they haven't found you already?

00:31:54.140 Um, so I do a podcast every Friday called the boys cast with Ryan long.

00:31:58.100 Um, and there's a, and patrion.com slash the boys cast.

00:32:01.480 And then also I do a video every Monday at youtube.com slash Ryan long comedy.

00:32:06.100 And I'm releasing a standup special in January.

00:32:08.580 Oh, also I saw that, uh, right before I started, I saw you like this tweet, but you see the Jordan

00:32:13.400 Peterson in Nashville.

00:32:15.680 It's going to become a woohoo girl on the back of one of those buses. 1.00

00:32:19.040 Yeah.

00:32:19.640 Yeah.

00:32:20.060 I like Michaela too.

00:32:21.240 She's my friend, but it was so funny to me.

00:32:23.100 Like Jordan Peterson, like every day he was posting like, Oh, look at this beer.

00:32:26.900 Like, Oh, bar is this much.

00:32:28.520 He's like one step.

00:32:29.440 He's just cruising around Nashville.

00:32:30.660 Like he's on a bachelorette party.

00:32:31.980 Like he's one step away from having like Mardi Gras beats on.

00:32:34.320 I was like, how funny it would be.

00:32:36.260 You're just like at a bar in Nashville getting like, uh, like just drinking and stuff.

00:32:40.980 And you look over like Jordan Peterson's on the dance floor.

00:32:43.980 That's so funny.

00:32:45.360 It's one of, one of the premier public.

00:32:47.240 This is, I'm not making a joke.

00:32:48.780 This is just an actual description of what happened. 0.94

00:32:50.720 One of the premier public intellectuals in the world was at Kid Rock's big ass honky

00:32:55.880 tonk and rock and roll steakhouse. 0.78

00:32:57.700 That's, that's great.

00:32:59.040 I hope I run into it.

00:32:59.940 My name is Jordan.

00:33:01.660 All right.

00:33:02.240 Go get, uh, first of all, listen to the boys cast.

00:33:04.440 It's awesome.

00:33:04.960 It's really great.

00:33:05.880 Uh, go watch all of Ryan's sketches.

00:33:07.880 I look forward to the comedy special and Ryan, I will see you soon.

00:33:11.980 Thanks, man.

00:33:12.600 Appreciate it.

00:33:13.180 Peace.

00:33:13.480 Peace.

00:33:20.600 Peace.

00:33:27.280 Peace.

00:33:29.800 Peace.

00:33:30.580 Peace.

00:33:30.800 Peace.

00:33:40.700 Peace.

00:33:41.180 Peace.

00:33:41.260 Peace.

00:33:42.300 Peace.

The Michael Knowles Show - December 27, 2021

Honest Comedy In America ｜ Comedian Ryan Long

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