The Michael Knowles Show - December 30, 2025


＂I Shouldn't Laugh At This＂ Michael Knowles REACT To Horrible TikToks


Episode Stats

Length

8 minutes

Words per Minute

142.02357

Word Count

1,217

Sentence Count

221

Misogynist Sentences

13

Hate Speech Sentences

15


Summary

Tee Hee Tuesday is back with a brand new episode featuring Professor Jacob, Michaela May, and the Crimson Prep. They discuss the Black Guy incident, the new pool table, and more. Plus, a special guest joins the boys to talk about the new Jetsu Holiday offer.


Transcript

00:00:00.600 Hey, give it back!
00:00:01.980 It's a slob, but it's funny.
00:00:03.400 You are broke, Susan!
00:00:05.340 It's like criminal assault.
00:00:07.640 The black guy thing, it could have been, it was like a little...
00:00:10.360 Is there another one or no?
00:00:11.440 No.
00:00:11.960 Okay, it's Tee Hee Hee Tuesday.
00:00:15.000 Who's playing?
00:00:16.040 It's your boy, Professor Jacobs, Mysterious Michaela May, and the Crimson Prep.
00:00:20.140 Okay, take it away.
00:00:23.600 And man, you have got to test out this new pool table.
00:00:26.860 Yeah, you are going down!
00:00:30.000 Where's the black ball?
00:00:33.020 Uh, it is a pool table.
00:00:36.060 It probably dropped...
00:00:37.240 Hey, buddy.
00:00:43.860 Ready?
00:00:45.380 Don't ever be!
00:00:46.860 In three, two, one!
00:00:49.320 Oh!
00:00:51.180 We just tear it!
00:00:56.260 It's a slob, but it's funny.
00:01:00.880 Did you know, women have a hard time choosing where to eat, because the last time they did,
00:01:05.340 they doomed all of humanity.
00:01:12.000 So, where did you train, Ringuini?
00:01:15.280 Train?
00:01:15.880 Uh, no, I hate that one so much.
00:01:27.200 Is there another one or no?
00:01:28.220 No.
00:01:28.760 No, okay.
00:01:29.340 I would say, I would say, it's between the black, the pool ball, and, uh...
00:01:35.560 Don't count on it!
00:01:37.160 You know what?
00:01:38.340 I always...
00:01:39.940 I don't give it to the AI slop a lot.
00:01:41.840 Let's give it to the AI slop.
00:01:43.120 The fat guy making the crater.
00:01:45.300 What do you think it was?
00:01:47.900 It was Edgy Boy.
00:01:52.660 It was your boy.
00:01:53.480 It was, yeah.
00:01:54.260 It was good.
00:01:54.880 It was good.
00:02:05.940 You've got to be kidding me!
00:02:07.280 Give me those!
00:02:08.660 Ow!
00:02:09.180 Let go!
00:02:10.160 Hey, give it back!
00:02:12.020 No!
00:02:13.440 Back in it!
00:02:14.480 Mine!
00:02:15.920 Yeah, run.
00:02:16.940 The first version of that was funnier with the didgeridoo.
00:02:19.520 That one is trying to go home again.
00:02:21.760 You can't...
00:02:28.760 It's never just allergies.
00:02:37.440 Nothing beats a Jetsu holiday.
00:02:41.160 And right now, you can save £50 per person.
00:02:44.880 That's £200 off for a family of four.
00:02:47.180 We've got millions of free chelplains...
00:02:52.180 With 22 kills...
00:02:55.180 Dude, that's...
00:02:59.180 That's like...
00:03:00.180 Criminal assault.
00:03:02.460 Dude, my DNA test just came in.
00:03:04.020 Look at this.
00:03:04.600 You're 1% African?
00:03:05.640 Yes!
00:03:06.020 I'm black, bro!
00:03:06.880 You're not black.
00:03:07.720 Okay, it says 1%.
00:03:08.780 You guys ready to order?
00:03:09.540 I'll take the fried chicken, collard greens, and a Hennessy.
00:03:12.340 Whoa!
00:03:12.740 Why did you order that and change your inflection?
00:03:14.780 I am so sorry.
00:03:15.820 Sorry.
00:03:16.080 Yeah, that would've ordered the same thing.
00:03:18.200 Spoken like a true brother.
00:03:19.180 Yeah.
00:03:20.520 He's not a brother.
00:03:21.580 He's white.
00:03:21.960 What was that?
00:03:22.500 You white folks wouldn't understand.
00:03:24.580 It's a black thing.
00:03:25.580 You're not black.
00:03:27.220 Since when did you listen to gangster rap?
00:03:28.660 Oh, s***.
00:03:29.220 We getting pulled over.
00:03:30.020 Stop talking like that.
00:03:30.720 I know this is hard for you to understand, because you're not a black man like me.
00:03:33.180 But I need you to follow all of the officers' instructions.
00:03:34.980 You're white.
00:03:35.540 Oh, s***.
00:03:35.940 We close, play cool.
00:03:36.880 License registration?
00:03:37.760 Yeah.
00:03:38.700 African-American?
00:03:39.560 He's not African-American.
00:03:40.420 You're out of the vehicle.
00:03:41.220 Stop resisting.
00:03:41.860 I'm not resisting.
00:03:42.420 Oh, s***.
00:03:42.940 You're out of my order.
00:03:43.900 I said stop resisting.
00:03:45.980 He's not resisting.
00:03:46.780 I said stop.
00:03:47.460 Oh, my God.
00:03:48.520 And he's back.
00:03:49.140 Armed African-American.
00:03:50.320 He's white.
00:03:51.880 Protests have broken out across the country as another innocent black man has been gunned
00:03:55.920 down by a white cop.
00:03:57.080 The victim, a 26-year-old African-American, Matthew Johnson.
00:04:00.100 He's not black.
00:04:01.140 He's white.
00:04:03.560 It was too long.
00:04:04.940 And the premise that, like, cops shoot innocent black men is completely false.
00:04:10.760 But it's pretty funny.
00:04:12.320 What was the one before that?
00:04:13.280 I just want to keep it in my head.
00:04:15.160 The foot assault thing?
00:04:17.160 Oh, that was funny, too.
00:04:18.740 I don't, you know, the black guy thing, it could have been, it was like a little too
00:04:22.880 much making a meal out of a cupcake.
00:04:24.860 And then you have a sandwich and you don't get frosting up your nose.
00:04:32.620 So I'm going to give it to the just pure slapstick, the guy with the tar paper on his
00:04:38.860 face.
00:04:39.180 That was funny.
00:04:40.300 What do you think it was?
00:04:41.660 I think it was Professor Jacob.
00:04:42.780 That was Professor Jacob.
00:04:43.920 It was.
00:04:44.360 Yeah, I could tell.
00:04:45.060 Yeah.
00:04:45.380 I could tell that.
00:04:46.520 Very simple.
00:04:47.600 Very simple.
00:04:48.360 Very childish.
00:04:49.660 It was funny.
00:04:50.780 Okay, next one.
00:04:56.900 Falling?
00:04:57.520 Look at the monitor and give the full name of this person.
00:05:00.520 That's actor Jason Statham.
00:05:14.720 What it's worth.
00:05:17.640 I think you're doing a great job.
00:05:19.340 We got Susan from Little Rock, Arkansas.
00:05:21.740 How are you doing, Susan?
00:05:22.360 Hi, Mr. Ramsey.
00:05:23.360 I'm good.
00:05:23.820 How are you?
00:05:24.440 Better than I deserve.
00:05:25.560 What's up?
00:05:26.040 So we have $10,000 in student loan debts.
00:05:28.340 Good gosh.
00:05:29.620 It's not every day we talk to a neurosurgeon.
00:05:32.200 I assume that's what you have to be to have that kind of debt, Susan.
00:05:34.540 No, I'm a teacher and my husband's a comedian.
00:05:37.560 So we're just...
00:05:38.300 Our question today is should we do a daycare that costs $15,000 a year or $18,000?
00:05:42.860 No, you're broke.
00:05:44.040 You are broke, Susan.
00:05:46.160 You are poor.
00:05:47.180 Poor.
00:05:47.560 Everyone out of the studio.
00:05:49.060 Poor.
00:05:49.800 Poor.
00:05:50.480 Poor.
00:05:51.140 Poor.
00:05:51.740 Poor.
00:05:52.480 Beans and rice.
00:05:53.700 Susan?
00:05:54.260 Mr. Ramsey, can we still go on our anniversary trip?
00:05:57.240 We paid for it in points.
00:05:58.660 Points?
00:05:59.060 I got a few points for you, Susan.
00:06:00.900 Point one.
00:06:01.520 You're stupid.
00:06:02.720 Eat.
00:06:03.280 Point two.
00:06:03.980 See.
00:06:04.320 Point one.
00:06:05.300 Point three.
00:06:06.040 I'm about to hang up on your broke ass.
00:06:08.040 What I do, throw away your phone, burn it, throw it in the backyard where your kids are
00:06:12.340 tied up because you're down to poor daycare.
00:06:14.700 Bro.
00:06:15.000 Bro.
00:06:15.540 Bro.
00:06:16.340 Bro.
00:06:16.840 Bro.
00:06:17.160 Bro.
00:06:17.560 Bro.
00:06:17.960 Bro.
00:06:18.160 Bro.
00:06:18.560 We got another caller.
00:06:19.820 Jason from San Francisco.
00:06:22.160 How you doing, buddy?
00:06:22.660 David!
00:06:23.360 Okay, don't be mad, but I want to buy a townhouse and I have $9 million in debt.
00:06:26.940 Oh, go.
00:06:27.760 Jump off the gold.
00:06:29.060 Go to Gay Bridge.
00:06:30.140 Poor.
00:06:31.840 Yeah, it went on too long.
00:06:33.660 It's funny.
00:06:34.500 It was close, but it just went on too long.
00:06:36.780 Hold on one second.
00:06:37.820 Go to jeremysrazors.com.
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00:06:41.280 You can score up to 50% off.
00:06:43.280 Now's the time to stock up.
00:06:44.560 You want a full year of shaving?
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00:06:49.180 Just an excellent razor that works.
00:06:51.620 If you're ordering over $100, free shipping.
00:06:54.020 These razors are built for men who don't back down.
00:06:56.040 Guys who show up, work hard, and refuse to cave to the nonsense.
00:06:59.700 Go to jeremysrazors.com right now.
00:07:01.720 Deals expire soon.
00:07:03.000 Do not wait.
00:07:04.180 jeremysrazors.com.
00:07:05.420 Oh, it's just white people.
00:07:24.280 It took me a minute.
00:07:25.300 Yeah, it's kind of funny.
00:07:52.760 That's all of them?
00:07:56.040 That's all of them.
00:07:56.580 That was a week around.
00:07:57.720 I was talking to Sweeta Lelise about that.
00:07:59.860 Like, I wanted the AI to fix our Christmas card picture, and it just can't.
00:08:04.300 It just doesn't know.
00:08:05.000 It's not taking our jobs.
00:08:06.700 So, I guess, what were the first two?
00:08:09.400 Jason Statham as Hitler, and then Dave Ramsey in Prussia.
00:08:12.500 I'll go for Hitler.
00:08:13.280 I know it's Hitler.
00:08:14.440 There's nothing very cool about Hitler.
00:08:16.560 It was simple.
00:08:17.220 It was, like, fast.
00:08:18.000 It was simple.
00:08:18.360 It was kind of funny.
00:08:19.260 What do you think it was?
00:08:20.200 That was Michaela Mann.
00:08:21.280 You're right.
00:08:21.760 Oh, man.
00:08:23.520 We did terrible, but you were dead on today.
00:08:25.560 You like that?
00:08:26.220 Okay.
00:08:26.700 I'm Michael Knowles.
00:08:27.440 This is the Michael Knowles Show.
00:08:29.760 War.
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00:08:34.100 War.